I'm so glad those chickens are photoedits because I was like damn there is something Wrong with those birds

what do you mean, wrong with them? these are just chickens?

Hi. I’m curious. What did you mean by “women who read fiction might get Bad Ideas!!!” has just reached its latest and stupidest form via tumblr purity culture.? I haven’t seen any of this but I’m new to tumblr.

Oh man. You really want to get me into trouble on, like, my first day back, don’t you?

Pretty much all of this has been explained elsewhere by people much smarter than me, so this isn’t necessarily going to say anything new, but I’ll do my best to synthesize and summarize it. As ever, it comes with the caveat that it is my personal interpretation, and is not intended as the be-all, end-all. You’ll definitely run across it if you spend any time on Tumblr (or social media in general, including Twitter, and any other fandom-related spaces). This will get long.

In short: in the nineteenth century, when Gothic/romantic literature became popular and women were increasingly able to read these kinds of novels for fun, there was an attendant moral panic over whether they, with their weak female brains, would be able to distinguish fiction from reality, and that they might start making immoral or inappropriate choices in their real life as a result. Obviously, there was a huge sexist and misogynistic component to this, and it would be nice to write it off entirely as just hysterical Victorian pearl-clutching, but that feeds into the “lol people in the past were all much stupider than we are today” kind of historical fallacy that I often and vigorously shut down. (Honestly, I’m not sure how anyone can ever write the “omg medieval people believed such weird things about medicine!” nonsense again after what we’ve gone through with COVID, but that is a whole other rant.) The thinking ran that women shouldn’t read novels for fear of corrupting their impressionable brains, or if they had to read novels at all, they should only be the Right Ones: i.e., those that came with a side of heavy-handed and explicit moralizing so that they wouldn’t be tempted to transgress. Of course, books trying to hammer their readers over the head with their Moral Point aren’t often much fun to read, and that’s not the point of fiction anyway. Or at least, it shouldn’t be.

Fast-forward to today, and the entire generation of young, otherwise well-meaning people who have come to believe that being a moral person involves only consuming the “right” kind of fictional content, and being outrageously mean to strangers on the internet who do not agree with that choice. There are a lot of factors contributing to this. First, the advent of social media and being subject to the judgment of people across the world at all times has made it imperative that you demonstrate the “right” opinions to fit in with your peer-group, and on fandom websites, that often falls into a twisted, hyper-critical, so-called “progressivism” that diligently knows all the social justice buzzwords, but has trouble applying them in nuance, context, and complicated real life. To some extent, this obviously is not a bad thing. People need to be critical of the media they engage with, to know what narratives the creator(s) are promoting, the tropes they are using, the conclusions that they are supporting, and to be able to recognize and push back against genuinely harmful content when it is produced – and this distinction is critical – by professional mainstream creators. Amateur, individual fan content is another kettle of fish. There is a difference between critiquing a professional creator (though social media has also made it incredibly easy to atrociously abuse them) and attacking your fellow fan and peer, who is on the exact same footing as you as a consumer of that content.

Obviously, again, this doesn’t mean that you can’t call out people who are engaging in actually toxic or abusive behavior, fans or otherwise. But certain segments of Tumblr culture have drained both those words (along with “gaslighting”) of almost all critical meaning, until they’re applied indiscriminately to “any fictional content that I don’t like, don’t agree with, or which doesn’t seem to model healthy behavior in real life” and “anyone who likes or engages with this content.” Somewhere along the line, a reactionary mindset has been formed in which the only fictional narratives or relationships are those which would be “acceptable” in real life, to which I say…. what? If I only wanted real life, I would watch the news and only read non-fiction. Once again, the underlying fear, even if it’s framed in different terms, is that the people (often women) enjoying this content can’t be trusted to tell the difference between fiction and reality, and if they like “problematic” fictional content, they will proceed to seek it out in their real life and personal relationships. And this is just… not true.

As I said above, critical media studies and thoughtful consumption of entertainment are both great things! There have been some great metas written on, say, the Marvel Cinematic Universe and how it is increasingly relying on villains who have outwardly admirable motives (see: the Flag Smashers in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier) who are then stigmatized by their anti-social, violent behavior and attacks on innocent people, which is bad even as the heroes also rely on violence to achieve their ends. This is a clever way to acknowledge social anxieties – to say that people who identify with the Flag Smashers are right, to an extent, but then the instant they cross the line into violence, they’re upsetting the status quo and need to be put down by the heroes. I watched TFATWS and obviously enjoyed it. I have gone on a Marvel re-watching binge recently as well. I like the MCU! I like the characters and the madcap sci-fi adventures! But I can also recognize it as a flawed piece of media that I don’t have to accept whole-cloth, and to be able to criticize some of the ancillary messages that come with it. It doesn’t have to be black and white.

When it comes to shipping, moreover, the toxic culture of “my ship is better than your ship because it’s Better in Real Life” ™ is both well-known and in my opinion, exhausting and pointless. As also noted, the whole point of fiction is that it allows us to create and experience realities that we don’t always want in real life. I certainly enjoy plenty of things in fiction that I would definitely not want in reality: apocalyptic space operas, violent adventures, and yes, garbage men. A large number of my ships over the years have been labeled “unhealthy” for one reason or another, presumably because they don’t adhere to the stereotype of the coffee-shop AU where there’s no tension and nobody ever makes mistakes or is allowed to have serious flaws. And I’m not even bagging on coffee-shop AUs! Some people want to remove characters from a violent situation and give them that fluff and release from the nonstop trauma that TV writers merrily inflict on them without ever thinking about the consequences. Fanfiction often focuses on the psychology and healing of characters who have been through too much, and since that’s something we can all relate to right now, it’s a very powerful exercise. As a transformative and interpretive tool, fanfic is pretty awesome.

The problem, again, comes when people think that fic/fandom can only be used in this way, and that going the other direction, and exploring darker or complicated or messy dynamics and relationships, is morally bad. As has been said before: shipping is not activism. You don’t get brownie points for only having “healthy” ships (and just my personal opinion as a queer person, these often tend to be heterosexual white ships engaging in notably heteronormative behavior) and only supporting behavior in fiction that you think is acceptable in real life. As we’ve said, there is a systematic problem in identifying what that is. Ironically, for people worried about Women Getting Ideas by confusing fiction and reality, they’re doing the same thing, and treating fiction like reality. Fiction is fiction. Nobody actually dies. Nobody actually gets hurt. These people are not real. We need to normalize the idea of characters as figments of a creator’s imagination, not actual people with their own agency. They exist as they are written, and by the choice of people whose motives can be scrutinized and questioned, but they themselves are not real. Nor do characters reflect the author’s personal views. Period.

This feeds into the fact that the internet, and fandom culture, is not intended as a “safe space” in the sense that no questionable or triggering content can ever be posted. Archive of Our Own, with its reams of scrupulous tagging and requests for you to explicitly click and confirm that you are of age to see M or E-rated content, is a constant target of the purity cultists for hosting fictional material that they see as “immoral.” But it repeatedly, unmistakably, directly asks you for your consent to see this material, and if you then act unfairly victimized, well… that’s on you. You agreed to look at this, and there are very few cases where you didn’t know what it entailed. Fandom involves adults creating contents for adults, and while teenagers and younger people can and do participate, they need to understand this fact, rather than expecting everything to be a PG Disney movie.

When I do write my “dark” ships with garbage men, moreover, they always involve a lot of the man being an idiot, being bluntly called out for an idiot, and learning healthier patterns of behavior, which is one of the fundamental patterns of romance novels. But they also involve an element of the woman realizing that societal standards are, in fact, bullshit, and she can go feral every so often, as a treat. But even if I wrote them another way, that would still be okay! There are plenty of ships and dynamics that I don’t care for and don’t express in my fic and fandom writing, but that doesn’t mean I seek out the people who do like them and reprimand them for it. I know plenty of people who use fiction, including dark fiction, in a cathartic way to process real-life trauma, and that’s exactly the role – one of them, at least – that fiction needs to be able to fulfill. It would be terribly boring and limited if we were only ever allowed to write about Real Life and nothing else. It needs to be complicated, dark, escapist, unreal, twisted, and whatever else. This means absolutely zilch about what the consumers of this fiction believe, act, or do in their real lives.

Once more, I do note the misogyny underlying this. Nobody, after all, seems to care what kind of books or fictional narratives men read, and there’s no reflection on whether this is teaching them unhealthy patterns of behavior, or whether it predicts how they’ll act in real life. (There was some of that with the “do video games cause mass shootings?”, but it was a straw man to distract from the actual issues of toxic masculinity and gun culture.) Certain kinds of fiction, especially historical fiction, romance novels, and fanfic, are intensely gendered and viewed as being “women’s fiction” and therefore hyper-criticized, while nobody’s asking if all the macho-man potboiler military-intrigue tough-guy stereotypical “men’s fiction” is teaching them bad things. So the panic about whether your average woman on the internet is reading dark fanfic with an Unhealthy Ship (zomgz) is, in my opinion, misguided at best, and actively destructive at worst.

I saw your recent response to an anon where you mentioned the drama that occurred the other day based around bookprofessor’s post. Obviously you don’t have to respond to this or publish it if you do not wish but I just wanted to bring up that while it is important to focus on the real life issues at hand, the OP was hypocritical in her post which is why people were getting upset. She was preaching against ableism while simultaneously flaunting her IQ and degree which is a form of ableism. She was speaking out against racism while ending her post using the racial slur “cracker” when talking about the possibly Caucasian Twitter elriels.

Obviously she had some important points but it was completely overshadowed by her participation in the hate speech and prejudice that she was speaking out against.

This does not in any way justify the nasty messages she received but on the same hand, I do not blame anyone that called her out for her hypocrisy. I hope you can understand why her post was so negatively received and how flawed it was. My hope is that one day everyone can just ignore the negativity, report those who are being racist/prejudiced in any way, and block those who are just being loud and who you don’t wish to see content from. But unfortunately I do not see that happening any time soon.

There are a few things I want to address in this because I think it's a good moment for the fandom to step back and reflect on how we treat one another, how we react to such issues, and how we behave moving forward.

First off, thanks for explaining your point of view without being antagonistic. I do think that everyone's emotional reactions to the post were valid. I do NOT think their responses, in terms of words and actions, were valid. Now before I move forward, I want to clarify that when I use the word "you", I am referring to anyone who may have had the response I am describing - not you personally, anon. Also please don’t freak out about how long this is, as a majority of it is a response to the fandom in general, not you in particular.

What was - and wasn’t - said in the original post

In this post, there were completely valid criticisms of the way that people in this fandom behave, and it wasn’t “generalizing” a certain group, it was literal, actual proof of things that had been said, by multiple people. I’m not going to get too into what Alyssa argued because her critiques of those tweets was flawless. The original post had very valid criticisms of what was happening on Twitter. Alyssa exposed the actually racist, homophobic, and imperialistic underpinnings of those tweets.

However, a lot of people are stuck on the bits before and after those critiques. @bookprofessor apologized for different aspects of her post in a few different asks. There were perhaps better ways that some of those things could have been phrased, some things that could have been left out. And she apologized. People can accept that apology or not but we can’t act like it didn’t happen. Like she didn’t reflect and learn to do better.

However, the people she was calling out have not done the same thing, and if anything, comments that focus more on Alyssa’s tone than why she wrote the post in the first place lets those people off the hook.

On cracker - Using the word "cracker" is not racist in the same way that using racial slurs against POC is. Is it prejudiced? Yes. But you cannot say that it is the same thing when that is demonstrably untrue, given centuries of oppressive history. No one has been oppressed for being white. Those are not the same. Reverse racism is not a thing because a white person punching down on POC is NOT AT ALL the same thing as a POC punching up at white people. The actions look the same, but the impact is so unequal it’s not even funny.

Racism is a systemic, institutionalized problem. It is not defined by individual actions, though those actions can either support or challenge racism. When someone calls a white person a cracker, there isn’t centuries of oppression giving power to and reinforcing that statement. That is not a “gotcha” moment.

Saying “I have x IQ” or “I have X degrees” is not ableist. I’m sorry to whoever told you it was ableist (again, not you specifically anon but people who had read the “aw shucks guys” vagueblogs about it), but it’s not. Those are facts. I have no idea what my IQ is, but I have five degrees from institutions of higher education. Me saying that is in no way ableist. 

Often, people mention those things to be elitist, yes. Sometimes, they can be used to say “hey I know more about this than you”. They can be used in a way that tries to make themselves feel superior. I suspect that this is the impression that a lot of people got of the post. However, there is a fine line between saying “hey that’s elitist” and professing anti intellectualism. Which is perhaps a side issue so I’ll let that go for now.

Another reason that people mention their degrees or qualifications is to establish their background knowledge and credibility. If I were to say “hey y’all I have two MA degrees” (which is true) I am not being ableist! It is a fact! It is factual! And I worked my ass off for those, I will be in student loan debt until I die for those, I have every right to mention them if I want to, and often I do so in order to establish my credibility, to explain the position I am coming from. And my prior knowledge of these topics is relevant when we are talking about literature since that’s what my degrees were on - literature and linguistics. That is why Alyssa mentioned her background, though she did pair it with comments about other people, for which she has apologized.

My final point about this is that I 1000% understand feeling insecure or less than because of educational attainment. I dropped out of high school. I had a complex about that for a long, long time. But I also know that if I took offense at someone else saying they had a PhD, then that offense is about me, not them. Someone else’s inferiority complex is not reason for people to pretend to be less than they are.

If those two comments are what overshadowed the bigger, more important issue for a lot of the readers of that post, then y’all allowed them to overshadow those more important issues. I am 99% sure that someone right now is reading this and thinking “but Leslie, it was the way that she said it!” Boy have I got some news for you!

How we react

This next section is not specific to this ask; instead, it is a discussion of how the fandom responded. If it were only one person who had said “but her tone” then I wouldn’t need to make this point. The fact that multiple people are exhibiting the behavior explained below is what makes this a cultural problem within the acotar fandom.

The main argument I saw on the post itself, and indeed any time I see people bring up how nasty Twitter can be, is that “it was a joke” and “that’s how stan Twitter works”.

No.

