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#why the hell do i have this many playlists
felizusnavidad · 3 months
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lin-manuel miranda
show me one (1) picture or video of him
anon, i'm sorry (i'm not), but this is my religion.
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tsengratio · 1 year
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the worst thing the internet ever did was convince kids that popular music is bad
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Yeah like what’s the point of even having anon features if they can’t use your website?????? Like on certain blogs I can’t even view them without being blocked????? I don’t understand????
And I can’t talk to people if they don’t have a submission box which is awkward because not many people have a submission box that I can see! -🌟
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well the blog thing is most likely that some people have set it to not be visible outside the tumblr dashboard; some people just don’t want their blog viewable to anyone outside of tumblr and there’s a number of reasons why that could be, it’s their own personal decision
the submission/ask box thing can sometimes be a case i know of new users forgetting to turn it on, but sometimes too its deliberately turned off (or limited, like anons being turned off and only other users can ask qs) for, again, a number of different reasons (︶︿︶)
#submission#i forgot to answer this one sorry#the askbox being disabled entirely now if you dont have an acc is so so shitty tho ugh#also cause in general asks are the more popular thing i dont really know too many people who even remember the submission box exists#maybe ive been here too long. idk not that long but even before having an acc i was familiar w/ how the site worked and memes and such#i def get the frustration but there are valid reasons why some people limit who can contact them/view their stuff#that also being said though it is really shitty that modern internetscape basically forces you to make accs you might never use just to#view things or save images or whatever. in some cases i definitely do get why they do that#but like for newspaper sites lets say thats really fcking annoying. can i not know wtf is happening without paying up so much bruh#this is also a random nitpick but i HATE the new tumblr.com/(blogname) compared to the old (blogname).tumblr.com#ik new users might have no idea that you are able to turn that off and get ur own custom domain. but like its so annoying how this is forced#they butchered the link sharing stuff too its fucking hell if i wanna send tumblr links on mobile now. so annoying ugh#if anything age of website managements fcking shit up when it was fine before and legit nobody asked for change. its just like that sometime#sorry for randomly ranting and kinda negative vibes??? ill get to the playlist thing later again sorry its taking a while 😭#ollie the star anon
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f1goat · 4 months
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more than friends + lando norris x part seven
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In which your best friend wants to help you so you get more sexual experience, but he discovers quickly that he never wants to share you and your new sexual experience with others.
masterlist - playlist
warnings: smut with a plot or a plot with smut? :) minors dni! i never proofread so probably grammar or spelling errors
requested: yes, based on: something with a driver sister that’s still a virgin & lando (her bestfriend) suggests to teach her things
part one / part two / part three / part four / part five / part six
“Lando come on mate,” Oscar sighs, “You really have to get into this taxi.”
Oscar then takes a look at his teammate. He already knew that Lando was drunk, but now that he looks at him he realizes that it’s way worse then he already thought. Lando is firmly shaking his head. Oscar curses Daniel and Max for making Lando take this many shots. He mostly curses Pierre for not stopping with talking about you this night. Now he is left with his drunk friend. Max and Daniel went home earlier, something in the lines of having to catch an early flight. Pierre didn’t want to wait for Lando to get into the previous cab. So now Oscar is alone with Lando, the boy who doesn’t want to get in any cab right now.
“You don’t understand, I want Y/N to come pick me up,” Lando states drunkly for the tenth time that evening. 
“I can’t call her awake for this,” Oscar tells him tiredly. 
“Yes you can, she’ll come,” Lando argues.
“Mates, are you getting in or what?” The taxi driver asks them annoyed. Oscar sighs again, “No, sorry,” he answers then, “I’ll pay you the expenses of coming here. Sorry again.”
“Are you going to call Y/N?” Lando asks hopefully.
The taxi drives off in the mean time. Oscar looks at his phone, is he really going to call you awake for this? Fucking hell. He curses Pierre again, this is all his fault. And maybe a bit of Daniels and Maxs because of those fucking shots. Oscar thinks back at the awkward conversations from earlier. He sighs because of his friend and his cluelessness. Why isn’t he already dating you? It can be so simple. He tries to remember which remark from Pierre started this, but he is quick to realize it again. Of course it was about that stupid date. 
///
“So is your friend still single?” Pierre asks Lando with a cheesy grin. Oscar is quick to notice the way Lando’s face falls flat. 
“Which one?” Lando asks like he doesn’t know it’s about you. 
“The one who is with you every race, what’s her name again?” Pierre continues. 
“You mean Y/N,” Daniel interrupts their conversation. 
“Yes! She! Is she still single?” Pierre asks Lando a bit hopeful. 
Oscar stares at Lando. How is his teammate going to react to this? This can’t be good. It doesn’t surprise him when Lando takes a big gulp of the cocktail standing in front of him before looking at Pierre again. Oscar lets out a small sigh, this really can’t be good. 
“Yes she is,” Lando eventually answers Pierre.
“Great!” Pierre reacts happily, “I’m thinking about asking her on a date soon.”
“You want to date Y/N?” Max asks confused, “Do you even know her?” 
Oscar is happy that Max is talking right now. Lando is looking at Pierre like he wants to kill him. Oscar wonders what’s going on in Lando his head right now, but he’s pretty sure that it’s the same thing as when he told him about Logan wanting to date Y/N. 
“Not yet,” Pierre reacts to Max with a smirk. 
“I don’t think you’re a match with her,” Lando states. Before Pierre or anyone else can question him, Lando is already continuing talking. “You don’t seem like her type. And I don’t think she’s yours if I look at your exes. She doesn’t like going out all the time and wants someone who’s ready to settle with her instead of another meaningless relation.”
“I’m changing,” Pierre states dramatically, “and she’s really good looking.”
Maybe Lando thought that nobody heard his next remark. He’s talking softly. But Oscar is paying too much attention to his friend, causing him to hear Lando carefully. “Fucking hell, why does everyone want her,” his friend sighs. 
///
“Are you going to call her?” Lando asks. It causes Oscar to snap back into reality. He looks at the hopeful eyes of his drunk friend. Eventually he nods at him, he lets out another big sigh before searching for your contact on his phone. When he presses the call button he doesn’t really expect for you to pick up. Maybe it’s smarter to call with Lando his phone? But before he can say something about it to Lando, you’re already picking up the phone.
“Hi Oscar, what’s up?” You ask him surprised. 
“Hey, sorry for calling you this late. I hope I didn’t awake you,” Oscar says with a guilty feeling.
“Oh no,” you quickly reassure him, “I was still up, I’m waiting for Lando to get back. I can’t really sleep peacefully when he’s still out.”
Fucking hell, why aren’t the two of you already dating? Oscar is getting tired of the obliviousness between you two. 
“Oh great,” he reacts, “Listen, Lando is drunk and I can’t get him in a cab. He wants you to pick us up. I already tried to get him into multiple cabs, but without succes.” 
He hears some vague sounds on your side of the phone call. Oscar wonders what you’re doing. It can’t be that you’re already getting ready to pick them up, right? He can’t imagine it. It would be more logical for you to tell him to try again with another taxi or to ask for Lando so you can talk some sense into him. 
“Can you text me your location? I’m already walking towards the car,” you tell him after a bit of weird sounds around you. 
Oscar looks confused. He doesn’t know what to think. Are you this quick to drop everything to come pick up Lando? He now knows for sure that Lando doesn’t need to question himself, the two of you really should be dating already. This is just stupid. 
“Uh yeah of course, thank you so much!” He tells you happily. Even with all of his wonderment right now, he’s really glad that you’re already getting to the car. You’re making his evening a lot easier. 
“I will see you in a bit!” You tell him before ending the call. Oscar is quick to send you his location and sits down next to Lando onto the pavement. Lando looks at him with a hopeful face. 
“She’s insane,” Oscar mutters to his friend, he is still confused by it. “You really need to ask her on a date soon mate, because why on earth would she come pick us up at this time without feeling anything for you?”
“That’s our friendship,” Lando answers, “don’t look into this too much.”
“You’re stupid,” Oscar sighs annoyed.
“But she’s coming?” Lando asks confused. His drunk brain isn’t clear enough to realize that you are coming to pick him up right now.
“Yes,” Oscar answers.
It doesn’t take you longer then ten minutes to get to Lando and Oscar. When you park the rental car in front of them, Oscar is quick to help his friend into the passengers seat next to you. He takes a place on the backseat himself while thanking you multiple times for getting here this fast. 
“Oh it’s nothing,” you brush off the thank you’s without thinking about it. “Why is he this drunk?” You ask Oscar. You could ask it to Lando, but he hasn’t said a word since he’s sitting next to you. He is however extremely touchy. Lando his hand has found his way onto your thighs. 
Oscar doubts about his answer, but eventually tells you it’s because of the shots Lando took with Max and Daniel. He doesn’t mention the earlier conversations with Pierre in which Lando drank away multiple strong drinks. You let out a soft laugh while hearing Oscar his explanation. 
“He really can’t handle shots,” you joke.
“I noticed,” Oscar sighs, “He kept asking for you though. Is that normal when he’s drunk?” Oscar hopes you get the hint. Since Lando isn’t going to do anything about his crush, he can better help his teammate by dropping some hints.
“Oh I normally pick him up after he drinks, so it’s probably just out of habit,” you tell Oscar without hesitation. Oscar realizes that you didn’t get the hint. You’re just as clueless as Lando himself. “But I don’t get why he isn’t talking,” you continue, “normally Lando is rather talkative when he’s drunk.”
Oscar doesn’t think about his next words. “I think he’s a bit too busy staring at you.” You let out another soft laugh. You quickly take away your hand from the steering wheel to give Lando his hand a soft squeeze. Only for a second before you focus on steering again. 
When you get back to the hotel you truly notice how drunk Lando is. He is barely getting out off the car by himself and he can’t even walk normally. You and Oscar both take side of Lando and support him a bit while walking towards the elevator. 
“Do you need help to get him back to his room?” Oscar asks you.
“Oh we’re sharing a room, I’ll be fine,” you quickly answer, “you already did enough!”
Oscar looks confused at you. He didn’t realize that Lando and you share a room on race weekends. 
“You’re sure that you aren’t dating each other?” He asks confused. 
“To be honest, sometimes I think we’re already dating as well,” you answer honestly, “but to answer your question, we’re not.”
Oscar decides to push his luck with his next question. He needs to know for sure. “Do you want to date him?” He asks you. 
You take a good look at Lando before answering. It seems like he is in his own world right now. He isn’t paying attention to your soft conversation with Oscar. 
“Yes,” you confess, “why would I otherwise drop everything to come with him to every race he wants me to? And why would I drive at night in an unknown city for me to come pick him up, while he would be fine with taking a cab.”
“Maybe you should tell him that,” Oscar says softly, “because I’m pretty sure that he feels the same.”
The lift makes a soft sound to tell you that you’re on your floor. “Oh I need to get out here!” You tell Oscar, “see you later Oscar!”
Oscar sighs softly. “Yeah,” he says, “Thanks for picking us up again.”
When you finally got Lando into your bed, you are quick to take place next to him. Lando reaches out to your body and pulls you closely onto himself. He plays with your hair. You notice the smell of alcohol every time he breaths, but you don’t say anything about it. 
“Babygirl,” he eventually says with a soft voice. Lando doesn’t continue to speak, so you get up a bit to properly look at him. “Yeah?” You ask him. 
“Would you date Pierre?” Lando asks you without thinking about it. He is annoyed with his own bluntness right now. Why did he ask you that? You wonder about Lando his weird question. 
“No,” you state, “Pierre isn’t my type.” 
“Thank god,” Lando whispers.
Before you can say anything else, Lando continues to question you. 
“What about Logan, would you date him?” Lando asks further.
“No,” you answer again, “He’s a bit young and I don’t think that I’m made to be an American,” you joke.
When Lando asks another question you barely hear him. You even wonder if you’re imaging it. 
“Would you date me?” Lando asks you as soft as he can manage. This time he really curses himself. Why did he ask that? He doesn’t even want to hear your answer. “Just joking,” he quickly says, “I’m going to sleep. Goodnight baby.”
You’re confused by him, but nonetheless you wish him a goodnight as well. You even press a soft kiss against his cheek. A bit later, when you’re sure that Lando is asleep, you still answer his question. While laying with your head on top of his chest and listening to his restful heartbeat and deep breaths you answer it.
“I’d date you Lando,” you softly whisper. “You only have to ask.”
+++
The following morning Lando awakes with a massive headache. He is quick to remember most parts of the night before. He feels ashamed while thinking about his whining about you picking him up, but he can’t help to feel loved when he thinks about you actually picking him up. He knows you hate driving in the night, certainly in cities you don’t know. He starts to feel more ashamed of himself when he realizes that he asked that from you and that you actually did it. But in some way it also feels good that you did that for him. 
When he remembers about his questions before falling asleep next to you, he starts to feel even more ashamed. But on the other hand, he also feels kinda happy now he knows for sure that you won’t want to date Pierre or Logan. But still.. there are many other boys with interest in you. 
He reaches out to his phone and reads the texts he got.
Pierre: Can you send me y/n her number?
Lando doesn’t react to that one. Of course he isn’t going to send Pierre your number. He reads the other texts. 
Oscar: you better remember what Y/N did for you last night
Oscar: and you better thank her for it with something!!!!
Lando is quick to reply to this text.
Lando: like what? I have no idea how to thank her
Oscar: take her out or something, or get her flowers, girls love that
When Lando feels you moving next to him, he realizes that you’re getting awake as well. He looks at you when you slowly open your eyes and adjust them to the bright morning light in the hotel room. 
“Hey Lan,” you softly greet him with a small smile, “How are you feeling?”
“The worst,” Lando answers, “Sorry for last night princess.”
“It’s okay,” you tell him, “you always pick me up when I’m drunk so I could finally do something back.”
“But I could have gotten into the cab,” Lando sighs while feeling annoyed with himself, “I know you hate driving in the night and certainly in a city you don’t know.”
“Lan,” you softly say, you grab his hand and draw small circles on it, “It’s fine, really. I don’t mind it.”
Lando shows you a boyish grin. You wonder what he’s going to say. But his following movements can make you already guess it. Lando slowly drapes himself on top of you, he presses a few soft kisses to your face before lowering himself. He toys a bit with the waistband of your string, eventually he is quick to pull if off your body. 
“Maybe I can thank you like this?” Lando mutters. After saying those words he is pressing small kisses on your slit. He notice the way you are already getting a bit wet by his movements. He makes sure to ignore your clit for now, teasing you a bit by doing so. 
“Lan,” you softly whine when he slides his finger through your slit and still doesn’t touch you where you want him to. Lando shows you another boyish grin. “Teasing me isn’t thanking me,” you say after a bit when he still doesn’t change his movements. 
“Patience babygirl,” Lando tells you. You let out a soft moan when he finally presses his lips onto your clit and softly sucks it inside his mouth. In the mean time he adds one of his fingers into your pussy. You can’t withhold another moan while he does. Lando is quick to increase his pace with his fingers. He harshly sucks onto your clit. He’s more aggressive then you used to, but in a strange way you only like this more. 
It doesn’t take long before Lando notices your pussy clenching around his finger. He is quick to respond to it by adding another finger inside of you. He increases his pace once again. You can say for sure that he’s finger fucking you right now. Your stomach is tightening because of his movements. You can already feel your orgasm coming close. When the waves of pleasure start to hit over you, Lando removes his fingers and mouth from your private parts. 
“Fuck,” you say without thinking about it. 
Lando looks up at you. He positions himself next to you onto the bed. 
“Come sit on my thigh babygirl,” Lando says. You’re quick to do what he says, although you have no idea why he wants you to sit on his thigh. “Ride on it,” Lando instructs you. You show him a confused look, when you want to ask him what he means Lando is already explaining himself. “Grind on it,” he explains, “just move your body and you will notice what feels right for you.”
While you try to act out Lando his instructions, he lets his hands wander to your tits. Softly he starts to knead them. Even more soft he pinches your nipple. You let out a surprised squeak. Lando smirks. You start to ride his thigh a bit faster.
“Feels good, doesn’t it princess?” Lando asks you. You can only nod at him while increasing your movements. Lando grabs your hips and helps you with your movements. You let out a hard moan. Fuck, this feels way too good. It doesn’t take you long to get close to your orgasm again. Lando notices directly. He feels the way your wetness is spreading on his thigh. Maybe he should let every boy who wants to date you smell his thigh, so they will understand that your his. He is quick to shake off those thoughts, but he still thinks about how beautiful you look while riding yourself on his thigh.
He really needs to make you his. 
When you let out a loud moan Lando realizes that you have came. He is quick to pull you into his arms and lets you crash down onto his body. 
“Fuck Lan,” you mutter softly, “It’s insane how you can make me feel.”
He really needs to tell you about his feelings. Maybe now is the perfect timing? You grab your phone and look at it with a surprised face. 
“Any idea why Pierre Gasly is texting me?” You ask Lando confused.
Fuck. Lando lets out an annoyed sigh. Fucking hell. Lando shakes his head at you. You open the message and read it aloud to Lando.
“Hey, I got your number from Daniel,” you start to read. Lando curses his friend. “And I was wondering if you’d like to go on a date with me so we can get to know each other.”
“What are you going to say?” Lando asks you quickly, “I mean you know Pierre is a player right?” He realizes that his jealousy is showing, but Lando can’t help himself anymore. He needs to know for sure that you’re not going on a date with Pierre.
“I told you yesterday I wouldn’t date Pierre,” you tell Lando, “so that’s still the answer.”
Lando doesn’t react verbally. He just pulls you closer to him and presses a kiss against your lips. Thank god. He realizes that the universe is sending him all the hints that he can get. He really needs to tell you about his feelings. But how?
part eight
taglist: @booksandplushies @dinodumbass @formula1mount @words-are-cheap @allywthsr @inejghafawifesblog @chonkybonky @formulas-bitch @harrysdimple05 @vildetry06 @wherethefuckisthething @nonameishere @lauralarsen@meadhbhcavanagh @obliviatevamps @shy4turcs @fix5idiots @nightlockcornucopia @marialovesf1 @kapsylia @im-an-overthinker @jule239 @lanando4 @lauralarsen @leclercdream @agentadhd @rewmuslupin @allsouls-emma @iamshiningeuw @teenagedreams-cl@kiskso @loxbbg @vellicora @thomaslefteyebrow @avg-golden-retriever @amorydsmt @killjoynotes@barelytolerabled @starmanv @changetyre @kami10471633 @2bormaybenot @httpmrklee @buendiabebeta @aliceespector@ryiamarie @mickslover @sop-hie092 @miniemonie2001 @greymarvelskaikru @kapsylia
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candyradium · 2 years
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fuck still life all my homies hate still life
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Honey Girl. Chapter Seven.
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chapter one. chapter two. chapter three. chapter four. chapter five. chapter six. series masterlist. the playlist.
Chapter Synopsis - Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. At least, that’s what you and Bucky keep telling yourselves.
Pairing - Dad'sBestFriend!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader - soulmate au
Warnings - smut. cursing. alcohol consumption.
Word Count - 4.8k
Author's Note - I can only apologise for the delay on this one angels!! january blues, a crazy work schedule, writers block.. they all came to play at the same time. but chapter seven is finally here!! I hope you enjoy it. thank you for the continued love on this - words can’t describe how incredible it is.
as always, if you enjoyed this, please consider reblogging!! reblogs are the only way to circulate my writing, which generates more of it. feel free to send me a comment or an inbox, too!! thanks, my loves!! <3
Masterlist. Inbox.
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“Why aren’t you more surprised?”
Stella simply shrugs, sipping her cappuccino as if she has all the time in the world.
“Babe, with all due respect… I’ve been waiting for you to initiate this conversation for like two months.”
You look at her incredulously, fiddling nervously with a chip in the handle of your coffee cup.
“…Why? How?”
She smiles softly, reaching for your hand across the table.
“You’re miserable.”
You take a deep breath, and then another. After the fifth one, you find the courage to meet her eyes.
“How did you know?”
“Because I know you. You’re a hell of an actress, I’ll give you that.”
“It’s not you-”
“I know. Hey, I know. You don’t have to explain yourself.”
“I do.”
She waits for you, patient as ever. You’d be lying if you said the guilt wasn’t eating you up, slowly but surely from the inside out. You feel like you’ve let her down, disappointing the one person who’s given you your dream.
You realise, suddenly, that you haven't told anyone the full truth about everything. Not your Mom, not your Dad, not Lacie. Your Tethering, Bucky, the move to California - all your feelings and emotions over the past how ever many months have been bottled up and stowed away on a shelf, never to be opened. But you have the urge, now, to unscrew the cap and pour it out across the table, regardless of the mess.
So, you do.
"It's not you. You've given me everything I could have ever wanted, Stel, and I couldn't be more grateful. You know that, right?"
She nods, squeezing your hand.
"It's just been hard... emotionally. So, I, the thing is, I just..."
You inhale. You hold it for five seconds. You exhale.
"I'm Tethered. I have a soulmate, and he lives back home. We found out literally right before you called me and asked about the business. I couldn't turn you down, I knew that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I couldn't just let it pass me by. I knew we could do this, me and you, together. And I thought I’d be able to cope.”
You inhale. You hold it for five seconds. You exhale.
“Being away from Bucky has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. It’s like… I can’t breathe properly without him. Food isn’t as flavourful, colours aren’t as bright, the sun isn’t as warm. The separation is actually having physical effects that I’m not sure I can handle anymore.”
You inhale. You hold it for five seconds. You exhale.
“I’ve held out for as long as I possibly can. I was hoping that maybe it’d pass, that we’d get used to it and it’d all wear off. But it hasn’t. If anything, it’s worse than ever. The separation is ruining us both.”
You inhale. You hold it for five seconds. You exhale.
“I’m sorry. I know you’re going to tell me not to apologise, but I am. I’m sorry. You’ve given me everything and I’m just… quitting on you. I love this job so much, Stella. I can’t even find the words to describe how much. But I think either me or Bucky will break soon. And I have to prevent that from happening.”
You inhale.
Stella looks at you with so much compassion, you fight the urge to burst into tears.
You exhale.
“Listen to me, okay? You are one of the best damn bakers I have ever met in my life. No one in culinary school even came close to you. I always knew that I wanted you on my team, by my side, in my corner - in the kitchen, and everywhere else. But-"
You chew your bottom lip, wincing when you taste copper.
“We don’t have to be in each other’s pockets. We can be business partners and not see each other everyday. These are the joys of modern technology, babe. We can call, text, video chat, and then schedule in person meetings when we can. If anyone can make a cross country partnership work, it’s us. I mean, come on.”
The weight lifts from your shoulders, slowly but surely. A glowing, molten warmth trickles through your veins, hopeful and real and alive.
“And this,” she picks up your business plan, all printed and pretty. “This is air fucking tight. I’m not saying you picked the wrong career, but… business could definitely be your Plan B.”
You laugh, ignoring the way your voice cracks slightly, still choked with emotion.
“Babe, I was going to franchise the business eventually anyway. Sure, this is a little earlier than I first thought, but why the hell not? We’re successful, we’ve done so well… what’s stopping us? We know we can do this. And I trust you. So much.”
“Thank you,” you whisper, easing your death grip on her hand ever so slightly. “I thought I was gonna ruin everything.”
“You haven’t ruined anything, I promise you. This is a good thing.”
She thinks for a moment, lost in her own thoughts. Suddenly, she grins at you, nosy and mischievous.
“So a soulmate, huh?”
You groan, burying your face in your hands - but you can’t fight the smile that spreads across your cheeks.
“Yeah. It’s been… complicated.”
“He’s that super hot guy that came to see you, right? The one that looks like he could be a model?”
Laughing, you nod, making mental note to relay this to Bucky on the phone later.
“How did it happen? Was it like, a stranger on the street moment?”
“Nope,” you recall fondly. “We knew each other already. He’s my Dad’s best friend.”
Her jaw drops open, eyes flickering across your face.
“Holy shit.”
“Yeah.”
“Holy shit, babe.”
“Yeah.”
“That’s amazing. Shit, no wonder you’ve been under so much stress. What did your Dad say?”
“He… doesn’t know.”
“What?”
“We need to tell him, I know we do, but it’s just so complicated. I’m worried that it’ll change everything, and not for the better.”
It’s been eating away at you, lately. The fact that your parents don’t know originally made perfect sense, but now? It’s been almost a year. You’ve never kept anything from them for that long. Now, you’re worried that you’ll never be able to undo the damage of lying and keeping secrets from the two people you always promised never to do that to.
"Look, I know I'm not exactly qualified to give out soulmate advice, but... you can't change this. It's literally been written in the stars. Your parents will understand, okay? But the longer you wait to tell them, the worse it'll be."
“Yeah. You’re right. It’s just - it’s tough. It’s gonna change everything, forever.”
“But isn’t that the beauty of it? It’s going to change everything, forever.”
You jump out of your seat and wrap your arms around Stella, holding onto her as tightly as you can. She hugs you back fiercely, speaking a thousand words without saying anything at all.
“Proud of you,” she murmurs into your hair.
“For what?” you laugh.
“Putting yourself first. Your health, your mental wellbeing, all of it. I know it wasn’t easy.”
“Love you,” you whisper, fighting back tears of relief.
“Love you too, my baker extraordinaire.”
You sit back down and take a breath, deep and full. Relaxing into your chair, you allow yourself to finally think about the next steps.
“So, I was thinking about going home and scouting out locations. I have that list of places that you read over in the business plan, but I thought of a couple more last night a few miles further out. I’ve pre prepped a few days worth of our best sellers, so you should be good without me.”
“Of course, babe. I’ve circled a couple where I really liked the look of the listings you’ve printed, and written a couple of notes for you to look over - just logistical stuff. Go back home, see your family and your soulmate,” she smirks, raising her eyebrows suggestively, “and just relax. God knows the stress lately has taken a couple years off your life. Please, get those years back on the beach or with your man or something.”
You laugh, shaking your head. She’s right, though. The stress has been resting stagnant in your muscles, tight and wound, making everything harder. You can’t wait to sit on the sand in Bucky’s arms and feel the tension melt from your body.
“You’re the best, Stella. You know that right?”
“So I’ve been told. Many, many times.”
Hours later, Bucky watches you on video call, laptop propped up on the dresser as you pack your bags excitedly. He hasn’t stopped smiling since he picked up, anticipation of the future lighting up his bones.
✵  ✵    ·  ✵    *  · ✵
You show up at your parents house without warning.
You thought about calling first, but decided it’d be much more fun to surprise them. It’s a Friday evening, and you know they’ll both be sat out on the back deck, drinking wine and recapping their weeks. It’s getting warmer on the East Coast, the sounds of spring and summer slowly filtering through.
Your Mom throws open the door, her face lighting up with glee.
“Babygirl!”
She throws her arms around you, rocking you back and forth so forcefully you’re worried you might fall over.
“My baby,” she exclaims, beaming grin almost blinding you. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“It’s kind of a long story. I’ll tell you all about it.”
She grabs your face in her hands, forcing you to look her in the eyes.
“Are you okay?”
You nod, smiling as the setting sun warms your back.
“Yeah, Mama. I am.”
She believes you. For the first time in a long time, you believe you too.
“Come on. Your Dad is gonna be so excited to see you.”
You leave your bags in the car, prioritising seeing the man who’s currently shaking his hips to the soft salsa music that’s playing.
“Nice moves, Casanova.”
He whips his head around, laughing when he sees you stood against the doorframe watching.
“You like em? I need a partner, babygirl! Come on!”
He grabs your hands, pulling you further into the yard so you have more space. You take up a terrible ballroom dance posture with him, cackling as he dips you backwards and almost drops you.
“Don’t kill my baby, please Jack!” your Mom calls from the kitchen window.
She returns with a glass of pink wine in her hand, gesturing for you to come and get it. Your Dad spins you over to her, steadying your shoulders when you trip over his shoes.
“It’s like The Universe knew you were coming to us tonight, darling. We opened the strawberry wine and everything.”
“My favourite.”
You get comfy on the loveseat, sitting across from your parents who are pressed together on the outdoor sofa. The wine is sweet and sugary and exactly what you needed.
“So, what are you doing here, kiddo?”
“It’s a little… complicated. But the good kind of complicated, I think.”
You start at the beginning. Well, almost. You leave out the part about finding Bucky, waiting for him to be with you when you tell that part of the story. You agreed that you’d talk to your parents about your relationship together, and you’re not about to break that promise. You do, however, explain everything else to them.
They listen carefully, nodding and smiling to let you know they’re still with you. When you talk about the difficulties you’ve faced, they wear matching frowns as your Mom fights back tears. Eventually, you sit in silence, waiting for their reaction.
“I wish you’d said something sooner.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I just… I thought I could do it on my own.”
“Honey, you never have to go through anything alone. That’s what we’re here for - we’re like, your built in therapists. Both me and your Dad would have happily listened if you’d called us, no matter the time or place.”
“Thank you. Both of you.”
“So this means you’re moving home?”
You nod, trying to contain the excitement bubbling up inside of you.
“Well it’s a good job we didn’t end up renting your apartment, huh?”
“You didn’t?”
“We thought about it, but it didn’t feel right. And we wanted to see you settle down in California first, just in case. I don’t either of us were ready to see someone else in that place. It’s yours.”
“You big softie,” you tease, nudging your Dad with your foot. He grabs it and squeezes, laughing when you squirm out of his grip.
“Well this is a cause for celebration, isn’t it?”
When you were younger, you used to get embarrassed that your Mom would throw parties for everything. Now, it’s one of your favourite things about her. She’s taught you to embrace the joy of the little things in life.
“What are you thinking, Mama?”
“Tomorrow night, a few friends. I’ll make a big paella, we can drink wine, play cards… what do you say?”
“Sounds perfect.”
And it does. The ease of being back home has calmed you down, untied the knots in your shoulders. You feel warmed by love, from the inside out.
You leave your parent’s house, promising to make a dessert of some kind for tomorrow. As you drive away, you suddenly realise that you’re headed in the wrong direction. You’re not going home. You’re going to the person that feels like home.
Bucky.
✵  ✵    ·  ✵    *  · ✵
He’s waiting for you on his front porch when you pull up.
“Hi, honey baby.”
“Hi, handsome.”
You launch yourself into his arms, savouring the warmth rolling off of him in waves. He smells like fresh linen and sea salt and all your future plans.
“You felt me coming, didn’t you?”
“From a mile off.”
He’s grinning, beaming in all directions.
“Good job it wasn’t a surprise visit, huh?”
“There’s no such thing anymore.”
“Good.”
He grabs your face in his work rough hands, gazing at you as if you’re the sun. You realise, suddenly, that you are. You are the one thing that his world revolves around. And he is yours. Forever.
“You gonna kiss me, Buck, or just stare at me, hmm?”
He chuckles before leaning in to press his lips to yours. You sigh in contentment and pull him closer by his shirt, tilting your head back to let him slip his tongue into your mouth. He tastes like scotch and spearmint, a perfect picture of his evening.
“Have you been drinking alone, cowboy?”
“Needed some liquid courage. Knew you’d come by.”
“I make you nervous, huh?”
The filthy smirk written across your face sends electricity crackling across his skin, the hairs on his arms standing up.
“Thought you’d have figured that out by now.”
“You’re really blowing up my ego, you know. I make the Bucky Barnes nervous. Who’d have thought?”
He shuts you up by kissing you again, snaking his hands around your back to plaster your bodies together. You tangle your fingers in his hair, tugging on it slightly.
“You’re letting your hair grow.”
“You like it long.”
You stop for a moment, watching his face carefully.
“Yeah. I do. How’d you know?”
“You pull it more when it’s long. Can feel how much you like it.”
“You’re a menace,” you laugh. “How about you take me inside, and I’ll show you just how much I like it? Unless you wanna give your neighbours front row seats…”
He chuckles and shakes his head before throwing you over his shoulder, laughing harder when you start shrieking. He carries you over the threshold, a beautiful prediction of years to come.
✵  ✵    ·  ✵    *  · ✵
You and Bucky spend the evening in his kitchen with the windows open, watching the setting sun. The gentle ocean breeze flows through the room, tussling Bucky’s chocolate brown hair and glinting off the ice in his rocks glass.
“You want me to come with you tomorrow, when you scout locations? I’ll be your chauffeur, if you like.”
“What about work?”
“I’m the boss, baby.”
“So you keep reminding me.”
He kicks you lightly under the table, laughing when you stick your tongue out at him.
“Yeah, Buck. I’d love it if you came with. You can use your contractor knowledge and help me out.”
“It’s a date. You want me to bring my clipboard? Tape measure? Mechanical pencil?”
“You gonna bring your talking machinery too, Bob The Builder?”
Bucky stands from his chair and pulls yours out, wrapping his arms around your waist and picking you up. He spins you around before putting you down and dragging you up the stairs, kicking his bedroom door open.
He throws you onto the bed unceremoniously, chuckling when you almost bounce off. You toss your shirt at his face, before shucking off your jeans and doing the same thing. He catches them with ease, winking at you before undressing himself.
He crawls up your body, kissing any skin he can find as he goes. He starts at your ankle, before moving to your knee, your thigh, your hip, your stomach, your chest, your neck, and eventually your lips. You’re almost shaking, alive with the anticipation of having every inch of Bucky pressed against you.
“Tell me what you want, baby,” he rasps into your ear. “I’ll give it to you. Anything.”
“Just want you.”
“Need to get you ready first,” he murmurs, fingers trailing between your legs. His breath hitches when he feels how wet you are.
“Oh honey,” he groans. “You been like this all night? Hmm?”
“Since I first saw you waiting for me.”
He groans again, resting his head in the crook of your neck.
“Please, Buck. Just wanna feel you.”
Who is he to deny you when you ask so damn pretty?
“You’re killing me,” he mutters against your skin.
Bucky slides into you with one smooth thrust, biting down on your shoulder as he does it. You shudder at the feeling, and at the thought of having the imprint of his teeth on you later.
You both gasp, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him in to you. You loop your legs around his waist, heels digging into his ass to press him even closer.
“Fuck me,” you choke out. “Need it, Buck.”
“My needy girl,” he chuckles lowly. “Gonna give you everything.”
Bucky retracts his hips before thrusting back into you, deep and full. You whine, and he’s convinced the sound will never be matched. It’s like angel song, rose tinted and heavenly.
He fucks you into the mattress, long, slow thrusts that make you want to cry a little. You’re not sure you’ve ever felt so connected to him - every single part of you touching his, bodies plastered together and souls intertwined.
He presses open mouthed kisses into the crook of your neck, right into your sweet spot. When he feels you getting close, he dances his fingers down your body and circles your clit, languid but precise. Your back arches as you find your release, clawing your nails down his back and locking your ankles around his hips.
“Oh fuck, honey - fuck.”
Bucky finishes with a shudder, sinking his teeth back into your shoulder. His raspy groans hit your ears just right, sweat dripping down onto your dewy skin.
“Love you, baby. Fuck, I love you.”
You’re both panting, trying to catch your breath as you come down from your highs.
“I love you too,” you giggle, pressing kisses to his damp forehead.
He collapses his weight onto you, chuckling when you groan. You push him off so he can lie next to you, strong arm thrown over your stomach as he pulls you in close.
You stay tangled for a while, letting the breeze from the window cool you both down. Bucky traces absentminded patterns across your back, rough fingertips sending goosebumps over your skin.
“I’m excited for tomorrow,” you murmur, keeping the volume low.
“Me too. Feels like a big step for our future, doesn’t it?”
“I just never imagined I’d have… this. You, the job I’ve always dreamed of… it doesn’t feel real. I mean, we’re going to look at places for a second location of my business. Who ever could have predicted I’d say that sentence?”
“Everything works out the way it’s supposed to. I told you that, that night on the beach. Before we knew. Remember?”
“I remember,” you smile, recalling that evening. You’d felt so inexplicably connected to Bucky that day. Little did you know what was to follow.
You fall asleep wrapped up in Bucky’s arms, warm and content.
You’ve never known happiness like it.
✵  ✵    ·  ✵    *  · ✵
The day flies by with Bucky by your side.
You’re a little out of your depth, admittedly. You don’t know much about real estate, or what makes a viable location for a bakery. But Bucky helps - explaining what to avoid, warning signs to look out for, checking out all of the boring stuff like gas mains and water pipes and backup generators. He never patronises you, even when you look at him like a deer in headlights. He clarifies himself when you become unsure, laying out explanations carefully and simply. He’s the perfect right hand man.
“You almost ready, honey?”
“Yeah Buck, give me one second!”
You walk into the kitchen where Bucky’s leaning against the counter, beer in hand. He’s in loose jeans and a linen button up, the white shirt beautifully showing off his tanned skin. He’s got several buttons undone, toned chest peeking through. He looks effortlessly perfect.
You stop in front of him, fixing the buckle on your sandals. You look up at Bucky to find him staring at you, open mouthed.
“You alright, handsome?”
“You look… you look - fuck, you look gorgeous.”
Heat rises up your skin, still so susceptible to his compliments.
“Thank you,” you whisper, leaning up to press a gentle kiss to his lips. “I love you.”
“Love you too,” he chuckles into your mouth.
Bucky rests a hand against the base of your throat, pulling you into him. His other hand plays with the hem of your dress, your skin burning where his fingers brush. You kiss him back harder, groaning when he nips at your bottom lip. He sucks on your tongue, and your knees buckle.
You pull back suddenly, putting three feet of distance between you.
“We need to go.”
Your hair is tousled, chest rising and falling at a rapid pace as you try to regain your composure. Bucky smirks at you, laughing when you flip him off.
“Come on. My parents and paella await us.”
✵  ✵    ·  ✵    *  · ✵
Your Mom has done it again.
Golden lights adorn the beams of the deck, the table littered with flowers and wine glasses begging to be filled. There’s already a few people scattered around the yard, chatting and laughing in the warm evening air.
“Oh baby, you look so beautiful.”
Your Mom engulfs you in a hug, pulling back to look at you from a distance. You’re wearing a yellow sundress, form fitting in all the right places. The skirt blows in the gentle breeze, fanning around you like an angels halo.
“This place looks amazing, Mama. I made you a tropical tart - it’s pineapple and coconut, with a mango coulis.”
“Oh, it’s gorgeous. I’ll put it in the fridge and get you some wine, honey. Buck, you want wine or beer?”
“Wine, please Lori. You need a hand?”
“If you’re offering,” she winks, laughing when he pokes her in the side as they leave towards the kitchen.
“Your father says you’re moving back home.”
You turn around to see Cora looking at you expectantly. You haven’t seen her since the incident that evening months ago.
“Uh, yeah. I love California, but I think I outgrew it after culinary school.”
She nods at you in faux sympathy, overbearing and sickly sweet.
“Aw, sweetie. Sometimes, things just don’t work out the way we hoped, huh?”
“Mhmm,” you hum noncommittally. “Yeah, I guess.”
You look for an exit, but she rubs your arm in support, pulling you back.
“I saw you today, you know.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yes! Down on Maple, by the corner. You were with Bucky.”
You freeze suddenly, blood running cold. You and Bucky are always affectionate, whether you mean to be or not. It’s just the way it is, being alongside your soulmate. Of course, Cora doesn’t know this. All she’s seen is you, out in town with your Dad’s best friend, looking cosier than platonic.
Your ears are ringing. You wonder, for a second, if you’re experiencing deja vu.
“Yeah, he… he has contracting experience. Just needed a second opinion. I’m no builder, after all.”
You force a laugh, willing the ground to swallow you up.
“You two are friends? You seem pretty close.”
She’s watching you, waiting for a reaction. You don’t give it to her.
“I’ve known him for a while, I see him often. He’s a good friend to my Dad, so you can imagine we know each other pretty well by now.”
“Yeah. It sure looked like it.”
You’re wracking your brain, trying to understand what she saw. Then it hits you.
On the corner of Maple is a florist’s, alive with blooming flowers and plants of every colour. You’d been admiring the tulips when Bucky had wrapped his arms around you from behind, whispering in your ear about how you’re the prettiest flower of all, honey.
There’s no running away from this. She’s caught you, in broad daylight.
“We’re friends,” you reiterate, praying for mercy.
You shoot her a fake smile before turning on your heel, making a beeline for the kitchen to find your Mom. When you get there, you gulp down your entire glass of strawberry wine, begging the sugar to lift your mood and calm your nerves.
The rest of the night goes off fairly smoothly.
You eat paella and fruit tart, drink wine, laugh with your parents and their friends. Bucky occasionally slips a hand beneath the table, squeezing your thigh in silent reassurance. You tangle your fingers with his for a moment before letting go, praying everyone else is none the wiser.
Every time Cora opens her mouth, your chest constricts a little. But she seems to have learnt her lesson somewhat, only speaking to tell obnoxiously long and tangent filled stories and offer comments no one asked for. Eventually, you all disperse from the table, making conversation elsewhere.
“What’s on your mind?” a low voice rasps in your ear.
You’re sat on the swing in the corner of the garden, watching the world go by. Bucky snakes his arm over the back of it, fingertips brushing your shoulder.
