#yes hello i would like to have my cake and kill it too
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The surprise guest (who had to be protected by the host)
Lando Norris x Leclerc! Reader
After Lando Norris had a make out session with YN Leclerc on his stream, it hadn't been intentional, he had been too scared to come face to face with any of his girlfriend's three older brothers. But when his girlfriend's mother invites him over for dinner, he can't just ignore her
or
in which Pascale Leclerc invites her daughter's boyfriend (or as she likes to call him, her fourth son) over for a family dinner
N.B: I feel like the humor isn't what most of you expected and I am so sorry, I swear I am funnier irl 😭 hope you guys like it... special thanks to @glai1023-blog and @flowerchild-96 for the idea of mama leclerc doting on Lando
For context
The brothers' reactions to the steamy stream
Social media reactions
YN had always been close to her mother, she always told her about her new hair ideas, how she wants to cook a new recipe and her crushes, so when YN started dating Lando Norris her mother was the first person to know (with the promise of not telling her brothers)
Pascale had met Lando quite a lot in the 9 months that the young couple's relationship had stayed secret from her brothers. To say Pascale adored the young Brit was an understatement.
Pascale Leclerc loved Lando Norris like her own son; she learned all his favorite foods, what are his preferred desserts and the meals he hadn't been able to taste before (so that she could make it for him)
With that being said, the Leclerc parent is always big on family. She had instilled in her childrens' head that even if you are busy, you must have a day each month for a family dinner and that all five members of the Leclerc family must be present.
Except for this month, six members were present at that dinner, and three of them were ready to kick the intruder out if it not had been for their mother hitting them on the back of their heads.
It had all started out normal- well as normal as it could be when just a week ago you had seen your sister making out with her boyfriend on live.
Pascale had been in the kitchen making dinner with the help of YN while the three male Leclercs were too traumatised by last week's events to face their sister. It's not that they didn't want to ask her questions, they really did, they wanted to interrogate her, but whenever they catch a glimpse of her they remember the phone screens showing her and her boyfriend.
Boyfriend. That was one person they would love to meet. Charles could probably know where Lando Norris is whenever he wanted, that was the perks of having the same circle of friends, team workers who were also friends and same bosses. Did he want to talk to him? No. Did he want to beat him? Yes.
The doorbell interrupted the brothers creative imagination of how they could kill the British driver. As Arthur was closest to the door he went up to see who it was, not expecting the one who they murdered 100 different ways in their haeds to be standing at the door with 2 bouquets of flowers, a box of chocolate and a box of what appeared to be a cake.
"Oh, umm, hi?"
Lando was about to piss his pants, he saw that expression change on Arthur's face, and he was the youngest of his girlfriend's brothers. With every second Arthur stared at him his heart rate increased with sweat filling his palms as his throat tightened up.
"Who is it Arthur?"
Shit, fuck. Lando knew that voice all too well, and he was not ready to have his head nailed to the front of the paddock for everyone to see.
"Oh dear, hello my son, Arthur move out of the way."
The gentle voice of Pascale Leclerc stopped any and all movements in the living room.
"SON!"
The three Leclercs exclaimed in sync, looking at the young brit with wide eyes and clenched jaws.
The boys' anger increased as they watched their mother fuss over the boy, thanking him for the flowers as she called their sister to place them in a vase, giving him a hug and kissing his cheeks.
"Oh lovely, you didn't have to bring anything. Is that your favorite dessert then?"
Lando was all too aware of the three pairs of eyes staring at him, and if looks could kill he'd be 18 feet under. Gulping, he gave Pascale an awkward smile, too scared to actually utter a word.
Noticing his trembling hands and terrified glances at her sons, Pascale glared at the young men "you three! Stop it!"
"But mum-"
"No! I don't want to hear a word out of any of you if it's not going to be nice! You should respect you sister's boyfriend and my guest!"
"It's a family dinner! You never invited any of our girlfriends to a family dinner before"
"Oh my god," now that's a familiar voice Lando loves hearing "stop being babies about it."
Moving closed, YN took the flowers from Lando's hands "ohhh, mum, he got you your favourite!"
"Thank you love." Giving him a peck on the lips, YN smiled at him, and upon hearing her brothers' groans and complains she gave him a wink before kissing him again.
■■♡■■
The three Leclerc brothers were like Hyenas, waiting for their mother to stop protecting their pray so they could have a word (with their fists.)
Sitting at the couch facing the open kitchen they watched as their mother dotted over the British driver, stretching her hand for him to taste the food on the spoon before giving her a wide smile
"You three look like Scar." YN teased as she took a seat besides Charles
"Mon ange," Charles started as he rotated in his seat making him face to face with his sister "please, why didn't you tell us?"
"YN, Lando Norris, really?" Arthur whined as he looked at his younger sister, waiting for an explanation of hers.
"You three are really insufferable," YN stated as she looked at them with a devilish smirk "if you guys are wondering why i didn't tell you, it's just cause I know you three will be earing my ear off about our relationship and yes Arthur, Lando Norris, he makes me happy and he kisses me oh so-"
"LALALALALALAAA" Arthur screamed at the top of his lungs, making his sister laugh while their mother scolded them for the noise
"No, but really," YN took a sip of water "he is really nice to me, he treats me really well and he is so respectful-"
"Oh yeah, making out on live is oh so respectful of him" Lorenzo rolled his eyes then glared at the young boy in the kitchen, getting head pats from their mother like a golden retriever.
"Oh god, don't remind me man" Charles groaned as the image he tried so hard to erase came back much more vibrant and clearer, as if the presence of Lando just solidified it in his brain.
"Okay listen," YN huffed as she crossed her arms "if you don't like him then okay, fine, I will end it before it goes any further, but it was an honest mistake on both of out parts. We're not into that kind of thing."
"God, will you stop doing that!"
"Do you want to tramatise us?"
"Oh god, I did not need to know anything about this."
Hearing her brothers whine and groan from her teasing brings YN the greatest of joys. Was she planning on actually breaking things off for her brothers? Hell no, they're not little princesses they can keep their emotions in check.
"Mon ange, are you really sure that you like him?"
"Yes!" YN insisted as she looked at him like he grew 2 heads "will you just please get to know him?"
Sighing Charles bit his tongue, not wanting to actually upset his sister with what he really wanted to say.
"Okay mon ange, I'll talk to him and I'll make sure everything is normal," Charles got up to make his way to his mother who was now in a matching apron with Lando as he listened to her every word, basking up the praises and head pats given to him "just please, if he hurts you or if you feel like you aren't his top priority don't stick around okay. You are worth so much more than a race driver."
"Aren't you one?"
"Exactly."
With that, Charles left his siblings heading off to his mother with a pout as he spotted her patting the Brit's cheek with a full smile
"God, he's so whipped for her." Arthur told his brother, shaking his head.
"Yeah well, I told him it'd bite him in the ass someday."
"Hey! I'm not that bad!"
"YN," Lorenzo looked at her with a blank expression "you take full advantage of it and you know it."
■■♡■■
It had been an hour and now the family of five and their guest are sitting at the dinner table, having their first bite of the homemade dinner.
"Oh, this tastes phenomenal Mrs Leclerc. I hadn't had that in a while"
"Oh dear, I'm so glad you like it!" Pascale cooed over the young boy, getting up to place more for him on his plate "YN told me it's one of your favourites."
"Thank you so much darling." Lando smiled at YN, feeling more at ease with the glares sent his way as Pascale Leclerc glared right back at her sons.
"Mum," Lorenzo started as he looked at the food in distaste "I don't eat that, you know."
"Well," the mother smiled at her son sarcastically, making sure to get her point across "if you don't like it, then don't eat."
"Oh, c'est brutal maman." Arthur murmured under his breath, looking at his oldest sibling in pity
("Oh, that's brutal mum")
"I said no French!" Pascale warned her youngest son before turning to her now favorite son "tell me Lando, do you like Vanilla cakes?"
"Not really no, but YN told me it's your favorite so I bought it from what I also believe to be your favorite dessert shop."
"Oh dear, you really are my favorite," four voices of a 'mum!' yelled in the dinning room which did not take any of Pascale's attention away from the British young man "you're going to make me swoon."
"Oh my god," YN whispered to her brothers "we lost her."
"Yeah well," Lorenzo grumbled at his sister "he is your boyfriend"
"I lost my mum to my boyfriend."
"Oh, he went out of his way to go to her favourite shop," Arthur stated "she's not letting him go anywhere."
"I think you lost both of them mon ange."
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{Taglist: @idaesrhy @masonspulisic}
#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#charles leclerc#f1#lando norris x y/n#lando norris#lando norris x reader#lando norris x leclerc!reader#lando norris x leclerc reader#charles leclerc sister#charles leclerc x sister!reader#leclerc!reader#arthur leclerc x sister reader#older brother arthur#lorenzo leclerc x sister reader#lorenzo leclerc#older brother leclerc#older brother charles#brother!charles leclerc
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Do you think the show is biased against the Greens vs. Team Black? If so, how should the show have demonstrated that both teams are awful, in your opinion?
Hello anon!
I've got a lot to say on this one.
First of all, yes. I totally think that the show had some obvious kind of bias towards the Blacks. Not necessarily with the way the Greens were treated as devils with no likeable qualities except for Alicent (even if there are several instances of them doing so) but more because of the way the Blacks were whitewashed.
Rhaenyra.
Look, you'll never catch me not expressing my contempt for this woman, no matter the fact she was brought up by a man who did nothing but spoil, enable and indulge her in everything and anything she says and does. I can see the path they're taking in the show by adapting her as an irresponsible woman who flees at the minimal inconvenience and cowers to her dad at any minor inconvenience, but literally everything that makes her Rhaenyra Targaryen, Rhaenyra Targaryen, is removed.
She just looks like the next girlboss Targ Dragonrider queen after Daenerys. They basically made GOT season 8 and sent show!Rhaenyra as an apology. But in doing so they basically made her... Boring. Her and her children, which I don't love or hate. (The closest one I am to "liking" is Jace, I guess, but the leaks are just making me rethink everything again.)
I would've loved it if they had given us ONE pre-Dance book!Rhaenyra scene that would've made her appear more ruthless than what we have on the show, and not just the time when she offered 10 year old Aemond to be tortured. Make her ask Daemon to go after Vaemond (sorry pookie) like she did in the books, make her feed his corpse to her dragon. Sure that wouldn't have made me change my mind about how much I dislike her bUt it WOULD'VE made me go "damn she stands on business."
I wanted her to act out of grief and insist on going to war when she miscarried Visenya and lost her father, because although I don't think that the Greens did kill that poor little girl (she had dragon features and was likely going to die anyway) I do think that Rhaenyra should've been allowed her pain and the irrational and impulsive thinking that comes with it.
Alicent.
OH BOY.
Where do I even begin with this one?
Olivia Cooke SLAYED. Lemme just start with that. She took the whole cake and ate it too and left no crumbs. The direction they've taken with her is a realistic one, at least for the actions and decisions she's taking. Reckless, for sure. Risky, deathly even. Her fear is realistic, even for someone as Alicent Hightower no matter how much determination had protected her from dread.
