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scripted-dalliances · 5 years

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Rest In Peace: Chapter Six

Title: Rest In Peace

Chapter: 6

Summary: A part of Faithless Fairy Tale, a more in depth look at how they brought Laura back to life. Appearance of old faces, creation of new ones and if you’re looking for canon, it left a long, long time ago. If you squint you might be able to see some pieces from the book.

“No, love, in real life you can get all the way to death and never have finished one single story." -Catherynne M. Valente

“I can't believe I'm doing this.” Laura tells herself, looking at the open deep freezer before her. What had started as a seedling of a threat from Sweeney, had now become a reality of her own making because she could feel herself getting squishy.

She had moved what she could, shoving it into a different freezer across the way. Piling things that wouldn't matter next to it. If Ostara really cared about the damp bag of peas, she would buy her a new bag. Correction, she would make someone who was tall and ginger buy a new bag. This was technically his idea.

With help from an overturned bucket, Laura climbs in and lays down. The deep freezer is wide and long enough that it's an easy feat if she curls on her side. She can't really feel the cold any more, but she does relax a bit. No longer feeling like she's about to melt, or worse, start dropping limbs like a break dancing leaper.

-but the silence becomes an issue. And the darkness.

Laura forces herself to fake breathe in deep and out, twice before accepting defeat and pushing the freezer back open.

With renewed energy, she climbs out and rushes up the stairs, back into the massive kitchen where she finds Sweeney about to bite into a sandwich.

“I need your help.” She admits, and it pains her, it really does. The last time she asked for help...shit she doesn't even remember. Its like taking a knife to her own guts. But somehow, in the after math of his little story time, she finds the words slip out easy as a sin.

Sweeney looks angrily at her, then to the sandwich in his hands. Then back again, clearly struggling to make a choice.

“You can bring the damned sandwich. I don't care.” She tells him, only to promptly turn back down the stairs so she doesn't have to argue with him. She waits on top of the bucket until he shows up. He takes one glance at the freezer then at her and frowns.

“I thought we were good.”

“We are.” As good as either of them could get. Her being dead, him her killer and the god that decided to fuck with them both gone. Obviously there was remaining issues but they were working on them. “I need you to talk to me while I chill in here. So I don't feel like I'm about to melt into a goo.”

“...You want me to talk?”

“Yup.” She chirps. Opening the freezer once more to climb in, back into the winter darkness that awaited. This time, when it shuts closed, she waits to hear his voice.

Finally after a beat, she hears him.

“What exactly do you want me to say?”

“I don't care.”

She can't see it, but she knows he's rolling his eyes.

“How about I tell you of the time some undeserving bastard stole my coin and how I met the smallest, bitterest dead bitch in the world?”

Laura grins widely, knowing he can't see.

“Yeah. Okay. Tell me that one.”

He tells her tales. Some from his past, now that she knows, he can tell her the bits and pieces that aren't important. That only he knows, that only matter to him. He tells her of the Gods and Goddesses he has met, working for the man she knows as Wednesday who would later be revealed as Odin. He tells her how some of them are doing just fine, how others live in the gutter. Which ones he likes. Which ones he hates with a passion.

Who chased him from their doorsteps and who tried to eat him.

He tells her about the time he went on a drunken rampage and burned down a Lucky Charms factory.

About the time he got into a fist fight with an Irish nun in New York because she wouldn't stop bad mouthing his kind. He had been young and bitter, and following some young lad who still believed.

“Who won?” Laura's voice echoes out from the deep freezer.

Sweeney grins, “I fuckin' did. Cops saw her throw the first punch, hauled her away.”

Laura laughs, and he decides to tell her about the time in Las Vegas, he saw three strippers of various stages of undress bitch slap Odin. How when he went to defend the old dirty bastard, they kneed him in the junk and stole his wallet.

All because they were all sisters of Lady Luck.

That one makes her laugh hard enough to pop her jaw out of its alignment.

“Your turn.” Sweeney proclaims hours later. The night is nearly over, and he's not slept but it's not a problem. He doesn't feel tired.

“My turn?”

“Tell me a tale.”

“Nah,” She drawls, “I mean, the dead tell no tales, remember?”

“Cop out.” He tells her, throwing a pea he found on the floor at her freezer.

A whole minute passes in silence before she speaks again.

“How about I tell you about the time some asshole leprechaun tried to bully me?”

“Aye, tell me that one then. He sounds like a handsome lad.”

Laura isn't the best story teller, but she manages to spin a web of interest. More than once getting distracted by a minor twist that she has to explain. Or to defend her choice, because Sweeney isn't a good listener and he wants to argue with her just to drive her up the wall. There are points in stories where she has to raise her voice just to keep it going over him.

She has to fight to tell her tales.

She tells him of the time her mother had an affair with her Sunday school teacher, and that's probably what jump started her apathy for religion. He mocks that maybe that's just how her mother choose to pray to her god.

She tells him about meeting Shadow, and he complains how lame of a meeting it is. She argues that it's a lot more interesting than most.

Finally she tells him about the world of sand, the God judging her and the feather instead.

“...Shit. That sounds like Mr.Jacquel. Or Anubis if you’re dead. Cheerful bugger was he? Haughty as the Pope and twice as judgmental? Wears a black smock like a granny at a funeral?”

“That doesn't make sense...but yeah. Why, he on Odin's side too?”

“No. He doesn't pick sides. Death gods don't have troubles like the rest of us do as much. They just get bored, go mad with it before they fade. Grimnir was friendly enough with ‘em, but only because they owed him a favor or two. What did you do?”

Laura thinks about lying, of telling him that she was drawn back before anything could be done.

Instead, she finds herself telling him the truth, “He tried to reach for my heart and I smacked his fucking hand. Then told me he had to weigh my heart against a fucking feather of all things.”

“That's how they do it, I hear there was one that ate your sins or something like it. Was he there?”

“Never got that far. I slammed my hand down on his stupid little scale. Good or bad, I lived my life and it sure as fuck wasn't light as a feather.” Laura recalls the god's stunned expression, that quickly turned into simmering anger at her attitude. “He told me I was to go to darkness. Not peaceful nothingness, darkness. To be crammed into a hot tub like the one I attempted to killed myself, complete with bug spray. So I told him to go fuck himself.” She still remembers how she felt. Pissed off and cheated.

Maybe she didn't believe in a fluffy cloud heaven, and more over knows she doesn't meet the requirements to get through those particular pearly gates but it had seem unfair regardless. If she hadn't believed, if she had simply vanished from the world that would have been better. Easier to accept.

Instead she felt insulted and punished for not believing at all, in anything. For not making a choice. And that wasn't even mentioning she wasn't even suppose to die, that gods had interfered with the course of her life for their own personal gain.

“Oh, I bet he was pissed. No one likes disorder like Mr. Jacquel.”

“He was fine with it last time I saw him.”

The lid of the freezer is lifted, Sweeney peers down at her, “You saw him again?”

Laura leans up onto her elbows, “Yeah. After I punched the shit out of those guys for hurting Shadow. I tore my arm off, and was trying to piece it back together with Aubrey’s crafting supplies. Next thing I know I’m bumping into him and his brother. They offered to stitch me up and give me a make over.”

His face contorts into clear confusion.

“The gods of death gave you a bloody make over.”

“You got a hearing problem? Yes. Why?” Laura stood up, only mildly annoyed with the fact that even in the box she was hardly reaching his neck. “I got the impression they didn't care what I did. So what does it matter? You said yourself they don't really pick sides.”

“Aye, when it comes to Grimnir and his war, no. They keep to themselves, on occasion they help out for a favor but that doesn't mean they ain’t got their own agendas. That's every god, dead girl. Not a single damn one of them does something for nothing. Not even Jesus Christ himself.”

He has a point.

“All he said was that I had a heavy heart, and oh man, didn't that suck. Oh, and some bullshit about vowing to return me to darkness.”

“Well it is the man's job.”

Something clicks, “Why is that?”

Sweeney sucks in a deep breath and rolls his eyes, “If I have to fuckin’ explain the ins and outs of what it means to be a god of death, I will cut my own throat with a fuckin' butter knife. His real name is Anubis, surely you took an ancient history class once or twice. Or has the American educational system become that bad?”

“It has, but not my question. I meant why him. I didn't believe in anything, that's what he told me himself. So why the hell was Anubis the Egyptian god of death in charge of my, clearly not Egyptian ass?”

It's a good enough question to stump the leprechaun for a moment or two, eventually offering a hesitant, “Coulda been the ol one eyed bastard again.”

“Question is still why, numb nuts. I was dead, super buried and all that jazz. No way in hell he accounts for Shadow getting your coin and him dropping it on my grave. What would have been the point of him going the extra mile of hiring Anubis to deal with me. I mean, if we are going by that logic, wouldn't it be easier to send one of the Jesus Christ super stars, someone I would have easily recognize and maybe not question if he just kick me down to hell?”

“I've only met the brothers twice, all I know is that they have a crazy cat sister and a crazier missing brother. Rest of the family is either rumors or gone. They've been running that funeral home for ages, neither of them have a taste for trouble or war. All they really seem to care about is hearing a good story and getting a good nibble on the dead.”

Which, holy shit why did no one mention that had to be something she worried about now.

“You mean they could have eaten me?”

“Not you, dead girl. To them you are a questionable chicken salad sandwich from the gas station gone bad. They like their meat a bit fresher.”

“Thanks.” She glowers, debating whether or not to punch him but when she goes to peer over the edge of the freezer, finds that something is missing. “Where's my bucket?”

“Oh, you mean my bucket? The one I had to sit on so my arse didn't go numb as fuck, sitting on the ground down here, talkin to you? Aye, that bucket is over there.” His joy evident as he points to said bucket, which is a clear distance away from where she needs it to be. If she doesn't want to attempt to climb out of this damn thing like a toddler out of a crib.

“Go get my bucket.”

“My bucket, you mean.”

Laura feels the anger in her bubble up, “Either you get that bucket for me or I will stand up on this ledge, fling myself up at your stupid head and rip out every single strand of ugly hair you have. Including your fucking nose hair!”

“You can’t reach, cunt!”

“Wanna fucking bet?”

Laura makes a false pinching attempt towards him, and he steps back so quick he almost trips over his own feet. She smiles, satisfied at his growl until he stomps over and picks her up. Massive, strong hands wrap around her waist and for a second she is weightless.

She has always been a tiny woman, shorter than most, and that meant she was used to people; mostly men hauling her up. She didn't hate it, and even enjoyed the action with Shadow but normally it was just the sensation of being carried up. Of her toes leaving the ground and her weight being rested against someone's chest or arms.

Like she's something to carried, luggage turned burden because that's what happens. They pick her up, twirl her around and only then, realize slowly she is heavy in different ways.

She isn't what they expect hidden under her appearance, of a slim girl with no scars to see. She is dense bones and tense muscle, lacking sweetness and kindness, with a heavier heart than most. That’s when they put her down. Or let her down. Which ever comes first.

It's different with Sweeney, in his grasp she feels lighter. Like she's made up of something soft and airy, like spun cotton candy from a carnival. All because his strength completely envelops her, forcing her to realize this is him weak. This is him without his luck that currently rest in her belly, and yet it's still enough to make her feel as though she was floating.

Shit, if this is half of what people felt in the arms of their patron of worship, she could understand.

Unconsciously, she reaches out before he can let her go. Touching his wrists where they rest on her waist, making him go still. Obviously he had meant to just help her out, but she isn't ready to let this feeling go, not just yet.

It's nothing like kissing Shadow, where she felt her heart beat, like she was drinking down a new born star and would happily implode if she could have just consumed her fill of him and his warmth; his love, she had wrongly assumed.

This, makes her lungs expand and draw in air. She exhales slowly, sharper than before. Like for once she needs to breath.

“What is this? What's happening?” She feels rather than sees his shrug, the bunching of his arms the way his pulse jumps under her thumbs.

“Your guess is good as mine, dead girl.”

Laura’s mind races. Nothing makes sense. Sure they swapped some stories, and she did her best to keep an open mind but surely it's not that easy? Getting an oil change is harder.

“It feels…” She can't explain.

Sweeney shifts subtly, enough for her to look up at him and gauges his guilty expression.

“Don't make this weird.”

“I ain't!”

“You so are.”

-and just like that, he is dropping her completely. Pulling his hands away and stalking back up the stairs. Muttering darkly under his breath.

Before he can shut the door, Laura shouts.

“That was a weird reaction, by the way.”

He slams the door so hard it cracks.

#mad wife #Madwife #madwife fic #mad sweeney x laura moon #mad sweeney #laura moon #laura x sweeney

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talesofmetalandmagic · 5 years

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Here’s a bunch of stupid reasons I was given for which Zendaya shouldn’t play Ariel, from the Little Mermaid.

– “It’s ‘scientifically inaccurate’ for a mermaid to be black”. Yes, mermaids. Mermaids stopped being scientifically accurate when they, you know, started being mermaids.

– “Redheads are a discriminated minority, people like Ed Sheeran were bullied because of their hair color”. Even if that was true – while being bullied for your hair color is wrong, it still doesn’t make you an oppressed race – Ariel would still be a redhead even when played by Zendaya, who was given a PINK wig in The Greatest Showman. Also, there’s plenty more red-haired characters in the Disney canon, including one as famous and beloved as Anna from Frozen. Also also, people of color can have red hair: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/photographs-redheads-of-color_n_55db9929e4b0a40aa3abf017

– “Why don’t they just remake The Princess And The Frog instead?”. First of all, Zendaya is too light-skinned to play Tiana. Secondly, there’s never going to be a TPATF remake, since the 2D animation caused it to make only a moderate amount of money. Thirdly, why can’t we have both? (and let’s not mention when they made the same argument, except with Moana, because Zendaya is not indigenous and lumping all people of color together just shows your own true colors)

– “It’s not true that black people are underrepresented. What about Black Panther?”. If you think Ryan Coogler made that movie just so that black people would no longer ask for any further representation and just settle down with it, I’m willing to bet you’re wrong.

– “The Little Mermaid is a Danish fairytale, it’s part of the Danish culture and should be set in Denmark”. It’s just so precious to see people proclaim themselves Captain Denmark just for the sake of a Disney movie. Not that the Princess and the Frog fairytale has anything to do with New Orleans, since they kept bringing that movie up. Also, the 90s movie had a Jamaican crab. How did your beloved “Danish people” react to this?

– “Having a black Little Mermaid won’t stop racism, they should put effort in solving X social issue concerning black people instead”. True, it won’t be an end to racism, but it will help young black girls feel represented and see themselves as a heroine in a beautiful marine movie. Representation is a minor social issue when it comes to saving lives, but it can help young people feel better about themselves and the minority they’re a part of.

