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#wwdits fic
helyiios · 1 year
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elected fic of the year
bared fangs by sapphicjasper
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gerandor · 7 months
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Do you remember that night on the doorstep before you left to pursue your happiness away from me, I told you, “Can you please, please turn me into a vampire before you leave? So that after all these years, you and I both can be happy.”
I think you thought I had wanted vampirism at the cost of losing you forever. Maybe that’s why you told me, “Vampirism is a curse. And I care for you too much to burden you with that.”
You were right. Vampirism is a curse. But only if it comes to you when you’re the most lonely. Only if it takes the one you love the most away from you because you were so scared to lose him forever that you lost him anyway.
But I was right, too. If you’d turned me, you and I both, right now, could’ve been happy. And your eyes instead of looking at the distance between us, would’ve lifted to see the love in mine and your hands wouldn’t have hovered over my heart like you could’ve never had me.
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cottoncandysprite · 3 months
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Redrew an old Aletho sketch while rereading it :) I am once again spreading my Go Read Alethophobia by @jay-auris Right Fucking Now agenda
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taxonomicons · 1 year
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More What We Do In The Shadows episodes that I wish existed [ Part 2 ]
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Breaking Bat
Colin Robinson desperately wants the ability to turn into a bat and creates a drug that will allow him to transform. After it’s success he finds himself commanding an army of energy vampire junkies. Laszlo goes undercover as an energy vampire to rescue him.
Turn of the Century
The vampires prepare to celebrate the new century without knowing it passed years ago. While Guillermo attempts to find 2000s decorations the vampires start turning humans left and right in celebration, conveniently skipping over their familiar.
No Bark All Bite
The gang visit the Staten Island Aquarium to rescue a fish they befriended on the immigration boat. What they fail to tell Guillermo is that their goldfish is a 500 pound hammerhead shark.
Colin, Robin, and Sons
Colin quits his job and tries to run his own family business. In doing so he must pretend to be every member of his fake family with wigs and costumes. Guillermo takes on the role of stage manager.
Hemogoblins
A gang of motorcycle vampires who call themselves the “HemoGoblins” attempt to recruit Nadja. She refuses until she realizes she knows their leader Esme from her village (and her first kiss).
Beating a Dead Horse
Sean invites the boys to bet on horse racing unaware of Nandor’s equestrian sensitivity. Nandor falls in love with a new steed, Peanut Butter Patricia, to fill the hole in his heart left by his dead battle horse.
Live, Laugh, Shove
When Nandor is jokingly pushed off a roof he launches a Sherlock style investigation with Guillermo as Watson. Laszlo is jealous that Nandor gets to be lead detective and launches his own investigation.
King of Hearts
The coveted Glass Coffin Disco is equivalent to vampire prom. When Nandor and Guillermo are nominated for Coffin Kings both try to convince the attendees they are not together. Nadja and Laszlo swap outfits. Repeatedly.
The Jelly Belly Factory
It’s Guillermo’s turn to pick an outing and he chooses the Jelly Bean Factory to try and get back at the vampires. The plan backfires when it’s revealed that jelly beans are the one human food a vampire can safely consume.
Alpha Alpha Alpha
Before Laszlo was in the gentlemen’s society he was a member of the first fraternity, Alpha Alpha Alpha. Nandor wants to join which gives Laszlo the ultimate power move, hazing.
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NOW COMPLETE.
(Little slightly spoilery graphic under the cut)
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safetyhazardfics · 2 months
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I wrote this Nandermo redditfic for @achaosmuppet for a holiday exchange!
CONCLUDED I am not the OOP, OOP is u/GuillermoGoth2000. Originally posted to r/relationship_advice and r/AmITheAsshole Editor's Note: This one is a doozy and obviously completely made-up, but I had fun reading the posts so I thought you all should enjoy.
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barren-heart · 3 months
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From Panera Bread You Came, To Panera Bread You Shall Return.
Guillermo's been working at Panera Bread for about a week now. Luckily, his old manager agreed to give him his old job back.
A Nandermo first kiss one-shot
Blood and violence. Hurt/comfort. Somewhat Christmas-themed. No death. Post-s5. Nandor/Guillermo.
Author’s note: I wanted to write in script format, but got too lazy tbh and I also wanted to keep some of the thoughts and feelings of the characters. Canon compliant for the most part.
Bright lights flicker in a near-empty Panera. The lampposts outside are lit, as snow drifts towards the ground in thick piles.
In the lobby, Guillermo mops the floor. He’s focusing on a spill of broccoli cheddar soup that accidentally fell off the table as he was cleaning. He sees the cameras and waves them in.
“So, yeah,” Guillermo says. He sits at a table, camera facing. His title reads, Former Familiar and Bodyguard. Panera Bread Employee. “You can probably tell that I’m no longer working for Nandor and the vampires. I moved out about a week ago, I guess.”
A flashback to Guillermo cleaning up his room at the Vampire Residence. He takes his suitcases and the vampire portrait of him and Nandor. The room is just as empty as when he moved in.
“It was just getting a bit, you know, sad,” Guillermo continues. “Not being a vampire anymore, I just didn’t really feel like I could go back to being a familiar. So,” he pauses, “I left.”
A cut back to Guillermo looking at Nandor’s closed coffin as he lays a letter on the table. A moment later, a cut to Nandor picking up the letter as his face grows solemn.
“I’m trying to find my purpose in this world now.” Guillermo smiles. “There’s so…so many possibilities of who I can be. I have my whole life ahead of me. But, searching for your next passion doesn’t really pay the bills. So, in the meantime, I got my old job back at Panera. So that’s…that’s good.”
The documentary crew flashes edits of Guillermo performing various duties inside of Panera. Kids run into tables, knocking food onto the floor. Loud customers shout at him as Guillermo tries to remain calm.
When the camera cuts back to Guillermo’s talking head, his smile fades. “Can’t believe this time, last week I was mopping up blood in the Fancy Room, and now I’m mopping up soup.” He laughs. “Crazy how things could change so quickly.”
“Guillermo?” A man behind the counter says. “Do you mind taking the trash out?”
