#y'all hoes are mad aggressive | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aalyssah · 1 year

Text

Frustrations

Pairing: Wheeler Yuta x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Smut. Aftercare, Choking, Degradation, Face Fucking, Hair Pulling, Humiliation, Names, Praise, Rough Sex, Unprotected Sex. Minors DNI 18+

Word Count: 1,614

Summary: After Wheeler looses his match, he's angry, but you know exactly how to help him take out his frustration.

A/N: First Wheeler smut. Hope You Enjoy!

After being on edge for the past 2 weeks, Wheeler is ready to fight Daniel Garcia. He's been training all night and day, till the point where you would have to physically force him to come to bed.

He's been optimistic for this match, especially after what Daniel said about you. He called you’re a ‘cocksleeve hoe, who gets used by all men on the roster.’

It hurt you dearly and the moment Wheeler heard that, it took the whole BCC to hold him back. Now that's it time, and he was gonna make sure Daniel pays, but unfortunately with Daniel being a part of the JAS that men's Jericho has his way with Tony and he made the match a no DQ.

Which means anything goes, no matter who comes out, or what we pans you use. To say that you're nervous is an understatement. Even though you always worry about him, this match was special. Not only was he fighting for himself, but for you and that's all that matters to him.

You stood in the locker room, biting your nails as Daniel made his entrance alone, but everyone knows he won't be the only one to come out. Next was Wheeler, and he looked ready. Mouth in a straight line, jaw clenching, as he made a B-Line for the ring.

No smiles, no laughs, not even a glance was spared at fans because he and his eyes focused on one person as that was Daniel.

The moment the bell rang, Wheeler and Daniel locked up and it was all aggressive. That's pretty much how the match went. Aggressive punches, lock ups, submissions, and much more. Then weapons came out and you got really scared.

Chairs came out, with Wheeler brutally beating Daniel down, and reversed woh It was until, the familiar music of Jericho played and he came, but with back up. 2.0, Sammy, and Jake. Half of the whole team. Jericho had a mic in hand, smiling at the fans booing.

“Yuta, how ya doing out there? I see your putting in work. Is that for your girl, or for your career?" Wheeler tried to ignore the words from Jericho, counting to beat Daniel. Jericho cursed when Wheeler hit his finisher and went for the cover.

The JAS members rushed quickly down the ring, sliding in and performing a brutal attack on Wheeler. They grabbed weapons from under the ring and began beating him into a crisp. You sat backstage, yelling at BCC to help him. "Go out there! Help him!" The boys rushed out and put in their best fight, but they were outnumbered.

There were 5 JAS members while only 3 BCC members. They sadly failed and unfortunately, Wheeler got put in Daniels, Scorpio Deathlock submission and with JAS kicking Wheeler, he had no choice, but to tap. Fans booed as the music played and Daniel celebrated in the ring. Wheeler wasn't moving on the ground, cursing at himself for losing.

The moment he got backstage, he took a shower, not saying a word to you. You helped the other boys with the slight cuts and waited for Wheeler. "We're sorry, Y/n." Jon, apologized. "Nah, it's okay. It wasn't fair because y'all were outnumbered and we all know Jericho will do anything to win." They all nodded in agreement, going silent when Wheeler came out.

He looked so drained and mad. You could see the cuts in his body as he moved to get his bag. "You ready to go?" He nodded and walked out to the car. "Wish me luck, boys. We'll see you next week." They all said their goodbyes and you and Wheeler headed out.

When you got in the car, it was silent. No music, no talking, just the sounds of the outside world. Wheeler drove you two home fast. He didn't want to be in your presence, knowing he lost the match.

When you two arrived home he went to the bedroom, and unpacked his clothes. You just watched, as his movements were stiff. You could see how tense his body was. You sighed, walking behind him and rubbing up and down his chest. "Wheeler Baby, calm down, it's okay."

Wheeler slightly relaxed in your touch, making you smile gently. "I lost, Y/n. I failed you. I was supposed to get recorded for you." You kidded your head, shushing him. "I know, but that didn't matter. We are at home right now. Next week when you get back, you can do whatever you want."

Wheeler shook his head, knowing he's still mad. "You what? I know what will help you take your mind off everything." You walked over to the bed and began taking your clothes off. Wheeler just looked at you, feeling a little blush rising to his cheeks. You took each clothing off, never breaking eye contact.

When finally naked, you made a 'come here' motion with your finger. "Come and take that frustration out on me." Wheeler slowly trailed over to you, hands running up and down your curves. He took a nipple in your mouth, suckling gently.

You let out a breath, hands reaching to his hair, scratching his scalp. Wheeler massages the other while giving his attention to one. His hips were grinding against your thigh, rubbing his boner, on you. He pulled back, placing kisses on your lip.

Judging by the way his hands were on your body, you could say he was trying to restrain himself. His hands would roughly squeeze your curves until you felt like he was touching your bones and then he would stop.

He took his pants and boxer off, easily slipping inside you. You both moaned in sync, feeling him finally inside you. He started off, soft. Hips thrusting in and out of you at a slowly and steady pace. "Stupid, fucking Daniel, and his stupid team making me loose." The little mumbled didn't go unnoticed by you.

He was trying so hard to be gentle with you, but thoughts of the match were so heavy in his mind, before he knew it, he was thrusting hard. The single clapping noise comes out when his hips connect with the back of your thighs. He hit a special spot in you, making you yell in pleasure.

Wheeler stopped quickly, looking down at you. "A-are you okay? Did I hurt you?" You shook your head fast, hands pressing down on his butt to continue fucking you. "N-no, that just felt so good. Be tougher with me tonight. Take your anger out on me."

Wheeler looked at you with a look of disapproval. "I don't know babe, I don't wanna hurt you." You ran a hand through his hair. "You're not gonna hurt me. Just be a little rough." Wheeler hesitantly tucked his head in your neck, and picked up his pace a little.

Thrusting a little harder, but you could still tell he was trying to be gentle. "Baby, you don't have to be so gentle with me. You can hurt me if you'd like. After all, my body belongs to you." Once you said those words, it was like something inside him snapped.

He sat up, flipping you on all fours, pushing into you deeply. He was quick to start pounding in you, a firm grasp in your hips as he pulled you back to meet his thrusts. Love wet clapping noises could be heard and the grunts flying out his mouth.

You were squeezing tightly around him. You tried to keep your balance, but you could feel your legs and arms giving you. You slouched down, ass upon the arm as your head laid sideways panting heavily. "You like this don't you? You like me fucking you like a whore!" Everything was too good right now and you couldn't even comprehend the words coming out of his mouth.

You were a babbling mess, as you 'responded' to his words, her it only made him laugh more. "Can't even say a word. I got you dumb on my cock, haven't I?" You nodded your head, clenching around him when feeling the all familiar knot in your stomach.

Wheeler groaned, knowing that you were close to cunning, but he wanted to try something new. He continued fucking you, spreading your cheeks to watch you suck him up. "C-choke me." Wheeler laughed loudly, hand reaching under your bodies.

He gave a test squeeze, seeing your eyes roll to the back of your head. That was all it took for you to cum. Your body shook with force as you creamed around Wheeler. He quickly pulled himself out and shoved his cock in your mouth.

He fucked your throat, balls slapping against your chin, eyes closed before cumming. Your eyes were closed as you felt liquid shoot through your throat. Wheeler let out a long moan before pulling out completely. He looked down at you, feeling a little bit guilty at how you looked.

Eyes red from tears, shaking a little, coughing to catch your breath. "I didn't hurt you, did I?" You shook your head with a smile. "No baby, you did so great." Your voice was raspy and hoarse from all the yelling. Wheeler picked you up and took you to the bathroom, cleaning you and him up before placing you in bed.

You both sat there, cuddled up smiling. "I love you, Y/n. And thank you." You kissed his cheek and snuggled up close to him. "I love you too. Anytime you need to take out your frustrations, tell me and I'll be happy for you to use me as you please."

#wheeler yuta #wheeler yuta smut #wheeler yuta imagine #wheeler yuta x reader #wheeler yuta fanfiction #aew smut #aew imagine #wrestling smut

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princess-of-inarizaki · 3 years

Text

Haikyuu manager headcanons!!

Okay so these adorable teams all have the softest spot for their tiny little manager-chan, and here's how they all treat her.

[Ari's note: okay manager fics and headcanons are my absolute favourite and I love writing them]

*.` | Karasuno

They are extremely laid back with you, compared to some of the other teams. They give you your space, at the same time listen to you when you have something to say.

Respectful simps. Similar to how they act with Kiyoko (ugh yes queen-chan) they're in tears whenever you do things to motivate them, like cheer at their practice matches or give them good luck charms.

They still have the good luck charms you fastened on their bag before one of the matches.

Tanaka and Noya would literally worship the ground which you walked on. Like wow how did they get so lucky as to have three?? Cute managers?? On their team??

Yachi and you would probably subtly simp over Kiyoko with them too ngl.

Hinata and Kags would probably see you as an older sister, eventho you're their age because you're so caring and responsible.

Suga is literally your mom and Daichi is your dad. They make sure you're all healthy and you're doing well in school.

Asahi gives you hugs whenever you're sad or upset! Fite me but I think this gentle baby gives the best hugs ever >:( he's like your comfort senpai and you'd do the same for him, especially when he's feeling insecure or down.

Yams would probably be very shy around you, but he'll warm up in time.

Ahhh the best part. Tsukki! He'd find you annoying and simply not get why you're so Mcfreaking happy at first (shut up u salty beanpole, manager-chan is just a ray of sunshine, okay?) But he soon finds it endearing and slowly gets closer to you.

You walk home with Yams and Tsukki every day since your houses are close, and Tsukki walks you to your door to make sure you're safe!

Ennoshita, Kinoshita and Narita all see you as a little sister and often help you with your managerial duties.

The team cares and respects you so much, and are so thankful you've joined them!!

Meat buns at Ukai's are your hangout spot, and everytime you see them chilling you're so thankful to have such great friends.

*.` | Aoba Johsai

Aaah we're at the team of one of my favourite characters!! I'll start with Oikawa (can't you tell I'm so biased omg)

Oikawa absolutely adores manager-chan because although she's tiny, she's very strict, and doesn't let his fangirls near the gym when he's practicing, which he appreciates.

"yn-chan, you're so good to me, can I take you out as a thank-you?" Cue Iwa-chan's ball which comes flying at Oikawa's head. "Stop flirting with the manager, shitty-kawa"

Iwa's very fond of you too, but he doesn't let it show too often. Sometimes he picks up your favourite coffee from the vending machine and claims that he bought it by "accident". (How believable<3)

Kunimi probably sends you weird tiktok videos and tags you in funny memes. Very wholesome 10/10.

Kyotani just?? Doesn't understand you?? Like wow, she's small but the team listens to her?? Why?? He later finds out you're the manager. Mad dork here didn't know you were managing the team for the past month, and thought you just came to the gym to watch them practice. Smh.

Matsukawa and Hanamaki give you headpats and like taking selfies with you, much to Oikawa's dismay. He wants to be the only one taking pictures with you.

