#with the way I cope who knows lol
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mmmmore fanfic of ur Healthcare au that is also soft sky stuff bc u needed something soft earlier today. I know it's probably going to happen differently when/if you ever write the part about Sky's recovery after the bleeding out thing but this was just me wanting to give u some warm fuzzies with ur boys (u can fully keep this as a private lil thing for urself if u want too)
Wind and Sky were shivering together; bundled up under the pile of scratchy medic blankets.
"It takes a bit to get used to holding your hands this way, but you've got a good start."
Sky yawned and let his cheek rest on top of Wind's gull's nest of hair. The teen's fever warmed Sky's face, and if he were a bit more coherent and less woozy he'd be more concerned.
"And now I do that half-double-crocher whatever again?" Wind rasped.
Sky nodded and watched the boy's hands work the yarn back and forth. Undo a piece here and there to try again or to tighten up a loose spot.
Wars shook his head from the chair he sat a guardian's post from at the foot of the cot the two insisted on squishing into.
Sky yawned again, feeling a tug at his stitches. His eyes were too heavy to follow Wind's hands anymore beyond the fact they were also steadily slowing as exhaustion started to hit them both.
—----
"Sky! Sky!"
The pilot blinked awake. It took his head a moment to stop swimming and catch up with up with world. He stretched, carefully avoiding pulling too much at either stitches or IV.
"Hmm, wasit Wind?"
"Look-" Wind was interrupted by a short fot of coughing Sky patted his back through, "look! Wars finished the socks for you. You can wear them now!"
And so he did. Sky blinked at the misshapen, clashing striped pair of crocheted socks on his lap. He could see where the stitches changed from Wind's carefully guided, albeit inconsistent, stitches into War's slightly more practiced ones. Sky felt his heart swell with warmth and he carefully held them in trembling hands.
"I thought we were making these for you?"
"Nah, you need 'em more. You're cold all the time," Wind gave a cheeky smirk, "I only feel cold half the time, the other half I'm ready to lay on the tile floor."
He flopped back on top of the covers dramatically. Sky noticed for the first time Wind was down to his undershirt and pajama pants rolled up, with a cooling patch slapped on his forehead. He noticed War's was asleep in the chair at his side, rather than the foot of the bed, with his head knocked back and snoring softly in the dim light.
"Well," Sky yawned again, "I'll have to thank you two proper when we all can stay awake for more than twenty minutes at a time."
Wind snorted and messed up Sky's hair as the older man yanked on the freshly made socks before he snuggled down into the blankets with a shiver. Despite knowing he was cold, he still felt warm and fuzzy enough to sleep.
Awwwwww thank youuuu ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ This was so sweet and soft and I love it so, so much ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Aahhhhhh
I really appreciate it, warm fuzzy feels with my boys ☺️❤️
#you ask skye answers#lovely hyah lian#so thankful for everyone helping me out#feeling like I’m on the upswing hopefully#who knows#with the way I cope who knows lol#but I really appreciate all my lovelies ❤️#also good luck with night shift!!!#lu in healthcare#love it#lu in healthcare war era#lu sky#lu warriors#lu wind#HE MADE HIM SOCKS AWW#WARS FINISHED IT WHILE KEEPING GUARD#so precious ❤️#lu in healthcare fanfic
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[I thought you might care to have a drink with me.]
#BG3 Musing#Halsin#Halsin Posting#alcohol tw#finally snagged this companion banter in game - love comparing what halsin initially says to you vs what he starts revealing#if you listen and pay attention to him#halsin sweetheart that is a really eloquent way of saying i started drowning myself in alcohol#to cope with the trauma and pain the aftermath of that war caused me lol#now of course at the end he seems to be all on board to drink - because you know VERY special occasion -#but like...this is a former alcoholic who is currently sober speaking#i think halsin avoids taverns because a. he's a recovering alcoholic and b. he gets punched by drunks looking for a fight#so like it's all around a not good time for him
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kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....