Guillermo stands, ending the talking head segment. “Yeah. I can do that. Sorry.”
“Oh no, take your time,” The man says smiling to the cameras. “I’m sorry, did I come off as a bit aggressive there? I’ve been working on not sounding too demanding, you know? I learned that from the Being a Better Boss self-help book I read last summer.”
“You’re good, Chris.” Guillermo laughs to himself. His boss has no idea the orders he was given as a familiar. “I’ll take it out now.”
“Okay, be careful out there,” Chris says. “It’s looking like a blizzard. Haven’t seen snow like this since when I was a kid in Vermont.”
The camera follows Guillermo as he grabs his coat and scarf. The cold is much harsher with the wind.
He drags the rather heavy bags of trash out the back door. He can barely see as he lifts the trash bags into the dumpster. It was nothing like the human bodies he would bag daily for the vampires. Come to think of it, taking a whiff outside, maybe there is rotten flesh in there?
“Guillermo, is that you?” A voice calls out.
Guillermo immediately recognizes the voice. It’s his master, or ex-master now? He left the vampire residence so suddenly that he wasn’t really sure anymore.
Out of the shadows, Nandor appears. His hair disheveled and cape covered in snow. Almost like he’d been there for hours.
Guillermo meets him under a streetlight. “Have you been waiting here for me?”
“Yes. Not long, though. Maybe two…or three hours?”
“Three-three hours?”
“I didn’t want to disturb you while you worked,” Nandor says. “So, I waited here until you were done.” Nandor points to a body slumped against the wall of the building. “I had a light snack while I waited.”
“That would explain the rotten corpse smell…” Guillermo whispers to the camera.
"I like what you've done with the place." Nandor observes the scenery. "Very twinkly lights."
“Oh, no that’s the…you know…” Guillermo stops, knowing well he shouldn’t say Christmas in front of Nandor. His voice lowers to a whisper, “Holiday lights.”
“Your roommates must be so festive. So very human and not vampires at all.” There’s a smile on Nandor’s face, but it’s absent of joy. If Nandor could tell the truth, it’s painful that Guillermo left again, this time to be with humans.
“Uh, yeah. They…they are human.” Guillermo says. "Do you think I live here?"
"Well, now that you don't live with us anymore, I thought you would move in where you work."
"Actually," Guillermo says, his eyes on the snowy ground beneath him. "I live with my mom now."
"Oh, Silvia?" Nandor genuinely smiles. He enjoyed Guillermo's mothers’ company the last time he saw her. So kind and full of energy. And so many photos of Guillermo. "How is she?"
"She's doing-" Guillermo begins to say. “Wait. How did you find me? I never said I was going to work here.”
“I thought you would return to something familiar. Just seemed like something all humans do. I flew around to all the Paneras in the area, until I saw you in the window. I came to congratulate you on your new job.”
Guillermo smiles to himself. “Oh, I thought you’d be upset that I left.”
“I’m not upset. I actually think that it’s okay.”
A cut to talking heads of Nandor in his room. “Am I happy with Guillermo for leaving? Of course not. But, I’m not upset. Little rascal is probably thinking about apologizing right now. He’s probably on his way home. What, it’s been, like, just a few days?”
Someone talks offscreen.
“A week?” Nandor says.“Really? Oh. Maybe I should try and find him, then?”
When the camera cuts back, Nandor says, “I know you were looking to find some greater purpose and you’ve found it here at…The Panera Bread.”
Nandor gives a quick look to the camera.
“Uh, yeah,” Guillermo says. “Well, it’s-it’s temporary. I, uh, don’t really have much of a work history with 14 years working as a familiar. Uh, my old boss is actually still working here and got me my job back.”
“That asshole?” Nandor says, remembering the guy was such a dick. “Yes, I remember. Fucking guy.”
“He’s actually pretty cool now. Mellowed out a lot.”
“Oh?” Nandor says. “That’s-that’s great that you have such a mellow boss. Really…cool.”
A moment of silence passes between them.
“How’s the gang?” Guillermo says, wistful. “I miss them.”
“They’re, you know. Moving on. Doing lots of things. With stuff. Vampire stuff.”
Guillermo feels a pang in his heart. He shouldn’t expect a heartfelt plea to come back, especially with how sudden he left. It still feels like it was the right thing to do in the moment.
The sound of a door opens behind them. It’s Guillermo’s manager, Chris.
“Hey, just checking to see if you died.” He sniffs around. “Almost smells like someone died.”
Chris takes in the dead body. “Hey, what the fuck is that?!”
Nandor approaches Chris. “You will not remember seeing the dead body on the ground and will go back inside and finish your duties for the night.”
Before finishing his hypnosis, Nandor adds, “And you will give Guillermo a raise in pay.”
“Yeah, everything looks good,” Chris says, leaving. “I’ll see you inside. And hey, you’re getting a raise on your next check there, buddy.”
Once Chris is inside, Guillermo says, “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I kinda did, though. Didn’t want him to remember the dead body there,” Nandor says whispering as if someone could overhear.
“I meant the raise part,” Guillermo says.
“Oh.” Nandor continues in a normal tone, “You deserve it. I know how hard you work. And how important it is to tell someone that you appreciate what they do for you. I want to wish you well in your new position. And I’m sure you will do just great.”
“Thank you, mast-” Guillermo stops. “Um, Nandor.”
Nandor doesn’t comment on the change of title. “Of course.”
“I should probably get back inside,” Guillermo says. “Fly safe. It’s really snowy out here.”
“Yes, thank you.”
Guillermo turns towards the camera, away from Nandor. A few tears well up in his eyes.
“Oh, Guillermo?” Nandor says. “One last thing.”
Guillermo faces him again, sniffing his tears back. “Yeah?”
Nandor steps closer. He reaches inside his cape, and pulls out a dozen of flattened red roses. “I forgot to give you these.”
“Flowers?” Guillermo sniffs them. A few are wilted, and some petals fall to the ground.
“Sorry. They were alive when I picked them.”
“Wait. You picked them? It’s the middle of winter.”
“Yes. I picked them from a nice grave I found while flying.”
