Inspired by animentality.

Transcript:

Jens (Murph): Alright. Yeah, I guess I'll talk to you later or whatever. Just send us whatever we need from this one. I don't care-- Gex (Caldwell): Wait, I might die! Onyx (Emily): Tell him you got a text from me and I invited you on a-- (laughs) Jens: I got a text from Onyx and she invited me on a… you invited me on what? [Pause as Emily laughs] What did you invite me on? Onyx. [Emily continues to laugh.] What did you invite me on? Caldwell: What did you invite him on? Onyx, barely able to speak through laughter: A helicopter ride. [Caldwell laughs. Emily continues to laugh as the others talk.] Jens, deadpan: I just got a text from Onyx and she invited me on a helicopter ride. Nyack (Jake): Wow. Gex: Oooh! You're making it hard to be a chaste lizard out here! Nyack: Yeah, we can-- we can put in a good word for you if you want, you just have to say it. You just have to say "I like Onyx." Jens: Yeah, what are your-- what are your, I guess, thoughts on Onyx. Or whatever. Nyack: Not that she's interested in you, she's actually clearly not. Jens: Yeah. She's actually-- yeah. Nyack: She's not very available. You will have to-- you will have to beg. Caldwell: Um, Gex is gonna do a Charisma save. Onyx, do you wanna do a persuasion? Emily: (tearful from laughter) Yeah. [Dice roll] Oh my god. Um, that's 17+11. Murph: 28. Emily: I got a 28. [Caldwell laughs.] Murph: So hot. Gex: Well I guess-- Caldwell: You see, uh, Gex, still on this like, massive carphone, this like, massive 90's carphone, is thinking about it as, uh, Jerry Sheldonfeld and Cosmo Creldon talk to each other in the background. [Emotional piano.] Gex: You know I've just been… so hung up on trying to get back with Agent Xtra, I haven't really thought about it, but… I mean, I'm a well-to-do lizard. I'm-- I'm young, hung, and fulla tongue. And I feel like-- [Emily cackles.] Nyack: Oh my god. Murph: Jens hangs up. Jens hangs up. [Caldwell cackles.] Emily: Onyx-- Onyx squirts her skirt. [Murph and Caldwell cackle. Emily and Caldwell keep laughing in the background as the others continue.] Nyack: I'm sorry, the-- like, the-- that was-- Murph: Jens vomits into the TV. Just… Nyack: That was uncouth. That was foul. I-- I'm gonna be sick. Murph, laughing: Squirts? Into her skirt? Nyack: Why did he say that? Murph, laughing: What the fuck? [Pause, as everyone laughs] What the? Caldwell: I'm-- I'm drooling. Nyack: Like two seconds ago he wasn't over his ex? Caldwell: Onyx, he saw something in that moment. Murph: Jens dives into a random TV. [Caldwell: Okay.] And I truly mean a random one. Literally whatever one is next to us.

you are (the sky)

The cosmos is within us. We are made of star-stuff. We are a way for the universe to know itself.

so1987 on tumblr // detail on De sterrennacht (Starry Night) // Goose House, Hikarunara // Milky Way // Jacqueline Woodson, Brown Girl Dreaming // Karla Irby // Nebra Sky Disk // Martin Rees // carpediim on tumblr //  Alexei Leonov //  James Webb // E. E. Cummings, [i carry your heart with me(i carry it in] // Sylvia Plath // Carl Sagan // starboydwt on tumblr

@yeonban said: "i won't leave you. not now, not ever." + "no matter what happens, i will always love you." / Soma to Seiroku :') could be set anytime, really - before he finds out about Seiroku's identity OR afterwards

  It feels like dying all over again. Seiroku stares at Soma in muted silence as a wave of enouement sweeps over him and crashes down with devastating force. He would have loved those words when he was younger, when he hadn’t yet lost his heart to this world. He does love those words even now. But it also feels like shards of glass under his skin, in his lungs, creating tears with every breath. It would be so much easier if Soma hated him. It would be easier if he cursed everything he was, if he wanted to kill him here and now. And Seiroku…He would let him without even lifting a finger to stop or escape.  