What I don't like is the way she was treated as everyone's object and her shutting up about it. From Rhaenyra to Larys, everyone uses her for their own disgusting pleasures or outlet of frustration. And she's made to take it without fighting back even once. The one time she does, bless her, she's treated as a woman who's gone mad.
Now, I would've been fine with her taking all these hits if only they knew how to make Alicent change properly and completely from there. If it was me, the incident at Driftmark would be my start to revenge. No longer would I look at Rhaenyra with hope to reconcile with her. No longer would I bear any more of Viserys' shit when it's clear his first daughter (the image of his first wife) bears way more importance to him than me and all the four kids he forced me to have combined.
They'd have to nightly talk me out of suffocating him with my pillow a minute more for every wince and ache my now eyeless son suffers, for a month straight if not more. I wouldn't eagerly stand by his side and listen to his last words only to mistake them for permission to go along with my plans. I'd stand there passively at best, waiting for him to be done, before leaving the room.
Everything else can just be left the same way it was. Her fear when she realizes the effect Viserys' death has on her and her children is realistic. I'd break down for a moment too. I'd act as soon as I could too. I'd cry tears of relief, dread, grief (depends on how you interpret that scene) too. After letting his stinky ass rot for a fortnight. I would've preferred this to be a "there was a plan, but we weren't ready to act it out" situation more than a "what the fuck is going on" situation.
I'd also slap that "you toil in service of other men" dialogue from Rhaenys right back in her face (sorry grandma) since if we're talking about the show, it's literally the only thing she has done throughout the season.
House Velaryon.
HEAVY on this one. They have been done so wrong on so many levels. Every single one of them.
Laena was made to "pursue" Daemon, she changes from a precious, small and shy little girl to a confident, seductive young woman (teenager for fuck's sake, screw everyone who thought making her change this way would've been good) and later on a side piece, "the one Daemon settles for because he can't have Rhaenyra" even if it was known that she was the only one he was never unfaithful to, "she's made her peace" (WTF???????).
It apparently never hits Corlys that the bitch who he believes has made him childless (I AM TALKING ABOUT DAEMON) deserves no support from him and his house or that Luke should actually become a ward there at Driftmark if he's so adamant on keeping this farce that he's a Velaryon and the next Lord of the Tides.
Vaemond is seen as the odd, evil and power hungry one for pointing out that his house is falling into an OBVIOUS bastard's hands whether this kid likes it or not (even as my support for this claim goes as far as questioning Luke's parentage) and to add insult to injury he's made to say Rhaenyra is a whore, which never happened in the books.
The Silent Five are removed completely, Vaemond's sons as well (@redrosesandcharmingsouls knows I was FROTHING at the mouth waiting for Daemion Velaryon to make an appearance but the motherfuckers couldn't even give me that) so that we don't have any kind of reason to believe an execution so brutal and unjust had any repercussions on the support House Velaryon has on the Blacks overall. They are made into Rhaenyra's cheering squad through and thorough, even if they have every reason to be anything but.
The Laenor situation is actually really fucking funny. They made him leave instead of killing him to not bury the gays and they aren't aware that this has totally fucked everything up. Like thanks for telling me ALL of Rhaenyra's children are bastards. Cool, HOW THE FUCK TO YOU HANDLE SEASMOKE NOW?
Aegon II.
No this isn't an apologist post. I'm actually slithering on the ground on my knees for TGC daily but Aegon is a clusterfuck right now, no matter how you look at it. They tell us he's a psycho drunken rapist and he likes to watch children fighting every Sunday and when you actually see his adult version he's a crying love starved bitch of a man and he winces and frowns when Vaemond's head is cut off.
Instead of taking the throne to protect his children, he takes it because he's forced. And that makes Alicent the villain in everything once again. Now it doesn't matter if you look at the book version or what we see of the show version, everywhere you look this is just out of character.
It's inconsistent. He's made the worst thing ever so people can say "See??? They believe a rapist is better to put to the throne than our girlboss virtuous heir!!!" you either make him a psycho or a touch starved baby, why make both?
So yeah, I think this is all. For now. We'll have to see how this show progresses to see if I change my mind in any way.
Thanks for the ask!!!! ^_^
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His Snowflake: Yandere The Winter King X Listener (Fionna And Cake) #adv...
Base Yandere The Winter King Headcanons: His Snow Angel (AT: Fionna and Cake)
[Hello, My Sexy Muffins! And Happy Holidays! I am trying to get at least 12 Videos and a few written posts. This will be a Tumblr/Archive/YouTube post! The YouTube video will have more to it than the written post. This is The Winter King base yandere headcanons from Adventure Time Fionna and Cake! I hope that you all enjoy this chapter!]
(Disclaimer: The Winter King is not yandere in canon! This is just for fun and not to be taken seriously at all! Simping for fictional characters and yanderes is fine! Just do not be illegal about it, and remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon and canon! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life!)
-Base Yandere Headcanons With The Winter King-
.It was a dream that he met you.
.He has been lonely, never fully complete like something was missing.
.Then you a human from another universe appear here?
.You were so warm, soft, and like a light came from you.
.His Angel, his snow angel.
.He became quickly obsessed with your warmth.
.He has always had a borderline obsession with things.
.Even before he became the Ice King or the Winter King.
.Tranfering the madness of the crown did not change this.
.He could not even remember Betty.
.So this version of Simon, puts all of his obsession into you!
.How could he not, you are so warm and perfect.
.You are perfect just like him!
.It was destiny that you two would meet!
.One could even call it Fate!
.Yes you were his Angel to be with him for all eternity!
.He is very into himself, so he will only have the best (Which he sees as the best) as his partner.
.He also loves his ego stroked.
.That is the only reason he had not killed the Candy Queen.
.Because her attention strokes his ego and man is his ego huge.
.So he would want you to pay attention to him and to stroke his ego.
.You should only want him in your life! Why would you give your attention to anyone else?
.He is the only one good enough for your attention, it should be him! AND ONLY HIM!
.Since he is the only one good enough for you, he does not typically see anyone else as a rival.
.Why would he have rivals? the whole idea of you being into anyone else is laughable at best!
.He would love to be called King and he would call you either his Angel, snowflake, or majesty.
.To him you are so much more delicate than him, he could easily break you.
.Though he would never do that! He may freeze your legs so you cannot run away!
.But nothing too permanent.
.He is a skilled master of winter, there is no way he will cause serious damage!
.That is if you do not try and run away.
.If you were to keep running away, well then you did not need those pesky legs.
.He would numb them so you do not feel the pain as he saw them off.
.That way you can stay where you are meant to be and you can always be His Winter Majesty!
.He would be very touchy-feely with you because he loves your warmth.
.You are just so soft and warm and he could not get enough of feeling it.
.He wonders what making love to you would feel like~
.You would be so soft and warm and to make love to you, it would be world-changing he is sure.
.He is the type of yandere that would adore you.
.Of course, do not forget he is in control, he is the one who has a say in where you go in his kingdom.
.He would control if any of his subjects see you.
.He will control everything, even if he makes it seem like you have control and free will you will not. You are his and he is always in control of what is his.
.When he does confess to you, it will be most likely with a big song and dance of him confessing his love to you.
.If you do accept his love you will be married to him and will be his co-ruler. His Majesty.
.If you do not accept his love?
.Well then you will simply be locked away and gaslit and manipulated into loving him.
.He is a narcissistic yandere and he will be a master of manipulation and gaslighting you.
.There is no bounds he will not do to have you.
.If you did have other people interested in you?
.They would face slow and painful deaths where they freeze to death, so slowly they will lose their minds.
.You are His Snow Angel, you will be His Majesty! You Do Not Have A Choice!
[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS another chapter is done, I hope that you all enjoyed this and stay sexy, all of my sexy muffins!]
#youtube#yandere#yandere the winter king#yandere winter king#yandere adventure time#adventure time#adventure time fionna and cake#fionna and cake#adventure time winter king#the winter king#winter king#winter king x listener#the winter king x listener#the winter king x reader#winter king x reader#reader#listener
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The Kissing Booth
A Larissa×Reader oneshot
A festival was happening in town and Nevermore had volunteered to host a few booths. There was a dunk tank, throwing dart booth, ring toss game, and of course a kissing booth. A lot of the students were excited to work the kissing booth or at least participate in getting kisses. There was one rule that was stressed: no making out. Other than that it was left to the discretion of the kisser to decide to decline a kiss or not.
Each booth had a class and a sponsor or two who worked it. And just your luck it was the kissing booth that you had to work. You were playfully teased by your coworkers about passing out kisses, some saying they'd take a few. You playfully rolled your eyes and said "Just make sure you pay. No free kisses allowed."
They laughed before heading off to their respective booths or chaperone the kids. Vlad lingered behind giving you a smirk. "Maybe you'll be lucky and you'll get a kiss from you know who."
"Hush." You say with a blush, "If one of the kids hear you I'll never hear the end of it." You didn't need to tell him that you had already thought of the possibility of kissing her. No that would stay to yourself. "Besides she's too professional for that and she would have to like me. There's no way that could ever happen, she's completely out of my league. Now get out of here, you've got students to chaperone." You shoo him away, doing your rounds of walking and checking in with the kids. You had the last shift of the night at the booth so you had time to kill.
On one of your rounds you managed to spot her in all her stunning glory. Larissa Weems. She wore a form fitting cream pencil skirt with a deep blue blouse that made her eyes even bluer than they were. She smiles as she sees you, turning to come toward you. "Hello dear."
"Hello Larissa." You smile back, heart flipping in your chest at her voice. "Enjoying the festival?"
"I am. It's so good to see our students mix and mingle with the normals." Her voice proud as she answered. "And you? How are you finding it?"
"Good so far. I thought maybe about playing a game or two. May visit a food cart and get some funnel cake."
"I was just planning on visiting a food cart as well. There's one that has the best cheeseburgers. Would you like to join me for a bite?" She offers, gesturing toward the booths.
You try to keep your blush down as your brain ran rampant. There was no way she was asking you for a dinner date like it wanted to think. "Sure." You smile and walk beside her. "So the best cheeseburgers?"
"Yes. It's why I skipped dinner tonight. I look forward to it every year." She says with a small laugh. "And funnel cake for you?"
"It's only the best fair food." You answer, "Though I might try a cheeseburger if it's really as good as you say."
"It is, I highly recommend it." She smiles, getting in line with you. It doesn't take long to place your orders and get your food. You sat together and ate, chatting and carrying on like long time friends. You shared your funnel cake with her which made her eyes light up in delight. After eating you walked around more and stopped at a game booth. "That's a cute little bunny." Larissa says as she looks over the prizes.
You eye the fluffy gray bunny stuffie, it was pretty cute. With a determined smile you payed the woman working the ball toss booth. "It is pretty cute." You agree, tossing the balls toward the baskets. After a couple of tries you managed to win the bunny. "Here." You say, handing it over to Larissa. She blushed and smiled shyly making your heart flutter.
"You didn't have to do that." She said, clutching the stuffie in her arms to her chest.
