#you were my september song 💘 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fandomcrysis · 2 years

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All the hours I lost // 01

Part one: Familiar things wither

Pairing: Gojo Satoru x gn! reader

Genre: Fluff and a little angst

Warnings: Cursing (I have a dirty mouth :/), alluding to sex/making out (I didn't specify so it's up to interpretation), hinting at manipulation on Gojo's end (let's be honest this man lives by the words gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss)

Summary: Meeting your soulmate is magical for everyone. For you it's even more so, after all Gojo Satoru is a man like no other.

Word count: 5.1k

A/n: This fic was written for @yuujispinkhair 's Enchanted to meet you collab. She is absolutely lovely please check them out for amazing content. Thank you so much, Winter, for hosting the collab 💖💕🥺💓💗❤️💘💞🥺🥰💓💞💘💗💖😘

This is a song fic, to get the full context please check out All too well by Taylor Swift! (You don’t have to it, makes sense without it but it makes more sense with it)

It's incredibly long because I have a lot to say about this man. (If it wasn't clear from the word count already. He has me by the neck if you will xddd) I hope my beta reader could make the fic eligible for human consumption. I kinda feel like I’m sending my kid off to school rn I spent months with this fic being basically done but not ready to roll out xdddd Please enjoy! And have a great day! 💕

Part two

Taglist💕: @cerealfrdinner797

It was a chilly September day. You remember it clearly, in fact it’s the only day in your life that you could play minute by minute in your head. You aren’t really sure if it’s because of the impact it had on your life or if it's just natural to remember, and in the end it doesn’t matter. You are grateful for it because you think back a lot to that day. Everything is so vivid, the feelings, the sensations, even the thoughts that were running through your head.

It was your first fall out of school, your first full time job, you were delighted that you are finally putting your degree to use. Fate works in mysterious ways, if it does exist, because there was nothing special about that day. You were on your way to work, right on time for once, so you were in no rush. You went the exact same route as every day; first the metro then a few minute walk to the bus and that drops you off right in front of your work building. The walk from the metro to the bus stop is pretty; the short, faded buildings have a certain charm and atmosphere, their old elegance reminding you of a time long gone.

You adjusted your big red scarf that might have been just a little too warm for the day, your eyes grazed over the houses. As interesting as they are, after a few months of walking by them, the view became quite monotone and the walk itself isn’t particularly fascinating on its own. Today’s walk, however, is different. The soft music and gloomy grey clouds had you distracted enough that you would’ve never paid any mind to the small street that crossed the one you were walking on or where that street could lead to.

Not until you felt the unmissable, strong pull for the first time in your life, one that led you right down that street. As many before described it, you knew what it was right away. It was as compelling as it was undeniable, your soulmate was near you and you needed to find them. You might’ve been late for work if you missed your bus, but you couldn't care less about work right now. This was beyond curiosity or a want, there was simply no other option than to find them. Even if that meant exploring a narrow, run-down street, only to find the strangest looking man you’ve ever seen. Especially since you followed the pull to find him, to find the best and worst thing to ever happen to you. The day you met Gojo Satoru, you remember it all too well.

That day, more precisely the second your eyes met, presumably you aren't sure since he was in sunglasses, you felt a small tingling feeling on your wrist. Ever since, you have a counter on your left wrist, it counts how much time passed since you met your soulmate. It was strange at first, like a tattoo that was always changing. It’s hard to get used to knowing that this is your own skin. It’s a part of your body that is changing to show you how long it has been since you became whole. It is endearing for sure, but that doesn’t make it any less unusual.

2 weeks 4 days 5 hours 8 minutes 34 seconds

Satoru is... different. He is certainly unique in a way that nobody else is in your life, he would be even without him being your soulmate. His whole personality is kind of bizarre, it’s like he’s living in a completely different world. His humour is absurd and he seems to have absolutely no dignity, yet he’s so arrogant at the same time. That being said, you appreciate it, you find him funny and entertaining no matter what he does. Guess there must be something in this soulmate thing, because you just click. He can make you laugh until you cry just by talking about nothing in particular.