“Cora saw us today. Think she knows.”
“She’s a fucking nuisance.”
You laugh, the sound vibrating through Bucky’s bones.
“Yeah, she is. She’s also a gossip. She won’t keep her mouth shut for long if she thinks she’s sitting on something newsworthy.”
He thinks for a moment, taking a deep breath.
“So we tell them.”
“So we tell them.”
You lean back into Bucky’s arm, inhaling the familiar scent of peace.
“We should do it as soon as possible.”
“How about tomorrow?”
You nod, biting your glossy lips.
“Yeah. We need to do it sometime, and we’ve delayed the inevitable for long enough. We’ll do it tomorrow.”
Bucky nudges closer to you, so your sides are pressed together.
“It’ll all work out the way it’s supposed to, honey girl.”
You smile gently.
“I know. I don’t think I believed you the first time you said that to me. But I do now.”
“You and me against the world, baby.”
“You and me against the world, Buck.”
It truly feels like it, at the moment. You and Bucky against the world.
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tag list part one
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kiss-me-muchoo · 9 months
Text
𝐒𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐥𝐲, 𝐰𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲 || 𝐌𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐥 𝐎’𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
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part one: Do you want a baby? || part two || part three: Dharma
𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲- what was supposed to be just a general diagnosis turns into a pregnancy reveal + how your water broke in the middle of an actual date with Miguel. 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬_ pregnancy, child birth, grumpy!soft!Miguel x sunshine!reader, sex allusions, implied short reader, implied age gap (legal) NO PROOFREAD :). 𝐀/𝐍_ recommended songs; so it goes and lover again (calling all the reputation & lover stans like me!!!)
♪ ♫ my miguel playlist. ✰ index (masterlist/ other works there)
______________
It would never stop being weird.
Looking at Miguel O’Hara with a tiny female spider by his side, her arm wrapped around his giant forearm, resulting in a confusing image.
Yet, the image continued as Gwen, Miles, Hobie, and Pavitr looked at you and your husband passing through the cafeteria and going to his office.
“How long have they been married?” Miles asked. Pavitr counted with his fingers.
“I think they’re about to turn two years,” he replied. Hobie smirked, looking at his friend.
“The wedding was sick… Remember?” Gwen and Miles looked at each other confused.
“What happened at the wedding?” The blonde girl asked.
Out of nowhere, Peter B. Parker appeared with a tray of food and Mayday on top of his head.
“Hey, kids. What are you talking about?”
“Miguel and y/n’s wedding,” Miles answers.
Peter lets out a little sigh like he is bringing back a happy memory. Pavitr also made the same gesture.
“It was a wonderful night…” Mayday went straight to Hobie’s arms, and the man was funnily tickling her. So Peter took advantage of that and got his phone out.
“I have pictures!” Gwen and Miles let out a NO WAY, LET ME SEE in unison.
“Alright, alright. Here’s the ceremony…” The phone displayed a picture of what seemed like a church. You had an elegant and vintage dress, Miguel was wearing a tuxedo, and the place was full of candles and sparkles that made the picture look so perfect that it was concerning.
“Miguel looks…” Gwen started.
“Happy?” Hobie asks for her. Everyone nods.
“Oh, show her the party, man,” Hobie suggested with a big grin. Making Miles and Gwen even more confused.
Some pics showed your friends, Jess and Margo, as your bridesmaids. Lego Spider-Man was one of Miguel’s best men; the cake had six layers.
It was a big celebration. With many spider people around, part of your family, and what seemed like a summer afterparty.
Gwen giggled at the variety of pictures; you and Miguel cutting the cake, the waltz… until the pictures turned a little… intense.
“Damn…” Miles let out. Hobie started laughing, looking at the pictures, and Pavitr was getting blushed.
From alcohol shots, a mess in the pool, and you and Miguel doing the infamous wedding garter removal.
“OKAY!… this is not for kids,” Peter yelled, snatching the phone from the pair of teenagers.
“How did that happen?” the girl asked. Neither she nor Miles could believe they would live to see Miguel, you, and other serious spider people doing things like that.
“Alcohol. Boss was drunk as hell….” Hobie said, evidently mocking the leader of the Spider Society.
“It was after the family left, only… close friends. I must admit it’s the coolest wedding I’ve ever been invited to,” Peter accepted. Pavitr nodded.
“Yes, it was at the same level as an Indian wedding,” that was a lot to say.
Soon, Lyla appeared and gave a disapproving look to the whole table.
“Why are you here doing nothing? Jess assigned new missions and- AWW, Is that a picture from Miguel and y/n’s wedding?” The AI appeared beside Peter, looking at his phone.
“Yes. Was a good party, remember?” Lyla nodded at Hobie.
“Until they left for their honeymoon. And I had to do all the job myself for….like a month.”
“You sound like you suffered…” Gwen said.
“I did”
“You’re an AI, Lyla. You can’t feel anything….” Everyone laughed.
“Insensible kids. Now go meet Jess for the mission’s debriefing unless you want Miguel's lecture on your lives.”
With that, everyone left to their respective rooms to hear the debriefings.
“Well, that was fun,” Miles commented. Enjoying a giant cheese empanada from the cafeteria. Gwen nodded, and Hobie shrugged, following them.
“Time to go home. I’m tired…” Everyone started to say their goodbyes. Hobie was gone, and then Margo appeared, running towards them.
“Hey! What’s up, Margo?” Jealousy immediately invaded Gwen, and she soon went to appear beside Miles. Nothing personal, but the feeling had been evolving. She liked Margo but didn’t like how she and Miles interacted.
“Haven’t you heard?… y/n is injured” The pair looked between them worriedly.
“Is she okay?”
“I don’t know. I was about to go and see her. Jess said it was delicate.”
Everyone started pacing towards the clinic.
It was as big as the whole HQ; bright, clean, and futuristic.
Many spiders were there, injured people, waiting for surgery, medicines, etc.
However, their way was towards one of the private rooms.
There, you were lying in a bed in the center.
Beside you, Miguel holding your hand.
In a hologram form, Jess and Lyla were looking too.
“What are you doing here?” Miguel asked, intimidating Gwen, Margo, and Miles with his massive height.
“We heard y/n was injured…” Margo dared to respond.
You smiled. You really loved them, so you giggled.
“This isn’t over…” Miguel spoke once again, pointing at you. Oh, Miguel and his so-ever-grumpy attitude.
But you knew there was a lot to talk about back home. A lot…
“Are you okay?”
“Are you gonna be able to go back to work tomorrow?” Miles and Gwen bombard you with lots of questions. Margo was always more considerate, so she stood quiet.
And Miguel was rolling his eyes and looking beyond annoyed, cringed by his younger employees’ questions.
“No, stop saturating her with stupid questions. She’s pregnant, kids….” Miguel said, maintaining his stoic posture.
Jess let out a little laugh, noticing that Margo was the only one to react at the moment.
Her mouth opened to form a big o of shock.
“Do you have anything broken?” The blonde girl in turquoise Converse asked.
“Just my ankle, a sprain in my inner tight… oh, and I have a baby,” you comment softly, rubbing your stomach with a smile.
The teenagers keep making comments Margo is already paralyzed. You laugh again, covering your lips. Then turn to look at Miguel, who’s rolling his eyes again.
“YOU WHAT?…” their eyes are going to pop out.
“You’re pregnant?” Gwen asks.
“That’s why I just said…” Miguel adds with frustration. Then proceeding to whisper something in Spanish.
“I’m very happy for you two, congratulations” Margo is always polite and sweet. You accept her hug, and the other two teens are all over you. Showering you with ideas for baby names, a baby shower hosted by Peter, and making the kid’s first birthday party in the HQ.
“We have to tell this to the others!”
“No. We don’t want to. “
But Miles and Gwen are already out, both still in shock, ignoring Miguel and his desire to keep your status private.
You don’t mind, actually. Everyone would know in a couple of months. But Miguel… what can you say? He’s your husband.
And he kept pinching the bridge of his nose, proving how annoyed he was.
“Paciencia, paciencia…” he keeps murmuring. Margo giggles before turning to leave.
“I’ll try to stop them,” she offers.
“Thanks, Margo,” your husband thanks her with a brief glance.
“Someone has to stop those kids and their unlimited energy” Jess comments, making you laugh.
Soon, it’s just you and your husband.
“Now what?” You ask, rubbing your eyes.
Miguel leans to brush some strays of hair behind your ear, giving you a warm look.
“Now I’m taking you home…”
He thinks you look sweet with the hospital gown, perfect hair, and no makeup.
And although he’s scared as hell of you being already so far in the pregnancy, he dreams of the day you are in the same position. With a baby in your arms…
“Your wife is almost six months pregnant…” Spider-doctor had said.
“Sorry… I’M WHAT?”
Miguel stood there frozen, holding your hand. You were also in shock.
His world sure stopped for some seconds. All the months trying, wondering why you couldn’t get pregnant, it was because you were already growing a baby.
“But-… I don’t have any symptoms. I don’t even have a belly,” you blurt. "Human bodies work out differently. For spiders, it can work beyond differently” Miguel, and you turn to look at each other.
His face came to hide in your shoulder almost immediately. Whispering ‘thank you’ multiple times, kissing your hair, working in private, so Doctor Spider-man couldn’t see.
Almost six months of going to missions like nothing, having sex like always (every day, at least four rounds). Damn… Miguel had to be more careful.
“I’ll come again to get you a scan and everything. I’m going to leave to get your blood test results.” With that, Doctor Spider-man leaves.
Now, you are sitting in your bed. Remembering the moment you found out the news. Looking at the candles that illuminated your desk across your bookshelves.
In a moment, Miguel entered with a little tray.
“I got your favorite chicken wrap, tea, and cookies…” Now you know you’re pregnant and suddenly want to cry about everything. He was so sweet. His reaction to the pregnancy was calm, and he promised to look forward instead of his past. And now he appeared at your door with some of your favorite snacks and looked beautiful; yes, you’re crying.
“Oh no. Don’t cry, hermosa,” he soothes you. Your little whimpers made him realize he had to be careful with his words. Then the thought of you being unconsciously reckless, putting yourself in danger, edging Miguel towards another breakdown…
“It’s just that… I’m- we’re halfway through this, and I can’t believe everything I did. I could have….”
“No. It was almost impossible to know you were pregnant, love. You would’ve not put yourself in danger at the slight chance….”
“Now what? I don’t want to put the baby at risk, but I can’t stay doing nothing for the rest of the pregnancy. I’m a spider-woman….”
“I know what you’re thinking” Miguel was being so patient. He was listening to you and never letting your hand go.
“Since we started trying… I’ve psyched myself that it could be dangerous. But it’s not gonna be the same. I’m not gonna lose any of you two. Because I know this is correct” Of course, he was afraid, but he committed to letting go of his past and focusing on this present with you. So he would not try to control it and you.
“You’re my lovely wife. I know you, and you’re a strong and perfect woman who will take care of our baby when I can’t be around….” you are shocked. You have to squeeze his hand to confirm you're not dreaming.
He sounds so peaceful, wearing white socks with a hoodie and pants. And he looks that perfect? You had to be dreaming.
“You are taking some weeks to recover from the ankle, the sprain, and one more check to see the baby. Then, low-impact missions, and in the last month, I have you in my office. What do you think?” you nod, smiling. Pushing yourself to sit and hug him and feel his big hands moving across your back.
“Thank you. We love you so much, Miguel…”
We. Oh, he would cry too.
“I love you two so much too. Completely… my whole world…”
“Yeah. No wonder why your plan sounds like you want to have me by your side for the next four months 24/7,” he smiles.
“Maybe that’s the idea…I want my little family with me all the time” You let yourself fall into the pillows again.
You lift your shirt and start poking your flat stomach. Miguel looks at you with curiosity.
“I can’t believe it’s almost six months old, we have a healthy baby, and I don’t have a bump.”
“Well, you look gorgeous as usual. Maybe there’s even a glow on you that I overlooked before”
“It’s my hair, right?”
“Could be…” both of you giggle.
But finally, there’s a time for a kiss. And it feels like bliss like his lips were everything to soothe the confusing thoughts, to feel happy and blessed for the child growing inside you.
His hands sneak through your exposed skin to gently stroke your stomach, hoping to connect with the baby.
He’s going to treasure this new opportunity. He had taken it the first time by marrying you, protecting you but never trying to control you. So he would follow the same recipe for this pregnancy.
From the love you two shared, passion always bloomed.
You felt amazing, so nothing would stop you from having your husband that night. So you started to tangle your fingers through his hair cause it never failed to tease him.
“God… we have to stop, bonita.”
“Why?” You ask with a pout, coming to hug his neck and giving him an annoyed look.
“The baby…”
“The baby has been fine since day one. Want to remember all the things we’ve done in the last five months?” you can swear he’s about to blush. So you giggle.
“You’re gonna be the death of me…” he complains.
But soon, you see his head disappear under the hem of your skirt.
Finally, you exhale with peace and tranquility.
Miguel fixes your suit from behind, his own suit already activated. He can hear your heavy breathing and feels slightly guilty because now, with the baby, your breathing could get hatred.
“See? Perfect as usual, mami…” he says, holding your hips, admiring you. He loved seeing his little wife waddling around the HQ with her cute belly and adorable smile. But having her in the HQ, making a moment only for him? It was a blessing.
“We spent at least an hour here; it’s gonna look obvious, Miguel,” you say, ignoring his comments. Your red cheeks, shiny skin, and curled hair could give you away.
Stupid pregnancy hormones.
Since your belly popped out in the seventh month, it felt like a prolonged fertile week that made you feel sexy and loved by your husband. As a result, extreme rounds of sex came like nothing most days.
“Honestly… I don’t care, hermosa,” he admits smiling. You roll your eyes, pinching his hand to annoy him.
“Sometimes you’re insufferable,” he smirks.
“You love me…” he attacks back, and you can’t help but blush like a little girl.
“Yeah, sometimes it scares me how much I do love you” The moment turns soft, as usual, between you and him.
Miguel turns into a giant heart marshmallow for you. All he can think is about how happy you make him.
“Can we have a date on Friday?” You ask with a cute and shy tone.
“Sure, mami. Where do you wanna go?” That fucking nickname. He meant it sweetly and adorably because, in his head, you were already a mommy. Still, he also says it in a hot way to proudly remember you he got you pregnant.
“The library and that new bakery near home” he would never say no to having a date with you. Never.
“You got me, bonita. I’m in the mood for a thriller book and some… What do you call those little cakes?” since you started dating, Miguel would pick one of your books to read together every night. The pastries only came to the scene on the weekends, though.
“Turkish pastries? Stop, I’m getting hungry. Oh, and I don’t mind another memoir, but yeah, I’m into the thriller book too,” he smiles, offering you another sweet smile. Thinking about how much he wants Friday to come and be out with you.
“I have to assign missions with Lyla. I’ll see you in my office. Okay?”
“Okay, amor,” the characteristic pull on his rib appears; he knows he must lean down and kiss you.
It’s slow, passionate, and delightful. His lips are soft despite all the times he had bitten himself with his sharp fangs. He was always so careful to avoid hurting you. He always avoided contact, but that didn’t stop him from playing with the skin of your neck in the most intimate moments.
“We love you…”
“Me too, bonita. I love you two with my whole heart….”
Your stomach was painfully churning. You were hungry, and your baby was asking for something too.
Maybe a burger with my husband’s mask printed on the bun. A side of fries with sweet and sour sauce; yeah, that’ll work, you think.
So you are peacefully sitting in the cafeteria. Waiting for Miguel to come back to the HQ and spent the rest of the day with him. Your mask is resting beside your phone and your web shooters.
It was crazy how the pregnancy made you both clingier than ever. His hands never leave your body, especially your belly. You don’t want to be separated from him for long periods. And even your family noticed how close you and Miguel were.
You asked where he went during a family gathering, only to find him drinking a beer with your father. And your aunts said you two were attached to hip… to the max.
“Hey, there’s my favorite spider-mama. Don’t tell Jess!” Peter appeared on your side with his kids; Hobie, Pavitr, Gwen, Miles, and Mayday.
“Hey, guys!” Mayday immediately went after you. Playing with your belly and softly poking at the roundness of it.
“Wow, your skin looks amazing!” Gwen flatters you, which causes a big blush on your face.
“Oh, thank you. I spent some time in the sauna today…” Miguel convinced you to try the least heated sauna room, saying it was good for your aching belly. However, it turned into a wild session of sex with at least an hour of duration. But your friends wouldn’t know that.
“How are you feeling?” Peter asked.
“Fine. You say maybe two more weeks or so…” you rub your belly along Mayday. Her beanie is dirty, and you promise her to clean it up before the day is over.
“I can’t believe you guys don’t know the sex of the baby…” Pavitr commented. You giggle, shrugging.
“I want it to be special. Especially for Miguel… you know his past,” they all nodded. They could see their boss apathetic as usual, barely glancing at them, ignoring their jokes, etc. But every employee of the Spider Society knew Miguel O’Hara had only one weakness; you.
And now that you were pregnant, it was impossible to not notice how Miguel tried to remain calm and be more patient about everything.
“I’m still a little hurt that I wasn’t the first to receive the news,” Peter B. Parker admitted, watching his daughter play with you.
“You left early that day!. You didn’t even know I was injured.”
“Yeah… and I called as soon as I learned the news” You pat his shoulder.
“Oh, Peter. You know you’re one of my best friends. And you’ll be my kid’s godfather,” his eyes sparkled. Everyone laughed at the comment, but Peter was pleased about it.
“I already got something for the kid…” Hobie announced.
“Aww, Hobie!… That’s so sweet, thanks!” their fondness towards you and your baby makes you want to tear up.
“Please, don’t give the child a set of piercings or the book of historic protests like you did with Mayday,” Pavitr prays, looking at his friend. Gwen was laughing so hard that it infected everyone.
However, Hobie had a little guitar full of excellent phrases and stickers he had collected over the months.
“It’s something better,” your punk friend promised.
You really liked spending time with them. It was like a second family that you could enjoy every day.
Then the conversation was all about Pavitr's upcoming big Indian party in Mumbattan. He invited everyone, and you promised to show up with Miguel and the baby.
Then you realized something. You really craved it, being a family of three.
A pink box was stuffed with Turkish pastries; 4 pieces of baklava, 2 of basbousa, and a slice of baklava cheesecake.
The sweet woman placed a green ribbon on top of the box, and you squealed out of happiness cause the ribbon matched the pistachio crumbles on the pastries.
“Thank you…” Miguel thanks the woman and follows you toward the exit.
The date was amazing, as usual. Hours spent between bookshelves, stolen kisses, and spending on four books to read in the following months.
“I can’t wait to eat this at home… my mouth is watering, amor,” he chuckled, admitting that these last few weeks, you looked even cuter with your bump and emotional attitude.
“Yeah, give me the box. Or else there won't be any cake left before we arrive home” Frowning, you hand him the box. The way to the parking lot is quiet.
But there’s a pair of big smiles on both of your faces.
The whole day you’ve felt tremendous pressure on your lower belly, nothing painful, but the feeling was weird. Only two weeks left, and then…poof!!, the baby was here.
A heavy noise disconcerted you. And when you looked to your left, Miguel had bumped himself with a lamppost.
Your heavy laughs are all it can be heard isn’t the parking lot after that.
“Stop laughing. I was taking care of you, not stumbling with the bags and your belly” he heard you let out a long oww before continuing to laugh. His spider sense was worse since he learned you were pregnant, always taking care of you. His eyes never leave you, alert in case of anything.
He’s annoyed but smiles at the sight of you being so happy.
Until…he noticed something on your pants. There was a big spot; it certainly looked like…
“Bonita…I think-I think you just….” As you follow his words, you look down to see why your pants and underwear feel drenched.
And once again, you’re laughing.
“Oh my god, Miguel. I think I just…” you peed on yourself for laughing so hard. You’re embarrassed, but still, you find the humor to find it funny. Miguel gets closer and takes the bags of books and your purse from your hands, finally laughing too.
“This is what happens when you make fun of your husband…” he opens the car door for you, and you only send him a lousy look before he keeps smiling. When you accommodate on the seat, your disgusted face worries Miguel. He leans to inspect you better.
“What? What is it, mi vida?” Your discomfort grows, and your hands travel to your lower belly. Seconds later, your eyes pop open in shock.
“Oh god. I don’t think it was pee after all…” you reveal, looking at your husband. His eyes also open in shock, and he starts breathing heavily.
He starts walking in little circles between the space of your car and the neighbor from the parking lot.
All he can think about is that a little human is trying to get out of you.
His life is about to change. All he ever wanted was going to be complete. He had to be strong for you and put his trauma away, like during the pregnancy.
“Okay. Does it hurts now?” He asks, returning to kneeling and looking you in the face.
You shake your head, not even knowing how you feel.
“Not really. I just feel like there’s something stuck inside me and-“
“And?” He urges you.
“And I want to push it out…” he nods, already feeling sweat on his forehead. He leans to kiss your forehead and hold your hands.
“Activate your suit, bonita. We need to go back to the HQ…”
“WHAT? NO… Just take me to a normal hospital, Miguel,” you say, trying to calm down.
“We can’t. Doctor Spider-man has been treating you since we found out. He’ll know better….”
“But…”
“Mami, you’ll have to deliver this baby soon. The best place to do it is in the HQ. You know it, right?” Slowly, you end up nodding.
He makes you look at your watch and activate your suit.
You don’t even feel when your soaked clothes are gone and you are in the suit's skin. You just feel like some beach ball was stuck inside your mouth, but everything happening on your cervix.
Miguel also activated his suit, including his mask. You shake your head at the sight.
“Oh no, fuck no. I'm not wearing the mask…” he sighs. Miguel is doing everything to not panic and not stress you. Even when he feels surprised you are handling the dilatation very well, he knows he can’t panic you too.
“Okay, don’t wear the mask. Can you stand up?…” you do your best, but it’s impossible to stand straight anymore. You must lean a little and open your legs to soothe the intense pressure on your pelvis.
“It’s okay, mami. We’ll be home with our baby in a blink of an eye.”
“Yeah, I don’t think so, Miguel” Your sarcasm signals him to hurry, so he opens a portal and helps you enter.
The room's wide window is like a living landscape, with the futuristic sight of cars and bright lights from skyscrapers.
There were no curtains because no one could see what was happening inside.
You were lying on the hospital bed that night, trying to push out a baby.
“I can’t do this…” you sob. It’s not even that painful (thankfully). The discomfort of the little human sliding out of you very slowly.
“Yes, you can. You are already done, bonita.” Miguel encourages you, which makes you roll your eyes.
“No. I mean-I can do this, just not on this bed…” your husband looks confused, but you ignore him to turn to Doctor Spider-man.
“You can try on your feet,” the doctor speaks through his mask. You nod, and with Miguel’s help, you end up on the edge of the bed; instantly, you feel the pressure of your baby slightly better.
You hear the doctor’s instructions, and even Miguel is in a position to help to catch the kid. You hold onto his broad shoulders to support yourself. Then, after three more big pushes, you feel it…the baby is out.
“We got it,” Miguel hears the doctor say, and a wave of soft cries instantly starts to echo across the room.
Desperation floods Miguel, who wants to see his baby and know everything is fine.
As the doctor cuts the cord and makes Miguel help you to lay on the bed again, he can’t stop kissing your forehead.
“Thank you, y/n. Thank you so much,” you nod, feeling tears in your eyes.
“Congratulations, it’s a girl,” officially, there are tears in your husband’s eyes. Doctor Spider leaves, saying he will come back with some papers and to help you.
He thinks Gabriella must’ve been very happy to have a little sister.
“Here you go…,” and everything is a comfortable silence once the baby is in your arms.
She’s tiny, with sun-kissed skin like his father, brown matted hair, and grey eyes that will eventually turn into chocolate like his father’s.
Her eyes are slightly open, she looks like she’s yawning, and her little tongue pokes out occasionally.
“Look, Miguel…” he leans to inspect his daughter closer.
He’s in love with her, and he’s beyond in love with you. He would always thank you for giving him a second chance to be a father.
“Oh, I’m in love again. She’s perfect, amor,” you sob, kissing the baby’s tiny head.
“I can’t believe this… I had nothing. Then I found you. And now…suddenly, we have a baby,” he confessed, caressing her rosy cheek.
“How do we name her?” He asks again.
“I want something related to her father’s name…”
“Are you sure, bonita?” You nod. After all, Miguel deserved it, and you wanted to do it for him.
“Yeah. Magalí, Marina, and Magdalena have been in my mind” his smile lights up with your last option, easily looking at her baby with that name.
“I like Magdalena…”
“Then… hello, baby Magda” you coo at your daughter, feeling her soft skin and plump cheeks.
“Your mommy and I love you so much, baby” Miguel’s hand comes to take yours, and together, you’re admiring your baby girl.
Doctor Spider enters after a knock on the door, holding a little binder.
“Okay, we’re cleaning her and healing you….” he announces. He adds that you’ll be fine in three weeks with a good recovery and that the baby was healthy. Miguel is so thankful and happy. He can barely hide his smile from his coworker.
“But before that… Lyla wants me to congratulate you two and ask if she can spread the news. Everyone is asking for this little family,” you smile. Spider plushie and Lego Spider-Man must be very worried and spider cat. You want to see your friends soon.
“No. We don’t want to share-“
“Miguel.” You scold him, give him a bad look, then look down at your daughter, smiling again.
“Yes, you can tell Lyla to share the news,” the AI appears before you. Her eyes open at the sight of the new addition of the HQ.
“Oh-great. And- OH MY GOD, SHE’S SO CUTE” Miguel instantly rolls his eyes, looking at Lyla moving in front of her tiny daughter and simulating touching her. There’s a little pink headband with a flower in Magdalena’s little head, which doubles how cute she looks.
“Thanks, Lyla…”
“Peter and Pavitr are on their way already. Probably the others will be joining us later” You nod once again. Feeling so welcomed and accepting that Miguel was right.
It was the best idea to give birth to your daughter in the HQ.
“Great. More visits!…” Miguel complains with a big load of sarcasm.
“Sorry…see ya later. ” with that, Lyla disappears.
“Ay, mami. You don’t know what you’ve done” Miguel can hear everyone talking about him and you and the baby. Having all his annoying coworkers asking questions and grabbing his daughter. However, he knows that will make you happy.
“Miguel, don’t be like that. This day is special… but we have our whole lives to have a family moment… just the three of us” he knows you’re right. So he sighs, letting a smile appear on your face.
“Right, yeah. You’re right…”
“I know. Now give me a kiss…” as his lips collide with yours, he takes baby Magda from your arms. She’s light as a feather, beautiful, and Miguel can’t think about ever putting her down in your arms again.
“I love you so much, hermosa. And that will never change…”
“Oh, Miguel. You and Magda are my full happiness now. I love you too.”
Miguel feels complete. He had his daughter in his arms; you on his lips.
And he hoped to treasure that feeling… forever.
______________________________________
Can we think about how baby Mayday and baby Magda are going to be BESTIES now?!?! *sobs*
taglist:
@alison645
@futuristicpandakid
@sleepyoriana
@amb3rrz
@amyg1509
@t00-pi
@crowleysthings
@boobabietch
@I3laze
@brtodd
@gigachadcowboy
@saturnknows
@chiyoyooo
@miggyyyyohara
@puresweetenerx
@saturnnnnl
@natthernandez
@reagan707
@voidashh
@daisydark
@amyg1509
@kissezfornamjoon
@etherealton
@wonderlandangelsposts
@niyanispunk
@g0oshtt
@ang3l-dust1
@electro-supremacy
@bestie1223
@dangerousness15
@iluvjisoo
@atlaincorrect
@naponiac
@edgycatx
@fluffy-koalala
2K notes · View notes
f6bron · 5 months
Text
sequoia.
pairing : iso x gn!reader
notes : mutual pining ? i’ll let the audience decide , might be ooc since i wrote this based on all of his available voicelines so far ( . — . )
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The echoing clang of bullets hitting metal targets reverberated through the shooting range as you took aim alongside Iso, the new recruit to the Valorant Protocol. You’d been itching to get to know him better, and what better way to break the ice then some target practice?
“Clean shot! I should let Chamber know he has a rival now.”
Iso shrugged and chuckled, as an acknowledgement to your compliment.
“So, Iso… I heard you isolate your enemy into that domain of yours? Interesting…” you remarked, keeping your eyes trained on the target as you shot a bullet straight to the head.
Iso nodded shyly, his fingers still gripping the handle of his pistol. 
“Y-yeah… Just my way to secure a 1v1 duel…”
Oh, what the hell am I saying, Iso thought, mentally facepalming at his awkward response. He felt silly for acting awkward in front of you. To be honest, he finds you really, really beautiful. Maybe that’s the reason.
But to his surprise, you merely gave him a soft smile. 
“That is sooo freaking cool ~! Can you bring me there someday?” you asked, your tone playful and light.
Iso was surprised, his eyebrows knitting together. 
“Why would I bring you there? I don’t think having a gun duel with an ally there is a good idea–”
You giggled, which interrupted his words. “Not in a gun duel, silly. I just wanna know what it looks like in the dimension.”
Warmth crept onto Iso’s face, his cheeks tinged with embarrassment at having misunderstood your context. “O-oh… Yeah, sure. I hang out a lot there even though there’s nothing much… Mostly when I need alone time to read my books or… listen to music.”
“And, having company once in a while would be nice.” He smiled, his eyes glanced at you.
“Mhmm, then I’ll be waiting ~” you replied, your curiosity piqued. You adjusted your stance, firing a few more rounds with precise accuracy.
“Oh ! Talking about music,” you continued, gesturing to the earbuds that Iso always had whenever you saw him. “I always see you got your earbuds on all the time. I assume you’re a music enthusiast, yes?”
Iso nodded, his fingers fumbling with the gun’s magazine as he exchanged it. “It helps me to stay relaxed and focused. Music has this way of grounding me, you know?”
You smiled, appreciating his honesty. “That makes sense. What kind of music do you listen to then?”
As Iso put his pistol down, he began to list off his favourite genres and artists. You noticed the way his purple-coloured eyes lightened up. You were surprised by the variety of his tastes, from classical compositions to high-energy EDM tracks. Your conversation flowed seamlessly, as Iso continued geeking over his profound hyperfixation.
“So, do you have a favourite song?” you asked, genuinely interested.
Iso took a moment to think before answering. He has so many favourites, heck, he could create millions of playlist when he thought of it. Then, a song came to his mind, “There’s this one song that I find myself going back to quite often. It’s called ‘Helena’ by My Chemical Romance.
The name caught your attention, “Wait ! I know that song ! What’s the worst that I can say ~”
Iso chuckled, he continued singing along, “Things are better if I stay ~”
“So long and goodnight, so long and goodnight.”
Both of you started giggling, which lightened up the mood surrounding the both of you.
Iso started to fiddle with his gloved fingers, his expression softening. “To me, that song carries a powerful and cathartic expression of one’s emotions surrounding the loss of a loved one, so it has become one of my favourites.”
You were touched by his description and decided to make a mental note to listen to the song again later. As you both finished up with the training at the shooting range, you couldn’t help but feel a connection forming between you and Iso. He’s slowly getting along with you, no longer the quiet and reserved recruit. 
Someone you could genuinely relate to.
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As the both of you left the shooting range, the two of you talked and laughed, not just about combat training but about music, books and everything in between. His giggles caught your attention, the way he would bring up his hand to stifle his laughs. 
Goddamn, he’s cute.
You didn’t expect the training you had with him could be the perfect time to bring you both closer. You couldn’t wait to explore Iso’s unique dimension with him, discovering not just his hidden talents but the beauty of the world he had specifically created for himself.
“So, about that dimension visit,” you teased, “When can we make that happen?”
Iso grinned, the embarrassment from earlier dissipating. “Whenever you’re ready. I’d be happy to show you around the place.”
“Can we make that a promise?”
“Yeah, promise.”
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(A/N): my love for iso is growing… he’s so cutie patootie… do u get me…
masterlist.
446 notes · View notes
seuonji · 5 months
Text
彡 living with you.
notes ๑ scenarios of things that occurred when you started living with your svt bf!
genre ๑ fluff
warnings ๑ none but in seokmin’s one it’s hinted the reader wears makeup!!
word count ๑ 1k
from aya: please reblog if you enjoyed! feedback is always appreciated<3
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waking up early with seungcheol/soonyoung/jihoon and going grocery shopping!!
seungcheol has a hard time saying no when you want to buy unrelated items like house decoration or a grill— you always end up buying too much and struggle to carry the items back home.
you’re the one who has to control soonyoung when it comes to buying stuff but like wdym he can’t buy the tiger themed cooking set? fortunately, he’s great at remembering a ‘things to buy’ list but what comes with that is a tornado that wants to buy a bicycle along the way.
jihoon would ask you “are you sure you need it.” or “what are you going to use it for.” you end up leaving the store with what you actually need. but he might slip in a tub of ice cream or a pack of candy you like when you reach the counter.
+
jeonghan pulling you back to bed whenever you move after waking up. it’s a pain when you have to pee cause he will not let go.
“it’s so early, why are you already leaving?”
he loves nuzzling his face into your neck but if you don’t enjoy that you’re just gonna have to kick him in the shins to push him away ʅ(◞_◟)ʃ.
+
joshua loves going out but when he moved in with you, his outing time decreased sufficiently. he loves laying on the couch with you as you two turn off your brains and talk about random stuff while your mixed playlist plays in the background.
+
for some reason, you always walk in on jun in the middle of doing a silly dance. he will not hesitate to drag you to dance with him.
on a cuter note, when he’s free he definitely surprises you with breakfast in bed. he takes note of things you’re craving and serves it to you without fail.
+
wonwoo placed another chair beside his gaming chair. it’s there so that you can sit beside him while he’s gaming.
i mean, you usually sit on his lap but sometimes he jumps in the middle of playing when he gets frustrated at the game… so he had to implement the second chair—
+
seokmin loves joining you while you get ready to go out. he just sits beside you and plays with your hair but if you ask him to dry or brush your hair, he’ll do it. might even help you organise you stuff so that it doesn’t hassle you when you get back home.
+
mingyu heard your stomach rumble late at night. he laughed about it and you got offended, making it clear by facing your back towards him.
“i’m sorry yn!” he said between laughs as he pulled you towards him.
“shut up, go sleep.”
“come let me cook you a meal, what do you want?”
turns into a night of you sitting on the counter while mingyu’s at the stove cooking the meal you requested. he’d wear an apron even if it was 4 in the morning.
+
minghao, you let him use the spare room for his art but it sort of turned into your healing room. you two just stay there, no electronics, no phones, not much except for art supplies on the floor and a small stool. minghao often sits as you lay your head on his lap but you two switch of course. on the days he had art block, with consent, he’d paint on your skin to try and get some ideas.
“ooh i like that one!” you beamed as you took a peek to your arm that minghao was painting on.
“really? guess i found my next piece.”
+
getting noise complaints with seungkwan/chan after you two argued over who could get a score of 100% on karaoke.
also i feel like he’s type to tackle you when he hugs you so there’s so many loud thuds and every time that happens—
bottom line y’all loud as hell.
but on another note about the hugs, he def always tackles you onto the bed whenever you come back home from work or an outing or just after you shower!!
+
breakfast at the balcony with vernon!
there on the balcony, you both have either really deep conversations or the most pointless conversations to exist. if your neighbours could hear you, they’d be concerned cause your topics really go from “do i deserve to exist?” to “i think i could be president and it would go well.”
you two could start a podcast, it will succeed. or that’s just what vernon likes to believe.
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839 notes · View notes
gigidragonbbxxx · 21 days
Text
regarding mental diet
discipline. consistency. THIS IS HOW YOU MANIFEST.
it is the discipline and consistency in acknowledging the things in your 3D that you want and ignoring the stuff that you do not identify with.
Yes Gigi, we know that why are you saying something EVERYONE says?
bc dear reader and loass community, i'm gonna say something that might be known but I don't see stated enough:
To be a master manifester, you break your old realities and create new ones - AND A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE A HARD TIME GETTING ON THIS LEVEL BECAUSE THEY ARE UNWILLING TO LET GO OF HABITS THAT DO NOT SERVE THEM.
AKA = YOU MUST BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO BE DIFFERENT.
You hear me???
YOU MUST BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO BE DIFFERENT.
AND THIS IS WHAT MENTAL DIET IS: NOT GIVING IN TO EVERY TREND, EVERY LIL SONG, EVERY TV SHOW, ETC. IF IT DOES NOT HELP YOUR MIND BE SATURATED WITH BEING IN YOUR FAVOR.
I'll cite an example many of us go through: a friend who doesn't know the law and only wants to talk about how horrible men are. This friend is also addicted to complaining. What have so many loass practicing people have said? They've either 1) told that friend they don't want to talk about that stuff or 2) spent less time with that friend.
it's an experience so many in the community go through and many benefit from limiting their exposure to that type of person. because what is the point of spending time affirming lies like "life has to be hard" "life is unfair" "I always get treated like shit by men" "I'm never first choice" like EW!? guys, learn to get the ICK from this type of talk!!! there is no benefit from this energy.
YOU GET TO DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT TO EXPOSE YOURSELF TO. SO STOP MINGLING WITH ENERGY THAT DOES NOT SERVE YOU. IF YOU HAVE TIME TO THINK BADLY, YOU HAVE TIME TO THINK POSITIVELY!!!
Be willing to WALK AWAY. Be willing to be the one to say "This is not for me" if a convo is full of limited beliefs. Be willing to not participate in trends like making tiktoks about self deprecating jokes or tweet about toxic things. Be willing to say "Oh i never say those things about myself."
Let me explain what prompted me to write this:
I saw THE CUTEST lil key chains or cases made by a small business. I love to reblog cute things on my main account on twt (not my loass burner) and tbh I've manifested getting some of those cute things by making a lil placebo that whatever I retweet is mine/fact.
The first case/keychain thing was "Tummy Ache Survivor" which I thought was hilarious as I have a lot of Virgo energy in my life but the second image showcased another that said something along the lines of "Daily Dose of Dumb Baby Juice".
Guys.
Please.
Does a master manifester drink dumb baby juice? Or is she the operant power full of knowledge and wisdom leading a fulfilling life?
Now, I'm not a limiting typa gal okay? You can totally be "baby". You can totally live a soft live. Be a baby. Hell, I love being baby in a relationship. What I'm saying is even seemingly "harmless" things like that phrase...you have to have discernment in what could be unfavorable influences in your life.
Again, Gigi isn't telling you how to live your life. If you wanna declare "fuck off Gigi! I'm a dumb baby AND I manifest!" go ahead. If you wanna declare "fuck off Gigi! I can consume ANY CONTENT I want and manifest!" GO AHEAD.
BUT LETS DISCUSS SOME OBSERVATIONS IVE MADE ABOUT THE BIGGEST LOA COACHES/ACCOUNTS WITH THE MOST SUCCESS:
all of them. 100% of them. are careful about what they expose themselves to/say about themselves.
BECAUSE DOMINANT BELIEFS ARE WHAT MANIFESTS. SO WHY WASTE TIME CONSUMING CONTENT THAT GOES AGAINST WHAT YOU WANT YOUR DOMINANT THOUGHT PATTERN TO BE? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!!!
and I get the resistance to cut off things you mightve enjoyed. But i said it before and I'll repeat it again.
YOU MUST BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO BE DIFFERENT.
things gigi had to cut off:
sad songs on daily playlists
reality tv glorifying toxicity in relationships
accounts on twt that leaned heavily on "men are trash" mindset
conversations that were self-deprecating
and more but those are a few examples.
and you know what I have more time to do now, reader?
I have more time to affirm, to listen to subs, to write on this blog.
Because Manifestion is a Lifestyle. It's not a quick fix bc the outcome depends on the SOLIDITY of your BELIEF to enact CHANGE on the 3D.
so pls don't drink dumb baby juice. drink pretty girl juice. drink intelligent master manifester juice. drink "in my favor" juice.
with laughs and love, xx, gigi
p.s. I do not believe that this is an excuse to remain ignorant about world events and news. I encourage you to remain informed, intelligent people who do not lack awareness and instead are fully immersed in the nuance of balancing high self-esteem and understanding the political climate.
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thetriumphantpanda · 5 months
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i work from nine to five; hey hell, i pay the price | Marcus Pike
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Summary | You use the office halloween party as a way to prove you can push yourself out of your comfort zone. You didn't expect that to mean that the apple of your eye, Marcus Pike, would take an interest in you.
Pairing | Marcus Pike x Plus Size F!Reader
Word Count | 4.4K
Warnings | Explicit smut, workplace 'romance', negative talk about bodies, body issues, plus size reader, oral sex (f receiving), unprotected PiV sex, dirty talk, mention of food and alcohol, halloween vibes, costumes, pet names, but nothing else.
