#wrote this over a year ago and i'm finally posting it hehe eto... bleh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sxturdaysun · 10 months

Text

gaps in the sunlight

uchikoshi said anything is canon in zero escape, so here's my real and canon happy ending with aoi <3

[ aoi / santa | ~2.5k words ] [ cw: vague spoilers for the ending of 999 + ztd. aoi is himself and all that entails (an argument ft. lots of swearing). one offhanded reference to suicidal ideation. ]

against the sunlight, koda squinted.

when she stepped out of the underground bunker, it felt as if forty tons of weight had slipped off her shoulders and onto the dusty ground beneath her. the anxiety that had gripped her for the last handful of hours (days? just how long had they been in there, jumping aimlessly through spacetime?) faded away, dissipating until she finally felt at ease — like she wasn't one misstep away from dying; like she wasn't walking a tightrope of life and death anymore.

she'd never been so happy to be underneath the burning sun; to feel its warmth on her skin.

she'd never been so happy to be alive.

finally, after everything, she could rest.

reaching up, she shielded her eyes against the blinding light, gazing aimlessly off into the empty expanse around her. as far as she could see, there was nothing — no roads; no buildings; no anything — aside from the desert and the facility she had just emerged from with the rest of the people who had been forced through the decision game alongside her. it was almost suffocating, in an ironic way, how open everything was; how quiet and still and void it was. they were alone out here — she was alone out here. completely and utterly alone.

...until the sound of a car engine cut through the otherwise silent air.

snapping her head toward the sound, koda was met with the sight of an all-too familiar suv; and leaning against the front of it was an even more familiar figure, their hair a stark white against the orange backdrop of the nevada desert. her heart dropped into her stomach as if it had suddenly been turned into lead, her arm falling from her eyes and dangling limply by her side. disbelief overtook her thoughts, leaving her staring wide-eyed in shock.

n-no way...

she was just seeing things, wasn't she? the hell she had just gone through was so bad it had finally broken her, hadn't it? that her tormented and scarred brain had taken to hallucinating him as its last defense against shattering completely? it was fake — it had to be fake; she hadn't seen him in over a year, there was no way he would be here — but she caught herself walking towards him anyway, legs shaking and feet stumbling as she went.

he would disappear when she got close enough — she would reach a threshold and he would vanish from her life again, to a place she had no way of reaching, and she would feel her heart turn to ice all over again. he would leave her alone once again, wondering if she ever truly meant anything to him at all; wondering if he would ever come back; knowing that he wouldn't.

but with every step, his figure only grew more solid. his features grew more defined — she could make out his eyes; the crease between his eyebrows; the way his mouth was turned down in a small frown. with each step, it became easier and easier to see him — to trick herself into believing he was real and there and finally in front of her again.

"...a-aoi...?"

as if saying his name made him real — solidified him; tied him to this world — he blinked at her, the worried scowl disappearing from his face in an instant. relief washed over his features; his arms uncrossed and dropped to his sides as if the muscles in them had given out — as if the tension that had held them over his chest was finally released.

and then he started running to her.

in what felt like an instant, koda was suddenly enveloped in a pair of arms, scooped up off the dusty ground and squeezed into a hug so tight it forced all the air from her lungs. a hand roughly landed on the back of her head, fingers tangling deeply into her hair, pressing her against his chest; nails dug into the small of her back through her shirt; a nose buried itself in her hair and let out a shaky breath into it.