“A grave?” Guillermo eyes go wide.
“Yes,” Nandor continues earnestly. “I saw them lying there and I thought of you.”
“You did?”
Nandor continues, “And I wanted to tell you that…I’ve missed you.”
“Really?” Guillermo swallows. “I’ve missed you, too. I’m sorry for leaving. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay. I really wanted to stay. I just don’t know if I belong there anymore.”
“You do belong there, Guillermo. You were more than just my familiar, but my greatest companion. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
Marwa’s wedding scene plays and then we cut back to Guillermo. The camera zooms in on his face. He grins, now realizing. “Maybe you don’t have to think about that.”
“What do you-“ But Nandor doesn’t finish as he notices Guillermo leaning in towards him. Nandor mimics him, leaning in as their lips finally meet. His hand brushes along Guillermo’s neck and down his coat. He wraps his arms around Guillermo’s waist.
A familiar feeling of heat creeps up Guillermo’s chest and into his throat. The hairs on his arms raise as he wraps his hands around Nandor’s shoulders.
A voice stirring breaks them apart.
“What was that?” Guillermo says.
The body against the wall moves. “Ughh. Is there anyone there?”
Guillermo eyes Nandor. “I thought you said he was dead?”
“Yeah, I thought so,” Nandor says. “I just had a little snack. I don’t think I drained him enough.”
“Hey there,” Guillermo says approaching the body. “I can help you. Are you okay?”
The man, probably in his 40’s, slowly stands while gripping onto the wall. “Yeah, I think-” He slips on a puddle of his own blood, his head hitting against the wall as he falls with a thud to the ground. He doesn’t move.
Guillermo covers his mouth in shock.
“I think he’s dead now,” Nandor says. He kneels beside him. “Little man, are you alive?”
Nothing.
Nandor rolls him over. “Maybe we let the snow cover him up?”
Guillermo sighs. “I’ll get a trash bag.”
When Guillermo comes back, they both toss the man into the dumpster.
“If it makes you feel any better,” Nandor starts, “that was the guy yelling at you earlier. I could see it through the window. He said some bad things about you as he left.”
Guillermo smiles to both Nandor and the cameras. “I think we should leave before any cops show up.”
“Good idea.” Nandor reaches his hand out to Guillermo. “Can I fly you home? I’m sure Silvia is worried about you.”
Guillermo puts his hand in Nandor’s. “How about our place instead?”
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rosewaterraindrops · 3 months
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Chapters: 5/5 Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Being a vampire is messy. It’s about power and sensation and raw instinct. It’s about the thrill of the hunt and the ecstasy of the bite and the siren call of human blood.
Guillermo has the potential to be a legendary vampire. He has the fire of a warrior - it’s rare that he lets it show, but when he does, it’s breathtaking. He just has to trust his new vampiric instincts, to give himself over to them, to let them overwhelm him until all of his little human rules and doubts and fears are things of the past.
And that, he can learn. He will learn. Nandor will teach him.
My post-s5 feeding fic is finally COMPLETE! Thank you to everyone who gave me such lovely, encouraging feedback as I was writing this <3 
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achilles-the-roman · 3 months
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Djinn-gle Bells (AO3)
Fandom: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Rating: Mature
Words: 34,912
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings. No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless, Guillermo de la Cruz & Nandor the Relentless, Guillermo de la Cruz/Freddie
Characters: Nandor the Relentless (What We Do in the Shadows TV), Guillermo de la Cruz, Silvia de la Cruz, Freddie (What We Do In The Shadows TV)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas Decorations, Christmas Fluff, Falling In Love, Alternate Universe - Genie/Djinn, Guillermo and Freddie are married, failing marriage, Djinn Character, mostly fluff, though there's some darker aspects, regarding the Djinn nature, Cold Weather, Magic, Long Hair, Hair Brushing, Devotion, Worship, Body Worship, Deities, Christmas Shopping, Gift Giving, Heartbreak, Happy Ending, no beta we die like Jesk, Implied Sexual Content, Body Hair
Stuck in a rut, and with a failing marriage, Guillermo de la Cruz doesn't see much reason to celebrate this year. But when Freddie brings home a strange, enameled, bottle for his Christmas gift, it sets off a string of events that rewrite his world.
Or, the Djinn!Nandor au no one asked me for lol
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memosminifridge · 1 year
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Like a Prayer
When the club needs a new revenue stream, Nadja convinces Guillermo to utilize yet another skill he picked up abroad ✨🫣
Read the fic by @phasmama! Prompt by @lacroixwitch! Click for quality!
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kristylime · 2 months
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My What We Do In the Shadows Fanfiction Works on AO3
I currently have 29 WWDITS works posted on AO3
Many of these works contain incredible art that has been either gifted or commissioned from a number of talented artists... @weakformemo , @starkurt, @indigayghost, @indashadows, @cottoncandysprite, and @stephpotterart ...
Related Playlists:
The Latest:
A birthday gift for my pal @weakformemo featuring art by my other pal, @indashadows
Guillermo takes Nandor on a date to a carnival. Guillermo forks over a good amount of cash for wristbands for unlimited rides. But from the Ferris wheel, Nandor spies a plushie panda and the focus of the evening shifts.
While Guillermo proves himself a success at several carnival games, will Fish Bowl Frenzy be his downfall?
Hopefully more to come soon. Thanks to anyone who has taken the time to check out my work. <3
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helyiios · 1 year
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i love writing human-again nandor lost in nyc bcs guillermo's in staten island shitting himself like 'what if he gets fucking mugged' and marwa's like baby he was a fearsome war criminal he'll be fine the djinns like i hope he gets mugged and then it cuts to nandor getting mugged
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gerandor · 7 months
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It took Guillermo fifteen years to ask. Fifteen years mean nothing to a vampire; especially to someone as ancient and as disconnected from humanity as Nandor. But Nandor has come to understand that human lives are measured in tea spoons. They talk about hours and minutes and seconds. Nandor has no grasp on how long is a second. He used to think humans went on to live for at least two centuries. He thought Guillermo, the badass vampire slayer that he was, would live for three. But humans, no matter how fancy their ancestry, have no grasp on centuries.