Those responses were quite useful for this post, though! So buckle up everyone, because I am going to talk about gaslighting, racism, respectability politics, and tone policing. While I understand that some people might have taken personal offense to what was said, there is a much bigger issue at stake that has nothing to do with individual feelings, and everything to do with ensuring that POC stay silenced and white supremacy is upheld. 

Back to the “but it’s a joke” thing. Thanks for gaslighting! Great example of that, person I’m not going to tag! Gaslighting is when you make someone question their experiences, when you try to make them think “wait, did I really feel that way? Is my feeling about that valid? Do I need to re-evaluate my response to this?? Am I blowing this out of proportion???” And saying “it’s just a joke” is a perfect way to do that. Did I say something accidentally sexist? It’s just a joke, nbd! Now you’re the problem, because you didn’t understand my joke and laugh!!! 

Saying “it’s a joke” or “oh they are old/young/ignorant, they will learn” is not a good response to... anything. It takes the responsibility off the people who are doing the harm, and putting it onto the people who were hurt. And in this case, anyone who read those tweets and found them harmful (which should be everyone?) is completely valid. You aren’t lesser for being angry or emotional or for seeing a problem where other people saw a joke. The people who see those things as acceptable jokes are the ones in the wrong.

This is a tactic that is used against women all the time. Any time a woman is sexually harassed at work or online, for example, and she gets upset about it, and someone chimes in with “oh they weren’t serious, can’t you take a joke?” So you can imagine what this is like for women of color.

It is a very, very common tactic for people of color to be silenced via tone policing and respectability politics. Tone policing and respectability politics are very closely related, especially in this context. The idea is that if Alyssa had just written that post in just the right way, it would have been more palatable to white people, and therefore okay to write. The idea that if she had tried to be “understanding” or “see it from their perspective” or understand that it’s “just a joke” are all ways to silence and de-legitimize any accurate, valid criticisms that were made of those tweets. It effectively re-routes the conversation away from the real issues, and to the person trying to bring them up. It’s essentially an ad hominem attack in disguise. 

We see respectability politics in media when people of color who act or dress or speak like white people are afforded more respect. Or any time that a person of color is pulled over and people say, “well if they had just done what the police officer asked...” There is a pervasive idea that if people just “act” properly, aka if you act white, then the police won’t feel antagonized and try to kill arrest you. If we are nice enough, meek enough, smile enough, etc. then we will be accepted.

When we tone police, we refuse to allow marginalized people the right to be angry. We say that "hey, we can only have this discussion if you leave emotion, which you rightfully feel, at the door, and we can only continue this discussion if you behave in a way that makes me feel comfortable." But guess what? It isn’t about you! These discussions are often highly uncomfortable. There is no nice way to tell someone they are being racist. And yet somehow, that is the ever-moving goalpost. It seems reasonable, right? “Just be civil, be nice, don’t insult each other!” And there is that. But those criteria change constantly, to the point where anyone (white) at any time can say “WHOA WHOA THIS IS MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE???” Then we find ourselves at zero, and suddenly the focus of attention has shifted away from the actual problem.

Before we go further, I want to say this: people have a right to be angry. They do not need to make their anger palatable or tasteful for the consumption of others (read: white people). 

We saw this last summer, and I’m not sure how the message didn’t get across. But people are rightfully angry about racism. They are angry about the murder of people of color by police, they are angry about lack of quality education, or clean water, of centuries of oppression that have led to this very moment when all of that ceases to matter because a white woman’s feelings got hurt one time. 

And that is what pisses me off so much. There is no way in this world that we could criticize tweets like those that everyone would agree with, and that everyone would “approve” of, that would be “nice” enough and yet still be impactful and make the authors of those tweets understand the gravity of what they have done. 

The least we can do is allow one another to express our anger, our outrage, because it’s highly likely that those people know exactly what the fuck they are doing, and they do not fucking care. By criticizing a woman of color for the way in which she chose to engage with this topic, we are avoiding the issue and letting the people in those tweets off the hook. 

There were many responses to that post that were positive, that agreed with Alyssa. There are a ton of people who disagree with those tweets, who find them disgusting, who understand exactly how and why they are problematic. That should be what we are talking about. Getting to the core of the argument, on that post or any about racism or other problematic behavior in fandom, requires getting past our own egos. It requires us to be able to step back, say “hm this thing is frustrating but there is a bigger picture here”. It’s not easy, and I recognize that. 

The fact that it is a common tactic though? To say “hey this hurt me personally and so I’m going to ignore any valid points you made?” That feeds directly into centuries of white supremacy because it, once again, silences POC and makes them try to play a losing game. And they will always lose, because no matter how hard they try to play the white game, the goalposts are constantly shifting. So you know what? Fuck the game, and fuck respectability politics, and fuck tone policing and “uwu be nice guys” because when it comes to things like racism and sexism, I don’t expect the people who deserve to be criticized to be nice. In fact, trying to be nice only serves to fuck POC over in the end.

Indeed, in response to that post, certain blogs have taken the opportunity to position themselves as “the nice ones” or “the ones who would never” or “uwu let’s be nice guys” while completely ignoring the fact that a woman of color was attacked for calling out racism. And yes - that was the point of her post. People getting hung up on mentions of her degree are (intentionally or not, it doesn’t matter) completely obfuscating the fact that that is not what her post was about, which was to call out disgusting behavior. idk how many words the post actually was, but essentially, people are focusing on 5% of it to the detriment of the 95% that was actually really important shit. These types of vagueblog posts about the issue fall into exactly what I am talking about - these are people who have decided to look at this issue, see how Alyssa (and anyone else who dares speak up) has approached it, and intentionally try to act like they are “better” because they can be “rational” and “kind”. Newsflash, if you don’t have something to be angry about, then being “nice” about racism isn’t that much of a flex. If it didn’t bother you, then congratulations. That doesn’t make you better than people it did bother. You just got lucky this time, and decided to use that to your advantage to look like the good guy.

I am not saying that all calls for peace are doing this. Obviously it’s what we all want. This is the worst I have seen this fandom in the 4+ years I’ve been here. But we cannot have that by ignoring the real problems and pretending that if we are all just nice to each other, then we will solve racism and sexism and all bullying in the fandom will stop. 

So combining all of this - the gaslighting, the tone policing, and what do you get? You get a fandom that refuses to actually engage critically with its own problems and take accountability for them. You get a fandom that decides that it’s easier to be distracted by this one mean comment over here than it is to engage in the fact that you know what, the culture in this fandom has actually turned incredibly disgusting and a lot of people are just okay with it. You’ve got a fandom that is using the tools of white supremacy to avoid the discussions that should actually be taking place. Maybe people don’t realize that that’s what they are doing. But if someone still thinks that after reading this post, then godspeed my friend, I hope you enjoy Twitter.

Okay so my last thing I want to say is that I didn’t come to all of this knowledge fresh from the womb. I do a lot of work, in my personal life and my professional life, to be better. So here is a list of books that I have found particularly helpful:

How to Be An Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

Stamped From the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America also by Ibram X. Kendi

White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo (side note, I was kinda meh about this one but the chapter “White Women’s Tears” is particularly helpful)

So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo

Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment by Patricia Hill Collins

I’m not going to talk specifically about Alyssa’s post anymore, but if anyone wants to continue talking about these broader issues going on in the fandom, I am game. (I really should be grading papers though, so it might take a bit.)

Subject 10-Mulan Link

You have now gained the accesses file page of the chain links case number #19835 Corrupted heroes for Subject #10

Current state: Safe

legal name: Link,last name unknown

Nicknamed: Mulan 

Biological age: unknown

Chronical age: unknown

Hieght: Unknown

Weight: unknown

Visiting accesse time for subject Zero: Must be planned ahead of schedule time in order to have private meetings and clerance from head chief researcher Queen zelda and level 5 personal clerance

Physical description: Subject 10 is a short haired Hylian woman who wears a green tunic and knight gear armor.They have a well built muscular body and a ferret that rests around thier neck as well as scars and cuts around thier body.The most noticeable scare they have are three little cuts under thier chin and a long vertical cut across thier right cheek.

Information: Subject 10 first arrived at the castle carrying subject zero and subject 11 bloodied and badly injured with a broken arm and serveral fractured bones as well as stab/slash wounds.They came in as duplicates of four identical versions of subject 10 dressed variouse colors such as brown,cyan,yellow and green.Only one of the 4 sets had arrived at the castle with subject Zero and Subject 11 while the others fought off to keep back the “chain” while back up knights and town gaurds were deployed to apreheand them.Subject 10 is not placed under any containment but is required to come to the SCRPP research site to have check ups and testing as well as recorded interviews with research personales.Subject 10 refuses to have to go anywhere without her ferret campaion so all interviews and meetings are held with subject 10′s ferret either on the site with them or curled around subject 10′s neck.Subject 10 is in current possesion of the master sword and four sword as well as veriouse other items from the group(but not all for research purposes and other classified resons).They are to be informed of any drastic procedures that are to be done to any of the known subjects and participats of case file #19835.Subject 10 is one of the only subjects out of all the links who dose not show a red essence seeping out or show any signs of agression or possesive behvaiors for subject Zero. Research is still going underway to find out a way as to why it is and if blood or dna samples can be exracted from subject 10 in order to find a cure.

[interview recoding of subject 10 #1]

Dr.Jean: Now beining case file number #1983 dash 1 subject 10 interview of the anomalie the Curropted Heros. Time started at 10:89. Interview researcher personale Dr.Jean, tag number 893 of site 13 room A14.

Dr.Jean: Ok,lets start.Rember at anytime you start to feel uncomfortable we can stop the interview,alright?

Link: ok..

Dr.Jean: ok,lets start off with something simple.Subject 10 can you please state your name?

Link: Mulan.

Dr.Jean: I am sorry,let me clarify I meant your real name.

Link: oh,right..its uh,its Link.

Dr.Jean: Good,can you state your last name as well?

Link: I dont have one.

Dr.Jean: Are you sure? No documnets? Family? Anyway to file for one?

Link: Yes,I am sure.I dont have one.Thats it.

Dr.Jean: Right,right, *ahem* can you tell us how long you’ve know the links?

Link: We had all know each other for about a year and a half, and today would have been our second year together if…you know,had things still been normal with everyone.

Dr.Jean: how did you meet these people to begin with?

Link: I was out exploring the outskits of the forests behind my house one day and saw a bright light,so i got curiouse and followed it.I found a portal and went through it.I was transported to the guredo desert and wondered a around for a bit before I found the chain.it turns out the portal took me to a diffrent time period and there was some time,dimentional stuff going on and we were all gathered to fix it or something.

Dr.Jean: How did you meet subject Zero?

Link: Subject Zero? oh,do you mean [redacted]?

Dr.Jean: Link,please reframe from saying subject Zero’s real name during this interview.

Link: Fine.

Dr.Jean:thank you,pleas contiue.

Link: We first met them a few months after lucky came when [ audio connection has been temperarly lost]

Dr.Jean: Intresting and how did you feel about Subject zero?

Link: I didn’t think much of them, I thought that they were ok.they were kind of nice and everyone liked them,so I did too.But there was something just…off about them.

Dr.Jean:Off like what? Did you distrust them?

Link: no,no,no not distrsut or anything like that…just that something was not right…there was  just something…..something WRONG with them,I dont know how to describe it, they were just not normal in a very bad way.But I ignored it and didn’t think much on it. I think they were just…diffrent.

Dr.Jean: Why did you help them escape?

Link: Because it was the right thing to do.I wanted to get them out of a situation where they were held captive and also keep the others from killing each other on who got to keep them.Its not that complicated. besides it my fault for not stopping this sooner.

Dr.Jean: How?

Link: What?

Dr.Jean: How do you think it was your fault?

LInk:[sighs] its…it was all right there I didn’t want to see it,I knew everyone was starting to act a little wierd but I didn’t want to take it that seriously,I didn’t want to think badly about my fami-friends..my friends…Until one day when they had gone completly overboard and uh…..I had found some of them beating down on a man after they were flirting with..with subject Zero…and to say that they looked like they were thugs when they were doing it would be too much of a understatement…They looked like they were having a good time doing it too.I swear when I saw them that day at the allyway they were not the heros I knew and travled with and as faw as i was concerned they were strangers-no,not even that,they were monsters…And the look on thier faces when I yelled out to them and they turned to me…it was like they were going to kill me right there and then……[Inhales heavily before exhailing shakingly] they weren’t normal….thier eyes….I don’t think I can really ever forget those empty vacant looks..it was like someone els was there…Since then things had started to get worse.

[suject 10 begins to pet her ferret at this time seeming to find comfort in it from thier stress]

Dr.Jean: Who were the ones that were there at the time of the incident?

Link: it was…I think Twilight,Four,Sky and Wild were all there.

Dr.Jean: Even Sky?

LInk: Yeah, him too.I rembered the second I started yelling and taring a new in asshole for them he just came up from behind the group and started to try to “calm me down” and explain how the shit I just saw wasn’t what it seemed like and yadda yadda yadda,typical gaslighting you know? But I wasn’t going to fall for some shit like that so I got the man out of there and to a medic, payed for all his expenses and reported them to Time and Warriors. Honestly I was so pissed off and in shock about it all that I had finally started notice and realize more and more things that were wrong about the group that I use to just keep ignoring.I still didn’t try to do anything serious about it though until the end of our journey.

Dr.Jean:What did you mean by noticeing things?

Link: …….just things….and looking back at it now should have been obviouse red flags but I never pressed for them.I think the first time I did it was with Wsrriors but he kept brushing me off saying things like “everyone is just protective of [redacted]” or “that you are looking way too into this” and when he did listen to me he would tell me that he’d keep a closer eye on the group.I suppose you can take a guess that, he did not, in fact, keep up the promis that he made.

Dr.Jean: did at any point in your adventures feel,were attempted to or successfully attacked or harmed by any members of this group during you adventures before the escape?

Link:No-well I mean yes but…[  exasperated sigh]…yeah….yeah there were a few…ok maybe a lot…But I guess the one that really stuck with me was when,uh,when Time held me up against a wall and tryed to cut my throat during a heated argument about…..them.

[Subject 10 reaches over to rub on a faint cut across thier neck]

[the ferret circles closer to her neck nuzzling it head into hers in an attempt to comfort Link]

Link: Aww,its ok little guy,I am fine right now.Don’t worry fluffy.

Dr.Jean: i am sorry if its too much but what was the argument about?

