been wanting to do some Chinese Zodiac-inspired MDZS art!

will be doing them in rows of 4~

Row 1: NHS/Cat - JGY/Mouse - NMJ/Ox - JC/Tiger - LXC/Rabbit

Row 2 >> | Row 3 >>

tooru has always had a lot of troubles grappling with honesty / truth , and it's hard to explain the relationship he has with it , since it's so layered and multifaceted . because on one hand , tooru is humble and honest ; he tells the truth even when it can be hard to do so , and it's always in his interest to keep his friends safe — for example , he will tell you if a friend is toxic in some way , or he will bluntly tell an acquaintance that what they have done is problematic — but another underlying complexity is that , while he may be blunt in doing these things , the interpersonal / empathetic sides of his bpd show their faces whenever he has to tell the truth but feels compelled to silence himself due to his closeness with whomever he is talking to / about . for example , he will be more hesitant to tell a friend about their toxic companion if he felt close to the latter ; again , this stems from the bad habit he has created of excluding himself out of any larger picture — he is willing to keep someone out of harm's way if they're with someone who is detrimental to their health , but hesitates to do so with himself if he has developed an attachment to them . it's why he has a really negative trait of constantly making excuses for people who are objectively bad : when he gets attached , he goes against his own moral code because he feels too much of a bond with them / too much misguided love to do what he knows is best . additionally , in the second scenario , if that person who has done something problematic is a close friend , he would also feel awkward in telling them ( though he would eventually bring it up and not tiptoe around the situation for millennia ) since the anxiety that flares from his bpd always tells him that if he points out their mistake , they might come to hate him — even if it's not the truth and they would , in actuality , be grateful that he loves them enough to point out their mistakes and help them improve . and this isn't because he doubts in his choice of friends , but just because that was how he was raised . his parents' method of discipline , coupled with the general ethics of japan ( i.e. the notion that you must always honour / respect your elders , especially the elders within your family ) has led him to always view their way of things as " correct " , and what they tell him to be " the truth " — even though , as stated earlier , he would call out someone else's parents as abusive if they did the exact same things that his do .

also , tooru can … definitely be blunt about things . it's funny because , while he tries to be delicate with other people's feelings , due to just his natural personality ( and also in part due to his strict upbringing ) , he can be rather dull with how he delivers things . to him , it doesn't even sound that rude : it's just the truth , nothing more , nothing less . and this is where the complex nature of his relationship with truth really reveals itself . tooru is very contradictory ; he's always been an inconsistent person ( not an inconsistent character though , this inconsistency and duality of self is a present and ongoing theme in his characterization so please don't mix the two notions up haha ) , and this just makes it all the more evident . on one hand , he wants to be empathetic to other people's feelings . he tries his best not to step on any toes , and is gentle and kind as a result . but on the other , since his parents have basically dulled that sense of empathy , he has a slightly warped idea of what can hurt someone , and what cannot . that's why he tries to be soft with his words , and why he is so polite , even when such a thing is unnecessary ( for example , he'll say the polite form of " goodbye " instead of the more commonly used , colloquial " goodbye " in japanese ) . and while a large part of it is indefinitely due to how he is naturally a good - hearted person , there is a small , kind of messed up part that knowingly does this because he's slightly aware that his sense of what hurts / what doesn't is not as clear as everyone else's . and it's why he has such a high pain tolerance for these kinds of things , despite his pride always being wounded when he's given constructive criticism . another part of it is kind of because he's just . masochistic , in a sense ? not in a . weird sex way ( obviously ) but just in a ' he's gotten so used to harsh words being thrown at him that his brain has conditioned him to think that being hurt isn't that bad , or that sometimes it's even good ' way . so while he tries to sweeten his blunt words to make others feel better , tooru himself doesn't see what's wrong in saying things as is , even if they sting a little . of course , mind you , this is only for smaller criticisms that someone will dwell on for , perhaps , a day or two at best . tooru can't really relate to these kinds of things , but if it's something huge , then he'll be much more respectful of the issue because with that , he understands and can thus handle it with tact , as opposed to hypothetical estimates of how he should handle things in the former situation .

additionally , a little known fact about tooru is that … he's a bit of a pathological liar . he's become so accustomed to lying , that now that he's trying to better himself as a person , he still will instinctively lie just out of pure habit and nothing else . and he really is trying to improve on that — but a childhood where he's had to pretend to be someone he isn't ( which includes lying to his parents about wrongdoings because they would have punished him if he didn't ) , as well as a life of making friends due largely because of the lies he creates about his life , AND being the type to lie to himself in order to cope with how miserable his life is ( aka he tells himself that his family is loving and constructs a world in his head where he explains the reason for his parents' behaviour with anything other than the real reason of them being abusive and neglectful ) has not done well for his psyche . and it's fine if it's a little white lie here and there — for example , misleading someone for a minute so they don't discover the secret surprise party that he and his friends are planning for them — but tooru will just blurt out random things to make himself look better in front of those he wants to impress / befriend . and he always comes to regret this after , especially because tooru is NOT good at keeping lies like that ( or lies in general , but especially not little and stupid fibs that he states out of instinct ) . again , this can be linked back to his bpd , since all he really longs for is companionship , and his mental illness leads him to believe that no one would ever love him for the way that he is ; so , of course , the natural thing to do is to keep pretending to be someone he isn't and will never be .