And he does that a lot, he talks about nothing whenever the conversation isn’t about you, which most of the time it is. He has a way of making you talk or maybe you are just all too eager to share, either way you always end up going on and on about something in your life. Your family, your friends, your hobbies, your work, anything and everything. You are pretty sure that he knows way too much about you for someone you met a little more than two weeks ago. But that’s how it's supposed to be, isn’t it? He is your soulmate, he should know more about you than anyone else and you about him.

Well, the other way it’s complicated. Technically you know a lot about him, you know his favourite spice girl, his favourite kind of particle and you even know how long he can hold his breath underwater. All trivial things, but you know little to nothing about his life. His friends or family, the work he does or even the reason why he constantly wears those weird sunglasses. He is wealthy, that was more than obvious from the very start. His tailored clothes, pricey cologne and luxury car did nothing to hide it, yet he said that he’s a teacher in a religious private school of all things.

You don’t want to distrust him already, he might just inherited his fortune, but he also said that he’s away on work trips a lot, which a teacher wouldn’t do. Despite your gut feeling of something being fishy, you choose to trust him. You’ve known him for a few weeks and you don’t want to start off the relationship by accusing him of lying. And even if he does lie he probably has a reason. You are his soulmate yes, but still a complete stranger right now.

1 month 2 weeks 5 days 11 hours 14 minutes 17 seconds

Satoru is lovely, he really is. He looks handsome in his suit as he walks around to open the door for you like a gentleman. You know he isn’t even close to being one, but you appreciate the effort. He decided to take you out to an expensive restaurant to celebrate him coming back from a trip overseas. He even got you some more formal clothes for the occasion. You honestly couldn’t wait for him to come home, so this invitation made your whole week. As little as you still know about him as a person, he undeniably has a piece of your heart already. Even with his cocky attitude and unmatchable arrogance, he is as charming as it gets.

“I know I said it before but you look amazing, Angel.” He smiles when you get out of the car. “If you doubt me you can ask the gentleman across. He’s been staring at you for a while,” Satoru adds when he pulls you closer by the waist. His smile is more wolfish now, and you know he thrives off of being envied. That’s exactly why you made sure to clean up this well, even if he doesn’t need another ego boost, you want to do this for him.

“You can’t blame him for having a good taste, now can you?” You bicker back while you flash a smile at your admirer. God, this man is starting to rub off on you. He always makes you feel so empowered. Whenever you’re with him you feel like nobody can touch you; it’s a strange feeling, maybe it’s because of his attitude or evident wealth and in turn influence, but you can’t pinpoint one reason. Thankfully, you’re still way more down to earth than your companion, and everyone should absolutely be more grateful for that. The world would be on fire if you created as much chaos as your soulmate.

“Wine or champagne?” Your companion offers when you get seated on the top floor. The restaurant has the most amazing view of the cityscape, that coupled with the slightly dim lighting made the atmosphere flirty and romantic. You certainly feel like Gojo chose this restaurant for a reason.

“Champagne. We’re celebrating, aren’t we?” you suggest without any kind of shyness. You’re finally financially stable and you’re going to enjoy it. When you look into his eyes you can almost see the hearts. It really seems like Gojo Satoru loves bold people. And spending money...

1 month 2 weeks 5 days 13 hours 25 minutes 21 seconds

“Jeez Toru, there are still people around,” you chuckle when you see how he looks at you. The light blue of his eyes contrasts the deep dark of the sky, but right now you swear that you can see the stars shine in them. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking but your future as well – one big adventure as you grow old together. He laughs with you but he doesn’t stop staring – to be completely honest you weren’t expecting him to. This man has never once in his life cared about decency, and you don’t need more than a month to know that.

