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Ladies, use your discretion!
My most recent post generated mixed reviews. Some loved it some loathed it. Whichever category you fall into my advice is for you to use your discretion.
Here are some questions to to ask yourself when scrolling on social media
Why does this appeal to me?
Why does it trigger me?
Are these facts or opinions?
Why did the author put a caveat?
Who could be the intended audience?
It is appalling to me that people will take opinions based on the books personal experiences or observation and simply criticize it because it does it not appeal to them. Are you the only person on the internet? Why do you take yourself so seriously? Why should everything on the internet fit your sentiments?
It is fair to express your opinions, but what is your argument? What is your main point? You simply can't say "this is barbaric!" add more depth to it. You could say "the post seems to dismiss the importance of friendship" doesn't that sound more educated and more conversational?
I also expected that if you have used the internet for a while you should know that you only take what you need and leave the rest. No one is an authority on here especially if they are not writing in the capacity of their profession.
If you loved the post, love it with discernment. You may not apply all the advice I write here to your life because you know yourself best.
Do not put me on a pedestal. I am not your coach, doctor, lawyer, pastor so I do not owe you an obligation neither do you owe. I am simply a girl who just shares her thoughts based on her observations. Read my posts with discretion!!!
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I rarely say this and hate ti be cliche, but I love your blog and your love for knowledge. 🤩❤️🎉
Thank you, I really appreciate you.
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Southern gothic literature?! Heck yeah! What books are you reading?
Haha, I have seen a kindred spirit! I am reading the biography of Jackie Kennedy, Candide by Voltaire, and The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway.
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Hi Ada!
I have never experienced a blog that pulled me in as immediately as yours. I’m an INFJ personality type and looking at your writing reminds me of my own. I have the same books you talk about and I love the classy, intelligent, and kind atmosphere you’ve created. Your advice is also very useful.
Do you have a book club perhaps where we can connect and discuss ideas about the world?
Kindest,
Lara
Hi Lara,
I am happy to hear this. I would love to one day have a bookclub. I just need to find a group of enthusiastic readers like you who would like to join. Do you know of the salons that became popular during the 17th and 18th century across Europe? It served as a hub where people could share ideas on literature, art, music, philosophy. It could be so fun to have something like that someday. But I will keep you in mind when I start one.
Best,
Ada
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the-joy-of-knowledge · 2 months
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Hi! As a fellow INTJ-T, I wanted to appreciate the realistic, practical and well- thought out way you structure your advice, tips and ideas. Thank you for the work you do. I recently stumbled upon your blog, and to say I'm impressed would be an understatement. Keep up the great work!!
Thank you and thank you! I really appreciate you taking time to read and share your thoughts. It means so much to me!
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the-joy-of-knowledge · 2 months
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25 Laws of power for women
Conceal your goals especially the ones that are appealing. Losing weight, reinventing yourself, marrying wealthy. Instead talk about your altruistic goals - to help children, invest in education, this will chase insecure people with vile intentions.
Do not give anyone your source of power: Was is a book that changed your life? a mentor? a movie? Never give up your secret to success. If forced to do say allude to God, the universe, the a random phenomenon
Use the patriarchy to your favor; we live in a world that is, only associate with men who have power, use that power for good.
Never appear too perfect but be selectively vulnerable when needed. Only share something that you will be comfortable saying. You might say “I forget my keys all the time,” “I don’t know how to perfectly park a car “. But never disclose something you are not comfortable with just because you are afraid of being perfect.
Maintain distance in relationships. Friends are the best and you need them. But if you feel that they are becoming too dependent, see them at your own will. But also the reverse could be the case. Your friend may keep a distance, and that is the way of life. You have got to move on from it.
Develop your own style that makes you unique, beautiful, and elegant. Avoid trying to fit in the crowd of people who claim to care less about their style yet have too many opinions about other women’s style
Avoid male friends at all cost, you will have male colleagues, male bosses, male acquaintances, business partners. Keep it that way. You do not want a Truman Capote divulging your secrets to the world. Do not keep a man who does not fit your standard.
