#you have to deal with me for a few hours
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Idk if this has been talked about before but...I just thought of Qiu being the type to leave you little notes with words of affirmation and like,, they'd sneak the note into your bag (or pockets if your outfit has any) for you to find later 😭💖💖
#our life#our life now and forever#qiu lin#our life qiu#💌.aimless arrow#@ my mutuals: i'm going to sleep now dw you won't have to deal with anymore thoughts for a few hours 💖#this also stems from the fact that i want someone who'll do this to me 💔💔
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hey will be off tumblr for the rest of the week - things are Happening again and my head feels ready to explode.........would really appreciate prayer again. I'm constantly feeling like I'm on the brink of something (I don't KNOW what) terrible and I need to figure things out without before my body really DOES decide to shut down from the stress and the strange depressive dread that has been very difficult to shake this month. I would like to not feel like crying or throwing up at certain points in the day and also would like to not be so exhausted in the heart and mind area so that I can actually deal with these things. Especially since finals are looming ahead
#wish i had my support network but what with all my friends being so busy#with school work engagements marriage pregnancies housing issues#and my priests both up to their ears in work and all my older sister figures#having issues and more important things to deal with and my family being one of the sources of high stress#i dont have anyone to talk to or go to at the moment#so i need to figure that out before i have another health crisis because my body's starting to give up on me#(again)#on top of that there needs to be planning in place for the summer and next fall and graduation#i just want to stick my head in the ground like an ostrich and stay there!!!! instead of wading through this mess during midterm season#and having to start finals the WEEK after midterms end#complaining again sorry#i am so tired and trying to be cheerful/distracting myself only lasts a few hours#im trying. i promise im trying. but the world seems rather bleak right now#and it is very hard not to feel so very alone#anyway i love you all and i'll see you soon
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Obligatory: i am still very delicate. be gentle with me.
#had an actually very traumatizing experience a few days ago and am still having mini breakdowns every few hours when my brain gets too quiet#it was a planned and known experience so i’m Okay. i knew it was going to happen#but that didn’t make dealing with it any easier at the end of the day#kinda feel like i’m never gonna be the same and it’s fucking me up#but it’s OKAY#it’s fine#i’m getting through it - i’m just mildly unstable at the moment#i slept for ten hours yesterday and i feel like i could do it again#so just please be nice to me#not that y’all aren’t - you’re so nice and i love you#just letting y’all know in case i seem a little funny or smth
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hi Princess
i hope you are doing well
please tell us a little about your new job with the doggies!
#here are a few pictures from today 🥰🫶#I have SO many pictures now it’s crazy#I should probably go through them cause I’m sure a lot of them are blurry but some are gems I must say#my favorite parts are probably when my yard is quiet and calm for a little bit (usually at night) and I sit down#and usually a bunch of them come rushing over to sit next to me#I can’t tell you how much I love it when a puppy lays on me or sits on my lap#it’s the best 🥰#there are definitely a few challenges to the job but I’m sure I’ll be able to deal#the hard part is it doesn’t give me enough hours and I don’t think it’ll be enough $$ either#so I’m gonna have to find another job which really really sucks#I’m already so exhausted with this one idk how I’m gonna juggle another one on top of it#but I need to figure out a way to get my own car and move out of my parents place#I love my parents so much but why can’t they just let me be me?#my friend literally said it sounds like they’re putting me on a leash and that’s EXACTLY what it feels like#not gonna get into it but it’s been rough lately#life hasn’t been the best so I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet lately#haven’t replied to anyone in awhile#but thankfully work has been good and I’ve been able to meet some amazing angels 🫶🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️#I just wish it paid better#also gotta figure out a way to wear my headset so it doesn’t trigger my migraines cause that’s been a struggle#really really REALLY hope one day I’m able to get my own puppy but at least for now I get to take care of other dogs 🥰🥰🥰🥰#ask#thanks for asking 🫶
