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#xenizaation
xenizaation · 2 years
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project: star x
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Warning! Sexual content ahead! Minors pleas dni!
pairing: jeon jungkook x fem! reader
genre: rockstar! jungkook, smut, friends to lovers kinda?? idk man
word count: 6k
warnings: jealousy, pet names, exhibitionism, mutual masturbation, oral sex(f receiving), protected (rough) sex.
a/n: this was a request! hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii <3 ! haven't written a jk fic in such a long time, hope you guys would like this as much as you liked my previous one, and hopefully, the lovely person who requested this would like it too. hope i used your idea well! enjoy and as always, stay safe! xoxo
you'd be lying if you said you aren't a fan of your own friend.
you'd be lying if you said you don't know his every song word by word, if you said you don't try to go to his every concert and admire his legendary art that's expressed in flashy lights and embellished in high notes and guitar solos. you'd be lying, also, if you said that you don't have a crush on him.
and you're a good liar.
jungkook was born to be a rockstar, and most of the time, you dare think he was born to be your friend as well. only your friend, sadly. the theory that he was made for the stage was proven to you once again tonight, after he made a whole stadium scream all the words to his songs in a show that was nothing short of magical.
as you walk backstage, it's like the fiery buzz inside your body still lingers from earlier. your ears stuffed from the loud music, your throat raspy from singing, legs soft from jumping around a little too much. the adrenaline doesn't want to leave, holding on to every cell of your body like it would never depart.
it's stupid, you think. how after the years have passed, you never managed to confess to him, that you thought your little dumb crush would pass- even though it never did. you grew accustomed to every time that the butterflies in your stomach replaced the tired feeling after a concert when you went to see him backstage. tonight was no different. especially as his voice was starting to be heard from a room.
"tonight was fucking amazing, guys!" he exclaims happily just as you gaze inside the room.
"it sure was," you say excitedly, awaiting for his reaction. he turns around, his face lighting up even more when he sees you, legs already carrying him quickly towards your figure as he hugs you tightly with a wide smile on his face. "it's good to see you too!" you add out of breath as you wrap your own hands around him.
six years. that's how long you've been friends. you started out as nothing more than coworkers, back when he was at the beginning of his musical career and you were only an assistant to his old producer. things evolved fast, you had a passion for writing and producing, he was the only one interested in it, and that was one of the many things that brought the two of you together. the passion you both had for music.
you left the label just a year after you met, hand in hand, ready to take on the challenges that the industry was ready to throw at the both of you.
you wrote and wrote and wrote. jungkook sang even more. and in your little home improvised studio, you managed to write, record and produce what is remembered, even to this day, as his best album.
his career boomed after that. tv appearances, fully-booked concerts in big-ass stadiums, a lot of awards (he even took you as a date to the grammys that one time), and even movie castings. no one could get enough of him. not even you.
you both became a lot more busy after that, success was taking over your lives and so, you didn't have much time to see each other. but you still did once every couple of months at his concerts, or at your birthdays, or random dinners you would plan.
he writes his own songs now, what a pity. but he still asks your opinion for each and every one of them.
"you're here!" he says, leaning out of the hug. "you made it!"
"of course i made it!" you answer with equal excitement that you find in his tone while looking into his eyes.
"oh, don't you dare say that," the man scolds as he breaks physical contact with you. "i know how busy you always are."
you smile. it's true, but never too busy to make time for him.
sometimes you asked yourself if jungkook actually knew how you felt about him. if deep in his heart he knew one of his best friends had feelings for him, but didn't want to accept it. once in a while you caught yourself staring at him for too long, or answering him in a sweeter tone than you usually do, even trying to look your best every time you saw him. maybe he knew and didn't feel the same, so he chose to ignore it.
you liked to fantasize about how it would turn out if you ever confessed to him- if it would play out like in those romance movies and he will say that all this time, he felt the same about you. you'd go ahead and move in together, you would be with him during the tours, seeing his every concert, and he would be in your studio every time you finished a song so he can hear it first.
but jungkook was a precious friend. you could never ruin that with your stupid crush.
you greet the members of his band, which you already know too well. jungkook took great pride in being your friend, so he made sure you got to meet them even before he played his first show. you congratulate them for the amazing show, and then go back to catch up with jungkook.
"so there's this after party," he says, looking at you with a demanding look on his face. it makes your heart skip a few beats. "you coming, right?"
his hair is a lot different than the last time you saw him. he used to have this beautiful medium-long black hair that went just below his pretty eyes but now he shaved his sides, bleaching it on top and dyeing it in a beautiful minty color. he sent you a picture right after he got the new haircut a few days ago, saying that he needed "a pop of color in his life now that he got to see you so rarely.". you thought about that message for days. he had a new piercing in his brow, and a few more tattoos on his hand.
"so you can ditch me again for some girl?" you huff, rolling your eyes at him jokingly.
although fame took over his life, jungkook never abused his power, but still, he was a man with needs who knew how to take advantage of his looks to take any girl into his bed. it was of no surprise when he looked way above hot even before he was a star. it never really bothered you, seeing him with all those pretty girls. it's not like you ever confessed to him.
"i never did that!" he says, hand over his heart, taking fake offense to your words. you raise a brow and he laughs. "okay, fine, I'm all yours tonight."
it makes you laugh too, knowing that at the end of the night, this will be proved as a lie and it will be just another thing you can shove in his face the next time.
"c'mon it's a good opportunity for us to catch up with each other," he pleads as he places a hand on top of yours, making your skin burn right underneath his touch.
"all right then, playboy," you say while slapping his firm shoulder. "you're lucky I'm in the mood to get wasted."
in no more than half an hour, you already arrive at the club where jungkook's party takes place. the place is crowded, filled with pretty models, different artists that you recognize from tv, and even artists you collaborated with. you see a few fellow producers that you greet with the wave of a hand and a bright smile. as you look around, you realize that the place is filled with celebrities and you might just be the most mundane of all.
you follow your friend who aims straight for the bar, greeting the bartender with a cozy handshake. he says something close to his ear, making sure he is heard even with the loud music playing in the background. the other man nods and places two shot glasses on the bar, filling them right after with clear liquid.
"cheers!" he shouts as he hands you a shot, while he takes the other one. you click the small glass to his and throw your head backward as you let the vodka pour down your throat, burning its way to your stomach.
"i'm just gonna go and say hi to some people around, that ok?" he asks as he gets closer to your ear. you remain petrified for a second, getting a whiff of his perfume as all your attention goes to how his shoulder leans into yours, the simple gesture making your heart beat faster.
you manage to nod, and with a smile on his face, jungkook makes his way through the crowd, greeting people left and right, as he makes it known that the real star of the night has arrived.
time passes by and you're left with no other choice than to drink some more, or to hold conversations with a few familiar faces that recognize you as well. you're about six shots and two cocktails down and everything starts to feel more familiar. the dance floor filled with people having fun, the bright colorful lights that shine on you every now and then as you sway your body left and right to the rhythm of the song playing...what feels the most familiar though, is how jungkook has ditched you yet again. when you see him in the corner talking to a beautiful red-haired girl, flirting his ass off as she can't stop smiling at his words, you just scoff, realizing you need another drink.
you make your way to the bar, pushing past the sweaty bodies until you reach your destination and ask for a drink.
"haven't seen you around," you hear a husky unfamiliar voice from next to you.
you turn your head to find the source and you're met with a pleasing sight. a tall man sitting straight on the stool next to you as he drinks from a glass of whiskey. his hair is dark brown, swiped away from his beautiful face, making his sharp jawline more prominent than it might be in reality. in your drunken-daze you realize that you've never seen him before- he would be a recognizable sight for you have rarely seen men as handsome as he is.
"i could say the same," you say as you raise your glass in front of him. it takes a few seconds before he touches it with his glass and drinks some more of the brown liquid.
"i'm kai." he says, beautiful smile adorning his features as he offers you his hand.
"y/n." you reply, shaking his big hand shyly. he has a soft hold on you, not making it last longer than a few seconds so you don't become uncomfortable.
"what brings you around here, y/n?" he asks curiously, and fuck, your name sounds so delicious rolling out his pretty mouth.
"ah," you begin while pulling a stool closer to him before plopping down onto it. "he is what brings me here." you complete, pointing to jungkook who seems to have a business yet to be finished with the redhead.
the more you look at him the more your heart sinks down your chest. how could he abandon you again? he could be such an asshole sometimes.
"didn't know the man of the hour had such a beautiful girlfriend," kai purrs the compliment as he leans closer.
"oh, no, no, no," you quickly blurt out with a chuckle. "i'm not his girlfriend."
he raises his brows, intrigued by your answer. you take the time to scan his features more, wide eyes framed by long eyelashes, rounded chin, and plump lips- very kissable at that.
"what?" he asks, amused by your own involuntary giggle that came out of you at the sound of your thoughts. the room spins around a little as you look into his eyes, he is definitely a charmer.
"i was just thinking," you blurt with a stupid grin on your face. alcohol in combination with a very hot man that seems to be interested in you might not make such a good combination.
"do tell," he urges as he suddenly moves one strand of hair from your face, tucking it safely behind your ear. your heart skips a bit, forcing your eyes to widen as you look at him.
"your lips," you say shyly, drifting your attention back to the meaty element plastered on his face.
"what about them?" he asks as his face comes closer to yours. he intimidates you, not in a bad way but in a "you're really drunk and you don't think you can resist him" kind of way. but then again, his attractiveness might be something you could not resist even if you were the most sober woman on earth.
you dare say nothing more as you place a hand on his muscly bicep, not knowing if you should push him away or pull him closer. time seems to be frozen in place as he awaits for your answer, and you have none other to give.
things are quite different on the other side of the room. jungkook's attention has been fully on you since the moment you sat on the bar stool, ending any conversation he had right then. his eyes were fully fixed on you, and of course, the stranger at the bar who was so obviously flirting with you. you seemed to be flirting back as well, fluttering your eyelashes at him any chance you got, and a certain unidentified feeling started to burn in the pit of his chest, making him rush to you when he saw you getting closer and closer to him. there was no way in hell you would hook up with that man in the state you're in.
jungkook often mistook jealousy for worry, but now was not the time to debate on that, not while you were almost kissing the man in front of you.
he came out of nowhere, grabbing you by your arm as he excused himself in front of kai and dragged you to a quieter hallway. a darker one that most probably led to the bathrooms, which no one was even interested in.
"what are you doing?" he growls into your ear, and if you didn't know him better you would say he sounds jealous.
"what?" you ask confused as you piece things together. "the guy at the bar?"
"yes. what was that?" he demands to know, his chest pressed against yours as he traps you between the cold wall and his sturdy body.
you start laughing, trying to push him away, but he doesn't move an inch. you look up to him in the dim lighting of the club, his cold features traced by the shadows, his wet lips that you'd wish to kiss instead of that one guy who now sits alone at the bar, you notice as you turn away from jungkook.
"can you answer me?" he asks again, this time in a softer tone as his hands cup each side of your face.
there's nowhere else to look than into his eyes. you feel mad knowing that he suddenly feels betrayed by the one thing he always does to you.
"what? i was just blowing some steam off for fuck's sake! am i not allowed? are you the only one who gets to ditch me?" you spit, feeling frustration take over your body. the audacity he has, to account you for his action when he is reckless with his own.
"just go hook up with some girl around here and leave me alone," you add as you slap his hands off your face, pushing him away as you try to maintain your balance enough to walk away from him.
"you're drunk." he remarks.
"so?" you ask.
"so you're gonna fuck some guy you just met in this state?"
maybe. maybe not. what's his deal anyway? you're a fully grown adult who can make decisions for yourself.
"i don't see how that's your problem." you reply, turning your back on him.
you take two, maybe three steps before you feel his hand pulling you back, pinning you in the same spot against the wall, trapping you again with his muscular body.
for a second you think you are dreaming. that he is not there, and neither are you. that his lips on top of yours are just a figment of your imagination, and the smell- no, his smell, is just a ghost of all the times you were close enough to him to smell it.
your nails dig into your palm just to make sure you're not imagining, and this is really happening.
his hand brushes your cheek, soft lips searching your own for some kind of resistance- which they are not met with. you melt into it, it's something you craved for such a long time, isn't it? jungkook's body presses further on yours, leaving you breathless when his other hand hugs your waist, and his tongue pushes past your lips to play with your own wet muscle.
he tastes sweet, you realize, not like alcohol the way you do, but sweet nectar that gathers on his tongue every time he slides it on your own. your body feels hot, jungkook's might be even hotter as your hands place themselves on his torso only to feel his hard abs.
no. this can't be right.
