#why does 2016 insist on sucking so much
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Why I'm Looking Forward to ELEMENTAL...
This has been on my mind lately, as ELEMENTAL is inching closer to release.
I've been reading it everywhere... Something to the tune of: Pixar has lost its touch, its soul, they've been going downhill, etc. etc.
I get intense deja vu whenever I read a sentence like that...
Because around this very same time, a DECADE ago, in the year 2013... Pixar was also going downhill, they sold out, they lost their touch, their soul, Disney was poisoning them now that they owned them, blah blah blah-
And this was back when they had only released two movies in a row that didn't live up to the imaginary thing that is called "Pixar standards": Those very movies were CARS 2 and BRAVE. A prequel to MONSTERS, INC. was just a month away at this same time in 2013, which ended up getting a similar reception from these skeptics... We knew a FINDING NEMO sequel was in the works, in addition to a few originals. They didn't have high hopes for the studio's future.
When INSIDE OUT came out in summer 2015, after a whole calendar year without a Pixar movie, it was declared a comeback. But later that year, during the holiday season, THE GOOD DINOSAUR came out, and it was all "Pixar is dead!" again. People were freakin' hyperbolic, I tell 'ya... Strangely, I do remember that nonsense somewhat dying down once FINDING DORY came out, the following summer in 2016. As if they either accepted that their favorite studio was no longer going to make movies that they wanted to see, or they found something else to latch onto... and subsequent complain about that thing, too. Maybe the return of STAR WARS was enough of a distraction for these nerds? That's the king of complainer-heavy franchises right there!
So, I'm old enough to remember when Pixar was going downhill. It seemed like they've been going downhill, huh? Ten years of going downhill? Where does the hill end? Is it a very steep hill... Is it a cliff? Are they tumbling down Mount Everest or something?
But what's particularly alarming to me is this... There's a good-sized gaggle of people who genuinely want... John freakin' Lasseter to come back to Pixar and be their leader again!
Yet back in 2013, according to people who were insisting that Pixar was done for, it was *Lasseter* that was the problem.
That he was ruining Pixar with his dictatorial way of running things, his aggressive franchising of CARS, firing directors off of their movies, and mandating every director there except his favorites (Pete Docter, Andrew Stanton, Lee Unkrich, Brad Bird) to make the movies the way HE wanted them to be made. That he was their worst director, as CARS and CARS 2 "proved" that... Though apparently the guy never directed TOY STORY 1 & 2, and A BUG'S LIFE. (Oh, but that one sucked, too. Apparently. Also, Lasseter pretty much stole CARS wholesale from Jorgen Klubien. To me, Klubien and the late Joe Ranft are very much the directors of that film.)
Now a lot of this is true, Lasseter was a micromanager indeed. He removed a lot of up-and-coming directors at Pixar that didn't meet his "criteria", and this was true even before The Walt Disney Company bought Pixar and made him supreme leader. He screwed over Jorgen Klubien and essentially erased him from the creation of CARS, a movie he pitched and blueprinted and mapped out. Jan Pinkava was booted off of RATATOUILLE, but did receive co-director credit in the end. He also wasn't quite thrilled about then-outsider Brad Bird coming into Pixar with a superhero action picture, but Steve Jobs had Brad Bird's back and eventually, Lasseter was all-in on Bird. Then once he took over? Brad Lewis, Brenda Chapman, even veteran Bob Peterson, all fired from their movies. An unnamed director got booted off of MONSTERS UNIVERSITY as well, Gary Rydstrom got taken off of NEWT, and the studio ended up canning that film anyways.
Nothing was done about this, as Pixar scored box office hit after box office hit, and sometimes Oscars to go with that... Nothing was done, until Lasseter was rightfully outed for sexual harassment during the Me Too movement in late 2017. With that, Pete Docter assumed his Chief Creative Officer role in mid-2018. Ever since Pete took over, not a single movie made at Pixar since then lost its director, and to me... All the newer films feel quite unique to one another, and feel like the visions of their respective directors. They have gotten one Oscar since then, for SOUL in 2020, LUCA and TURNING RED were nominated in their respective years. Only LIGHTYEAR lost money at the box office, had a hard time appealing to audiences, and got a slightly more mixed reception from critics. Everything else is a COVID case... Not that box office and Oscars mean anything, but under Lasseter they seemed to easily rack those things up regularly. With one or two major exceptions here and there. Just an observation, that's all.
So now... They want him back? Am I reading that right? But they all insisted that he had to go, and that the 2010s Pixar was all bad original movies (save for INSIDE OUT and COCO) and "unnecessary" sequels. Keep in mind, these same people *demanded* an INCREDIBLES sequel from Pixar... And the Venn Diagram of folks who disliked INCREDIBLES 2 that never shut up about how "bad" it was and those who demanded that the sequel be made in the first place is probably a circle.
These same complainers clamor for the Pixar of yore, the studio during its so-called halcyon days... And yet they're dismissive of the new movies they make that are trying new things (the old Pixar of 2003-ish would've never greenlit LUCA or TURNING RED)... And the movie that's going back to the classic "what-if" premises that directors Lasseter/Docter/Stanton/Unkrich indulged in? Oh, it's "generic Pixar", "it looks like a parody of Pixar", "it's as if an AI generated a Pixar movie"...
What do they want, then?
If they make a movie that's just like TOY STORY or FINDING NEMO or RATATOUILLE or UP, it'd be written off as "trying to replicate the past". If they do something new and fresh, it's "mid" or whatever, "go back to what you did best."
This studio has released 26 films, and in a month, 27. Not all of them are going to appeal to you anyways. They have yet to make a movie that I myself personally dislike, but that's just me.
I sometimes think that Pixar's earliest films hit these particular folks hard because they were made during a time when American feature animation was in a weird state. That initial "Renaissance" period wore off, Disney was having trouble, other studios were releasing 2D films that flopped and got bad critical scores, and it seemed like Pixar (and some early DreamWorks) hit that sweet spot. Nowadays, everyone's making big animated movies, and there's innovation happening elsewhere as well. New Pixar movies share the space with films like INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE, PUSS IN BOOTS: THE LAST WISH, THE MITCHELLS VS. THE MACHINES, Guillermo del Toro's PINOCCHIO, etc. etc. We also have a wider Internet than ever before, streaming, whole libraries at your fingertips... Maybe back in 2003, you had so-so internet connection and a PC with a boxy monitor, and it seemed like Pixar was the only game in town.
But also, early Pixar was smaller, much more tight-knit you could argue. Ostensibly, it was a bunch of nerds riding around on scooters and wearing Hawaiian shirts, like the place was a blast to be at, each new movie of theirs a test for them, it was them going big or going home. Every new movie of theirs seemed like a pending flop... that defied all expectations, each movie worked on critics and audiences. Their contract back then sucked, and they weren't allowed to make sequels to their movies, TOY STORY 2 was strongarmed into being a Pixar-made sequel and not the direct-to-video B-team picture it was originally meant to be. There's definitely a particular feeling, an early-era excitement to the stretch of films made from 1995 to around 2004, and after the Disney buyout, Pixar's atmosphere is no longer the chimp and the wacky guys on scooters. In reality, Pixar was always cutthroat. Lasseter was always egotistical (again, just ask Jorgen Klubien), it was a studio and a business just like everything else. There also exist people who are not in love with that studio, and maybe only enjoy a handful of the movies they made during their so-called heyday.
I've long loved Pixar films. MONSTERS, INC. was the movie that made me a fan of theirs, though I had seen their first three films made before that. I've seen all of their movies in theaters except the three movies that went straight to Disney+ during the pandemic. That being said, I am able to differentiate a studio from its filmmakers. Early Pixar is largely the work of Lasseter, Docter, Stanton, and Unkrich. Or what I like to call "Team TOY STORY". Lasseter directed TOY STORY, everyone else listed were a major part of that movie, and were a major part of TOY STORY 2 as well. Unkrich co-directed TOY STORY 2, MONSTERS, INC. and FINDING NEMO. Andrew Stanton co-directed A BUG'S LIFE and then was main director on FINDING NEMO - which he conceived, Pete Docter conceived and directed MONSTERS, INC. They're all John's guys, his buddies, his magic circle, or as Jorgen Klubien put it in an interview with the Skull Rock Podcast: His knights of the round table, "The Beatles of Pixar"... Then there was Brad Bird. Again, a relative outsider, didn't get the warmest welcome, but became a solid part of Lasseter's circle because he had backup, and his movie ended up being a big hit. Team TOY STORY and Brad Bird were "early Pixar": A bunch of liked-minded guys out of Cal-Arts in their 30s and 40s with a lot of creative freedom making the animated movies they wanted to see, and using cutting-edge and always-evolving technology to make them.
But those days were over after Lasseter took complete control and solidified his Brain Trust. Who knows how a movie like BRAVE would've been received in 2012 had he not fired Brenda Chapman from it, the very movie she conceived based on her motherhood. Better? Worse? Same goes for Bob Peterson, what would his GOOD DINOSAUR have been? It was always *very* telling to me that the post-2010 Pixar movies everyone seemed to agree on being pretty good were the movies directed by Pete Docter (INSIDE OUT, SOUL) and Lee Unkrich (COCO)... and that everything else was subpar. But... They'd either say those movies stunk because Lasseter controlled them too much, or they were just bad because they weren't made by their favorite directors.
And that was even more evident to me after Lasseter was sent packing. ONWARD, Dan Scanlon's first original Pixar movie after directing MONSTERS UNIVERSITY, was "good but not Pixar good" at best, and the same non-criticism was thrown at Enrico Casarosa's LUCA as well. There is no such thing as "Pixar good", you actually mean "I don't like it as much as the movies made by Team TOY STORY." You like those select few directors, then, not the studio itself. And that's fine! The studio is merely the building where these movies are made, it's not the author of the movies... That'd be like calling ABBEY ROAD your favorite Abbey Road Studios album, not your favorite Beatles album.
Also worth noting: Brad Bird had directed THE IRON GIANT before coming to Pixar, and he's directing RAY GUNN for Skydance Animation - with Lasseter as his boss again, may I add. He's the only person in the original Pixar director lineup of filmmakers to have directed an all-animated feature somewhere else. Pete Docter's only animated movies are Pixar films, ditto John Lasseter, Andrew Stanton, and Lee Unkrich's.
Lasseter's no longer at Pixar, Pete Docter likely is done with directing after SOUL, Andrew Stanton hasn't directed there since 2016 and likely won't be back for a long while because he's trying to do more live-action stuff, Lee Unkrich straight up retired, and Brad Bird - again - is off at Skydance.
I don't really subscribe to the whole collective thing. The original appeal of Pixar, to me, was it being a place where directors could come in, pitch a wild idea, and make that wild idea a movie that Disney or the other studios at the time wouldn't have made. Problem was, it looked that way on paper. In reality, it was Lasseter's show. It's not anymore, and Docter is not like Lasseter, he wants the people at Pixar to tell their stories... THEIR way. That's very exciting to me, and I feel it has shown in a lot of their most recent films.
This is why I'm interested in seeing ELEMENTAL, I'm game to see what director Peter Sohn has in store. He previously directed THE GOOD DINOSAUR, which he took over from Bob Peterson of course, but this is his movie from the ground up. He has said that it is based on his experiences as a son of Korean immigrant parents in New York, his coming of age in the 1980s, but told using people made of the four elements living in a city based around said elements. I'm there for the personal story more so than the premise, but from what I've seen of the movie itself, it's fascinating seeing characters where every part of them moves. Flowing water, ever-burning fire, etc. They're very very animated. This must've been a lot of work!
Anyways, ELEMENTAL... When do the tickets go on sale? I'm looking forward to it, I hope I enjoy it!
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Dragon Ball Super 048
What’s that? The Zamasu Saga doesn’t suck enough? Well, what if we throw in some Pilaf!
In the future, Trunks flies into a rage and attacks Goku Black for killing (ha!) Mai. But it doesn’t work. Black is too strong, so all Trunks can do is throw his sword like a boomerang to spoil Black’s aim, then use a Masenko to cover his escape.
By the time Black locates Trunks, he’s already launched the time machine, and he disappears into the past before Black can figure out what’s happened. All he knows for sure is that Trunks is gone.
Meanwhile, in the present day main timeline, we find this world’s Trunks doing a math class in his home. I guess Bulma hired a tutor or something. Also, he’s got Pilaf, Mai, and Shu taking the classes with him.
This is another huge problem with this arc. In a lot of episodes, time is pissed away by having the Pillaf gang uselessly comment on whatever is happening. We’ll see this demonstrated later, but in this scene Pilaf does a whole bit when Trunks struggles to solve a math problem. Everything just turns into this long, drawn out nonsense whenever Pilaf is nearby, because he doesn’t understand what’s going on with the plot, and no one ever explains it to him, and yet he feels compelled to babble endlessly about it. And the people making this show thought you really wanted to see every second of this.
There is a scene here which I appreciate. I must have missed it on the first viewing in 2016, but Mai thanks Trunks for letting them live in the Capsule Corp. building. This happened off-screen, but according to Trunks, they seemed to be having a hard time, and the house has plenty of rooms, so why not invite them to live here? The way the Pilaf Gang have been lurking around so many major characters lately, it’s probably not much of a stretch that they ran into Trunks recently.
The point of this, of course, is that Trunks is sweet on Kid Mai, which is meant to reflect the apparent relationship between Future Trunks and Future Mai. This saga keeps insisting that this somehow matters, but it never leads to any profound connection. Pilaf and Shu keep talking about it anyway, though, so that’s another tedious thing to sit through.
While they eat lunch on the balcony, they notice the time machine arriving in the backyard, and Trunks is astonished to find his future self inside. Of course he doesn’t realize it’s his future self just yet. Starting out, he’s just confused by the resemblance, and he doesn’t understand why Bulma keeps calling him “Trunks” too. Pilaf speculates that Future Trunks is actually a secret love child Bulma had long before she married Vegeta.
Much of this episode is an obnoxious game of telephone. Trunks gets Pilaf to get Shu to get Bulma, who then tells Whis to tell Vegeta to tell Goku to tell Korin to get a senzu bean for Future Trunks. This is like watching someone dial a phone in a movie. You don’t have to show this part, dammit!
Also, everyone keeps freaking the fuck out in this episode, which is just really annoying.
Oh, Korin’s playing limbo. But he admits he doesn’t enjoy it much.
So Trunks finally gets his senzu bean and wakes up to see his parents and Goku. And he attacks Goku, mistaking him for his mysterious enemy in his own timeline. And that’s the cliffhanger.
Oh, and Beerus and Whis tagged along, because they have absolutely nothing to do with this nonsense, and shoehorning them into a story arc is just one more bad move to add to the pile.
That’s a nice gazebo, though. Gohan and Videl probably made out in there once or twice, don’t you think? Sorry, I’m just trying to distract myself from this.
#dragon ball#dragon ball super#2023dbapocryphaliveblog#trunks#goku#vegeta#goku black#beerus#whis#mai#emperor pilaf#shu#bulma#korin#yajirobe#fuck the zamasu saga forever
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This is Me Trying
Part one and two
Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader enemies to lovers!
Synopsis: it’s time for secrets to come out
Masterlist
“How’s the project coming along?” You asked as you laid your head in Peter’s lap. You were in his room, like you always were, a month after you officially started dating.
“Just about done.” He answered you. “I made the periods bigger so we’d hit the maximum page length.”
“Ooo.” You snickered. “What a bad boy.”
“I’m really not.” He chuckled and began to play with your hair. “This is the most incriminating thing I’ve done all year.”
“I wouldn’t mind if you were.” You shrugged. “I like bad boys.”
“Do you?”
“Yeah. Remember that guy that like died in the war but then came back to life as an assassin? From a few years ago?” You asked as you looked up at him.
“The Winter Soldier?” Peter wondered.
“Yeah. Him.” You nodded. “I wanted to fuck him.”
The bluntness in your tone knocked the wind out of Peter’s chest. Nothing could have prepared him for what you had just said. You were too busy laughing to notice how shaken he was.
“W-what?” He stuttered as you sat up.
“I don’t know.” You laughed. “Like, I knew he was a murderer but I was into it. I wanted to spread him on a cracker.”
Peter pouted and folded his arms, his jealously getting the better of him.
“He’s not as strong as he looks, you know.” Peter got defensive. “And his hair is super greasy. It’s like a freaking slip and slide up there.”
“Hm. That’s a problem for me. I’m more into curls.” You smiled as you ran your fingers through his hair. “And how would you know how strong he is?”
Peter gulped, realizing he had said a little too much. Spider-Man knew how strong Bucky was, but you didn’t know about that.
“I don’t.” He lied. “I’m just assuming.”
“You don’t think he’s strong with that metal arm?” You asked as you pulled up a picture of him on your phone. “His biceps are like the size of my head.”
“They’re only bigger than mine because he’s older. A lot older.” Peter insisted. “Like, he’s geriatric.”
“Oh my God. Look at him!” You ignored Peter’s comment and showed him a picture of Bucky. “I want to suck on his thighs.”
“Ew.” Peter whined. “He’s like 400 years old.”
“So what you’re telling me is he’s experienced.” You raised your eyebrows suggestively. Peter let out an angry huff, jealousy bubbling in his stomach.
“Gross.” He groaned. “Why are you saying this in front of me? I’m your boyfriend. Not him.”
“I’m just kidding, Pete.” You chuckled and cupped his chin. “Plus, he’s basically a fictional character to us. It’s not like he’s some guy we know.”
Peter looked to the side, hating when he had to lie to you. Bucky was someone he knew personally, but you didn’t know that.
“Hm.” Peter mumbled quietly. You noticed Peter’s expression and climbed into lab, straddling his hips.
“Hey, I’m sorry.” You cupped his face and rubbed your nose against his. “I didn’t mean to make you all pouty. I’m only kidding about the Summer Soldier.”
“Winter Soldier.” Peter halfheartedly corrected you.
“Winter Soldier. See?” You shrugged. “I don’t even know his name.”
“You still said you would fuck him, though.” Peter pouted as he looked down at his lap.
“I said I wanted to. Past tense.” You corrected. “I had crush on him when I was like 14. I don’t even think of him or his thunder thighs anymore.”
“I have a hard time believing that.” Peter grumbled. You could tell he was still jealous so you pulled him in for a long kiss.
“It’s true. I only have eyes for you, Pete.” You whispered once you pulled away. He cracked a smile before rolling his eyes at you.
“Right.” He said sarcastically. “Just me and the murderer you want in your pants.”
“Come on.” You whined when he didn’t let up. “Can you even blame me? He works with the Avengers. You have to admit, that’s hot.”
Peter stopped pouting when he heard this. He may not be able to be the kind of bad boy you liked, but he was an Avenger.
“You really think that’s hot?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Duh.” You stated. “Don’t you like the Avengers?”
“Most of them.” He nodded. “But not Bucky.”
“Who’s Bucky?” You asked.
“Sorry.” He shook his head. “The Winter Soldier.”
“Why did you call him Bucky?” You laughed in confusion. You had no idea who James “Bucky” Barnes was. Unlike Peter, who sat across from him at dinner a week before.
“That’s his nickname.” Peter explained without thinking it through.
“I didn’t realize you and the Winter Soldier were on a nickname basis.” You teased. “What does he call you?”
“He doesn’t really talk to me.” Peter shrugged. “He’s really quiet, except when he’s with Cap.”
You sat back suddenly, looking at Peter like he was crazy. He was forgetting who his audience was and how you knew nothing of his double life.