#bungou stray dogs#been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me))#cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands)#but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people#first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now#he was groomed since childhood just like dazai#but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there#and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong#but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself#which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong#and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia...#and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO#where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!!#it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay.#chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself#and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him.#didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!!#i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess#and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just#One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall#he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!!#there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma#and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc#it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!!#even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man#both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation#i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda#and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death#oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)
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New project: start
#Homestuck#Dirk strider#I'm in a bit of a manic mood tonight which means I'm making wire armatures of Homestuck characters to cope#will I actually finish sculpting him?#uhhh maybe who fuckin knows#I am very proud of the fact that the armature stands on its own though ahfkahfkaj#we'll see how the rest of it goes#lord knows that hs characters are top heavy so I doubt he'll stay upright for long lol#unless I make his ENTIRE head tin foil with like 2 mm of clay slapped on top#in which case it might be light enough to balance#stupid gravity#fluffle sculpts#I also made the armature way taller than I would have liked but thems the breaks when you wing it and don't draw a guide
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i feel like i do generally pretty well at seeming normal and functional on the surface so people maybe like don't believe me that i find certain things as difficult as i do find them. or i might be just making this up in my mind out of paranoia lol. or i may also be overestimating how normal i appear and maybe i do actually come off like a complete freak
#i just feel like i coast most of the time so then if something does come up that i can't handle people think i'm exaggerating or lying#btw i dont know who i mean by 'people' in this scenario#the general amorphous concept of people#but i feel like i seem normal enough most of the time that if i then suddenly pull out like 'i cant cope with this its making me too anxiou#it seems like it comes out of left field#BECAUSE it seems that way to me in my own perception of myself lol#i'm people.... i'm the people im referring to all along...
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Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩
#the klock keeps ticking#yttd#i wanna replay yttd so bad but i also like Gotta play other stuff with the time i have akskks#but yeah the brainrot this specific character has given me idk if I ever really talked about it but it was BAD#i like obsessively played the game in like 3 days and it was not a good idea lol but just like shin#i had to take like a week to recover from this guy cuz i couldnt stop thinking about him and how hes just like me fr#first off just the very inconsistent personality hes got going on that is very me he has these different personalities he wears to cope with#all the traumatic shit happening hes both so helpless its comical and so manipulative its terrifying#and idk its really interesting how like good and bad he is at being manipulative like hes very smart and can analyze weaknesses and lie so#good not even he knows the truth but hes also grasping at straws he doesnt think things through at all#like the second main game he just didnt prepare at all hes fumbling his way through everything its going so bad#he just wants to go home he wants to outdo the game makers but hes being used by them so bad he wants it to STOP#and its just the way that like. it hits so hard cuz you know hes really not a bad person not at all he doesnt want any of this hes just#being horribly manipulated and doing whatever he can to survive but its also really scary how#well hes able to lie and manipulate and claw his way through but hes also weaker than a grade schooler#and you never forget that either and as much as he cheated his way through he still failed it was all just a cheap trick in the end#and all of this hits very hard like his personality is eerily similar to mine and just the way he thinks and acts#cuz im the same like im weak and a dweeb who likes funny cats but im also emotionally detached and observant and selfish#but where it hits the hardest is his relationship with midori like oooof that one was too real just like#the first person who was ever his friend was horribly abusive and treated him like a child and didnt respect any boundaries#and he just got sick pleasure out of seeing shin be upset and he was like. a groomer#and shin was fucking relieved when he died but also kept his scarf and adopted his personality to survive#and still goes by sou after ch2 and the scene that gets me the most is when shin ai is asked about his relationship with midori#and you can just SEE how horrified shin is because his deepest shame his abuse is being shared to everyone without his consent#and hes reliving it all in that moment and literally seeing who he used to be experiencing the abuse#he just curls into himself and like covers his ears and pulls his hair thats literally what i do AAAAAA#im just so grateful for the direction they took this character kokichi ouma wishes he was shin tsukimi so bad#and yeah just like damn. its scary how similar i am to shin like damn i really am going through it huh oof#I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I WILL DEFEND HIM WITH MY LIFE HE DID ALL OF THAT STUFF YOUR HONOR BUT LISTENNNN#have you considered that hes cute and smart and weird and maybe just needs friends who arent assholes
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not wanting to base a character on my personal issues vs the realization that a Shawn Spencer (psych) style detective with severe memory issues would fuck like hell, Fight.