"It was fun to play." You say with a shrug, trying to play it off like no big deal. It wasn't a date, you kept repeating over and over again. Just two coworkers hanging out. She's out of your league but you had to admit it to yourself that you'd win her a million more if she would always blush and smile like that. A tone played from your phone reminding you that your shift at the kissing booth was happening soon. "Oh boy my turn at the booth." You weren't for sure but for a second it looked like Larissa pouted before nodding understandingly.
"I would hate for you to be late. Perhaps I'll come by later and see how you're doing." She smiles softly and the idea makes you blush brightly.
"O-okay." You stutter out, before bidding her goodbye noticing the amusement gleam in her eyes. Mentally scolding yourself on the way to the booth for that embarrassing stutter. The booth wasn't so busy allowing your mind to wander and replay the night so far. You had enjoyed it, wishing that maybe she felt the same way even though it was so unlikely.
You had about thirty minutes left of your shift when Larissa came up, the bunny tucked under her arm. "Hello again."
"Hey." You greet with a smile and a quirk of your brow. "I thought you were going to be busy rounding up students since the fair is almost over."
"I was distinctly told to go enjoy myself by Vlad. He's spearheading the round up for me." She replied, fiddling with the fluff of the bunny's ear. "How has your shift been?"
"It's been decent I guess. Haven't had many people stop by." You answer, leaning over and propping your head up with your hand. "Vlad got a kiss from me."
Larissa pursed her lips, a jealous look slipped across her face before she could control it. "He did, did he?"
You can't believe it, was she actually jealous? She couldn't be.....could she? "Yes one big kiss on the cheek." You answered, smirking very gently.
She blinked and a embarrassed blush colored her cheeks. "Oh." Larissa looked off to the side for a moment before looking back at you. "So how much for a kiss?"
"It's a dollar for a short and sweet kiss. Two dollars gets you a little bit longer kiss." You answer eyeing her as you tilted your head. "Why do you want one?" The thought making your heart race, possibly getting to kiss her? Shit you'd pay for that yourself.
"I do." She smiles brilliantly, reaching into a pocket and pulling out a ten dollar bill. "Five lingering kisses please." You take the money and slip it into the cash box, trying to control your own blush.
"Where would you like them?"
"Pardon?"
"Where would you like your kisses?" You repeat. "Do you want them on your cheeks? Lips? Forehead? Hands?"
She thought for a moment before smiling mischievously. "Surprise me." You give her a nod and she delightedly leaned into your space, eyes briefly flickering to your lips. Your hand slipped up and cupped her face, lips softly pressing a lingering kiss to her cheek. There was a soft catch in her breathe and your heart fluttered.
You tilted her head down and pressed another kiss to her forehead, then her other cheek. Two kisses left and one of them was pressed to her nose. Pulling back just a little your eyes darted to her lips, her mouth parted ever so slightly. Leaning in your lips were a breath apart when a student yelled, "Miss Y/N!" You pulled back as you snapped up and turned to the voice. Larissa hung there briefly before she to straightened. "Darla isn't feeling well, she's already been sick once."
"I'm coming Maria, thank you." You look at Larissa, "I'm sorry, rain check on that last kiss?"
A hopeful look filled her eyes, "Of course. Come by my office once we get everything settled? Maybe have a glass of wine with me?"
"I would like that." You smile, nodding your acceptance. "See you then." Parting ways you went to the student and helped get her on the way back to school and to the nurse. You also helped put away the booth before heading back to Nevermore yourself. It was a little late but you felt light, the idea of giving Larissa another kiss in the forefront of your mind. You knock on the office door, entering at her call.
She sat behind her desk, the little bunny sitting right beside her laptop. It made you smile, "I trust everything is fine now?" Rising she turned to gather a bottle of wine and two glasses.
"Yes, she's fine. Ate to much and rode to many rides." You answer, coming to sit on her chaise as she motioned to it. Handing you your glass you both chatted and drank contently, the occasional laugh or chuckle making an appearance. You could get used to this, these little moments with her. Your heart squeezed painfully, reminding you to not get ahead of yourself. The conversation fell silent, a blush spreading on your cheeks as you cleared your throat. "Would you like your last kiss now?"
"Yes, please." She said, her tongue darting out to wet her lips. "That is, if you want to."
"I want to." You say quickly, making yourself blush at your eagerness. "I do want to." Larissa smiled and leaned in closer to you, a very soft hum slipping from her throat as your hand came to cup her cheek again. You leaned in close, nearly losing your breathe as you kissed her. The kiss lingered for a moment before you start to part, only for her to chase after your lips. Lips met in another kiss and another and another, it wasn't long before you ran your tongue across her lips and she deepened the kiss. Her hands reached for you and yours slipped around her neck. In an instant you had straddled her hips, lips intangled in kisses as her hands held onto your hips. Finally you both part for air and you realize what kind of position you're in.
Before you could panic she speaks, "I know this unprofessional but I've wanted to kiss you for so long."
"I have too." You admit trying to resist going back and kissing her again. "I.....I really like you Larissa, you make my heart flutter. Could I please take you on a date?"
A delighted smile lit up her face and she pressed a kiss to your lips. "Of course darling. I would love to go on a date with you." You hum happily, capture her lips again and again and again.
In the morning light you wake in her embrace and can't help the smile that graces your lips. You could get used to mornings like this.
#larissa weems nevermore#larissa weems wednesday#principal larissa weems#principle weems#principal weems#larissa x reader#larissa weems#larissa weems x reader#wednesday larissa weems#wednesday netflix#wednesday
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Hello! This is my first time submitting a request! Would you write a scenario where Whumpee has been held prisoner for several days now, and Caretaker stupidly tries to infiltrate Whumper’s facility alone to rescue them. Caretaker breaks down the door to a cell where they find Whumpee collapsed on the floor, beaten within an inch of their life. In the chaos before they can do anything, Whumper has Caretaker disarmed and restrained. Knowing that Caretaker has the same information they’ve been trying to get out of Whumpee, Whumper threatens to do something extra horrible to Whumpee and force Caretaker to watch unless they break and tell Whumper everything.
Thanks in advance!
Hello, Anon! Yes, I can totally write this for you. I've written a few pieces like this, and it's a delightful trope! Please feel to request anything at any time! I'm trying to be better about writing more regularly the better I fell.
Please enjoy your request!
Warnings: captivity, torture, bruises, broken bones, blood, rescue attempt, restraints, forced to watch
Caretaker repeated the directions to Whumpee's cell over and over in their head as they raced through Whumper's compound. They just had to get in, grab Whumpee, and get out all before Whumper noticed their presence. Piece of cake.
"Third door on the left after the second stairs on the right," Caretaker muttered as they leapt down the last half flight of stairs. They checked the hallway, searching for the third door on the left. Caretaker almost sank to their knees with relief as they spotted the door.
"Whumpee," they whisper shouted as they swung open the door. "Whumpee!" Caretaker gasped as they registered what they were seeing.
Whumpee lay curled on their side facing the door. Their breathe came in wheezing whistles as the air traveled through their very broken nose. One of their eyes was swollen shut and blood had dried at the corner of their mouth. Every inch of Whumpee was covered in bruises of varying ages and dried blood.
"Whumpee," Caretaker called as they hurried forward.
Whumpee cracked open their non-swollen eye. "No," they whispered their warning.
But it was too late. Whumper pounced on Caretaker, quickly besting them. Caretaker growled as Whumper pinned them to the ground, knee grinding into their back. "Well, well, well," Whumper chuckled, "here you are." They looked at Whumpee, "You said they wouldn't come. But I didn't believe you."
"LET THEM GO!" Caretaker roared.
Whumper rolled their eyes as they cuffed Caretaker's wrists together. "Don't be so cliche, Caretaker. Whumpee's already used up your quota as a team with all their 'I'd rather die than tell you' and 'You'll just have to kill me' and 'You'll never break me'. You have to be the original one."
"FUCK!" Caretaker roared as they struggled impotently in the cuffs. They had fallen for Whumper's trap. There was nothing they could do.
"Whumpee may be willing to die to avoid betraying your organization, Caretaker. But will you be willing to let them die for that?"
Caretaker froze. No. No. NO. "Whumper! Don't--"
Whumper sighed. "And here I thought you were going to be original." They drew a knife from their belt. "Here's goes nothing," Whumper said with a smile as they stalked towards Whumpee. "I won't hurt them, Caretaker, if you tell me what I want to know."
"Don't!" Whumpee's good eye flashed at Caretaker as Caretaker opened their mouth. "Don't tell them!"
"NO!" Caretaker roared once more as Whumper grabbed Whumpee by the tattered collar and began to drag them toward a chair on the opposite wall.
"This will all stop if you just give me what I want," Whumper purred as they raised the knife.
Before Caretaker could answer, Whumpee spat on Whumper. "I'd rather die."
Whumper wiped the bloody spittle from their face. "Your wish is my command."
#serickswrites#whump#whump writing#whumpblr#whump community#tw captivity#tw restraints#tw torture#tw bruises#tw broken bones#tw blood#tw rescue attempt#tw failed rescue#tw forced to watch#requests#queue
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Regarding Batman and Responsibility: A Rant
So, whenever there is talk about the age old question of "Should Batman kill Joker?" there is always, and I mean always someone who says something along the lines of: "But it's not Batman's responsibility to kill Joker so it's wrong to put the burden onto him." and on the surface this seems like a reasonable argument. After all, there is a police department in gotham, there is a government, so shouldn't we hold them accountable as well? Well, not exactly.
(Warning: I probably mispelled responsibility and responsible a LOT in this post, please don't begrudge me for it.)
Of course, those institutions ARE responsible for the Joker to some degree but the real question, to me, is: why is Batman considered as "NOT responsible" when he very much is.
People who make this argument usually say: "Well Batman is a volunteer, a vigilante! This is practically none of his bussiness." And true, Bruce isn't required to be a vigilante, he does it entirely out of his own volition. But is that not the whole reason why he IS responsible? I mean, Bruce is the one who CHOSE to take up that responsibilty, he is the one who CHOSES to shoulder that burden. In that sense he isn't that different from a government official/cop/etc. those people do it of their on will too don't they? Bruce, day after day, year after year, choses to fight for Gotham, to protect it and its people; he takes those responsibilities onto himself and yet... stopping Joker somehow, isn't one of them?
In my opinion, it is hypocritical. Bruce is the one who says things like "Gotham is MY city" or "I don't allow metas in Gotham, you need MY permission." or "You can't operate as a vigilante in Gotham without my say-so."(Stephanie Brown, anyone?) he routinely describes his vigilantism as a "war on crime"(which, yikes) and calls it a "crusade" and says it is his "mission" no? He chooses to do these things all on his own, no one forces him to. At a certain point, it's a matter of integrity. He can't pick and choose what exactly constitutes to protecting Gotham and what doesn't. He can't decide that beating up muggers in the streets is extremely important and is his job while improving Arkham isn't. He can't decide that, despite putting Joker in Arkham over and over again knowing he's going to escape, he isn't at least partly responsible for Joker's future victims. He can't keep stopping people from killing Joker(Under the Red Hood, hello!), saving Joker from the death row, putting Joker into a Lazarus Pit, or saving him from natural disasters(because you KNOW he would) and then claim "Oh, but killing Joker isn't my responsibility." He can't willingly claim responsibility for Gotham in every other scenario, EXCEPT for that. That's just having your cake and trying to eat it too. Unless he decided that by saving Joker he is not actually harming Gotham, by allowing Joker to live he is actively NEGLECTING his mission, his duty. And anyway, I thought the whole point of superhero comics was that people with power to better things shoud use those powers to do exactly that. Batman DOES have the power to "better" Gotham, he just isn't using it.
