Tumgik
he/they in a many-headed dragon way
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There is, listeners, a blinking light up on the mountain. It is red. Blinking lights are always red. It is nestled among the crags and nooks of the precipitous slope. We all can see it - no use denying it; the City Council tried.
“Nope,” they said. “Blinking light? Let me think. Blinking light. No, sorry, it doesn't ring any bells.” But then a bell started ringing, a signal from the watchman who lives in Night Vale's invisible clock tower, letting us know that he had seen something. And we all saw it too. It was a blinking light up on the mountain.
“Ah well,” said the Council, crawling backwards through a window into town hall, one by one, “ah well, it was worth a shot.”
Welcome to Night Vale / Episode 31: A Blinking Light Up on the Mountain
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Carlos finally took a look at the situation. The blinking light up on the mountain and all that came with it. Horrific invading army, etc.
“Oh that,” he said, gesturing with a spatula he had until moments before been using to cook, “that’s a mirage. I’ve seen that one before. When you get the clouds in a certain way and the temperature is where its at, you can sometimes get this blinking-light-mountain-flood-plain-masked-army mirage. Wow, this is a pretty strong one. Should disappear in an hour or two.”
And it did. Completely gone. Well, the mountain and the blinking light and the flood plain disappeared. The masked army turned out to be real, but they weren’t coming to attack us, just passing through on their way to attacking someone else, and they provided some valuable traffic for local business.
Welcome to Night Vale / Episode 31: A Blinking Light Up on the Mountain
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We reached out for comment to the president of Night Vale Community College, Sarah Sultan - who is a smooth, fist-sized river rock - about the extreme beliefs expressed by a staff member.
Sarah had no comment, as she is a smooth, fist-sized river rock and unable to speak. She can write, however, and wrote "no comment" before drawing an insulting caricature of your humble reporter, which was hurtful and unnecessary.
Welcome to Night Vale / Episode 31: A Blinking Light Up on the Mountain
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Carlos says he would like to study it, but also that he promised to make a certain person dinner, and he has to learn how to put other things besides science first. Some of this realization might have come with help from those around him.
Welcome to Night Vale / Episode 31: A Blinking Light Up on the Mountain
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Nonetheless, we have come to another end. We have come to it as we always do: blind, ignorant, groping. I take comfort in that consistency.
Welcome to Night Vale / Episode 31: A Blinking Light Up on the Mountain
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If you have homes, I suggest you flee them. If you have friends, I suggest you warn them. If you have children, did you not know how dangerous and unpredictable the world was when you created a defenseless tiny human within it?
Welcome to Night Vale / Episode 31: A Blinking Light Up on the Mountain
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A continuation on our previous report about a blinking light up on the mountain: as many of you noted, the very nature of our report indicated the existence of a mountain, which is surprising, given that we live in vast desert flatness.
So yes, there is a mountain. Let's start there. There is a mountain now, rising up out of the alluvial flood plain. It is made of rock and height and awe. Its peak is higher than where I am now, but lower than the void.
Welcome to Night Vale / Episode 31: A Blinking Light Up on the Mountain
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Harrison Kip, adjunct professor of archeology at Night Vale Community College, announced an upcoming three-part series on Night Vale Community Television, defending his fringe views that the pyramids and other ancient structures were constructed by human beings, rather than benevolent ancient aliens.
Harrison, against decades of reasonable evidence, raved that “it’s possible that these historical marvels could have been made using mathematics and slave labor.” He went on to explain, shrieking like an obvious lunatic, that agriculture was probably not started on Mars and that humanity was created through evolution and not through selective breeding of alien DNA.
Welcome to Night Vale / Episode 31: A Blinking Light Up on the Mountain
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Alright, we're really going to get it right this time. We have been focusing too narrowly, and we realize that. As many of you pointed out, we should have spent less time on the blinking light and more time expanding on the bit about the approaching masked army.
So -- there is now a great, masked army, coming towards us across the bone-covered plain. We have no specific information about them, other than that they look small when far away, and then appear to grow as they come closer, which they are -- coming closer.
They also might be actually growing. They are quite large now. The blinking light up on the mountain has not changed its pace. There is a noise like growling, only less organic. Like wind howling through a canyon, only more... growly.
Welcome to Night Vale / Episode 31: A Blinking Light Up on the Mountain
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Today’s broadcast may have been brought to you by uncertainty.
Welcome to Night Vale / Episode 31: A Blinking Light Up on the Mountain
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Ah, we have some sharp listeners. Several of you noted that the strangeness of today does not end with the blinking light up on the mountain, or the mountain itself, but also this vast, muddy plain it rises from.
So yes, we are now reporting that there is a great flood plain, strewn with bones, around our city. Its wet patches glint slightly when the blinking light is illuminated. At night, when all distance is darkness, it appears that the universe itself is glimmering red and then gone. Red and then gone.
The mud ripples under the footsteps of the approaching, masked army, and this warps the reflections in interesting ways.
Welcome to Night Vale / Episode 31: A Blinking Light Up on the Mountain
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Stay tuned next for the background hum of the universe, amplified, and with live color commentary.
Welcome to Night Vale / Episode 31: A Blinking Light Up on the Mountain
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What does this light mean? Who will dare investigate it? Will it spell our doom? Dear listeners: Who knows. No one. And probably.
More later. For now, just this. Just a blinking light. Red. Up on the mountain.
Welcome to Night Vale / Episode 31: A Blinking Light Up on the Mountain
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Listeners, here’s something weird. I know you can’t see it, but it’s sitting in the studio with me at this very moment. And it is definitely something and definitely weird.
I’m not sure how it got here, but I’m not sure how I got here either. Causation is difficult and confusing. I haven’t tried touching it. I’m going to try touching it now.
... I believe it likes being touched, because it started to vibrate and lean in towards my body. But that could just be its way of expressing anger, or immense physical suffering. When something is this weird, one shouldn’t assume to understand anything specific about it at all.
Is it a bomb? Is it one of those objects that isn’t a bomb? Is it just a kind of dog? We don’t know, and we will never find out, and we will never try to find out. Ignorance may not actually be bliss, but it is certainly less work.
So with no new information, and with nothing learned, I’ll repeat what I said, gesturing at it with a hand you cannot see: Listeners, here’s something weird.
Welcome to Night Vale / Episode 31: A Blinking Light Up on the Mountain
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Ladies and gentlemen, here is what we know. There is a blinking light up on the mountain. There is a mountain on the flood plain. There is a flood plain under the imminent army. There is an imminent army maybe a couple hours march from here. I do not believe, now, that we are leaving anything out.
Welcome to Night Vale / Episode 31: A Blinking Light Up on the Mountain
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Madeline LaFleur, head of the Night Vale tourism board, said “oh great, now we're going to have to reprint all of these brochures,” before taking more sips of her coffee than she needed to in a given span of time, because the frequency of sips was under her control, and her own life was not.
Welcome to Night Vale / Episode 31: A Blinking Light Up on the Mountain
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