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Hey. I know you aren't stated to have posted since November, and you and I never talked as I was just a follower, but I hope you're ok.
Thank you for the concern - I appreciate it a ton.
I've mostly abandoned this blog for a list of reasons. One of the main ones is that in the three years since I've made this blog, some of my opinions have changed, and certainly my approach to things has changed.
I made this as a sort of vent blog as an angry 19 year old, and it blew up in a way I never expected. I regret that I bought into and participated in a lot of infighting, and I regret how I've spoken about transfems and trans women on this blog - especially when my sibling is transfem, and we share so many experiences and have meaningful conversations about our shared experiences in real life.
I've also come to accept that activism isn't something that can be achieved through tumblr, and that my venting was mistaken for activism, and it seems that far too often, arguing online and infighting are also mistaken for activism. I certainly fell into that trap. And I feel a lot of serious guilt - I have more than a few messages in my inbox of people thanking me for helping them discover they're trans.
I don't want to contribute to the belief that being transgender is about suffering. I don't want to feed into the infighting or mislead people into believing that other trans people are out to get them. I don't want anyone to think that it's all about fighting to be heard.
After a while, this all began to take a toll on my mental health. I've unfollowed most of the big blogs that discuss transandrophobia, but not necessarily because I disagree with them. Exposing myself to non-stop conversations about our oppression and to the ways other people were hurting and to brutal discussions of transphobic politics and transandrophobic violence happening in real life put me in a horrible place mentally. Not to mention, following so many blogs of other transmascs constantly engaging in arguments with transandrophobic people fueled my paranoia and made me believe everyone was out to get me/us.
And I'm not an angry 19 year old shouting into the void to be heard anymore. I know there are people who believe me. I know there are people who believe in transandrophobia, who listen to us, who amplify our voices. I know there's a word for our experiences. It's a huge relief to know I'm not alone, and there's a lot of us who are talking about our experiences and the oppression we face.
All trans people face oppression. No group of trans people is more oppressed than any other, and even though we face unique forms of oppression, we all share far more in common than any differences. There's joy in being trans. There's joy in community, there's joy in self discovery, there's joy in having trans siblings and brothers and sisters.
I haven't stopped believing that our experiences are real, but I have stepped back in order to focus on trans joy instead of dwelling on trans suffering.
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Hey. I know you aren't stated to have posted since November, and you and I never talked as I was just a follower, but I hope you're ok.
Thank you for the concern - I appreciate it a ton.
I've mostly abandoned this blog for a list of reasons. One of the main ones is that in the three years since I've made this blog, some of my opinions have changed, and certainly my approach to things has changed.
I made this as a sort of vent blog as an angry 19 year old, and it blew up in a way I never expected. I regret that I bought into and participated in a lot of infighting, and I regret how I've spoken about transfems and trans women on this blog - especially when my sibling is transfem, and we share so many experiences and have meaningful conversations about our shared experiences in real life.
I've also come to accept that activism isn't something that can be achieved through tumblr, and that my venting was mistaken for activism, and it seems that far too often, arguing online and infighting are also mistaken for activism. I certainly fell into that trap. And I feel a lot of serious guilt - I have more than a few messages in my inbox of people thanking me for helping them discover they're trans.
I don't want to contribute to the belief that being transgender is about suffering. I don't want to feed into the infighting or mislead people into believing that other trans people are out to get them. I don't want anyone to think that it's all about fighting to be heard.
After a while, this all began to take a toll on my mental health. I've unfollowed most of the big blogs that discuss transandrophobia, but not necessarily because I disagree with them. Exposing myself to non-stop conversations about our oppression and to the ways other people were hurting and to brutal discussions of transphobic politics and transandrophobic violence happening in real life put me in a horrible place mentally. Not to mention, following so many blogs of other transmascs constantly engaging in arguments with transandrophobic people fueled my paranoia and made me believe everyone was out to get me/us.
And I'm not an angry 19 year old shouting into the void to be heard anymore. I know there are people who believe me. I know there are people who believe in transandrophobia, who listen to us, who amplify our voices. I know there's a word for our experiences. It's a huge relief to know I'm not alone, and there's a lot of us who are talking about our experiences and the oppression we face.
All trans people face oppression. No group of trans people is more oppressed than any other, and even though we face unique forms of oppression, we all share far more in common than any differences. There's joy in being trans. There's joy in community, there's joy in self discovery, there's joy in having trans siblings and brothers and sisters.
I haven't stopped believing that our experiences are real, but I have stepped back in order to focus on trans joy instead of dwelling on trans suffering.