“What?” Peter asked when he saw your face.
“Bucky? Cap?” You repeated his words. “Who are these people? What the hell are you talking about?”
“Bucky goes by, well, Bucky. And most of us call Steve, Cap.” Peter explained. “Well, except for Mr. Stark. He calls him Blondie most of the time.”
“So you’re hanging out with the avengers now?” You raised a skeptical eyebrow.
“Well, yeah, when when I’m…” Peter trailed off when he realized his mistake.
“When you’re what?” You asked. Peter knew he backed himself into a corner here. He didn’t want to lie to you anymore, so he figured it was time to tell you the truth. Not that he has much of a choice.
“I have something to tell you.” He stated. “It’s kinda important.”
“Okay.” You nodded and held his hand. “What’s up?”
“Don’t freak out, okay?” He prefaced. “It’s not as crazy as it sounds.”
“Oh.” You gasped. “Are you gay?”
“What? No.” Peter answered immediately. “Why was that your first guess?”
“Well my first guess was steroids but I know how you feel about that.” You mumbled out of the corner of your mouth.
“It’s neither of those things. I’ve Uh…I’ve been bitten.” Peter began, not sure how else to phrase it. You smiled a little, thinking he was flirting.
“So have I.” You mumbled as you brought his hand to your lips to kiss the back of it.
“No. Not like that.” He waved his hand and your face fell. “I mean, yes like that. But that’s not what I’m talking about right now.”
“Then what is it, Peter?”
“They do a lot of experimental science at Oscorp. Genetic mutations, stuff like that.” He explained, beating around the bush.
“Why are we talking about Oscorp?” You wondered.
“I broke into one of the labs freshman year.” He explained. “I was trying to figure out some equation my father was working on.”
“Okay.” You said skeptically.
“I ended up in this weird room with all these modified spiders and one bit me. Right here.” He showed you his knuckles, which had a tiny scar on the center. You took his hand and examined the scar closer.
“What is this leading to?”
“After I was bitten, I could do all these things I couldn’t do before.” He told you. “I could climb walls, lift buses, and you know, my biceps grew.”
“You’re telling me a spider bite gave you muscles?”
“I’m telling you that I’m Spider-Man.” He said finally, making the room go silent. It was his first time telling a person on purpose, so it meant a lot to him. Your expression changed from skeptical to serious as you dropped his hand. You reached forward slowly and touched his face, staring at him like you were seeing him for the first time.
“Oh my God.” You whispered. “Peter, you’re…”
He put his hand over yours when you trailed off, anticipating the end of your sentence. Suddenly, you pushed his face away with a smirk.
“Full of shit.” You finished. “You are so full of shit. You almost had me.”
“I’m not.” Peter insisted. “I am Spiderman. I swear.”
“Peter. Be serious.” You whined as you got off his bed. “I thought you had something real to tell me.”
“I am being serious.” He told you. “This is the truth.”
“This is the truth.” You mimicked his voiced, like you used to. “Why would I believe that? Because you called the Fall Fighter by his nickname? Please.”
Peter was starting to grow frustrated. He always feared someone would find out his secret and he’s have to beg them not to tell. He never imagined he’d be sitting in front of his girlfriend, trying to convince her he was Spiderman.
“I know Bucky’s nickname because I know him.” Peter explained as he got off his bed. “It’s the same reason I know how strong he isn’t. He tried to punch me once and I caught his fist before he could. And that thing is made of vibranium. My hand hurt for a week.”
“I don’t get it.” You shrugged. “I don’t get the joke.”
“It’s not a joke. I really am Spiderman.” He insisted. “Mr. Stark recruited me back in 2016 to help him fight Captain America at an airport in Germany.”
“Yeah.” You nodded. “And I killed Princess Diana. I killed her and framed John-“
Peter grabbed your face and kissed you to shut you up, not wanting to hear your jokes when he was trying to tell you the biggest secret of his life.
“Can you shut up for a second?” He asked sweetly when he pulled away. “I’m trying to talk to you about something important. And we both know who really killed her.”
“No you’re not.” You snorted. “You’re trying to mess with me.”
“I’m telling you the truth.” He whined. “Why won’t you believe me?”
“Because you’re saying ridiculous things.” You chuckled as you walked over to your phone, which had been resting on his desk.
“May’s asking what we want for dinner.” You read her text off your screen. “Do you want Chinese again or-“
Before you could finish your sentence, Peter shot a web at your waist and pulled you towards him. You stumbled into his arms before looking down in confusion. You saw the web attached to your hip and tugged at it, but it didn’t come off. You looked at Peter with wide eyes for some answers.
“What the fuck?” You whispered harshly as you yanked on the web.
“Do you believe me now?” He asked as he held up his wrist. You saw the web shooter he had slipped on and touched it carefully. Between the web on your hip and his crazy story, you had no choice but to believe him.
“Well now I’m just embarrassed.” You mumbled sheepishly. “I was pretty sure I was right.”
“I told you you’d have to get used to be being right.” Peter smirked as he helped pull the web off of you. You put your hands on your hips and sighed loudly as you processes the information.
“Okay, wait.” You began. “How have you been Spider-Man this whole time? I’ve seen you fall up the stairs.”
“It’s different when I have the suit on.” He told you. “It gives me confidence.”
“Can I see it?” You asked, a childlike smile on your lips.
“The suit? Sure.” Peter went to his closet and pulled it out of his hiding spot. He brought it over to you, noticing your awestruck expression and smiling.
“Wow.” You whispered as you stared at the folded suit. “Can I touch it?”
“Go ahead.” He smiled, loving how impressed you were. He watched you fondly as you carefully ran your fingertips along the suit, tracing all the lines and details.
“It feels like a football.” You commented, making him laugh.
“Yeah.” He agreed. “I’m not sure what material it is. Mr. Stark made it for me.”
“Tony Stark made this for you?” You gasped.
“Yeah.” He nodded. “A few years ago.”
“Is that when he recruited you?” You wondered. “For Germany?”
“Is it. You listened.” He smiled happily when you remembered little details he had told you.
“Well I can’t tune you out anymore if you’re my boyfriend.” You winked at him before returning your attention to the suit. He blushed a little, appreciating how far you’ve come in your relationship.
“Can you put it on for me?” You asked suddenly as you looked up at him. Peter didn’t expect this reaction, especially not this request.
“Really? You want me to put it on?” He smiled shyly.
“Please?” Your eyes lit up. “I want to see you in it.”
“Okay.” He nodded as he tried to hide his excitement. “I’ll go put it on.”
Peter went into his bathroom and slipped into the suit. He didn’t know why he was as excited as he was to show you. Maybe because you hadn’t caught him in the suit like May and Ned had. He told you his secret willingly, and you asked to know more.
“Are you ready?” You called from the other side of the door. “I feel like I’m waiting to see you walk down the aisle.”
“I’m ready.” He called back as he pressed the center of the suit so it tightened against his skin. He gave himself one last look in the mirror before going back to his bedroom.
“Here it is.” He said sheepishly as he walked towards you. “What do you think?”
Your jaw dropped a little when you saw him. He seemed taller, but you realized it was just because he wasn’t slouching. In his suit, he looked more confident then you had ever seen him. He looked like a hero, and it brought a smile to your face.
“Holy shit.” You whispered as you walked closer to him. You reached forward to touch him, but quickly moved withdrew your hand.
“Are you scared?” He worried when he saw you pull away.
“No. Not of you.” You assured him. “But sometimes I find random glitter on my hands and I’m scared of getting anything on the suit.”
Peter chuckled at your reasoning and picked up your hand.
“It’s okay. You can touch me.” He whispered as he put his hand on his chest. Your eyebrows went up when you felt his warmth through the suit.
“Wow.” You smiled softly. “I didn’t think I’d be able to feel your heartbeat through it”.
“Well you make it beat pretty fast.” He told you as he put his hand over yours.
“Wait.” You pulled away a little. “If you’re Spider-Man, does that mean…”
“Yes?” Peter asked when you trailed off.
“You can set me up with Bucky.” You finished your sentence. “Do you have his number? Tell him I want to wash his hair.”
Peter let out a loud groan, not finding your joke funny. You laughed and tried to pull him back to you, but he kept pulling away.
“I’m kidding. I’m kidding. Come back.” You laughed and tugged on his arm. “Come here. I love you.”
Peter stopped pulling away and froze. When you saw the bewildered look on his face, your smile fell.
“What?” He asked, his voice coming out in a whisper. That shit eating grin you used to hate broke through, lighting up his features. You tried not to let your shock show as you realized what you had said.
“Hm?” You pretended not to understand. “What?”
“What did you just say?” Peter again, now unsure he has heard you correctly.
“I didn’t say anything.” You shrugged, trying to act like you didn’t just tell your boyfriend that you loved him. It’s not that you didn’t mean it, but you didn’t mean to tell him that soon.
“Did you just tell me you loved me?” Peter asked hopefully as he pulled your closer to him.
“Hm. No. Wasn’t me.” You shook your head. “Must have been the wind.”
“My windows are closed.”
“Air conditioning.” You corrected.
“It’s off.”
“Then I don’t know what to tell you. I didn’t tell you I loved you. That would be ridiculous. How could I have fallen in love with the most annoying person on the planet?” You asked, questioning yourself more then him. You didn’t know how you had fallen for Peter in such a short amount of time. Just a few months ago, you couldn’t stand him. Now, you were standing in front of him, hoping he loved you back.
“I ask myself that every time I look at you.” He said, making your breath hitch in your throat.
“Are you saying you love me too?” You asked slowly.
“I thought you didn’t tell me you loved me?” He smirked, always taking a chance to tease you.
“I didn’t.” You lied, but you knew you were caught.
“Damn. That’s a shame.” Peter smiled softly. “Because I love you.”
“Yeah.” You smiled back once he confessed his feelings. “I bet you do, loser.”
Peter laughed at your never ending need to insult him before pulling you into a kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck to keep him close. You could feel his gloved hands on the bare skin of your waist and shivered. When you pulled away, you kept your foreheads pressed together.
“I never thought it would be you.” You mumbled as you twirled one of his curls around your finger. “I never thought I’d fall in love with you.”
“It surprised me too.” He chuckled. “I’m glad this happened though. You weren’t just who I wanted to be. You were who I wanted to be with.”
“Promise me you’ll be careful.” You whispered. “I don’t ever want to get a call at three am telling me I need to come to the hospital. And I don’t want to start bringing three roses to the cemetery instead of two.”
“Hey, I’m not going anywhere.” He assured you as he held your face between his hands. He wiped your tears away with his gloves hands and kissed your nose. “I would never go anywhere where you couldn’t follow”.
“Ew.” You sniffled as you wiped your eyes.
“Why ew?” He chuckled.
“We’re gross.” You said. “We fell in love and now we’re gross.”
“It’s okay.” He smiled. “I like being gross with you.”
“I’m gonna throw up.” You gagged, making you both laugh.
“You’ll be okay.” He told you, and you believed him.
“Okay, now that we got that conversation out of the way, I have a lot of questions about all of this.” You said as you gestured to his suit.
“Ask me anything.” He said. “I’ll answer.”
“What did you wear before this?” You wondered. “I saw Spider-Man sightings on the news before 2016.”
Peter went to his closet and pulled out his original Spider-Man suit, the makeshift hoodie he used to wear.
“This. I made it myself.” He said as he handed it to you.
“No kidding.” You teased as you took it from him. “Did you sew this with your feet?”
“It was the best I could do.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m so lucky he made me a real suit. This one was not very protective.”
“Actually, I kind of like it.” You smiled as you held it up. It had bullet holes and tears everywhere. “It shows where you’ve been. And how far you’ve come.”
“I like your way of looking at it.” He smiled. “It’s yours, if you like it so much. I don’t need it anymore.”
“Why don’t you tell people that its you? This would make you famous. Like, Tony Stark famous.” You said as you put the hoodie on. “Don’t you want that? You know, since you’re such a loser at school.”
“Very funny”. He narrowed his eyes at you. “And no, actually. I’m safer this way. Plus, the bad guys can’t tell if I’m scared with the mask on. And it’s fun to have a secret. It gives me an edge.”
“Wow. I did not think me telling you I wanted to fuck the Winter Soldier would lead to all of this.” You poked fun at the situation.
“Me either but I’m glad it did.” He remarked. “I’m happy that you know. And I’m happy that you love me.”
“Well don’t make a big deal out of it.” You mumbled. “It’s embarrassing.”
“Don’t be embarrassed.” He laughed. “This is exciting. It’s all exciting.”
“We get it.” You teased as you wrapped your arms around his neck. “You’re an Avenger, I’m in love with you, yada yada. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“It’s the hugest deal.” He insisted. “I want you to meet them. Come meet my team.”
“You want me to meet the Avengers?” You gulped.
“Yeah. I’m supposed to stop by the tower later for a meeting. Why don’t you come with me? This is one of the rare days where everyone is in the tower.”
“Are you sure about this?” You asked him. “What if they don’t like me?”
“They probably won’t.” He said simply. “Since you’re so irritating and everything.”
“Shut up.” You shoved him playfully. “I’m serious. This is way more intimidating than meeting someone’s parents.”
“Don’t be scared. I’ll be holding your hand the entire time.” He said as he kissed your knuckles. “And they’re way less intimidating than they seem. I promise, you’ll be fine.”
“Okay.” You reluctantly agreed. “I’ll meet them. But if I see Bucket, I can’t promise I’ll be able to control my hormones.”
“It’s Bucky.” He corrected. “And I’ll know if you’re getting too, you know, hot and bothered.”
“How would you know?” You asked, and his face flushed.
“Well, one of the powers I got was super smell. I can smell when people are scared or happy or…” He trialed off, too much or a gentleman to say the word.
“Horny?” You asked with a dropped jaw. “You can smell when people are horny?”
“I prefer the term aroused.” He said sheepishly, making you laugh loudly.
“Oh my God. What a pervert.” You teased him.
“It’s not my fault!” He was flustered now. “I didn’t ask for this power.”
“Wait.” You realized. “Can you smell when I’m aroused?”
Peter didn’t answer, but his silence spoke volumes. Your jaw dropped as you playfully smacked him.
“You pervert!” You painfully scolded. “You could smell that and never told me?”
“It’s my my fault.” He whined. “Not all the time, anyway.”
“So when is it your fault?” You folded your arms and he gulped.
“It’s only my fault when I purposefully wear that one white shirt.” He said quietly. “Whenever I’m wearing it, I can always, you know...”
“Smell me?” You nearly screamed. “You wear that shirt just to get a rise out of me? You little slut.”
“I’m not a slut.” Peter laughed. “I could just smell how much you liked it, so I started wearing it more. And in the name of being honest, I can smell you right now.”
“Oh my God. You whore. You little minx.” You taunted playfully. “Using your body for attention like that. What a dirty little slut.”
“I’m not dirty or a slut.” Peter insisted. “You’re the one who gets worked up over a t shirt.”
“Excuse me?” You let out a shocked laugh. “Don’t turn this around on me, mister. I can’t control how I react to your erotic clothing. Especially when you’re the one who can’t even form a sentence around me when I wear that one red skirt.”
“Erotic?” He shot back. “It’s literally a $5 shirt from Target. It’s shapeless. And that skirt could not be shorter. I can literally see your ovaries in it.”
“You give it shape with your stupid spider muscles.” You said as you pointed an accusing finger at him.
“Oh my God.” He gasped. “You’re thinking about the shirt now, aren’t you?”
“No I’m not.” You said quickly.
“Really?” He cocked his head. “Smells like you are.”
Before you could respond, and you had a lot to say, Peter’s phone buzzed.
“It’s Mr. Stark.” He told you. “He said I should come now.”
“We’re finishing this conversation later.” You said as you grabbed your phone. “You’re still in trouble.”
“Whatever you say.” Peter chuckled as he lead you out the door. You thought you were going to the elevator, but Peter brought you to the staircase.
“I don’t walk there.” He said as he lead you up the stairs. He opened the door to the roof and gestured to the edge. “I swing.”
The next thing you knew, you were swinging towards the Avengers tower in Peter’s arms. You held on tightly to him as you tried not to scream in his ear. He was loving how he finally got to show someone what his life was like while you were fearing for your life. Finally, you landed on the balcony of the tower and Peter set you down.
“So?” He asked excitedly. “Did you have fun?”
“You tell me. Can’t you smell my excitement?” You jeered as you caught your breath. Peter knew you weren’t going to drop that for a long time. He took his mask off and lead you inside, not wanting to tell you that he could smell how scared you were.
Finally, he brought you to the conference room where the rest of the Avengers were. Their causal chatter came to a stop when you walked in together and all eyes were on you.
“Hey everyone.” Peter said shyly. “This is my girlfriend, Y/n. Shes gonna sit in on the meeting today.”
“Y/n?” Nat jumped in immediately. “The one who’s hair you used to stick gum in when you were little?”
“I thought Y/n was the girl who filled your locker with extra small condoms and the filmed you when they all fell out.” Sam chuckled, giving you an impressed smile.
“No, wait.” Bruce cut in. “I thought she was the one who started the rumor that Peter didn’t know how to swim.”
“You’re all wrong.” Steve sighed. “Y/n is the one Peter blamed losing the class pet on. Remember? The little rat escaped and he told the class it was her fault.”
“It was a hamster.” Peter cringed. “And it was my fault. Sorry about that.”
“I love you, but I will never forgive you for that.” You smiled softly as you stroked his cheek with your thumb. The team looked at each knowingly at this display of affection.
“Love?” Tony asked as he entered the room. “Are we talking about how much you all love me?”
Tony stopped in his tracks when he saw you standing there. You had forgotten to take off Peter’s original Spider-man hoodie, and it caught Tony off guard. He never thought he’d see that hoodie again, the one that brought him to Peter in the first place. The one he studied and tried to replicate when he made Peter a new suit. The corners of his mouth turned down as he appreciated how much Peter had grown.
“Oh. I see Peter brought a friend.” Tony remarked. “Please, make yourself at home in our top secret facility that no one unauthorized personnel is supposed to enter.”
“Mr. Stark, this is my girlfriend Y/n.” Peter introduced you. You held out your hand for Tony to shake, and he did so without taking his eyes off of you.
“Y/n?” He asked. “The one-“
“Yeah. Probably.” You nodded, making him laugh.
“Nice to meet you, Y/n.” He said as he straightened himself out. “You’re welcome to sit in on the meeting. But if you make any noise, you will be taken out by a sniper.”
“He’s kidding.” Peter whispered to you, but he wasn’t entirely sure. Peter took a seat and you sat on his lap, making him fight back a smile. He was now at an Avengers meeting with his former enemy sitting on his lap, wearing his clothes.
“Thank you, sir.” You smiled at him. “It’s nice to meet you too. All of you. I appreciate everything you guys have done for the world. You’re all really brave.”
“Your boyfriend is pretty brave too.” Steve commented. “He surprises me everytime we work together.”
“I was surprised too.” You agreed. “I didn’t think the biggest loser I knew was protecting Queens.”
Everyone raised their eyebrows at your subtle jab at Peter and it suddenly made sense why the girl he’d been complaint about all these years had the same name as his girlfriend.
“You let her talk to you like that?” Sam teased.
“She can say whatever she wants.” Peter shrugged. “And she does. Do you know how hard it is to get her to stop talking?”