– “I can’t be racist, I study Eastern Languages”. It’s as if I said “I can’t be racist, I like The Black Eyed Peas”. Racism takes many forms beyond militant, and limiting it at that just helps ignore a lot of problems. Seriously, wtf?

– “You complained about Scarlett Johansson, what’s so different about this?”. Because Scarlett Johansson, in both her controversies, was taking away a minority role. This time, it’s a minority actress taking a role that used to belong to a majority.

– "She can be the Little Mermaid, but she can’t be Ariel. Why not make up a new mermaid character, maybe related to Ariel, and make a story about her?”. Ariel is the popular character everyone associates with the Little Mermaid mythos. People got all up in arms about Ariel because she’s a character they grew up with, she’s part of their childhood. But making her black won’t change a thing, as long as she remains curious and rebellious and musical. This is what counts.

- “Why not just make an original story with new characters, maybe inspired by an African folktale or myth? Kirikou and the Sorceress did it and it was amazing.” The actual meaning of this is “leave my Precious Childhood alone, just make up a new story that I can easily ignore, with a stranger I have no connection with as the lead, so that if it fails I can always blame it on the MC’s ethnicity”. Kirikou and the Sorceress may be a beautiful movie, but it’s also fairly unknown in the mainstream, and saying this is like telling people that if they want to feel represented they should seek out indie works from their origin country. Which are not easy to find, nor as ingrained in pop culture as something like The Little Mermaid.

And Zendaya will be beautiful.

#uuuugh #just had to let it out #I'm tired of this shit honestly

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scarletcarerra-blog · 5 years

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Cars fanfiction/ What happend after cars 3

Uhhh....I got bored Oof, Plus I love cars so......Why the hell not make another fanfiction?

WARNING.....CONTAINS LANGUAGE AND SEXUAL WORDS...... ETC ACTION

Everyone was gathered up at flo´s sipping on oil. Cruz was glaring and lightning in a flirty way while lightning and sally were talking. Then Doc drove up to lightning and sally.

Doc: Hey kid, Wanna go drive more laps?

Lightning: Shouldn´t you ask cruz that?

Doc: So are you retired?

Lightning: Um, Never.

Sally: Yeah. Until you reach the age 40 you´re going to be whining to me sayin ¨Sally my axle hurts!¨

Everyone starting laughing their hoods off except lightning.

Lightning: I am not.

Sally: Yes you will.

Doc: Mhm.

Cruz: Sure Mr. Mcqueen.

Lightning: Okay, Cruz nobody even fucking asked you.

Doc: Oh go suck it lightning.

Lightning: Wow doc, I had no Idea you could speak that language.

Doc: Oh yeah, Well your old man here is a horny little bitch too.

Sally: Oh boy.

Lightning: Whats wrong my Queen?

Sally: Nothing stickers, Absolutely nothing.

1 Week later.....

Lightning, Sally and the others were on their way to Paris for the next race.

Lightning: Hey sal?

Sally: Yeah stickers?

Lightning: Did I tell you that I put a speaker in docs trailer?

Sally: Why the hell would you do that....

Lightning: So I can hear Doc and sophia jacking off

Sally slapped lightning hard on his fender

Lightning: Sal, whats the matter baby?

Sally: The last time ive seen you be this horny was when I first met you.... *She grinned*

Lightning turned the switch to hear what doc and Sophia were doing in their trailer.

Sally: Wow lightning. Wow.

Lightning started laughing his rear off.

2 Days later.

Sally decided to sleep in lightnings trailer instead of the apartment

Lightning: Sal, are you sure?

Sally: Yes stickers im sure.

Sally did not sleep a minute that night.....

Lightnings alarm went off. It was currently 6am

Lightning: Ugh, I hate mornings *He said groggily*

Lightning went over to his trailer to check on sally but all he saw was her talking to someone on the phone.

Doc and lightning went over to the track to do some laps with cruz.

Cruz: So Mr. Mcqueen.....How is it going between you and Ms. Carerra?

Lightning: Oh....Its fine

Cruz: I see why you like her so much

Doc: Okay you two, Stop getting distracted and actually race here

Lightning: Oh shut the hell up

Cruz: Also Mr. Mcqueen?

Lightning: Yeah cruz?

Cruz: I think you should have had let Sally sleep in the Apartment instead of your trailer...

Lightning: I tried to but she declined.

Doc: I have to be honest here, She hasnt been getting any sleep here lately.

Cruz: Yeah, Last week, I tried to talk to her....She almost called me a faggot

Lightning: Really? Because she hasn´t acted like that around me...

Doc: Well kids, Time to go get some food.

Cruz: Can we go to the Pizza place?

Lightning: Uh, Sure. But first I wanna talk to sally.

Cruz and doc agreed while lightning drove over to his trailer.

Lightning went into his trailer watching sally on the phone. Then she hung up.

Lightning: Hey sal, We were going to get pizza....Wanna come?

Sally: Uh, Sure.

They all went over to the restaurant.

Everyone gulped their pizza down but sally.

Lightning: Whats wrong my queen?

Sally: Nothing.

Jackson: Well she does have a attitude, maybe thats her problem.

Sally: Shut the fuck up!

Lightning: Whoah...

Cruz: Mrs. Carerra chill!

Lightning: Sal, If you don´t want pizza we can always go somewhere else?

Sally: I don´t care about the damn food! *She said furiously*

Lightning: Sally Baby chill!

Sally: No, you chill and leave me alone! *She snapped back*

Flo: Honey, Calm down, Its ight.

Sally revved her engine furiously making a scene

Jackson: I was just sayin!

Lightning: You´re fine jackson.

Cruz: Mr. Mcqueen, Maybe we should just leave or send her home so she can-

Sally: FINE! ILL LEAVE! MAYBE YOU´ll BE BETTER WITHOUT ME!

Sally stormed out of the restaurant Creating a scene

Lightning Paid the bill and drove after her.

Lightning: Sally, Wait!

Sally stormed into the trailer and shut the trailer door behind him.

Lightning opened the trailer door and drove in Angrily.

Lightning: What the hell is wrong with you! Did you really have to storm out like that?!

Sally: Yes, I did!

Lightning: Sally just....What the hell is your problem!

Sally: I DON´T HAVE A PROBLEM!

Lightning Revved his engine furiously at her. Sally started to whine but lightning couldn´t hear her over his engine.

Lightning: Im trying to help you, But you won´t let me!

Sally: Because I don´t need help!

Sally tried to exit the trailer but lightning blocked her ways. Then she started to push him out of the way but then he grabbed ahold of her axle and jerked her back.

Lightning: You´re not going anywhere until we figure this out!

Lightning was still holding onto her sore Axle putting a lot of pressure on it making it want to break.

Sally: Stickers...Please....Let go of my axle.....

Lightning: Not until you tell me what your problem is!

Doc: LIGHTNING!

Lightning let her go.

Doc: WHAT IN THE NAME OF HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! * He bellowed*

Lightning grabbed her axle once again and pushed her against the wall. Just then Jackson stormed into the trailer to grab lightning and threw him out.

Jackson: SINCE WHEN DID YOU BECOME A WOMEN BEATER!?

Lightning: I WASN´T BEATING HER YOU JACKASS!

Doc: HEY! Hey! Break it up you two!

Jackson: Oh yeah! Well atleast I wasn´t left unsupervised!

Lightning started to have flashbacks of when he was little.. Sally saw lightnings reaction when jackson said that to him.

Doc looked confused

Lightning: I wasn´t left Unsupervised!

Jackson: Uh yeah! If you haven´t forgotten! You were abbandoned by your parents because they didn´t love you!

Lightning changed the subject again....

Lightning: And since when did this have to do with sally?

Jackson: It never did Mcqueen. Not until now. Surely you were bullied when you were younger, Because others figured out you had ANGER ISSUES!

Lightning had tears form in his windshield.

Lightning: Says you!

Doc: HEY! *Doc grabbed jackson but jack hit doc and knocked him out*

Sally started to sob

Everyone was staring at lightning seeing his reaction

Jackson: You lived in a adoption center because you were never loved!

Lightning.....Never loved......Never loved....

Lightning drove away into a dark alley having for flashbacks

Sally: Lightning was never loved?

Then everyone paid attention to sally

Sally: No wonder why he acts like he does! because of you JACKSON!

Jackson: Hey....Heh....Lets not get on the wrong page here sweetheart...

Sally: I HAVENT SLEPT IN WEEKS AND NOW IM JUST NOW FIGURING OUT THAT LIGHTNING HAS PROBLEMS THAT I NEVER KNEW ABOUT!!!! * She bellowed*

Flo: Honey, Calm down.

Sally: THIS IS YOUR FAULT!

Sally Hit jackson so hard he had a dent But it did not knock him out. Just then sally stormed out to find lightning. Then she found him in a dark alley.

Sally: Stickers?

Lightning: Sal, I don't wanna talk about it. If you don't want to be my girlfriend, then don't because I understand.

Sally: No stickers, I want to be. Please don't be mad at me?

Lightning: Lets just go get some sleep and forget this happend?

Sally: Sure. *She grinned trying to lighten up his mood.

Lightning woke up in a horrible mood feeling aches in his body.

Sally woke up feeling miserable.

Lightning Went over to his trailer watching sally as she made her way out of the trailer.

Lightning hasn't seen sally look so miserable in his life, He felt bad for her.

Sally had oilshot (Bloodshot) Eyes and she was very droopy with her eyelids halfway closed.

Lightning drove over to her

Lightning: Are you okay My Queen?

Sally: Oh stickers Ive never felt so horrible in my life *She started to have a emotional meltdown*

Sally drove over crying into his door

Lightning: Shh... Get it all out.

Meanwhile.....

Doc and Sophia were having trailer sex.

Sophia: Oh doc, Ive never felt so good in my life!

Doc: Mhm.....

4 Hours later...

Everyone was sitting at Taco Bell

Lightning was gulping down his food as usual, Cruz eating normally along with the others, Jackson fondling with his dick, And sally was staring at her food.

Flo: Sally, Honey?

Sally: Mmmmm

Lightning Glared at Sally

Lightning: Uh sal...Are you going to-

Sally closed her eyes and drifted off.

Mater Used his Airhorn and got everyones attention And sallys eyes opened so quickly it was like a flash of lightning.

Then the song *Meet me halfway by the Black Eyed Peas started playing*

Sally started drifting off again and lightning moved next no her holding her up.

Lightning: Guys, We need to help her

Cruz: Ugh. Well no Shit Sherlock

Jackson Chuckled

Lightning held her tire driving out of the restaurant with the others until she dropped to her rims.

Lightning: Sal!

Doc: Hey, C''mon kid, wake up.

Sally: Doc......Mmmm....It hurts.....

Doc and lightning: Whats hurts!

Doc Felt her stomach as if it were to be twisting.

Doc: When is the last time anyone has seen her eat?

Cruz: Last time ive seen her eat something was like 4 days ago....

Flo: Yeah.

Lightning got worried

Lightning: Sal, Why havent you been eating?

Sally: I have tank poisoning and Insomnia Okay?

Doc: Now you tell us?

Sally started to cry like she were to be having another meltdown.

Lightning pulled up beside her Nuzzling her fender.

Sally: Its not what hurts though....

Doc looked in confusion.

Then doc twisted all of her axles besides her front left

Sally Shreiked in pain as doc twisted it.

Doc: Sorry!

Sally: Just....stop....*She said Sobbing*

Doc: Seems you have a broken axle. Probably from where Mcqueen grabbed you yesterday. *Doc glared at lightning furiously*

Lightning: Im sorry Pinstripe.

A few hours later.....

Sally: Stickers...I love you

Lightning: Sal, If you don't mind, Maybe I can sleep with you for tonight?

Sally: Sure * They both grinned*

Lightning: G'night My queen.

Sally: G'night my king.

1:02 in the morning

Sally started screaming No....No...No!!!

Lightning: Sally!

Sally: Huh?

Sally was breathing rapidly

Lightning: You started screaming no....

Sally had tears form in her eyes and lightning saw it

Lightning: Sally, You don't have Insomnia, You're still having this dream of my wreck....Aren't you?

Sally shook her hood Nodding.

Lightning: Well its okay, Because Im right here. Okay?

Sally Nuzzled him.

Lightning got in front of her checking her Axle

Lightning: Alright. You should be good for now, Just get some rest...Okay?

Sally: Alright stickers.

12:30AM

Everyone was in a good mood except for lightning. He was in the horniest mood ever and so was doc. Storm was in a playful mood, But not as much and lightning and doc.

Cruz, Storm, Lightning, Sally, Doc, And Sophia were in the livingroom playing truth or dare *Dirty version*

Doc: Okay, Mcqueen Ill start with you. Truth or dare?

Lightning: Mmmm. Dare.

Sally: Ooh.

Doc: Okay. I dare you too.....Have a make-out session with sally right now in front of us.

Sally: Oh for the love of Chrysler.

Lightning drove in front of sally making eye- contact.

Sally: Okay stickers, First Of all I-

Lightning was locked in a deep kiss with sally then it turned into a Make-out session.

Cruz: Wow Mr. Mcqueen

Lightning: Impressed?

Cruz: Actually Im jealous.

Everyone started Laughing

Lightning: Okay doc. Now your turn, Hehe.

Doc: Oh you devilish little Bastard. I choose dare.

Lightning: Mmm. I dare you too...Uh...Call Jackson a Slut.

Jackson: WHAT?

Lightning was laughing so hard he was crying

Doc: Jackson you are a slut. There!

Doc: Okay cruz, Your turn but this time we can't choose. Only the person who is telling you can.

Lightning: Oh boy.

Cruz: Okay, Mr. Mcqueen. Im giving you a dare

Lightning: Why me?

Sally Started to chuckle along with the others.

Cruz: I dare you to Uh.....Kiss Ms. Carerras Tattoo.

Lightning: Oh thats easy.

Lightning went behind her and Kissed her Tattoo several times.

Jackson: Okay. My turn. Now I choose sally.

Sally: Oh wow. What a suprise.

Jackson: Sally I dare you to have sex with lightning

Sallys windshield Flashed over and so did lightnings

Sally: Uhm....

Cruz: I have an idea. Why don't we all just have sex right here right now.

Lightning: Im cool with it. Sally?

Sally: Oh why the hell not.

Lightning mounted sally. And the other did the same.

Doc and sophia were doing the same pose as Jackson and Mcqueen.

Lightning: OOOH......

Sally: Oh god lightning! Harder!

Meanwhile.....

Cal and bobby drove in.