Authors Note | I told myself I wasn't going to do halloween writing, and then I had a very vivid image of Marcus Pike bending me over his desk at a work party.... So I did some halloween writing. As a woman who lives life in a bigger body, this one goes out to everyone else who has felt the way reader has felt. These are MY OWN experiences, attitudes I've had given to me, and given to myself, they aren't universal, we all feel differently about ourselves, but if you've ever been made to feel less than because of the way you look, just know I see you and that Marcus Pike would absolutely take you apart regardless of how thick your thighs are. If you liked this, please consider supporting me through my Ko-Fi.
Divider by @saradika
Main Masterlist | Ko-Fi
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You tug at your skirt a little, trying to pull it down over your thighs. It seemed like a good idea at the time, to choose something skimpy for the office Halloween party. A way to challenge yourself, finally start to work through the years of bullying at school, and the off-hand comments from your almond-mom who had always told you things like, ‘you could stand to lose a few pounds’, or ‘surely a salad would be a better idea?’. 
It had been such a relief when you’d gotten this job two years ago, finally earning enough on an FBI salary to move out of your family home and into your own space. A space where you weren’t judged for how many fries you had on your plate, or how the pair of trousers you’d chosen to wear made your belly look. It had been good for you, and ever since, you’d been trying your best to challenge yourself to do things you never thought you’d ever have the confidence to do. 
Things like standing in the office, in a pair of fishnet tights, with a skirt so short that if you bent over, Dave from Finance would get a complete eyeful. Looking around though, you couldn’t help feel like it had been a terrible idea. Amy from HR looked absolutely phenomenal in her devil outfit – a red bodycon dress that looked like it had been painted on, showing not a single imperfection on her body – and Jessica, who worked reception, in a Catwoman jumpsuit that hugged her figure perfectly. You don’t think it would ever go away, the comparing yourself to everyone else, even though you knew that Amy and Jessica would totally have their own insecurities about things. 
You were trying to make yourself at small as possible, crowding yourself into the corner of the room, hand clutched around a plastic cup full of ‘spooky punch’, that Hannah, the office manager had put together, which comprised of mostly vodka, some orange juice and what looked like a whole bottle of green food coloring, with some eyeball candy floating around in it. She’d put together a Halloween playlist, which was currently blasting The Monster Mash at a decibel you think should be illegal, and everyone had contributed to her spooky buffet, which was just normal food cut into shapes – like your addition of frozen pizza that you’d cut out with a ghost-shaped cookie cutter. You know you should go and mingle. Adam, on your team has already tried twice to get you to join their little group, so you relent, and walk over, giving everyone a warm smile. It’s all going well, until Alison, nods her head in your direction and stats speaking. 
“Did you work late?” She asks, to which you shake your head. 
“No, why?” 
“Oh,” She grimaces, “I just didn’t think you’d dressed up, is all.” 
And you know it’s mainly because she’s oblivious to mostly everything, but it smarts. Sure, the orange turtleneck is something you’d worn to work before, as are the black platform heels, but the skirt that ghosts the bottom of your ass and the fishnet tights that are still probably one size too small are not something you usually wear, nor are the fake glasses, with thick black frames, or the fucking magnifying glass you’re clutching. You sigh, make your excuses and walk over to the buffet table, picking up one of the slices of pizza you’d brought. Once you’ve eaten that, you reach for one of the cupcakes at the back of the table. It’s iced like a pumpkin and the cake looks to be chocolate, which is your favourite. You’re peeling off the wrapper and about to take a bite when someone interrupts you. 
“They’re delicious.” 
You’d recognize that voice anywhere. Marcus Pike. Head of Department. Not your boss, but your boss’ boss, and the most beautiful man you think you’d ever laid eyes on. You’d sat in on meetings that he chaired, supposed to be taking notes but instead focused entirely on him and how he commanded the room. The way he talked with his hands, and how much you wish you could have him run those over your thighs. Or the way he would chew on his bottom lip when he was concentrating, wondering whether he’d like it if you did that if he were to ever kiss you. 
“Oh.” You exhale softly, suddenly uber aware of the fact he’s probably just watched you eat the ghost-shaped pizza, and now, not a minute later, getting ready to bite into the cupcake, you go to set it down on the table, but he stops you, hand gently holding onto your wrist. 
“Please,” He says softly, “I made them, so I need the ego boost.” 
You smile a little, finally meeting his eyes, “You just said they were delicious, what do you need my opinion for?” 
“I remember the raspberry muffins you made last week,” He smirks a little, “And the apple turnovers the week before those, and everything else you bring in, I need to know what the office star baker thinks about my effort.” 
You’re going to refuse, say you’re already full, despite the pizza being the first thing you’d eaten that evening, that you’ll take it home with you and report back on Monday, but his beautiful brown eyes are soft, almost pleading, so you sigh, peel the rest of the wrapper off and take a bite. It’s actually delicious. He’s put some kind of orange flavouring in the icing, and the cake itself is really good. 
“You were right,” You smile, “It is delicious.”
He smiles, like he’s won a prize and it makes you feel a bit fuzzy inside, that this man next to you has been affected by your praise. 
“Great costume, by the way.” He compliments, and you don’t miss the way his eyes trail over your body. 
“You mean you don’t think I ran out of time and came in my office clothes?” You tease. 
“You’d wear that skirt to the office?” He’s smirking at you, and also offers you a wink, which has your hand dropping to the table, holding yourself up, why on earth was Marcus Pike flirting with you? “It’s good, Velma, right?” He motions to the magnifying glass abandoned on the table. 
You chuckle a little, “First prize, got it first time,” You then take a moment to take in his costume, he’s wearing a brown jacket over one of his usual shirts, a brown satchel is draped across his body and he’s got a hat on, but it’s the whip that really gives him away, “Indiana Jones?” You say quietly. 
“The one and only.” He smiles, opening his arms a little. 
You think it must be the amount of vodka that Hannah put in the punch, but even so, your next question shocks you, “Do I ask where you got the whip from?” 
He looks around dramatically, “Just checking Amy from HR is out of earshot,” Then he leans in a little closer, “It’s from my own personal collection.” 
You reach your hand out, letting your fingers run over the material where the handle is holstered in his pocket. It feels expensive, although it’s not like you have much experience with them to pass judgement on what’s expensive and what isn’t.
“Feels expensive,” You hum, “Guess that head of department salary has to get spent on something.” 
He reaches down and takes your hand in his gently, running soft circles over the skin on the back of your hand, “You really do look lovely tonight,” He speaks softly, “Enjoy the rest of the evening.” 
And then as quickly as he was stood in front of you, he’s gone. You let out a breath that you didn’t realise you’d been holding in, focusing on the way your chest is heaving and you can feel your pulse in your head. You pick up your plastic cup and down the liquid that’s left in the bottom, wincing at the strength of the vodka, then deciding you need a top up. 
You mill about for a little bit longer, but still feel like a bit of a spare part. You’ve shown your face, spoken to everyone you should have, and now there’s a glass of wine and a bubble bath with your name on it back home. You pick up your coat from the back of a random office chair, grab your bag from your own desk, and sneak out as quietly as you can. You’re halfway down the hall, almost to the elevator, when you hear a voice from behind you. 
“Running away?” 
You turn around, Marcus Pike is leaning against the doorframe to his office. He’s taken the satchel off, and the whip is no longer in his pocket. He’s crossed one ankle over the other, arms crossed over his chest. 
“Feeling a little like a spare part,” You shrug, “And there’s a glass of wine calling my name at home.” 
He nods in understanding, “You drink whiskey?” He asks. 
“If I have to.” You answer back. 
“Well, how about you stay and have one with me,” He offers, “Leave that wine for another day.” 
You shift awkwardly from foot to foot, because why on earth would Marcus Pike want to have a drink with you? It feels like someone somewhere is having a good old laugh at your expense, but you feel your feet leading you towards him, brushing past him and into his office. 
You’ve been in here a handful of times before, mainly to drop of reports and papers, and only once whilst he’s been there. It’s been a very professional relationship up until now, no flirting, nothing inappropriate. You drape your coat over the arm of the small couch he’s got there – you imagine he sleeps on it when he hasn’t got time to go home during crunch time of investigations.  Your bag sits on the floor next to it. 
He leaves the door open, giving you an out if you want it. He points to the couch, tells you to sit down, which you do, pulling once again at the tiny skirt, trying to cover the way the skin of your thighs bulge through the holes of the fishnet tights, ultimately failing, as Marcus reaches into one of the drawers of his desk, pulling out two crystal tumblers and a bottle of whiskey. He fills them both equally, handing one to you, but he doesn’t sit next to you, he just leans against the edge of his desk. 
“I always thought it was a myth,” You muse, “Agents with whiskey in their desks.” 
He smiles at you, “It’s in there for big wins,” He explains, “Cracking cases and that kind of stuff.” 
You nod your head, taking a small sip of your drink, wincing as it drags down your throat, “What’s tonight’s big win?” You ask, fluttering your eyelashes and then cringing a little at yourself. 
“You looking that sinful.” 
You’re taking a sip when he says it, so you end up spluttering quite unattractively at his words. Is he serious? You dab at the corners on your mouth, setting your glass down on the floor, “Sorry,” You mutter, “But are you for real?” 
He smirks, “As real as you and I.” 
He pushes himself off the desk, puts his drink down on it as he moves. He takes three wide strides until he’s stood in front of you. You look up from where you’re sat, hands folded in your lap. He reaches out, drags the fake glasses from your face, throws them absentmindedly onto the couch next to you. You’re breathing heavily as reaches out with one of his hands. The flat of his palm cupping your jaw, whilst his thumb traces along your bottom lip. 
“Do you want me to close the door?” He asks, voice lower than you’ve ever known it. 
You have no words, your tongue refusing to work, so you nod instead, because as much as you’re still thinking someone is going to come in and tell you you’re being pranked, you also want to know what he’s going to do next. He’s back to you in moments once he’s closed the door and turned the lock. The light above is harsh, but it’s needed, because the blinds are closed. 
He's standing in front of you again, this time both his palms are cupping your cheeks, and he’s leaning down, ever so slowly, until his lips are a hairs breath from yours. God, you want him to push the last few millimeters and kiss you, but he’s stopped. Waiting. And you don’t want to break first. You’ve done it before, gone to kiss someone, and then felt them laugh just before you can, because why would they want to? 
“You gonna kiss me, pretty lady?” 
“I want you to kiss me first.” You admit on a shaky breath. 
You’ve got your eyes closed, so you can’t read his eyes, look for the sense of regret in them, so it’s a shock when you feel his lips on yours. It’s so soft, barely there, before he’s pulling away, still close enough to feel his hot breath over your skin though. 
“There,” His thumbs are moving across the skin of your cheeks, “Now you.” 
So, you do. You reach your hand around to the back of his neck, pull him into you and really press your lips to his. His bottom lip slots between yours and you suck it gently into your mouth. You smile a little at the sound that comes from his throat, then he’s opening his mouth against yours and you’re following, doing exactly the same, letting his tongue behind your teeth as it melds with your own. His hands are dropping from your face, trailing down your shoulders. He leans forward into you a little, his hands under your arms to tug you up. 
You drag your mouth from him to stand up, his hands dropping to your hips to guide you behind his desk. There are nerves bubbling under your skin because you know what he wants as he pressed your ass into the wood. He wants you to sit on it. To be fair to the department, it’s a sturdy looking desk, but the thought of the way it’s going to creak under your weight makes you want to crawl into a hole. Marcus doesn’t push though, just brings his mouth back to yours, letting his hands wander a little, dragging them back up your body to palm your tits through the layers you’re wearing. 
“I think you did this on purpose,” He speaks against your mouth, “Like you knew this woman had always driven me wild.” 
You don’t mean to, but it makes you laugh, “Don’t tell me Velma from Scooby-Doo was your sexual awakening?” 
He laughs back, doesn’t confirm it, but doesn’t deny it either. He’s looking down your body, having pulled back a bit, “Fuck,” He mutters, “Every time I look at you, it gets better.” 
“The magic of a slutty Halloween costume.” You shrug. 
He nods his head, but speaks again, “It’s not just that though,” He’s speaking softly now, “I think you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, wandering around the office all the time, driving me mad.” 
This would normally be the time that you’d try and fight against the compliments being thrown your way. Tell them they must be lying, or joke that they need to get their eyes tested. But somehow, it doesn’t feel like you should do that here. There’s something about Marcus that makes you think he wouldn’t lie, wouldn’t string you along this far just to have a laugh at your expense, so you don’t do it, for the first time in your life. 
You reach up to his shirt, undo two of the buttons, “You know,” You hum, “I think exactly the same as you, with your whip or not.” 
He breathes out, taking hold of your wrists to stop your movements, “Let me make you feel good?” He asks. 
You meet his eyes, feeling heat rise across your face, but you nod anyway, because you’ve come this far, and you can already feel wetness pooling in your panties. He drags his hands down your body, grips your hips and forces you to sit on the edge of the desk, dropping to his knees in front of you. He’s looking you straight in the eyes, as he pushes the material of your skirt to gather at your waist. Your legs open further, and Marcus groans when your movement reveals the see-through black lace of your panties. It hadn’t felt right to dress as a sexy Velma and wear your normal underwear, is how you justify it. 
You’re expecting him to tell you to lift up so he can drag your tights off you, but instead, he hooks a finger through the material at your groin and fucking rips them apart. It makes you gasp. You’d chide him for ruining them, but at this point you don’t care. They were cheap, and if it means you’re going to have his mouth on you quicker, then you’re not going to complain. 
Marcus leans forwards, you can feel the heat of his breath splaying across the lace material, and then he drags his tongue across the length of your folds over the lace of your panties. Even with the material barrier between your skin and his mouth, you’re tipping your head back in pleasure, letting out a breath as he repeats his movements, dragging his fingers just behind his tongue on his last pass of movements. It’s not enough. 
“Please, Marcus.” You beg quietly. 
“What do you want, pretty lady?” He asks, looking up at you with angelic eyes, as if he couldn’t possibly think what it is you want from him. 
“Your mouth.” 
“You already have it.” He points out, proving his point by licking another stripe up your panties. 
“Marcus,” You sigh, “Move the… fuck… move the damn material out of the way.” 
He lets out a huff of amusement, “See,” He says, doing exactly as you ask, hooking his fingers under the material and moving it to the side, “All you had to do was ask.” 
He doesn’t waste any more time now. Letting his tongue dip between your slick folds, dragging the wetness that’s pooled at your entrance up to your clit, where he flicks softly with the tip of his tongue. You feel his thumbs spreading the lips of your cunt, baring you to him so he can really start to work you up. He presses the flat of his tongue to your clit, working it gently as your hand settles into the curls on his head, anchoring him there. He’s doing all the things you love, moving between wide stripes of the flat of his tongue, and quick flicks with the tip, until your hips are grinding against his face and you’re biting down onto your bottom lip to keep quiet. 
“You taste so fucking sweet, pretty lady,” He speaks against your skin, surprising you a little as he pushes not one, but two of his fingers into your soaked cunt, “Feel good?” 
“Oh God,” You breathe out as he hooks his fingers inside you, pressing against a spot you had no idea even existed inside of you, “Don’t stop… don’t fucking stop.” 
He doesn’t, the obedient man that he is. He starts dragging his fingers in and out of you, whilst his lips wrap around your clit, pulling it into his mouth, laving it with attention from his tongue, which sends you over the edge. 
Your thighs are clenching around his head as your body convulses. All you want is to cry out, call his name into the room, but even though you can hear the music from the party down here, anyone could be walking past, and it would be just your luck that it would be Amy from HR. His mouth is working you through those aftershocks as your thighs ease the pressure around his head. 
He's breathing as heavy as you are when he stands, slotting himself between your open legs. You can feel the hard length of him pressing against your silken center, as he dips his head to kiss you again, your taste intoxicating on his tongue. 
“Can I fuck you?” He asks, almost desperately, “You gonna let me?” 
“Please.” Is all you can get out, as he drags you off the desk, flipping you around so your front is pressed against the wood of the desk. 
He’s got his hand on the nape of your neck, pressing you down. You can hear him undoing his belt, dragging the zipper of his jeans down. You shuffle a little, widening your stance as he takes his place behind you. You can feel him dragging his cock through your folds, gathering the slick he’s pulled from you, before he’s plunging into you in one go. It takes everything you have not to scream. He’s big. Stretching you like no-one has before and it feels so fucking good. 
Marcus is still gripping the back of your neck as he starts moving, his other hand gripping the plush cheek of your ass, spreading you open even more as he slowly drags himself in and out of you. He’s going slowly, and you think that the way his breath is hitching in his throat means he’s struggling to keep his composure, so you decide to have a little fun. 
When he’s pulled almost all the way out of you, you turn your head as much as you can with his hand resting there, looking over your shoulder at him as you wiggle your ass, slowly backing into him, letting your cunt suck him right back into you again. 
“Baby, you can’t do that,” He pleads, his fingers digging into the skin of your ass, “Carry on like that and this will be over before it’s begun.” 
“Don’t care,” You mutter, “Harder, please.” 
He starts pounding into you now, the sound of his skin slapping against yours is obscene. You’re both trying as hard as possible to keep the moans and groans as quiet as possible, and you can’t help but wish he wants more, that he’ll take you home sometime, unwrap you and let you scream for him, but you decide to focus on the here and now. 
“Touch yourself.” You hear demanded from behind you, “I want to feel you come on my cock.” 
You snake your hand underneath you, pushing the discomfort of how your arm is trapped between your body and the desk, and start tracing quick circles over your clit. You’re already sensitive, hanging on the edge from his mouth, so you press harder, move your wrist faster. 
“Feel so fucking good, baby,” Marcus groans behind you, “Close, ain’tcha?” He asks, “Go on baby, let go for me, let me feel you.” 
And it’s his voice that does it, that finally tips you over the edge, has your cunt clenching around him, walls fluttering and teeth biting into your bottom lip as your knees give way. Thankfully, Marcus is gripping at your hips, which helps to keep you upright. 
“Where, baby?” He asks, voice strained, and you don’t catch what he means, “Quick baby, where do you want me?” 
“Anywhere.” You groan out, “I don’t care Marcus, just come for me.” 
You think for a moment he might stay inside you, which would be fine, you thank the implant under the skin of your arm, but at the last minute he’s pulling out of you, feeling the hot slick of his cum on the skin of your ass as he lets out a low groan out of his mouth. He’s breathing heavily behind you, pulling his jeans back up. You try and move, to push yourself up, but you’re worried if you move further you might collapse. 
“Stay there.” He says gently, leaning over you to pluck a few tissues from the box on his desk, gently wiping away the mess he’s caused, pulling your panties back into place and letting your skirt cover as much of your ass as it can in your position. 
“You okay?” He asks softly, helping you to stand, tucking a bit of your hair behind your ear. 
You nod, because you are, you’ve never been fucked so thoroughly, never been made to come so hard in your life, but there’s an anxiety settling in your stomach. What always happens now is they’ll tell you they had a great time, but don’t think they want to see you again, which is going to be even more embarrassing because you have to work with this man. 
It's almost as if he can sense your anxiety, because he’s cupping your cheek again, leaning to give you a soft kiss on the lips, “Would you maybe want to go out sometime?” He asks, “I know we’ve done things out of order, but I’ve wanted to ask for a while.” 
You smile, because it does make you happy, that the man you’ve fancied for the best part of a year actually wants to take you out, “As long as you promise to take me back to yours after and let me see you naked?” 
He blows out air from his mouth, but his eyes are twinkling, “You drive a hard bargain,” He muses, “But you’ve got yourself a deal.” 
He’s moving from you now, over to the couch, picking up your coat and your back, motioning you over so he can help you into your jacket, hooking your bag onto your elbow, then moving to gather his own things, “Wait, right now?” You ask, sounding surprised, as he shrugs his jacket on. 
“I know a great diner just down the road.” He shrugs, picking up his satchel. 
He’s walking back to you, but you put a hand on his chest, “Aren’t you forgetting something?” You ask, watching a confused look fall over his face, you dart your eyes to his desk, where the whip from earlier is lying abandoned, “I’m only coming back to yours if you bring that.” 
You watch as a smirk splays across his lips. He snatches the whip from his desk, shoving it into the satchel, “Well, pretty lady, lead the way.” 
422 notes · View notes
maidragoste · 6 months
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The Parent Trap: Chapter Two
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Aegon Targaryen x Velaryon!Reader x Aemond Targaryen
Summary: After the disastrous divorce between Aemond Targaryen and Y/n Velaryon the twins Baelon and Aemon were separated. Each was raised by one of their parents. Baelon was raised by his father while Aemon was raised by his mother. Years later they both meet at a summer camp and discover the existence of the other. The twins realize that there are many secrets in their family, eager to discover their past, they put together a plan to deceive their parents.
Masterlist
Thank you for your support, I was nervous that people wouldn't like it because the fic wasn't the same as the movie so I'm very happy to read all your comments. REBLOGS, comments and likes are always appreciated 🥰🥰💕💕💕
Btw, I made two playlists for this fic. One is from Aemond and the Reader and another is from Reader and Aegon. As I keep writing I'll probably add more songs or even delete some, who knows. If you have songs for me to add or are curious to know why, you are welcome to write to me in my inbox.
Disclaimer: English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes.
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Ten years earlier
Your leg kept moving up and down. Your eyes are constantly directed to the door, expecting that at any moment Aemond would return home. You tried to distract yourself by watching TV but you were too anxious. Your mind couldn't focus on the stupid movie because all you could think about was the positive sign on the pregnancy tests you had taken that afternoon with Rhaena and Jace by your side. You regretted telling them to leave. If they were with you they would be preventing you from locking yourself in your own mind. They would make you tell them your fears and they would try to calm you down. The three of them would be making plans. You might even be practicing with Jace how the hell tell Aemond they were going to be parents.
You and Aemond would be parents. You would be a mother. You always knew you would have children, you wanted the happily ever after with the wedding and children like they always showed in the movies, but now you are terrified. It wasn't supposed to be like this. You're barely twenty-three years old, you haven't even finished your second year of editorial editing. It was assumed that when you had children you would be at least over twenty-seven, your career—a career you were truly passionate about—would be finished, you would have a good job, and you would be married. You tried to console yourself by telling yourself that at least you're in a stable relationship. You and Aemond have been dating for three years. You two knew each other since you were little because your godmother is Aemond's older sister and then you ended up attending the same school so you spent a lot of time together. You still remember like it was yesterday how nervous you were when you first kissed Aemond during New Year's. You were afraid of ruining your friendship and that things would become awkward but he didn't pull away when you kissed him he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you closer to him. That night they hid from everyone and spent the rest of the celebration kissing. The next day they started dating. From there everything was wonderful. Like any couple, you and Aemond have your run-ins—like when you argued because you didn't like the way he behaved with Jace, your best friend, or when Aemond got mad at you because you made the two of you leave the restaurant you were having a date at. to pick up a drunk Aegon in a bar again—but there was definitely more joy than displeasure in your relationship with Aemond. You saw yourself having a future with him, you could see yourself perfectly next to him in your white dress. You can imagine Aemond putting a baby to sleep while he lulls it to sleep in High Valyrian. Are you sure you want a future with Aemond. But you're terrified of his reaction to this unexpected news. What would you do if Aemond didn't want to keep the baby? You would have to break up with him. Even though you were scared, you knew you wanted to keep the baby. That was clear to you.
You heard the door open and it didn't take long for your boyfriend to enter. You got up from the couch and went to hug him. Whenever he returned home you welcomed him with a hug and kisses. This time you held on to him longer than usual, wanting to remember the feeling of Aemond's arms around you in case this was the last time.
You were about to kiss him but he turned your face away from him making your heart skip a beat. Before you could move away he gently grabbed your chin and studied you carefully. Of course, he had realized something was happening to you when you were clinging so fiercely to him.
“What's wrong?” he asked. Aemond first wanted to know what was happening to you before you kissed him.
Once again you regretted kicking Rhaena and Jace out. At least you should have taken advantage of this time alone to practice in front of the mirror how to tell your boyfriend that you are pregnant. Or you could have called your parents to help you. Although knowing them they would tell you to keep the secret so that the three of them could plan a big announcement together. But you couldn't wait, you need to know now what Aemond was thinking. You needed to know whether or not he would be with you on this trip.
“Y/n?” Your boyfriend called you, feeling his concern growing with every second that you remained silent.
“I think I'm pregnant” You closed your eyes feeling frustrated with yourself and hurried to correct yourself “I mean, I'm pregnant” You tried not to panic as you felt him move away from you “I haven't had any blood tests done yet but I'm One hundred percent sure I'm pregnant. I took five pregnancy tests and they all came back positive.”Your nerves were evident because you were talking faster than normal and you couldn't stop gesturing with your hands.
Aemond felt as if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on him. This was not in his plans. Right now he was focused on opening his own publishing house, he needed to focus all of his attention on that, he didn't need a distraction and a baby would be that. Taking care of a child would take up too much time. But I couldn't tell you that. I'd be an idiot if I told you that. His mother didn't raise him to be an idiot.
“Marry me,” he said, knowing it was the right thing to do. Besides, ever since you two moved in together, he knew you were going to get married. He knows that he wants to spend the rest of his life waking up next to you, he wants your face to be the first and last thing he sees, he wants to come home and always be greeted with your kisses, he wants you to tell him about your day while the two of you have dinner, He wants to hear your theories about the TV shows you watch together. Aemond wants everything with you, even the most mundane things like going grocery shopping or walking the dogs. He loves you. The only reasons Aemond hadn't proposed to you already was because he wanted to wait until you finished college and he wanted his publishing company to be established. Planning a wedding was a big deal and you two didn't have time for that. But now it didn't matter anymore. “Marry me,” he said again with a smile as he saw how you opened your eyes and looked at him as if he were giving you the moon.
You couldn't help but laugh at yourself, feeling like an idiot for doubting Aemond. Maybe it wasn't the romantic proposal you had dreamed of but you didn't care. You were so relieved and so glad you didn't have to do this alone.
“Yes,” you responded with your heart racing and tears in your eyes. “Yes!” you repeated louder this time before throwing yourself into your fiancé's arms. You began to laugh as Aemond picked you up and spun you around. Your fears were forgotten. The only thing you felt at that moment was happiness.
Present
Aemon found it strange that when he arrived at camp Rickon was not waiting for him at the entrance like the previous years. He assumed this time that the trip had tired him too much and he went to take a nap in his cabin. So he decided to go there first instead of searching for him throughout the rest of the camp. If Rickon wasn't there at least he would leave his suitcases so he could walk comfortably.
When he entered the cabin he expected to find it empty or his best friend sleeping. He never imagined that an almost exact copy of him would be found walking back and forth all over the place. Aemon is not proud but his first reaction is to scream and throw his suitcase at him with all his might.
“Dude, what the hell?!” his copy shouted, barely managing to cum in time to avoid being hit.
“What happened?!” Rickon asked, also screaming, running out of the bathroom. “Aemon you finally arrived!” He ran to hug him.
Aemon barely moved his arms to hug Rickon but his eyes did not leave the other boy who was too similar to him. The copy of him didn't stop looking at him either, the two of them were studying each other. The only difference is that the stranger had much shorter hair than Aemon and did not have tanned skin like him. But Aemon knew that if he hadn't been sailing in the sun with his grandparents just a few days ago then he would look just like the copy of him.
"Who is he?" Aemon asked breaking the hug, no longer able to stand his curiosity. If he had encountered the copy of him years ago he would have thought that it was some kind of prank by Rickon or that maybe it was an evil clone but now he knew that it didn't make sense. The only logical explanation he could think of was that he had a missing twin but that didn't make sense because his mom would never hide something as big as this from him.
“Aemon do you need glasses? It's obvious that he's a copy of you," said the dark-haired boy, earning an angry look from the other two boys. “Don't do that, it's weird,” he complained.
“I am not Aemon's copy. In any case, he is my copy,” declared the short-haired boy.
“I met Aemon before so you are a copy of him.”
“Wait, why does he know my name?” Aemon interrupted before the other two continued fighting over who the copy was. He needed to know what was going on before he gave him a headache. Although since he saw the stranger he began to feel bad. It was disconcerting to see someone just like himself. He made him feel uncomfortable. Not even Joffrey looked that much like him, and she was his brother.
Aemon wanted to know who this boy was, why he looked so much like him, and why this was the first time he had met him. But at the same time, he was afraid. He could already sense that his life would be different after this camp. He decided to sit on the nearest bed to avoid running out and ask one of the caregivers for his cell phone to call his parents to come back to look for him. Maybe he should have let Mom walk him to the cabin like she wanted.
“Your friend thought I was you, he came up shouting your name when I was with my uncle Daeron. My uncle said that he knew you and that I should stay with Rickon until you showed up. Now I see why he insisted so much."
Aemon was sure he had heard Daeron's name before but he was sure he had never met him. Without realizing it he began to move his leg up and down trying to remember that he knew about Daeron but nothing came to mind.
“I am Baelon Targaryen,” the boy introduced himself, looking at him with concern and Aemon squeezed his leg to prevent himself from moving it further. “I think I'm your twin.”
“No,” the long-haired boy denied instantly.
“Dude, we're literally copies of each other!” Baelon said, frustration evident in his voice, pointing at Aemon and then at himself.
Rickon gave Baelon a look telling him to shut up. In the few hours that he had known him, Baelon had never seen Rickon so serious, so he crossed his arms indignantly and watched silently and attentively as Stark sat next to his twin.
“I know it seems crazy, Aemon, but I really think Baelon is right,” said the dark-haired boy, looking at his friend with concern. Rickon wouldn't know how to react either if he suddenly found out that he had a twin. “The two are copies of each other. Besides, he grew up without knowing his mom and you grew up without knowing your dad. I don't think it's a coincidence. Just like I don't think it's a coincidence that Baelon's uncle knew you."
Aemon looked at his best friend before turning his attention to his possible new brother. “When were you born?”
"June 20th. I guess just like you," said Baelon, and was satisfied when he saw that his twin nodded. "I have a photo of Mom!" He suddenly remembered the photo that he had stolen from Dad a long time ago and that he had hidden in his luggage. “You can see her and confirm that she is our mom,” he said excitedly, thinking that this way Aemon could no longer deny his relationship. He couldn't help but be excited at the thought that he was no longer alone, he had a brother. He had always seen how close his uncle Daeron was to his dad and his other uncles and he remembered wanting to have the same.
Baelon ran to grab his suitcase and began to take out all of his clothes, not caring about the mess, until he found the latest Boku no Hero manga that he was reading and triumphantly pulled out one of the pages the photo of her mother with him in her arms while she kissed his cheek, her eyes were only on him, not caring to look at the camera.
“Look,” he said, handing the photo proudly to Aemon. The photo wasn't complete, it was obvious that someone had cut it in half but Baelon didn't care. That photo was one of his most prized possessions. He looked at her every day before going to sleep because he reminded him that his mom loves him.
“Oh, shit,” Aemon muttered before handing the photo back to him.
“It's her, right?” Baelon asked, watching with anticipation as it was now Aemon who was searching for something in his suitcase. Aemon, unlike him, was not throwing his clothes everywhere. He felt his heart race when he saw how his twin took out a notebook and took something out of it.
“Is this your dad?” Aemon asked, giving him a photo. Baelon nodded several times, unable to say anything out of emotion. His dad wasn't looking at the camera but he wasn't looking at the baby he was holding either. He just looked to the side with a smile.
Baelon took both photos and placed them side by side on the bed. The photo was now complete. Dad was looking at Mom. If Baelon hadn't been so engrossed in looking at the photo then he would have noticed Aemon and Rickon exchanging glances.
“I told you we're twins!” Baelon said with a big smile once he snapped out of the shock of nudging Aemon.
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hyunjinspark · 9 months
Text
star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 15
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pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader
synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him.
there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned.
genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au (kind of), star-crossed lovers
warnings: cursing, mature content, fancy drinking, mutual pining, sexual tension, so much angst, kissing, making out, dirty talk, fingering, grinding, dry humping, dom!hyunjin, jealousy, more angst
word count: 35K (ik the wc makes it feel v long but it’s really not that much haha)
a/n: im so excited to be coming back with this huge of a chapter for you guys. so much goes down and im insanely excited to share this next phase of my story with you. its v long so pls get comfortable with a blanket and snacks. I would recommend rereading the last chapter, if you can! thank you for still being here.
i recommend that you can listen to my star lost playlist here!
important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.
masterlist
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He had fucked up. Even in the dimly lit drive-in theatre, the guilt on his face was evident. Hyunjin had never looked this devastated.
“I need to talk to you” 
That’s what he had said. The gnawing feeling in your gut got worse. Those words together, in that order, was never a good sign. You knew as much, and you knew whatever he had to tell you was going to be something bad.
“Why did you leave in the middle of the film?” You asked, gaze darting between him and your friends.
Yuqi was staring wide-eyed, watching this unfold, soda cup clutched in her hands, and Felix…he looked beyond irritated.
The movie could still be heard all the way over here. You weren’t too far from the projection screen, and the speakers were right next to you. It was a horrible place to be having this conversation, but you couldn’t wait. 
What was he holding back?
You’d always felt the safest around Hyunjin, but every breath between you right now was uncertain. He was fidgeting, sliding the silver ring off and on his finger.
“I was on my way back to you when—” Hyunjin paused, and the veins in his neck were prominent as he strained to be heard over the movie, “—when Felix found me. He wanted to talk”
“Is Jisung okay?” You blurted, the first thing that came to your mind. He was nervous as hell, and that freaked you out.
Hyunjin’s eyes widened, “No, he’s okay”
“Look. Y/N—“ Felix started, stepping ahead.
“Can I please just talk to Y/N…alone?” Hyunjin interrupted, turning to your friends. His frustration was new to you.
“Of course. Now you wanna talk to her” Felix scoffed, and your gaze drifted to him. You felt so out of the loop and everything was far too dramatic.
A laugh escaped you at the absurdity of this situation, “What is going on? You guys are acting like the world’s fucking ending or something”
“I’m sure it’s not that serious” Yuqi piped in, as a way to comfort you, and Felix glanced at her in disdain.
Hyunjin seemed to be physically struggling between appeasing you and Felix, but he focused his gaze on you.
“It’s not” He reaffirmed, pausing to breathe, “Obviously. It’s not… that serious”
“You sure?” Felix mumbled, taunting the situation, and you’d never known Felix to be the one to poke a bear with a stick. 
His presence only added to your confusion and annoyance. 
What was he doing here? 
Hadn’t he just told you he couldn’t be friends with you anymore? Or whatever the hell he was going to say before you were interrupted?
You glanced at him, and the anger from your previous unresolved conversation surged back, “Lix. Can you just give us a moment alone, please?”
His eyes locked with yours in silent agreement, “Yeah. Sure. Whatever you want, Y/N”
“Yeonjun’s gonna be worried as hell about us” Yuqi spoke in a harsh whisper, grabbing him lightly by the forearm to lead him away, and even though you were embarrassed to have an audience, you were glad she was here.
You’d dragged everyone to the drive-in theatre tonight for the Jaws screening because it had seemed, at the moment, like a good idea. It was supposed to be one of the things on your bucket list. The list Hyunjin and you had made together.
A list of things to make you fall in love with your little town again, and you were only doing all of this because Hyunjin insisted. A silly excuse to be by his side, but it had worked. You’d seen the film they were playing tonight a dozen times, so yeah, you were only doing this so you could spend more time with him. 
Right now though, it didn’t seem like the greatest idea, and more like the culmination of a really bad plan. 
A confrontation you didn’t want. 
Knowing Hyunjin, he hated confrontations too. 
So, there must be a really fucking good reason why he was arguing with your best friend just now.
Felix mumbled something as they walked away, too quiet for you to catch amongst the sounds of the film. 
A cold breeze picked up.
The blinking yellow sign above you was malfunctioning, a buzzing sound escaping it, distracting you momentarily until Hyunjin’s face came into focus again.
He was so apprehensive, a concerned frown on his face. Guilty was not a good look on him.
You swallowed your anxieties, raising your voice louder, “Can you just please tell me what’s going on? You’re kind of freaking me out here”
“Nothing is going on like that, I promise. It’s just…Yongbok found something out and freaked out about it. He was upset at me but—”
“What did he find out?” You were impatient.
Hyunjin squeezed his eyes shut, and sighed, “He saw me earlier…at the station”
It took you a second to put two and two together.
“The train station…? What were you doing there?”
His eyes darted around the driveway, realising that this was probably the worst place to be having any kind of conversation. The noise of the horror film had drowned the two of you out.
“Can we go somewhere else? Where it’s quieter, please?” 
You didn’t think you had the patience. Your stomach turned every second that he didn’t tell you what was wrong. 
“Please?” He asked again, “I’ll tell you everything. I just want to get away from here”
What was so complex that he couldn’t just say it now?
It felt like a break-up except you and him weren’t even fucking dating.
Your gaze flickered over his face, frown lines on his forehead that didn’t suit him, and it was only now that you noticed the bags under his eyes. He hadn’t slept last night. He was too young to be so worried.
“Yeah, of course”
There was relief on his face at your agreement, shoulders relaxing, and he looked around.
The theater was in the middle of fucking nowhere.
Where would you even go?
Worry returned to his face, and you sighed, “There’s a loading dock, like a few minutes from here. It’ll be quieter there”
He nodded, following closely behind you as you led the way. 
You focused on the sound of your footsteps in the dirt to not completely freak out.
“Is everything with Chan fine?” You ended up asking.
“Yeah, he’s fine too” He fell quiet again, “I’m sorry you’re missing the movie because of me”
The noises got muffled as you moved further away.
“I really don’t care” You told him, “I’ve seen it before”
“Oh, okay”
You stopped at a chain-link fence, leading to a loading dock for various trucks and vans. It was dead right now, but it'd be brimming with life in the early hours of the day. 
“This is quiet enough”
This was also as far as your patience could go.
Hyunjin nodded, leaning his weight against the fence, running a hand through his hair, “I guess”
Another round of screams from the audience echoed through the area, and you shrugged, “Guess not”
He didn’t seem amused though, “They’re so loud”
“It is the best part of the movie” You told him, “They finally defeat the shark”
Hyunjin nodded, as if he’d forgotten what the movie Jaws was even about, “Right”
He looked like a wounded animal, afraid you’d get mad at him, but you didn’t even understand what you should be mad about. 
His hand peeked out from under his button-up sleeve. You reached forward, not thinking before slipping your fingers between his.
The gesture surprised him, and he glanced up at you with big eyes. He squeezed your hand, finding comfort in it.
“I was buying a ticket back”
You frowned, asking a question you already knew the answer to, “Back to?”
His breaths were shallow, in uneven intervals and his shoulders rose and fell with each anxious inhale and exhale. 
“Seoul” He clarified, biting his bottom lip. 
“Oh. Isn’t…it too early?” 
His gaze fell, eyes avoiding yours, “I was trying to tell you earlier, but I didn’t get the chance”
“Tell me now” You tilt his head up, fingers under his chin so he could look right at you.
He took in another deep breath, eyes staring into yours, “I…have to leave, Y/N. I have to move back to the city”
The words didn’t shock you.
That’s it?
You knew he had to leave. 
A weight lift off your chest at the familiarity of his confession, and you could breathe again, “Yeah. I…know that, Hyunjin”
His eyes widened, “You do?”
Your fingers settled on his jaw, to calm him, “I mean, I know that you can’t stay here forever. You were only here for the summer anyway”
Relief swirled his eyes at your calmness, “Um…yeah”
It felt anticlimactic. This was why he was so nervous, why Felix was so mad, why they were fighting?
You two stood so close, hand-in-hand, and this didn’t even seem like a big deal. Hyunjin wasn’t going to be holed up in this small town forever. Everybody knew it would always be temporary, so what was the drama for?
A breeze blew Hyunjin’s hair in his face, and you tucked the chestnut strands behind his ear, “Would you have to start packing soon?”
With that question, Hyunjin’s eyebrows furrowed again, “I already packed, Y/N”
“Already?” You laughed, there was a whole month left but he was already preparing, “You should’ve told me…I could’ve helped you.”
He frowned, and suddenly your name on his lips felt bitter, “Y/N…” 
Like it took effort to say, and like it broke his heart.
It felt like an apology, but you didn’t know what for.
You squeezed his hand, to let him know he had nothing to be sorry for, “Tell me…”
“No, you don’t understand. I’m — I’m not staying for the rest of the summer anymore”
Your heart squeezed, and suddenly you realised why he was so anxious. 
You needed confirmation, “You’re not?”
“I need to leave” He let out a breath, “Tonight.”
The words hit you like a punch to your gut.
Hyunjin explained further, to make sure you understood, but your head was already spinning, “My train leaves for Seoul… in a few hours” 
Your grip on his hand dropped, and you stopped touching him.
He stared at you for what felt like forever, eyes flickering between yours, “I’m sorry”
He’s sorry?
You had trouble speaking the words, “What? Tonight?”
His eyes were wide at your reaction, and at your tone. He thought you didn’t believe him.
And you didn’t.
Tonight was so soon, and in a few hours was fucking insane.
As you processed his words, the silence stretched for seconds, excruciatingly long.