When you finally get to the car he opens the back door and gently pushes you in. You don’t resist it: you hop in, you move even further to let Gojo get in as well. He really doesn’t care how obvious you are with this. Everyone in the parking lot must think that you are acting like horny teenagers and being wildly inappropriate. And they would be right, you are doing both of those things. Is this any of their business though? If you aren’t disturbing the peace then they can’t really say anything, can they?

Without a second of hesitation he pulls you to straddle him once the door is closed. His hands run up your side and then pull you even closer. He kisses you and you can still taste the sweetness of the dessert on him. He always manages to catch you off guard. You expect him to kiss you like a man starved but he doesn’t. It’s slow, contrary to the rush he was in to get here. He takes his time, and you feel so alive your heart all but aches.

3 months 1 week 3 days 4 hours 21 minutes 10 seconds

“Where are we going this time, Satoru?” you ask with a smile as you put your bag on the back seat of his SUV. He came to pick you for another one of your drives around the country, where you end up completely lost.

“Are you ready for the adventure of your life?” His smile is suspiciously wide while he looks at you. What does he have up his sleeve this time? You start to feel giddy, his sweet attitude can make you forget anything, especially your bad mood and doubt in him.

“Aye aye, Captain. Just give me the keys.” You giggle as you hold out your hand for them.

“What? Why? Wanna drive, Baby?” He looks genuinely surprised as he peeks at you above his sunglasses. ‘Jeez, his eyes are so pretty’– you think as you get completely lost in them. After a long second you snap out of it, this is exactly the problem: he can even distract you in the middle of a conversation. You shake your head a little as if you were trying to clear it and go back to the topic at hand. Thankfully, Gojo chooses to ignore your little technical break.

“Yes, after the last time I don’t trust you with driving,” you smirk at him as you finally have something to tease him about too. Almost not stopping at a red light nonetheless, you can’t even fathom how you ended up distracting him enough to do that. You waited so long for revenge – he teased you when you tripped and almost fell in the cinema spilling some popcorn. Or when you didn’t notice a biker behind you and he had to pull you out of the way. Or one of the many other times you did anything remotely clumsy.

“You’re so mean,” he pouts like a little kid, but he complies. He tosses you the keys, and you try to catch them, but instead you stumble and promptly drop them. You look at the damn keys with disbelief and you both laugh as you shamefully pick them up from the ground. You swear that Satoru did this on purpose while you look at the words on his keychain.

“‘Fuck the patriarchy’, eh? Funny and not bigoted? I really hit the jackpot, didn’t I?” you muse as you open the door and get in. Oh lord, this man drives like this? A meter from the steering wheel?

“Well, I won’t deny the obvious,” he winks at you as he watches you set the mirror from the passenger seat. You did it now, didn’t you? You have to pay full attention to the road while this handsome clown does whatever he wants. Which will probably be annoying you, he has a bad habit of doing that. Despite, you can’t be mad at him at all, he is just too cute for that.

7 months 0 weeks 5 days 1 hour 4 minutes 45 seconds

The first thing you feel is a pair of chapped lips on cheeks, and as your eyes sleepily flutter open, the first thing you see is your boyfriend’s face. The white haired man is leaning over you leaving soft kisses on your face to wake you up. You are certainly a lot happier starting your morning like this than getting tickled awake like the last time.

“Good morning, Gorgeous,” he hums as he drags his, for once, warm hand along your side. From the top of your ribcage to the side of your hips, where it settles only for his thumbs to draw little patterns on the front of your hips. His touch is familiar, it became familiar through all those days and nights you spent together. Yet waking up in his house, not yours or not in a hotel, was new.

He always made you feel like your relationship was an affair – he didn’t introduce you to any of his friends or family and he never took you home. Of course, you thought he had a spouse or partner already, Occam’s razor exists for a reason. Being soulmates isn’t inherently romantic, he could have a whole family with a spouse he doesn’t want to leave for all you know.