Cal: Hey mcqueen I wondering if-

Bobby and cal were in complet shock watching 3 males Jack off with their Girls.... Chapter 2-

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sunalsolove · 6 years

Text

Get to know the blogger

tagged by @sinarasmith Thank you!

rules: tag 10 mutuals you’d like to get to know better

name: Hana

star sign: Capricorn (really, really Capricorn)

height: 5′7″

put your iTunes or spotify on shuffle. what are the first 4 songs that popped up?

Truly, Madly, Deeply - Savage Garden

I Got A Feeling- The Black Eyed Peas

Thriller- Michael Jackson

Dani California- Red Hot Chili Peppers

have you ever had a poem or song written about you?

Nope, thank goodness. I did get a lot mixtapes given to me in high school.

when was the last time you played the guitar?

Never (I play piano)

who is your celebrity crush?

I’m old, so no.

what’s a sound you hate and a sound you love?

Love: My dog snoring

Hate: The goddamned beeping monitors at work. I hallucinate them at home all the freaking time. Wake up from a dead sleep thinking I hear an emergency alarm. (Er, hi, I have PTSD)

do you believe in ghosts?

I do, but more in the spirits are hanging around way than in the scary they’re out to get me way

how about aliens?

Yes! (I live in New Mexico. I’m required to)

do you drive?

An hour each way to and from work

what was the last book you read?Write

Reams of Fanfic

Write Better Scenes by Mason Sabre

what’s the worst injury you’ve had?

I had a horse go over backward with me on him and crushed my foot. I was at a show so my mom wrapped it and I kept showing. The top is still sort of deformed and I have pain/issues with shoes. I also had an ovarian cycst the size of a grapefruit become necrotic and burst (I was told I had “muscle pain” in my back and should “relax” when I first went to the doctor) so I was septic and unconscious in the hospital for a while. (I was a teen) That was fun.

do you have any obsessions right now?

Besides Agents of Shield?

do you try to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Yes, I’m terrible, but usually not if it’s just to me. But if you slight my work...I’m not going to forget/forgive that one.

in a relationship?

I’ll have been with my husband for 21 years on Halloween. (we started dating 10/31/1997).

I’m not going to tag anyone because I think everyone that I would have has already been tagged? If not and you want to do this, then consider yourself tagged!

#personal #ask meme

3 notes · View notes

teapotfiction · 6 years

Note

Hi! Can you write a fic where Betty interrupts Jughead's initiation?

Well yes, yes I can. I am in love with this prompt (and I still have some others in queue that were requested before this. I’m sorry to those anons - I will get round to writing them but this week my heart has been so broken by the show that all I could write is angst.

So welcome aboard the good ship angst my good fellows. And I hope you enjoy….This turned out a lot longer than originally planned.

Read on AO3

Breaking Through the Atmosphere

Lollipop Lollipop Oooh Lolli Lolli Lolli

Betty’s entire body tensed as her phone went off. Surely not again? Had today not been bad enough?

She wanted so badly to ignore it, but she was compelled to reach for her phone. If she stopped answering now, everything else was pointless.

And that couldn’t be pointless. It had to serve its purpose. Because it was the worst thing he could have asked of her.

She held her breath and reached for the phone. To her surprise the caller ID didn’t say UNKNOWN, but Archie. She relaxed for half a second before remembering why he was calling her, and flinching.

‘Hi.’ She almost whispered into the phone.

‘Hi Betty. I did what you asked.’ His voice was low. He sounded exhausted. Betty didn’t know what to respond with. She’d known that Archie would talk to Jughead on her behalf. She’d known that Archie - the one person who knew Jughead almost as well as she did - would know how to make it convincing. She’d known that Archie wouldn’t let her down.

But she wished he had.

Because then she’d still have Jughead.

And even though she was desperately clinging to the idea that they’d be able to walk it back one day, the fear that they wouldn’t be able to threatened to paralyse her.

‘And?’ One word, that was all she could manage.

She heard Archie sigh. ‘He bought it. Eventually.’

‘I’m sorry I asked you. I couldn’t have done it..’

‘I know.’ Archie’s tone softened. ‘It was hard. I said more than I planned on.’

‘As long as he believed it.’ Betty replied, her voice cracking. ‘We will walk it back.’ she said, as if to convince herself, as the tears that had never really stopped started to fall down her face again.

There was a noticeable pause on the phone. ‘What, Archie? What aren’t you saying?’

‘Betty. When I went to see Jughead, he told me I had to go. He practically pushed me out of the door before I even opened my mouth.’

‘Oh?’

‘Yeh. Then the serpents arrived and - I don’t know what’s going on Betty - but he’s in deep with them. I think he’s joining them.’

‘No Arch. He wouldn’t’

‘He was standing with them. He didn’t want me to know - that’s why he tried to get me to go. He was just standing there. Surrounded by the guys that attacked us. With them. Against us.’ Archie’s voice was shaky, Betty felt the guilt pulsate around her body. She’d taken it for granted that Archie would be unaffected - but this changed everything.

‘He wouldn’t’ She repeated.

‘He is.’ Archie was resigned. ‘I didn’t know if I should tell you or not. But I thought you should know the truth. We might have already lost him. But if there’s a chance - I don’t think you can afford to wait. I’m sorry Betty, this isn’t what you wanted to hear.’

She couldn’t speak, tears flooded down her face as everything came tumbling down around her.

‘Betty? I’m coming over. You shouldn’t be alone.’

‘No Archie. I need to be alone. I need to.. Process.’ she managed to get out between the sobs that threatened to pull her body apart. ‘If I have to lose him to keep him safe…. I have to try and keep him safe. I can’t… I can’t … I can’t’ But she couldn’t finish her sentence.

He understood.

‘If you change your mind…’ Archie replied. Betty sniffed.

‘Thanks Archie.’

She hung up before she fell apart.

She curled up on the floor of her bedroom, hurling her phone as far as she could. She never wanted to hear it ring again. It brought nothing but pain and destruction. She hugged her knees tightly and let herself cry. Wracking, ugly sobs that seemed to reach from her very core overtook her. She struggled to breathe. She had lost everything, and she didn’t even know if it was worth it.

Jughead didn’t know exactly what it felt like exactly, but he thought there was a pretty high chance that he was now in shock.

Betty.

Betty didn’t want him any more.

She hadn’t wanted him for weeks.

And she’d sent Archie to do her dirty work.

He tried to push the thought to the back of his mind. He had more pressing issues right now. He couldn’t show weakness. Not in front of the pack of Serpents currently standing around him. They were waiting for a reaction; Sweet Pea raised his eyebrows, smirking. They wanted him to crumble under the weight of Archie’s words. Hell - he wanted to crumble himself. But he wasn’t going to do that. He had to distract himself.

There was too much at stake.

And if that meant that he had to lose some things along the way, then so be it.

But why did it have to be Betty?

He cricked his neck from side to side.

‘Okay then. Let’s get this over with.’ he practically snarled the words out.

‘Oh no. Your final trial is not one we’re going to hurry through.’ Sweet Pea smirked even harder, making Jughead want to hit the look right off his face. Which was probably the idea. They wanted him to lose his cool. It’d make the game much more fun for them.

‘Fine. What do I need to do?’

‘It’s very simple. You’ve just got to take a few steps. One end of the line to the other. Shouldn’t be too challenging for FP’s son.’

‘What’s the catch?’ Jughead eyed him.

‘You’ll have to wait until the sun goes down to find that out.’ The group tittered behind him, ‘I just hope you’re not too fond of your pretty boy looks.’

‘So why are you here already?’ Jughead glared. That had floored him, He needed the immediate distraction, and sunset was still a couple of hours away. He couldn’t risk thinking about Betty, or Archie while the Serpents were around. He’d reveal his weakness.

‘We’ve got to make sure you’re not going to cheat.’ Jughead frowned, confused and Sweet Pea continued. ‘We know Toni here has tipped you off as to the difficulty of this challenge. We don’t want there to be any risk that you take something that’s going to ease the pain.’

If only he knew, thought Jughead, nothing could ease that particular pain.

Don’t think about it. Don’t think. Don’t. Just act. Autopilot if you need to.

‘So you’re just going to watch me?’

‘Catch on real quick, don’t you?’

Hours passed, and eventually she ran out of tears. Her body still heaved, but there was nothing more that could physically come out of her. She was empty. Empty but not numb. Numb would be preferable to the all encompassing wretchedness.

Was this worth it? Was she doing the right thing?

Eventually she found the strength to stand up. She paced around her room. She couldn’t stay still. Her hand was forced into inactiveness by the Black Hood, and she hated it. She was terrified. A prisoner in her own room. Isolated from everyone.

Her mind was racing. Archie’s warning running through her head. He’s in deep. Already lost. Serpents. Was it true? Had Archie misinterpreted the situation? Surely Jughead wouldn’t?

The pain, the uncertainty, the questions threatened to spiral her out of control. Her hands were bunched up into tight little balls; her nails dug in deep. She could see the blood, but she couldn’t feel anything.

She had to know that it was worth it.

She had to see him.

Maybe she could…? No. The Black Hood would know if she tried to tell him anything.

But she had to see him. Even if she didn’t speak to him. Even if it changed nothing. She had to see it with her own eyes. It was the only way that she’d believe it. She was frantic.

Betty didn’t even stop to pick up a jacket. She ran out of the house and towards the South, without stopping. She couldn’t feel the blistering cold of the winter evening. She couldn’t feel anything other than her heartbreak.

It hadn’t taken long for Jughead to read in between the none too subtle lines of Sweet Pea’s words. He knew what he was about to face and he welcomed it. Physical pain might distract him. It was nothing less than he deserved for losing Betty. He was trash. And she’d finally realised it.

The Serpents - (what was the correct pack name for a group of them? He mused A nest of them?) - were getting excited. It made him sick. If he hadn’t already been so set on joining, if he hadn’t known that he had to join, he would have just given up. Walked away. But he couldn’t. This was his destiny and he had to face up to it. He could no longer pretend that he could choose a different future. He was his dad. He could just try not to make as many of the same mistakes as his dad had. Try to stay out of jail. Try to stay away from people so he didn’t hurt them. Try not to rip a family apart. He could try.

‘Nearly time, Jones.’ Sweet Pea, in particular, was relishing the tortuous countdown. Taunting Jughead while he still could. Before they became the same.

‘Shouldn’t you be lining up?’ Jughead returned, defiantly. He wasn’t worried. He could take the physical beating. It was the emotional one that threatened to destroy him.

‘Not quite yet.’ Sweet Pea lit up a cigarette and blew the smoke into Jughead’s face. Jughead resisted the instinct to cough. They flared at each other. Neither moving for what could have been a few seconds or a few hours - Jughead couldn’t tell.

‘Okay serpents. Line up.’ Sweet Pea gave the instruction without breaking eye contact with Jughead. ‘You know the rules, Jones. All you’ve got to do is walk down the line. No stopping. No fighting back. No reacting. If you survive you’ll be one of us. If you don’t…’ he trailed off and gave Jughead a nasty grin. ‘Well, none of us are gonna say what happened to you.’

Betty had no idea which route she’d taken to get to the trailer park. But she’d got there, running the whole way, desperate and determined. But once she arrived at her destination, her feet would no longer propel her forward, no matter how hard she tried. She was afraid of what might happen next

She could see FP’s - or rather Jughead’s - trailer a little way ahead of her, and suddenly felt shy. She didn’t feel able approach it straight on, so she headed to the wooded area that was just behind it. She could see out, but she should be fairly invisible.

As she got a little closer, she realised that there were figures moving about outside. She didn’t want to look, but she couldn’t look away. Who were they and what were they doing? She darted behind the nearest tree, peeking out, trying to work out what was going on.

And then she saw him. Jughead. Her heart flipped and she felt a rush of nausea. This is why she’d had to send Archie to talk to him earlier. How would she ever face him again? She was torn between reaching out to touch him, and running away.

There were two lines of boys - men she corrected herself - ‘Serpents’ said the voice inside her head. Jughead seemed to be at the top of the line. She couldn’t quite make out their intention; they didn’t look friendly, but they hadn’t made a move towards him. If they were going to attack him, surely they’d have started already? Her eyes widened, desperately trying to find a clue as to their motivations. Was he in danger?

She saw Jughead crick his neck from side to side, slowly and deliberately. He stared straight ahead. It was like he was looking directly at her, though of course he couldn’t see her. She didn’t recognise the person standing there. He looked so cold, so determined, so different. It was as if he was a stranger. The tears that she thought she’d exhausted started to prick at her eyes again. Whatever this was, it certainly wasn’t good.

He took a step forward. She gasped.

Jughead faced the group, and he let his mind go.

Betty.

He stepped forward. There wasn’t room for any more hurt. He would welcome the punches when they came. He’d be battered and broken on the outside too.

The force of the first punch took him by surprise, as his body was forced backwards by the violent blow. But still he continued on. His step only slightly more uncertain than it had been.

You’ve done this to yourself.

This is what you deserve.

Thwack. Another blow, the force threatening to wind him. And then they came in thick and fast. Blow after blow after blow, each harder than the one before it. And then when he was least expecting it there was a pause. He couldn’t bring himself to look up and kill the hope that he’d reached the end of the line - because he knew really he was less than half way through.

The next punch hit him in the jaw, he fell back only to be caught by the Serpent standing behind him. For a second he allowed himself to believe that it was Betty there, catching him as he fell, again. Because she’d always done that. She’d always caught him when he threatened to self destruct. She’d always caught him before he got too far away from her. Until now. Until it had been too much for her. A double blow of pain hit him again. She’d never catch him again. Those short months of happiness was gone. Life was grittier now.

Another step forward. Shakier now. Another punch sent him hurling backwards. He lost his footing and he didn’t know where the blows were coming from now, but he could barely stand. And then a sharp, forceful attack hit his back and he was on the floor. His face pressed into the mud, making raw cuts sting. And all he could think was that this still didn’t hurt as much as knowing he’d lost the only person he’d ever loved.

Betty didn’t want to watch but she couldn’t look away. She was rooted to the spot, unable to move. Why wasn’t he fighting back? Why was he letting them do this? Why did he look so defeated? Why couldn’t she move?

She felt sick. Had she pushed him towards the Serpents? How was she supposed to move on knowing that he was in pain? She couldn’t go to him; that much she knew - but she had no idea how she would ever be able to forget this tortuous scene.

Poor Juggie.

She wanted to shout to him, to tell him to run. She wanted to get on his motorcycle with him and live happily ever after. Not Romeo and Juliet, but Betty and Jughead. Together. Away from it all. Curled up in each other’s arms…

No. She shouldn’t think like that. It wasn’t healthy. She had to move past it. Until it was safe.

She saw Jughead fall down as the Serpents surrounded him.