Link:…….

[subject 10 stays silent for a few minutes before speaking again]

Link: It was about if we should kill subject zero.

Dr.Jean: Then do you think we should kill subject zero?

[subject 10 stops petting fluffy and stares at the doctore without giving an answer for several more minutes]

Link:[a shallow exhale leaves thier mouth] …….I……..I….

[the sounds of sirens and alarms going off]

Annocemnet :There is a containment breach in the D -12 containment building floor,please all personels and staff go to the evacuation exits and safety rooms while special elit force knights handle the situation.Subject 4 case 19835- 1,2,3 and 4 cololrs have all escaped.If you see him or any of the colors they are to be neutralized and brought back to thier containment cells.All other staff do not ingage unless -

Dr.Jean: oh Hylia,looks like we’ll have to cut this short and we have to hurry and-wait where are you going! The safety room is this way! Link!

Link: [distant and muffled]I know,I just need to go out and kick a few stobbern little butts back in thier cells first-!

Dr.Jean: Link the elit knights can handle it you don’t have to-Link!! Link! Sir Link! Lin-!!

[audio ends here]

I am doing wind next

This is long, so I'll react as I read.

oh SHOOT THEY RAN!!!

MULAN USES THE FOUR SWORD!!

[REDACTED]?!?!!?

LUCKY!!!

AUDIO CONECTION TEMPORTARILY LOST!?!?!?!?!?

THEY GONNA KILL A GUY-KIL MULAN!!? SKY IS GASLIGHTING!?!?

TIME CUT THEM?!?!?

MULAN GONNA KILL SUBJECT ZERO!?!?!?

THEY ESCAPE!?!?!? THE COLORS ESCAPE!!!!

MULAN GOES TO FIGHT?!?!?

MY GIRL!!!!

OH MY GOD

MD is a trip in SO many ways lmao

HI!! So it's been a while but I was feeling sad about some minecraft boys and it finally kickstarted me enough energy to do this again. For those who haven’t seen this before everything is tagged “dream smp liveblog” if you wanna look back.

I was thinking about rewatching some of the exile vods again to get back into the right headspace but honestly I’m gonna ride this wave while I can and jump right back into it. Maybe when I catch up fully I’ll go back and watch them all in a marathon and see how much I can make myself cry, who knows

Intro out of the way here we go! VOD: Tommy Speaks to Mexican Dream in Exile

(rp): oh man I forgot how fucked up his skin was…. And hes drowning again

He’s also lashing out at people in chat and then pulling back “Ranboo: are you alright man” ahhh buddy YOU KNOW HES NOT

….You know. Some of the Dread HAS faded but it STILL sucks when Dream logs in.

“And Tubbo hasnt spoke to me…” :(

But hes still trying!!! Hes gonna make a path!!

Lol what is this melon monstrosity lol the youtube praise Tommy just screamed lmaoo

….Dream YOU can get out of VC 2 fuck off

….just the casual “oh yeah sorry” while he blows up the armor….

“DId anyone come to see you while I was gone” I see you, you obsessive fucker

“Weve become better friends” :/

HI MEXICAN DREAM WHAT AN INTRO THEYRE JUST STARING AT HIM LMAO

Yes BULLY HIM MD BULLY HIM

“WHICH ONES HOTTER” cursed cursed cursed

Lol the tone is so absurd Im having a good time

cc!Dream taking the time to pinpoint the particular restaurant its from lmaoo this man is funny

Lol Mexican Dream just chasing Dream away with Spanish YEAH GET EM MD

Tommys so excited to have someone who might live with him omg

“Borderline my owner” ….

…,,,look I just needed a short hand ok Mexican Dream is too long to type lol

,,,,,I dont know how to process Mamacita asdfsdfsd

SOMEHOW GOT MORE CURSED

Cant believe this is canon lore because it gets. SAD?? What is happening right now

This must have been a great tension breaker for people watching live though. A Nice break. Honestly I have mixed feelings about this being my first stream back lol

…..what are those maps huh? Old Memories huh? Tommy seems actually a bit embarrassed lmao

TUBBO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TUBBO!!!!!

Asfsdfsdfsdfsdfsdfds these fuckign pictures jesus omg

Somehow this would be more sad if Tommy wasn't blowing out his mic fake crying lmao

…..hey fuck girl Dream though

Is girl Dream canonically Dream or a different character?

“You two are the happiest couple I know” … F for the dream smp where no relationship survives lol Love is Dead

….my heart was racing while Tommy was hiding the rest of the Tubbo pictures…

“Not on my stream you better not!” afdsfdsfsdfsd

Rip Mexican Dream lol Quackity dies to mobs a lot doesn’t he

………..I just got the walls joke F F F

……hi Dream you fucker

HEY BITCH, HEY BITCH BOY!!! YEEEEE TOMMY GET HIM

….. This is why Dream kills MD isn’t it

OUCH DIRECTLY AFTER THAT

MEXICAN DREAM DID JUST JUMP IN FRONT OF TOMMY JEEZ

….. Welp this is turning serious, Tommy is literally trying to distract Dream from chasing MD

The fucking decapitation joke asdfsdfsdf

OH MD WITH THE REAL GEAR!!!

….well that was short lived. As was Mexican Dream, Rest in Pieces I guess

“That was my last friend on the server. And that was his last death” “.......” “WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TODAY ~ :D”

“I never thought I’d see the day where Mexican Dream is canonically dead”

….. The serious tone is back for sure ….. Its staring into lava and gaslighting time

Literally just killed his friend and Dream already getting Tommy to say they’re friends…

“He died of a drug overdose” “I watched you kill him” “Noo he died of natural causes” >:(

cc!Tommy really canonizing this just to twist the knife

...hes just standing in the fire :(

………begging him for company.. “I don’t think I have very long left” …….

At least Drista will be fun?

“Its fine, its really his rules now” “After tomorrow, then I think its over”.... This is the pillar isn’t it. The pillar is happening soon

“Tommy can you stop going insane please?” - FUNDY PLS LMAO

Strange interlude with Lazar… obviously Tommy is lashing out but I also feel like there is a bit of back-handedness to his interactions as well. Maybe the only one ACTUALLY only reaching out because of pity..?

Well that was a strange and oddly sad interlude. The middle was just the wildest of rides, but the end still managed to ground it back, mostly. 13 did NOT HURT in that regard honestly lol. I feel like I’ve definitely lost some momentum by splitting things up like this -- my recommendation to anyone watching is Definitely to shotgun it if you can do so safely. Its such a well written arc, even and up to including silly streams like this, and its a shame not to have watched it all at once.

STILL! Looking forward to seeing Drista, that little chaos godling has grown on me quite a bit, not least of all BECAUSE she’s a chas godling with creative mode lol. I’ve also heard thats the other “break” exile stream, so probably a bit more lighthearted (not least of all bc idk how much Drista the person actually knows and or cares about her brother’s block game role play canon lmao)

Can we get more background on Lori and also a reason why Adele left

Adele Samuels and Lorelei Figgs had known each other for the better part of a decade, not the type of best friends to be attached to the hip 24/7-- they mostly went about their lives after high school following different pathways that would ultimately lead them to communicate on a casual basis. The every second-day check-in, the occasional Snapchat, Facebook tag under a meme that had them both crying with laughter. It was casual, a strong connection that didn’t need constant validation or communication to understand Adele would always be in Lori’s corner and Lore is Adele’s. 

That was until, well, until Lorelei started dated Jacob Marshall. A Character to say the least and Adele’s slightly estranged step-brother, from her Fathers second marriage. In Jacobs short 21 years on earth, he had racked up a pretty hefty tally in regards to misdemeanours and assault charges. Swearing he’d be a better man for Lorelei he enrolled in community college, straightened himself out a little more. Got a job that didn’t see him evading his taxes or being paid cash in hand for jobs that had him running from authority. Sometimes people do indeed change? Other times? It’s just a matter of time before the bomb explodes--you can’t change those who don’t truly want to change. Jacob Marshall was absolutely no exception to the eons-old rule. Adele knew that well before Lorelei ever sensed the change. 

She should’ve known better than to get mixed up with the kid from school who got caught selling cocaine under the bleachers to the football team before their homecoming game. But Lorelei and Jacob always had that on again off again classic toxic frenemies relationship. He had a spell on her, someone Lorelei nor Adele could ever explain. They were entangled well before Adele’s dad married Jacobs mum down at the courthouse on 5th ave-- whatever was meant to be had already been put in place years ago. It’s just the fact Lorelei and Jacob couldn’t have been more different, more polar opposites if they tried. Jacobs had always been the hardass, the guy with the home job tattoos, the roid muscles he swore were all-natural. The crackjaw that swung left to right whenever he’d get on the gear with the boys. The law-breaking, gym junkie with a white card that allowed him to work construction and heavy machinery.

Lorelei? Well, she could’ve had it all. But settling for the only guy that had ever given her the time of day was all she ever knew how to do- especially when throughout highschool? He wouldn’t let another guy ever get close enough to say hello. It was always mental mind games. The suttle manipulation-- always with the gaslighting that had Lore feeling less than. She was smart, bright. But her lack of street smarts always got the better of her. Especially when it came to Jacobs. Fuck, it was always Jacob. 

By the time Grayson had finished with his much need shit shower and shave routine, Lorelei was finishing up with Ethan in the podcast room. Taking in all he had to teach her and all she had to learn. 

“And don’t even sweat it, if you forget I can just show you again, or Gray can-- whoever’s around.” 

“Seems pretty straight forwards, it’s an amazing setup.” Lorelei sat on the chair Grayson would normally sit on for filming podcast videos-- feeling a little lightheaded. Nothing she couldn’t mask. Focusing on her breathing, Lorelei watched as Ethan powered down the monitor and flipped back to the cameras. “Pretty secure security system huh?” 

“We’ve had a few incidences, can’t put a price on security.” Ethan shrugged. “If you want we’re just gonna be hanging out for the rest of the day, so you can stay and chill or go home, either way, its a pretty full day tomorrow, have some errands and shit to do so we’ll need you here from what? Maybe 10?”

“That’s fine, I can do that, do you want me to bring over breakfast for everyone? Coffee?” Lore asked with a soft smile, she was just happy to be needed. Happy to be living. Happy to be in the presence of people who valued her. It was nice. A welcomed change. 

“Monty’s open at 11 so we’ll do burgers for lunch instead, you vegan?”

“Not exactly but I try--”

“It’s the thought that counts.” Ethan laughed as Lorelei followed him down the hall out to the kitchen. “So you staying?” she wanted to. Lorelei would’ve loved to have said yes, but she needed to sleep. Suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion. 

“Id love it, but I better get going, still have some stuff to do at home so I better--”

“I’ll walk you out” it was Grayson. His hair a sopping mess of dark locks that could’ve used a towel dry. The Grey sweats hanging low on his hips as he pulled over his hoodie-- the same Ethan and gifted Lorelei yesterday. Her favourite. Lorelei stared for a moment too long but ultimately nodded in shyness. 

“Sounds good.” there was a short shared silence for a few minutes while Grayson walked slowly beside Lorelei back to her car. He wasn’t exactly sure what to say, how to act. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here for the whole hiring process, kinda have a few things going on.” Grayson pressed his lips together as the pair approached Lore’s car. “Sometimes a bit of fresh air is all I need, but I’m here now and I’m excited to have you here, really, Adele, she uh-- she said good things about you.” Grayson was never a fan of lying, but he didn’t think this little white lie would hurt anyone. A victimless crime. He knew only what Ethan had told him Adele had said. Lorelei blushed. She could instantly feel the heat on her cheeks. 

“She’s such an idiot but I love her, she’s done a lot for me, especially setting this u, couldn’t thank her enough, or you guys, even if I wanted to.” Lore was speaking from her heart, Grayson could already tell she was genuine. Not a lot of people were genuine in L.A anymore. “I better get going.”

“Let me take you out for lunch soon? I feel like you and Ethan hit it off really well, I just want the same kinda opportunity to get to know you, you have access to my bank account I feel like I should at least have your number?” Lorelei chuckled but nodded in response. Grayson had never been so straight forward-- he wanted to crawl inside himself. Someone, anyone had to stop him before it was too late. Because he wasn’t about to stop himself, no not this time. Not with Lorelei. Her name alone had him making sure his inhaler was on his presence 24/7 and he’d known her for all of an hour. Grayson realised at that moment as she asked his assistant to go grab lunch with him, not for him, with him-- that he was in fact pathetic on a new simp level only unlocked by the very few men who fall in love in three seconds flat. 

“Oh yeah, sure lets us, gab lunch-- but I’m pretty sure my numbers on the fridge, I put it there on a pink sticky.” 

“Cool, alright well, ill see you tomorrow, uh here--” Grayson opened Lorelei’s car door for her. She beamed a bright smile. No one had ever done that before. Not for her, she thought it was something that only happened in movies. Sitting down, she strapped herself as her window went down. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, have a good day Grayson.”

“I’ll text you.” Lorelei laughed as she reversed, shaking her head playfully as she drove off biting her lip. Wondering if she was in fact reading too much into such a small encounter with the younger Dolan. Grayson stood in the middle of the drive speechless with himself:

“I need another shower.”

What she said

This has been a difficult post to prepare. After much thought, I wish to share some very interesting information. Some know from my recent post, I went to Ozlander in Melbourne, Australia on March 14 & 15, 2020, and I thoroughly enjoyed seeing Richard and Sophie. As a premium ticket holder, I enjoyed lunch with them on both days. They would individually spend 5 minutes or so at each table and rotate through the tables to meet the fans. At the event introduction on Day One, we were asked to respect Richard and Sophie by not asking questions of a personal nature, which naturally, everyone understood. Therefore, I wasn’t going to ask anything about Sam, Cait, or even Tony. So, I was more than surprised when Sophie briefly mentioned Cait’s wedding!

  Sophie visited our table and we talked about a number of things. It was Sophie’s first trip to Australia; Caitriona had been here and had told Sophie how nice it was. Someone asked Sophie, 'You went to Caitriona’s wedding, didn’t you?'

  'Yeah, Caitriona’s husband is a lovely guy.' (Did she just say that, I thought?)

  I asked Sophie, 'You and Sam were the only cast members that went?'

  And she replied, 'No, Tobias was there as well.' Interesting.