#A detective whos constantly having to put their talents to use to figure out their own day to day life#and hiding it and their memory issues in general under a 'Lol arnt i just the quirkiest xD' style of humor#The main villain would abuse the hell out of their coping mechanism and leave things to make them 'remember' things that never happened#I think the Moriarty and Watson to this Holmes would have to be the same character to make it Really hurt.#Someone who knows their process and disability even better than even they do. and then using that to like. Convince them they#were the murderer and just forgot they did it. so that way they help cover the crime up
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sometimes i wish i could just. reach through the screen and slam a pro.shipper's head down at least once because they are just so dumb and maybe the action would cause some important neurons sleeping on the job to actually get to work. they would almost be sad if they weren't so disgusting. they gotta have a combined IQ of 5 at this point like...
#scor’s rambling#tw: csa#tw: child abuse#rant in the tags#i don't argue with them bc they just seem to forget that children can easily be groomed and tricked apparently?#i remember when they would say “its not gonna make anyone act this out and if they do its not the creator's fault”#like? what kind of logic is that in regards to pedophilies???? dumbasses#and then they pull out the “but i was abused as a child this is how i cope” right. because tagging your trauma with pro''ship is totally go#help you and not easily attract people who literally just wanna get off at the thought of a kid being abused like that?#like you are making it worse for yourself and every possible child i don't know how they don't see that.#thats like me tagging my posts about my eating struggles with pro-eati.ng disorder tags. hello? inviting the devil to my house basically.#and then people wanna act like this is just some internet drama... no man its. way more serious lol#and they focus on the most extreme people who are against them too as if that makes them look better? like another type of group i know.#“see they think reading about murder makes you a criminal” you think cp is just fine and dandy... which one is more serious here.#like being an..ti censo..rship doesn't mean what they mean. they probably don't even give a damn about minorities being censored#unless they are child minorites to exploit i guess
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knight terrors is fucking killing it lately
#drops tmrw apparently! this is all going too fast for me agh#i hope the artists aren’t getting crunched bc these panels are incredible#creature barry creature barry creature barry#his whole fear abt losing his humanity to the speedforce… how his first thought is hal on the topic of humanity…#how he loses himself to it anyway for the ppl who ground him TO his humanity#the fact that his mom showed up… it’s all abt his family it’s always abt his family. iris and wally need him so ofc he loses himself#and the fact that it’s hal he thinks abt to ground him. this is the second time hal has helped barry in this nightmare#love is the opposite of a choice??? that’s also some insane coding#both gay and neurodivergent#i am not going to be ready for their crossover in the GL run#how are they going to talk after this??#and it’s just so barry to overrationalize everything seeing as that was his way of coping with grief and trauma growing up#he doesn’t know what else to do#and barry arguing on behalf of someone TO that someone is such a classic barry argument style. god this is so satisfying to see altogether#this series is sm better than i could’ve ever imagined#it’s like we’re being reward for all that analysis we do#like we’re not making this shit up after all! what a dream come true#the irony lol#knight terrors#the flash#barry allen#halbarry#dc#panels#danbles
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would rly love to know why the brain and nervous system have decided to gift me with The Evening Horrors every day for the past ... week ? ish ? what the heck changed that made this start happening consistently every time dinner rolls around :[
#its just like suddenly everything bad becomes a crushing unbearable weight#like i can usually cope but this is just... Too Much fhdkdl#i wish i could just tell my brain and body ''hey i know this reality is intolerable but can we just like... chill?''#like theres nothing i can do for it fhdkdl so why do i have to act like a prey animal about it !!!#cant i just be silly and ignore the terrible reality around me ??? why do the body and brain refuse to cooperate !!!#its so infuriating dbjdksl#i know its looking for an escape or a fix but theres nothing !!! i have been attempting to figure this out for 5 years now !!!#unless something miraculous happens then there is no escape or fix !!! i would like to move on and just chill !!!#if there is no way out of hell then i might as well have fun w it yknow?#if nothing immediately terrible is happening then i should be able to just Ignore it all#but alas !!! nervous system and brain do not allow for that !!!#(actually there IS a way to cope w this and its called ''have a self destructive meltdown and forcibly get switched out'')#(but I'd prefer to not do that fhdkdl i have a lot of creative projects i want to work on rn LOL)#(also the others in the brain get very bored and lonely bc theres nobody to talk to and nothing much for them to do)#(thats the issue w having a host who fronts for large chunks of time!! its difficult for the others to make friends and find hobbies!)#anyways. rambling. im going to go eat dinner and hopefully that fixes at least a little bit of this fjfkdl#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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Mwah mwah mwah kissy kissy demon friend (Patreon)