Like no manager-chan. Stop. Get away from them. My phone's right here I wanna take selfies with you :(

Kindaichi is cool with you. Y'all are bros and you game together sometimes.

Watari and Yahaba join too, and they're surprised to know that you're so aggressive when you game.

Cue a jealous Oikawa who struggles learning how to game just so he's invited to play with you. Simp smh.

They're all very gentle with you, and since you're their first female manager, they make sure to never make you feel uncomfortable.

You guys like grabbing ramen together and having eating contests. They really bring out your aggressive side but you love them for it.

*.` | Shiratorizawa

Can I just say Semi bsf material? Yes? Yes. Semi Eita is best friend material.

Makes you cute little Spotify playlists and you help him write lyrics to songs occasionally. You play an instrument too and you guys can just jam out for hours on end together.

You get the idea of applying to be the manager because of him, and it all took off from there.

Goshiki loves you. You're fond of your kohāi, and you genuinely just give this touch-starved future ace a lot of hugs and cuddles, which he's SO grateful for.

Like wow, y/n-chan isn't just pretty?? She's also so sweet? And smart? And capable? Semi why have you been hiding her for so long??¿ >:(

Goshiki is just so protective of you, he'd commit murder if he had to.

You have to earn Ushiwaka's respect, yk? And slowly but surely he comes to realise how dependable and responsible you are, and treats you like an indispensable member of the team.

He's got your back. And if he ever senses you're upset, he's trying to cheer you up as best as he can.

"do not feel upset, those grades will mean nothing to you in the future. I doubt you will be able to remember what you got in your second year, third monthly test." You think he's being sweet, and yes he is (in a way), but he's also trying to be reasonable and logical.

Tendo loosens you up and you tend to play pranks on the others with him.

The funniest was when you tried to prank Ushijima by adding wasabi to his onigiri and he?? Didn't get it??

Like "y/n-chan, Tendo, why did you add wasabi to this onigiri? It would've been so much better with tuna mayo??" And he has no reaction whatsoever?¿?

Cue Goshiki who tries the onigiri because he wants to prove he has spice tolerance like Ushijima, eventhough you can low-key see him tearing up.

Shirabu is your voice of reason and you and him often study together. You also have deep and philosophical conversations at 12 a.m. over text, and it is just so wholesome.

He respects you so much, not just because you care for him, but because he finds your brain so fricking smexy.

These eagle babies bring out the best in you and you're always eager to push them forward and bring out the best in them.

*.` | Fukurodani

First thing's first, besides Akaashi, you are the only other person who can cheer up an emo-mood Bokuto.

Just say "Hey Bo, you're gonna look so much cooler when you spike the ball like the true ace that you are" and his hair's all perking up and his eyes are shining.

Akaashi thinks you are an angel sent from heaven.

You're very soft on your baby owls, and they genuinely just love getting positive affirmations from you.

Akaashi always blushes when you compliment him on his sets. And you can hear him murmur genuine words of gratitude.

The other members do too. They're glad because sometimes people focus on Bo too much and forget to give them recognition, yk? It's easy to get overlooked :(

But thanks to manager-chan who's so attentive with all of them, and who's aware of all their quirks and moods, they're all so touched and so so happy.

You have a habit of getting cold pretty often, especially since practice finishes late and it's pretty chilly by then.

Konoha always lends you his jacket and walks you home, since your home's are the closest. There's just something about you that makes you soft.

You get along really well with Kaori and Yukie, and you'd definitely consider them your best friends, considering y'all are in this thang togetherrrr!!

The Fukurodani team are just all a bunch of crackheads, but they're your crackheads and you wouldn't trade them for the world.

You're a very tight-knit family, (like ugh I just get lots of comfortable, safe vibes from Fukurodani :(( <3)

You guys hang out at the store near your school pretty often to recharge after grueling days of practice together.

*.` | Nekoma

My second favourite team, Nekoma!! They are precious, gentle, soft babies and I love them to bits and pieces >:(

I'll start with Kuroo. You've always had a tiny soft spot for Kuroo ever since you've become his lab partner in chemistry class.

His notes are immaculate. I mean, cmon we're all hoes for pretty notes

You think he's so incredibly smart and talented, so when he suggests you become the Nekoma manager, you just agree right away.

You guys grow closer since you've started spending more time with him, and you banter around more often than not with chemistry pickup lines.

"hey kitten, let's form a covalent bond"

He's so whipped after you retort back. Like wow she called me sodium fine and said I'm like an exothermic reaction? Permission to simp??

(Ari stfu this isn't a Kuroo fanfic)

Kenma and you definitely play animal crossing together, and he even lets you try his switch, after you guys grow closer.

Kuroo is so insulted, he's never even touched Kenma's switch before >:(

You also push Kenma to do better during practice and he starts to care more about volleyball, since you seem so enthusiastic about it.

Yamamoto isn't even subtle about his simping smh T-T unlike Kuroo, he shamelessly flirts with you, and can't wait to show you off to Tanaka and Noya at the next camp.

"we have such a gorgeous manager now, Nekoma is ThRiViNg" he says in his head with this ridiculous dopey ass smile on his face +_+

Since deep down inside, you're a huge baby, you, Lev, Shibayama, and Inuoka get along so well. They're just happy energetic kittens, and they make you feel so happy.

y'alls energy just match, yk?

Although Fukunaga is shy to tell jokes, he tells them to you, because he knows you'd never judge him, and you actually kinda enjoy laughing along :) he's so touched.

Momma Yaku!! Yaku always lends you his jacket and makes sure to carry snacks for you in his bag. He knows you care so much about the team that you often neglect your own health, which is why he's always there to make you're feeling healthy and good.

Kai and Teshiro help you with your homework and like talking about their favourite singers with you.

They're all just such amazing human beings who treat you so well, and you feel so blessed to be a part of their team. You adore them so much, and they adore you back tenfold.

*.` | Inarizaki

[Ari's note: Ello there luvs, you've made it to the bottom of this sweet hc post and just get ready for Inarizaki :( they're my favourite team of all time, and I'm just so biased, I'm sorry ;-;]

Inarizaki's entire team just adores you so much, they think you're the light of their lives.

They're all super touch starved babies, and once you realized that, you've made sure to ensure they never feel that way.

Aran is kinda like your protective senpai, and his heart flutters ever so slightly when you call him that senpai kink oops and give him headpats, and he loves patting your head in return.

The twins are so incredibly soft for you.

Their fangirls are sometimes pretty mean, but one glare from the duo is enough to shut them up.

Osamu cooks bentos for you and gives you the warmest hugs when you ask for them, burying his head in the crook of your neck.

Your hand is almost always in Atsumu's because he's so slick?? Like y'all, this mf would be like "y/n-chan, my hand has been aching for a while now" and when you go to observe it, he just pulls your hand into his and pulls you to follow him.

His entire body heats up when you kiss his cheek after a particularly good game, and his brain literally goes "grrrr empty", when he's usually so sly.

The twins are your bodyguards, they follow you everywhere and protect you all the time.

Enter Suna Rintaro, your meme king. He definitely records funny moments that happen during practice and send them to you, just to make you laugh, or memes of the members.

He also definitely takes pictures of you when you aren't noticing, simply because he likes the way your hair looked, or because you looked so beautiful.

Like the twins, his eyes widen whenever you kiss his cheek or ruffle his hair, and it's literally like suna.exc has stopped functioning.

Congrats manager-chan, you broke the kid -.-

Omimi might come across as stoic and cold but he's actually a huge softie, and you often give him positive affirmations.

He's also definitely a huge lover of your hugs, and looks forward to them as motivation to play well.

He'd never tell you though, he's shy™.

My baby Kita compliments you all the fricking time.

"y/n-chan, I mean this is the most sincere way, I think this hairstyle looks stunning on you"

Or "you're so capable and you work so hard, I'm so thankful to have you by my side"

And he has the most genuine expression on his face, his eyes are so earnest and shining so bright.

And when you smile at him, he's like oh shit I made her smile, depression whom? I only know serotonin.

Ginjima is usually rash but with you, he takes his time and weighs everything he says.

He doesn't wanna accidentally hurt you and regret it since he was being careless and not thinking at all.

You calm him down when he's getting too hotheaded with gentle words and he's suddenly a blushing mess.

Unlike some of the other teams that tease you a bunch, Inarizaki treats you so gently. Their little princess, as they think of you.

So mf-ing protective, like if someone looks at you wrong, you can totally bet Atsumu's going for their ankles, sangwoo style, or Osamu is trash talking them to their knees.

Would drop anything and everything to help you if ever needed.

They think you're they're entire world because you go above and beyond for them, and they genuinely love you. Like actually LOVE you to bits and pieces.

—*.`

[Ari's note: AHHH so the manager fic is done this was literally such a joy to write!! I hope you enjoyed it

Big big hugs <3 have a beautiful day, luvs!!]

#inarizaki x reader #inarizaki manager #haikyuu!!#haikyuufanfics #nekoma #inarizaki #seijoh #karasuno #shiratorizawa #atsumu #atsumu headcanons #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu managers #haikyuu manager #anime headcanons #kuroo headcanons

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grimoireofwritings · 3 years

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Hi! Could i get a nsfw scenario where William masturbates for one night thinking about his fem s/o?

.......

So here's me, casually appearing randomly from the void to finally post this months later 0_0

I'm so sorry y'all, mental health has been in the gutter lately and suffering from major heart and brain damage at age 21 is just not a fun gig. Nonetheless, I hope this was worth the wait, you thirsty hoes >.<

Warnings: smut, light femdom ( I headcanon William with a lean towards sub )

Scenario: William's female s/o walks in on him jerking off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Guilt.

It was all William could really feel in that moment. Well, aside from a general, looming sensation that had been plaguing the poor gentleman for a while now. It made his stomach all fluttery and nauseous with two completely contradicting urges... Which didn't result in a good state to rest in, as he lay propped up on his simple bedroom mattress. It had even prevented him from getting proper sleep lately. One such part of the equation was his complete and utter shame, which replayed punishing thoughts in his mind on repeat... Mentally battling with himself on how wrong it was to think such filthy things about a woman so pure and angelic. A body like that, he could easily imagine it sculpted from marble like the most honored and beautiful of Goddesses in ancient times. Every curve, and the warmth of that soft skin that he could dream of... How could he ever imagine desecrating it? Dirtying it, and perhaps staining it with his intent?

Apparently he could, and he did... Quite frequently. Such horrendously ungentlemanly thoughts popping into his mind had him mortified with himself.

For this reason, he kept his uncontrollably growing desires a secret from his partner. It seemed to him that she was comfortable with their current level of intimacy in their relationship, therefore.. he would remain quiet and allow her to call the shots. It had always been this way, with him considering himself lucky to have her in his life at all, what with a face like his... As well as his history. So he kept quiet, allowing her to make all the first moves so as to not make her uncomfortable. Despite the longing and craving he had for her, and the shame it brought him, he would suppress every last desire, and would never utter a word or clue about it.

It was getting harder however, every passing day. More and more challenging not to notice the lump in his throat when he had to refrain from staring at certain parts of her in particular outfits, and keep his hands from wandering over the perfectly smooth plains of her thighs, or even passionately gripping on to those breasts that took his breath away.

