Cosmopolitan’s ten tips for classics students to use in the bedroom

vel 

“Decem sententiae Cosmopolitani ad usum discipulorum de antiquitatibus in cubiculo”

Are you a classics student who’s struggling to get your significant other to take an interest in your love for the ancient world? Frustrated at not being able to bond with bae over a shared love of the brutal glory of past days? Well, here at Cosmopolitan, we understand that the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his “little mind” (Latinist kids will understand what we mean).

So here, with contributions from guest writer @bezoomnykoshka, otherwise known by the cognomen Famiclara, we present ten of the hottest tips for turning your classics ignoramus into the Hector to your Andromache, using only your feminine charm and a touch of hexameter, all from the comfort of your bed…

Compliment how long he’s lasting by telling him he’s taking longer than Cicero getting to the verb. Who doesn’t want to be compared to that paragon of manly gentleness?

Instead of calling him “daddy”, consider calling him “Emperor Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus divi filius”. Alternatively, call him “Oedipus, my king” and insist that he calls you “mommy” – this works particularly well with toy boys.

Make all your friends jealous by convincing him to give you a golden fruit.

Experiment with costume: stand around naked covered in blue paint and tell him to invade you twice briefly like Caesar did in Britain.

Tell him that he’s hung like a bull and that you want to make minotaurs with him; he’ll be so “a-mazed” that he’ll lose himself completely!

Men love it when women take charge, so summon your inner Boudicca and burn his favourite city.

When things start to heat up, let him fiddle as he watches.

While you’re making love, keep repeating in his ear ‘Delenda Est’. It should drive him into a greater frenzy the more often you say it.

Even the tamest of men can get turned on by a bit of whips and chains, so follow the example of Xerxes while crossing the Hellespont: give him a good spanking when his roughness stops you from reaching the climax of your efforts.

It’s a well-known fact that absence makes the heart grow fonder, so why not try suggest that he goes on an outing – say, a ten-year war and an equally-long voyage home? By the time he gets back, he’ll be so unable to resist you, you’ll barely recognise him!

men of greek mythology

“If you criticize X in women but do not criticize X in men, then you do not have a problem with X, you have a problem with women. For X please insert words like ‘anger,’ ‘ambition,’ ‘loudness,’ ‘stubbornness,’ ‘coldness,’ ‘ruthlessness.’”

—Chimamanda Ngozie Adichie, Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions

“A soul that carries empathy is a soul which has survived enormous pain.”

— Unknown

“You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place. Like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.”

— Azar Nafis (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

I FORGOT HOW MUCH I MISSED TUMBLR

- sing, o goddess, the rage of helen | by prithvi. p

“We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for ourprogress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered.”

got asked to prom in Latin

need I say more? 😊😊

a.d. XI kal. mai. • happy 2772th birthday rome

For International Women’s Day, several feminist book recommendations! By feminist, I mean both books about feminism, and books about strong, complex, nuanced female characters created by female authors. (This is a pretty long list. Took a while to put together.)

Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie can find her way right to the heart of the issues that confront women every day. This advice can apply to women in all cultural contexts, and in my opinion is a must-read for all feminists. There Are Girls Like Lions: Poems About Being a Woman by Cole Swensen   A short poetry anthology about the moments of growing up as a girl and a woman. Circe by Madeline Miller Madeline Miller’s Circe is a triumph of storytelling and a triumph for feminism. In the Odyssey, Circe is treated as the selfish witch that Odysseus subdues. Here, she is given agency, life. She feels real and her desires and her courage and her fears will become your own. Madeline Miller has a true talent for epic prose. The Weight of Ink by Rachel Kadish An aging historian in London growing close to retiring as her body begins to betray her is given a chance to discover significant truths when papers come to light that tell an unusual tale. That of a young Jewish woman far in the past who longs to study and learn, to question philosophy and faith, and does so in secret while dreading the prospect of marriage. This book takes an unerring view of courage, personal truth, faith, philosophy, and what it means to be a woman. Flight of Dreams by Ariel Lawhon Emilie is not what she seems. And on the Hindenburg, it seems that everyone has something to hide. Suspenseful and enthralling, Ariel Lawhon’s imagining of the tale of the doomed airship flight is nothing less than a masterpiece.

Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi Tomi Adeyemi has created a high fantasy book that draws its inspiration from African cultures and legends. Her characters and setting are refreshing and compelling, and the words will settle in your heart and blood. The people love fiercely and deeply, and the losses are wounding. The parallels drawn to racial violence in America are at once heart-breaking and enraging. A necessary read.

The Ash Princess by Laura Sebastian Her home was invaded. Her family murdered, and her paraded about as a trophy. Princess Theodosia struggles to reclaim who she is and what she stands for in a world that has beaten her and her people to the ground. If she is to free herself and her people, she must remember what she truly is. A queen. The Chosen Maiden by Eva Stachniak   In the early 20th century, the world of ballet experiences a revolution. Vaslav Njinsky, hailed as a prodigy, provokes confusion and outrage with choreography that is strange, halting, jarring – to many, ugly. This is the tale of his sister, Bronia, also an extraordinary ballet dancer. As revolution sparks in Russia and war begins in Europe, she learns to chart her own path and defy expectations. Lands of Lost Borders: A Journey on the Silk Road by Kate Harris Kate Harris loved to read. She wanted to explore. To see the frontiers of everything. So, she decided to become an astronaut. But exploration can come in many forms, and she chooses to bike the Silk Road on her own journey of exploration. Told with candor, wit, and sweeping prose, this is my favorite travel book. Sold by Patricia McCormick A young girl in Nepal believes she has the chance to have a job, to help provide for her family. But when she arrives, she finds that the ‘work’ is not what she expected. Trapped in a brothel, she is forced into sex slavery. This is a difficult and emotional read, but an important one. The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley A retelling of the Arthurian legends from the point of view of Morgan Le Fey, Ygraine of Cornwall, Guinevere, Viviane, Morgause, and others. It’s a very good read with very human characters and a heart of tragedy. The women in this book are wholly women and wholly human, with flaws and love and fear and difficult choices. Though I have one important note: I discovered this after I read the book, but later in life the author was revealed to have sexually abused her daughter and other children. Because of this, I wasn’t sure whether to include this one. I decided to because of the book’s merits and its influence on feminism in the nineties. I leave it to your judgement. Women & Power: A Manifesto by Mary Beard Mary Beard is a historian with penetrating understanding of the place women occupy in society. Her manifesto addresses the power imbalances women have faced throughout history and in the present. My Own Words by Ruth Bader Ginsburg A collection of the writings of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the second woman ever to be appointed to the Supreme Court. Accessible, logical, and wryly amusing, she provides insight into the workings of the Supreme Court, law, women’s rights, and many other topics. The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah During World War II, two sisters are separated in occupied France. They find their own ways to survive and rebel against the German presence in their land. A well-written tale of sisterly and familial love, loss, courage, and endurance. The Girl of Fire and Thorns by Rae Carson A fantasy story about a princess chosen by a prophecy. Her journey to find, understand, and accept the power within herself is as poetic as the book’s title. The Perfume Collector by Kathleen Tessaro Two women, separated by a generation, bonded by memory. This book is captivating – and makes you wish you had some perfume of your own! Memory and scent, love and resentment, mystery, and fearless choices twine together in this story. A Bound Woman Is a Dangerous Thing: The Incarceration of African American Women from Harriet Tubman to Sandra Bland Poems honoring black women who have been held back and trapped and chained throughout America’s history. This is not a comfortable read. But it is a worthwhile one. I Am Malala by Malala Yousafzai This one doesn’t really need any explanation. It’s definitely a must-read though. Code Girls: The Untold Story of the American Women Code