You do not have to win at every game. Pick and choose what is best for you and leave room for others. And step down if you have attained that level of success, do not let the society do it for you.
Trust people but remember that we are all humans. So trust with discretion!
Confuse people with kindness; people are not always comfortable with beautiful and intelligent women. That power is too intimidating so confuse them by being genuinely generous, curious, kind, and passionate.
Keep your strong opinions to yourself.. if you support a movement, a way of life, do so silently.
We all have dirty laundry, wash them privately, don’t expose yourself. Remain silent when people try to attack you or shame you. Whatever is not confirmed is not true. You are the only one who knows all the truth about you.
Don’t attract pity or praise: People who pity you do not help you, in fact they might think that you are weak and could mock you at their annual gossipping meeting. And if you are doing things for the sake of praise you are wasting your time.
Choose yourself all the time; never put any one’s feelings above yours.
Trust your own intuition if you feel someone is being malicious towards you, giving you back handed compliments then you should let them go
Never speak bad of another woman. Do not lazy around gossipping. Keep your hands clean and your conscience clear.
Avoid women with low self esteem they will bring you down. For some reason they do not like seeing other women who are doing better than them
Be careful who you seek validation from. Not everyone needs to be pleased. If they are in no way capable of contributing to your life in the ways you prefer, then don’t ask them for their opinions or please them.
Do not compete with other women, if you do you are only putting them on a pedestal. You are making the the standard by which you measure your progress. If you do compete, begin digging your grave.
Do not give unsolicited advice, do not share the inner workings of your mind, If your mouth is very charitable you better start journaling.
Be well-rounded and interesting. It attracts people. It also keeps you busy because you are continually improving and learning. An idle mind is an easily subdued one.
Avoid women who want to live vicariously through you; they want to know who you know, shop where you shop, befriend who you befriend, wear what you wear.
Pay attention to the source of your discomfort; get rid of them. You tell them your dreams and they remind you of all your hindrances. They ask why are you dressed so fancy as though fancy isn’t subjective. They undermine you interests and goals. They will also be quick to bring you down because they are afraid of your potential.
Do not fear power or please power. When we see powerful people we try to hard to befriend them, to be close to them but you need to be comfortable without them. Don’t push yourself in the name of friendship, do not try too hard to be in their inner circle. Your independence of mind is the most important. Instead become a powerful woman, aloof to the presence of power but aware of its importance. Be an ingenious and intelligent and use your creativity to uplift yourself. When you do so it will be hard to ignore you. Even the powerful will become an ally.
Enjoy moments of solitude. Use that time to develop yourself, improve your body, learn new skills, create with your mind, read widely, become more elegant, then launch yourself.
Remember the most powerful women are the most intelligent. Inspired by Robert Greene's 48 Laws of Power. Use at your discretion.
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the-joy-of-knowledge · 2 months
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Common Sense for women in their 20s
Define your raison d'être
Journal regularly, in fact daily
Figure out the right hairstyle for you
Buy clothes that fit your body type
Learn to do you own makeup if you'd like to wear it
Observe, observe, observe
Try to participate in the society
Know that not everything is within your control
Do not live in fantasy or fear, they are distractions
Read books
Learn to form you own opinion
Do not force friendships
Do not stress the small stuff
Spend time getting to know your self
Know women's history & History and use it to your advantage
Have some intellectual rigor
Create your own community
Find a third space
Take your vitamins
Your wellbeing and wellness should be your priority
Have role models for every area of your life
Have discretion
Do not be quick to anger
Have mentors and be a mentor to others
Your social skills will take you far
Be responsible, the world is not so forgiving to women
Know when to stand out
Know when to fit in
Curate your life to fit your goals and desires
Understand strategy and how best to use it to your advantage
Get acquainted with what maks the world go round
You have to climb socially
You need allies in areas where you want to win
Be kind
Be content with what you have, otherwise you will pay the price
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the-joy-of-knowledge · 3 months
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Becoming an Intelligent Woman
My Dears,
There is no greater goal than being a fine woman who is intelligent, kind, and elegant. As much as we all want to be described with these adjectives, it takes a great amount of discipline to get there. It is very doable only if you are ready to put in the work.