Still, Nandor would rather the question never came, late for human standards as it was. As a rule, Nandor doesn’t talk about it. He doesn’t think about it. Sometimes, he wakes up from a recurring nightmare with the taste of ash and his own blood in his mouth and he remembers. Sometimes, he is just reading Shahnameh for the thousandth time and enjoying the retelling of his own heroic adventures under a false name when he remembers. Other times, his face is half-buried into a human’s neck, drinking viscus drug blood from a ruptured vein when he remembers.
Sometimes, he wishes there was a ceremony to forget. He came up with one for Guillermo to help him with the trauma of his turning, complete with the robes and the banners and the oaths and the name. If only someone would do the same for him. The Ceremony of Vampiric Turning Obliviation; there, he’d even help them with the name, which is arguably the hardest part of any made-up ritual. Nandor would wear white to the ceremony and he would stand still and breathless and dead like Time itself had stopped moving forward for him as someone, preferably Guillermo, tied the knot around his neck with gentle hands that held the power of turning the strongest vampire into ash and looked at him with the kindest eyes that Nandor hadn’t seen from anyone else after his mommy and said in his softest voice,“you will be okay.”
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cottoncandysprite · 9 months
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Nandermo commissions I did for @kristylime for her fics The Taste Of Strawberries and On the Precipice! These were so fun to do and the fics are amazing, definitely check them out!
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amazingmsme · 5 months
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Living Up to the Name
AN: This really got away from me, but it’s nandermo, can you blame me? We have a serious drought of wwdits tickle fics & like, what fucking gives they made it canon that the vamps tickle each other (or at least Nandor & Lazlo) & no I will not find a gif I am useless like that This one dips a pinky toe into the spicy pool, so be warned. Literally nothing happens, but bondage is involved & that’s about it. But day 20: relentless just SCREAMED nandermo & I just had to do it justice.
Guillermo was used to the odd requests the vampires would ask of him, some a little too odd, so it was no surprise that he'd become desensitized to it. Strangely enough, it was their more mundane and tame requests that threw him for a loop.
He'd just finished vacuuming the drapes (yes they needed to be vacuumed) when Nandor walked in. "Guillermo," he said, announcing his presence and grabbing his attention.
"Hello master," he greeted with a smile, one Nandor shyly returned before growing serious once more. He was doing that thing where he wanted to say something, but wanted you to be the one to prompt the conversation, so he just lingered in the room until you cracked.
"Did you need something?" he asked when Nandor didn't continue on his own.
"I've just been thinking a lot."
"Oh? What about?"
"Me, obviously." Guillermo couldn't help the amused scoff that slipped out, nor the fondly annoyed look he gave the cameras. Nandor either didn't notice, or didn't care. "Mostly about who I used to be. How I used to be able to make entire countries bend to my will. My reputation as a heartless conqueror," despite the awful words, his voice grew soft with nostalgia. "People used to fear me Guillermo. Some loved me, most hated me. But they all feared me."
Guillermo set down the vacuum attachment and turned to face him. "And do you... miss?... that?" he asked hesitantly.
"Of course I do. What kind of a question is that?" Nandor shot a look of his own towards the camera, as if to say "is this guy for real?" He even went as far as to subtly point at his familiar. Well, as subtle as Nandor was capable of. He let out a heavy sigh. "My name used to mean something. Nandor the Relentless. Now I'm just... Nandor."
"Is that really such a bad thing?" Guillermo asked, brows furrowed. Nandor rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.
"I guess not," he grumbled, lower lib jutting out in a pout and he kicked the leg of a nearby table. "But I've gone soft," he said dejectedly.
"No, no you're not soft. You're still just as ruthless as ever," Guillermo tried to comfort him, feeling incredibly awkward as he did so. But it seemed to work at least.
"You really think so?" he asked. Guillermo nodded. Nandor broke out into a wide grin, fangs on full display. "Heh, thanks. These hands used to make people scream," he reminisced, flexing his fingers. Guillermo couldn't help but stare at the movement and swallowed.
"Still do," he added before he thought better of it, eyes going wide. Nandor straightened his posture, watching Guillermo carefully. "I mean- Lazlo and Nadja get pretty loud," he quickly added as an excuse. Nandor smirked and stood up, walking over to Guillermo.
He tried to busy himself so he wouldn't have to look in Nandor's eyes. It still didn't help the flutter in his heart when Nandor towered in front of him.
"Oh Guillermo..." the tone in his voice made him snap his head up to look at him. He didn't know if the hungry look in his eyes frightened or excited him. "Did we make you feel left out?"
Guillermo fumbled for the right words. "N-no, no, I-I'm good. More than good," he stuttered.
"It's okay, no need to be embarrassed here."
"I'm not-" but Guillermo cut himself off, knowing better than to try arguing with Nandor of all people.
"It's only natural to be curious. You could've just asked to join, we totally would've let you," he flirted, making Guillermo blush. "You know, I've wanted to make you scream for mercy for quite some time." The boldness of the statement threw him off guard.
"Have you now?" he asked, voice higher pitched. Nandor must've thought it was out of fear, because he clarified.
"Oh I wouldn't be hurting you. I'd just tickle you until you begged me to stop. But I won't." Guillermo felt his cheeks heat up, his throat going dry. "It's not so bad. Just ask Lazlo.
Guillermo shook his head. "I don't- I don't need his input."
"Very well. Follow me." he gestured with a single finger for him to come along. Obediently, he followed.
He'd only ever been in their... playroom to clean it, and he certainly never thought he'd be brought back here. Never thought he'd be so willing to go either, but life is full of surprises. There were various tools and toys lining the walls and spread out on tables for display, and there were various bondage set ups to choose from.
"Go ahead, make yourself comfortable," Nandor insisted. It was a little hard when Guillermo could hear his pulse racing in his ears. He decided to play it safe, laying on the king sized bed against the wall. Nandor sat next to him, looking him up and down with a kind of excitement Guillermo didn't often see. The fact it was directed at him made butterflies flit about in his stomach.