Breakers of World War II The meticulously researched story of the girls who broke codes in World War II. While their husbands and brothers and sons went off to fight, they went to Washington and learned to do work that greatly impacted the course of the war. Since they were all sworn to secrecy, their stories were almost lost. But not anymore. The Other Einstein by Marie Benedict Mileva Maric was a brilliant physicist and mathematician from Serbia. She attended the University of Zurich and was the only woman in her classes. After university, she married her former classmate: Albert Einstein. Her husband’s shadow is very long, but this woman deserves to step into the light. This is a rich portrait of a woman who was far more than merely Albert Einstein’s wife. Women in Science: 50 Fearless Pioneers Who Changed the World by Rachel Ignotofsky This one’s pretty self-explanatory too. It’s an awesome book with gorgeous illustrations and many awesome and brilliantly smart women. Wonder Woman: Warbringer by Leigh Bardugo Well, Wonder Woman, obviously. In this novel, Diana is finding her place as an Amazon, a warrior, and a teenage girl. Her confidence, courage, and loyalty is extraordinarily compelling. The book tackles the difficult issues she must face, involving war, peace, and the true meaning of strength. A Secret History of Witches by Louisa Morgan I always pay attention when I see the word “witch” on the cover of a book. In history, witches have been the women who were feared for their differences – for their knowledge, their beauty, their independence, etc. It’s a powerful word with a powerful meaning. In this book, witchcraft is real, and the women are too. It follows five generations of the same family of witches, examining and celebrating the bonds between mothers and daughters while telling a tale fraught with tension and courage. Face Value: The Hidden Ways Beauty Shapes Women’s Lives by Autumn Whitefield-Madrano An examination of the perception of beauty and its effects in women’s lives today, touching upon insecurity, image, idealization, and numerous other things. The Map of Salt and Stars by Jennifer Zeynab Joukhadar Another tale about two girls in different time periods (I love these). Here’s the blurb: “- a modern day Syrian refugee seeking safety and a medieval adventurer apprenticed to a legendary mapmaker – places today’s headlines in the sweep of history, where the pain of exile and the triumph of courage echo again and again.” The prose is lyrically beautiful and the story is richly crafted. An incredible read. Double Bind: Women on Ambition edited by Robin Romm Ambition can be a complicated thing for women. What we want to do can be altered by how we want to see ourselves – or more accurately, how we are socialized to see ourselves. An ambitious woman may seem aggressive and overconfident to others – while an ambitious man may seem dominant and just the right amount of confident. This book is worth a look. Book of Ages: The Life and Opinions of Jane Franklin by Jill Lepore A collection of her own writings tied together by the biographical work of Jill Lepore. In this portrait of Benjamin Franklin’s younger sister, Jane Franklin emerges as a shrewd, resilient, and confident woman. Pirate Women: The Princesses, Prostitutes, and Privateers Who Ruled the Seven Seas by Laura Sook Duncombe This book is so awesome. It just is. Badass women from all over the world who wanted their freedom and took it. Need I say more? Geisha, A Life by Mineko Iwasaki ‘"Many say I was the best geisha of my generation,“ writes Mineko Iwasaki. “And yet, it was a life that I found too constricting to continue. And one that I ultimately had to leave.” Trained to become a geisha from the age of five, Iwasaki would live among the other “women of art” in Kyoto’s Gion Kobu district and practice the ancient customs of Japanese entertainment. She was loved by kings, princes, military heroes, and wealthy statesmen alike. But even though she became one of the most prized geishas in Japan’s history, Iwasaki wanted more: her own life. And by the time she retired at age twenty-nine, Iwasaki was finally on her way toward a new beginning.” A tale of courage. the princess saves herself in this one by Amanda Lovelace A story told in four collections of poetry. The story of the princess in the tower, and the story of you. The Diplomat’s Daughter by Karin Tanabe After the bombing of