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free-pancakes · 3 years

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A Fire in the Shadows

LeviHan - Avatar the Last Airbender AU

Characters: Levi, Hange, Erwin, Mike, Nanaba, Moblit, Kenny, Zeke

Summary: Levi, the nephew of a fire nation captain, stumbles upon a ragtag group of 5 known as the Scouts, formidably known for foiling the plans of local fire nation control, living in the forests a few miles north of Ba Sing Se. Chapter 1: The Scouts

(crossposted to ao3)

Hey so possibly kinda niche, but I decided to try writing a LeviHan story in an ATLA AU! I don’t think you’d necessarily have to have watched ATLA to understand whats going on. Lmk your thoughts if you read! I surprisingly had a lot of fun writing this

CHAPTER 1: THE SCOUTS

Lightning flashed, illuminating a silhouette of tall, looming trees lying just ahead. Levi winced in pain. The burns on his leg were fairing worse than he thought—he had to find refuge from the rain, fast. He limped as quick as he could towards the forest.

He made his way deep into the cover of trees, and sat down on the forest floor. He carefully stretched his leg forward, out from the beneath the branches above him, letting the rain wash over his wounds. Gritting his teeth, he stifled a yell. His vision began to darken at the edges, and he quickly grasped for the oil lamp and blanket from his backpack before he’d pass out from the pain. The last thing he needed was to freeze to death. He pointed his hand towards the lamp, and released a small burst of fire from his fingertips. Soon after, his vision went black.

———

Levi woke up suddenly, his eyes in a daze, disoriented. He sat up and squinted at the warm sunlight that shined through the foliage above him. He noticed a cool, soothing sensation on his leg, and looked down. There were bandages wrapped around his burns, and the faint smell of some kind of ointment reached his nose. Levi lowered his head into his hands, desperately trying to recall the events of the night before.

He couldn’t erase the images from his mind—a village ablaze, and a defeated group of earthbenders on the ground, fear etched deeply into their expressions. He stood, shaking and staring at his hands, the shouts of his uncle behind him, telling him to finish them off already. Levi closed his eyes, knowing he had to make a decision here, one he didn’t want to regret. He looked forward and made eye contact with the group of benders, and they understood, scrambling to get up and run while Levi bought them time. Levi spun around to face his uncle, and the rest of his memories melted into a blur of flames, searing pain in his leg, and the faint sound of General Zeke and his other comrades shouting in the distance as he escaped the scene.

There was no turning back now, but he wasn’t sure what his end goal was. If anything, he knew he had to avoid running into his uncle Kenny again, or more importantly, General Zeke, but he was fairly sure he travelled far enough to be safe for now. He’d surely be jailed for his betrayal, as the targets he spared were quite valuable, controlling rebellion among the northern earth kingdom villages and cities. And if General Zeke found out this wasn’t the first time he spared the lives of those targeted by his fire nation regiment, he’d definitely suffer a fate worse than imprisonment.

Levi’s mind swirled with endless thoughts, but he pushed them to the back of his mind. First thing’s first: He had to figure out where he was exactly and more importantly, who found him and bandaged his wounds while he was out.

Suddenly, the sound of crunching leaves and branches echoed from the left, jolting Levi back to reality. He panicked, lifted his head from his hands. He turned towards the noise and found himself locking eyes with a bespectacled girl squatting next to him, her face only 3 inches away from his. He let out a startled yelp.

“You’re awake!” she exclaimed.

Levi’s eyes widened. He didn’t know what to do. Who was this girl and how did she find him? More importantly did she see him firebending into the lamp last night?

No, she couldn’t have.

There was no way someone from around this area would tend to the wounds of a firebender. Luckily, he played an undercover role in last night’s mission, so he was in civilian clothes instead of his uniform.

“You scared me a bit—you’ve been out for a whole day. I created my own special remedy for burns and put that on your leg, so I hope that’s okay with you!” He tried standing up, but she gently pushed his shoulder to lay him back down. “You should probably get some rest before I go help you find your parents!”

“What?” Levi croaked.

“Your parents! I’m sure they’re worried sick.” she exclaimed.

“I’m NINETEEN.”

The girl threw her head back and burst out in laughter. Levi felt a vein pop in his forehead. “Oi, what the hell’s so funny, four-eyes?” She fell backwards giggling, wiping tears from her eyes.

“I thought you were the same age as my little brother, Moblit.”

“And how old is he?”

“Fourteen!” She burst out in laughter again, and Levi was sure some artery burst in his brain. He knew he was small for his age, but this was ridiculous. He knew this girl for a total of five minutes and he had never been so annoyed in his life.

After she finally calmed down, she crawled up towards Levi and sat back down next to him. “So, I’ve wanted to ask you— why are you here in the forest? And how did you get those burns? They were pretty severe, to be honest. Are they from fighting or escaping from fire nation soldiers? You must be pretty strong if you survived! Oh and where did you get this oil lamp, it’s pretty nice! And—“

“Enough!” Levi couldn’t think straight as the girl kept babbling on. “You’re not even giving me time to think before asking another question!” Levi replied.

“Well ~sorry~, I thought that the person who just saved your sorry ass deserved having some of her questions answered,” she pouted, looking deep into his eyes.

Levi rolled his eyes. “Fine, I… ran away from home.”

“Oooh a bad boy, huh?" she teased. "Where’s home?”

Levi hesitated so he could choose his words carefully. He had spent time undercover in Ba Sing Se, so he could probably get away with that cover-up. “Ba Sing Se,” he lied.

“Oh a city boy too! Oh you’ll HAVE to take me there some time! I could buy more supplies and ingredients for medications that I make. And I hear the tea shops in there are quite lovely! And better materials to build traps!” Her eyes sparkled with immense excitement and curiosity. Levi was annoyed at her constant talking, yet oddly enough, he was mesmerized by the endless energy in her voice. Who was this girl?

“Well I’ll spare you—I won’t pry into your life anymore… for now.” She smiled brightly at him. “You should join my friends and me!”

She looked upwards in thought, her right hand lightly gripping her chin. “Judging upon the fact you dragged yourself out here managing to survive your injuries and last night’s freezing temperatures, you definitely have the heart of a fighter.”

She looked down and carefully adjusted the bandages on his leg. “And with these burns wounds, my guess is that you’re not a fan of the atrocities that the fire nation soldiers have launched upon these parts either. So! I think you could be a great asset to our team!” She held out her hand excitedly towards Levi, and said, “My name’s Hange. What’s yours?”

Before Levi could respond, the sound of rope thumping against tree bark and rustling of leaves echoed from above. He heard faint sounds of whispering, and saw four shadows approaching through the foliage. A small boy suddenly popped out from the bushes.

“Hange! There you are!” The boy ran and clung onto Hange’s arm, tears welling up in his eyes. “We were so worried about you, you didn’t come back after the storm last night and—“ He immediately stopped talking and looked towards Levi, and his eyes diverted down towards his bandaged leg. Hange reached her hand towards the boy’s head and ruffled his hair.

“Don’t worry, Moblit, I’m alright. Sorry for worrying you. I ran into this shorty here and I couldn’t just leave his pathetic self out here to die of hypothermia!”

A tall, older boy with blonde hair appeared from the behind the trees, holding 2 hooked swords. Then, a much taller boy with bangs covering his eyes, and a girl with short blonde hair walked forward quietly, both holding a bow and satchel of arrows, carefully approaching Levi.

“Hi everyone! Look, I think I just found us a new friend to join our team!” Hange said excitedly. The three older teens approached Levi, glaring with distrust in their eyes. They loomed over Levi, Hange, and Moblit.

Levi mustered the courage to speak with confidence, unwilling to show any hint of fear in his voice. “Who are all of you?” Levi asked.

The blonde-haired boy walked closer, his fierce blue eyes meeting Levi’s gaze.

“Who is this, Hange?”

“A grumpy old shorty I found out here last night! Don’t worry Erwin, he has a good heart. I can just tell!” She looked back towards Levi and smiled warmly at him. He felt a knot form in his chest after hearing her words--if she knew what crimes he's committed for the sake of the fire nation, she wouldn't be saying such things. Despite Levi’s growing fear and sadness in the current situation, her smile put him at ease.

“And I was just about to ask him his name!” She exclaimed, turning to smile at Levi.

In contrast to Hange’s warm expression, Erwin, Mike, Nanaba, and Moblit shot a cool glare at Levi. He scowled and glared back at them, and then looked away from their darting gaze.

“Levi.”

“Levi?” Erwin asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah, Levi. Just… Levi.”

“Hm. Well I’m Erwin. Just… Erwin.” Erwin crossed his arms, not breaking eye contact.

“Alright Levi. From the looks of it, you’ll be out of commission for at least 2 weeks with those injuries, but under Hange’s care, you’ll probably be all healed within the next week. Then we’ll decide what we’ll do with you.” Levi stared back towards Erwin, with a glare matching his intensity.

With a subtle, threatening tone in his voice, Erwin added, “And to answer your question, the 5 of us together are known as the Scouts.

”Levi’s eyes widened for a split second, and then he reverted back to his resting scowl, trying to cover up any inkling of fear he might have just shown. Levi knew exactly who the Scouts were, just like the Freedom Fighters out on the other side of Ba Sing Se, but from the rumors he heard, a lot more formidable of a group. They had successfully thwarted fire nation plans in several villages up here in the northern portion of the Earth Kingdom, but have been impossible to pin down, so running into them, let alone speaking with them… was quite a rare feat. But something was even more surprising than this. From the word that spread, the Scouts sounded much older, and he was shocked to find that these guys were just a group of non-bender teens.

Even worse, from the looks of it, none of them trusted him. With the exception of Hange. He could not believe that his fate rested in the hands of a four-eyed weirdo.

With his hand in his pocket, he slid his index finger, tracing the edges of the fire nation emblem on a good luck charm his mother gave him many years ago. However, luck was not on Levi’s side today—This was the probably the most dangerous group of people a fire nation soldier like him could have ever run into.

#levihan #levihan fanfic #levihan fanfiction #atla #i just really wanted to write about levi being a firebender #also i loved the freedom fighters so much and imagining the vets as them is just really fun #snk #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #aot

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the-resurrection-3d · 3 years

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so what was ever good about acotar anyway?

For some reason, I’ve been very tempted to reread ACOTAR lately, and so I’m going to just make a quick list of what I remember specifically endearing the book to me back when I first read it in 2016 so we can compare notes later. This will, however, also include some retroactive criticisms now that we’re four years on from ACOWAR ruining everything forever.

Twigger warnings for discussions of abuse, csa and neglect, as well as me using my complimentary R Slur Pass.

For some context:

>Be 18yr me in 2016.

>Be in your first semester at college.

>Be so fed up with YA romance that you avoid books just for hinting at them in the summary.

>Be also brainstorming a series with your roommate called The Cuckmaster Saga.

This is probably going to sound embarrassing, but I’m being completely sincere when I say that part of why this book excited me was simply the novelty of finding a YA romance book that I liked.

I’d fallen out hard with YA in general by this point in my life, partially because of a string of fairy tale “retellings” that clearly gave zero fucks about the source material beyond using the iconography in its marketing. Folklore had been my special interest for a while, and my excitement for the series and all its little extra niche references coincided with finally getting to study folklore in a true academic setting.

Which leads me to point one:

I love the idea of combining BatB and the Tam Lin ballad. I know some people have complained about this, but honestly, I enjoyed finding a retelling that mimicked the mix-and-match structuring of a lot of folktales. ACOTAR isn’t even the messiest or least coherent mash-up by a huge margin. Unfortunately, this aspect of the series severely lessened as it went along — remember when we all thought ACOWAR was going to be a Snow White retelling and then there was just one scene with poisoned apples? Lmao.

