Volume 1 | I never said that I want this - Chapter 2 | You're always taking care of me (on Wattpad) https://www.wattpad.com/371233950-volume-1-i-never-said-that-i-want-this-chapter-2?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_reading&wp_uname=iendyanji&wp_originator=gljNVZYlquIdeYISHwaujmAP2CZXHaoHc3h%2B%2BcrDWXJABt52EJsJCUrf4Hqwc9ZrIW7P%2BFVXy4sJ%2F9DoZ%2B1aqA59vwo%2FW2vVZ8Y4nmEcXLg1p0kEAxOQJn6hfcXC02o5 « To understand what I'm about to tell you, you need to do something first, you need to believe in the impossible. Can you do that? Good. My name is Alexandra Mahnovski. Daughter of Nikolaï and Katya Mahnovski. Only heiress of Zetrov. But when I was thirteen, I saw my Papa killed by a man and I lived so much impossible things after that. Then an accident made me the impossible. To the outside world, I'm an ordinary cop for the CCPD named Alex Winslow. But secretly, I use my powers to fight crime and find others like me. And one day, I'll find who killed my parents, and I'll could take justice for them. I am Aquarus. »

ofc her mother is alive, i’ve been wondering about it since we’ve never had any flashbacks that included her during the strike on udinov but alex’s hallucinations kinda confirmed it to me that there was the possibility that she were because alex was running away from “Her”, like yeah she’s definitely running away from herself and her future as the heir of zetrov but she’s never had any closure or confirmation regarding her mother’s death

From Nikita, episode 2x18.  On top, Nikita acknowledging a part of herself, deep down, that still loves Amanda.  That smile is a weight she hadn’t known was there lifting from her, a relishing of the freedom derived from accepting that Amanda is a part of her and always will be and that it isn’t wrong for her to care about someone who hurt her so much and so badly for so long.  

 Nikita is such an exceptional character.  She is tough as nails but soft as a fluffy pillow.  She wears her heart on her sleeve, cries every other episode, and risks everything for the people she loves all the while kicking so much ass and taking so many names.  To Nikita, emotions aren’t a distraction and people aren’t a vulnerability. She spent so long keeping Amanda in the same box as Percy, the hated psycho villain box, that this episode really threw her for a loop. 

Earlier in the episode, Amanda had a chance to kill Nikita but hesitated because there was still some invisible tether strung between them even though they had so long been enemies. Nikita struggled with Amanda’s unexpected mercy a couple times during the episode, trying to figure out why Amanda would do such a thing and why it was bothering her so much. Near the end when she was trapped in the containment unit, Amanda pacing outside, they have a heart-to-heart, both confessing that the other broke their heart. It was a powerful moment for both ladies that, unfortunately for them - and fortunately for viewers - set them on an unalterable path of destruction. And it is only made more powerful by Nikita’s response to it when the adrenaline is gone and she has reflected on what went down. To her, this emotional and mental victory is every bit as worth celebrating as the tactical one of denying Amanda/Ari control of Zetrov. 

All of the above is why Nikita, Maggie Q’s exceptional incarnation anyway, is and always will be one of my favorite heroines - a woman who stands side-by-side with the likes of Olivia Dunham because their strength is their profound humanity and their refusal to let hardships and the shitstorms life throws at them make them hard or bitter.  It’s also why Amanda is one of my favorite villains because she is, in every way, the yin to Nikita’s yang.  Amanda painstakingly constructed the Nikita that Division and every self-respecting spy fears, but she could never break the Nikita that loves with as much passion as she fights.

Meanwhile in the screen cap below, literally seconds before Nikita’s scene with Michael, Amanda is realizing the same thing Nikita did.  Unlike Nikita, however, Amanda hates herself because of that perceived weakness, love for a broken girl that weaseled into her heart six years ago and never left.  Only she didn’t know that until this episode.  

In the previous season and the lead up to this episode in S2, we see a lot of Amanda obsessing about Nikita, only we really never know why.  This episode here is where we find out, and so does Amanda.  She loves Nikita.  Maybe more than she ever has anybody else in her entire life.  Perhaps loving Nikita is what enabled her to care for Ari in whatever twisted way she did.  Obviously she doesn’t take this self-revelation well.  Already she is refortifying her mental and emotional walls, determined to never let Nikita back in ever again.  Or anyone else.  

This moment tucked into the closing minutes of the episode was the beginning of the end for Amanda and Ari’s relationship.  I am just now getting to this point on my rewatch, and my memory isn’t great, but I believe after this, love became Amanda’s enemy, second only to Nikita, because it cost her the victory she had spent so long striving and sacrificing toward.  To Amanda nothing was worth losing her shot at absolute power for, even love.  Especially love.  Especially especially love for Nikita.  

And yet because of that love she lost it all.  Thus the self-loathing and pure, unadulterated resolve to correct this flaw at all costs.  This is where Amanda goes off the rails, and it’s such a wonderful descent into madness.  I love it.  And I love Amanda.  Not just because I’d let Melinda Clarke read me the Dictionary and cherish every second of it.  She’s a great character and a great villain and I count myself extremely lucky to have watched her fascinating evolution as the show was actually airing on the CW.

Anyway, just got done watching this episode and had to gush. 

imagine an au where krypton wasn't destroyed and semak never destroys alexU's family. now imagine zetrov ceo and newly minted earth ambassador alexU meeting krypton's ambassador kara zor-el

anon holy fuck oh my g o d they’d have such a different dynamic and also neither would have their big sister by their side and feel so much pressure from their own familes and are just drawn towards each other’s similarities of carrying on legacies and find a sisterly bond with each other

Nikita: 2×18 Amanda and Ari set up a board meeting with Zetrov and prepare to take over the company.

Better you die than I

Balthazar