"You are not 6 years old anymore"

No and my drawings don't look like they were drawn by 6 year olds thank you very much

How come a few words can mean so much?

And the one speaking them might not even realize... they are destroying a world in the other.

Like my mom. Painting on my arm made me happy. She criticized it.

"Are you starting rebelling now that you are adult?"

Rebelling? Against you? What does painting on my arm has anything to do with you?? You really thought I would stay exactly the same forever?? Have you heard of people changing?? I guess not I haven't really changed since... Forever.

I am the same.

Last year or the year before I met one of my middle school classmates. He changed and I felt like I had been the same as I left that school.

Am I overreacting? It feels like I am suffocating.

How come a few words can mean so much?

And the one speaking them might not even realize... they are destroying a world in the other.

Like my mom. Painting on my arm made me happy. She criticized it.

"Are you starting rebelling now that you are adult?"

Rebelling? Against you? What does painting on my arm has anything to do with you?? You really thought I would stay exactly the same forever?? Have you heard of people changing?? I guess not I haven't really changed since... Forever.

I am the same.

Last year or the year before I met one of my middle school classmates. He changed and I felt like I had been the same as I left that school.

Am I overreacting? It feels like I am suffocating.

How come a few words can mean so much?

And the one speaking them might not even realize... they are destroying a world in the other.

Like my mom. Painting on my arm made me happy. She criticized it.

"Are you starting rebelling now that you are adult?"

Rebelling? Against you? What does painting on my arm has anything to do with you?? You really thought I would stay exactly the same forever?? Have you heard of people changing?? I guess not I haven't really changed since... Forever.

I am the same.

Last year or the year before I met one of my middle school classmates. He changed and I felt like I had been the same as I left that school.

Am I overreacting? It feels like I am suffocating.

My grandma about the book she recommends: it's exactly about a girl who is just before [event that is about to happen in my life] ! You will like it!

Me, internally: reading is my escapism, I do not want to read about real life situations and set unrealistical expectations for myself, thank you

I am actually surprised ppl follow me.

Did you hit the follow button by mistake?

Like seriously this whole blog is just self indulgent shit my brain makes up and I feel like sharing

How does one Describe Emotions.

I like him. I like like him. I love him but not love love him.

How does this work.

How does this make sense.

It does not.

Someone send help

How do ppl function with a crush.

Like seriously.

Am I taking it too seriously? No that can't be. I am not even thinking about him constantly or anything.. Or would that be love already?

My demibisexual disaster self is not ready for this.

I actually thought about raising my hand in class today.

Because my most openly homophobic teacher started going on about how LGBTQIA+ shouldn't be taught in schools and that "those people" shouldn't be near schools or whatever.

And I actually felt like raising my hand and going "actually I am already here"

Especially since she pointed out how "weird looking" they are and I am like the most average, shy schoolgirl you can find.

It looks like I am having a what you may call bad mental health day as I just worked myself into an existential crisis over a forgotten password.

While it was for something important I literally already solved the problem by the time I worked myself into a breakdown. So yeah.

The meaning of boys will be boys is bringing a fucking grilled cheese maker so they can warm their sandwich and share it in school.

Illusion of free choice be like: should I try to pay attention rn and drain my brain or just zone out and try to study at home

Ppl think I don't care cuz I am awkward and suck at expressing my emotions.

I am torn between trying to do better and playing into their expectations.

I should just not care how ppl perceive me and do what I want but it's hard when you overthink every single interaction you have with other human beings.

I just got to love the nerve of that guy who decided to say hi at me when I walked in the opposite direction on the corridor, fast, looking straight ahead, minutes after the bell rang, like literally everything about my body language indicating I am in a rush AND not interested.

And then after I didn't react saying an offended *then not hi* -possibly to his friends but maybe to the entire otherwise empty corridor considering the volume of his voice.

Like thank you for this demonstration on how much you think of yourself I am even less interested in having a chat or whatever with you.

Fun school shenanigans like spending the lunch break with trying to break open a locker (with the owners consent)

Peak internet friend experience is talking with someone before you go to sleep, continue talking when you wake up in the morning until they go to sleep and having a mutual friend sleep through the entire conversation.

The most frequent phrase in my mind is 'I love you'.

I think it all the time I see random ppl do stupid dorky shit, when a stranger's aesthetic I find pretty or has colored their hair in unnatural colors. When I hear someone say something innocently stupid or funny and when someone talks about something they are passionate about or maybe adds a fun fact to a conversation. When I hear them sing or simply enjoy music, when they create something because they want to or because they think someone will like it. I think it when I see ppl playing with children. When they are being unashamedly weird or simply themself.

I think that's a real good improvement to a few months ago when it was most likely something along the lines: can I die or let me die.

I fairly often think about how my relationship changed with my German teacher and the language itself.

First year of high school, first German classes. I am fascinated by the teacher, the language seems easy enough- it has logic in it's grammar so that's an improvement from english.

After a while it became apparent that I still did have to learn shit- all the words I had learned in English I had to relearn in German. Too much effort: I give up.

Covid hit and through online schooling I kinda came to an unspoken agreement with my teacher: neither of us bother each other and I get decent grades in tests. Since the grammar is still logical I barely even cheat.

The end of last year, back in school for the last months after giving absolutely minimum effort and on the last class she talks about everyone and what does she say about me? That I am a closed box with jewels in it. (I totally am not still thinking about how my let's say crush said to this that the box is hidden in the attic..)

And now I still bring absolutely no effort yet all of my grades are the equivalent of a 'C'