"Good, now take off your shirt." When Guillermo only stared at him in shock, he clarified, "Trust me, it feels much better without clothes." Guillermo ducked his head and blushed.
"Okay yeah I got it," he rushed out. He took a deep breath and pulled the shirt over his head. "So I-I'm guessing you're gonna just- tie me up?" Nandor chuckled at that.
"No silly, I'm horrible at knots! We have cuffs for that!"
"Of course you do," he mumbled under his breath as Nandor retrieved them. When he came back, standing over the bed, he must've sensed the nervous energy coming off of him in waves.
"We don't have to do this if you don't want to," he said, surprisingly gentle as he rocked back and forth on his feet. Guillermo furrowed his brows.
"What? No, you wanted this. And I mean, come on," he said, his own voice casual and almost teasing. Nandor cocked his head like a curious puppy. "It's just tickling. How bad can it actually be?" he asked skeptically and almost immediately regretted it.
"Oh you'd be surprised, my dear Guillermo," he all but purred. His heart all but skipped a beat as he laid down on the bed, raising his arms for Nandor to cuff. He did the same his his ankles, testing them to make sure they're secure but not too tight.
His hands hovered over his bare torso for only a moment before diving for the hips. Guillermo shrieked and instantly started bucking. "I thought about starting off slow, but I think we're both too eager for that," he teased, drilling his thumbs over his hip dips.
"Ihihi'm nohohot! S-slow ihihis good!" he cried through his laughter. Nandor hummed, thinking it over before agreeing.
"You're right, we have all night. Why rush things?" he asked, feral grin overtaking his features. Guillermo giggled nervously, the sound growing stronger when Nandor's hands touched down on the tender underside of his arms. Fingertips dragged ever so lightly from his wrists to his armpits, and Guillermo never knew something he could just barely feel could be so torturous. His laugh was short and breath and he was already desperately tugging on his arms. Nandor looked down at him with such adoration, hands never faltering in their movements. Up and down, up and down his arms he went, leaving goosebumps in his wake. When he finally decided to quit playing with his food, he let his hands reach his underarms, drawing lazy circles and playing with the hair.
Guillermo snorted, nose scrunched adorably as his arms flexed and strained to come down. He was barely even touching him, and Guillermo was giggling like a little school girl.
"Wow Guillermo, have you been working out?" Nandor asked when he noticed the bulging biceps  on display. "You've been hiding all of this under shapeless sweaters," he lamented, reaching up to feel the muscle. Funny, he'd never known his fucking biceps were ticklish, until now that is. Nandor was just squeezing them, admiring the muscle and he was practically in stitches.
"I just lihihike sweheaters!" he yelped, arching his back. Nandor acted on impulse, having done this many times with both Nadja and Lazlo and was used to adapting to their bodily reactions. Which was why he shoved his face down onto his belly, growling and nibbling against soft skin as he shook his head, adding even more tickly vibrations to the cocktail of neurons firing in his brain.
Guillermo positively screamed with laughter, light and airy snickers turning to full on cackles in an instant. The combination of soft lips, sharp fangs, and that stupid motherfucking beard had him in an incomprehensible state. And honestly? He couldn't complain. Oh it was horrible, yes, but it was Nandor.
Speaking of, he was feeling rather proud right about now. He was unraveling Guillermo's sanity with each passing second, not only that, but he had agreed to this. The big, strong, vampire killing machine was nothing but a hysterical mess under his fingers, and it was perhaps the greatest power trip he'd felt in ages.
"Ohoho fuck oho shihihit thahahat's ahahawful!" he screeched, thrashing as much as his bonds would allow. Nandor didn't bother to raise his head up when answering, instead speaking directly into the skin and sending him into another round of quiet snickers and chuckles.
"Good, I'm not trying to be nice," he deadpanned, causing a shiver to crawl up Guillermo's spine. Nandor smirked against his stomach before grazing ever so slowly with his teeth. Guillermo swore and bucked violently, deep boisterous laughter bouncing off the walls. It tickled so much that he didn't even notice when Nandor's fangs accidentally pierced through the skin from all his squirming. He sure as hell noticed the tongue that started lapping at the puncture though.
"NAHAHANDOHOHOR NOHOHO! NOHOHO TONGUE OHOHO FUCK PLEHEHEASE!" he shrieked at the top of his lungs. Every part of him was screaming to get away, but those damn fuzzy cuffs prove effective.
To Nandor, the helpless plea might as well have been singing praise. He glanced up and managed to catch Guillermo's eye while he caught his breath, shooting him a devious wink. He shook his head, tugging on his arms.
"Nonono Nandor, whatever it is, don't-"
Nandor, of course, didn't listen, and instead, maintained eye contact as he drug his tongue across his tummy to wiggle straight into his bellybutton.
It's a good think Guillermo was laying down because he felt his legs give out, slowly losing their fight. He was full on cackling now, writhing from side to side and thrashing endlessly. Nandor flicked and swirled his tongue inside his naval, sending him spiraling closer to madness. Each thrust of his hips in an attempt to alleviate the sensation only made it grow worse as Guillermo snorted once more.
"I think you're even worse than Lazlo," Nandor mused aloud, making him blush even more.
"Shuhuhut thehe hehehell up!" he snapped, mirth masking any malice that might've been hidden in his words. Nandor gasped, forming his hands into claws and vibrating them on his exposed tummy.
"Guillermo, I am shocked! You ought to know better than to talk to your master that way," he threatened, a playfully dangerous edge to his voice. Guillermo's eyes widened.
"Ihihi'm sorry! Ihihi'm sohohorry!" he squealed when fingers began working themselves between each rib bone, bubbly snickers and snorts spilling from his mouth.
"I'm afraid sorry isn't good enough," Nandor said without an ounce of sympathy in his voice. He straddled his waist and loomed over him, anxious excitement filling him to the brim. He really hoped that Nandor didn't notice how much he was enjoying this. Which seemed unlikely, seeing as he was practically sitting in his lap.
The sound of buzzing snapped him from his thoughts as he looked at Nandor, who now held an electric toothbrush in each hand. Guillermo felt his heart sink and jump in his throat simultaneously.