“Not nearly as hard as it is to get you to clean up after yourself, put the toilet seat down, or show up on time for dates.” You replied with a cheery smile. Peter smiled back and took the loss, not wanting to get into it in front of his team. He turned back to Tony and gave him his full attention as the meeting began. You stayed quiet on Peter’s lap as the team discussed their next mission and who would be covering what territory. You made a small noise when Tony gave Peter his assignment, making everyone look at you.
“Whats the matter?” Peter asked as he bounced you a little on his knee.
“I just didn’t realize you were such an important part of the team.” You said. Peter had a big role that required a lot more responsibility than you thought he was capable of. He didn’t seem worried in the slightest, which told you he was used to this much responsibility. Something about Peter’s ambition and ability to take on Avenger level tasks for very appealing to you.
So appealing, in fact, that Peter noticed.
“Hm.” Peter said and he sniffed the air. You folded your lips in, knowing exactly what he was doing. The rest of the team had no idea what was happening, but you knew Peter was trying to get a rise out of you.
“What’s wrong?” Nat took the bait. You pinched Peter’s leg under the table as he took another loud whiff.
“Nothing.” Peter smirked. “It just smells funny in here.”
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#peter parker x reader#peter parker x y/n#peter parker x you#peter parker enemies to lovers#peter parker angst#peter parker fluff#tom holland x reader#tom holland x you#marvel#spiderman
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notes from the palm springs commentary !! 🏝
i know not everyone has access to hulu and i know i'd be gutted if i couldn’t watch it too so bc i'm lucky enough to have an american friend who let me use her hulu account i thought i'd share the commentary with you all on here <3
- their first bit of commentary is “there’s a title” (cristin) and “there’s a goat” (andy)... 10/10 anaylsis thanks guys
- andy joked that they talked about waiting for an earthquake but decided they didn’t have the budget to wait that long (he said the glowing lights at the end were real tho 🙄)
- andy: “we’re gonna start off pretty racy” djfdjfkdjgh
- “for all those kids out there, the b99 fans, you probably don’t wanna watch this”.... but andy,, we absolutely Do
- andy was cristin’s least favourite person in the movie
- nyles spread eagle on the bed was in the script not an acting choice
- according to andy there were 700,000 bugs just hatched where they filmed the wedding scenes that they had to edit out in post (also it was suuuuuper cold and cristin was shivering)
- ANDY CALLED HIMSELF A BUTT UGLY WEIRDO. NO SIR. U ARE THE FURTHEST THING FROM THAT.
- the dance move when he clapped his hands over his head “lightly hurt his schlong”
- they had 20-30 options for orchid explosion by fournier, cristin pitched some too that she “does not remember!” (she said that very cute)
- they talk about how great june squibb is and how andy is impressed that she wasn’t complaining about the cold/shooting at 5am/the fact that they improved a lil bit. “she doesn’t not give a what”
- during the make out scene on the rock cristin goes “ohhh ~spicy~”
- they also had to have a snake wrangler come out before they shot that scene and he was like “uhh i think it’s good?”
- andy was excited about having to get shot by an arrow when he was reading the script (it was also the moment they realised this movie was zanier than first thought)
- the cave was the same place they shot the old batman movies
- they started working on palm springs on november 9th 2016…. hence the wedding date
- cristin said they did about 30 takes (at least) of her opening her eyes/sitting up.. basically the entire first half of the first day shooting she spent doing the same thing
- “i just think you’re the coolest cristin, way to go man!” “you too andy!”
- the beer is fictional and has a meaning behind it.. the tortoise is to do with a myth about the universe or smth
- andy wants someone to make the beer fr
- “so here is cristin in the desert pretending to be hot” “he means physically” “TEMPERATURE HOT… i have no opinions on her appearance”
- they wanted to skip past the set-up-y parts to avoid it being too groundhog day and add diff dynamics and comedic elements that come from that
- according to andy, nyles has been in the loop an “insanely long time” (cristin and andy like that you don’t know the exact number of years bc however many years it’s been nothing has changed for nyles)
- cristin’s fondest memories were spending days in that dusty ass car together (i too would like to be that girl in his car)
- “i like your hat” “of course you do” was improved by andy and jk
- andy said jk is a “national treash”
- andy loved shooting the montage w jk (and he thinks that montage + the scene at the end is why jk signed up to do ps)
- “i went full butt” - andy samberg, 2021
- HE HAS A STUNT DOUBLE CALLED SETH WHO HAS A SIGNIFICANTLY BETTER BUTT THAN HIM (but andy’s butt was funnier so they went with his)
- the very last shot of the movie was nyles getting the handjob in the car
- max or other andy i can’t remember who talked for a while about how talented our andy is. can’t wait for that oscar nom!!!!!
- if andy were in a time loop he’d try to catch up on shows for a few years (and then try and leave)
- cristin is horrified that he’d choose to watch all of MASH to get him through a time loop
- cristin LOVED filming all the deaths
- andy said that their dance scene in the denim jacket replaces every iconic dance scene ever like fame/dirty dancing/etc etc and he’s right
- he dropped her in that scene bc his arms are “weak and floppy like a baby calf”
- the tattoo moment was the only fully improved scene
- they REALLY wanted it in the movie
- cristin insisted on the hook hand and eye patch and they obliged and she said she kept the hook hand and put it on her mantle and andy was like “prove it prove it prove it prove it prooooooove it”
- she did Indeed prove it
- orange in the movie significies intimacy and that whole montage is coloured orange to show them falling in love
- they loved shooting the tent scene
- the first night they filmed it there was a sandstorm and rain and they had to hide under a tarp and they came back the next night and they were able to get looser with it bc it was the last day of shooting and they’d basically done the whole thing the night before
- the dinosaurs bit was a “symbolic moment between the characters - they are 2 people who don’t believe they can be loved so they’re feeling something impossible and therefore they should see something impossible”
- the wake-ups were like an acting exercise in a way bc each wake up was diff emotionally based on where they were in the loop
- nyles finally cares about something (her) for the first time in maybe hundreds of years and he immediately gets slapped down :(((
- “suck my dick officer bitch” was cristin’s ad lib!!! (if anyone makes a montage of her life’s work she would like it to either begin or end w suck my dick officer bitch, andy said why not both)
- “for some reason i rolled up one of my sleeves [after nyles woke up after their fight] and then we couldn’t get out of it so that was a lesson! it was a terrible choice”
- andy loves the overhead pool shot
- everytime andy watches the confrontation at the wedding he feels terrible for tala, we love an empathetic king
- re: roy’s arc andy talks about how important it is to relish what you’ve got and it was v v v v sweet
- everyone laughed so hard in the arrow/garbage bin scene
- apparently tyler’s shirtlessness in the shower was distracting for people in early tests and they had to tone it back w colour correction 💀
- cristin was like “did that happen when i had to take my shirt off?” and andy was like “uh huh yeah”
- the goat was on set for a couple of days + apparently cristin would talk to it in between takes 🥺🥺🥺 can she get any cuter
- max talked about how they lucky they were to get andy and cristin and how the movie wouldn’t have worked without them, they were so on the same wavelength and there was an early meeting where nobody else could get a word in bc they were talking so much
- nobody was in it for the paycheck, “it was for the love, and dare i say it, for the art” <3
- they took 3-4 nights to shoot the entire wedding, andy can Not stress enough how much they were rushing
- they haven’t busted out any bloopers yet bc they used pretty much every frame they could/reused them in different places
- cristin doesn’t want to know if nana knows bc the mystery of it is what makes the movie so great!
- andy said there’s no definitive answer to a lot of stuff bc a lot of the people working on the movie had diff opinions
- the french song w the slo mo bit of sarah in the bar was cristin’s choice
- andy is v confused why people think spuds is nyles’ dad,, he’s just tricking him into getting a ride and andy’s sorry to everyone who thought it was real
- cristin liked that the payoff at the end felt like payoff while still staying true to who nyles and sarah are and not just super romantic bc “it’s a romcom!” [andy said throwing his arms in the air]
- cloudbursting was andy’s idea from the very first meeting about the movie but we been knew
- andy: “here’s the ending! nobody knows what it means!”
- the family at the end was the producer’s family, they drove a very long way to do that 2 second scene lol
- andy and cristin were swaying to when the morning comes at the end 🥺
- andy clapped and shouted “WELL PRODUCED” when his/tli’s credit came up hahaha
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TMNT 2014/2016 Raphael x Reader- (Short Story)
"What's taking Raph so long?" Mikey was getting antsy. Apparently the red clad turtle promised to have a match with him. You just smiled. "Would you like me to go get him." You had a feeling he was secretly hoping you would. Since they claimed Raph was under your spell. It was a nice thought. Since you told Raph about your feelings, everything felt easier. So you jumped to your feet, practically bouncing on your way to his room. When you came to his door, you just pulled the door open stepping in. "Raph, Mikey needs you to play a..." your jaw dropped and every muscle in your body actively shut down completely.
Raphael was standing there...Naked. Your voice was an indicator of your presence. He turned slowly, and you could see the bath towel on the floor. He must have just gotten out of the shower.
"Shit." He seemed equally speechless. After you collected yourself, you took hurried steps back, slamming the door shut. "S-SORRY!!" Dashing for anywhere but there, you covered your red cheeks.
"Crap, crap, crap!"
Why the hell did you not knock. How would you face him now?
"Huge..." you slapped yourself. "This isn't the time to be thinking about that!"
Today was going to be a very long day.
~~~
When Raph gathered his bearings, he pulled on his pants, clearing his throat. Usually he'd have no problem getting buck naked in the lair. He lived with his brothers, they all had their moments. Splinter only asked that in the main area they be decent, so of course their bedroom was fair game. If it had been one of his brothers, it would have been no big deal. But it wasn't, it was you. And he might have imagined it, but he could have sworn your face turned red.
"Damn it." he pressed a hand to his forehead, trying to rid the dirty thoughts that appeared. Short of kissing, the both of you never explored any further. And he didn't mind. He cared about you. And he was content with the way things were, he wasn't in a rush to do anything. The both of you were still teenagers. Plus you were just so..innocent in his eyes. He'd never force you into something like that without talking it over first.
The beginning of your relationship was already rough to begin with. He didn't want to risk stepping on any land mines if it could be avoided. How was he supposed to deal with this one. He grumbled, strapping his sais to his waist as he walked out the door. When he got to the main area, he saw his brothers moving about as normal, but there was no sign of you.
"Where's (Y/N)?"
Leo's eyes raised. "She bolted out of here like she was running from a wild animal. Did you do something?"
"Why do you think I did something?" Raph challenged.
"Because you always do." Leo said blankly.
"Whatever." Raph was pissed as it was, and now he had a completely different problem to deal with because of your sudden entrance. The image of your face would never leave his mind. He knew there were only two things he could do. Train like crazy for the next couple hours, and take a very very very cold shower.
Leo knew something was up, he just felt like this time, it was better not to get involved.
~~~~
"(Y/N) you have a visitor." the call of your mother made your eyes shift from the ceiling. You were just sitting in your bed daydreaming. You were expecting someone. So as you heard the knock on your bedroom door you smiled.
"Knock knock." The women spoke.
"Hey April." she stepped in, closing the door behind her.
"I'm sorry I've been so busy. I'm swamped at the office. Plus Casey's still basically celebrating his new position at NYPD."
"Don't worry about it. I feel lucky sometimes that I'm still in high school. Adulting sounds like it sucks." She laughed at that.
"It sure does. " She took a seat on the edge of your bed, folding her legs and turning to you. "So I'm positive you didn't call to hear about my boring life. Something up with you? Is Raph being a jerk again? Just let me know and I'll deal with him myself." you giggled.
"I-It isn't anything like that." It was embarrassing, but April was the only one you could really discuss this with.
"April, Raph and I have been together for a while now. A-And it never really crossed my mind before today but something happened this morning and I've been thinking about..you know.." you started playing with your fingers, and you could see her eyebrows scrunch up as she tried to make sense of your words. "I'm lost, what happened?"
You flushed. The memory made your palms a little sweaty.
"He was...I..saw..." you covered your face bashfully.
"I saw him naked!" you huffed out in one breath. April's eyes popped open.
"Oh!"
"I-I can't stop thinking about it so I just ran like a coward. He probably thinks I hate him now I'm so stupid!" April shifted closer rubbing her hand down your shoulders to calm you down. "Listen this is Raph we're talking about. He knows how much you care about him. I've seen you guys together for goodness sake. You're so cute together. Don't go overreacting." you released a sigh, sending her an appreciative smile.
"So...was it big?" you blushed.
"A-April!!" She burst out laughing.
"What, a girl can be curious can't she?" you just shook your head with a huff. She was so childish sometimes.
"Okay. So you saw him naked and it got you a little hot and bothered. My guess is this is the first time something like this has happened to you?" you nod, shifting your legs. The more you thought about it the warmer you seemed to get. "I feel so dirty because I...I wanted to touch him. I-Is that weird!" you honestly thought something was wrong. Because these raw desires, they weren't common for you. It freaked you out. "I want him to touch me..b-but I'm scared." you admitted softly.
"It's perfectly normal to want to be closer with the person you care about. I'm shocked it took you so long. I was starting to wonder."
"You seem to be really enjoying this, you're supposed to be helping me."
"And that I am. Stop over assessing the situation. Go back to the lair and talk to Raph. Tell him what you want. The only way to get through this is to talk it over with him. Raph may be a muscle head, but he cares about you. " She was right. Of course she was. But what she was saying was easier said than done. You weren't sure you could work up the nerve.
"I-I'll try." you mutter. April just offered a small smile. "I believe in you. I know this will blow past in no time. It's so cute though. I feel like I'm in high school again. All these hormones flying around."
"I think you've overstayed your welcome." She just smiled at you.
"Don't forget protection."
"Yep, time for you to leave."
~~~~
"Raph, are you okay?" Leo kept telling himself not to press. Raph was already a ticking bomb on a regular day. But he was more than a little agitated. And it worried him. As much as Raph stressed him out, he didn't like seeing him so bothered. Raph gritted his teeth, about to tell Leo off. He stopped himself when he was the general concern in his brother's blue eyes.
"I'm fine," he said tightly. Between his sexual frustration, and trying not to snap at Leo, he felt like he would explode. He had taken his annoyance out and New York's latest criminals, but it didn't seem like enough. You hadn't shown up for the entire day. And he was contemplating just heading to your apartment. But what if you didn't want to see him. The entire thing was just giving him a migraine.
"I'm going to sleep." He wouldn't get much, but he could try. Tomorrow if you insisted to avoid him, he'd just have to take matters into his own hands. So he trudged down to his room, slamming the door closed angrily. His eyes were low, and he just wanted to hit something. Anything that would get rid of the stupid fantasies.
"Raph.." He flinched, turning quickly.
"Geez, how long have you been there!" you deserved that. You were standing next to his bed, hands burrowed behind your back as you shifted on your legs. "I-I didn't mean to scare you."
"Heh, I wasn't scared. Just didn't expect you to come back after this morning. "
"Sorry." you mumble. You wouldn't look him in the eye. And he wasn't sure what he hated more, you avoiding him, or your inability now to look at him.
"I get it if you were freaked out, hell I was a little caught off guard. But you don't have to act so scared. I'm not going to do anything." you finally looked up.
"But..do you want to?" Raph wasn't sure what to make of that look on your face now. Did he misread the situation? You stepped over slowly. The closer you got, the more he could feel his heart race. "Raph I've never wanted anything like this from anyone before. B-But if you want to then we c-can.."
"Really." It didn't sound like a question. And when he took a step forward you suddenly weren't as sure. You backed up, falling unto the bed unceremoniously with a squeak. Raph clicked the strap across his chest, dropping the weapons at his feet. You took in a staggered breath, getting up on your elbows as you stared at him.
He lowered, and in seconds his lips were on your neck. You sank into the bed, and Raph pressed his palms into the mattress, leaving wet kisses on your skin. Your heart was going a mile a minute, and when his hand started to push up your shirt, you could barely contain your sounds. His lips moved from your neck, over to your now exposed torso. He gave a soft kiss on your stomach, and you trembled, closing your eyes.
"R-Raph.." you whimpered. He looked up, and he wasn't surprised when he saw tears gathering at the corner of your eyes.
"Is this what you want?" He stopped altogether, giving you his undivided attention.
"I-I don't know I just...I want this but I...I've never.." you felt sort of pathetic, and Raph straightened, scooping you into his arms.
"You don't have to force yourself, if you're scared next time just tell me. I'd never force you to do anything like this (Y/N). "
"I-I know that!"
Why was it so hard to voice what you were feeling.
"Whenever you're ready, we can. Until then, don't worry too much about it." How was Raph the level headed one in this situation.
"I think this whole thing is my fault. I shoulda known better than to change like that when you're here. I might have just given you a little kick start. And now you don't know what to do with all that energy. "
"How do you..."
"It's the same for me. I've been punching things all day. You've been driving me crazy."
So you weren't alone. This whole time he was just the same. You smiled, burying your face in his chest. He rubbed your back.
"We don't have to rush. I've got plenty of time to show you a good time (Y/N)." you could just feel him smirking.
Cocky punk.
Now that it was all out there, you felt lighter. Even so, there was still something you wanted. You pulled back a little.
"Raph can I just...touch you a little." Saying it aloud sounded a lot dirtier, but it's what you wanted.
"S-Sure." Hah! He was nervous.
You raised a hand, looking his in the eyes as you ran your fingers over his chest. He was fighting to keep a straight face. How the hell was he supposed to get sleep after this. Here he thought he dodged a bullet.
When you took his hand, he was confused, that was until you placed it on your chest, right over your heart. He could feel the quick beats under his fingertips. "You can touch me too.." you breathed. Raph took in a much needed breath.
"You're just full of surprises today aren't ya." you grinned, getting on your knees. Now you were at his height. His hand drifted down, and when he cupped your breast, you moved forward, covering your moan with a kiss. Raph groaned, closing his eyes and reciprocating it. When did you get so daring? You were flush to him, kissing him desperately.
Your eagerness threw him off. If he didn't stop soon. Things would get out of hand. Somehow his hand gravitated down your back, you arched into him when his palm settled on your butt, giving it a little squeeze.
"All mine."
Yep, he was certainly the luckiest turtle in the world.
#raphxreader#leonardo#tmnt donatello#michelangelo#cuteness#love#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt 2016#tmnt 2014#newyork#NYPD#april o'neil#splinter#teens
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Ex Machina (2015)
Ex Machina is more than just a great, twisty thriller. It’s a living moral dilemma, a film whose characters are so well-drawn, whose plot is so captivating it will generate endless discussions. This is the kind of picture you want to see every time you hear the words “science fiction”.
Caleb (Domhnall Gleeson) is selected to test a new artificial intelligence by billionaire software genius Nathan (Oscar Isaac). "Ava" (Alicia Vikander) is just about finished and Caleb needs help determining if she is truly self-aware and capable of human emotion, or if her program needs to be touched up. But things aren't what they seem. With each session, Caleb begins wondering who exactly is being tested.
Ex Machina isn’t a horror movie, but it terrifies. It’s like an invitation to a party from a shady acquaintance who is really into big game hunting. Everything is cool, you’re having a good time. Suddenly, someone slips you a note that says “the host of this party is planning on killing you”. Wait, what? Did they invite me here for that? It's obviously a joke but what do you do now? Bring the note to the host so you can all have a good laugh? Ask the other guests if they've heard anything? What if they've all received the same kind of note? What if they haven't?