Get up Juggie, get up. Please get up. Whatever this is, just get up. Don’t just lie there. You can do it. Please Juggie. Show them that you’re okay. Please be okay. Please.

Felt desperate. In another world, she’d run over to him, hug him close and forget anything else had ever happened. She realised she was crying again when she felt the tears run down her face.

Then she saw it. A tiny glint in the dark night, of light reflecting off metal. On the tall Serpent’s hand.

Was that a….? Surely not? Surely nobody used them. Not in real life.

But there was no mistaking what it was; nor the intent in the body language.

Jughead finally peeled himself from the floor, wincing and staggering as he did so. She saw blood drip from his mouth, his brow furrowed in pain.

The tall Serpent swaggered over to Jughead and something cracked inside of her.

‘Oh no no no no.’ she cried.

And that’s when her feet remembered how to move.

‘Stop it. No! Don’t hurt him.’ She screamed at the top of her voice as she ran into the circle of Serpents, angling her body so she was between Jughead and tall figure.

‘Stay away from him.’ She screeched in a voice she didn’t recognise. And then she realised what she’d done.

She was surrounded. She tried to back away but found herself walking in to one of them. She spun around, so she was facing Jughead. Both of them, in the centre of the group. Unarmed. Vulnerable.

Both of them broken.

Betty could tell that he was close to passing out; but whether from the pain, or the shock she wasn’t sure. He swayed instead of standing still. His mouth dripping with blood. His eyes blackened.

‘Show’s over Sweet Pea’ he snapped.

‘I don’t think so.’ The tall one laughed. ‘We’ve not finished yet.’

‘Juggie?’ Betty’s voice was only marginally above a whisper.

‘Well I say we have. Isn’t this enough for you? Doesn’t this prove enough?’ Jughead’s voice was weaker than she’d ever heard it, though he was trying to put a brave face on it.

‘I don’t think you’re in a position to negotiate, Jones.’ Sweet Pea countered.

‘Just go.’ Jughead hissed. Sweet Pea looked around, weighing up the options. Then he grabbed a jacket from Toni and threw it to the ground, stamping it into the mud.

‘Come on. Let’s not waste our time with those who don’t make it.’

With that the group disappeared. Several of them deliberately knocked into Jughead with such force that he was nearly on the floor again. Betty tried not to watch when she saw him trying to spit the worst of the blood from his mouth. She didn’t think there was enough of her heart left to break again, but it was happening.

They were alone again. In an uncomfortable and awkward silence, which Betty had never known with Jughead.

Eventually he spoke. ‘You look like hell Betty. What are you doing here?’

‘You don’t look so good yourself.’ she replied pointedly.

‘I thought you didn’t want to see me again.’ he hissed. ‘That you’d been trying to break up with me for weeks. That you knew I’d gone dark.’

She shook her head. ‘No, no, no, no.’

‘Did it have to be Archie though? Did you have to twist the knife just that one last time?’

He was so angry and she didn’t blame him. She couldn’t think of a good reason why she was there. This had been a mistake. She couldn’t do what she so desperately wanted to because the stakes were too high. And now the Serpents had turned their back on him too. She’d just made it so much worse. Still, she knew what she had to do.

‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come.’ But she made no move to leave. She knew that when she left this time it really would be the end. He’d never forgive her. There would be no walking back.

She wasn’t sure she could do it.

‘Why did you come, Betts?’ The familiar nickname jolted her back. It gave her a hope that she shouldn’t allow herself to have.

She swallowed. ‘I had to see you. Just one last time. I needed to know you were safe.’

‘Yeh, well.’ he shrugged, which made him wince in pain again, and gestured around. ‘Safe as houses this.’

Betty shifted uncomfortably, her hands curled up into tight balls. Almost involuntarily she took a step forward.

‘But, the serpents Juggie? Of all things, to join the Serpents?’ her voice wavered.

‘What else did I have? I don’t belong in the North - that much is clear. And I’m a Serpent by blood. It’s what I’m meant to do.’

Betty shook her head vehemently. ‘No Juggie. You said that was your dad’s life, not yours.’

‘Then I shouldn’t have assumed I’m any better then him.’

You are. She wanted to scream. You are. He’s not a bad person but you are so much stronger; you’re so much wiser and you can do so much more. You’re more than your parents Jughead.

But she couldn’t say anything. Minutes passed as they stood opposite each other, neither one knowing what to say. Neither one wanting to be the one that walked away first.

Betty cleared her throat, eventually.

‘You should clean that up. You don’t want it getting infected.’

‘Sure.’

She took another step closer to him, almost close enough to touch. She looked at his face critically. He was still staring at the ground, at his hands, at anything but her. Up close his injuries looked so much worse and she gave another gasp.

‘I don’t think you should be alone tonight. Head injuries. It could… Is there someone you can…?’

‘Who would I call Betty?’ he replied sardonically. ‘It doesn’t matter. I’ll be fine, and if I’m not then so be it.’

His words shocked her. He looked up and found her staring at his eyes. He could see something was going on. There was something she hadn’t told him (not that he was in any position to be angry about that after what he’d hidden). There was something holding her back. That was why she’d sent Archie, because she knew he’d see through her.

He caught her hand.

She looked at him, startled. And then she made her decision.

Because what good was it to try and keep him safe from the Black Hood, if he was going to put his own life in danger?

Maybe they couldn’t be together. Maybe there was too much else going on. But maybe it was worth the risk to try and get a message to him.

‘I can. If you want. I can clean you up.’ she offered, timidly.

Jughead didn’t speak, but he guided her into the trailer, not dropping her hand.

Once inside she made her way to the Jones’ bathroom where she was depressingly knowledgeable about the whereabouts of the medical essentials. She willed herself to stop crying, but knew it was useless. Focus, Betty. Focus.

She carried the bottle of antiseptic, the cotton wall and the band-aids through to the trailer’s sitting room. Jughead had sat down on his couch and at his feet was a dog. This must be the one that had bitten his hand, but right now it didn’t look anything but friendly.

Jughead was absent mindedly running his hands through the dog’s fur, staring ahead with a blank expression, his jaw set hard.

She wanted to say something, but she had no idea where to start. The words she really wanted to say were impossible now. Instead, she concentrated at the task at hand, unscrewing the bottle and soaking the cotton wool.

‘This might sting.’

His eyes snapped towards her and his mouth twitched as if he was holding back a sarcastic comment. She leant forward awkwardly, so aware of his body position in relation to hers. How different it was from a couple of weeks ago - the last time she’d been fixing him up - when his hand lay proprietorially and proudly on her leg. Where, despite his injuries, his humour had remained. Where they’d been so certain of each other.

She knew now how much she’d hurt him. And if it wasn’t for what she’d witnessed earlier she’d be rushing to apologise. But he had secrets too, and he’d made decisions without her.

He winced slightly when the antiseptic first touched his skin but he didn’t say a word. His eyes locked onto hers and she felt embarrassed under his scrutiny, so she focused on his injuries instead, unable to meet his gaze.

She almost couldn’t bear to look at that either. There were sizeable cuts to both sides of his face, his eye was already turning purple - the colour deepening as the minutes passed, and his lip was split. She kept dab, dab, dabbing at the blood, cleaning it up as best as she could. Trying to focus her mind. This was her one opportunity to speak to him. She couldn’t mess it up. But she couldn’t find the words to say what she needed to.

‘When I said you were a sight for sore eyes, I wasn’t expecting to mean it quite so literally.’ Jughead muttered, sardonically.

Betty knew he was trying to lighten the mood, but she couldn’t bring herself to smile. ‘Why Juggie? Just.. why?’ She paused, and dropped her hands down in her lap, staring at him with those bright green eyes that he knew would haunt his sleep forever.

He stared back defiantly for a while before he spoke. And then his eyes softened.

‘To keep you safe.’ He said, simply. ‘You and Archie, and everyone else.Turns out my dad was the peace keeper, and now he’s gone they’re going to hell in a handcasket.’

Betty’s mouth formed a perfect ‘o’ in surprise. No matter what she’d been expecting him to say, it hadn’t been that. She looked down at her hands, shifting her weight uncomfortably.

‘But joining the Serpents, Jug. That’s not a game. Look what they’ve done to you.’

He shrugged.

‘For some inexplicable reason, my interest in self preservation has waned.’ His eyes went cold again, as he remembered the conversation he’d had earlier. He swallowed hard.

‘Why are you here Betty? I told Archie to let you know I got the message.’

‘Jug.’ she sighed and opened her mouth to continue, but her voice had disappeared.

‘You know what hurts? Other than you wanting to end it, of course. The fact you couldn’t even say it yourself. That you had to send him. I didn’t expect that from you of all people.’

Betty sniffed, and another tear fell down her face. She nodded in agreement, all too aware that she’d let him down.

‘It’s true then, what he said?’ Jughead didn’t really want to hear the answer but he knew he had to ask. It had to be final. ‘You don’t want anything to do with me anymore?’ He always had been a sucker for pain.

‘I can’t.’ She cried. ‘I can’t… I can’t’

‘No. You won’t. Just say it Betty. Just say you didn’t love me. I know you’re too good for me. I’ve always known it. So just say it and then you can leave.’

‘I can’t Jughead.’ He looked up.

‘You can’t what?’

‘I can’t say it.’ Her lip wobbled and more tears sprung down her face. She couldn’t look up at him. She knew she shouldn’t say anything else. There was too much of a risk. But she was here, with Jughead and she couldn’t bear this. She needed him, and she was fairly sure he needed her too.

‘Betty, what is going on? You look like you haven’t slept in weeks. You send Archie to break up with me and then you appear only hours later. What has happened?’ He grasped her by the shoulders, firmly, and then gave her a little shake. ‘What aren’t you telling me?’

‘I can’t - ‘ she started, but then found the strength to look him in the eye and all of her resolve crumbled. ‘It’s him. He’s been phoning me.’

‘Who?’

‘The Black Hood.’

Betty could feel herself falling apart. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t even tell you if she was crying or not. It was like something was ripping her apart from the inside.

Jughead’s eyes took on a frantic note, and before he could think what he was doing, he pulled Betty in towards her, wrapping his arms around her. Protecting her - because that was all he ever wanted to do. He wanted to make this better for her. Even if…

‘I didn’t want to. I couldn’t. That’s why I sent Archie, because he - the black hood - told me that if I didn’t cut you out of my life, he’d do it for me. He’s been watching me. I shouldn’t be here because it puts you in danger. I shouldn’t have come. And, if he sees me with you…’ Once the words started, they tumbled out faster and faster. ‘He’s been testing me Juggie, and as long as I’ve been playing by his game, he hasn’t hurt anyone else. So what option do I have?’ she wept into his shoulder and he patted her back, ignoring the pain from his bruises.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ he asked, when her tears subsided a bit and she pulled back from his arms slightly.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ she countered.

‘I deserve that, I suppose. I didn’t know how to.’

‘I was so scared.’

‘It’s going to be okay.’ he promised.

‘You should get some ice on your eye.’ Betty changed the subject and he frowned. She stood up and crossed the room to the kitchen, not looking back at him. Jughead shook his head and ruffled HotDog’s fur again.

She returned a couple of minutes later, with some ice tied up in a kitchen cloth. Gently she leaned in to press it against his eye. This time they held each other’s gaze. Jughead slowly pushed her hand down but kept a hold of her wrist.

‘Betty Cooper. I love you. I’m going to keep loving you whatever happens. No North/South war or serial killer can keep us apart.’

Betty went to start speaking but he put his finger to her lips to shush her. ‘I understand if your feelings have changed. I understand if you want more than this. I’m just laying out my position. And I want to say I’m sorry. I should never have lied to you. I should have told you what was going on. And I should never, ever, have let you go without asking you first. So I’m asking you now.’ He looked up at her, and it reminded Betty of the way he’d looked at her just before he kissed her for the first time.

‘Jughead Jones. I love you.’

That was all he needed to close the gap between them and press his lips to her mouth. She melted into him, trying to be gentle but noticing when he winced slightly.

When they pulled apart, he went to lace his fingers through hers, and that’s when he realised what she’d been hiding from him.

‘Betty.’ he groaned as the extent of the damage to her hands. He reached for the antiseptic and cotton wool before she could protest.

‘You fixed me up, it’s only fair I return the favour.’ He whispered, his voice so gentle and full of concern.

He was so tender with her, the boy with the blackened eye and bloodstained shirt. When he was finished, Betty grasped his hand tightly in hers.

‘So, I think it’s safe to say, that us being apart doesn’t work very well for either of us.’ Jughead’s lazy smile was starting to return.

‘Perhaps not.’

‘It doesn’t lead us to make the best decisions.’

Betty shook her head.

‘I’m so sorry Juggie - I never should have…’

He leaned in to kiss her again. ‘I understand. All that matters now is that we’re back and we have each other. We’re so much stronger than the rest. Whatever it takes, we can figure it out together.’

She smiled for what felt like the first time in years - decades even.

‘I love you.’

‘Stay?’ he asked.

‘Always.’ she replied. And she meant it.

#Bughead #bughead fanfiction #riverdale season 2 #riverdale #prompt

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pynghwbbgihna · 4 years

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May 14, 2020. 1:40PM

SO. I’M BACK HERE AGAIN FOR ANOTHER DAY.

Because of this fucked up government, they extended the lockdown here in the Luzon area and still freaking halted most of the activities for laborers. It’s so annoying. I guess I have to prolong this lie that I made. (Sorry.)

This is going to be part two of what I was writing yesterday. I’m again listening to music from the early 2000s to 2012 and Do You Remember by Jay Sean ft. Sean Paul and Lil Jon is playing right now and before I continue writing here, I saw the top comment and said “nostalgia is the best and worst feeling at the same time.“ and I agree. Nostalgia is something that you’d have a love and hate relationship. You get that best feeling since good memories suddenly flashes back on your mind. And after that fleeting moment, bad memories comes along. Those hard times that you once went through in that era. It can also be overwhelming at times. Even myself, as I am listening to this playlist right now, it’s making me all sorts of feelings. Also, one comment from Kesha’s We R Who We R music video said, “reminds of an era where I was actually pretty happy and carefree.” (<-- grabe lang ano hahaha wew)

Although it’s not that overwhelming for me, it’s enough to make myself wish to go back through those simple times. Nostalgia... It’s really something else.

