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As for me, I am neither happy or unhappy. I lie suspended like a hair or a feather in the cloudy mixtures of memory.
Lawrence Durell, “Justine”
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"I love people. Everybody. I love them, I think, as a stamp collector loves his collection. Every story, every incident, every bit of conversations is raw material for me. My love's not impersonal yet not wholly subjective either. I would like to be everyone, a cripple, a dying man, a whore, and then come back to write about my thoughts, my emotions, as that person. But I am not omniscient. I have to live my life, and it is the only one I'll ever have."
- Sylvia Plath
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"I cling to everything--CDs that skip, rings that turn my fingers green, the dead ends of my hair, old love notes that turn my stomach over and over. And I'm not proud but there are still boxes under my bed. And I'm not proud but my closet is still running out of space. And nostalgia is a fucking waste of time but my heart is full with it. Tell me I won't hold this forever. Tell me there will be a day where I let gloriously go."
- Fortesa Latifi
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my favorite richard siken quotes
“I wanted to explain myself to myself in an understandable way. I gave shape to my fears and made excuses. I varied my velocities, watched myselves sleep. Something’s not right about what I’m doing but I’m still doing it—living in the worst parts, ruining myself.”
“I sleep. I dream. I make up things that I would never say. I say them very quietly.”
“The enormity of my desire disgusts me.”
“I woke up in the morning and I didn’t want anything, didn’t do anything, couldn’t do it anyway. Just lay there listening to the blood rush through me and it never made any sense.“
“If you love me, you don’t love me in a way I understand.”
“How much can you change and get away with it before you turn into someone else, before it’s some kind of murder?”
“I know history. There are many names in history, but none of them are ours.”
“I take off my hands and I give them to you, but you don’t want them. So I take them back and put them on the wrong way, the wrong wrists.”
“You see, I take the parts that I remember and stitch them back together to make a creature that will do what I say or love me back.”
I’ve been rereading your story. I think it’s about me in a way that might not be flattering, but that’s not okay. We dream and dream of being seen as we really are and then finally someone looks at us and we fail to measure up.”
“You wanted happiness. I can’t blame you for that. And maybe a mouth sounds idiotic when it blathers on about joy, but tell me you love this. Tell me you’re not miserable.”
“We have not touched the stars nor are we forgiven, which brings us back to the hero's shoulders and a gentleness that comes not from the absence of violence but despite the abundance of it.”
“Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.”
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And so, with a fine and hopeless desperation, I try to imagine a possible past, to remember a possible past with images no different in nature than the images we have of something that has happened. And of course it fails. Memory fails as it always does, and the pale shadows walk back into the gates of darkness.
B.H. Fairchild, “Memory of a Possible Future”
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What an age! Everyone is dying, everything is dying, and the Earth is dying also, eaten up by the sun and the wind. I don't know where I get the courage to keep on living in the midst of these ruins. Let us love each other to the end.
George Sand, in a letter to Gustave Flaubert circa 1870
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I feel lonely. I feel worse—strange. And when I leave, I cry in the car. And I say to myself, 'The trouble with life is that people are strangers.' Anne, people are strangers. I don't know if I can go on spilling myself out to people, those strange strangers. As I may have said, I am not at home in myself. I seem to be a ship that is sailing out of my own life.
Anne Sexton, excerpt from a letter to Anne Clarke included in “A Self-Portrait in Letters”
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A person of good intelligence and sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality. And it's not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of thing—it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon-flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the streets.
George Carlin
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I wish the world were ending tomorrow. Then I could take the next train, arrive at your doorstep in Vienna, and say, 'Come with me, Milena. We are going to love each other without scruples or fears or restraint because the world is ending tomorrow.' Perhaps we don't love unreasonably because we think we have time or have to reckon with time. But what if we don't have time? Or what if time as we know it is irrelevant? Ah, if only the world were ending tomorrow. We could help each other very much.