"Killing Joker isn't Batman's responsibility." No, it is. Because protecting Gotham and its people IS his responsibility, as he took it onto himself. If he didn't want to deal with the consequences of such a thing then he shouldn't have become a vigilante in the first place.
Mind you, this doesn't mean he's the ONLY one responsible, far from it, just that he is.
(I genuinely don't remember whether I made a post on this before but I have ranted about this to myself outloud when alone multiple times and if I have to think about this so do you)
[And YES we all know the real reason is because Joker is DC's cashcow, that is not the point of this post...]
#am i the only one who thinks this way?? mutuals pls sned help#like seeing this argument annoys me soo much#apparently bruce has authority on who can do heroing in gotham but killing joker isn't his responsibility??#this is also @ the people who say fixing arkham isn't bruces responsibiltiy btw#yes it is???#he is the one beating ppl up and sending them there#his whole thing is “i want to make gotham into a better place”#so yes it is his responsibility#i guess this might be a subjective thing? like depending on how much someone cares about personal integrity lol#personally if you willingly took on a responsibility then there is no excuse for slacking off(for lack of a better term)#anti bruce wayne#anti batman#batman critical#went hard in this one lol#i just hate this argument#its fine if it goes againts bruces moral code thats fine#but dont start the responsibility discusison w me lol#screaming to the void#also slitting jasons throat is his responsibility but killing joker isnt?? be fucking fr dude
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Perc'ahlia Week Day 3: Mask/Trinket
another day, another @percahliaweek fic! this one was supposed to be the shortest one. lol. also available on ao3!
Vex hasn't seen her husband in days. She only knows he's even in the castle because of the meals being brought up into his study at semi-regular intervals. This is part of the deal, loving and living with the Terrible Tinkerer of Tal'dorei, but she's so curious. The last time he got like this, he disappeared for two and a half weeks and emerged, eyes bloodshot and hair stringy, with the prototype of the acid-powered streetlamps that now illuminate the paths of Whitestone each night. She's sure that whatever he's working on now, the city will be all the better for it, but that doesn't stop her from being grumpy in the meantime.
It also doesn't stop their children from noticing their father's absence. Luckily Gwen, still too young to recognize his odd behavior, has little to say on the matter, but the twins keep trading jokes about the elaborate, world-ending device Percy is surely working on, and Vesper grumbles that he's postponed their scheduled Celestial lessons again. Little Danny, however, is taking things the hardest; every night, when Vex tucks him in and kisses him good night, he murmurs, "Mama, he's gonna come to my birthday party, right?"
And every night, Vex makes a promise that she'd rather kill Percy with her bare hands than break. "He wouldn't miss it for the world, darling boy."
When the party in question rolls around, a raucous affair to be held on the castle grounds, with all manner of games and music for each and every child of Whitestone to enjoy, Vex steals away early in the morning to bang on the locked door of her husband's study. "Percival Frederickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III, open this door now."
There is clanging and shuffling and crashing, and about forty-five agonizing seconds later, the door creaks open, revealing a sliver of manic blue eye. "Hello, dear."
She could throttle him. "Do you know what today is?"
"I do."
"Do you plan on joining your son at any time today?"
"I do."
"At any particular time, or...?"
"The party begins at noon, yes?"
His funeral will begin at noon if he doesn't stop being the most aggravating person she's ever met in her life. "Yes, and Danny would very much like both of his parents to be in attendance."
Percy seems not to have heard her. "Noon...yes...noon should be fine...I should be done by noon..." And then the door is shut and relocked unceremoniously in her face.
Well. She supposes she must trust him to keep his word. She spins on her heels and marches off to get dressed.
All of the children of the city start gathering in the late morning, and soon the castle grounds are alive with screams and laughter as the noble family of Whitestone celebrates its youngest son's birthday. There are endless tables of pastries and treats, courtesy of the Slayer's Cake, and Trinket's cub Charlie bounds around happily, hoping for dropped scraps from the young mouths eating them. Grog, in his esteemed position as Grand Poobah de Doink of All This and That, has been tasked with games, which all seem to involve either throwing or being thrown, but Vex gauges from the shrieks of delight that they're having fun. The height of entertainment, of course, are the magical rides offered by Keyleth and Scanlan, who use their shapechanging powers to transform themselves into a magnificent silver dragon and an ostentatious purple winged horse, respectively.
Vex has a hard time focusing on the party, though, because she's keeping a weather eye out for her wayward husband. As the party wears on, he still has not appeared, and even though Danny is currently occupied by Keyleth's mesmerizing ice breath, she knows that soon enough, he's going to notice that his father is missing.
Just as Vex has resolved to set the castle ablaze with the aim of smoking Percy out, the man himself appears, freshly washed and shaven and not nearly as frenzied as he'd seemed this morning. He has a wrapped box tucked awkwardly under his arm. She charges up to him, fists clenched at her side. "Where have you been?"
He at least has the nerve to look sheepish as he says, "It took longer than I'd hoped to finish, but I think it'll be worth it. Where is he?"
She has no clue what he's talking about, but for his sake, he better be right. "He's with Keyleth."
Just then, a loud groan erupts from where most of the children had gathered, and Vex sees a familiar head of red hair, and she knows that the hour must be upon Keyleth's Shapechange. Percy tuts happily and strides off in that direction, and Vex scrambles to keep up. "Danny!"
The birthday boy turns at his father's call, a grin breaking out like sun rays through clouds. "Dad!" He runs and launches himself at Percy, who kneels down just in time to catch him with his free arm. "You came!"
"Of course I came, little bird. I am very sorry that I was late and I am very sorry that I've been gone for a while, but I hope you'll like what I was doing while I was gone."
Danny frowns, confused, but then he notices the present, and delight sparks in his eyes. "Can I open it?"
Percy hands it over, and Danny, with an eagerness only a kid on his birthday can manage, tears into the wrapping. The box beneath is square and a few inches thick, and with shaking excitement, Danny lifts up the lid.
The mask inside is so lovely it takes Vex's breath away. It is entirely mechanical, a pastiche of clockwork pieces and whitestone that all weave together to form the unmistakable shape of a bear's face. Danny squeals, carefully picking it up out of the box. "Whoa..."
"I know how much you love playing with Trinket and Charlie, little bird, and I wanted to make you something to fit in. Look here." He flips a tiny switch on the inside of the mask, and like magic, the wheels and gears begin to move, and the mouth and eyebrows twisting together to form a mighty roar, which emanates from somewhere within the mask. "Now you'll be just a fierce as they are."
"Can I put it on?" Percy helps him strap the contraption to his head. Vex is sure it must be heavy, given its component pieces, but Danny can barely contain his glee when he announces, "I can't even feel it! It's just like I'm a bear!"
As if on cue, Trinket himself lopes over to nudge Vex's shoulder. She pats him on his graying muzzle, and then he leans down to sniff at the mask. Danny reaches up to flip the switch, and the resulting mechanical roar makes the enormous bear jump. Danny lets out a peal of laughter, then rushes up to wrap his arms as far around one of Trinket's legs as he can manage.
"Do you like it, Danny?"
Danny releases Trinket to throw himself mask-first at his father, who ducks his head out of the way just in time to avoid being brained by the metal parts. "I love it! It's the best birthday present ever!"
Then he's off, eager to show all of his friend his new bear mask, and Percy straightens up with a groan. He gives Vex a self-satisfied side eye. "Well? Was it worth it?"
Oh, he really is the most aggravating person she has ever met on this plane or any other. "Yes. Well. You could tell me what you're up to next time. So I don't think you're neglecting our children."
He wraps an arm around her waist, his hand broad and warm on the center of her back. "Would I ever?"
"So I don't think you're neglecting me."
He hums low in his throat, and she watches his Adam's apple bob hungrily. "Yes, well, fair enough. Should I make it up to you tonight?"
This plane or any other. "I really think you should. Several times."
"Yes, dear."
#percahliaweek#critical role#critical role fic#cr fic#vox machina#vox machina fic#perc'ahlia#perc'ahlia fic#my fic#perc'ahlia week#percahliaweek23
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I need Plo to choke me with that belt like...Yesterday. Like he can leave little scratches and cuts when he spanks me with those hands of his. OMG those hands. He can leave marks on my throat while he dicks me down into whatever surface.
Hello there, new-found bestie cakes ♥ ~
I see you speak my language ♥. So let me just introduce you to my Dom!Plo ♥ @mild-disorganization
Dom!Plo would have no qualms walking up to you without any reason or trigger only to grab you firmly by the throat and back you up against the wall, a temple pillar, or a glass window overlooking Coruscant's bustling streets.
He'd dig what I love to call 'love burrows' along that slender neck of yours with those might-sharp talons just enough to puncture your skin a teeny, tiny, little bit so itty, bitty, round pools of rubies leave marks.
He'd then utter something about, "What an exhilarating feat to add to that delicate neck of yours, my little pet."
Dom!Plo would retract his hand in a way that he'd leave a few cuts, angling it enough not to strike a nerve and kill you, but enough to leave long, red trails down past the dip of your clavicles ♥.
Because of your dirty thoughts of him bestiecakes, Dom!Plo needs to set you straight >:[ Can't have little naughties mucking about the temple now, can we?
Bad for the temple. Bad for his rep too since he's your charge.
And so, Dom!Plo sighs in an exasperated fashion while unbuckling a very luxurious leather belt that he had procured from his recent home visit to Dorin ♥ — a fine, rust-toned, leather belt that smacked deliciously with a swift pull from his waist.
Dom!Plo motions for for you to come with his index and babe, you best not keep the General waiting. He's got meetings to go to ♥ Babes to punish (I'm in line ♥) for being improper and unruly.
Fortunate to be one of them, Dom!Plo will heedlessly grab you by the back of your neck to be at a close proximity before lacing that fine, opulent, Dorin-made leather belt and lock that buckle tight enough for you to wince when you swallow.
Dom!Plo would then incautiously grab you by the jaw, talons prodding your cheek while he looks at you with so much disdain because he's supposed to be meditating, but no — he's here with your cute, bratty ass ♥
"Hm. Cute little tart and yet — with such a pretty, filthy mouth." Another 'Hm' of dismay before probing your lips to part with his thumb, shoving it so forcefully that your teeth and lips graze along his hide/skin.
You can feel the tip of his spur poke at your tongue, moving seamlessly past your protest and further down your throat as if to inspect your depth capacity.
Because, babe. My Plo packs a whopping 13-inch alien dick, so you best be primmed.
"Good enough." You'll hear him say, retracting his finger with so much candor, it'll leave you abandoned with want.