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Please help me keep my house!
My car broke down last week and it used up every last bit of money I had and now I can't afford food, bill, or even my house payment. I really need the help keeping my family housed and fed. Any help would be appreciated.
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idk if anyone else has talked about this but a trans man wheelchair user, andrew blake-newton was shot with a pellet gun in a drive-by hate crime & called a "tranny faggot." the injuries worsened his disability. i don't know if there's any ways to donate to him to help but i wanna make sure people hear about this. the link has a video of him & his husband talking about the hate crime.
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Happy pride month! An ode to trans bears.
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I've always been frustrated with people trying to respond to the transphobic fear of gender neutral bathrooms with "your bathroom at home is gender neutral!" because it doesn't address the source of the fear. Transphobes aren't afraid of having used a toilet that someone with different genitals has used; they don't want to potentially share a space with a trans person or even a cis person of another gender. What this means is that they don't see a single room bathroom as a threat. They don't want to enter a shared public restroom with trans people or people of another gender.
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I think it's also worth considering why people seem to conflate their hatred of Harry Styles with his gender non comformidity. And I'll be upfront and admit I'm not a fan of him myself, nor have I ever been.
But when there's people who list his gender non comformidity as one of the top reasons for disliking him, it feels like a hollow justification when they try to explain it as 'appropriation' (not always the exact wording, but essentially what they're getting at) because if they leave it at 'I hate Harry Styles for crossdressing" well, that's a bit too on the nose, isn't it?
I'm far from the first to point out the serious problem of people who are queer or allies but haven't yet unpacked their learned queerphobia. It's not a new phenomenon, it's not a generational phenomenon, but it's definitely painful to witness someone who is so comfortable with their own queer identity they cannot wrap their head around the fact that some of their biases and repulsions are founded in queerphobic beliefs they grew up with.
the whole argument that it's problematic for cishet men to wear GNC clothing is so bothersome to me. JUST SAY YOU DON'T LIKE HARRY STYLES LOL. Just say you find him vapid and pretentious and hollow. idc. He's a rich white pop star, he will be fine. Because it seems that is really what people mean when they talk about cishet men not being gender conforming. and start to make up stupid rules like "wearing skirts but holding hands with women in public is problematic." literally do you hear yourselves. you are directly hurting the same people you are trying to white knight here. It is not progressive in the slightest lol.
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Still mostly on hiatus but there's been a lot going on lately and much of it has contributed to my decision to take a step back from this blog for the sake of my mental health, but I want to address something.
As I've stated before, I'm a closeted trans man. I've been identifying as ftm for nearly a decade, but in my daily life, I'm typically mistaken for a butch lesbian, and I am out to only a handful of people for my own safety.
Fortunately, I live in a blue state, and even if I were out and openly trans, I would be relatively safe in public (all things considered), and I also don't expect my state to pass any anti trans laws any time soon. That being said, I am deeply concerned and, frankly, terrified of the sharp increase of transphobia in the United States, and I spend much of my time agonizing over the anti-trans bills being introduced and, worse yet, the anti-trans laws being passed. It's not my personal safety that I am worried about, but for the trans people I love and care about in other places, and the trans people from other places I don't know. I'm worried about how sentiment that would have been considered far right wing conspiracy level several years ago has become more prevalent, and I'm scared that so many people I previously trusted have fallen for it. I'm afraid of the shifting attitudes, even in places right now that are relatively safe.
It's getting frustrating to hear that people in blue states have no right to be afraid, as though we cannot care about our trans siblings in red states and that our fear is entirely selfish. It's disappointing to witness other trans people in blue states suggesting that the trans people impacted by these anti-trans laws are at fault for living in red states. And though this part is not new, it's infuriating to see people argue over whether exorsexism, transandrophobia, or transmisogyny are "worse", or if these various forms of oppression even exist.
If there's ever a time for solidarity, it's now. Pointless infighting only makes the pain everyone is suffering worse. I won't pretend to agree with every trans person out there, but we are all in danger right now, and pointing fingers solves nothing.
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Read Fun Home and Stone Butch Blues and I'm dying to hear some stories from the perspective of/written by queer (and especially trans) men, if anyone has any recommendations?
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are you white
I love the kind of asks you guys send me here on tumblr dot com
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I just know it’s pink
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I don’t know who else to tell this to but I’m nonbinary and AFAB but I feel like I’m lying because I still present traditionally “feminine”. I’m always worried I’m not nonbinary enough…as if I’m trying to collect oppression points by being a “trender” or something even though I wish more than anything to just be nonbinary…
Hey there!
