tesslucetram - Tumblr blog

tesslucetram · 4 hours

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#57 #technically #but some haven't posted in years or months #closer to 30 active blogs

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tesslucetram · 24 hours

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what's the first movie you remember seeing in theaters? don't try and be all edgy and cool and say like tetsuo: the iron man. be honest.

Go!!

#jurassic park #i was 7 #and i BEGGED #so my dad took me #its one of my best memories with him

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tesslucetram · 1 day

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you cannot advertise to me in a way that matters.

#i use my phone at work too much for the ad algorithm to know whats going on #ill google random pool parts for decades old pumps #and then ill search for the latest robotic pool cleaner error codes #like back to back #my very best friend also has adhd #and i look up a lot of stuff she talks about randomly #i get sooooo many weird ads #its actually hilarious #none of it is ever stuff id buy anyway #so yeah they literally cant advertise to me in a way that matters

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tesslucetram · 1 day

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#night #i work a very physical job #if i don't shower at night I'm gross and sweaty in bed

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tesslucetram · 2 days

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#vanilla #you can doctor it up to be whatever flavor you want

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tesslucetram · 2 days

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We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

#i didn’t require a leash #i had perfect recall as a child #my brother had one though #trying to catch that kid was like trying to catch a playful husky #he'd wait until you got just out of arms length then giggle and dash

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tesslucetram · 2 days

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If I ask nicely will people reblog this and tell me what their most common breakfast is? Not your favorite necessarily, just what you have for breakfast most frequently? 🙏🏽

#homemade breakfast burrito #with 2 scrambled eggs cheese and 2 pieces of turkey sausage with taco bell baja sauce inside #2 pieces of toast with butter and blackberry jam #big glass of chocolate milk #i eat this 5 or 6 days a week #and have for more than 5 years now #with minor variations in the jam flavor #very very occasionally i add cheesy grits to this #but only if i have an activity heavy day with little chance for more food planned

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tesslucetram · 3 days

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Have you ever fainted?

#never #felt faint though #had to lay down for 30ish minutes after getting too hot once

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tesslucetram · 3 days

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i'm conducting an experiment. everyone who's from an english speaking country state your country, regional area and what you call the following images. i need to see something

#french fries #potato chips #cheddar biscuits #cookies #soda #candy #cigarettes #toboggan #cotton candy #se usa

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tesslucetram · 4 days

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this seems self-centered you know “stereotypical American bs” but I’m curious

#20 #me nh vt ma ct ri ny pa nj #md de va wv nc sc ga fl tx az ca #the entire east coast #because i lived in ct as a kid #and we road tripped to family's houses all along it #or on vacation #the oddball western states were work trips #I've also been to Montreal Quebec #mexico city and cabo san lucas baja California sur

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tesslucetram · 4 days

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I feel this so hard. I went to a writers' group that a friend invited me to exactly once. Because what I'd thought was going to be a discussion group about technical stuff like how to use tropes effectively and maybe some low key beta reading, turned out to be a bunch of people wanting to professionally publish stuff. I write fan fiction, which I occasionally post to AO3. They had never heard of it. And couldn't imagine putting my stuff out into the world and not being paid for it. I could not get through to them that I NEVER wanted to professionally publish anything. I explained that yes, technically it could be done by filing off the serial numbers (a term they had also never heard of) but my fic was too dependent on whatever series I was writing for, for that to be feasible. My friend keeps asking when I'm coming back and I don't have the heart to tell him never. Because the ways we write are incompatible. The purposes for our writing is fundamentally different. Yes, I probably could write a novel if I put my mind to it. But I don't want to.

This is gonna sound rather conceited but I feel like it highlights an issue we have in Art.

I'm good at art. I've never had a hard time making art. I started using crayons before I could walk. Painting, Beadwork, sculpture, sketching, stippling, whatever- once I have a feel for the material, it doesn't take long to start doing what I want with it. It's been a common theme my whole life.

(Y contrast I'm awful at things like dancing, performance, sports, etc- in all things there is balance, right?)

Now, I've taught myself to use so many artistic mediums now that I KNOW how to most efficiently integrate them into the brain database. Once you really *understand* a material, it's much like memorizing the layout of your house, or flexing a muscle, or something in-between- it becomes PART of your brain in a way I cant quite articulate. But to get there involves just fucking around for a bit doing nothing in particular.

And I've found, especially in group settings, that nobody seems to be able to see you make something badly and leave you alone. Even if you say you're fine, you don't want help, you're happy, you're having fun, it's fine, they gotta ride your ass and hover.

I was at a class the other day for something I hadn't done before. The medium was one I've never used, so once the instructor told us the basics I started experimenting with weight, gravity, texture, viscosity, saturation, temperature, etc. The instructor had given enough info to know what was dangerous and what was safe, and beyond that I just wanted to absorb what I could about it.

And no insult to the instructor, but they kept checking in. Which was fine the first few times.

But then, without asking me what I was trying to do, started giving tips. That I told them I was grateful for but didn't really need just yet. If I had a question, I'd ask.

But they kept coming over. And touching my shit. And manipulating my project. And touching my hands. And using my tools. Without fucking asking.

And this happens every time. EVERY TIME. And by now I know the best way to get them to fuck off is to make something way beyond their expectations so they know I'm capable, then go back to doing what I want.

So I did. I wanted to keep having fun and learning, but instead I made something beautiful that I really didn't want to make, and wasted my time, and really didn't learn what I wanted to learn at all. I knew the formula to create a beautiful thing, so I followed that formula the same way I have a hundred times before, and didn't get to try anything spontaneous or ugly or exciting, just so I could be left alone.

And I know when I was a kid, I was aware aware people saw me puttering alone on something ugly assumed I had a special issue and treated me like I was stupid because of that. (I was neurodivergent.) And at at time I knew that I could do a neat trick for them like a trained pony and they'd go, "Oh, surely they aren't defective if they can do something like that!" And piss off.

But what if I hadn't known how to do that?

What if I hadn't been talented, or "special"?

What if I'd been just any other average kid trying to learn, and I couldn't pop something pretty out of my ass to get them off my back?

My problem my whole life has been that I haven't been allowed to make anything ugly in peace. I'm capable of beauty, so I have to make beauty, or get stepped on. And once people see what I can do, they get loud about it. "Look at this! Look what they did! We all know who the best is, don't we?". And that used to feel good, but it's tiring.

And how many people like me just wanted to play? Just wanted to have fun and experiment? Who were having fun with no goal in mind, or just took longer to learn, who gave up because of all the obnoxious helpers breathing down their neck with no way to shake them off?

How many of us are made to feel defective because we aren't doing things beautifully?

I have a lovely piece of art I didn't want to make.

I think I'm gonna frame it.*

(*I think I'm gonna burn it in my yard.)

#writing #fanfiction #art

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tesslucetram · 7 days

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#cheesy scrambled eggs and SAUSAGE #i don't like bacon #it's got a weird texture #also toast with butter and blackberry jam #i eat that for breakfast almost everyday

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tesslucetram · 8 days

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