And so, the same hand rests on that beautiful crown of yours, guiding you to descend to yours knees — of which you comply so dutifully, like a good girl indeed ♥
Seeing as this man is on a fucking schedule, Dom!Plo whips out the disco stick and gives himself a couple of strokes here and there; from the hilt to every ridged inch of his cock, Dom!Plo would trace each curve as he forces you to look down at what's about to cum — see what I did there bestie? I cannot be taken serious, tbh. ♥ — what's about to come.
Dom!Plo, however, has jealousy issues 😩😩😩
He doesn't like it when you pay more attention to his cock than him; it's mind over matter, baby — but by the stars, does his cock matter ♥
Remember that belt around your neck, bestie? How it connects to his other hand with that leather belt coiled for control? He'll tug it, babe — tug it hard so it'll knot you right up and leave you breathless for a hot minute. Literally.
"Up here, little love." You'll hear him coo, quite darkly.
And just when those magnetic eyes of yours had welled up with enough tears to stain your smooth, soft cheeks, Dom!Plo would take the Blade of Dorin (yes, we're calling his dick that, don't argue) and rub it all over your mouth making you chase that dick like the cock-starved whore you are ♥, respectfully.
And once he's quite happy with the lower chambers of your face glistening with precum and your own saliva, he'd pry your mouth open with his dick and slide that bad boy so slow you'd thank him for it ♥ Why, you ask?
Because you're not the Force, babe. Nothing in this chaotic galaxy will ever stop Dom!Plo from giving you the dicking of your life because you've stolen precious moments of his respite with your foolishness.
And so, you feel it, right? You feel every inch stuff your mouth that no only but a fraction of your breath seeps through. You feel every inch and ridge; the dip and curve of this Kel Dor's cock through the cavernous walls of your mouth until it begins knocking down your throat.
Naturally, protesting ensues. Your grip at his thigh, either pulling him more with your impatient, cute ass or you're pushing him to calm TF down because bestie, death by dick is a real thing.
Dom!Plo doesn't like unruly baby girls or boys. That said, he'll pull on that belt again while he shoves his girthy-thicc cock down your throat it actually bulges down your neck.
I don't know about you hun, but I'm sure that'll make you gag and if you do and go urk urk urk urk on that dick, Dom!Plo would sweetly wipe that tear off your cheek only to slap you gently with two of his fingers.
"Louder." You'll hear him say.
He's old, babe. 384 years of age means you gotta speak tf up.
Dom!Plo would lean his hips back enough to keep half of it in and half of it out. So you know, you don't die and practice safe sex.
But since you took that regal slide of his dick like a champ, you'd notice his tusk move and the exposed portion of his cheek compress in what you can make off as a smile — a smirk, really.
"Now, make your master cum like the good little tart you are, my sweet." Comes that reverberating voice of his that sounds so decadently dark and sultry, cupping your cheek and caressing your face with his thumb jamming his cock back in your mouth while the same hand that held your leash of a belt would occasionally pull at random patterns, meriting stifled groans and grunts from your Kel Dor General.
His pace would quicken eventually, claws nestled over your crown while fingers laced with a handful of your groomed locks.
It'd be such a delight and honor to see his head reel back as he mouth fucks the soul out of you, truly a spectacular sight. Seeing him against the evil forces that burn within his soul to say things like 'Fuck, you're so good' or the likes because bestie, that's very un-Jedi of him >:[
So in turn, he just continues to ram his cock so far down your throat at such a paced speed that you feel him thicken inside your mouth, only to cum fucking buckets down your throat, pull mid-way so he can creampie those charming lips of yours and watch as hot, white ropes of Kel Dor essence drip past your chin, trickle down your throat and some on those tantalizing anti-stress tits that happens to be a Kel Dor fave.
Satiated, Dom!Plo would have you lick the cum off his own cock because he wouldn't want to feel all sticky underneath those slacks of his. He also won't forget yanking that belt around your neck so you get to lick the parts that needs cleaning.
With all said and done, Dom!Plo would unbuckle the belt off your neck and tilt your head left to right with but the tip of his talon. Pleased to see scratch marks, dots, and lightly smeared bloodlets over your skin, not to mention the welts left by the leather belt around your neck, he'd give you an approving nod.
Dom!Plo however does not do aftercare. That would be Plo Koon's job or Regular!Plo. Dom!Plo would merely give your head a pat, a ruffle of the hair, and if he's feeling extra generous, would press his rebreather onto your forehead in a kiss of sorts before leaving you with instructions to "... Mediate on your unrighteous desires, little one. The path of the dark side looms within those sinful thoughts."
THE END.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#♝#dukeoftheblackstar answers#♝-answers#plo koon#plo koon x reader#plo koon x oc#plo koon fic#plo koon one shot?#Dom!Plo#Dom!Plo Koon#Ziar Vibes#ρℓσ∂υ¢н#t's filthy my dudes#Dom!Plo is not about that aftercare vibe#he just there to fuck or get fucked#¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Fluffy February Day 6: Fire - Fire Meets Flame
@ // fluffyfebruary
Fandom: Lego Monkie Kid
Characters: MK and Sun Wukong, Sunburst duo
(Father-son relationship, silly shenanigans with angst undertones)
Warnings: Some maggot mentions, mentions of life on the streets
Summary: Set during S3 E8 (Benched). While in Lantern City looking for the third ring, the gang explores the Ring of Light Festival. With MK and Wukong paired together, they find themselves seated at a food stall with an owner full of gusto and too many hot peppers.
“ Stop doing that!”
“Dhrn whuff?”
“Picking up stuff and putting it in your mouth!”
Wukong grabbed MK’s face and wrestled a half-eaten rice cake out of his mouth. It was tinted a weird green, and he wrinkled his nose at it before tossing it into the nearby trash bag.
“It’s not my fault that people are throwing away perfectly good food!” argued MK, rubbing at his cheeks. “ Look ! Look at that baozi in the garbage! Nobody even took a bite out of it? Why!? ”
“I know, bud, I know, but you can’t just eat food that’s been marinating in mystery trash soup.”
MK frowned, watching someone literally pick off the edges of a xian bing as if it were some sort of stinking bread crust and throw it away.
Wukong caught MK’s hood and pulled him back to his side.
“Keep your little paws out of the trash , MK!”
“This is unethical,” grumbled MK underneath the chattering festivities. “I would’ve eaten that.”
“Yes, well, you can’t exactly control everyone, bud— here, let’s— wait .”
On the lively streets of Lantern City, Wukong and MK watched a young man toss a baggie of glimmering peach slices into the fly-infested garbage.
“…Well I– MONKEY KING NO! ”
“This is different!” snapped Wukong, clinging to the brim of the bin as MK tugged on his arm, “they’re in a baggy! They haven’t technically touched the trash!”
“Technically, technical, technic-I-don’t-care! You’re gonna do what you told me not to do!?”
“I’m immortal. It won’t kill me,” said Wukong, chewing on what MK hoped wasn’t those peach slices.
Someone cleared their throat, and the pair snapped their heads up to look at the startled man before them.
Wukong stuck out his tongue and let the half-chewed slice plop back into the trash.
“Hi!” he said with a wide smile.
“…Hello,” said the man. “It’s such a festive night… won’t you seek refuge at my stall? I could provide the two of you with a nice, warm meal.”
“That’s really nice of you,” said Wukong, and then added before his stomach could speak for him: “But we are kind of busy with something. Say, have you maybe seen a ring that kind of looks like this–” he made a circular motion “–but it has some little waves in the middle. Does that make sense?”
The man nodded very, very slowly. He stared at Wukong, glanced behind Wukong, and then looked back at Wukong.
Wukong frowned. He turned around and quickly grabbed the sides of MK’s face.
“SPIT IT OUT , MK !”
The man laughed after Wukong managed to wrangle the mystery dumpling from MK’s teeth.
“I won’t keep you very long,” promised the man, “just a quick meal, and then you and your son can be on your way.”
“It couldn’t hurt,” said MK, quietly.
Wukong, who had felt like a little plastic monkey in a barrel being shaken around the entire time they’ve been here, looked at MK and saw the most heartbreaking eyes known to man.
“ Alright ,” sighed Wukong.
Well , maybe a dinner break would lift his spirits. And stop MK from eating from the trash.
“I make chuàn,” said the man, clinking something behind the stall. He peeked up at his two guests. “Lamb, beef, pork…?”
“We’re not picky,” replied Wukong, sitting on one of the stools beside MK. “Thank you.”
With a nod, the man turned to his work.
Wukong crossed his arms against the table and leaned his head toward his protégé, who was distractedly looking off into the busy street. A group of kids watched on as a lady swung two whizzing cups
“That’s a yo-yo,” he said.
“I know what a yo-yo is,” said MK, but he didn’t sound offended.
“I did a lot of yo-yoing back in the day.”
MK turned to look at him, eyes sparkling.
“Were you good at it?”
‘Not at all. Absolutely terrible,’ Wukong wanted to say. But then, he also wanted to say; ‘Yeah. I was kind of the best.’
“Probably,” he said.
“You don’t know?” asked MK. He had that little quirk on the side of his mouth that told Wukong that he had already seen through him.
“Uh…”
“Yáng ròu chuàn,” said the man at the stall, two paper plates sliding over to the duo.
“This smells amazing ,” said MK, Wukong’s only warning before he started shoving the lamb into his mouth– and then tried to cough it back up.
“ MK ,” said Wukong.
MK only wheezed.
It was then that Wukong realized that the kebab was smelling something so fierce that it itched his nostrils. He leaned back and looked up. This stall, written in beautiful bold letters, said: ‘Fa’s Superior Spicy Kebabs’ .
Wukong placed his hands on top of the counter and swallowed.
“Is something the matter?” asked the man when he turned back to look at them.
MK, in all of his red-faced glory, shook his head.
“S’gret. Thnks,” he said.
The man smiled brightly and turned his back to his customers. His knife, shiny against the festival lights, sliced the meat into cubed pieces.
“I see people struggle on the streets every day of my life. That used to be me, you know? Digging for scraps; picking the pieces that people wouldn’t want to eat, but I had to,” said the man, chopping away. “It’s a hard life. And I wish I could help every other person who has maggots in their belly and hunger in their hearts like I did– but then I would have nothing. And I wouldn’t be able to help anyone else.”
Wukong nodded along, watching MK warily in his peripheral vision. The kid was actually trying to down the entire thing. There were tears pricking his eyes, from the spice or the story or both.
“But I still like to help, you know? My fiancé scolds me but I’ve got a soft heart, he says. So when I saw you two picking in the trash–” MK ‘haCK’ ed at that “–well, what’s an old man to do?”
MK, his eyes blindingly wet, sniffled and looked like he might really start crying.
“That’s so kind of you,” he said. Before Wukong could stop him, he rubbed his tears away with his tainted spicy fingers. “Guk–.”
“Oh MK… ”
MK squeaked very, very quietly. He pressed his palms against his eyes and leaned forward onto the counter.
The man, who hadn’t noticed MK touching his eyes at all, went to pat his back.
“It’s okay, young boy,” he said. “I know it’s difficult. I hope I’m able to make your festival night a little more lively.”
“Guuuuh,” sniffled MK painfully.