I'm taking a break from this blog for a while but I didn't want this to go unanswered.
I'm really sorry you're feeling that way, anon. It's a feeling I can relate to deeply - when I first came out 8-9 years ago I wanted to keep wearing jewelry and a lot of my "feminine" clothes and such and it made me feel like I wasn't a real guy because of it, and I feared maybe I was just pretending for attention. My then girlfriend, who happens to still be a very close friend of mine today, offered me this valuable piece of advice:
Who cares if you wind up being cis? If it makes you happy and comfortable now, embrace it. And if you're still identifying as trans in ten years, you figured yourself out, and if you're identifying as cis in ten years, you've figured out what doesn't work for you.
If you want to be non binary then congrats, you're non binary. And if that changes down the road - either because you wind up finding a different label or because you wind up being cis, then you've figured out a part of your identity and can say what doesn't work for you. And if being non binary makes you happy now then that's all that matters.
We've created a strict binary that plays by strange rules, and being non binary puts you in this awkward position because people want to condemn you for any choice you make. You're afab and like feminine things? You must really be a girl! You like masculine things? Are you sure you're not a trans man? There's this expectation that you have to be androgynous and it's completely bullshit. You don't have to denounce femininity or give up the things you grew up loving in order to prove yourself.
And again, 8-9 years ago I feared that maybe I was just identifying as trans man for attention, and now years later I'm even more confident in my identity and content as a man. So don't let that fear deter you, and don't let other people dictate your life or your interests.
You're non binary because you say you are. You have nothing to prove.
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I've been reading back over some older posts on this blog and reconsidering the hostile language and accusatory tone I took on, especially when I was talking about transfems. I've also taken notice to the way many of my posts use very binary language.
So I want to apologize for any unnecessary hostility, any hurt that I may have caused, and also invite people to correct me if they ever feel that my language makes anyone feel uncomfortable or excluded, if you're comfortable doing so. I appreciate hearing the perspectives of others, and sometimes I get so caught up in my frustration at the issues that I'm facing that I don't consider how my wording might cause similar harm.
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I think it makes sense to dismantle the expectations that young people can and should be activists, not in the sense that young people are bad at it or can't be capable at it or that it's unhealthy- but rather because there's this idea that if someone can't make big political gains when they're a minor that the society they end up in as an adult is more or less fixed unless the next generation changes it which is not true at all. Society has progressed a lot since I was a kid and a lot of that was what we did as adults, not kids, but I'm burned out enough I can no long participate which more or less renders my efforts moot compared to people who set better boundaries because it wasn't sustainable. So I think kids aren't the backbone of the leftist movement, the leftist movement is more a refuge for marginalized kids with nowhere else to go. And I think personally I need to keep in mind that it's my responsibility as an adult to have firm understandings of what is and is not reasonable to expect from children because otherwise there's a trap of putting the onus on them to fix society
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Just checked my inbox and wow, thank you to everyone who's sent me a nice message! I'll probably take a bit to respond but I appreciate them deeply :)
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Hey I know the guy who made that post you screenshot (the one with Gandalf's big naturals). He made the post to specifically talk about his frustration seeing men and mascs with breasts never actually have representation in art or media and are at most treated as a punchline or joke while "cis passing guy with subtle top surgery scars" is treated as the pinnical of rep for trans men and mascs. He turned the notes off on that post because people kept missing the point by joking about it (ie: gandalfs big nautrals) or misinterpreting his words with people thinking he's saying that men and mascs with top surgery scars is bad rep.
Basically it was a post about their frustrating experiences as a genderqueer transmasc person not seeing any representation of people like them except in jokes, only for said post to be turned into a "Gandalf's big naturals" joke.
Thanks for letting me know! That's completely understandable. I've turned off reblogs and deleted the post.
I agreed with the original sentiment (especially, especially as a pre-t, pre-top surgery guy with a large chest) + I love 'big naturals Gandalf' because of that (plus he's a wizard, I love it) so in my mind the post was so perfect I couldn't let it die, but I can also understand the frustration of having your vent turned into a joke.
And I 100% agree, please more fucking rep for guys with boobs, large chests, and hell, I'd like to see rep of guys with hips.
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21 january 1969, Den Haag Students and others demonstrating against law 248bis, which criminalised homosexual contact of people between 16 and 21 years old. The demonstration was organised by Federatie van Studenten Werkgroepen Homoseksualiteit, FSWH (Federation of Student Workgroups Homosexuality) and stichting Ruimte (founding Space). 248bis got abolished in 1971. Picture: Jack de Nijs
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