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#yet cry myself to sleep idk
orange-cheetah · 2 months
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i do not want to be here for kuroshitsuji 209 i do not want to be here
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saeshiraw · 8 months
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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andthespidersfrommars · 2 months
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I’m so so tired both mentally and physically. and I can’t remember what it’s like to not be this tired. I always wake up feeling worse and I never get to just like rest for a minute.
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deityofhearts · 6 months
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I just want attention but I want for people to actually want to give me attention without me having to all but beg for it (and even then I end up begging for attention, that’s what this post is)
#deity dialogue#I can’t exist without some form of attention and if I’m not receiving attention and interaction then everything just seems pointless you#know? I don’t expect constant attention from any one person that’s absurd and not like someone’s job#I just hate the feeling of loneliness and being unwanted or a burden#I know there are people who do like me and my presence and like hearing from me and i and very very grateful to you all#so hi hi if you see this post I love and appreciate you#I’m not making this post to diminish the affection and attention I receive from others#I guess just to voice that I’m constantly hungry for attention like some sort of attention vampire#blah blah I could pinpoint why exactly I’m like this but it would do no good#just like the feeling of not getting enough attention or feeling like I’m unwanted when o do recieve attention or try my best to get peoples#attention#I’m just tired of being this way but it hasn’t changed yet I try so hard to not be bothered and to not care and to not keep craving#attention or like going out of my way to get peoples attention and yet#anyways sorry for my depressing late thoughts I should go to sleep but once again I cannot#I did however make myself cry because my own thoughts (again)#I’m gonna go check on my forehead and then like idk#resume reading the stupid vampire webcomic or like make myself try and sleep#I need more sleep medicine but I don’t have the money to spare for that lmao#any money I have rn is in savings for my impending phone bill#i can just sleep during the day. also like a vampire
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Guess who almost fainted at a party tonight and spent the rest of it sitting on the floor with bowls of snacks
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c0pernicus · 9 months
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how to find a point and will to live again
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cloneboywonder · 10 months
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I almost accidentally texted my boss that “it’s so hard being a teenage girl in her 20s” :-(
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pepprs · 2 years
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literally nothing in my life feels real right now at all. lol
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luckyagain · 2 years
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YES exactly, same for me 😭 it hits me sooooo hard i want to eat this song i want it to be physically under my skin i'm JWXNSJZJAAAAAAA
how satellite goes to sleep at night knowing she's the best song on the album
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noxtivagus · 1 year
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evening has come again huh
#🌙.vent#i'm really sorry for the vents lately but i need a way to let it out. & this. this is as far as i can go with that#i need to do better again i know i can i have to :') people waiting for me. others n me....#last night i downloaded a game for my friend. for her. & then another friend i told her i'll reply before the day ends :< 'take your time'#she said but sob she opened up abt smth n i wna help i really do & fuck it just hurts too bcs i know the ppl around me are. struggling too#i try not to put others b4 myself if i'm struggling like rn but :< i hate the helplessness. wish i cld do smth more for you#i wish i could at least be enough to help them. for you for you whoever you are i would always be willing to make these sacrifices#i'm gna cry it's been so overwhelming lately bcs i'm filled with so much hope and despair simultaneously#what do i do? which do i choose? how do i decide? how am i supposed to do. enough. find a balance#n then other friends i haven't gotten to replying yet today bcs oh i'm too worn down right now n i hate it so much i'm sorry#& other than all the stuff i want to do for myself and for others there's also things like school n#it hurts you know? i'm very much aware i've been worrying my family lately. i can't. sleep properly. i can't bring myself to finish eating#:< n then it also gets overwhelming when i. look to better things. bcs it gen makes me v happy when. idk i feel inspired or creative or wtv#but it hurts when it's also simultaneously so overwhelming bcs it's so hard to do something with it#& thinking of good memories. how fleeting those moments were. how times have changed. but also of. of how more may come#but maybe. maybe only if i'm better. if i'm not this hollow husk of my usual self? fuck i know i'm too harsh on myself. unnecessary pressur#i'm more than it i know. but at times it's just so hard to feel better when i'm. 🥹 i really really don't want to be a disappointment.#for others n. for myself.... bcs i know as always in the future. wtf the fuck happens then. i do know that parts of me will never change.#wnvr i look into my past i'll always know that i deserved being more kind to myself. bcs i'm human too.#this empty feeling of being stuck somewhere being hope n my despair hurts v much bcs it's so contradicting & overwhelming#n i wish in these moments i cld be enough for my future self. n for those around me#i wish i was better at communicating! tell everyone i know how much i appreciate them! how much i wish they'd stay in my life#i wish i cld really just say but i'm afraid that my honesty might scare you away. so instead i hide. you probably don't feel the same nyway#crying it hurts i think past experiences have made me too used to people leaving. but i can't be vulnerable enough to be#soft enough to the extent of being so honest. i've been hurt before when i was kind n younger n naive sure but oh so innocent#struggling sad n it was so bad then that i. oh i remember how it hurt.... i refuse to let myself go through that extent of loneliness again#i wish though that. i could. revive my mind. my motivation my inspo my creativity hasn't exactly dulled but it's become more passive#am i afraid that if i really be myself then i'll be alone again? if i'm weird if i'm too honest n soft n. i don't know.#it hurts feeling like i'm stuck with being too little n too much at the same time. how do i. just be. enough. for you. for me.#it hurts i'm crying i'm sorry i'm so sorry fuck i'm so overwhelmed n lost i don't want to think right now it feels so empty n i'm tired
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thatlovelydove · 2 months
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ah yes a vicious cycle
me: has a obsession that has been going on for three years
also me: hates the obsession with a burning passion
also also me: only has daydreams about it much to my dismay
WHY AM I LIKE THISSSSSSSS
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uh oh! worlds stupidest little guy used the wrong lotion and now everything smells like my childhood bathroom and the year is 2016 and its february which means its almost valentines day which is perhaps the most accursed date on the calendar and the year is 2016 and your least favorite little guy is in full blown survival panic mode!