He gave a slight audible whine, there in his bed, tortured by these thoughts popping up once again.. because once they started, they couldn't stop. This time around for some reason it was particularly agonizing to ignore the growing need in his pajama pants, which was legitimately painful to disregard at this point. He'd end up sweating, palms gripping on to the sheets, as he refused to touch himself to the thought of her. Absolutely not... Never.. he could never be so degrading and perverted towards someone who deserved only the highest respect.

Even as he told himself this for the millionth time, the words had been losing their influence that week, and it was at that moment that he caved, giving a strangled whimper of regret whilst his right hand crept under his waistband. From that point on his vision went blurred and brimmed with red, framing pictures in his mind that could only consist of her.

And goodness was that woman breathtaking. He somehow felt starved for a touch he'd never quite experienced before with her... A deep craving as he could practically feel those lips of hers, divine and smooth like rose petals, grazing over his sensitive neck. Would she perhaps moan his name out softly into his ear, as his hands wrapped around her rear to slip a finger between her wetted and ready slit? Yes... Not only could William picture it, but he could almost feel it, too.

Hands, on her velvet skin, squeezing and caressing here and there.. her labored breaths brushing past his cheeks. By this point William had thoughtlessly worked up the courage to start stroking himself, his movements terrified and shaky, slow but gradual. The tortured man could not help himself.. he really couldn't. Despite the fact that he felt like an atrocious person, that previously sick feeling in his stomach was being replaced by mind splitting pleasure.

Warmth.. so much warmth he was feeling down there, in fact it was warm enough now that it was exactly what he imagined her hot, inviting mouth would feel like. This time he let out a soft but much more discernable moan, a couple of lost syllables and stutters rolling off of his lips as he imagined her tongue massaging in place of where his fingers currently were. He vaguely had a couple of thoughts warning him he should stop soon... She'd be back in their shared room any moment now, after finishing up her nightly chores around the headquarters. But he was way too far gone, and foggy in the brain, to give a damn and have the self control to even do so.

Not to mention, the slightest surfacing of precum wasn't helping, given that it added a slight lubricant to the situation and really solidified the illusion in his mind he'd created for himself. His greatest fantasy would be to have her ride him, perhaps..

Absolutely. Just her, in all of her glory, above him and in her rightful place where he could worship and adore from below. The image alone of her hair framing an expression of ecstacy like a curtain, eyes hazy with pleasure all because of him, whilst he allowed his hands to boundlessly wander over every surface of her divinity.. maybe his lips would latch on to her skin and travel down to a breast, all the while drowning in her sounds.. it was enough to drive him mad in the most beautiful way possible.

By that point, poor William Vangeance was too far gone to even notice the barely audible creaking of the door whilst his girlfriend stepped inside their now shared room. A slur of pathetic, whiney mumblings and moans were leaking out into the air for her to hear in utter shock, as well as her name whispered breathlessly to confirm that he was, in fact, masturbating while thinking of her.

"William? What are you doing?"

It was about as sudden as flipping off a light switch. Light to dark in an instant.. except this time it was his voice and his movements. In the dim room, the only light source being a small candle which cast an orange glow on his face, she could make out a look of complete panic, his entire frame completely paralyzed in his position. Had he gone catatonic?

While she had found the display amusing, she was now distracted, more worried about him than anything else. "Love? Are you alright? This isn't very expected of you.." she trailed off, but before she could finish, William snapped out of his trance, causing her to gasp and glance up at the unexpected tone of his voice.

The poor man could hardly form any coherent words in his next jumbled sentences, sometimes the only noticable parts being things like "I'm so sorry for-" and "I will get my things and go out to the front room couch for the night-" to which his partner was dumbfounded by his amount of panic. In fact, William looked to be on the verge of tears, utterly destraught, much to his partner's worry and dismay. However.. she figured she could easily fix this.

Sauntering over to him, she sat beside him on the bed, placing a finger to his lips in an instant to hush him. Leaning forward to speak directly to him, she could tell he thought he was in for a scolding, but what came next had his jaw practically hanging from its hinges in a gape.

"Touching yourself without me here to take care of your needs? You've got some nerve doing my job for me, Captain William Vangeance. I was surprised you hadn't asked me sooner for favors quite like the ones you were probably just imagining.. but now that I know you've been naughty and doing this in your own time, don't expect any mercy from me tonight. I'll prove to you why I'm far more efficient than your right hand. And I'd better not see this again."

She gave a cheeky smirk, completely digging that expression he was wearing. He 100% never would have guessed such lewd words could ever come out of her, and honestly, it already had his entire body lighting up with heat. That confidence from her.. the domineering and sexy edge to her lips, curled into a dark sneer.. it was all blindingly amplified the moment she straddled over him, looming over his body to speak in a low tone towards his ear. "Are you prepared for me to devour you?" She asked.

This was really doing it for him, and he caved, his pent up desire mixing with his excitement and impatience of the moment... Unable to handle the anticipation. As a result, he resumed, feeling already quite close to an orgasm as he frantically jacked himself off with her weight and presence above him. He just... Couldn't wait anymore. And she was too dazzling, too seductive, much too hypnotizing with those devilish words.

"You have the audacity to continue right after what I just said? Bold move, Captain. Either I underestimated you or you're fucking desperate for me. Which one is it? Care to share with me? If you do, perhaps I will let you off the hook... A bit."

"Y-y/n... P-please! L-let me-"

His begs and pleas were interrupted by a deafening, breathless, gasping cry as he came on the spot, a few whimpers following in a perfect sequence as the white hot pleasure seized violent hold of his body, almost aggressive in nature after having been repressed for so long. Panting, he watched his partner witness his helpless and needy state, almost amplifying the experience to a degree.

She was dead quiet, watching with sharp eyes and an intensity in her stare as he slowly came down from the high, body naturally going limp with exhaustion and his breathing evening out. He chuckled sheepishly then, eyeing her with a noticable hint of anticipation and excitement in his gaze, slightly curious if she'd follow through with her previous promise. "B-better to ask forgiveness than p-permission, right?" He tried meekly, biting his lip at that irresistible smirk returning to her face.

"Incorrect" she stated, which set his nerves aflame yet again.

"See... You're the one who wanted me so bad, aren't you? I honestly had no idea... Especially with how shy you are, I was waiting, but it seems you've made me wait longer than necessary. Not to mention, after directly disobeying me, you owe me a couple rounds. Understood? You'll bear with it like a good boy... And I'll be sure you enjoy it too."

There.. that softer look in her eyes at that last statement, despite how perfectly and wonderfully dominant she was - it made his heart melt. William found it very comforting that he didn't have to take charge right away and that she was naturally the one in charge in such an environment - he spent so much time worrying, being afraid, stressing, overthinking, and telling people what to do... That giving up control to someone he trusted was just a complete relief.

"Yes ma'am," he stated, having gained back some composure. "I'll do my best to endure whatever my goddess intends to give me.. please allow me to touch and praise you."

"Good boy," she cooed, encouraging his words of loyalty, as she slowly lowered herself to gently and sensually take him into her mouth to start off. Almost immediately, a tortured cry of overstimulation escaped him, but at the same time it felt completely euphoric.

It occured to William that one of the best nights of his life was about to take place, so he closed his eyes, and placed a hand down on the head bobbing over him.

~end~

#william vangeance #black clover #golden dawn #request #black clover imagines #black clover scenario #scenario

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darkestcorners · 2 years

Note

Before sending d*ath threats to Polarity Jungkook I want to say merry christmas, I hope you had a wonderful time today and thanks for today's upload, I appreciate it❤️❤️

Now it's time to get aggressive, the way if he ever did that to me I will actually commit MURDER, something that would deadass make serial killers afraid of me, like, what the fuck? And the worst thing about him is that he KNOWS what he's doing is wrong, this bitch really thinks things would be for the greater good, @Jungkook hope you die alone you stinky bastard, I hate you with my entire soul you little shit, ISTG if he doesn't leave my poor girl alone imma start swinging, after jk's POV I have to bring back my poorly done meme (Literally made this on ig lol):

I'M DONE, if I see ONE of y'all in your ask box salivating over this mf I'm going to be so mad, this man is not only a hoe (how many bj he got in the span of 3 weeks? ENOUGH, KEEP THAT DICK IN YOUR PANTS JEON) but a fucking psycho as well, this man is projecting his mother onto the mc so much he stole a personal item from her, like ew, pls go to therapy.

Anyways now that my anger has been expressed Merry Christmas everyone!🥰❤️ (Not me trying to act cute after sending hate mail and d*ath threats in the same ask LMAO)

Ahh! Thank you so much babes 🥰🥰!

And yes, he’s insanely manipulative and somehow has convinced himself he’s doing her a favor, really concerning behavior. He for sure needs therapy for various reasons. Yes! I will say he’s deceptive behavior really doesn’t show any limits, I think mentally, he’s definitely the most complex of my yanderes. Especially because he justifies a lot of his actions, it’s really that classic narcissistic sociopath behavior.

LMAO the meme is back I love it 😌💕💕

#asks #polarity #polarity jk pov

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thinkupinku · 3 years

Text

So I'm having a moral dilemma with my coworker crush and I need y'alls opinion.

So you know how I said I got "sister zoned" by my coworker I have a crush on?? Well I never actually confessed to him, he just referred to himself "like annoying little brother" and I kinda took that as "off limits". He also stated that he has a flirty personality and doesn't mean to come off as flirting. So I've been respectful of that boundary he put up and was kinda taking the L.

Today however at work we were all kinda joking being aggressive with each other. When I got home we were texting and I was telling him I was in my typically angry mode after he left because it was super busy and stresful. AND HE HAD THE AUDACITY TO SAY "haha it's cute when you get mad."

...I'm sorry-- W H A T!?!?

So naturally I push back trying to respect that boundary and respond with "it's not supposed to be cute, I'm supposed to be scary. I guess I better work on that 😭" and this man responds with "Yeah you definitely should. It's cute as hell."