They started out in his armpits, making him jolt with a loud peal of laughter. When they didn't move away, his laugh got faster and more shrill the longer the torment continued. Nandor drug the spinning brushes down his sides, relishing in every twitch, gasp and giggle. The toothbrushes made their journey back up, this time taking a detour across the expansive chest.
Guillermo's laugh got more frantic and hysterical as Nandor circled his nipples. He snorted, shaking his head and biting his lip to keep the laughter at bay. It was no use once he touched the brushes down on those sensitive buds. If Nandor thought he was thrashing before, it was nothing compared to this.
"Nahahandohohor plehehease! I ca- I cahahan't!" Guillermo begged through helpless laughter. Nandor cocked his head and hummed.
"Can't what?"
"Ihihi cahahan't tahake ihihihit," he whined, twisting side to side to try and dislodge those downright torturous spinning bristles.
"Aaawww, you poor thing," Nandor mock cooed, leaning down to whisper, "I don't care."
Nandor wasn't planning on stopping anytime soon. After all, he had a relentless reputation to uphold.
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torturedpoetemotions · 2 months
Text
A little Nandermo fic for February (the first of many).
Read on AO3
Ever since Guillermo got back from England, Nandor has been acting very strange. Guillermo hasn't said anything about it. He hasn't asked. But he's noticed. How could he not? He spent every day by Nandor's side for twelve years. He knows him, all his habits and moods and tells.
He knows when he's lying, or hiding. He knows when he's upset, when he's holding something back. He knows what it looks like when he's nervous, sad, disappointed.
What he doesn't quite know is why Nandor seems to cycle through all those emotions and then some whenever they're alone together these days.
It started when he was first let out of the shipping crate--a grievance he is still going to exact vengeance on Nadja and Laszlo for, one of these days. Nandor was happy to see him, transparently so. It took Guillermo’s breath away a little, actually, even in the midst of his anger. He'd been away from Nandor for an entire year, and so much had changed, and he was so angry at him–for leaving without Guillermo, for not looking for him or reaching out. But even with all that, the sight of him knocked Guillermo back a step, made him feel like he had to run before he got pulled back into Nandor’s orbit.
Of course, that didn’t exactly go according to plan.
One minute he was screaming goodbye forever, the next he was falling, screaming, no time to think or take a breath before he was plunged into freezing, putrid water, flailing, his clothes weighing him down too much to get to the surface…
And then there were arms around him, holding him tight, lifting him up. He’d clutched at the hands on his chest, afraid to fall, and realized with a shock that he knew those arms, those hands.
Oh, was his first thought. I’m okay. Nandor’s got me.
Then he was in the air, Nandor practically squeezing the water he’d inhaled out of him before he set him down gently and immediately went to fetch him a towel and robe, without even being asked.
When their eyes met as Nandor handed the neatly folded pile over to him, it was like an audible click, two matching pieces of a puzzle slotting into place.
Guillermo had told himself he was just glad to be back home.
But then Nandor got all cryptic and serious, announcing his wedding plans and asking Guillermo to be his best man with the same gravitas he'd once asked him to travel the world. And then...
Then he’d actually looked disappointed when Guillermo said he wasn’t jealous. Nandor was subdued the rest of the day, in fact, even as he showed off his treasure horde and threw himself into discussing his wedding plans. Maybe no one else would notice it, but Guillermo did. 
And so the pattern had been set, and continued whenever they were alone together. When they’re wedding planning, or out on an errand, Nandor treats him so differently from before. He asks Guillermo’s opinions and actually seems to care about his answers. He remembers things, too, like that Guillermo needs to eat actual human food once in a while, and is supposed to have a day off each week. He laughs openly at Guillermo’s jokes now, instead of pretending to be annoyed by them.
Sometimes Guillermo will catch Nandor throwing him these little glances, too, his face open and delighted, just like that first night back. Like doing everyday, mundane things with Guillermo makes him so happy he can’t contain it behind his usual aloof façade.
Then, inevitably, he’ll meet Guillermo’s eyes and grow suddenly somber, devolving quickly into sad and distant. He'll start to fidget with his hands or his rings, avoiding Guillermo's eyes. Often he’ll suddenly recall something else he ought to be doing, and Guillermo won’t see him for the rest of the night.
Once could be chance, twice a coincidence…but Guillermo stopped counting after the sixth time this pattern repeated and he had to watch, bewildered, as Nandor ran off claiming he had forgotten an urgent favor for Laszlo. 
It’s driving Guillermo up the wall.
The thing is, he has his suspicions as to what this is all about. Unlikely as they might have once seemed, he doesn’t think he’s wrong about those suspicions…and all he can think is why now? Why, after years of indifference to lukewarm tolerance at best, does Nandor have to choose now to look at Guillermo like he actually sees him? To act like he wants Guillermo’s undivided attention, craves it even?
A year ago, hell, even six months ago Guillermo would’ve done anything to have Nandor treating him like this. But now…things are different. Complicated. He isn’t the same perpetually single twenty-something virgin with no social life pining after the man who is both the embodiment and gatekeeper of all his dreams. He’s thirty-one, and no longer single. Or a virgin. And maybe he’s starting to have new dreams now.
His boyfriend Freddie, for example. He’s a dream come true! Smart, sweet, attentive. A great listener. Thoughtful. Selfless, effusive. Guillermo never doubts his worth or that he’s wanted and appreciated when it comes to Freddie. He’s never felt lonely with Freddie right next to him. He never has to beg for scraps of affection, or brace himself for sudden rejections. Freddie was open and explicit about his attention, right from the start. If anything, Freddie is too effusive, reducing Guillermo to blushing and smiling so hard it hurts on a regular basis with his open displays of affection, pet names, and easy I love yous.
And okay, sure, he doesn’t know everything about Guillermo’s life. But if that was a disqualifier, well, then Guillermo’d just have to die alone, because what sane person could he ever share the whole truth of himself with? Nice men don’t typically go for guys who spent their twenties aiding and abetting in hundreds of murders. And that’s what Guillermo wants, what he needs right now. Someone nice.
