Completely caved last night. Had stir fry for dinner which was fine, but then decided eating half a packet of biscuits and chockate buttons was a good idea 🤷‍♀️ Felt pretty guilty after it but today is a new day so

Breakfast - 350 Kcals

It’s (2) scrambled egg, (1) buttered toast, spring onion and mushroom

Plus I had a chocolate biscuit which is another 72 kcals

So 422 so far today

1 gingernut- 50kcals

Lunch - 284

Dark Rye Ryvita with ham, tomatoes and spring onion

Snack - 142

Strawberry Yoghurt Go Ahead bar

Total - 426 kcals

Breakfast - 280 Calories

Ham, mushroom and pepper omelette

Peach cherry blossom Tea

Water

Just having a really shit time atm. Exercising is not really helping either.

I just miss my friends

How do people even cope with their emotions?Everything I feel overwhelms me. Anything more than slight sensations of happiness/sadness/anger etc make me lose control. I cry when I’m too happy, when I am slightly upset or angry. I find myself getting angry so easily these days as well. I feel nothing at all or too much and I can’t stand it. I wish someone could help me.

I read cute romance stories with happy endings because I want to feel happy about something. When they don’t have have happy endings I can’t cope. It’s pathetic getting so worked up about something as silly as a book not being a happy ending but I can’t help it. I don’t want bittersweet. I don’t want to pour what little my happiness I have into a book if it’s not going to end completely happily

I don’t really know what is wrong with me but I have no motivation to do anything. I feel like people don’t like me, they all think that I’m annoying. I just want to die but I didn’t realise how bloody hard it is to get sleeping pills and Idk how else to do it. Don’t want my family to have to walk in and see me hanging, at least with the pills they’d not have to worry about if it hurt.

I don’t speak to my dad anymore and Cath and I don’t exactly have the best of relationships. I understand that they gave up a lot of things and worked hard to look after us, but now I hardly see my Dad. In fact, I rarely even speak to him. And Cath comes across as almost resentful for having us.

I understand that me living at home isn’t ideal, but I don’t think Cath could afford it if I didn’t. Everyone is on my back about work. I can’t leave the cafe because Helen is so dependent on me when Tara goes, but it does make me miserable. But everyone sees it as a bad job because I can’t work my way up or get a promotion.

I really don’t know what to do with my life and I just wish it would end. I don’t want anyone to suffer at my passing but I don’t want to suffer anymore.

It can only be a matter of time before selfishness takes over and I just end it myself. It’s too hard. I don’t want to live anymore. I find myself angry with my parents for even having me. I don’t want to be alive. I don’t want to have to worry anymore. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up.