Pearl Harbor, Emi Kato is imprisoned in an American internment camp. Later, she and her family are sent home to Japan, where war threatens everything. This is a tale of love, sacrifice, resilience and hope in the middle of a war told in elegant and touching prose. The Silence of the Girls by Pat Barker A retelling of the Iliad (The Trojan War) from the point of view of the women – primarily Briseis. The wars of ancient times are often thought of as glorious. The picture this book paints of the siege on Troy shows the other side of war. It’s illuminating, intricately detailed and bluntly told. Everything Here Is Beautiful by Mira T. Lee A difficult story of family, mental illness, sisterhood, immigration, and fulfillment in life. Every word rings true, sometimes painfully. Stay With Me by Ayobami Adebayo This one was a really difficult read for me. It’s heart-rending. The love, jealousy, commitment to family, completely different cultural context… A difficult read, but worth it in the end, for the exact reasons that made it hard. The Lost Girls of Paris by Pam Jenoff Another World War II spy story! But this one is less about code-breaking and more about the feet on the ground in Paris. A fictionalized version of a true story. Daughters of the Winter Queen: Four Remarkable Sisters, the Crown of Bohemia, and the Enduring Legacy of Mary, Queen of Scots by Nancy Bazelon Goldstone “Brilliantly researched and captivatingly written, filled with danger, treachery, and adventure but also love, courage, and humor, Daughters of the Winter Queen follows the lives of five remarkable women who, by refusing to surrender to adversity, changed the course of history.” Pretty self-explanatory. An awesome and engaging book. Daughter of a Daughter of a Queen by Sarah Bird Based loosely on a true story. Cathy Williams is a slave. But she is also the daughter of a daughter of a queen, and her mother never lets her forget it. In this daring tale, Cathy rebels against her constraints as a black person and a woman and joins the army disguised as a man during the Civil War. Hidden Figures by Margot Lee Shetterly I’m sure a lot of you have seen the movie based on this book. The untold story of three of NASA’s brilliant black female scientists during the Space Race. The book came before the movie and is just as satisfying in print as on the big screen. There’s also more exposition and nuance to the story. The Beekeeper’s Apprentice by Laurie R. King Sherlock Holmes has retired to keep bees in Sussex. Then, he meets Mary Russell, a young woman with a mind to rival his own. What adventures shall they encounter? It stays true to the tone and spirit of the original Sherlock Holmes stories, but Mary provides a fresh perspective. Wonderfully done. She Explores by Gale Straub These stories are so inspiring. I want to go out there and travel the world and explore the wild and live on the road every time I read them. All Hail the Queen: Twenty Women Who Ruled by Jennifer Orkin Lewis Ruling throughout history has not been only the domain of men. There have been multiple women that have ruled with strength, cleverness, and sheer daring. These are the stories of twenty of them from all over the world. 

@radicallyaligned @feminiista @feminism135 @dailydoseoffeminism @hell-bound-and-diversivolent @liberaljane @black-girls-wizdom @feminismwecandoit @the-daily-feminist @feministtalks @the-feminist-voice @radfemkirie @actualfeminism @softradicalfemme @radfemcoalition @weloveradfems @radical-feminism @radicalfeminismisback @prettyfeminism @thefeministflower @intersectionalfeminism101 @gender-studies @memesandmagik

@ literally anyone who might be interested in this list because it took me like three hours to put this together and write all the little descriptions lol

Keats; Hopkins; Catullus; Hopkins; Matthew; Hopkins.

when it’s time for your favorite character to show up

ps if anyone knows any hot classics majors please hit me up asap #singlepringle

It’s not even Valentine’s Day, but I was feeling sad and lonely because my latin competition got canceled. So here are some valentines:

It’s not even Valentine’s Day, but I was feeling sad and lonely because my latin competition got canceled. So here are some valentines:

so some guy apparently came up with a scale of beauty based off of helen of sparta’s ability to launch a thousand ships with her face and it’s one of the funniest things i’ve ever read