Also, can you believe that I Got A Feeling by Black Eyed Peas is already 10 years old? Yes, it was released in December 2009. Man... that year. Everything changed for me in that year. It was a new experience, I just transferred to a private school (a shit show of a school, to be honest. but at times, it was a good school). I got bullied a lot. It was a depressing time actually. Me coming from a public school with a bunch of kids that had nothing to do but say shit behind my back and actually bully me because I was a child actress, I hoped that private school would give me a peace of mind. It just gave me more mental health issues as I grew older. (this is going to be an entry as well. next time tho)

Anyway, going back to what I was writing yesterday. Yes, I’m trying out this casual relationship. Of course this involves casual sex. I’m learning day by day (this involves porn and most importantly, having safe sex). Before I planned on having a kid by the age of 30 because I think that’s enough time for me to pursue whatever that I’m pursuing in general. What made me think about trying this out? I honestly don’t know. Maybe because of the pandemic? Maybe I miss seeing people even though I don’t like having a stupid interaction with them? Or maybe because I don’t like seeing people? I don’t know. At one moment, I just my friend, [redacted] on a date. (Wow, look at me, actually asking a guy on a date and there’s nothing wrong with it). He did asked me why the sudden date because we’re on a pandemic. I just told him I just wanna try this out. I mean, he’s been a good friend to me, there’s nothing wrong with him (as far as I know), he’s not really a romantic person, he only knows violence, being horny, and being right, he’s Chinese, he’s always playing games, and he’s actually intelligent.

This is my first time doing this and I think I chose a pretty decent person. I don’t know, I think I did pretty great? Who knows. We were supposed to have a date on Saturday but this fucking government just extended the lockdown for another 2 weeks and I just messaged him about it but he’s not responding yet. Maybe he’s sleeping or playing DnD with his friends.

You know, I’m not being weirded (i know this is not a real word) out by telling this kind of stuff here on my blog because it’s a personal blog lol. At this point, I don’t really know what to write about anymore. See, this is a chronic problem of mine where I get so many ideas in my head and then I start to plan how to write them and then I just stopped in the middle of working on it. This is the sole reason why I can’t finish my written works in Wattpad. I’m just listening to Love The Way You Lie and man music from the past are still a damn bop.

It’s already 5:16PM as of this writing and I started writing this at 1:40 hahahahahaha I’m such a damn liar. I’m currently thinking what to type here. I don’t want to give away too much in just one entry. I have 2 more fucking weeks. Shit hahaha. I’m so dead [cue anxiety] (no seriously tho im so anxious right now).

P.S Why am I receiving these weird messages from suspicious girls? I should’ve known better though.

#diary

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poop4u · 4 years

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Do Dogs Need Carbohydrates?

#Poop4U

The post Do Dogs Need Carbohydrates? by Diana Laverdure-Dunetz, MS appeared first on Dogster. Copying over entire articles infringes on copyright laws. You may not be aware of it, but all of these articles were assigned, contracted and paid for, so they aren't considered public domain. However, we appreciate that you like the article and would love it if you continued sharing just the first paragraph of an article, then linking out to the rest of the piece on Dogster.com.

Carbs have been blamed for everything from canine obesity to cancer. This is not only a shame but potentially harmful because the healthiest foods on the planet and the bulk of anti-cancer foods contain — get ready for it — carbs.

In this article, I speak up for the carb and talk about why your dog needs to be eating the right kind for optimum health.

What are carbohydrates?

Carbohydrates are molecules made up of smaller glucose (sugar) units called monosaccharides that are linked together into varying length chains. Carbs are known as macronutrients because along with proteins and fats, they supply energy (calories) for the body to sustain its metabolic and physical activity needs.

Carbohydrates are further classified by the number of glucose units that make up the carbohydrate molecule, determining its chain length:

✤ Monosaccharides (one sugar unit per molecule — “mono”): Glucose, fructose, galactose

✤ Disaccharides (two sugar units per molecule — “di”): Sucrose (table sugar), lactose (milk sugar), maltose

✤ Oligosaccharides (3 to 9 sugar units per molecule): Fructo-oligosaccharides (FOS), mannan-oligosaccharides (MOS), galacto-oligosaccharides (GOS)

✤ Starch polysaccharides (non-fiber “complex carbs” — 10-plus sugar units per molecule): Amylose, amylopectin, maltodextrins

✤ Non-starch polysaccharides (fibrous complex carbs” — 10-plus sugar units): Cellulose, pectins, hemicelluloses, gums, inulin

We talked about the benefits of fiber (non-starch polysaccharides) in the previous column, so let’s focus on non- fibrous carbohydrates, the type the body can break down.

Photography © Getty Images

Do dogs “need” carbs?

The answer to this question is where things get really interesting. If we ask, “Do dogs have a metabolic need for carbs to supply energy?” the answer is typically no (although some dogs might for specific health reasons).

Like people, dogs require glucose for energy because glucose is the primary form of fuel used by the body. Unlike people, dogs can make glucose in two ways — either by eating dietary carbohydrates or by synthesizing it themselves in the liver and kidneys (providing they also get enough dietary fat and protein).

But, viewing carbohydrates as merely an energy-producing nutrient is like viewing dogs as merely four-legged creatures with fur. There is so much more to them than that!

Photography © Getty Images

Why feed carbs to dogs?

Understanding the true health benefits of carbs for dogs involves looking at the types of foods that fall within this dietary classification. Yes, sugar, white flour and other non-nutritious “junk foods” are carbs, but so are some of the healthiest foods on the planet.

Healthy carbs are packed with vitamins, minerals and phytonutrients (plant nutrients) that promote optimum health at the cellular level, including destroying tumor cells. These are known as “functional” carbohydrates, and we don’t want our canine companions to miss out on their benefits.

Photography © Getty Images

A key to healthy carbs

Phytonutrients, also called phytochemicals, are a large group of compounds that occur naturally in plants (“phyto” means plant in Greek) and convey important health benefits for those who eat them.

Thousands of different phytochemicals are found in unprocessed fruits, vegetables, whole grains and legumes. Carrots, winter squash and apricots, for example, get their bright orange color from a class of phytochemical called carotenoids, while the deep blue, red and purple pigments of berries, cherries and eggplant come from anthocyanins, phytochemicals in the flavonoid class.

Phytochemicals provide some pretty amazing benefits, including:

✤ Act as antioxidants (substances that help protect cells from oxidative damage caused by free radicals)

✤ Block tumor activity

✤ Cause cancer cell death (apoptosis)

✤ Enhance the body’s immune system to fight disease

✤ Protect against heart disease

✤ Prevent and repair damage to the DNA

✤ Reduce inflammation

✤ Regulate hormone metabolism (including estrogen, to prevent excesses that can increase the risk of cancer)

✤ Repair DNA damage caused by exposure to environmental toxins

I hope you can see why the recommendation to “eat all the colors of the rainbow” applies to dogs as well as people. We want to be sure our canine companions also reap the benefits of these health-promoting, disease-busting phytonutrients!

Carbs to avoid

While you want to fill your dog’s bowl with vitamin, mineral and phytonutrient-rich whole plant-based foods, you of course want to avoid unhealthy “junk carbohydrates.” These are the low-nutrient or no-nutrient carbs that give this food group a bad name.

The key is identifying which carbs are healthy and which are bad, which is easy to do. For healthy carbs, think unprocessed foods like whole fruits and vegetables, whole grains and legumes. Processed carbohydrates such as white sugar and white flour fall into the unhealthy category. These are carbohydrates that have had their nutrients stripped away, contain empty calories and quickly raise blood sugar levels after eating them.

Note that while fruits contain the simple sugars fructose and glucose, whole fruits also contain lots of healthy fiber, which insulates the sugar. Because it takes the digestive tract longer to break down the fiber, sugar from fruit is absorbed into the bloodstream slowly, avoiding any sharp rises in blood sugar. Fiber in fresh fruit also helps promote optimal GI functioning and weight loss. Avoid giving your dog fruit juice, which without the fiber is a sugary fiasco!

I hope this article has shown that just because some carbohydrate foods are unhealthy doesn’t mean we should avoid the ones that are nutritional powerhouses. After all, you wouldn’t avoid giving your dog healthy fats like coconut oil and flaxseeds because hydrogenated oils and restaurant grease are also fats, would you? There’s some food for thought!

Carbs to try

Try these healthy carbohydrates as inspiration to boost your dog’s intake of vitamins, minerals and phytonutrients:

Cruciferous vegetables

Bok choy, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, cauliflower, collard greens (avoid for hypothyroid dogs or cook to lower these foods’ goitrogens)

Whole fruits

Apples, bananas, blackberries, blueberries, cantaloupe, pear, raspberries, watermelon (avoid grapes and raisins, which are toxic)

Gluten-free grains

Amaranth, buckwheat, millet, quinoa, sorghum, teff, gluten-free oats

Leafy greens

Lettuce, parsley, spinach

Legumes

Black-eyed peas, garbanzo beans, kidney beans, lentils, lima beans, pinto beans

Red/orange vegetables

Carrots, pumpkin, sweet potato, winter squash

Feel free to experiment with your own healthy carbs, as long as they are dog friendly!

Editor’s note: This article first appeared in Dogster magazine. Have you seen the new Dogster print magazine in stores? Or in the waiting room of your vet’s office? Subscribe now to get Dogster magazine delivered straight to you!

Tell us: What supplements or superfoods for dogs are you a fan of?

Thumbnail: Photography ©chendongshan | Thinkstock.

Read more about dog food and dog nutrition on Dogster.com:

Could Grain-Free Diets Cause Issues for Dogs?

Can Dogs Eat Mushrooms? What to Know About Dogs and Mushrooms

What to Feed a Dog With Diarrhea or Other Stomach Issues

Poop4U Blog via www.Poop4U.com Diana Laverdure-Dunetz, MS, Khareem Sudlow

#poop4u #cute dog #dogs of tumblr #puppy doggo #doglover #doggrooming #my doggo #dogmeme

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imafantasticbaby · 6 years

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2ne-sone for this Reply

girl you write novels just like me, I respect that. now, I just wanted to say that I do NOT believe he doesn't deserve to be blamed on things that have happened within his company. I will agree he needs to fix things when it comes to better management, better PR and honestly I think he needs to kick his brother out of the CEO chair and take back the title cause his brother is another reason for things being shitty at times.

i want to address his comments he makes sometimes. The man is brutally honest and I agree he needs GD or CL to take their perfectly manicured and moisturized hands and get a good ole slap. he needs to think before he speaks and I think a major issue for this is that he doesn't go on the media enough to learn how to control his words. Yes he does Kpop Star and survival shows but those are shows where he is use dto saying such bold and harsh criticism. if he actually put himself on other shows like JYP does then maybe he will get the practice. but still he can also learn to fucking choose his words in a way he gets his message across but also doesnt set fire to a wound. hes an idiot for this i agree.

When it comes to Park Bom I am 100% in agreement girl, I am. she deserved better treatment and this long ass “self reflection” needs to stop. It shouldnt have started to begin with and I do hold a lot of blame on YHS for that. He should have made sure things went more smoothly and the recovery was handled better. However, I cant sit here and call him a horrible person because of it because We do not know the full story as too what happened behind YG doors other than what we see in the media speculations-- the media that started the whole damn thing. there could be things we are not aware of so I cant just assume when there are blank spaces. you know? Park Bom has come out herself with a Diray entry and twitter replies saying he is a good guy and takes care of her. So, what else can we do but believe her when she says it? i dont know but I do agree he should have handled it better.

With Minzy I have mixed feelings about her that are my OWN opinions. I respect everyone else opinions too. I just believe that if she stayed then YGE would have been able to continue with a 2NE1 comeback instead of getting discouraged and just giving up on them. They deserved better then that.

When I mean individual dreams I mean, that Minzy wanted a solo debut, YG wasnt focused on that request at the time so she left. Her Dream for a solo to happen ASAP was not in sight for her at YGE at the moment. I do agree that this should have been delt with better and management should have planned better and worked things out to fulfill this dream because she deserved it. However, It was her choice to go and thats something we have to respect and YG did so by letting her make that choice. I do think they should have rearranged priorities better and started working on giving her the solo she clearly deserved but it didnt happen. and thats a all in all Company’s fault not one man’s.

Now when it comes to CL and her American Solo activities-- you need to separate YG from it a bit because its not YGE that is handling it on the majority. CL has signed with School Boy Records which is an American record label established in 2007 by Scooter Braun through his School Boy Entertainment company that is also in parent with Universal Music Group. They have signed artists such as PSY, for his american promotions, Justin Beiber, the black eyed peas, and more. They are handling her American promotions and her Solo career there. YG is just getting benefits and also paying them to do so. So because of that, you cant just blame YG for her solo delay. You just cant. if there was anything you could blame YGE for in regardless to this is maybe they need to kick Scooter’s ass and tell him to hurry up.

Also, yes I am aware that Yang Hyun Suk is the biggest share holder of YG, i mean he is the creator and owner after all. but besides him Naver has majority as well. and has a lot of power and influence in the company. You gotta make your investors happy you know? or they can pull their findings. YHS does have power, I agree, he does have influence, but he still has to take ideas and orders from his investors and all. and if it comes down to it that they want this thing or they walk then YG has to fold unless he wants to lose billions of dollars in funds.

Yes he is a higher up as well, but hes ONE person and just because hes the founder and owner doesn't mean hes the controller on every detail. there is a Board of directors whether people want to believe it or not and there are votes being held. its how a company runs.

Now I am not appreciating how you think im supporting hate on Park Bom and that I would just go to her and say “Shit happened, its life.” you take a phrase I used in my post and just create a while thing around it because you are upset with my feelings on the matter. I wouldn’t NEVER do such a thing to her when I agree she CLEARLY deserved better treatment.

Also, im just gonna add that most statement links that get thrown at me are a PR team responding on queue. and then you have the link where YG gives his own thoughts. did you even READ the words? you completely missed his meaning. just like you are completely missing mine because you are a dedicated blackjack ( just like I am. I mean I worship them and support them like crazy and cried for weeks after they disbanded-- but anyway-- ) who is quickly upset when you see a sentence or phrase that sounds horrible against them.

Yes he said “ What led to the decision to disband the group was the state of Park Bom’s mental health, After ‘the incident the criticisms we received were endless. But in addition to the stress and guilt from that, I’m sure Park Bom would have felt a strong determination to continue 2NE1. I told her, ‘2NE1 is important, but I wish for you to be healthy, both mentally and physically.”

Now if you actually READ that and understand that he is saying that after the scandal broke out they were SWARMED with ENDLESS hate and most of it was Thrown at Bom. Depression hit for her and she needed a break-- a break that is going too long I agree-- and he reassured her that 2NE1 is important but he wants her to not push herself and do some self care. She was probably constantly crying because of all the hate she was getting and wasnt stable enough to work in the studio. I mean dont you feel like its impossible to do anything after an anxiety attack or something? He was concerned for her and im glad he gave her rest. BUT NOW ITS TIME FOR HER NOT TO HAVE IT. ant to be honest. I believe he had started to end her break. MAMA 2016 happened, the return of Park Bom for a short while. I believe that Performance was a statement to show that she is here and she is ready to PLAY......but then shit hit the fan with Minzy leaving, CL’s american promotions, BP;s Debut and other things and in the end a unanimous decision was made.