[If anyone wants an author who does YA mash-ups that are actually YA, I’d recommend Rosamund Hodge, whose books are always interesting in their sheer weirdness even when the story itself slightly falters. I mean, I wrote a whole 20-page thesis on her Red Riding Hood/Maiden Without Hands retelling and still didn’t cover everything I had thoughts on. (Tragically, however, I must inform you all that she is a Catholic Reylo. Rest in pepperoni.)]

It is fucking hilarious in retrospect that SJM clearly knows a bunch of different folktales and folkloric creatures but thinks it’s believable for shadowsinger powers to have no theorized origin “even [in] the rich lore of the warrior-people” (ACOFAS 65). Bro fuck outta here.

But this leads into point two — Feyre and her family. It’s very obvious that SJM based Nesta and Elain’s dynamic with Feyre off the common folktale trope of having the youngest sibling be the only competent person in the room (and Katniss Everdeen). I thought it was honestly a lot of fun to see this trope done with some interiority; you can practically hear Feyre seethe about what useless hoes her sisters are between every line. I genuinely giggled through these parts on my initial readthrough.

I’ve seen some people complain that Nesta and Elain’s behaviors aren’t realistic in this situation, but au contraire! Nesta and Elain’s actions in book one are (...almost) perfectly realistic. Without revealing too much, my grandmother grew up in poverty with a few older sisters, and yet my great-grandmother would make her do all the work and constantly force her to give up her possessions (like her car) to the older sisters whenever they wanted them. Even to this day, when they’re all in their 70s and 80s, one of these sisters still relies on my grandma to do basic shit like balancing her checkbooks. I’ve also observed similar dynamics play out plenty of times between an adult child and an overindulgent parent, with people literally ruining their lives and bodies all for the sake of sitting at home all day buying furry porn off the internet.

Nesta and Elain are basically the psychology of this type of person split in two — Elain the soft, delicate, perpetually victimized front they put on for the world, and Nesta the ice-cold, bitter, and aggressive bitch they truly are.

Honestly, the only thing I would change about this set-up is either keep Ma Archeron alive or give Papa Archeron more personality than a plank of damp wood. What’s truly missing here is a parental figure enforcing this fucked up dynamic — I don’t remember it being clear that Feyre’s always had this role, just that she took it on after her mom’s death. Making it clear that Feyre’s always been forced to be this way — alongside giving the mom more characterization — would have gone a long way towards making this dynamic feel more realized and less like the narrative using trauma and pity as a shortcut towards reader engagement.

Then again, that would require SJM to have a female villain in this series who isn’t a rapist, and quotes I’ve seen floating around from ACOSF make it pretty clear SJM doesn’t know same-gender sexual abuse even exists.

Anyway.

Point Three (or rather 2B): Feyre realizing she doesn’t have to hang around her family just because she feels obligated to love them was a fucking banger. I loved it so much; having a story, especially a YA story, that showed you aren’t obligated to love a family that treats you like shit was so special to me. Especially since I was also leaving my family for the first time, and going home to visit them every other weekend felt like being hit point-blank with a Psyduck blast.

Thankfully, my relationship with my family has gotten a lot better, but I’m still really disappointed that Nesta and Elain were forced back into the story, rather than them reaching out to Feyre and making amends because they wanted to do better. The closest we got to this was the revelation that Nesta almost made it to the Border by herself after Feyre was taken, which was definitely badass, but also unfortunately the only Nesta scene I’ve liked in this entire fucking series. If SJM was going to force Feyre to regress into being Nesta and Elain’s tardwrangler again, then she should have followed up on Amren’s line in ACOWAR that Feyre treats Nesta and Elain the way Tamlin treated her.

“I asked them to help once—and look what happened. I won’t risk them again.”

Amren snorted. “You sound exactly like Tamlin.”

[. . .] and I said, “She’s right.” (169-170).

But I’m sure everyone who’s read ACOSF knows how well that’s going.

Point Four: the femindhjdfhfdh I can’t even write that with a straight face. I mean let’s be real, I too enjoy seeing female characters I like become queens and all that other stuff, but it was clear to me even on my initial reading of ACOMAF that it was all shallow and designed to help delineate good guys from bad guys without much in the way of nuance. It certainly took me out of the experience a little, but at least it ties into the books’ themes of recovering from abuse and shacking up with a Certified Women Respecter.

My actual point four: Truthfully I only bought this series for the meme of having the first shitty love interest getting cucked in the second book. ACOWAR gave me some complicated feelings on Tamlin, and I honestly think he should have just stopped appearing in the series after that — BUT, having him be dragged back in once per book just to call him a cuck and cockslap him around a little bit is fucking hilarious. Pointless! But hilarious.

I also think that this kind of arc is a great critique of the standard “happily ever after,” acknowledging that in real life, you’re much more likely to just pass from one abusive household to another because you don’t know what healthy love, communication, and boundaries are. (Arguably many folktales are the fantasies of women who are well aware of this reality but want to imagine a world that’s otherwise). I definitely have a lot of problems with SJM’s claims of “sex positivity,” but acknowledging that Feylin used sex as a means of avoiding communication was another great touch.

I wish that this whole King of Hybern shit was completely cut just to focus on these themes more; it’s very clear SJM only included it because fantasy series = BIG EPIC WORLD-ENDING STAKES!! I've read maybe ten pages of Throne of Glass, so I can't speak for how she handles epic fantasy there, but I know for me and a lot of other stans, the Hybern plot had licherally nothing to do with what we liked and connected to in these books.

But I must soften here, because I totally empathize with feeling like big stakes are “necessary” for a fantasy story and that no one would want to read your books without them. YA fantasy is the reason why TV Tropes coined the term “romantic plot tumor,” after all. (Source: I’m making shit up.)

What else… what else… uhhhhh. I think that might be it, at least for substantial things I don’t have to qualify too much. I of course have plenty of little things I used to like but have now been tainted because ACOWAR ruined everything forever and ACOFAS danced on the graves (such as how I liked Lucien but everyone in the books shits on him now to the point it’s stopped being funny). But this post is too long anyway.

#long post #anti sjm #abuse tw #csa tw #r slur #neglect tw #what's been eating feyre archeron?

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benichi · 5 years

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Money Jar and Illusion of Choice

aka Story Jar by NTT Solmare and Love Choice by Otome Romance (former Voltage Inc.) Since I haven’t been around much the last few weeks and because I got an ask about it I decided to look at these new ways to “enjoy” Otome games. I already vented about Money-... I mean Love Jar yesterday, and while Voltage isn’t quite as hardcode (yet) it still should be talked about.

I’ll start with Masquerade Kiss, Otome Romance (former Voltage Inc.)’s new game which introduces Love Choice as a way to read Main Stories. Apparently the only way for future releases. Though it doesn’t matter much where I start since both of these new “systems” have a lot in common. This is how the Love 365 app greets you currently.

FOR FREE OMG. However as you know nothing in life is free, if you look closely you’ll see “Use hearts to read without wait times ♪”. So literally in the same breath they tell you that this new system is shit. We’ll take a more in-depth look at those wait times later because they play a big role for this entire new system, including the situation in Story Jar. To put the second part into words that aren’t sugar coated “Use money to deepen your affection! If you want to see CG’s and get a satisfactory ending you had better open that wallet of yours cause those are behind a paywall♪“. Otome Romance (former Voltage Inc.) is trying to be charming about this but the bottom line is: without money you get the short end of the stick. Which isn’t all bad or uncommon. They are a company so obviously they have to make money. But they’ve come up with quite a cunning way to do just that.

CELEBRATION! NOW OR NEVER! READ THE WHOLE STORY WITHOUT WAITING!!! WHAT A NEW AND REVOLUTIONARY CONCEPT?! HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED BEFORE? Yes. That’s the old system we’ve had until now. Where you pay 4€ once and own the entire thing to read at your own pace and revisit as often as you’d like. I honestly couldn’t help but scoff when this screen showed up as I was playing.

Which brought me to my first question. Why don’t they simply let us consumers choose between buying the entire thing and this “f2p” version? It’s the same simple answer for all questions related to this topic: 💰 💰 💰

The elaborate explanation is that obviously no one would touch this “f2p” version unless they’re forced to. As stated above stories used to be 4€. However Love Choice is much more expensive.

This part made me especially sick. They know exactly that for a lot of us Otoge is something we use to treat ourselves. These sugar coated words “special” “exciting outcomes” “spicy ending” aim exactly for that. You’re already here, surely you don’t want to miss this super special spicy scintillating sexy breathtaking ending.

However that’s not even the worst part yet. One choice costs 5 hearts which is not too bad right? Too good to be true almost, which is exactly what’s happening here. As you progress the amount of hearts needed steadily increases. The biggest amount one choice costs is 26 hearts.

That singular choice plus CG costs almost as much as an entire route with all CG’s etc. used to cost (400 Coins).

Granted as you can see above you “only” need 12 points to get the super special spicy scintillating sexy breathtaking ending. Which means you don’t always have to select the ~special choice~. However the amount of points you get per special choice is different each time (ranging from 1pt to 3pts), there’s no other way to earn them. So unless you use a Walkthrough you’re grasping at straws. Like here, you’ll get a CG sure but only 1pt. In theory a choice with 3pts is more lucrative but who knows when one of those might show up.

Ultimately guessing whether the money you’ve invested so far will be enough to get you that desired ending might be more thrilling than Eisuke 2.0 trying to shove his tongue into your mouth.

Let’s get back to our numbers though. In order to get all the CG’s + that super special ending you’ll need at least 85 hearts. Which basically translates to 900 Coins.

11€. Only possible if you play it smart by using a Walkthrough, which means someone else took the plunge and paid the whooping 22€ instead. Because that’s what you’ll have to pay if you go for every single special choice. Granted you don’t have to spend the entire 2000 Coins, there are 300 left over because Otome Romance (former Voltage Inc.) simply never offers the exact amount of 1700 Coins you’d need. But what do these leftover 300 coins even do for you? Nothing much anymore as we’ve seen.

Plus there’s the wait times we haven’t experienced yet. I mean how much does it cost if I don’t want to wait for 5 hours? Will those “leftover” 300 coins even cover that? A part of me honestly doesn’t even want to know.

Moving on to the illusion of having a choice. As stated above the only way to raise points is by using money. Only these paid choices change the Love Meter. Every other ~choice~ might as well not be there because it doesn’t make a difference. Let’s look at this one scene in particular. For context my dude Kazuomi Shido wants to get rid of a woman because she “knows too much”.

As stated before you could skip this special choice and still get that ~Super Happy Ending~. I mean ppffft what’s she to me amirite? Random Woman Nr.1 is definitely not worth my 50 coins.

But how is this enjoyable? How am I supposed to be pleased knowing that the only way to get a different ending is paying up. That my choices don’t matter except for the ones where I make it rain money for Otome Romance (former Voltage Inc.). They might as well just remove the “choices” and sell the entire story for 11€ or 22€ if they’re feeling bold.

But again, if the amount you spend was displayed in such a blunt way no one would ever go near these stories. I mean just look at Wand of Fortune (Story Jar). A single route consists of 27 Chapters (the 1st one being free). One Chapter costs 20 diamonds. So to read everything you’ll need 520 diamonds, which translates to 44€. How is this real life? Who thought this was a good idea?

Which brought me to my next question: What’s up with this sudden increase we see for the amount of Chapters? Could we be... getting more for our money? Again, no. It’s still all about them getting more 💰 💰 💰

Because each Chapter is incredibly short. And while the Chapters in Masquerade Kiss at least make sense despite their shortness the same can’t even be said for Wand of Fortune.