He felt a stupid need to fill in the void, “My manager’s coming to pick me up. He doesn’t want me to make the journey back alone. He’s worried about a crowd at the station, in case the information leaked—”
Hyunjin kept talking, and explaining, but you’d stopped listening.
What the fuck was he even saying?
All of these technicalities.
You couldn’t even still process what he’d told you.
Yeah, you knew he had to leave but you didn’t think it’d be tonight. 
You didn’t think it’d be right now.
You weren’t prepared.
Each word he spoke was a lightning bolt to your heart, ripping chasms open in the perfect day you’d just had. 
It couldn’t be. You had so much planned with him. You hadn’t even gotten to the good part yet.
The sky lit up in bright white, blinding you.
You hadn’t even told him that you loved him...
The wind picked up, dust blowing into your eyes but you didn’t care. The lightning wasn’t just within you. There was a storm coming.
Hyunjin glanced up at the sky; dark clouds suddenly looming over you, but that was the least of your worries. 
“We should get inside” He realised, reaching for your hand, but you stepped away from him, pulling your hand out of reach.
His eyes were wide at the rejection.
“I’m sorry. You said that you’re leaving in a few hours?” You asked again, hoping this was just a horrible fucking joke, and you heard him wrong.
But he fucking nodded, not saying anything. 
Your stomach was beginning to hurt, a shooting pain through your body, and you felt dizzy.
Bile rose up to your throat at the suddenness of everything, “I don’t understand. You said you didn’t have to go back, not until the end of summer and—”
“I know” He interrupted, “I know that’s what I said, but things changed. The company needs me back, I don’t have much of a choice”
“But what about Kkami…and about the art classes?” Stupid questions, when all you wanted to ask was something else. 
“I canceled the classes yesterday, and Minho said he’ll look after Kkami until my aunt comes back to town”
Of course.
“Oh”
Of course he’d figured everything out. A man as precise as Hyunjin, of course he’d already solved for all the problems you couldn’t even foresee.
But what about you?
Your gaze fell from his, heart falling deep into your gut and maybe that explained the pain in you. You didn’t even know what to say. It was so much information, to process all at once, and pathetically, you mumbled, “I thought I’d have more time with you”
“I know, Y/N. I...thought so too” His voice was too soft, too calm, “But I’m sorry that we don’t”
Was he not affected by this? Why was he so calm?
In a few hours, he would be more than a hundred miles away from you.
That wasn’t okay.
But he seemed perfectly fine right now.
How long had he known this?
“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you before” He swallowed, and stepped closer. His hands glided up your arms, coming to rest at your shoulders. He squeezed the skin there, and maybe he thought it was comforting, but it just felt suffocating.
Your chest was pounding so hard you could hear your heartbeat in your ears.
You were still confused, so many questions in your head, “But that doesn’t explain why Felix was fighting with you”
Hyunjin sighed, “He…he thought that I wasn’t going to tell you”
There it was.
Your eyes narrowed, darting up to his, a new fear sinking into you, something you hadn’t even considered, “Wait. Were you not?”
His eyes widened, but his voice gave him away, “No. I was going to—”
You took another step back, and he dropped his hands from you.
“You weren’t even going to say goodbye, Hyunjin?”
He hesitated before speaking, “I was”
“When?”
“What?”
“When were you going to tell me? If you’ve already bought a ticket. You’ve already cancelled the classes. You’ve…packed everything. You’ve already given Kkami away. So, when…were you going to tell me?”
He squeezed his eyes shut.
And it was enough.
“You’re fucking kidding me”
“Let me explain, please--”
Another flash lit up the sky.
Thunder ripped through the atmosphere, and the sound startled you both, making you look up.
It wasn’t raining, not yet, but it would soon.
Immediately, you heard scrambling over at the drive-in theatre. All of the people would be exposed to the rain, and now they’d have to pack it up, and leave.
How fitting for a storm to pass through right fucking now.
You looked back at him, because this wasn’t like him.
The Hyunjin you’d come to know…would never blindside you like this.
You stepped further away, your sneakers tripping over the dirt and Hyunjin reached out to steady you, but you ripped your arm back, “You were just going to leave”
“I tried telling you yesterday, in the forest! You were the first person I was going to tell” Hyunjin exclaimed, eyes wide in what you could only recognise as despair.
In the forest, when you’d taken him to see the fireflies. Hyunjin had said he wanted to tell you something. He was trying to tell you this?
Sourness developed in your mouth, “What? Yesterday?”
“But you stopped me. You kissed me, and you said you didn’t want to know”
Your sadness was suddenly replaced by embarrassment, and bitterness.
“So…it’s my fault?”
“What? Of course not. That’s not what I’m saying”
Your emotions were toppling over, and you couldn’t manoeuvre them anymore.
You felt a surge of hopelessness, because he didn’t understand how important this was to you.
How important he was.
“If it was so important, you should have told me anyway! I obviously would have understood, and stopped kissing you. I’m not that dense, or …needy”
Hyunjin’s eyes were wide, like he couldn’t believe you.
“I know that you’re not. Of course, you’re not” He repeated, stepping towards you, “I knew how upset it would make you, and I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t want to ruin the time we had left”
There was no justifiable reason for you to be this sad. He was only going to be a few hours away from here, but you’d dreaded the day he’d leave ever since you met him.
His life in the city was a whirlwind, and he didn’t have time for anything.
How would you ever stay in his life, or keep him in yours?
Your voice was shaky, “I’m not upset at you, Hyunjin”
“Really? Because it looks like you hate me right now” He laughed.
You sighed, looking him in the eye, “Of course not”
“I just don’t understand why I’m the last to know. You said that your manager is coming to pick you up…and you’re worried the information would leak. So does everybody know you’re coming back or something?”
He nodded slightly, as if his answer would hurt you, “The media knows. There’s going to be a crowd at the station, in the city when I get back”
So if you waited a few more hours…the morning papers would have told you anyway.
The thought almost made you want to laugh, or cry.
“We were having such a good time, at the Creek, and…I didn’t want to kill the mood, obviously I was right, because you’re so upset right now”
“Right. I’m sorry for being upset that you’re leaving Hyunjin”
He pulled you towards him, “Stop, please. This is…not how I wanted tonight to go”
“Then how did you want it to go?”
“I wanted to…stay up with you, and talk to you, and listen to you...until I can”
It sounded tempting. You’d do anything to have that.
But he was leaving tonight.
“Do you know when you’ll come back?”
“What?”
“To Daejon. Do you know when you’ll come back?”
He hesitated, “I don’t know. A couple of years, maybe then…”
“So after tonight…you have no idea when we’ll see each other again?”
“Yeah, but…you can visit me in Seoul, right?” He asked, a hopeful lilt to his tone.
Your head was still spinning, “Were you going to stay in touch with me?”
“Yeah. I was going to give you my new number—”
“Your new number?” You were confused.
“I have to change it…every few months. For safety”
Another lightning flash lit up his face, and then the first drops of rain followed. They wet your hair, dripping down your face, masquerading as tears.
“Yeonjun would be wondering where I am”
“What?” Hyunjin asked, but you needed to fixate on something else or you’d go insane.
“I have to tell him” You mumbled, more to yourself, reaching for your phone in your back pocket, but you’d left it back in the truck. A frustrated groan escaped you.
“I can tell him” Hyunjin spoke, immediately, pulling his phone out to text him. You watched as he did so. The bright phone lit up his face, as he typed in a text, but from here, you could see his fingers trembling.
The vendors were rushing to close all the food shops before the rain came in. The sound of people scrambling with their blankets and snacks to get inside. Car doors being shut, and engines being started.
“Please just let me explain, so you can understand what’s going on in my head”
You needed to calm down. This was always going to happen, and you shouldn’t be surprised. You shouldn’t be heartbroken and so fucking weak. 
You nodded, “Go ahead”
He grabbed your hand in urgency but you didn’t stop him, “I knew how upset it would make you, and I’m so fucking sorry. I knew the moment that I told you, it would be real, and is it crazy if I wanted the summer to last longer? I was being selfish and I wasn’t thinking”
You took a deep breath, his words calming you down by the second, “It’s not selfish. I..I’m sorry. I just thought you were hiding it from me, and…I got upset. How long have you known?”
“Barely two days” He admitted, and then, “That’s kind of why I was rushing through your list”
A laugh escaped you, at the lost innocence of that sentence, “What? My list is not… important, Hyunjin”
He frowned, “It was to me…”
The cold water draped over your forehead, dripping down your eyes, tracing your nose, falling into your mouth. You should be sane, and walk out of this storm before you both fell sick. Hyunjin was just watching you, and you think his heart was broken too. For a reason different to yours.
“A few hours…” You realised, and you were already losing time.
He squeezed your hand, “If you would let me, I’d like to spend them with you”
The rain intensified, transforming into a downpour, drowning out the last of his sentence. Everybody must have left the drive-in theater by now and that meant it was just you and him in the middle of this summer storm.
You felt like a broken record, “I wish I knew”
“Why?” He bent down to your height, voice softening, “It…wouldn’t have changed anything”
You took in a deep breath. He was right.
It wouldn’t have changed anything.
His eyes were exploring yours, apologetic, and you could understand what went on in his head. If you could spare Hyunjin the pain of something sad, you would have done the same.
He was getting drenched in the storm, and you’d feel guilty if he fell sick because of you, “Are you okay?” He asked you.
You suddenly felt numb. 
Why shouldn’t you be okay?
“I’ll only be a few hours away from you” He reassured you, and then chuckled softly, “It’s not like I’m moving to another country”
A loud honk pulled you out of the conversation.
Yuqi’s truck was to the side, parked on the dirt road, and Yeonjun was poking his head out of the window, “What the hell are you two still doing out there?”
You looked back at Hyunjin, swallowing, “We should go”
“Come on” He spoke, guiding you towards the car with his hand on your back. You rushed inside, arms around yourself to be warm. He went around the back, getting in through the other side, and he was completely soaked, hair dripping, “Sorry for getting your seats wet, Yuqi”
She told him it was fine, and Yeonjun turned round to ask, “Am I taking you straight home then, Y/N?”
Yuqi gave you a sympathetic look in the rearview mirror. Felix must have told her what the argument had been about.
You glanced at Hyunjin. He thought you were angry at him. Well, you were a bit. But never enough to ignore him like this. This was his last night here. Everything felt so sudden, and rushed, and you weren’t sure you’d even understood it, but you had be mature about this.
“No, I’m…not going home” You told Yeonjun.
Hyunjin raised his eyebrows, as if to ask if you were sure.
He was crazy if he thought you’d let him go without even saying goodbye.
“Can I come to your place?”
He nodded, in a single breath answering, “Of course”
Every second spent arguing over this was one less second with him. Yeonjun drove away from the loading dock, and time was slipping away and you glanced at Hyunjin. He was looking out at the town as it passed by, and he looked so fucking lost…or nostalgic.
Daejon passed by in a blur, as you drove to his house.
It would be selfish of you to think you were the only one affected by this. He was the one who would have to go back the life he’d left behind.
You drove past Aera’s, and Hyunjin’s gaze lingered on it, long after you’d already passed it. The car ride was quiet, other than the music Yuqi was playing, but you’d tuned it out.
Hyunjin’s eyebrows were furrowed as he watched the blur of trees and homes and places you’d come to spend all of your time in this summer. It was like he was trying to take everything in but Yeonjun drove faster than his memories could catch up.
His hand was on his thigh, fingers trembling still, and you don’t know if it was from the cold or if he was scared. 
Your heart squeezed in your chest. 
You reached over without thinking, hand settling over his, and immediately, he was calm.
»»————-
Hyunjin’s room was ripped bare. 
The art had been taken off the walls, the paint canisters had been stashed out of sight, the mattress was naked of the blue sheets and comforter you’d grown to love.
Cardboard boxes lay under his window, taped up and sealed shut.
His art wasn’t decorating the room anymore, instead it lay packed under layers of bubble wrap and paper.
It was strange, because you’d only been here a few times, enough to count on one hand, but it felt like a loss. Empty rooms always made you sad. It signified the end of something.
Yeonjun’s room had stayed empty, and even when he visited home, he’d live out of his suitcase. After all, nobody took the time to hang back picture frames on the walls. 
Your gut tinged with sadness.
Hyunjin stood at the other side of the room, arms crossed, emanating a calm silence.
Your eyes met his, a strange resignation within them. You hugged yourself, arms coming round your body in a comforting embrace. 
The room was far too barren for your liking, but compared to outside, at least it was warm here.
With difficulty you found the words, “How does it feel? To see your room like this?”
He cleared his throat, and his hair was still wet, chestnut strands sticking to his skin, “Honestly?”
“Yeah”
“I don’t feel anything”
Maybe that was the saddest answer you could hear. 
Your indignant look made him clarify further.
His Adam’s apple bobbed before he spoke, “I…I know that’s weird. I thought I’d be sad, but I don’t really feel anything”  
“I get that” You nodded, leaning against the wall, movements mirroring his. 
“You do?” He tilt his head, fiddling with the pendant around his neck.
You did get him, but you can’t seem to elaborate.
After all, you’ve never had to deal with anything of this nature. 
You’ve lived in the same place your whole life. The same room. The same bed. The same view from your window every morning and night.
How could you know what goodbyes felt like?
“I thought I’d be sadder” He continues upon your silence, “I just don’t feel much of anything, and that makes me…feel sad. Shouldn’t I be just a little upset?”
“Maybe you haven’t processed it yet?” You offered.
He shook his head, frown lines on his forehead, “It’s not that”
You couldn’t comprehend what he felt, and all you could do was guess, “Maybe it’s too soon” 
His eyebrows shot up, as if he realised something utterly significant about himself. Yet he didn’t share it with you. He slipped his hands deeper into his pockets, adjusting his posture against the wall.
A black suitcase stood between you, and you wonder what he’d put in it. What was he taking with him? It was strange to imagine that his entire summer here had fit into just those four cardboard boxes. There must have been things he discarded, or gave away.
What did he leave behind?
“So…how will you take all this stuff back?” You asked, gesturing over to the boxes.
“I’m not. I’m just taking my luggage with me” He explained, “I just packed everything else so it’d be easier for my aunt to take care of the house when I’m gone”
When he’s gone.
“That’s thoughtful of you” You smiled, gazing at the other boxes pushed under his bed, “What about your art supplies? Are you taking them too?”
He shook his head, chuckling nervously, “No, I had no space in my bag”
Your eyebrows shot up, “How are you going to paint when you’re in the city then?”
“I doubt I’ll have time at first” He admit.
Your heart clenched. Another loss.
“But…when I do, I’ll just get new supplies” He continued, so simply.
Your eyes narrowed, “Hwang Hyunjin… do you have any idea how expensive art supplies are?”
A hint of a smile appeared on his face, “I know, but I have no choice. There’s an art shop in Hongdae. I’ve passed it a hundred times. I think I’ll finally visit it”
“You’re going to forget all about Aera’s then” You frowned.
He hummed, smiling at you, “I could never”
You smiled, and a comfortable silence fell upon you.
He moved across his room to sit against the desk, “I am kind of sad about putting away all my art though. They’re just going to collect dust forever”
“Maybe you can put them back up when you come back” You suggested.
He nodded, “Right. When I’m back.”
He traced a hand against his empty desk. Just a few days ago, it was full of clutter, flower vases, and pretty candles, and pencils of different sizes. The first night he’d come to Aera’s he’d bought a little canvas and a single pencil from you.
That was so long ago, and you smiled to yourself at the memory.
“You’re really not going to miss home, and your room?” 
“I have something of yours” He interrupted, ignoring your questions entirely.
“Oh…okay” Is all you can seem to muster.
He pulled open the drawers, and you move towards him. He’d cleared out everything from within them too. Including all his paint supplies, his knick-knacks, the hair ties… and that box of condoms you saw once…
Was he leaving that behind?
Or had he packed that too?
Maybe it’d be useful to him in the city.
The thought made you choke up, and you turned away, giving him space to look for whatever he was looking for. 
He finally pulled open the last drawer, and spoke, “I found it when cleaning, and uh, I don’t know how but I forgot to return it,”
You stepped forward to take a glimpse, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with him.
“My sketchbook!” You realised, recognising the torn-up leather cover. 
Pulling it out, you flipped it open, seeing the sketches you made on countless train journeys, “Honestly…I didn’t even know you have this”
Hyunjin laughed, and your gaze darted to his.
It was the first he’d laughed like this since he’d told you he was leaving.
“I promise I didn’t steal it or anything” He admitted, “You never took it back after Felix’s birthday”
“That was ages ago. I guess I have far too many sketchbooks to keep count” You hummed, flipping further through the book, seeing the drawings Hyunjin had filled it with on the journey, when you’d given it to him. You felt him move closer to you, body stopping right behind yours.
You traced your fingers against the ink, trying not to get distracted by his breathing on your neck, “The beach cabin. You drew it”
Hyunjin nodded, looking over your shoulder at the picture, “I did. That was…a good night”
You craned your neck to look at him, a laugh escaping, “Really? I felt kind of bad for dragging you along for that whole trip. Ended up being pretty shitty”
He smiled, eyes flickering over you, “Not all of it”
You flipped to another page, but Hyunjin’s hand reached out to stop you. You looked at him questioningly.
“Uh…you can go through that later. We don’t have much time”
You nodded, keeping it aside. He walked over, sitting on the mattress, and stared out through the window. It was still raining fiercely, a thunderstorm raging outside.
 “If it wasn’t raining, we could have gone stargazing” He realised.
The disappointed in his tone pulled at your heartstrings, “Maybe it’ll pass soon”
He shook his head, “No, I checked — It’s going to be cloudy till noon tomorrow. I’ll already be gone by then”
“Oh”
It was hard to put his words into comprehension. 
He was really going to be gone. 
You’d gotten so used to seeing him all the time, everywhere. He would show up at your job, and he would go around town with you, and a part of you felt like he’d always be here to do that.
After a while, he sighed, “I guess I was looking forward to doing something cool with you…before I have to leave”
You stared at the rain, the droplets trailing down his windowsill, racing to the bottom, “This could be nice too. It hasn’t rained like this in months”
He nodded in silent agreement, and you watched the downpour, quietly, stealing glances at him. There was a sense of awkwardness and emptiness in the air. 
He wasn’t being honest with you about everything, but you didn’t want to push. It felt like he was holding back yet again, and you wish he’d just tell you everything on his mind.
Flashes of lightning lit up his face every few minutes, and he looked out at the dark garden like it held all the answers to life, and the universe. 
“Hyunjin…” You spoke.
He glanced at you, and his eyes looked sad. 
You were counting down the fleeting moments left with him. Was he too?
It broke your heart. Why was he so quiet when you only had a few hours together?
You couldn’t push him, but each second mattered.
So you walked over to him, kneeling on the floor so you could look at him, “What’s wrong?”
His eyes darted between yours, lips parted, as he thought over your question.
“I don’t know” His voice quivered.
You placed a hand on his leg, to ground him, “You wanted me to come over”
He swallowed, “I did”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to be alone right now”
“You’re not” You assured him, patting lightly on his knee, “What are you thinking about?”
“Shouldn’t I feel sad?” He asked, “Something has to be wrong with me”
“What do you mean?” You frowned.
“You asked me earlier if I will miss Daejon, but I only feel numb. I cried when I left Seoul, but why do I feel nothing leaving here?”
His words were heavy, and you don’t know if you were qualified to answer him, because you were too emotionally invested in this, and in him.
“Maybe you haven’t processed it yet”
He looked back at the garden, fence, and skies, “Yeah, I can’t believe I’m going to be back in the city tomorrow. It feels like a world apart, and I can’t really grasp leaving this”
“I mean, it is a world apart, Hyunjin”
He looked at you, “I feel like I never got the chance to settle here. It’s been so temporary. I always knew I was only here for a little while, and I can’t get myself to feel sad”
“It’s not like… an obligation, Hyun. I can’t imagine how it feels like to live two places. If you don’t feel a certain way, you can’t force it”
He nodded, quietly staring ahead at his garden.
He was stuck between two places, and two lives. He’d always told you about that. 
Even though he wasn’t sad, he didn’t seem happy either, so you said, “What are you looking forward to the most when you get back?”
“Meeting the guys” He responded, in a heartbeat, and then smiled at his own eagerness, “I’m also excited to just be able to do my job again”
“Yeah?” You asked, taking a seat next to him so you could be level with him, “Do you already have your schedule for the next few weeks?”
He nodded, “Mmh. It’s kind of crazy, but it’ll be nice to be that busy again”
You shifted closer to him, as did he, with the pouring rain in backdrop. It was isolating, but comforting, “What else?”
“Hmm?”
“What else are you excited about?”
Hyunjin’s lips pulled up into a smile, “To step into the dance studio. Man, I’ve missed that more than anything”
You smiled, “Yeah?”
“When I was a trainee, I basically slept there.” He hummed, and despite the obvious hardships he hinted at, his memory came from a place of fondness and comfort.
His eyes crinkled as he remembered something else, “It’s funny. It happened so often. Our manager installed a small bench there, so I could pass out on it, instead of killing my back on the hardwood floor”
“Wow. That’s so nice of him” You smiled, watching his eyes lit up talking about his home.
“I also can’t wait to get back to the recording studio. Chan told me details about the next album. Apparently, he, uh, wants me to have a couple of my own songs on it”
Your eyes widened, “Wait, what do you mean?”
As far as you knew, all of their songs were written by his team members.
“Um” He laughed nervously, crossing his legs, “Like songs I write just by myself, and produce”
“I didn’t know you write songs” You admitted, feeling stupid. Sadness settled in your stomach, as you realised there was so much you still didn’t know much about Hyunjin. 
There was so much you wanted to know, to discover about him. 
Hyunjin laughed, “I try to, I haven’t released my own yet. The guys usually take care of that, so this will be a first…I don’t even know what I’ll write about”
“But…have you written songs before?”
He nodded, “I used to write a lot on tour, but I never really felt confident enough to release them”
Curiosity flooded you, “What kind of things do you write about?”
He laughed, “You’ll be disappointed, it’s kind of cheesy…and mainstream”
“I don’t care”
He smiled, “You’ll be the first to hear if I finish”
“Are you excited to see Chan?”
He laughed, “Insanely. Jisung and Binnie too. I can’t believe I went so long without them. Hopefully they haven’t burnt the dorm down”
He grimaced at the thought, and then laughed, “And Jisung…man, I think I’ll squeeze the life out of him when I see him, and not let go. He’s been through far too much in my absence”
“They must be missing you a lot” You spoke, watching his fond smile. 
You would miss so many moments in his life. 
Crucial moments that would redefine him as a person.
You would miss the excitement in his eyes when he reunited with the boys again. You’d miss the work he would put into the self-composed songs, and the satisfaction of his smile when he finished.
So many little and bigger moments of happiness, the kind of things that make a person. 
The next time you saw him, he’d probably be so different from who he was now. 
You would both have changed as people, grown apart from each other.
But he was smiling at everything he had to look forward to, and that’s all you wanted in the moment. For him to feel happy.
“We still have a few hours left. It’s your last night. Is there anything in particular you wanted to do?”
Hyunjin tilt his head, “I didn’t really plan for anything… I was just hoping you’d spend it with me”
He already seemed so much more relaxed, and you were glad. 
“Do you need help cleaning anything or packing up?”
He shook his head, “I think everything’s done but…we could have drinks together, if you want?”
His last night in town should be memorable.
“That sounds perfect” You smiled, getting off the bed, as you followed Hyunjin back to the kitchen. 
He had changed from his storm-drenched clothes into simple sweatpants, and they fit him well, sitting comfortably on his hips. The hoodie was also simple, and it looked soft enough to touch, like it was made from the finest wool in the country.
“What do you usually like to have, Y/N?” Hyunjin reached up to the cabinets at the very top, his height allowing him to do so with ease, “I know that you liked the rosé when we went to the paint event, and I know that you absolutely hate beer”
You laughed at the memory, jumping up to sit comfortably on the kitchen counter. Hyunjin glanced at you briefly, smiling to himself at the position, and how you’d made yourself at home.
You thought about it, but you weren’t a big cocktail drinker, so you hummed, “I’ll have anything you’ll have”
“You’re easily influenced” He laughed, “What if you hate my taste?”
You smiled at him, swinging your legs gently against the counter, “I trust you”
He made a face, “Now I have to live up to your unrealistically high expectations of me. Isn’t that too much pressure for my last night?”
You threw your hands up in defense, “You’re the one who suggested we have drinks, Hyun”
He smiled, peering at the alcohol he had in his cabinet. There wasn’t too much, since he rarely lived here, and you don’t suppose his aunt was a big drinker.
“Have you ever tried a Dolce Vita?” He asked you, the drink's name slipping from his lips so smoothly, and you guessed it was Italian from his pronunciation, but Hyunjin made it sound so expensive.
“Can’t say that I have” 
He stepped towards you, body touching your legs, but still not close enough, “I think it’s your kind of a drink”
“What makes you say that?” You tilt your head.
He thought over his words, mulling them in his head, “It’s…classy. It’s elegant, and it’s…romantic”
You stilled, watching him describe it.
 “It’s pink, and…it has dark chocolate on top” He continued, and then smiled to himself, “It fits you really well”
You smiled, heat flushing to your chest, and cheeks, “What’s the catch?”
“I don’t have all the ingredients” He spoke, a soft pout on his lips, “But I can make you another drink, that you might like”
“When did you even learn all these recipes? I didn’t know you’re a connoisseur”
He laughed, stepping back towards the cabinet to check the ingredients, “I’m not, but Chan taught me a few. He and Kairi…make their own cocktails a lot”
“I hope I can meet them one day” You spoke.
Hyunjin glanced at you over his shoulder, “You’d love Kairi. She’s…so much like you”
You thought, still swaying your legs, “Does that mean Chan would love me too?”
He chuckled, and his shoulders shook from the action, “He kind of already does”
It was still pouring outside, and you looked at the droplets cascading down the kitchen window. It was kind of nice to be trapped in this house with him. It was a big place too, and it was empty, and just the two of you. It was like you were two kids playing house. 
Hyunjin was fiddling with different liqueurs, and you could hear the clinking of glasses, and spoons as he moved things around on the counter. You would help him if you could, but you had no experience in mixology and he had it handled. It was calming, to listen to the thunder, and just sit here.
“What are you making now, Hyun?” You asked, fiddling with the cuts in your jeans.
“It’s called the Queen of Hearts”
You laughed, “I have never heard of these names. Are they just for rich people…or something?”
He tsked, shaking his head “I’m not that rich, Y/N”
“Statistically speaking, you’re…like in one of the biggest bands in our country” 
He smiled softly at you again, “How do you know that? Did you read about me online?”
“Maybe I did” You flushed, “Sometimes you show up on my Instagram. Your fans are very loyal, you know?”
He laughed, turning around to look at you, and you could see he was shaking a liquid in a glass, “I sure hope you don’t believe everything you see about me though. There’s a lot of false news out there”
“So, what, you haven’t dated like every female pop star in the country?” You teased him, exaggerating.
He rolled his eyes, turning back to the counter, to put the glass down, “Did someone actually say that I did?”
“Of course not” You smiled, “That wouldn’t be a believable rumour”
“You’d be surprised what people believe” He laughed, and then paused to say, “I’ve only ever dated one”
Your eyebrows shot up, “A pop star?”
“Yeah”
You looked at him, and you were so curious suddenly, albeit a lot of it stemmed from envy. Whoever had the honor of dating Hyunjin…did they know how lucky they were?
Was in he love with her?
Was she?
You imagined it in your head — the dates he would go on, and the kind of romantic things he would say. He was already such a nice person to you, and you two were just friends. What would he be like…with the girl that he loves?
A pit of jealousy settled in your stomach, so deep, that it ached.
“So, um, I added less liquor to yours just so you can taste it. If you like it, I can give you some more” He spoke, turning to delicately hand you the wine glass. The drink was the color of champagne. 
You peered at the drink, “What’s in it?”
He tilt his head, thinking, “It’s a bit of gin, wine, and…some lemon juice. For the sweet flavour, I added a syrup to it. It’s dahlia…I think you’ll love that”
You stared at him as he explained it, “You’re kidding me”
You reached for the glass, but he immediately pulled it back before you could.
“Wait! I forgot something”
“What?” You laughed, “What else could possibly be missing? The tears of angels?”
He rolled his eyes, “Ha-ha”
You tried to grab it, “Just give it to me. I’m sure it’s fine”
He shook his head, pulling the drink away from your hold, “No, this is the last drink I’m making you. It has to be perfect”
“It’s also the first drink you’ve made me” You pointed out.
He laughed, holding up a finger, “Give me just one minute. I’ll be back”
He placed the glass back on the countertop, and slipped his shoes on.
“Wait, what?”
“I have to run to the garden for something” He told you over his shoulder.
“But there’s a storm out” You exclaimed, dumbly.
He pulled the hood up, looking back at you as he zipped it up fully, “I’ll be fine”
“Hyunjin, don’t go” You laughed, “I’m sure the drink is fine without it”
He shook his head, and he was already halfway out the door. As soon as he pushed open the wooden door, a gust of wind blew in, bringing with it tiny leaves and some rain. The thunder was so much louder now that the door was open, and Hyunjin ran out, shoes put on halfway, and it was so silly that he was doing all this for just a drink.
You waited with bated breath, but you couldn’t see out into the garden from here, so you had no idea what he was up to.
Minutes passed, and you waited in his kitchen, sat on the countertop.
“Holy shit. It’s fucking pouring!” He yelled, running back inside, and he was completely wet, from head to toe. He slipped off his shoes at the back entrance, walking to you barefoot.
“Oh my god” You mumbled, watching the water drip off him, “I told you it was a bad idea”
His fist was closed around something, and you wonder what he got from the garden.
He grabbed your wine glass, and dropped something in it, “You’ll change your mind after you try this”
He then smiled proudly, handing it to you.
Your eyes widened, as you peered into the glass. 
A pretty flower floated on top of the gin, its pink petals wet from the liquid, giving the entire drink an illusion of a pastel paint.
“A flower?” You asked, giggling in disbelief.
“It’s edible” He explained, smiling still, “It’s perfect for you”
“Did you get one for yourself too?”
“Mmh” He nodded, showing you his. The flower floated on the top beautifully, dissolving partially into the liquid. Your drinks looked beautiful together, ethereal and completely fitting to who Hyunjin was as a person.
“Aren’t you cold?” 
“I am” He admitted, and then looked just a tad regretful, “But I packed away all my spare clothes”
“Maybe you should’ve thought this all through” You giggled.
“To be fair, I wasn’t thinking” He shrugged, “It’s fine. It’ll dry out”
He reached behind his neck, peeling off his grey hoodie. The white t-shirt he wore inside rose up with the simple action, revealing his stomach in a glimpse. Like a teenage girl, your heart jumped at the little display of skin. He tossed the hoodie to the side, and stepped closer to you.
His hair looked darker when wet, almost a shade of black, sticking to his face and his cheeks. He puffed, pushing it back behind his ears. You noticed his pendant, stuck in the front of his shirt as he stepped closer to you.
You weren’t thinking as you reached forward, grabbing the thin silver chain around his neck and tugged it out, so it fell against his chest instead.
Hyunjin was frozen still at the action, darting down to see what you were doing and then looking back up at you.
Your hand was still on the chain, and every part of you wanted to pull him closer by it, so you could kiss him. Right now didn’t seem like a good time for that though. He was feeling all kinds of emotions and vulnerability …if he wanted to kiss you tonight, he would have.
The thought of letting Hyunjin go — without feeling his lips again — hurt you, but it was a reality you’d accept. You’d been all over the place with him recently, never having defined what it meant, or why you kept making out without talking about it.
Maybe it was just a summer fling for him, because he’d made it plenty clear you two could never be anything more.
You cleared your throat, dropping your hand, “Now, can we try the drink? I’m dying to taste it” 
He nodded a yes, and you held your glasses up, clinking them against each other. The sound echoed in the empty house. As you did that, he looked right into your eyes, and you felt a familiar shiver run down your spine. You lift the glass up to your lips, tasting the liquid, and Hyunjin watched you as you did so. His eyes on you made you feel a little shy, but that was soon overpowered by how good the drink tasted. 
It smelled, and tasted just like flowers and sweetness, and you let out a moan of satisfaction, “Fuck. That’s…revolutionary”
Hyunjin smiled, eyes crinkling, and only after that did he sip his drink. It tasted like a dark chocolate tart, and like flavourful berries grown on a farm.
“Have you ever considered…becoming a mixologist instead of an idol?” 
He laughed, stepping close to the counter so that he lingered at your footsteps. If you opened your legs up just a bit, he could stand between your thighs but you weren’t sure it was appropriate. So, you stayed the way you were, sitting on the countertop, and Hyunjin stood as close as possible, his lower stomach grazing against your knees.
“Maybe when I retire” He joked, swirling the drink around in his glass.
“No, but this is seriously so good” You told him, genuinely now, “Is there anything that you can’t do?”
“Stop” His face turned red, and he looked embarrassed, “It’s just a drink. I didn’t do anything else”
“Well, nobody’s ever made me a Queen of Hearts before” 
He glanced up at you, “They’re missing out on a great opportunity then”
“Mmh. I’m sure nobody’s dying to do that”
His smile fell, hand landing on your knee, “Don’t do that”
“Do what…?”
“Talk down about yourself”
You blinked. It really wasn’t your intention to do that. You were just being honest. Nobody you knew in your life, or in all of Daejon would ever make a drink like this for you. There wasn’t anything wrong with that, but it was just the truth.
So it was interesting that he interpreted it as such, as if your reply offended him.
“I wasn’t” You clarified, “I just meant…there’s not a lot of guys in Daejon with skill sets like yours”
The way you said it made you cringe, it came out sounding so professionally formal.
He looked up at you, sincere expression, “That’s…a compliment I’ve never got before”
You broke into a laugh, and absentmindedly put your hand over his, the one that rested on your knee. His hand dwarfed yours in comparison, but you drew circles over it as you talked, “Well, I have a gift and a burning desire for pleasing others or I’ll shrivel up and die”
Hyunjin laughed, squeezing your knee, and his hair was wet, but it was already beginning to dry up around his face.
“I like when you’re like that” He suddenly spoke, eyes focused on his drink, not you.
You took a sip of it too, watching him, “When I’m like what?”
“I don’t know” He looked up, “Confident. Funny. Yourself. Not…sad”
“You make it sound like I’m always depressed”
He shook his head, “You know what I mean”
“I don’t” 
He sighed, as if wondering whether to say it or not.
You drew a star on his hand, the one that rest on your knee, “Tell me. It’s our last night together anyway”
It seemed like that was the push he needed, and he placed his glass to the side, “The past few weeks you haven’t seemed the most…happy. I know that you were having a lot of trouble with your friends, and with the art program application” He trailed off, looking guilty again, “And because of me…”
You stayed quiet, letting him continue.
“I guess it was just not a great time for you. But tonight, when I’m talking to you…it feels like those problems don’t exist in the moment. I know I have to leave tomorrow, and I know you were upset about that, and you have every right to be, but right now…it feels like you’re less burdened somehow”
You didn’t know he noticed so many things about you, and so your heart warmed at just that implication. Hearing him recount what you’d been going through, you also felt a little emotional.
He looked up at you, looking a little panicked, “Or I could be completely wrong. You can correct me”
“No” You refuted, “You’re not wrong. I do feel…less burdened. I guess I just never thought of it like that. For me, it just felt like each day was getting progressively worse. I didn’t look at it from any other perspective”
“Yeah… but things will work out for you, Y/N” He said so simply, “I know that sounds preach-y, but… it may feel like everything in your life is going wrong somehow, but I assure you it’s not. Every bad day you’ve recently had…all of that won’t matter soon enough, and so you have to know that this sadness isn’t forever”
You blinked, staring at him. Absentmindedly, his hand slid further up your leg, drifting from your knee to your thigh. You let it.
He pushed his stray hair back with his other hand, tucking the strands behind his ear, “And I know how much this art program meant to you, I’ve had my share of failed dreams before, so I know how gut-wrenching it is, but this isn’t the end of your art journey. You know that right?”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Well, it can’t be. You have a gift, and…I know that it’s not going to waste”
You smiled, cheeks full from his words, “You have a gift too, you know?”
He locked eyes with you, and he was blushing too, and his fingers rest at your upper thigh now, “Yeah? What’s that?”
“You have...such a good heart, Hyunjin”
His eyes widened, hanging on to your every word.
“You’re the kindest person I know. It doesn’t sound like much, but…I’ve not met many people like you, genuinely good people. I respect that…a lot. You deal with so much bullshit in your life, but you still find a way to be happy”
His eyes lit up, a gorgeous smile appearing on his face, “Isn’t that the point of everything? The endgame”
You laughed, “It is. It what we’re all working towards. I just wish everyone else could be like you”
He smiled at your words, and you would miss this so much. The kind of ideas that you could talk about for hours. He looked beautiful like this. He looked like the most beautiful thing in the world when he was happy. He was shy too, biting his upper lip, and his cheeks were all red.
So you continued, to make that emotion last as long as you could, “I’m serious. You have such a kind heart, Hyunjin. You put your soul into everything you do, even if that’s just talking to someone at the grocery store or something. I think if someone met you, even for just a day in their life, you’d impact them forever”
His eyes crinkled with each sentence, bashful smile appearing, “Thank you”
You took another sip, and you watched him.
He was finishing his drink faster than you, and you just wanted him to be closer.
So, you lift your legs up, folding them on the counter, sitting cross-legged while facing him. His eyebrow shot up, for just a second, before he realised why you did that. He stepped closer, till his body was pressed to the counter, and his face was inches apart from you. 
He lift his glass up, indulging in the last drink, but his eyes stayed on you, and his hand was on your thigh again.
“Thank you for the drink and… for the pep talk. I really enjoyed that” You told him.
He placed his empty glass next to you, a sincere look in his eyes, “That’s what I’m here for”
You couldn’t stop yourself from smiling, and you felt like your cheekbones would hurt.
“Everybody deserves to have someone like you in their lives, Hyunjin”
He was smiling too, cheeks full, eyes twinkling, “You too, Y/N”
You went to sip your drink, but it was already empty and you stared at the glass in your lap, “I finished it”
Hyunjin stared at your lap too, and the petals in the glass balanced in the space between your legs, “Do you want another?”
“Another drink?” You looked up at him.
He nodded, and his cheeks were so flushed, so he was already a little tipsy, “We can make a stronger one”
“You have a train to catch in the morning. Is that a good idea?”
“I’ll be fine” He reassured you, “This night is more important to me than that”
You clutched the counter on both sides, and nodded, “Okay. Another drink sounds good to me then”
He nodded, eyes half-lidded, “Can I have your glass?”
You hummed, “Yeah” but you made no effort to give it to him.
So, his eyes flickered from yours, to the glass between your legs. 
Carefully, he reached for it, trying to grasp the thin stem. You didn’t move an inch, holding your breath. 
His fingers brushed against your inner thighs, and he stilled. But he didn’t say anything. 
He went straight for it, and grabbed the wine glass, so near to where you needed him the most. 
Careful, he lifted it up from between your legs, and then finally you could breathe again. He walked over to the cabinet, “What kind of drink do you want this time?”
“I’ll trust your judgement”
He busied himself yet again, explaining what he was making, using up all the leftover gin he had. You watched him as he worked. The t-shirt was fitted, and it was a little wet from the rain, sticking to his body tightly. That must be uncomfortable. 
As he moved about, pouring the gin into your glasses, you focused on how his back muscles flexed and relaxed. He was so good with his hands, as he worked swiftly and quickly.
Your head was already beginning to spin.
“You have anything to eat?” You asked.
He looked back at you, “Are you dizzy?”
“Just a bit” You reassured him with a smile, “I am hungry though”
He turned, hands on his hips, and you found it hard to focus on his face. The t-shirt was basically see-through at this point, sticking to every ridge and muscle in his body, clinging to him. 
“I might have some chocolate, but I don’t remember if I packed it in my suitcase already”
“You know what, don’t worry about it” You waved it off with your hand, “I’ll be fine”
He looked worried, “You sure?”
“Mmh-mh”
“And you’re okay to have another drink? We don’t need to” 
“No, we won’t get to do this again, so yes I’m okay”
This was your last night, your brain kept screaming at you, again and again.
He turned to finish garnishing the drink. His hair was still long enough to brush his shoulders, and it stuck to the back of his neck, and the shade of brown really suited him. You wanted to run your hands through it, feel the wet hair between your fingertips, scratch it with your nails. 
His girlfriend…she must have had the honour to do that, whenever she wanted.
Unlike you. You always had to wait for moments. 
Moments like the one in the Photobooth. Or under the fireflies.
The special moments you lived for.
You couldn’t just casually walk up to him, and kiss him.
You were a little tipsy, so you didn’t think twice, “Can I ask you about her?”
He paused, and asked you, “Her?”
“The pop star you dated” 
Understanding sank into his shoulders, and he handed you the glasses. The second round of drinks were ready. Standing opposite you, he crossed one arm over his stomach, drinking with the other hand.