#Doodles#LAC#Law Abiding Citizen#LAC Russ#Doug Peterson#Roug#Feeling so normal about them#So so so normal and not at all yearning and internalized bigotry and unhealthy coping mechanisms#Not even a little bit#Okay so that's pretty clearly a lie lol but I Can at least say that I didn't Expect it#I'll partially blame finally getting the first volume of KoiBo (❤️💖💕❤️💞💖) and thinking about Souichi's trauma#I swear I have a point it's not That tangential I just only subsist on parallels - anyone who's been following me for a while knows this lol#Specifically in reference to how his trauma manifests in aforementioned unhealthy coping mechanisms of lashing out and jfdlsafd#He's so interesting I Must dissect him#And then I was rewatching LAC around the same time so that mental vivisection vibe transferred onto LAC!Russ lol#He's not the most mmmmm level-headed well-adjusted person out there hehe#Him flying off the handle about smoking at some light prodding I just I'm feeling So Fucking Normal about it#I'm totally Not fixating on a minor character quirk and reading way too deeply into it lol#What does any of that have to do with them kissing?#:3c#So anyway they're still fun to draw canoodling lol#Doug is so curled around him hehe ♪ Holding him with his arms of course but also flattening his ear against Russ' arm and curling his tail#Hold him close so he doesn't go anywhere! He's so flighty!#Not that he looks all that inclined to leave atm lol#Been thinking about the ficlet I made with them all that while ago too I swear I am So normal about them right now lol
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:/
#like if it is ptsd that means basically it's untreatable right? like the only way to really deal with it is i have to just accept that i'm#going to be miserable and awful to be around forever?#idk like thats why i was kind of hoping it /was/ something more uncommon like osdd because like. i know that can be hard to treat but i've#seen people make it work for them and make it a good thing even if it's hard. there are no upsides or benefits to having Just Fucking Ptsd#there's no sympathy for it if you didnt get it from combat (and even then lol)#and there's no real way to treat it except just learn to fucking avoid triggers and my triggers are FUCKING EVERYTHING#idk i just want a FUCKING SOLUTION and there is none#it's not fucking fair. it's not fucking fair#that my life is permanently ruined and horrible because my fucking mom decided that she needed to have a little mini-me#to project her fucking insecurities on instead of getting therapy#and now i'm never going to be happy! i don't get to have a good fucking life! i h#i have to spend the rest of my life fucking /coping/ with my own existence and having everyone fucking moralize me not wanting to do that#i'm a horrible person for even thinking about this stuff because me saying i cant recover probably makes other people in similar situations#think they also can't recover and i know that makes me bad and awful but like. it's different.#other people have friends who love them and care about them. i will never have that because i'm awful and everyone who gets close to me#realizes how awful i am and runs#other people have a chance at happiness even if it's hard. i don't. i'm never going to have people who love me and care about me. i'm never#going to be anyone's family and i can't fucking stand that
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youtube
This is a big big mood.
#it's literally just lucid dreaming incubation/induction techniques w weird religion garbage mixed in#stephen laberge invented mild like decades ago these kids are just doing that with all their scripting etc#and the whole 'i see x' when falling asleep is LITERALLY JUST HYPNAGOGIA lol. it happens to everyone but most ppl are unconscious#i know a lucid dreaming vet (from like the og forums who made a lot of tutorials) and she's like 'yeah this is bs i hate it'#and lemme tell ya i believe her way more than these kids#i loved how the vid dude showed concern for all this stuff too bc he does have a big point about kids not knowing what imagination is#bc they don't really have much 'free time' offline to actually use it and explore it#and trying to cope w a shitty reality#reality shifting#religion#imagination#critical thinking#youtube
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waiting for my period to start is literal terror like i can hear the metaphorical suspenseful music playing and feel nervous and can’t stop checking to see if he’s here and can’t stop thinking about when will it come? will i need to throw away any underwear this time? what if it comes in the middle of the night? should i just sleep on a towel?