  Sophie then added she took the photo of Sam in the Dunhill suit (remarkable weekend).

  'The background had to be photoshopped as we couldn’t give away the location. It got onto social media and Caitriona wasn’t that pleased about it,' Sophie said a little ruefully. (Sam had posted the photo on IG. The right-side background looks very photoshopped.)

  During a photo session on Day Two, I asked Sophie, 'Did Caitriona marry Tony?' with the emphasis on the word Tony.

 'Yeah,' she said with a smile.

 'Really?' I asked.

 'Yes. Really,' Sophie said.

 Then I said, 'Well she doesn’t say his name and hasn’t released any photos so...'

 'I don’t know...,' Sophie said pleasantly enough. Wow!! Being so busy and so involved with OL for so long, I don’t think she fully appreciated how all the Tait secrecy is being perceived in the fandom.

Okay, a photo or some sort of evidence or it didn't happen. This info from Sophie was really unexpected. What sort of proof would be acceptable and not immediately suspected anyway? Nevertheless, I believe I have the evidence I need to satisfy myself. Someone else who was at the same Day One table, has confirmed to me in writing (I contacted her a week or so after the event) she heard Sophie say all this as well. I don’t think my acquaintance follows the ins and outs of the SC/Tait drama. I don’t think most of the people at Ozlander did from conversations I had and the general talk I heard. So, my witness doesn’t have a vested interest in The Narrative and, I believe, just gave a purely objective confirmation.

If I had heard Sophie say Cait married Sam, you would probably believe it, put this info in the receipt warehouse, and any evidence would be a bonus. I have been wanting truth no matter what it is. I’ll just deal with it. While it’s greatly disappointing, I do wish Cait and Sam happiness in life whomever they find it with.

I discovered OL 18 months ago and have only been active on Tumblr for 8 months. So, I am still a newb of sorts. Some might say a naïve babe in the woods with not much to lose. However, I’ve met some wonderful people on this side of the fence and I will probably lose friendships and reputation, be unfollowed and blocked, receive a lot of vitriol, be called a troll working for (fill in the blank), etc., due to this heresy. So, my info does come at a price for me. I understand I have not experienced years of surviving on this side of the fence, enduring the delusional tag and the attacks and insults from antis, NST, TPTB, Shamuso, and even some from Sam and Cait, and being thrown under the bus when convenient. I get, in principle, some shippers will close ranks and support any higher-profile shippers who don’t believe me. I anticipate this will be the response. One way to discredit information is to discredit the person presenting it, and I assume this tactic will be employed as well.

So why am I putting my head on the chopping block? Notoriety? Hardly. Well, as I said, I want intel even if it conflicts with what I hope for. I believe people can ship the way they want (within reason) and as KDS infamously said, believe what you want. I don’t wish to convince anybody, nor get into a slanging match with anyone. It would be pointless really. I feel obligated out of principle to reveal the info and not hide it no matter how controversial and inconvenient that might be. I understand some may not think it a good time in the fandom right now to deal with this but I didn’t want the info dating too much before putting it on the table. I understand and I am sorry. But is there an optimal time to hear this?

People like I, who want to know what is going on or had suspicions, and are prepared to accept this information, will welcome it. They have had enough of the mess that is happening right now in The Narrative as well. Also, I don't wish to be intimidated into keeping contrary evidence hidden just because it doesn’t suit the manifesto. And I apologise in advance to high-profile shippers who will probably be inundated with comments and asks. I accept there will be jealousy involved. Why did a newb get this intel? Believe me, I wish it didn’t happen to me; I really wish it was someone else. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time.

For the record, yes, I’m Australian living in Australia. I understand some people’s problem with that. Why does so much narrative controversy emanate from this place? I don’t know. I wish I knew. We often call it the lucky country (for various reasons). Do we appear have more luck than the Irish?!

However, and unfortunately, this does not provide closure for me. I accept the Tait wedding. I do have problems with the Tait marriage, sorry to say. I don’t know why games are being played. Cait still doesn’t call her husband Tony, there were no wedding or engagement photos made public, and no confirmation from her PR team when wedding articles hit the magazines. It seems like secrecy, not privacy. Why so secret? We continue to see gaslighting, innuendo, and an intentional vagueness, to keep us all engaged it seems?! And Hawaiigate is certainly a head scratcher at best.

So, in summing up, the four things I learnt about the wedding are:

1. The wedding happened.

2. Cait married Tony.

3. Tobias was there.

4. Sam posted Sophie’s remarkable Dunhill manipulated photo on IG and Cait wasn’t too happy about it.

Most shippers won’t like my saying Tait is real and most antis won’t like my saying Sam and Cait continue to play games. But that’s ok. I knew this going in. I just think it is important for the info to be put out there. I don’t wish to appear foolish, talking about a fake wedding, now that I know Cait married Tony. I think there must be other intel such as this out there. Perhaps the time is right for others to make their intel known.

I believe the four things Sophie said about the wedding. I do not have any further intel to share, nor do I have any further theories on what is happening with Sam, Cait, or Tony that haven’t been discussed on Tumblr already. With this in mind, I’m prepared to answer every constructive and civil comment I may receive on this post, including any DMs. If you wish, please look through my blog to see what I have posted. You will find it aligns with this side's thinking. You may see some names that do not. Please consider the message, not the messenger. And please, it would be appreciated if you would do some homework before making any comment. Thank you for your time in reading this long and very difficult post. I imagine, many will take some time to process it.

casuistry (n.) - deceptive or excessively subtle reasoning

CW: Implied potential future dubcon/noncon, assault of a survivor, NOCON TOUCHING AND KISSING, trauma response, fucking creepy asshole being creepy to Chris, Creepy Pet Lib Guy gets his own warning, gaslighting/manipulative language towards a survivor with some victim blame-y stuff

For timeline reasons, I should note that Chris is approximately 18 when Creepy Pet Lib Guy happens and has been rescued/free for seven or eight months. Takes place after this short drabble. 

Tagging Chris’s crew: @burtlederp, @finder-of-rings, @endless-whump, @whumpfigure, @stxckfxck, @slaintetowhump, @astrobly, @newandfiguringitout, @doveotions, @pretty-face-breaker

He doesn’t like the feeling of Kyle’s hands over his stomach, but he smiles and pushes his hips forwards anyway. His shoulder blades press back into the wall, his head cocked just so to the side, letting a little hair fall over his eyes.

The smile doesn’t reach them.

It’s not part of training to have the smile reach your eyes. No one cares if it does. What matters is that your mouth moves just the way it’s supposed to, shows the things they want you to show, does the things they want you to do.

His heart pounds so hard it knocks the breath from his lungs, and maybe the glitter in his eyes looks like interest and not tears, because Kyle doesn’t stop. 

“I-I, I, I... I-I-I, I, I don’t-... I d-don’t-”

“Sssshhhh, yeah you do.” Kyle laughs, leaning in close, kissing his cheek almost tenderly. Chris shudders, eyes closing, letting his head tip back into the wall behind him. “I mean, look at you.”

“B-But I don’t-... don’t, um, don’t want-”

“Chris, if you didn’t want to, why did you come in the room with me?”

You told me to-

“It was your idea, after all, remember?”

Chris’s eyes open again, coppery-light eyebrows furrowing over wide green eyes, turning his head but Kyle is so close, his hands are overwhelming and Chris doesn’t want them where they’re going, but... “It... it was? But, but, but I thought you-you... you said-”

“You said,” Kyle says, with a slight insistence, just firm enough to crack apart Chris’s faltering, delicate attempts to assert himself. “You said let’s go somewhere private, remember?”

“No, I... I didn’t-”

False memories are common in human pets exposed to new environments-

“I didn’t say I wanted to,” Chris whispers, but Kyle looks so nice, smiling at him. Understanding, almost. Then his hands slips down under the waistband of Chris’s jeans and Chris jerks back, smacking his whole body into the wall behind him, shaking his head. “I didn’t, I didn’t say, I, I didn’t, I didn’t say-say I want, I didn’t, I didn’t say yes-”

Kyle has one arm snaked around behind his back in a heartbeat, kissing Chris’s objections away, burying them with a tongue in his mouth and his hand pushing more firmly under Chris’s pants between his legs. It feels good, and he hasn’t had this in so long, and he doesn’t want it at all but he’s supposed to because you have to want what your owner wants, you have to-

“I don’t want to,” He whispers again, when Kyle lets his mouth free. He can’t seem to speak any louder than that - he can’t get the air. His head is spinning from shallow inhales and panic and fear, sparking inside his mind. He wants to tap or to hit his head or rock or do something something something with all the fear inside him but he can’t move.

Statue boys are still. They only move in the ways they are allowed to.

“I, I, I didn’t say yes.” A tear slips down his cheek but Kyle doesn’t notice, he thinks, because his hand doesn’t stop moving and the other one doesn’t stop holding Chris still, pressed against him.

“You didn’t say no, either,” Kyle points out. “And this was your idea.”

“It wasn’t-”

“What else did you think was going to happen, Chris? When you flirted with me?” Kyle’s lips are on his neck, down to his shoulder, nudging the neckline of his shirt to the side to bite down hard where the fabric will hide it later. Chris’s hips buck forward instinctively into Kyle’s hand and he can’t breathe, he can’t breathe, he can’t think he can’t do this he can’t he doesn’t want to he wants to scream-

Statue boys don’t scream. They only make the sounds they have been taught to make.

“Please-” 

“Of course, baby,” Kyle says.

“Please no-”

Kyle pauses, his hand going still but he doesn’t move it. It lays heavy and horrible over Chris between his legs, under his jeans, pressed against skin that can’t stop responding because it’s skin that only remembers how to respond one way. 

His eyes catch Chris’s, and there’s a hard look in them, now. It’s a fake-soft expression, understanding and sweet, but Chris knows the look in those eyes. He’s seen it a dozen times or more before - the look of someone trying to seem reasonable but he’s not going to be reasonable for long.

I give you choices, 223499, don’t I? You can be good, or you can be hurt. Which are you going to choose?

“What did you say?” Kyle asks. His voice is gentle. But the handlers used to sound gentle, sometimes, too.

I give you choices, don’t I?

“I-I said-... I said, um, I said-”

I don’t want you to touch me.

“I said please,” Chris says, in a voice somewhere between whisper and whimper. Statue boys don’t say no - they only know how to say yes.

“Good.” Kyle smiles and kisses his cheek again, and his lips burn where they touch, hurt like a lit match held to his jaw, cheekbone, lips. “I wouldn’t want to do anything you didn’t want me to, Chris, but you seem pretty fucking into it, you know?”

“D-Do I?” Chris doesn’t know what it’s supposed to feel like. Is this it? Is everyone just scared, at first? He’s never been anything else. Does everyone else have to close their eyes and survive until it’s over, until their body turns on them again, until they hate every single inch of their skin?

Is that just... what it’s like?

How can Kauri do this on purpose so much, if he’s scared like this all the time? How do people ever want this, if all it does is burn his brain like a brand that says, you’ll always be made to spread your legs?

“Yeah,” Kyle murmurs. He shifts, pushing Chris hard into the wall, and pushes his way between Chris’s legs so their hips press hard together. Chris must make a sound, he can’t hear it over the static that is screaming in his brain for this to end, to be over. He must do something that eggs Kyle on, somehow, because Kyle laughs a little, sweet and loving and soft like Sir could laugh sometimes, and says in a low voice, “See? You fucking love this.”

I hate this I hate this I don’t want this I don’t want to do this it’s not my fault it’s not my fault I’ll be good don’t hurt me don’t hurt don’t don’t don’t don’t-

Chris blinks until the tear finds its way down his cheek, hitches in a breath, and opens his legs. “I’ll... be good,” he whispers. Slow and steady, each word chosen from the blur of his brain, dropped like a stone on the ground.

He relaxes the tension in his body all at once, slips into the space in his mind where things happen to him and he is there and not-there at once. His body will move and breathe and beg and Baldur is good for Sir, he has to be good, he hates it and he hates it and he hates it and he-

“Fuck yeah you will be.”

Statue boys are good boys-

There’s a noise, scraping shuffling footsteps, and then Kyle is wrenched back from him all at once, thrown violently back, and Chris drops to the floor in a crumpled heap, his tight black shirt under his t-shirt pulled up and his button and zipper undone to his jeans, looking up with blurry teary eyes to see a blur of black hair shoving Kyle off of him.

Kauri throws the punch and catches Kyle across the face, then drops his hand and curses, shaking it off, “Ow ow ow ow shit I don’t know how to punch-”

“Jesus Christ!” Kyle groans, putting a hand up over one eye. He’d unbuckled his own belt and undone his own jeans at some point - did Chris lose time, he loses time sometimes, when he has to be good - and he starts trying to hurriedly do it up despite the obvious difficulty. Chris pulls his own knees up nearly to his chin against the throb of heat he doesn’t want, hopes will go away soon. “What the fuck-”

“You piece of fucking shit, I knew you were up to something with him, I knew it! Get the fuck away from him!”

Kyle’s eyes move to Chris, and they’re cold the way Chris’s handler could be so cold. He flinches back from the expression, curling himself up even tighter. Fear and shame spiral, spark along the cage of his skin. He hates his stupid skin, hates all his fucking nerves, hates that he feels things he doesn’t want to feel and hates that he did something to make this happen. “I wasn’t up to anything. What, you can’t handle not being the one getting laid for ten fucking minutes, Kauri?”

Kauri’s eyes flare white around the edges, and suddenly Chris is more afraid of him than he is of Kyle’s disapproval and unhappiness. “What?”

“Like you don’t hit on everything that moves. What, you’re fucking jealous you weren’t the one getting all the attention for once? Besides, Chris is the one who asked me to come in here with him, you’re just the asshole interrupting what he wants.”

Kauri takes a breath, caught off-guard, turning to look at Chris. “Did you-... did you want to come in here, Chris?”

No. I said no. I tried to say no. I don’t remember how to say no they don’t let us say no we don’t know how to say no-

“I don’t know,” Chris whispers. “I don’t, don’t know, I don’t, I don’t know what-... I can’t... I don’t-don’t-don’t-”

Kauri turns back around, jaw set. “That’s a ‘no’, asshole. Leave him alone. Don’t talk to Chris again.”

