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#zmeess draws
beckpoppinscosplay · 9 months
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Ladies, Germs, and assorted beloved Fruits, may I present the Zmeess robe, my secret sewing project of the last few months.
We all know I have a soft spot in my heart for the critical role character Essek Thelyss but alas, he never called for me to cosplay him.
The wonderful artist @zmeess draws him SO handsome and designs his clothing SO elegantly that the temptation to sew something grew and grew till instead of a cosplay, I simply had to make one of Zmeess’ wizard robes as a regular piece of clothing for me.
the artwork I fell in love with
Zmeess was EXTREMELY kind in giving me the go ahead to get sewing and I’m so happy with how it turned out. I did some edits of my own to make the jacket wearable and practical (adding a contrasting lining to the torso, keeping it tea length and shortening the sleeves a smidge, adding a few extra beads here and there).I can’t wait to find a day fancy enough to wear it out (the theater! or a nice elegant dinner! a wedding if the couple wont judge me) and once the local weather stops raining I plan to take a shoot outside with some different more natural styling and you can all see it from neck to ankle.
As a plus sized person its always nice to explore volume and purposeful obfuscation of shape when fashion dictates that we take up less room and look as thin as possible. Making myself a big elegant wizard robe that turns me into a mystery is extremely refreshing! As a cosplayer its kind of nice to do a reverse closet cosplay (instead of making a costume out of clothing I own, I am making fictional clothing to go in my regular closet with no costumes involved) and its something i could see myself doing more in the future.
If you are interested in how I made this I will be doing a full breakdown on instagram including the embroidery, pattern drafting/hacking, and all the fiddly details.
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glossolali · 1 year
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found the place to rest my head
caleb/essek, post-canon, hurt/comfort
CW panic attacks, compulsive self harm
2.7k
Inspired by @zmeess and their lovely drawing of essek (although I recommend looking at it after reading ☺️💜)
AO3
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In the aftermath of the destruction of the T-dock, Caleb and Essek get pulled apart and then come together again in an unusual way.
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Caleb disintegrates the entirety of the T-dock and the research room that contains it, and all that remains is soft, grey ashes floating slow to the ground.
"Good."
He says nothing in return.
After, he seems withdrawn and subdued to Essek, and worryingly so. His gaze is dull and distant, and he fumbles once while creating the tower, somatics too loose, betraying his distraction, then mutters an apology and casts again, successful.
He enters the tower before Essek, and when he follows, Caleb is already floating up towards the eye in the ceiling and disappearing from sight.
Essek wishes he could go to him, but he will not follow. The least Caleb deserves after tonight is the privacy to mourn this fresh loss, though he worries about leaving him on his own. Essek is familiar with the dark places a solitary heart can sink to, and the last thing he wants is for Caleb to go where he can't reach him.
Perhaps he will check on him before retreating to his room to trance.
As it is still early evening, he retreats to the library for now, taking up his favorite spot on the velvet settee to read.
The evening passes quietly, empty cups of tea being exchanged for full ones by the spectral cats as he reads, or tries to. 
Essek finds himself having trouble focusing, thoughts cyclical, anxiously ruminating on what Caleb is doing, how he's feeling, whether or not he should seek him out. He decides to set the book aside for good when he loses his place in the text again and re-reads the same paragraph for the fifth time in a row. He sighs and rises from his seat, and decides to look for Caleb.
What would he even say to him? Are there any words that would be enough of a comfort? Would Essek himself be enough of a comfort? He's not sure, but he aches to try.
(Read the rest on AO3)
He seriously considers Sending to Veth, or Jester, or Beau, or any of the Nein for that matter, and asking them to come to Caleb's side. Surely the Nein being here will be beneficial for him, far more than Essek can hope to be.
The helpful part of his brain does supply that Caleb wanted to do this with Essek, not any of the Nein, for reasons unbeknownst to him, but that does assuage some of his worries about his place by Caleb's side at this time, in lieu of anyone else.
Essek looks in all of the common areas, perhaps to subconsciously stall a little, and doesn't find him. He closes the door on the kitchen, and steeling himself, he heads straight to Caleb's room, which he has only been in once before briefly to help him walk to bed when he had suffered an injured ankle.
He arrives at the carved wooden door, set in one of the nine tall walls of the tower. Usually, the rest of the Nein's rooms, including Essek's, are behind another eight doors; one in each wall, at differing heights, with stairs reaching up to them. Tonight however, there are only two doors, Essek's and Caleb's.
His anxiety ratchets up twofold at that realization.