Here are steps you can add to your routine in the next 4 weeks that will make you 1% more intelligent than you were before. This is a process that should become a habit not a goal. It is long term, however, I want you to devote just 4 weeks into doing these steps first and recognize the changes that follow.
Watch documentaries: This is the easiest step, we all have access to Youtube. Youtube has a great number of content on art, history, technology, food, science etc that will increase your knowledge and pique your curiosity. I really did not know much about world history especially from the perspective of World war 1 & 2, the roaring 20s, Age of Enlightenment, Jazz era, monarchies etc but with several channels dedicated to breaking down history into easily digestible forms. I have in the last 4 weeks immersed myself into these documentaries. Here are a few I watched:
The fall of monarchies
The Entire History of United Kingdom
The Eight Ages of Greece
World War 1
World War 2
The Roaring '20s
The Cuisine of the Enlightenment
2. Read Classics: I recommend starting with short classics so that you do not get easily discouraged. Try to make reading easy and interesting especially if you struggle with finishing a book. Why classics? You see, if you never went to an exclusive private school in Europe or America with well crafted syllabus that emphasized philosophy, history, art, and literary classics, you might want to know what is felt like and for me this was a strong reason. Asides that, there is so much wisdom and knowledge available in these books. In these books, you gain insights to the authors mind, the historical context of the era, the ingenuity of the author, the hidden messages, and the cultural impact of these books. Most importantly, you develop your personal philosophy from the stories and lessons you have accumulated from the lives of the characters in the books you read. Here are classics to get you started:
Animal Farm by George Orwell
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë
The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald
Candide by Voltaire
Paradise lost by John Milton
3. Study the lives of people who inspire you: I dedicate one month to each person that fascinates me. I read their biography (date of birth, background, death, influences, work, style, education, personal life) For this month, I decided to study Frank Lloyd Wright because I was fascinated by the Guggenheim Museum in New York. I began to read about his influence in American Architecture (Organic architecture, Prairie School, Usonian style), his tumultuous personal life, his difficult relationship with his mentor (Louis Sullivan), his most iconic works etc. By the end of the year I would have learned the ins and outs of people I am inspired by through books and documentaries. Here are other people I plan to learn more about:
Winston Churchill
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
Ada Lovelace
Benjamin Franklin
Helen Keller
John Nash
Isabella Stewart Gardner
Caroline Herrera
Ernest Hemingway
Catherine the Great
Ann Lowe
My dears, I hope you enjoyed this read. I cannot wait to write more on my journey to becoming a fine woman. I urge you to do this for four weeks and see what changes you notice. Make sure to write as well, it is important to document your progress.
Cheers to a very prosperous 2024!
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the-joy-of-knowledge · 4 months
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4 ways to fill your education void.
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Long form articles: This is a great way to keep learning because they offer a thorough and well-detailed explanation of complex issue that short form articles may not cover. They also serve as educational resources, providing readers with comprehensive knowledge on a subject they might not have encountered otherwise. You can find long form articles in The New Yorker, the Atlantic, The Cut etc
Books: Reading books especially different genres offer unique viewpoints, themes, and storytelling styles. Exploring diverse genres exposes you to new ideas, cultures, and ways of thinking, broadening your worldview. And being being comfortable with various genres can make you a more adaptable reader. You'll be able to appreciate a wider range of literature and adjust to different writing styles more easily. I am reading Southern Gothic literature books.
Podcasts: First, podcasts cover diverse subjects—history, science, technology, storytelling, personal development, and more. You can find podcasts on almost any topic, allowing you to explore areas of interest or learn about new subjects.
Courses: There are courses on virtually anything you want to learn. I recommend taking a course in something you enjoy and want to learn about. I am currently learning about wineries and art auctions. My degree is remotely different from the courses I am taking. These courses are taught by experts that have built their reputation doing what they love. Knowledge is an asset, you own it and you can apply it in ways that best suits you
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the-joy-of-knowledge · 4 months
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A Guide to Mastery: Finding Your Life's Work
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Mastery is what we hope to attain. We hope to get a point where we become master of our fields, experts of our work, and mentors to younger people. But the big question we ask ourselves is "what should I do?" "what can I do?" "what is my purpose in life?" and that is a very big question that we might spend our entire lives trying to figure out.