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#it’s weird seeing how i deal with grief alone#i’ve never been alone on this day. i’ve always been with my family#and i don’t have anyone there to walk me through the motions#i’m not at the cemetery with them. i’m not talking about her with them. i’m not having dinner with them.#so i woke up and went straight into distracting myself#but i feel weird. because i know something happened on this day that still affects me#i feel very lost in thought but about nothing specific. just kinda dissociated#i just have that one song stuck in my head right now. for a few hours actually#hay nada mas difícil que vivir sin ti.#la gente pasa y pasa siempre tan igual.#la frío de mi cuerpo pregunta por ti. y no se donde estás.#it’s interesting how the death of someone close to you always stays with you#i saw her nearly every day for 16 years and then she was gone#six years later and i still don’t feel like myself today
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not sure if i'm going to queue a couple things tonight or not but either way i am squeezing michael at you all like a loud chew toy
#once again urge to post plotting call vs will not follow up in a timely manner#i've been trying to get myself to work for a few hours now and i keep hitting mental walls so i think i'm just gonna call it#if i'm not gonna do it anyway . better to take the time to let myself relax than sit here annoyed KDSFJHDFS#you guys are just gonna have to deal with so much complaining from me in the next two weeks sorry#⁂ ･ﾟ: i was looking for a job‚ and then i found a job‚ and heaven knows i’m miserable now ➛ ooc
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Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 9: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression
(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)
Yesterday's poll helped The Adventurer build his raft...
"After two hours of fumbling about with tangled rope and tree branches, he's finally produced something that at least.. mostly, looks like a normal raft. He attaches a few extra flowers for decoration, loops his cat into a makeshift safety harness (so they can't get lost in the water), then gives everything one last check before deciding it's all ready to go, nervously pushing off into the river...
Surprisingly, it floats just fine. As long as he doesn't make any sudden movements, the raft doesn't threaten to flip over, or even wobble nearly as much as he expected. There's no way to really steer or paddle, but he does have a large stick he occasionally uses to push himself away from rocks or other obstacles. Luckily, the current is very slow at this section of the river, and hopefully will remain so for his entire trip.
Just lazily floating around, he estimates he should travel about 4 hours to fully get past the blocked road and end up at the next area on his map. Though the raft is too small (and too lumpy) to comfortably lay on, he can still recline slightly, bathing in the near afternoon sun, watching the scenery slowly drift by....
About 30 minutes into his first ever sailing adventure, he feels the water shift as a larger boat comes near. He can't see it clearly yet, but it seems to be nice - polished wood with painted sections and little flags draped along the sides, presumably some sort of actual steering and propelling mechanisms, and about 10 people lounging on the surface, maybe having some sort of party..? It's been very quiet so far, these are the first other travelers he's seen in the entire area today... Should he attempt to make contact with them? "
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Additional details -
Boat Make-up : Based on the results of the last poll (where people helped him make a boat by choosing the amount of materials) -- With 30% branches and 21% rope, there's only a 9% difference between them, so both are in pretty close amounts, which means there's a TON of rope. (normal ratio would be like 65% wood and 10% rope lol). I probably should have even added more, but it's so visually busy, just pretend there's extra rope wrapped under the boat too.
30% branch and 15% fabric means there's about half as much fabric as there is wood, which is also A LOT for just a little side decoration, so I made the flag huge, and a square of fabric for the cat to sit on. 10% berries means that there's enough ink for 1/3 of the wood to be entirely covered in purple designs. The least amount was the twigs and leaves for padding, which would cover a little under 1/3 of the wood (laid on top). then a little over 1/3 of the space is flowers for decor, which are just kind of sitting in a pile on top, with a few actually tied down onto the flag or other areas.