"no, no, no," you say quickly, snapping back to reality, causing jungkook to quickly stop his actions. "what are you doing?" you ask, searching his eyes filled with confusion to find an answer.
"didn't you say you wanted to blow some steam off?" he asks innocently, waiting until you roll your eyes to show you one of his smug smiles.
true. but is this the answer? you keep thinking that this must come at a price. that you will give in to temptation and end up regretting every decision you've ever made.
his face gets close to yours again. you close your eyes, preparing for another kiss, but it doesn't come. jungkook's nose brushes your own softly, then your cheek, then it grazes against your eyelashes sweetly. it tickles in a pleasant way so you giggle quietly, but he is so close that you bet he can hear your heartbeats, even over the loud music.
"come home with me," he says after a low chuckle. "please." the man adds, whispering close to your ear just so that his hot breath fans over your sensitive skin.
his voice is trembling as he pleads for you to grant his wish, and you barely manage to keep your knees from shaking as you think about his proposal. it would not be the first time you go to his home, of course, but it was the first time when it actually implied something more than just staying over.
"what for?" you tease, placing your hands on his wide chest.
you get to feel more of him as he chuckles in response to your words. you feel his muscular chest, his irregular breaths, his warmth, and even the way his heart beats.
"to blow that steam off," he answers smugly as his hands take a hold of you again, finding comfort on your hips.
"you mean you want to fuck me?" you ask bluntly. maybe the alcohol was starting to affect you a bit now.
"you don't?" he pushes, pulling you closer by your hips until there's not even an inch in between your bodies.
you do. it's like a wish come true, in reality, and in the magic of the moment, you don't even bother yourself with overcomplicated existential questions like "does he even like me, or does he just want to fuck me?" or "what is going to happen if you do it? will you still be friends? will you even talk tomorrow?". you decide to handle these questions another time, right now you aren't going to say no to something you want to do anymore.
"let's go then," you say as you lace your fingers with his, leading him out of the club. he follows closely in your footsteps, holding your hand tightly as his body comes in contact with yours once every few people decide to not make space for both of you.
you find a cab as soon as you're out of the noisy club. the driver- a middle-aged man that was polite enough to turn on the radio loudly as soon as you and jungkook started kissing, seemed to have no idea who the man accompanying you is. the exact same man who was now touchier than ever, sliding his smooth palm all over your body.
"we're in a cab." you remind him quietly when his ear comes in the proximity of your mouth.
he only chuckles darkly, scooting closer to you as he makes sure the driver doesn't see any part of your body in the mirror. his hands slide slowly up your thighs as he makes eye contact with you, lips adorning a wide smile.
"i'm sure he's seen worse, baby," he assures you as his palm climbs up your leg, until it reaches the zipper of your jeans. he pulls it down slowly while kissing your neck, his hand sneakily toying around with the elastic band on your panties.
you bite your lower lip in disbelief, trying to contain shaky breaths as jungkook's mouth becomes more insistent on your neck, leaving wet kisses and red marks blooming on your skin as he sinks his teeth into it. his smell is driving you insane, expensive cologne scented like musk and bergamont that invades all your senses, leaving no room for anything other than him.
fuck, you think as soon as his hand slides past your panties and finds a hold of your aching clit quickly, way too quickly. he smiles when your hips rise to meet his touch, craving for more as his fingers start rubbing smooth circles on your bud, igniting a certain heat in the whole entirety of your body. he kisses you again, drowning your silent moans with his mouth, his lips, his tongue, his teeth. you can't get enough.
your hand trembles as it reaches out for him, going straight to the erection in his slacks, rubbing it in the same rhythm he rubs you. you're surprised by the length and the girth of it, making your mouth water instantly as you think how it would be to have him inside you. your pussy craves it, and aches for it as jungkook's hand shows no mercy in rubbing your clit with immense hunger to see his purpose fulfilled.
you start zoning out, already feeling your body sensing everything at once when your orgasm is just near the corner, only a few more strokes and- the car stops. you jump alerted as you look out the window.
jungkook removes his hand rapidly, letting you zip your pants as he does the same with his and inches away from you. mere seconds away from him let you feel empty, unfulfilled.
"we've arrived." the driver dares to say shyly as he lowers the volume of the music.
jungkook mutters an awkward thanks as he hands him the money for the ride- way more than it could've ever cost to bring you home, but that should make up for what the driver witnessed on the way home.
you both get out quickly, and your friend is quick to come by your side and hold your waist, pulling you closer to his body, as you both start laughing.
he opens the door to his home and you enter, immediately feeling his touch as you step inside. jungkook pulls you up by the back of your thighs, and you hug his waist with your legs in your time. his palms hold you in place by your ass, stroking it sinfully as he latches his lips onto yours once again, carrying you through his empty rooms until you reach his bedroom. where he places you gently on the mattress.
he sits at the corner of the bed, removing his shirt with a single move as he looks down at you. his body is slightly illuminated by the moon shining outside his big windows and you do nothing but glare at his toned abs as you struggle to remove your shirt as well. he giggles at your clumsy attempt to do so and quickly comes to your aid, pulling it from your body. he unbuckles his belt, stepping out of his pants as his body is left only adorning his boxers. you admire him once more, taking more than a few seconds to look at his thick thighs and the half erection he has while he stands looking at you in his full naked glory. fuck, he's so hot.
the next article of clothing tossed away is your own pants, which he so masterfully gets you out of as he kneels on the ground, between your legs which he now spreads. you support your weight on your elbows as you look into his eyes, not able to mutter even a single word as he pulls your panties down with a swift movement. he pulls you closer to him, starting to place wet kisses on your thighs as he gets closer and closer to your core.
"you're so wet," he says as he slides a finger down your folds, parting them while he gathers all your wetness on his digit. "seems like you've been wanting to do this just as long as i have." he growls lowly just before latching his lips to your clit, stroking it with his tongue.
you're too busy being overwhelmed with pleasure to analyze his words for more than a second, your mind goes entirely blank as all you can focus on are the movements of his muscle. he sucks it gently, licking his way down your hole, and then back to your sensitive bud again sucking it more forcefully every time.
two fingers slide in easily, massaging your velvety walls as they make your core throb, tightening around his slender digits as you feel the pressure to let go in your whole body. he curls them inside you, brushing them against a sensitive spot you believe no one has reached ever before. his mouth shows you no mercy, he uses it to lick, and kiss, and even nibble on your clit, making your whole body spasm under his touch.
"cum for me, baby," jungkook murmurs, fastening the pace that his fingers drive into you effortlessly. "i wanna lick it all up." he adds, and his wicked words aid you in coming closer to your release. like a desperate slut, you grab his hair in a fist, while moaning awfully loud as you feel your whole body tremble. just like that, stars explode in your whole body, the electrical feeling making you feel like you're ascending to heaven as your walls pulsate around his masterful fingers. you've never had such a godly orgasm.
a man of his word, he indeed licks all of your sweet release, not letting even a drop go to waste. he rises slowly, bed shifting under his weight as he picks you up by your waist and plops you on the center of the bed. his chin is glistening, thanks to the mix of his saliva and the juices he squeezed out of you. taking your bra off, jungkook stops for a few seconds, admiring your naked body as his hands travel from your neck, to circling your nipples and then back to your thighs as he pulls you closer to his form.
"you're so fucking beautiful," he says as he smashes his lips into yours, kissing you with the same hunger that he used just a few moments earlier to devour you. his compliment make your insides twirl, heart beating faster than ever before as you swirl your tongue around his, tasting yourself on it.
your hands scratch his wide back slowly as they travel south, moving downwards just until they meet his fully erected cock. you slide them inside his boxer, finally stroking his veiny shaft. jungkook groans into your mouth, and you take pride in the fact that he acknowledges your touch and deems it pleasurable. his hips start moving as they create friction between your soft hands and his twitching member. fuck, he wants this just as bad as you do.
not being able to resist your touch any longer, jungkook gets rid of his boxers immediately, throwing them somewhere on the floor before he reaches for the drawer of his nightstand. he opens the red foiled package and slides the condom on his cock skillfully. he positions himself between your legs as he gives himself a few starting pumps.
"is this ok?" he asks all of a sudden as he stops abruptly.
"you think i'm going to stop this when you're about to fuck me?" you ask back, amused of the situation and the abrupt change in his attitude.
he chuckles, as he teases your entrance with his tip, leaning over you and taking one of your nipples into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it before biting softly into it. it makes you shiver, moaning his name filled with pleasure and a burning desire to feel him take over you completely.
"do you want me to fuck you?" he asks, voice laced with sin as he looks up to you, focusing his attention to the other nipple.
"fuck- yes!" you moan as a reply just when he lets out your nipple with a loud pop.
"how?" he interrogates further, using kisses to climb up your chest.
no one has ever asked you this before, all the men you encountered in bed until now were always selfishly chasing after their own pleasure, so they never asked what were yours.
"rough," you manage to blurt out as you feel him up again, touching his biceps and feeling muscles contract due to him supporting his weight above you. "hard...i want you to ruin me," you say before his head shoots out in surprise and he looks at you, his expression morphing quickly into a satisfied one before he kisses your jaw softly.
"never took you for someone who would enjoy that," he whispers close to you as he pushes up, aligning himself once more with your entrance.
he thought about it before?
"just tell me to stop if it becomes too much," he says just before his hands hug your waist and turn you around, your face buried instantly into the pillows as he positions your ass up.
he pushes in slowly at first, letting you grow familiar with his cock as your breath hitches from the amazing stretch. he goes in and out lazily, brushing his palms over your ass cheeks as he does so. you're already out of breath when he starts bucking his hips faster into you, setting an incredible pace that makes you hold his sheets tighter in your fists. his cock slides against your walls smoothly, hitting the newly discovered sensitive spot over and over again.
there's not much room for talking, the room is filled with moans from both of you and pleads of each other's names- they sound just like desperate prayers. he grows impatient, violently smashing his hips against your ass just like you asked, making you feel close to cumming again with each and every drive inside of you. your body burns, jungkook's body does too, making beads of sweat fall down on his white and clean sheets like a reminder to both of you of what has happened when all of this will end. you don't want it to end.
but contrary to your wishes, the man's hand finds your sensitive clit for the third time tonight, urging you to release a high-pitched moan as he starts rubbing again, faster, rougher than before. it takes a few moments before you come again under his touch, and when you do, it downs you both, his own hot seed filling up the condom as he tries to regain his breath, collapsing over your drained body. you both crumble like sand, melting into each other like you are one single being.
you feel him soften inside of you just before he pulls out, leaving your hole feeling lonely and empty as you finally drop your ass into the mattress, sinking your body into it as you roll around, managing to see him.
he's removing his condom, tying it before he throws it on the ground. "gross!" you'd think in other circumstances, but not now. he lays back into the bed, next to you, as he looks at your body like a hunter looking at a beast he managed to finally tame. sparkles are dancing in his eyes when he finally looks into yours, cupping your cheek lovingly before kissing you. he pulls you closer, but doesn't say anything, so you don't either. you nestle comfortably into his side as he hugs you warmly, the surfaces of your bodies sticking together because of the sweat.
he strokes your hair gently and you let yourself be taken to sleep in his hold as you inhale his perfume again, this time filled with the pure smell of his sweat filled with pheromones.
morning comes like a punch in the face. your head hurts because of the alcohol, and your body feels sore because of the sex. jungkook still sleeps, a few inches away from you as his chest rises slowly with each breath he takes. he looks so different, so peaceful from his usual self that is on the stage, singing his heart out onto the mic while all the lights shine on him. now, the only light shining on him is the one of the morning sun, stroking his features gently.
you get up slowly, searching for your panties quietly and putting them on.
"are trying to sneak out?" you hear his raspy voice. your attention goes to him again, laid out on the bed as he stretches, legs fully spread out and his body only masked by a piece of the blanket that covers his manhood.