I think this sudden rise serves a few different purposes. Obviously more Chapters means more money. In WoF you just straight up have to pay and in Love Choice it gives them the option to put in even more “””special choices”””. Plus when there’s no CELEBRATION NOW OR NEVER PLAY WITHOUT WAIT TIMES event that’s another point where you could possibly pay to progress more quickly. I mean 5 hours wait time means you’ll only get to play 4 Chapters per day. If that’s even an option for you. I certainly can’t whip out my phone at work to get raunchy with Eisuke 2.0 simply because 5 hours have passed. But that’s an entirely different matter.

But what else is happening here? Honestly these Chapter splits are nothing but sneaky practices to pick the money right out of our pockets. By splitting the costs into different Chapters people will be less aware of how much they’re actually paying. If they straight up tried to sell one story for 44€ or 22€ who in their right mind would buy that? Unless you sit down and do the math first you’ll just kind of pay slowly as you progress the story. Plus on Love Choice you don’t even necessarily have the option to figure out how much it’ll cost in the end unless you go through the thing for yourself once or find someone that wrote everything down. At this point we can’t even say if the requirements for Kazuomi’s route are the norm. Are 85 hearts always the minimum requirement? 169 the most? There’s no telling at this point.

What I do know at this point however is that these companies are taking advantage of us. It’s true, we are currently in a dire situation. Our niche market is slowly running cold with the Vita being officially dead and no announcements for the Switch overseas. Currently mobile games are the only thing that’s going strong in the Otome Market here. But this? This can’t be it!

I won’t pay for a game that’s so completely butchered from it’s original release that it's barely functional and makes no sense. With core mechanics and voice acting removed. I won’t pay to be stripped from the right to make my own choices in a visual novel and to be played like a fiddle with all these sugar coated words that hide shrewed tricks.

Only if you give him 13 hearts first though. I gotta admit the image of Kazuomi standing there with his palm stretched out like

“I could stick my tongue into your mouth BUT that’ll be 2,29€ first. We don’t take checks, by the way” is a little funny but ultimately too expensive for my taste.

I honestly understand that these are not easy times to be a fan of Otome Games. However, if we let these companies play us like this then we’ve already lost. Why would Aksys or any other company bother translating major titles that take so much more effort to localize if mobile Otoge with considerably less work can be sold for almost the same amount? I mean if someone pays 44€ per route that’s 264 € for the entire “game”. You could probably buy half of the Vita games Aksys has released so far with that amount. Maybe all of them if you wait for sales, this is insanity.

And 22€ is in no way better either. Just think of all the things you can buy for that amount of money, I mean not even games. Plus Otome Romance (former Voltage Inc.) is becoming worse and worse as time goes on. I’ve defended them for a long time because in a way I’m grateful. I still remember when Pirates in Love was practically the only thing we had. But I’ve reached my limit. Love Choice is just as bad as Story Jar.

This post has become long enough, but I’ll add this later or make a seperate post of how f2p can work. I don’t want to be misunderstood, I know some people prefer f2p instead of just buying the entire stories which is perfectly fine. But these two companies have missed the mark completely and we have to be vocal about it.

PS: If you want to experience good f2p games please check out Cybird games, they’re our only hope in these unholy times.

#story jar #love 365 #love choice #otome romance #ntt solmare #Masquerade Kiss #wand of fortune #voltage inc

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bytheangell · 5 years

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This Is the Coda That Never Ends... part 23

(Read on AO3) (Read from the start)

Simon thinks that his trip to spread the word about the whole ‘Clary Situation’ to the Downworld Leaders on behalf of Isabelle and the Institute goes pretty well. Meliorn is, well, Meliorn, but that’s fine. Lily is pleasant enough, with her usual teasing edge that he’s grown pretty used to this past year. In fact, it always feels a little like Clary’s friendly, sister-like teasing, which helps because despite his tendency to gravitate towards the Shadowhunters even without Clary being among them, well, he is still a vampire and he does still need that support system on his side. He doesn’t need to speak with Lorenzo, he got filled in on his own after everything with Clary at the Institute and the memory demon, and of course he’ll use any excuse to visit Maia who he doesn’t seen half as much as he wishes he did these days.

It’s a busy day, which is good, because the moment he’s back at his apartment at the end of it all he can think about is how much he wishes he could go back to the Institute and hang out for a while. He knows why he can’t. He gets it, really he does. But it still sucks. Having Isabelle and Jace to distract him was the only thing keeping him from thinking about Clary, and now he’s stuck thinking about how he doesn’t have any of them right now.

He’s tempted to call his sister and check in on things in Florida, but decides against it. Not while he’s being all mopey, since those conversations always have their own hints of sadness to them, no matter how nice it is to hear his sister’s voice after a while.

Instead Simon turns to the tried-and-true world of sci-fi movies, popping in one of the original Star Wars dvds he keeps around when he needs background noise, alternating between listening to it and plucking away at a few new ideas on his guitar. And then he switches to sketching some stuff for a new graphic novel idea he has… and then he starts playing a video game instead.

He can’t focus on any one thing because none of them are what he really wants to be doing, and he can’t seem to get invested in any of it.

He’s about to just give up and see if he can swing by the Institute anyway when his phone starts to ring. The name on the screen is the last he expects to see, and it rings three more times before he breaks himself out of his shock to swipe the call open.

“Clary?” he says, his tone a failed attempt at casual even though he’s afraid that he’ll spook her by sounding as excited as he feels just then.

“Hey Simon,” Clary says. It’s all she says at first and a silence hangs over the line after, one that Simon isn’t quite sure how to fill. Still, talking is one of his strong suits, and nervous rambling a niche he’s pretty well known for, so he dives right in anyway.

“How are you feeling? I know you seemed fine when you left last night, but, well, I guess fine is pretty relative right now.”

“I’m alright,” Clary says before lapsing back into silence. “Sorry. I know I’m the one who called you, but I just-- I wanted to hear your voice again. And say sorry for running out the way I did.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. You don’t have to apologize, I totally get it. It’s a lot, everything you’re sort of remembering, and then to find out you had this, like, whole part of your childhood that you didn’t even remember even though it was just us being silly in coffee shops and stuff. I’m sure all that needs some time to process.”

“Yeah, it does. And I am still letting it all sink in. But I… I don’t know. I went to paint today and I just felt so overwhelmed by everything, and my first instinct wasn’t to call my roommate this time, it was to call you. So I did.”

Simon knows he shouldn’t be happy that she feels overwhelmed, which is why it’s a very good thing that she can’t see the way he beams to himself over the knowledge that he’d the first one she wants to turn to now.

“I’m glad you did, Clary. That’s what best friends are for.”

“Yeah, I guess it is,” Clary says, and there’s something about the hesitance behind her words, the uncertainty in her tone, that makes Simon’s good mood plummet. He’s relieved that she doesn’t seem to totally hate him for the role he played in taking her memories, but that doesn’t make them best friends again overnight.

“Listen, can we meet up, and talk? Are you busy?” Clary asks.

“I think I can pencil you in,” Simon says, glancing around his apartment at the chaos of discarded distraction attempts. “Should I come to you?” He suggests hopefully, not wanting to have to try and clean up his entire life in the next 10 minutes.

“How about we meet at Java Jones?” Clary suggests, which works just as well.

“Perfect. I’ll meet you there.”

They hang up and Simon makes sure he’s vaguely presentable before making his way to the familiar coffee shop, tossing his messenger bag onto his and Clary’s old usual table and ordering Clary’s drink which finish just as she makes her way in through the door.

“Here you go, one black coffee, just the way you like it,” he says, handing it over.

“Thanks,” she says, instinctively taking a seat at the table where Simon’s bag is without him needing to point out he saved it for them. “And thanks for meeting me with like, no notice. I just didn’t want to stay in the studio and I didn’t want to go back to my room just yet. I hope I didn’t interrupt anything...”

Simon shakes his head. “Not at all. Honestly, I’ve been bored out of my mind for the last three hours, so I should be the one thanking you,” he admits.

“This is all just so weird. I know we’re close, and I have all these memories of us falling back into place now, but then I think about how I spent the last year not knowing you exist when we grew up together our entire lives! Tell me this isn’t weird for you, too?” Clary asks.

“It is a little, yeah. But I’ll take weird over you not knowing I exist any day,” he admits.

Clary bites down on her lower lip and fidgets with the edges of the plastic lid on her coffee cup. Simon can read her tells enough to know she’s upset about something, and suddenly fears that the something is him.

“If this is too much, just tell me, okay?”

“It isn’t that, it’s just-- I could see the way you and Isabelle and Magnus looked at me last night. There was so much expectation there, and I can’t- I hate that I can’t be whatever it is everyone expects me to be.” She sighs. “I’m trying, but the more I try the more it backfires. I’m starting to wonder if I should even be talking to you now.”

Simon shakes his head immediately. “We don’t expect anything from you. If you don’t want to remember, that’s one thing. No one is going to make you keep trying if you just want to go back to school and look the other way.” It hurts him to even say that, but it’s true. This isn’t about them, it’s about Clary. Getting these memories back, if it’s possible at all, isn’t going to be an easy road from the looks of things. So if she changed her mind about wanting them back…

“How am I supposed to know if I want them back when I don’t know what they are?” Clary asks suddenly, and that idea stops Simon’s thoughts dead in their tracks. He thinks about the way she lost her mother, about how she almost lost Jace, about what she had to do to Valentine, and Jonathan…

Would she be better off not remembering, even if she wants to?

But he’s learned his lesson in making decisions for Clary, no matter how much he thinks he might have the right idea. He hopes they all have.

“I can’t tell you that. But you don’t have to know now, either. You were right to want to leave and take some time.”

Clary nods, looking a little relieved at that. They decide to get some fresh air, walking and talking about a little of everything - some of it about their childhood, some questions Clary has about those places she keeps being drawn to. Simon gives vague answers, wanting to help but knowing that he can’t say too much, not until someone has a better idea of exactly what’s happening with Clary’s memory and the way it’s coming back all painful and in pieces. He can’t risk saying the wrong thing, or too much, and sending her into some memory-overload coma or something.

He’s very, very vaguely saying something about magic and warlocks after Clary brings up Magnus when he feels eyes on him.

That’s when Simon notices them. He isn’t sure at first, but the hint of angel blood in the air increases the closer they get. It’s such a faint distinction from normal human blood but Simon spends enough time surrounded by it to be able to pick it out of a crowd by now, a skill he never imagined would come in handy before now.

He spins around as they walk, walking backwards to face Clary as he talks, but in reality he’s looking behind them to spot the two Shadowhunters trailing them. He sees them almost immediately - another benefit to spending so much time around the Institute, he can recognize most of the active Shadowhunters now, and two familiar faces avert their gaze in an attempt to avoid detection.

Simon laughs, pretending Clary just said something funny, as he continues walking and spins himself back around to bring an arm around Clary’s shoulder, pulling them close enough together that he can whisper to her.

“Don’t react, but I think we’re being tailed. It’s fine. Well, it’s probably fine. But we definitely cannot go back to Magnus’ to look at those paintings now.”

“Tailed? Who would be following us?” Clary moves to look behind them but Simon keeps his arm around her shoulders to keep her facing forward, using just enough of his vampire strength to keep her in place without hurting her.

“People from the building you tried to get into yesterday,” Simon says vaguely.

“But I haven’t done anything wrong!” Clary says, her voice rising in panic.

Simon can tell this is going to get out of hand if he doesn’t get a handle on it ASAP.