“You don’t have to, if you don’t feel comfortable” You added, watching him carefully.
He didn’t seem uncomfortable.
He tipped his head back, drinking, and then looked at you, “You really want to know?”
“Yeah” You gripped the counter, and your drink lay to the side, untouched.
You added, “I mean she’s your ex, and…we’re friends. Friends talk about that kind of stuff”
He nodded, slightly, “They do”
You were relieved, never wanting to make him uncomfortable, but you were burning with curiosity.
“What do you want to know?” He tilt his head.
“How did you meet her?”
He suddenly relaxed, as if he’d been expecting you to ask much harder questions, “Oh, uh. She was training at the same company I was. On a different floor, of course. She was one of the top trainees of her year, and…we would practice at the same time, overnight. I bumped into her a few times then”
“Oh. Sounds like she worked really hard”
Hyunjin nodded, “I mean, we had no choice, but yeah…she was one of the few who really pushed herself. Some days it felt impossible to debut, so you really only made it if you worked your ass off, you know?” He then paused, as if wondering whether to say the next thing or not, but he did it anyway, “That’s what I liked the most about her”
Your gut clenched, but your curiosity overshadowed the jealousy that was eating you up.
“So…did you ask her out? Or did she?”
He took another sip of his drink, glancing briefly to the floor and then up at you, “Yeah. I had a stupid teenage crush on her”
The words were enough to make you finally pick up your drink, and perhaps you needed to be inebriated before listening to this.
A fucking crush. She must have been the luckiest girl in the world to be crushed on by Hwang Hyunjin. You wondered what she looked like, but maybe it was better not to know. She was a star, she was probably perfect.
If he ever told you he had a crush on you, you’d probably pass out. 
“Was that allowed…? To date another trainee?”
Hyunjin then laughed, shaking his head, “Um, not at all. It was forbidden”
Oh.
It was forbidden, but he did it anyway.
“You must have liked her a lot”
He hummed, swirling the liquid in his glass, “I was a stupid kid. I wasn’t thinking”
“So you regret it?”
He shook his head, “No. I needed the experience”
“Of dating?”
“That, but also…a month or so after we started going out, one of her friends was asked to leave the company because she was caught up in a scandal. A dating one. That made me realise that I was risking my entire life, and my dream, for…a girl”
“How’d you do it?”
“Do what?” He seemed confused.
Your body was alight with all of this information.
“Keep it a secret for that long”
He smiled a bit at the memory, “Um. We found ways. We’d meet after dinner, and during late-night practices. Sometimes really early in the morning”
You think you would die.
“Did you fuck?”
Hyunjin’s eyes shot up to yours, wide, surprised. 
You don’t know what the hell possessed you to say that, but you didn’t budge, indicating to him that it was okay to answer.
He slowly nodded, tongue poking his cheek, “Yeah. We did”
You were dying.
But for some godforsaken reason, you needed to know the details. As if the thoughts of his secret dating days was arousing to you.
“Tell me more”
He til his head, words at the tip of his tongue. He wanted to ask you if you really wanted to know, or why you were so curious, but he didn’t ask. 
You wouldn’t have asked if you weren’t prepared to hear the answer.
Hyunjin was staring at you, assessing every little detail of your facial expression, and you wanted to seem confident. You weren’t some kid. 
You could hear about him having sex, and not freak out.
Thoughts of him fucking some pop star should kill you, but it didn’t. Your core was tight, with anticipation, with imagination. You pressed your thighs together, waiting for him to talk.
“Um…” He paused, to take another sip. Perhaps he needed some liquid courage too sometimes, “It was never…we never had too much time on our hands. It was always quick. Rushed, but I think that’s where half of the thrill of it was. The fear of being caught anytime. If we weren’t quick, we wouldn’t have been able to…”
Your heart was pounding.
Images flashing in your head. 
He looked into your eyes, and you just nodded, for him to continue. If he looked at your hands, he would see your knuckles were white from gripping the counter too hard. 
“It was hot” He spoke, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed, “The secrecy. The…shared glances. Nobody but us knew what went on. During group sessions, we would watch each other…in the practice room. Working out. Dancing”
“And?”
It wasn’t enough.
His eyes had a peculiar expression, like he couldn’t understand why you wanted to know all this stuff, but he told you anyway, “And…on bad days, when she was frustrated or upset, I’d…be there for her. In the way that she wanted”
You took a large sip of your drink, the alcohol sour in your mouth, and your head was beginning to spin. In a good way. You were wet too.
You didn’t think you could ever feel this way. 
You were dizzy with want, and with desire, and his name escaped your lips in what was almost a complaint, “Hyunjin…”
“Yeah?” He was immediate to step closer, keeping his glass aside. He put his hands on either side of you, caging you in place, and his voice dropped so low, “Are you gonna tell me why you wanted to know that?”
“I don’t know” You mumbled, “I don’t understand it myself”
He leaned in, watching you, “You’ve had a lot to drink”
“I’m fine”
His voice softened, and he grabbed the glass from you, “I know, but…let’s not drink anymore, okay?”
“Why?” You whined, “It’s your last night”
He out a soft laugh, “It’s not like I’m dying or anything. I’ll only be a few hours away from you”
“A few hours is a lot. I don’t want you to be even a few minutes away” You complained.
He smiled, adoration in his eyes, “So, what do you want then? To stay with me all the time?”
You nodded, eyes closing, “That sounds fair”
He laughed, loudly, “Is it really? What about my job? Is it fair for me to leave all of that?”
“What about me?” You opened your eyes to look at him. 
He was so close, just inches away. His wispy bangs stuck to his forehead, grazing his eyebrows. His eyes were full of amusement, they were so brown, and so big. 
His lips were thick, tinted with the colors of the drink, and even little accidents like that made him look perfect, like he was sculpted by a great artist. You could admire him for hours.
He tilt his head, “What about you?”
You pursed your lips, feeling sad all of a sudden, “Are you gonna forget all about me?”
His smiled, hand tracing your cheek, “You really think so?”
“Your whole life is waiting for you back there”
He nodded, “It is…”
“You have so much to look forward to” You told him. So much more than what this life here in this little small-town could give him. 
He spoke, “Maybe that’s why I’m not sad. I guess because Seoul has always been my home”
Your heart felt heavy at his confession but you understood him, “Hyun…”
“I know. It sounds horrible. I was born here, and this is where my parents used to live before we moved, and this town should mean so much more to me. I feel like I’m betraying…that”
“You’re not betraying anyone, Hyun. You may not feel this town anymore but Daejon will still always be here for you. If you ever need it”
He glanced at you, eyes wide.
“And I will be too” You continued, “If you ever need me”
His mouth parted as he whispered, “Thank you”
You swallowed, staring at his lips, “What do we do now?”
His eyes flickered over you, and he was quiet.
Your heart was racing a mile a minute, and your mind too. 
“I don’t know” He finally spoke.
Your heart carried a sense of unfulfilment.
There was more that should happen. 
You could talk to each other for hours, and it was endless. Unfortunately, time was linear.
It was finite, and yours with him was coming to an end.
You’d been here for hours, yet it didn’t feel like that.
Hyunjin was staring at you, half-lidded eyes, and empty promises swirled within them.
You swallowed your sadness, trying to find words, “Your manager, he’s going to be coming here soon, right?”
“Yeah. His train will arrive…any time now” He glanced at his phone, “He’s almost here…”
“I should go before he arrives”
Hyunjin nodded, stepping back, “Yeah. He…he can’t see you here”
You jumped off the counter, suddenly unsure what to do or say. This was it.
He was going to be gone soon.
You stared at each other, at a loss for words. You couldn’t even cry. You just felt a certain numbness. The numbness he talked about. Maybe it was the gin.
You also felt like you were in denial, like he would return soon and you’d see him tomorrow morning. 
But the last time he left…he didn’t return for years.
Why would now be any different?
“I don’t know what to say” You mumbled, stupidly. There was nothing wrong with being honest.
He was leaving, and you couldn’t breathe. The air in your body wasn’t enough, and you were panicking because you didn’t know what to fucking say. Why had nobody prepared you for goodbyes like this?
In the movies, they were so dramatic, but real life wasn’t like that.
In the books, they were so romantic, but there was no time for love in his life.
Hyunjin’s expression softened, “You don’t have to say anything. I don’t want you to be sad. We’re going to meet again, and we’ll see each other soon”
You nodded, air returning to your lungs, “Right. You’re completely right, Hyunjin”
There was no need to freak out. He wasn’t dying, or anything. 
You didn’t want this to be some big deal. You weren’t going to cry, or make a scene. 
“It’s only for a little while” He shot you a smile.
“Yeah” Your palms were sweaty, and you wiped them on your jeans. You stared at the kitchen counter, and your wine glasses lay empty. You wish you’d asked for another drink. You wish tonight didn’t have to end. You wish time wasn’t linear, and you could go back.
Fuck. If you could change things, you would have gone back just an hour tonight, and you would have told him you were in love with him.
But it was too late now. 
He was just your friend, and he would stay in touch with you, like friends did. It wasn’t any different than what Yeonjun did when he left, or even Seonghwa.
“I should go” You stated, with finality.
Hyunjin nodded, then stepped forward, closing the distance between you until he stood an arm's length away.
“Thank you for coming over” He mentioned, “I wouldn’t have been able to sleep tonight anyway”
“Of course. That’s…what friends are for” You smiled up at him.
He suddenly seemed awkward, hands at his side like he didn’t know what to do, “Can I hug you?”
Why was this so strange?
Why were neither of prepared for this?
You’d never said goodbye to a boy you loved, so you didn’t know how it worked.
You wish there was a manual for this. But even every tutorial in the world couldn’t prepare you for the look in his eyes.
You got up on your toes, pulling him into an embrace, and he immediately hugged you back. His strong arms wrapped around your body, squeezing you in his grip. 
You could smell the rain on him, a faint hint of his cologne, his shampoo. You’d want to bottle up his scent, and keep it with you forever. The air smelt like the ground after it rained, and like an unrequited love.
You tried to memorise the shape of his arms on you, and the sound of his heart beat. 
Hyunjin let go of you, far too quickly, but it was what you needed, or you’d never leave.
You were in a state of fugue, indulging in actions, but not thinking, not feeling.
You found yourself at the front door, and you don’t remember how you got here. You looked back at him, “Text me when you get to the city, okay?”
He nodded, “I will. Don’t worry, okay?”
All your words seem stuck in you. They can’t seem to make it past your chest.
Maybe a part of you thought there’d be some grand declaration of love by now, but this was real life and those things never happened.
You turned to leave.
“Wait—” He suddenly spoke.
“What?” You asked, anticipation swelling within you.
His wait held so many promises. So much hope.
Wait, I’m in love with you too.
Wait, I’m fucking stupid for leaving you all alone in this town.
Wait, please don’t leave me without kissing me goodbye.
He retreated to the kitchen counter, “Wait — your sketchbook. Don’t forget to take that” 
“Oh. Of course” You grabbed it from him, fingers brushing against his. 
“Take care of yourself” He spoke, and it was so forced. It was the right thing to say, obviously. It’s what you told people when you wouldn’t see them again for a while. 
But it felt wrong, like you were both forcing yourselves to follow traditions, and patterns, but those never worked on the two of you.
You pushed open the door, and a gust of wind blew in. The storm had passed now, so you could get home safely, by yourself, all alone. 
Looking over your shoulder as you walked out, you felt nothing. He smiled at you, but it didn’t reach his eyes. His heart wasn’t in it. 
You were drained out, and all of your emotions were spent.
You held the sketchbook to your chest, focusing on the sound of your footsteps on the wet pavement, and not on Hyunjin’s house behind you.
You heard the door close behind you, and you squeezed the sketchbook a little harder, willing yourself to walk as fast as you could.
It felt like it would be the most emotionally draining moment of your life, but you felt so numb too.
You passed his front porch and bedroom window, and you remembered the first time you’d come over. How he’d shown you all of his art, and his painting. You’d been surprised to know how wonderfully his mind worked. 
Even back then, he’d asked if he could hug you. Always so…fucking nice. 
You were already forgetting the feel of his arms around you.
You stopped in your tracks, and you shouldn’t.
You turned around.
His house was beautiful, like him. 
Tomorrow, it would be empty.
Right now, it was so full of him, of his love, and of everything that made him him.
Your body took on a mind of its own, and you were walking. 
You were walking back to his place. It was stupid. 
What the hell were you doing?
You had no plan or idea of what you’d say when you got there, but that couldn’t have been your goodbye. 
You needed to see him one more time. Just another minute.
You raised your hand in a fist to knock on his door, but before you could, the door flew open.
He stood there, staring at you, eyes wide. 
His hair was messy like he’d run his hand through it a million times since you walked away, but that was only twenty fucking seconds ago.
“Y/N…” He spoke, breathing heavy as his eyes flickered all over you, and the fact that you’d come back.
“What… what were you doing?” You had the audacity to ask him when you didn’t even know what the fuck you were doing.
He was breathing so heavy, chest moving rapidly up and down, “I don’t really know. I was coming after you” 
Realisation sank in. 
You’d come back to see him again, and in the same breath he was coming after you. 
The world was really so cruel.
How could two people be so perfect for each other but be destined to be apart?
You couldn’t say anything, except his name, “Hyun—”
And in the same breath, his lips collided with yours, so hard and fast.
The impact was so powerful you stumbled back, but his arm was tightly wrapped around you, holding you up. 
It was tight around your waist, gripping you, and he was devouring you, lips moving against yours like they never should be apart. 
You were running out of time.
You kissed him back, hands coming up to his arms, gripping his biceps tight, fingernails digging in. 
Time was running and it was slipping away every second that the Earth was turning, but his grip on you was so strong that even a planet couldn’t come between you.
You stood at his doorway, on the threshold, halfway in, halfway out.
He’d never kissed you like this. 
His hand slipped into your hair, gripping onto it so tightly it almost hurt, tilting your head back and back as he towered over you. He kept kissing you, pressing pecks against your lips, bruising them.
Your hands drifted into the front of his shirt, and you gripped it in your fists, holding onto him for life.
“Fuck—” He mumbled, in a breath between pecks. Fuck, you’re actually fucking doing this again.
Your body was heating up, and he stopped to let you breathe, moving his mouth over your jawline and leaving kisses to your ear. You were putty in his hands, and he tilt his head the other way, pecking every inch of un-kissed skin.
“You came back” He breathed, pupils dilated as he looked right at you, and both his hands came to hold your face.
“I couldn’t go” You were panting, trying to get the air back in.
“I’m gonna miss you so fucking much” His lips trailed over yours again, tracing your mouth to memory.
“I know, I know” You nodded, realising that you were both tasting your tears. You didn’t even know you had tears.
The door was wide open and it was stupid to do this now, but it was everything. The wind prickled goosebumps up your arms, and legs, and you both kissed each other goodbye.
“Can I just say something?” He asked, breathing heavy. 
“There’s no time” You told him, kissing him again, and again.
He laughed slightly, “I’ll be quick”
You pulled away, “Tell me”
He was speaking quickly, trying to get all the words out in one breath, “I know we’ve said it a million times. I know we’re supposed to just be friends, and I know nothing can happen, but…I have no self-control around you. I’m so fucking sorry”
It didn’t make you sad. You’d heard it before, and you embraced it.
“Don’t apologise” You mumbled, and your hands drifted around his waist, feeling him up. 
Was it possible to want somebody so bad, knowing it would lead to absolutely nothing?
He swallowed, “I know we have to just be friends…but I’m so fucking attracted to you. Like an absolutely insane amount. It’s impossible for me to pretend I’m not into you”
Each word he said just made you wet, and you kissed him instead of answering. 
There was no time, because when were things ever easy for you?
You felt him up, all you could, hands drifting to his ass, and to the front of his pants, squeezing him through his sweatpants.
He left kisses on your jaw, and he felt you up too. His hand squeezed your ass, the other going up the front of your shirt. His fingers grazed your bra, and he pulled you even closer to him.
“Can I take you inside?” He whispered, ”Please, please, please”
“Hyunjin, I don’t wanna be interrupted” You breathed, because that’s what always happened. 
“Me neither” He mumbled into your neck, breathing in your scent, “We won’t… go there. We won’t sleep together”
You pulled back to look him in the eyes, because it sounded impossible right now, “Would we be able to stop before that?”
He nodded, “If you can’t, I’ll stop us. Don’t worry”
How could you say no? 
So he took your hand, fingers intertwining with yours, as you found yourselves back in his bedroom. Everything was put away, and his room was empty, but you sat on the bed and didn’t break the kiss for a second.
You didn’t have the luxury to go further, but you could just kiss. So you did just that.
He didn’t pull you into his lap, because you wouldn’t be able to control yourself if he did.
Instead, you sat cross-legged, facing each other, mouths meeting in the middle like two teenagers dared to kiss at a party.
He kept his hand in your hair, the other on your waist, and it was so innocent it was sweet. Your hands rested on his thighs, squeezing the skin through his sweats.
You didn’t know much time you had left, until he had to leave, until you were interrupted. You hope his manager never showed up. 
You continued to feel him up, memorising every ridge and muscle of his body, and he let out soft moans every time you touched him somewhere new.
“I’m so glad you came back” He mumbled, “I wanted you so much”
“Why didn’t you ask me?” You almost whined, kissing his jawline, “I wanted you too”
Things got more heated, and in a matter of seconds, he was pulling you closer to him. Your knees skidded across the mattress, as Hyunjin pulled you to him. 
Nothing was supposed to happen, but somehow, you were fiddling with the knot of his sweatpants, and he had unbuttoned your jeans, pulling the button out of its loop. 
You were dizzy with desire, and his hand slipped inside your jeans, at the same time that yours did into his sweatpants. Now you really did feel like teenagers — making out with your hands down each other’s pants.
It was hard for him because the waistband of your jeans were so tight, and he seemed frustrated. If you’d known this was going to happen, you’d have worn a dress, or maybe nothing at all, so nothing could stop him from touching you.
His fingers brushed against your underwear, and you were so fucking wet it was ridiculous. You bit back a moan, he’d barely touched you but you were burning.
Everything was spinning, and you were so high off off him. His fingers pushed your panties to the side, your arousal making it harder for him to do.
“Fuck…you’re really wet” He mumbled, and his fingers touched your core. You let out a moan at the feeling.
This was the first time he’d touched you like this, and you couldn’t focus on anything. Your hand in his pants stilled, as his fingers started to brush languid circles across your clit. 
Your head fell forward, against his forehead, and he didn’t even seem to mind that you’d stopped touching his cock. He was too focused on you. 
“Shh…I got you” He breathed, kissing your jaw, as he pressed his fingers against you, truly feeling how much you wanted him. You couldn’t describe the way he touched you, as if he was caressing you, fingers brushing against your folds so delicately. Nobody had ever touched you like this.
Your mouth parted, allowing Hyunjin to slip his tongue in, and his anxiety manifested in how intensely he kissed you, like he was running out of time, like this was the last time. You let him take control, as he controlled the pace of it, making out with you. Yet, making out seemed too crude a word for what he was doing. He was savouring every kiss - no half-kisses, no pecks - mouth crushed to yours like he wanted to devour you and you’d let him.
You’d been turned on since hours. You needed more. You gripped onto his bicep tightly, your other hand buried down his pants, hoping he would get the hint. His fingers prodded at your entrance, feeling you.
“Will you let me?” He asked, voice so innocent. You’d never said yes so fast before in your life.
Your lips grazed his ear, and then his cheek, “Please, Hyun”
He pulled back to look at you, “Are you sure?”
“Please”
“Stop me if it hurts, okay?” He kissed under your ear, and then in one swift move, he pushed a finger inside you. You stopped breathing the deeper he got, and you looked at him, mouth parted. 
It didn’t hurt. He could never hurt you.
“You’re so gorgeous” He mumbled, and then he pulled his finger back, before pushing it back in. An embarrassing moan escaped you, and he smiled at your reaction. 
“You like it when I do that?” He asked, and he was out of breath, just like you. He began thrusting out, and then back in, slow, lazy strokes, like he was still getting a feel for it, familiarising himself with your reactions and your body. But there was no time for slow, or careful.
“Holy shit” You mumbled, feeling like you’d pass out, “You can —You can go deeper, and faster too...please”
You had to make him feel good too. So you went back to work, wrapping your hand entirely around his cock. It was a different kind of feeling, to be doing this with all of your clothes still on. There was a small stain at the front of his sweatpants, and he was leaking already. The sight made you dizzy and crazy.
You brushed your thumb against his tip. He let out a moan, eyes fluttering shut, “Fuck. If you do that, I can’t focus on you” 
He then thrust another finger deep inside you, stretching you open, as if in retaliation.
Your mouth fell open in a moan, eyes squeezing shut, but you didn’t stop moving your hand over his cock, “But— but you’re distracting me”
You were both a mess of whimpers and moans, and he kept fingering you open, stretching you out. You’re sure his hand was dripping with your arousal, just like yours was covered in his pre-cum.
Hyunjin became impatient, bucking his hips for more friction, and you increased your pace too.  He whimpered, back arching, and cursed loudly, fucking himself into your hand. His hair was wet with sweat, sticking to his forehead, to his neck.
“Fuck, you’re so beautiful” You told him, pressing your mouth to his.
He fingered you harder. 
Your vision was a blur, and all you could focus on was moving your hand over his length. Something about making him moan, while his fingers were buried inside you, was so fucking hot. He was too big in your hands, and you wanted him so bad. But you’d made an agreement, and you couldn’t fuck, no matter how tempting it was.
Time ticked so fast, slipping from within you.
“Are you close?” He whispered into your ear, finger fucking you slowly. It was far too much to handle. You squirmed in his grip, “Yeah. Go faster, please”
He nodded, pressing a kiss to your lips and then increased his pace. You could hear how turned on you were, the wet sounds echoing through his room.
“It’d be easier without the jeans” He mumbled, fucking you open with just his fingers, frustrated at how the waistband restricted his movements. 
“Are you close too?” 
He hummed, “I’m so close. I could cum probably just from touching you”
His words shot another wave of arousal through you, and your core tightened around him, impossibly.
“Fuck — you just…got so tight. Did you like that?” He asked you.
You nodded, no coherent thought in your head.
“Shit, come here” He said, and he pulled your hand out of his sweatpants. You whined at the loss of contact, but he pulled you into his lap instead. His arm came around to hold you up, and you were sat right on his crotch.
“What about—” You went to ask, but he shut you up with a kiss. 
His hand slipped back inside your jeans, and he slid your panties to the side again, “Let me”
You nodded, putting your hands around his neck.
He was so hard under you, and experimentally he thrust up, the friction of you on him so much, and he breathed, “Shit. That feels...amazing”
Everything was spinning, except him, “Don’t stop”
“Remember what I told you?” He mumbled, hand gripping your hip, and you nodded. 
He’d taught you how to make him feel good, back when you were still in the Photobooth. So, you dragged yourself over his crotch, slowly. It was harder to do when his fingers were still inside you, but every little movement felt amplified. 
You didn’t care about anything but him, you didn’t need this to be slow, you didn’t need it to be careful. You just needed him, and that was perfect.
His head fell back, and you kissed messily, spit between your mouths. He was thrusting up into you, to the same pace that his fingers moved inside you. It seemed like that was really enough for him too. Every little contact drove you crazy, like it was your first time touching a boy, and his first time touching a girl. There was so much novelty in the way you two moved against each other, and no finesse. Everything was rushed, every kiss messy, each feeling intensified. 
You caressed the sides of his face, “I want you to fuck me, please”
His eyes widened, but he thrust up so hard at those words, “Y/N, we can’t”
“Please, just the...just the tip”
He kissed you, “I want to, so badly, but --”
“But what?”
He looked genuinely sorry, breaking away from the kiss, “I don’t have a...condom. I'm sorry”
Oh, the irony. You wanted to scream with agony, because you don’t think you’d ever wanted someone this bad before.
“I’m so sorry” He mumbled, kissing you again, but then his voice turned darker, “My fingers aren’t enough for you?”
You clenched, “No. No- they are”
He thrust both fingers in with so much pressure, stretching you open, “Is that better?”
You pressed your lips to his, wanting to kiss him through your orgasm, because your stomach was tightening and you were so close. Hyunjin deepened the kiss, pushing his tongue into your mouth, and he was suddenly so rough and intense but you absolutely loved that.
He was breathing heavy, eyes half-lidded and consumed with lust, just like you. His lips were so puffy, and swollen, thick and full, and so pink, and he was fingering you so perfectly. Your core tightened, and you pressed your mouth to his again, to let him kiss you because you felt so out of control.
“Wait— wait, I wanna look at you” He breathed, pushing both fingers in so deep, curling them just right. All it took was to look at him for you to completely let go. 
Stars dotted your vision, and you whimpered, your entire body trembling. 
“Hyun—” You buried your face in his neck, a white hot flash overtaking you, travelling from your core to your heart, to your head. 
He was still grinding against you, faster now, lips hovering over yours, chasing a high you’d both been denied for far too long. And just seconds after, he let out a long drawn out moan, hips twitching up into you, eyes squeezed shut as he cursed, “Fuck”
For a few minutes, there was nothing but the sounds of your breaths. 
He was breathing deeply, and his hair was drenched, sweat dripping down his face, and neck and chest.
He opened his eyes. You wanted to cuddle up in his arms and go to sleep. From the look on his face, he wanted the same. You stared at each others state, and slowly he pulled his hand out of your jeans. Sweat trickled down his chin. It sparkled like glitter. You traced his jawline with your hands, soaking up the sweat into your skin.
You didn’t say anything, but he wrapped his arms tighter around your body. You gripped the front of his shirt, squeezing it in your grip. His heart was beating so fast. 
“You okay?” He asked you, his voice so gentle.
You hummed, and you felt drained, but you felt exhilarated too.
His hand rubbed your back, soothing you.
You tilt your head at him, “You?”
A smile pulled at his lips, “Yeah. I’m okay”
You traced his pecs through the shirt, not wanting him to leave. It was criminal for this feeling to end, and for this pleasure to not be yours everyday. Nothing had ever felt this good, and even in your post-coital haze, you wanted him more. 
So you blurted, “What if I did it anyway?”
“Did what?”
“What if…I moved to Seoul anyway? Maybe I could go there first…and look for a job later. I know it’s crazy and impulsive but I’ve always wanted to live there and—”
You trailed off, at his expression.
“Do you think it’s a stupid idea or something?” You chewed on your lower lip.
Hyunjin’s eyes followed that movement, and his thumb traced your mouth, “No …it’s not stupid at all. It’s what you’ve wanted for a few years, right?”
“It sounds crazy and impulsive…because I don’t even have a plan of what I’ll do, but maybe...that doesn’t matter”
Before he could speak up, his phone buzzed against the nightstand.
He glanced at it, and then to you.
Just at that minute, you heard the cab pull up. Hyunjin sighed, closing his eyes, and you got off his lap. He peeked through the blinds, “Fuck. He’s here”
“I should leave” You stood, gathering your things. There was no time to ask for his opinion anymore. Maybe he didn’t want to tell you it was a batshit insane idea.
“Hold on” He handed you his sweatshirt, the one that had dried by now, “It’s a cold walk out. You sure you’ll make it home safe?”
“Don’t worry about me” You told him, squeezing his sweatshirt in your hands, feeling silly for blurting out such a spontaneously dumb idea that made it very obvious how much you loved him.
A car door opened outside, and his manager must have stepped out. It was almost four in the morning. You were going to be leaving through the back. 
His manager couldn’t see you here. 
You’d already said your goodbyes, in the only way you knew how to.
You stepped out onto the patio, but Hyunjin grabbed your arm, urgency in his tone, “You should do it, Y/N”
You turned, confused, “Do what?”
The doorbell rang.
Hyunjin spoke quickly, “What you were just talking about. Even if you didn’t get into the program you wanted, you should move there. To Seoul”
Your eyes widened, tears filling up suddenly, and you quickly pulled him into another hug, and he stumbled into your embrace, “Thank you for saying that. I think it’d feel less scary with you there”
His lips brushed against your ear, “It’s the least I can do. Being here was less scary for me, only because of you”
He kissed you a rushed goodbye, but for the first time that night, your heart didn’t hurt anymore.
»»————-
Your morning passed in a daze. 
Time wasn’t real, as you lay on your bed, counting down the seconds until his train. Minutes stretched into hours into seconds, and you must have been more tired than you thought, because you woke up to drool on your pillow. 
The sun told you it was the afternoon. 
You’d fallen asleep in the clothes you wore to the drive-in theater. Your underwear was still wet, and reminded you of him. You were smiling to yourself like a crazy person, as you dressed yourself for work, and you put his sweatshirt on. It smelled just like him, and as you walked to work, the grass and the birds and the houses all remind you of him. 
Was it possible to fall even more in love with someone?
You were distracted, often drifting into thoughts of his moans, of the sensation of his hand in your pants, but it was frustrating because the man of your affections was moving miles away from you by the minute.
Hyunjin’s first text came at a precarious time.
You had been packing a pink acrylic canister for a customer, and the pings of your phone were so distinctive, you instantly knew it was him. It had to be Hyunjin, he must have already reached home, and you had to hold back an urge to text him back.
The phone buzzed incessantly against the glass countertop, and the lady in front of you raised an eyebrow.
“Sorry” You apologised for the ringing, “I forgot to put it on silent”
She didn’t really seem to care, “Can I try a paint swatch of the pink before you pack it up?”
“Of course” You unscrewed the cap, dipping a stray paintbrush into it, so you could show her how it showed up on paper, “Is that good?”
“Um, do you have a brighter one perhaps? I don’t think my daughter needs this one” 
You nodded, glancing behind her, “I think it’s in the third aisle”
A few more pings from your phone caught your attention.
It startled you, making you squeeze the bottle in your hands, and pink paint dripped onto your fingers and the countertop.
“Shit” You mumbled, wiping it clean with a tissue.
The customer was still busy browsing the aisles, and Mrs. Aera would be less than pleased to see you using your phone on your job, but…
It was just for a minute.
hyun
heyy
shit im sorry i couldn’t call earlier
It’s been crazy
but i just got to my dorm
i just wanted to let you know i made it 
and i was planning to paint in the train journey over, but i totally passed out lol
you
hey :)
I was just thinking of you
im so glad youre home safe <3
that sounds like something i would do ngl
keep me updated!
tell me everything in detail later please im dying
hyun
sent a photo
can you tell they missed me a lot
It was a picture of him at a stairwell, surrounded by three boys you’d come to recognise as Chan, Changbin and Jisung. They were smiling wide, teeth on display and Changbin was making a kissing face toward’s Hyunjin’s cheek, lips pouted and ready. 
Jisung was pulling at Hyunjin’s other cheek, and Chan was laughing to the side, eyes closed in pretty crescents. 
you 
they’re adorable lmao
did changbin actually kiss u haha?
In the picture you literally look like a kid embarrassed by his parents  
hyun 
they won’t let go of me ever since im back
and yeah changbin even insisted on sleeping in my bed tonight..?
i had to reassure them im not going away anytime soon 
but its sweet
what are you up to?
i hope you weren’t too tired for work 
“This pink seems like a good shade, does it not?” The customer brought you back to reality, placing a canister on the counter, and her gaze fell to the stained countertop, “What happened to your hands?”
Your screen was now tainted with pink fingerprint stains, but you didn’t care, smiling at the texts you just received. Maybe things would be okay, even when he was gone.
»»————-
 The first time he called you from the city, was when you were at the diner, and you almost fumbled your latte at the ringing. 
Seonmi raised a questioning eyebrow as you pushed your coffee cup aside.
You picked up faster than lightning. 
“Hi” You spoke, into your phone, sounding just a little out of breath.
“Hey” His voice sent shooting stars through your heart, igniting you with a newfound energy at only eight in the morning. It was hoarse, and smooth at the same time.
You’d only been texting each other the past few days, he’d been rightfully swept into the whirlwind of his life, and you’d been dying to know how he’d been. He’d given you little updates, about how it felt to move back in, to get back to his job, at how he was welcomed back by his fans so grandly. 
You’d watched his return on the news — the number of people who were there to greet him at the train station was insane, and you’d felt so proud of him. He told you that they had to close a major exit of the station, just because the company hadn’t expected that many people to show up. 
It was the first time you’d physically seen the impact he had, and it didn’t surprise you at all. People with pictures of him, banners, and slogans and signs in every language just to welcome him back from his hiatus.
He was so loved by so many people.
It’d be selfish to want to keep him just to yourself.
“Are you outside?”
“I was just grabbing coffee” You explained, pressing your phone to your ear to drown out the sounds of the diner. 
“Man, I miss The Grove’s coffee”
You twirled the cup in your hands, smiling, “It misses you too”
“I thought I’d call you when I had time. I’m headed straight to the studio after this. Guess what? The stylists love what I did with my hair, apparently the blonde is an old trend now anyway, and now they want to capture this while it’s still fresh”
You laughed, “What? You mean the cheap haircut you gave yourself?”
He chuckled, “Mmh. Something about it is raw, and apparently perfect for my comeback”
You spun on your chair, “Well, they certainly know how to make the best of a situation” 
“We’re recording till late tonight. With the new album, we’re on the clock almost all the time. We have just under two weeks to finish producing it”
“For the entire album? Is that enough?”
“It has to be” He said, “I don’t mind. It’s what I live for”
You bit your lip, anticipation coursing through you, “Can I hear it anytime soon?”
He grinned, “You’ll be the first one”
He kept his promise. 
That night, he sent you a video. 
It’s a snippet of him in the studio, and you keel at the thumbnail before you’ve even opened it. His hair was messy, like he’s straight out of bed before recording, and bulky headphones sat around his neck. 
You hear someone counting down in the background, and you wonder if that’s Chan, his producers, or someone else to help with the process. The instrumental is muted, so it’s just Hyunjin singing the backing vocals.
Eyes squeezed shut, he’s lost in the verse of the song. The cadence and tone of his voice so distinctly different from when he speaks. It’s sassy, and it’s harsh, and the cleanest rap you ever heard.
You stared in awe, earphones plugged in, sat behind the cash counter in your break, and then you watched it again, and again, until you’re called back to your shift.
You think about the video all the while you’re at the store, and you called him as soon as you’re out.
“You were so good, the verse has been stuck in my head for hours and you sound cocky as fuck, but it’s not an annoying cocky. How do you even do that?” You were belting out compliments for minutes now, and Hyunjin sat at the other end, accepting them with flushed cheeks. He was so shy right now, a stark contrast to his singing personality. 
“Stop. You make me sound better than I am. You should…be telling me to get better” He complained.
You laughed, “You’re literally already perfect at it”
“When you visit me, I’ll get you access to the studio. You can watch me record it in real time” He suggested.
The thought excites you, and you imagine watching him from the couch, through the observation window.
You imagine him coming out of the booth to take a break, all sweaty and exhausted, and he would put an arm around you. 
Perhaps you’re influenced by far too many 80s movies. Still, you imagine excessively making out with him in the recording studio until his assistants have to physically pull you off each other.
Yeah, considering the industry he’s in, that could never happen.
Over the next few days, he also sends you videos from the dance studio, and all of your feelings for him build on top of each other, like a Jenga tower destined to fall. Every day that passes, a new block is added, and you don’t know how lucky you had to be to bump into him in your life.
He dances just like he kisses, with purpose and intensity, a certain romance behind his moves, and you become guilty of obsessively rewatching the clips he sends you, finding new details every time. 
He wears simple sweatpants to the studio, and he ties his hair up into a bun, and all you want is to be there to kiss his sweat away, and reward him after his long days of work. 
It feels silly to fantasize about caring for him, like you’re a seventies housewife, but you can’t help it. You want to massage the knots from his back, brush the tangles out of his hair, and kiss him between every dance practice. 
You realise how much he’s taken over your life and thoughts, even when he’s miles away. You don’t tell him all of this, but some days you can’t help but blurt your thoughts out.
“You’re messing with me every time you send me another video” You complain to him, “How do you contain all of that talent in a singular body?”
He laughs, but he doesn’t stop. He sends you selfies of him every day from the practice room, and he’s always glistening with sweat in them, throwing up a cheesy peace sign, and it’s your new favourite picture, until he sends you another the very next day.
You sit on your bedroom floor, fiddling with the strings of your hoodie as you talk to him, “What’s your schedule like right now?”
He’s at the headquarters of a high-end international magazine, in the waiting room as he talks to you. You can’t help but feel special that he takes out this time for you, “Well, I stay in the recording studio till late, and when I’m home…I’m trying to paint as much as I can before passing the fuck out. I just started a few days ago but it helps me destress. It gives me time to think about what happened in my day. It’s so…cathartic”
You smiled, so glad he found time to paint again, “Are you cheating on Aera’s with that art shop in Hongdae?”
He laughed, “Yeah. The cashier’s pretty cute here too”
You roll your eyes, “Funny…I hope you’re still making time to eat”
“Yeah, Jisung is my self-appointed manager for the moment. They’re smothering me with love”
“What, he cooks for you?”
“God no, he’d burn the dorm down. He just gets me my favourite takeout. Man, I missed takeout so much I didn’t even realise. There’s a Thai place down the street, and I’m basically surviving on it”
You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, Daejon isn’t boujee enough for a Thai restaurant”
He giggled, “I miss the hilltop bakery, although Chan introduced me to this cake shop. It opened just a month ago, it’s some European franchise but fuck if it isn’t the best pastries I’ve had”
You laughed, “It seems like you’re really enjoying yourself”
“Yeah. Everything’s really good”
“Yeah?” You stretch your legs out on your bedroom floor, and as you talk to him, you’ve been sketching in your notepad too, “How are the boys?”
He falls quieter, “Well…Jisung is still dealing with the fallout and backlash from that article. Did I ever tell you my company sued the media outlets who leaked the private information about him? All of his therapy notes and everything?”
“Yeonjun told me that there was some court case” You admitted, heart feeling heavy, “How’s that going?”
“It’s exhausting. There’s so many legal proceedings, but I have hope that Jisung will win the case”
You don’t know too much about this works, “Do you have to testify too?”
“If it comes to that, I will. Jisung wants me to stay out of that spotlight though. He says I’ve already been through enough with my hiatus”
You nod, “Then that’s probably for the best”
“I have to be careful though. The media seems to have a personal vendetta against us right now”
“God. That must be scary. Just take care of yourself”
“I am. Don’t worry. But the other day it was crazy, they surrounded our dorm and it made it impossible to leave”
Your eyes widen, “That doesn’t sound too safe. Can’t the company do something?”
He nods, “Our managers take care of it, but not much else can be done. The area outside our dorm is a public space. Legally, anybody can hang out there, and nothing can stop them from waiting for us”
You sighed, putting down your pencil, “You’re a saint for going through all of this, for your job”
He let out a bitter laugh, “It is my life, so I’m kind of used to it”
“That’s crazy” You mumble.
He nodded, “Hold on. They’re calling me in for the fitting now”
Your eyes widened, the prospect of him dressed up exciting you already, “Did they already show you the outfits you have to wear?”
He hummed, “They told me the theme too. You’ll love it.”
“Tell me”
He laughed, “I gotta go”
“Wait, what?” You protest, but he hangs up before telling you.
The pictures arrived at an unassuming time, catching you off guard.
Hyunjin had sent you ten different photos. You’d been wondering what the theme could have been for the past few hours, but it became very obvious as you scrolled through them all.
2000s fashion. 
Of fucking course.
In the first photo that you see, he was in a cropped jacket, the fabric shimmering under the changing room lights. His phone was held in front of his face, hiding his features and his hair was pushed back by a hairband. He still managed to make it look so sexy.
You stopped everything you were doing, scrolling through the myriad of pictures and outfits he’d bombarded you with.
The denim jeans fit snugly on his hips, patchwork across the thighs. 
You scrolled to the last one, and the jacket was unzipped. You realised why he’d said you would love it. He revealed a cropped baby blue t-shirt, with rhinestones across the hem. The shirt rose enough to show his bellybutton piercing and clenched abs.
You held your breath, staring at the pictures. A thin choker adorned his neck too, and he was slightly smirking in the picture.
He wanted you dead.
you:
wow.
hyun
is that all?
the photoshoot just ended so im going back
you:
i don’t really know what else to say
you look really fucking hot…like you’re so gorgeous in that
the outfit is…perfect on you
but i can’t imagine you ever wearing it here
it’s not your style, right?
hyun:
haha 
you know me so well
i really hate crop tops lol
but …
you
but?
hyun
i know you too :)
so i took a picture just for you
He sent it to you, making your heart stop.
In it, he was sat on the fitting room bench, legs spread. But this time…the rhinestone choker wasn’t around his neck anymore.
It was held between his teeth. 
It was so fucking sexy, you sat up in bed, staring at it, a feeling shooting through your body. You have to remind yourself how to breathe. You don’t reply for a few minutes, and he texts you again.
hyun
what, you have nothing to say now?