This film messes with your mind and makes you paranoid. Soon, everyone will seem like a suspect. You'll doubt everything, except for the fact that Ava is a robot. Your perspectives on the characters and situation keep changing. The way Caleb is asked to test Ava doesn’t make any sense. Could it be the robot's creator is off his rocker and doesn’t realize what he’s asking? What if he’s deliberately acting like he’s an egotistical megalomaniac as part of the experiment? Everything in Ex Machina feels deliberate. Every detail demands to be examined. Ava is made to look like a woman. What does that say about Nathan that he's made a "woman"; a woman trapped inside a building with two other men, one of which is essentially her father? You've got to know if your hunch is right.
Much of Ex Machina is dedicated to the moral implications surrounding the creation of artificial intelligence. Writer/director Alex Garland asks big questions you're eager to answer. The film is so many things it sucks you right in and compels you to return to it. You forget that you’re watching a movie. At the same time, you can’t ignore some of the technical aspects. The way the camera frames Caleb, the way that Ava always looks like a tiger, circling him while they’re talking. The information that’s deliberately given to our protagonist, the pieces he discovers for himself. It's all building to something big.
Initially, I didn’t understand why Ex Machina won the Academy Award for best special effects. Now I get it. In Star Wars: The Force Awakens and Mad Max: Fury Road we know they didn’t blow all of those things up for real, that some of the action-packed scenes had to be composited or created from CGI elements. In this film, you don’t even realize that there are special effects. When you do, you have no idea how it was done.
Ex Machina is impeccably crafted. It’s so good at sowing uncertainty I know at least one person who insisted the film's villain was the hero! This instantly cements itself as a film you'll return to over and over and will always reveal some new detail that changes everything with each viewing. (On Blu-ray, March 25, 2016)
#ExMachina#movies#films#MovieReviews#FilmReviews#AlexGarland#DomhnallGleeson#AliciaVikander#OscarIsaac#2015movies#2015films
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timezones suck!! but hello everyone and thank you for the warm welcomes ♡ i bring you all miss han yurim aka etoile’s lead vocalist aka accidental idol. here is her profile and her career page. unfortunately, i wasn’t able to come through with a plots page, but i do have some ideas that i’ll throw down below the cut. also below the cut will, hopefully, be a brief introduction to yurim and so feel free to press that little heart if you’d like to plot, and i’ll come hopping over to your im’s!
background!!
yurim comes from a very loving family. she’s the youngest with her dad being a firefighter and her mom and accountant which also means her financial status is middle class at the least though yeouido isn’t the cheapest place to live. her older sister’s like six years older than her as well so you can guess how much adoration yurim’s gotten ever since she was practically born. this is all setting up for me to explain that yurim has really high self-esteem which comes in handy with this job lol
never actually had thoughts of being an idol. when she was younger, most of her time was spent with books and with paint because she loves to draw! it’s still one of her hobbies today as well as a skill that the company likes to use on variety shows and stuff (”yurim-ssi, can you draw one of the cast members for us?”) though she kind of hates doing that
starts singing as a hobby after her friends tell her she has a really pretty voice. asks to be sent to a vocal academy because when she wants to do something, she wants to do it well!! from there, she probably spends like six to seven months before an instructor convinces her to join yuseong’s open audition where she ends up getting second?? she’s as confused as the next person tbh
thinks that’s it, but then she’s getting offered a trainee contract? and yeah... you can see where that led her to lmao debuting as etoile’s lead vocalist!! which is why i describe her as an accidental idol because she never intended for this to be her line of work
as a trainee, she was pretty shocked by the competitive nature and would usually take a step back if it seemed like she was getting involved in something too intense. yurim’s very much the type to “lose” in an argument solely because she doesn’t want to get into an argument; she sees them as a big waste of time!! the type to insist that having pride is the stupidest thing because it’s all worthless at the end of the day. what’s pride going to get you more than possibly a fist to your face yknow
she’s one of those idols who is very sincere and genuine to her fans, but she’s pretty quiet on-screen so people who may not know etoile well enough other than their hit songs will probably question why she’s an idol (think vixx’s leo in terms of public image)
her haters will try to smear her by insisting that she’s not working hard enough or that she’s not doing her job enough which isn’t completely wrong because she’s not the type to like go out of her way to be active on shows and stuff? but she does aegyo when her fans ask for it, leaves long messages on fancafes for her fans, gives her best on stage (she has good stage presence!!) and is basically a really good idol for her fans as she thinks that’s all that matters
remember that part where i said she has very self high-esteem? that means hate comments really don’t affect her because she knows who she is as a person and that those lousy comments on the internet aren’t going to affect her life at all lol
behind the cameras, she’s not all too different from her idol persona. she’s quiet, likes to observe rather than participate in things actively which can make her come off as being super distant and uninterested. but she has a really kind heart and is genuine with her interactions with people
to this day, doesn’t really have any dreams or aspirations as an idol, but she’s here so she’ll do it until her contract expires or etoile’s career comes to an end. whichever comes first!! but do not question her passion for singing because that much is very real
possible plot ideas!!
someone who trained at yuseong at the same time (2016-2017) and thinks that yurim doesn’t deserve her spot in etoile because she doesn’t appear passionate enough. maybe you had another trainee friend who didn’t make it but yurim did so it leaves you bitter? though that’s just a random tidbit that doesn’t have to be used!!
you wonder how yurim manages to remain so confident in herself despite this line of work. idols get hate thrown at them here and there, and you’re a victim to that as well but you see yurim who just happens to skip past all that without being affected and it confuses you
you happen to get shipped with yurim a lot and it can either a) make you want to avoid her or b) make you want to approach her because it’s funny. yurim falls on the latter in which she thinks fanships are kind of funny because she can’t imagine what makes people want to “ship” two idols together
you think yurim’s boring and try to get her to be more active in things? whether you meet on set of a variety show and try to involve her or if it’s off-camera, then maybe get her to do something adventurous
you don’t think yurim should be an idol if she never wanted to be one, and you ask her why she’s still here?
some more casual work relationships that end up getting deeper? like you meet yurim so much either backstage or at the salon or on the same shows, and you end up talking to her all the time anyway that she’s become some sort of confidant? she’s not a woman of many words which means she does a great job at listening
something angsty would be lovely too because i love a good heartbreak or two! ex-boyfriends, past/current unrequited crushes, ex-friends for some reason
you happen to really like yurim’s voice, and she’s flattered really!! <3
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Incoherent thoughts about A Court of Silver Flames (2021) by SJM
Do not expect this to be a critical, unbiased review at all. Eet just ease what eet ease. Spoilers ahead laddies.
*unwanted preface*
Okay, so like, you know those things that are neither objectively perfect nor unproblematic yet you love them and are attached to them anyway? Yeah, this is me with SJM’s writing. See, I been with Sarah and Throne of Glass since March of 2015 and with ACOTAR since the summer of 2015 when I was 13 and honestly, ACOTAR in particular occupied a decent portion of my formative teen years. Eventually, when I was about 16 I sort of ended up getting distracted from YA books and went into my thot and kpop era. A main reason for this is that I found ACOFAS particularly disenchanting. This ain’t about that book (sigh) but let’s just say as much as I was still attached to and in love with the ACOTAR world, I was still able to get very annoyed by the decreased quality of the writing and also the evident projecting Sarah was doing onto Feyre with regards to her own life and experiences (ahem). No, the lack of developed POC in the book had nothing to do with it ironically.
So basically, since the spring of 2018 I haven’t read any SJM yet I never fell out of love with the books either. I’ve sworn off TOG after whatever the hell EOS was, but ACOTAR was always more special and close to my heart by tenfold, honestly. See, the best day of my 2016 was the day I found out ACOTAR was getting the extra 3 novels and 2 novellas. ACOFAS was a dumpster fire but I was actually surprised to really, really enjoy A Court of Silver Flames while it obviously has a couple (multiple) sus facets to it. The susness aside, I thoroughly felt at home reading Nesta’s book despite how irrational that might sound. No, I’m not here to say the book was objectively good but I’m here to say I still enjoyed it despite my love-hate relationship with SJM and her writing. :( :( :(
That being said imma still roast tf out of a couple aspects of it. :)
*the susness*
Aight wbk that SJM like, projects a lot onto feyrhys right. I’m not even gonna deny it. Like as horrible as it sounds, when feyrhys were, like, struggling as a couple and shit in ACOMAF, that’s when I loved them the most but then the shitstorm that was ACOWAR hit and they couldn’t go without boning every two seconds or calling each other mates and shit and basically every character in the book started kissing their asses (except Nesta) to the point where they were infallibly good and powerful and everyone’s heads were lodged up their asses... I got PISSED OFF then, right.
Now, in ACOSF (is that correct?), they were side characters and, gratefully, that romance between them was toned down. But here are some things concerning feyrhys and the Court of Dreams that irked tf out of me, and the implications that they had for Nesta (who is perhaps one of the baddest bitches ever) had me feeling homicidal towards the IC:
Every single time Nesta said shit about Rhys and then Cassian got mad I wanted to SCREAM like yooo let her roast tf out of him like yeah I get Rhys lowkey did a lot for her both directly and indirectly but cmoooooon not everyone needs to be riding his dick like the man HATED Nesta from the get-go. I loved the idea that someone in the book lowkey abhors Rhys just for the TEA it gave me. Like yeah, okay Cassian, I get that he’s your bro but he can SUCK NESTA’S DICK also like my girl is a DEATH GOD.
Here me out: the Inner Circle completely dehumanized Nesta, they completely disregarded her personal autonomy and caged her in which is ironically the very behavior that was villainized when Tamlin did it to Feyre. First of all they restricted her movement, they made decisions FOR her, they withheld from her knowledge about her own powers, they decided what’s best for her and acted like she was a rabid dog the entire time. Only Cassian and Azriel seem more blameless in this regard, but the level of scorn and abohorence and moralizing Feyre, Elain, Rhys, Amren and Mor did towards Nes made my blood boil. At the end of the day, the Inner Circle did the VERY THING they hated being done to Feyre. Whatever happened to the freedom they professed? The autonomy they decided all members of their court deserved? That was all bullshit, or was this switch-up SJM’s way of creating justifiable conflict between Nesta and the Inner Circle... either way, there was no closure about this and the way they dictated Nesta’s behavior whilst completely mistreating her imo.
More on Nesta’s treatment - okay listen the way the narrative had every character acting like Nesta was fricking scum and for WHAT??? Okay, she didn’t hunt when Feyre and they were poor, she was bitchy, she hates the Fae... okay, why is Nesta still being punished for her mistakes like this by the Court? Does their forgiveness only apply to those in their clique? They’re acting like her drinking and sleeping around and her general bitchy behavior is sooooo toxic when they ALL coped with their respective trauma in questionable ways in their centuries of living. And the narrative never condemned them for this behavior either... like cmon they had an “intervention” about Nesta like if she needed to reach a certain moral standing to be lovable or something. Seems to me that only Cassian was willing to love her, bruises and all... “There’s nothing broken to be fixed. You are helping yourself. Healing the parts of you that hurt too much - and perhaps hurt others too”. But as beautiful as that it, it seems the IC see Nesta’s healing as her “redemption arc” when I never saw her as a villain or monster to begin with. They acted like she had to become deserving of their acceptance. Bullshit.
No cus more on this... Cassian is the only person who defended Nesta, the only person that wanted to help her heal and grow when everyone else wanted to fix her. He was the only person who was kind to her from the original trilogy (i.e. not counting Emerie and Gwyn). He stood up for her and I’ll gush about them in the next section, but the dynamic between Nesta and the IC was the least enjoyable aspect of the book for me. It was clear SJM wanted to spur Nesta towards the path to healing yet only figured out how to do so whilst only keeping feyrhys as the nucleus of this arc, and so she had them force Nesta into her “special journey” (because she loves them so much, cus they’re sooooo perfect right *rolls eye*), yet, the narrative didn’t quite condemn them for their toxicity towards Nesta at ALL, even towards the end. The good thing is that Nesta did not become an ass-kisser throughout the story and laud them for “helping her” every waking second. Only Cassian didn’t shun her for her inner negativity but embraced her. And Az was pretty cool too, can’t hate him.
Ahem, the ending: okay, I’m not even capping, but I hated that Nesta lost her power for feyrhys. I get that she genuinely did it out of love and shit and I’m not even gonna lie, the thought of feyrhys dying had me on the verge of tears cus as much as I hate them, I also love those bitches. Yet, the culmination of Nesta’s power was, what?, to save feyrhys. This way, the narrative put Feyre at the center of Nesta’s narrative towards the end. And Nesta lost that Death God power that she basically EARNED in that Cauldron. This is the biggest flaw of the story. She fought against her own power to give it up... for Feyre. Like??? What??? Why was that baby arc even necessary????? Why was Nesta giving up her power necessary to fulfil her healing arc which was the POINT of the book??? Like what?????? It left a sour taste in my mouth. No- an abhorrent acidic bitter taste in my mouth.
Elain. I CANNOT STAND THIS GIRL. She completely abandoned Nesta and for WHAT??? For Feyre??? This only served to reiterate from the narrative’s POV that Nesta was scum and again, idk WHY. And also, why tf does this girl mistreat Lucien like this??? LUCIEN AKA MY FAVORITE CHARACTER???
I just don’t get how the narrative reiterated that Tamlin is the worst of the worst when you got Rhys hiding shit from Feyre, hiding knowledge of Nesta’s power from Nesta, all of that. Like, was the entire point of ACOMAF not for Feyre to embrace her power and become her best self? Rhys never for one second tolerated withholding Feyre’s power from her. So why tf does this apply to Nesta? Cus she’s unhealthy? Okay... so what??? Why villainize her like this and imply she’s undeserving of her power and a waste of life??? I’M LAUGHING SO HARD RN LIKE WHERE DID THIS EVEN COME FROM??? What did my girl do that was sooooo bad that yall needed to treat her like this. Tell me why feyre and amren and varian and rhys all acted like Tamlin in this book. Cardi voice WHAT WAS THE REASON. I AM SO MAD ABOUT THIS CUS THEY ACTED LIKE THE FRICKING MORALISING SYCHOPHANTS THEY CLAIM TO HATE.
Like bitch??? They’re like those youth pastors that reiterate how broken and messed up people with mental illness are? Acted like Nesta screwing guys was the worst thing ever when they should have embraced her? Like I get she would push them away but really??? “Waste of life”???
So we gon gloss over how Amren was insisting Nesta shut up about the baby business to Feyre (aka hiding shit from her)? How she was implying that Rhys should conquer all of Prythian? Hear me out, even as someone from a Caribbean country that was colonized by the whites, it actually doesn’t bother me when the theme of conquest comes up, like, this is a fantasy novel and colonization does not exist within the same context for me. That being said, like, it felt as if the narrative telling me lil Rhysie is just sooooo perfect that he needs to be High King. Like, I respect the fact that Rhys has no wish to do so. Homeboy never seemed to care for conquest beyond ensuring his Court’s prowess and safety so WHAT WAS THE REASON AMREN??? Like? What kinda crack was Amren on this entire book???
The worldbuilding... listen, the politics and history felt all over the place, felt incoherent and flat honestly. Didn’t bother me as much as it did in ACOWAR but it was just *meh*, not good. Not horrible, but not great. I preferred the world when it was directly the result of Beauty and the Beat and East of the Sun, West of the Moon.
The Fae have lost their *magic*: no cus what I loved about the first book was that the Fae were one with the Courts and felt very fleshed out in terms of their powers and shit, but now only Eric and Lucien and Tamlin and sometimes Rhys have that same magic for me. Like... the sensuality of the Fae in terms of their actual Celtic roots, that which felt whimsical and immersive in the first book, feels lost to me. I can’t explain it but I feel less nuance and orthodoxy in their portrayal. However, I DID love this one line featuring none other than the loml : “Amid the pink and white blossoms, the cold-faced Autumn Court heir looked truly faerie - as if he’d stepped out of the tree, and his one and only master was the earth itself”. LIKE I SALIVATED THAT IS MY MAN.
*good stuffs*
Okay let’s talk about the smut like I didn’t like the word choice as usual like quit with the euphemisms and say cock and goooooo. That being said like, okay, I like how she set up the physical dynamic between Nesta and Cassian cus the sex wasn’t some big romantic climactic build-up like how it was in acomaf like they were being NASTY from the get-go and I respect that drip. Like she did not cap on how porny the smut was and thank God it wasn’t some cliche romantic honeymoon type shit, like it was almost on the ao3 level of smutty goodness. All it was was missing was coarse language and hard kinks but in general, I liked the Nessian smut in this book more than the feyrhys smut in particularly ACOWAR and ACOFAS, like Nessian just do not cap.
Listen... you see that whole part when Nesta was like imagining how awesome it would be to dance Lucifer’s Bachata with Az and Cassian? Yeah, my girl just let her thoughts run wild. Like Nesta makes Feyre look naïve. Like you know how Tumblr porn in 2016 used to be with the aesthetic type shit? That’s Feyre, but Nesta is like on Pornhub level and it’s so fitting I was YELLIN lowkey. I feel like less importance was placed on how meaningful the sex and shit should be in the book and I respect that.
YOU SEE WHEN NESTA TOLD FEYRE ABOUT THE BABY!!! I WAS CHEERING HER ON. No cause they were being so nasty to Nesta especially Amren and then Feyre entered with all of her moralising shit like honey you KNOW damn well what you’re doing to Nesta is what you hate being done to you. Like damn right tell her, cus I could not STAND the double standard.
The whole training the women thing was a nice touch. It was kinda corny but also sweet. That being said, I laughed so hard when I realized how this entire book was Nesta’s quarter-life hippie rebirth where she learns to meditate and work out and read romance books and face her inner demons like this is some real New York college shit. All that was missing was a Starbucks.
Cassian. Man I love this man so much. No like he displayed peak dilf behavior. I think his attractiveness isn’t based on his bravery or his hotness but his humility man. Like he’s not a thot, he’s respectful, yet tough, yet contemplative. He’s contented with his life station yet wants to always be a better person yet is such a strong rock who really loves Nesta not despite her flaws but because they are part of her. I love the way he stood up to Rhys a lot, he didn’t shame her when she was awful to him, and he is protective (annoyingly so sometimes) but he really wanted her to empower herself. Their relationship isn’t perfect (I’m not in the mood to dissect the problematic aspects rn) but they were so sweet together and I didn’t expect to like them as much as I did back when they were lowkey a thing in ACOMAF.
The mates thing didn’t bother me cus I saw this shit coming since 2016. Yes, it’s cliche and annoying but the mates status also, like, has no meaning to me so it is what it is. Didn’t think they NEEDED to be mates but I was happy that them being mates wasn’t the core of the novel and it was secondary to Nesta’s individual healing journey.
Prepare for me to get sappy but another reason why I loved this novel was because it was a story of healing. :( :( :( The road to healing and growth in the emotional sense is always beautiful to me despite how flawed it often is when SJM writes it. I just felt really immersed in the emotional woes and eventual growth of Nesta despite my issues with the book and this is perhaps one of the main reasons that I found it beautiful, because healing as a theme is always beautiful and raw.
More of Nessian but like their relationship feels so real and raw too. No, cus like, it wasn’t tinged in as much fictitious idealism as feyrhys’ relationship was. They weren’t all stupidly in love and seeing each other in the universe and shit, like they just made each other happy and weren’t portrayed as the perfect soulmates who were each other’s yin and yang and whatever thank the LORD. Them having each other’s back was enough and ughhhh Cassian was just so sweet and such a good trainer and so aloof yet passionate like I been waiting to see more of him since ACOMAF so yayyy.