“You haven’t. And we’re fine. They aren’t following us to hurt us, they’re just… watching. They’re spying on us. In retrospect, I, uh, probably shouldn’t have met up with you in public like this, but it’s way too late for that now.” He has no idea if he’s the one being watched or Clary, but his money’s on Clary, not that he’s going to say that to her.

She’s already plenty freaked out as it is.

“Please don’t leave me alone,” she begs him, panicked but at least having enough control to keep walking forward with him instead of straining to see behind her again.

“Of course I won’t. So if we aren’t splitting up, we just have to be horribly boring until they give up instead. Any ideas?” Simon asks.

They’re both silent for a minute or two, trying to think of something they can do that would make the people watching them realize they aren’t going to do anything worth watching.

Suddenly Clary turns to him with a smirk. “I think I have just the thing.”

Fifteen minutes later they’re in a common area of Clary’s school, a media room set up with a television and streaming accounts for the students to use, along with sofas and beanbags to sit on. Embracing the childhood memories Clary recently got back, she puts on an anime that she and Simon used to spend countless hours watching after school and on weekends and the pair of them settle in.

To the Shadowhunters’ credits it takes three full hours before the scent is gone and Simon tells Clary they’re in the clear again, which is much longer than he imagined any ‘normal’ person would be able to sit through Naruto.

“What the hell was that about,” Clary demands, the show playing on in the background.

“You know how we told you that you aren’t supposed to be remembering the things you are?” Simon asks, and waits for Clary to nod before continuing. “Well, those are the people who don’t like it the most. If they saw us together they probably thought I was telling you things, or that you remembered me from… well, that you remember me more than you do. They’re just paranoid, it’s in their nature.”

“So what, they’re going to follow me for the rest of my life now?” Clary demands. She tries to sound angry about it but Simon's heart aches at the fear in her tone.

“Probably not,” Simon says unhelpfully. “I’ll talk to them. Say we met up for some… project on childhood memories you’re doing, hopefully get them to chill for a while. But I promise they aren’t going to hurt you. You don’t have to worry.”

Simon wonders if that’s a promise he can really be making, but he can’t leave Clary on edge like this. Surely if there was any actual danger or concern Isabelle would’ve warned him, right?

“Right. I’m being stalked but I have nothing to worry about,” Clary sounds dubious.

“You don’t. And if you are worried, just call me, and I’ll be there so fast it’ll make your head spin,” Simon promises, and that’s a promise he knows he can make. There’s nothing he wouldn’t drop to be by Clary’s side right now with everything she’s going through.

That does seem to make her feel better, and some of the worry eases from her expression. “Okay,” she says finally. “I should be getting back anyway. It’s late and I have to finish a project before morning. Thanks for coming, even if it wasn’t quite what I planned for the night.”

“Nothing wrong with an impromptu anime marathon,” Simon says, smiling. “It’s good to see you again, I missed this.”

Clary smiles back. “I did, too.” She pauses, and then steps forward to wrap her arms around him in a hug he returns without hesitation.

“We’ll figure the rest out, okay? You’re not alone, I’m just a call away.” Simon is pretty sure he’s said that about half a dozen times by now, but he’ll say it half a dozen more if that’s what it takes for Clary to believe him.

She looks like she does this time, nodding and actually turning to go back to her room, or the studio, or wherever she’s off to for the night. Simon’s tempted to follow just to get a glimpse into this part of her life he’s missed out on for so long, but he knows better, especially after the scare they got earlier. So instead he turns and heads back to his own place, mentally preparing for the inevitable earful he’s going to get from Jace and Izzy over all of this.

Even so, he can’t shake the smile from his face knowing it was totally worth it.

#simon lewis #clary fray #shadowhunters #oops i didn't get to post this last night because jetlag got the best of me and my nap turned into sleep #but here we are!#long post #elle writes a few deadbeat lines

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comicteaparty · 5 years

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September 23rd-September 29th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from September 23rd, 2019 to September 29th, 2019. The chat focused on Neguri-Senpai by Neguri Senpai.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Neguri-Senpai by Neguri Senpai~! (http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until September 29th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. Of all the strips in the comic, which joke/scenario did you find particularly relatable in terms of what it’s like to be at school or crushing on someone? In what ways did it make you reflect on life or how media portrays these situations?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. Given the comic features a lot of pop culture references, which of those has been your favorite so far? What about it really made you smile, and what do you think the comic can teach us in terms of how pop culture can be used for comedy?

mariah (rainy day dreams)

1. My favorite scenes have been where Aoi tries to recreate Neguri-senpai in various forms of media. I found the video game one particularly funny X') I really like the contrast of how proud Aoi is of her creation but how off they are from the original. It reminds me of how much I loved all my badly drawn husbando fan art as a kiddo. http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/2019/02/neguri-senpai-new-game.html?m=1 2. I think Aoi's eavesdropping and creeping on Sana when it comes to Neguri-senpai is pretty relatable. I definitely have felt a similar anxiety about perceived romantic rivals in the past. I think the strip where it turns out Sana was just talking about her cat is a really good example of this. http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/2019/01/neguri-senpai-what-did-you-just-say.html?m=1 As far as reflecting on life and media goes, while I think the feeling captured rings true to life, it also makes me kind of bummed that these two's relationship is just fighting over a guy (who I assume is unattainable since he's a teacher? But then again who knows since it's playing on manga tropes). I feel like that kind of angst is common for the teenage girl experience, but I also wonder if part of that is because it's a trope that's so reinforced by media that it just becomes expected. Anyways, two girls fighting over a guy makes me sad if I think about it too long. This has been my TED talk.

3. I think Sana is my favorite character. Maybe exclusively for her goth socks XD Aoi is also very good. 4. Man, my only experience with JoJo is the one episode I watched and all the Twitter memes so I feel like most of those jokes are probably lost on me TuT I do really love whenever someone yells NANI??? though XD I laughed a little every time reading through. I also don't get a lot of the coding jokes, but the ones I do understand have really landed home

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite composition in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. Do you believe that Aoi will ever be able to date Neguri Senpai? If so, how do you imagine that would happen? If not, how do you think the comic will comedically resolve Aoi’s crush on Neguri Senpai?

RebelVampire

1) My favorite strip so far I think is this one http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/2019/08/neguri-senpai-alone-on-roof.html where Aoi is suspiciously summoned to the roof but whoops, nope, it's just for a picture. I really like how this strip plays with the Japanese school roof trope cause it makes the comedic payoff that much sweeter when it's not any romantic or delinquent things. 2) A strip I found super relatable about going to school was this one http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/2019/07/neguri-senpai-finals.html where all the girls are discussing whether or not they failed a test. I think basically everyone has done that after a test, regardless of confidence, so it's just one of those moments that I think is universally connecting. I do not miss the stress of worrying about passing or failing a test. XD In terms of reflection, it did make me think that of all the school tropes media messes up, this is actually one that is very spot on to what real life is like, which is pretty rare. Yet, makes for good comedy because of this quality of being universally relatable.

3) My favorite character at the moment is probably Aoi. I just like how earnest she is, how crazy day dreamy, and how enthusiastic she is. It's the perfect combo where even her personality flaws really seem endearing, so I want to see her achieve happiness. 4) My favorite so far was this one where Aoi thought of Speedwagon: http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/2019/05/neguri-senpai-i-need-man-like-that.html While I don't know a whole lot about Jojo having been banned from watching it, my boyfriend really loves Jojo. So through him there is one fact I do know, and that's Speedwagon is a beloved character. So it really made me smile to see this show up in the comic and be proven true. XD In terms of what the comic teaches about how pop culture can be used for comedy, I think the biggest lesson is that it's a double-edged sword. If the people know what it being referenced, immediately creates that connection that's needed for comedy. But on the flip side, all those references will fall flat if the person doesn't know the references. So it's great to use, but also gonna be hitting some really niche audiences.

5) My fave composition is the last panel from this strip http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/2019/03/neguri-senpai-judgement.html WHat can I saw? I'm a big fan of angles and the whole dark overshadow thing to bring that nice oppressive atmosphere. It really sells the joke. 6) Until the end of the comic, I think the only date Aoi will get will be a joke one. Like one of those ones where she tots think she's going on a date but nah, Neguri Senpai just wanted her for some mundane reason. Like running errands for the school. But I do feel overall if and when the comic ends, it'll be on a happy note with Aoi getting with Neguri Senpai. If only cause there is no comedic rival yet after Aoi.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. Of the fourth wall breaks in the comic, which one did you find the most interesting and why? In what ways were this comic’s fourth wall breaks unique compared to other comic’s that do it?

Ash🦀

1. I actually really loved the lovingly recreated video game version of Neguri-San who dies five minutes later, as I found it to be the most relatable. I too take five hundred hours in character creation only to remember I have no hand-eye coordination. Also, I was quite glad when they showed Neguri-San’s younger self, because until that moment I thought he was another student and so I was quite confused. Not the dynamic I personally go for but it cleared up so much of my confusion. 2. When they’re all on the beach comparing bodies and Aoi’s like “but how will I compete with someone built so beautiful?” Man that was a MOOD. Been in a committed relationship almost 9 years though so I guess I figured it out. Also, if that’s foreshadowing Aoi’s eventual fall for Sana, that would be the best. 3. Sana is my favorite, because she plays off Aoi so well and seems like a capable and headstrong young woman. She’s really fun to watch. 4. The speed wagon joke was hilarious and you cannot change my mind. Also, wish I understood a lick of coding. 5. The strip when Aoi and Sana were in the classroom and Aoi was staring menacingly? Honestly? The best use of comedic tension that I saw. 6. I highly doubt it. She’s a student, and while it’s cute of her to have a crush, it would be inappropriate for it to be reciprocated. 7. I really enjoy Sana and Aoi interacting. I find their rivalry the most interesting, because Sana seems the most capable rival. She’s smart, she’s driven, and it’ll probably come to a final showdown with her. Also, her stand actually got me to nose exhale, which doesn’t sound like much, but before noon it is a monumental feat. I’d love to see them more directly interacting rather than talking about each other. and heck, maybe they’ll be the couple in the end. Love a good rivals to something more story. 8. Honestly I’m not too big a fan of wall breaks, but it does give me a chuckle every time they blame the author.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. The comic also features a lot of references to computer science and programming, so which of those has been your favorite? Alternatively, which concepts do you wish you understood more to get the joke?

The Q

9. I think the layout is really funny. This comic wouldn't have worked as well with a "traditional" print-style format. The jokes are well-paced, too, something we don't often think about when we (well, I) read commics! 10. WHAT ARE STICKY KEYS FOR? I know them as the annoying suggestion that pops up everytime I use my shift key too much... In general, I can feel a lot of the programming jokes fly right over my head, which is too bad, but that probably just means that I wasn't ever the intended target audience anyway. And that's okay. Honorable mention: the last panel of this strip http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/2019/08/neguri-senpai-animal-friendly.html is adorable!

RebelVampire

7) I think I enjoy seeing Aoi interact with Sana. They just have a really cute but funny comedic rivalry that is enjoyable to see unfold. Even when they aren't directly talking to one another their attitudes towards each other is pretty entertaining in itself, which is always a good sign. 8) I really enjoy the merch plug strip http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/2019/06/neguri-senpai-what-big-number.html if only because Aoi's face and reaction to that is hilarious and seeing Neguri Senpai enthusiastic about something just...it's laughs all around. Which while there are certainly comic's that do fourth wall breaks like this for self promo, I find this comic to be a bit unique just cause of its execution of the comedy. It doesn't really toe the line with what it is (which is something I see a lot), so I appreciate the energy of upfront in the face nature about it.