"not really," you smile, as you put your shirt on lazily. "i was cold."
you get back on the bed, wrapping your own body, as well as jungkook's with the blanket. you scoot closer to him, and he instinctively hugs you like it's all he's done his entire life. minutes of silence pass before he says something again.
"would it be weird to ask you on a date now?" he chuckles.
you do too, placing your head on his chest in order to hear his heartbeats. louder than you could ever imagine jeon jungkook's heart could beat for you.
"you ask all the girls to dates after you fuck them?" you ask amused, thinking about just how many women have been in the exact same place you are right now. how many of them got to experience the magical touch of your friend?
"not really," jungkook says as he hooks his finger under your chin, forcing you to look at him in hopes that you would be able to read the honesty in his eyes. "just you." he whispers as he kisses your forehead gently.
"careful, kook, if somebody hears you they might think you like me," you say with a grin on your face as you push your weight into your elbow.
"and they might be right." he replies, same cute smile on his face as he brushes your hair out of you eyes and tucks it behind your ear.
the same gesture offered by kai last night, only it does not make you feel the same way. last night it made you intimidated, maybe even fearful of what may come next, but now it feels loving, and calming, putting your heart at ease as it does with the rest of your body.
"i do like you." he states clearly, staring into your eyes and waiting for your reaction. he doesn't know where it's coming from, but he's sure he can't ignore the way his heart] gallops faster around you anymore, nor can he forget the jealousy he felt last night. you belong with him, not some random guy at the bar. not anyone else, for that matter.
it's such a cliche, you think as you remain petrified upon hearing his confession. you lived in fear of confessing only to realize that you lost years and years wondering what could be instead of what can be.
better late than never, right?
"i like you too." you say back, kissing him after what feels like an eternity.
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hoshologies · 9 months
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if kpop ficblr missed it, my mutual @hee-pster had a work of hers plagiarized on wattpad. i decided to do some digging because usually if someone has stolen one fic, they've stolen multiple. and lo and behold, once i started searching, i found more fics that this person has plagiarized. if you're tagged here, it's because i found a fic of yours that was plagiarized by this individual. i also listed which fic they stole from you.
UPDATE: as of this morning (7/14), their entire page has been taken down! i'm not sure if it was wattpad or something they did on their own but the stolen works are no longer posted. thank you so much everyone for boosting and supporting these authors <3 i'm leaving them linked below if anyone would like to check them out and find some new authors to follow because after this whole situation, they deserve some more readers who appreciate their hard work!
@staaaaforlife: dom jealous felix (feat. soobin)
@xenizaation: project: star x (jk)
@moonlightchildz: wild (jhope)
@jungkooksrealgirlfriend: eggs breakfast (jk)
@miraclesatnightfall: perfectionist (jk)
@btssmutficslovingfan01: the afterparty (ot7 bts)
@minhrs: stress (han)
@skz317cb97: drunk confessions (chan)
@genkima: clipped (yoongi)
@nmjoo-n: dream girl (namjoon)
@sparklingchim: pretty in pink (jk)
@7brownsuga7: make up sex (jk)
@rendaze: work on you (taehyung)
@bts-hyperfixation: how y/n met bangtan (bts maknae line)
@gdjyho: star girl (jk)
@mapofthesea: 3 strikes (bts maknae line)
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atinywhore · 3 months
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their girl teaser
chapter two
{ The tips of my fingers go static with all of this pent-up tension. Watching her sleep has done something to me. Something unexpected. “Time to go play brothers.” I can’t help the smirk that is now tugging my lips upward.}
get ready babes. we are back in business. I'm going to say it here so I keep to it, but look forward to weekly updates.
tag list:  @mingigoo @whatudowhennooneseesyou @mirror-juliet @beargyuuzz @xenizaation @hwadump @kpop-choco @gabxbyr
an: if there are any new people interested in this series, please lmk if you'd like to be on the tag list and please follow along for more updates, and standalones!!!
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piedpiperslists · 1 year
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Jungkook One Shots (XLVII)
* s - contains smut
"Big Tiddie Anime Bitches" by @h0neypjm s wc~3.5k / established relationship, PWP Summary: Jungkook, bless his heart, has an obsession. An obsession with big titty anime girls and the idea of you dressed as them. His birthday is coming up, what better time to fulfil his weeb fantasies than on Jungkook's special day. Alternatively... You hate the idea of dressing up as those stupid "big tiddie anime bitches" but your love for Jeon Jungkook is stronger. Besides Jungkook will have his turn next.
Maid for You by @h0neypjm s wc~3.8k / established relationship Summary: Despite his many protests, you always thought Jungkook was the prettiest boy you have ever laid your eyes upon and you would do anything to prove it to him. It was then on one fateful night, you had then struck gold when you had stumbled upon the beauty of men in maid costumes, finally giving you a way to prove just how pretty Jeon Jungkook truly is.
In which Jungkook loves doing nothing with you. by @onlyswan wc~2.9k / established relationship, idol au
Happy Birthday Loser by @jungk0oksthighs s wc~8k / roommates au, PWP Summary: After three years of simping over your roommate, you give him one hell of a birthday celebration.
Daddy's 95 by @bambikisss s wc~3k / street racers au Summary: You were a successful underground street racer with an annoying past. He was an up-and-comer who wanted to prove himself and get the hot girl’s number.
Abundance by @xenizaation s wc~4.3k / established relationship, idol au
Project: Star X by @xenizaation s wc~6k / rockstar!Jungkook, friends to lovers
Never Be Friends by @jjungxkook wc~3k / friends to lovers Summary: A healthy mix of irritation and amusement leads to kissing and making out with your best friend. Everyone knows that.
OREOs… and Electroshock Couples Therapy by @ladyartemesia wc~3.3k / rivals to lovers, fake dating, police detective au Summary: You and infuriating precinct playboy Jeon Jungkook go undercover to lure out a killer targeting engaged couples. Literally nothing goes according to plan…
Starry Night by @kithtaehyung s wc~7k / established relationship, gamer au Summary: All you wanted to do was take your boyfriend on a super late date.
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btshoneyhive · 2 years
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bts gold network > bts honey hive
Hello! You’re being tagged in this post to inform you of the merge that is happening between BGN and BHH. Please read this post for more information as to why this is happening. If you want to complete the merge please DM Summer @yutasthetic​​ or Val @kookdiaries​ either on Tumblr or Discord! If you wish to part ways with BGN that is okay too, no further steps are required for you! This is the final reminder we will be sharing as the BGN discord server will be archived/deleted later today.
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BGN members we haven’t seen merge / that aren’t in the discord server / we haven’t heard from yet:
@kithtaehyung / @jimimn / @jinpanman / @afternoonteabiscuit / @jinrinsdiary / @rosebowl / @ggukminii / @yoongsgguktae / @foxbroart / @taehyung-bw / @nohshinwoos / @taejinnies / @jimilter​ / @joheunsaram​ / @marvelousbangtan​ / @bangtanficsforyou​ / @jungkooik​ / @bangtanger​ / @hyunnows​ / @chuimoon​ / @bangtanheartbeat​ / @jeonfully​ / @beckysworld7​ / @thebiasrekkers​ / @namchyoon​ / @opaljm​ / @evilkookie​ / @tae-cup​ / @kimtaegis​ / @bts-storys​ / @koalakookie​ / @rumue​ / @xenizaation​ / @bangguks​ / @magicshopaholic​ / @hoebii​ / @lady-hunkyhair​ / @yoonqiful​ / @jvngkook97​ / @ohshutupjimin​ / @purpleforkoo​ / @hobis-suga​ / @lomlsvmin​ / @proofofjin​ / @hobivore​​
Unable to tag: 
@jiminmellow / @for-yoongi0309 / @btsmoonlight / @jiministic 
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xenizaation · 10 months
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permanent
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pairing: fem! reader x choi san (ft kim hongjoong)
genre: angst, friends to lovers, smut
general warnings: depictions of a depressive state, mourning of partner, self-blame and slight ptsd
sexual warnings: dirty talk, pet names, manual stimulation, oral sex (f receiving), unprotected sex, creampie,
word count: 12.6k
summary: they say moving on is hard. you find that it's even harder when in the process of it, you have to accept your feelings for your friend as well.
less important a/n: ok so this was supposed to be like 5k long 🙃🙃...chile, anyways. uhm, this came from me bottling my emotions up for the last 5 months and I just wanted to let some of my suffering out in some kind of way. even if it is far from what I feel (I feel the need to specify that the events related below aren't inspired from my life, happily so). read at your own discretion, for I have tried my best to make you feel horny and miserable at the same time 🥰🥰🥰 stay safe xoxo
a/n from long later: hi i wrote this about a year ago and i found it in my drafts and hey why wouldn't i post it after not posting something in ages? haha. enjoy! altough it's probably rlly bad and full of mistakes hihi, i ain't reading this again to correct it. i love you muah
______________________________________________________
The cold air felt like needles poking at your bare skin. You ran as fast as you could, barefoot in the woods, feeling every little scratch that was tearing open the skin of your soles and staining it with fresh blood. Your lungs were holding hostage a fire as you were inhaling the cold night air, and the sweat you felt dribbling down your face and back was only of help to make you feel even colder. You looked behind, once, twice, and then a third time too, slowly reducing your pace until it came to a halt.
"What am I running away from?" you ask yourself looking around. There was nothing, no one after you. So why were you running for your life? Your heart starts to beat faster as you hear screams coming from deep within the trees. But you don't run. You can't run anymore. You just fall to the ground, embracing your knees to your chest.
"Me!"
You don't turn around. That voice is way too familiar to make you turn around. Your mouth hangs open as you try to scream but no sound comes out as your muffled moans remain drowned in the deepest point if your throat.
You gasp for air as you wake up shaking your head relentlessly, in order to try to snap yourself back to the reality you're in- so your heart would stop beating so damn fast. You groan as you look over at the watch on your nightstand and see it spell 3:37 AM. You grab your phone from next to it and shut your eyes closed at the sudden brightness the screen displays. You manage to decrease it and open your contacts.
"Still awake?" you ask, and you know you shouldn't. He always offers you more than you can give back, more than you deserve. But you can't help yourself. You cannot deny yourself the little peace you still have in your life.
"Yeah, wassup?"
"Can you call?" you hit send and it's a matter of seconds between him receiving the message, him reading the message and then his name popping up on your screen. You answer.
"Again?" San questions from the other end of the phone. You only hum in affirmation. He sighs softly as you lay down on your side, phone trapped between your ear and the pillow. You hear the clicking of the keyboard and mouse clearly, he must be working late again. And yet he always answers. More than many people you've met did for you.
"Tell me a story." you ask once again. For the...well you've lost count.
"You know, one day I'm going to be out of stories," he answers and lets out a chuckle. Bathing in your silence, he takes his time to think about what he could tell you. As he begins, you close your eyes and imagine whatever he is helping you picture inside your head. Be it the times when he was a little kid and used to walk with his grandparents down the side of a river, or the times he was a teen and was always struggling to get out of trouble, San always gave you a vast amount of details that made you worship his each and every story. And they always made you dream something pretty when you dozed out of consciousness with him still talking on the other end. This night was no exception, so when you wake up, you send him a text that expresses your gratitude as always.
"Listen, if you still want a contract renewal you need to publish something within next year," you look at your boss and feel every word he lays out weighing your body down like you're going to fall through the floor. "I get writer's block, I really do. And we gave you time. You took your time. But it's been almost two years now..." his words stop reaching your ears as you're reminded. One year, ten months and twelve days. And still counting. The count will never stop, you realize, as the event it started from cannot be reversed. You will always be stuck in a period of time since it happened.
"You're one of the biggest names here in our publishing house, Y/N. We don't want to lose you but at the same time we can't keep focusing on you if it will be to no avail." he is right. He is always right, your boss. Always had a strategic mindset, and that always helped both of you. Except now. Now he was asking for something you couldn't offer.
"I'm sorry," you manage to blurt out. "I'm trying my best and I know it's not enough." if you had to be honest, hearing yourself say those words out loud made your heart break even more that it already was. Partly because it was true, and the rest? Because it sounded like you were asking for compassion, which you thought was pathetic. You never liked people looking at you the way you caught yourself looking at homeless individuals.
"I'm gonna get something out, ok? I promise you, just please have a little more faith in me. I need you to trust me to be able to do this."