Kyle spits on the floor somewhere off to the side, glaring at Chris until Kauri moves, putting himself directly between them, his own blue eyes furious and clear. “He’s not a fucking baby, Kauri. What, you get to fuck everything that moves but God forbid someone else does?”

“I don’t-... fuck off, this isn’t about who I-”

“Did they teach you to lead guys on in the Facility, when you took your Slut class?”

Kauri goes still. “My what class?”

“They teach you to be a tease when they were teaching you to spread your fucking legs at every bar in town?”

Kauri falters, then. Chris can see some of the angry strength bleed from him, replaced by something darker. Something like shame. Nearly numb. “Kyle, why the fuck are you here?” His voice is exhausted. Worn out, wearied. “If this is what you think of us-”

“I’m here to help the rescues who deserve help, but you don’t need help, do you?” Kyle spits again, and this time Kauri has to flinch aside not to get hit. “What you fucking assholes need is-”

“For assholes like you to walk out of this house before I rearrange your limbs in ways you will not enjoy.”

It’s not Jake.

It’s Nat.

Nat, arms crossed, no-nonsense brown braid, flannel over  t-shirt and jeans, the least intimidating person that Chris has ever seen standing like the paintings of angry goddesses in Sir’s mythology books in the open doorway. “Kyle, consider yourself no longer a part of this organization. And don’t bother to ask how much we heard, because right now you can just safely assume the answer is ‘all of it’. Get the fuck out of this house, forget its location, and I won’t make it worse for you trying to assault a trauma victim.”

Kyle snorts, furious anger warring with childlike embarrassment. A little boy caught coloring on the wall by his mother, only it wasn’t a wall, it was Chris’s body, and he wasn’t coloring, he was-

“I’m s-sorry, Nat,” Chris says, softly, after Kyle pushes past them and is gone, doors slamming until he’s out in the street. Gone, and all the tension in Chris collapses, pulled under the shame that breaks free in a sob. “I’m, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I-I forgot, I forgot how to, to stop it-”

“Sssshhhh.” Nat drops to her knees in front of him, and Chris catches the wince as her joints crack a little. She bundles him into her arms and pulls him close, and he tucks his head under her chin and shivers. “Don’t apologize. You’re not to blame, honey. I want to take you home, now. Can we go home? I sent Jake to get out car from the parking lot where we left it, okay? Do you want to go home?”

“I-I... I forgot-”

“I know, Chris.” There’s a pause, and Nat says softly, “I’m sorry we didn’t see it sooner, Kauri.”

“Yeah, well.” Kauri’s voice is gruff. Chris doesn’t look up to see the expression on his face. “I knew he was fucking with him, I knew it. Next time trust me, okay? When I say some guy is bad news? I suck at this for myself, but I can-... I can tell when they’re like that.” His voice went quieter. “I just cared less when it was me he was fucking with.”

Nat is silent for a beat. “He did this to you, too?”

Kauri laughs, bitterly. “I’m not Chris. It wasn’t the same.”

“Yes. It was.”

“I said yes, Nat-”

“Kauri, you and I both know that doesn’t always mean consent for you.”

“This isn’t about me, it’s about Chris! He was going to hurt him! I, I just, I know that look in his eyes-”

“I know you do. Because he hurt you, and he looked that way when he did it. Right?”

“Nat, I just told you, this isn’t fucking about me! It’s about not wanting Chris to get hurt!”

“You can be hurt, too, Kauri. You understand that, right?”

More silence, then a muttered string of cursing, a smack against the wall, shuffling steps. Whatever passes between them, when Chris opens his eyes, Kauri is gone. 

He looks around, a little frantically, but Nat soothes him, runs a hand through his hair. “Kauri decided to take the bus,” She says, gently. “He wanted some time to think. Come on, honey.”

“He’ll come... come home later, won’t he? Kauri will?” Chris looks up, and Nat looks away.

Her lips press together, as she looks in the direction Kauri went.

“I hope so.”

okay I need your klance fic recs(i feel like you have really good taste)(i mean your icon is literally THE keith of course you have god tier taste)

okay so the thing is.. that when i say am kinda messed up and disgusting sometimes... and becoming a madwoman... am not over exaggerating or saying it in a funky way.. i actually am getting like that .. and that's how i got into the klance fandom initially. i project through lance and read really langsty fics.. and they are messed messed with like violent nsfw, gore, horror, serious mental health issues etc? so if u want those... i'll only send them if u want?

yeah tho i entered with this thingy that klance is gonna be like my guilty pleasure or some shit but them i inevitably fell in love with some GORGEOUS fanfictions out there and KEITH KOGANE in all shapes sizes genders and ages so lol...

but they aren't flowery. that's just not my taste. Some of them might be "problematic"? it's in quotes because i don't agree with it. it's not going to be problematic in plain ignorant sense like racial issues or blatant sexism or mental abuse.... but they might have like stuff which people dont always agree with like drugs. most of them would have nsfw it's just something that i need to have for feels and that's why i asked if u minded it. some things are like more subjective,, characterizations for example, cause like some people dont think keith is a skirt guy cause he isnt in fashion but i think he is petty and rebellious so he will defo do that? some of them would have like physical fights and stuff.. or keith and lance being mean to each other.. some ugly habits which aren't necessarily condemned like anger or drugs.? but with how i see it, it's not glorified, so i see them as human. i love the raw and ugly in these or idk its just human to me (but some people dont like which is completely valid cause we are all different from different environments and think different and resonate with different stuff.)

wait addition: i think some of them will have sexist themes? which i have complained about a lot before. i dont know why authors feel the need to somehow put women down to show how a mlm relationship without any women is superior or some shit it's annoying as fuck i hate it. i dont think i would have any especially sexist fics here, but there might be some with lowkey themes and bad handling of those issues. some of them mau have that subtext of disgusting heteronormative standards, but in subtext uk like bottom lance having a small waist and being giggly and all in contrast to big bulk keith.

here are some that i had bookmarked... but i may remember some more and then send them to u and or add them here...

a heads up.. i dont remember all of them very well. its been a while and i read fanfictions A LOT so yeah.. incase one slips up here which isnt very good am sorry dont judge me

the bold ones are the ones u should really check out if our taste is similar.

to begin with plain f l u f f,, my first klance bookmark was How Could I Say No? by Padfoots_Pawprint. tws for violence, bullying, injury BUT it's not actually gory or something like that it's just keith being keith and getting hurt and lance helping my boi like he should. it made me feeeeeeeel ksksk

this was one that kinda really touched me,, Wasted youth, Cryptids, and Waterboys by Baea THIS HAS EXPLICIT NSFW in it, the first chapter kicks off with it.. its a good fuck buddies to lovers in my opinion.. i love the writing style, the choice of how it's just a couple entries of random days in their lives. i love keith's characterization.. he is a hobo and a conspiracy nerd.. i love how down for him lance is, very dedicated. i love their growth.. i love how they help each other grow,, and it's so like real and usual day to day and human and down to earth idk how else to express it. this is INCOMPLETE. it's 12 chapters and discontinued as of now,, but it's not a deadly cliffhanger

similar in style and approach to the above. tho i think here is where it gets dubious. Easy, Tiger. by @/WhatTheBodyGraspsNot ... this is INCOMPLETE too and as of now discontinued. this has that sorta murky vibe with it's drug usage, them being teenagers in school and engaging in stuff like this, bad boy keith and all. this has nsfw too. i just remember really liking it and its very raw and unfiltered. tho it's incomplete it's not an open ending for now.

okay so i am restarting this but am upset as fuck that it all got deleted so i am gonna be lazy and not put as much effort as i did.

i have also Crowd Pleaser bookmarked by the same author,, this one's complete and it has some serious issues around gaslighting if i remember correctly... i really liked it then. keith is literally an angel here, i want to kidnap him and marry him literally. the s h w ee t e s t shit ,, and i like how lance gives him all the support and space to get his shit together

Drummer boy by klancekorner,, i think it's similar to the prev one, but lance's pov(which is what i prefer ngl). this authors fanfics are all just wholesome. i had put links to all their fics before, but imma now just say that u should go and check all their fics out. i have them all bookmarked, i must have seen something in them (can't remember what now tho and i cant be bothered to skim through them like last time *rolls eyes*)

War of hearts? idk why honestly, just ik keira has made me gay, and lesbian rejection angst? garrison? yes :) it's incomplete, conveniently left at the point where lance's heart is broken lol

Fuck buddies with benefits. THE NAME IS BAD I KNOW but i just love the idea of a dedicated mess of a keith and lance taking care of him. that's it that's the fic if i remember correctly. oh wait yeah u might think keith is not treating lance right, but i think it's fine if lance is treated a bit stupid. this is a bit too sex driven tho i dont like it but just SLEEPDEPRIVED KEITH TO TAKE CARE OF IMMA SIGN UP (ik this maybe coming off toxic but lol look at me)

Rambling: THIS WAS ME.

Last Defense: TW SUICIDE this is literally the langst i have for canon lance

I want something else: bad boy keith can break my limbs and cut my face and i will thank him

A thank you would be nice: keira damn

game-set-match: b a d b o y

I swear to go the devil made me do it: my typically fav trop, hardcore pining lance, literally perfect angsty keith. very similar to the top ones ig? idk also this one is one of my comparatively recent sane bookmarks so that's something. it starts off weird, u think it gon be subtly sexist but it turns out better so hold on

you've got me locked up: i think it's delinquent keith,, its floofy

Dad lance and tattoo artist keith: the name says it

damn while going through my bookmarks i realized that there are a lot of things i never bookmarked? i am pretty sure i loved a lot of long fanfictions, flower shop aus and tattoo artists shit wtf-

wait here's one, it's not complete: Blood jumps in the sun: it's very heavy has a lot of growth and kinda wholesome,, tags and summary will give u an idea what u getting in.

The lessons we learned: can't remember much other than florist keith, sad keith, smart keith, really long, pining

damn i think i have a lot of happy ones i didn't bookmark cause my brain was like u dont deserve the serotonin :( i'll add if i have more)

some actually angsty, detailed nsfw and messy (according to the way u interpret these) ones... lemoninagin.. they have some very detailed and explicit nsfw stuff but i am not there for it. some of it has the kind of angst i like? an actual one that i love and they recently posted and the reason am putting them here is infinitesimal. best friends to lovers and tho usually it's not my cup of tea.. it's a character study, an interpretation of klance in a modern world i dare say,, which is very similar to mine. the thing about them is that i like their characterization a lot, and in no love in this, i like what kind of background stories they give to klance in their aus. i haven't read many by them, so if u want u can check them out.

i just realized i have put some lowkey sad/fucked fics here... i did remove 5 rn... i hope its all good damn why am i doing this i feel like am putting myself naked out there when i recommend my favs

So, after a long conversation with super-powerful-queen-slaynna, whom you can thank for me sending this message, so like... if you like it good, if you don't blame them, I do want to apologize for assuming you were saying people can't talk about Destiel, its shippers and how much they dislike it in their group chats. That's what the post came off to me, as if you were policing what people could and couldn't say in these GC about Destiel. Slaynna made me realiza that you meant your post as a 1/2

warning to Destiel shippers who might wander into them. I understand this, because whenever a Destiel shipper follows me, I make it a point to warn them my blog might not be a positive space for them precisely to avoid this sort of unplesant interactions. It also came off as you were invalidating and dismissing the bad experiences people might have had with misbehaving Destiel shippers, which I'm sure you're nice enough NOT to do. My beef is really not with you, or Tink, or any other Destiel 2/?

meta writer, my beef is with shippers who are genuinely hateful and do hateful things. You simply came off as you didn't believe there are Destiel shippers who do these things at all. That say, I won't apologize for venting to like-minded people about my utter dislike for the ship, because we do in fact do that. But I don't think it's fair you walked in on us at that point and extrapolated that's all we do. BTW there is in fact an Anti-Destiel GC and the irony is, if you had walked into that 3/4

one 24hrs earlier, you would have in fact found people gushing about Megstiel and Sastiel, LMAO. 4/4

...

Okay, I’ll give you pointers for being bold enough to come explain this in my ask box, and I commend @super-powerful-queen-slayyna for reaching out to try to calm the stormy seas. I am most likely not going to make any further comments on that post anyway because it has blown out of control and has escalated into a full blown ship war post which I never wanted when I sent it. It’s now Destiel shippers and my friends trying to defend me or people blatantly calling me names and using unnecessary language which I am not even going to acknowledge or give the time of day as I don’t go in for that sort of childish name calling (unless you count my use of the word bronly but some things I think even we can agree are a necessary evil).

My post was a response to my own hurt and irritation at coming across two GCs, one for Sastiel, and one for Megstiel, which were both recommended to me by Tumblr, which were not tagged as anti-Destiel that I could see, that appeared on the surface to simply be places for people to discuss and squee over those ships. In both GCs I saw nothing but hate and lies and other upsetting comments about Destiel and Destiel shippers. It was extremely disheartening to see that in what on the surface appeared to be safe spaces. Because here’s the thing, these shipper GCs should be safe spaces. I have friends that are multishippers, that like Sastiel (and even the odd few who like Megstiel even though admittedly I don’t anymore.) There are plenty of other people out there in fandom that might like all three ships (I’d imagine those people simply want Cas to have all the love in which case SAME). 

To get one point very clear, I don’t actually care if people hate Destiel. I’m not going to preach to anyone about Destiel unless someone comes to me directly or comes scrolling my blog. I always tag Destiel so anyone who uses Tumblr blacklist should be able to avoid my blog completely. I would never intentionally go looking in an anti Destiel chat group. I’ve seen it all before anyway and it’s the same old arguments that really don’t affect my shipping preferences or my beliefs. 

What annoyed me was that those GCs were not anti Destiel chats. They were Megstiel and Sastiel chats. They were places where impressionable young Megstiel and Sastiel shippers could come across, who have zero feelings towards Destiel, and find themselves being told a bunch of lies and nasty crap about Destiel shippers and the ship. They are places where Destiel shippers who like to ship those other ships too might come across and suddenly find themselves isolated and alienated, which only perpetuates retaliation from those Destiel shippers and potentially causes the hate that you stress is so virulent among Destiel shippers to begin with.