So why did Nandor have to choose now to start giving Guillermo the attention and appreciation he’s been begging for since he was nineteen years old?
And why can’t Guillermo stop looking forward to those evenings he spends with Nandor, collecting stolen moments alone?
~
It all starts to come to a head on a rainy night in February.
Freddie is five hours ahead, so they had their Valentine’s Day video chat earlier in the evening. Now here Guillermo is, with the whole night stretching out empty before him, alone on Valentine’s Day despite having a boyfriend for the first time in his life. He tries not to let it get him down, smiling at the text full of heart emojis Freddie sent before he went to bed and the flowers currently blooming in a vase on Guillermo’s night stand. They arrived without warning on the doorstep early that morning, along with a sweet card Guillermo currently has pinned to the wall above his bed.
He isn’t alone on Valentine’s Day, he reminds himself. Not really. He had his time with Freddie, long-distance though it was, and now he can go about his night and pretend as though nothing at all special is happening this evening.
But of course, it isn’t that simple. Guillermo’s life never is. When he opens the curtain that conceals his room he nearly has a heart attack, leaping back to put distance between himself and the looming figure standing in his doorway.
“Relax, Guillermo, it is only me! Yeesh!”
Guillermo pries his fingers off the stake he dove for and draws his hand out, leaving the weapon hidden beneath his pillow.
“You can’t sneak up on me like that, Master!” He grouses. Nandor gives him an apologetic smile.
“What did you need?” Guillermo asks. Immediately, he knows something is up when Nandor starts fidgeting with the ring on his index finger.
“I was wondering if you would accompany me this evening. On a…” he hesitates. “On a walk.”
“A walk? Guillermo asks, eyebrow raised.
“Fine, a hunt!” Nandor says. “I wish to have company as I hunt for dinner in the park, and I do not wish that company to be Laszlo or Nadja this evening. They are very annoying to be around this time of year.”
Ah. Right. That makes sense. Guillermo shudders to imagine what those two are like on Valentine’s Day, given how they are the rest of the year. Thankfully, he has never had to witness it firsthand.
Now that he thinks about it…he almost always ends up on some sort of solo errand with Nandor on Valentine’s Day. Maybe this is why? Nandor doesn’t want to third-wheel on Nadja and Laszlo’s dates?
He smiles up at Nandor, trying to parse the mixture of warmth and annoyance at the thought that they’ve had a tradition all this time and he didn’t even realize it.
“Sure, Master,” he says. “I’d love to go on a hunt with you.”
He tries not to enjoy the look on Nandor’s face at his response, or the way it makes his heart skip a beat. This is nothing out of the ordinary, he insists to himself. Not if they’ve done it every year as long as they’ve known each other. It’s like…their Thing. Their friendly, totally platonic thing that he has no reason to feel a twinge of guilt about.
He grabs that excuse with both hands, and goes to get his coat.
~
Spring is coming on early this year, the night unseasonably warm for mid-February. Guillermo actually steps back inside after feeling the temperature to toss his coat at the coat rack, knowing he’ll be sweating in the humid spring air in no time if he wears it. Other than that it’s a beautiful night, the nearly-full moon filtering down through a thin blanket of clouds, casting everything in shades of blue shadow and soft silver. The air in the park smells of melting snow, wet grass, and ozone, foretelling oncoming rain. But for now there’s only a slight breeze that teases at Guillermo’s collar, sending little tendrils of chill down his neck as he takes two steps to keep pace with each one of Nandor’s long strides.
Nandor has been uncharacteristically quiet since they entered the park, but the silence feels comfortable between them. Easy. He keeps stealing glances at Guillermo when he thinks Guillermo isn’t looking. He’s also sticking to Guillermo’s side like glue, their arms or fingers brushing with every other step. For a moment, Guillermo entertains the giddy thought that Nandor is trying to “accidentally” hold his hand, like they’re teenagers on a first date.
But this is not a date, he reminds himself again sternly. This is just Guillermo and Nandor in the park, hunting for Nandor’s dinner and getting away from their housemates’ infernal, eternal honeymoon phase on the most disgustingly romantic night of the year. A little tradition between friends.
He makes himself believe that right up until the moment Nandor’s cool fingers brush against his own, curl around them, and grab hold. He’s so surprised he almost trips over his own two feet, and Nandor has to catch him before he nosedives into the sidewalk.
“Careful, Guillermo!” Nandor says, returning him to an upright position but not removing his hands from Guillermo’s arms. “You do not want to plant your face!”
Guillermo laughs nervously, stepping back out of Nandor’s reach and looking anywhere but into his eyes.
“Thank you, Master,” he says softly, feeling a telltale heat creeping into his face. Nandor accepts his thanks without comment and they continue walking, the silence no less companionable, but perhaps a little more charged than before. It occurs to Guillermo, as they head deeper into the park, that they haven’t seen a single person so far on their walk, and aren’t likely to. Guillermo has been following Nandor’s lead, since the whole point was to hunt for dinner…but Nandor has skirted around all the areas where people usually congregate this late, sticking close to the tree-lined paths that are always deserted by sundown.
He turns to point this out to his master, but something stops him. Maybe the way Nandor’s head jerks to his left, as though listening for the sound of potential prey and not hiding the fact that he was once again staring at Guillermo.
“Master?” Nandor turns as if nothing happened.
“Mmm?” He asks, raising one eyebrow. Guillermo suppresses a sigh. He might as well push a little, while he has Nandor alone.
“Is something wrong?” And there it is. Nandor looks caught out, his eyes sliding away from Guillermo’s immediately, his shoulders going just a little tense.
“Wrong? Whatever could be wrong?” Guillermo stops walking.
“I don’t know…you tell me, Nandor!” That gets his attention. Nandor freezes and turns to him, looking shiftier than ever. He starts to fiddle with his rings.
“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Nandor insists, not meeting his eyes. Guillermo fights his rising frustration, determined not to let this turn into an argument. He takes a step toward Nandor, reaching out a hand to pat him on the arm. Nandor doesn’t pull away from the touch, but he doesn’t quite relax into it either.