He’s so fucking cocky, but it makes you dizzy.
you
i hate you for that picture
hyun 
haha
i knew you’d love it 
»»————-
The next few days were a blur, and you felt a frenzied mess, like you were falling in love with him all over again. 
Hyunjin in Daejon was…a sweetheart, but Hyunjin in Seoul…was a fucking menace. 
You don’t know what it was that changed.
He’d tease you more often, exuding a calm confidence that tortured you at nights. 
Even though you couldn’t talk to him as often, the moments that you did were special. He’d send you pictures, snippets of his day, voice messages about how the album was going or random things the boys did at the dorm.
You lived through him.
In turn, you sent him parts of your life.
The way the sunset set perfectly against the Creek, the exorbitantly rich guests at the Château that were dressed to the nines, the sketches you drew and left unfinished but still sent him.
You found out through Seungmin that Hyunjin had donated all of his leftover paints to The Château, which were worth hundreds of dollars, just so they wouldn’t go to waste while he was away. You were once again, struck by how kind he was to have thought of that.
On mundane nights, he’d send you audio recordings of their unreleased songs, pictures from the studio of him, headphones slung around his neck, tired and weary eyes.
You tried to keep each other updated, not that there was much happening in your life at the moment. Still, you’d send him pictures of you with Yeonjun, of the store, of his favourite order at the diner. 
Every notification, every ping on your phone would send lightning through your veins, knowing it was him on the other end. 
In the days that followed, you heard his voice less, and instead read about his day in wrapped-up summary text messages, paragraphs that flowed for hours, leaving you to scroll through your phone. You’d make it a habit to sit in your favourite booth in the diner, as your paper straw turned soggy in the milkshake, you’d type out every single one of your thoughts. 
Vicariously, he lived through it too.
Your texts with him flowed like a personal diary, a newsletter on all the gossip in Daejon. You told him about the time you bumped into Hana at the diner, and she smiled at you, and you didn’t know what to do.
Somehow, he feels guilty for the rift between you and her, but you tell him it’s not his fault. If your friendship could be broken up by just a boy, it clearly wasn’t strong enough.
But then the next time you see her at the diner, she comes and sits across you.
You’re so shocked that you can barely process it, and she seems unsure too.
“Is there something wrong?” You asked her.
“Does something have to be wrong for me to talk to you?” She replied.
You shrugged, “Considering the last time we spoke—”
“I heard Hyunjin left town. Are you okay?”
You frown, feeling defensive, “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You two were close” She stated, obviously, “Everybody in town knows that”
Maybe it’s your closeness with Hyunjin that makes you feel brave.
You want to say something mean. 
You want to say something honest. 
Everybody in town also thinks he cheated on her with you, after everything she said at the Lakehouse party. 
After she yelled at you in front of everyone.
But you’re past that, so you don’t say it.
“I don’t really care what everybody in town thinks”
It’s tamer than what you had in mind, but it has the same intended effect.
Her eyebrows shoot up, and she’s clearly not expecting that response.
“That doesn’t sound like you” She finally said.
“Yeah, well maybe you don’t know who I am anymore. You haven’t talked to me in months”
“I’m sorry. Yeonjun coming back to town threw me off the loop. You know I never got over him”
“That doesn’t mean you can just take it out on me. I told you that night that…that I got rejected from an apprenticeship I’ve always wanted. You didn’t even ask me about that”
She sighed, running her hands through her hair, “I’m sorry, okay? I don’t really know what you want me to say. I’m not gonna apologise for being upset”
“That’s not what I’m asking you to do, Hana” 
“Then what are even saying? It’s been weeks since that fight. I thought you’d moved on from it”
You stare at her. The innocence in her big eyes, the curls in her hair, the princess corset top she had on. It doesn’t affect you anymore. You used to get so hurt by the things she said. So personally offended. You want to confront her, and tell her about it. You want her to know that she hurt you, but you’re so sick of drama, and of confrontations.
Right now, you feel past it. 
The past few months and all of the things she said still hurt you, and maybe one day you can make things up with her. You just don’t think that day is today.
So you stood up, and she stared at you, confused.
Grabbing your bag and sketchbook, you mumbled, “You’re right, Hana. I have moved on from this”
»»————-
One day, Hyunjin sends you a new painting he worked on.
It’s a vase of flowers. Dahlia.  
It’s rendered beautifully. The shadows, the texture of the petals, and the lighting on the glass.
“When do you even get the time?” As soon as he called you, you asked him, “You’re getting so much better, Hyunjin. I’m serious, like the art you made here…this is already on another level from that”
He smiled, “Are you proud of me?”
“Of course”
“Can you tell me how I can get better?”
You don’t feel too worthy of sharing your knowledge, and you tell him that. After all, you’re not an expert or anything. 
He shuts you down instantly.
“You’ve been painting since before you could talk” He replied, “I want your opinion, Y/N”
You sighed, staring at the picture, “I think your shadows are getting better. Have you tried using a wider brush for the water, with thick bristles? I think the ripples will blend much easier”
“Really?” He asked, “I think right now, it looks too fake somehow”
“Yeah, but I think that’s because you’ve drawn out every wave and the lines are too sharp. Try blending the edges so it fades naturally, okay?”
“Okay, I’m gonna try that this weekend”
“I’m really glad you make time to paint, Hyunjin”
He laughed, “It’s a necessity. I lose myself in it, and it’s just me and the canvas for all those hours. Nothing else matters”
“Sounds familiar” You smiled, “Maybe one day, if you have time, we can paint on video call together”
And then he called you that very weekend.
The computer screen illuminated your face and his, as you painted in the dead of the night. You were set up in your bedroom, an assortment of paintbrushes and watercolours surrounding you. You painted with your fingers, often getting distracted by Hyunjin across the screen. 
His space was cleaner, more organised because he had less space to work with. A bag of chips lay at your side and you pushed your hand into it, lazily munching on it as you watched him frown over a color choice. 
“I think you’re going to love the song I’m working on with Chan” He said, after a while.
“Yeah?” 
“It’s…a sexy, contemporary kind of R&B. I can imagine you liking it”
You only have one, predictable question, “When can I hear it?” 
He laughed, “We’re still writing it”
You hummed, focusing on blending the ocean in your canvas, dabbing at your canvas to experiment with a new style. You savour the moments, because he hardly has this time.
“Can I say something cheesy?” He asked, and you look up to see that he’s sipping on some drink. A fancy cocktail that Chan probably made him. In the back, you can see his bed, and his things, and you wish you can see his room in Seoul. 
You want to know what he decorates it with, and what clutter he has there.
“Yeah?”
The way he’s leaning over his webcam, you can see into his shirt. The navy button-up is loose, and the top few buttons are undone. The sleeves are rolled up, which was probably a good decision since his arms are stained with pink paint. His hands are busier too, with more rings and more bracelets on them.
Hyunjin’s more boujee in the city too.
His cheeks are suddenly red as he confesses, “When I get stuck in the middle of the writing process, I think of you, and it really helps”
You sat up on your knees, cherishing this new bit of information, “What do you think about?”
He flushed, “You know…just our time together. Chan teases me about it. He says you’re my muse or whatever”
He doesn’t say much more, but he’s so shy so you don’t ask. You don’t react as much as you want to either. You want to jump, or scream, or kick your feet giggling. 
It’s a moment you etch into your brain forever.
You’re his muse, and it’s fitting because he’s always been yours.
As the hour passed, your focus grew, and you almost forgot he was on the other side. Almost.
Hyunjin is focused too, and he’s humming a familiar tune. The call lasts for over two hours, and it’s the most you’ve talked to him recently. 
When you’re both done, you show him your canvas; he shows you his, and you marvel at his improvement. He’s painted a beautiful lighthouse, ocean waves crashing into the rocks, and he explained every color choice to you. 
You could hear him talk about his art forever, and you sit in awe, as he expressed his reasoning behind every aspect. He’s gotten so much better at art, and he’s really a prodigy. 
You then do the same, lifting your canvas up to show him the landscape, and he leans in really close to the camera, eyes wide as he takes it in.
“That’s beautiful” He mumbles, still staring at your painting, “I don’t know how you do it so well every time”
You smiled, because art was your favourite thing in the world, and Hyunjin complimenting it made your heart swell.
He was suddenly smiling, and he said, “I…also visited an art gallery last week. I met someone” 
Your eyebrows shot up, and your smile fell so fast.
People only said that in one specific context. When they were into someone.
“You met someone?”
“Yeah” Hyunjin smiled, “She’s…this prodigy. Chan introduced me to her, she’s so young and she’s actually the owner of the entire place and guess what she said to me?”
You didn’t want to know.
“I don’t know” You replied, hoping your indifference wasn’t visible.
“She said one day I could display my own work up there. Isn’t that fucking insane? I mean, I just started out with art”
“How does she know your work?” 
He didn’t comment on your lack of excitement, but he just said, “Oh, Chan showed it to her. I was embarrassed, but it was worth it”
“That’s really nice of her” 
He nodded, “Yeah. She was really sweet. And oh! The reason I’m telling you this was because she used to intern for Kim Jieong, maybe she can help you out with the--”
“No, it’s okay” You’re quick to interrupt.
He then asked why you haven’t applied to another apprenticeship again. 
You put aside your paint supplies, you’d lost motivation anyway. You dragged your laptop onto your bed, as you told him, “I told you. I’m not really confident, and I’m not looking forward to another rejection”
He stopped you before you can continue, “You’ve got nothing to lose then. Please, at least try. For me”
He’s sleepy, and his eyes kept closing, but he stayed up just to convince you.
You sighed, “Fine. I’ll apply, but don’t expect anything, please. You’ll be disappointed”
“You could never disappoint me” 
»»————-
Your days unfolded with a slow pace, summer fading away into the months of autumn. 
You found solace in your friends — in movie nights with Minho, in spending time with Yeonjun before he had to go back to work. After all, there was only so long he could be on vacation for. He had to go back to where he belonged. 
It was easier to not miss Hyunjin when you were occupied, busy with your endless shifts, navigating between finding time to paint but also to enjoy the leftovers of summer. 
The night they finished recording the album, Hyunjin called you drunk.
You’d seen him tipsy on a few occasions, but never like this.
He was laughing about something when you picked up, talking to other people at the party. The background was loud, and you struggle to hear anything. 
“Hyun?” 
“Guess what?” He asked you.
“What?”
“We finished the album. Like, for real. Every track is actually ready” He announced, and you hear a cacophony of sounds in the background, “We’re at my manager’s apartment, all of us, and the whole crew. It feels so fucking good”
“Congratulations” You smile, “That’s…really cool”
“Jisung made me drink…far too much” He giggled, “I liked the wine though, Chan found it in this cool store but then me and Binnie…we did body shots, and guess what? Chan fucking did body shots too! It was so insane. He also invited the girl from the art gallery, which is so funny. Apparently, she has connections in our industry too. She’s the daughter of --” 
“Wait, you did body shots?” You interrupted him, not really wanting to hear about the very successful artist prodigy girl in his life.
“It was insane. Just like Seungmin told us”
You could tell he was walking around the room, because he’d randomly trail off and talk to someone.
The more he rambled on the other side of the phone, the more you wished you were by his side. He must be standing near the speakers, because suddenly his voice would get drowned out by the music.
“I…can’t hear you, Hyun” You spoke, snuggling into your blanket. 
Your bed was the stark contrast of where he was right now; in a room full of pounding music, and you wondered what kind of parties they even had, or how wild they were. If they did body shots, they must already be pretty wild.
“Sorry” He apologised, walking off to a quieter area, “Can you hear me now?”
“Yeah, I can”
“Fuck. I miss you so fucking much” He suddenly mumbled, voice dropping, “Why aren’t you here?”
“I miss you too” Your heart squeezed, “But you should get back to the party—”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is that Y/N?” A loud voice interrupted, and you heard a loud struggle on the other end, making you pull back from the phone.
“Give me the phone back, Changbin!” Hyunjin yelled.
You sat up in bed, “Hello?”
“Hey!” Changbin’s voice was louder than you expected, and he sounded really drunk too, “You must be the girl who stole him away from us for months and months. I have every reason to hate you”
“Stop!” Hyunjin spoke in the background, “Don’t announce it to the entire party”
“Now you’ve taken him back though” You replied to Changbin.
“Eh, you’re right” He laughed, “So tell me, on a scale of 1 to 10—”
“Changbin, give me my phone back!” Hyunjin sounded exasperated, and you could imagine them running after each other.
“Let me finish!” He groaned, and then his voice became clearer again, “On a scale of 1-10, how big of a dumbass is Hwang Hyunjin for—?”
“Fuck. Is that her?” Another person interrupted in the background, and you felt overwhelmed by the multitude of voices. 
“Jisung, can you please ask him to give me my phone back?” Hyunjin sounded annoyed now, voice further.
“I’m sorry, this prick won’t let me talk to you for five whole minutes!” Changbin apologised, and you’d never met him but his energy seemed exactly like you’d imagined.
Still, you could hear Jisung in the background, struggling after the phone, and it made you feel special. They were miles away at a fucking album party, but gave their attention to you.
“Is that Hyunjin’s girlfriend?”
Your eyes widened at the word.
Hyunjin’s frustrated drawl interrupted, further away from the speaker but you still heard it, “Stop, Jisung. She’s just my friend. How many times do I have to say that, and don’t announce it to the party!”
Your smile faded, stupidly. He was right. 
“Then I can have her?” Changbin interrupted.
There was another scuffle, until Hyunjin was at the phone again, “Hey, I’m so sorry. They…took you hostage”
A breathy chuckle followed, drowned out by his friends laughs in the background.
“That’s okay. Don’t worry about it” You fiddled with your blanket, “You should enjoy the party, Hyun”
“No, no, I called you because I missed you”
“I can’t really even hear you” You spoke, “We can just talk tomorrow. Please just have a good time tonight, okay?”
“All right. I’ll call you later” Hyunjin spoke, like he was distracted by someone.
“Who are you talking to you?” An unknown voice interrupted, and you guessed they were probably talking to Hyunjin.
And you heard Hyunjin mumble, “Nobody” before he hung up.
You laid back in bed, and it was too quiet, and you felt lonelier than ever.
»»————-
Fallen leaves drifted in the pool, from the canopy up above. One drifts towards you, and you picked it up in your hands, watching the water seep through the half-eaten leaf. It’s orange.
“The leaves are already changing color…or is it just me?”
“It’s just you” Minho answered, and you roll your eyes.
“What are you doing here all by yourself?” He asked, swimming over to you, “The rest of the party is over there”
“I’m not really interested in playing” You told him, looking over to where everyone indulged in a pool volleyball game.
“So you’re out here looking at leaves. God, I’m lucky to be your best friend”
“Shut up” You shove him, and he laughs, falling into the water.
As soon as he resurfaces, he splashes you.
“Don’t be annoying, Minho” You mumbled, rubbing the saltwater out from your eyes.
“You’re no fun” He grumbles, and lays on his back to float in the water.
You stare at the leaves floating around you again, drifting into a pattern, and a sole flower is in between them. A dahlia.
“Can’t believe summer is almost over” You remark.
“You sure made the most of it though, Y/N” He smiled, eyes squinting against the bright overhead sun. You don’t respond, and he lifts his head to look at you.
“What?” He asked, “You can’t deny that it’s the most eventful summer we’ve ever had”
You peered down at your nails, the paint was chipping off, “Right. Losing my best friends sure is memorable”
“You didn’t lose them, Y/N”
You gestured to the space around you, that usually would be occupied by Hana or Felix, “I don’t see them here”
Minho sighed, swimming closer to you, “What’s got you in such a mood?”
You shook your head, feeling silly for feeling this way, “Nothing” 
He rolled his eyes, “Tell me”
You sighed, fixing the straps of your bikini to avoid looking him in the eye, “Hana tried to talk to me a few days ago. She wanted to fix things, but I didn’t. Does that make me a horrible person?”
“Do you feel like a horrible person?”
You looked up at him, “No. I…chose my peace over another fight. I think I made the right decision”
“You knew the answer to that already, Y/N. Then what is bothering you?”
“Fine. Hyunjin called me last night, from the release party” 
“And that’s a bad thing…why?”
“Not really, I guess it put things into perspective. He’s…out there being successful and celebrating that success, and I’m here, doing absolutely nothing.”
“You’re at a pool party with me. That’s not nothing”
“You know what I mean” You sighed, leaning against the pool wall, “He’s probably even going to display his stuff at an art gallery soon. Some girl fell in love with his art…and he’s always busy…in a totally insane location, or doing something so fucking cool, and I’m in the stupid art shop”
His texts have been less than frequent. You understand, because he’s swamped with work. The press tour has been underway for a week now, and if he wasn’t at some fancy magazine building, he was probably holed up in the studio for re-recordings. There’s still time till the album's release, and if you know anything about the band, they’re perfectionists. They’ll work themselves to the bone, till the end.
“Well, yeah. He’s…an idol, with a crazy fucking life. You’re living a normal life. He would probably give everything to exchange places with you, and not have anything to do”
“I guess you’re right” You realised, and you glance up to see Yeonjun.
He’s laughing loudly, sunglasses on his head, as he throws the ball to the other team. He’s leaving soon, and this pool party is a going away gift. After all, he’s the only one of your friends with a pool. Yeonjun looks happy, and beautiful in the sun. It was low-key, exactly like Yeonjun wanted it, and you’re so glad Minho and him are on talking terms again.
“And I don’t believe you. That’s not why you’re upset” Minho spoke, blocking the boy from your view.
“Why can’t you just take my word for it?”
“Because I know when you’re lying to me. So tell me, what’s got you being so bitchy to your only friend within 35 miles?”
“Ouch!” He yelled, when you pushed him again.
“Stop being a smartass”
“You’ve been floating on cloud nine the past few weeks, what’s wrong now?”
You stare back at Yeonjun, as he dives to retrieve his sunglasses, and his other friends are teasing him.
“I never told you but I applied to an apprenticeship in the city” You blurted.
Minho’s eyebrows shot up, “What? Today?”
“No…a few months ago. At the start of summer” 
His brows were furrowed, confused, “Oh”
“That’s kind of why I’ve been working all these jobs…so I could save up one day and move to the city”
He swam closer to you, “Why are you telling me this now?”
You shrugged, and the water feels nice and calm around you, “I thought you’d hate me for it”
He’s quiet for a few minutes, “That’s not true. I’d like to think I’ve grown from when Yeonjun left. I mean I’m at his party right now. Isn’t that saying a lot?”
You smiled at him, “That’s probably why I’m telling you now”
Minho laughed, “So did you get it?”
“Nope” You sighed, “I wasn’t good enough for it”
“What, so you’ve given up already?”
You frowned, “No, but I’m still waiting on them to hear back. I contacted them again regarding my application”
Minho smiled, “Hyunjin knows, right?”
“Yeah”
“Of course he knows. You tell him literally everything. I’m gonna have to fight him one day”
You laughed, “I’d pay to see that”
He reaches forward, picking out a leaf stuck in your hair, “You really miss him, huh?”
“I hate texting him. It’s so impersonal and distant”
“Have you video-called him?”
You sighed, “Through my shitty computer screen, yeah”
“I think you need a vacation, Y/N” He laughs.
“I’ve been on vacation, like for months”
“No, I mean a vacation, away from your job, away from Daejon. Just go see him”
Your eyes widen and you looked at him, “Isn’t that a bit crazy? I mean, we’re not dating”
He rolled his eyes, leaning back in to float, “The day you stop worrying about what other people think, is the day you’ll live a much better life, Y/N”
He then begins talking about other things, but his words stick in your head, and an idea begins to form.
»»————-
You help Yeonjun pack, and on his last night in town, you sit on his couch again, talking about everything that was. He tells you of his consistent fights with Hana, and his efforts to rekindle their relationship which went in vain. It’s strange to think he came back to town, just to make things right with her.
He tells you that him and Hana have grown apart, and perhaps they were never meant to be together. 
He says that he’s letting Hana go, and it’s a bittersweet moment which you drink to. 
You think nothing could make you let go of Hyunjin.
When you get really tipsy, you fantasise of him even more, and scroll back through your chats, reading his old texts, smiling to yourself. Yeonjun catches you, and calls you a hopeless romantic, and you’ve never thought of yourself that way, but it rings true. 
You both lay in bed, and you talk until he has to go, and you realise how much you hate goodbyes.
»»————-
The next time Hyunjin texted you, you were sat at the steps of the art shop, waiting for the rain to pass. 
hyun
hey
sorry ive been filming all day
you
ohh, what have you been filming?
didn’t the album recording finish last week?
hyun
ah no the press tour is still left 
you
oh right, sorry I have no idea how this stuff works lol
hyun
right now we’re doing some promo content for a teen magazine 
after this we still need to go to a music video shoot
It’s for an american talk show
isn’t that crazy?
you
wow…
you’re going to be so popular
but i hope you can get some sleep
hyun
we’re filming till 4 am tonight
i doubt it
what are you up to?
you
um im stuck at aeras because of the rain :/
i always forget to carry an umbrella
hyun
you miss me?
You stared at the text, tears inexplicably filling your eyes, and you don’t know why.
It had only been a few weeks since he was gone, yet it felt like he was drifting away.
Of course you missed him.
You missed him an insane amount, and ever since he’d been gone, you’d been going through the motions of daily life, not even really enjoying anything.
He was so far away. 
You’d tried to not let the sadness overtake you, because it was silly and childish.
You missed his calming voice, and his hand in yours, and the taut string of tension between you every time you met.
You missed the uncertainty of Hyunjin.
The not-knowing.
With him, you could never tell. It could be a mundane afternoon, until it wasn’t. Until his hands were around you, and you were kissing, and you knew it was so wrong to be attached to that.
Your phone buzzed, and he was calling you, snapping you out of your thoughts.
“Hey” You mumbled, your voice softer and shakier than you intended.
“Is everything okay…?”
“Yeah” You swallowed, “Sorry, I was just about to reply”
“No, don’t worry. I just got worried. I thought—” He trailed off.
“What did you think?”
“I thought I crossed a boundary…or something”
You paused, trying to comprehend his words. All he’d done was ask you if you missed him. How could that be a boundary when you and Hyunjin had said so much more? Done so much more? 
Was missing each other not even okay anymore? Was it too much for him?
Another sob threatened to break at the implication.
“Y/N? Are you still there?” He asked, voice soft and calm, not knowing the storm it brewed inside you.
You mumbled, “Yes, I’m here”
“Okay” He spoke, letting you breathe.
“I’m sorry, I just…I guess I miss you more than I thought I would” You admitted, hoping it wouldn’t be too much for him. That it wouldn’t push him away.
“Oh” 
“Yeah”
“I…miss you too, Y/N” 
It calmed your racing heart.
“I wish I could see you” You fumbled through the words, “It’d make me feel so much…better”
Hyunjin was quiet for a while, “I’m sorry”
“It’s…not your fault” A smile graced your lips, because he had no reason to apologise for your lives being so separate from each other.
“It is. I’m sorry I’ve been away…I got really caught up with everything here. Seeing my friends again, having this life back, it was more overwhelming than I thought. But don’t worry…I’m doing really well here”
“Yeah?”
“I’ve been painting a lot more when I’m free, or when I’ve had a horrible day”
Your heart clenched at his tone, and the implication that it was only a few weeks since he was gone but he’d already had multiple horrible days. 
“Yeah? I’m glad it helps. That means…coming home wasn’t a waste”
“A waste?” He repeated, confused, “Why would you say that?”
You pulled at your laces, watching the rain fall at your footsteps, “Nothing, Hyunjin. It doesn’t matter”
“You seem…upset. Did I say something wrong?”
You pulled your knees up to your chest, away from the pitter patter of the drops, “I told you. I really wish you were here. I know it’s impossible”
“Yeah…”
“This morning, I was watching the news…about Jisung’s trial. How’s it going?”
“It’s…okay. He’s so tired already, he kind of just wants to settle but the company lawyers are pushing for more”
“I’m sorry. That sounds so exhausting” You bite your lip, because their lives are already as stressful as they could get, and this legal battle plays in the backdrop like a nuisance.
“They’re also restricting a lot of shit for us. We have to be careful each time we step out in public, and Jisung even has to monitor every phone call…same with Chan and Kairi”
“How long is it going to last?”
“Hopefully not too long, but anyway, that’s not important right now at all. You sound upset. How are you?” He asks, voice becoming softer all of a sudden.
You fear you’re going to sound like a broken record if you tell him you miss him again. These days you seem to fill all your silences with just those words. Would he get sick of hearing them? Is this how long distance relationships are like? Endlessly telling each other you miss them, but never being able to do anything about it.
Instead, you end up saying something absolutely crazy, “Hyun, can I come see you?”
You don’t intend for the words to leave your brain, much less your mouth. In fact, you didn’t even know you were going to say them. You haven’t had time to plan, but Minho’s conversation rings through you. You’ve been saving up to go to Seoul your whole life. You can spare a vacation. It would be worth it if it means you see him.
Hyunjin is quiet, and then he breaks the silence with a chuckle, “W-what?”
“Um, sorry that sounds out of nowhere. I just…I really want to meet you. I miss you, and it sounds like you’re going through a lot. Maybe it’ll help” You trail off, leaving the suggestion up in the air.
“I…I’m not sure, Y/N”
You nod, because it is crazy, “Yeah?”
“Yeah. Fuck, I’m so sorry but I…I don’t think I can meet you. Right now, with everything that’s going on, I honestly don’t have the time and…” He trails off.
You nod again, “Yeah. I understand”
“I’m sorry”
“It’s okay. It’s bad timing”
“It’s bad timing” He repeats, yet his tone is definitive and final.
You can’t seem to see a time in the future which would get better. After the album release, he was going to go on a press tour, and then start preparing for the next album, the music videos, the solo photoshoots…the world tour.
Hyunjin was never going to have time for this, and your throat becomes clogged with a broken dream.
He sighed, softly, “How are you going to get home then, if it’s raining?”
“I’ll wait it out”
“What if it rains till morning?”
You smiled, your silence saying enough.
“I’ll stay with you” He says.
Your brows shot up, “What? Don’t you have…a schedule or an interview to get to?”
His voice came in softly, “It doesn’t matter. I’ll stay with you, till the rain ends”
Now, you wished it would never end.
»»————-
The incessant abuse of your doorbell woke you up. It had been pressed countless times, and it was half past nine. 
Why the hell would anybody come to see you this early?
Last night, Hyunjin had stayed on the call as you’d walked home by yourself. You didn’t talk the whole way, of course. In between, he would be quiet, and you’d only hear the rustling of papers and his pencil as he sketched away in his condominium. You’d hear his breaths, and occasionally, he’d say something. 
In moments like this, he was a man of few words. You appreciated that, because it was nice, to just exist with him. Although, you were slightly embarrassed at how many times you told him you missed him.
Turning over in your bed, you pushed the pillow over your head to make the noise disappear. 
A buzzing of your phone, followed by another short bursts of the doorbell made you sit up.
Who could be here to see you, so urgently, and so fucking impatiently?
“What the hell” You mumbled, getting out of bed, and rushing barefoot on the cold tiles, to answer, and in your sleepy daze you hoped it was him. That by some miracle, Hyunjin had heard your wishes and come to see you.
On the other side of the door, with bagels in hand, stood Felix. 
A hood pulled over his head to protect from the rain, he certainly looked a vision. 
Your sleep disappeared, in lieu of confusion, “Yongbok?”
He smiled, perfect teeth on display, “Morning. I…see that you were still asleep”
You hugged yourself, realising how exposed you were in your sleep shorts and tank. Although that had never been a problem around him before, “I mean yeah…it’s barely ten”
He cocked his head, “It’s almost noon”
“What?” Your heart dropped, “You’re kidding me”
“I’m really not” He laughed, and then said, “Are you going to let me in? It’s freezing out here”
You realised he was standing in the pouring rain, and you stepped back, “Oh, of course”
You still didn’t know what he was doing here, but years of friendship fell back into place and you let him in.
He pulled the hood off, shaking his hair to get the water out, and looked apologetic, “Sorry, I just showed up. I did try texting you, and I thought you’d be awake”
“I got in late last night” You told him, still standing against your open door, watching Felix in your foyer.
“Oh, were you stuck because of the rain? You could have called me, I’d have come picked you up” 
“No, that’s okay. I was on a call”
Realisation crossed his features, “Right. How is he?”
Slight irritation coursed through you, “I didn’t say it was him”
Felix nodded, looking genuinely apologetic, “Sorry. My mistake.”
But of course, he was right because it was Hyunjin you were talking to, but you wouldn’t admit that now, and you held back a groan. 
His eyes flickered over your body, “Why are you still standing at the door? You’ll catch a cold”
“What are you doing here?” You hugged yourself tighter, well-aware that you didn’t even have a bra on, “The last time I saw you, you said you didn’t want to be friends with me anymore”
His eyebrows shot up, and he stared at you.
For a second, you did regret it. It was too early to fight. It was too beautiful a morning for this.
Until he laughed, nervously, “Um…that’s not what I meant. Is that what you got from it?”
You frowned, “What?”
He shook his head, “Um, I guess I really didn’t get the point across. I thought you understood me that night. Isn’t that why you’re avoiding me?”
Your head hurt, “I’m not avoiding you…You’re confusing me, Felix. It’s too early for this”
“I’m sorry, you’re right. Hey, look, why don’t you get dressed, and take a shower, and I can make us some coffee…and heat up these bagels by then? After that, maybe we could talk?”
“Talk about what?”
You couldn’t understand him.
“About everything. I realise I’ve been apologising for my actions, but never really explaining why I acted that way this whole time”
But he had been your friend your entire life…so you would hear him out now.
»»————-
He sat at your breakfast table, warm bagels laid out across a plate, with two hot cups of coffee.
You sat across him, pulling your feet up, eyeing his movements.
It wasn’t alien to you…this kindness of his. He had done this countless times before, showed up at your house uninvited, but this time was different, of course.
“I really am sorry for waking you up. I genuinely thought you’d be awake, I thought you had a shift at Aera’s”
“I haven’t had a shift at Aera’s on Tuesday, ever” You responded.
“Oh” He laughed, “Maybe I should have memorised your work schedule back when you started working there…I guess I always assumed it was a temporary job”
You bit into a bagel, unable to hold back your hunger, and it instantly melted in your mouth. A rush of endorphins flooded through you, and you sat back for a minute, letting the taste sit with you, letting your body wake up.
Felix watched you, a soft smile on his face, “You like them?”
“You didn’t have to bake these for me” You spoke, staring at your feet, perched on the chair.
“But I did” He reached his hand out, across the table, “How are you doing?”
You glanced up at him, “I’m…fine”
He frowned, “Your eyes are all swollen. I know what that means”
You pulled your hand back from his, “It’s nothing. I’m just tired of summer”
He sat back, eyebrows raised, “Those are words I never thought I’d hear from you”
“Well…you won’t really understand, Lix”
He slid the cup of coffee towards you, “Try me” 
You stared at him, eyes flickering between his, and then reached forward for the cup, “I don’t know. I feel tired of everything lately. I don’t really want to make an effort to go out. I go to work, and back, and so on. It’s kind of a futile existence”
“I go to the Creek every night. You can come with me”
You hugged yourself, “Yeah, but I just feel like there’s more I should be doing”
His tongue poked his cheek, “You mean…that art apprenticeship” 
You glanced up at him, heart heavy, “I lost that”
“I’m sorry. You could have told me, you know?”
You’ve been hearing that a lot recently, but you know keeping it a secret was the only way it could have worked. He said he would have understood, but you knew him better than that.
“I was afraid of losing you, but…” You laughed, “That happened anyway”
He shook his head, pulling his chair closer to yours, “At the drive-in theatre, when I said I didn’t want us to be friends again…I didn’t mean it like that. There was more I wanted to say, which I couldn’t”
“Wow, you’re really getting right to it”
He laughed, “What? So, would you prefer we talk about nonsense for another hour? I know why I’m here, I’d feel better if you know too”
You weren’t sure you wanted to hear this, but you nodded, “Keep going”
“I guess what I wanted to say was…” He paused, and when your eyes met his, you realised he was actually nervous.
“Yeah?”
His eyes squeezed shut, and then opened, “I was really fucking jealous”
“Of…what?”
He laughed, a sound you’d loved all these years, “Of…Hyunjin. Obviously. Who else?”
“Felix…we talked about this. You have nothing to be jealous about. Just because he’s in my life now, does not mean you can’t be”
He laughed, “No, that’s not what I’m jealous of. I don’t really care if he’s in your life”
“Then what?” 
He sighed, leaning forward, and this angle put him in the path of sunlight. It lit up his face, highlighting the freckles splashed across his nose bridge, and his cheeks, and you saw his lips part to form the words, “You love him.”
Confusion arising, you frowned, “Felix—”
“Let me finish” He laughed, “It’s…been obvious for months”
You were embarrassed, to say the least.
He tilt his head, “Has it not been obvious to you?” 
Your face flushed, from the frustration and the embarrassment, “What, my feelings for him?”
“No. My feelings for you"
He said it so simply.
So fucking simple, and you couldn’t even react.
You sat there, looking at him.
Putting together his words in your mind. Again. And Again.
You misheard him. You had to.
“Yongbok”
“It is what you think it is” He paused, “I really thought that you knew”
“You…” A nervous laugh escaped you, and it wasn’t your proudest moment, “You have feelings for me? You’re fucking with me, right?”
You wanted to ask why. But you didn’t.
“Since when?”
“I don’t know” He leaned back, “I…didn’t really realise it until, well, this summer”
“Oh”
“Yeah” He swallowed, “But I know that you don’t feel the same, and I was acting stupid. It was dumb of me”
You stared at him and don’t know how you didn’t realise this. How did you not put two and two together? You felt so fucking dumb for missing all the hints, and all the clues. 
“Yongbok. I…um, I don’t know what to say. Sorry, I’m just…overwhelmed and confused”
"You don’t have to say anything” He laughed, “You’re like…my best friend in the fucking universe. I know that doesn’t sound like much, because I mean, we’re twenty and best friends makes it sound like we’re in elementary, but it’s true. You’re literally the most consistent person in my life, and I’m always fucking happy around you. Not just happy, but at peace. I’m happy with Hana, and Minho, and Eunbi too, but with you, it’s like I’m home.”
You couldn’t look him in the eye, “Felix…”
“I’m sorry for all the times I yelled at you. I’m fucking terrible at holding back my frustration, and I was still navigating my…emotions. I could lie and say I never meant to hurt you when we had all those arguments, but I did. I did want you to feel the kind of hurt I did. That’s probably the biggest red flag” He laughed, “But holy shit, Y/N, you have no idea what it took for me to tell you this. With him being here, I just couldn’t because that’s so fucking cliche, it’d be like I was asking you to choose”
You stared at him, uncomfortable, unable to comprehend the extent of his words, “You should have told me”
“I’m telling you now. I know it’s awkward for you, but I have nothing to lose” He chuckled, “I’m not asking you out, or anything. I just want you to know because it was driving me crazy keeping it to myself. In fact, I was never planning to tell you, but the night of my birthday party, during that stupid spin the bottle game, when we kissed, I thought you felt the same”
You remembered the kiss. 
It had surprised you how much you liked it.
“I mean, you’re a really good kisser” You admitted, picking from crumbs from the bagel.
He laughed, “Am I?”
“Yeah” 
“I try” He smirked, and you know he was trying to lighten the mood. It was so typical of him to make jokes out of an awkward situation, “You’re a really good kisser too. I know after the party, I gave you a 7.5 on the kissing scale, but…I was obviously kidding”
You looked up at him, “Really?”
He nodded, still smiling, “I’m sure Hyunjin would agree with me”
Just like that, the bubble popped.
Your smile fell.
“Sorry” He apologised, “You guys have kissed, right?”
“Yeah”
“And he still went back to Seoul?” He laughed, “Man, being an idol really sucks”
“Yongbok…”
“Okay” He laughed, “I’m sorry. I was just trying to make you laugh”
You didn’t know what this was, or what to make of it.
What are you supposed to say that? You felt an obligation, to return his feelings, despite all the arguments you had in the recent months, you wish you could return them. 
You didn’t want to be the one breaking his heart, or anybody’s. 
Is this how Hyunjin would feel if you’d told him you loved him? 
Would you have also lightened your inevitable rejection by stupid humour? 
You don’t know what you can possibly say to Yongbok, to make things okay.
So later, when he’s helping you wash the cups, foam-filled hands, you ask him, “Are you going to be okay?”
Yongbok looks up at you, a soft smile on his features, and you again realise how beautiful he looked in the sunlight. His skin is lit up, a kindness in his eyes has returned, like a weight was lifted off his shoulders, and he tells you he’s okay.
He tells you not to worry, and that you owe him nothing. He then dips his hand in the foamy sink, reaching up to smear some on your nose, a childlike laughter filling your kitchen.
You wonder if you would feel the same relief, if you confessed the truth to Hyunjin.
»»————-
Your phone rings later that evening, and it’s Hyunjin.
He asks you if you’re okay, and if you’re better than you were yesterday.
You were on the brink of tears last night.
Today, you are better.
Yongbok’s words come back to you, and you wonder why you don’t love him. It sure would have made everything a little easier. 
Everything makes sense now, the way he’s been acting all summer, his behaviour around Hyunjin, and you feel a little stupid for being so oblivious to it.
When you drift off into thought, Hyunjin asked you again, if you were okay.
“I met Yongbok” You responded.
His voice lit up, at your rekindled friendship, “Yeah? What did you guys do?”
You tell him about the bagels, and the coffee, and because you can never keep anything from Hyunjin, you end up blurting, “He told me he loves me. That he has his entire life”
You don’t know why you say it. You’re looking for a reaction. Or for consolation.
But Hyunjin is quiet on the other end, and he doesn’t say much for the rest of the night, and you wonder if you should have just kept it to yourself.
»»————-
Hyunjin doesn’t call you the next day, or the next, or the one after that. 
You try to distract yourself, stealing away work hours into painting. 
Each brushstroke soothed you, and you pour out your emotions. 
Unrequited love is a bitch, and you feel guilty every time you see Felix, but he’s more than okay. You can’t imagine being the same. 
Your paintings end up all looking really sad. They make you feel sad when you look at them, and you realise you’re only painting of longing.
Hyunjin finally texts you.
It’s only to tell you that Chan and Kairi broke up.
He doesn’t say much more, but he doesn’t have to.
You knew what they meant to them, and perhaps this breakup impacted him more than them.
You go back to painting your solitude. 
It’s calming, under the glow of your lamp, tucked in a corner of your room, you lose yourself in your art. 
Autumn is closer than it was yesterday, and it makes you sad. Summer is further away in your past now, and so is he.
Hyunjin’s texts get less frequent, as the days go by.
You feel obsessive, you feel just a little crazy.
You feel like a teenage girl waiting for her crush to call back.
Your heart breaks a little more with each hour that he doesn’t call.
You’re worried all the time, if he was okay.
You read about the scandals on the news, and the rumours on the internet, and some of them involve him but most of them involve Jisung. 
Yeonjun keeps you updated on the trial, and all the press outlets that Jisung has sued. 
Hyunjin doesn’t have space in his life for a relationship, but as days pass, it feels like he doesn’t for a friendship either.
hyun
hey yn
im so sorry
i’ve had a horrible schedule the past few days
they’re really trying to make up for everything I missed
i haven’t been sleeping much and i just…haven’t got much time on my phone
my managers have been really strict
they limit my activities on there
but don’t worry im okay
i spend most of my time in the studio
i miss you too. a lot
His replies soothe you, more than your own art ever could. 
You fall into a habit. You check the news each morning, even before your first sip of coffee, worried if he’s okay.
Hyunjin keeps telling you he’s fine, and you force yourself to believe him.
He sends you pictures of his art, and you notice how much he’s improved. He’s using all of the techniques you taught him. He’s painting about all of his days in your hometown.
Other nights, you don’t hear from him at all.
You feel it falling apart, and your heart breaks.
One day, he asks you about Yongbok again. 
You question if you should never have told him about the confession.
»»————-
The day his album releases, you listen to it before anybody in the world, or at least you’d like to believe so. 
It’s beautiful, and it’s raw. It’s a mix of every genre you can imagine. Hyunjin sings about love like he’s been in it. The album is more beautiful than you could anticipate, and you can already see the headlines surrounding it’s success.
Felix takes you to a store in Samhae, so you can purchase it for yourself, and when you find yourself in a line of twenty girls talking about him, you feel like fighting them.
You borrow Yuqi’s car, so you can push the CD into the stereo, and hear it before you can even get home.
The music Hyunjin makes is beautiful as him, and you hear the vocal fry, and the cadence he speaks with, and you fall in love with him even more.
It feels like cheating, as Felix sits in the passenger seat, listening to the same songs.
You wanted to ask him what he thinks of the album, but you hold back.
When you got home, you sat in the darkness of your room, and listened to it again, just by yourself. 
You called him to tell him what you think of it, but he’s at a party and he has no time for this. 
So you end up keeping your thoughts just to yourself. 