My post was a warning for multishippers who are also Destiel shippers or at least Destiel friendly, that those GCs were being used to spread hate about Destiel. It was also an FYI to the people in those GCs that their hatred was very much public, in case they weren’t aware. I tagged the ships because I wanted people who ship Megstiel and Sastiel to see it, especially if they are Destiel friendly, because yeah, I’d want them to avoid those GCs.

Yes I then got snarky. I claimed that this does kinda prove a point because no Destiel GC that I’ve seen includes a bunch of hate and nastiness aimed at other ships. Sure, there is a high chance that there are hateful Destiel shippers out there. There are certainly a lot of bitter people on Twitter who piss me off when they scream queerbaiting at the writers so yes, of course there are bad eggs. I was shocked that from what I saw, there was no squee or shared theories or excitement about the ships, just page after page of hate aimed at Destiel shippers. So yes, perhaps I happened upon both convos right when those topics cropped up (which would be rather coincidental) and perhaps I had just missed the topics that I was interested in checking out - the theories, the meta, the spec... That’s what I was interested in. Since these GCs are a way to keep a finger on the pulse of what the fandom might be thinking in terms of the show and shipping and I was curious. Believe it or not I actually like to keep an open mind even though Megstiel is something that gives me a bad taste in my mouth ever since I sat myself down and truly thought about it. 

I generalised. I know I shouldn’t have done that, but those GC convos pissed me off. I don’t know a single Destiel shipper who would spend hours of their day just ranting about how awful Megstiel shippers are and how much they hate the pairing. I HAVE debated with friends about the suspected infiltration of the Megstiel ship by Bronlies who are using Meg to get Cas out of the way and to be spiteful towards Destiel shippers. This IS something that has been happening in recent years and I think even you admitted that in one of your replies to my post.

I also wasn’t trying to invalidate your experience with hate. I would never do that. The one thing I will say about anon hate in particular is that you don’t know who it is coming from. I occasionally get anon hate but I certainly don’t immediately assume it’s a w*ncest shipper just because I can’t stand w*ncest. Getting a message in your ask box that says “go kill yourself” is horrible, believe me, I know. But if that’s all it is, you can’t assume the sender was a shipper at all. Unless the message was “I ship Destiel and you can go kill yourself” you just can’t assume. If you have had actual Destiel shippers come and attack and threaten you and send you those messages directly then 1. I am so so sorry because no one deserves that kind of abuse, and 2. I hope you exposed them if you could. Because if there is one thing I have learnt about the Destiel shippers in MY circles, it’s that we find that kind of behaviour completely unacceptable and we WILL call it out from our own side if we see it. 

The reason I have such a high opinion of Destiel shippers being the “nice” people in fandom is simply because I have never seen that kind of behaviour from them. I interact with a lot of people. I have seen Destiel shippers get overly passionate, I have seen them get upset and angry when people lash out at them. I have seen them turn bitter and negative and go off on rants about the show. I have seen them dog pile on an anti’s post to provide evidence against a false claim “Kripke said he’s straight” and I thought it was a bit much... but it wasn’t hate. It was a reaction to years and years and years of being laughed at, called delusional, mocked and ridiculed by all other sides within the fandom. Destiel shippers are desperate for validation. They are desperate to disprove the lies. If people actually listened to us, or read the countless posts that have been written clearly providing evidence and sources to disprove every lie and false claim against Destiel perhaps we wouldn’t be so defensive. That’s what happens when you’ve been gaslighted for 11 years. 

But regardless, I’m not here to get involved in shipping wars. You’ll continue going on hating Destiel, and I will continue going on and, well, not hating, but very much disliking Megstiel in canon (though I have read some very sweet Destiel fics where Meg is Cas’s best friend and enjoyed the characterisations there.) 

My post was never to gatekeep and stop you from ranting about Destiel. Rant away to your hearts content. As I said above I really don’t care if people hate it. All I ask, is that you keep that kind of content in places that are clearly labelled as anti Destiel. So that should a Destiel shipper want to check out a Sastiel or a Megstiel GC, they can do, without feeling completely unwelcome and hated on just for enjoying Dean and Cas’s relationship as well. I really don’t think that’s too much to ask. All it takes is one tag right? Create your Megstiel GC and by all means rant about Destiel in it, but please just tag it as Anti Destiel.

Thank you for reaching out to me and explaining your side of things. I do appreciate it. 

73 Questions

Tagged by: @returnofthepd3 Tagging: All y’all

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? -10. I’ve got nothing to look forward to in life anymore and that’s finally starting to weigh on me.

Describe yourself in a hashtag? #CorgiMom

If you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be?  I’ll pass. 

If your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? “Come see the Human Afterthought.” 

What’s one thing people don’t know about you? I mean I’m lonely af and try to get friendship going with lots of people so I’m entirely open and will talk about anything, so nothing. 

What’s your wakeup ritual? Currently roll out of bed at 10am-11am, tune out whatever nonsense my dad is spewing that afternoon, pack more boxes, fruitlessly apply to jobs, and play RDR2.

What’s your favorite time of day? 7PM-1AM. Blessed alone/unbothered time in this house. 

Your go to for having a good laugh? Talking to my college friends and The One That Got Away

Dream country to visit? England

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had? My parents finally caving and letting me get a dog after we lost our first corgi two years prior/they didn’t want to “do all the doghair” again. 

Heels or flats/sneakers? Sneakers but not flats. I’m a toe-walker so flats are a nightmare. I have better luck in heels than flats, and I don’t mind heels, but they just feel too formal for me. 

Who do you want to write your obituary? The One That Got Away. He’ll do me justice and not get too preachy. He’ll have fun with it. 

Style icon? Becca in Pitch Perfect, Carrie Underwood when she/her stylist is pairing stuff with jeans

What are three things you can’t live without? My dog, creativity, art supplies

What’s one ingredient you put in everything? Lemon Pepper

What 3 people living or dead would you like to make dinner for? The One That Got Away, my first senior year roommate, and... my three college best friends. No, I won’t narrow it down to three. 

What’s your biggest fear in life? At this point it’s about to come true, so moving away and not being able to find a job/carry on the exact same way I’m going now, so... yeah. 

Window or aisle seat? Window

What’s your current TV obsession? I had to axe Hulu for a bit but when I still had it, it was Prodigal Son, Almost Family, Dollface, and Perfect Harmony (yeah the latter is fairly preachy and bad but it’s charming and funny in its own weird way). That reminds me I need to re-up Hulu. 

Favorite app? Spotify, Choices: Stories You Play

Secret talent? Interior Design, Giving My All to  Some People Who Just Won’t Bother to Do the Same For Me

Most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life? Digging in my heels when my parents were trying to deter me from going to a college seven hours away. I’m not adventurous and I hate it. 

How would you define yourself in three words? empathetic, creative, A Pleasure to Have in Class

Favourite piece of clothing you own? My college hoodie. It’s mostly black, has my college logo but the neck/pullstrings are modelled after a hockey uniform’s. I’ve only gone without it the last three days during this whole lockdown and I miss it. The print is also crackling so I need to find another close thing to it. 

Must have clothing item everyone should have? Slightly too-big hoodie.

Superpower you would want? Mind reading

What’s inspiring you in life right now? Nothing

Best piece of advice you’ve received? “Stop caving to your parents.” 

Best advice you’d give your teenage self? Same as the last question, cut out [Toxic Ex Best Friend], be more aggressive pursuing The Guy it Turned Out We Both Had a Crush on, also be more aggressive pursuing The One That Got Away.

A book that everyone should read? Austenland by Shannon Hale if romantic comedies and/or Jane Austen is your thing. 

What would you like to be remembered for? Loyalty. 

How do you define beauty? Selflessness, put-togetherness

What do you love most about your body? If eyes count, my eyes. If not, lmao I hate my body, nothing. 

Best way to take a rest/decompress? Mindlessly browse internet, play videogames. 

Favourite place to view art? On here, tbh. Like, I could say the Metropolitan Museum of Art in the city, but... idk everything but the Egyptian Exhbit drains me in that place for some reason. I’m more of a Natural History Museum gal. Gimme the fun taxidermy and that giant whale sculpture in the food court any day. 

If your life were a song, what would it be? Falling Apart - Matt Nathanson 

My Name is Thunder by Jet and The Bloody Beetroots.

If you could master one instrument, what would it be? Baritone. I used to play it and then got snubbed from band in 7th grade and my skill with it tanked to nothing. Picking it up again would be nice. 

If you had a tattoo, where would it be? Well, the plan before the lockdown was to get one in the middle of my inner forearm.

Dolphins or koalas? Dolphins

Best gift you’ve ever received? Our first corgi

Best gift you’ve ever given? When I was in college I made polymer clay ornaments for Christmas for my five housemates. They were all fairly terrible but I had fun and most of them apparently willingly enjoyed getting them/had a good laugh about it. One of them still sends me the photo of his whenever it’s on the tree. 

What’s your favourite board game? Stratego but the version from the 1960s, Battleship from the 1980s.  Yes the years are important, the modern ones are entirely different games and they’re Weird and I don't like ‘em. 

What’s your favourite colour? Peacock blue

Least favourite colour? Yellow

Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds

Drugstore makeup or designer? Drugstore

Blow-dry or air-dry? Air dry. Fuck blow drying, I have too much hair and it puffs out if I blow dry. I call it “Hermione Grangering.”

Pilates or yoga? Neither

Coffee or tea? Both

What’s the weirdest word in the English language? Moist. Why does everybody hate it, idgi. Is it really just a mind in the gutter thing?

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate? Yes. 

Stairs or elevator? Stylistically stairs, general preference: elevator. 

Summer or winter? WINTER!!!! Summer is evil. 

You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? Mac and Cheese

A dessert you don’t like? No Dessert.

A skill you’re working on mastering? Digital coloring, figuring out what I want to do with my life without caving to my parents trying to gaslight me because they want me to be something I don’t want to be. 

Best thing to happen to you today? lmao nothing. Since it’s been a rough few hours I’m waiting on The One That Got Away to sense my depression and text me because he’s just got that talent. 

Best compliment you’ve ever received? My high school bus driver ran into me at the grocery store I worked at and introduced me to his partner as “the girl I told you about, the one that if we ever adopt a kid and they don’t end up exactly like her, I’m gonna be disappointed.” Also, because I need to put this one into writing somewhere, when my classmates and I were out on a college trip, our professor/advisor was with us and was a few drinks in, so she gave us all superlatives. I was “the smartest person in this entire group... .... .... but [ I ] had to come out of the closet ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... of smartness.”  Cue everyone, including myself, looking from her, to each other, and then back to me, absolutely not sure how to process that.  It was wild and confusing but because of that it still ranks on one of my best moments in college. And it was arguably a compliment. 

Favourite smell? Vanilla, or baked goods. 

Hugs or kisses? Hugs

If you made a documentary, what would it be about? Documentaries are garbage, I’d do a drama- movie or show. 

Last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? RDR2 fic, post canon where John meets Albert and tells him A Thing and it killed me. 

Lipstick or lip gloss Lipstick

Sweet or savory? Sweet

Girl crush? Alicia Vikander

How you know you’re in love? Undying loyalty to the person, lots of laughs and smiles. 

Song you can listen to on repeat? Sinner - Andy Grammer

If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be? Anybody other than me lmao

What are you most excited about at this time in your life? Again, I’ve got nothing to look forward to in life anymore. So uuuhhhh... maybe having something to look forward to again? But there’s a minimal chance of that. 

Hellfire - part  I

Warnings: IMPORTANT POINT: READ THE AUTHOR’S NOTE RIGHT BELOW, it explains a bit of what is going on. Warnings for this fic (posted in five parts) are heavy: contains WWII, atomic weapons, graphic violence, dark themes, dark!America, dark!Russia, dark!China, torture, implied torture, murder, dystopic themes.... this is the 1984 AU, after all. Also it does skip from one time and place to another, because there’s like... decades to get through. This isn’t even half of the complete story.

A/N: The important point I have is that this is a prequel to the two previous installments in this series (1 and 2). This is based on extensive historical and literary research into Orwell’s book (Goldstein’s, more specifically). I will put all the notes into a different post once all the parts have been posted to explain any confusion that might have remained. Two people I have to thank for this are @stirringwind, whose 1984 AU comments (especially about how American government and society would have changed during those times - something I develop on in later parts; sorry if tagging bothers you, just wanted to bring this point to light!) helped me build the universe in a way that makes sense, and @freedomeagles whose art and ideas are just awesome (the bit about Taiwan is all because of her and just a bunch of other ideas...) So without the two of them, this wouldn’t be half as good as it might be! I’ll link all the parts to each other, and once everything is posted, the final “notes and analysis post” will also be linked to this. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me (here or @an-old-telephone! Enjoy!

Next Part

JULY 1941 - WASHINGTON D.C., USA "Alfred, I-" Arthur cringes, and Alfred sees the awkward way in which he shifts, clearly uncomfortable with the situation he is in. He stands in front of Alfred, a rather old suit hanging on his thin frame, his health clearly affected by the war - the war that had begun less than a year before. But the Germans' strategy was very aggressive and taking a hard toll on the British. His face was ashen and his eyes shadowed by dark rings. Meanwhile, Alfred was lounging at his desk, his feet propped up comfortably on the desk, twirling a fountain pen in his hand. The document he had been reading through was laying forgotten on the desk, right under where his feet were.