You look up and make eye contact with him. Park Seonghwa was never one who showed compassion. But as his gaze traced over your fingers picking at your cuticles, the dryness of your lips and the shadows of your hollowed eyes, you felt something you grew too accustomed with in the last almost two years of your life.
Pity.
"Come on, let me take you out on Thursday." San pleaded as he was following in your steps down the hallway of the company you worked in. You didn't expect your little trip to talk to your boss would end with this. "You literally have nothing to lose." He completed and you stopped, facing him. You met his familiar and comforting eyes, which always reminded you of a cute fox, and his dimpled smile as he watched you keenly. It has been almost four years since he started working at the same company you did, but since the beginning, you two were more than just work colleagues. It was the type of connection where you would understand each other from simple looks into the other's eyes or where you could easily finish each other's sentences. You liked to consider him your platonic soulmate but you knew that if you hadn't had a relationship at the time you two met, you would've have surely gone out together and maybe made a good couple.
Well...now you didn't have a relationship anymore but you weren't exactly in the right headspace for one.
By now, you and all the rest of your workmates knew how big of a crush he had on you, but you never let it get out of control. You were feeling kind of guilty, to be honest. Knowing that in a way, you were using it to your advantage for your sleepless nights or the ones in which sleep was ruined by nightmares. But you were sure he was getting his benefits from it as well.
"Look, I want to but I really don't wanna be a bitch to you if I suddenly feel like shit." you reply, and in all honestly, it was true. Your mood hasn't been so stable lately, understandably so.
"Well, how about this: if you wake up in a good mood on Thursday and decide it's okay to hang out, you text me, and we do whatever you feel comfortable with. And if we do go out and do something together and you end up feeling like shit then you'll tell me and I'll get you home in the fastest way possible for a human being. How does it sound?"
Not bad. He is giving you every little piece of comfort that you knew you needed but you never asked for. So you agree. It wouldn't be the first time you hang out with San, sure, you never called them dates, because to you they were not. But you knew that for any outsider it looked exactly like that. And who is to blame? You two always worked hand in hand just so well. These no-pressure type of meet-ups you two had always made you feel comfortable so that was why you were considering it this time as well.
Days pass and you spend them stuck in your home, drowning in your bitter memories and your regrets. The taste of guilt never becomes sweet, you think. Not like how alcohol does when you drink more and more of the same kind. No. Guilt only grows in bitterness and in how it burns down your throat, feeling like it swirls all of your insides once it reaches your stomach. In a way, guilt feels like the long estranged sister of love. Both let their essence hover in your mind for however long they like.
As you rise from your bed to make some hot coffee you think of what day it is. Between the mix of reliving the moments long gone in the same apartment you still stand, and the countless intents to come up with something that you could present to your boss, you didn't know which one made you lose track of time more. You checked your phone for a bit of clarity. No new messages or notifications. At this point, everyone knew better than to bother you with their worries.
Thursday.
Well, seems like you had to cancel out on someone, you thought as you tried grabbing the coffee pot on the stove, but lost in your thoughts, you pay no attention to the handle and drop the pot on the kitchen tiled floor as soon as you feel the skin on your palm burn. You swore and quickly took a few steps back so the burning coffee on the ground wouldn't get to your bare feet. You shook your hand trying to get a cold breeze to the inflamed skin but it only made it feel worse. As you stopped to look at the damage you realized it wasn't all that bad, but it sure stung like a motherfucker. You ran your hand under the cold water of the sink and looked to your right. The brown liquid on the ground was expanding, getting in every little crevice in between the tiles.
****
Coffee was getting everywhere. It splashed on the kitchen counters, it was slowly getting under them too. You froze for a few seconds after your mug made contact with the floor, shattering to dozens of pieces.
"Well, that can't be a good sign." your lover said from behind you finishing with a low chuckle. You smiled, turning on your heels and taking in his form. You woke him up, well, the mug woke him up actually. Approaching you slowly, with a slight limp in his walk and his shoulders dropped all the way down, his hair was fluffed up and his skin a nice shade of pale with a few lines from the pillow on his left cheek. He always looked so angelic, you never could put it into words, how it made you feel, seeing him first thing in the morning. It was something that made your insides crazily stir up but made gave you a sense of tranquility, at the same time. That was how loving him usually was. Two opposite sides walking hand in hand. He grabbed you by the waist and pulled you closer to him, softly pressing his lips against the crown of your head. You joined your hands behind his torso and inhaled deeply. Your heart skipped a beat as your lungs felt intoxicated with his smell.
"Today is the big day, huh?" his voice was still hoarse as he spoke, every word of his drumming in your ears. You nodded.
"I'm really nervous." you answered and let your forehead drop against his shoulder. He hugged you tighter with the hand around your waist and gently pat your head with the other.
"I know, angel. But it's gonna be alright, ok? Your friends will be there, your parents will be there and I will be there. You can lean on me." he said kissing your cheek. "You know that, don't you?" his face right in front of yours, you responded with nothing more than a slow kiss. A kiss that was rehearsed so many times before that your lips and tongues already knew what they had to do, how they had to move around each other. Sometimes it felt like a dream, how everything came so easy with Hongjoong. How you didn't have to think twice about what you wanted from him and with him. And for all you knew, and all he had shown you across the time spent together, he didn't do that either. Every morning next to him felt like the luckiest one, and every night with him ended just the same. And you knew that if you were to live a hundred more years alongside him, you still wouldn't get enough of his embraces, or kisses or just simply him. There was nothing in the world that could cure the insatiable love you felt for the man in front of you.
As he pulled away from the kiss he gestured with his head behind you. "Now how about I clean the mess you made, and you make coffee for both of us? We have a book launch to attend, after all." you laughed and kissed him again.
*****
As your breath got heavier and your eyes started to burn up you unconsciously took your phone from the kitchen counter.
"a picnic would be perfect" you text your friend. The desire to get out of the prison your house has become, growing bigger by the second.
"Tell me if this isn't an appropriate question," you heard the man next to you say, derailing your train of thought as you directed your attention towards him. The weather is hot today, it really was a good call, suggesting a picnic. You haven't been on one in a long while and you missed feeling of how the calm of the nature overwhelmed most of your senses. Also, you couldn't handle a complicated social situation on this day. So it was perfect right now, laying on a blanket, stranded in a flower freckled field with none other than San. You turn your head towards him. " What made you want to go out today?" he completed, not looking at you. He was laying on his back, with one arm under his head and his eyes closed, as if he feared the reaction you were going to have to his words. You didn't blame him for asking. In a similar situation where the roles would be reversed, you knew for sure you would ask too. After all, you and San were made of many of the same things. " Don't get me wrong, I'm happy you agreed, but it didn't seem like you would." he adds.
"Some days my house feels like a torture chamber." you say turning on your side and facing him, supporting your head on your angled arm. He was so still, you could barely even notice the way he slowly breathed in and out. It was as if the sun was painting his portrait and he was afraid to move, to not mess it up. Every ray that was falling on his exposed skin seemed to caress him the way a lover does.
"And some days it does its job." you completed after returning on your position on your back, mimicking his. "Today just didn't felt like one of the days I'd like to be tortured." you finished and felt his gaze on you right before you closed your eyes. If you thought he seemed worried, you made sure not to address it.
"One time when I was little, I was playing with a friend of mine," you smiled, realizing this is just the beginning of one of his captivating stories. "I don't remember how we got to that point, but he left me in a room and said he was gonna lock me there, and so he got out and he did." a bit darker than what he usually tells you, but still intriguing.
"At first I thought it was fun, that we would take turns locking each other in the room but he wasn't coming back. The room had only one window but it was locked when I tried to open it and get out. So I just waited. I think hours passed, it was getting dark and I was getting worried and hungry, thought I'll be stuck there forever, until it crossed my mind. I never even tried to open the door. Turns out it didn't even have a keyhole."
"San, if you're trying to put me to sleep with this one, just know it doesn't really work." you say smirking, still holding your eyes closed as you let the sun bathe your face.
"I'm not, Y/N. I'm trying to tell you that most of the times, the doors aren't locked. We just think that they are." he responds and you open your eyes to look into his. His look is full of compassion, and a bit of sadness that you choose to overlook. You finally understand what he means to tell you and you realize he is right. But even if a door isn't locked, you shouldn't open it unless you're ready to do so. You gently touch the back of his hand, and he is quick to caress your fingers with his thumb, changing his focus to where your hands are joined.
"Thank you," your words came out more like a whisper than you would've liked. "I know I don't do much for you...but I'm hoping I'm not that much of a nuisance, like I feel I am." he turns his hand, joining his fingers with yours and making eye contact with you. The simple gesture of affection made your head dizzy in a way you haven't felt in a long time. Your heart creaks up a little.
"You couldn't be one even if you tried," he said, his gaze lazily tracing the outlines of your face. You were the most beautiful thing he's ever seen in his life, even now. Even after all the hardships you've been through, and that you're still going through. The adoration his heart held for you never stopped burning, no matter how much he wished for it to do so. For San, loving you was as easy as it sounded and as hard as it could get. Setting his eyes on the bags under your eyes he recalled a memory that stood like a scar on his brain. Your eyes were so dark that day, your eye bags a shade of purple he hadn't seen on any painting quite yet. Your lips were pale and chapped and your skin looked like it lost all its pigment.
Black didn't suit you so well, he thought. Not when it was worn the way you were wearing it then.
But the worst came when it was time to say goodbye. He still remembered your cries and wails and it made the skin on his spine tremble in its place. Could he ever forget how, on that day, you looked like the angel of death?
Now you looked better...like life was coming, little by little, back into your body, and the pure sunlight was definitely helping it. He should let the sun see you more often, he thought.
You pulled your hand from his when you felt like his eyes were analyzing your features for a bit too long. Rising in a standing position, you started examine the insides of the basket he prepared.
"Oh my God! You brought me watermelon!" you shouted loudly as you took the container holding the red pieces of fruit in it. The only thing San could do at your reaction was laugh, throwing his head back to look at the puffed up white clouds.
Four days since you brushed your teeth, three since you showered, two since you changed your clothes, one since you ate, and one year, eleven months and fourteen days since you've last held the love of your life in your arms. But, hey, who's keeping count anyways?
Time loses all its meaning when you confine yourself like you are some dangerous animal meant to be locked up in a cage. Between the moments you try to stay awake and the ones you try to sleep, you have little to remember. The only thing that gives a little light to the fog in your brain is San. His stories in the middle of the night, conversations you happen to have during the day and occasional meetings that you're always the one to initiate. He always makes you feel good, always picks the right words to say and you don't know how he has the patience for such things. You love and hate him for it. You love him for being such a considerate and kind person, and you hate him for making you forget. It's strange when you get home and reality dumps on you at the front door. The reality you actually live in and not one you indulged yourself to have with San for a few hours. It's just...with him everything is colorful and melodic but when you get home the only thing you hear are your sighs echoing off the walls back into your ears. You wished you could be stuck in the feeling you have around him forever, but at the same time, every time you have that feeling you feel guilty for it. Like it's impossible to allow yourself any sort of break.
The last days have been impossible to get through. All you did was look around at the mess that was around you. A mountain of clothes, waiting to be washed for weeks now, a sink full of dishes and mugs, lots of crumpled sheets on the ground ( proof of all your tries to put something together). Everything was a disaster, inside and out. You had no willpower to do anything about it but you knew that the more you would stay in a shitty space, the more you would feel like shit. So for the first time in months, you opened the window.
*****
He placed the two mugs on the windowsill as he opened the window, allowing the cold breeze of the morning to brush over the exposed skin. He watched you closely as you made sure to turn off the stove and place the coffee pot in the sink. Your eyes met his as you felt the cold air run down your back, giving you shivers. He smiled contentedly at the sight of your body slowly shuddering. The "window" habit was a thing Hongjoong let into the relationship since the beginning of it. It was crazy for you how sometimes you caught him doing it first thing after waking up. You loved to watch him open the window and inhale the morning air with his elbows pressed against the wooden frame. Those moments wouldn't last long, but you treasured them more than he maybe thought about it. There was a thing about this domestic life, and seeing him do his own rituals that had you turn into quite the observer.
"You love to make me cold, don't you?" you smile brightly getting closer and closer, until you reach the space right in front of him.