Okay... that scene where Rhys kneels to Nesta and she embraces him. yes. YES YES YES YES YES that shit was the shit that made my year like I want this man to be in her debt for the end of time like this hoe saved yall like big strong high lord better bow to the “witch” like I could hear angelic choirs at that scene like Rhys doesn’t just yield to people so easily so like, it was just kinda epic okay. Little bitchass Rhys with his perfect little river house and emo boi clothes stfu hoe.
No cus I love how Nesta told Cassian she didn’t wanna hear about Feyre’s special journey or Rhys’s special journey or Mor’s like I got fed up of people acting like they epitomized “good” and the “good path” to self-discovery when they can choke on a baguette as far as I am concerned.
*shit no one except me probs cares about*
Eris. So here is the thing. Since 2015 in ACOTAR when Eris was Under the Mountain being all red-headed and cunning and sexy and evil I have been obsessed with him... well, the idea of him I had in my head and how delectably abhorrent he seems (I like villains and side-characters okay). Maybe it was just his name (Eris is a hot name shut up) or the idea of a rich, cunning fox-faced prince in the same universe appealed to me. Either way, I actually never expected by favorite cameo-character to become... important. I’ll die on the hill of loving him. Here is the thing... I don’t want him to be good, in the same way I did not want Rhys to be a good guy in ACOTAR either. I don’t need him to be a secret angel, I don’t need him to be sweet and good like Rhys always was apparently. Honestly, I want him corrupt but likeable and pertinent to the story. That being said, I really want him as the main character for one of the upcoming novels sooo bad like please PLEASE let me see the autumn court and it’s two-facedness please like if not Eris then Lucien as the main character please.
Lucien... aka my fave character since the first book man. Mannn, SJM does homeboy so dirty like I have always loved Russian fables and hence, I am so ready for Lucien x Vassa x Jurian in the Vasilisa retelling with the firebird trope and Koshei. NO CUS in 2018 I was finna write a 100k word fic about this but then I forgot about it no cap, I still have the story plan in my Onenote actually but let us not reminisce. See, my ao3-loving ass wants an angsty poly relationship and also a hot Koshei I have been waiting YEARS for this you hoes, ever since Elain got the premonition of Vassa as a firebird in ACOWAR like God please please please give it to me and make it feyrhys-less as well yasss.
I lowkey wanna suspect Eris is gay and Mor, also gay, knows and that’s why she lowkey kinda tolerates him now. Yet, I cannot be sure and yeah I just wanna say that I kinda want that arc lmfaooo (my ao3-self is showing shut up).
No cus I was TEASED by only seeing a glimpse of Vassa and Jurian but THEY SHALL HAVE THEIR TIME I KNOW IT.
Tamlin living as a beast is so interesting to me. He’s a side-character now but ughhhh he was so mystical and interesting as our good ole Beauty and the Beast beastie like it’s sooooo mysterious and alluring how he’s becoming his own villainous legend like I still care about Tamlin’s blond ass self despite everything.
Give us the snowball fight scene you coward.
I just gotta say Nessian could outsmut Feyrhys any day and that makes me proud.
FRICKING AZRIEL like first of all Mor doesn’t NEED to come out until she’s ready but she gotta let the man down nicely some other way so he can move on. I do not like Elain. Never did. I still do not. I do not, frankly, want a whole novel where she and Azriel fall in love and she rejects Lucien like... okay, I DO want her to reject Lucien so he can be with Vassa at the very least but also I am not interested in Elain’s POV rn. BUT I WANT AZ’S POV AND LIKE WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO I WANT MY EMO BOI TO BE HAPPY. This is so frustrating cus Az is a walking DILF right and so, what am I supposed to do now.
I kinda miss the Spring Court just a little. It’s pretty shut up. It got that Zuhair Murad fashion too.
Umm like, what the hell is up with that business with Helion being Lucien’s dad? We need more on this which is why I want a Lucien POV book goddammit.
Yoooooooo yall remember that bitch from ACOWAR who hybern was finna kill and she had a name and everything and then there was some foreshadowing and shit? What’s up with her? Like I can’t even remember her name lowkey but yeah what’s up with that. Was it something like Briar or Briannon or somthing???
Is Mor getting a book? Like deadass I need the Lucien and Vassa book, I need the Eris book, I need the Mor book and I need the Azriel book. Damn. Been waiting 6 years for some of this shit.
Okay that is all for now. Yes, this book has problematic elements at every level but I still loved it yet also hated some things about it. I won’t read House of Blood and Earth nor will I finish the TOG series but I guess I’ll stick with this series which remains near and dear to my soul despite what people gotta say about it. It made me happy and that’s what matters. Nesta is a huge ass inspiration to me as a character and I still wanna see her make the Inner Circle’s life a living hell uwu. I admittedly got HELLA emotional reading this story because it’s nonetheless super meaningful to me even at age 19 and it’s really powerful for me as a comfort book, and I look forward (a little) to what this woman put out next... sort of.
Signing off! Don’t @ me (okay you CAN @ me but idc).
#sarah j maas#sjmaas#SJM#sjm critical#acotar#acowar#acomaf#acofas#a court of silver flames#nesta#cassian#nessian#nesta deserves better#feyrhys#rhys x feyre#rhys#anti sjm#lucien#azriel#ya books#fantasy#booklr#books#feyre#throne of glass#a court of thorns and roses#acosf#acosf spoilers
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16 + 2 Reddie Fic Recs pt. 2
I’m back and still on my Bill Hader bullshit, so here’s another round of Reddie fic recs, because I can’t stop reading and sometimes sifting through the insane amounts of fic is a nightmare. So if you feel my pain and need some (at least in my opinion) fun stories, then come along with me on a magical journey filled with men crying during sex, hypochondria, and your mom jokes.
As ever, feel free to reblog and check out my other rec lists for the following fandoms:
IT chapter 2 list part one - Reddie
Good Omens fic
The Untamed list one and two - various pairings, mostly Wangxian
Various BL Series fic (fandoms: Love By Chance, TharnType, 2Moons series, My Engineer, Until We Meet Again, 2gether, History3: Trapped)
Or just head over to my bookmarks on AO3.
All my recs are completed, almost all of them are post-It chapter 2.
* - denotes a favorite
1. I killed a clown. AMA! by liesmyth - ~10,000 words, teen - The history of Eddie and Myra’s marriage shown through their posts on reddit. The voices here are great, and it really feels like reading the reddit forums, down to the people sleuthing through their past posts and comments to try and figure out if what they’re saying is real or an elaborate troll.
r/relationships
Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 7 months ago
My (39F) husband (39M) likes horrible stand-up comedy. How can I stop him from bringing this up in front of our mutual friends?
For the last year or so my husband has been watching a lot of stand-up comedy on youtube. I want him to have something relaxing to do (he works a lot and gets really invested in his ‘hands-on’ hobbies in a way I’m not sure is good for him) but I was very puzzled by this discovery as he likes very crass acts and that is certainly not the kind of humor hubby usually enjoys...
2. all of the kids back home believing much more than you do by eatcheeseliveforever - ~11,000 words, explicit - This is a fix-it fic, which is becoming more and more rare in this fandom as we collectively started deciding that Eddie Kaspbrak doesn’t need to be brought back to live, because he never died in the first place, dammit. It has some great pining by Richie. You can really feel his grief and desperation as he searches for a way to get Eddie back. The other Losers are great in this too, especially Mike with his whales.
"A boat, actually," murmured Mike. "I'm on a whale-watching cruise."
Richie mouthed the words "whale watching cruise" to himself. Empirically he knew such things existed, that they happened not far away from the coast where he lived, but it felt like several fucking galaxies away from where he was, surrounded by the ghosts of takeouts and blackouts past and the actual ghost-ghosts, who he couldn't step in or stub his toe on at three in the morning, but hurt so much worse.
"He said you've been googling resurrection rituals."
Richie scrounged through his pile of empties, hoping one wasn't. "Bill talks too much."
"Richie." A sigh, or a wave, or a really quiet whale. "You're not going to find a resurrection ritual on Google."
"I've found hundreds," said Richie. "Funny thing, though, they all seem to call for orgies. Or virgin sacrifices. Or sacrificing someone's virginity in an orgy. I'm hoping Ben will volunteer as tribute."
3. * - you’ve got the answers to my confessions by QueerOnTilMorning - ~17,000 words, explicit - This is the good stuff right here. Richie accidentally sexts Eddie and Eddie is IN. TO. IT. This fic starts with excellent phone sex, there’s misunderstandings and confessions in the middle, and then it ends with super hot sex. There’s a brief part with karaoke that was a bit of a lull in the story, but doesn’t take away from how great the rest is.
suck on ur tongue
show u how much I missd that mouth
when u start getting weak in the knees
thats when ill get on mine
He set the phone aside to unzip his pants, palming himself through his boxers, already half-hard.
Then he froze.
The text he had just replied to--it was what he'd expected Travis to say, but it wasn't how Travis would say it. That text began with a capital letter and contained punctuation. That text was from--
"Oh, fuck, no," Richie whispered, and his phone rang.
Incoming call: Eds
4. * - L'Appel du Vide by Mackem - ~92,000 words, teen - I know, I know, almost 100k and no sex, but hear me out! The pining in this fic is so exquisitely beautiful and wrenching. Eddie’s POV is excellent and feels really spot on. The other Losers are well represented, especially Ben and Bev. In fact, the group dynamics here are almost as good as the relationship stuff. The later chapters bring in a subplot about the deadlights that I wasn’t that interested in, but it’s still done really, really well, and that’s only a side plot that doesn’t impact that exceptional story of Eddie and Richie figuring out how to stop being dummies.
Two messages, however, are from Stanley, sent to him privately. He opens them, and is met with a picture of Richie, apparently taken without him realising.
It shows him laughing, his eyes crinkled at the corners behind his glasses, and his smile bright and broad as a hand gestures wildly in the air. The other hand is in his hair, pushing it out of his eyes as he tilts his head back, displaying the line of his throat beneath his stubble.
The breath is punched from Eddie at the sight of it.
He stares at it for a long moment, surprised by the depth of his reaction. His stomach is swirling happily, a bubble of excitement growing at the pit, and he cannot help but feel a heated flush build at his cheeks.
It’s probably just because Richie looks like he’s enjoying himself. It’s good to see his friend having fun. That has to be it.
Then he reads Stan’s message.
Stan: He was talking about you. He does that a lot.
5. my love a beacon in the night - by zach_stone - ~4500 words, explicit - Richie is on the road doing shows through Christmas. His friends have a surprise for him. I know it’s almost Valentine’s Day, but it’s never the wrong time for a fluffy Christmas story imo.
“Yep, just got to my hotel,” Richie says. “Now I’m getting ready for my big Christmas Eve plans.”
Eddie snorts. “Oh yeah? What’s that?”
“Well according to my TV guide, they’re doing a rerun of The Mistletoe Promise, so I’m all fuckin’ set,” Richie says, grinning when Eddie laughs. On Eddie’s end of the line, he hears the sound of cars passing by, the muffled chatter of people, and says, “Are you outside?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah,” Eddie says.
Richie glances at the clock on the nightstand. It’s after ten; Eddie’s not one to be wandering around Times Square after dark. He frowns slightly. Eddie’s been unusually vague about his holiday plans, so Richie has no clue what he’s up to this evening. Not that it’s any of his business. Maybe he’s started seeing someone and is spending the holidays with them. Richie has a sudden image of Eddie, arm-in-arm with some generically pretty woman, taking in the lights and decorations around the city. It opens a pit in his stomach.
6. Coming Back and Coming Out: Richie Tozier's 2019 by Lunatical - ~2000 words, teen - I genuinely adore the mixed media fics that this fandom has spawned. This one is an excerpt from a magazine interview with Richie as he restarts his career.
Slouched on his couch in a cheesy Hawaiian shirt and torn-up jeans, Richie Tozier looks exactly like the manchild he is describing himself to be. Next to him, sitting up straight and dressed in a lovely suit that most people would consider appropriate for an interview, his husband rolls his eyes.
When we scheduled this interview, Tozier insisted we hold it at their house, citing a desire for the interview to be “as chill as possible”—in his own words, of course. He argued that seeing the two of them in their usual environment would help me get a better idea of the kind of relationship they have. After walking into their apartment and seeing the way they’ve decorated the place, I have to admit that I can understand why.
7. baby, there’s no other superstar by kaspbrakziers - ~7000 words, mature - Another mixed media fic that shows the progression of Richie and Eddie’s relationship and Richie’s career through tweets, texts, and interviews. Eddie not knowing how to turn off the capslock on his phone absolutely sent me.
Search history
Today Sunday, 13 November 2016
should i get a divorce? - Google Search
Unhappily Married: Should I get a divorce? - Yahoo Answers
10 Signs Your Marriage Is Over - Buzzfeed
how to divorce? - Google Search
How To File For Divorce (With Pictures) - wikiHow
how to divorce someone without them getting angry? – Google Search
can you divorce someone without telling them? - Google Search
8. Goes on Trips for the Scenery by InkandOwl - ~4500 words, teen - Eddie dies and then comes back to life and tries to get some perspective. I liked the conversations between Eddie and Richie and then way that Eddie starts to take care of himself. The end is really sweet.
If cosmic power and a literal alien space clown’s death wasn’t going to bring him back to life, Eddie was certain that the terrible pain of hearing Richie beg, his tears dropping onto Eddie’s face, probably would’ve done it. He feels sick just thinking about it. About what it all means. “Yeah, Rich, I will.” He could throw a jab at him, tell him something about eating like an adult for once, but he wants to be easy with him right now. Richie deserves it. “You’ll text, right?”
Richie looks down at the prepaid cricket phone in Eddie’s hand and laughs, “There’s no fucking way that thing gets texts.”
“It does.” Eddie grins, “You could call too.”
The fight drains from Richie, his shoulder slumping and he sighs, “Yeah, Eds, I’ll call.”
9. cause i'm about to blow that back out by thotgreeves - ~5000 words, explicit - Here, have some porn. Eddie wears lingerie and Richie loses his goddamn mind. Features submissive top Richie and his unending boner for Eddie.
Richie really should have learnt to never underestimate Eddie Kaspbrak by now. It had come close to killing Richie once, but Eddie might actually be trying to finish him off.
Because the other perk of always letting Eddie go ahead of him was that it gave Richie a prime view of Eddie's ass. Eddie knew about this part and was okay with it. He was wearing a high-waisted pair of slacks that Richie was pretty sure came from the women's section, slightly loose in the legs but nicely filled out by his ass. Richie had been very vocal in the past about how hot they got him, which signaled that Eddie definitely wanted to have sex tonight, and that was already enough to make Richie's dick twitch in excitement. He hadn't been prepared for the finishing blow.
Richie's eyes were fixed, pendulum-like, on how Eddie's slacks were hugging his butt perfectly with every step he took, tight enough to show off the outline of his underwear. Only the folds didn't sit where Richie had expected them to. Instead, Richie realized, his mouth going dry, that in the absence of boxers, there was only a V-shaped crease running from Eddie's hips to between his asscheeks, which could only mean-
Eddie was wearing a thong.
10. * - I’ll Be Homo For Christmas by Amuly - ~15,000 words, explicit - Bill and Audra get a divorce, so Bill moves into Richie’s house with him. Eddie, watching all of this from New York, where he’s still married to Myra, is super, super ok and fine with it in every way.
Except then Richie started posting.
Just stupid shit, mostly with Bill. It wasn’t even real. Eddie knew Bill wasn’t gay and him and Richie were just fucking around ‘for the ‘gram!’ But the more posts Eddie scrolled past on Richie’s Instagram—
Bill in the kitchen swatting at Richie with a spatula.
Richie and Bill at the pound, Richie rating dogs on adoptability, Richie begging Bill to adopt a dog with him.
Richie in the morning with bedhead, smiling blearily into the camera as Bill…
Well. Eddie couldn’t even remember what stupid thing Bill was supposed to be doing in the background of that photo because his eyes couldn’t get past Richie’s bedhead and shirtless torso, chest hairs creeping up towards his collarbones and the little dip at the base of his throat.
Eddie hadn’t thought he was homophobic. But he must have some unresolved issues with it, because he got a stomachache every time he looked at that photo of Richie. Eddie popped a Tums and resolved to talk about it with his therapist.
11. A High-Five is a Hug You Can Hit by Amuly - ~26,000 words, explicit - This fic shows us times throughout their friendship when Eddie and Richie would invent reasons to touch each other without even knowing why. This author feels the same bone deep conviction about Richie crying during sex that I do, and I greatly appreciate that. Plus, all of their stories are fantastic, including this one.
“You know, one of the symptoms of hypothermia is feeling like you’re warm. So like, your body gets so cold that it gets hot, and then you start taking off your clothes-”
“Bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you, Eddie?” Richie shot back at him without turning around.
“Why don’t you ask your sister how much she liked it last week!” Eddie hollered up at him. Richie just flipped him off without looking. That kinda… bugged Eddie. What the fuck did Richie think he was doing leading up the group with Bill? Why was he stuck back here with Stan? Eddie glanced over at Stan, who was trudging tiredly through the woods alongside him, breath puffing out in little clouds of smoke.
“Okay, Stan?”
Stan glanced over at him, confused. Then he shrugged. “Yeah, fine. Cold.”
“Well that’s better than feeling warm.” And now Eddie was back on track. “Because, if anyone starts feeling warm, they should tell the others immediately. That’s a sign of hypothermia. And we have to warm you up. But you have to do it gradually, you can’t just jump in like, a pot of boiling water-”
12. * - fall apart of stay intact by kaspbrak_kid - ~19,000 words, teen - A more melancholy take on the Christmas fic. This story takes Richie’s self-esteem issues and mental problems and amps them up in a way that feels entirely realistic. The gang comes together to celebrate Christmas, and everyone is walking on eggshells because last Christmas was a bad one for Richie. Also, Eddie moves into the house literally right next to Richie’s, and I find that detail endlessly charming.
“Five minutes ago. I called you, and you didn’t answer. Because you were outside, apparently, fucking...stargazing in December! With no hat on!”
“It’s about the Vitamin D!” Richie says. Now that he’s moved a little, he can really feel the cold—his ears are aching, and his face is numb. “Reflecting off the moon, or something. I have seasonal depression, you know!”
“You have seasonal stupidity,” Eddie mutters, audibly rubbing his hands together. “Just get inside.”
“Yours or mine?” Richie jokes.
Eddie doesn’t get the memo. “Mine, obviously. I’ll make you hot chocolate.”
“Oh,” Richie says, and sits up. “Um. Okay, be right there.”
“Oh, thank god,” Eddie says, and hightails it to his back door, cursing about the cold.
13. evidence of a happier future by lagaudiere - 23,000 words, mature - I am here, leading the Jealous!Eddie revolution. Why aren’t there more fics about this. Have you SEEN Eddie Kaspbrak, can you IMAGINE him jealous? Make this happen, fandom. Anyway, in this one, Richie has a boyfriend back in LA. Eddie has trouble dealing with that as he tries to figure himself out and pick up the pieces of his life post-Derry.
“It’s not gonna be like Mike’s announcement, don’t worry,” Richie says hastily. “And it’s not like, a huge thing, so don’t make it a huge thing. But you guys are like, my best friends, and I just wanted you to know that I’m, uh. Gay.”
He turns up his palms and raises his eyebrows in a gesture that suggests a magician presenting his audience with an empty hat after making the rabbit disappear, and Eddie says, “Are you joking?”