"Arthur? Hello, Earth to Arthur, you still there?" "Yes, yes, I am here, I am merely trying to say... something... which, well, isn't easy for me to say," Arthur coughs out, his eyes flitting about the office. "Okay...?" There's another silence, when Arthur looks like he's about to say something, but thinks otherwise. "Arthur?" "Yes, fine! You know very well of the situation Europe is in," Arthur states with whatever scraps of pride he has left. He still manages to lace his voice with feigned disinterest. "Yeah, I am." Alfred finds this kind of funny almost, the way Arthur was trying put the dirt back into the grave Ludwig was digging for him, without Alfred's help when Alfred was sitting there with all the money in the world in his hands. "Well, you've also heard about the... attack Britain faces." His voice and posture are stiff, tense, and Alfred's just trying to see every single opportunity this chance gives him. And they're all looking pretty appealing. "Yeah," he states nonchalantly - not his war, not his business, not his country, not his men. That was his people's opinion. For now. "And the British government was merely wondering if there was any way we could expect aid from our allies," Arthur continues, and falls silent. He shifts on his feet. Alfred waits for another minute, seeing whether or not Arthur would say anything more. He doesn't. "Dude, that was terrible." Alfred almost laughs at the offended look Arthur tries not to give him. "If you're asking for help, you're gonna have to actually ask. I'm not psychic, I don't know what you want." "Lord, you are making this far too painful for me and enjoying it, aren't you?" Alfred frowns. "No, I'm just doing things the proper way." My way. "Fine. I am here to ask if you would assist Britain in her campaign against Germany." Alfred looks at Arthur with an expectant look, but nothing comes. "Well, if that's the best you can do... I guess we can send some weapons or food or something," he says with a shrug, and then takes his feet off the desk. He plasters a smile on his face and picks up a pen, ready to go back to reading his documents. "If that's all, have a nice day and have a nice war, I'll tell-" "Alfred, I'm asking for help, please, how clear can I make this?" Arthur's frustration bubbles up. "Well, there we go, you need help, but you haven't told me what kinda help. You gotta be specific, how should I know what you mean?" "God, I don't know, Britain needs your help! I - Alfred, please, I need your help, the Germans are bombing London, who knows if there'll be anything left tomorrow morning? You're a powerful country, your economy has recovered at flash speed, I am helpless - Europe is helpless, Francis, Lars, Emma, they're all - Ludwig is far too good at this, I'm afraid if we wait any longer there will be no Britain to speak of!" Alfred is silent for a minute. "Damn, you really need my help." Arthur manages not to roll his eyes, and Alfred gives him credit for it. He knows that if the positions were switched, he'd probably have punched Arthur in the face already. "Okay, I'll help you, but you gotta do this on my terms, okay?" Alfred stands up, his face set in a rather uncharacteristic grin. Arthur doesn't pay attention to that. "What more do you want? For me to grovel at your feet and revere you as our saviour?" Arthur asks, his sarcastic tone slipping from his wounds and desperation. "Nah, I'm not that greedy. I just wanna make sure that nothing is left to chance. We have to coordinate to the last man if we want to make this quick and painless. Painless for us, I mean," Alfred laughs. "We need this done quick and clean, and we really can't leave anything - anything - up for debate or whatever, and we need to function with perfect coordination. I'm saying I don't want you to shoot down my propositions, and consider my strategies." "Oh." Arthur thinks for a moment. "We... we would be very grateful to receive your help."

"Good, guess I have to get to work then. Don't worry, I’ll be your hero and save you from the clutches of evil!" Alfred smiles, and it's as if there's something he's not telling. Arthur doesn't ask because London might be in ruins, and he doesn't have time notice the gaslight gaze that follows him out the door.

FEBRUARY 1942 - MOSCOW, RUSSIA "Listen, man, you gotta like trust me, 'kay? You can't win this war on your own, and we're on your side!" Alfred explains with a wide grin. Arthur stands off to the side, preferring to stay away from the young nation's idiocies. "I am not involved in the war in Europe, you must understand that, Alfred." Alfred sours. "Damn it, Ivan, I'm tryna help all of us. But you gotta help me too. Listen, I'll help you with Japan all you want, if you help me with Luddy boy over here. Fair deal, Yao's being run over by a little island, your east is under attack, so I'll pop in from the south and boom, three-sided attack and Kiku's done for. Problem sorted. Now remains Ludwig in the west, who's gettin' awful itchy about this business. I can just feel him wanting to get a look at Moscow." Alfred sees the look crossing Ivan's eyes, and knows he's won. "A-ha! You know it too! See? We double-attack him, war on two fronts, by Ludwig. The Italians aren't a problem, Berlin falls and Rome's ours straight off. Yeah?" Ivan raises an eyebrow, but doesn't answer. Arthur sits down. It seemed like it would calm down from here. "C'mon, pretty please, I ain't gonna beg, but this should make it an awful lot shorter and easier for the three of us." As an afterthought, Alfred looks at Arthur. "The four of us. So if you wanna help, do, but if ya wanna suffer for another... I don't know, three-four-five years or something, be my guest, I got all the time in the world." Alfred leans in and his voice drops to a sound only Ivan can hear. "Mister Uptight over there and your Lil' Sisters over at yours, on the other hand, may not." Alfred stands back up, and throws on his coat. It's a brand new, shiny, bomber jacket. "So, ya know, your pick. See ya 'round!" Alfred is moving out the door, and Arthur is more than confused at the hasty departure. They're not even at the door before Ivan speaks. "Fine. I will help. Merely because it will make matters much easier for me." Ivan stands, and opens a door to another study. "We can talk in here." "Sweet!" And Alfred follows Ivan in, but when Arthur tries to, he's barred entry by an apologetic Alfred. "Sorry, but this'll be easier if it's just me an' him, you see?" And he gives a flash of a smile before he closes the door on Arthur. He turns to Ivan. "What do you want, then?" "You promised to help with Japan. Why should I want anything more?" Ivan asks with a glint in his cold eyes. Alfred looks at him with an less-than-amused gaze. "'Cause you're you, and it's never a simple yeah/no with you?" "Europe." "You're gonna have to be more specific." "I want Europe," Ivan states, his tone simplistic. "Hah, you're funny, but you're really having some sky-high delusions of grandeur with that if you think I'm just gonna-" "I know what you're planning, Alfred, and I will have a share in that world of yours." Alfred's eyes narrow. "Why are you so sure?" "Because you need me to help you crush Ludwig. Sure, you can bomb him to the ground - but that is against your twisted 'hero' ideology, isn't it? You need other nations - like Arthur - to believe you are the 'good guy' for as long as possible for your plan to work properly. You need me to defeat Ludwig, and you need both Yao and me to make Kiku's fall swift and quick. I know your scientists are close to that weapon, but know that so are mine. And when I do have it, you will not find it easy to take the rug from under my feet."

"How do you know what I'm planning? Why would I plan anything?" Ivan grins. Alfred is almost too sweet with this pretense. "Every country knows you were nothing short of displeased towards your leaders after '29 and their attempts to blame you. Yao and I both know something happened, during the Depression, and now you're here with an aggressive foreign policy, having all but taken control of the British Empire, and you are planning on taking power for yourself. Japan's attack on Pearl Harbor only cemented your alliance with Britain and the sentiment of revenge back home - they merely attacked because you were preparing to do the exact same. That's why you support that growing revolution, isn't it? It's your opportunity to dismantle your government and put a new one in place." "A new government would not do anything for me, doesn't change a thin-" Ivan chuckles. "It does, especially if you're trying to put yourself into power. Remember, Alfred, that most other nations - especially Yao and I - have seen this before. Have tasted power, felt the craving, and seen what it does to a nation. If you're sure it will work, no-one will or can stop you. But denying it is useless. That craving? I can see it in front of my own eyes." He looks straight at Alfred. Alfred's expression is much darker than it had been, but he tries to conceal it. He looks away before turning back to Ivan with deadpan eyes. "Fine, you can have half of Europe until Germany," Alfred concedes with a wave of his hand. "All or nothing, Jones, that's the bargain." Alfred's lip thins, and he shoves his hands into his pockets. He watches Ivan's cool eyes before huffing. "We don't have to settle on terms right now. Jus' help me, and I'll help you, and we can just sort this out once it's over with." Ivan leans against his desk. "Ah." He shakes his head in amusement. "So that is how you wish to go about it." Alfred looks affronted. "Don't know what the hell you mean, Braginsky, but I don't need to." He turns to leave. "This ain't over, but we'll put this on hold for now. See ya 'round." "You most certainly will." Alfred leaves, and Ivan waits only until he hears the American and his lapdog leave to call Yao. The Chinese man would most likely be interested in the underhanded imperialism Alfred was so obviously full of. And yet, Ivan had the feeling Alfred had been planning on his noticing it. Perhaps there was something more to that look of pure desire for worldwide hegemony in his eyes than he had let on.

MAY 1945 - BERLIN, GERMANY The city around them lays in ruins, a shadow of what the grand European capital used to be. Buildings torn apart by bombs, dropped from the sky, streets deserted as people had either been evacuated or killed; nothing living remains except the two men standing in a large square. Neither of these men pay attention to their surroundings, one because he cannot bear the sight, the thought of his capital in such a desolate state, the other because he has no interest in anything more than the man kneeling in front of him at the end of his rifle and the other man who isn't there yet. "Will you or will you not, kill me, Russia?" Ludwig asks, his voice strained and verging on irritated. How long had they been in this position, in complete silence? He's not sure any more. "I precisely told him to meet us – rather, me – here, today. His troops are nowhere to be seen or heard, and I doubt he's anywhere closer than wherever they are." There's a dangerous undertone in Ivan's voice. "It is a pity for you, seeing how he most likely would have been kinder on you than I will be." A  hint of a smile creeps up on Ivan's lips, and Ludwig tries his best not to think of it. "I recognise my mistake, Russia. I do. Believe me." He isn't pleading. "I have no reason to believe you at all, after all you were so very keen on breaking our agreement – remember?" "You were already allied with the United States and Britain!" Ludwig tries not to shout, but there's a mild sense of panic mingling with all the other feelings that came with the end of a war as a defeated power. "Technicalities – I had, at no point, intervened in your deeds nor had I attacked you. I am not a forgiving man, and you must know that already. If you do not," Ivan chuckles darkly, "you will find that out very soon. Ludwig looks at him expectantly, but Ivan merely grins. "If you come quietly, I will have no need to cause you harm. I would hate to employ any more force than I absolutely have to, this war has been very costly already, don't you think?" He snarls, and Ludwig almost flinches. "Stand." Ivan takes a step back and allows Ludwig some space. Dust clings to the creases in his worn uniform, and Ivan finds the sight an amusing change from what he remembers from the summer of 1939. Ivan shouts for his men, who come and surround the German with guns pointed straight at him. Ivan smiles. "If you'll follow me, I have many things to do – the first and foremost of them being marching West and driving aw- meeting America's troops." He can see from the look in Ludwig's eyes that he knows that he's done nothing but jump from a bad situation to a worse one.

Buttercup (3 of 4)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Category: F/M

Relationship: Miyanagi Chinami | Dahlia Hawthorne/Naruhodou Ryuuichi | Phoenix Wright

Characters: Phoenix Wright, Dahlia Hawthorne, Iris, Larry Butz

Additional Tags: Epistolary, Gaslighting, Abusive Relationships, all that stuff dahlia is so good at, Feenie, Letters, letters to Miles, Hurt with eventual comfort I promise you, i couldn’t bear to do otherwise

Summary: I’m her boyfriend, so I should do anything in the universe to make sure she’s never sad ever. That’s what I should do, right? I’m going to show her my love, and save her from sadness. I hope she can trust me someday, because I trust in her. Your friend, Phoenix Wright

Read this chapter on AO3 here.

3. January

Miles,

Dahlia had to go home over winter break. She didn’t call me before she left. I hope she's all right. I called her dorm to ask and make sure she was okay after I hadn't heard from her. They told me she had gone home for the month but wouldn't give me a home number, I begged them and said I was her boyfriend, but they hung up on me. I started crying, but I know you wouldn't be happy if you knew I was crying over something so silly, so I stopped myself as quickly as I could and went on a walk, and decided to write you again.

It is so beautiful outside. The campus is so silent and still, and the snow looked so otherworldly. There were big, beautiful clouds in the sky, but you could still see the stars behind them. While I was out there, I saw a shooting star. Don’t tell anyone, but I wished for you. I should have wished for Dahlia to marry me someday, but I guess I didn't think fast enough. You must be on my mind, apparently.

I know I spend a lot of time talking about my Dollie, but I haven't forgotten about you, Miles, and I never will. I always check the paper for some mention of you, but, I want to hear your side of the story. How are you?

Your friend,

Phoenix Wright

Miles!

She was so happy to see me when she came back! When we met just outside her dorm, she had such a big smile that my heart could have burst! She walked up to me shyly, and I asked her if I could hug her. She said no, not in front of everyone in her dorm, and giggled happily. I giggled too, and we went to dinner. I tried to tell her a bunch of crazy stuff that I saw and heard happened on campus while she was away, but just looking into her eyes would have been enough for me. She is so beautiful and perfect, no wonder I felt so lonely without her over break! I almost couldn't bear to see her go afterward, but I held her necklace tight to calm myself as I watched her leave.

We stayed up late, it's almost 11, so I'm going to bed. I'm so happy she's back with me!

Best,

Phoenix Wright

Miles,

I know it's been a while. I've been busy preparing my ten minute one-act for the show we just had. I think I'm getting better, but sometimes it's so hard to tell. We just had the last performance this evening, but...

Miles, she didn’t come to the performance. I let her know about it, and it's been the only thing on my mind this past month. I bought her a ticket. But I didn't see her at curtain call. And when I asked her where she had sat, the part of the theater she told me she was in was completely different from the one her ticket was for. She lied to me.

But I forgive her. I wish I knew why she felt like she had to lie. If she forgot the time or didn't feel up for it, I would forgive her still. She must have lied because she was afraid I wouldn't believe her. I want to tell her that whatever it was, it's all okay and I will always believe her. But what if it was something else? I don’t want to make her talk about something that will just make her sad. Maybe she can come to the next one.

Your friend,

Phoenix Wright

Miles,

I asked Dollie on a last-minute date today, just because she was on my mind. After some thinking, she said yes. But when we met up for dinner, she kept talking and I could hardly get a word in, even when I did have something to say. She was really distracted and kept looking around. I tried to tell her a funny story from rehearsal that day, but I could only get a sentence in before she would go on a tangent about what I had just said. It was really strange of her, I almost never see her like this. She must be stressed about her classes already, poor Dollie. I'll have to do my best to support her. I'm really worried about her.

Sincerely,

Phoenix Wright

Miles,

I saw Larry today. Larry, his new girlfriend, and I all went to the new pizza place downtown. I'll have to take Dollie there sometime! Have you tried it yet? It's not far from the courthouse.

Larry was talking about how they'd  met, and she asked me if I was going out with anyone. I said yes, and told her how I first met my angel, Dollie. Then Larry asked how we were doing. I guess I must have taken too long to answer. Larry said that he'd love to date someone as sweet and beautiful as Dahlia is. I told his girlfriend that she was just as beautiful (even though no one is as beautiful and perfect as Dollie!), but it was too late. She got up and left so angrily that her cup of ice water spilled all over the table. Larry was laughing at the spill, but I couldn't help feeling bad for her.