“Master,” he says, in the tone he might use if that were a pet name instead of a title indicating deference. “Please, whatever it is, you can tell me. You’ve been off ever since you got back from your trip.” He steps closer, looks up into Nandor’s face. Nandor still won’t meet his eyes.
“Is it the wedding? Are you worried about–”
Nandor doesn’t let him finish. At mention of the wedding, a spasm of frustration passes across his face, breaking through his attempts at composure at last. He fists his hands in Guillermo’s sweater, pulling him so close that his cool breath ghosts over Guillermo’s lips when he speaks. Nandor’s eyes aren’t avoiding Guillermo’s anymore. He feels pinned by that gaze, unable to move as it searches his own.
“You know very well,” he says, his voice somewhere between a growl and a purr. “That I am not thinking about that wedding right now.” 
Guillermo opens his mouth to reply, to ask Nandor what his problem is, to demand that Nandor let him go. Something. But before he can make his lips form the words, there’s a crack of thunder that seems to split open the sky. One second it’s a quiet, humid spring evening…the next, Guillermo is almost immediately soaked to the skin by the deluge of rain that comes pouring down, hours ahead of schedule.
Nandor releases his sweater only to grasp his hand, pulling him along without pausing to explain. Guillermo goes willingly, too stunned by Nandor’s words and the heart-pounding feeling of those hands pulling him in to put up any protest, or ask where Nandor is taking them. He leaves the path behind entirely, ducking through a gap in the trees following nothing Guillermo can sense or see. Then he turns, guides them through yet another gap in the trees, and Guillermo sees a little white gazebo up ahead, tucked away in a circle of trees and bushes.
Nandor pulls him up the few steps into the shelter of the gazebo, the rain still falling like a crystalline curtain all around, its dull roar making the rest of the world feel muted and far away. Guillermo removes his steamed-up glasses and blinks up at Nandor through the curls plastered to his forehead.
Nandor is, of course, more unfairly beautiful than ever in the rain. His hair is a silken curtain, strands of it falling out of his careful little bun to hang in his face. There are drops of water caught in his lashes, and he’s laughing as he pushes Guillermo’s sopping hair out of his eyes with gentle fingers. The sound is quiet and sweet beneath the cacophony of the storm outside this little bubble he’s created for the two of them. It wraps around him like a well-loved blanket, soft and warm.
Guillermo wonders what Nandor sees when he looks down at him like that. Does he ever look at Guillermo and think words like beautiful? Do his hands ache sometimes with the effort of not reaching out to touch? He’s been so nice to Guillermo lately, and it’s throwing him for a loop.
Freddie was nice to Guillermo from the very beginning. Freddie is sweet, and caring, and trusting, and never, ever leaves Guillermo wondering where they stand. He's life and sunshine and gentle sanding on Guillermo’s rough edges. He’s everything Guillermo should want in a boyfriend, and he doesn't deserve what Guillermo already knows will happen. He doesn't.
But Nandor...
Nandor is that thrill of possibility when the clock strikes midnight, the wildness that wakes in even timid hearts beneath the full moon, the thing that makes Guillermo shiver in the dark…but not with fear. Never with fear. He has been the subject of every fantasy Guillermo has had since he was nineteen years old. His unrequited first love, or so he always thought. His unlikely best friend. He is frustrating and confusing and terrible at timing and infuriatingly gorgeous, and…
He’s everything. It’s as simple as that. Blood and endless possibility and death, all wrapped up in eternity.
Guillermo covers Nandor’s hand on his face with one of his own, watches as the laughter fades from his eyes, replaced with something warm and wanting. Time seems to slow to a crawl around them, suspending them in the moment before everything changes.
It's death Guillermo’s been running after, flirting with, begging for all these years. Death of the scared, odd, timid little boy with no friends and no future who let people walk all over him. He’d wanted to kill that part of himself, put it out of its misery. He’d wanted to burst from his own chest, strong and undying and new. He thought Nandor could give him that, once, but now he knows: Nandor didn’t need to give him anything. He only called to what was living inside Guillermo all along. That final transformation, when it arrives, will just be a formality.
Some will say he killed the man he was and left a monster free to walk around in his skin. But what those people will never understand is that Guillermo has always felt like he was something a little bit monstrous. That's what happens to you when you grow up being told that people who feel the things you feel, want the things you want, are something to hate and fear and kill wherever you can. You can believe them and destroy yourself, you can burn yourself out trying to prove that they’re wrong about you…or you can decide you deserve to be happy regardless.
That was the decision he made, when he followed Nandor into the night all those years ago. That was what he felt the first time he picked up a stake to defend his family, the first time he stood up to Nandor and fought him and won. It’s what he feels now, with Nandor still looking down at him in that soft, new way that tells Guillermo he’s being seen and adored for exactly what he is. Every day of his life he’s spent feeling at home in his own skin, Nandor was never far away.
How can a relationship of a few months compare to that? How can it be wrong to reach for Nandor now, when he has always been Nandor's? This is just the universe righting itself at last.
At least, that's what Guillermo tells himself as he tangles his free hand in Nandor's wet hair and pulls him down into a kiss, finally, finally. He won't even have the excuse of "he kissed me first" later, and he doesn't want it. This is his choice. It was always going to be his choice, and he can’t find it in himself to be sorry for that. 
Nandor’s hand on his face slides back, carding through his hair, his other arm wrapping around Guillermo’s waist to pull him in close before simply lifting him off his feet entirely.
He gasps as he’s swept up into strong arms that hold him as easily as if he weighs nothing. He wraps both hands around Nandor’s neck, biting at his bottom and eliciting a dark chuckle that vibrates against Guillermo’s mouth and travels down his spine like lightning.
Maybe it isn’t Nandor who’s been off since they got back, after all. Maybe it was him, trying to pretend this fire burning in his chest had gone out when it’s never burned brighter. It doesn’t matter now. The last year, Freddie, all Guillermo’s attempts to put distance between himself and Nandor…none of it matters.
The whole world is just this night and the rain and Nandor’s mouth on his, and Guillermo wouldn’t have it any other way.
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