HUH!?! EH!?!? WHAT!?!? WHAT KINDA SIGNALS IS HE SENDING?? AM I MISSING SOMETHING?? I CAN'T TELL IF IT'S FLIRTY OR AND "Awwww cute :)(endearing) " KINDA DEAL. I'M LITERALLY SPEECHLESS AND IDK WHAT'S GOING ON PLEASE HELP A HOPELESS HOE OUT 😭😭

#Kira simping #kira rambles #my post #Y'all my heart can't take this #He literally just texted me back as I'm writing this #I'm screaming this sucks

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henderylikespink · 5 years

Text

Clingy Jaemin

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

Okay so me and Jaeminnie go wayyy back

Lmao he was my ultimate bias for sooo long

So I feel like I can offer a lot of insight for those who are wondering about this lovely man

If you are within Jaemin's vision just know that you will be next to him

No questions asked

That's just how it is

Jaemin is clingy about 98% of the time

The 2% is when he's either mad at you or focused on something else

CONSTANT hugs, soft touches, kisses

He will always kiss all over your face

Little kisses on your cheeks

Nose, lips, temples

Everywhere

There is no place on your fave that hasn't been graced by Jaemin's soft, pillow-like kisses

If y'all are standing up

Just know that back hugs are a must

He will always give you a snuggly hug

But if you give him one

Just know that he will m e l t

He will shift from his usual confident self to a blushy Minnie

If y'all are sitting down

He will constantly be touching your hands

Your hair or any other place on your body that is accessible to jaemin (in a cute way not dirty you hoes)

Of course only if you are comfortable with that

I don't really see Jaemin getting jealous that often because if a guy is trying to approach you Jaemin is already there and will easily dismiss the situation

But if he was away from you doing something and came back to see you with some random guy

He will get a little jealous

He will confront the person

Not in an aggressive way

He probably won't even acknowledge the guy lmaoo

He will just ask if you're ready to leave like the classy man he is and he will escort you out of the building

With his hand lightly touching the small of your back

He will probably rethink the situation when he goes to sleep at night

When y'all go on dates he is always 10000000000% clingy

It's guaranteed, no questions asked

Surprisingly Clingy Jaemin never gets tiring

I feel like Jaemin does it in a charming way so it rarely leads to fights

It can sometimes though

If you are a person who values their space

Then be prepared to have that taken away lol

If it does turn into a fight, then he will apologize and tell you he will try to work on it

He usually goes back to his clingy self a week later

He just can't help it

He just wants to be close to you

Pouty Jaemin is even moreeee clingy

When he's pouty he gets kind of annoying ngl lol

Jaemin probably loves the way you smell

And probably smells it religiously lolol

But if you are absolutely uncomfortable with the close contact

Jaemin will not evade it

He just wants you to feel loved and comfortable

If showing physical affection isn't the way to show it for you

He will think of others ways

Because love comes in many forms

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

Masterlist

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insecure-hbo-the-recaps · 6 years

Text

hella blows

Previously on Insecure: Issa is cool with Daniel, but he knows what it is. She’s all about her hoe-tation. Molly’s dad cheated on Molly’s mom which made her feel stupid enough to sleep with Dro. Issa wanted to make sure Daniel knew they were both seeing other people.

Issa’s alarm goes off and at first it looks like she’s beyond late for work. But it’s something even worse than that: she has to get up to move her car out of designated parking to a free side of the street before she gets a ticket or tow. Ikr? About 65% of the reason I want to move out of my current neighborhood even though it’s a huge hassle. “Ay! Your bumper bout to fall off,” some idiot points out obliviously. “Thanks!” Issa trills in a curt “no duh” kind of way.

Molly is working late. Dro calls and she hesitates before answering, clearly not looking forward to it. She thinks they’re going to have a serious conversation but of course he is just calling to shoot the shit. I feel like probably unfairly this paints Dro as suspect? Who fucks their lifelong friend while in an open marriage and then calls like nothing is different? I get the counterargument that that may be WHY he would call and act like nothing is different. But I don’t trust these fools.

Molly gets a call on the other line, and tells Dro she has to go because it’s her mom. But rather than brace herself for the sure emotional baggage that would come from that, Molly actually doesn’t answer, and just sits there thinking about what a mess her life is. She and Dro apparently have plans to see each other the next day, which is ostensibly the real reason why he called.

Shout out to Issa’s superfluously woke outerwear. She’s wearing that sweatshirt with a somewhat less than casual long skirt by the way. She has no car, so she has to take the bus. She eyes some latino kid as though she recognizes him. He regards her awkwardly as if he recognizes her too. She slides Daniel a potential come thru text and heads into her apartment, bored and restless. She has an email for somethin called a “Sexplosion,” which is appealing to her in this moment of drudgery. She bored.

Deciding this particular boredom is not something she can merely abide, Issa figures maybe she’ll stop in on Neighbor Bae. Her bathroom freshen up routine consists of mouthwash and an aggressive verbal affirmation seminar. She’s one hundred percent gasssed up.

She obliviously heads downstairs and knocks on Neighbor Bae’s door. He is surprised to see her, but he’s clearly pretending not to know whether or not he asked her over, which is polite. Issa assumes her dropping by should be welcomed, but Eddie has company. He makes needlessly polite excuses when honestly he didn’t have to because who the fuck is Issa? Mama gotta have a life too.

Although Issa has to vent via mirror freestyle (“I could cry right now I’m so embarrassed and mad, I hope you can’t get it up and that her pussy is trash”) I mean, come on. Be reasonable. You’re going to have to get a much thicker skin and a lot more comfortable with rejection if you’re going to try to be about that ho life. And you know what, it’s not for everyone. I had a friend who for some reason thought she was this perfect princess in her mind when really when she’d tell me stories I’d be looking at her like this is some random bitch who will do cocaine with strangers on a first date and then fuck them on the way home so why you think you deserve a doctor husband though? The answer to that question is that she was white and therefore delusional, but the overall point is that not everybody can brave the harsh landscape of being single and dating, and if you try to fake it you’ll just end up crying at bars when men ask you why you’re single (which also happened to this friend).

I really hate when I take accidental pauses like this one lol:

As Issa irritatedly deals with not getting the dick she psyched herself up for, she gets a double whammy of rejection when Daniel answers her come thru text that he’s busy. Issa is not feeling singleness at this moment. There’s an interlude with Baby Voiced Darius where he asks her, just randomly for no reason, if she’s going to Target. “Why would I be?” Issa snaps. I mean, it’s a fair question. I’m potentially going to Target 40% of the time in any random day.

In some other cool, quirky, millennial loft in Los Angeles, Lawrence is making some kind of pitch to a motley group of assembled coworkers. So now we finally get some details on the elusive Woot Woot: “it aggregates all of your data, where you shop, where you eat, where you drink, and it makes recommendations based on that.” Motherfucker how is this any different from all the bullshit Netflix keeps recommending me 67 times that I’m not going to watch, or how google is so Big Brother on us now that if I’m watching or listening to something and decide to look up part of it, it can autocomplete my search based on less than one word? I mean to say… technology been way able to do that for a long time, bruh. Everyone cheers and applauds and Lawrence, in a very ugly navy cardigan, grins big at what seems like praise and encouragement of his idea. And… this was the idea he’d been working on while unemployed for two years? AND WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH “WOOT WOOT”?!

Two guys that I’m going to assume are Lawrence’s superiors are giving him feedback. Bosses in the start up world look like this:

I’m glad I’m not inclined to this field because it’s honestly not something that I think I would be able to take seriously lol. They say it’s great and they loved the presentation. While their feedback sounds positive and Lawrence obviously thinks it’s a vote of confidence, if you listen closely they’re doing nothing but praising him individually and offering compliments to the fact that he is working hard and competently, not praising the viability of his work specifically. They make no comments whatsoever about the app being a good idea or potential product. Then, just to underscore the fact that they are Clueless White People, the fat guy asks Lawrence about his shoes, and calls them fly. I would take issue that at this point it seems like the show just makes fun of white people just to mock them and make white people as a whole unsympathetic but on the other hand… white people stay doing fake bonding shit like this when they don’t have to, so if they look bad, then, motherfuckers, stop doing the shit.

Where do you suppose Issa and Molly are? I’m at a loss as to whether this is a Chinese restaurant, a really shitty travel agency, or somewhere where you can get your eyebrows waxed for eight dollars. Molly is telling Issa she’s worried that she may have fucked up her friendship with Dro, and Issa points out that that wouldn’t be surprising considering that she fucked her friend. I think that it’s nice just a couple episodes ago Molly was having this talk with Issa, and now Issa’s having it with Molly.

It turns out they’re in a mechanic waiting room while Issa gets an estimate to fix her car. Molly opines that Dro is the only person/man who’s seen her at her worst so why would she go and complicate things this way? And the way I feel about that is… if you start fucking a married man you really can’t be thinking about any of this shit where he may potentially be a person that is anything other than a married man. Remind me again that at some point during this story line I take a complete break to tell y'all about how I was fucking a married man. The point is anyway that Molly is doing the most emotionally when you’d think it would be easy to understand that in a situation like this specifically you need to do your best to chill. Her current thought is to tell Dro she doesn’t want it to happen again when they hang out later that night.The mechanic comes back and tells Issa they’ll have to order parts to do the repairs (which duh she’s getting body work done) and it’ll be about 5500. Issa balks at that price tag.

Remember in the previous episode where Molly and Issa talked about a vacation? Molly still wants to go (listing a bunch of countries and islands that start with M, prompting Issa to chide annoyedly “there are other places with other letters”) seemingly oblivious to the fact that if Issa can’t afford to repair her car, she can’t afford to go on vacation. In hindsight, this show really put a LOT of effort into very deliberate continuity between episodes, for really small things.

Issa is frustrated because she had been doing really well with all her various life parts and now all of them seem to be scattering out abruptly. She’s still having trouble accepting that men she’s seeing casually aren’t just available for her whenever she wants them to be. Ok so… how are you saying you want Daniel to know to stay in his place, and you want Mexican Bae not to expect anything from you, but you want them to be willing to do whatever you want when you want it? Again: be reasonable sis. If you’re gonna dish it out then obviously you have to take it back too. Then she acknowledges sex with her is mediocre and, again, this is where she loses me. I don’t think I would ever describe sex with me as “acceptable” except on occasions when I know I am making no effort to leave an impression. Come on now. Half the dudes I got to stick around as adults - when sex is less of an issue and everyone has more baggage - is probably 80% because sex was the only draw. And I’m partially joking (clearly I have the delusionally high self esteem of a complete asshole and I like it that way), but seriously it’s something that you have to think about as you get older. The Panties Card gets flimsier and flimsier, until it is no longer a guaranteed bargaining chip to maintain someone’s attention which frankly was news to me.

Back at the super cool Los Angeles tech start up, Lawrence stops by Arpana’s desk and playfully asks her questions around what he should do with his impending takeover of the app world. Arpana makes this face:

Clearly she is clued into what Lawrence is not, which is that the presentation did not go as well as he thought it did. She tells him he should lower his expectations, because she doesn’t think Woot Woot is viable: it felt outdated. Speaking of delusional self esteem, Lawrence cooly replies that it’s fine if she doesn’t see the vision and who cares because she’s not the one greenlighting it anyway. As he gets up to leave, Arpana adds that clearly the bosses weren’t into it like they were some other app where they asked questions and dug through the pitch looking for flaws then scheduled a follow up. It slowly sinks in on Lawrence that maybe she has a point, but when she says “it’s like they didn’t want to offend you,” Lawrence puts his defenses back up and tells her that she’s entitled to her opinion. While I don’t approve of Lawrence’s childish blindspots, I do approve of his polite passive aggressive work rebuttals. (Professional environments love passive aggression.)

Laker bar. Molly shows up for her date with Dro, nervous about the speech she plans to drop. She awkwardly explains that she feels like things are different though objectively Dro’s behavior doesn’t seem in any way out of the ordinary. He tells her she’s being dramatic and to calm the fuck down. They playfully joke about french fries and apparently that’s all it took to defuse the tension.