"Angel, you're so hot in the morning that I'm afraid you might overheat. I need to cool you down a little, don't I?" he says on his usual cheeky tone, the one you grew to love in such little time. As he places his hand on your hip, you take a sip of your coffee. Like your actions served as a reminder of the hot liquid resting in his mug, he does the same.
"I can think of some other ways you could cool me down..." you say as you hook your finger on the front waistband of his pajama pants, sliding it from left to right. He chuckles in his mug and pulls you closer. Your chests rise in unison as you look each other in the eye, you don't say anything but this moment feels like a promise neither of you wants to break.
He looks to his left, at the city and at the people. Taking advantage of the opportunity, you place a few slow kisses on his jaw.
"I want us to find a new place," he says scooping you up as you squeal in surprise. You hook your legs behind his waist instantly while he walks towards the bedroom. "I want a balcony." He completes before kissing you and you laugh into the kiss, thinking of the many ways you two could make use of said balcony. He sure was thinking the same thing you did, giving how he started laughing as well.
His laugh was the only thing you ever wanted to hear again.
*****
You look down at the windowsill and see the brown marks in the body of two circles imprinted on the wooden surface. You always told him to use the damn coasters. Now the wood was stained. Permanently stained. Permanently ruined. Just like you were.
As you get on with cleaning you try to keep your brain busy with thoughts like what you should do after you finish a task, and what you should do after that one is finished as well. You thank yourself for choosing to clean, as you get out of the shower and throw yourself into the bed. Not only does it now smell like flowers, but you're also tired enough for sleep to steal you the minute you close your eyes.
"Ha! Check mate!" San exclaimed from the other side of the table you both were sat at. This was an odd activity that you had never done before. Playing chess, in a park, fully exposed to the summer sun. And you weren't even middle aged. Crazy to see how far the desperation to get out of the house will make someone go. But if it was with San, you were sure that there weren't many place where you wouldn't go.
"Your mind seems to be elsewhere," he said, angling his head innocently like the little puppies do when you tell them not to lick the outlet. His black hair was swooped out of his face, making his cheekbones pop out in a way you didn't think it was more humanly possible.
"Oh, you know damn well I suck at chess, San." you said kicking his queen with your finger. It became clear to him that you were an unfit partner for this game after like, the half of the first match. As the piece made contact with the chessboard, San tittered, making his eyes turn into crescents and his dimples scar his cheeks again.
"You just don't want to learn," he said as he started picking the pawns. You gave him a hand, collecting all the pieces on your side.
"You play the pawns when you still have the queen..." he offered a dramatic sigh as he clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth. True, it was more comfortable to lose with the pawns than with the queen.
"How's the book going?" placing the game of chess in his backpack, he made eye contact with you as he pressed his elbows against the surface in between. You sigh.
"It's not," you admit thinking about all the documents you've erased the last month or every manuscript you tossed in the trash. Nothing was coming together and you hated every word after writing it. Not only was this process driving you mad but it also made you doubt all your abilities as a writer. People would expect more from someone who had a bestseller out there, you thought. But it wasn't your job to rise to anyone's expectation.
"Maybe I was just a one hit wonder." you say smiling sadly. It really did pain you to think that you weren't able to do the sole thing you ever thought yourself good at. But maybe, after you lived in a thousand realities in the past two years (as of today, maybe the reason why you wanted to get out of your home so bad), this was your new one. A reality in which you weren't able to write anymore. Fear was not even close to describe how you felt about the future.
"Don't kid yourself, I know you'll make it eventually." San offers, grabbing your hand in his. "You know, you should be the last person who is hard on yourself." he rubs your hand with his thumb. You wish you could pull away from his touch, or to at least want to pull away. But you don't. His touch is comforting and not a lot of things in your life are that way right now. As you look at him there is a sudden desire to punch yourself in the face, for the only thing that comes through your mind is to thank him again. As you did countless of times before. He did say he grew tired of it.
"You know what I'm in the mood for?" you avoid the subject successfully as he rises his eyebrows, showering you in all his undivided attention. "Drinking my sorrows at a shitty bar." you finish off, painting a big smile on your face. He mirrors it as he sighs through his teeth, letting go of your hand. He notices your intention to avoid talking about anything serious. Anything that might actually help you. You always do it, that is exactly why you talk to him only about nonsense and why, when you call him in the middle of the night (and when he always, always answers) you make him tell you a story. Leaving him to be the only one to talk as you doze off. Never leaving room for him to ask you what is wrong or what you dreamed of. Is how you got on until then, and maybe that is why it went so slowly, the whole "moving on" thing everyone was telling you about. But it was the thing that worked best for you, you figured. Not talking about the elephant in the room got you this far, you can go a little more like that.
"Well, I happen to know the perfect place for that," rising from his seat, he extends his hand towards you. "Shall we?"
You didn't know if it was the alcohol or the bar lights or simply just him. Honestly, you couldn't tell the difference between many things anymore, but as you looked at San talking, you felt more attracted to him than ever. The mole near his eyelid seemed more prominent now, and so did his muscular arms under the fitted shirt he wore, and oh, the freckles painting constellations on his neck. His eyes were sparkling brightly and his teeth were showing from time to time. You looked closely as he licked his lips after taking a sip of his beer. The way he was doing it seemed almost erotic. That one part of your brain that would feel bad for having these thoughts has died when you drank your fourth shot, but you were glad it did. You felt more comfortable now, and with San here, there was not a lot more that you would wish for. Not realistic wishes anyway.
"I need to know which side you stand on," he says angling his body towards yours. "Socks on or off during sleep?" San asks with a serious face, as if he asked if you enjoyed kicking puppies in the face or eating toddlers for dinner. You burst out laughing at the mix of the question and his expression.
"Off, I'm not a psychopath." you answer through your stilled laugh. He frowns.
"Oh no, you're definitely a psycho. Do your feet not get cold?" a bit of frustration could be heard in his voice.
"How would I know? I'm asleep the whole time." you sip from your drink. "Don't tell me you like pineapple on pizza as well..." you plead looking at him.
"And what if I do? It's a good combination! It's like mint chocolate, de-li-cious." San smiles proudly at his outrageous statements. Maybe he is not the person you thought he was. God, he told you so much and yet you still knew so little. That was one of the most intriguing things about him. That you felt like a lifetime wouldn't ever be enough for you to get to know him completely. Like everyday he would pick another thing to like, or something utterly new to do so he doesn't get bored. He always told you how he gets bored of things and people so fast. And yet there he was, still by your side. Maybe you were the mystery he didn't get to solve yet.
"Dude, not toothpaste too.." you cry out as you push his arm, but instead of pushing him, you push yourself. You almost lose your balance off the bar stool, but San's quick reflexes kick in and grab you by the arm, pulling you back in sitting position. He cackles as you try to maintain your balance.
"Maybe we should get you home." he says laying some bills on the bar. You hum in approval and get to your feet as you follow him out of the bar, which was indeed shitty. San is a man of his word.
The walk home was short and calm as you focused more on seeming sober than to what was happening around you. It already got dark as you two strolled past the abandoned streets laughing about things you unwillingly forgot as soon as you finished laughing. This moment, you thought to yourself, is the one that you would remember when a certain song plays. One that will give you the same sensations you feel in this moment. And far away from right now, when you know you will be better, when you listen to that certain song, you'll think wow, so much has changed. That moment could happen 10 days from now, or ten years. You don't know yet. But something about this uncertainty makes you relax somehow, knowing that you still have hope. And most of it is thanks to San. He may not be aware of all the things that he is helping you with, but you are. It's like a mental list that you never stop writing on. Could you ever repay him for any of it?
"Here we are," he says as he places his hand on your shoulder and you take a hold of his arm as he rattles on about not drinking anymore and going to sleep and whatever else he decided to nag you about. Your focus is only on his lips, and then his eyes, and his lips again, and his hand on your arm, and then feeling his arm flexing underneath your touch, and the feeling of being taken care of by someone. You realize you don't want this night to end quite yet.
"Do you wanna come in?" you interrupt, and observe his quick reaction of rapidly shutting his mouth and widening his eyes.
"I could use a live storytelling session right now." you add.
What where you asking for exactly? As you looked at him hesitate for a bit, you weren't sure that you knew either. But after a few seconds of looking around, he hums in approval as he nods and follows you inside your home. It's not as clean as you would wish but not as messy as to apologize for anything. You both take off your shoes and walk into the open space living room. Feeling San's presence close behind you, you turn and signal for him to sit down on the couch as you go to a little counter.
"I have vodka, whiskey and some cherry liquor," you turn your head back towards him. He was sitting on your couch now. But not how someone who entered their friend's apartment for the first time would be expected to sit, no. Because he didn't have that posture of "oh, I don't want to make myself comfortable because my presence here is out of place". No. He looked like he fucking owned the place. Like he payed the bills. Like he chose every single piece of decoration there was inside your home. And you weren't mad about it, if you were being honest. The everlasting confidence that was emanating out his every pore always looked good on him. His legs were spread apart, and you didn't forbid yourself to spend more than a few seconds scanning his thighs, thinking of numerous ways you could make use of them. Prominent Adam's apple marked his throat as his head was thrown back over the backrest. It seemed that he moved in slow motion, lazily pulling his head up and in your direction.
"Glass of whiskey would be nice." he answered through a half pout as his hands splayed even more on the higher edge of the couch. Obeying his orders, you unconsciously let his choice be the one you make as well, so you pour the liquid in two glasses. The strong scent hits you immediately, and you know you won't be able to drink it, the alcohol in your system will reject this on the spot if you dared adventure too far. But you decided back when you invited your friend into your house, tonight was the night you were going to test your limits.
You sit yourself on the couch, next to the man you hide your desire for not so well, closer than you usually would. And he seems to observe regarding the fact that he appears to be leaning a bit into you. Maybe it's in your head. He sips from the glass you hand him, licking his lips again, the gesture he did at the bar seems to be hitting you in a certain, already wet, spot in between your legs as it did a little time ago. He hums right after swallowing the drink, you follow with interest the way his Adam's apple moves up and down. Why is he being so unworldly attractive tonight? Is it really the alcohol or has the sexual tension finally built up enough for you to not be able to take it anymore. You feel an unexpected, but not unwelcomed, ache in your heart and stomach and definitely in your pussy. He places the glass down, with careful fingers, on the table before you and resumes his previous stance, except now one of his hands chooses to rest on the thigh closer to you. You admire it from respectable distance, one which you weren't sure you'd be able to maintain for too long. His hands were clean, nails kept short on his slender long fingers, and the rings adorning them only completed the way his veins were traveling down the back of his palm. Will there ever be a time where you could look at Choi San and not like what you see? Highly doubtful.
"That's some good shit," finally his face catches your attention, and happily so. He looks at you through his lashes, smirking with one corner of his beautiful mouth. You wondered how his lips might feel. On yours, on your neck, your chest, everywhere. "never took you for a whiskey person."
"I'm not," you say through a bittersweet smile and you realize that maybe you really, desperately need the alcohol right now, so you chug some of it down. "it's been laying around." you finish the sentence and then the glass of whiskey and you place it down the table, next to his. The contrast of the glasses, one empty and one half full, makes you amused in some kind of way. It let's you reminiscence of the many times that you heard from a certain someone, how you were always rushed in the most unfit situations. It was true.
As you look back to San, you feel like you are left with no choice than laying on your back and placing your head on his lap. So you do, maybe slower than you feel you move in your drunk-dazed mind. As you nuzzle the back of your head into his thighs, you close your eyes, for your vision was getting blurry and the room slowly spun around.
"You can begin anytime." you sigh out and feel him shifting a bit underneath you. He chuckles lowly and it takes him a few moments to adjust to the situation presented before him, it would be strange to you too. These were exactly the kind of things that you hesitated to do with San, because you partly knew his feelings for you, so you didn't want to give too much water to the well. Exactly the kind of intimacy that would leave room to hope for more, want more.
And not only from his side.
"I met this girl a while ago," he starts and softly places his hand on top of your head, massaging your scalp and slowly pulling at strands of your hair. "she's the whole package. Smart, funny, kind and so fucking hot." , safe to say you don't expect his last words to hit you like they do. A tad bit of jealousy makes its presence felt in the bottom of your heart, thinking that there might be a possibility that he doesn't refer to you. But the slow strokes his fingers offer your head make you feel too good to give it any importance.