Last night however, he took you home, to his home, not to a fancy hotel like he usually does when you are on a trip. A penthouse at the top floor with a view, it is as flashy as you expected from Gojo Satoru. It’s definitely not the kind of house where kids would be running around. Rather, it’s a typical man cave – you can’t really see a lot of signs of anyone living here, especially not two or more people. You still have some doubts about the whole thing, but you’re just happy you’re making progress. This gives you hope, maybe if you give him time he will let you in.

“When you wake me up like this, how could it not be a good morning?” you chuckle sleepily before he has the chance to shut you up with a kiss, which he does right after you finish your sentence. You stroke his messy hair, as if you were trying to flatten the cowlick on the top of his head.

“Someone woke up on the right side of the bed, didn’t they?” He references the “fight” you had last night. You both wanted the same side of the bed and he somehow lost. He flops down pulling you on top of him with a charming smile. His hands shift from your hips to the side of your thighs, they never stop even for a second.

“I fought for this side, so you bet I’m going to enjoy it. It’s a lot comfier knowing that I earned it,” you murmur into his chest. Gojo can try all he wants; he won't be able to get you more energized this early. In fact it's the opposite, you're starting to blink longer and longer, with his arms around you and with the steady rhythm of his heartbeat you are half asleep already.

“Tired, Baby?” he coos in a low voice. Not even he has the heart to disturb you when you look so adorable clinging to him. He knows that you had a rough week with a lot of late nights. He hates seeing you tired or sad and at this point he would do almost anything for you. You brought a lot of sunshine to his life, the kind of light he doesn’t deserve. He feels like it’s so fragile, so easily breakable; he needs to keep you in the dark, he’s not willing to taint you too. In the end isn’t the dark where the light shines the brightest? He knows that you have doubts, rightfully so. And still he can’t bring himself to face the music, not yet, maybe not ever. Gojo Satoru can’t be honest with you but he can stay relatively still for another hour or two.

9 months 3 weeks 4 days 11 hours 57 minutes 11 seconds

“Sorry, Honey, I really can’t make it. I’m really busy.” You listen to him cancel on you the second time this week, both times about an hour before the meeting. You are glad that you would’ve stayed in your house to have dinner, because you honestly couldn’t take it if you had gotten ready for nothing. Well, not like you can take it this way, but the effect would be a lot worse. You look at the really nice dinner you made. You had a terrible week and this date with Satoru was supposed to make it better. The project you’ve been working on for months got called off a week before its launch. You spent so much time and energy on it, so many sleepless nights and it just got cut completely.

“This is the second time this week, Satoru. You could’ve warned me sooner at least, so I don’t spend my whole evening cooking for nothing.” You know he doesn't do it on purpose but that doesn’t make you feel any better.

“I’m sorry but you have a tasty dinner, isn’t that cool?” He tries to cheer you up absentmindedly.

“Yeah, I could’ve had instant ramen, it doesn’t take more than 10 minutes. And that way I wouldn’t have spent hours of my free time cooking something I don’t particularly like, because I wanted to make my terrible boyfriend happy,” you double down; you are upset and you won’t just let him hurt you again without saying anything.

“I’m sorry, Babe. I’ll make it up to you,” he promises but you have none of it. You don’t want another expensive gift, no amount of diamonds and luxury items can make this up. You especially don’t want him to guilt trip you into thinking you are the problem, making you feel like an unreasonably clingy partner.

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault. I know you don't want to cancel either,” you force yourself to give in, an argument is the last thing you need right now. You desperately hope that Gojo buys it because otherwise he will bother you about it until you can’t take it anymore.

“Yes, exactly, it's not my fault. You shouldn’t be mad at me,” he agrees with you and it takes all your willpower not to end the call right then and there.

“Bye, Satoru,” you force it out trying to keep up your peaceful façade, but honestly you just want to punch him right now.