Essek knocks softly; once, twice, thrice – and there is no answer.
Threefold now, heart thumping faster.
He attempts to gently turn the doorknob, and it gives, not locked from the inside. He can't quite tell if that is a good thing. Caleb being too distracted to make sure he's safe rattles him a little more, and he enters, quickening his steps to the interior chamber where Caleb's bedroom and adjacent bathroom are.
He nearly bursts into the room, and halts when he finds Caleb sitting slumped on the edge of his bed, staring off into space and absently scratching his arms roughly. A cold pit opens up in his stomach when he notices that Caleb's arms are scratched raw and red, little beads of blood welling up across some of the gouged lines on his pale skin.
Before another thought crosses his mind, he's on his knees in front of him, clutching his raw wrists in either hand and pulling them away from him.
"Caleb?"
Looking up at his face betrays another reality that makes Essek's heart fall to his feet.
His eyes are rimmed red, puffy, wet– and he's silent, face blank, with tears slipping down his cheeks and off his bearded jaw.
Essek can feel the sticky blood between their skin where he holds him, and can feel how fast his heart is going in his wrists, and he ducks to put himself in his sightline–
"Caleb? Please look at me?"
And blessedly, Caleb blinks, once then again, and recognition dawns in his eyes, and finally, he sees him. His expression shifts to surprise, and then panic, and he suddenly pulls his arms away from Essek's hold, who lets go at the first sign of resistance. Caleb covers his face with his hands, shaking his head, and saying in a hoarse, shaky voice amidst short breaths, "I'm fine– don't– please leave me–"
"Caleb, you are clearly n–"
"LEAVE!"
The word echoes around them, painful to Essek's ears, and the shocked silence that rings out after is so very loud. Essek's breath stalls in his lungs.
He knows this isn't about him, but he can't help feeling the way that singular word cuts into his soft parts, can't help that awful sense of rejection from eating him up and spitting him back out.
He made a mistake coming here, he should have given him his space, should have been more respectful—
"Forgive me, I overstepped." And he rises from his knees. Caleb now looks just as shocked at his own outburst, but can't seem to say anything else, staring at Essek with a heartbreaking, lost look while his breath continues to come quick.
Essek is loath to leave him alone, he really is– and everything in him is screaming at him to protect, to help, to curl up around Caleb and make sure he's safe, but he cannot deny such a direct request and go against Caleb's wishes.
He finds his voice again, though his heart is in his throat, choking him, and says, "I'll be in the library–" and he almost says 'if you need me', but clearly he is the last thing Caleb needs.
Essek shuts his mouth and leaves, closing the door behind him quietly.
Once again, he is failing terribly at concentrating on reading, the heavy feeling in his chest all-encompassing and distracting ever since it reared its ugly head earlier, when Caleb pushed him away.
Though the Nein went their separate ways six or seven months ago, Essek and Caleb had somehow grown closer than ever, and he's been honored and enthused (and a little anxious if he's honest) to accompany him back to Aeor.
Caleb had, with difficulty and over time, divulged to him the details of his past and why he needed to learn more about time travel. He would have helped him, and he would have done anything to do so despite knowing the risks. A part of him is now a little ashamed at ignoring the possible repercussions, berating him for having learned nothing from his past mistakes. He's also regretful that he hadn't encouraged Caleb to give up on his reckless quest earlier. Perhaps if they'd talked through shutting the doors of that possibility forever, Caleb would be feeling less mournful, less shocked, and selfishly, less distant from Essek now.
A stone drops into his stomach at the thought of Caleb withdrawing from his life for good, and a part of him sadly expected it at some point, due to many different reasons, seemingly inevitable– but not this soon. He really thought they would have more time.
Essek continues to think himself into an awful spiral, when he hears the door to the study creak open, and perks up at it.
When he looks back, he sees no one– but stretching to look over the back of the couch, he notices a cat bumping its head gently against the door to open it up further so it can get inside.
One of the tower's spectral cats.
"Hello, little one."
The ginger, striped cat walks over, and stands at his feet to look up at him with its wide, round eyes. He hasn't interacted with cats much, so he's unfamiliar with their methods of communication, and doesn't understand what it's waiting for.
He leans forward over his knees where he sits, and reaches down to scratch the cat's head. Before he even reaches it, the cat hops up and meets his fingers, leaning into his hand where it lands behind its ears.
Such an affectionate cat. What is it doing here? Do the tower's cats have their own free will? He watches it curiously as it meanders between his legs and rubs its cheeks on his pant legs.