"thank god." his voice was rough as he murmured it — strained, as if he were forcing himself to keep it from breaking; as if he were on the verge of crumbling before her. "i was so scared you were—" his head lifted up suddenly, blue eyes frantically scanning her face. "you're not hurt, are you?"

koda shook her head wordlessly, eyes wide with disbelief. "i-i'm okay," she managed, her voice barely above a whisper. with each second that passed as she stared at him — at him; at the person she'd been desperately wanting to see again for a year; at aoi — the shock began to wear off and the reality began to sink in, deeper and deeper, until hot tears were sliding down her cheeks. "a-aoi, i—"

"what the fuck were you thinking?!"

the question — angry and loud and out of nowhere — startled her into abrupt silence.

aoi's expression was no longer one of relief. now, his eyes were narrowed into a glare, an unreadable swirl of emotions dancing in his irises; his scowl had returned, lips pulled back just enough to show his teeth clenching together. his grip on her had released as quickly as his mood changed, leaving koda to stumble a step backward in confusion. he was mad — so mad that it instilled the smallest hint of fear in her heart.

so mad that all she could do was stare at him.

"h... huh?" the tears she had been crying stopped; dried in an instant. "w-what are you—"

"are you a fucking idiot?!" the sound of his fist coming down on the hood of the car made her jump. inside the dent he left in the metal was a faint smear of red; from his knuckles, it dripped to the ground; onto the toe of his boot. "why the fuck would you sign up for something like this?!"

why?

he had the nerve to ask why when he was the one who had abandoned her for over a year? when he was the reason she spent the last twelve odd months in a numb haze, only feeling something when she was crying over him? when he was the reason she had spiraled into such a deep depression that seven and lotus had taken to checking in on her every day to make sure she hadn't killed herself? when he was the reason it all got so bad she had to sign up for something like this just to clear her head?

he was the reason her life had fallen apart and he had the fucking nerve to ask why?

koda's eyes narrowed back at him, her shoulders shaking with a year's worth of pain and misery and anger. "what does it fucking matter?" she snapped back, her voice wavering in her throat. he didn't deserve an explanation, and she didn't want to give him one. "i wanted to. so i did."

"and what if something happened to you?!" for a moment, the anger in aoi's voice slipped and gave way to the truth of his emotions. panic had seeped into his tone; made it shake and pitch upward. "goddammit, you could have fucking died! did you ever think about that shit?!"

"why do you even care?! you abandoned me for a fucking year! so why—"

"because i love you, dumbass! that's why i fucking care!"

"i love you, too! but that doesn't—"

she froze.

koda's eyes grew wide — wider and wider until they were the size of saucers; until they started drying out and burning in the faint breeze that blew between them. her mouth hung slightly open, bottom lip twitching as it tried to form any one of the hundreds, thousands, of words that were racing through her jumbled mind.

"w-what?" she stuttered out, the word little more than a weak exhale. "w... w-what did you..."

aoi crossed his arms again, his head turning away from her as a shade of red slowly crept its way up onto his face. if she didn't know any better, she'd assume he was getting sunburnt. "...i said i love you." still-narrowed eyes flickered sideways to her, then away again with a short huff; and then, with a sigh of resignation, he turned back to her fully, his expression softening into something more gentle. "i love you, koda."

disbelief colored her exhausted features, her head twitching side-to-side in a small shake. "y... you..." she breathed out, her hands subtly beginning to shake. "y-you... you r... really..."

he didn't — he couldn't. if he did, then why... why had he left her? if he loved her, then why did he leave her alone to suffer by herself? if he loved her, then why hadn't she seen him once before this? if he loved her, then why did she have to go through timeline after timeline after miserable timeline just to get to speak to him again?

why?

why why why why?

she had started crying again without even realizing it.

"i do." aoi's voice pulled her free of the sinkhole she found herself slipping into; made her suddenly aware of the dampness on her cheeks once more. stepping forward, he closed the distance between them again, his hands cupping her face with far more gentleness than he seemed capable of. "i really do love you, koda."