It is difficult now, especially when we hear people talk about their careers, we see updates on people's career changes on LinkedIn and everyone is vying for a job in big tech, big law, consulting, Wall Street and you feel left out, not good enough, in fact discouraged.
However, you can find fulfillment by taking this self-discovery one step at a time, at a pace that best suits your skills, and still rise to the top.
Here is how to find your Life's work:
Look back to your childhood
Often to figure out what you want to do or who you want to become you have to look back to your past, your childhood. What made you tick? What classes were most fun for you? Who did you enjoy watching or spending time with growing up? The answers can give you a peek into the kind of life you want. Growing up I enjoyed reading biographies of people. I was obsessed with how they became successful and how they set themselves apart - now my writing mirrors that.
2. Find your niche
The uncertainty or discomfort you feel could be caused by not fitting into one field. You feel like you can do a lot more than there is out there. This is a great feeling. if you feel this way do not be discouraged. It is your life's journey to figure out the intersection of your interest. It is a sign that you should try out multiple things. Your career may become an amalgamation of your interest, ideas, disciplines, and fields. Here are some intersections that I found in people I admire:
Design + Technology - Steve Jobs- Apple Co-founder, Brian Chesky - Airbnb Co-founder
Food + Technology - Apoorva Mehta; co-founder Instacart
Culture + Commerce - Most architects, designers fit this category
Science + Art - Trip Hawkins; founder of Electronic Arts
Community + technology - Whitney Wolfe Herd; Founder of Bumble
Food + business: Kaspar Basse; founder of Joe & The Juice
Sportsmanship + design - Phil Knight; co-founder of Nike
Environmentalism + Sportsmanship - Yvon Chouinard; founder of Patagonia
These people are at the top of their fields. You can start by having a double major, or minoring in a totally different field (Art + Finance, Biology + Sports management etc)
3. Resist the pressure of the majority
There is always a group of people on the other side of your interest and skills - parents, friends, professors, peers who want something different from what you aspire to. You love art but they remind you that the pay is meagre, you want be a lawyer but they tell you, you are not good enough for law. You see, the salary you get paid for doing something you love should not stop you from getting started. You will eventually become so good that the value you provide will eventually command a huge compensation but for now bend down and learn.
4. Find a mentor
Once you get a glimpse of what you feel like you want to do. Find a mentor, your mentor could be distant or imminent. A distant mentor could be a renowned expert, a person you stumble upon through a book, an interview etc. Their story inspires you and you somehow you feel seen, you goals aren't so impossible anymore. The imminent mentors are the people you meet through school, work and whose work has some skills you need to learn for your Life's work. Your relationship with them or experience with them is the closest to reality of your Life's Work. Learn as much as you can in this process.
Welcome to my A Guide to Mastery series inspired by the book Mastery.
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the-joy-of-knowledge · 5 months
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There are 86,400 seconds in a day
If you begin to see each day as a precious gift, an asset, a gold mine, a trust fund, an estate, a bequeathed land, a deed, a guarantee, or a well what would you do with it? Now, what would you do with 86,400 seconds x 365 days = 31,572,500 seconds
If we all equated our time to a precious currency, I wonder how we will spend it?
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the-joy-of-knowledge · 5 months
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A disciplined life is a life worth living..
What separates who we are from who we want to be is the degree to which we are willing to live a disciplined life. 3 hours spent on social media everyday could be spent working on your passion project, finishing an assignment, or spending time with people special to you.
We often claim we do not have enough time but do we not? If something is really important to you like eating well, exercise, getting an A, completing a book, writing a post, completing a project etc then you will make time for it.
Discipline gives you freedom to focus on what is most important. It gives you a sense of accomplishment and comfort because you have done the hard stuff first. You are not lazing around and then panicking to get work done. You are prioritizing yourself because that is all you've got.