Since the branches were pretty close in percentage to all other things (not like 80% branches and 20% all other materials), the raft is fairly small, as not much wood was used.
main goal: follow his map to reach the abandoned castle ruins and see the rare animal specialist about the mysterious egg he has
#paventure posting#polls#choose your own adventure#hghnhh... yes.. this is very late lol#I'm trying for every other day at least if not daily but.. you know lol.. Life#It snowed here which like YEAAAAAAA my favorite weather ever!! but it's also always annoying because of transportation#I hate how car-centric america is and how it's no necessary to drive to get places#I loooooove the snow so much but I also hate driving in it or anyone I know or any of my roomates or anything having to drive#in it. because the day after it snows everything always freezes into a flat sheet of ice at night and nobody can drive on it#because this area is not used to it and it's very hilly so then it just ends up being A Thing where everyone gets stranded on the#road side or cant make it up a hill and people are just out there sliding around anyway risking their lives#because everyting is always like a 20-30 minute drive away and most poeple cant just walk to their work or the market#and the public transport system is not robust or reliable enough to get them around instead.#which lukcily I dont have to deal with too much but every time it gets really snowy and icy I still get nervous and unfocused and#distracted by the threat of the possibility of me or my roomates having to go somewhere lol#and then also I'm busy outside because I spend time in the snow on and off through the day so I get distracted by that too#I've probably walked an hour a day or more the past few days just because I HAVE to go out and be in the snow#I love the feeling when it's like 26 degrees outside and it's windy and yersterday's snow is like blowing everywhere in little clouds#and there's like ice on your face and you can just plop down into a pile of snow and lay on your back looking up at the sky#Which I do try to be careful but I probably will stil lget frostbite at some point in my life. I take it seriously and try to bundle up but#I cannot resist just being out in the cold. If not for the aspect of trasnportation woes and the occasional power outage it would#be paradise. I think because I'm so warm natured I just feel less sick. less achey. less dizzy and weird when I'm cold#Whatever health things I have going on with me it seems to help them. And is just beautiful and perfect#ANYWAY.. I finally focused enough to get one of these done. I'm still trying to work on other things and ease back into a normal#schedule if I ever can.. be productive for once. The past month or two has been so weird and hard to accomplish things because I just#keep having physical issue flare ups or schedule disruptions or etc. hhrghghh#but here he is! on his boat! Still trying to get to the Innkeeper's brother's abandoned castle ruins lol. but it was mentioned#it'll be a long journey. he probably has to make it a few more days before he's close to there (if he even makes it there)#It's all part of the journey!
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it's actually evil that you need to have a (newer) smartphone and an app to confirm the transaction every time you want to transfer money
for many, many reasons, but mostly because it's one more thing I need to keep figuring out for my mother and I don't want to!
#first I had to add her account to my app and deal with that for six months because her phone was too old for the app#then I gave her my phone when I got a new one (the fact that she needed one for that was a big factor in me buying a new one)#and had to set all of that up.#and now. she keeps having problems with it!! and she doesn't understand my instructions on the phone!! so I have to drive over there to fix#whatever she did#which right now only takes 30 minutes if I'm lucky (depends on how annoying she wants to be that day)#but once we move it'll be an hour of driving alone. plus the time I'll have to spend at her place.#so yeah I'm pissed off about it#the TAN generator things that you put your bank card in worked perfectly fine but noooo everyone has a smartphone right 🙄🙄🙄#fucking hate that shit#especially since the tiny branch of her bank in her village closed a few years ago. so yeah either you have a smartphone and someone to help#you set that up and solve any issues. or you have a car to drive to the nearest bank and do it that way.#this sucks#personal
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It's sounds insane when I tell it as it is: Really we were just two deeply ill people in terrible circumstances surviving and torturing each other and I got better and they didn't, but they showed me that they wanted to, they really want it, and they are more than capable. So they don't get to give up and I will be a total nightmare if it motivates them to stop thinking they can't escape being a person they hate.
#im like a gym bro screaming one more rep but for trauma recovery#i cannot explain this to anyone because i get looked at like i'm grew a second head#dropping contact is simply not the only option#anyways they signed up for a new round of therapy after spamming me and getting ignored for a few hours#(cause i have a life)#and then getting (an admittedly sarcastic) are you okay reply#like wow i was not gonna deal with that!! good for you though! like really!!#edil vents
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I'm curious, if you're currently a student, are you back in school now?