“Hey, don’t go, I’m just kidding,” he tries to ‘reason’ with you, but you have heard enough of him for today.

“It’s okay you said that you’re busy and I don’t want to take up your time. We’ll talk later. Bye.”

You are just tired. You love your work, you really do, however that doesn’t make it less draining. Particularly with all this emotional stress on top of the weeks of pressure it makes you want to scream. Probably you just need a good night’s sleep, some chocolate and a good cry to let it all out.

You are almost tempted to call Satoru back and tell him to fuck off for canceling on you now. The only thing holding you back is the fact that you don’t want to tell him about the project failing. You want him to comfort you but you don’t feel like you can open up to him. You crave to share your feelings and your thoughts, yet the fact that he doesn’t do the same makes it uncomfortable to depend on him. He just feels inhumanly perfect, it’s making you deeply ashamed of your own failures.

It makes you feel like you are whiny and dramatic. Sure, you are an emotional person and you’ve always been, but you like to think that you are reasonable. Even if your emotional side has always been something that you have constantly been made to feel bad about. ‘You should just suck it up and deal with it.’ You tried. It doesn’t work. It only makes things worse, but you’ve been pushed to the point where you can’t cry in front of anyone without shame burning in your chest.

It’s better when you’re alone though, so you let it all out. The cold of the kitchen floor is slowly seeping through you until you become a shivering, sobbing mess. You wrap your arms around yourself trying to gather some warmth, but your embrace just isn’t enough to make you feel better. Quite the opposite. You are alone and suffering, just like you always are.

11 months 3 weeks 5 days 14 hours 23 minutes 44 seconds

“Is everything alright, Toru?” you ask as you walk with your partner hand in hand, a gesture so small, yet it makes your heart skip a beat. You’re even willing to forgive him for dragging you out this late. You rarely ever have these moments, as Satoru isn’t really willing to touch you in public. Well, it’s not like he deliberately avoids ever touching you, but he doesn’t do anything that could be taken as a sign that you two are close; not romantically, not platonically. Which is a huge switch from the way he acts in private, though this part isn’t all that surprising. Many people are uncomfortable with PDA, but not with simple affection behind closed doors.

The shocking part is that he doesn’t give an absolute damn about anyone. Gojo Satoru is not shy by any means. On the rare occasion when he does show affection in public he isn’t bothered at all. He isn’t uncomfortable with showing you love, that much is obvious – something else is up. You can’t help but be curious, he is hiding too many things in this relationship. You don’t want to know everything about him, you don’t need that kind of codependency. You just want some honesty, just anything to make your trust in him valid.

Right now there’s no mutual trust to build this relationship on. The foundation for it is your effort and the fact that you are soulmates. This all is just heartbreaking for you, a soulmate is supposed to make you feel significant. You are supposed to be soulmates because you are special to each other, not the other way around.

“Nothing, nothing. I just saw some squirrels in the trees. Actually, your shoelaces are untied. You should sit down on the bench and tie them!” he blurts out and starts to steer you towards the bench.

“And while you do that I’ll be right back.” He tries to dip but you grab his sleeve to stop him.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?! You show up at my house at almost midnight, you take me to a creepy ass park and you want to fucking leave me here with the worlds flimsiest public light as my only company?” You are at your wits’ end. You want to scream. Honestly another word from Gojo and you probably will.

“Yeah, what was I thinking? Let’s go home~” he says while he slaps his forehead like he just realized how weird it is. He then proceeds to grab you and, without any effort or strain, throws you over his shoulder.

“Have you completely lost it?! You better put me down, Satoru. I’m fucking serious, it’s not funny nor will it ever be. I’m not a sack of potatoes, you caveman.” you protest the treatment, but he just laughs. Which makes you even more mad, to the point where you are speechless.