but not all of tooru's lies are selfish , either — in fact , i would say only a small handful are , since , like i said , he is trying to improve and now that he's 19 , he very rarely lies to improve his image . but what tooru does lie about is his wellbeing . he's the kind of hypocrite to tell you that you can vent to him , and will genuinely give you good advice for your situation , but then turn around and claim that he's doing fine when , really , he isn't . and , really , there's two main reasons for this : one being that he hates worrying people , especially when it comes to his business because he doesn't want anyone to " waste " their time / energy on him , and the other being that that's … just how abuse works . he's learnt to never speak a peep about his home situation , due in part of his own fantasies of his life actually being perfect , and in part because his parents have instilled within him a fear so deep that he feels like it's futile to ever talk about his home life , anyway . he can't escape it , so what's the use of dragging someone into his own mess if nothing will come out of it , anyway ?

so … yeah . tooru has a lot of gripes with how honesty and lies swirl within himself . on one hand , there's a lot of positives behind it . he is rarely wishy - washy about things , and will eventually gather the courage to call you out , or call other people out , on their actions to keep you safe . and you can also be sure that when he gives you advice , it isn't some hanky - panky " oh have you tried not being depressed ? " bull — it's real , genuine advice coming from the heart of someone who really , genuinely believes in you and that it will get better . but on the other hand , tooru's lies tend to deal with personal — and interpersonal — problems that he buries within himself . and that's really scary , because it shuts off a huge part of him to those who just want to get close and help . but there's nothing that terrifies tooru more than people getting close — even if it's what he wants most . companionship . and love . but so many years of hardships and heartache leave him struggling with wanting to love and be loved , and yet being afraid of these notions at the same time ; just like how he struggles with the duality of truth and lies .

WARNING FOR LONG POST!

I really want Tucker to be friends with Thel'Vadam and Rtas'Vadum.

But I think it’d be really fun if Thel saw the Project Freelancer Faux-Spartan armor as a hereditary thing. My headcannon is that Sangheili design their armor after their clan or family and blue team unwittingly followed this tradition when making Junior’s armor with Tucker (and Doc’s) paint/scrap so as far as the Arbiter knows Tucker is the immediate family of a spartan or a spartan-in-training and has continued the family-armor-aesthetic with his own sangheili son.

Anyway, Thel knows that Spartans are rare and few in number so Tucker must be part of this prized warrior pedigree if he’s wearing the unmistakably Spartan armor, right? But who’s kin could he be? Those that Thel knows are either old or part of the newer generations, but in the Sangheili tradition armor color is important to denote bloodlines with more respected family members in darker, richer colors and younger ones in lighter, brighter colors. Tucker is bright as fuck blue-ish green! And he’s in solid color, no accents or anything so maybe Tucker’s only interested in claiming relation to his green family. Who is the only Spartan who wears dark green armor without accents? Who is old enough to possibly be an uncle if not his father?

Master Chief. John-117. SIERRA MIST OF DEATH HIMSELF. And Thel has stated in canon that Chief is his friend and ally. So when Tucker shows up on Sangheilios to be an ambassador and learn about his son’s people Thel just speculates that this Little Spartan (Tucker’s 5'10" in my headcannon which is short for a Spartan as Chief is canonically 6'7"-6'8" out of armor) is related to his friend in some way and should be treated well. But he mentions it in passing to Rtas'Vadum and maybe some others and it turns out the Sangheili are lousy gossips! If it isn’t classified it’s fair game.

And then Tucker’s being avoided/catered to because Old Ones help them if the Demon finds out his kin has been mistreated while visiting their planet. Peace with the humans is a fragile thing!

Tucker didn’t even want to be an ambassador! He just wanted to learn the language and culture for his son because he’s trying to be a good dad. The rumor took off though, and now the Demon’s kin is here- Little Demon and Little Demon the Second Coming of Lavernius! And then the warriors all want Junior to like their clans so when he’s older he petitions for membership because who DOESN’T want the infamous Demon’s bloodline to merge with theirs?! So Junior gets an army of friends his age as the adults push their offspring into potentially beneficial bonds but its okay because the kids are actually nice and Junior’s cool and his dad’s sword is cool and he knows the Arbiter and Rtas and the Swords of Sangheilios and he’s got the best stories about silly warrior humans.

When the UNSC gets word, oh hey we can totally use this to better interspecies relations! Wham bam thank you Ambassador Tucker. Which only adds to the problem as he has Rank and Title so if he is the Demon’s kin well now he’s coming into his own! The human Master Chief and the Arbiter are friends so of course the Demon would entrust his family with securing the peace.

Thel learns the truth from Tucker who is tired of this wishy-washy too-in-my-face and then not-helping-me-at-all behavior the sangheili keep switching between due to respect and fear for a man who Tucker doesn’t know and isn’t even related to. But it’s gotten out of hand so they need Tucker to just go with it.