When he sits back some, the cat jumps up to an empty space on the settee at his side with a little chirp, and then climbs his lap immediately. Essek hovers hands above it, taken aback at the cat's actions.
Strange.
 
It's a little presumptuous of him, a little foolishly hopeful, when he asks it, "Did.. Caleb send you?" Which would be even stranger, though Essek is warmed by the idea. 
As he's seen others do, he runs his palm from the top of the cat's head all the way down its back and over its tail, then again with his fingernails this time, repeating the motion a few times, and he hears a loud purr start to emanate from the cat's chest as it preens at the attention.
His new friend turns around a few times and makes to sit in his lap, then changes its mind and actually gently climbs up with its front legs till it's at his shoulder and then plops down there so it's laying across his chest. 
Essek can't help but be surprised again. Cats are usually so stand offish and careful, if not especially more so around him for being just as so. But this one… so very affectionate, and so very unusual. 
Naturally he wraps his arms around it, one hand landing behind its ears to scratch gently there. For a spectral cat, it also feels like a strangely solid weight on him, its warmth seeping into his own body as he holds it close.
With its cheek squished against his shoulder, sunken into his hold, the cat opens its crystal blue, clever eyes and looks at him warmly, and–
A momentary mad thought crosses his mind– but it's not impossible.
"Caleb?"
And the cat raises its head with an answering chirp.
 
Essek gasps softly–
 
Caleb is in his arms, as a cat, and he can almost hear the sound of his own heart breaking for him.
He'd noticed Caleb being more open and asking much more readily for touch and affection as a polymorphed creature before. Of course he'd noticed, and of course he'd understood why immediately.
Caleb, as a human, reached out for touch often, but always with a sense of trepidation behind the touch, with boundaries, always holding back, as if he thought he was not deserving of it. But when he polymorphs into a dog or ape or now, a cat, his mind becomes simple, and so do his needs, and the seeking of his needs becomes natural and simple too.
Now after facing down such a huge loss…
No wonder.
Caleb's little fluffy head drops back down onto his shoulder, and he watches his eyes blink slowly closed as Essek runs a palm down his back again.
He watches him with what he's sure is a fond look, but he can feel it turning into upset, and his eyes well up as he looks at the sweet creature's comfortable, serene expression, as he feels his purrs rumble through his own chest.
He's happy he can do this for him.
And they remain there, settled deeply into the couch, Caleb fallen asleep in Essek's hold.
About an hour later, a sleeping Caleb returns to his human form, still somehow smaller than he's ever seemed as he lays in his arms, despite their usual difference in size. His cheek presses against Essek's shoulder, under eyes dark, ginger lashes sweeping down upon freckled cheeks in rest, casting soft shadows under the orbs of light Essek has put up. His arms curl against his chest, pressed between their bodies, and his back rises and falls gently under Essek's hands.
Essek can't help himself, and in a reflection of a touch past, he sweeps a hand through his hair, light as he can. Caleb shifts a little and adorably burrows his face deeper into the crook of his arm and shoulder, not unlike a cat even in human form.
Watching him in rest now, that fierce need to protect returns, and warmth floods through him, leaving him awash with affection for this kind, gentle, clever, lovely man– who of course deserves all the comfort and protection he can offer him. And Essek will make sure he is always there to offer it, so he never has to hurt on his own again.
Caleb stirs awake hours later, and Essek pulls away from his trance to blink eyes back open, as Caleb's, reflecting his, do the same.
A soft, deep inhale– not unlike a gasp but steadier, and his eyes widen in surprise then soften as he seems to recall how he ended up here.
A hand rises between them to cover his face, and he mutters in a quiet, sleep-rough voice, "Ah.. I'm sorry." 
Under his hand, Essek peeks a soft pink flush and he is terribly endeared. 
"No need." Essek squeezes him a little, and can hear the smile in his own voice. He's afraid to keep talking lest his heart's truth tumbles out of his mouth– so gently, he pulls Caleb's hand to his lips and presses a soft kiss at his knuckles there, and there is no pull back, no resistance from him this time.
Caleb settles back down and remains in his arms for a while, eyes growing pensive with time, states seemingly washing over him like waves lap the shore, every once in a while– some bringing shaking and tears, some bringing a distressed spill of words from him about his worries and regrets, uttered secretly between them– and finally, more relieved napping. Essek stays sentinel and steady for him throughout.
A while later still, when his gaze wanders to Caleb's half covered arms, his irritated, damaged skin stands out, and it worries him once more.
"Caleb?" He strokes a hand across his back in circles, hoping to gently rouse him from his light sleep, and he seems to stir once more after a few moments.