#it can be so different depending on the country and the kind of school it is and so on#thinking about it rn because I just got home from helping out my sibling a bit#cleaning + make them food#because they are currently working on a summer exam#texted me a few hours ago because their adhd couldn't let them concentrate in the state their apartment was in#so instead of them doing that when they should be studying#we have this deal that they'll call me and I'll come take care of it so that they can focus#plus i prep them much for yummy meals and snacks then they sad stuff they have time to make#so yeah#how are you all doing?#(really wish I could give you all a beginning of the school year hug of encouragement ♡ )#lea speaks
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Did I ever complain abt that publicly idk anyways I need to get to the big city (2h to and 2h back, not much for the states but sure for me) and next to not wanting to bc cold, they gonna stab bc blood test and my body hates making that easy to locate (dif place but I will never forget the time I got stabbed like three times and still no blood so new appointment had to be made, I have a fear of needles otherwise it would be whatev), and even more risky bc gatherings were recently do I prob hate the most that like. I'm hungry.
I'm hungry and I suck at eating enough so I often go out w not much in my stomach. I survive but it sucks really bad that I can't either buy smth once I arrive to eat on the way back or pack smth to like eat on the journey bc no-one wears a mask and the virus stays rampant so I can't take my mask off until I'm back home. At the inbetween stop I maybe could but I rather won't risk anything. Esp in winter I could bring smth warm to drink w me at least but I rather don't in the crowd I gotta walk through. Least people are when I'm only a few mins away from home and at that point I can always just wait a bit longer.
Tbh I dread going outside and limit it to only shopping and appointments bc even if I could walk here prob somewhere without many people do I rather just stay indoors and try to limit irl reminders of how many people can't be bothered to care bc that just nosedives my mental health. It doesn't help that I still try to nudge my irl friends to care more.
#a wild lux appears#I also feel stuck in am I ablebodied or disabled limbo reg physical. On record I only got vitamin deficiencies#Ik my body is weak but that could be due to things that change if I took more care and the right stuff#Idk idk my state feels like it changes biweekly or smth#I just know I relate to some things#And also that it sucks since it started having to wonder if covid or the usual bc some stuff do I have since forever randomly#Idk idk I just woke up from a few hours nap I need to slowly get ready. Why can't the train strike start today already#(I also know that when I'm already done going to the city where I just sit could I not deal w going to a strike or smth next to anxiety#making me feel like passing out n maybe actually happening. I leave that to the people that can actually handle that)#Anyways need to get ready now hn#I will complain the whole time but I need to go. Hnnnnn#I just need to think abt the refill that I can't get otherwise. And then the next appointment is anyways only in 3-6 months again#Plus I got another one tomorrow morning so today will force me to fix the schedule enough so tomorrow won't suck#Bc otherwise I would just pass out fully now but like that at prob like. 18-19 then. Hn.#Hate the cold bc layers hate the heat bc I could pasd out you can't win w my body#At this point I just use the tags to stall I'm really off now to get ready OTL
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hi everybunny!! ૮꒰ྀི ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ꒱ྀིა its a new day!! time to make some new memories & enjoy some positive energy!! here i am sendin sm to you!! ଘ(੭ˊ꒳ˋ)੭✧ have the best weds ever bbys!! <33
#i decided to…splurge a lil & get myself my dream handbag ૮꒰ྀི ∩៸៸៸∩ ꒱ྀིა & IT COMES IN THE MAIL TODAAAYYY!!!#i got a SUPER great deal on it too!!! im literally gonna use it EVERYDAY I SWEAR!!!! im so excited!!! :3#i work hard!! i deserve a lil smth nice!! & i like bein able to treat myself & others so im always givin lil gifties!!! ໒꒰ྀི∩˃ ᵕ ˂∩꒱ྀི১#i have a loooong day ahead of me at work today! im goin in a few hours early to make that extra coin ꒰ ˃̶̤́ ꒳ ˂̶̤̀ ꒱ hehee!!!#im stoppin by w your faves to bring you your fave mornin snack!! :3 & a hot cup of tea!!! have a great weds <333#ᕱ⑅ᕱ.* journals!