The man turned away and continued prepping his food.
“Do you have anything to drink?” asked Wukong. “ Preferably something with dairy.”
“That’s a strange request. On a night like this? With a meal like that ? Why, it’ll ruin all the flavors! How about a nice alternative?”
Two cans clinked in front of them.
“Thank you,” said Wukong, grabbing one of the cans, opening it and handing it over to MK– who was making progress in fighting against the stinging of his eyes.
“Don’t feel bad,” said the man, leaning in, “about me giving you free food. It looked like you two needed it. So please, eat up.”
Wukong pursed his lips. He stared at the passionate stall owner, then at MK’s warning gaze, and then took a bite of the kebab.
…Okay, Wukong might be able to die. The savory, rich taste of the kebab was blown into pieces by how spicy it was. It was like biting into a hive of wasps. All the saliva that he might have had poofed into a dusty wasteland.
“Ho gawd,” said Wukong, intelligently. He coughed. To his side, MK squealed with what would probably be the dying equivalent of a laugh. “It’s ho gewd. Hanks .”
The man beamed.
“So, tell me about yourselves. How long have you been in Lantern City? What do you like to do? Do you have more family?” he asked, turning on his little sink, running water across his blade.
Wukong made a face. All of his saliva had tripled back and he couldn’t help but continue chewing the meat without swallowing. He turned helplessly to MK.
MK took a swig of the drink and sputtered it back into the can. His sleeves, the poor things, came up to wipe what it could from his face.
“Hownk ink it,” said MK.
“I habe no ‘dea hwhat you’re saying,” said Wukong.
The man turned back to them, smiling. Wukong crossed his arms and grinned while MK prompted up his head on his palm.
“Great,” said Wukong, cracking open his can. “Just passing through. We like to pass through. We’re passing-throughers. There’s also a few more of us but you know can’t keep track of them all ahah.”
Wukong, in all his glory, ignored the way MK was looking at him as if he had just gotten stabbed by a very mangled knife, and took a sip of the can’s contents.
The spice massacred his tongue. It flowed in between every crevice and crack until it had every single inch of Wukong’s mouth under its nasty little claws.
Wukong drank the whole thing and swung it down onto the counter.
“ Wow !” he said, not at all in a good way. The spice was slipping down his throat and gnawing in his belly.
“Ah, so you like my family's spicy soy milk recipe?”
“Your what !?” croaked Wukong.
“Okay, it’s only really been in the family for about ten years but it’ll be passed on from generation to generation– I can already feel it! You see, I choose only the best Thai Peppers, and I let the soy milk simmer with a nice handful of them for an hour. Then, I let the peppers marinate in the soy milk for about three days…”
In the end, they did end up paying the man at the stall.
“I think that might have been a murder attempt,” said Wukong, half an hour later. He took a long sip of his peach-colored drink and then added, “but the guy was just so gosh darn nice . You think he was messing with us?”
“I hope not,” said MK. “But he looked like he was really genuine about it all. I don’t think he knew that his food was killing us from the inside out.”
“And yet he was trying to do good anyways,” said Wukong. He leaned back in his chair and nodded. “ That’s poetic, huh, bud?”
MK laughed.
“Passion fruit iced tea, four servings of chicken dumplings, and eight servings of tonkotsu ramen for MK?” called out a worker.
MK handed Wukong three of the takeout bags, and then took the other two.
“You know, this won’t solve the whole problem,” said Wukong once they were outside. The breeze tonight was cool and gentle, and he was thankful for it.
“I know, but it does mean something, right? Even for a night. And then one day, the solution won’t just be temporary, and we’ll be able to do more.”
Wukong peered over at MK over the rim of his cup as his successor dug around in one of the bags.
“I’m proud of you, bud, for not falling victim to a spicy grave earlier,” he said after a moment, with the carefully-leveled tone of someone who had maggots in their belly. He didn't mention how MK had handled the spice a thousand times better than he had.
MK turned to him, flashed that ‘I-see-through-you’ look, and then handed one of the ramen bowls to the many people on those lantern-lit streets with hunger in their hearts.
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Phantom bride event-Player is their last option Pt. 4
Characters: Cater Diamond, Azul Ashengrotto, Rook Hunt
Self-aware au
I do not take any responsibility for you reading this no matter which age group you are from!
WARNINGS: Yandere themes, obsession, possessiveness, imprisonment, death, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship
We know chatty Cater, always positive Cater, backstab ing-mood Cater but have you already met silent Cater?
Like, the scary kind of silent....
BUT there is one thing that is for certain
He is planning to get rid of her right now
I mean, my man is pretty obsessed and there is no way he would let some danger close to his person of obsession
It's a tough life as the overseer, I know I know.... always being the center of people who plot others demise as soon as they come too close, I know I know....
Cater wishes he could have his phone right now
Not because he wants to take a pic (ok maybe that as well...)
But rather because hello, can someone call some sort of protection agency??! LIKE THE MILITARY OF THE QUEENDOM???! MAYBE???!!!
Silent, brooding Cater... idk about what scares you but that is just dangerous
I mean, his dream is breaking in two right in front of his eyes and then you are also in danger
Mutates within a millisecond into Sebek 2.0 Heartslabyul version
You get why I'm so scared?
The only difference is that is that he doesnt know how to handle a sword but he also does labour by taking care of he garden so there has to be some strength in his arms
So yeah... I would recommend hiding behind Lilia because after this is over and you don't have a shield made of meat then he will 1. Pick you up, 2. Take you to his room and 3. Look you into there until he garduated
It's just for your protection! Don't you understand??!
His mood swings scare me (no, for real)
The moment you eternity full on crying the sea out of his eyes
And... why is no one entering after you??!
Are you seriously taking her on all on your own????!!!!!
Suddenly all that sadness is thrown from the ship into the sea (I know, bad comparison) and left is a angry, protective, obsessed, murderous octopus
He is screaming like Ursual when she was... uh... you know what
But oh no, not because he is also... that... but rather from rage (ok maybe a bit on the inside but that is a different kind of Sushi)
At first he is screaming profanities at the blue annoyance
And then he “sober up” and starts trying to make deals with the guards
“Make me move and you will have wonderful hair in no time” -Azul, Dorm leader of Octavinelle, desperate
Uh no... I would like to think that he knew that people won't agree to such a thing when you screamed just seconds ago...
He is just so scared that you might die!
Suddenly he has the urge to stuff that cake into his mouth...
Stress eating.....
But again, please hug the octopus afterwards! He needs it!!!
And also empty that bucket of water over there over his head... that body temperature of his can't be healthy.....
What am I supposed to say? The guy is ready to end their second stage of existence when you were just in wedding attire
Ok but let me think... uh... Panic! Yes, panic!
He was there, one of the last.... and then he got fresh-frozen
You ever wondered how a speechless Rook looked like? Now you know it
Madame over there just killed something in him
His heart rate is also way too fast to be considered healthy
Par ta perfection, tu es tellement en danger!!!
All that training, all that hpunting is for naught as soon as you face danger and he isn't able to do anything
But then again, does that mean that he is worthless? (No Rook you... and he doesn't listen....)
He is such a disappointment!
How could he ever dare to step close to you again??!
Usually I would say, run, don't turn back and start a new life after getting your face and name changed
But now... how about hugging him?
He really, really needs it
Bu after that take your distance again
We wouldn't want to find you imprisoned after all! Right, ma chère perfection?
#yandere twisted wonderland#yandere twst#yandere twisted wonderland x reader#yandere twst x reader#yandere cater#yandere cater x reader#yandere cater diamond#yandere azul#yandere azul x reader#yandere azul ashengrotto#yandere rook#yandere rook hunt#yandere rook x reader#tw: yandere#tw: obsession#tw: possessiveness#tw: imprisonment#tw: death#tw: unhealthy mindset#tw: unhealthy relationship
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this is my keep or yeet livepost w my onions on whether phil should keep or yeet
THE GHOST SHIRT yeet bc its haunted by... another youtuber who's worn it. BUT dan pointing out that its small on him just makes it hotter cuz like... tight fitting clothes on this man is,..... hoo boy
aladdin for me is a yeet but im not the biggest aladdin fan personally? so i think keep for phil is fine and BLACK SHIRTS ON PHIL UGHHHHHH LOVe
red nasa shirt 😭😭😭 i would keep it for sentiment tbh ;;
shoe shirt? its so random. yeet. WAIT IT HAS TEXTURES NVM KEEP
oh god wtf is that{?!? OH HE DYED THE ICONIC SHIRT LMAOO yeah this is a yeet but i relate so much to trying to dye something a cool color but just making it look kinda dirty 😭
OH HELL YEAH RIPPED GREEN HOODIE YUMMALICIOUS HUBBA HUBBA comfy hoodie is always a keep
oh brother not another opera spon... use firefox everyone, its got tab containers too and if you use ublock origin u can put in a specific list thing for youtube ads so you dont get the adblock block thing look it up on reddit its so good, if u need chrome for mandatory work thing sure but firefox doesnt harvest everything you type so
NGJFNFJ THE MOLDY GREEN DYED SHIRTS ARE SO BAD BUDDY THE SUSHI SHIRT WOULDA BEEN CUTE OTHERWISE
a millennial gay can never have too many flowery button ups imo, keep
corgi!!!! cute!!
crusty bottom and clean top..... dont make me say it.........
OOO keep the splatter print shirt its very lesbian!!!
gatorland shirt i like a good comfy tourist shirt
marvel shirt YEEEEET
omg the ancient illness hoodie..... THE ONE THAT DAN WORE WHILE WEARING A COLANDER ON HIS HEAD KEEP IT HAS LORE!!!!!!
uhhhh random gray rectangle shirt.. yeet unless he wants to do the short sleeve over long sleeve e boy look
MESH SAKURA SHIRT KEEP FOREVER HOT AND MATCHES DANS SAKURA SHIRT LOL. TJE NIP WINDOW????? CHEST HAIR!?!?!?!?
ooo semi-varsity jacket... i think if it was baggier on him and it looked more like the embroidered ones ppl wear in japan it would be a keep but for me its yeet
MOON SHIRT!!!! keep for cutie pie reasons. PHIL IS NOT APPROPRIATING LESBIAN WITCH DAN HE LITERALLY IS ONE HES A LESBIAN PSYCHIC "i could be a lesbian witch!"
nasa jacket keeeeep
stranger yeet.
types of frogs KEEP. ITS SO RAINFOREST CAFE FROG SHIRT VIBE AS WELL AS DAN'S SPACE CENTER CAT SHIRT
beetle... i voted yeet on ig
friends t shirt i would say keep for phil cuz listen. millennials need their sitcom attachment and i love a big comfy shirt. also oops edit flub? they didnt say whether it was kept or yet o7
minesweeper shirt KEEP just bc charlie plays so much minesweeper like my fav part of her streams is just watching her play minesweeper very intensely
keeeeep the plaid windbreaker its sooooo hot on phil. "it smells like a man whos not me" "philip where have you been." jealous dan returns
pokemon hoodie ummmm im kinda 50/50 on this one i love pokemoncore shit but fsr this pattern looks a bit weird? but overall a keep
tokyo i think i voted keep cuz i thought it was newer than it is lol idk i dont think its the worst
furby shirt keep 100% THE OLD FURBY
i think phil shoudl keep all his shorts but him them like 3 inches shorter or just cut the length off. i think its so funny how cis men are like "omg im so slutty for wearing 7 inch inseam shorts" like girl get the daisy dukes out. i wanna see the thighs please.