The tension was so de-fused that they went back to Molly’s place after the game to offer us another excellently choreographed sex scene. A.) Molly’s headboard is everything (quality headboards are not in reach of everyone’s financial adult life, sigh) and b.) of all the ones we’ve seen so far I think Molly’s sex scenes are the only ones that are actually sexy.

Meanwhile, Issa has invited Mexican Bae over to her place. She doesn’t really want to date him, so this is all a ruse to hopefully get some dick. As she makes pointed conversation drawing attention to her visible bra and the obscene shortness of her skirt, at this point it’s like… do you even actually want some dick or is this just about proving a point? Like are you actually horny and wanting to get fucked? Nico plays along politely, even ignoring her obvious come ons. We are then treated to an awkward scene where Nico wants to treat Issa like a person and she wants to treat him like a conquest. It’s painful to witness.

Issa decides to try a more direct move and just initiates kissing. Nico tries to bring the date back around to their dinner reservations. I feel like the fact that he’s meant to be fairly older than Issa is supposed to play into this. Issa goes so far as to try to bypass this, and when Nico tells her to slow down - “I really like you and I don’t want to rush past this, I want to get to know you” - it just makes Issa angry. Even then, Nico is STILL WILLING to go out to dinner, but Issa apparently is too prideful for this so she flatly rejects him and watches him leave. Sigh. I do understand where she’s coming from, I do. But she’s going about it all the wrong way - very defensively and insecurely. (Oh! I get it now! Ba dum bum.)

Back at Molly’s, she and Dro are doing the post coital thing. He points out that she said she didn’t want to do this anymore. Molly is clearly in a dick haze because her defenses are vastly lowered. She wants to know the boundaries of their non-relationship but Dro is all cool and aloof. He does tell her he isn’t looking for a second side piece which you’d think considering the circumstances would clue her into how ridiculous a conversation this is. She’s asking a married man whether he wants to fuck other women on the side of his wife, isn’t that inherently answering its own question?

Anyway Dro says that Candace knows they are sleeping together and in fact it was her idea to open the relationship. Or so he says. Molly, like a fool, just wants to indulge her butterflies. Her caution is just lip service. She wanted to be told what she wanted to hear.

Another day at work, Lawrence decides to stop by the bosses’ office - where they are standing at waist high desks instead of sitting - and follow up regarding his presentation. Recalling Arpana’s words, he asks whetehr they have any feedback regarding his Woot Woot pitch. I really like the way they framed this shot:

as they shoot each other uncomfortable looks at being put on the spot. Lawrence is speaking in terms of how to to move forward with a viable project, but the bosses do nothing but offer more empty compliments. They have no additional thoughts that would signify any real concerns that would be relevant were this to be an actual project they undertook. The fat boss says they love having his “perspective and input” which delicately suggests Lawrence is there as a diversity hire and not as a real and valuable part of the team. “You bring a lot to the team,” the skinny guy says. The fat guy gives a typically encouraging bullshit line of being excited to see “Lawrence 2.0” and the skinny guy laughs sycophantically. If Lawrence still doesn’t get it, the fact that they overcompensate about his shoes again (“what store did you get those from again?”) should leave him in no doubt. Emasculating… no? (I have far too many thoughts on this subject so let’s move on. They aren’t particularly original, so I’ll spare you.)

Sexplosion. Hey! There are strippers doing pole tricks and chocolatey penis cakes so… what is Tiffany’s job again that this is a thing she does? Issa, Molly, Kelli, and Tiffany stroll up and take a bunch of free condoms. Issa thinks Molly broke things off with Dro because she asks why she needs condoms. They talk about barriers for oral sex and I just remembered this is the episode where they have the problematic, regressive conversation about oral sex.

So, let’s just get this out of the way: Tiffany, the only married one who is clearly the most whitewashed of the group, is the only one to openly acknowledge she loves giving blowjobs. Kelli doesn’t do it wholesale, Issa doesn’t like to do it, and Molly gives the Carrie Bradshaw (because of course this was a conversation on SEASON ONE of sex and the city) response of how it’s not her favorite but she’s flexible. Question: is this what black women are still on in the streets?

Being called a “ho” and ostracized for having any kind of sexuality is something that I left behind in high school once I was an adult and didn’t see any reason to need my choices validated by gossip and/or people I didn’t know. And the conservative quasi-religious culture of patriarchal standards and misogynist perspectives is something I completely abandoned in grad school when the only black men around that wanted to date me behaved like the shit I’d left behind in high school and I realized I was totally unfamiliar with any other cultural norms. I’m not going to go off on a tangent to get to the bottom line that I would hope this is not still a widespread understanding amongst young black women these days though I would not be entirely surprised if it were. I want to sum it up as so: when I exclusively dated black men some of the time I’d be sleeping with a guy who would refuse to ever kiss me, for apparently no reason whatsoever other than it was culturally normal. I was surprised when I started dating white men and they really do want to wake up and kiss you on the mouth first thing in the morning. I slept with a motherfucker all four years of undergrad who never went down on me ONCE. Like, I can’t - I feel like I’m biased and I don’t want to preach from that perspective, so I’m not even going to dig into this.

I will say this - I don’t know how the fuck you expect to successfully date as an adult when you have whole chunks of sexual entrees completely off the menu - for WHATEVER ideological reason - yet continue to think you are dating as a normal person. It’s a hang up. Call it a hang up and accept it.

The next day, Molly is reading an article by Serena Williams about closing the pay gap. Damn, that makes me feel bad. Her mom is still calling and leaving voicemails. At an office across town, Lawrence makes amends with Arpana by acknowledging “Woot Woot” is dead. He tells her she was right, and also there was a racial component to their behavior. Arpana bonds with him as a WOC. Lawrence finally starts to accept he was wrong about his app. They both slowly realize there’s some attraction there that might go somewhere, sometime soon. Every single Woot Woot joke this show has made has been hilarious.

Issa is at Daniel’s listening to some song he produced. It sounds good. Issa says it has a black Daft Punk vibe whiiiiich… it sounds good and nothing like Daft Punk at the same time. They have a moment about how apparently Issa likes champagne with a shot of Jameson. That’s new. They are very flirty and comfortable and eventually start kissing. Issa pushes him down on the couch and as they start to undress, she stops him and gets down on her knees. Speaking of hang ups, I refused to ever give a blowjob literally on my knees, until I started playing it up as an ego thing.

Somewhere across town, Molly is also having a sexy night, in some fancy sterile bathroom taking a bubble bath while Dro sits on the edge of the tub. Before they get too far along, Dro gets a text from his wife who has accidentally locked herself out of their home. Molly is disappointed, and plays it off badly. They were doing a fancy hotel thing ordering in romantic shit which… I mean, I don’t know, if they like it then I’ll abide it silently. Have taken a bath with a guy I was casually sleeping with though. The water was so hot we were both sweating and the wine glasses were fogging up. He asked me how my day was and when I started to reply he started using his fingers on me, but ordered me to keep talking. That dude and I were basically hate fucking, but that moment was always sexy as hell to me.

Back at Daniel’s he is impressed with Issa’s blowjob skills. And then this sequence of events happens: he’s about to come, and he grabs Issa’s head, somehow holding it in place until:

Look! I took a screenshot for you! Bwahahahaha. Seriously how would that work logistically? He’s holding her head down, so he… strategically pulls it up and manages to put it in exactly the right place so that he could shoot her in the eye? Issa is pissed. Daniel acts like he doesn’t know why she’s upset. Issa is so mad she’s incoherent, and forcefully pushes him away when he tries to touch her. Issa’s anger is on one level due to the aforementioned hangups about blowjobs - she said she felt like once you sucked a dude’s dick he felt like he conquered you and relegated you to ho status - but on another level, Daniel is rude as fuck and it is NEVER ok to do a facial without express consent. Her anger is justified, even if it is a bit exacerbated by other issues. Any man who is not an ain’t-shit knows it’s rude to come in your mouth without permission LET ALONE ON YOUR FACE! Hell I’ve dated men that wouldn’t come on me even when I asked, or my ex who would always pull away without my asking, even though I didn’t give a goddamn WHERE he came, EVER. Like, Daniel’s rude as fuck.

So, Issa tells him fuck you and leaves. She ends up hovering around a gas station waiting for her Uber pool that already has two people in it, holding a wet towel to her eye. “Issa?” the driver asks. “Issa car pool!” and everyone laughs except Issa because she’s tired of getting the idea that she’s the butt of every joke.

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insecure-hbo-recaps · 7 years

Text

hella blows

Previously on Insecure: Issa is cool with Daniel, but he knows what it is. She's all about her hoe-tation. Molly's dad cheated on Molly's mom which made her feel stupid enough to sleep with Dro. Issa wanted to make sure Daniel knew they were both seeing other people.

Issa's alarm goes off and at first it looks like she's beyond late for work. But it's something even worse than that: she has to get up to move her car out of designated parking to a free side of the street before she gets a ticket or tow. Ikr? About 65% of the reason I want to move out of my current neighborhood even though it's a huge hassle. "Ay! Your bumper bout to fall off," some idiot points out obliviously. "Thanks!" Issa trills in a curt "no duh" kind of way.

Molly is working late. Dro calls and she hesitates before answering, clearly not looking forward to it. She thinks they're going to have a serious conversation but of course he is just calling to shoot the shit. I feel like probably unfairly this paints Dro as suspect? Who fucks their lifelong friend while in an open marriage and then calls like nothing is different? I get the counterargument that that may be WHY he would call and act like nothing is different. But I don't trust these fools.

Molly gets a call on the other line, and tells Dro she has to go because it's her mom. But rather than brace herself for the sure emotional baggage that would come from that, Molly actually doesn't answer, and just sits there thinking about what a mess her life is. She and Dro apparently have plans to see each other the next day, which is ostensibly the real reason why he called.

Shout out to Issa's superfluously woke outerwear. She's wearing that sweatshirt with a somewhat less than casual long skirt by the way. She has no car, so she has to take the bus. She eyes some latino kid as though she recognizes him. He regards her awkwardly as if he recognizes her too. She slides Daniel a potential come thru text and heads into her apartment, bored and restless. She has an email for somethin called a "Sexplosion," which is appealing to her in this moment of drudgery. She bored.

Deciding this particular boredom is not something she can merely abide, Issa figures maybe she'll stop in on Neighbor Bae. Her bathroom freshen up routine consists of mouthwash and an aggressive verbal affirmation seminar. She's one hundred percent gasssed up.

She obliviously heads downstairs and knocks on Neighbor Bae's door. He is surprised to see her, but he's clearly pretending not to know whether or not he asked her over, which is polite. Issa assumes her dropping by should be welcomed, but Eddie has company. He makes needlessly polite excuses when honestly he didn't have to because who the fuck is Issa? Mama gotta have a life too.

Although Issa has to vent via mirror freestyle ("I could cry right now I'm so embarrassed and mad, I hope you can't get it up and that her pussy is trash") I mean, come on. Be reasonable. You're going to have to get a much thicker skin and a lot more comfortable with rejection if you're going to try to be about that ho life. And you know what, it's not for everyone. I had a friend who for some reason thought she was this perfect princess in her mind when really when she'd tell me stories I'd be looking at her like this is some random bitch who will do cocaine with strangers on a first date and then fuck them on the way home so why you think you deserve a doctor husband though? The answer to that question is that she was white and therefore delusional, but the overall point is that not everybody can brave the harsh landscape of being single and dating, and if you try to fake it you'll just end up crying at bars when men ask you why you're single (which also happened to this friend).