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#fuuuuuuuuck#head in hands#i fucking . have had perhaps the worst week ive had in years . including all my time in indy last year#i have not had a single win since . idk. last saturday maybe ?#uhhhhh i dont like springtime its the most painfully nostalgic time of year#and idk why i even have this lotion but everything is dry and itchy so i was like hey im gonna treat myself to some basic self care#and now my apartment smells like my second suicide attempt and everything is horrible actually . into the garbage with you.#im going to stick my legs into the fireplace and hopefully the smell of burning flesh will drown it out!!!!!#that is. not serious. im just like. fuck#i was supposed to go home tommorrow but yet another tragedy has struck because the universe fucking hates me#so now i domt know whether i want to or not#like. is it better to grieve alone in my apartment where i (usually) feel safe#or should i go home and be surrounded by grieving family which is. a whole other process i dont know if i want to deal with#pros. i get to see loki and i am extremely pet deprived . cons. my parents are going to ask me questions about my life#and also i have to sleep in my childhood bedroom a week away from my most mentally ill day of the damn year#ugm. um. yeah#i need to cry but i havent been able to cry in a really long time and i know it would be cathartic#but also its already 1030 pm and i cant spend two more hours having a sobbing fest because i have work in the morning#and i dont know how to make myself cry without doing things that would be even more damaging to my mental state#so instead i will stare at a wall and hope the smell goes away and try to fall asleep. i fucking guess#uhhhhhhhhhhhhhg#im holding it together by a fucking thread and boy is it fraying
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it's all a bit weird and strange
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js337 · 11 months
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going through my likes to add some stuff to my queue. reach a group of hannibal gifs bc there's still like 200 in there lmao
gifset of a sleepy will from the 2nd episode of the show. almost directly under it, a gifset of will from the final scenes of the series finale. and something about the contrast of the two plus the hammock song i happened to be listening to somehow combined together just perfect enough to like. make me cry lmao
the difference is beautiful and tragic at the same time
like do you feel... happy for him?? sad?? both? idk man i'm not okay
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norrizzandpia · 8 months
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The Softest Launch (LN4)
Summary: He tried to be secret, but the eyes never lie.
Warnings: NOTHINGGGG language tho
Note: it was lance’s launch that sent me into this spiral
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landonorris it was a good race ❤️
Comments:
mclarenfan22 YO WHO TF IS HE LOOKIN AT
- oscarandlando4ever carlos?
- mclarenfan22 idk abt that one girl
Lando-my-love i refuse to believe he has a girlfriend
- ln4andop81 the red heart is saying something else
oscarpiastri congrats on the podium man!
- mclarennnn what do you know.
- mclarensgirl oscar. spill it.
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landonorris fun day on the karting track! 🏎️
Comments:
ln4andop81 MAX IS IN ITALY WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND AND OSCAR IS OFF DOING PR IN LONDON WHO TF IS THIS.
- oscarandlando4ever we cant even fall back on carlos bc he is with charles at ferrari hq in italy as well
- Lando-my-love guys… i fear this is a soft launch
- mclarenfan22 DONT SAY THAT.
oscarpiastri tell her i said hi!
- mclarensgirlll HER????? PASTRY TELL US WHATS GOING ON
- landonorris will do!!
- mclarennn if this is his soft launch, i. will. cry.