Franz Kafka, “Letters to Milena”
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“I keep remembering—I keep remembering. My heart has no pity on me.” - Henri Barbusse from ‘Hell’
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“Blue Nude” Pablo Picasso
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THIS IS AMAZING GUYS LOOK ART SO GOOD
i am constantly wanting people to love me despite my sins my ugliness i dont even let them know
 “You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile, the world goes on.” - Mary Oliver
“If I showed you my teardrops, would you show me your own? And learn though we’re lonely, we’re never alone?” - Ernest Hemingway
“Hold my hand in yours, and we will not fear what hands like ours can do.” - Danny P. Jackson
“Tell me every terrible thing you did and let me love you despite it.” - Edgar Allen Poe
“I kneel into a dream where I am good and loved. I am good. I am loved. My hands have made some good mistakes. They can always make better ones.” - Natalie Wee
“Yes, there is a place where someone loves you both before and after they learn what you are,” - Neil Hilborn
“You love me despite the history of my hands, their mangled confession.” - Denez Smith
“Do you ever wonder whether people would like you more or less if they could see inside you? I wonder about that. If people could see me the way I see myself—if they could live in my memories—would anyone love me?” - John Green
“I don’t want your love unless you know I am repulsive and love me even as you know it.” - Georges Bataille
“In this space right here that we have made for each other, you can say anything and I will not abandon you. Unwrap the worst things you have done. Watch me hold them up to the light and not even flinch.” - Trista Mateer
“Do you love me enough that I may be weak with you?” - Alain de Botton
“I realized that we all think we might be terrible people, but we only reveal this before asking someone to love us.” - Miranda July
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florence + the machines "mother"/annie ernaux "i remain in darkness"/jean-baptiste greuze "the angry mother"/ijeoma umebinyuo "questions for ada"/ sylvia plath "the unabridged journals of sylvia plath"/ alice neel "the spanish family"/khaleed hossini "the kite runner"/chen chen "poplar street"
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i am constantly wanting people to love me despite my sins my ugliness i dont even let them know
 “You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile, the world goes on.” - Mary Oliver
“If I showed you my teardrops, would you show me your own? And learn though we’re lonely, we’re never alone?” - Ernest Hemingway
“Hold my hand in yours, and we will not fear what hands like ours can do.” - Danny P. Jackson
“Tell me every terrible thing you did and let me love you despite it.” - Edgar Allen Poe
“I kneel into a dream where I am good and loved. I am good. I am loved. My hands have made some good mistakes. They can always make better ones.” - Natalie Wee
“Yes, there is a place where someone loves you both before and after they learn what you are,” - Neil Hilborn
“You love me despite the history of my hands, their mangled confession.” - Denez Smith
“Do you ever wonder whether people would like you more or less if they could see inside you? I wonder about that. If people could see me the way I see myself—if they could live in my memories—would anyone love me?” - John Green
“I don’t want your love unless you know I am repulsive and love me even as you know it.” - Georges Bataille
“In this space right here that we have made for each other, you can say anything and I will not abandon you. Unwrap the worst things you have done. Watch me hold them up to the light and not even flinch.” - Trista Mateer
“Do you love me enough that I may be weak with you?” - Alain de Botton
“I realized that we all think we might be terrible people, but we only reveal this before asking someone to love us.” - Miranda July
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MY FAVRIT SYLVIA PLATH QUOTES AS OF RIGHT NOW
“I wish I knew what to do with my life, my heart. I do nothing all day, boredom settles in. I look at the sky so I get to feel even smaller than I already feel, and my mind keeps poisoning itself uselessly.”
“I’m not afraid of being lost. We all wander from time to time. It’s the fear of never quite finding myself that keeps me up at night.”
“Sometimes I feel like I’m not solid. I’m hollow. There’s nothing behind my eyes. I’m a negative of a person. All I want is blackness, blackness and silence.”
“I am supposed to be having the time of my life.”
“I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I want to live and feel all the shades, tones, and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life. And I’m horribly limited.”
“Is there no way out of the mind?”
“I need a father. I need a mother. I need some older wiser being to cry to. I talk to God but the sky is empty.”
“I felt my lungs fill with the onrush of scenery—air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, ‘This is what it is to be happy.’“
“Yet, God, I want to talk to everybody I can as deeply as I can. I want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night.”
“Kiss me, and you will see how important I am.”
“The floor seemed wonderfully solid. It was comforting to know I had fallen and could fall no farther.”
“All the quick futility of my days cascaded upon me, and I wanted to scream out in helpless fury at the hopeless inevitable going-on of seconds, days, and years.”
“You leave the same impression of something beautiful but annihilating.”
“Please don’t expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.”
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bukowski quotes that don’t make me cringe
“I drive around the streets an inch away from weeping, ashamed of my sentimentality and possible love.“
“We’re all going to die, all of us. What a circus! That alone should make us love each other, but it doesn’t. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities. We are eaten up by nothing.”
“I want so much that is not here and I do not know where to go.”
“We don’t even ask for happiness, just for less pain.”
“When you left, you took almost everything. I kneel in the nights before tigers that will not let me be.”
“For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can't readily accept the God formula, the big answers don't remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command nor faith a dictum. I am my own god. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.”
“I wasn't lonely. I experienced no self-pity. I was just caught up in a life in which I could find no meaning.“
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So there it was. I was alive. I had survived. No one saved me because I saved myself.
- Puran Chand
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In my dreams, I apologize to everyone I meet. Instead of introducing myself, I apologize for not knowing why I am alive. I am sorry. I am sorry. I apologize. In real life, oddly enough, when I am fully awake and out and about, if I catch someone's eye, I quickly look away. Perhaps this too is a form of apology.
Claudia Rankine
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