DID SHE JUST TAKE HER SHORTS OFF ON CAMERA. PHIL YOU WHORE. BRIGHT BLUE UNDIES. IM KILLING MYSELF
YES!!!! TINY LITTLE SHORTS GOD YES THIS IS EVERYTHING TO ME.
comfy gray shorts keep OH ITS THE ASS SHORTS. ITS THE CAKE SHORTS. KEEP
oof skinny shorts?? yeet (but no hate on skinny jeans in general... i only have one pair of jeans and theyre mega ripped skiinny jeans they just dont look skinny on me cuz im short and chubby) "if emo comes back" girl emos been back
corduroy shorts mehhh oh but texture phil needs texture so keep
ORANGE FLOWER SHORTS KEEP
HELLO??? ummm godzilla shorts are.... if the print were on a shirt i would keep but on shorts?
brown shorts yeet, flower sweater keep, basically i agree w them
ooh another black graphic longsleeve lol. I THINK THIS ONES A KEEP AND THE BEETLES A YEET SORRY
oh funky hoodie. i like it i would wear it keep but idk if i like it on phil
KEEP THE PURPLE STRIPEY SWEATER FOREVER
if this fleece jacket thing didnt have such a stupid back design on it i would say keep
SPOTTY RED BUTTON UP KEEP
keep comfy buffalo checker sweater!!! i would keep
"manchester hoodie" oh.... everyone who voted yeet go die katamari hoodie is perfect
KEEP DENIM JACKET FOREVER
fuzzy denim keeeep hes so hot
spotty blue shirt i LOVE but. its so tatinof ykwim and phils in his new era
oooh stripey blue shirt keep!
i bought a sweater that was inspired by this blue and pink checker thing LOL i think it looked better when he had jet black hair lol
BRIGHT FUTURE! keep!!!
omg wait nooo not the red bomber!!! its cute!!!!!! im too attached to his clothes bro.... i like the red one more than the blue one tbh WHY DID HE BUY SO MANY VERSIONS
Nasa sweater!! keep
blue button up is too like. corporate lol. brother you dont have an office job you dont need boring tops
tiger jumper keep!!!! i like it!!!!! fuck u MEAN fast fashion
good vibes keeeep for the vibes
oh the brown flower pattern on this doesnt work on phil
OH THIS PLANT ONES HOT. YEAH DAN THATS RIGHT DEFEND THIS SHIRT
great wave keep!
glittery zebra is so tied to 2017 in my brain but not in a good way tbh yeet but he is hot in it. "you bought this for me dan" omfg shut UP
i think i voted keep on chess but. on second look its a yeet tbh...
ok thats it yippee that was fun theyre gay im gonna die
#mytext#dan and phil#amazingphil#keeping or yeeting my entire closet with dan#(why is the title so long i hope he changes it fuhdj)
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Inaccurate quote generator
Silco,savika,jinx,Viktor family unit au
Viktor : You know those things will kill you, right?
Silco, pouring another glass of whiskey: That’s the point.
Savika , smoking a cigarette: We’re trying to speed up the process.
Jinx: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough*
——-
Jinx: Am I going too far?
Viktor: No, no, no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you're going to prison.
——-
*Jinx and Viktor sitting in jail together*
Viktor: So who should we call?
Jinx : I’d call silco , but I feel safer in jail
——-
Jinx : Welcome, fellow idiots
Viktor: Hello, Jinx
Jinx : No, no, not you, you're not an idiot
Viktor: You underestimate me
——-
Silco : What do you think Viktor and jinx will do for a distraction?
Savika : They’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.
*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*
Savika : ... or they could do that.
——-
Silco : I really like this whole ‘good guy, bad guy’ thing you guys have going on.
Savika: It’s not an act, it’s just that I’m mean and Viktor isn’t
——-
Silco : Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys.
Viktor: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap!
Savika : Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!!
Jinx: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting.
——-
Silco , about Viktor: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group.
Savika : Are we stealing them?
Jinx: New or used?
Silco : Wonderful responses, both of you.
——-
Silco : If you had to choose between jinx and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?
Savika : That depends, how much money are we taking about?
Jinx: Savika !
Silco : 63 cents.
Savika : I'll take the money.
Jinx: SAVIKA !!!
——-
Viktor : *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?
Silco: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.
Savika : I personally was created in a lab.
Jinx: I just straight up spawned lol.
——-
Silco : Listen, I can explain...
Viktor: You’re making $500,000 and you’re only gonna pay me $30,000?
Savika : You’re getting 30 grand? I’m getting $1,000!
Jinx: You guys are getting paid?
——-
Silco : This is a mistake
Viktor, enthusiastically: A mistake we're going to laugh about one day!
Silco : But not today
Viktor, still enthusiastic: Oh, no. Today's going to be a mess
——-
Enforcer : You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.
Silco : Shit.
Viktor: Wait, three?
Enforcer : Yeah?
Savika : OH MY GOD JINX FELL OFF!!!
———
Silco : While I’m gone,jinx , you’re in charge.
Jinx : Yes!!!
Silco , whispering: Savika , you’re secretly in charge.
Savika : Obviously.
———
Silco : Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.
Viktor: I think you mean cards.
Silco , pulling knives out of their sleeves: No, I do not.
——-
Silco : Viktor isn’t answering their phone
Savika : I’ll call
Silco : Jinx and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-
Viktor: Hello?
——-
Silco , trying to ask Viktor out: Would you like to stay for dinner?
Savika : WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?
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Tachophobia Expanded Universe: Incorrect Quotes
Niko: Then either Sonic is a god or could kill god, and I do not care if there is a difference.
Camellia, looking at a dead phone: How do we bring this thing back to life? Magic? Live sacrifice? I know a guy in town-
Camellia, holding a toy lightsaber: I’m Darth Vader!
Doctor Aster: I’m done with everyone’s bullshit.
Camellia: What do we think of Niko?
*pause*
Damien: *sighs* Nice pal.
Kyle: I think they're gay.
Damien: No, I don't want to talk about physics! I don't know anything about the laws of physics because they are hard and boring. I simply would like them to behave in a way that is most convenient to ME and MY LIFE! Is that really asking too much?
Kyle: Yes, as a matter of fact, it is!
Damien: Well, guess what? Science is stupid bullshit!!
Kyle: You take that back!!!
Damien: No. Magic is awesome. Science blows. The end.
Damien: Is this gaslighting? Am I being gaslit?
Doctor Aster: If I were gaslighting you, you’d never know it.
Damien: Is THAT gaslighting?
Doctor Aster: Shut up.
Damien: Hello, I'm Damien. I work at a shop now. Here to help. Look, they gave me a badge with my name on it in case I forget it. Very helpful, as that does happen.
Damien, ordering coffee: I’d like a light roast.
Kyle: You're kinda ugly.
Camellia: Do you guys want to see a butterfly?
Kyle: Ooh, yes please!
Doctor Aster, with their laptop open: I'm not going to stop working to look at a stupid bug!
Camellia: It's not a bug though...
Doctor Aster: ...
Kyle: ...
Doctor Aster: Well I still don't want to see.
Kyle, realizing: Please don't throw-
Camellia: Whee! *throws a stick of butter*
Damien: Just wondering, did you get any sleep?
Camellia: Did I get any... leap?
Damien: What...?
Niko, gesturing to Doctor Aster: Camellia, look what you did! You made Mom upset!
Damien: Mom, please don’t cry, we’re sorry!
Camellia: I’m sorry Mom... :(
Doctor Aster, near tears: I DON’T REMEMBER GIVING BIRTH TO ANY OF YOU!
Kyle: Hi could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire?
Damien: Microwave for 40 minutes.
Camellia: WHY WERE YOU MICROWAVING A LEMON?!
Damien: I read boiling lemons helps cover up bad smells and I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges, but I didn’t own any pots…
Niko: Did you burn an orange too? HOW?!
Damien: Microwave for 40 minutes.
Kyle, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.
Camellia: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.
Damien, used to Camellia being dumb: Sure...
Camellia: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.
Damien: Okay?
Camellia: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.
Damien:
Camellia: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-
Damien: Jesus, that one is a little-
Niko, interested: No, no, Camellia, keep going.
Kyle: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths.
Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.
Damien: What's that?
Camellia: Chocolate.
Damien: What's chocolate?
Camellia: Candy. Do they not have candy where you're from?
Damien: Yeah. Grapes, nuts.
Camellia: No wonder you're so bitter.
Kyle: Don’t you have any dignity, Doctor Aster?
Doctor Aster: Uh, no.
Niko: Hey Damien, do you have any hobbies?
Damien: Swimming..
Niko: Really? That’s cool. I never expected you to-
Damien: In a pool of self hatred and regret.
Damien: I’m terrible at expressing myself.
Doctor Aster: Don’t worry, actions speak louder than words!
Damien: Yes, but my actions are also bad.
Kyle: Oh gosh I wish I got more sleep I only got six hours!
Camellia: Six? I only got three!
Niko: You guys got sleep?
Damien, comes stumbling out of their room and grabs a jug of coffee before saying: What year is it??
Camellia: You’re insane!
Doctor Aster: Sure I am, what’s your point?
(OH MY GOD WHEN I SAW THIS GENERATED I SCREAMED:)
Damien: Welcome to my room. As you can see, I've knocked over many chairs because I get so tilted at the towers.
Kyle: Uh, this isn't really tilted. Or a tower.
Damien: Well you see, it's a gamer pad. Not many girls come in here because I get friendzoned so frequently. But that's okay.
Kyle: I'd like to be in the Friendzone! I like friends!
Damien: It's not as pleasant as you think. They don't treat you like a friend. They treat you like an item. Sometimes I wish I could be more than just an accessory to these women; But unfortunately, as a gamer, I don't get respect.
Kyle: I'm not a gamer! so maybe they'll respect me!
Damien: That just makes you a beta cuck.
Niko: Be right back, gonna hit the toilet for a quick power sob.
Camellia: Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm?
Doctor Aster: If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.
Doctor Aster: What kinds of sounds annoy you?
Camellia: Are we talking real sounds or imaginary ones?
Doctor Aster, now interested: Lets say imaginary.
Camellia: Spiders wearing flip flops.
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Hello!! I love you and your writing sm <33 do you think you could possibly write something abt Eddie being super supportive of you and your passions and interests outside if your relationship? Like being super supportive of your writing and career. Thank you!! thank you!! thank you!!
Oh my GOD, yES?!?
I’ve kind of gone with the writing idea you mentioned but I’m happy to do headcanons about his interest in other hobbies/things you guys love!