"She's got this thing about her, I don't know how to even say it. It's like every time we talk, we knew each other since birth and like the first time we ever met, all at once. It's incredible, really." the way he talked was how you only heard people talk in movies. Hopeless romantic to the very end.
"Sounds like she's got you head over heels." you huff out slightly annoyed.
"Yeah, you'd be shocked," silence following his words, words that had a heartbroken nuance to them. He continues to massage your head and his touch feels so good, so comforting, so familiar. Like he did it every time he saw you, like he at least imagined doing it every time. "she really loves my stories." he adds after what seems to be like forever, and his hand stops, pulling itself out of your proximity. Your eyes shoot open and you find his gaze upon you. At the same time he looks sad, his eyes are also filled with anticipation, of what is to come, of how you would react to the fact that he just confirmed it was you he talked about. You sit up, trying not to let the slight dizziness in your head get the best of you and turn to him. Faces close to each other, studying him one last time before things change between you two. He wants it. And you clearly want it. Both of you so bad that it's not even a surprise how you meet halfway into a kiss. You thank the universe in your head, for it being this way. For you to not beat yourself up too much later that you initiated anything. So you let yourself sink into the feeling of him, his smell intoxicating. You know that it will be hard to not feel it in your lungs for a long time after this, and you were happy for it to be that way. Your lips are shy at first, not used to kissing anymore, not used to someone who hasn't kissed you before. But the feeling is more than pleasant. He takes his time, slowly nipping away at your bottom lip, swiftly pushing his tongue into your mouth. Your teeth clash and you both smile, licking into each other's mouths a bit more. His lips are soft and so warm, this feeling has long been forgotten by your mind. He pulls away and you gasp for air, he reaches to brush the hair out of your face and cups your face gently, looking into your eyes with a glimmer you were sure you haven't seen on him before. But you knew exactly what it meant.
"I don't want it if you don't." he says, assuring you once again that his actions will only be made for your comfort.
"I can't even tell you how bad I want it." your voice soft as it answers, and after receiving your words with wonder on his face, San downs the whiskey left in his glass, only to rush kissing you right after he gulps it down. If the first kiss was both of you navigating uncharted waters, now you were both desiring more. Hungrily devouring each other, whiskey tasted so much better on his tongue. You climbed into his lap as he pulled you closer to his chest. Serving as a reminder, you needed to get that shirt off of him. And as you helped him get rid of it, you weren't even surprised of how he looked even better than what you kept picturing all night. He returned the favor of undressing you of your shirt, and briefly cupped your breasts through your bra as he pulled you into another kiss. His hands quickly running to your waist, pulling you deeper into his lap, feeling him get hard underneath you, moment by moment. One of his palms traveled down to massage your butt cheek through your jeans, and the other quickly moved up to unhook your bra deftly with steady fingers.
"You must be popular with the ladies." you whisper close to his mouth and he chuckles.
"Not with the ones I want." he replies and you jokingly slap his bicep in response. He pulls the bra off throwing it somewhere nearby and admires your chest for a second too long before taking one of your nipples in his mouth. You throw your head back and whimper at the feeling of his tongue swirling around the sensitive part of your breasts. You tangle your fingers in his hair as you try to slowly ride his thigh, feeling the need to get rid of the tension in some kind of way. He let's your nipple out of his mouth with a lewd pop and laughs as he glues his hand to the back of your head, forcing you to look into his eyes.
"Darling if you want something you just need to ask," he brings his mouth over to your chest, planting sprinkled kisses along your collarbones. "my thigh? my fingers? my cock?" he asks in between suctions on the soft, sensitive skin of your neck. You were so sexually frustrated that you thought you were going to cry, and his words definitely didn't help. If something, they only made the tightness in your belly feel even tighter. "Which one will it be?" he asks finally as his eyes find yours again. You barely manage a pathetic whimper as he let's go of your head to unbutton your jeans. His hand slides slowly until it meets the band of your panties, but it doesn't go further, his eyes stopping on your face.
"Fuck, San, I want everything." you finally verbalize for him, your words laced with desperation for him to take things further. He closes his eyes and smiles in satisfaction when hearing your words, resuming the attack on your neck, biting down some marks here and there. His fingers finally get a hold of your clit and you shudder at the sensation. The circular motions he starts only make you moan his name quietly, through whimpers. It's been so long since you touched yourself like that, let alone somebody else. Masturbation was a thing you couldn't get back into since everything happened. Every time you tried, your mind only pictured Hongjoong, and it always ended with you crying without releasing in any kind of way. That was how you spent the last two years of your life, no wonder you were sexually frustrated. But now, the only thing on your mind was San, and how you could get him to make you cum faster. The position wasn't really a favorable one, he didn't have much access and so, his movements were limited and slow. San sinks his hand further down, teasing your hole with his middle finger, coating it in your arousal.
"You're so wet baby," he slowly pushes his finger into you, wandering into your inside, and your tightness. It did definitely feel like rain after a long drought. He pumped his finger inside you a few times, adding an extra one after a few seconds, stretching you in a way that has become unfamiliar but satisfying all the same. He fastened his pace and you unconsciously started to ride his fingers, chasing after your long awaited release. It wouldn't last too much, taking in consideration that you haven't orgasmed in so long. Your left hand was on San's nape, anchoring you to some sort of reality that he was indeed there, and the other one was on his chest. It wasn't much longer until your body conjured the estranged feeling in your tummy, you were close. San seemed to read your thoughts once again as his movements came to a halt, you offered a frustrated whimper in return. He lifted you up of his lap and placed you on your back next to him. He helped you get rid of your jeans and then your panties.
"I know you want to cum, but I want you to do it in my mouth." his face in between your thighs, breath fanning over your aching core. This time he didn't wait for a verbal response anymore, and you were glad he didn't. His warm tongue licked a long swipe starting from your hole to your clit, his mouth latched to it with sensual movements, sucking and licking at it, taking all the time in the world.
"Ho...ly fu-fuck," you gasped as you threw your head back into the cushion of the couch, arching your back under his ministrations.
His tongue was skilled, and so were his fingers when they slid inside you for the second time tonight. He curled them up, hitting your g-spot every time he pumped them in. Your body shuddered hardly at the sensation.
"Feel good?" he asked looking up at you, for the first time since he positioned you like this, you looked down at him. And what a sight for sore eyes, so lewd that if you looked at it for long enough you would cum without him needing to do anything to you anymore.
"So good," you reply and place one of your hands into his raven hair when he continues abusing your sensitive bud in the best way you could think of, he continues his movements with his tongue and his fingers, and it's only a matter of seconds until it builds up. You pull at his hair as he deepens his head in between the thighs that are now clenched around his head and it finally all becomes too much for you.
"Fuck....San....ahh," you cry out whilst shutting your eyes tightly, thing that makes you see stars in the back of your head.
You feel proud for satisfying his wish. San seems too feel so as well. You come undone on his fingers, and he pulls them out quickly to attend your releasing wetness with his inpatient tongue, you feel as if you could pass out from the soft stimulation. Such a long time since you've had an orgasm and this might have been the best way to have one.
"Fuck, you taste so good," he says as he slowly rises and takes his place above you, letting you have a taste yourself as he kisses you, swirling his wet muscle in every corner of your mouth, making sure none of it is getting left untouched by him. You sure do taste better on his tongue. Feeling his hard dick press on the inside of your thigh, in all its dizziness, your brain only wants more.
"Can we go to the bedroom?" you ask nicely, only to be met once more with San's surprised face. Like the thought that you still might want more never crossed his mind. He helps you up by the waist and lets you guide the way to the room. As you enter the it you quickly run to the bed, throwing yourself on it as you giggle like you're high, and you might as well be. High hormones had the same effect as weed for you. San only shakes his head with a smile on his face, while looking down and getting his belt off. Shit, this is really happening. Really finally happening. He slowly approaches the bed, ridding himself of his pants as he reaches the edge of it. Your friend pulls down his boxers as well, and you watch closely as his erect member is finally out of its entrapment, it springs up vividly, slapping against his torso. You're left in surprise at the sight of his girthy, definitely above average long, cock. You bite your lip involuntarily and he laughs to your reaction.
"You don't need to," you quickly blurt out as soon as you see him pulling a condom from his wallet. "I mean...I'm clean, if so are you then..." well it's safe to say you've became quite a desperate little thing during your two, deprived of sex, years. "then, we don't need to worry." you finish your sentence.
"You sure?" he asks for confirmation once again.
"Yeah, 'm sure." you respond and beckon him with your index finger. He muffles out a swear word you don't quite register as he drops the condom from his hold, quickly climbing on the bed. He crafts a better position above you, kissing you gently as he lines up his tip with your entrance. You whine in anticipation, lips still attached to his own, softer ones. He slowly pushes himself inside, taking lots of time to make sure your tightness grows comfortable around him. It hurts. Not only it is the first time with San, it felt like the first time altogether. At first, it seemed like your damn hymen grew back. Ironic, considering the amount of sex you used to have. You frowned as you whimpered softly into his mouth. He quickly broke the kiss, watching you with a slightly panicked look on his face.
"Hey, you all right?" he brushed the hair out of your face with his right hand, holding his weight on his left arm. You slowly started to get used to him, your whole body relaxing noticeably when seeing his face.
"Yeah, you can move." you stated with a voice glazed with desire. He did as asked, moving his hips in slow strokes, every time trying to deepen himself more inside you. He groaned each time his dick reached a new part of you.
"Fucking hell, how are you so fucking tight?" he lets out in a tone that almost seems annoyed with the state of your pussy.
"You...are the first...since then." you speak in between craving moans. He shudders at your words, stopping for a second, as he buries his forehead in the crook of your neck.
"Well, damn, princess. Should've let me stretch you out sooner." he whispers into your ear. And that is by far the most obscene thing that has left his lips tonight. He started moving again, this time picking a pace that had you crying out for his name. You couldn't think of much else when San was fucking you, his cock kindly brushing over a certain sweet spot every time it reached its depth. His dick and your pleasure occupied most of the place inside you and your mind, respectively. But at one point, you did try to recall how exactly you ended up right there. Somewhere along the way of finding the answer, you realized it didn't matter how, it mattered that it did. And the strokes that San was driving into you only made you thank the universe that it happened. Following after his release, he increased his speed. His voice was starting to get raspy after groaning and moaning, as did yours, both of your throats dry now.
"I...I think I'm gonna cum..." he whispered in your ear, and you immediately understood the question hiding behind his words. Your mind was in a state of debate for a few too many seconds. In or out? The only person that ever came in was him. In or out? But you wanted San to cum inside you so badly. In or out? That wouldn't be fair. In or out? But why wouldn't it be?
"Inside." you determinately say. His movements begin to grow messy, losing rhythm. He immerses into you deep, almost knocking you out with the way his cock is so richly stuffed inside you, and he let's out an angelic cry as he fills you up with white ropes of his hot seed. With his forehead glued to your shoulder, San pauses to catch his breath for a few seconds, before pulling his body up to get better vision of you. He cups your cheek and kisses you softly once again, pulling himself apart from you quicker than expected.
"You're so beautiful," he brushes his thumb over your lips. "I could look at you for all eternity." your heart thumps heavily when hearing his words. It made no sense for you how someone who looked like him, could tell you that you're beautiful. It seemed so far away from your reality, but still, you were thankful. At a loss for words, and only giving a shy smile in return, San mirrors it as he ascends and then throws himself in the empty space next to you. The only thing that is heard the next few minutes is both of your breaths as your chests heave. You nuzzle up into San's side, he embraces you with his arm as you grab him by the waist, laying your head on his chest. He kisses you on the crown of your head as he starts humming a melody that you don't think you've heard yet. Nonetheless, sleep gets a hold of your tired body and mind quickly, and you don't know if it's the alcohol that creates an illusion, or if it's just San's presence, but throughout your dreams you feel as if you are guarded by an angel.
Easily the best sleep you've had in a while. You are reminded of how easy it is to fall asleep on someone else's shoulder, just as you wake up.