Larry is a good person, he really is, he's just...he can be very selfish at times. Maybe one day he'll grow up, but in the meantime, I don't always like to be with him. Do you understand?

Oh, I hope you don’t think I'm a bad person. Larry is my friend. I could never hate him, and I could never hate Dollie or you. You are all good people, and I believe that you just need the chance to show it, whether that means growing up or being protected by a boyfriend or

Anyway, I have some reading to do. School is going fine.

Sincerely,

Phoenix Wright

Miles,

Dahlia found out what I told Larry and his girlfriend. She's so modest and pure, she reminded me that we are a secret. She told me to apologize to her and I did, I love her too much and I can't help it if I go blabbing about her. Dollie just shook her head and told me not to show my necklace to the world. I mean, I do show people, but I don’t tell anyone anything much about her. You’ve read my letters! You know I don’t. Right? I never tell anyone anything about her, except of course that I love her and she's beautiful and sweet.

Oh, I guess I tell you. Sorry about that, Miles. I know you're a real person out there somewhere, but I

I'm sorry.

Phoenix Wright

Miles,

I know it’s been a while, because I've been a little busy that I hardly have time to do much outside of sweet Dollie and my classes. Which are going okay, by the way.

I had such a strange day with my Dollie today. She was sad and quiet, in a way that breaks my heart. She seemed distant, so I tried to help her. I asked her if she could help me learn my lines for A Midsummer Night's Dream, which is coming up here for midterms. I'm going to be Tom Snout, but I've been chosen as an understudy for Puck! She was really sweet and agreed. It was so nice to hear the lines spoken to me in her refined manner. Sometimes, with her beauty combined too, it's almost otherworldly. Once, she caught me looking at her, and she reached over to touch my arm so gently. I could hardly say a word after that, I kept feeling like her hand was still there on my sweater she made for me, and my arm felt numb. I thought it was a moment worth sharing.

Your friend,

Phoenix Wright

Miles,

My Dollie was mad at me today, but I don’t know why. She said I acted stupid on our movie date. But after I got back to my room, she called and apologized. I'm not really sure what I did. I didn’t ask to put my arm around her or hold her hand and I didn't talk to anyone, since she asked me not to do those things. Sometimes I laugh at parts of the movie no one else laughs at, but that couldn’t be it. Could it?

But when she called, she really sounded sad and worried about my feelings. I felt so bad, I started crying. Dollie must be so stressed to snap at me like that. I hope her family isn't giving her trouble. Maybe we'll be able to talk about it sometime.

Sincerely,

Phoenix Wright

Miles,

Larry says hi. I saw him this weekend at one of the parties he throws. Dollie doesn’t like parties, so I went by myself. But I didn’t even look at any other girls, I swear it! I felt her necklace hot on my skin as I went around talking. But I didn’t tell anyone anything about her, just like she asked. I can keep my Dollie's secrets safe.

Larry asked me how things were going with her, and I said we were great. He told me he wishes he was still going strong with such a beauty. I think he's proud of me. I gripped her necklace extra tight, thinking about how much I love her.

When I got home I called her right away like I'd promised. I told her how much I love her. She told me all about a poet she was studying that I'd never heard of before, I can't remember the name, but she told me all about them until it was time for bed. I asked her to read me a poem, but she said she couldn’t find the book. My Dollie is so smart to remember all that! Maybe she'll write a poem for our 6 month anniversary.

Anyway, it's time for rehearsal. Dollie promised me she would come to this performance. I'm sure she'll see the handsome, talented actor she knew was inside me all along. Wish me luck!

Your friend,

Phoenix Wright

///

 Please don’t ask what's on my mind

 I'm a little mixed up but I'm feeling fine

 When I'm near that girl that I love best

 My heart beats so it scares me to death!

 She touched my hand, what a chill I got

 Her lips are like a volcano that's hot

 I'm proud to say she's my buttercup

 I'm in love

 I'm all shook up!

You know, I'm not a drama person, I don't like it, but it came up on my dash so much that I kind of had to read it. All of that nonsense could've been avoided if you didn't even take it to the public. Judging people for THEIR characters that THEY made and can do WHATEVER the hell they want with them? Oh woo ho good job, you're so popular for taking the "barrage" of it. No. all it did was prove that you're a D-bag and I've got a nice, long list of people to block now and avoid contact with.

Okay, anon. I haven’t bothered setting the record straight with most of this shit, because I know folks like you will continue to believe what you want to believe and hear what you want to hear, just like you’re doing now. But I’ll bite. You’d think all of you getting onto your soapbox about how you shouldn’t judge or attack others wouldn’t keep talking shit about a situation you know nothing about and/or are terribly misinformed about. So I’ll enlighten you with what actually happened.

A while back, the person in question got into an argument with some people on the RPC, trying to tell them that their interpretation of the lore was wrong. Rather than leaving it at that, when he effectively got shut down there, he proceeded to take a screenshot of the conversation and post it on his tumblr, complete with a rant about the people who disagreed with him, their opinions are so wrong and awful, how dare they disagree with him, etc. essentially playing the victim when he was the one to try to badger them for their opinions in the first place. He also left their names, icons, signatures, etc. in full view.I responded and told him he probably shouldn’t be trying to harass any other people about the lore considering his own character concept (thus, you would think, making my opinion on his character pretty clear). Why? Because it’s fucking true.I don’t give a shit about the lore or whether anyone follows it. Probably every single one of my own characters at least bends the lore. But at least have the self-awareness and respect for your fellow role-players to say “yeah, my character breaks the lore” or not get your jimmies rustled every time someone says “oh, yeah, his character is lore breaking.” You wanna break the lore? Cool. Own up to it. And if you do break the lore, don’t try to force everyone else into following it–especially when you can’t even admit you break lore and instead stretch the lore to try so hard to justify your entirely lore-breaking character concept. Don’t try to heckle people for presumably doing what you do but won’t admit. Granted, these people weren’t even breaking lore anyway, which makes his insistence that they were even more ridiculous.So after some excuses about how he was trying to start some intellectual discussion or something and not just drag these people despite featuring their identities and primarily just complaining about them throughout the post, he admitted he should have at least edited out their names and apologized. Great! You’d think that should be the end of it. I didn’t have anything against him at that point, but also had no desire/reason to associate with him, so I didn’t. A couple months go by. Some post comes across my dash. A girl in the community is doxxing her online ex-boyfriend in a callout post about him for unexpectedly breaking up with her because she “thinks” he was lying to her about serious issues and “believes” he was cheating on her. Because I’m a loud and opinionated person, and because that’s some heinous thing to do, I spoke out against it (via a post on my own blog without naming names, mind you, because I’m not going to hijack someone else’s post with negativity or call them out by name). The girl found it, assumed it was about herself, flipped out, and then of course I was the bad guy for saying doxxing isn’t okay. And then the person in question joins in. Not even to discuss the topic at hand, but to dredge up the old drama about how I was so mean to him and he did nothing wrong, etc. A pretty crappy 180 turn for a person who apologized and made it seem like there were no hard feelings, but whatever. Someone saw that he obviously didn’t like me, and seized the chance to try to talk shit and spread rumors because they knew he’d give them the platform. They sent him some anon about how I hate women (lmao). And of course, he published it, with no skepticism or disagreement, only more commentary about how I’m mean and awful. I went to respond, only to find myself blocked. So I went on about my life because it’s not that big of a deal, but hey. The moment you talk shit about me, especially in a venue where I can’t respond, especially facilitating some lies and BS rumors, especially after leading me to believe we’d made amends–you aren’t off limits. You don’t get spared niceness and politeness. Is that mean and petty? Probably.¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’ve never claimed to be a nice person.Now, to the horrible, awful thing I did to make this “public.” Fast forward to yesterday. I’d kept my mouth shut and left him alone. In a section of the RPC that doesn’t get a ton of traffic, largely because you have to make an account on the website and then manually opt in to this specific forum, several of us were discussing an absolutely awful person which is an unrelated story I won’t get into. Someone asked something along the lines of, “Are you guys talking about Underaged Looking Allagan Voidsent Chimera Demon Guy?” I responded with basically “No, we’re not talking about Underaged Looking Allagan Voidsent Chimera Demon Guy.” And that was it. We moved on with the conversation because he wasn’t who we’d been talking about. His name, tumblr, server info, in game race, class, etc. was all never given. No identifiable information beyond a very brief and tongue-in-cheek description of his RP character comprised of words taken directly from his own wiki, tumblr info, talk of his own character and RP posts.Someone saw the conversation, and based on our intentionally shitty description, was able to accurately guess who we were talking about and send him an anon to tell him about it. You’d think that would be pretty telling about his own RP, and this anon’s interpretation of it. He answered the anon in a long rant about me that featured both my in game name and my tumblr handle. In case you need me to spell this out for you, he went public with it first. I’ll also remind you that I was blocked, so I wasn’t/couldn’t be following him, and I was not properly @tagged in this rant, so I never would have seen it unless someone told/linked me, or someone I follow eventually reblogged it. And I honestly can’t imagine the level of narcissism it takes to write a long personal post full of wangst and victim-playing every time you hear a person had something negative to say about you or your RP character (not even by name–and by picking words from his own descriptions of his character), especially a person you have had issues with in the past and who you openly shit-talked yourself prior. Who does that? Lord knows my blog would be overflowing. Not everyone will like you, especially not people you jabbed at first. Especially not with an off the wall RP concept. Especially not with you trying to pass that concept is lore abiding and just “unusual.” Especially not with you trying to tell other people they’re “wrong” about the lore. Especially not with your character being a squicky, walking fetish and immortal jailbait. And that’s not even touching other things people have told me about this person that rubbed them the wrong way. Move on with your life.However, I found out about the post thanks to the OP himself when he unblocked me just to send me the link to the post and then before I could even read/respond to the post, sent me a barrage of IM’s still playing the innocent victim which is grating enough on its own but also included him straight up lying about ever posting/saying anything about me, insisting he’d done nothing to me, had nothing against me, this was so out of the blue and uncalled for, etc. When I pointed out this wasn’t the case, that I had seen and read the posts firsthand because blocking me doesn’t prevent me from seeing his posts, he began to lie instead about the contents of said posts and pulled some gaslighting bullshit about how I had just “misread” them, all the while either willfully or coincidentally not seeming to understand anything I said to him (I mentioned him publishing the anon about how I hate women at least twice and the response was always “I never said you hate women!!” Well no shit). He kept insisting that I had “gone behind his back” and that if I had a problem I should “say it to his face” despite the fact he’d had me blocked and that I’m not a douchey enough person to try to contact him despite that, and despite the fact that he had “gone behind my back” and not “said it to my face” twice now prior, and had done just that with his post about the folks from the RPC as well.He also insisted that the tumblr post was meant just to innocently “bring the issue to my attention to clear things up” despite me having no way to see it on my own unless by coincidence, and despite him proving to be willing and able to send me IM’s instead, which you’d think could render the need for a public post moot. When I pointed this out, he promptly deleted the post, lest anyone else see through his bullshit to what he was really trying to do.After my initial response to his wall of IM’s, he sent another wall this time with more insults and accusations, and promptly blocked me so I couldn’t respond. So yes, I made a vaguepost, I know, how awful, how dare I. A vague post vague enough that only someone who had seen his post, or who heard about it from him otherwise, would know who and what it was referencing. Until he responded to it himself, that is and unblocked me again to send me more angry messages to which I responded by permanently blocking him instead because this game of blocking and unblocking sure was getting old.Cue his charming friends sweeping in to tell me to eat a dick, making false accusations against my RP partner and I, sending me threats on Discord, telling people I flashed my breasts for money, etc. And the other person? The one who brought him up in the first place who I had only been responding to? Whose name he was given, was aired in the same public post on his blog as mine? As far as I know, she hasn’t gotten any hate, probably not a single message. And I’m glad, because she shouldn’t get any, she doesn’t deserve it. But at the same time, sure seems sketchy that the person who did the same exact thing as me–and who did it first–has not provoked anyone’s ire, not even been messaged. The public post in reply to the anon who named her, even, was aimed 100% at me. Now isn’t that funny. It’s almost like this was an excuse for people who already had beef with me to try to take shots at me and pretend it was justified. It’s almost like all you anon keyboard warriors don’t even know how this started or what actually happened.And now I’m going to talk about something else. You cannot do “whatever the hell you want” with your character. RP is a two-way (or more) street. There is a real person behind each and every character. These people are looking for fun just like you, and are every bit as deserving, and your fun shouldn’t impede on theirs. We are all allowed equal parts of fun.So when people play their weird ass lolicon/shotacon/pedobait characters, who is having fun? What if the other person in the RP was sexually abused as a child and you’re dredging up terrible old memories for them and making light of their pain? What if they’re a parent worried for their child, or worse, the parent of a child who’s already been abused? What if they’re an actual pedophile and seeing you RP this is tempting them, making them think they’re desires are normal and okay? Hell, what if they’re a goddamn ordinary person who finds it creepy and uncomfortable?What if the fetishized, futa ERP avatar is interacting with someone who is trans or nonbinary or intersex IRL? What if it’s triggering them (in the genuine, real sense of the word)? What if the walking affront against the lore character talking about being an Voidsent Half-Primal Garlean Spy in the middle of the Quicksand is ruining everyone’s immersion–particularly when they refuse to play along as others respond realistically IC and try to kill them or arrest them or kick them out? What if the OP af infinitely-stronger-than-everyone-else-around-him character is making the RP unfun for every other RPer involved because their characters can’t do anything but get beaten up or bow to his whims unless they stoop to godmodding or suddenly beefing up their own character?People can and will judge your character. Those judgments are usually best left kept themselves or quietly shared between trustworthy friends. But when your character trespasses on the OOC fun of the role-players around you? Sorry, my guy, people have every right to speak up. And all this nonsense? All this nonsense was a small handful of people who were already pretty nasty showing their true colors and getting told to pipe the fuck down. A pretty good outcome, if you ask me. So, please, block me, anon. My life will be better without idiots like you in it, and the same probably goes for anyone else you intend to block. Your nameless, ignorant, anonymous presence will not be missed–or noticed, for that matter.