the-bonfires-ember
bonfires-ember
|| she/her || film editor || writer || aspd ||
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darkeagleruins
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toshkakoshka
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nikotyna999
;(
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All the stuff you learn from your attempts at healthy coping doesn't get erased the moment you relapse. And you can use that knowledge to pick yourself back up and try again when you're ready. It's not a case of starting over from scratch, it's a case of stumbling and getting back up
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another to add to my collection
My Flux Arcana Tarot Deck - a handful of my tarot deck are now up for grabs at the shop link in my bio, only while supplies last.
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petition to change LGBT to DFTQ (Dykes Faggots Trannies and Queers, naturally)
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"do you seriously think you're above the rules" the stupid ones yeah
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"Would you peel an orange for me?"
I would peel a pomegranate for you.
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Audio
And I get a little bit Genghis Kahnghis
I don’t want you to get it onghis
Nobody else but me (ooooh)
With nobody else but MeeeeMe
I get a little bit Danghis Dahn
Don’t want you to Genghis on with
Nobody else but Mingus
Nobody else but Mingus Kingus
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idk what your all talking about tiktok rules
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Fritz Schwimbeck - Blick aus der Gruft Draculas, 1922
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ASPD and being a "bad person"
the backhanded support for aspd
There's a very backhanded type of support for people with ASPD. In attempts to get moral highground and fight against the demonization/stigmatization of the disorder, it's almost entirely watered down to "Oh you just lack empathy and have mean thoughts :)". It's entirely infantilized to the point where people who actually exhibit their real symptoms are just "bad people", or "using their disorder as an excuse for their bad behaviour" because "that's not what ASPD is actually like!!"
Moralizing disorders does nothing but cause harm to people suffering from mental health issues. You cannot cherry pick which presentations of ASPD are deemed acceptable when the whole disorder revolves around being and doing socially unacceptable things.
"It's ok if you lack empathy!" Is the only support I really see for ASPD, which is true, but only if we don't have empathy in ways that they think is acceptable.
I don't have empathy for people of colour, or people with disabilities, or trans folk. My empathy can't just turn on for people who I know deserve it. I can't relate to their struggles, I can't feel for them, I can't even really care. And lacking the empathy required for me to feel these things towards others is exactly what causes me issues in my life. It's socially unacceptable. It's dysfunctionally anti-social.
But thats very much the tip of the iceberg. Lacking empathy isn't even in the DSM-5 criteria for ASPD, and a lot of people with ASPD do experience empathy in their own way.
There's also the issue of "it's ok to be angry, it's ok to have mean thoughts, as long as you don't act on them" or "it's ok to not care, as long as you pretend you do" or "it's ok if you lack empathy as long as you're compassionate"
The issue is that people with ASPD are only supported and accepted if they're in a place where they can conform to prosocial behaviour, which is incredibly difficult to do and does require a degree of recovery. And not a lot of people are willing, or able to, get to that point in recovery.
If you say you support people with mental health issues, then you need to accept the part that actively causes problems as well, even if it makes you uncomfortable. You can't just love the "antisocial personality" and hate the "disorder".
People with ASPD will act in ways that makes them a morally "bad person". That's the entire premise of the disorder. If you water it down to the point where the person suffering has to be good and follow your social standards, then that's not an anti-social disorder anymore.
And I know it's hard to stomach people with ASPD sometimes, especially if they're not in recovery at all. We can be mean, insensitive, aggressive, insulting, morally skewed, or just a complete asshole in general. We can say unacceptable things, we can do wrong, and we're prone to it. You don't have to like someone to support them.
Supporting someone with mental health issues doesn't mean you have to like what they do, or who they are, or be friends with them. You're allowed to remove someone from your life if they're causing issues in yours. Supporting someone with mental health issues means you are able to leave them alone, and not go out of your way to shame them for things currently out of their control.
Yes, recovery is very important, but trust me as a recovering addict and someone with ASPD, you cannot force someone to be better. All they need is to know that they have room to breathe and grow. Support is giving people the space to do that. Backhanded 'support' is saying that you'll let them have that space but only if they currently fit in to your personal standards.
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Cluster b folks deserve great, safe relationships if they want them, and to stay single or uncommitted if they prefer that!
You deserve friends who will listen to your communication style and respect your boundaries!
Partners who don’t need you to empathize with them to be able to support them and show that you care!
A support network, online and/or offline, that suits your needs!
And if you don’t have any of these currently, you can always message me and make a cluster b friend!! You got this!
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Unlearning How White People Ask Personal Questions
http://www.samefacts.com/2014/05/culture-and-civil-society/unlearning-how-white-people-ask-personal-questions/
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How often do you swear
Literally all the time
Somewhat frequently
Sometimes
Rarely
Never
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now that i am a real adult i am starting to realise. media lied to me about the availability of rooftops to go hang out on. every day i wish i could be hanging out on a rooftop somewhere looking cool as fuck
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having both NPD and ASPD is caring about being perceived correctly and as superior to everyone else, whilst simultaneously not giving a shit what people think of you
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