*****
Before you met him you always thought you were better at spending time alone than you were at spending time with others. Now your thoughts had changed about the matter. It was like you were made only for being in Hongjoong's company, and when you were, you felt at peace. Like nothing could affect you ever again. The moments after sex were the ones you loved most, it almost felt like after your bodies were joint, your souls were getting combined as well, while laying on one another. He had his warm hand draped against your waist, playfully tracing circles on your soft skin, humming whatever song came to his mind. Your hand was on his bare chest and your head in the crook of his armpit. If you would be stuck in a time loop made only of this moment, you would never get sick of it.
The heat his body was emanating seemed to strangely warm you up from inside out, and the smell that was around the two of you was making your mind dizzy and your lungs crave for more. Feeling his chest rise as he inhaled and exhaled made you realize that your breaths were in sync, and hearing his heartbeat, you were sure they were too, in sync with yours. For you, loving Hongjoong was such a natural thing to do, like you two were extensions of each other and worked at full capacity only when together. His fingers slowly took a hold of your hand which he brought to his lips, he kissed it and then squeezed it tightly. You looked up into his eyes. His beautiful eyes sprinkled with love and adoration as he watched you.
"I think that every day I spend with you, I find a new meaning to love." he brushes your cheek gently and you stay silent, your mind in a stage of awe at how greatly he sums up the things you feel, without even talking to each other. You smile as you kiss him again and again and again.
"Then let's find a new meaning to love together for the rest of our lives," still standing close to his face, you see him smile and you do as well. You knew that even in the darkest of days, his smile would always lighten up your whole world. He pecks your lips again and suddenly tries to get up from the bed, the coldness you feel not only in your body, but your heart as well, wraps around your mind and you quickly grab his hand. He stops and kneels on the bed, looking at your uncovered body still on display for the flame that takes ahold in his enchanting eyes.
"We'll be late..." he says as he gets closer to you. That wouldn't be a problem, you think. The author should be allowed to be late to their own book release, right?
"Ten more minutes," you plead as you pull him towards you. He smirks and let's you take control of both his mind and body, as he lays on top of you, filling you up with the heat emanating from his body once again. After all, ten minutes wasn't that much, right?
*****
There it was. The selfishness that has made you lose him. The selfishness that brought you here with San. Everything was your fault. You lost so much of yourself the day you lost Hongjoong, but you were sure your last bit of humanity was completely lost the day you let Choi San believe that you could love him the same way he did. How could you be so reckless? You couldn't even blame the alcohol anymore, only your fucking stupidity. You used the only friend left that you cared about, as a rebound. And he doesn't even know. You looked up at the man who was holding you tight against his chest, as if not to lose you. He was still asleep. His natural unflawed beauty made your heart exclaim in agony as you traced his features with your gaze. As thoughts were overwhelming your mind, you placed your head in its initial position. Your eyes were starting to sting when tears started to form up.
You were the worst there was, weren't you? You killed your boyfriend and you deceived your friend into being your distraction, from all the pain and guilt, in more than one way. You didn't recognize yourself anymore, not after so much time of ignoring all your thoughts and suppressing all your feelings thinking it would get better. It didn't get better, the opposite actually, seeing where you stand right now. It was all because of you, and your selfishness, and it could've all be avoided if you didn't wish for fucking ten more minutes.
You started quivering and sobbing.
"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" San confusedly asks. This should be a sight to see as soon as you open your eyes. The girl you were balls deep in the night before, crying in front of you the morning after. Comforting you came natural to him, like he has been doing it for all his life. And you realized he did do it, not for all his life, sure, but since it happened. He has done his best to comfort you in every way he could. And he always succeeded. And this is how you repaid him. How could you be such a fucking asshole?
"San you need to...you have to leave...I'm sorry." you say through sniffles as it gets harder and harder for you to control the tears pouring down your face. You cannot look him in the eyes but you do get a peek at his grave look, how he looks down, unsure of what to do.
"Did I do something?" he quietly asks with a certain thread of fear in his voice, as if he was terrified of what his question might cause. You wish you could tell him that at the same time he didn't do anything, he also did too much. His kindness and love were too overwhelming for you in the state you were in.t. No matter how much he tried, his love couldn't repair you. You were the only one who could do that, but for what felt like the longest time, you didn't want to do it. Maybe it was time to try now.
"God, no..." you barely manage to blurt out. Speaking seems like the most tiring thing to do right now. "I just have to be alone right now." trying to stop your tears briefly, you look him in the eyes as he retracts his hands off of you. And you can't help but feeling it again, even if you know that it's not the case. Abandoned. Once again, and like the first time, it was all because of you. He got up from the bed, quickly dressing himself in the heavy silence that was surrounding both of you. You slowly hugged your knees to your chest, slightly burying your head in the space that you created. Maybe it wasn't for the best to be left alone but you were afraid of what might happen if you weren't. You saw San walk to your front door, put on his shoes and look at you for a last time. You looked up at him with teary eyes.
"Y/N, I..." love you. He didn't need to enunciate it, you could already see it on his face, how much it hurt him to leave you in this mess, all alone. Whatever you felt for him was so hard to decipher in the amalgam of things that were dwelling inside of you. And it was even harder to accept that you did have certain feelings for him, stronger that you would've liked. He sighed and slowly shook his head, looking down. You saw him leave and then you didn't see much anymore. As bitter tears that flooded your eyes slowly slid into your mouth. Painful screams were tumbling out of your chest giving you no chance to control them. As you get up off the bed you start grabbing whatever comes first and throwing it around. Cradled papers, books off of shelves, tiny decorations on your desk. You reach a framed photo of you and Hongjoong and stop for a second to look at it. Back at the beginning of your relationship when you went to a museum. It started snowing so much that his black coat turned white. You still remembered the cold weather of that period but the warmth of his smile was burning still, even through the damn picture. A few of your tears stained the glass of the photo and after you whimpered in the discomfort you felt around your heart, like someone was squeezing it in their fist, you threw it on the wall across from you. Did you really have to destroy everything nice in your life? As soon as it shattered to pieces you rushed towards it, as if you were not expecting the completely obvious to happen.
"No, no, no..." you whisper to yourself in disbelief. You slowly pick the broken glass in your shaking hands as your crying only gets louder, rivers of tears flowing down your face when your eyes can't seem to look anywhere else but at the old photo.
"I miss you so fucking much..." you whimper in pain, like a dog being beaten.
It's pure torture, you realize, what you're doing to yourself. It takes a lot for your now bloody palms to make contact with your face and wipe your tears, only leaving more of a mess behind. The flesh, now torn from picking up the thin pieces of broken glass, stings when your salty tears slide over the bloody trails and as you rise up with wobbly legs to throw it in the trash, you find yourself looking out the same window you stood with your lover on his last day beside you. Your tears suddenly came to a halt as you looked at the city lights near and far away; your breathing steadied and you remembered.
I want a balcony.
How were you supposed to move on, when you haven't even moved out?
You never felt so nervous for anything in your life before. The microphone was waiting for you on the warmly illuminated stage. You took shy steps towards it as the people started to applaud loudly, you were sure you heard someone whistle from the crowd. As you got in front of the microphone stand you placed one hand on it, dragging it closer. You were not sure how to do this. It should've been your second time, but due to the incidents back then, it was the first time in your life you had to speak at your own book release. Or even attend it. You inhaled deeply and looked through the crowd once more. Your eyes met Seonghwa's as he slightly raised the glass of champagne towards you. The pity he laid upon you with the help of his gaze a while back had turned into pride. You couldn't help but remember the surprise on his face when you went not to his office, but his house, at two in the morning, when you finally finished writing.
You spent the night together, he began reading and you fell in and out of sleep on his couch. When you woke up, he made breakfast for you and he told you how great it was, with the little eternal side notes from his side. He was proud.
"I have no idea what I should say," you offer a strong beginning, everyone starting to chuckle at your awkward comment. "I've been through hell and back writing this book. Two years and a half ago I lost the love of my life in a car accident, and for a long time I thought I lost everything." the room became suddenly tense as you spoke the words.
"But this should be a reminder that some doors aren't closed. We just think that they are." you finish off raising your glass and looking at a familiar pair of eyes. Everyone cheers as you get off the stage, and after receiving compliments from your boss, your team and other people as well, you follow the suited silhouette that you've been secretly chasing with your stare all night, outside.
"Hey," you greet as you find San on a bench right next to the venue. His eyes meet yours and for a brief second it's like all the nerves you had on stage came back, but they were doubled this time. It was hard going through everything without San. He tried to contact you, of course, but you weren't giving him much and the only times you saw him were when you ran into each other at work. When you looked at yourself in the mirror you couldn't recognize yourself anymore, but he? He was just the same. Dressed for the occasion, his black hair swiped back neatly and his face...as gorgeous as ever, and the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.
"Hey," he greets back as he drags his body on one side of the bench, signaling for you to join him. You sit beside him and look forward, feeling his eyes on your figure. "how have you been?" he asks, his voice glazed in worry. You made him suffer for the last time, you tell yourself. The whole ghosting thing and all the times you avoided him, those summed up the last time you were going to ever hurt him. For now you were working towards slowly healing the wound that has scarred you, which gave you more clarity about a lot of things.
"Better." you answer, looking in his direction. "I finally got it out!" you add smiling, a bittersweet smile that you held inside for a long time, it was for him only.
"I told you." San mimics your smile and looks into the distance.
"You did," moments of silence accompany as you think of the best way to embody your thoughts into words. "I never got to apologize." you start and his head shoots right at you. "I'm sorry. For using you to try and fuck my pain away." finally saying it aloud to him and getting it off your chest make your lungs finally not burn up when you try to inhale.
"I should apologize too," he begins and it's your turn to look at him with confusion.
"A part of me was aware that you were trying to do that and yet I wasn't able to stop myself." he adds. And it's like some part of you already knew, and already forgave him for it and that was because you knew you had way more blame than him, but you learned to come to terms with it, like you did with many things in your life. Learning to forgive yourself wasn't an easy process, but with the help of a good therapist, you slowly learned how to do it. You were at peace with a few of the things that kept you awake during the night. Slowly getting better.
"I'm sorry." he says and you're sure that more honest words had never left his mouth.
You take his hand into yours and place it on your lap. For the first time since you know him, his hands are cold. You use your other palm as a blanket and cover his hand from the cold winter breeze outside. He nurtured for you enough, it was finally time that you were ready to return the favor.
"I read the book," he says, looking at your hands holding each other.
"Lots of them are inspired from your stories," you refer to the poems, thinking of how many more were written with your mind only thinking about him that didn't even make the cut into the book. "and lots of them are inspired from you." You look into his eyes as he squeezes your hand gently. Maybe you didn't yet know what you wanted. But you knew what you didn't want. And you didn't want to lose San. Not again. Not ever.
"Can I take you out on Thursday?" he asks as his gaze stills down on your warm face. If he asked you this on a bad day, you still weren't sure what your answer would be, but today was a good day. You never got to say goodbye to Hongjoong, but that didn't mean you couldn't say hello to anyone ever again. "You know, in case you need more inspiration for your next masterpiece." he adds and you laugh shortly while nodding quickly. You spend a few more minutes in silence, enduring the cold air, silently revealing to each other the most vulnerable parts of you. You look down at your joined hands and then into his eyes. You smile, partly because you do feel happy, and the rest because you know he'll do the same, and hell, you fucking missed that dimpled smile of his.
The man doesn't say anything when you lean your head on his shoulder, but you are almost sure you can hear his heart beating faster. "I missed you so much." you finally say, letting your feelings pour out in front of San for the first time, leaving you vulnerable in a way no one has seen you since then.
And for the first time, while looking at the bright clear sky above you, you think for yourself that...He would be so proud.
507 notes · View notes
btsgoldnetwork · 2 years
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Two Hearts, One Love - A BGN Event!
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Introducing 2 Hearts, 1 Love 
A Valentine’s Day Feature Film Premiering at Bangtan Theatre this February!            ↳ Themed around the 8 types of love!
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EVENT DETAILS
To Participate:
Reblog this post
Sign up to be added to the Participant List
Let your friends & followers know you’re taking requests for our event!
Basics:
For members of BGN and members of affiliated networks
Content created for this event must align with our network rules
Drabbles and Oneshots are welcome forms of written content for this event
Gifs, Gfx, Moodboards, Edits, and Fanart are welcome forms of visual content for this event
Participants that share smut, explicit, or suggestive content must be 18+. NO EXCEPTIONS!