But it's not necessarily completely over: “You never know what can happen," he added. "It’s possible they’ll get back together like S.E.S. It may not be as long of a break [as S.E.S], but I’m thinking there’ll be a day when the reunion happens.”

This quote gives me hope that YGE will look to them once again once the time is right and if you cant believe that then thats fine. its your choice, but I will continue to have hope.

Most of your points where not even ANYTHING I was talking about in my post and you assumed things that you thought I was meaning when I was NOT.

“You’re assuming that the issues within the company and regarding it’s artists are not all YHS’s fault. In contrast, I’m assuming that a large percentage of the issues are his fault, considering the amount of clout he has within his own company. But here’s the kicker: we will never know if either of us are right because YHS can never give a straight answer.”

One, I agree that YG holds blame on things. I NEVER said he things are not all his fault. I was just expressing that a LOT of hate he gets on the majority is uncalled for. but YES there are a lot he is called for.

YES I agree. we will never know the full truth because YGE does not give detailed straight answers, and that might be a reason for it that could be completely understanding, whether its that they just dont want to let the issues carry on or that they are trying to deal with it peacefully without the media knetz gluing themselves to the front door..

but because of this fact we shouldn't be QUICK TO JUDGE and get upset. we are only seeing glimpse of things and we are getting frustrated. we need to breathe, step back and try to understand instead of immediately attacking cause we assume or feel some type of way.

I was angry when I heard the news of 2ne1, but I didnt start attacking. I did research and I listened to all opinions and monitored Bom and Dara and CL just like all other Black Jacks did. and this is how I got to my conclusion.

whether you agree with me or not, thats okay. you have your feelings, I have mine.

#my post #my replies #2ne1 #park bom #lee chaerin #minzy #dara

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effectivedefects · 5 years

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Karlo & The Jumping Box Split | Effective Defects #1 (Transcript)

Edmund Tan: You're welcome.

Karlo Borja: Good manners.

ET: So yeah, we were having sex before we started recording.

KB: What?

ET: So we're all well socially lubricated.

Ilya Leyzerov: Right. Socially lubricated, yeah.

ET: Okay.

KB: Are you guys like the type that would... That get more energetic right after? [chuckle] Or get real sleepy?

IL: No, I'm done.

ET: Depends on the time of day.

IL: Nah, I'm done.

ET: Oh, god.

IL: I'm super done.

KB: Okay, I'm not gonna lie... How did it get here so quickly? But...

ET: No, it's fine.

KB: But I've been putting a lot of thought into this, and the reason why I put a lot of thought into this recently is because...

IL: Have you been putting a lot of thoughts into it as well?

KB: Yeah, I've been...

[laughter]

KB: Yup. Exactly my point. But, so... Growing up, I was not exactly the longest laster, right?

IL: Okay. [chuckle] You also weren't the tallest person.

[laughter]

IL: Growing up.

KB: I had a lot of disadvantages growing up, apparently. But... [chuckle]

ET: This isn't... No, wait, hold on a second, this is a story of overcoming.

[laughter]

KB: Yeah, so growing up, I was a little quick with the shot.

IL: Right.

ET: Okay.

KB: And I had to think about... Like, long and hard, how can I... [chuckle]

[chuckle]

IL: There's no easy way around the story.

ET: No, there's no easy way.

KB: How to fix it? Right?

IL: Right.

KB: So I've been putting a lot of thought into that, and it's like, okay, it's a balance of diet, it's a balance of sleep...

ET: Oh yeah.

KB: Things like that. I did not realize how much sleep affects how quickly you shoot.

IL: Really?

KB: Yeah. I've tested it. [chuckle]

IL: I'm sure you have.

KB: I have.

ET: I hope you have.

IL: You're a very scientific man.

KB: There've been nights where I did not get a lot of sleep and I was very sleepy, so then, when I was having intercourse, because this is science...

IL: Yeah. Science.

KB: We wouldn't last as long as the times where I was just like super awake, super energetic, and just ready to go at it. And then not only that, but also my recovery time immediately after was shortened significantly by the amount of sleep I had.

ET: Okay.

KB: Sleep, and then diet, obviously, just inter... Well, actually, the diet thing I'm not 100% sure about. But I did naturally just feel better. But then on top of that, the quality of my...

IL: Right. [chuckle]

KB: Sploodge was...

[laughter]

ET: Science.

KB: Science. Was a lot better depending on my diet and also my hydration.

ET: Okay.

KB: Hydration, obviously, had like a very natural too, that's like... Would affect it.

ET: Oh, hydration, hell yeah.

IL: Yeah. It's funny.

KB: So I don't know. And now it's kind of... I've revisited, now that I'm in the... A sexual relationship, as of late. I've been lasting pretty long, and I've been taking a lot of precautions to make sure that I have, 'cause... Don't wanna live that life anymore.

IL: Right.

ET: Yeah, at the core it's... I don't know, your sexual health is essentially like the overall, like, how you are doing as a person.

IL: Pretty much.

ET: If you can reproduce... People.

IL: It is funny though, because... I don't wanna say I had the same issue. I don't actually... I never really paid attention to that. But I did have the same thought process of like, "Well how can I extend my stamina, my endurance?"

KB: Yeah, yeah.

IL: But it... The interesting point is that... Counter to what your thought process was behind it, I just went, "It's all mental, bro."

KB: Oh, yeah, there is a mental side that I didn't speak about. But I agree with you.

IL: But I did... I honestly... Even to this day, I never even considered any of the factors you just mentioned, that's what I'm saying.

KB: But... Okay, like I know that when I'm taking dance class, right?

IL: Yeah.

KB: When I start of taking the dance class, I'm like, not tired yet, right?

ET: Bizarre.

IL: Yeah.

KB: I'm not tired yet, so then my ability to pick up the movement is still really crisp.

ET: Okay.

KB: But then, as the day goes on, and I'm more and more tired, my mind just goes...

IL: Yeah.

ET: So, like, yes, I agree that it's 100% mental, but if your physical is not there also, then I think it messes with your mental, like...

ET: True.

KB: And I've been rusty. Being 100% honest, I've been rusty...

IL: We know.

KB: It's been like two years, up until recently.

IL: Not the sex.

KB: No, absolutely the sex.

IL: We don't know about that. We don't know about that.

ET: Sure.

KB: But I'll sit there, and when we first started having sex recently, I was...

ET: Oh, it is about the sex, guys.

KB: I was so tired. [chuckle] Like, we've been going for a bit, and I'd just be like, "Oh god, I'm tired... "

ET: Like you have... Yeah.

KB: "My cardio is real bad right now."

IL: Okay.

KB: Or like my legs would be getting tired. And then, the moment I would feel tired, I would... One of two things would happen, one is that I would finish immediately, or I would lose it.

IL: Wow.

ET: But that's like endurance training, they're like, "Oh, you can't just run, and then you'll be... Immediately able to ride a bike."

KB: But that's what I'm saying, like, the connection with the mental is still absolutely there.

IL: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

ET: Right, right.

KB: Maybe you've just been blessed to be very physically capable?

IL: Well no, I mean... [chuckle] I meant also more like my search for the solution was purely mental.

KB: Yeah, okay.

IL: Like I didn't even think about like, "Hey, let me try and get more sleep or be more fit, or get whatever, nutrition, or whatever."

ET: Yeah.

IL: I immediately went, "Okay, how can I trick my brain?"

[laughter]

IL: So I have a repertoire of tactics...

KB: Okay.

IL: On how to trick my brain. I've talked to you about this, Ed.

ET: Which include?

IL: Which include... My number one go-to... Well one of them is not too good, but I'll find... I'm saying this into the microphone... Oh, well. I find ways to secretly cause myself some pain every now and then, in the act.

ET: Okay, do you mean physical pain?

IL: Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah.

ET: Okay.

IL: Like, straight-up.

ET: To what... What is the most physical pain you've ever caused yourself?

IL: It's not like... On purpose, or not intense, but it's like... For example, since this is audio, the skin between your index finger and your thumb. That little fish flap.

KB: He's showing us, by the way.

IL: Yeah, I will. I'll just bite that shit.

KB: No way!

IL: Yeah.

ET: Oh shit, I remember you telling me about that.

IL: I showed you the bite mark!

ET: Yeah.

KB: Where?

IL: Right here.

KB: Oh.

IL: Yeah, because it's pretty dead skin or whatever, but let's say we're in a certain sandwich, the traditional position. I have my arm behind her head, so she doesn't see my is head next to hers, and if I feel myself like "oh oh." But I don't wanna "oh oh".

KB: Take a big bite down?

IL: I just bite a little bit.

KB: And you find that that works?

IL: I mean, it hurts, so I get distracted for a second.

ET: Have you ever bled?

IL: No, that's too much.

KB: But then the fear is, does that pain snap you out of it to the point where you might get soft?

IL: Nah, not yet.

KB: Okay.

IL: The other more normal, I guess, thing... 'Cause also what if I was a masochist, right? And I found out I was into that, and it just made me instantly go.

ET: You're like Pavlovian...

IL: I guess I'm fortunate that that's a no-go, but, I'll just mentally force myself to distract myself, heavy. I'll just, literally...

KB: Baseball, baseball, baseball?

IL: Yeah, except it's more like...

ET: Grandma.

IL: It's more like...

KB: No, that would finish me.

ET: Okay.

IL: No, it's more specifically The Black Eyed Peas. I will start singing...

KB: "Filipino"!

IL: No! [laughter] Only one.

ET: It didn't work.

IL: The freaking "Where Is The Love?" 'cause that is the saddest song ever, and the music video, and everything. So that will snap you out of it real quick.

KB: That is a very sad song.

ET: You start crying, you start getting soft, she's like "What's wrong?" "I don't know where the love is."

IL: But it's also, love, making love.

ET: Well no, I don't know.

IL: I just... But for me, the answers have always been mental.

KB: Wow.

IL: Yeah.

KB: Wow.

ET: That's such an internet, bro science solution to just be like... It's the easiest solution.

IL: It gets tricky...

ET: It's the easiest to explain.

IL: When I'm in a relationship, because then my partner will see the bite marks on my hand, for example.

KB: Who gave you that?

IL: And be concerned.

ET: Yeah. But wouldn't she be a little bit more accepting, though? Like, "Oh no, it's okay, I don't expect you to be... "

IL: Right, but I'm not. It's not about her.

ET: Oh, okay.

IL: Like Karlo said, it's about us. We wanna have stamina.

ET: You wanna stroke your ego...

IL: That's right.

ET: When you speak about that.

KB: It's a little "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!", because you're sitting there there, and you're like, "I gotta make this, she paid this much for the ride", and then...

IL: Right, that's what I mean. We want a good performance.

KB: Yeah. For sure.

IL: So it's about be a partner, but it's like "Yo, I'm doing this for your sake."

KB: Yeah it's definitely. There's definitely part ego. For sure, for sure, for sure, for sure.

ET: The audience is loving the performance, but if you're not feeling it, you don't wanna walk out of the theater, going like "Fuck, I didn't do a good job. I could have done better." Even though they're like "Wow, that was amazing."

IL: Right, exactly.

ET: Okay, that makes sense. I feel that too.

IL: And paralleling that to dance, how many times have we all been like "Yo, you did great!" And then we walk away like, "Oh, actually, no."

ET: Or even to each other, where you're even like "Oh, dude that was fucking crazy", and you're like "Dude, do you know how bad I was?"

IL: "You know how bad that was in my head?"

ET: Yeah.

KB: But then, for that, I know that I'm starting to get worried slightly.

ET: Okay.

KB: Because, how often is it that you do something, and your first immediate reaction is, "Was that really good? No, that was probably bad. I didn't really like that." But then, you go back and you're like, "Oh, I actually didn't do that badly." So it's an internal motivating thing of like "I should always be doing better." That's great, right? But then, how good are we actually, at being our own self critics?

IL: True.

KB: In fact, sometimes I'm like "Damn. Maybe I was too hard on myself there." I don't know, it's a weird thing. I'll never change my mentality, but then I feel like I'm not the best person to ask about how good I am at that.

ET: I was thinking about that today, 'cause when I was going through SoundCloud... You know how you have a gut stank face reaction to a song?

IL: Yeah.

ET: But when you play one song, and you're like... This isn't something that you created but you're like "Oh yeah, I kinda like it." And you're trying to reason in your head, why you should like the song.

IL: Yeah.

ET: I don't know, it just makes think like, should you just go with your initial gut reaction, and you're like, "Oh I felt good. I'm not gonna review the footage of what I did." Let's say, you're picturing a get down, like the one that you sent. So Ilya sent me a video clip... I don't know if you sent it to Karlo, but it was fire! It was fire on video, and it's fire in the way that Ilya I felt it. But I wanna ask you...

KB: Of Ilya.

ET: Did you feel good? Did you know that moment in that clip that you?

IL: No.

ET: Okay, but in review, you were like, "Oh shit, that was actually fire."

IL: Yes. But more specifically, I actually was feeling good when filming that whole thing. The whole clip which was about six minutes of me just getting down.

ET: Okay.

IL: The focus of it was "I'm just gonna feel good and do what the music tells me to do." And then reviewing it, that little moment was the only one that made me go "Ooh, okay, that wasn't bad." Out of six minutes, and the moment itself was a millisecond.

ET: So even your gut reaction to the review was... There wasn't like a "Oh technically, that looked good."

IL: No.

ET: "Technically I hit the music in the right part."

IL: When I send people a moment of myself, that's usually when I actually impress myself.

ET: Okay. And people's reactions are "It was alright." versus if somebody sees your own shit, they're like "Oh, that was fire!" and you're like, "Wow, that was the most ass part of the video."

IL: Yeah.

KB: Well, yeah. Going back to what you said.

ET: Yeah.

KB: When you feel it happening, sometimes you feel it, and then you look back and you're like "Oh, that part I was not actually that good, I just thought I killed it", right? But then it's always on my very first review, on my very first review visually seeing it happen, right? Where I'll look through it, I'm like "Huh." This was good or this was bad. That's when I know 100%. And then when someone else looks at it too, and they're like, "Oh, this is good." I'm like, "I don't really know." But it's always that very first view. And you mentioned that. You saw this first time, you were like, "Oh this is the thing that I know is there." But I need that first review or else I really don't know how I did. I need to see it visually, maybe just 'cause I'm a visual learner or something. I don't know.