9) I really like all the little programming inserts in the comic. Like a lot fo the jokes surrounding them are so specific that I think for a lot of people they fly under the radar. But I like the accuracy for them. It's like that sort of niche inclusion that doesn't hurt the other comedy but really adds a nice chuckle factor for when you do recognize the joke being made. 10) And speaking of the above, my favorite one was definitely this one: http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/2019/03/neguri-senpai-judgement.html I have been on both sides of that situation before, and like the accuracy is on point. You're always going to judge people for their code editor of choice regardless of language involved. But I like that even if you don't specifically understand that part about it, it's still relateable in that one of them is being singled out for a potentially bad choice in a comedic manner. So just all around, A+ for that strip.

snuffysam

Oh man, this comic is a lot of fun. I think this was the joke I laughed the hardest just due to the nonchalant pacing of it - http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/2019/01/neguri-senpai-what-did-you-just-say.html My favorite character is probably Neguri. He's seen as this god by all the girls, yet he's awkward and almost a literal blank slate character. That sort of subtle humor is just really funny to me, so he's my pick.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. Of Aoi’s rivals for Neguri Senpai, which one do you find the most interesting, especially in regards to their dynamic with Aoi? What other sorts of rivals are you hoping to see?

snuffysam

I think the comic's biggest strength is, for lack of a better word, how bizarre it is. Like the comic does have recurring themes of course (programming jokes, pop culture references, parodies of the school romance genre), but in terms of each individual strip I have no way of predicting what'll happen next.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. In general, what other sorts of comedic gags are you hoping to see in the comic? Alternatively, where are you hoping the loose story found within the comic goes?

RebelVampire

11) I have to agree with @snuffysam here on strengths. I think the comic is just extremely unique. Like individually you can find aspects in other comics, but all together it makes for a one-of-a-kind experience you cant really predict. And unpredictability is good for this sort of comic since its keeps things interesting. 12) It's definitely gotta be Sana imo. I think even if Neguri wasn't in the picture, they'd be destined rivals who would compete over everything. Yet they're both equally kind of exaggerated in personality in ways I would not peg for the typical sort of girl rivalry you see for school comics like this. In terms of other rivals, I hope Aoi has to deal with like a secret admirer one so that she can't exactly confront that rival. Maybe go the mystery detective route trying to figure out who it is.

13) I'm looking forward to more A+ programming jokes. They have some catching up to do if they want to compete with all the Jojo references. But also as I've complimented them, I just overall enjoy them a lot. 14) I'm actually hoping to see more gags with that one rival (whose name i forget) who is extremely blunt and vulgar about her intentions towards Neguri. Just the concept super entertains me, so I'm really hoping she gets to be in more gags that involve wordplays and stuff.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Neguri-Senpai this week! Please also give a special thank you to Neguri Senpai for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Neguri-Senpai, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/

Neguri Senpai’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/negurisenpai

Neguri Senpai’s Merch Shop: https://streamlabs.com/negurisenpai/merch

Neguri Senpai’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/NeguriSenpai

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #neguri senpai #neguri-senpai

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studiobeebo · 6 years

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Upside Down (Izuku Midoriya x Fem! Reader)

As a summary, basically I just sort of wanted to write something about pro hero Izuku coming to terms with the fact that he miiight still have a thing for his old high school crush and he decides to go out of his way to do something about it! I have an idea for a second part but it just depends on how well this one’s received, so just let me know and if people seem interested I’ll do a continuation!

Part 2

Part 3

In Izuku’s experience, it seemed like every time he settled into a routine or train of thought, life decided to throw a stone at him and flip his world upside down.

At first it happened when he was a child, finding out that he was quirkless and seemingly unable to ever fulfill his dream of becoming a hero. Then some years passed and he got used to his dreams being just that, something that was completely unreachable but still nice to daydream about from time to time. Of course he got lucky on that fateful day meeting All Might and yet again, his life was significantly changed. He was finally able to begin his journey of becoming a hero after enrolling and being accepted to UA with his newly gifted quirk, but yet another stone was thrown his way in the form of a girl, and a beautiful one at that.

At first he was the same with you as he was with any pretty girl: almost completely unable to function. He didn’t get the chance to know you terribly well at the beginning since you were in one of the general studies classes, but he had to admit that you had struck something in his poor easily influenced teenage heart that day you’d accidentally ran into him in the hallway. Weirdly enough, he was the one who ended up apologizing even though it was totally your fault, bowing almost to his feet while spewing a list of apologies with reddened cheeks. You thought he was sweet, and adorable at that, and he thought you were an angel.

From then on you’d have occasional meetings here or there, stopping to chat a bit in the hallways or running into each other during your lunches. Slowly he got a bit less awkward around you which led you to find out that he was just as cute without being a rambling mess. The way he spoke about his interests so passionately was inspiring and he was easily one of the sweetest boys you had ever met, leading you to wish you were in his class so you could continue to get to know him. You were both somehow distant but close, often going even weeks without seeing each other yet being able to talk like you were old friends in the chances that you did get. Of course through those meetings your feelings began to grow along with his, but unfortunately time was not on either of your sides.

The further along the two of you got into your schooling, the more focused you both had to be. You didn’t have much leisure time, even being able to stop and catch up for five minutes became rare, and by the time you were third years there were multiple month long gaps that separated your meetings and hang outs.

Slowly your lives drifted apart with him finally graduating and starting the next step in reaching his goal of becoming the number one pro hero and you moving on to find your niche in your career of choice as well. You were doing well for yourself after graduating, finding yourself a steady job and moving out of your parents house around the age of twenty. You had built a nice life for yourself and you were damn proud of your achievements and the new and old friends that helped you along the way, but every once in a while your mind would drift from your current success back to your messy haired high school crush. Sometimes you’d start thinking about how you wished you had made more of an effort to keep your connection and maybe even ask him out, especially when you began seeing him on the tv here or there clearly gaining popularity, but at the end of the day you’d stuff your daydreams back into the closet of your mind and get back to the real world, knowing, or thinking, that your chances were long gone.

He of course had enough on his own plate as well, but despite his excitement to see his own progress as he began to move up in the hero world, his thoughts would often mimic your own because looking back, he realized just how bad he had it for you in high school. The smallest things would make him think of you; a woman with a similar hairstyle, a dress in a shop window he’d pass that would remind him of your style, even certain foods or scents would bring back memories of laughing over lunch together with you. He was unbelievably lovestruck back then, but lately...he’d been starting to realize that his recent thoughts were less than normal for an ‘old’ crush. He’d jokingly bring up the conversation of old crushes to his friends only to realize that how they viewed their old loves was different from how he still felt about you even after not seeing you for almost four years. For them it seemed like a funny little joke and they would just laugh at their young naive hearts before changing the subject, but he didn’t see you that way. It was frustrating that now, when he needed to be focusing the most, was when thoughts of a girl, or now woman, he hadn’t seen in years would be plaguing his mind almost daily.

It was like an itch he couldn’t scratch and he just couldn’t figure it out. He kept telling himself there was no way he could still have feelings for you, it had been so long after all, and that if he did really have feelings for you that he needed to bury it. For starters, he needed to put a lot of effort into his career since he had been getting noticed a bit but was still relatively small in the hero world. Secondly, while he had gotten better with his nerves and anxiety, he still dealt with issues of self confidence and that part of him immediately told him that there was no chance in hell you’d be interested in him now. You were successful even in high school so he was sure you had your own issues and life to lead, plus you probably had a partner anyways considering how gorgeous and endearing you were. Still, despite the almost constant beat down from his brain trying to set his heart back on track, he had nearly jumped at the opportunity to get even a glimpse of his old unrecognized flame the moment he got it.

It wasn’t a big deal, the agency he had been working at had simply changed districts so they now had a few different areas they were responsible for patrolling and the second he saw the area where he remembered you had been living pop up on the briefing screen he immediately asked to be transferred there. While he was approved to do patrols there a few times a week, however, at the end of the day he was starting to regret his choice.

The area you lived in wasn’t really notorious for much villainy action so this was definitely not the place for him to be if he wanted to be noticed and put his hard earned skill to good use. Plus, he didn’t even know if you actually still lived in that same house, and if you did, what would he say? ‘Sorry I haven’t talked to you in four years but I’ve been realizing I still love you!’? It was a ridiculous situation that he as an adult shouldn’t have put himself in, yet the next morning there he was, beginning his walk through that same district.

As he had expected, there wasn’t a single noteworthy thing in sight and no one who needed him, but his hopeful brain kept telling him to just ‘go a bit further just in case’ when in reality he was just waiting until he came upon your house. When he did so it was strange, he even ended up just standing outside and staring for a good couple minutes. He had only been there a handful of times, luckily there were some subjects that general studies and hero course students shared so back then he had the excuse of hanging out with you to study. He could practically hear your music softly playing in the background while the two of you munched on junk food and went over notes together, occasionally getting distracted by a long winded conversation about your favorite heroes. Those were good times, and he would have killed to have a chance at such times one more time, so with a deep breath he pushed past the small gate before confidently making his way up to the front door and reaching a hand out to see if a few knocks would open up yet another door in his life and turn his life upside down one more time.

#mha #mha writing #my hero academia #bnha #boku no hero academia #izuku midoriya #izuku midoriya x reader

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mad-queen-thorn · 5 years

Text

Massive vent under the cut, its been a week and a half and I can’t seem to dwell on this any longer. Venting again only because I have very little followers and 90% of them are good friends I hang with regularly, so I feel safe spilling out my feelings here, don’t want to burden anyone with my thoughts and feelings, reading is optional.

I didn’t mention this here, because I didn’t feel the need to.

When it comes to my Diabetes I’m almost in remission, its a good thing, and by June I might be off the meds and officially into remission. Which is looking promising, but knowing my luck, I beat one thing and two more take their place. Its like taking 3 steps forward and 2 steps back.

And well, its 3 things this time, I’m now on blood pressure meds for hypertension, only weak ones, so its not that bad. Docs think it might be the pressure I’m putting on my body with the lifestyle changes, but when I lose more weight it should go back to normal. Other than that they want to check out my kidneys as they said there’s a lot of protein in there. They’ve pushed back one of my tests which is causing me worry. But it was merely because the equipment they wanted to give me hasn’t arrived yet. So maybe I’m worrying over nothing.

Anyway, this isn’t the major thing I keep bottling up.

Along with my Type 2 Meds and my Blood pressure meds, I take Fluoxetine, which I’ve been on since late 2015. For anxiety and depression. So with all the appointments I’ve been having the past few months they’ve also been keeping track of my mental health, and now the docs think it might be more than just my Anxiety and Depression.

They think I’m Autistic. In fact, I’ve been told that its highly likely I am after them talking to me, a family member and a friend who has autistic children herself, talked together in the docs room about my past, my behaviours and such and how our friend sees a lot of traits in me, and the doc said “You’re most likely right.”.

We sent off a referral form with a tonne of information about myself, my hyper fixations, behaviours, stimming, social interaction and more.

I’m officially under investigation for Autism.

I’ve been trying to process the information for almost 2 weeks now, barely telling a soul about it. But with the information I’ve been given, the more I think about it, the more of my life is making sense:

When I was younger, I had a hard time making friends and I still do. I thought it was because I was ugly, weird and because of my overbite that it drove people away. That it was my fault entirely for not being good enough, like bullies made be believe.

Turns out, that making friends can be hard of Autistic people because of their differences in communication.

Which at the end of day... explains a lot.

