#your mental health matters
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Alone
Pairing: no one really.
Summary: Reader starts to feel left out in her own family...
Warnings: Neglection. Suicide thoughts. Self harm (in detail) please go back if any of these bother you. Your mental heath matters more.
A/N: I think I need therapy too...
Masterlist Part 2(Azriel) Part 2(Eris)
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Ever wondered what it's like to be alone?
It's a game, really. A game of utter self degradation. A game where there are only two players, you and your mind. A game where you never truly win and you always have to keep playing because your brain never tires.
A game which no one else realizes your playing until you lose and it's too late.
It's the game you have been playing ever since the Archerons joined the inner circle. You love them all, honestly. Thier different personalities was the first thing that drew you to them. You admir all three of them but the one thing you hate is how you got left alone after their involvement to your life.
Before them, you all relied on all of you for company and support. Now, everybody has their own person.
Rhysand has Feyre, Cassian has Nesta, Azriel has Elain, and Mor and Amren have found thier partners too but in case they aren't present, Mor and Amren, as crazy as it sounds, rely on each other. Just like that, everybody has a person to go home to, to come back safely for, to turn to for comfort.
You don't have anyone.
You hate going home because your bed is always empty. You hate going on missions because you know no one would be worrying about you every minute you gone. You hate celebrations because you have no one to dance with, to drink with, to end the day with.
You love family dinners. Even though you never get a chance to speak, even though you never talk to anyone, even though no one notices your presence. You love family dinners and meetings because it's the only time youre not alone.
It's doesn't matter if you're lonely, at least you aren't alone.
But in the game you're playing with yourself, after a while, you get too tired to challenge back with same force. You don't push back the mean thoughts your mind throws at you as insults. You listen to them, compare them to your situation and realise, you've been trying to win for nothing.
You slowly stop trying to protect yourself all together.
The first time you didn't go to a family dinner, you thought you would regret it later but you didn't, instead you felt glad that you didn't go because no one had come to get you, no one came to ask why you didn't show, no one cared about you enough to think why you didn't go.
So you stopped going at all.
You stopped doing everything with you 'family' and prefered being left alone.
You only met them when you had a mission together or anything related to work.
Just like that, today you had gone to one of the Illyrian camps at Rhys orders. He got report saying things haven't been going as they should there and wanted you to go check. But on your way back you had been ambushed by a group of six men wanting to kill you in the camp, they couldn't of course but you did come out of the fight with a large sward wound on your left side.
All you wanted to do was go home, rest, tend to your wound and sleep. You can give the report to Rhys tomorrow.
You let out a grunt and step in your house, immediately tense seeing a shadow of a person move the dark room. Your hand placing itself in your dagger straped to your thigh, you other hand on the left side of your waist pressing on your wound.
"Relax, it's just me." A familiar voice fills the silence as the fae lights turn on and Rhysands face becomes visible. You sigh in relief and furrow your eyebrows,"What you doing so late in my house?" You nearly snap, but hold back as respect for your high lord.
"You came late you were suppose to be here two hours ago." For minute it feels like he cares for you, and you allow yourself to believe that he was worried for you but you fantasy shatters the second he opens his mouth again. "You were supposed to deliver your report two hours ago. You know how important this is, I have other things to do too." His voice sharp as he scolds you.
"You're right, I'm sorry. I got attacked while leaving, it took time to fight them of. It was six against one but well I managed to survive, eh?" Rhysand's scowl deepens. "Tell me what happened there now."
Your eyes closs for a second whem you feel dizzy. "Look, how about you give me ten minutes to freshen up, and I also have a wound to–," You try to say but he cuts you off saying,"I don't have more time. Tell me right now what happened so I can get started on fixing things, then you can have all the time to fresh up as you want. My office, now." He doesn't leave much to room to argue and winnows you to his office.
You sigh and start speaking, repeating everything you noticed in the camp as Rhysand listens and writes down the report. Near the end, you feel another wave of dizziness hit you and put your head down to rest it against the backrest of your chair and groan when you feel pain shoot up from your injury from the movement.
Rhysand finally notices the source of your pain and his eyes flare,"You're hurt?" You scoff. "Yes. That's what I was trying to tell you before you winnowed us here."