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lando.jpg she’s learning 💋
Comments:
mclarennn WHO?????
ln4andop81 I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE
danielricciardo i still can’t believe you let her handle your camera
- landonorris ive given her other things that are delicate too
- danielricciardo shes made you a ball of mush
- landonorris a ball of love
- mclarensgirlll i have never been speechless before until rn
- mclarenfan22 GIVEN HER OTHER THINGS THAT ARE DELICATE TOO???? AS IN HIS HEART???? IM SLEEPING ON THE HIGHWAY ALREADY AND HE HASNT EVEN OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCED IT YET 😭😭😭
oscarandlando4ever hes soft launching her so well and so gently i cant im crying you can tell this one is different i think hes in love guys
Liked by landonorris
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maxverstappen 📸 creds -> lando’s “friend”
Comments:
landonorris i said say friend not “friend” ‼️
- mclarensgirlll BYE MAX IS TRYING TO HELP US OUT
- maxverstappen i think the soft launch is over mate
- ln4andop81 PLZ LET IT BE OMFG MY BRAIN CANT HANDLE IT ANYMORE
kellypicquet and lando said she was bad at taking pics 💀
- ynnnn idek where he got that from i literally have taken his insta pics for years
- Lando-my-love WHO IS ynnnn IS THAT HER???
- mclarenfan22 her account is priv but I THINK IT IS ALSO YEARS???? SHES BEEN TAKING HIS PICS FOR YEARS????
- oscarandlando4ever BRUH IF WE MISSED THIS RELATIONSHIP THIS WHOLE TIME IM THROWING MYSELF IN A WALL
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landonorris I’m going to try and keep this as brief as possible because Y/n is incredibly special to me and I would like to keep the best parts of her to myself, but, yes, I do have a girlfriend. As you can probably gather, her name is Y/n and she’s been my lifeline for the past 5 years. I know this picture doesn’t really do justice to how she looks or how we are as a couple, but I’ve found that I would like to keep it that way. She’s someone I hold very close to my heart and keeping the quiet, intimate moments just for us is a high priority for me. All I ask from all of you is that you treat her with the kindness she deserves and don’t bombard her on social media. I’ve kept her away from the spotlight for a long time and have only made her presence known because keeping her a secret seemed worse than letting the F1 world into that part of my life. I’m glad you’ve gotten to meet my love. I plan on spending the rest of my life with her. Xx
Comments have been disabled on this post.
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TWITTER
mclarensgirlll YALL SEEN THE INTERVIEW WITH LANDO????????? BRO IM CRYING HES SO CUTE
- ln4andop81 reporter: “were you nervous to let everyone know about her?” Lando: “well, the drivers, my friends, and family all knew i had met someone because apparently, according to them, i had a different look in my eyes. So, announcing it to them wasnt that nerve racking because they already knew, but, to the public, yeah, I was nervous. More nervous than she was.” Reporter: “so she was nervous?” Lando: “only because she thought no one was going to like her which is and was absurd. She’s the greatest human being I’ve ever met. There’s genuinely no scenario I could think of that someone would end up even slightly disliking her.” BRO.
- Lando-my-love AND THE WAY HE TALKED ABT FIRST SEEING HER 😫😫 “it was like my eyes were glued to her. I guess i was just so in shock someone could be that beautiful and, sometimes, i still am.”
- mclarenfan22 DONT GET ME STARTED ON HIS PROTECTION OF HER BYE “well, she’s just so perfect to me. The world I live in can be ruthless and unfair and messy, all the things she isn’t. I love her that way. I love her for that. She’s my quiet place I can go to when my job and lifestyle get to be too much. She’s like a time out and we both agreed we want to keep it that way.”
- oscarandlando4ever PLZ THE WAY OSCAR EXPOSED HIM TOO “when she’s around, Lando is so much more tolerable. She can calm him in a way I have never seen before. In fact, the engineers and I all agreed around a year ago that she needed to start coming to races because he was always a hot head if it didn’t go well. When we found a way to sneak her in and she did start attending events, he actually started to breathe if things didn’t go his way.”
- mclarensgirlll AND THEN THE WAY LANDO ENDED THE INTERVIEW WITH “But anyways, i could talk about her for hours, something i told myself i wouldn’t do. I’m in love with her and I just hope people understand we want to be left alone for a while. Just until we get married.” CRYING BC I THINK HES RLLY OFF THE MARKET THIS TIME
- oscarpiastri i know all of you want me to “spill” but really all i can tell you is that, yes, norizz officially rizzed his perfect girl and, yes, he is really off the market this time.
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When you’ve been pushed towards one specific event your entire life, and praised for a future you haven’t even experienced yet, and then you fail and mess it all up and you can feel the constant judgement from everyone around you
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