“What? Jesus, no, Eddie.” Richie’s face falls, and Eddie instantly feels guilty. “I’m trying to be sincere here.”
“Sorry,” Eddie says immediately, feeling all of their friends looking at him with reproach. “I was just — if you weren’t, I wouldn’t think you should… joke about it.”
“Well, I am,” Richie says. He sounds slightly put out — and who wouldn’t be, Eddie scolds himself, by that ridiculous response. “I have all the gay credientials. I have a boyfriend, partner, whatever people say. I don’t really tell people because of the whole, stage persona, thing. But yeah.”
“Richie!” Bev’s voice breaks through the awkwardness, and she reaches across the table to squeeze his hand. “Thank you for telling us. Really.”
And the others all join in, a chorus of voices telling Richie they love him and they’re proud of him, and Ben is saying, “I wanna see a picture of the guy!” and Eddie’s throat feels like it’s closing up.
14. The ‘Do Not Fucking Touch Me’ Tour by MellytheHun - ~23,000 words, explicit - It’s Richie’s comeback special, and he makes it a big one. This...isn’t really a comedy show, but the author lampshades that. It’s an excuse to have Richie talk about how much he loves each of his friends individually, and it’s extremely entertaining. Richie doesn’t know that Eddie is in the audience watching it all.
“Hey, uhm… Eddie… he couldn’t reschedule his thing? He - I mean... it… it was really that important?”
She feels awful for him immediately, but not wanting to spoil what would ultimately be a lovely surprise, she tells him, “I’m sorry, Rich. He said it was urgent. He was really sorry about it.”
Her phone buzzes with a text from Eddie right as Richie curses under his breath, missing the noise. She clutches her phone more tightly in her fist, knowing Eddie is wondering where his seat is going to be; she bought him a separate ticket, elsewhere in the theatre, so Richie wouldn’t catch him sitting among them, as he will absolutely, inevitably look over to the Losers for most of the show.
“Okay,” Richie surrenders sadly, “Uh - I guess he’ll see it eventually, right?”
Smiling forlornly at him, she pats his arm, and tells him, “don’t worry, Richie. Your genius will inevitably be forced upon us all.”
He smiles at her, gives her a kiss on the cheek, and when Bill jokingly asks why he didn’t get one, Richie flips him off, and reminds them to treat themselves to the bar in the lobby.
Once he’s backstage, Beverly takes her phone out, and emails Eddie his ticket, explains that she’s already convinced Richie he’s not coming, and to make sure he doesn’t show up too early, or Richie will notice.
15. The List by cissues - ~7000 words, teen - Eddie finds a list he wrote as a teenager. Richie tries his best to fulfill them all. This is very sweet.
‘ All the things I want. Everything I’m not allowed to have. A perfect summer. ”
The words hit gentler than he thought they would, but they still hit and he finds himself blinking away at a wetness at the corner of his eye. He wipes at it and sniffles and Richie peers sidelong at him to make sure he’s okay. He is, he’s fine, and Richie never dotes on him when things are, generally, okay. Only when he needs it, which is one of the many things he loves about what they have now.
“This is… this is like a fucking bucket list for the most repressed child in the world.” Richie says, breathless.
Eddie rolls his eyes to hide the sting. “You’re looking at him,” he says, bitter. Richie frowns at him but turns back to the paper. Another thing Eddie loves, Richie never takes his trauma-induced bait. His knee-jerk reactions developed over years of what he’s now comfortable enough to call abuse.
16. Richie Tozier Answers the Web's Most Searched Questions by DeadpanMage - ~2000 words, teen - This is a short one, but the transcript of this popular YT video format with Richie felt spot on in terms of characterization and Richie’s voice.
[Back to the text screen: “So WIRED asked Richie Tozier some of the internet’s burning questions.” Cut back to Richie, now holding a poster board with several Google autocomplete searches half covered.]
Richie: I’ve undergone something of a rebranding in the past year, so I wonder how many of these questions are going to be super irrelevant-slash-embarrassing. Probably all of them. Let’s get started! [He tears the covering off of the first question.] Alright, that’s not bad. “How to pronounce Richie Tozier?” Well, we’re only on question one and I’ve already said it like a hundred times so there you go. And that’s “Richie Tozier” spelled J-O-H-N M-U-L-A-N-E-Y, so if you’ve got any complaints be sure to send them that way. Next question!
You can check out a larger list of stories I’ve enjoyed in my AO3 bookmarks. And finally, if you’re interested, here are the two fics I’ve written:
1. Waiting For a Sign - ~6000 words, explicit - Eddie meets Richie again and comes to the startling realization that he totally wants to hit that.
Maybe if Richie wasn’t famous, Eddie could have found a way to let it go. A couple furtive jerk off sessions in the shower after he got back to New York and the image of Richie’s big hands and wide smile and improbably flattering stubble would fade from his mind.
But Richie was famous, and the internet never forgot.
Eddie lasted three days before giving in and typing ‘Richie Tozier’ into the YouTube search bar. Just seeing Richie in the thumbnails was enough to make Eddie’s heart thud, what the fuck. He had to scroll past a bunch of news videos about Richie's supposed mental breakdown, but after that he landed on some old stand-up.
Before he clicked on the first video, he got up and made sure that the door of his study was locked. Then he turned off the lights and put on a pair of earbuds.
Fake It ‘Til You Make It - ~21,000 words, explicit - It’s that totally relatable situation where the man you’re secretly in love with is a celebrity who just came out and now needs a fake boyfriend to keep himself in the spotlight. Eddie offers to help out of the goodness of his heart and not because he’s insanely fucking jealous.
Eddie froze, breath catching in his throat.
Richie looked...really good.
Bev’s influence was obvious. His hair, which had been unkempt and shaggy, a perfect match for his stoner permakid schtick, was cut much shorter and neater. His formerly unruly stubble somehow now emphasized the sharp cut of his jaw instead of obscuring it.
He wore new glasses, Eddie noticed. Slim silver metal frames instead of his giant, clunky plastic ones. The fitted black sweater and dark blue jeans were simple, but made his shoulders look impossibly broad and his legs miles long.
Fuck everything and Beverly Marsh in particular.
LINK TO MY FIRST SET OF REDDIE RECS 30+ FICS
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updated intro / 25/09/20
Is that JACK FIELDING? Wow, they do look a lot like VAN MCCANN. I hear HE is an NINETEEN year old FRESHMEN who are studying AEROSPACE ENGINEERING at Luxor University. Word is they are an ARISTOCRAT student. You should watch out because they can be PHILOPHOBIC and INSINCERE, but on the bright side they can also be WITTY and IMAGINATIVE. Ultimately, you’ll get to see it all for yourself. [YUNI, 20, GMT, SHE/HER]
hello to anyone who has yet 2 be cursed w my presence in their dms, i am yuni and this is an updated intro for my demon boi jack! this one is a lilll bit more in depth but not to worry there is a tl;dr at the end ion expect u to read this. feel free to dm me if you would like to plot!
01: BASIC INFORMATION
Full Name: Jackson Noel Fielding (previously Kelly; recently changed)
Nicknames: Jack - he dislikes the use of his full first name, and only really answers to Jack, unless joking around with Caitriona.
Date Of Birth: December 4, 2001 (currently aged 19)
Zodiac: Sagittarius sun, Leo ascendant, and Aries moon.
Place Of Birth: Northern General Hospital, Sheffield, South Yorkshire, England.
Nationality: Dual UK and US citizenship; he was born and raised in England so was a UK citizen from birth, and acquired US citizenship through his American adopted mother after being formally adopted in 2017.
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual
Course: Aerospace Engineering (Freshman)
02: PHYSICAL
Faceclaim: Van McCann
Voiceclaim: Also Van McCann (but w ... not a Welsh accent LOL think Northern)
Ethnicity: White (English, Irish, Scottish)
Height: 173cm (5′8)
Weight: 52kg (115lbs) / BMI 17.4
Eye Colour: Blue
Hair Colour: Brown
Distinctive Features: Freckles (many), ear piercings (one hoop in his left ear), scars on his wrists which he hides with long sleeved shirts.
Clothing Preference: Jack really only wears black, or something close to black like grey. He usually opts for simple clothes, just jeans and long sleeved shirts, and beat up black converse. His Sheffield United hoodie makes an appearance more often than not, because he has a ridiculous amount of hometown pride.
03: PERSONALITY
Overview
Positive Traits: Witty, imaginative, perseverant, passionate
Negative Traits: Philophobic, disloyal, insincere, callous
MBTI: ENTP
Religious Beliefs: Atheist
Description
The first side most people see of Jack is the side he wants you to see. A total asshole. It’s not an exaggeration - he’s pretty much infamous for flirting with everyone, dating anyone and as a serial cheater. He’ll actively try to worm his way into your life, and then just when you start to care, he does something to hurt you. He’s strangely persistent, probably helping him to push people even further, until they snap. There is nothing which satisfies him more than managing to wind people up to the extreme, get them to the point where they give up. Adopted parents, friends, nobody is immune to this side - he even tries it on the people he genuinely cares about, as if just to see if he’ll still be able to push them away.
The second side, which most people don’t see, is that at heart Jack is a kid. He’s the type of person to ask if owls have ears at 3am, or get some childlike joy out of dumb jokes. Of course, this is the side nobody but a very small number of people see. And even if you do see it, it never lasts long. He keeps his true personality under wraps even amongst those he does like, and it only slips out if he’s extremely comfortable with you. Otherwise, he’ll go straight back to being a sarcastic, flirty piece of shit.
04: PAST
Biography:
Jackson Kelly was born in a council estate in Sheffield, South Yorkshire, in the UK. His life prior to adoption is not something he routinely talks about, but that’s mostly because he’d rather not give people reasons to pity him: his mother, 15 when she gave birth to him, was a drug addict; he has no idea who his birth father is or was, and no inclination to find out. Jack’s first ten years of life pretty much fell into the same cycle: get put into foster care, his mother would get clean and take him back, and then the cycle would repeat. But when the cycle ended when he was ten, and he was removed from his mother’s care for good, he wasn’t ready for it to end yet.
Sure, she wasn’t the best parent. But she was his mother. Jack quickly developed a reputation for running away, always found back at the same place. Foster parent after foster parent always ended up returning him, unable to cope with his rebellious tendencies and the constant hunt for him after he had run. As he aged, he only became better at avoiding being found. It practically became a game to him, a way for him to entertain himself. So when a wealthy American heiress and her British CEO husband decided that of all people, they wanted to foster a now thirteen year old Jack, social workers almost wanted to ask if they’d misspoke. (Jack had assumed it was a practical joke.)
Claire and George, his new “parents,” were patient. They said he didn’t have to call them mum or dad, that even after they officially adopted him two years later he could keep his own surname, that they just wanted him to be happy. They moved him to a better school, got a private tutor to make up for lost time, tried to take an interest in his favourite things. But that wasn’t enough for Jack. Eventually, the situation resulted in drastic measures: a rainy afternoon with a social worker being told that Claire wanted to move the family to her birthplace of New York, and send Jack to the school she had attended many years prior. A fresh start would be better for him, they said. As if Jack didn’t know the real reason. He couldn’t run away if he was thousands of miles away.
And that was how a fifteen year old Jack made his way to Carnifex, with absolutely no change to his desire to wreak havoc or to his somewhat disturbing attitude towards other people. Therapists paid for by his adopted parents might say he was pushing people away to manifest emotions about neglect in early life; Jack would just say that he was keeping things interesting. Either way, the next couple years of his life escaped past him, and before he knew it he was in a school office, being told that his birth mother had died.
Obviously, Claire and George freaked, as if he would do anything. Pulled him out of school for a month, flew him back to England for the funeral, and practically wrapped Jack in bubble wrap like he was a baby or something. All he wanted to do was go back to school, ignore the guilt he felt in his stomach for letting them take him away, and go back to what he did best.
Timeline:
December 4 2001 - Jackson Noel Kelly is born in Sheffield.
2005 - Jack is removed from his mother’s care for the first time. He is frequently removed from her care and then placed back in it for the next seven years of his life.
2012 - Jack is removed from his mother’s custody permanently and placed in a temporary foster home. He bounces through foster homes for the next few years, including one where he meets Caitriona and becomes close with her.
2014 - Jack is fostered by Claire and George. He resists any attempt for them to get close to him, and continues to act out.
December 2016 - Jack is legally adopted by Claire and George, acquiring US citizenship, although he does not change his surname.
January 2017 - Jack attempts suicide. He is placed in therapy and plans are made for his relocation to the US.
March 2017 - Claire and George move back to America, taking Jack with them. He begins attending Carnifex. He continues to visit the UK regularly to visit his birth mother, who he keeps in contact with.
April 2020 - Jack’s birth mother dies. He immediately disappears from school for a month, without telling anyone where he went.
May 2020 - Jack returns to Luxor. It’s later accidentally blurted out mid fight with Zander that his mother is dead.
June 2020 - Jack graduates and Leo tells the school Jack attempted suicide.
September 2020 - Jack legally changes his surname from his birth name - Kelly - to his adopted parents surname, Fielding.
December 2020 - Zander and Ches spread posters around claiming that Jack is HIV positive and gave it to Balo. They don’t provide any proof for this allegation, and Jack continues to deny it.
(These are the events ur character would probs vaguely know about!!! Anything else is personal info so they wouldn’t know unless Jack explicitly told them. Feel free to ask me if you’re ever unsure if something is ic knowledge or not!)
05: OTHER TRIVIA
- He has a fairly strong Yorkshire accent which is obviously something other characters would likely notice when interacting with him. So if he uses words you don’t know it’s safe to assume he’s just being his dumb British self so you are free to have your character question the meaning/not know. (LMK if you’re unsure tho!)
- His favourite band is Oasis (closely followed by Arctic Monkeys), favourite film is Fight Club, go to drink is either a double vodka coke or a pint of Heineken, and his favourite place is Leadmill in Sheffield because it’s where he’s seen some bands (and fucked girls in the bathroom. Such a romantic.)
- Dyslexic, but if you mention it Jack will fight you, although it’s partially why he leans more toward math based subjects where his spelling ability is irrelevant.
- Notoriously has a thing for redheads, although that doesn’t prevent him from being crude and sexual towards anyone he happens to meet or interact with.
- Chain smokes anything he can get his ratty little hands on (cigarettes, weed, meh) so expect him to smell of ciggies 24/7.
- Diehard supporter of Sheffield United and insists there is no better football team even though they really suck
- Weetabix, Weetabix, Weetabix
06: NOTABLE CONNECTIONS
Within Luxor:
- Friendships: Caitriona, Balo, Avery, Zai, Oakley, Lennon
- Former Relationships: Oakley Prescott
- Current Relationship: Juliet McCoy
NPCS
- Claire Richardson Fielding & George Fielding: Jack’s adopted parents, who just want to love him despite him being terrible to them.
- Lauren Kelly: His birth mother, who he misses a lot.
- Violet Richardson: Claire’s mother, who for some reason adores Jack and considers him her favourite grandchild. Meaning Jack will probably inherit everything when she dies, although he doesn’t really think about that.
- Emily French: His ex girlfriend from back home, also known as the only girl who Jack truly cared about before Juliet. She broke up with Jack for being too toxic, which although fair, fucked him up for a little bit. Not that he’d admit it.
07: CONNECTION IDEAS/WCS
Exes (Lots)
Jack has a habit of dating people, dropping them as soon as feelings get involved, cheating on them, and generally being an asshole. So if you want an ex for your muse… yeah.
Enemies
Again, he tends to happily mess with as many people as he possibly can. So he’s probably gotten on the wrong side of at least a couple people.
Friends (fake or real)
Like when he dates, he tends to get close to people before ditching them or screwing with them. So people who think they’re his friends but who aren’t really as close as they think are very welcome. I’m also down to have a couple people who can be the few he genuinely cares about.
08: TL;DR
If you already knew Jack at Luxor:
Little has changed! He’s the same manipulative dick as ever except that he has legally changed his surname. Your characters are tots fine to comment on the change, it’s not a secret or anything.
If this is your unfortunate first experience with Jack:
Jack is manipulative, crude, outright insulting, and nasty. He enjoys nothing more than messing with people, and often acts friendly initially just to hurt you later. He is British, adopted, and I call him rat man.
#luxorintro#finally got around to it#RIP#also wow yuni#what a great van gif to use#i rlly show him in his best light#rat mAN#suicide tw#self harm tw#depression tw#abuse tw#neglect tw#drugs tw
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WHAT’S GOOD, PARTY PEOPLE ? the name’s mads : twenty - four summers young, in love with cj from dawn of the dead (2004), mortal enemies with amc’s the walking dead and so very excited to be here. thus, without further ado, below the cut you’ll find the basics—the general gist—about my horrible, poorly written bastard children.
trigger warnings for : cancer, death, kidnapping, abuse and assault !!
APOLSKIS, JULIAN — twenty-four, comic store clerk.
BASICS : born in seattle, julian moved to fort elms when he was a whooping eleven years old. why, you don’t ask. well, because he got diagnosed with a gnarly case osteosarcoma and his father took ONE LOOK at that hospital bill and vanished into thin air, that’s why ! so, mommy dearest took her kids and skipped town as well. for less horrible reasons, of course. since then, his cancer has came and went and came back again. until finally it went for the last time, taking his leg with it as it did. he’s cancer free now ! three years and counting. we do love that for him … depressing facts aside, he’s in a punk rock band because we gotta Stick It To The Man. they suck but he’s decent on the drums and that’s all that matters. him. yeah, he’s a bit of a prick. a lovable prick. loves to play the devil’s advocate and hates talking about his feelings because ~ romantic trauma ~. but other than that, a decent guy, alright ! put some respect to his name.
WANTED CONNECTIONS …
ex - girlfriend : bringer of trauma … she was his second ever girlfriend and their relationship was good, okay ! lasted almost two years. and then, without warning, she dumped him, THROUGH A NOTE. left without a word and that was that. a big bitch move, i’d say.
mother : the best mom there is ! worked three jobs to support her family after the deadbeat left, and is overall the best person juli knows and will ever know. she’s a second generation polish immigrant and very insistent on julian retaining his jewish heritage. pops was christian, so … gross.
father : not much to say about this bastard except he hasn’t spoken to his own children in thirteen years. not as much as a birthday card ! who knows where he is now. we’d like for him to be dead in a ditch but odds are he has a new family. i’d love for julian to knock him out, please hit me up for that.
hospital buddies : like i said, he spent most of his childhood in a hospital. so he must’ve made at least one friend there. they can be a teenager, they can be a senior citizen — as long as their friendship was thrust onto julian by sheer proximity and boredom. he’s obviously well now but i’d like for him to have a sliver of his past life close.
DIMEO, BRANDON — thirty-five, mall cop.