»»————-
You stared at the letter mail within your hands.
It arrived a few days ago, but you hadn’t noticed it until now.
It had been lying in your mailbox, gathering dust, and you stood on the sidewalk, wondering how you the hell you missed it.
It was from the city.
Your heart dropped into your gut, as you ripped open the envelope, making sure not to damage the contents inside.
You took a deep breath.
Holy shit.
It was going to be a rejection.
It had to be.
You stood absolutely still on the pavement, unfolding the letter. It’s so thin you’re afraid you’re going to rip it.
You can’t read this alone. You wish Hyunjin would here, it’d probably feel less scary.
But you can’t wait either. You need to know now.
You scanned the paper, yet your brain couldn’t comprehend the sentences, and skipped forward, registering only certain words. Like a record skipping.
A word stands out to you.
Congratulations.
And then you go back to the start of the letter, trying to make sense of what you just read, but your heart is already beating out of your chest and you think you’re going to pass out.
Congratulations.
Kim Jieong would be honoured to have you join him as an apprentice for his Fall Program in Painting at the Atelier of the Arts in Seoul, South Korea.
You reread the words until they were seared into your mind, and into your heart.
You read them until the paper became wet with droplets, and you realise you were crying. 
On the side of the sidewalk. 
Then you read them again.
You folded the piece of paper into your pocket, and you texted the boy you loved.
hyunjin!
when can i call you?
i have something to tell you
it’s really important
You wait for his answer, but your message doesn’t deliver.
So you sat down on your front porch, trying to calm your heart but you’re bursting with excitement and anticipation. You’ve already texted Felix and Minho, but you’re only waiting for one person’s reaction.
You need to tell him now. 
He could be busy. He could be at work, or in bed, but you don’t care.
He has to be the first to know.
You find yourself dialling his number, and your hands are shaking, and your heart is trembling.
Hyunjin doesn’t pick up.
And you’re met with an unfamiliar message.
“We're sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”
»»————-
THREE MONTHS LATER
»»————-
“Take my hand if you don’t wanna fall” 
You looked up, and Felix is smiling down at you, the sun a halo around his head.
He’s got pink skates on, and it suits him. 
The brightness of them stands out in the park.
“You’re awfully confident for someone who’s fallen over…thrice now?” Minho laughs, coming to stand next to you, arms on his hips.
“I’ll be fine, Lix” You smiled, tightening the laces of your roller-skates.
“Let me at least help you up” He insisted.
You nodned, letting him take your hand and pull you up. You’re inches from him when you stand up, and he smiled at you.
“See you at the rink in a few?” He tilt his head.
“I’ll see you, Lix”
He let go of your hand, and you miss the steadiness it gave you, but almost instantly Minho comes to your side. With a hand on your back, he leads you to the rink. You’re still getting used to these roller-skates, and you’ve fallen over more than you’d liked.
“Aren’t you glad I dragged you out here?” He nudged you.
“Sure” You smiled at him, trying to match his pace. 
It’s a beautiful day at the park. There’s a harvest festival, where Felix bobbed for apples, and you cheered for him. Then Minho forced you all onto the rink, bringing you a new pair of skates since you couldn’t find your old ones. As you skated around the park with your friends, it almost feels like the old days.
The leaves had changed color.
The days were shorter now, and the sun hung low in the sky, the temperature dropping to single digits.
With the onset of fall, you stopped swimming in the Creek, and the fireflies disappeared, and you never left the house without a cardigan anymore. 
Aera’s kept you busy, and so did the weekends at The Château. You and Seungmin grew even closer, and you found joy in interacting with travelling tourists, searching for artistic pursuits and adventure in your little town. 
Felix explored his love for baking with you, and you recreated everything in his recipe book… except for the strawberry streusels. Yeonjun consistently kept in touch with, and told you of his life in the city, the drama in his workplace, and about the cute new girl that sat across him at work. 
You fell in love with the palette of autumn, and all your artworks became tinged with shades of orange and red. All of your sweaters became tainted with paint splatters, and the walls of your room became full with your memories of the summer.
“Are you going to take these with you? I bought them for you, full-price mind you” Minho asked you.
You sighed, “I don’t know”
“There has to be places in Seoul to skate in” He thought, and grabbed your hand so you can speed up. You smiled, feeling the wind on your face, desperately trying to not lose your balance.
“I don’t think I have space in my suitcase” You told him, as he stopped. 
Felix is on the other side, and he’s smiling at you. He looks cute, and he’s with his sister. She’s in matching pink rollerblades, and Felix has spent more than an hour teaching her how to skate.
There’s a couple next to them, and they’re holding hands and skating, and they keep kissing, and your chest hurts with the thought of him.
You haven’t been able to talk to him in months…
He doesn’t even know you got into the program.
His number changed, and he closed all of private social media.
“Hey?” Minho said, turning your head to look at him, and he can read your mind, “You’ll find him once you get to the city, it’s only a matter of time”
You frowned, “How? I don’t even know where he lives…I don’t even know if he’s okay”
“Well, you obviously know he’s alive” Minho joked, “He looks pretty good in all the interviews they did”
“I’m just worried about him” You mumbled, “It feels weird to go this long without hearing from him”
“It’s probably something with the company. Hyunjin told you how controlling they were, didn’t he?”
“Yeah, but…he’s not a kid. How can they control this shit in his life?”
You’ve had this same conversation millions of times before, over the past three months, but you still can’t understand what happened. You had tried every way to get in touch with him, but with how famous he was right now…it was impossible.
It’s not even like you can go to Facebook and add him as a fucking friend. 
“I can ask Felix to try” Minho asked.
“No” You insist, “It’s not gonna make a difference. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’ll see him soon”
You can’t help but have hope. At the beginning, you were worried, and then you were angry but now you’re just confused. You know he’d never change his contact information without telling you, or even Minho, or Seungmin. 
Something went wrong.
A huge reason you’re excited to go to Seoul, is so you can finally meet him, and know what happened, how he’s been, and if he’s okay.
You heard Felix call out to you.
“Wait, Y/N” Minho grabbed your arm, “I’m sure he’s even more upset than you”
Over the past few months, Minho has discussed all of his theories with you, about what could have happened. He’s so sure, that Hyunjin’s company is involved. You want to believe him, because there’s no way Hyunjin would do this.
“What are you two gossiping about?” Felix asked, skating over to you, and from where you stand, he really looked like a fairy, long hair blowing in the wind.
“Nothing important” You smiled at him, “Wanna skate with me now?”
“Always” He grinned. You let him take your hand, and pull you around the rink, guiding you through groups of friends, children and couples. 
“What are you wearing to the party tonight?” He asks, after a while, and his hand landed on your waist, helping you balance.
“Whatever outfit I haven’t packed” You admitted, honestly.
“Come on, you’re the star of the night” He spun in front of you, “You should wear the blue dress, the one you wore to Yeonjun’s party last year”
Tonight is the going away party that Minho is throwing for you. You can’t believe it’s already time. You leave tomorrow.
Everything has been building up to this, and you’re so excited, you think you could burst. You’re anxious too, because everything has to go right, it’s only what you’ve been dreaming about.
Your acceptance letter is tucked into a book, and it feels like only yesterday that you found out, but it’s already been months.
The night you got accepted, Felix baked you a chocolate cake. You were too shaken up, and confused about the fact that you couldn’t get through to Hyunjin, but you had to celebrate.
Felix… distracts you from all your worries. You’re grateful for his company.
“I don’t want to be the star” You told him.
Felix rolled his eyes, “You deserve it, love, and you have no choice”
You had been anxious about Hyunjin for months, confused, and heartbroken, but you have bigger things to worry about.
The program starts in a week, and you don’t have enough time to prepare.
Yet, you’ve been preparing for it all your life.
The money you’ve saved up happens to just be enough for a studio apartment, and Yeonjun helped you find a place in a busy neighbourhood.
Not that it mattered.
You would sleep in the subway if you had to, if it means you’ll get to learn from The Kim Jieong. The artist you’ve looked up to all your life, your inspiration, your muse, and your everything.
Later that night, Minho helped you pack, and you take only what you need. You can’t afford to leave your supplies at home, like he did, so you packed all of them. You keep aside the tattered brushes, because the city kids would definitely disapprove. 
Your suitcase filled up quickly, with an array of watercolours, and acrylics, and pastels, and you compromised on your clothes.
You only pack your favourite coat, and your dark sweaters, and the skirts you didn’t wear here yet.
The going away party is small, and you love and hate every part of it. You wear the blue dress Felix wanted you to. Everybody there tells you you’ll do well, and you wonder if any of them secretly resent you, if they think you’re another person who gave into the city's false charms. Everybody who moves to the city from a small town is always celebrated, but you know you’ll probably be hated when you’re actually gone.
You’re in such a daze throughout, you don’t realise the importance of that night.
You’re not going away for long, but it’s still a huge deal.
The apprenticeship has a low acceptance rate, and they hardly take any students from Korea. It’s mostly international kids, and you can’t believe you get the chance to be amongst them.
After the party, you and Felix stay to help Minho clean up, and you stand on the threshold of the doorway, to catch your breath. Felix threw away the last of the beer bottles, and stood opposite you, leaning on the other end.
Your arms are folded behind your back, and you smile at him.
“I can’t believe Seonmi tried to get us to play spin the bottle again” 
You sigh, “I’m glad Minho shut them down”
Felix laughs, and then his shoulders sag as the laughter dies down, “How are you feeling?”
“Tired” You tell him, “But…I’m really fucking excited too”
“I can’t believe you’re leaving” He mumbles, for the tenth time that night, and he pushes his hands in his pockets.
“It’s not like I’m moving away forever” You tell him, “The apprenticeship is just a temporary program”
“But isn’t the point of it to get a job in the city?” He asks.
“There’s only a few spots open, for the people that perform the best”
“Then you’re definitely not coming back” He says, smiling, placing unwavering faith in you.
“We’ll see” You shrug.
“Is he coming to pick you up from the station?” He asks.
You nod, “If he can make it. He’s been busy recently”
“You promise to keep me in your life?” He suddenly asks, tilting his head. You notice his hair’s grown longer in the fall, falling to his shoulders. The blonde suits him, the glow of the porch lights sharpen his cheekbones, and the shadows on his face.
“You’d push your way back, even if I didn’t” You tell him.
He laughs, knowing it’s the truth, “I’ve had the privilege of knowing you since we were…kids. I’m never letting you go, you know that?”
His words are meant to comfort you, but the irony doesn’t fail to strike.
He must have noticed the fall in your expression, because he steps forward, “Hey, hey. What’s wrong?”
“I’m…kind of a little terrified” You admit, eyes downcast, watching the pink shoelaces of Felix’s worn-out shoes.
“You’ve been painting your whole life. Everybody’s going to fall in love with you there, I can bet my life on that”
“I only need Kim Jieong to fall in love with me” You joke.
“And he will. You’ll spare no one”
You swallow, “Thank you. I know you never really wanted me to move away. But I’m really glad you understand how much this means to me”
“I rather you be away from me than be miserable in this little town” He admits, and his finger meets the end of your chin. He tilts your head up, so you’re looking him right in the eye.
“That doesn’t sound like you” You mumble.
He rolls his eyes, “I know. The things I do for you”
You smile, “Thank you”
“I’m really gonna miss you” He admits, “You’ll come home for the next summer though, right?”
You nod, and his hand is still on your chin, “Of course. I’ll be here”
His lips pull up into a smile, and his eyes are bright, and the freckles on his skin look far too much like stardust right now.
“You’ll be here. That’s why summer’s my favourite season” He mumbles, but his voice is suddenly hoarse now, half of his words lost in his mouth. 
He’s staring right at you, and you feel the breath leave your lungs. 
It reminds you of the night of his birthday and how he came to your rescue, kissing you to save you from embarrassment.
“Can I kiss you?” He suddenly asks you, the depth of his voice prickling through you.
Apparently, he was thinking of the same thing.
The words throw you for a loop, but yet they don’t. 
He knows you don’t feel the same way for him. He knows that you’re in love with someone else. But he still asks. It’s a goodbye kiss. It doesn’t mean much more. 
So, you say yes, and he swallows your words in a kiss.
He presses you up against the doorway, but he doesn’t deepen the kiss. His lips move against yours, and his hands hold you, and all you can think about how is how different this feels.
It’s not that you’ve given up on Hyunjin. In fact, in a few days, you’ll be closer to him than you’ve ever been, under the same night sky, breathing the same air.
Your hands stay behind you, pressed into the doorway, and you feel the slightest urge to run them through his hair, but you don’t. 
Felix kisses you sweetly, and when he pulls away, there’s no awkwardness. He lets out a laugh, pulling playfully at your cheeks and mumbles something about making sure you don’t miss the train in the morning.
That night, when you’re packing away the last of your things, you reached for the sketchbook you had left at Hyunjin’s house. It laid by your bedside, but you haven’t opened it in weeks. You decided to take it with you, if only for the memories and the sketches you’ll make on the journey.
As you reach to put it in your suitcase, something dropped from within its pages and landed on the wooden floor.
Frowning, you bent down to pick it up. 
It’s a vertical photo strip, and when you flip it over, your breath stops in your throat.
It’s the pictures from the photobooth.
Of you and Hyunjin kissing, in the pink lights.
How the fuck did that get in here?
You’re absolutely sure he had deleted them, right in front of your own eyes.
It stirs memories within you, plunging you right back into that moment, the hot, heavy kisses that you shared, the tightness with which he gripped your hips, the urgency with which you touched each other.
Your core tightened, and you sit on the floor to take a breath.
You stared at the strip of pictures. Your first instinct is to text him, and ask where he got them, but you can’t even contact him. 
It’s another question you can’t wait to ask him, when you finally see him again.
A tsunami of feelings overwhelms you, and you know that you can’t blame him for this sudden rift between you, because you can still feel the intensity with which he held you, and moments like that can’t be temporary.
A new buzz runs through your veins, and you hold the photo strip tight to your chest, wondering when it would be real again.
»»————-
The stars in the sky were replaced by the skyscraper lights, as your train hurtled closer to its destination.
Clutching your ticket in your hand, your eyes were peeled to the window, watching the city skyline become closer, and closer, until the buildings loomed over you. 
You’d seen the city through pixels and in coffee table books but never like this. 
Your camera ran out of film before you’d even arrived, and perhaps you should have prepared for that. You couldn’t stop your excitement. Everything was new, and everything was gorgeous. You took pictures of your ticket, of your seat, of the view.
You have to document this. In every form possible.
The cute boy across you even offered to share a pack of Peppero sticks halfway through the ride, and you hoped everybody in the city was as kind as him.
There were more people at the platform than in the entirety of Daejon, and you held your bags tightly to you, making your way through the crowd. At a certain point, you weren’t even walking, just pushed toward the nearest exit, going with the flow of the crowd around you. 
Each breath brought a new scent, fighting for your attention in the crowd. The musty luggage that had travelled all over the country being dragged against the concrete. 
There must be a cafe nearby, because the aroma of coffee wafted through the air, and it wasn’t till the scent of pastries hit you that you realised you were starving.
There’d be time for food later.
The faint hint of cologne and perfume clouded your senses, different kinds of fragrances worn by the people who walked through the station.
It was overwhelming, a sensory overload, but you had expected this chaos.
You welcomed it.
He was waiting for you at the platform.
Relief flooded through you at the familiar face amongst the crowd. 
“Look at her” He remarked, a small smile overtaking him.
“Fuck” You ran up to him, navigating through the few people still in your way. 
His arms wrapped around you immediately, lifting you off the ground momentarily, and his scent was familiar and it was known, and it calmed you instantly. You buried your face in his neck, letting him hold you to his body in the crowd.
“You’re here” He breathed, pulling back to look at you, eyes wide.
“I missed you” You admitted, reaching out to grab his hand, “Thank you…for coming to pick me up”
He squeezed yours in return, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world” 
“No, I’m serious. Thank you, Yeonjun”
He stared at you, eyes crinkling in appreciation and love, “You don’t have to thank me”
The crowd moved around you, like a river around a rock, as you held him close to you. 
Everything was unfamiliar here, but him.
“Come on, let’s get you out of here” He smiled, grabbing your bags.
Walking out of the station felt like stepping into a dream you’d forgotten.
You’d studied these streets, and dreamt of these buildings, but now you stood amongst them. Awe and fascination swelled in your heart, and if it wasn’t for Yeonjun keeping a hold on you, you’d probably stop and stare at every little thing.
The neon lights danced along the alleyways, casting colors onto everyone around you.
It was so typical. 
It was just like the movies.
You picked up on snippets of conversations, leftovers of drama, but it was crazy, because for the first time, you didn’t know who they were gossiping about. There were no familiar faces or names, a reality you could never live before.
In the distant, you could hear street musicians and you stopped, pulling at Yeonjun’s sleeve, “Can we go see that?”
You’ve seen far too many Youtube videos about this, and you have been waiting to experience this yourself.
He laughed, gesturing to your luggage, “With all this stuff in our hands?”
“Right” You realised.
“Hey, we can always come back to this. Let’s get you settled in first, yeah?” He said, reaching forward to tuck your hair back in a gesture that soothed you.
“I know. I just…I’m excited. Sorry” You apologised.
“Don’t be sorry. I was the same my first day here” He said, sincerely, “I’m glad I have you to share this with. Although you’re already doing better than me, I was so overwhelmed”
You swallowed, “I am too, but…I want to be”
Yeonjun’s lips curled up into a smile, “Yeah?”
“I’ve thought about this moment for a long time, Jun”
“I know” He smiled, then tugged at your hand, “Now come on, we’re almost at your apartment”
You let him tug you along, because you were too lost taking everything in to navigate yourself. 
It was overwhelming, 
But you embraced it.
»»————-
“Are you sure this is the right building?”
“Mmh, I checked on the map. It’s definitely the red building”
“It…looks different than it did online” You said, staring at the apartment.
“I’m sure it’s nicer inside” He shot you a calm look. 
He grabbed the heavier suitcase, before attempting to push the door open. 
It didn’t budge, and he stopped, “Is the door locked or something?”
“Um, they told me it’d be open till six” You mumbled, glancing at your phone to check the time.
“Well, it’s certainly not open” Yeonjun muttered, trying to push it open with his shoulder. 
His efforts were met with no real results, and he released a frustrated sigh.
“Maybe I can try” You side-stepped him, lamely attempting to turn the knob.
“You know, it’s not that cold” Yeonjun rolled his eyes at the thick gloves you had on.
“It’s cold for me” You defended. 
Daejon almost had the same weather year-round. 
You weren’t used to the chill that came this up north.
“I pray for you when winter comes” He added.
You turned to him, arms crossed, “So…are we just going to stand here the rest of the night?”
“Why don’t you call the landlord?”
You bit your lip, “I wouldn’t wanna inconvenience him” 
Yeonjun sighed, dropping the duffel bag on the pavement, “You literally can’t get into your apartment. I think he’ll understand”
Your new life in the city was off to a great start.
“Maybe I can try again tomorrow” You spoke, “Could I stay at your place tonight?”
“Y/N” He stepped forward, placing a hand on your shoulder, “You can, but you’re not going to be bothering him, I promise you. This is kind of his job”
You stared at him, and sighed, “You’re right. But, before I call him, do you think there’s another entrance to the place? Maybe we’re at the wrong one”
Yeonjun looked up at the facade of the building. All the blinds to the apartment windows were shut, and he kept his hands on his hips, “I’ll check around the back”
“Thank you” You nodded, “I’ll try the door here”
You peeled off your gloves, turning the knob again, hoping that it might work this time.
You pushed at it with your shoulder, and to your surprise, the door burst open, plunging you inside. 
Somebody else had opened the door from the inside.
“Fuck” You collided with them, flushing with embarrassment.
“Whoa” He exclaimed, hands coming up to your shoulders, “Are you okay?”
“Oh my god. I’m so sorry” You stepped back, looking up at him.
Was everyone in Seoul a fucking model or something?
His hair fell into his eyes, sharp features and a jawline that immediately stood out to you. 
He seemed to be younger than you.
He observed your form, eyes flickering over your figure before he stepped back, to let you breathe, “Were you…breaking in to my apartment or something?”
“No!” You immediately responded in horror, eyes wide, “I…I’m Y/N”
His eyebrows shot up, “Is that supposed to mean something to me?”
“I’m the new resident on the sixth floor” You explained, voice unsure by the second, “Mr. Kwon didn’t mention me?”
“Oh” His eyes widened in recognition, “Right. He did. I didn’t think you’d be coming in today. Bad weather to be moving in”
“You’re right” You laughed, pushing your hands in your pockets, “So, uh…I’m Y/N”
He smiled, eyes crinkling, “Hi, Y/N. I’m Jeongin”
“Sorry about the door. I couldn’t get in” 
“It tends to get stuck in the cold sometimes” He explained, then looked behind you, “Is that all the stuff you have?”
You turned back, “Yeah. My friend’s gone around the block…to look for another entrance”
Jeongin smiled brightly, like he had no troubles in the world, “Well, I can help you get your bags up, unless you wanna wait for your friend to come back?”
“I’ll just tell him I got the door open” You explained, reaching for your phone to text Yeonjun. 
Your new neighbour, Jeongin, watched as you typed out the text, and then reached forward, to pick up the duffel you’d abandoned on the street.
“You probably shouldn’t leave your stuff out like that” He laughed, grabbing the handle of your suitcase, “Some scumbags are just looking for an opportunity like that”
“Oh” You realised, feeling dumb for leaving your things unattended.
Jeongin pulled your suitcase and duffel bag up the porch stairs, before shooting you a glance, “I’m guessing you’re new to the city”
“It’s obvious?” You laughed, feeling embarrassed.
“Don’t worry about it” He shook it off with a hand, as you followed him up the stairs, “I’m on the second floor, by the way”
You clutched the rusty bannister with one hand, craning your neck to observe the atrium. The centre of the staircase had a skylight, but it was pitch-black outside.
He glanced back at you, “If you ever find yourself stuck outside, you can shoot me a text. I’m almost always home”
You followed him up to the sixth floor, “Thank you, that’s really nice of you. Are you in university?”
He nodded, “I take my classes online though. You?”
“I’m here for an art internship”
“Where’d you move here from?” He asked, as you made your way to the door, and you handed him the keys. 
“Daejon. It’s a small town down south, near the beach and the mountains. You probably haven’t heard of it”
He turned to you, with a grin, “Sounds beautiful”
You unlocked the door to your unit, and thankfully this lock was easier than the one below. 
Flicking the switches on, you glanced around.
The apartment certainly was…something. 
It was a studio, unfurnished, one bedroom, one bath.
The walls and floor were bare, and there was hardly any lighting, but that could be fixed.
Everything could be fixed.
You had made it here, and that’s what mattered.
A little kitchen window looked out into a fire escape, glimpses of the city visible. 
It excited you already. You could set up an easel there and learn to paint this new landscape.
You’d brought no artwork with you…but the new paintings you made could decorate the walls, and soon the place would fill up with your new memories of the city.
There was so much potential.
“It’s not bad. Mr. Kwon gave you one of the better units” The boy commented, and you realised he was still here, as you’d been fantasising about your new place.
“Really? You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?” 
Jeongin raised an eyebrow, “Why would I want to make you feel better? We’ve only known each other like… thirty seconds”
Your eyes widened, and for a second you wondered if he actually meant it, before he burst into a laugh.
“Sorry” He giggled, “I was kidding. Did you think I was not?”
“And how would I know you were kidding? I just met you, like you said” You exhaled.
He laughed, walking back to you, “Why would I be so rude to you for no reason?”
You shrugged, hugging yourself, “I don’t know…maybe you’re an asshole”
“Ouch” He laughed.
“Who are you?” A familiar voice interrupted, and you turned to see Yeonjun stood at the doorway. His eyes were wide, and his hair was wet from the rain. You felt guilty for leaving him out in the cold, but he was more concerned about the stranger in your apartment.
“Who are you?” Jeongin asked him in return, “How’d you get in?”
Yeonjun’s eyes narrowed, “The door was open downstairs”
“Shit” He mumbled, “Mr Kwon will kill me”
“Why are you in my friend’s living room?” Yeonjun asked.
“I was helping her in”
Yeonjun shot you a look, and you shrugged, “What?”
Jeongin looked between the two of you awkwardly, “I gotta go close up downstairs”
“Sure. Thank you for letting me in by the way”
“Course. No problem” He smiled, pushing his hands in his denim jacket pockets as he left. 
Once he was out of earshot, Yeonjun shut the apartment door, and raised an eyebrow at you, “Who was he?”
“Yang Jeongin” You leaned against the kitchen counter, letting out a breath, “He opened the door for me”
“And you let him into your apartment. What if he’s a creep?”
“Relax, Jun. At least I’m inside now”
He looked around, observing the place, “Well, at least there’s no mold here or anything”
You stare at him, “Are you kidding me? The place is… perfect”
He laughs, “What?”
You run up to him, pulling him into a hug, “Thank you, thank you, thank you”
He wrapped his arms around you, “Someone’s happy”
You looked up at him, “Of course I am. This is what I’ve wanted my entire life”
“You didn’t seem this excited downstairs” He pointed out.
“I was worried for a second there” You say, “But now I’m so happy”
He laughed, “Fuck. I’m happy for you”
You let go of him, to sit on your new couch, in your new home.
“If I get some cute stuff and more lights, it’ll be nice, right?”
He walked over to the kitchen window, peering out at the view, “Just be careful to keep the blinds closed at night”
“Why?” You frowned.
“There’s a lot of creepy people in the city”
You smiled, dropping your head back on the couch, “I don’t care”
He laughed again, stepping over to you, “When do you want to unpack?”
“Is it crazy if I say right now? I kind of want to put all my stuff in place”
“No, it’s not crazy. You’re not tired?”
“I’ve been preparing for this my whole life, so no”
He chuckled, “I’m guessing you’re going to be saying that a lot”
He walked over to the bedroom, “It’s smaller than on the website. You’ll have to buy a bed”
“I know” You hummed, closing your eyes, to take everything in. If you sat here quietly, you’d be able to hear the sirens, the pedestrians, the noise from all the shops.
“Do you wanna order some pizza?” He asked.
“That’s perfect”
As the hours pass, you put away all your clothes in the wardrobe. Yeonjun helped you arrange the paintbrushes and canisters in a corner. You’ve only had enough space to bring two canvases and you balanced them against your bedroom wall. 
Yeonjun played an English rock band he’s lately been obsessed with as you emptied the last of your suitcase.
The pizza arrived in no time, and Yeonjun brought it upstairs.
You’ve opened the kitchen window to let the city sounds in, and he smiles at your amused expression. Your apartment faces a busy street, but you love it. There’s absolutely no silence, and you think it’ll help you fall asleep at night.
Sitting on the floor, the pizza box lay between you as Yeonjun told you about his favourite spots in the city. He was a little overprotective, telling you to avoid certain neighbourhoods, but you appreciate him.
“Are you excited to join the internship?” He asked, biting down into the pepperoni.
“Apprenticeship” You corrected him.
“What’s the difference?” He laughed.
“Look it up” You rolled your eyes, tossing a pepperoni at him.
He nodded, “So you’re sticking in Seoul forever then?”
You laughed, “We’ll see”
“You didn’t answer my question” He repeated, popping open a coke can, a hissing sound accompanying it.
“I am excited. Obviously” You smiled, “Nervous to meet Kim Jieong though. He’s like my favourite artist, ever, in the entire observable universe”
Yeonjun laughed, passing you the coke can, “I better be the first to hear all about your first day”
“Who else will I even tell?” You laughed.
He nodded, swallowing the crusts, and choosing to stay quiet.
It’s awkward. Hyunjin’s thought hangs in the air.
He doesn’t know you’re here.
He doesn’t even know you got accepted.
“We could do something crazy. If you want”
“What?” You asked, curious.
“You’re probably gonna hate the idea” He laughed.
You scoot closer to him, “Tell me”
He bites into another piece, “You know where he works. The Pegasus headquarters. It’s not too far from your classes”
You stare at him as he talks. The idea makes you feel like a stalker.
“I can’t just show up at his workplace”
“Isn’t that how you two met in the first place? He showed up to your workplace?”
You grabbed the coke can from him, “You’re clever. But no…that’d be weird”
“How else are you going to get in touch with him?”
“I don’t know, but it is so weird to think that we’re under the same sky now”
Yeonjun rolled his eyes, “You’re way too romantic. You know that you’re always under the same sky, right? No matter where you are on Earth”
“Shut up” You tossed a piece of pepperoni at him, “Don’t kill the mood”
“Fine. You’re breathing the same air as Hyunjin. I mean, if you really want to be romantic, you’ll probably bump into him sometime soon”
“There’s like ten million people in the city, Jun”
“Oh, now you’re logical?” He laughed. Yeonjun’s face suddenly lit up, and you know he’s had a terrible idea.
“What? Don’t tell me…” 
“I’m going to help you find him. That’s kind of my job”
“Finding people?” You laughed.
“No, tracking their digital footprints, and shit”
“How is that going to help us find Hyunjin again?”
“I don’t know. I’m still figuring that part out”
You rolled your eyes, and you lie down.
Your stomach is full, you’re tired, and the floor of your new place is cold, and you love it. You’re so happy. 
You’re right where you belong, and right where you were always supposed to be.
It feels right, and you smile to yourself.
“Do you want to go for a walk? Maybe we can explore your neighbourhood. You can get familiar with it” Yeonjun suggested.
You sat up so quickly, “That’s the greatest idea I’ve ever heard” 
So, he took you around the alleys, and you tried to memorise the names of the streets, and he showed you a coffee shop, and a Paris fucking Baguette. 
Your street is busy and full of life, even this late at night. Even from here, you could see the high-rise buildings surrounding you, glass houses, and everything is glamorous. 
“I literally feel like I’m inside a drama” You told Yeonjun, watching all of the little shops and snack stands. The mannequins in the window display wore clothes you could never get away with wearing back home.
But, you’ll wear them now.
It’s so much all at once.
He held your hand, introducing you to everything he knew of. 
You feel like a stranger in your own country. Everything is different here.
But you’re right where you belong, and as Yeonjun led you back home, you looked up at the sky.
It’s different too.
You realise Hyunjin was right all along.
There are no stars here. 
»»————-
It’s been less than a week, and you’re lost.
You’re not proud to admit it.
But the city is big, and you were only trying to find your way to The Atelier.
Cabs were expensive as hell, so you’d decided to walk, and take the trains but clearly you’d ended up in the wrong neighbourhood.
You called Yeonjun. Obviously.
“Look, Y/N. I still don’t understand what possessed you go visit your art building this late”
“I was impatient!” You admitted. Your classes don’t start for another week, but you wanted to check the place out. You couldn’t hold your excitement.
“You could’ve just waited for the weekend. I would have gone with you”
You snorted, “Right. What would you do in a place like that?”
“Hey, I can be artsy too” He retorted, “Now tell me what you see”
You stared ahead of you.
It’s busy, and there’s so many people. You turn a corner, and then another, and another. It’s already dark out, and the streetlights have twinkled on. You wish you could appreciate the beauty, but you’re so lost. 
Somehow, you’re not scared. You know you’ll figure it out. 
You’ve made it this far after all.
“I’m at a street with a thousand shops”
“So…every single street of this city? You’re so helpful”
“You’re not being very helpful either” You crossed your arms.
“Just go into any shop, and ask them where the art building is”
“What if they don’t know?”
“Then ask somebody else” Yeonjun suggested.
You survey the plethora of shops. Half of them have already shuttered down, and some are in the process of closing. 
There’s only one store that’s open. It looks like it sells snacks and drinks, but maybe they can tell you where you are. The fluorescent lights of it cast a harsh aura upon the streets, unmatched to the traditional aesthetic of everything else. 
“Okay. That’ll give me an excuse to get that expensive candy I saw at the station”
Yeonjun laughed, “I am appalled at how positive you’re being right now despite being in the middle of nowhere”
You walked up the little stairs, a chime sounding as you enter. 
It’s bigger than you expected inside. 
There’s rows and rows of snacks, shelves stocked to the brim. It’s local, different from a 7/11 franchise, but it’s just as organised. There’s a few people already in the store, and you walked past them, until you find an employee who can help you.
“Yeah, once I decided to stop being affected by every little thing, life became much easier” You joked.
You can almost imagine Yeonjun rolling his eyes as he said, “If only everything was that easy”
“I’m gonna ask someone who works here. I’ll call you after, okay?” You spoke into the phone, before hanging up.
There’s a girl, she looked friendly enough.
“Excuse me?” 
She turned, and she was chewing gum, “Yeah? How can I help you?”
“Yeah, could you tell me how I can get to the Atelier from here?”
You feel a little stupid. She’s probably wondering why you can’t just use your phone, but the streets here are so narrow, there’s no way it’ll be accurate.
Her eyebrow furrowed, “That fancy glass building?” 
You lit up in recognition, “Yes! Exactly that!”
“Um. I’m sorry, I don’t know. But Jae will know. His girlfriend goes there. I can call him if you want, he’s the back”
“Oh” You nodded, “That’ll be really helpful, thank you so much”
She looked around, “Are you gonna buy anything?”
You nodded, smiling at her, before she walked into the back.
Well, she was nice.
You tucked your hands into your jacket pockets, and looked around. 
You haven’t been to this part of town before. Well, you’ve only been here a few days but you must have got yourself really, really lost to end up in such a random place.
You waited for the girl to come back, and you watched the people around you.
You envy their sense of comfort, and familiarity.
There’s a couple, still in school uniforms, and they’re picking out candy.
There’s quite a few people in the store, baskets full of snacks, and iced coffee, and maybe you can grab one too, after you reorient yourself.
The shelf is front of you is so overstimulating, and there’s so many different types of candy. 
That’s another one of your favourite things here.
Brands you’ve never heard of or seen before. Imported sweets, from all across the world, and everything is expensive, but you don’t care right now.
There’s a huge box of purple candies.
It’s too much, even for you.
But you feel the need to treat yourself.
You reached for it, picking it off the shelf. Your eyes wander up.
There’s a boy.
Your heart skips a beat, and you think it almost stopped.
You’re dizzy.
The most beautiful boy in the world… stands on the other side of the shelf.
You’d recognise that stance anywhere. 
He’s in a dark trench coat and a cap is pulled over his head, and getting lost has easily been the absolute best mistake of your life. It’s the craziest coincidence in the world, and maybe now you really don’t believe in coincidences anymore.
You believe in destiny, and he has to be yours.
There’s no other explanation, no rhyme or reason for why else he would be here, right now, right here, at the same time as you.
He hasn’t seen you yet, and you relish in those few seconds of pure observation.
He looks exactly the same, as he browses through the aisle of cereals.
Your heart burned, and it yearned, and you couldn’t wait anymore.
You couldn’t stop yourself, even if you wanted to.
“Hyunjin?” You blurted, the excitement unable to be held back.
His head shot up to yours.
The blue box of cereal in his hand dropped to the floor.
And it really was him.
It actually was him.
There were no coincidences. 
He looked so gorgeous, and you can already feel his distinct scent. Your lips curved up into a smile, and your heart was beating out of its chest.
He was staring at you, eyes wide, lips parted.
His hair had gotten even longer, and it peeked out from under his cap.
“Hyunjin I—”
A woman stepped between you, picking up what he’d just dropped.
“Is this the one you were looking for?” She handed it to him.
Hyunjin tore his gaze away from you and nodded at her.
She looked at you, wondering what had his attention.
Your words were stuck in your throat, and your heart was squeezing in your chest, you thought you might collapse.
Who was that?
“Is there anything else you need?” She asked him.
He shook his head, gaze to the floor, “No. I’m good”
His voice. You’d missed it insanely.
“Perfect. The cash counter’s in the back though” She walked past you, and she’s not your problem anymore because he’s here. He’s actually here, in front of you, in the most random shop in all of Seoul. 
Hyunjin stepped out from the aisle. 
You’re standing in his way, “Hey—”
“Excuse me” He mumbled, his shoulder bumped against yours and he walked right past you.
What the fuck?
He didn’t even look at you.
Someone tapped on your shoulder, and it was the girl with the chewing gum.
Your eyes were still on him though, confused, and a fear began to settle in your stomach. He was standing at the cash counter, and his was head was ducked low, as the woman placed all of their shopping out of the cart. 
For a second, you wonder if you’re mistaken and if that’s someone else, but you know it’s him, but that doesn’t make any sense.
The girl employee spoke cheerfully, introducing a boy at her side, “This is Jae! He can tell you the way to the Art Atelier”
At those words, Hyunjin finally looked back, over his shoulder, at you.
His gaze met yours.
It definitely was him.
You were about to say something, but the words never made it past your lips, because he immediately looked away from you.
It was as if he had never known you.
Like you were a stranger.
The city of Seoul had never felt so quiet, as right now.
»»————-
⇐ masterlist ⇒
please let me know if you liked the chapter, or any thoughts on this part! thank you <3
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zoros-sheath · 6 months
Text
Say Something Loving
2023 Monster Fucktober October 9th
❀ Automaton Killer x F!Reader ❀
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❀ N.SFW ❀ 5.7k Words ❀ ❀ Monster Boyfriend AU ❀ ❀ 2023 Monster Fucktober Masterlist
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❀ Author's Note: jfdjfasfakfjasf, I feel like I have been falling behind, but all of these one shots are averaging 3,500 to 5,000+ words. Which, if I am honest, I am proud of. I have never written more in my life, and it makes me feel good. Even my partner is proud of me.
Also, I really need to start shouting out my bestie, @standfucker, more. Y'all need to appreciate their contribution as my editor. Like, fucking damn. I would be so lost without them. Please read their work, it is touching and wonderful and I love everything they make.
Now onto KILLER ROBOTS FROM SPACE. Not really, but for a thing I made up, that kinda applies, and it's funny to say.
Kureha was my favorite part of writing this. Holy shit, she was amazing. Idk, expect her cameos more in the future for stories.
She is a menace to society.
Dr. Kureha for president.
PLEASE READ THE CONTENT WARNINGS BEFORE PROCEEDING
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❀ When you receive your latest care package from home, you are more than surprised to find a man inside. Much to your bewilderment, the man in question was somehow granted a second life by your grandmother, and is more than willing to assist you with your every need.
❀ CW: blindfold, fingering, vibrating dick, Dr. Kureha being a thoughtful but slightly invasive grandmother, she is a menace to society, Dr. Kureha for president.
❀ Listen to the Playlist: ❀ Spotify ❀ YouTube ❀
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This could not be real.
Your grandmother sent you a man in the mail.
A very naked man in the mail.
You paced the kitchen of your humble little house deep in the silent wood. The gigantic pine wood box sat in the living room, you glanced at it every time you passed the archway that separated the spaces. The man was not moving, and you needed answers.
Per tradition in your long family line of witches, wizards, sorcerers, mages, and the like, you had set yourself up in isolation for the next three years to practice your magic. You were supposed to spend the time reflecting on your work and to help you choose your path from the many different known disciplines you would like to follow. It had only been a few weeks, and most of what you could think of was how much you missed the internet.
While you were only allowed one phone call a month to family to check in and let them know you were alive, you were granted calls in case of emergencies. You felt this warranted an emergency, hoping your grandmother would answer, very concerned for the how or why there was a person in the box. He had no pulse, and had a strange mask covering his head.
“Dr. Kureha speaking.”
Your grandmother answered at least, and you choked on your words before you could even speak. After a brief moment, you blurted out loudly into the receiver, “GRANNY! WHAT THE FUCK!?”
Her laughter met you from the other end, “Oh good, you got my care package.”
“Care package? CARE PACKAGE?!” Though you were alone in the middle of the woods save for the man or whatever he was in the box, you still whispered your next statement, “You sent me a MAN in the mail!”
“And you wouldn’t believe the customs charges and overnight fees. Had to get ‘im to ya before the moon changed out of phase. Other wise you’d have to wait two months, and he’d really start stinkin’ up the place.”
You rolled your eyes, throwing your arms up, “Oh, thanks for that, Gran. Now what the hell am I supposed to do with him!?”
“Kiss ‘im.”
Again, you were flabbergasted beyond words, your only responses being stutters and sputters as you rubbed your forehead.
“Yeah, give ‘im a good ol’ smooch. Finishes the spell and will wake the bastard right up.” Your grandmother stated it as if it were the most obvious answer in the world, “He’ll keep you good company while you’re on your training.”
“I just… Hell’s Bells, what is he even? Did you send me a golem?”
“Don’t be rude, Sprout!” Granny Kureha had always called you such, “We do not culturally appropriate in this family. He’s an Automaton. He can help with the cleaning and cooking while you focus on your work.”
You looked at your phone, then to the man in the box, “You… sent me an overly complicated roomba?”
“Automaton.” Your grandmother corrected, “I used various machine parts, different types of magic ores and organic material, slapped in a soul, and well, boom. One Automaton ready for my grandbaby.”