I really hate when I take accidental pauses like this one lol:

As Issa irritatedly deals with not getting the dick she psyched herself up for, she gets a double whammy of rejection when Daniel answers her come thru text that he's busy. Issa is not feeling singleness at this moment. There's an interlude with Baby Voiced Darius where he asks her, just randomly for no reason, if she's going to Target. "Why would I be?" Issa snaps. I mean, it's a fair question. I'm potentially going to Target 40% of the time in any random day.

In some other cool, quirky, millennial loft in Los Angeles, Lawrence is making some kind of pitch to a motley group of assembled coworkers. So now we finally get some details on the elusive Woot Woot: "it aggregates all of your data, where you shop, where you eat, where you drink, and it makes recommendations based on that." Motherfucker how is this any different from all the bullshit Netflix keeps recommending me 67 times that I'm not going to watch, or how google is so Big Brother on us now that if I'm watching or listening to something and decide to look up part of it, it can autocomplete my search based on less than one word? I mean to say... technology been way able to do that for a long time, bruh. Everyone cheers and applauds and Lawrence, in a very ugly navy cardigan, grins big at what seems like praise and encouragement of his idea. And... this was the idea he'd been working on while unemployed for two years? AND WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH "WOOT WOOT"?!

Two guys that I'm going to assume are Lawrence's superiors are giving him feedback. Bosses in the start up world look like this:

I'm glad I'm not inclined to this field because it's honestly not something that I think I would be able to take seriously lol. They say it's great and they loved the presentation. While their feedback sounds positive and Lawrence obviously thinks it's a vote of confidence, if you listen closely they're doing nothing but praising him individually and offering compliments to the fact that he is working hard and competently, not praising the viability of his work specifically. They make no comments whatsoever about the app being a good idea or potential product. Then, just to underscore the fact that they are Clueless White People, the fat guy asks Lawrence about his shoes, and calls them fly. I would take issue that at this point it seems like the show just makes fun of white people just to mock them and make white people as a whole unsympathetic but on the other hand... white people stay doing fake bonding shit like this when they don't have to, so if they look bad, then, motherfuckers, stop doing the shit.

Where do you suppose Issa and Molly are? I'm at a loss as to whether this is a Chinese restaurant, a really shitty travel agency, or somewhere where you can get your eyebrows waxed for eight dollars. Molly is telling Issa she's worried that she may have fucked up her friendship with Dro, and Issa points out that that wouldn't be surprising considering that she fucked her friend. I think that it's nice just a couple episodes ago Molly was having this talk with Issa, and now Issa's having it with Molly.

It turns out they're in a mechanic waiting room while Issa gets an estimate to fix her car. Molly opines that Dro is the only person/man who's seen her at her worst so why would she go and complicate things this way? And the way I feel about that is... if you start fucking a married man you really can't be thinking about any of this shit where he may potentially be a person that is anything other than a married man. Remind me again that at some point during this story line I take a complete break to tell y'all about how I was fucking a married man. The point is anyway that Molly is doing the most emotionally when you'd think it would be easy to understand that in a situation like this specifically you need to do your best to chill. Her current thought is to tell Dro she doesn't want it to happen again when they hang out later that night.The mechanic comes back and tells Issa they'll have to order parts to do the repairs (which duh she's getting body work done) and it'll be about 5500. Issa balks at that price tag.

Remember in the previous episode where Molly and Issa talked about a vacation? Molly still wants to go (listing a bunch of countries and islands that start with M, prompting Issa to chide annoyedly "there are other places with other letters") seemingly oblivious to the fact that if Issa can't afford to repair her car, she can't afford to go on vacation. In hindsight, this show really put a LOT of effort into very deliberate continuity between episodes, for really small things.

Issa is frustrated because she had been doing really well with all her various life parts and now all of them seem to be scattering out abruptly. She's still having trouble accepting that men she's seeing casually aren't just available for her whenever she wants them to be. Ok so... how are you saying you want Daniel to know to stay in his place, and you want Mexican Bae not to expect anything from you, but you want them to be willing to do whatever you want when you want it? Again: be reasonable sis. If you're gonna dish it out then obviously you have to take it back too. Then she acknowledges sex with her is mediocre and, again, this is where she loses me. I don't think I would ever describe sex with me as "acceptable" except on occasions when I know I am making no effort to leave an impression. Come on now. Half the dudes I got to stick around as adults - when sex is less of an issue and everyone has more baggage - is probably 80% because sex was the only draw. And I'm partially joking (clearly I have the delusionally high self esteem of a complete asshole and I like it that way), but seriously it's something that you have to think about as you get older. The Panties Card gets flimsier and flimsier, until it is no longer a guaranteed bargaining chip to maintain someone's attention which frankly was news to me.

Back at the super cool Los Angeles tech start up, Lawrence stops by Arpana's desk and playfully asks her questions around what he should do with his impending takeover of the app world. Arpana makes this face:

Clearly she is clued into what Lawrence is not, which is that the presentation did not go as well as he thought it did. She tells him he should lower his expectations, because she doesn't think Woot Woot is viable: it felt outdated. Speaking of delusional self esteem, Lawrence cooly replies that it's fine if she doesn't see the vision and who cares because she's not the one greenlighting it anyway. As he gets up to leave, Arpana adds that clearly the bosses weren't into it like they were some other app where they asked questions and dug through the pitch looking for flaws then scheduled a follow up. It slowly sinks in on Lawrence that maybe she has a point, but when she says "it's like they didn't want to offend you," Lawrence puts his defenses back up and tells her that she's entitled to her opinion. While I don't approve of Lawrence's childish blindspots, I do approve of his polite passive aggressive work rebuttals. (Professional environments love passive aggression.)

Laker bar. Molly shows up for her date with Dro, nervous about the speech she plans to drop. She awkwardly explains that she feels like things are different though objectively Dro's behavior doesn't seem in any way out of the ordinary. He tells her she's being dramatic and to calm the fuck down. They playfully joke about french fries and apparently that's all it took to defuse the tension.

The tension was so de-fused that they went back to Molly's place after the game to offer us another excellently choreographed sex scene. A.) Molly's headboard is everything (quality headboards are not in reach of everyone's financial adult life, sigh) and b.) of all the ones we've seen so far I think Molly's sex scenes are the only ones that are actually sexy.

Meanwhile, Issa has invited Mexican Bae over to her place. She doesn't really want to date him, so this is all a ruse to hopefully get some dick. As she makes pointed conversation drawing attention to her visible bra and the obscene shortness of her skirt, at this point it's like... do you even actually want some dick or is this just about proving a point? Like are you actually horny and wanting to get fucked? Nico plays along politely, even ignoring her obvious come ons. We are then treated to an awkward scene where Nico wants to treat Issa like a person and she wants to treat him like a conquest. It's painful to witness.

Issa decides to try a more direct move and just initiates kissing. Nico tries to bring the date back around to their dinner reservations. I feel like the fact that he's meant to be fairly older than Issa is supposed to play into this. Issa goes so far as to try to bypass this, and when Nico tells her to slow down - "I really like you and I don't want to rush past this, I want to get to know you" - it just makes Issa angry. Even then, Nico is STILL WILLING to go out to dinner, but Issa apparently is too prideful for this so she flatly rejects him and watches him leave. Sigh. I do understand where she's coming from, I do. But she's going about it all the wrong way - very defensively and insecurely. (Oh! I get it now! Ba dum bum.)

Back at Molly's, she and Dro are doing the post coital thing. He points out that she said she didn't want to do this anymore. Molly is clearly in a dick haze because her defenses are vastly lowered. She wants to know the boundaries of their non-relationship but Dro is all cool and aloof. He does tell her he isn't looking for a second side piece which you'd think considering the circumstances would clue her into how ridiculous a conversation this is. She's asking a married man whether he wants to fuck other women on the side of his wife, isn't that inherently answering its own question?

Another day at work, Lawrence decides to stop by the bosses' office - where they are standing at waist high desks instead of sitting - and follow up regarding his presentation. Recalling Arpana's words, he asks whetehr they have any feedback regarding his Woot Woot pitch. I really like the way they framed this shot:

as they shoot each other uncomfortable looks at being put on the spot. Lawrence is speaking in terms of how to to move forward with a viable project, but the bosses do nothing but offer more empty compliments. They have no additional thoughts that would signify any real concerns that would be relevant were this to be an actual project they undertook. The fat boss says they love having his "perspective and input" which delicately suggests Lawrence is there as a diversity hire and not as a real and valuable part of the team. "You bring a lot to the team," the skinny guy says. The fat guy gives a typically encouraging bullshit line of being excited to see "Lawrence 2.0" and the skinny guy laughs sycophantically. If Lawrence still doesn't get it, the fact that they overcompensate about his shoes again ("what store did you get those from again?") should leave him in no doubt. Emasculating... no? (I have far too many thoughts on this subject so let's move on. They aren't particularly original, so I'll spare you.)

Sexplosion. Hey! There are strippers doing pole tricks and chocolatey penis cakes so... what is Tiffany's job again that this is a thing she does? Issa, Molly, Kelli, and Tiffany stroll up and take a bunch of free condoms. Issa thinks Molly broke things off with Dro because she asks why she needs condoms. They talk about barriers for oral sex and I just remembered this is the episode where they have the problematic, regressive conversation about oral sex.

So, let's just get this out of the way: Tiffany, the only married one who is clearly the most whitewashed of the group, is the only one to openly acknowledge she loves giving blowjobs. Kelli doesn't do it wholesale, Issa doesn't like to do it, and Molly gives the Carrie Bradshaw (because of course this was a conversation on SEASON ONE of sex and the city) response of how it's not her favorite but she's flexible. Question: is this what black women are still on in the streets?

Being called a "ho" and ostracized for having any kind of sexuality is something that I left behind in high school once I was an adult and didn't see any reason to need my choices validated by gossip and/or people I didn't know. And the conservative quasi-religious culture of patriarchal standards and misogynist perspectives is something I completely abandoned in grad school when the only black men around that wanted to date me behaved like the shit I'd left behind in high school and I realized I was totally unfamiliar with any other cultural norms. I'm not going to go off on a tangent to get to the bottom line that I would hope this is not still a widespread understanding amongst young black women these days though I would not be entirely surprised if it were. I want to sum it up as so: when I exclusively dated black men some of the time I'd be sleeping with a guy who would refuse to ever kiss me, for apparently no reason whatsoever other than it was culturally normal. I was surprised when I started dating white men and they really do want to wake up and kiss you on the mouth first thing in the morning. I slept with a motherfucker all four years of undergrad who never went down on me ONCE. Like, I can't - I feel like I'm biased and I don't want to preach from that perspective, so I'm not even going to dig into this.

I will say this - I don't know how the fuck you expect to successfully date as an adult when you have whole chunks of sexual entrees completely off the menu - for WHATEVER ideological reason - yet continue to think you are dating as a normal person. It's a hang up. Call it a hang up and accept it.