BASICS : very italian. a walking italian stereotype, really. his family is huge and he’s close with them all. too close. i’m talking yearly hunting trips, weekly family dinners, and a mother who still does his laundry. which means, yes, he’s a momma’s boy. a bit of a scrub, if you will. flopped out of the police academy in his early twenties, as he’d almost done high school, and settled for acting cop at the local mall. he’s a bit of a dumbass, and by a bit i mean a lot. unintelligent to the point where he can’t do basic math. emotionally unintelligent to the point where he can’t have a long - term relationship. we do love that. also a big fan of the charlie’s angels television series, AS HE SHOULD BE. he’d be an angel of charlie’s if he could be …
WANTED CONNECTIONS …
ex - girlfriend : i’m talking first and only. probably didn’t get together until his mid - late twenties, and didn’t last that long either. probably had issues with his weird relationship with his mother, probably didn’t appreciate that he couldn’t clean his own house, probably wanted a man and not a little boy. she definitely dumped him. oh, well.
family : he has A LOT. two parents ( i was gonna say obvi but is it obvi, i don’t think so. check yourself @ me ) and three brothers … but he’s the baby of the family, physically and mentally. i feel for his mother. i’d love for him to have a kid cousin, though. like one girl ( except his mommy ) he treats well. it’d be cute, shut up.
friends with benefits : pretty self - explanatory. no strings attached, no commitment, no expectations … it’s all poor donnie here can muster in life. so do give it to him, please and thank.
broskis : he needs friends ! who aren’t other mall cops ( sorry egg take it up with HR ) … maybe dudes he’s known since high school, his OG home - boys. either to enable his antics or to call him out on his shit. i’ll take anything for brodawg over here.
KINNEY, SAWYER — twenty-two, vet student.
BASICS : god’s favorite. just kidding … i don’t think her love for him is much reciprocated. first dropped off as an infant @ the local church’s doorstep, then adopted. all is well ! no, her adoptive parents die in a car crash thirteen years later. she was there, too. sole survivor … even her baby brother passing away in the accident. shit’s tough, my dudes. she still has her older siblings, but who cares about them. was diagnosed with epilepsy shortly after ( she hates it, thanks ) and now lives with a disorder to remind her even more of the event. BIG YIKE LET’S MOVE ON … she’s a ray of sunshine ! loves animals and soccer to death. a social butterfly with no concept of personal space. insistent on not minding her business, plagued by a constant need to be liked by EVERYONE. book smart, emotionally intelligent … yet a whole dumbass. we love to see it.
WANTED CONNECTIONS …
cousins : fun tidbit, after her parent’s death she moved in with her uncle and his children. so, give me those very children ! her siblings are both older than herself and i’m dying for some same - aged partners in crime here. who played soccer with her after school ? who tried beer with her for the very first time ? i am WAITING.
soccer pals : captain of the local girl’s soccer team, since seventeen baby, sawyer’s in dire need of her soccer pals. y’all ever see the netflix original girls with balls ? yeah, me neither, but that could still be them versus the zombies. they’re all so close and athletic i NEED them to team up against the undead.
toxic church friends : i’m not calling christianity toxic … i’m calling white church going pinterest loving bitches toxic. i just think it’d be neat for her to have people from that part of her life really pushing this ~ religious agenda ~ onto her further. you know, shaming everything that she does. WHY NOT ! can’t think of a single reason why not, actually.
someone to get under : look … last year she got DUMPED by her boyfriend. it was rude as hell ! you don’t need to know his reason, okay … she did no wrong, mind your business … either way, give me SOMEONE ELSE for her to focus on so she can finally get over that skinny motherfucker. it doesn’t have to be reciprocated AT ALL, homies. she can thirst from afar … as long as her attention is redirected from ex - boyfriend to wow - possible - boyfriend. ja feel me ? cool.
OSWALT, KEVIN — twenty-one, waitress.
BASICS : born in fort elms as rowan blake, this teensy bitch had a good life going. two parents, three older siblings, one cool ass dog… you get the gist. but all things must come to an end, no ? so, when rowan here was five years old, she was approached by a teenage girl by the name ryan, and booboo the fool as she was, rowan followed this older, much cooler girl right into a stranger’s car… and then rowan was no more ! she spent the next year thirteen years of her life as kevin oswalt, living with her new sister and new mother — creepily nicknamed mama. to say her life with the oswalt’s was good would be… well, it’d be a lie. because kevin wasn’t the first kid they ‘napped, and neither was she the last. lets just say that house was a shit - fest and we should be glad she managed to run away at the tender age of seventeen. by sheer luck, she wound up back in fort elms and by even more luck, she managed to get an education and graduate. unrealistic ? take it up with 2016 me. other than that super fun backstory, kevin’s baby. she likes books ( always has, though it was her only form of entertainment for a good chunk of her life there ) and she likes french fries. she’s still discovering the world around her, even if she has been out and about for about four - ish years now. so if she’s a BIT NAIVE, then excuse her…
WANTED CONNECTIONS …
ex - boyfriend : not to go into too many details but kev’s introduction to the dating scene was less than ideal… barely legal and kept under wraps for A YEAR. it sucked, okay. not a good first experience, IN MY OPINION. kevin has another but she’s stupid. EITHER WAY, that left her kinda fucked - up when it comes to relationships. so, when she started dating her other ex circa summer 2017, she was pretty not - that - into - him. sorry we can’t all be over our 30 year old boyfriends… she never even said those three little words and them bitches dated for a year. TRAGIQUE.
brother : tragically, throughout the years, kevin’s brother is the single family member not picked up and that’s just… fucked, if you ask me. either way — his name is marcus blake but you can change his first to whatever ! he’s the sibling she was closest to as a wee bairn, alright. and i need him here… even if he wouldn’t know her as his sister anymore, but seeing as kev has managed to weasel her way into the blake family through mother and sisters REGARDLESS if anybody remembers or not, i’d say they’d cross paths anyway. oh, and he’s in a band… which isn’t to say juli’s, i mean it could be, but that’s not what i’m saying… anyways, that’s all.
bad influence : kevin’s too nice. and i don’t like it. so, please, pretty please, give me a plot of pure mayhem. somebody less outwardly chaotic than pippa but more scheming, and maybe capable of convincing kevin to grow a spine. think penelope and josie in legacies… but not gay. i mean, it COULD be gay. i’m not saying it HAS to be gay… mind your business.
victim by proxy : okay, hear me out… the oswalts are crazy people, and although kevin would like to be excluded from that narrative, she simply cannot. so, consider giving me somebody with some sort of connection to the kiddos missing ( alternatively : to the man she shanked… girls, ya gotta read her bio, i’m not exposing her further :see_no_evil: ) so kevin’s guilt can just SKYROCKET. that’s fun, right ? make friends with some poor bitch who’s little bro went missing, knowing full well what happened… sickening, kev, get help.
ROSILIO, ODETTE — thirty-five, florist.
BASICS : flaky defined. dropped out of high school, dropped out of california, dropped out of her own wedding … i mean, the list goes on. originally from mexicali, mexico odette moved to chino, california at the ripe age of five. her mother then proceeded to lose custody six years later. * that one vine vc * WAY TO GO, PAUL ! in and out of foster care since, eventually choosing to stay out for the remainder of her teens. until she got herself knocked up ( not by choice but ait ) and was forced to move back in with mommy … but hey, it all turned out fine in the end ! and when her daughter was four years old, she dipped forever. she’s since been living all over the states, only moving to fort elms five - ish years ago. and has indeed stayed put since. even if she did manage to pull a runaway bride. a bit of a bitch move, but at least she’s consistent. ish. because she’s not a bitch, okay, she’s simply … out of fucks to offer the world. can i get an amen.
WANTED CONNECTIONS …
ex - fiancé : like i said … left at the altar, that’s gotta knock you down a peg. or two. but she didn’t mean to stomp on his balls like that. in fact, they were very much in love at one point. dated for about two years until marriage was brought up and well, cold feet took over. and there’s no coming back from being a no show at your own wedding, is there. so that was that. marriage over before it even started. they didn’t get much of closure but that’s life for you.
mother : a horrible mother, plain and simple. she was in and out of jail when odette was in her custody, mostly due to drug related charges which was … not cute, girlie was like eight years old. though who knows, maybe she’s cleaned up her act, and maybe she’s ready to get back in her daughter’s life. or maybe she’s just looking for money … either way, get miss marisa to washington !
employees : i want … snotty teens, or early twenties bitches that she’ll have to manage. she’s had it with her own daughter, why not add more children for her to boss around. that, or somebody at work who she doesn’t wanna clock. an ally amongst the flowers.
chino friends : odette did indeed spend her early to mid teens on the streets and she must’ve made some friends along the way except for kai ( here’s your one mention of the simp @ salem ) … either some bad influences or some good ones. y’all ever seen the movie thirteen ? exactly like that. give me some blasts from the past to bring out the old odette.
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The 20 Best Horror Movies on Netflix UK – Scary Films to Watch Right Now
https://ift.tt/2RE5emn
Netflix is an ever-changing, constantly growing treasure trove of hidden gems and secret delights (here’s everything new on Netflix UK this month). Sometimes, a teeny bit too secret though.
Who hasn’t sat down to watch a horror movie and found themselves scrolling endlessly, either not being able to find something they’re in the mood for, or not really knowing what half the titles are, or if they’re any good?
We’ve scoured the full current catalogue available to watch in the UK now and picked out the best scary movies. It’s a mix of classic and new, and a range of slashers, horror-coms, mumblegore, monster movies and more to hopefully scratch that itch with ease.
We’ll keep this updated as and when titles drop in and out of the service.
Hereditary (2018)
If you haven’t seen this slice of trauma, the feature debut of Ari Aster, you probably should. If you have seen it, you probably won’t want to again. Toni Collette stars as a woman whose controlling mother has just passed away setting of a series of horrible events. Aster says the film was partly inspired by his own sense of his family being cursed – this a movie absolutely drenched in grief and pain with astonishing performances all round. It’s tough going, but it’s a masterpiece. Read our review.
The Platform (2019)
This existential Spanish horror made a splash at the start of lockdown with it’s tale of prisoner trapped in an enormous vertical prison with a platform at it’s centre which delivers food to the inmate floor by floor starting at the top, so that each floor only gets what the floor above has left over. It’s political, allegorical, it’s clever and it’s very violent.
The Endless (2017)
Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead’s gorgeous sci-fi horror stars the two as brother who escaped from a cult ten years ago and are drawn back in in search of answers when a strange videotape arrives. This is their third movie after Resolution and Spring and the two are only growing in strength as directors – The Endless is rammed with indelible imagery and deeply unsettling moments within a plot that is a joy to unpick.
What Keeps You Alive (2018)
Couple Jackie and Jules head to a remote woodland cabin to celebrate their first wedding anniversary but things go bad… Ok this sounds like the most generic slasher in the world but trust us it’s not. Twists hit early on (that we’d hate to spoil) and the tension ramps up fast in a very effective cat and mouse chase with a female bent. This comes from Colin Minihan who made Grave Encounters – this isn’t similar but both have a disorientating sense of place. Read our review.
Orphan (2009)
Released during the heyday of Dark Castle’s mid-budget horror splurge, Orphan is one of those genre films with an absolutely ludicrous (and therefore thoroughly enjoyable) twist, which we will not spoil for you. Peter Sarsgaard and Vera Farmiga star as a couple mourning the loss of their baby, who decided to adopt a little Russian girl called Esther from the local orphanage. Things quickly start to go very, very wrong as the pair start to suspect that wee Esther – who insists on dressing like a spooky doll – isn’t all she appears to be. Check out our review.
Insidious (2010)
The many sequels may have yielded diminishing returns but the first of this franchise, about a couple (Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne) whose comatose son appeared to be trapped in another realm by a evil spirit, is a very effective chiller. Horror genius James Wan directs, and the first half of this movie at least is pretty much guaranteed to make you jump out of your skin.
Annihilation (2018)
An all star cast including Natalie Portman, Jennifer Jason Leigh and Tessa Thompson, plus the quality direction of Alex Garland wasn’t enough to secure this horror sci-fi based on Jeff Vandermeer’s novel a theatrical release in the UK. Nevermind, that just means you can watch it for free on Netflix. Portman joins a crew of women exploring the mysterious Area X where he husband ventured some time before and came back changed. It’s a weird, unfamiliar landscape of beautiful flora and terrifying fauna defying explanation until the strange, indelible finale (not sure what it means? Have a read of this explainer). And you can check out our review, too if you like.
Daybreakers (2009)
You’ll get a little bit of everything with this Spierig Brothers curio. It was the film that really got the directing team noticed and it’s not hard to see why. Set in a dystopian world where basically everyone has been turned into a vampire, one corporation thinks it’d be a bloody (sorry) good idea to track down all the surviving humans and…well, basically milk them. Ethan Hawke stars as a vampire haematologist who starts to think there might be another way for this story to go after he’s collared by a former vampire (Willem Dafoe), who can cure everyone. (Living) dead good. Check out our review.
The Bar (2017)
Slightly bonkers Spanish horror thriller which sees a bunch of strangers stuck in a busy Madrid cafe when snipers begin shooting anyone who tries to leave. Confusion and personality clashes abound in this economical single location chiller with a dark sense of human as the inhabitants slowly discover what’s going on, who’s responsible and try to work out if and how they will survive.
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By Kirsten Howard
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21 underappreciated films to watch on Netflix UK
By Paul Bradshaw and 2 others
The Cabin in the Woods (2012)
Drew Goddard and Joss Whedon’s love/hate letter to the horror genre felt like something of a game changer when it finally arrived (it was shelved for several years because of financial issue with original distributor MGM). Chris Hemsworth and Haley Bennett star in a double layer story about ordinary kids vacationing in a woodland cabin, with Bradley Whitford and Richard Jenkins as very particular kinds of bureaucrats up to something in the background. No spoilers, just watch. Here’s our review.
Cargo (2017)
Martin Freeman stars in this Netflix original developed from a short directed by Ben Howling and Yolanda Ramke. Set in the Australian outback, Freeman is a father trying to find someone to protect his child in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. More wistful and emotional than that sounds on paper, there’s a fascinating subplot about an Aboriginal girl mourning her father and the final set piece is unforgettable. Check out our review.
Lifeforce (1985)
A Cannon Films classic directed by late Texas Chain Saw legend Tobe Hooper, people are still discovering the ’80s madness that is Lifeforce. Originally entitled Space Vampires, it’s exactly what you’d expect, and so much more. Nude, energy sucking bat creatures are brought back to Earth after an interstellar mission finds a gaggle of them lying dormant in Halley’s Comet, and it all goes very badly for the planet. You can expect a scenery-chewing Patrick Stewart to pop up in between the tits and gore. Not literally! Although, sometimes literally.
Creep (2014)
No, not the one set on the tube, this ‘mumblegore’ horror is far weirder than that. Director Patrice Brice plays Aaron, a videographer hired by Mark Duplass’s Josef to make a video for his kid to watch after he’s died of a terminal illness. Or does he? Playing on the power of politeness and the awkwardness of male relationships this is a highly original, itchily uncomfortable watch. Creep 2 is also on Netflix, and also good!
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Hush (2016)
Another smart sensory-based horror, this time from Oculus and Doctor Sleep man Mike Flanagan. This home invasioner sees deaf writer Maddie (Kate Siegel) attacked in her woodland retreat by a masked stranger. He uses her inability to hear to sneak around and terrorise her, but she has tricks of her own up her sleeve. Check out our review.
The Invitation (2015)
Karyn Kusama (Jennifer’s Body, Destroyer) just keeps knocking it out of the park (and she’s recently been attached to a Dracula movie from Blumhouse Productions), and with The Invitation she continued to secure her place as one of the best directors around. Here, Will (Logan Marshall-Green) and his girlfriend go to a party held by his formerly suicidal ex-wife, and discover that she seems to be happier than she ever was, but Will starts to suspect that rather than healthily coping with her mental illness, she may well have joined a doomsday cult instead, and be planning to kill them all. Paranoia and tension are at the max in this bad boy. Here’s our review.
Little Evil (2017)
Comedy horror from Eli Craig who made the wonderful Tucker and Dale Vs Evil. This time he’s playing on creepy kid tropes, particular those from The Omen movies. Adam Scott plays a man who discovers his new wife’s (Evangeline Lilly) son might actually be the anti-christ. And because it’s Eli Craig, of course it’s funny and very good natured as well as playing with the genre.
Gerald’s Game (2017)
Another Mike Flanagan offering here – what can we say? he’s damn good! – as Jessie (a spectacular Carla Guigino) and her husband Gerald drive to a remote house to try and spice up their marriage with a bit of gentle BDSM. One problem: Jessie is not into it. At all. Two problems: Gerald carks it, leaving her tied up with only her cunning to help her free herself from her prone, handcuffed predicament. Three problems: a mythical, supernatural killer may be in the house. Stephen King, you’ve done it again. Read our review.
Ravenous (2017)
Unusual Canadian zombie movie (in French) which sees remaining stragglers after an outbreak of the infected band together in disparate groups travelling to find other survivors. Ravenous sets up its infected as worshipping a sort of new religion of found items (chairs, TVs etc.) making comment on the zombification of society. It’s also funny and quite scary, so there’s that.
Veronica (2017)
Loosely based on a true story, Veronica is set in Madrid in 1991 and follows a young woman who messes with a Ouija board who thinks she’s accidentally summoned an evil spirit. Director by Paco Plaza, one of the two directors behind [REC], the movie gained minor notoriety when it first landed on Netflix because of a few viewers finding it overly scary. It’s true there are some seriously creepy bits (but you’ll be fine!).
The Perfection (2018)
Get Out‘s Allison Williams and Dear White People‘s Logan Browning star in this twisty, trashy but nonetheless enjoyable tale of two musical prodigies hothoused at a mysterious academy. It’s lurid and lavish (and it’s got some fairly dodgy sexual politics, we’d warn you) but great lead performances and a tricksy three act structure that keeps you guessing, make this an entertaining and unusual Friday night pick. Read our review.
Want more horror? Here’s our list of 81 genuinely creepy horror movies. Here are some horror movies it’s safe to watch with your kids. And here are some underappreciated Scream-inspired horror movies of the 90s.
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god it really wasn’t as bad as it could have been but it certainly wasn’t the best. I will say it was definitely no where near as horny as everyone is making it out to be.
so first of all, I’m opening with I’m not gonna talk about the ENTIRE movie but just some parts of it but there will definitely be spoilers
I was right about a LOT of stuff going in, like Macavity whisking away a lot of the contenders for rebirth so he could be chosen. I was also right about Taylor Swift not being in the movie for more than five minutes, I was right about Tugger not having a massive role, I was right about Grizabella being given a past with Macavity, and I was right about the dancing being fuckin bad
I was also unfortunately right about Jenny eating her cockroaches and I literally could not look at the screen during her whole number I was so upset I felt so trapped The Gumbie Cat Number Is A Fucking Hostage Situation
H o w e v e r -wheeze-
Over all, it was Cats. It was a really REALLY weird take on Cats, but it was consistent with the stage play save for some changes with characters and pacing. Hooper clearly watched multiple versions of the play to try and get the vision he liked the best. He understood that this would be difficult, and he did what he could to try and get this weird ass musical on screen. There are parts of it I liked, there are parts of it I didn’t care for, and there were parts I astral projected to get away from. But if you go see this movie, you will be seeing Cats as it was when it first arrive on Westend in 1981. Original arrangements of the songs are used as well, for example, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer is sung as the jazzy and insidious number from the OLC rather than the bouncy and fun 98 version. I don’t think it’s awful but it’s definitely not what younger fans are familiar with.
I think the only issue with the musical arrangements I have was the singing because Hooper once again insisted on having everyone sing live and it really hinders a lot of talented people. Often times I found myself wondering if these people were capable of singing in the slightest. But I think that’s just bad choices on Hooper’s part.
Let’s talk about the Good:
The best part of the film is definitely Skimbleshanks, and not just because he fucks and later kills a man with his supreme tap skills. The visuals are great, this is the only part with actual good dancing, and Steven Macrea has fantastic energy. Skimbleshanks is already one of my favorite numbers in the stage musical, and they get pretty creative with this. It was one of the moments in the movie where I could say for sure I was REALLY having a good time.