As an apology, Thel helps him learn the language and how to use his key-sword while teaching him the history about the ancient Sangheili. Rtas shows up one day while they’re training and no Arbiter the bet way to kill a Brute in tight quarters is like THIS- and soon enough the Swords of Sangeilios, warriors hand-picked by the Arbiter, are putting Tucker through his paces. BAMF!Competent!Tucker is best Tucker.

Then they learn that the Covenant is investigating a temple in the desert supposedly built by the ancients which means Tucker’s sword can probably access it so then send him and a mixed squad of humans and sangheili. They die getting Tucker into the Temple to protect it and he manages to call the nearest Red base where Donut is so he joins him and later goes looking for help and we all know the rest.

On the Hand of Merope Tucker calls Rtas to catch him up but also inform the sangheili embassy of his impending arrival but holy shit the ship crashed. Later on Chorus, Rtas personally comes looking for Tucker only to find out his mentee/annoying friend has been stabbed and betrayed but uncovered a conspiracy and who else but the Demon’s kin would be put through such a trial (maybe he knows the truth but still likes to tease Tucker about it) and come out alive. Tucker regains consciousness enough to ask for the Sword’s help in liberating Chorus and of course the sangheili leap at the opportunity.The beam that’s been pulling down ships doesn’t target sangheili-built ships so Rtas and his men bypass it repeatedly in order to bring in troops and weapons and food. Damn this’ll look good for interspecies relations! and they’ll reclaim ancient sangheili ruins as well so win-win. Rtas struggles to speak english due to his severed mandibles so Tucker’s practically glued to his side translating sangheili like a pro. But then the warriors see that Tucker’s got a bunch of adolescent humans wearing his color on their armor so the Little Demon has been protecting the clan younglings and thats why he not yet returned! And of course this means that Tucker’s team must all be related to the Demon too, and more sangheili come and eventually there’s so many that individual members of Tucker’s “family” have eight foot tall alien guards following them around (mostly protecting them from Jensen’s driving). If Palomo thought Tucker was cool before you need a new word for the kind of admiration he feels for the captain now.

Carolina doesn’t like the Elites and certainly doesn’t trust them but haha, the only adult human female in Tucker’s colors must be his mate or kin and they say that she has nothing to worry about they’ll protect her hatchlings with their lives and they mean it to appease her but it just makes her angry and she chases Tucker down because she thinks he’s spreading rumors about them being together. He’s not because he likes his blood to stay inside of his body and has to spend a whole week explaining sangheili armor color family relations. She doesn’t end up hating it all that much because being mistaken for Tucker’s family/wife means that the sangheili obey her commands second only to Rtas, like Tucker. She does hate being called ‘brood-mother’ and the constant updates on the state of her and Tucker’s “hatchlings”- and does she approve of Palomo’s intended female from the red clans?- but the sangheili presence means that the army is running like a proper military outfit so she tolerates it. (she does like that the closest english translation of “brood-mother” is “Matriarch” so the english speaking aliens call her Matriarch Carolina). Epsilon fears she will go mad with power. The sangheili think Tucker has good instincts choosing the strongest, smartest, deadliest female for his mate and by the Old Ones she must be fertile for Tucker’s brood is plentiful and strong. And if the younglings are weak it is only because Matriarch Carolina is so strong her offspring can afford to be weak. What a luxury. And if they try to sell her up to Kimball because they can smell the mutual interest and think she’s just nervous and needs the help- which she doesnt but okay- then they are more than happy in securing the Demon clan another powerful female.

With the sangheili there in force, the army finds the second key-sword which is supposed to go to Wash because he has knife/blade experience but Palomo grabs it on accident and oh it must be a sign that the best of Tucker’s brood is a holder of the key! Rtas laughs in Tucker’s face. But this gets some of them to try and wing-man Palomo to Jensen because he’s Meant for Greatness and aaaahhhhhh its adorable. Eight foot saurian aliens delivering flowers (and fresh-meat) to Red Team Patriarch Colonel Sarge (its difficult to tell the different red shades apart and Simmons isn’t exactly authoritive) for Jensen, and listening to Palomo’s bad poetry and giving advice like you should emphasize her strong legs and uniquely dappled skin and her metal fangs! (she’s faster than him, freckles, and braces respectively). They especially like her metal fangs- maybe their hatchlings will get them!

The army chases Charon forces off planet and we get the epic sword fight between Tucker and Felix that we deserved, and the Swords of Sangheilios put the fear of god in Locus for daring challenge Matriarch Carolina. When Hargrove arrives the Swords and RedsandBlues fight his Mantis mechs and storm the Staff of Charon and Tucker doesn’t need a fancy suit in order to be awesome. They arrest him and finally lay ALL of Project Freelancer’s loose ends to rest.

Tucker takes Blue Team and Palomo to sangheilios and reunites with Junior and Junior tells him about teaching his friends how to play basketball and is it true you’re a hero dad? and its great.

BAMF!Competent!GoodDad!Tucker for the all the money.

uuhh cant you tell this got away from me? i love tuckington but i think i would make this gen.