The next day, Molly is reading an article by Serena Williams about closing the pay gap. Damn, that makes me feel bad. Her mom is still calling and leaving voicemails. At an office across town, Lawrence makes amends with Arpana by acknowledging "Woot Woot" is dead. He tells her she was right, and also there was a racial component to their behavior. Arpana bonds with him as a WOC. Lawrence finally starts to accept he was wrong about his app. They both slowly realize there's some attraction there that might go somewhere, sometime soon. Every single Woot Woot joke this show has made has been hilarious.

Issa is at Daniel's listening to some song he produced. It sounds good. Issa says it has a black Daft Punk vibe whiiiiich... it sounds good and nothing like Daft Punk at the same time. They have a moment about how apparently Issa likes champagne with a shot of Jameson. That's new. They are very flirty and comfortable and eventually start kissing. Issa pushes him down on the couch and as they start to undress, she stops him and gets down on her knees. Speaking of hang ups, I refused to ever give a blowjob literally on my knees, until I started playing it up as an ego thing.

Somewhere across town, Molly is also having a sexy night, in some fancy sterile bathroom taking a bubble bath while Dro sits on the edge of the tub. Before they get too far along, Dro gets a text from his wife who has accidentally locked herself out of their home. Molly is disappointed, and plays it off badly. They were doing a fancy hotel thing ordering in romantic shit which... I mean, I don't know, if they like it then I'll abide it silently. Have taken a bath with a guy I was casually sleeping with though. The water was so hot we were both sweating and the wine glasses were fogging up. He asked me how my day was and when I started to reply he started using his fingers on me, but ordered me to keep talking. That dude and I were basically hate fucking, but that moment was always sexy as hell to me.

Back at Daniel's he is impressed with Issa's blowjob skills. And then this sequence of events happens: he's about to come, and he grabs Issa's head, somehow holding it in place until:

Look! I took a screenshot for you! Bwahahahaha. Seriously how would that work logistically? He's holding her head down, so he... strategically pulls it up and manages to put it in exactly the right place so that he could shoot her in the eye? Issa is pissed. Daniel acts like he doesn't know why she's upset. Issa is so mad she's incoherent, and forcefully pushes him away when he tries to touch her. Issa's anger is on one level due to the aforementioned hangups about blowjobs - she said she felt like once you sucked a dude's dick he felt like he conquered you and relegated you to ho status - but on another level, Daniel is rude as fuck and it is NEVER ok to do a facial without express consent. Her anger is justified, even if it is a bit exacerbated by other issues. Any man who is not an ain't-shit knows it's rude to come in your mouth without permission LET ALONE ON YOUR FACE! Hell I've dated men that wouldn't come on me even when I asked, or my ex who would always pull away without my asking, even though I didn't give a goddamn WHERE he came, EVER. Like, Daniel's rude as fuck.

So, Issa tells him fuck you and leaves. She ends up hovering around a gas station waiting for her Uber pool that already has two people in it, holding a wet towel to her eye. "Issa?" the driver asks. "Issa car pool!" and everyone laughs except Issa because she's tired of getting the idea that she's the butt of every joke.

#insecure hbo #issa rae

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disaster-artist-shadowsnips · 6 years

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Y'all I had this one toxic friend that said they "loved" me and shit but treated me like trash if I said no.

He (BC i'm too lazy to type they and my autocorrect hates every single english word like wtf) always wanted me to text back immediately or at least five minutes after I recieved his texts, even if I had NO TIME to anwer at all BC of work. Everytime I didn't he'd get mad like "why you not respond :(((( this makes me sad!!!" but in a really whiny way. Remember, I couldn't even READ all the messages. Every break I had to go through like 12 messages that got more and more aggressive.

He blocked me for no reason sometimes but got mad again if he was annoying or being mean to me and I blocked him.

The more aware I became of all those issues the more aggressive and possessive he'd get. Sometimes I couldn't even text my best friend BC he would immediately ask who I was texting to and who was more important than him. Like.. "BITCH YOU ARE NOT MY BOYFRIEND."

He was cheating on his girlfriend and tried to seduce me to be his girlfriend. His affair. Like who the fuck do you think you are. I am NOT interested in you.

Everytime I told him that I was NOT interested he would get mad again, saying I'd just use him.

Then he would tell me to fuck off and go die. That I was nothing and deserved the worst.

Honestly he made me cry a few times but the more he said the less it would hurt. I didn't care for his rude words or apologies anymore.

A few weeks ago everything escalated. I was at a convention in my hometown and helped out as security and kashier. There was NO way I could handle 20 visitors and being on my phone every 5 minutes at once so I ignored his text. Like 2 hours into shift I had like three minutes to look at 20 messages from him saying I was an arrogant piece of shit and I deserved the worst, to die, followed by a shitty apology that blamed everything on me. I blocked him everywhere. He already crushed my Hand two weeks before because he wanted to "talk" and I told him to leave because it was 1 am, but came back crying saying he was sorry and this wasn't him. Like bitch you show this side more often than anything else and you are saying that ain't you!?

I haven't really heard of him for 2 weeks now. He tried to "talk" but I already said no. He got angry again, same thing as always "fuck off, die, get fucked by some random dude and get pregnant and then die"...

Honestly? How fucked up can someone be over someome using their right to say no?

UPDATE: YO HE JUST TRIED TO SAY SORRY PER EMAIL BUT I DIDN'T READ BC I DON'T CHECK MY MAILS THAT OFTEN AND NOW HE'S CALLING ME A HOE, A TRAMP, A STUPID SLUT LMAOOOOO IMMA VIRGIN BUDDY

#toxic #toxic friendships #holy shit #that was a rollercoaster #what a dude #lmao #this dude is crazy #what the fuck is going on #there goes my faith in humanity

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praphit · 3 years

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Dating... Season You

GOOD GOD, THAT TITLE IS CORNY. I’m with you. I should be embarrassed, and I am.

Normally, I'm writing about movies/tv series, but today, I am particularly inspired to talk dating apps.

In trying some apps myself, as well as talking to a variety of people who like or dislike them. I have a few observations I'd like to share:)

But, yeah, let’s def take a time out to puke a lil bit from my title. It still hurts me too. Take your time:

#1 - "Damn, I'm shallow."

Have any of you who have been on those apps had that moment?

- that self-realization of how strange this is?

It's kinda like looking for fruit at the grocery store.

Say that you're looking for an orange. The orange has some spots on it, and some soft points that don't appeal to you. You simply toss it and keep looking. You're looking for perfection (or whatever perfection is in your mind), and dammit, you're going to find it. The problem is you may have tossed some fruit way too quickly. Some of those spotted fruits could have been the tastiest, juiciest fruit you've ever sunk your teeth into. I feel that way when I've swiped left on people.

Now, I get it. You're there for a "match" or whatever, but it's still odd to me, when most would at least convince themselves that they don't do that in any other area of their lives. But, maybe I'm wrong; maybe we do. Maybe when I say I don't want to work with someone, it's not because of some objective professional reason, but because I may have heard them say that Taylor Swift is the best singer of all time. And subconsciously, I need to do my part to stop their progress in life.

#2 - Pics and Greetings

Like I said, I've been guilty of being shallow on these apps as well:

There's women (and men too, I assume) who can't seem to look at the camera. I'm not talking a "cool" model type pose when you intentionally don't look. I'm talking about most of their pics... they don't seem to know where the camera is.

There's look-at-my-boobs woman. Before you get mad, I'm not criticizing you, and I'm certainly not complaining :) I'm just saying... I've heard some horror stories from women who dated men off these apps who’ve objectified them. There's no excuse for them to do that, but... idk... what do you think of when you think Cardi B (whom I love btw)? Describe her... brand. Whatever word you’d use to describe it, it’s definitely soaked in sex. And why do you think of her that way? That's all I'm saying.

To be fair! - Men, prob do that to. There's look-at-me-shirtless-at the gym, on the couch, and in front of the mirror guy. Nobody likes that guy. I take that back, the only people who like that guy are other guys who take the shirtless-pants hanging down kinda low pic.

Our greetings are kinda terrible too.

Ex. "Super Feminist Lady" who greets by telling men in the beginning of their profile "You WILL respect me! I will NOT tolerate any oversexualization talk, any obscene pics, any mansplaining, etc. If you're looking for a hook-up, you outta be ashamed of yourself! You WILL love your mama! You WILL refer to me as "QUEEN"! And if you even THINK about ghosting me, my girlfriends and I will track you down, and SHIT IS GOING TO GET REAL!"

First of all, you go girl! I applaud that confidence. Hit me up, cuz I might hire you to be my bodyguard. That might...possibly... MAYBE be a lil too aggressive to start with though.

Let’s say, for example, that you’re white (and you might be, so maybe you won’t have to imagine too hard). What if you, in all of your whiteness, read a profile of mine that started with - "You should know that I'm a SUPER DUPER BLM Advocate. If you don't like that fact, Bleep you! Deal with it! BLEEP WHITEY! BLEEP WHITEY ROUGH AND SCARY RIGHT UP HIS ASS! I'm coming for all y'all white mutha bleepers! Wanna go out?"

What would be your first reaction?

I DO think that there should be "Hoe-Levels" on all profiles (men too). For example, if a guy is blowing through 4 to 5 women a week (especially if it was during heavy COVID times), that's pertinent information. That's like a hoe level... 8 or 9, I think. Plus, if you yourself are at hoe-level 7 or 8, he'd be perfect for you.

There should also be a level for how cultish religious people are, but that's a topic for another day.

#3 - Starting off point

When I rock these apps, I've started with a joke. Like all jokes, they either land or they don't, but it normally gets one through the door.

Sometimes, there's not a lot on their profile to go off of though.

I've seen some profiles that just say "Hi :) " - with one obscure pic... of them not looking at the camera. What does one do with that? (don't get me started on catfishing possibilities).

Although, I suppose that's more realistic to a bar scene. A woman might smile at a guy, and then hope that he comes over to say “hello”, or at least to take his shirt off near you so you can see his abs. And with enough alcohol he might. But, with dating apps, it’s different. You don't want to be drunk while typing things to say... it never ends well for that person.

Most are bad at describing themselves though, so perhaps less is more.

#4 - Sites charging for a "soul mate" (if you believe in that) seems like it should be a sin.

If Jesus were in the flesh and on one of these apps, I'm sure He'd confirm that.

#5 - Is it settling or putting work in?

I didn't think i'd see people in their 30's, 40's, 50's, and even 60's on these apps. If you're 70+ I imagine that you've given up... but maybe they're there too.

People are still looking for a "perfect" match, even in more advanced ages. It's not just dating, I think it's general relationships that we're probably doing wrong. I've heard many people (especially those who are older) say that finding solid friendships that aren't on the fake-side is difficult. I would agree.

Perhaps when it comes to dating we should be less shallow, and take more chances with our "fruit" (... I should probably word that differently). But, you know what I mean. Put the necessary work in (that is if you’re looking for something serious... if not, keep striving for hoe-level 10 my friend).