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hey guys :)
#MY EXAMS AR EOVER HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII#IT WENT AWFULLY AND I LITERALLY LEFT EARLY BC I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA BE SICK LMFAOOOO#I WASNT WHICH WAS ACTUALLY EVEN MORE ANNOYING#i was like looking in the bathroom mirror like 'you did this for what? nothing?'#and then a random girl i have LITERALLY never met before goes 'hey how did you find the econ exam?'#so either i am more memorable than i think or she is just very bravely assuming everyone on campus sat the macro exam#either way she was super nice and we both immediately bonded over how awful it was lmao#i think ive at least passed though which is all i wanted#and me and my mates got celebratory maccies and my one friend played rizzle kicks the whole time bc she knows i love them#im now having a 3 hour nap to prepare for later#or at least i would be if maintenance weren't choosing EXAM SEASON to drill off all of the fucking doors#im prepared to get absolutely mangled tonight like properly obliterated#not blackout bc i hate being blackout (who LIKES being blackout? baffles me)#but i still deserve to reach ungodly levels of intoxicated#STUDENT NIGHT WEDNESDAYS IVE MISSED YOU BABYGIRL#THREE MONTHS OF SUMMER HERE I COME#hella goes to uni#also like ty guys for dealing with me lmao? ive felt really annoying and negative these past few months#bc exams just Get Me Down and you guys have just been really helpful even if you dont realise#like even humouring me and sending me a shit ton of econ questions idk it's just really nice and it means a lot#yuck it up whatever moving ON i am HOT and FUNNY and definitelygoingtohavetoretakeatleastoneexam and HOT
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#so because i hate myself obviously i decided to finally finish naruto. after all those years. it was time#and damn you guys. and here i mean you guys who love this show. i would like to ask you how#i skipped all the filler eps for my own sanity (thank you anime filler list i owe you several hours of my life)#i have seen the first 250eps or so when it was still freshly coming out all those *checks watch* eleven years ago. wow. horrifying.#so it only took me like 3 days since i also kept skipping all the flashback scenes. some of which i have seen at least 20 times#im not even joking. 20 times. the exact same scenes. within 100-200 eps. why and also fuck you#anyways#i have just a few more to go but i know how it ends anyways so its just a formality now but like. i have just one teeny tiny question#why the fuck. is sasuke evil again#for the ten thousandth time#yo fans of naruto. completely seriously how do you deal with this shit#i dont hate the show. it has been a huge formative anime of my childhood/adolescence. my entrance to fandom#my reason to learn english and also japanese#my reason to start drawing and writing and creating and so on and so forth#but my fucking dudes. the story writing of the show is so shit#the show couldve ended at ep 340 or so. for what reason were there fifty different plot twists#i swear no one was amazed anymore. there were no plot holes to fill i promise you. why would you keep snowballing more#''secret evil plots'' and ''actually even stronger eviler more god-like creature that wants to end humanity for whatever reason''#this is like number one rule of good story telling. you cannot keep telling the reader actually this was all someone else's evil plan#and then keep going with the ''actually'' three more times#im so annoyed because regardless of how bad the quality of the show always was and how mediocre some of the characters were#*cough* all the women ones *cough*#i still loved the show. if nothing else for nostalgia sake#but sasuke turning evil for the nth time like 10 eps before the show ends really makes me want to throw hands#to quote my real life friend chidi anagonye: the dot above the 'i' broke me. sasuke being evil again for one last plot twist did it#his character is so empty what the hell. i cant even say that his actions are out of character bc i dont think he even has any#also now that i started shitting at the show. whats with all those bible references. why?? for what reason???? stop?#i get izanagi and izanami and a literal ep called sengoku jidai but my dude. cant you just do one?#(if i see obito's tragic backstory flashback one more fucjing time i will lose it i swear on this. or worse - turn evil!)#also if anyone of you read this whole rant im sorry but also this ones on you <3
