trashcantina-blog
might just be the next best thing but not quite me
tomoe;aries;she/her
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Photo
I would like to show you all: the most uncomfortable picture I’ve ever forced myself to make.
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in honor of tumblr’s 10th birthday
here’s some of the worst moments in tumblr history
everyone calling david karp daddy
“reblog this post if you aren’t a peasant”
mishapocalypse
tumblypoos
the year when “your fave is problematic” blogs became popular and were literally Everywhere
the era when progressive discourse was “gay men are terrible and just like heteros”
find john green
sonic for real social justice
kin drama
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Spag-HET-Ti ? 😷🚫❌ Miss Me With That Straight ⬆ Shit ! 🙈💩 Give Me Some Of That Spag 🍝 GAY 🍝 Ti 🍝 ! Down ⬇⬇⬇ With HET 💀💀💀
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about the worst date ive ever been on....
So I went out with this moderately OK looking dude last night. Full of himself for no obvious reason, but whatever, I was horny.
So we’re starting to take clothes off, makeout and whatnot, and he’s just kind of flat-handedly rubbing a large circle on my pussy. Then he kind of wraps a finger around the general middle of my pussy and just starts like….pulling on it like he’s trying to open a hatchback trunk from the side.
OK so fine, no dice on fingering, better ride that dick, right? I hop on his absolutely average in every possible way dick and try to get off as fast as I can by really grinding the shit out of it. Fam, I have one objective at this point: get off and leave.
So i’m riding this completely average dick as hard as I can like it’s the fucking saltine challenge and cameras are rolling, and I do *not* lose. He’s pretty much doing nothing but holding the backs of my thighs. Lightly. I’m just trying to do whatever I can to use this joystick meat puppet inside me and have no interest in seeing again. Bad person? Fine, but I was honest about this.
Ol boy leans up and whispers “Welcome to your new addiction.”
Guys. GUYS.
DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO STIFLE EXPLOSIVE LAUGHTER WHILE YOU ARE RIDING SOMEONE’S DICK!? CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE THE STRENGTH I HAD TO MUSTER.
“WELCOME TO YOUR NEW ADDICTION.”
Like.
You can say that shit when I am knocking on your door at 2 am because my phone died at the bar and I’m NOT going to be turned away from that dick.
You can say that shit when I am leaving work in the middle of the day to come fuck you even when I absolutely should not.
You can tell me that when I see a sausage in the deli case that looks like your cock and have to go rub one out immediately in the Kroger parking lot.
But THAT SHIT?! Between the abject lack of technique and the absolute averageness of the dick in combination, this was like being told to give a Citgo a five-star review on Yelp. This was a 99-cent bag of salted Jays trying to plate itself on white china and call itself gourmet. This was a used 98 Camry tryna fetch a New Ferrari price. And to that I say:
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha, no sir.
I left with my shoes untied. I left with my keys clipped hastily to my belt loop so I could button and zip my jeans while going down the stairs. I HAD TO GO.
I HAD TO CALL SOMEONE AND TELL THEM.
And now it’s here. Congrats, guy. You are literally so bad, you’re great…for a story.
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Reblog This With The Musical That Changed Your Life
Mine was probably Newsies
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Video
#ripvine Even though I only ever did like 9 vines 😂
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