How can a hopeless romantic also believe romance is hopeless? Haiku #13 (b.b.)

"You know how I knew that you stopped caring? Because you were still busy last year but you made time for me anyway."

-you don't make time for me anymore (b.b.)

To me, he is beautiful. Not the kind of beautiful we think of for the word. He's more like an old house in a snow storm. You're walking through the cold and when you see him you feel relief. He makes you feel warm in a cold world with cold hearted people. But he's not just a house, he's your home. When he lets you in you only begin to see all the broken pieces that make up this house. Floors creak, windows are dirty so no one can see in, patches are on the walls. But this is part of his beauty, you love that he's not perfect. -Perfection is overrated. (b.b.)

“I had trouble trusting you because of all the past people who’d left. I felt bad for not trusting you but you still tried to assure me you weren’t going anywhere. After months and months though, I finally got past that and believed you would actually stay. I shouldn’t have because just like the rest, you left. Trusting people is stupid and I don’t ever want to feel the way you made me feel again. I’m done. People always let you down so I’m done letting people in.” - midnight thoughts
(b.b.)

You never cared 'cause when you care for someone you don't do what you did. Haiku #12 (b.b.)

We're a mess aren't we? We were once best friends, to now... Whatever this is. Haiku #11 (b.b.)

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My love wasn't good Enough for you and I'm the One saying sorry. Haiku #10 (b.b.)

Changes

1. Going from knowing a person so well that you can draw a map through every tunnel, to every dark place in their soul to not even recognizing them when you look at them. 2. Having a person who promised they’d always be there for you, and you promised them you’d always care, leave you without even saying goodbye. And you still care. 3. Looking at a person and seeing someone who isn’t there anymore. And then searching whenever you look into their eyes to see if that person is still there somewhere. 4. Realizing they’re not. Somehow, in the last several months, they’ve left their body and someone new has replaced them. Some say people change. They do, but sometimes they’re just brand new human beings. 5. Remembering they wanted to lose their memory and then wondering if this is their attempt at that. Erasing old, important friendships, in order to forget other things from their past. It doesn’t work like that. 6. Missing the most amazing person I’d ever known but thinking about them and other memories only makes things worse. Accepting all of this and trying to move on is one of the hardest experiences I’ve had in my sixteen years. (b.b.)

1. He breaks your heart, but you believe it was just an accident. There's something about those eyes, that smile, he's not going to do it again. You trust him despite all the warning signs and red flags. 2. You fall for him. You can't help it. He's a smooth talker but he's still a heartbreaker. Some people just don't change. But for now, everything is fine. The calm before the storm. 3. All hell breaks loose. He dropped your heart and it shattered. You trusted him with your frozen heart but it turns out you can't trust anyone. He leaves. Like he said he'd never do. Heartbreakers and liars go hand in hand demolishing the unprepared. I was unprepared. 4. And then he comes back. You're more cautious this time. "Don't get too close, don't trust him this time" you say over and over to yourself. He smiles that smile, flashes those green eyes and you're long gone. 5. Add more numbers to the already complex equation. Now it's impossible. Someone doesn't belong here. He chooses her, you don't belong anymore. Maybe you never did. You're no longer worth his time, you're disposable, easily forgotten. But who's to say he ever cared? He's been a player since day one and you, darling, have been played. (b.b.)

You didn't know but I lived for eclipses, when I would feel your touch. Haiku #9 (b.b.)

You ripped up the map. You left us lying there, how Will I find my way?

Haiku #8 (b.b.)

Straight line scars line the sides of my body but scars spelling out your name cover every inch of my being. You're a welder at heart, leaving your mark on everyone you touch. You didn't have to touch me, you didn't have to leave your fingerprints all over my heart. You didn't have to do that especially if you were going to leave in the end no matter what. Everyday I walk around with your name, your words scrawled in permanent marker all over me. I want to wash away your memory, clean myself from the impact you had on my life. I want to be who I was before...but I don't even remember who that person was. I liked who I was with you, I felt things I didn't know how to put into words. But now that you're gone, I have no clue who I am anymore. I don't know who I was before you, I'm no longer the person I was with you and I don't have the slightest idea who I am now. (b.b.)

The Dynamite Boy

I remember that little girl in grade two, she had no idea that dynamite disguised as a beautiful boy would come creeping into her life and blow everything up. She didn’t know what was to come. She had no idea that her heart would be forever changed, that the dynamite boy’s name would be written on it for the rest of her life, she had no clue. I wish we had been warned. (b.b.)

You've stabbed me in the back thousands of times, but I promise I'll still always have yours. (b.b.)

"Whispers turn to screaming fights. I want to get lost tonight." (b.b.)

"The picture is clear, I'm not the one you dream about." (b.b.)