✍️ Edward Nashton x writer!reader headcanons ✍️
First of all, when you first meet and you tell him you’re a writer, Eddie is so intrigued and immediately starts asking what you write, what genre etc., showing so much interest in it
It’s almost a little overwhelming, how interested he is in your work, because no one has been this interested in your writing before - but it’s in a good way
He’s extremely interested in whatever you write, whether it’s a book, a script, a play… whatever it is, he’s so interested and always wants to hear about it - he doesn’t just ask and then not listen to the answer, he genuinely is interested in what you tell him
When you get frustrated or down with writers block, he makes you tea or coffee and gets you a slice of your favourite cake or pie (or whatever snack you like!), and he urges you to take a small break because maybe stepping away from it will help
He’s also happy to hear you talk out ideas with him, he doesn’t know how you write as amazingly as you do, but he’s happy to listen as you run ideas by him
With your permission, he avidly reads every draft, every page, every single word of what you’ve written, sometimes multiple times, because he loves your writing style and it’s like he can hear you and your voice through the words
He offers some feedback but honestly most of the time he’s just like “omg this is amazing 🥹”
Your biggest fan is obviously Edward Nashton, let’s be fucking honest
I’m so sorry but if you’re the kind of person who writes fiction or whatever about serial killers, like a book about a fictional serial killer, I’m just imagining him happily offering you details about murder/death etc so that your writing is completely accurate, to the point where anyone who reads your work is like “… ummm????”
When the Riddler killings start, the GCPD actually call you in for questioning because some of the details are eerily similar to what’s going on in the Riddler case (not that you tell them anything - you would never)
Eddie would be so proud of you when you publish a book, like he’s unable to stop himself from repeatedly telling you how amazing and talented and incredible you are, I wasn’t kidding when I said he was your biggest fan
The man is first in line to buy a copy of your book, even though you already have a copy of it and he’s also already read it because ofc you let him read all the drafts, he wants his own copy and to be able to proudly say his partner/significant other wrote this
He’d find a way to slip a recommendation of your book into his stream - obviously he doesn’t say on stream that his SO wrote it, Riddler can’t exactly announce “my girlfriend (Y/N) wrote this” because then it would be too easy to trace him, but he finds a way of recommending it to his followers
Your book sells out of all the Gotham bookstores the very next morning because Riddler’s followers are mass buying it
Honestly Eddie is just such a proud boyfriend/partner and shows it 24/7 🥹
#the batman#the riddler#edward nashton#paul dano#edward nashton x reader#the riddler x reader#asks#danonation#paul dano x reader#the riddler imagine
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High Life
chapter 9
Cleo's eyes widen as Gem fired the gun. It seemed unlike her. Was it her motive? Cleo couldn't bare to look where the bullet had landed. No death message appeared so no one died. They decided to risk of and look. The bullet had barely missed a scared Lizzie. "What the fuck?! Who fired the gun?" She looked away before Lizzie could point blame. "Gem..." "Drat. I missed" she muttered, placing the gun back into her inventory. Cleo didn't know what to say. This was supposed to be a nice moment between the two and it ended up with Lizzie nearly dying. They watch as Gem begins to eat her food and they decide to eat there's too. 'Was this a motive kill? Or was it for some other reason? Revenge?' These questions and many more alike flood Cleo's head as she finished off her salmon. It was so strange and out of the blue, they couldn't make any sense of it. "I assume you have questions right?" Cleo looked up at Gem, but the faun continued to stare at her plate. "Yes?" Cleo said hesitantly. "A motive kill that failed" That's all Cleo needed to hear and they understood. Nothing more was said for the rest of the date and Gem left without a word. She felt bad for ruining the date but it was her motive after all.
"You suspect something's up with Lizzie. You can't quite place your finger on it, but if you do some digging, you may find out.
Your motive? Take out Lizzie once her plans have been found out"
Gem already knew what Lizzie's plans were. She found out accidentally when the fae blurted it all out loud. And for a while Gem has been following her, waiting for the right moment to kill.
Froglights blinded Scar's eyes. He quickly shuts them and waits for them to adjust before reopening them. He states at the ceiling before sitting up. Scar sees he's in a hospital room and decided to get up, but the pain in his leg said no so he remained put. Scar tried to remember what happened and, as if on queue, he remembered running from Doc with Bdubs and Jimmy ready to knock him out. "You're awake" He turns to the voice and sees Grian walking up to him. "Well hello there" "You feeling okay?" He asks. "I'm fine my good man! Minus the pain in my leg" He looks down at his legs. "Yes well you did get shot you in the leg, Scar. You'll have to be bedridden for a while" "I've dealt with Tim" Grian continued. "I gave him a good tongue lashing- there's got to be a better phrase than that" he muttered, but Scar heard. "Knocking you out was a bad decision since it could've killed you, and since we only have one life" "I would be out" Grian nodded. "How long has it been?" Scar asks.
"Uh.... A day? It's been 4 days since the game started-" "4 days?! It feels like a week!" "I know but it has been exactly 4 days, Scar" "And all that has happened?" "All occurred in the first 3 days" Scar laid back, sort of shocked. So much has already happened and it's only been 4 days? What will happen today?
Doc opens the door to his penthouse and lets in an upset Scott. "Have a seat. I'll get some drinks and some snacks" Scott nodded and sits down on the black leather couch. He still couldn't believe what he saw. Skizz was cheating on him. "Hey" He looks up to see a plate of sliced apples, some cookies and cake as well as some pumpkin pie. "Thought I'd bring a variety" he sets the plates down and places down two glasses of healing. Doc sits down next to him as Scott grabs a cookie. Doc uses his non metal hand to brush a strand of hair out of Scott's eyes as the smaller male turns to him. He had to admit: Scott was cute. Not his type though but he didn't need to know that. "You know I can help you" "How?" Scott asks before drinking the potion. "I can help you get your revenge. There's no doubt that anger is building up inside you and I can help you with that. As long as you do me a favour" Scott's interest was piqued. "Oh? Do tell" "Be my boyfriend" Scott began to choke, taken aback by the favour. He felt his back being patted after choking on his drink. "Boyfriend?" He wheezed out. He clears his throat. "You want to date me?" "Yes. You and I date and I'll protect you from any killings and help you get revenge and you also help me out with some killings too"
Scott was definitely surprised. He barely knows Doc and the goat hybrid was offering him a chance to not only be protected but also loved. Scott did want to be loved. "Okay... I'll do it" Doc grinned. His plan was working perfectly. Doc lifts Scott's chin up and kisses him. Scott kisses back. He's still shocked by the out of the blue request but he can't deny it: Doc was attractive. They pulled apart and Doc gave him a kind smile making Scott feel comfortable. He snuggled up close to the larger man and finished off his cookie before drifting off to sleep. Once he was asleep, Doc carried him to his room and Etho climbed through the window. "Did it work?" Doc nods, closing the suite door. "He fell for it hook, line and sinker" Etho chuckles and grabs a slice of cake. "With Scott on our side, we can easily turn the tide to our favour. Not only taking Ren and Bdubs out, but also Skizz, Jimmy and Tango"
/////////
A bit shorter but I hope you enjoyed it! I'm sorry it took a while again. I've been rather busy lately and have been watching waaaay too much Hermitcraft since now I'm watching 6 povs: Grain, Mumbo, Scar, Zedaph, Joel & Gem since I quite liked her builds and began watching her yesterday. I'm gonna try to keep adding more to this a bit more regularly but no promises tho. Also the Scar and Grian part happens before the Mumbo and Scar part in chapter 8 before anyone gets confused.
#trafficblr#3rd life#double life#life series#last life#limited life#secret life#high life#zombiecleo#geminitay#lizzie ldshadowlady#ldshadowlady#you are not immune to the goodtimes#mr goodtimes#goodtimeswithscar#grian minecraft#grian#docm77#dangthatsalongname#scott smajor
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Hello :) Could I request some general fluff headcanons with Dedan?
Hello, thank you for clarifying and adding your own idea, it made it a bit easier to come up with something! Dedan is pretty underrated, my friend really simps for him, though!
General Fluff Headcanons For Dedan
While Dedan may not be a romantic at heart, he certainly tries for you. While he may not be around as often as you’d want him to, due to him running his zone rather strictly, he will take you along with him. Sure, there’s not much time for picnics and the likes, but if you want, he’s more than happy to have you tag along during one of his daily checkups on zone one. He knows he’s strong enough to defeat any and all spectres that you might come across, so he will keep you close to him, even if he knows you’re capable of defending yourself. He just really wants to be close to you and spend time with you.
While physical touch may not be his number one love language, he doesn’t particularly mind it either, as long as it’s in private. He’s more than happy to hold and cuddle you as you wish, even while he’s doing paperwork, but he won’t particularly initiate anything in public. He might ask you to stop. After all, he has a reputation to uphold. Plus someone might use you against him. He knows he’s capable of defeating anyone, but he doesn’t want you to be hurt, so he tries to keep your relationship a secret.
His fingers are very long and his hands are rather large, so it’s quite easy for him to engulf your hands with his. In fact, he could very easily deck and or kill you with them if he so pleased. That’s why he finds the fact you play with his hands absentmindedly rather important: you trust him. You trust him enough that you’re not afraid of him. He’s killed countless spectres, the residents of zone one fear him because of the power he holds. But you, on the other hand, divert his attention from him from time to time and give him so many opportunities to hurt you. He appreciates you letting your guard down around him as everyone tenses up whenever Dedan is near.
The closest thing you’ll be getting to a proper “date” would be riding a pedalo with him. Yes, it’s not the most romantic thing, but it’s better than nothing at all. After all, you can hold onto him as he pedals you both around. Sure, it might just be to recalibrate some puzzles, see if they still work or change the solution to them for security purposes, but it’s nice nevertheless. Because he can’t particularly stop you from holding onto him, as you might fall into the water and meet a spectre, that’s the one time he won’t mind you being touchy with him in public.
While meat may be plentiful in his world, I can imagine he would get cravings for something sweet for once every once in a while. Sugar may be dangerous to consume, but if consumption is limited, then surely it can’t be completely bad, right? While he would enjoy something domestic like baking a cake every once in a while, he knows he isn’t able to. That’s why he would be genuinely surprised if you ever baked him a cake. Even something small, like a cookie, would garner his attention immediately. Yes, he may not be capable of smiling too much due to a lack of lips, but he will show his gratitude.
Speaking of gratitude, if you’ve done him enough “favours”, which are really just general kindness and small things, such as sorting his paperwork when he’s away, he will try to be more romantic for once. Once the sun has gone away and the moon comes out to play, Dedan, despite being tired, will try his best to take you out on a walk at night underneath the stars. He isn’t really attached to them, but he thinks the gesture is nice. When it’s dark and peaceful outside, it feels like no one can bother and or disturb him, so he wants to spend that time with you, too!
#off (game)#off x reader#gosh I missed writing for this game so much#I really should replay it sometime again#is there anything else to say...?#oh happy belated easter to everyone who celebrates it!#I hope it was fun for y'all :>#I might actually get some more requests out soon since I have no commisions right now!#plus I also have Friday off#so I might get some more done soon! looking forward to it since there are so many!#y'all have some lovely ideas :) and I mean this in the most sincere way!#well then it's almost bedtime for me#so have a good day/evening/night/morning everyone!
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