   His shoulders slump, yet there’s a knowing look of affection that lurks in deep blue eyes when he stares at Soma with a subtle, pained smile. He needs to speak, but everything feels trapped in his throat. If he speaks, he’s afraid he’ll break and never be able to put himself back together again. His anger will ground him like it has all these other decades, and this version of him, the Seiroku that could have been, will be murdered a second time by his own hands.  Gentle things just weren’t made for this world. He can’t disobey even if he wanted to. He can’t run. He’ll have to kill his own dreams and hopes because that’s all he can do.  

  Seiroku turns his head away, his gaze sweeping over the peaceful Date Castle, lanterns casting a warm glow in the dark night. It isn’t the first time he’s wondered what would have happened if he’d had the chance to be in a clan like this before he became something hungry for blood and death. But, without everything that had happened, he wouldn’t have met Soma. His fingers unconsciously raise to ghost over the cold metal around his throat that ensures his obedience. 

   “ I – “ It’s so strange to hear his own voice wobble and crack. “ I really did want to, you know. “ He smiles even his hands fold across his abdomen, burying into the fabric of the haori. Everything is beautiful tonight, beams of moonlight giving everything an almost fantastical glamour to it.  “ Marry you, help the band. I loved it. “ His head falls slightly, and it’s only then that he realizes he’s crying. Silently, but there is no deny the tears that fall as comets in the night sky, doomed to become meteorites that crash and burn. 

   He wipes at his tears with the sleeves, trying to swallow everything that threatens to escape when he looks towards Soma with a smile despite tearstained cheeks.  “  I had a feeling you’d say that.  “  Deep down, despite the fear, he had suspected Soma would still speak of loving him even if it would be easier on them both if Soma hated him. “ I’m sorry, Soma. “ His breathing stutters, trips over itself as he tries to keep his composure.  “ I got selfish. I really was originally just here to spy on the Date. But…somewhere it began falling apart. I enjoyed it, got attached. To you, to the medical team, to the band as a whole. It was everything I’d ever wanted since I was little. It felt like a dream come to life. “  One that was real, not a delusion of the black kishin. One he could have, if he wasn’t who and what he was. 

   The wind surges, sending his hair lashing in its wake as he gazes at Soma in silence for a few seconds that feel like eternity. Then he steps forward, lifting a hand to gently press against Soma’s cheek. It feels selfish when he stands on his toes to press a chaste kiss to Soma’s lips, lingering close enough he can still feel the warmth of each breath. Selfish to indulge in the last warmth he might get. Selfish, selfish, selfish. As if he hasn’t already been greedy enough – not for material goods, but for Soma’s love, for the warmth he found in the Date band. 

   “ Soma, “ Seiroku starts, barely audible, “ This me will always be yours. Only yours. And I will always love you. “ His thumb soothes over Soma’s cheek before his hand falls to his side and he leans shrinks back onto his feet, leaning away.  “  I’m sorry. If you’re unlucky, you’re going to see a very ugly side of me in the future. The product of hatred. “ He sighs, eyes closed. “ I’m not going to be the one after you. I won’t hurt you or any of the Date. “ He can’t. He can’t bring himself to even consider it. But it’s unlikely he would be chosen to go against them anyways when other members of the Obsidian Eight were better suited to go against the Date. Any of them could go for any band, but it was better to play to strengths regardless. 

   He’s quiet for a moment, staring at Soma and then the sky.  “ But I have one last gift for you. “ He backs away till he’s a few feet away.  “  There’s only one way to kill me. This will only apply specifically to me, a promise I can keep even with this wretched collar. “ Seiroku takes a breath while he lowers the left side of the robes enough to see part of his chest. That’s when he pulls out a small scalpel he’d swiped from the medical tent, and makes a shallow, clean x over where the black crystal resided in his chest. If it hurts, Seiroku gives no indication of it even as red gems form over the mark. It won’t matter – in a few minutes it will be healed. But the purpose will be achieved. Soma remembers everything ; seeing the exact spot means Soma will remember it.  

   “ If it comes down to it, you have to stab me right here. “  Seiroku taps the center of the x.  “ You or if you entrust the task to someone else – that is your call. “ The other dogs will move their crystals thus rendering his information not particularly useful with the caveat of saying it only applies to him but not elaborating why. “ My last gift is my life. I don’t think there’s a way I’ll ever be able to top that. “ He offers a weak laugh, one that’s a little broken, a little despairing. As if there’d be a chance to get him any other gift in the future. 