I’ve noticed that in large groups, I’m very quiet, both in person and online. I don’t speak unless I feel its needed to, and I try to not speak over people and often find myself doing so. I really don’t mean to. I just find it really hard to understand when there’s a good window for me to chirp in without seeming rude. Other times I’ll wait and wait and then when its time for a moment for me to voice the conversation has most likely moved on, which isn’t a bad thing. It just seems like I don’t have a good grasp of social cues.

My black and white thinking also seems to impact my social interaction. As in the past I’ve just assumed and read situations wrong. Sometimes accidentally upset friends on multiple occasions without meaning. As sometimes my mind is just:

“It has to be 1 or 2″ And nothing like a 3rd option comes to mind until its pointed out or I’ve made my mistake and beat myself up for it. Thinking I was being selfish and horrible. But now I guess that this explains those moments. They happen a lot, but not in bad ways. Like I said, sometimes its either one or the other, and I fail to see alternative options unless stated.

Like, the other day I was with my friend who has autistic children, we play Pokemon Go together. And we had a debate about the design of Attack and Normal Deoxys:

(The top Two)

She said that they are a different colour, yet I said they are the same colour. Yet she said they’re different. Now, my brain didn’t connect the dots and that she meant that parts of their body are different colour but they both have the same colour scheme. It took me a few moments to actually get what she meant... so??? I guess??

I tend to have little moments in communication like that.

Also, when some of my family make a joke, most of the time I don’t laugh. My sense of humour tends to be niche and connected to my hyper fixations and spur of the moment puns. Or I’ll make a joke to my family or a friend and they don’t get it, and I have to explain and they still don’t find it funny. I seem to have stronger connections to people who are into the same things I am. Something for me to build a conversation off of or I’ll fail to maintain a conversation.

I thought this was just normal?? But at the same time it might not be...

Idk I have so many questions. There has been many things I’ve questioned about myself.

Like the need for a second opinion on situations others would see as common sense. Sometimes I go to someone I trust, explain a situation only to be told my feelings are valid and why I’m even questioning them.

I dunno, it feels good that there might be a possibility behind how I communicate.

While explaining to me, the doc said: “Your brain seems wired different, and you see the world differently from everyone else. People need to understand that.”

And I... like I said, I don’t know.

I mean, the following seems to also be signs:

In person I find it hard to make eye contact.

I like to be left alone sometimes.

I can’t be alone for long periods of time as I get stressed and it pulls down my whole mood.

I find it hard to take part in group conversations over voice. Text is fine.

My body language and tone can be completely different to what I actually mean. I’ve gotten in trouble with this, but the person who was mad at me didn’t understand.

I don’t pick up on body language.

But I’ll be observant on everything else. I tend to spot most things others don’t notice. I’ve had this in person many times and people tend to compliment me with “Wow you’re so observant!”, “You have good eyes!”.

Lack of excitement, this happened today. We got new carpets in and my mother was overjoyed, but I never felt a thing. I felt like I should be happy too but I couldn’t. I am capable of being happy for other people, but yet again, it has to be connected to a hyper fixation or someone I trust/care about.

Relationship with my parents isn’t great, probably due to my communication issues.

I only express myself to people I deem I’m close to, other than that I seem very disconnected. I’ve heard people say that I seem to be in my “own little world” on more than one occasion.

Selective Mute or nonverbal. Sometimes I just can’t speak or come up with what to say and remain silent.

Picky with food. For example, if someone puts beans on my plate, I simply can’t eat around them. I’ll dismiss the entire plate and feel bad about it. Cuz my mind tends to think the whole thing is “contaminated” by the beans and I can’t eat it.

In person I can tend to point instead of using words sometimes.

I’m not a touchy person, especially with my family. But if you’re someone I trust, I’ll probably cuddle you to death. Really selective of who I let close to me.

Nobody can touch my hair but me. Nobody can brush it but me. If I let you brush it, its a blessing.

Always listening to music while doing things like drawing/walking ect.

Questioning my place in social situations and how others think. I have a habit of putting myself below everyone else. The idea of other people thinking of me or thinking positively of me next to never crosses my mind, the whole thing seems foreign to me.

Another major pointer to it is my stimming.

Now, I’ve stimmed for many years now and felt BAD about it. Because I felt like I didn’t deserve the stim toys I have. But now everything is starting to make sense. Even though my stimming does piss some family members off, I try to not do it around them and simply can’t. Sometimes I start stimming without even noticing. The most common being my legs, I will bounce them. All the time. If my hands are busy its my legs, if my legs aren’t moving, I need something in my hands and I have quite a few stim toys. From fidget cubes to squishy pokeballs. I have a habit of making them click or rolling the ball in my hands between rounds on videogames or when watching youtube videos. I also tend to lean towards glitter shakers. Love those things. I tend to mute my mic a lot during voice calls as I get paranoid people can hear me stimming. Because I feel like the bump bump of my foot on the floor or the clicking of my fidget cube will annoy people.

Not adjusting well to change and being in social situations with a lot of people are another two signs. For example, yesterday I was in the kitchen with all the furniture while the carpets had been getting put down, there was limited space to move, I had nothing to stim with and didn’t like it. I felt bad for being annoyed. I wanted to go to my room but couldn’t. I wanted to move around.

When it comes to social situations, I can go to heavy populated situations like conventions but not for long. I start getting overwhelmed and feeling sick. I enjoy it as much as I can but I can only take so much.

Same with social interaction. I can only take so much.

Once I get overstimulated I can get moody and my temper shortens, but I usually isolate myself by the time it comes to that point.

I blamed all my social woes on my Anxiety but at this point it might not be my anxiety. It might be Autism.

But one final thing that also points to it:

Hyperfixations

I currently have two massive fixations.

Pokémon which is one I've had all my life

And Guild Wars 2 which has been a fixation since 2017

But within them I have specific things I fixate on. Which I guess are sub fixations?

For example, in Pokémon. I love the lore, certain legendaries and I absolutely adore cat Pokémon. Every time there is a new Pokémon game out I almost cry in excitement. My bedroom is covered in Pokémon stuff with a few other fandoms scattered in there but it's 90% Pokémon.

Pokémon shirts, Pokémon bedding. Pokémon posters, Pokémon bags, Pokémon plushies, keyrings.

Whenever I get something my family tend to go "Ugh. Not more Pokémon"

And Guild Wars 2 is pretty self explanatory.

I love Aurene, Tybalt and most of the main characters and lore.

I have the Rytlock figure and art and the OST discs ext. Books of lore and stories.

But 90% of my fixation is on the Thorns.

Thorn Pyjamas, Thorn bags, Thorn plush. Anything I can get my grubby little hands on...

Go figure!

I also try to not express myself too much as in the past I've had people try to force me out of hyperfixations because I was too "annoying".

I feel like I talk about my two major fixes too much. So I try to curb down on it to not drive people away...?

I wish I knew the results as I have so many questions.

They said they think it's very likely I'm autistic.

I don't want to write myself off and say "Yeah, I'm Autistic."

Because there's that chance I'm not. But so many people who know me in person think I am. And I've been asked many times over the years and never had a second thought about it.

And like I said, the docs said I most likely am.

I'm just waiting for an assessment and the result which I got told could take months to years.

I just want answers so I know how to make life is easier for me.

I want answers so I can just be myself without fear because I keep holding myself back thinking I'm weird or a bad person or bad at communication.

I always notice my social flaws and say they're "habits I need to kick"

But maybe they're not. Maybe it's just how I am.

I want to know.

I need to know...

I just want answers...

#just a vent post #need to vent

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hekate1308 · 6 years

Text

Call Of Nature

More siren!Cas AU because I love this series. Enjoy!

Sam has grown used to being whisked away in order to deal with legal monster problems, while always feeling slightly queasy afterwards. True, Dean and Cas are still careful not to drag him into too many monster adventures; but he likes to think they have found a balance of sorts.

It seems, however, that his colleagues have not.

One day he returns from lunch and finds the other junior lawyers engrossed in conversation with...

He sighs. “Crowley?”

The demon turns around and grins. “Moose. Long time no see.”

It’s a lie. Sam had dinner with Dean and Cas two days ago and of course he showed up because he inevitably does.

“What is it this time?”

He rolls his eyes. “Don’t sound so enthusiastic. We do pay for your services, you know.”

They do indeed, and rather handsomely at that. Plus, Sam’s boss has already decided they should try and get into this new niche now that monsters are recognised citizens who have basic rights.

“I know” he acquiesces. “Let’s go.”

Crowley says goodbye to the others – going so far as to kiss Becca’s hand – and transports him and Sam to his mother’s hut.

He’s still not quite sure how a witch gave birth to a demon, and has decided that he’d rather not know.

“Samuel. Good of you to drop by.”

“Rowena –“

“She hexed me!”

Oh dear. Sam can see why Rowena wanted a lawyer present. The man in front of him looks angry, and well, the history of people being accused of using witchcraft to harm others...

“Freaking Hell, are you just going to show up with more people now? I suppose you’re a demon too –“

“No, actually. Sam Winchester, I’m a lawyer –“

“Excellent, I could use one.”

“I’m her to represent Ms. MacLEod.”

Rowena grins. “He is indeed.”

“What? She’s the one who hexed me!”

“I did nothing of the kind, you stupid little man. You have a cold.”

“For the last two weeks! And you were there when I picked my car up from the siren’s fuck toys shop.”

Sam stiffens. “I’m sorry?”

“You know, the one the siren keeps ensnared.”

“I assure you, my brother-in-law is doing no such thing.”

The man sneers. “Of course. You’re one of them.”

“Alright”.

Sam turns to look at Crowley. His eyes are red, and there’s something feral in his voice and pose, as if he’s about to attack.

A part of him would actually let him.

“Crowley, how about you wait outside?” he suggests. “It might be best for us all –“

“He’s right” Rowena agrees. “Why don’t you check up on Dean and Cas, let them know Sam’s here.”

For a second, Sam thinks he’ll refuse, but then his eyes slowly turn back to green and he nods.

“I would advise you” he addresses their visitor right before he vanishes, “To be very careful”.

At least he’s gone the next second. Sam breathes a sigh of relief. He’s noticed Crowley becoming more and more protective of them all for a while now. Donna’s selkie boyfriend thinks it’s got to do with his soul becoming “lighter” due to Cas and Dean’s influence, but he has no idea what that’s supposed to mean.

Sam turns back to the man. “Now, Mr. –“

In the end, he manages to calm the man down and send him on his way, but it was a close call.

Rowena is thankful enough, gifting him with a few teabags, “Just drink this when you get a cold. You know – to do the opposite of what this idiot thinks I did.”

He nods and leaves. Sam’s tempted to check in on Dean and Cas, but he can’t deny that he’s still slightly nervous around Crowley – somewhat nice or not, he’s still a demon – and so he doesn’t.

Sam probably should be delighted that Crowley for once hasn’t appeared to drag him away (despite Dean’s assurances that it will eventually happen he hasn’t yet grown comfortable with being beamed around).

Instead, he warily studies the demon standing in front of him. There’s something different about him, but Sam can’t put his finger on it.

He looks... tired. Do demons get tired? He has no idea. Sure, he and Dean talk during their weekly lunches, and he comes ti visit him and his husband and occasionally helps out when there’s trouble in suburbia, but Dean usually spares him the details.

“Hello, Sam.”

That’s... strange. No Moose or funny – well, what Crowley considers funny – comment? “Crowley.”

“I was wondering if I might consult you in your professional capacity.”

“Of course.”

“I’d like to set up my will.”

That’s... even stranger. Demons can’t die, can they?

“Just a precaution” he adds in his abrupt manner, and Sam doesn’t stop and think because he doesn’t know him as well as Dean or Cas.

He will admit he’s somewhat touched that Crowley demands most of his estate be given to his brother and brother-in-law.