ET: And you need to initially feel like, "Oh I did a good job." Otherwise you're like [13:12] ____.

KB: No, I don't trust that initial.

ET: Oh, you don't trust that.

KB: So, until I see it, then I'm really not 100% sure how well I did.

ET: Okay. But upon your first viewing, if you don't like their first review, would you watch it again and go, "Okay, hold on. I think I judged myself too quickly upon first review because I'm still feeling ass from not actually seeing it." Okay, so again you get down, you don't feel that good about it. You review it. You're already in the headspace of I don't feel good about it. Do you then review it again?

KB: I like my first review. I end up watching whatever clip it is of whatever I'm doing like a billion times.

IL: Me too.

KB: I'll be the 499 person and then suddenly someone new. But the first one is always my most honest. And then as it goes on and on I think it falls into that idea of the you get used to watching it and then you start not seeing the flaws of it, or you start caring more about like, "Oh but I did this great." So over time I do end up liking almost everything more than when I first watched it. It's kind of like when you listen to a song, and you don't like the song at first, and then you just heard it enough times that you start going, "Oh yeah. Aha."

ET: I love that song.

KB: Yeah. It is the same thing. But that first, the very first one is the most precious one.

IL: Interesting.

KB: You're like, "Oh shit."

ET: Okay so explain to me for both of us. So you, Ilya, you also review again, you will review again and again and again.

IL: Yeah.

ET: Like at least how many times?

KB: So many times.

ET: How do you do that? 'cause honestly after the first review I'm like I can't... I cringe. 'Cause it's like hearing your own voice, you don't wanna... You don't wanna. How do you get over?

IL: I don't know. That's actually what I was gonna bring up in my sense, where maybe when I first started this and I was more of a beginner attitude or hunger or whatever, I had it. But now when I review footage I have a hard time actually focusing on the details of it or the technicalities or things like that. So I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing to be honest. I was thinking about this whether it might just be like trying to stroke my own ego to my own video. But lately when I review my videos I just wanna watch it back. I just wanna see it. And maybe it's 'cause, I don't know, I wanna make sure there was something good in it, or I don't know.

KB: Just like verification?

IL: Yeah, in a weird way. It's no longer... And maybe, again, this is a bad thing, but it's no longer like, "Let me break this down. What could I do better? What could it blah blah blah?" It's not like that at all. It's almost like just going off the feeling of like, "Okay was that cool? Alright."

ET: Like in totality?

IL: Yeah.

ET: Okay, so that's the only thing that's going through your head?

IL: Actually, so here I'll walk you through a process of... 'Cause I've started posting Instagrams semi-regularly again.

ET: Again?

IL: Yeah.

ET: Okay.

IL: But this time pretty much only when I feel it like genuinely, when I just wanna throw something cool out there. But the way I'll do it is the same way we used to film our clips, where it's like, I'll just put the camera down, I'll get down until I don't feel like getting down more anymore and that's that. I don't like, go in, thinking of a specific concept to execute or that I'm even filming for a reason. And then I'll watch it back and see if there's anything worth posting, I.e. Anything cool, that I think is cool. And I don't even know how to define that. But so then... So today I posted something and that's the footage I filmed yesterday that I filmed when I just wanted to get down. And I caught a moment of... It was actually... The moment itself was in the last five seconds of the 55 seconds that I posted.

ET: Is that what you sent me?

IL: No.

ET: It's a different one.

IL: No, no, no. It's [17:20] ____ too. So a lot of times I'll just see a moment where I'm like, "Oh that was dope." And then from there I'm like, "Okay let me just get enough footage around it that doesn't suck as context for what's going on." It's almost like you see a dope part of the movie and then you just include enough around it so people seeing the trailer know what's going on, but it's really about the final fight between Mike Tyson and Donnie Yen.

ET: Okay, so you're putting the dope moment in the middle, or you're putting it at the very end?

IL: Wherever it may be because that's what I'm saying, is like if... Okay let's say the moment is a minute, right? And the actual dope part is at 31 seconds in. I try to squeeze in... If something in the first half sucked, and I really don't like it, then the first half's gone, so then I'll start on that moment. You know what I mean? I actually don't like most of the stuff outside the moment, but I do like the moment. So as long as it's not bad, terribly, it makes me feel like that was stupid, then I include it. So if it's very bad I'm just gonna...

[overlapping conversation]

ET: So, you're not just including a two-second clip like, "This was the one dope moment."

IL: No. Right.

ET: You're giving context.

IL: But that's the thing, most of the time I don't like 99% of the video. It's just like, "I like this moment. Let me see if I can get 30 seconds around it." And it's funny because most people don't... I assume, obviously, I'm not in most people's heads, but most of the times the moments that I like aren't actually the ones that the public eye-catches or likes or whatever.

ET: Of your work?

IL: Yeah.

ET: Okay.

IL: Yeah.

KB: Is that important to you or no?

IL: I don't know.

KB: Okay.

IL: 'Cause the cutting out the bad stuff is definitely fueled by the external. Like, I don't want the public to see crappy stuff. But then if they recognize the cool moment or not, I don't really care.

KB: That's funny. That's interesting. Because I'm in more of the dance world, I have to deal with...

ET: Excuse me?

KB: No, like the choreo dance world. Sorry.

ET: Excuse me? As opposed to what?

KB: I have to deal more with other people, you know what I mean? Like in the style world, it's very internal, internal. Like, "What can I do to make this better?" But especially as a director, I have to manage other people and their ability to create, right? And you remind me a little bit of my ex-co-director, Dirk. He was the kind of person that he had a vision for something, right? And a lot of times we would clash because he was very internal vision. He'd have it inside, and then he would manifest into a physical property. And then I'd be like, "Well you know that they're not gonna understand that you want this cloud that you created to move from left to right on stage, and that we were the ones that brought it over there. They're not gonna understand that narrative. Only you and I are gonna understand that. In fact, to the outside world, they're just gonna be like, 'What's happening?' or they're just gonna be like, 'Oh, they're moving over to the left.'"

KB: But for me, that was an issue because I'm very external-based, and I'm trying to get others to understand it, especially in a competitive mindset. But for Dirk, he was more in the artistic realm of, "I don't care. This is important to me and this is what I'm trying to express. If they get it, they get it. If they don't, they don't, but at least I was true to my artistic integrity." And, that's why we clashed. But I 100% respected it because I get it. Artistic integrity is important to me, but we're also in a competitive world. I'm always like, "How do I find that compromise?"

IL: Even with me, if I'm posting it on the internet, it's for people. If it wasn't about people, I wouldn't do anything. I would just do it in my bedroom, call it a day.

KB: Yeah. It's hard.

IL: Yeah, that's actually an interesting topic, too, having that balance of, that marriage of artistic integrity and the audience in mind within your own dance or art, right. Because we can think of... I'm torn, because at the same time, one of my biggest gripes with my own style or whatever is I feel like a ton of people... Not saying I'm the greatest or whatever, by the way, but I feel like a ton of people don't really understand what's going on when I get down. Like, not even conceptually, but the techniques behind it and blah blah blah.

ET: You mean the lay person.

IL: Even, no, even poppers, even dancers. You know what I mean?

ET: But it's also, it's hard to translate popping into video, too.

IL: But I mean in person. This is now general.

ET: Oh, okay. Okay.

IL: This is not even in video. This is just in general. Because I'm mixing... And again, not that I'm a pro at it, not that I'm like the next godsend at this thing and nobody understands. It's not like that at all. It's just like... So I like the small stuff. I like the technical stuff. So a lot of the stuff I do, a lot of people don't know what's really going on under the hood, so to speak, to get these effects, to do these moves, blah, blah, blah. Now, the thing is, I really like that moment when somebody gets it. Like when somebody's watching me, and then, or, we session.

IL: And then we talk after and I start to explain some of the techniques I like to do or whatever. And then that person, I just see their eyes go wide, and they're like, "Oh. Oh wow." I like that moment. It's almost like that mystery in there. But then at the same time, to your point, it's like, "Well, is that my responsibility, then, to make it more obvious for people what tools I'm using, what techniques I'm doing? Is it on me, or is it on the audience?"

ET: I also think it has something to do with consistency, too. Because let's say you have that explanation or like that approach, and it stays consistent throughout, and you're not justifying your art backwards. And you're like, "Oh I meant to do that because this means this," right? If you can remain consistent, I think it keeps authentic. You know what I mean?

IL: True.

ET: I think consistency matters a little bit more because then your art shows through time rather than through just one piece. You know what I mean? It's hard to judge. This is what's tough about choreography in Karlo's sense is that you're putting a lot into one piece and that piece is gonna be repeated over and over. Ilya has a chance to explain himself through a get down and through a moment over and over which will never be the same.

IL: That's true. Yeah.

KB: Yes. I agree with the consistency thing. But I think that the way to get consistency is having a very defined goal. And I think that's what a lot of dancers walk into dancing without, you know what I mean? The reason why I can very explicitly tell Dirk, "Oh no, I need you to be more transparent here," is because my goal is to be competitive in a competitive scene that has a very specific criteria. You know what I mean?

KB: If this was like a more open-ended world, then I might not actually care about that all and then I wouldn't... Actually, he actually went to the more like exhibition route in that world and whenever he shows me his stuff and he's like, "Can you give me a critique?", a lot of times now I'm just like, "I think it looks great."

IL: Yeah.

KB: Because I no longer have to apply a specific goal to it.

ET: And a criteria...

KB: Yeah.

ET: In the box of competition.

KB: Yeah. So consistency 100%, but it's consistency with the goal in mind because...

ET: Okay. True. That makes sense.

KB: Like say you are constantly in battle mode, you're trying to win the biggest competitions.

IL: Yeah.

KB: Then you have that goal and then you have to be able to consistently show how you get to that goal.

IL: Yeah.

KB: If you're doing this just for yourself, then it's like...

IL: Yeah, which is actually is paralleled in me and I'm sure others in the battle scene or the freestyle scene. It was a big thing. It was highlighted to me when I went to Cali, was like... And I think I've told you guys this before but not in person, but it, and I'm not shitting on Cali. It's actually the battle scene overall. What became clear to me is there's a certain way that you need to dance to win battles pretty much.

ET: Oh yeah.

IL: Like most people.

ET: Oh yeah.

KB: Criteria, competition.

ET: Oh yeah.

IL: Yeah, even though it's unspoken. What the thing is that I appreciate about the choreo scene is it's a little more obvious or a little more clear. I mean I'm sure there's politics and blah, blah, blah plenty. There's always, but it's like cut and dry. In the freestyle scene, which is part of how it's confused because we're all artists doing our art and being ourselves.

ET: Yeah.

IL: It's also really like jumbled up.

KB: Right.

IL: But even though, even given that, like there was a clear pattern of what I witnessed of like, "Oh, these guys win jams". And the ones that don't necessarily follow that formula and still win, need to be like gods here.

ET: Yeah.

IL: Like speaking of low-tier characters in fighting games. You know what I mean? So to win with a low-tier character, you just have to be so much better at the game technically and whatever, right?

KB: Right.

IL: So like I was left with a... I was kind of sad because I really didn't wanna battle that way to win battles, but I was really mad that I wasn't winning battles.

ET: Okay.

IL: So I had this huge dissonance going on and I talked about it a lot.

KB: That's hard, man, that's hard.

IL: Right. Because like I really wanna be competitive and I really came here to battle and I want the cred and blah, blah, blah. But then every time I don't make it past prelims and I see the people that did and they're all following this formula pretty much, I'm like, "Dammit, I don't wanna do that." So then my answer to it at the time was brought to me by the big bro Frannie where he's like, "Battle in the ciphers then, dude."

ET: Oh, okay. Oh shit. Okay.

IL: You know?

KB: Change-a-roo, change-a-roo...

ET: Pod. That makes sense.

IL: You know what I mean? Yeah, just, just battle it out somewhere else.

ET: That's a great... He's asking you to reframe where your battle is happening.

IL: Yeah. Yeah. But that kind of dissonance was... It was also present in me and I'm sure others in the battle scene or the freestyle scene. This is like, "Okay, I wanna be competitive, but I don't really wanna do that."

ET: Yeah.

IL: You know?

ET: Yeah.

IL: And it's like this marriage between the two that you have to find or just be okay with it.

ET: Yeah.

KB: Do you feel that you have a definitive goal now or like a clearer goal at least?

IL: I think no, but...

ET: Ah, no. But no.

IL: But I'm way more invested or interested in being true to myself than I am necessarily winning a battle. Like I'm even further doubling down on like I'm not gonna dance like that just to win.

KB: Okay. Well then, yeah. That definitely sounds like you have a clearer goal.

IL: Right. But I also haven't battle since I left Cali. So I haven't field tested my mind yet.

KB: But isn't that indicative of your, more a clear decision that you haven't battled since? You know what I mean?

IL: But I still want to battle.

KB: Sure.

IL: I'm just saying I don't know what'll happen once I step out and I lose, if my mind will go back to like, "Dammit, I lost again."

KB: Right.

IL: Or it'll be like, "Yo, I rep." Like I did my thing, whatever.

ET: Yeah.

IL: I don't care.

ET: But I think what Karlo was saying was like essentially that to define what you don't want is a little bit clearer than to not have a goal at all. 'Cause you're getting a little bit closer to saying...

IL: It's true. True.

ET: Like I don't like this.

IL: Yeah.

ET: I don't like this high energy or like whatever bullshit.

IL: Yeah.

ET: Or whatever formula it is.

IL: Right.

ET: I think I just called out the formula a little bit, but yeah.

IL: Yeah, it's whoever... I mean I'll say it. I don't care. It's whoever can do the biggest moves the loudest.

ET: Yeah.

IL: And on the most like plain musicality level. It's literally whoever can do the bigger move.

ET: Yeah.

IL: It's like it... Like I can't do a jumping box split, so I'm gonna lose.

ET: Neither can Karlo.

IL: Yeah.

ET: Anymore.

ET: That's good.

KB: Anymore.

IL: Yeah, but you know what I mean? Like that's, and I'm not knocking that style. Like that's legit.

ET: Yeah.

IL: That's hard.

ET: Yeah.

IL: I can't do that.

ET: Right.

IL: But I also have zero desire to do that.

KB: Can I tell you something that kind of pisses me off?

ET: Go ahead.

KB: Not about you.

IL: I mean you could do it around me too.

KB: Well, but it's not about you, actually.

IL: It's not?

KB: It's something that...

ET: It could be.

KB: I've kind of noticed. It's a lot in the street dance world, but also a lot in the choreo world. But I don't... I really hate it when like the big names or like the very, the ones that are like winning the competitions, etcetera.