He regrets disturbing his much needed rest, but the tower will dispel eventually, and he would like to ensure Caleb is clean and bandaged and comfortable before they have to return to Aeor. 
He coaxes him to sit up and out of his lap, which Essek laments after the extended comfort of his proximity– and asks one of the nearby lounging spectral cats for bandages, ointment, and a glass of water.
Now that he looks closely at the actual tower cats, he realizes that they have a bit of a translucent, pearlescent quality to their edges indicative of their magical nature, and it makes him smile some. Caleb's magic is always so beautiful.
Caleb's arms wrap around his own torso as he sits slumped at Essek's side, but when the cat returns with the supplies, he quietly submits to Essek's care, letting him pull him apart ever so gently, to put him back together again.
At the end of it, Caleb finally meets his eyes again, over their hands connected between them, and to Essek's soft surprise, he leans into his space and presses a lingering kiss against his cheek.
"Thank you."
Essek just smiles at him, and shakes his head, and squeezes the calloused fingers in his hold.
 
A lump forms in his throat once more, but for how relieved he is, and for how much his heart swells with love for this man.
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garnetgh0st · 8 months
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Everyone needs to read @zmeess art advice immediately, I swear they're magical or something.
I read an art advice post of theirs, looked at a few hand studies by J.C. Leyendecker and suddenly I have now drawn the best hand I have ever drawn in my entire life???? Despite never ever having been able to draw hands before????
So uhhh yeah thank you Z and also my art companion Dracula Daily, I've never been so happy and pleased with a drawing of mine before 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
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tumbleweedtech · 8 months
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11, 12, and 22 please! 💜💜
Recommend a fic with an unusual/original headcanon or characterisation that you loved
I'm going to go with this one. Because ... Look, as a parent, I have issues with the way people treat Marion, Veth, Yeza.... and especially Deirta. I cannot stand her being just a monolith of abuse. Essek is perfectly capable of making shitty, selfish choices, and being his evil little twinky self without it being his mother's fault. Sure, sure, he found love (platonic and romantic) and it fixed him, whatever. But Deirta is literally hundreds of years old. She's a religious leader, she has a spouse, and likely had many children. She's 'perfect', for whatever that means in Kryn society. It drives me mad to just have "Deirta is evil and bad" with no depth, no thought to her role in society, and how awful it could be to love, and love and love, in a society that sees death as only another transition to return from in years. Elves dont' measure in days or months - they live hundreds of years/!? So yeah, this is one of a few fics that I really, really enjoyed. Maybe I should write Deirta sometime.
Recommend some fanart of an uncommon character, place, or event
You know I always like to hype our cake shop friends. Cylin's orym hime, piranya's ashton, etc etc. But none of those feel rare enough for an ask from you? They're campaign favourites, even if they're rare-r. Plus, you've seen them. So I'll give you an npc i really like by someone who isn't afraid to commit to scarring. @zmeess did an absolutely stunning Astrid Becke.
Give kudos to someone who deserves recognition for their contributions to the fandom (event mod, server mod, creator of rec lists, etc.)
I'm going to give you three. @lookoutrogue, as an event mod and server mod. The witcher fandom has absolutely no idea how much they owe this quiet account. Also, @hungarianbee and @thirstyforred together get noted for the sheer amount of lore, knowledge, and support they offer. The witcher fandom as a whole would be the lesser without them.
And of course, @continentcakeshop as a whole. Everyone in there makes an effort to encourage each other, to share in joy and pain and words and art. To be silly together, to support each other when sad. It hasn't been only a fandom server in a bit, so I'm kind of cheating. But otherwise I'd have to list everyone, for their support, their stories, their pictures, their kindnesses, their understanding. It's just a wonderful group of people that span a wide range of fandoms, but we just really like hanging out together.
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zmeess · 6 months
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as much as it hurt me, i don't want to change a thing
tip jar
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zmeess · 3 months
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just over a year ago, @saturdaysky commissioned me with an absolutely outstanding shadowgast prompt; namely, 'Caleb helping Essek put on a fancy outfit'. i'm sure you can imagine how ecstatic i was about it (just look at that line, every single word in it is designed to make me go heart eyes), and i'm finally finished and excited to post this bad boy. i hope you guys enjoy this picture too and my very optimistic wish is that it inspires all sorts of lovely stories in your minds 😏
sky gave me a beautiful prompt and a specific atmosphere/mood to depict, but was very patient and generous about letting me go wild on the actual posing, colors and details, so naturally i did 😂 my idea of using a mirror in the composition was admittedly rather ambitious, and lead me to reading up quite a bit on optics, the physics of reflections and reflections in art specifically (as well as the history of zippers and other closures!), so not only was this commission a delight from the point of view of its topic, but i also learned a fair amount of new stuff while working on it. honestly speaking, i like to think that the bookworm wizards would approve of my little adventure.