#this post is really dramatic but i really hate my period so like it's okay methinks#sometimes you just have to be really dramatic about your period. you know. coping.#okay no look sometimes i throw underwear away that prolly doesn't Need to be thrown away but i have a weird thing with stains so if the#blood doesn't Completely come out - like if i can still see it - then i will never wear it again iuyghtfvdghyuiuytfgdw i hate stains SO MUCH#that's why i set aside specific underwear to wear when i'm on my period and that's the Only time i ever wear it#because they're black and like smaller than the usual underwear i wear so that way there's less fabric to bleed onto#i keep checking because i kNOW HE'S COMING my last one started dec thirtieth and it's always early#it was like five or six days early last month so i know he'll be here early this month ahhhhhhhhh#i just. hate being on my period lol i mean who likes it?#not to be dramatic on main but like. stop tormenting me and just come!!! why can't periods just have a scheduled date so you Know and like a#date that never changes pls and thank you or better yet how about no#periods whatsoever that sounds great omg typing these tags just made me remember why i felt so uncomfortable when i woke up the other day -#i had a dream about stains being all over all the sheets/surfaces i was sitting/laying on omg that's fricking it what the heck#ahem anyways#paul tag#tw periods
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What's yuri's personality then? Being gay?
About Minho, being mean and making mean two liners towards Kitty every in between?
ma'am this is a McDonalds drive thru
#ASDFGHFD I make like 2 posts about a random show I watched at 2 am and I get haters damn 😎#I normally delete the hate asks but this was too funny not to respond to#The fact they think Yuri's personality equates her sexuality when queen went through a whole arc of facing her parents#while struggling to be happy when she couldn't love and show who she truly was because of all the constructs placed on her#all while finding out she has a brother she didn't even know about while having her first real friends in Dae and Kitty#I think we didn't watch the same show like dont get me wrong its not my favorite show or anything close but if your takeway from Yuri's#personality is that she likes girls and that's it then your honor I have something to tell you#and about Minho his personality wasn't also only one liners lol he was just naturally kinda funny and that's part of his personality but hi#plot line also revolves around learning how to be more authentic and the way he seeks validation from others sometimes#bc of the absence of his parents who he loves regardless and humor is coping anyways Chile I could write an essay but I am too tired for th#stay pressed anon!! Yuri and Minho Stans stay winning xoxo#i dont even want to fight anyone it just irked me the way this person phrased the ask and if you meant no harm then I didn't either but#saying that Yuri's personality is only being gay and Minho being mean is kind of a weird champ take sorry#anyways probably last thing ill say about this show this is why I stay in my anime corner life shows bring these kind of asks#xo kitty#anon#ask
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some talking points because I am so tired of existing in the world:
• nobody chooses to be trans
• not speaking up does not automatically make you complicit
• real estate investment is a scourge on society
• having the option to not care is a luxury and should be treated as such
end ted talk
#I’ve just returned home from a long and drawn out work event where I had to - as usual -#navigate being the only sane person in a crowd of straight old white men (slur)#it got me thinking though. at work I am different from everybody else. in my friend groups I am different from everybody else#I have literally never been able to find ‘my people’ and I’m not sure if it’s a byproduct of me evolving into a gross social chameleon#(as a way of coping with adult life but becoming inauthentic as a result) or if I am innately alien to the rest of the human race lol#to give a simple example: nobody uses my pronouns. not even my friends. my response to that is not to ask people to respect my pronouns#but to change my pronouns so it doesn’t become a problem lol. problem solved but I am not living authentically so what’s the point really#I don’t even think it’s possible for me to be authentic - like idk who that is anymore. and nobody really cares - least of all myself lol#anyway basically everything makes me deeply unhappy and I don’t know how to fix it#I can’t remember the last time I experienced a healthy positive emotion (toxic relationship and drug induced thrills excluded lol)#life#ok to reblog
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