Maybe one should leave these apps behind, and hit the bars/libraries/churches with shirts that say "I'm open for business".

Or maybe I'm totally wrong, and this new and increasing normalcy of narcissism and superficial standards will work out for us all in the end.

#dating #dating apps

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survivorjordanpines · 6 years

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Episode 5: It's time to put my game face on - Ruthie

What a telling tribal. Gage is a whole liar. He and David both lied to me about how the vote was going. Now I definitely know not to trust them. Jaiden was mad that I voted for him, but I think we patched things up in PMs. However, I feel like this tribe swap will do me wonders. Chrissa is definitely someone who I want to align with. I hope we can get either Ari or Casey on our side so that Gage can be voted out as that seems to be in my mind, best case scenario. He's playing really well and that needs to go sooner rather than later.

So we voted out Adam and it was messy as fuck like planned but then A SWAP Not just a swap but The three blue people are PEOPLE I LOVE AND WOULD WANT TO WORK WITH SO WE CAN EASILY JUST TAKE OUT THE GREENS IF WE WANTED. Unless of course RTP doesnt think Emma and Cole can get along. I think whaatever happens on this tribe, im going to at least survive the first vote??? We can pray we can pray

I... like this swap? I think? I'm glad Jessica is with me and not Ari, I'm not sure if Ari would feel bitter about the vote or not. I hope Emma is okay, I miss her. I'm glad to be with Charlotte- I'm just nervous to see if anyone else would vote me out if given the chance, I LOVE Drew but I don't trust him, I was hoping not to see him until later on. For now I'm going to stick close to Charlotte and Jessica and just see what else happens.

Jaiden and I have definitely patched things up! I think we could be a dynamic duo that really shakes up the game! On NuSenip, I'm going to actually make an attempt to be social with the other members. This is where my game takes a turn for the best! I know Chrissa and I are already working together. She told me she has an idol from the isle of pines which I'm thankful for. I can definitely use this to my advantage. If I even catch a scent of being in danger then I could probably just ask Chrissa to use her idol on me. I've already started talking with Ari so I hope my charm can get her on my side. Jaiden said that we need to stick with Gage and LA. I, however, do not plan to ever stick with them for long. I want to definitely vote out Gage! Liars can get gone! However, I do not have the power for that kind of move yet. Plus, Jaiden seems to be on the boat where he doesn't want to vote out Gage. Hopefully, he's not just lying to me so that he can vote me out. I really do hate this.

WHEW OKAY do we know what the fuck just happened?? i certainly don't! so honestly all i wanted to do was save casey and cole because they're cute, but apparently i accidentally started world war three up in here, so whoops! to be honest i knew i fucked up the minute i told cole that andreas was targeting him, i still am not really sure why i thot that was a good idea but there was no turning back once i said it. and of course fifteen minutes later andreas messaged me "Can I ask you a question?" and i knew i was dead. but i did what i could with it, which was ignoring the problem and going to see a movie and telling everyone i had no idea what was happening and counting on my friends to not betray me. and hey, it worked out! anyways i was gone like 3/4 of the day, jessica really covered my ass and i owe her my life and also the other two who didn't stone cold betray me. i'm looking forward to andreas coming back and murdering me for real. i decided to start a fight in the tribe chat for no particular reason except it was funny to me and i don't feel like holding myself back anymore! i'm not here to win, i'm here to have fun and make some memories on the way. so no regrets. and this new tribe i'm on??? basically a dream. i have never met 4/7 people, i'm with someone who voted with me so i don't have to worry about my dirty laundry being dropped in the fire, and jaiden is here which is gonna be so much fun. and that's about all you missed on glee! i'm gonna go forward with my newfound strategy of not giving a f*ck and see where it takes me. wish me luck.

Fuck Karen. This bitch is literally letting a past game control her thinking. And it was ONE TIME. I didn't even tell Cole about it. I told Dom who told Leah who told Cole so like back the fuck off my dick. She needs to go because I don't think I could stand her in merge or in another tribe. God her and Regan think they are sooooooo smart but once I come into the picture? They better keep their wigs tight because I'm coming for them. Gage telling me all this information is really interesting though. He must actually want to work with me despite lying to me this whole time. I truly think he wants to work with me, but the majority on Senip prevented him from doing so. However, now that they are gone, he can work with me freely. I told you my social game would help me make allies in the future. I do think this swap will do wonders for me so I pray that it all works out in the end.

DREW MESSAGING ME LIKE HE'S EXCITED I'M ON HIS TRIBE. I love Drew so much, he's one of my favorite people in the community but he just scares me and I like trying to out think him but I literally CANNOT. I just want him to go before me in this game, the days where I try to save Drew are OVER it's time to put my game face on and stop caring who I try to take out.

Episode with triple tribal 11/25- https://youtu.be/2kHbejXxdN8

so we swapped and i love this tribe but then jordan gave winterbells because he loves hell and being satan huh?

I hate winterbells

winterbells is winterhell

winter bells is the worst. i wish we hadn't swap yet, i feel like i was in a decent spot. i haven't really talked to many people yet so rip. thankfully i still have gage who is turning out to be my closet person? also working 24 hours in three days sucks.

ANDREAS IS FUCKING GONE AND IM SO FUCKING MAD FUCK U ARI FUCK U ARI FUCK U AND WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU THINK YOURE DOING IS NOT GOING TO LAST LONG GOOOOOO FUCK YOURSELF

First of all, BITCH!!!! What a fuckin bitch move, taking me out right before the swap. Like I actually liked our tribe and then everyone gotta act all sketchy and vote me out. Like 4 people suddenly coming up to me to make sure the vote was Raf? Sketchy. They were probably worried I had an idol which, sadly I did not. Because those fucking trees. But forreal, everyone on that tribe is either a bitch or an idiot. Except Karen, who if I ever get out of here can have my loyalty. But Jaiden? Bitch. LA? Bitch. Rafael? Idiot. More of a drama queen but like there's only two options. Regan is either a bitch if she voted against me or an idiot if she didn't vote me cuz like it was clearly either me or Raf so you're either betraying me or just plain stupid. Karen was the only one who voted with me and like, we were both just like idgaf who it is as long as it isn't me. But as we all know.... Whatever. The annoying thing is like I had no idea until the very end, when I'm talking with a few of them and I'm saying like "well if it was me like no one would tell me, I guess that'd be a blindside" and then immediately I'm like... huh, you know it very well could be one. Not like I had any power to stop it. I just would've looked desperate. But now I'm on redemption and it's time to flex some real power. Like this is where I thrive. No more of this pussy-ass tribe challenges where I gotta rely on everyone's dumb ideas. Now it's just me, and pure determination to fuck them up. They'll all burn for this, and I'm an eternal flame 🔥

Hell yes... I'm throwing these challenges espICALLLYYLLYLYLY when I can be immune duh. Also lmao at my serpent tongue flipping the script on ari and andreas last tribe.... Y'all aren't as good as me.... Like it's me Cole... the beauty honey.. Also the OLD SCHOOL HOES WILL WIN OK, WE MAY HAVE 3 WINNERS ME JESSICA CASEY and well king RYAN but we got this... WE ARE BETTER....!! JORDAN LOVE ME IM PLAYING THIS GAME REALLY VILLIANIOUS OKURRRR.

A rant why i hate the tumblr survivor community where alot of people are snowflakes who get offended and a rant why i kind of like it and a rant where these people are stupid in this game. I really dont get why they voted off Andreas it was like Ari was thinking like a bitch.... 1: THEY HAD JESSICA AND RYAN who wouldnt have probably voted them off! 2: Why say we wanted cole out i would of probably destoryed my game for cole 3: I was sleeping until 2pm 4: I never thought Ari was messy and also i wanted to not vote them off ever even though were two opposites i am not a good person while Ari is very pure and smart while im not!!!! After that they were being a little cocky you are so lucky that ryan and cole were on my tribe and not you because i would of thrown you under the bus so hard to Sarah who is like Andreas best friend and i would enjoy seeing you pre merge Ari! That was aggressive but the more i think about it now i can stay with Cole as long as i want and now i dont have to worry about voting off my friends and feel bad about it unless if people want to take the game personally but im just gonna do what ever i can to win honestly! Also ruthie and jessica are the best two people in this game ill be so MAD if they dont do well because they deserve everything. I also felt bad not aligning with Casey at first because shes one of the people in the tumblr survivor community who i love. Lily is boring and Madison is okay i would go with sarah all the way because i hear shes iconic i love her already.

COLE if youre reading this WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!! Him trying to get the lowest score all of the time is going to bite him in the ass one of these times. Anyways the rumor currently is Sarah wants Madison out which Im fine with but lets hope its stays that way

Have I done a confessional lately? No one knows. In case I forgot to talk about it in the last confessional, I found a hidden immunity idol at the Isle of the Pines. I used my second search to get receipts that I could provide to my tribe to make it look like I didn't find anything but turns out? I didn't need them. We tribe swapped and now I'm on a completely different tribe AND we won immunity this week. WHEW. Let's do first impressions on NuNadroj Jessica: She seems pretty cool. I know she was in an alliance with Ryan before so having her around is kind of nice because a) she can tell embarrassing stories bc they've met before, and b) that gives us a reason to put a target on her if we do lose the next challenge. Liam: I think I like Liam? He seems really cool and he's probably the person I've talked to the most since we swapped. I think I need to talk to him more to make sure that we work together when / if we lose a challenge in the future. Can't make it look like I'm scrambling when the time comes. Drew: I LOVE DREW. I was allied with Drew in a side season we played once and it was fun playing with him. We all flopped, so I'm hoping he doesn't hold that against me and we can try to work together on NuNadroj. Karen: Admittedly we ... did not get along that well on Senip. I'm not super happy that we're still on the same tribe. LA got along with Karen way better than I did but I'm hoping she'll want to stick together since we were both penises. Regan: I still don't know what to think about Regan. I think it'll be easier now that we're Jaidenless to try to work with Regan. Again, because we were both on Senip, I'm hoping she'll want to stick together to keep our numbers strong. Ruthie: RUTHIE! I also love Ruthie so this is great!! I'm hoping that potentially Drew, Ruthie, and myself ... or maybe Jessica or Liam could have an alliance?? I feel like it's too early to start throwing the idea around but I'm going to try to plant some seeds and see if we can make this happen.

At first when I swapped with Ruthie, I was like “oh no! The only person who didn’t say that they have a right alliance with me!” And I was worried she’d go against me. She still might do that but I don’t care because she’s so nice and I want only good things for Ruthie. This tribe is cool so far, I don’t know anyone well which is a really nice twist. That hasn’t happened for me in a while and I like playing with new people! I am worried because apparently Adam got voted out for having “too many friends”. This is hilarious, adam only has one friend, her name is samrah and she is not in this game. But it is worrying because we have basically the same connections so if people were worried about Adam, they are definitely worried about me! But anyways, who cares. I am putting more thought into this than I want to. I can’t believe I took the effort to make a confessional. Gross.

i am so glad we won! jaiden's score omg that was insane. I never thought anyone could get that good, i envy that alot. But that was amazing. Also glad to be on the same tribe as raffy!

#supportyourlocaljordanpines

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