thank you for commissioning me! 💜
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zmeess · 1 month
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i'd wanted to play around with Caleb's hair color for a while, so i did! gave him a few different hairstyles just for the hell of it too (feat. my scourger Bren design in the bottom right-hand corner, because why not).
i am actually a big fan of the shade Caleb has in the official character art, i find the fact that his hair is more brown than red very charming for some reason 🤭 though i always end up giving him bright red hair in my art. the temptation to use it as a visual metaphor for fire is too strong i suppose 😔
tag your favorite flavor of nerd!
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zmeess · 8 months
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i bullied @ionomycin into doing an art trade with me, in which they drew my Essek design and i drew theirs. i was beyond ecstatic to draw io's Essek, his white eyes and white freckles and big cute ears and floppy sleeves have bewitched me. we also align on our white nails!Essek opinions, which is a delight. and the medieval scandinavian vibes are irresistible okay.
i tried my best to do him justice in my art, but you should definitely look at the way io draws their Essek! and please check out io's part of the trade or i will break into your house at night and rearrange all of your furniture
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zmeess · 2 months
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mock screenshot studies of the mighty nein: the movie 🤭 i am on my c2 rewatch and episode 65 was quite cinematic!
tip jar!
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zmeess · 4 months
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everyone's favorite wizards commissioned by @that-wee-munchkin! they requested Caleb and Essek finally getting outside and enjoying some whisky hot chocolate at a campfire 🔥 a cozy early autumn night spent sharing stories and petting Frumpkins 🐱
thank you so much for commissioning me and giving me the sweetest prompt imaginable!
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zmeess · 1 month
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happy valentine's day, friends! 💜
a week or so ago i ran a bunch of polls on what kind of shadowgast picture i should draw for v-day, and y'all have helped me build something really fun! especially with the three winners of the color poll (purple, teal, and orange!). i don't know how much of a 'regular shadowgast' this picture has turned out to be (regular shadowgast are probably studying ancient tomes in a dusty library as we speak), but let's say that i am giving you the plot bunny gift of figuring out the setting of this scene 😏
tip jar!
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zmeess · 5 months
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listen, i enjoy campaign 3 but i know who my favorite daddies are :) (click on the pictures to enlarge them for more details! 💜 they're supposed to be viewed side by side but they look really small on mobile)
i'd wanted to draw Beau and Caleb portraits ever since i'd watched the c3 episode they appeared in (which i did like two days after it aired) and i'd been hoping to finish them before the mighty nein one shot but hadn't been able to in time. however, i have now! i'm only halfway through the live show but i do know that these designs do not contradict the official stuff too much, so i thought i could post them. i was very happy to see the empire siblings appear in c3 when they did, and it was a lot of fun trying to convey the solstice spookiness that i liked so much about those two eps 👀🔴
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zmeess · 1 month
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commission for @wintert-ide, her tiefling Moon druid Leaf! i was instantly in love with the request (which was to depict them casting the Moonbeam spell), and was very grateful for the opportunity to use some fun lighting 🌙 thank you for commissioning me!
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zmeess · 4 months
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since i got stuck in the scourger!Bren headspace it kinda resulted in me drawing some shadowgast featuring that lad. naturally it turned out somewhat horny. also i know a few of you said SHADOWGAST in response to my Bren sketch, and i'm always happy to be of service
random notes: i don't particularly picture Essek ever wearing conventional lingerie, but i have in fact thought of what kind of clothes he could wear to add some spice, and you know what? it always ends up being some sort of almost or full neck-to-toe coverage with stupidly tight pants. i'm embracing it. anyway, this silly drawing also features another Essek mantle design i've been rolling around in my head (i'm always on my 'drow are bug elves' bullshit), wanna use it in a full-render piece soon
tip jar!
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zmeess · 1 year
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happy belated valentine's day to y'all in general and shadowgast enjoyers in particular. may you always have a life-long friend to platonically snuggle with
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zmeess · 3 months
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two wintery wizards commissioned by @aravhy as a gift for their friends! they requested Essek admiring the first snowflakes, and Caleb admiring Essek : ) i thought that that prompt was the sweetest thing in existence and was incredibly excited to put it on canvas 🥰 thank you for commissioning me!
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