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the-joy-of-knowledge · 5 months
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TED Talks to end the Year on a high note
Brain Magic by Keith Barry
The brain changing benefits of exercise by Wendy Suzuki
Power foods for the brain by Neal Barnard
Intermittent fasting: Transformational Technique by Cynthia Thurlow
You don't find happiness, you create it by Katarina Bloom
The Art of being yourself by Caroline McHugh
The magic of not caring by Sarah Knight
How to not take things personally by Frederik Imbo
Speaking Up Without Freaking Out by Matt Abrahams
How to motivate yourself to change your behavior by Tali Sharot
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the-joy-of-knowledge · 7 months
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10 books you should read to get smarter
Black Swan by Nassim Taleb
80/20 Principle by Richard Koch
Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene
The Alchemist by Paul Coehlo
Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kanheman
Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz
Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell
Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat by Oliver Sacks
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the-joy-of-knowledge · 7 months
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Lessons from failure
I have failed on a small scale and I have failed largely. Some failures still shock me and some, I have gotten over. Here are some lessons I have learned:
Failure could be the beginning or the end of a goal. Only you can figure this out.
Some failures could be predicted.
It is hard to console yourself when you know you are responsible for the failure.
You may fail because you are aiming too low.
To overcome failure, look into the failures of others.
The last thing to do is worry.
You will not get over it, so find a way to get around it.
It will hurt your self-esteem, so seek other ways to repair it.
To minimize the effect of failure, expand your scope.
Don't attach yourself too much to a person, place, or thing.
Try to learn from it while it hurts.
Do not repeat the same mistake.
If you find yourself going through those same cycles, take a break.
Know when to share your failure and when to keep them to yourself.
Best, know who to share them with, let your journal know before your best friend.
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the-joy-of-knowledge · 7 months
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10 reasons why you should read
Reading makes you worry less
You learn more about yourself through books
You are often inspired to take a new path based on the life of the central figure
Each book takes you on a unique journey
Reading deepens your imagination
When you read you are opening your minds to new possibilities and ideas
You learn about lives beyond the four walls of your room
You become more intelligent and curious
You mindset improves
You become empathetic because you put yourself in the shoes of some of the characters you read about
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the-joy-of-knowledge · 8 months
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Improve your productivity by setting alarms.
I have 6 different daily alarms I use as a way to check in on myself and to stay focused throughout the day. It is much fun if you label your alarms too :)
The 5am alarm (Start your day!): Whatever it may be for you, but this is the alarm that wakes me up from sleep and through maintaining a regular sleep schedule I feel very ready to get out of bed and start my day. By exercising and writing.
The 7am alarm (Eat that Frog!): This alarm is a reminder to face that giant in you. This means doing that thing you have been procrastinating or working on a habit you want to strengthen. For me, it is a time to go on a long walk. Figure out what you would like to do and designate this alarm to it.
The 10am alarm (How are you this morning?): I have an alarm label how are you doing this morning, and when it goes off, I start reflecting on how my day is going. If I could not journal earlier on, I would use the opportunity to write down my thoughts and feelings.
The 2pm alarm (How are you this afternoon)? This alarm is the most important of all alarms because around this time I am less motivated to work, my energy levels are lower and I am not keeping up with time. Often, I am mindlessly scrolling through pinterest then the alarm goes off and I am forced to quickly set my phone down, take a deep breath, and relax. The reason is that we often don't keep track of time and then we are shocked that half of our entire afternoon was spent on social media.
The 6pm alarm (How are you this evening): I usually use this as a reminder to finish up any tasks that I have at hand, maybe plan for tomorrow, check in with myself, eat dinner, call my friend, watch a movie. Do laundry, cook, or dance.
The 9pm alarm (You did it!): This is a reminder to begin winding down, journalling, night time routine, reflection or whatever seems to make you calm as you about to go to bed. If possible write a gratitude note.
Reminder: This is not tailored to anyone, pick what works best for your situation and lifestyle. You do not need to have 6 alarms to have a great day. Alarms are for those you would love a reminder to either sit right, read a book, journal. You can label your alarms whatever you like. Read this article with discernment!
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