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sorry i needed to vent somewhere and ended up explaining my life 😮💨
#why am i like this bro?#my bday is in a few days but i don't feel excited about it#i didn't even feel like doing anyhing especial this year and i was so close to not celebrate it#but my mom and my bestie convinced me because “you're turning 18. isn't that exciting”#and also because “most of your friends will move to other places because of uni so you don't know when/if you'll see all of them again”#the thing is they convinced me to celebrate with my friends and close family#nothing too special but at least is something#and now i had to tell them what i was going to do so i had to create a whatsapp group and all that#and i just spent a whole hour just to think of what words to use so it doesn't sound weird#idek why i thought it would sound weird to invite MY friends to MY bday party but i always overthink everything#besides all of this idk why it gives me so much anxiety to just do this whole “party” thing yk#i guess i just hate being the center of attention and the fact that this is “my” day and everything revolves around me makes me anxious#i've always been a very reserved person but this year i've surpassed myself#like with the whole last year of high school thing and the exams to get into uni got me so stressed#and i've spent all school year (sept-june) without barely going out of my house (i literally only went out to go to class)#and i've spent all year saying: i'll go out when all of this ends in summer#but i was SO exhausted by the end of it that i just wanted to stay at home 24/7#how did this end? well. i've only hang out with my group of friends once in the whole summer and it was on the july 4th#i've practically been ignoring the whatsapp group so i didn't have to make excuses not to meet up#i'm not proud of admitting that but it's not like i talked too much before so i guess it's not such a big deal#thinking about all of this made me realise that i might have social anxiety after all#i'm not at all surprised tbh but i didn't really know what i felt had a name yk#very random but i'm very happy that i was able to get to know JO and Jere thanks to eurovision cause i feel like they're holding me togethe#idk they just make me inexplicably happy and seeing all their content makes me smile even when i feel like shit#(big thanks to everyone on the fandom here btw ily all <3)#anyway i'll stop now cause this is turning out very long#this didn't get me anywhere but at least i feel a bit better ig#maca speaks
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Well I've had an eventful day
There was the vacuuming the hood vent, prepping the crepe cakes, doing an interview (which turned out incredibly lackluster)
Someone called in sick so I covered an extra hour and a half... BUT THEN someone came in saying they were there for a 35 drink catering order. That i hadn't heard about. Cue scramble to get that done within 20 minutes. We did it 👍
AND. THEN.
So someone left a review saying our store was weird to international students but very friendly with white people. And we were like "? Who tf is being racist here?" And It Turns Out. It's the problem employee :) who's apparently been bitchy to international students & complaining to ppl about their accents. To Their Faces.
So we are firing her. Immediately :)
Which means we have to kinda scramble to cover her shifts this week & I'm gonna be doing some Unfortunate shifts to make up for it.
But that is Not okay. At All.
Ugh.
#speculation nation#like we've been having problems with her anyways and this just sealed the deal#under no circumstances is it okay. but also like. this is a fucking bubble tea shop.#a TRADITIONAL bubble tea shop. we have TONS of international students coming here.#why the fuck would you be WORKING HERE??? IF UR GONNA BE RACIST????#so yeah. im still in kinda an adrenaline rush from rush making a catering order#and then immediately after figuring out wtf we r gonna do about the shift covering#shes getting officially fired tomorrow :)#this is. the biggest production of a firing ive ever seen. manager is gonna come in and tell her to go home & everything#im gonna be working a split shift on thursday 😭 like 8 hours total#im gonna be making boba on friday. which may end up with me working a few extra hours. depending.#making boba On Top Of my normal shift. haha.#ha... i dont really like it when things are this busy...
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