"I didnt notice it. I'm sorry, you should go tend to it." He quickly dismisses you, finally letting you go back to your house.
As you look at yourself in the mirror, thinking how filthy and hideous you seem, you grit your teeth. Of course no one notices you. Look at you. You are ugly and filled with dirt and scars all over your body.
How could anyone look at you when you can't even look at yourself.
Your gaze falls to your wound, the big cut that spread from under you left breast to the start of your thigh. If was deep enough to bleed you dry.
Would anyone even notice if you did? If you don't heal and let the injury bleed you dead. Would anyone know that you were gone? That your body layed unmoving in the bathroom floor. How long would it take for someone to find you? Who would find you? Probably Rhysand when he needs you for his next mission.
You eye your dagger that you unshielded on your way in the bathroom. How long would it take for you to bleed out? Hours? Days? You didn't want that. That was too much. You don't think you can handle that much pain constantly. Maybe if you took that dagger and deepen your cut, you would bleed out faster. Maybe you would have a faster death. Sure it would hurt but at least you would be gone before someone found you.
You would be free. Free of the loneliness. Free of the feeling like you were a burden in everyone's life. Free of wanting Someone to care for you the way you see everyone else care for their loved ones. You would finally be at peace.
You gasp and blink out the terrible thoughts. Breathing heavy, you search for the cotton and Healing cream in the cupboards. You groan out with you don't find any of them.
You turn back to the mirror. Maybe your brain is right. Maybe this is a sign from Mother herself telling you to not let the wound heal and die right here, right now. Your gaze finds the knife again, eyeing the sharp edge. Would it really be that bad?
Your hand grips the handle of the dagger, bringing it closer to the cut. You let the cold mettle edge scrap the skin, an inch afar the start of the cut. The sharp edge slicing through skin like paper, leaving a line of crimson red blood, seeping out of the newly cut skin.
Your eyes widen as you observe yourself, keeping the knife near the cut but not touching it entirely.
It's... mesmerizing. The way blood slowly comes out of the skin, the small and steady lines created by your dagger are engrossing. And the pain, the pain is hypnotizing, slowing raising to the rest of your body. Your body feels electrified, there's snips of pain tingling through out your entire body, your ears buzzing with excitement. Your hands are shaking and eyes bluring but all you can focus on is how much you want to do this again. Feel your skin open beneath you knife again. Feel the pain that slowing raises with each extra inch of cut.
Oh gods. What have you done?
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#acotar#acotar fanfiction#acotar fandom#acotar x reader#acotar angst#angst#tw: sucidal thoughts#tw: self loathing#tw: self half#your mental health matters#love you guys#azriel x reader#rhysand x reader#cassian x reader#inner circle x reader#eris x reader
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By @peopleiveloved
#mental health#self care#recovery#healing#self love#resilience#rest is important#respect your body#your mental health matters#take care of yourself#self compassion#healing isn’t linear
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In a season of acceptance.
Accepting that you can plan as much as you like and things won't turn out how you'd imagined. Accepting that people may never be held accountable. Accepting that things wouldn't have gone better if you'd done something differently because people were intent on hurting you. Accepting that sometimes everything is so unfair and horrible and it's not our fault and there's nothing we can do about it, so we have no choice but to love ourselves through it
#personal#my photography#my photos#nature photography#animal bones#bone collector#bone hunter#mine#my thoughts#mental health#mental illness#trauma#health#happiness#your mental health matters#photography#shitty photography
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#mental illness#mental heath support#your mental health matters#reality of life#life lessons#facts#life#god is my refuge#hope#relationship#strength#faith#god
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y’all please, if you are ever feeling down and need to talk to someone i’m here. don’t suffer in silence bc you think no one will care. someone will always care
#tw sui#a young man committed today on campus and i just feel the need to say this#your mental health matters#i’ve been there before and i know how it feels#it’s literally why i am a psych student#don’t hesitate to reach out#mental health#rant post#vent post
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Recovering from an ED has got to be one of the most challenging experiences ever, but one of the most rewarding and powerful choices you can make. The fact you’re putting YOU first for once says a lot. Remember if your eating disorder is angry, you’re winning.