When he learns how high a sum this actually includes, he has to sit down.

In the next few weeks, nothing changes much; and then suddenly Dean acts weird during their lunch, barely answering Sam’s questions, clearly distracted, and...

If he didn’t know any better he’d think he was mad at him.

“Dean? Is everything alright? Did I do anything?”

He looks at him. “You could have told us, that’s all. Don’t get me wrong, I get the lawyer client privilege, but he’s our friend and it was somewhat of a punch in the gut when he told us, we all thought he’d be around for – “

“Dean, tell you what?”

He stares at him. “You don’t know? Sam, you wrote the guy’s will!”

“Yes and?”

Dean is silent for a moment, then he says quickly, as if ripping off a band-aid, “Crowley’s dying.”

“Oh.” Sam doesn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know –“

“Me neither” Dean says bitterly, “But apparently, there’s exactly one illness that demons can catch – and guess what. It only happens very rarely, but when it does, it’s because they’ve been hanging around humans for too long, with too little contact with their own kind.”

Oh no. If Sam knows his better, and he believes he’s come to know him again rather well – “Dean, this is not your fault.”

He chuckles. “Don’t I know it. Thing is, Crowley’s sickness needs decades to develop – he said he’s known for quite some time that he was in danger. But tell that demon to socialize, and –“

“Dean” Sam interrupts him, “He’s at your place all the damn time.”

“With other demons, remember what I said?”

Sam nods. “And there’s – nothing to be done?”

“One thing” Dean says slowly. “But it’s difficult.”

He doesn’t elaborate through the whole meal.

Late, back at his place – and it only now occurs to Sam that Dean has yet to see his apartment – he considers what he’s learned, and what this means for Dean, Cas and their little monster community.

From what he’s seen, Crowley holds a place of respect among them, and he’s considered a close friend by his brother. That alone would be enough to make Sam care, and so he resolves to visit Rowena. It can’t be easy for her, but she knows a lot about magical medicine. Perhaps she knows more about this cure Dean is reluctant to speak of.

He doesn’t tell his brother that he’ll go to her hut in the woods.

She greets him as always; there’s no grief or worry in her face or her words, and Sam almost thinks Dean is mistaken until she says, “Are you here about my son’s will?”

“No” he answers. “But Dean mentioned a remedy, and...”

“Ah. Samuel, are you certain?”

“Certain of what?”

She points at a chair in front of her and he sits down. “There’s a reason your brother hasn’t told you everything. It’s the same he hasn’t been to your apartment yet, even though he’d like to see where you live, why your contact even now consists of only small, shared moments in two hugely different lives.”

“I don’t –“

“Samuel.”

When she looks up from the herbs she’s been mixing, he’s glad he’s sitting down; otherwise he’d take a step back. For the first time, he can truly feel the power of a centuries-old witch. “Magic and nature are intertwined; and while you cannot completely have one without the other, you can place yourself firmly on one side. Humans – most of them, including you – they prefer the softer parts of nature, the one they can explain using physics. Not magic that is older than the ground they walk on. When a human joins us – have you ever thought it is a coincidence that so many magical creatures are drawn to Dean, even if he’s among other humans?”

Sam swallows. “So if I learn too much –“

“Exactly. When Dean told me you accepted him and his lifestyle, I assumed you’d be more curious, come over more often. I thought you had already chosen this.”

“But can’t I –“

“Are you about to ask me if you can have your cake and eat it too while my son is –“ she breaks off.

“Of course not. I’m sorry” Sam says honestly.

She nods. “I think you should talk to Dean. Crowley told him everything. Not that I am surprised.”

There is a sombre mood hanging over the neighbourhood this evening, and if Sam didn’t know any better, he’d say, that the air around Crowley’s house is darker than –

Who is he kidding. He does know better, and this must be another way for magic itself to mourn for one of its own.

Dean opens the door. “Sammy, didn’t expect you on this fine evening –“

“I spoke to Rowena” he says quickly.

Dean’s face falls. “I didn’t think _”

“Of course you didn’t. Dean, please, I need to know what’s going on.”

“It’s just not fair” Dean insists, “This is a life and death situation, how does this –“

“Let him come in first, my love” Cas says gently, stepping up to him. “He needs to make a decision tonight.”

Sam swallows.

“So it’s a blood ritual? That’s all it is?”

“No, Sammy” Dean replies. “Yes, don’t get me wrong, it involves the blood of two related humans voluntarily given. But it’s not as easy as forcing it down Crowley’s throat and hoping for the best. You heard Rowena; with this you’d tip your scales down on the magical side. And it’s very very hard to reverse that.”

“And? I did choose to get to know you, too...” Sam trails off as he realizes.

Yes, he has allowed Dean back into his life; but he’s never invited him or his husband over, he’s never really spent more than a day with them, he’s skirted the border when what he really needed to do was to either retreat or jump right in.

“Did you –“

Dean smiles weakly. “I fell in love with a magical creature, Sam. My entry into this world... it happened gradually. This is one big leap we’re asking you to take for someone you don’t even know that well.”

“But I am doing it for someone I know well. I’m doing it for you.”

“And for that, you will live with bogey men? Dragons? Pixies?”

“All of that, Dean. Yes. Rowena is right; you either have to fully accept this life, or you have to step back. I am not going to step back.”

Dean studies his face, then draws him into a tight hug. “Thanks, Sammy.”

Rowena arrives immediately after Dean has called her; she doesn’t thank them, but there’s a contentment in her expression Sam has never seen before.

“You do realize” she explains as she draws their blood, “That does will not only take you on our side of nature, but you two and your respective spouses will also be considered part of mine and my son’s family?”

“Fine by us” Dean says after he’s shared a glance with Cas.

Sam smiles. He’s made his decision. “I’m good.”

Rowena is the one to bring the drink to Crowley. The next morning – Sam, Dean and Cas are having breakfast – Crowley, as brash, as healthy, as annoying as ever, surprises them with croissants straight from Paris.

When he comes home to find a hobglobin going through his sock drawer, Sam grins.

Some decisions are best made in haste, it seems.

#my writings #destiel #siren!cas #addams family au

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ohdearhart-blog1 · 7 years

Text

hey pals!! i’m sam and i’m sorry for taking a million years to actually be on the dash ( damn you work!! ), but i’m finally here!! but enough about me, here’s a lil bit about thomas!!

tw: cancer, death

thomas ryan hart- tom or tommy to those who know him best- is the second son to a beta couple from denver, colorado. growing up, thomas had a picture perfect life. his parents had a great marriage, loved and supported both of their sons and their family was part of one of the larger packs in the denver area. both of his parents were very vocal about omega rights within their own pack and raised their boys with the same ideals.

tom was a late bloomer and thought he was going to be a beta just like his parents but it was one night about a month before he graduated high school that he woke up with his first heat. his family was- and has been- incredibly accepting and supportive, something he knows other omegas don’t always receive after they present.

he left home for college, moving to lykos and pursing a degree in elementary education. it was during his sophomore year at a speed dating session held in the campus union building that he’d been drug to by his roommate that he met david. it was an immediate connection, the two of them opting out of switching partners to the point where they were asked to leave if they weren’t going to participate. they went and got coffee and spent hours talking.

tom hadn’t been a hermit by any means- he had dated both men and women, alphas and betas and even had a deep emotionally intimate relationship with another omega. but with david, it was nothing like he’d ever felt before with anyone. david had been the ideal alpha for him- strong but sweet, funny but not insensitive and who always treated tom as an equal. they dated throughout the rest of college and by the time they were graduated, they were mated.

it was david who brought him to the vivus pack and while it wasn’t always the same pack atmosphere he had grown up with in denver, the members quickly became home. their ‘live for now’ mentality took a while to get used to ( especially when david would go out and do reckless things in the name of fun ) but it’s brought him more out of his shell, made him more comfortable with letting loose and enjoying himself no matter what the situation.

the two had been trying to start a family for months to no avail before going to a doctor to check for infertility. it was during that visit that they came to find that david had cancer. it was during some imaging that the doctor had found the lump in his testicle and almost immediately, david began treatment. they both remained optimistic despite the cancer having spread to his lymph nodes, thinking that aggressive treatments would win out in the end if only because the cancer had not yet metastasized. but even after almost sixteen months of treatment, david took a turn for the worst.

it’s been a little over a year since tom buried his mate. despite his family’s offers to bring him home, he’s stayed in lykos. his pack members have become his family and the city has become home. his mating bite has started to fade which has caused some inner turmoil for him but it’s something he suppresses, not yet wanting to deal with the thought of losing that tie to his first real love.

A COUPLE LIL TIDBITS ABOUT HIM NOW THAT BACKSTORY IS OUT OF THE WAY

tom teaches kindergarten and he loves it. he started out teaching fourth graders and while he enjoyed that, he really feels as if he’s found his niche with his kindergarteners.

tom is absolutely the Mom Friend™. he will always ask if you’re taking care of yourself, will bug you about not eating enough and if given the opportunity, will cook you too much food and send it all home with you. it’s that stereotypical nurturing omega aspect in him.

tom has recently gotten back on heat suppressants after spending a little around two and a half years off them. he had stopped taking them when he and david had tried to get pregnant and only at david’s insistence did he stay off them even during treatment-- just on the off chance that something took.

he’s touchy-feely. be prepared for hugs or heads on your shoulder or hip checks or his hand somehow finding yours to offer a quick squeeze. pack members tend to bear the brunt of his affections and there’s probably not one member of vivus who hasn’t gotten a kiss on the cheek, shoulder or forehead by tom.

tom is busy. if he’s not at work, he’s at the gym. if he’s not at the gym, he’s at an extended learning class ( no matter what it is- tax preparation to water aerobics to dance and art ). if he’s not doing either of those things, he tries to fill his time with people- his coworkers, his friends, his pack- all to delay having to go home to an empty apartment.

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS I KNOW THIS IS LONG IM SORRY

the best friend. the one who has been there through everything- the good, the bad and the ugly- and stuck around. someone who isn’t afraid to call tom on his shit but also is supportive when he needs someone to be there. ( THE RIDE OR DIE )

the person who has no problem being the bad influence. probably a fellow vivus pack member who pushes tom’s definition of ‘fun’ and ‘reckless’ ( and sometimes ‘irresponsible ) and blurs the line between the two. ( THE DEVIL ON THE SHOULDER )

the one tom turned to during his last two heats. someone who he might be very close to or might barely know but who was there to get him through the first heat after getting back on the suppressants and who had been called again to help with the last one he had. might also be a casual hook-up partner, might just be a living dildo for heats. ( THE BOOTY CALL )

someone who- for whatever reason- can’t stand tom and the feeling is 100% mutual. maybe something specific happened or maybe they both just rub the other the wrong way but whatever it is, they can’t stand one another. ( THE DINKLEBERG )

listen,,,,,, this is forever long i’m so sorry i’m just honestly really excited. if you want to plot with me and my kiddo, just give this a like and i’ll invade your ims or shoot me a message and we’ll see what we can come up with!!

#「you simply must meet thomas (thomas!)┋⋈‣◜ i n t r o ◝」#lykosintro #lykosooc #//e left to get pizza and isn't here to check my medical shit like a good nurse #but also i think i trust the american cancer society to have legit info when it comes to testicular cancer

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magalarajoonideprohvetid · 5 years

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1.10.2 ramadan.man [in english]

First part, Ramadan.man_12.1_last_saved_02/07, published in Nihilist.fm on 03/07/15;

second part, Ramadan.man_12.2_last_saved_17/07, published on author’s blog on 17/07/15;

full text in estonian in 6ism2e_dpi_error:_unsupported_personality, 2016, Nihilist.fm and ZA/UM, pages 89-98;

translation by Kristi Ockba

1.10.2 ramadan.man

Ramadan.man_12.1_last_saved_02/07

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It is evening. The boys were watching yet another episode of Avatar before I sent them off to bed. The time is 22:30 and I will soon be able to eat. The first day of fasting is about to end.