"th-then why?" the words came tumbling out of koda's mouth before she could stop them, her heart cracking and melting and freezing all at once — filling with an unbridled mix of anger and love and happiness and bitterness. "w-why did you— w-why— y-you left a-and— i-i—"

she was slowly becoming incoherent. distantly, she feared it would annoy him.

a soft, feather-light kiss was pressed against her hairline; a moment later, his forehead leaned itself gently against hers. "i had to." his eyes, steady and unwavering, stared into her conflicted and teary ones. "i didn't want to— fuck, i really didn't want to, but—" anger flashed through his face — only for a moment; at a distant memory neither of them seemed to like. "—but i had to. to make sure you would stay safe."

it sounded like bullshit — like complete and utter bullshit — but there wasn't a hint of deception on his face; not a single ounce of anything that could be considered a lie. koda's hands weakly reached up to hold onto his wrists, her nails softly digging into the skin. "f-from what? i don't— i-i don't get it, i-i— y-you—"

"from—" he cut off with a suck of his teeth and an annoyed scoff that wasn't directed at her. for once, it was like he didn't have an answer — like he didn't have an easy explanation he could give her. "from everything, okay? i was involved in a lot of deep shit, and i... couldn't stand the thought of you getting hurt." white eyebrows knit together; teeth clenched again. "so when i heard about you signing up for this fucking shit, i—"

aoi cut himself off with a shuddered breath, his fingers shaking against the sides of her face. for a brief moment, his eyes closed; and when they opened again, desperation shone in them.

fear shone in them.

"do you know how scared i was?" his voice was lower; shakier and far more fragile than she was used to hearing it. "i was so— so fucking scared, koda."

the confession made her sobbing slow down enough to let her breathe almost normally again; to let her thoughts stop being such an incoherent, jumbled mess. koda blinked softly up at him, tears dripping dripping onto his hands. "i-i was scared, too." pieces of memories flashed through her mind — memories of death and dying and impossible-to-beat odds and terror so big it rooted her in place. her breathing turned shaky again as the feeling overtook her again, a new wave of tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. "i-i thought i was going t-to— i didn't think i'd— i-i'd ever s-see you again a-and—"

for the third time, koda started crying again.

and for the second time, aoi pulled her into his chest.

arms wrapped around her shaking shoulders while hers locked themselves around him, her fingers clutching onto the back of his shirt so tightly that her knuckles began to ache. in the still-damp spot from earlier, she cried into his chest, finally letting every emotion — every horrible and painful and scary emotion — she suppressed for so long tear its way out of her.

"p-please don't— d-don't leave again..."

the words spilled messily past her lips before she could stop them — the pathetic desire she'd harbored for over a year, the one she desperately tried to swallow and ignore, filling the air between them. it was futile — she knew it was; she knew there was nothing she could do, nothing she could say, that would guarantee his staying — but it came out anyway amidst her sobs.

a desperate plea that would never—

"i won't."

aoi's voice made her freeze; made her body go rigid; made her breath catch in her throat and her eyes go wide. she stared, unblinkingly, into the fabric of his shirt before mustering up enough courage to tilt her head back to look up at him. "h... huh...?" she asked quietly, her voice little more than an exhale of disbelief.

"i won't." he repeated it, his tone soft and resolute. one of his arms left her shoulders so his hand could run through her hair, pushing it from her face so he could lean down and leave a lingering kiss to her forehead. "i won't leave you again."

the fear that he might be lying wormed its way into koda's heart — sunk its claws in; chased away any happiness his words might have otherwise brought her. her fingers shook softly against his shirt, struggling to force the image of him leaving again — of waking up alone again — out of her head. "...y... you promise...?"

"yeah." he breathed it out against her; into her hair; as his arm returned to his shoulders; as he held in her a vice grip she couldn't have escaped even if she wanted to. aoi buried his nose in her curls, effectively pushing her head back into its previous position against his chest. "i promise."

his heart thumped steadily in her ear, the sound working to calm her down; to soothe her nerves; to bring her tears to a stop; to finally piece together the shattered remains of her heart. he was here — he was here and he was holding her and he was staying.

"i'm not going anywhere this time."

and that was all she had ever wanted.

#wrote this over a year ago and i'm finally posting it hehe eto... bleh #🖤 love letters for santa #i say spoilers but does it count if none of this happened 💀#anyway this is the ending i deserved actually <3 #♡ — writing

5 notes · View notes