“Don’t be so snappy~ I would love it if you carried me like this too, or in your arms like a princess. Yes we should do that sometimes.” His attempt at lightening the mood is futile, you are already fuming in silence, refusing to answer him. Your patience ran out completely, you are tired and you only said yes to this outing because it’s him. You know you shouldn’t take this so seriously, but this describes your relationship so painfully well. You are helpless while he does whatever he wants.

The short walk over to the car is just enough for it to settle in, he doesn’t care at all. He doesn’t care that you are angry and confused, he doesn't care you don’t find this amusing or enjoyable. At this point you are so far in your own head that you don't even question if a single blow of strong wind in the calm night is weird or out of place. Gojo is extremely thankful for this, and for the fact that you can’t hear the whimpering and screaming as the curse’s body twists in itself. Although the treeline is quite far he didn’t want you to go anywhere near a curse. He isn’t ready to open that particular can of worms.

When you get to the car and he puts you down, you don’t say a word, you don’t even look at him. You just wrap your arms around yourself to shield you from the chilly air of the night. Or at least you try to make it look like that’s the case, in reality you just try to hold it together, try to soothe yourself so your tears don’t spill. Everything over these past months just built up and the dam holding everything back has way too many cracks to not let it seep out.

You open the door and sit in the passenger seat, trying to get this over with so you can get home and have a proper cry alone. You don’t need soothing, you need to let this out or the whole thing will explode in both of your faces. Sadly, Satoru notices everything, especially if it's you. He puts his hands on your knees and turns you towards him – you are now sitting in the car with your legs hanging in the open door. The white haired man squats down to meet your glossy eyes as you stare intently at the ground.

“Baby? What’s wrong? Can you look at me?” he gently pleads with you, trying his very best not to break you. He fails, quite miserably might I add, as the tears start to roll down your face silently and you feel the shame accompany every single drop. So you hide your face in your hands. You refuse to let him see, you want to shut him out, he doesn’t deserve to see you vulnerable if he treats you like this.

“I didn’t want to make you cry, Love. I didn’t think it would upset you this much. Please forgive me,” he soothes you with the most amount of panic in his voice you’ve ever heard.

“No, you don’t understand and you never will. You don’t want to understand or put in the work to make this relationship function like it is supposed to. It’s not just about today, it’s about every single time when you forget that I’m a person with my own life and feelings and not a pretty little doll that exists for your entertainment,” you sob into your hands as his own caress your thighs trying to calm you.

“You can’t do this, you can’t toy with me like this. If you’re not willing to care about me or love me I just can’t continue anymore.” As you finish your sentence you break down completely, even the thought of breaking up puts you into a wild panic and your sobs become uncontrollable. Your words hit Satoru like a brick and he feels his heart drop. He knows it would be for the best but he just can’t let you go.

“Please don’t say that. I love you and I’ll try harder. It’s just hard, I don’t know how to let you in, but I want to, I swear I do.” Satoru begs, he would feel ashamed but the need to stop your sobs is way bigger than his pride. He has to keep you by his side, and he will do anything to stop you from leaving. You are positive that your ears are setting you up. Love? He loves you? He catches you so off guard that your sobs calm down a bit. You lower your hands from your face, to observe his with your puffy, red eyes, trying to find out if he really means it.

Satoru takes this opportunity to caress your cheeks with his hand wiping away the stray tears that still roam your face. His gaze is soft and careful, there’s a feeling in it, you just aren’t sure if it’s love. Despite that you choose to believe him, because you want to believe him.

“I love you too,” you answer as you rub your sore eyes. He stands up and pulls you along, only for him to sit down in your seat and with you in his lap. He gently makes you rest on his chest and embraces you. His hug is warm and secure, exactly what you need right now.

“How about we go home, put on a movie and cuddle? How does that sound, my love?” he hums tenderly. He slowly rocks back and forth waiting for you to completely cool down. Seems like this time he managed to get you to stay, but it’s only a matter of time before his words won’t be enough without actions.

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