«Boys, today you must go to bed on your own.»

«Why?»

«Because I must now eat.»

«Why now?»

«Because it is Ramadan now. I do not eat during the day, but when the sun sets, I can start eating.»

«Why are you eating now?»

I am tired and hungry and so I snap: «Because otherwise I will die, if I don’t eat during the day and I don’t eat during the night either!» This was the wrong thing to say, but I am hungry and tired.

«I don’t want you to die!» Happy starts to cry.

«I don’t want to sleep, I want to eat,» Generous says without a care.

I love Happy’s sentimental sensitivity and Generous’ raw carelessness. I console and comfort Happy until he also decides that he would like to eat something. It is 11:00 pm. The three of us are sitting in the kitchen. Generous is eating some fried ham and Happy shares my Ramen noodles while his spaghetti is boiling. We are happy, happy to be the way we have been created. This is a tribal thing. The Vihalem tribe of United Autonomous Individuals. UAI — it’s a tribal thing. We are happy and free. Unfortunately millions of people around the world are not.

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My senses are tight, loaded. Supersensitive. I smell cigarettes before non-smokers do. At the Kristiine youth center some guy on his way out lights a cigarette. The hoodlum wanted to act tough and bend the rules. He was barred from the center for life. Serves him right, his stupid behavior didn’t just end badly for him, but also made me crave for a cigarette.

Walking down the street I can smell lovely perfumes, feminine and sweet, and the smell of cigarettes coming from those girls walking a few steps ahead of me.

There is a terrible smell coming from three guys sitting in bus number 46, just a few rows ahead of me. They smell of ethanol; it exits their bodies with every breath, from every pore. As they get up to get off the bus, I can sense garish stench of smegma. Bastard, wash your self or go get circumcised. Hobos.

I can smell the aromas of food – everywhere. All food smells good. My stomach is no longer growling. It is much too empty to growl. Food is beautiful. I am on the terrace and I am thinking how beautiful food would be in my mouth. The wind brushes through the leaves of trees. The wind is beautiful. It brushes me. Somewhere in the distance some people are making sandwiches and fruit bars. The time is 16:30 and I would be able to eat them in six hours and twelve minutes. By that time they will most probably be eaten.

I sense a some kind of smell, sweet, carried by the wind from the leaves. I do not know the source, but I can sense it sharply, suffocatingly. My senses are loaded. My senses are my superpowers. I am a starving superhero, I am Ramadan.man.

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I have started reading the Koran again. After the second Sura I always find myself thinking about Harut and Marut. Two angels, sent to earth with free will. On the first day they get everything wrong. In addition I am reading Abu Hamid Al-Ghazali’s Rescuer from Error/The Niche of Light. I so hope it will not be a disappointment. In the meantime, I skim through the posthumous catalog of the Polymer Cultural Factory, which I received from the compiler for a pleasurable barter deal. The first five chapters of Ursula K. LeGuin's The Left Hand of Darkness also seem great.

I like to read during Ramadan. This is my only passtime, self-education, my only entertainment, the consumption of which I do not feel guilty. I don’t feel guilty feasting letters with my eyes, rapaciously, as if someone were trying to take it away from me.

I am focused, fast. Hunger concentrates me. I am Ramadan.man. Superhero, with supersenses, a superreader.

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Ramadan.man’s superpowers do not include fixing things. One can say that one of Ramadan.man’s superpowers is messing things up. For instance, that’s what happened to my bike last year.

First of all I wanted to oil the wheel collar and then screw it shut. When I unscrewed them it was evident that the rings had been rusted and the wheel bearings fell apart. I should not have touched it to begin with. The same applied to the pedals; I wanted to change them but I accidentally screwed it in the wrong direction. The stem threads were completely ruined. This year, I started to clean the ventilation of my laptop and ruined the motherboard. At the same time, the desktop computer that I was using to view the tutorial to open the laptop stopped working. Yep, superpowers.

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Midsummer day. At home. No grilling what so ever. Not even meat free. I was ready for it. I built a lego house for Generous. He was extremely happy. Maybe in his eyes I have some superpowers?

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I enjoy watching films. Especially in the summer and especially vampire films. This Ramadan I finally watched a movie that has been on my list of films to watch for a long time, and this film became the winner of my top five vampire films.

The movies left out of my top five list were Shadow of a Vampire (2000), Interview with the Vampire (1994) and From Dusk Till Dawn (1996). The first one I just really liked and the second was my first. I went to Kosmos cinema to see it when I was seven years old. The third… the only guy who could pull of a 90’s tribal tattoo is George Clooney. For sure.

TOP 5:

5. What We Do in the Shadows (2014). New Zealand. Mockumentary. It is funny. Really funny.

4. Thirst (2009). South-Korea. From the same director of Old Boy. Need I say more?

3. Let the Right One In (2008). Swedes can do and show you all kinds of things in their films. For God’s sake don’t watch the 2010 film Let Me In!

2. A Girl Walks Home Alone (2014). A feminist Iranian vampire film. Thank you, Ernest, for recommending!

1. Only Lovers Left Alive (2013). An ocean of references. Music. Tangier. Drinking blood from drams.

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I sacrifice this world, the comforts of this world. And I sacrifice myself. I watch this world, I try to be only an observer. My presence is perceivable; I perceive my own presence. And at the same time I am vanished. And that doesn’t matter. The sun climbs across the building. These are it’s final rays. I look desperately at the sky and search for the moon. The sun and moon determine my situation, my condition, my position in this world, that I bring for a sacrifice. My sacrificed self-position. Sunset and dawn rays determine me as alive or an observer. The crescent starts from the right and grows towards the left. Half means a quarter and a full moon means half. The full moon scares me. Too many lunatics, who find themselves just then. During Ramadan I don’t feel myself loosing my mind, I am too tired and empty. There is just the reflections of a past madness, reflections of primal madness. I throw stones at those reflections, to get to the primal madness, to look it in the eye. I am afraid.

I cry a lot, more than I can consume water. My heart is tender and soft, this must never change, it must never petrify. I cry because people die in the hands of crazy people, because of how wonderful children can be, because of how much a brother can love his sister. I would like to cry more because of how much good there is in this world but unfortunately I can’t. My sacrifice is trivial, a trivial disciplinary exercise, a reminder and a self admiration in comparison to the millions, who must daily endure hunger and thirst. In the best case scenario, this is a preparation for times when winters are long and droughts hit the summer, and the only one’s who survive are the ones who do not care about their presence.

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Have a lovely Ramadan, only a full moon’s worth is left. Mustamäe, 07/15

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Ramadan.man_12.2_last_saved_17/07

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Hunger has disappeared. I can’t feel hunger anymore, I have no more strength to feel it. Hunger made me awake, made me want, need, desire. Hunger made me jump. 3 hours and 50 minutes. With every night I eat less, and with every day I do less. I have the feeling I am disappearing, vanishing. With every day there is less «I», my body is in permanent ratio with my ego, with the forward-leaning and active one. Imagine people who have been starving for years –– how much can they do for themselves? Their families, their communities?

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Why am I always trying—and always pointlessly—to define myself? Who I appear to be, how I label myself, as what I feel myself, to what can I connect myself? Am I a vegan, a nationalist, a feminist, a chauvinist, a capitalist, an anarchist, an islamist? Ist-ist-ist. Who is «I» without anything? What is left of «I”, if I have no history, name, background system? Who am I? A living being? A human? How much have I tried to discover what a human is? Evolution, the history of humanity, the stories of creation, genes, processes, memes. Am I able to look at my self as a noumenon or am I just a holistic phenomenon? Am I a dirt, a «sounding clay» or an intermediate link in evolutionary chain? Am I all at the same time or none of them? Creator/created, conflict, an independent communicator or a syncretist? Maybe I am not set in stone, maybe I am not a static character, but a constant adaptor? The history of «I» consists of development, movement, change, adaptation. «I» is a human. Do you feel the same?

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I sleep everyday until the midday prayer. Sleeping saves my energy. Today I had to wake up early, to make it to the MA admission test. I feel like vomiting, I feel really bad. Not sure what I would vomit. Three quarters have past, I am enfeebling.

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You know this refugee thing. I have spent too much time on it. I wrote many pages on what I find to be wrong with it. It’s crap, both what I wrote and how it is dealt with. I am not willing to criticize, argue nor ramble anymore. I basically refuse to fall into the spiral of online commentaries, where some guy wants to say some absurdity and expects someone to answer. I don’t see a reason for this, I can’t see what good it does, it is not good for me, it is not good for my emotional and psychological wellbeing. All people have equal rights, the right to life and freedom. For all! There is no difference whether the color of your skin is «white» or «black», whether you are a woman or a man, your right to life and freedom does not depend on your passport or your personal ID, it depends on working heart. And you have the right to strive towards life and freedom.

Fuck, I started preaching again. You know what I mean… Think good, speak good, do good.

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We went to watch Minions with the boys. It was the 10:00 PM screening. As true westerners we broke our fast in the middle of the movie with nachos with melted cheese and Coca-Cola. After the movie we came home. Whilst waiting for the elevator, Happy noticed CCTV cameras in the waiting area and said: «This is freakin’ creepy.» Right on, boy, this is creepy. While the West killed God, the All-Seeing eye, we birthed Big Brother who watches over our every step, every action, every time we scratch our asses. Freakin’ creepy.

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It’s 1:42 AM and freshly asphalted road underneath Tammsaare/Järvevana viaduct is sprawling in front of me. Tires chirr on fresh asphalt, and thou the rear wheel is wobbly and chain covered with dirt, my bicycle scampers surprisingly fast. Today was the last tarawih prayer; I am glad that I was present. It was good, good for my body, soul and mind; they needed it. An hour and half of praying, four raka‘āts of evening prayer and twenty four raka‘āts of tarawih prayer. An hour and half out of that four hours, during which I could have been consuming, eating and drinking. Penultimate sacrifice before the end of the lunar-month. Last time I saw moon crescent was seven days ago. Clouds were slicing it horizontally into pieces. Now I can’t see it anywhere. Moon is dead. Dead to be born again. And the circle starts again.

This Ramadan is the twelfth Ramadan of my life. Every one of them has been different, but that doesn’t matter. Tomorrow is left. I must remember the two days I traveled and two days I fasted in Mecca time. Two full nicks and two half ones. I hope the rest will be accepted.

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Tonight, I read the children’s encyclopedia for Happy. In the beginning there was the Big Bang. It seemed to me that he did not fully understand all of this talk of compression of matter and the ever-expanding universe. Or I was not able to fully explain it to him. It was all too abstract, it was much easier to talk about planets and stars. I assume it is quite similar, if I had to talk about God to him.

Doubt, doubt is constant. Doubt follows me all the time. I doubt in everything – actions, principles, the actuality of my faith, the existence of God, my existence, the norms of society, reality. Doubt is good. Doubt is an earthquake that destroys badly constructed buildings to build new ones. Doubt makes the mind soft like crying does for to the heart. The mind must not harden, a petrified mind is evil, it is not capable of dialogue.

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Happy Holidays! Mustamäe, 07/15

#literature #badliterature #pulp fiction #transgression #transgressive #punkmuslim #ramadan #ramadan.man #6ism2e_dpi_error #Nation of Islam #islam

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