You may want to be sweet and girly. You may want to be sullen and aloof. You may wish to please not only yourself, but also the person you desire and cherish. You may wish to please no one. You may prefer to have your partner do certain things for you because he or she is better at them. You may want to argue with other women if you disagree with them and not be afraid of being anti-feminist.

You may desire a particular figure, a particular shape of nose or breasts, a particular hair colour. You may think that you would like to change something about yourself. You may think that you are not perfect, that there is something you need to work on. You may think it is nice when a man opens the door for you, that it is nice when he takes a heavy bag from you, that it is nice when he tells you that you are a beautiful.

You don't have to do everything yourself. Self-sufficiency and self-reliance does not mean being rude to your own weaknesses, to men or other women who approach life differently than you do. Live to be happy, not to make some group of people be pleased with you. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable.

Women's History Month

Dr. Angela Davis (American, b. 1944) • Feminist activist, philosopher, author, and academic.

"Feminism is the radical notion that women are human beings." – Angela Davis

Gertrude Stein at her desk, ca. 1936

Carl van Vechten, Portrait of Gertrude Stein, New York (1934 November 4)

~ i want to feel everything with you

another piece of my book, my heart, my baby.

Margaret Bloy Graham, illustrator – Gene Zion, author • No Roses for Harry • Harper & Row, publisher • 1958

Originally published in black and white in 1956 and 1958, it both books were reprinted in 2002 with splashes of color added by the original artist.

Margaret Bloy Graham, illustrator – Gene Zion, author • Harry, the Dirty Dog • Harper & Brothers, publisher • 1956

She collected men, the way the sea, collects forgotten shipwrecks.

So desperate to be loved, to be touched, covered in thorns, even a sociopath, can resemble a woman.

I stared deep into her eyes, and saw a thousand, broken souls, devoured by the same lies.

Shipwrecks

"She Planted Her Own Flowers"

Better World Books - Give the Gift of Reading!

Sylvia Plath

by Avalon Nuovo on Tumblr | Instagram | Behance

"there it is,

the bite of nostalgia bleeding.

how painful.

how painfully quick."

-seconds after bumping into him on the street by Sabrina Benaim

Jack Robinson (American, 1928-1997) • Portrait of Joyce Carol Oates • 1970

Francis Picabia, Study for a Portrait of Gertrude Stein

Man Ray, Gertrude Stein (at Home), 1922

what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?

i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?

a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?

in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.

girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.

there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.

for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.

something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.

is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.

most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."

a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.

Week 13 Blog

This week, I read pages 75 to 125 of the book “To the Lighthouse” by Virginia woolf.

The most important sentence(s) of the week can be found on page 89: “What does one live for? Why, one asked oneself, does one take all these pains for the human race to go on? Is it very desirable? Are we attractive as a species?” Here’s why: While Paul, Minta,Nancy, and Andrew where searching for Minta’s precious who meant really much for her since it was inherited by her grandmother herself in her last days before she pass away while back into the house Mr. Bankes and Mrs. Ramsay who - have been friends for years- are deciding whether it is possible to build a billiards rooms when all of the sudden Mr. Bankes decides to look at the sunset, and questions what is true happiness? What is a true victory? One might say that true happiness lies in giving into one’s lustful desires such as drinking, mating,wealth,fame, or in another words something physical.

In the end Mr. Bankes states that he didn’t find happiness by acquiring his lustful desires but rather finds true happiness in reading books. I agree with Mr. Banke's statement because it shows that true happiness lies in something you can’t see nor touch but rather you can feel it in your heart. Like achieving a goal, eating a good meal, sleeping, passing time with others.

Mrs. Ramsay calls every guest to come to the dinner table where soup will be served for dinner.

Paul, Minta, Nancy, and Andrew return from the beach to the house but without Minta's bronch which is still missing. As they arrive Mrs. Ramsay sits in the head front seat of the dinner table and as each guest is receiving their soups Mrs. Ramsay realizes how isolate everyone is from each other which sadness to then turn towards an angry Mr. Tansley which rambles that he is away from work and blames women for interrupting his work thus canceling the trip to the lighthouse while Mr. Ramsay is in the other side of the table trying to coming up with a poem to recites while talking to Carmichael about fishing and lily is thinking about whether she is ready for marriage or stay single then Minta & paul couldn’t hidden no more and tell Mrs. Ramsay about the bronch that went missing at the beach to then unite everyone to look for it the next few days. As the Dinner concludes Mr. Ramsay is feeling satisfied and recites his poem to everyone at the dinner table which Carmichael finishes as a sort of respect towards Mr. Ramsay.

This week of reading was very interesting, especially about finding true happiness.

I wasn’t expecting Mr. Tansley to get this much irritated for pausing his work to spend some family time and starting rambling about how women are the issue but thankfully Lilly was able to calm down Mr. Tansley by talking about her paintings & fishermen thus allowing the continuation and preparations to travel to the lighthouse. I am very excited to see if Mrs. Ramsay plan to get Paul and Minta to marry each other will work, I have a feeling that Mrs. Ramsay is the one who has the bronch.

Word count:540

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"She Planted Her Own Flowers"

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