   His hands fall to his sides, empty as he feels while he hangs his head and watches the grass move in the breeze. It looks so peaceful compared to the chaos in his head and heart.  “ . . . “ He inhales as if to speak but says nothing right away. “ I don’t want it to look like you were fooled or for it to reflect badly on you. “ If Seiroku just slips away, that’d be exactly what it looks like, even moreso when his reveal happens. “ I can stage a scene for when I go for my usual herbs gathering, make it look like an ambush. Then you’ll be free from everything. “  Tomorrow, making this their last night. 

    “ I just…”  He falters for the umpteenth time this evening.  “  I want you to always remember this version of me. Me at my best, because I had you. “ 

You guys rlly don't realise how much knowledge is still not committed to the internet. I find books all the time with stuff that is impossible to find through a search engine- most people do not put their magnum opus research online for free and the more niche a skill is the less likely you are to have people who will leak those books online. (Nevermind all the books written prior to the internet that have knowledge that is not considered "relevant" enough to digitise).

Whenever people say that we r growing up with all the world's knowledge at our fingertips...it's not necessarily true. Is the amount of knowledge online potentially infinite? Yes. Is it all knowledge? No. You will be surprised at the niche things you can discover at a local archive or library.

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

Don’t mind me just missing Brensen from The Rookie Feds 😭

A h-heartfelt reunion..?

Bonus

need to share an experience i had 30 minutes ago

(edit: thanks to @walks-the-ages for providing and reminding me to put alt text, sorry it slips my mind alot lol)

oh my god do not click links in emails that tell you to verify your data or your bank account gets locked or click links in messages telling you your safety protocol is ending, like, tomorrow, you will get SCAMMED SO BAD AND YOU WILL LOSE A LOT OF FUCKING MONEY never ever let anyone pressure you into giving away login information especially to your online banking by creating a sense of urgency oh my GOD

some things to look out for

1. spelling mistakes. do you know how many rounds of marketing and sales experts these things go through? if theres a spelling mistake dont click it

2. not using your name. if an email adresses you with "dear customer" or, even worse, a generic "ladies and gentlemen", it is most likely not actually targeted to you

3. verifying or login links. even IF your bank was stupid enough to send these to customers, dont EVER click those. look at me. they can legally argue that youve given your data away and thus they dont have to pay you anything back DONT CLICK THAT FUCKING LINK

4. creating a sense of urgency. do this or we lock your account next week. do this or your ebanking stops working tomorrow. give us all your money in cash or your beloved granddaughter will get HANGED FOR MURDERING BABIES. no serious organisation would ever do something like that over email or sms. ever. hands off.

5. ALWAYS CHECK WHO SENT YOU THE EMAIL. the display name and the email adress can vary a LOT. anyone can check the display name. look at the email adress. does it look weird? call the fucking place it says its from. you will likely hear a very weary sigh.

6. if its in a phonecall, scammers love preventing you from hanging up or talking to other people to have a little bit of a think about whats happening. there should always be a possibility to go hey i wanna think about this ill call back the official number thanks.

7. do not, i repeat, do NOT a) call a phone number flashing on your screen promising to rid your computer of viruses after clicking a dodgy link and b) let them install shit on your computer like. uh. idk. teamviewer.

7.i. TEAM VIEWER LETS PEOPLE USE YOUR COMPUTER HOWEVER THEY WANT AS LONG AS THEYRE CONNECTED. IF YOU DONT KNOW FOR FUCKING SURE YOURE TALKING TO ACTUAL TECH SUPPORT DONT GIVE ANYONE ACCESS TO YOUR COMPUTER.

fun little addendum: did you know a link can just automatically download shit? like. a virus? an app you can't uninstall unless you reset your entire device? dont click links unless youre extremely sure you know where they lead. hover your mouse over it and check the url.

thanks.

Photos under the cut

When your dad talks to you about poetry.

Birds of a Feather previous / next

merry ineffable christmas ❤️

Apparently much-needed reminder that reposting artists' art (by saving the images or screenshotting them and reuploading them yourself) on other platforms without the artists' expressed permission and without credit is theft and an insult to their passion and craft. You are profiting (in views, in attention, in feedback) from someone else's work and ideas, who do not get that feedback for sharing their creation.

If you are an art reposter, you are a thief and I have no respect for you.