Use the tags #btsgoldnet and #bgn2hearts on all content created for this event
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EVENT TIMELINE
Creator Sign ups: Jan 23 - Feb 5
Event starts: Jan 23
Last day to send requests: Feb 21
Event ends: March 5
Event masterpost shared: March 5
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PARTICIPANT LIST: 
@pjmsdior - drabbles & moodboards
@ressjeon - drabbles
@yutasthetic - drabbles, oneshots, gifs, & moodboards
@beckysworld7 - drabbles & oneshots
@xenizaation - oneshots
@diorkoo - drabbles, oneshots, & moodboards (sfw requests only)
@jayhopely - drabbles & oneshots
@mintkims - oneshots, moodboards
@kookdiaries - drabbles & moodboards
@kokawrites - drabbles & oneshots
@rumue - fanart
@taetheists - gifs, moodboards & edits
@btsmoonlight - moodboards
@mimikookie - drabbles
@chateautae - drabbles
@lookingforluna - drabbles, moodboards
@milkygcf​ -  drabbles & oneshots (sfw requests only)
**sign ups have closed as of 02/06/22**
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To Request Written Content:
Please send an ask to a participant above and include the following information:  a Date, a Genre, A Row & Seat, any Menu items OR a combo you would like showcased in the request
To Request Visual Content:
Please send an ask to a participant above and include the following information: a Date and Genre you would like showcased in the request (May also choose Row, Seat, & Menu item(s) but they are not required)
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Who is your movie date? (pick 1-2)
Kim Namjoon
Kim Seokjin
Min Yoongi
Jung Hoseok
Park Jimin
Kim Taehyung
Jeon Jungkook
Which of these genres are you watching tonight? (pick 1-2)
Eros - passionate love
Pragma - enduring love
Ludus - playful love
Agape - universal love
Philia - deep friendship
Philautia - self-love
Storge - familial love
Mania - obsessive love
Which row and seat(s) would you like tickets for? (pick 1 row and up to 3 seats)
Row 1 - Friends to Lovers
Row 2 - Enemies to Lovers
Row 3 - Roommates to Lovers
Row 4 - Established Relationship
Row 5 - Arranged Marriage
Row 6 - Accidental Marriage
Row 7 - Slow Burn
Row 8 - Meet Cute
Row 9 - Soulmates
Row 10 - Honeymoon
Row 11 - Damsel in Distress
Row 12 - Body Swap
Row 13 - Mates
Row 14 - Only One Bed
Row 15 - Mutual Pining
Seat 1 - College AU
Seat 2 - Royalty AU
Seat 3 - CEO AU
Seat 4 - Artist AU
Seat 5 - Musician AU
Seat 6 - Celebrity AU
Seat 7 - Coworkers AU
Seat 8 - Fantasy AU
Seat 9 - Athlete AU
Seat 10 - Bad Boy AU
Seat 11 - Florist AU
Seat 12 - Coffee Shop AU
Seat 13 - Hybrid AU
Seat 14 - Dystopian AU
Seat 15 - Mafia AU
Would you like to order anything off the menu? (pick as many as you would like)
Popcorn - Touching hands while reaching for the same thing
Soda - Accidentally spilling your drink on your date
Slushie - A cold-hearted rejection
Bottled Water - Playing it safe though you want more
M&Ms - A perfect first date
Skittles - A date gone wrong
Nachos - Cheesy pick up line
Pretzels - Getting Friendzoned
Pizza - Confessions of like/love
Sour Patch Kids - Leaving the date unexpectedly
Kit Kat - Spending the whole day/night with each other
Ice Cream - An unexpected blind date
Fries - The workaholic who finally takes a well deserved break
Chips - Falling for someone popular
Hot Dog - Competition rivals find the fine line between love/hate
OR 
Select a combo! (please still pick a date & a genre)
Combo #1 - Bad Boy AU + Popcorn + “Why are you looking at me like that?”
Combo #2 - Soulmates + Pretzels + “My soulmate just friendzoned me, how do you think I’m feeling?”
Combo #3 - Body Swap + Celebrity AU + “I just want my life and body back!”
Combo #4 - Enemies to Lovers + Fantasy + “The aura around you is beautiful.”
Combo #5 - Mafia AU + Soda + “I’m sorry, I am such a klutz.”
Combo #6 - Honeymoon + “I love you more than you will ever know.”
Combo #7 - Arranged Marriage + Fantasy AU + “This marriage is nothing more than a business contract.”
Combo #8 - Accidental Marriage + M&Ms + “We aren’t actually married, are we?”
Combo #9 - Meet Cute + Kit Kat + “I’m not sure what it is, but I am drawn to you.”
Combo #10 - College AU + Skittles + “Excuse me, do you have a back door I can use?”
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𝗀𝗋𝖺𝗉𝗁𝗂𝖼𝗌 𝖼𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝗒 @𝗄𝗂𝗍𝗁𝗍𝖺𝖾𝗁𝗒𝗎𝗇𝗀 
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136 notes · View notes
atinywhore · 2 years
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their girl teaser
chapter two
that's right folks... it's time, I am now working on their girl once again!
My mind swirled like water going down a drain. Static coated my thoughts and sleep called to me, tempting me back to my wonderful dream. The soft silk of the pillow beneath my head coaxed me even further back into my slumber. 
I don’t have silk sheets.
tag list: @ch0isa99ie @mingigooo @whatudowhennooneseesyou @mirror-juliet @spiderlilyfics @xenizaation @yunyunatz @hwadump @hyvn-jaeee @captainjoongki @kpop-choco @gabxbyr
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etherealyoonghwa · 1 year
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San
Minnies Ateez Recommendations
11 - ɪᴍᴘʀᴇɢɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴ - ꜱᴀɴ @toxicccred
23 - ᴄʜᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ/ᴄʀᴇᴀᴍᴘɪᴇ - ꜱᴀɴ @toxicccred
Yes Please | WooSan @ja3hwa
Pillow Fight @ja3hwa
[B]reeding Kink @barnesbabee
Bumping Helmets @barsformars
Like A Pornstar @barnesbabee
ATEEZ San- Back to you (oneshot) @cocobeanncteez
[3:03 PM] @cocobeanncteez
OFFICER 》C. San @pirateprincessblog
i wanna sit on sans face he has the perfect face for it too like dear god @sluttywonwoo
By Your Side || cs @mimikookie
All the Good girls go to hell & pt2 @felixsramen
His Princess @hwalloween
Dumb and Dumber woosan @kpop-hive
threeway all the way woosan @xenizaation
𝘼𝙡𝙡 𝙈𝙞𝙣𝙚 @hongjoongsblog
Good luck kiss @ateezlovely
Dingo @ateezinmymind
teach me @nari-nim
[8:56 pm] @sage-space
Feed Me @heyitsmerose
[8:09pm] @mingishoe
𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐞 & part 2 @dulceateez
Wingin’ It- MASTERLIST @seokjinsdisciple
Boiling Point @shinescape
demon days @agustdiv1ne
[9:01pm] @spinster-sisters
𝚂𝚎𝚡 𝚃𝚊𝚙𝚎 @latte-fairytaekwoon
[3:28 PM] @crimsonbubble
IDOL LIFE MASTERLIST @at1nys-blog
Darling, Dance for Me? @moonchildsaurora
Little things @vocalyunho
7 MINUTES IN HEAVEN @j4emcore
[5:28pm] @atinydise
No Harm List @sugar-kisser
Stay the Night @babykpopsweets
camera shy @moncherifaerie
Morning Surprises @the-wonandonly
S A N ⟺ enemies to lovers au @atinybitofau
tease - khj x reader x cs @hongism
Acquainted (M) @serendipityunho
best friend's brother @urfavoritevampire
riding san @ateezscupid
heat waves. @skazoo
Work place antics San & Hongjoong @ateezreactionsandscenarios
51 notes · View notes
nglmrk · 3 years
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meilleure; ultimate
ultimate favorites
disclaimer these works are not mine !!! 
- these are things that I enjoy reading hopefully you too! 
- please don’t forget to give the writers your love for their works!
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ask me out - @gashinabts.
cloud mine - @bangtan-sinnamons
freedom - @tayegi
red sus - @untaemedqueen
interpreter - @7deadlysinsfics
backstage business - @eternally-writing
photobooth - @jamaisjoons
assistant - @mintjoonlep
the game - @ratedbangtann
whats up doc - @untaemedqueen
listen closely - @avveh
i still get jealous - @adventuresinwonderlust
studio - @jikook-yoonmin-trash
rulebook - @another-army-spot
free delivery not included - @dovechim
bothered - @lavienjin
best friend - @noteguk
say my name - @jamaisjoons
dichotomy - @kpopfanfictrash​
deserve - @spiderlilyserendipity
baby retreat - @jimlingss​
touch of you - @mimikookie
planning ahead - @dovechim
double dip ww x jk - @meltwonu
11:09PM - @likeastarstar
just once - @jxngh 
how happy (cyberslut christmas) - @kimnjss
bad word - @personasintro
sorry (not sorry) - @angelguk
breakfast in bed - @angelguk​
invidia - @softiegguk
morning sex - @97ft
undesireable - @joon-com
gamer’s rules - @orangie-drabbles
lovers in paris - @smuttymess
love to hate - @kpopfanfictrash
preganancy roulette - @bts-hyperfixation
the spins - @here2bbtstrash
park and ride - @here2bbtstrash
have a nice day - @lookingforluna
sex talk - @joonberriess
love ring - @personasintro
three tangerines - @kithtaehyung
bad for you - @sugakookitty
cool’n - @sugakookitty
forever bound - @jamaisjoons
triads and tribulations - @rendaze
one morning stand - @rendaze
lick her right - @bonny-kookoo
big ole freak - @joonberriess
all mine - @joonberriess
tsundere - @dovechim
self bet - @sxtaep
kisses - @onlyswan
project star - @xenizaation
mine - @borahaerhy
catastrophe - @kofisips
tunnel vision - @kooktrash
spin - @hamsterclaw
anti-romantic - @sxtaep
desperate housewives , 2 - @kimnjss
the devil wears cufflinks - @joyfulhopelox
rocky road - @littlemisskookie
illicit afairs - @oftenderweapons
man eater hunting - @httpjungkookcom
sugar - @wwilloww
milf - @koosbabygrl
museum - @purplewhalewrites
official yours - @personasintro
ugh fck - @kithtaehyung
strangers to lovers - @kissmetae
monster for rent - @yoonjinkooked
power play - @dovechim 
the arrangement - @kooktrash
crazy over you - @spideyjimin 
fanservice - @bangtanintotheroom
bodyguard - @sxtaep 
the eros project - @kooktrash
ego season  - @sparklingchim
the landlord - @ppersonna
possessive much? - @yoonlattesworld
keep me company - @jeonverselol
Mr. Min - @yoongifis
Forbidden - @yoonlattesworld
4 hours later... - @sighingsiren-tal
quid pro quo - @sopejinsunflower
fade into you - @nmjoo-n
Politico - @hamsterclaw​
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The Copy Machine is Broken Again - @tonicandjins
Crop Tops and Tattoos - @solarwonux
daddy - @sebuntease
14-20 - @hansols-yoda-boxers
as sweet as sugar - @solseye​
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distractions - @enhaii
sunghoon - @woniepop
148 notes · View notes
btshoneyhive · 1 year
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Hive Birthday
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it’s a very special day! we would like to wish one of our very own pollinators a super duper happy birthday! we hope you have a buzz worthy time xeni @xenizaation​ 🐝 🍯 thanks for being a part of our hive!
~ from all of us at bts honey hive  
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0 notes
ksmutclub · 2 years
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Welcome to the KSC!
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@xenizaation​ ​
unable to tag: n/a
Welcome to the club, we are absolutely thrilled to have you with us! Please make sure to do the following in order to have the best possible experience with us:
Please reblog this post to let us know that you’ve seen it;
You must be following the network; (We will check)
Link the network somewhere on your blog (we will check).
Track #ksmutclub to see member content and get up to date with projects and updates.
Tag your pieces with #ksmutclub to have your work reblogged with the club.
If you have any questions, please refer to the Official Post and FAQ first before sending an ask to the club.
You will be contacted by an Admin shortly after you reblog the acceptance post if you opted in to be part of our Discord Server.
Once again, we are happy to have you as a part of our club!
- The Admin Team
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