Also Les Twins were absolutely a treat to watch. They were funny, talented, clearly having a ton of fun, and played off each other as though they weren’t in a movie, they were just goofing around like real siblings do. I found myself actually missing them when they weren’t on screen
Robbie Fairchild does a decent Munkustrap and has some fun exchanges with the other characters. I also thought Jason Derulo did a wonderful job as Tugger despite not being in the film a lot. He’s self centered, clearly caught up in his own world, and is so obsessed with himself he doesn’t really flirt with anyone or focus a lot on Victoria for too long because he’s just so in love with himself and what he wants. And honestly that is basically just tugger.
The visuals are also really nice. The sets and practical effects help the movie feel more real and bring a great sense of life to this world that is happening right under the human one. The whole movie has this lovely, dream like quality to it, and it helped remind everyone we weren’t supposed to take it so seriously.
There were also a moment with Munkustrap that I thought was really cute, where Jenny complains she’s just as good as Tugger because she can break dance too. You hear Munkustrap chuckle and say “oh yeah? show me.” in a really playful way and it was adorable, even if it resulted in me seeing Rebel Wilson pop and lock,
Lastly, and this is a big one I know a lot of fans were angry about: Misto is implied to like victoria, but it’s never stated that they end up together. Actually a lot of their interactions can be interpreted as Just Friends Being Pals. It’s definitely not as big of a problem as a lot of people were making it out to be, but it’s just not interesting and doesn’t really matter to the plot.
I liked more of it than I was expecting, especially the little shout outs to Eliot’s original drafts of the poems. I’m seeing it again tomorrow with friends so I’ll probably post more about the things I missed (i seriously missed a lot of the gumbie cat number because i was too horrified to look so maybe i will be braver this time)
NOW THE BAD!!!
This is literally the worst fucking Macavity ever and Idris Elba had every right to be as piss drunk as he was at the premier. In fact I’m pretty sure he was drunk for a majority of the film. It’s very clear he is not having a good time, he is not enjoying the story, and he doesn’t want to be there. Granted, I’m willing to place a lot of the blame on Hooper’s take on the story, which required Macavity to be a greater presence, but a lot of what we see is a clowning, pathetic, loser who is throwing a tantrum because he isn’t getting his way and he’s very very naked for most of it. His last moments in the film were so laughable, so embarrassing, and so unbelievably desperate that I could barely watch. There is no dignity in Elba’s performance, and nothing mysterious or threatening about him. It’s not just 2019 Macavity that hurts this movie though, it’s how Macavity changes a massive part of the story with his nonsense, but I’m saving that for last because it’s a big one and I hate it!
Victoria is basically really bland. There was absolutely no reason to try and make this from her perspective. Like Webber and Hooper say they wanted her to serve as the character we see the world through but she’s bland, uninteresting, and just very boring. I understand their reasoning for making her the lead, as Victoria is a very recognizable character and easy to follow in dark lighting and crowded dancing, but she just simply exists to stare in wonder and ask questions that are answered in songs that she will stare in wonder over. If they wanted to have the audience experience the world through a character they probably should have gone with Munkustrap or something considering he’s narrating a majority of the film and knows what’s going on and can explain things a little better. He’s also a stronger character. Victoria is boasted to be this strong but shy little thing who approaches this new world with curiosity and hope and she’s really not. She doesn’t really get the chance to do or say anything that would help with the plot. she barely speaks to anyone but munk or misto, and it is very much a downgrade from her stage counterpart. Frankie Hayward is a very pretty dancer, but she’s not given much to work with and I found myself not caring in the slightest what she was up to.
This also leads into Beautiful Ghosts, which I posted about before so I’ll just leave this here and move on because I’ve said all I can say and I have more important things to talk about regarding Grizabella. to summarize, I was right and the song sucked.
The dancing is lamentable mess as well. God I sometimes forgot they were dancing. They are moving, but it’s not dancing. I would say only Les Twins and Jaih Bote were the clear dancers because they were pretty much the only ones allowed to put their own personal spins on the choreography. I’ve said it so many times and I will say it again Andy Blankenbluer is a fucking awful choreographer. His work is claustrophobic and ugly to look at. You lose the person in the movement but in the sense that you really don’t care if you see them again. Blankenbluer has stated so many times he feels as though audiences don’t have the attention spans for long dances sequences anymore and want more than one thing to see, but for the love of god could you give us something to look at? The dances are quick, ugly, and the moves are put down before they can make a good impression. He has no understanding of how to define a character through movement, which makes telling everyone apart very difficult, especially since the designs are already so unrecognizale. His work was atrocious in the 2016 Cats Revival, but at least he had Gillian Lynne’s original choreography to lean on. Without the backing of better choreographers, his work is downright forgettable.
Now the Big One, the inexcusable and awful part that I hate hate hate: Grizabella.
God I was rooting for her we were all rooting for her. Remember how in the 98 film she’s this broken down, cast aside, character barely hanging by a thread? Yeah in this she not only is given a throw away past where she chooses to side with Macavity for some unknown reason, but she’s chosen as a last resort. Yeah. Remember how I said Macavity’s plot paves the way for the mishandling of a beloved and tragic character. This is it. After Macavity steals literally everyone who is competing for rebirth, after Old D is returned, the Jellicles realize they have no one to choose from for rebirth. Victoria goes outside, brings Grizabella in, they sing memory, and she gets chosen. It is framed in a way that the cats all realize how badly she has it, but oh my god does it come off as heartless, careless and pis aller. Old D has no interaction with Grizabella until this point. The Jellicles don’t really interact with her unless to shoo her away. She is basically a background character for the whole movie. Giving her a past with Macavity was pointless. It never comes up. Macavity never sees her in the film. It’s never stated why she chose him or what she did with him. There is not a shred of dignity in Hudson’s performance, and I fully attribute that to Hooper making all his actors sing on set. Grizabella comes off as pitiable, but not enough to want to see her be reborn. It was downright heartless.
OVERALL!!
I give this movie a 6/10 stars. When they are doing Cats, it’s pretty enjoyable. Not everything I wanted, and some things I genuinely didn’t fucking ask for, but overall it is not as big of a problem as I thought it was going to be. I think if you’re apprehensive or angry about the film, I think you should give it a watch and you’ll either like it or you won’t.
you should definitely not expect the 98 version, because no version will ever be that perfect, but go in with an open mind and give it a chance.
#cats#cats 2019#cats movie#probably the only horn dog scene#was when munk was high out of his mind#and writhing on the table like he was getting rawed to kingdom come#that was certainly a scene i watched with my eyes#and enjoyed
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im gonna try.
in 2016 i was dating a guy. he fucking sucked. he was the worst. i wish i could undate him. i watched the whole pokeani with him. sometime into hoenn i started getting vibes from the way he would react to certain things. if you’re a kin person you know these vibes--when someone... suddenly starts feeling a lot like someone you used to know.
obviously at this point this dude was the person in my life i was closest to. i loved him more than anything in the universe unfortunately. which put me in a weird position where i couldn’t really get all up in his space and demand “hey, are you james?! you have to tell me if you’re james otherwise it’s entrapment!” because when you spend your whole life longing for someone you used to be hand in hand with, there’s this fear in a question like that. that you’re forcing them to take on the role. i didn’t want to ask him or put that thought in his head because what if he wasnt? so i didnt, i decided he could come to it on his own time. he did. he was.
we had a messy fucking breakup i’ve talked enough about on here and probably one of the shittiest things he ever fucking did to me was compare me to jessebelle on his private blog. this is a trend amongst my exes--they kin someone close to me, they decide they don’t like me, they can’t separate me from the character they adore so much, so they erase my identity and replace it with one that better suits them. usually they phrase it “she’s my x” as though insinuating something like that isn’t a terrible fucking thing to do to a person. i’m sure if i ever confronted them about it they’d think its fine.
his reasoning for comparing me to her was simple--he was too much of a coward to break off our relationship in a non traumatic way. he could not sit down and have a discussion with me where we organized our things and went our separate ways. more on that later. i have a personality disorder that makes me go apeshit in the wake of abandonment, and even if i didn’t, i didn’t want my boyfriend of 4 years to suddenly be gone? which in his eyes, made me abusive and controlling and clingy and obsessive and ‘keeping him from his freedom.’ etc etc.
a few months pass and he’s finally getting his shit from my room. we pretend we’re friends to pass the time while we wait for his mom to pull in.
“you think james is gonna catch mareanie?”
“yeah. absolutely, yeah.”
i think about that topic of conversation a lot.
mareanie first leaked on the side of a TCG box, and when i saw her all those years ago my heart did the thing it does when it feels a connection. i played through the whole game without raising one, or going out of my way to find one, but she was somewhere in my head. when she got revealed for the anime, i thought to myself, “oh, thats why i like her so much! she was one of mine.” not one of jessie’s, but you know. one of ours.
and then her episode aired, and it planted in me something a lot less tangible. at that point, her only trait was that she loved james, who looked like someone else. she loved james, and her love was poison.
i... understood.
i’d never had a “copingkin” and with all the years that have passed i wouldn’t consider mareanie one anymore, because memories did come later. but its absolutely how she got her start with me. james was my ex and my ex was james and they were the same but they also weren’t the same and it didn’t matter because either way all i’d ever be to anyone i loved was toxic. i clung to mareanie. eventually, i developed better feelings toward myself.
sm058 aired. i watched mareanie’s ex boyfriend look like james and cheat on her. i watched the way he spun false stories in an attempt to keep her from standing up for herself. i watched what it did to mareanie--how she’d go downcast at corsola jewelry because it reminded her of him, how she’d scare off any other female pokemon that came near james because she was terrified he’d replace her with someone he liked better.
a while later, my ex, or someone affiliated with him, sent me this message:
and i took solace in that i finally had something i could respond with
a lot of people i’ve been close with fear me. i don’t actually know why. despite my theatrics in mundane everyday, i don’t have much of a temper with people i’m very close to. i fawn hard, i look to compromise, i listen more than i talk, sometimes to a fault. but either way, a lot of people who have decided our relationship has run its course are simply incapable of having that discussion with me. they either fade, or they leave. and when they leave, it’s always when i can’t chase after and demand a proper goodbye. it’s always when i’m vulnerable.
i wake up to hard blocks. people remaking their whole social media to get away from me before i knew they even felt that way about me. further back, notes left with my teacher for her to give to me when i came in for class. presents on my doorstep. text messages. most commonly of all, i go to sleep with someone and i wake up alone.
i woke up one morning at my sister’s house with him and he was erratic. he seemed stressed out, but wouldn’t tell me about what. i held his hand and told him to look through his cat tag on his blog. it was just a tag of cats he’d reblogged, one i reminded him about when he was sad and needed a boost. if he wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, cats were all i could offer. he gave me one last smile as he was looking through it.
“i’m gonna go on a walk,” he said.
“okay,” i said. “please be safe? i’ll miss you.”
and i slept. and i woke. and he was gone.
there was a servine plush he’d gotten at pax next to me and nothing else. he insists there was a note but he’s insisted a lot of stupid shit. he later told me servine was supposed to be a gift, one final thing for me to remember him by. as if he hadn’t spent a million mornings getting ready for work beside me, where i’d wake up in tears and hold onto him for dear life--
“where are you going?” i’d say
“work, love,” he’d tell me, every time.
“please don’t go. please come back.”
i was never sure if he would. after all i’d seen, how could i be?
“i promise i will.”
and he always did. until he didnt.
i wasn’t surprised he had left that morning, but somehow the present hurt more than the abandonment. i hated how he tried to sugarcoat it, convince himself it was some bittersweet end to an era of his life and he was the tragic hero torn between two loves. thats not what happened. he cheated on me with my rapist, and then he abandoned me, and he stuck a cute little snake monster atop my budding crown of thorns to stop himself from sticking them and realizing he’s been the poison one all along.
he wasn’t my james. my james is here, the light of my life, leagues better than he’ll ever dream of being. my james is patient and understanding, my james knows me better than i know myself and shares her every hope and dream with me. my james adores the ways i cling to her and would never think to resent them, she grabs me twice as hard and tells me i’m her everything. my james thinks the feeling of toxins in her blood is the sweetest rush of all.
but i couldn’t do it. even though i’m in better hands now, i just can’t. he left her while she slept and he left the z ring on her as though it would fix the wound of that. i wish he’d done it differently. i wish hed said goodbye, i wish he’d hugged her tearfully and told her he’d come back to visit, i wish they cried and hugged and bewear scooped up mareanie in her arms and soothed her. i wish he hadn’t left the z ring. i wish he’d done everything different.
i don’t know how to put all this into words. it hurt me somewhere deep, somewhere niche, somewhere layered and specific and messy. mareanie as a kintype was built on a foundation of fragility--love and emotion and the mortifying ordeal of being known. i guess if i had to put a word to this it would just be heartsick.
#wordy wendy#kin ramblings#absolutely no fucking reblogs#sm#sm012#sm058#sm146#the great calamity#wendy rambles#like if you read i guess
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Marvelous conspiracy: 5 years in the Making
So it's about 10:22pm I'm halfway through this loving bottle of tequila. Watching Spider-Man: homecoming. I also saw this bitch in the theater, it was a Saturday and I rode my bike all the way to the theater, and afterwards I got to ride all the way down the hill and my red shirt caught the wind as I spread my arms and let the sweet embrace of the wind sweep around my face. It was just as good as the movie really. I honestly think that's why people love Spider-Man so much, if I could I'd swing across the city skylines. Run upside buildings and nose dive into the crowd only to slingshot back into the air. Yeah
April 27th was when I saw endgame. I must admit I didn't like it, it was kinda like fanfic and there wasn't enough dead people. I realized that they were going for quality and not quantity but still. As a comics fan I expect death and tragedy and so much irony Alanis Morrestt could write a new album with it. I must admit there's no secret the entire internet is either beating their meat to the phase 4 announcement or their yelling as loud as they can. I for one saw it coming but not really. God I love alchol.
Back to 2014 the story was "Original Sin", a marvel comics story in which the Watcher was brutally murdered. Because of this alot of stuff came out of it, like Jane Foster becoming "Lady Thor", "the birth of Sam Wilson as "Captain Falcon" and of course my not so favorite* "Ghost Driver". Allow me to give a little backstory;
See during the story, its revealed that Thor actually had a sister and yadda yadda, he feels he's not worthy and can't lift his hammer. (Insert penis joke.) But unlike Wayne and Garth he didn't party on he just became really depressed and to make matters worse his old flame became Thor by picking up said hammer instead. So about 4 years later he got a new hammer, and became Thor again, it wouldn't be until 2019 that he got mjolnir back. It was weird.
Sam Wilson actually became Captain Falcon shortly after regular Captain America got the super soldier serum literally sucked out of him by an alien named "Nail". (Insert Penis Joke). Two years later in 2016 we get captain Hydra and it wouldn't be until 2017 late fall until we got regular captain america back.
And finally I'm not sure when Robbie Reyes became Ghost Rider. The messed up thing about this version; is that unlike the aforementioned heroes, this actually is a mantle passed on to a different person every time. Mind you, there were several people who lifted mjolnir (cap, this frog, ect) and a crap ton of people who became Captain America but those ARE. NOT. MANTLES. Mantles are something that can be passed down, like nova or black panther. This version of Ghost Rider does not possess the spirit known as Zarthos, which is what makes Ghost Rider, Ghost Rider. Robbie is a streetracer who dies in a haunted muscle car, eyeroll, and becomes fused with a* spirit of vengeance, formly known as Eli Morror, a serial killer. Not the* spirit of Vengeance. So unlike blaze, Alejandra Jones, or Danny Ketch, not only does he not ride a motorcycle but he doesn't have the power of Zarathos. Ofc if you watch AOS or have read the new Avengers comic books they'll insist that to be Ghost Rider you don't need a motorcycle or to endowed with the power of Zarathos to be him. It's kind of annoying to get ride of 30 something years of continuity for the sake of having him there with the avengers. I remind you, his book was canceled because of low readership.
God my eyes hurt when I blink, that's not a good sign. I'm done with the bottle, it was a dime bottle so don't panic.
Here is the conclusion or something like it. I have been studying this whole process of changing comic comic book characters for sometime. I was often told by my friend that I shouldn't just not read these comic books because I don't like them because that's not cool. I don't need to tell you that the average cost of a comic book is like $4. Remember that. So I can't really afford to buy every single book on my salary cause it would cost a lot. So most fans like myself find 6 or 7 books and just read them. Occasionally we'll buy more for an event but that's about it. People often said they were pandering to the other demographics. This is true but not in the way you think. I said it was because they didn't have X-Men so they didn't have a lot of diversity to being with. The X-Men have alot of women and people of color but since the direction to switch to the inhumans in 2013 by order of the powers that be (marvel comics) they stopped making new mutants and limited their titles. This obviously did not work out. As we all know, the inhumans movie was cut because, they're awful characters.
I took to the internet from twitter, to Instagram, and later Facebook and asked of people actually wanted* this diversity crap. And much to my surprise, they did. They said it was nice to see other races being iconic characters and ofc the white people were saying the usual "people deserve to feel represented in the comics" speech. As a Latin male I never gave a crap that batman/captain America was white and I wondered, "what the fuck is wrong with these people?" I would NEVER want them to be Latin because I don't need that crap. So defeated I asked them, what's the best story to read.
But.....they didn't know what I was talking about? So I asked again; "hey did you read these comics? Mighty thor, captain america? Etc?" And they told me they're too expensive to buy. Spending $25 for a book makes no sense when you can watch a movie for $12. It turns out on the twitter and Instagram I was speaking to foreigners? So I went back to my previous people and asked if they read the books? If they lived in other countries than america? Turns out they all did, well like 90%. The rest were just white people giving me the same speech.
So it seems to me, the studio and the comics are not on the same page. The company hears it wants diversity from its foreign fans but they only add the diversity to the comics not the movies, which they prefer to the movies, so they complain to the company again about a lack of diversity and the whole cycle starts over again. And now that phase 4 is gonna be a thing, I get the feeling they're going to retcon everything and make the comics, exactly like the movies. EXACTLY LIKE THE MOVIES.
Personally, I remember the days when the ultimate universe and the 616 universe were 2 different things. Miles Morales was ultimate spiderman and Peter Parker in 616 was regular spiderman. And nobody could complain because they were different, if you didn't like peter/miles you read the other comics instead. That's the way it should be for the MCU and the comics but now the lines are blurred and it's a mess. It sounds crazy and like this is all in my head but I saw this 4 years ago and no one believed me.
Also the studio isn't using the goddamn culturally relevant cash cow that is the X-men until 2024? This is absolutely insane. I am so tired. From the alchol I mean. And maybe from the mcu I guess. In my day, the new guys didn't get their way. They played it cool and got what they wanted.....later on. Of course they don't read the comics and they won't afterwards. The mcu fans give me the same line, "I'd have to read the first issue to understand them", "I don't really like the comic books that much." Its like a riddle or some goddamn gift of the magi. If you're already drunk, how can you ask for a drink? Anyways, do what you want with this, that's it and that's all.
#captain america#marvel#film#marvel cinematic universe#marvel comics#disney#avengers infinity war#the avengers#black widow#avengers 4#romanogers#captain marvel#infinity war#natasha romanoff#mcu#comic books#sam wilson#lady thor#captain falcon#xmen#xmen first class#xmen imagine#drunk
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