IL: Yeah.

KB: When you ask them like, "Oh, what is it that you do that's different?" Or, "How are you doing this?" They're always like, "Man, if you think like that, then you're not gonna get there. Like you just have to do whatever you want. I don't care about competition blah, blah, blah." I hate that shit. I hate that shit so much.

ET: I hate that shit.

KB: Because it's not true. That might be their mindset now.

IL: Yeah.

KB: But when you're teaching someone, who's not anywhere close to your skill level, you're teaching bad information.

IL: Yeah.

KB: Because you're sitting there and telling them, "Don't care." And then they're gonna walk away with it like, "Oh I need to care less. I need to be more unique." But for me I feel like being unique only comes after a very specific threshold of skill level. Acquisition, rather. You know what I mean?

IL: Yeah.

KB: But no one says that. And that's something so prevalent in the choreo community, is that everyone's trying to be their own person. And the equivalent of that for us is, "I started dancing, and now I wanna be a dope ass choreographer." But guess what? You don't get to be a dope ass choreographer until you learn how to be good at just the dancing part first.

IL: Yeah.

KB: But everyone jumps. Like it's an immediate jump like, "No, it's fine, I'm doing my style."

IL: Yeah.

ET: Okay.

KB: What the hell are you saying?

ET: You can sum that up, in one sentence, when you ask for somebody like, How do I get better at this skill? But first, the reason the way that Ilya got to where he is, is because you were super technical at first.

IL: Yeah.

ET: And then you got into this. And to this point, which I hope you never say, is, when you ask somebody like, "Oh, I need to clean up my time stamps. My time stamps from my ticking." And you just say, or the instructor, or the teacher or whoever just says, "You just gotta feel it." I fucking hate when they say, "Oh not just feel it, you got it, just feel it."

KB: Yeah 'cause feel is something that you just...

ET: Yeah.

KB: You know that's the thing too, is that these bad teachers have forever said like, "Oh feeling is just something you have, you just have to hone it, you have to... " You know what I mean?

ET: Yeah.

KB: But it's like, or you can just work on your technique and your feel will naturally come from mastery. You know what I mean? That's something you can say, not just like, "Oh no, you just gotta feel it. You're thinking too much. Oh you're too worried about technique." It's like, if you're too worried about technique, that means you're not ready to feel it. You know what I mean?

IL: Yeah.

ET: And how did your technique get so good, if you're just feeling it? I'm sure you just woke up one day...

IL: Yeah.

ET: And your technique just felt good.

IL: Right. I had this discussion with some people out in Cali, specifically, and pacifically I guess...

KB: Hell yeah.

IL: In popping about the funk.

ET: Okay.

IL: And not like the music. But when we're like, "Yo, that boy got that funk." You gotta have that funk.

ET: Yeah.

IL: And we're basically, I mean also we were all white...

ET: Okay.

IL: In this discussion. But we were basically saying, "What the fuck is the funk? How does the one just have the funk? How does one have it, and somebody doesn't?" You know what I mean? And we kinda just boiled it down to like, once again, not giving a fuck.

ET: Okay.

IL: You know what I mean?

KB: Yeah.

IL: That's really what they mean. But, going back to the original point, it's like, well yeah, you have to... I mean, it depends on the person really. For some reason, swordplay came to my head. Right?

ET: Okay.

IL: Like if you wanna just do you, and swing your sword around, however you want, who are we to stop you?

ET: Right.

IL: Right? But now if you wanna get to like freaking samurai-way and everything, that's a whole different story. And that's when technique comes first, because technique is basically the entry way into now being able to...

KB: Like the rules?

IL: Yeah, the rules. But also, what you were saying before, about the people winning and stuff. I agree, and I wanna add to the fact that, yeah, they don't care and they're just doing them because they're winning.

ET: That's a very good... That's a fucking good point.

IL: I have a perfect example of somebody I mentioned earlier today, Ed.

ET: Okay.

IL: Yeah? Who, you have also seen and know of in the battle dance scene. And this is how I came to my conclusion, that I basically determined, by myself, not a medical diagnosis, but I will just refer and assume this person is bipolar. Because I was at a battle in the Netherlands, this person won. And I went over, congratulated him, and this person was like, "Oh man, I don't care, I just dance, it's whatever man, win lose, I don't care." I'm like, "All right. You still did great though." Okay? Same person, loses a jam, that I may or may not have organized, I go up to them after, to say they did amazing, and they tell me to fuck off, and run away.

ET: Wow. Yeah.

IL: When they win, "I don't care, I'm just dancing." When they lose, completely different story.

ET: Yeah, I don't know if I'm allowed to have an opinion of this person, but it feels like...

IL: Well it's not more about the person, I'm sure other people are like this as well.

ET: Oh totally.

KB: But the situation.

[overlapping conversation]

IL: The situation, you know what I mean? It's like... And it depends to on... Because sometimes really, honestly, the answer is just practice.

ET: Yeah.

IL: I've said that to people.

KB: Yeah for sure.

IL: Sometimes the answer is, not just feel it. Now, should we break it down more to somebody new? Saying by that, I really mean just listen to the music, do what feels natural. You know trust yourself, let it out. Sure. But in general, I totally...

KB: But two-fold, man, two-fold, you sit there and you're like, "Yeah, just practice." So now you have fulfilled your role as a good teacher, right? But then guess what, a lot of people do not like that answer. A lot of people are just like, "Oh yeah, I'll practice at home, but what short cut do you have?" And you're like, "Oh all right."

IL: Yeah, that brings up another question I wanna ask you guys. I guess if you're calling yourself a teacher, and you're working as one, then yes, you should try to be good. But, if we're at a jam, and you just battled, and some dude comes up to you, or girl, even though girls don't go to jams, but I wish they did, but anyway... It comes up to you and he's asked you for a critique or for an advice, right?

ET: Yeah.

IL: Do you have to be a good teacher? Do you have to give good advice in that scenario?

ET: I think they're not coming to you for good advice. I think they're coming to because they value your opinion.

IL: Well, regardless of what they're coming to you for, I'm saying...

KB: Are you saying, no advice or bad advice? Are you purposely trying to sabotage them, or are you just saying, do you have to teach them?

IL: I guess, sabotaging would be a douche move, but it's... Basically, what I'm trying to highlight is, "Why am I obligated to break this down and teach this person, properly?" I mean, "Why me?" Unless I'm a proclaimed teacher, or it's a class I'm teaching or something, you know what I mean? That's the question I wanna open up with. Because sometimes, honestly, I really just feel like "just practice, dog."

ET: Yeah.

KB: I'm sure that's the way you say it, too.

IL: Yeah, because that's what I have I've been told sometimes. To this day, Junior Boogaloo just tells me "stretch", and I'll be like, "Yo, how do you do that wave" or whatever, and he's like "just stretch". And it's not dismissive, it's actually the most foundational, on point advice that he could give me, and also saving himself the freaking effort, and energy, and whatever.

KB: It's probably more ingenuine, actually, when you sit there and you give a shit ton of advice to someone who's not ready for it. 'Cause then you actually will mess them up, right? I know that when I give critiques to my more inexperienced dancers, a lot of times I'll be like "Okay, we gotta work on your placements", that it's as simple as that. I'm not gonna give you any more critiques other than that. Next is musicality, it's progressive.

KB: But then, I'll sit there and give another critique to someone right next to that person, right? "Okay, for you, we have to do this, this, and this, and this", and I've been called out before, "How come you gave them so much more effort?" or "How much you gave him so much more detail and I only got 'work on your placements'?" Cause I've had to say, very explicitly "You're not ready for anything other than that".

ET: That makes sense.

KB: But that's what I'm saying, too, it's the relationship. One is that, if you're sitting there giving too much critique, like "Oh, your waves aren't that good. Well, you should do this, and you should use this exact timing, and you should do this", then I'm actually just selling you something. Selling you bullshit, essentially. But then on the reverse end, it's that students nowadays, I think, expect more than they're really ready for, you know what I mean?

IL: Yeah.

KB: Like come on.

ET: Well, they're looking for the golden answer to win. I think that's why nobody likes to answer to "just practice more", because most people don't win. That's the point, is that most people don't win. And I'm not sure, to be fair, I wanted to bring something up too, about my hesitance about May. About doing the two on two with Ilya but, it's like "Yeah, most people don't win." But then, why are we battling? Why is the winning then so important? I wanted to... Why is winning? If you were to battle, or when you were battling and you weren't winning, what did that mean, then, to not win? I don't think I've ever asked you that, actually.

IL: Yeah, no you haven't. You've asked me a lot of questions.

ET: I asked you a lot of questions, but I never asked that one. I have questions.

IL: The thing is... So at the time, or even now, I don't know, winning to me, was more like a justification of not having wasted time. Not wasting time, life time, right? Or a justification that I'm good, or justification that I can hang with the best of them. I belong in this upwards here.

KB: Like you're benchmarking.

IL: Yeah, yeah, yeah which I'm saying is probably not a healthy, mentally, way to look at it. Or at least it wasn't for me, because, pretty sure the count was... I went to six jams while I was out there, and I got through prelims, once. And it was the first one I went to, and it was all stats.

ET: Okay.

IL: And then after that, I was just getting smacked around. Just not... And it really started to weigh me down, because I was like "Dude, am I just trash?" And then came the whole formula question, or whatever. Do I wanna battle like that, etcetera? It is funny you bring that up, because that's one of the points I thought of/tell people "If you think about it, unless you're like Rocks, right? Or one of these B-boys who won 100 plus jams by now, most people are the losers." It's funny, actually, that's how I think about events, dance events. As an organizer, I think "Okay, most people that come here are not gonna leave with anything. Most people are gonna be walking around losers. So this event is for the losers." Dance events are for the losers, right? That's the majority.

ET: Yeah.

IL: So how can we structure the outside of the bracket, and the bracket, enough to have... Make sure they still leave feeling good, someway, somehow?

KB: To make worth it?

IL: Yeah, right? That's why, at Top Status, we added two concerts and things like that, you know what I mean? It's actually about the losers.

KB: That's dope.

ET: Wow, I never thought of it that way, that's amazing. Okay.

IL: But then, towards the self, I don't know, I still struggle with that.

ET: Okay.

IL: Basically the answer is "I'm not sure how to answer your question."

ET: Okay.

IL: As particular to the May one, in my brain, my mental image right now, is G-Eazy, the rapper.

ET: Oh, okay.

IL: G Easy.

ET: The white rapper.

IL: The white rapper.

IL: Just balling out.

ET: Okay.

IL: And I just wanna flex on people.

ET: Yeah.

IL: Just a giant ego freaking showcase.

ET: Yeah.

IL: I guess.

ET: Yeah.

IL: I don't know.

ET: Yeah.

IL: I just really, and part of it is because it's Jersey. And I'm sure I joked about it but I'm sure a bunch of people are gonna be like, "Who is this guy is he new? Is he from around here?"

ET: I think they're gonna say the same about both of us.

IL: Yeah.

ET: Who are these two old guys.

IL: Yeah. The same way people ask me like, "Wait, you know Karlo?"

ET: Yeah.

IL: You know Karlo? !

[laughter]

ET: Yeah I slept with him.

[laughter]

ET: I had sex with him like six times.

IL: Yeah.

KB: It was good.

IL: So, part of it is that, none of that guys, this is my scene, you know what I mean? If you're gonna host a battle in Jersey...

KB: You're the one that should be scared.

IL: Yeah, you know what I mean, like... So, it's basically all this, not necessarily in a bad way either, but just like this ego exercise.

ET: Yeah.

IL: Tying into the personal life efforts of trying to give less, fewer, lesser, less...

ET: Fewer.

IL: Fucks.

ET: Okay, okay.

IL: That's really what it is, for me.

ET: Okay.

IL: So, I know consciously, I can win, and I know that if I go in feeling like I can win, I will be able to do my best. But if I start worrying about winning too much...

ET: Yeah.

IL: Then I'm gonna get stuck.

ET: Yeah.

KB: That's interesting, because you said that about the events.

ET: No, because my whole approach literally for the past two years, now has been like, "If you're gonna battle just don't... " No for me personally, I'm just like, I don't feel like there's no point, I feel like it's a waste time I'm just there to hang out with my friends.

IL: Yeah.

ET: So, if any thing it would just be to hang out with Ilya.

IL: Yeah.

ET: And then getting past prelims or whatever is just a bonus. And it's just less of a strike to my ego if I don't get past it, because there have been a ton of times where I haven't, but what's funny is that that's the time where I felt the best about my get downs. And Ilya's actually, even if you don't remember them, Ilya's been like, "Yo, that was actually really dope."

IL: Yeah, I'm sure.

ET: You know.

IL: Yeah. It's funny too, because most of the time the people that don't give as much of a fuck about winning are the ones that would do.

ET: Do?

IL: They win.

ET: Oh yeah, yeah.

IL: At least in our world.

ET: Yeah.

IL: Granted like, for an example, I learned something about the French poppers.

ET: Okay.

IL: Those dudes train to win battles. Like that's it.

ET: Mm-hmm.

IL: Not saying they don't have fun or do anything else but they really focus on winning battles and they do. So, do they care about winning? Yes, but I think that's their version of fun.

ET: Okay.

IL: You know what I mean?

KB: I'm not gonna lie, that's more of my mentality.

IL: Right?

KB: A lot of things I do are very calculated, so I relate with that a lot, like the whole choreo, world I'm here to win man. And all of my decisions are to win and a lot... It's very looked down upon. And we come from a world where I can be like, "Yo I'm there to win and people will be like, respect, respect."

IL: Yeah, yeah. All right, I'll see you in the finals.

KB: Yeah, I say that at a choreo event, people will just be like, "Oh man, it's about the dance."

IL: How ironic you don't have to second that if you don't want to. But I'm gonna say it. How ironic.

ET: How ironic, okay, I'll second that.

[laughter]

KB: You know what I mean, it's like a weird... So I normally can't say this but very honestly, and I have admitted this to my team that I'm here to compete. I'm not riding on it, I'm not saying if we don't win, I'm pissed, but I'm going in with the mindset of like, "I'm going to try to win this and if you're with me, you're with me. If you're not, then maybe you should find a different team. Let's focus on another thing." That's not a bad thing, you know what I mean, it's just if you come to my team know that our goal is to do this thing. But I think that that's me at a director level, for my dancers, though, I tell them, "Don't worry about that", because that's not their job. For them I'm always telling them, "Focus on the dancing. Because that's more important for you guys. Me as the one leading the team, the coach of this team, essentially, let me handle the competition side of it." So, that's really interesting to hear that the French are like that. I honestly, I'm gonna say something that might be edgy, but I really think winning is easy.

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