“So you sent me a sentient overly complicated roomba.” Your eyes trailed over his body, well-built with almost superhero level of musculature, and well-endowed in other areas. Picking up a blanket from your favorite reading chair, you threw it over his lower half, finding yourself distracted by his size even in a flaccid state. “Why did you put a soul in a roomba?”
Your grandmother huffed loudly, “He’s not—!” then let out a frustrated grumble, “Listen, Sprout. An Automaton is technically a form of necromancy,” Kureha was one of the few members in your family who went down the necromatic path, and it was only just a little weird now that you knew it had a soul, “You create a form and shape for a willing soul to inhabit it. So long as you have the correct materials to accompany it, the magic forms a body similar to what the soul had around their time of death. Lucky for you, Killer was a stud.”
Sighing heavily, you tried hard to not allow the heat in your face to be heard in you voice, scratching your head, “What do you mean ‘Killer’?”
“That’s his name,” she laughed, “At least that’s what he remembers. Not many souls always completely remember their names, but they remember aspects of their lives. He cooked and cleaned and was built like an ox, so that was good enough for me.”
Rubbing your face, you knelt down next to the pine wood box, almost feeling like it was a casket. Granted, he was packed in packing peanuts like an expensive electronic, “Okay, fine. Whatever. Is there a manual for this thing or what?”
“Sprout, you wound me. Do you really think I would send you such a delicate and handsome piece of machinery without instructions?”
You sighed loudly yet again, your voice flat and monotone as it was a phrase you had said many times in your life, “No, Granny Kureha, you wouldn’t…” and waited for the other shoe to drop.
“It’s under his ass.”
There it was.
Granny Kureha knew you wouldn’t be able to lift him, and would have to wake him up via the kiss in order to get at the instructions. Your head thumped against the box, letting out a frustrated groan that only caused your grandmother to laugh loudly again, “Just kiss him before nightfall. All of his essentials are underneath him. Don’t remove the mask for at leastfour months. Now, I’m still in the middle of surgery, so I gotta go. This isn’t an emergency call, so you are out of calls for the month. We’ll hear from you later. Love you, kisses!”
“Wait, Gran! How am I supposed to—”
You heard the line disconnect, leaving you there in utter disbelief. Granny Kureha had a tendency to do that. Looking at your phone, you contemplated calling her back anyway, rules be damned. However, you knew it would be futile, she’d never answer the phone again, and no one else in the family would even know what to do. Even if they did ask her, she’d laugh in their faces.
“Well, now what?”
Gazing back blankly at the the man in the box, you leaned your cheek on your fist, breathing out in a way that rattled your lips, “So, Killer… I have to kiss you, huh? How am I supposed to do that if we can’t take your helmet off and I have to do it before the sun goes down?” You felt a little silly speaking to the technically dead man. Was he even dead? Granny Kureha never specified it had to be on the lips, and you looked over his naked body that was only covered by your throw. What did he even feel like?
Reaching into the box, you closed your eyes and touched his chest, withdrawing your hand quickly once it made contact. As you peeked out of one eye, you were surprised at the fact he felt like normal human skin, opening your eyes and looking at him as you touched his chest again. It was no different than touching someone who was asleep, and you poked him a few times before tapping your fingers on him, mildly entertained by the sound and feeling of his relaxed muscles. You were alone, and started to tap his chest like bongos, since you were a little starved for entertainment. Besides, when would you ever get to do it ever again?
His chest started to turn red, you looked at it and winced slightly, “Sorry… I… should…” You gave it one more slap, biting your lip just a bit in your brief moment of insanity, “Yeah, I should stop…”
Looking him over, you started to nudge and prod at him from the waist up, trying to figure out how to move him if possible. Just as you thought, his muscles or whatever he was made out of were far too heavy for you to lift on your own. You were lucky to lift his arms and head at all.
Heaving a heavy sigh, you flopped back down next to the box, holding his large hand in yours after trying fruitlessly to pull him out of the box for the umpteenth time, “Alright, alright. I quit. Whatever… Just… UGH!” Throwing your arms up, you had let go of his limp hand, just leaving it there hanging over the side of the box. Staring at his large fingers, you picked his hand up again, holding your own against it. Were he alive and moving, he could easily curl his fingers over yours, dwarfing your hands with the sheer size of his.
The strange mask on the man covered his face and ears, leaving only a small tuft of what you assumed was a beard or goatee sticking out—some sort of facial hair for sure. The amount of hair coming off the back of the mask made it look like he was sleeping on a bed of his own hair, and you really wanted to brush it. First, you would have to wake him.
“Alright, sleeping beauty… here goes nothing.”
Holding up his index finger, you pressed it to your lips, closing your eyes softly this time as if you were leaning in to kiss him on the cheek or lips. When you opened your eyes again, he had not moved. You gave his finger another peck, then after a few more moments, one to his knuckles. He still did not move, let alone breathe. Sighing deeply, your shoulders drooped, “I knew this was too good to be true…”
Suddenly, you noticed his skin turning red, particularly around his neck going up into his mask. You tilted your head, it being the first sign of life in him at all. Leaning in, you tried to listen for breathing.
“Um, hello?”
“Hi.”
You shrieked, letting go of his hand and backing away, “Hell’s bells! You’re alive?!”
His voice sounded strained, “I think so…? I forget what I’m supposed to do. My chest hurts.” You glanced at his pecs that you were playing like bongos not long ago, “It is like… burning.”
“Burning?” You moved back to the edge of the box, looking at him and placing your hand against him, wondering if maybe he was heating up. His skin did feel warmer than before, but not enough to be concerning. It also felt like he had a heart beat, but it was quickly slowing. What you could not feel was the rising and falling of his lungs taking in air, “Are… aren’t you supposed to breathe? I really know nothing of what is supposed to happen.”
“Breathe?” his head moved toward you, causing you to jump again. You thought you saw a hint of a blue eye in one of the holes of his mask, “Breathe… that… that sounds normal. I’ve been dead for… I think she said 30 years? You forget a lot of living when you’re dead.”
Your eyes popped out of your head, pressing on his chest, “Oh my god, yes! Breathing! Breath! Taking air in and out of your lungs! Do that!” The fear that your Automaton could die when you just managed to power him up was not something you were expecting, but leave it to Granny Kureha to be vague. Taking in a deep breath yourself, you then blew it out of your mouth, taking in another one while making an overly exaggerated motion to try and get him to remember.
It took a few moments for him to catch up, finally taking in a very deep breath to the point he began coughing and hacking, sitting up in the process. You reached out to pat his back, feeling how soft and fluffy his long hair was and also brushing off packing peanuts in the process. When his coughing calmed and his breathing regulated, you watched as he then stood up with a groan, looking at his hands and body as the blanket fell from him. The man began laughing oddly, but you were too distracted as you stared at his ass. That perfect round ass, like an apple you wanted to take a bite out of. Good grief, half the reason you decided to take your journey now in life was because you wanted to escape your dismal dating life, and you were literally face to face with a living god that was actually created to serve you.
You must have short circuited at the thought, not realizing he had walked out of the box and was wiggling every part of his body he could, partially to shake off the styrofoam bits sticking to him. When he tugged on his cock a moment, you covered your eyes, “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Decency, dude! Just because you’ve been dead doesn’t mean you can just start touching yourself!”
He laughed, holding his hands up as he faced you, “Sorry, I’ve not really been able to touch anything for so long. Just… to feel, and move, and breathe! Fuck, to be alive!” the man threw his arms up, and you scurried to pick the blanket back up and hold it around his waist, averting your eyes, “Do you know what it’s like!?”
“Possibly, I do it every day,” you worked quickly to wrap the blanket around his waist and tie it properly in place, “There we go. Much better.”
Standing back up to face him, you were looking directly at his chest at first, then slowly raised your head up to look into his mask. You could barely see his blue eyes glittering with life through the holes, mostly because it was hard for light to get into them. He placed one of his hands on his hip, as he held out his other hand in greeting, “Hi, I’m Killer. You must be Y/N. Your Gran told me a lot about you.”
“She—she did?” Your voice cracked as you shook his hand, his dwarfing yours yet again, but with a gentle hold as he gave it a small shake. It surprised you that he had such control over his strength so quickly, but it was a bigger shock that he knew of you already, “She talked about me?”
“Oh yeah, it was a vigorous screening process to be your helper,” Killer let go of your hand, putting it on his hip as he stood there, looking around the space and then letting out a whistle, “You got a nice place here. Pretty simple to take care of, lots of reading. I can dig it.”
Your living room was modest and cozy, consisting of a sofa with two chairs facing a coffee table in front of a large stucco fireplace. There were built-in book shelves stuffed to the brim all around the room, and paintings and framed photos filling in any space that wasn’t a shelf. There was a ladder that led to a lofted bedroom above the kitchen, a little bathroom with a large tub just off the side of the kitchen, and you also kept fresh flowers from the garden in various vases around the room. It was only you (or at least it was supposed to be only you), so when you designed it with your magic, you did not require a lot of space. Now there was this ginormous man living with you, and you were unsure if he would even be able to sleep on the couch.
“Yeah, um… what exactly did Granny Kureha say to you? Not gonna lie,” you looked back to the box, remembering his “instruction manual” and belongings were underneath him, “You were not mentioned to me at all, and was quite a shock opening the box.”
Killer turned back on his heels, facing you and sounding concerned, “She didn’t mention me?” and pointed to himself. His broad shoulders drooped, and only now that he was up, moving, and covered, did you realize there was discoloration on his left arm over his shoulder. He patted the back of his mask, watching you as you started tossing about the packing peanuts, looking for his stuff and the manual. All you found were a pair of slides, work boots, and a USB drive, “Oh! My shoes! Thanks.”
Taking the footwear from you, Killer dropped the slides to the ground, slipping his feet into them and looking at his them as he wiggled his toes, “Ah, much better. Your floor was cold.”
You eyed him over briefly, nice body or not, he was turning out to be a rather strange man. Reaching more into the box, you tossed everything else out, frantically looking for what you could, “Seriously? This is it? There’s nothing else?”
He tilted his head, “What do you mean? She asked me what I would need once here, and I figured you wouldn’t have shoes for a big guy like me, and she said I could only have two things.”
Smacking your forehead, you huffed loudly. Your grandmother’s laughter echoed in the back of your mind, as if she planned to leave you dealing with a naked man in your house during your training. That was just the sort of humor she had, everything at other people’s expense. Especially since it’s not like you would just have clothes for a man his size, either, let alone any men’s clothing at all.
You folded your hands in front of your face, attempting to calm yourself with a deep breath in, “Okay, so you have two sets of shoes, your name’s Killer, and you interviewed for the position to be my helper. Is there anything else I am missing?”
Killer nodded, holding his work boots under one arm and gesturing as he spoke with the other, “Well, I was a chef before I died, and your Gran showed a bunch of us spirits your picture. It was a mad dash after that. Not just to be alive again, but I mean… She said you were lonely and all. I thought—”
“Granny is now pimping me out to the undead, Hell’s Bells…” You started to rub your temples.
“—You could use a friend.”
“Wait.” You looked to him, fingers still pressing into your head a bit, “You want to be my friend?”
The man shrugged, a chuckle escaping from under his mask, “Why not? I’ve got a second chance at life. What do you say? Friends?” He held out his hand to you again, a smile to his voice, but it was hard to tell under that mask. You stared at his hand a moment, with how many times you had already touched it this evening, it should not have been such a strange thing to see by now.
“What the heck then,” you shook his hand a second time, “Friends.”
And that was how you and Killer began your cohabitation.
The USB drive had the manual and videos for the laptop you brought with you that Granny Kureha had put together. Most of it was vague and her mostly talking about the theory of spirit magic. If you didn’t know any better, you were almost thinking she was trying to lead you down the necromatic path like she did. What information you did manage to scrape from it was about the mask he wore. It was the anchor that held his soul in place, and that it would take up to four months or more before it could be removed. This allowed the soul to attune and attach to the new vessel.
There was also a section in there about the different functions that Killer would now have, including but not limited to a wifi connection (THANK THE HEAVENS), access to an extensive memory bank of recipes, building schematics, various encyclopedias, news reports, and, for whatever reason, the Kama Sutra. Killer laughed, but you hid your face, especially as you had to hear your grandmother’s voice say the words “His cock heats up and vibrates, here’s how…”
Despite the embarrassment, Killer did turn out to be a big help for you around the house, especially with cooking and cleaning. You had a degree in horticulture and he was a quick study for helping you in the garden, which became another boon. Once you were finally able to get clothes sent that fit him properly, things were a lot easier, but he still preferred to walk around and work shirtless if he could. While you had used magic to build the house, it was easier for Killer to make repairs manually, so you could conserve your energy for studies and practice; he was always considerate of your needs like that.
He built his own, simple room off the other side of the living room, and was always up before you were, making breakfast. You often wondered if he actually slept, but a strange noise woke you up once in the middle of the night that turned out to be him snoring. For a man who was happy to have a second chance at life, he sure as hell slept like the dead, as you were unable to wake him to stop his incessant noises.
The summer started to fly by in a flash, full of laughter and glee. While he did his best to keep things friendly, you couldn’t help the butterflies in your stomach at the sound of his chuckle while reading to himself, the gentle brush of his fingers against your cheek when there was something on your face, or even the way he would help you pick flowers from the garden to keep in the house.
As fall arrived and the harvest came to its peak, you were both gathering vegetables from the garden for canning when you heard a large and heavy thud. Killer was far away from you, and you thought that maybe an arm had fallen off or something. You ran to him, calling for him over and over, only to find him bent over on the ground. Fearing the worse, you rushed to his side, “Killer? Killer, are you alright?”
Breathing heavily, he slowly turned to look at you, realizing you had been looking at the back of his head and not the back of his mask. Blue eyes brighter than the sky stared back at you, almost fearful, then he blocked the light with his hand, “I… I don’t know what happened,” he panted, “I was just walking, and suddenly it fell off. Am I dying again?”
“I… I don’t know?” you helped Killer to his feet, “Granny’s instructions said that it could be removed at 4 months, but she never mentioned anything about this.” Looking down, you nudged the mask with your foot, now in two pieces on the ground, “Just… fell off like an apple from a tree, huh?”
“Yeah, I guess. Didn’t realize how heavy it was.”
Turning to look at each other, you saw how his hair had stuck so much to his face, it had no where else to go after a few months, after all. You were wondering how it even managed to grow at all, seeing how how he was technically not human and had only been able to eat all of his meals through a straw or in noodle form (Killer loved noodles). Attempting to brush it out of his eyes, you giggled a bit, “Maybe we should get all of this taken care of after we get this hair out of your face.”
Killer agreed, gathering up what you had both collected so far and going to start the arduous task of dealing with his hair. There was so much of it, and it tangled easily. You had him do a lot of washing and conditioning treatments first and then sat him down as you brushed and detangled his hair lovingly. He also helped you with your hair routine, so it was a nice trade off. That, and his hair was silky and soft, and any excuse you could have to touch it was perfect, turning him into putty in your hands.
After a while, he stopped you playing with his hair, much to your dismay. Killer went back into the bathroom, doing his best on his own to cut his bangs and clean up his beard to hopefully look less like a wild man. You started to switch out the flowers, hearing him come out of the bathroom and instantly dropping the vase when he came out. It was already hard enough to hide your attraction to Killer, now it would be near impossible since you could see his face—that beautiful, flawless, gorgeous angelic face touched by the heavens.
As you stood there in awe, you didn’t realize he was just standing there and staring back at you. To distract yourself, you quickly bent down to pick up the glass from the vase and the discarded flowers. You thought you were speaking cohesively, but instead you were just mumbling nonsense at different frequencies of volume and frantically picking up everything in front of you, cutting your hand.
“Y/N!” Killer rushed to your side, pulling you away from the broken glass and holding up your palm. He pressed the towel from around his neck against your hand to stop the bleeding, “Are you okay?”
“Y-yeah. You startled me, that’s all.”
He chuckled, “Guess my face is that alarming, huh?”
One could say that. The next few days were spent either avoiding direct eye contact or just straight-up staring. It made it very hard to continue with your work, or even your basic duties around the house. You finally spent a whole day in bed, afraid that if you continued to go into his presence at all you would go completely mad. Killer was also concerned, constantly climbing up the ladder to check on you.
You waited until nightfall when you finally heard Killer’s snoring. Since you wouldn’t allow Killer to bring you anything, your stomach growled loudly. Sitting up quietly, you resolved to yourself that you would sneak downstairs for a quick bite to eat and some alone time in the shower. Hopefully it would be enough to break this feeling, grant you back some clarity instead of feeling as though you were getting wet just looking at his face.
However, strong arms wrapped around you from behind in bed, stopping you from standing. With a loud gasp, you attempted to turn around to face Killer, but he hugged you even tighter, not letting you move, “Don’t. Don’t look at me if it hurts you so much,” he put his face against your shoulder, “I know my face is ugly, but—”
“WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT!?”
The silence after your outburst was enough for you to hear birds disturbed from their sleep, flying off in the middle of the night. For once, Killer didn’t laugh, “Why else would you be so shocked to look at me? To then go so far as to avoid looking at me? You wouldn’t even get out of bed today, Y/N.” You couldn’t swallow down the lump now formed in your throat, unaware that your actions were making Killer doubt himself as a person. Opening your mouth to speak, he shushed you and continued, “I—I can’t take it anymore, Y/N. I know I said I wanted to be your friend, but I have loved you since you said hello. Please, Y/N… please…”
His lips brushed your ear, holding you tightly. You were still only wearing your robe and nightgown, having never really changed, given you stayed in bed all day. He untied the belt, kissing your neck softly as he removed it. Killer brought it up to your eyes and tied it just tightly enough so it would not fall.
“…Let me love you.”
Nodding profusely, you felt there was nothing more in the world you wanted than this moment. While Killer was incorrect as to why you were avoiding him, the words would not come to explain your side of things. Instead, you were rendered breathless, sighing as he pulled you back against his broad chest. His hands wandered your body through your robe as you sat in his lap, feeling your body heat up quickly. Having your sight hindered left your sense of touch heightened, mewling loudly at even his simplest of graces.
Turning your head, Killer caught your lips with his, tongues pressing against each other as his fingers slipped into your panties and between your legs. He gently circled his thumb over your clit, wasting no time in sliding one of his digits against your folds. When his fingers slipped in, your back arched, bringing one hand up to grip into his hair as he kissed your neck, your other holding onto his forearm as he fingered you tenderly. The two of you began to sweat more as he brought you to your peak, feeling you gush around his fingers as you came.
Neither of you spoke as he held you so close, so tightly in his arms that you thought you’d slip away into a puddle of goo if he let you go. Killer kissed your jaw, his large and hot tongue then licking your neck, tasting your sweat. You shivered and moaned at the feeling, his fingers slipping out from between your legs as he started to remove your robe and nightgown. Exposed, you shied away from Killer a brief moment, only to realize that you were pressed against his naked body, feeling his bare skin against yours now that there was nothing between you both.
“Did you really come up here in the buff?” you asked.
“Is that really important now?” he chuckled.
He had a point, especially when he lifted your hips to force you to straddle his lap, running the length of his member against your slit. You rolled your body, throwing your head back on his shoulder as you moaned, “Fuck, Killer!” His cock was hot, not uncomfortably, but warmer than any you remember. Maybe it was the night air, or being blindfolded, or maybe you just remembered the stupid videos your grandmother sent you and having to hear her say “it heats up and vibrates.”
As if on queue with your thoughts, you felt a pulsing start from Killer’s cock, chuckling as you twitched and squirmed, running it along your length until he brought his wide tip to your entrance. Slowly but surely, he slipped you down his vibrating and heated length, stretching you out deliciously as Killer still held your back to his chest. You had never been in such a position before, more surprised by how easily he was able to still keep control of you without making you overexert yourself. Just as he always did, Killer was putting you first.
You braced your legs around his, both of you on your knees as you began to lift yourself up as best you could. Hearing Killer’s stuttered breath, you turned your head just enough to catch his jaw against your lips as you ran your hand along his face and up into his hair. Killer’s hands on your hips tried but failed to stop your movements, hearing his voice strain, “Y/N, please. Let… let me do this. Let me—”
“Shhh,” you cooed to him, a breathy moan parting your lips, “Let me love you back.”
He really could not deny you, stopping only briefly in shock before you claimed his lips with yours. The two of you made love through most of the night, keeping the blindfold on mostly because you just forgot. It was the most amazing and sensual experience you had ever had with a lover. Laying in his arms in your bed panting, you kissed Killer passionately as you finally removed your robe sash from around your eyes.
You had not realized the sun started to come up, looking at him in the dimmest first light of day. Cupping his face in your hands, you smiled to him as Killer placed one of his own on top of yours, running his thumb over your fingers.
“I can’t believe you honestly thought I was disgusted by you,” you giggled, delighting in his smile as he chuckled.
“Well,” his smile grew as he spoke, pulling your body closer to his, “you would avoid looking at me, and froze up in shock any time you did, so what else was I supposed to think? I kinda thought things were one sided, I had no idea you were in love with me.”
You shook your head, “Hell no, I have been in such awe of your face that I feel like I might as well have been staring at the sun when I look at you. Like I’m not worthy.”
Killer held you closer to him, nearly squishing your face against his pecs, “You are more than worthy. You are the only one worthy of me. I would have no other, Y/N.”
It took you a moment to get him to release you, sputtering only slightly until you were both laughing. Kissing his face, you sat up, then looked out into your shared house from your lofted bedroom, “Gonna need a bigger bed.”
“Hm? And why is that?” your lover lay at your side, looking up to you as he rubbed your back with his large hand.
“For starters,” you pointed to his feet hanging off the bottom edge of your bed, “You don’t fit all the way. Second, if you think I am going to spend my nights without you next to me, you’ve got another thing coming.”
Killer laughed in his unusual way, just another thing you truly loved about him, “I guess you’re right, but are you willing to put up with my snoring that much closer to you?” He sat up and leaned his head atop yours, watching the living room below with you as it slowly lit up with the morning sun.
“I guess so. But it’s worth it.” You smiled, feeling his arms wrap around you tenderly. There was a long silence before Killer spoke with a chuckle.
“Because it vibrates?”
“Because it vibrates.”
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wannabespacesmuggler · 2 months
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D.D. | Shane's Girl
Part Five | Masterlist
Summary: Daryl Dixon knows he shouldn’t be thinking about you when he’s alone at night in his tent. Hell, he shouldn’t even be looking at you throughout the day. You’re not his. You’re Shane’s girl. But Daryl doesn’t like the way Shane treats you. And he certainly doesn’t like how you’re forced to play ‘loving girlfriend’ to a man with eyes for another woman at the camp.
Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader
Warnings: Shane Walsh sucks
Word Count: 1.2K
Author’s Note: Thanks for the continued love on this lil fic. I love them. The connection they are creating with one another is so sweet and I cannot wait to continue writing for these two idiots. Shane of course continues to be a dick and will only get worse. We're getting closer to the start of the show. I won't be retelling the entire series in this fic. Just snippets of their life together -- the show will fill in the gaps in a way. Anyway, let me know what you guys think of this one, if you want to be added to the taglist, or just want to ask me a question.
Extras: Playlist
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You don’t consider yourself a jealous girlfriend; however, as you watch Shane and Lori from across the camp, you cannot help the rage that begins to simmer in your chest. The feeling makes you nauseous. You adore Lori. She’s always been like an older sister to you -- the senior girl who took you under her wing during your freshman year of high school. So the problem isn’t Lori. No, it’s the way Shane is looking at Lori. His face practically lights up with affection and warmth as he listens to her -- a stark contrast to the Shane you’ve become accustomed to since the dead started walking. 
“Hey, uhm. Is everything okay?”
Glenn’s soft voice cuts through your rising temper, startling you. You look up at him with wide eyes for a second, before attempting to pull yourself together. If anyone in camp knew the exact thoughts running through your head right now, you’d be humiliated. You take a deep breath before giving Glenn a polite smile. 
“Of course. Why do you ask?”
Glenn shifts awkwardly on his feet. You haven’t really had a chance to get to know to know Glenn. You could probably count on one hand how many times the two of you have interacted since he joined the camp. For the first few weeks, you assumed he didn’t like you. However, Amy informed you that his avoidance is nothing personal -- it’s just that Shane terrifies him and you’re an extension of that fear. This seems to be a common problem for you around camp. People seem intimidated by you due to your proximity to the camp’s self-proclaimed leader. It’s infuriating and isolating. 
“It’s just… those are my favorite pair of jeans.”
You look down at the wash basin in front of you. You’d been so distracted by your own thoughts, that you’d completely forgotten about the clothes you were washing. As your mind continued to race, your hands began moving on their own accord with just as much ferocity. Your face flushes as you stare at Glenn’s jeans that you damn near scrubbed a hole into.
“Sorry, Glenn. Just zoned out for a second.”
Glenn gives you a kind smile, seemingly content with your answer.
“Don’t worry about it. Happens to everyone.”
He shrugs nonchalantly before wandering off towards Dale. You let out a relieved sigh once he’s out of earshot. Deciding that Glenn’s clothing has been through enough torment today, you pull his garments out of the wash basin and move to pin them up on a clothesline. As you attach the last article of clothing, you hear footsteps approaching you from behind. Before you can turn around, you hear a familiar voice.
“I’m goin’ out to hunt, wanna come?”
You furrow your brow. Daryl has mentioned how much he enjoys hunting alone -- how relaxing it is. It makes sense. He’s a loner by nature, so the constant presence of people in camp must be overwhelming. You don’t want to intrude on his personal time. Before you can ask him if he’s sure, you notice his eyes shift from you over to Shane and Lori.
Oh.
You might have been able to fool Glenn, but you can’t fool Daryl. He knows exactly what has you so riled up. You’re embarrassed that the younger Dixon has seen through your ruse. The last thing that you want is Daryl thinking less of you because of your envy. You want to explain yourself -- let him know that you’re not just some jealous girlfriend -- but the words get stuck in your throat, so you nod wordlessly at his offer and allow him to lead you into the surrounding woods. 
Daryl likes the quiet -- he usually finds comfort in it, but your unusual silence, while you both move through the forest, is unbearable. You’re the conversationalist. You’re the one who retells stories about your time in King County with Shane and the Grimes family, recites all the gossip you learned from Andrea and Amy throughout the day, and complains about whatever crappy meal the group was able to put together that evening. And he likes that about you. You ask him the occasional question about Merle or hunting, but you never pry. You’re the one that talks and he’s the one that listens -- simple as that.
But right now you don’t feel like talking and it’s making him anxious. He knows he should say something, but what? Sorry your boyfriend is such a jackass? He shakes his head at the thought. Real, smooth Dixon. This is uncharted territory for him. No one ever taught him how to comfort.
A rustling in the woods saves him from his attempts at starting a conversation. Daryl puts his arm out to stop you from walking in front of him, before aiming his crossbow toward the noise. He slowly moves forward and you follow his lead, knife in hand. Eventually, a walker comes into view from behind the trees. Daryl waits for a clear shot and pulls the trigger. You let out a sigh of relief as you watch the arrow sink into the walker’s skull. 
“Nice shot.”
Your voice breaks through the silence for the first time and he’s glad to hear it. He wanders over to the walker and retrieves his crossbow bolt. He wipes the tip of it off on his jeans, before looking back at you. 
“You ‘lright?”
You chew on the inside of your cheek as you think about his question -- you know he’s not asking about the walker.
“I’m just worried.”
Daryl furrows his brow at your response. He doesn’t ask why, instead, he silently shifts from one foot to the other, allowing you to continue if you so choose. 
“I feel like you’re the only person in this camp who sees me as a person and not just Shane’s girl -- I just don’t want that to change.”
Daryl shakes his head at the thought. He’s seen you do more for this camp in one day, than Shane’s ever done. It’s stupid really, how everyone treats you. And he knows that you have more to give than cleaning laundry and preparing meals. You don’t have to prove yourself to him -- the two of you are far past that. You’ve already earned his respect -- something Shane has yet to accomplish.  
“You ain’t gotta worry ‘bout that.” 
You nod at his words, but Daryl can tell that they did little to reassure you. 
“I feel the same way.”
Your brows knit together in confusion over Daryl’s words. 
“You’re the only person who doesn’t see me as Merle.”
His tone is sincere -- you know he genuinely means what he is saying. You wonder how many people have met the Dixon brothers and simply wrote Daryl off due to the brashness of his older brother. You watch as he awkwardly shifts from one foot to the other, obviously uncomfortable with the vulnerability in his words. 
“Yeah, you’re definitely not Merle.”
This causes Daryl to laugh -- actually laugh. The sound is surprising at first -- more boyish than the usual gruffness you're used to in his voice, but it’s nice. And it makes you smile brightly, knowing you’re the reason for his laughter. 
“C’mon, we should head back.”
You allow him to take the lead again, navigating through the woods once more. He might not have caught any squirrel, but the two of you are not coming back to camp empty-handed. A newfound understanding washes over the both of you, bonding you to one another.
Taglist: 
@minervadashwood
@hotgirlsshareaccounts
@dreamtofus
@youcantstandit
@ajlovesdilfs
@prettywhenibleed
@luvsvnlqt-things
@strnqer
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@genderless-ghosty-boi
@all-will-be-well-love
@tabzthemightyyyy
@mychemicalimagines
@nosebleeds-247
@catradora333
@punicorn999
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pedroshotwifey · 3 months
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To the Flame Chapter 1
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Series masterlist
Pairing: Dark!Javier Peña x afab!reader
Word count: 2.5k
Chapter tags/warnings: not much yet, age gap, fluff, reader being horny (c'mon y'all it's me what do you expect), Javier being gorgeous, erotic novels honorable mention, mentions of cheating, stuff I'm probably forgetting
Chapter summary: You meet a beautiful stranger at the farmer's market. Is he what you need to get back on your feet?
A/N: Hey, y'all!! I'm so very excited about starting this series! I have so many plans, and I can't wait to share them with you! Please keep in mind that this story will get darker the more it progresses. Thank you for reading!
***
You’ve been back in your hometown for about three months now. Three miserable and exhausting months. 
You’ve been working on the family farm four days a week, ten hours a day, every week since you got back. You figure it wouldn’t be so bad if you got to have the other three days off, but no. Those days are spent at the local farmer’s market, sitting in a stiff plastic chair in the sticky Texan heat. 
It doesn’t even matter that you wear a tank top and shorts to the market, you feel like you’re going to melt every damn time you have to go. The same goes for working on the farm, only you’re less fortunate in that situation. You know it’s smarter to wear jeans out there, so most of the time you do.
You’re trying to be grateful to your parents, you really are. They just make it so damn hard sometimes. Sure, they gave you a job when you needed one, but they never stop talking about how they were right. And they were, as much as you didn’t want to admit it. 
Your mom and dad never approved of your boyfriend, and had told you as much. You chose to ignore that fact considering they said that about every boyfriend you ever had. How the hell were you supposed to know if they were actually concerned, or if they just didn’t want you to date?
They had warned you about him. Told you that he wasn’t genuine, that you need to be careful. They told you the same about your so-called “best friend”, who was the person you found your boyfriend balls deep inside of three months ago.
But, of course, despite their protest, you had moved out with him anyway. Spent your savings on renting an apartment that he put practically nothing into. In retrospect, you really should have known; there were so many signs. You were just too damn stubborn to see them. You never would have guessed that he would go as far as to cheat on you.
Your own poor choices are what ultimately landed you back here, getting out of your dad’s old truck to unload a creaky table to set up the stand at the farmer’s market. Again. You roll your eyes and pop your earbuds in, putting on your favorite playlist. 
You open the back of the truck and start to drag the plastic table out. It slides across the bed effortlessly thanks to the morning dew it’s been sitting out in. Unfortunately, that detail is another pain in the ass more than anything, because you end up getting half-soaked as you haul it into the giant tent that makes up the market.
You get it set up in an empty booth, smacking the rusted hinges to get it to stand without risk of collapse. After you lean on it to make sure it won’t fall, you return to the truck to start the endless trips of carrying produce to the stand. You usually make your younger sister help you with this part since she often tags along, but, being a senior in highschool, she couldn’t make it today. 
Once you have everything put together and displayed on various shelves, you take a seat in the foldable chair you had brought with you. You expect it will be a slow day, as Mondays usually are, so you brought a book to pass the time. 
You rarely sell anything on weekdays, you have no idea why your parents are so adamant about you coming all the way out here every monday since you got here. Maybe it’s just to get you out of the house—you wouldn’t put it past them.
You take one more look around the market to make sure there’s nobody approaching your stand before you open your book to the first page. It’s a newer, trashy romance. It’s a little embarrassing, sure, but you like what you like. 
Sometimes you swear your love life is awful or boring enough for you to actually wish to be in the place of the girls in your books. At least the fictional men seem genuine. Less likely to cheat on you with your best friend, you think bitterly. 
Less likely to manipulate into moving into an expensive apartment without helping, Less likely to treat you like shit. Plus, you probably wouldn’t mind the fact that they all seem to be absolute hunks and amazing in bed.
The sound of someone clearing their throat startles you from your spiraling thoughts, your cheeks reddening once you realize you have been staring blankly at the same page for a good few minutes. 
You have to steady yourself so you don’t drop your book on the dirt below you, which has you almost falling out of your chair in the process. 
You glance up at the stranger as you situate yourself, which doesn’t do much to help. The man is drop-dead fucking gorgeous. He’s staring down at you, clearly amused. His full lips are tugged up into a half-smirk. You think for a second that he looks familiar, but you would for sure remember seeing a man like this.
His hair is dark, a bit long and shaggy, but in the way that makes you want to run your fingers through it. He wears sunglasses, you notice with disappointment. You don’t know why you have such a strong urge to see what’s hidden under there. You’re guessing they’re brown. He seems to carry a kind aura, it’s a fitting idea that his eyes would be warm.
Even though you sense such a kindness emanating from him, there’s an annoying nagging from the back of your head that makes you uneasy. His stare is almost imposing, the way he carries himself adding so much to the effect. Your stomach bunches up in a frustrating way that signifies both anxiety and lust. You don’t really care much to figure out which is dominant at the moment. 
All you know is that you’re drawn to this man like a moth to a flame, and that after all you’ve been through, you deserve to admire him at the very least. It’s not often you come across such a good looking man. A fictional looking man. 
He cocks his head after you stare for what could probably be considered a second too long. Your face must be about the shade of a tomato at this point. The weight of an object in your hand quickly reminds you of the task at hand. 
This is a potential customer. You need to stop staring like a schoolgirl. Besides, he must be what… ten, fifteen years older than you? God, you can’t even tell. He looks mature, but somehow ageless at the same time. He has strong, masculine features, but a sort of boyish quality, too. If someone told you he was some kind of a god himself, you would have no trouble believing them.
“I-I’m so sorry, let me just put this down,” you say to the god, trying not to stumble over your own words after getting caught ogling. 
“No problem at all, sweetheart,” he says, clearly unbothered. Fuck, his voice. It’s deep and rich, and he has some sort of accent,  like he grew up speaking another language. Spanish? Probably spanish. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Down, girl.
You take a breath in through your nose, willing yourself to relax as you set your book down on the table in front of you. You resist the urge to shut your eyes out of embarrassment as he looks down at the erotic cover, and then back at you with an arched brow and an amused smile. You move quickly as you snatch the book back to flip it back-side-up.
“What can I get for you, sir?” you quietly attempt to move on from that interaction, trying to reign in some of your composure. He’s standing with one hand on his hip, which is jutted out just slightly. He licks his plush lips and stands up mostly straight before he speaks. He pulls a piece of paper out of his snug back pocket and starts to read off of it. 
Your face keeps a nice flush as he reads off of his list. Your core throbs every now and again as he talks, making it a bit hard for you to concentrate, but you’re pretty sure you got everything. 
You nod at him to let him know as much before you get up to collect everything. Who knows if your voice even works right now. You do your best to ignore the weight of his stare on your back as you move around.
“Haven’t seen you around before,” he says, obviously wanting to start a conversation. “You been here long?”
“No, not really,” you say, trying to level your voice as you place produce into bags. “Well, kind of. I grew up here but I moved away a few years ago. Only been back for a couple months now. I’m staying to help my parents for a bit before I can get back onto my feet,” you finish as you secure the last bag. 
You look up as you place the goods on the table, this time meeting the man’s uncovered eyes. Brown and expressive, just as you imagined. You smile absentmindedly, and he mirrors your action, making your stomach twist once again. What a fucking smile. 
“Well, welcome back, then,” he says. “I’m Javier. Prefer it if you would call me Javi, though.” 
“Javi it is,” you say, liking the feel of his name on your tongue. You tell him your name and he nods. 
“Pretty name for a pretty girl.” 
Fuck this man, he has to know what he’s doing. 
“Thank you,” you say, trying to control the pitch of your voice. 
He watches you as you place his bags on the table in front of you, now full of his requested items. As you catch his gaze, everything around you seems to fade to black. No sounds, no movement. All you can focus on is the sudden electric current that is born between the two of you. 
A nervous flutter starts in your stomach, but you just can’t bring yourself to look away, as if the attraction would be broken and gone forever if you did. The two of you hold eye contact for what could be a minute or ten before someone walks past your stand, drawing your attention back to reality.
You both let out a breath you’ve been holding, yours probably more shaky than his. You shake your head and start to add up his total after wiping your sweaty palms on your shorts. He stands back on his heels, his hands shoved into his pockets as he watches you work.
It only takes a moment. You tell him his total and he slides his wallet out, handing you the exact cash. You both thank each other at the same time, making you giggle. He smiles wider at the sound. 
“You’ve got a nice laugh, sweetheart,” he complements warmly. 
“Thank you. I made it myself,” you joke. Javi chuckles to himself, almost like he’s surprised to hear you make a joke. “Sorry,” you say, laughter in your own voice. “That was kind of lame.” 
“No, that was pretty clever, actually,” he says through his smile. 
You let yourself get one more good look as you reciprocate the gesture, fully expecting him to part ways. He doesn’t though, instead he asks you the one question you had hoped that nobody would ask you. 
“What brought you back here?” 
Your smile drops slightly and you consider lying to him, telling him that your parents wanted your help and that’s all. You know you can’t, though. There’s no point in trying to hide the truth. Nothing stays hidden in this small town. 
So you don’t. You sum up every stupid, unfair thing that made you return home. There’s a flash of sympathy in his gaze that makes you want to shut up, but some sick part of you craves that sympathy at the same time. 
It only takes you a couple minutes to have everything out, but he stays quiet and patient the entire time. Never interrupting you once and nodding along at all the right parts to let you know he’s listening. 
You haven’t felt this seen in a long time, It feels good. It makes you want to wrap yourself up in this total stranger’s arms and beg him to hold you. Fuck, now you’re picturing that. You need to not picture that. Luckily you don’t have much of a chance to, because he’s responding to you only a few seconds after you finish. 
“Well, that’s a damn shame. Fuckin’ boys don’t even know how to treat a sweet girl anymore.” Javi says, making you blush once again. 
The attention he gives you feels the same as jumping into a cool pool after being in the sun all day. It’s unbelievably refreshing to hear something like that instead of the usual scolding and ‘I told you so’s.  
He seems to put thought into what comes out of his mouth, and it genuinely makes you feel like he cares. Like he wants to make sure you hear what you deserve to hear.
“What makes you so sure I’m sweet?” you ask playfully, trying to change the topic to ignore the craving for more kind words. Might as well flirt a little while you’re at it, you figure. What can it hurt?
“Just a hunch,” he says, his tone the same as yours as his smile crinkled eyes bore into yours. You nod a little, your adoring smile never wavering.
 You both notice the small line of people beginning to form behind Javi at the same time. He almost looks disappointed at the sight, like he doesn’t want to leave just yet. 
“Just one second, honey,” he says, digging the scrap of paper from before out of his pocket again. Once he has that laid against the table in front of him, he supplies a pen from the front pocket of his shirt. He uses it to scribble something down onto the paper. 
You crane your neck slightly to try to catch a peak, but you can’t tell with how fast he’s writing. When he’s done, he folds it once, slides it your way, and gives a singular nod. 
“See you around, sweetheart,” he says as he starts to leave. 
“Yeah. See you,” you mumble under your breath as you watch him stride away, bags of produce in hand.
A woman walks up to the table, and you quickly turn to her. 
“So sorry about that. How can I help you?” you ask quickly, eyeing the paper Javi left behind.
It only takes you a little while to get everyone who was in line checked out, but it feels like it could have been hours. As soon as the last customer starts to walk away, your hands are on the note, shakily unfolding it to reveal Javi’s (suitably) scratchy handwriting. 
You see what you can only assume to be his phone number, and above it, there’s a note. 
“I would love to see you again, sweet girl. Give me a call?” 
Your heart flutters as you bite your lip and read the note over again. There’s no way you’re not taking up that offer. 
***
Thank you so much for reading!! I would absolutely love any kind of feedback so I know where everyone's at on this!! I have a tag list open for this series if anybody would like to join <3
Series taglist: @corazondebeskar @yorksgirl @nerdieforpedro @axshadows @survivingandenduring @kewwrites (pls lmk if these tags worked!)
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