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idk who needs to hear this but literally just stop caring. i know it's hard but you should live life for your own happiness and not for the opinions of others. you'll be so much happier if you do this please trust me
#mental health#your happiness is the most important thing!!!#this was originally a tag but i decided it needed ita own post#stop caring!!!!!#other peoples opinions about you don't matter just do whatever makes you happy!!!#your mental health matters#your mental health and happiness take priority!!!#luc posts
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❗️Announcement❗️
Hello there! I have returned! Yes, Padmé.2008 has finally awakened after disappearing for quite some time! (You may have pieced this together from my recent burst of reblogging).
So, I hope everyone is going well, and I cannot wait to be more active and interactive on here!
I know that when you take mental health breaks from social media, you do not have to explain yourself, but I want to elaborate on my disappearance so people struggling with similar issues know they are not alone. I also feel guilty for disappearing so I want to explain myself:
So, unfortunately, for several reasons such as burnout, poor time management and a busy personal life, I neglected my Tumblr account. These reasons, plus a lack of motivation have also led me to disappear off my Instagram and Wattpad accounts for months on end. However, me returning to this account gives me hope I can revive my other accounts soon!
I am glad I took a break from my accounts and writing as it gave me time to get to know and work on myself, interact with family and friends, and realise what my priorities are. So if you ever need a break from social media- I highly recommend it and want you to know it is NOT selfish 💖
Anyway, I look forward to again sharing my creativity and passion for Star Wars and other fandoms on here, and interacting with like-minded people! I recently got into loads more of musicals (or their movie counterparts) like: BeetleJuice, Wicked, Dear Evan Hanson, Les Miserables, Rent, Legally Blonde, Something Rotten, Heathers, Come from Away and Mean Girls! I also have revived my passion for Hamilton, The Greatest Showman, Six and Hairspray in the time I have been gone. So if you’re a musical theatre nerd- I’m your girl for a chat!
Thank you if you read all this! And I appreciate everyone who has continued to follow me despite my lack of context. And if you were concerned I died and kept me in your thoughts- I am very appreciative of you, and I want you to know that your kindness is admirable. Have a lovely day/night everyone!
Ah yes, I also want to share this drawing of Padmé I did for one of the many stories I have started but not worked on for ages:
#i’m back#mental health break#i’m alive#i have returned#have a lovely day#sending love ❤️#your mental health matters#put yourself first#musicals#musical theatre#hope you’re doing well
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Heyyy babes
As you probably noticed, I'm not as active anymore. I don't want to talk about it but I'm gonna take a break for a few days with a few reblogs at best
Remember that your mental health is always more important than some silly likes on the internet
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Often, when I am at my lowest that I miss who I was and wonder whether, if ever, I will be anywhere close to that again....
#redonkulon writes randomly#redonkulon#redonkulons5th#mental health matters#mental health#my mental health matters#your mental health matters#our mental health matters#tw depressing stuff#tw depressing thoughts#depression be like....
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Advice from a Recovering People Pleaser. Pt. 2
We are lost children, the forgotten and left behind, always waiting for someone who isn't looking in the first place.
But it's time to stop waiting for someone to find you and find yourself, as scary as it may be, meeting yourself is pretty great.
#ao3#writer#advice#advice from a recovering people pleaser#you are awesome#advice seeking#my mental health#your mental health matters#you matter#always
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#mental health#self care#healing#recovery#positive thoughts#positivity#self love#self worth#self compassion#your mental health matters#mental health awareness#emotional pain
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62/100
The deadly month of March is upon us. I can't pretend that I'm managing; I am so stressed. My head feels too full of information and questions.
I'm headed to a conference in a couple of weeks, hopefully that will be a nice break for me.
#studyblr#studying#studyspo#study blog#study hard#studyspiration#zoology#dark academia#study#light academia#light academia aesthetic#cant remember if i posted these photos#exam season#real life#mental health#your mental health matters#exam preparation#stress#so tired#fucking exhausted#study self care#study space#student#college#stemblr#stem academia#stem student#biology
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#life lessons#reality of life#life#facts#hope#god is my refuge#faith#relationship#strength#god#mentally tired#your mental health matters#self sabotage#self respect#self worth#self help#emotionally drained
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Just encase you haven’t been told this recently: you are valid, you are not alone, and there are people all over the world who will support you; and anyone who makes you feel like these things aren’t true does not belong in your life.
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