invisible scars (referenced previous talk here)

[ID: A colourless, digital Trigun comic of Vash and Wolfwood talking about Wolfwood's scars. They're both laying in bed and topless. Vash lays on top of Wolfwood, playing with the rosary around his neck. Then, Vash kisses a spot on Wolfwood's chest. Wolfwood asks, "What are you doing?" Vash smiles sadly, "You got shot here. In the last town we visited. You didn't even bother moving."

Vash props himself up over Wolfwood, who frowns slightly. Wolfwood is quiet for a moment before he says, "You remember that, huh?" Vash grabs Wolfwood's left wrist and brings it to his face. "And here." He kisses another spot there. "When you helped free the hostages from that robber..." Wolfwood dismissively says, looking away, "Was a lucky shot." Vash huffs, “Don’t brag. Jeez.”

Half of Wolfwood's expression is shown, eyes returning to Vash who is now sitting up, continuing to say, "And..." Vash goes on and kiss Wolfwood's right palm. "You got cut here, even though that girl was aiming at me." A moment from the past flashes, of Wolfwood grabbing a knife aimed at Vash, his hand bleeding.

At present, Vash moves down and puts another kiss on Wolfwood's right shoulder. "And here, from watching my back." Another memory flashes of Wolfwood and Vash back to back. Vash looks back as Wolfwood grins while holding Punisher, bleeding from multiple gunshots in his shoulder.

"And," Vash combs up Wolfwood's hair to reveal his forehead, "Here." A final memory shows Wolfwood with a regeneration vial in his mouth while getting shot on his temple. The next panel is framed in blood with Vash at the center, eyes wide and stunned in horror. The next panel is a closed up shot of Wolfwood's eye, locked on Vash's face.

Back to present, Vash’s head is bowed down as Wolfwood raises a hand to his nape and says, “Spikey.”

Wolfwood looks serious and frowns as he says, "We talked about this. Those were my decisions. They're not there anymore. Forget about them." Vash looks very sad before he smiles ruefully and says, "I still see them. All the time." He leans down so they touch foreheads. Wolfwood’s sorrowful expression can be seen as Vash says, "You protect so much. I could never forget what you've done to me. And many others..."

In the last image, they're drawn more cartoonishly. Wolfwood sweats and asks, "You don't actually remember every wound, right?" Vash points at a spot on his chest. "Kuroneko left a scratch here 7 times." Wolfwood, startled, says, "Why the hell are you keeping count—" End ID]

Credits for ID here and here

why otto is so pissed off at subaru (arc 8 ch 24)

hello im otto posting Again but im writing this in an attempt to understand this subject myself (and totally not as a reference for later…) and also bc some people in the fandom seemed to be confused on Why ottos so angry at the moment. but i really think the key reason why hes so mad at subaru right now comes from this: otto treasures the people he cares about far above anyone else—to the point where if he needs to make sacrifices, he absolutely will because the people he cares about (his friends in emilia camp) go First before everyone else in his mind.

like. thats ottos key reason for everything hes been doing in arc 8. all his other reasoning branches off from that—like him wanting to leave vollachia for dead and only take the people his camp cares about. otto sees the path that will keep his camp safest—ie just going into vollachia to rescue rem and subaru and then immediately getting out—and he chooses that rather than subaru and emilias more noble approach of refusing to leave vollachia and its population of 50 million people to die. otto himself is aware that his own strategy is Callous, especially after roswaal told him in chapter 24 that he agrees with ottos proposed strategy of just leaving vollachia. but otto thinks that its 1. entirely necessary and 2. he Knows that thats the optimal way to keep the emilia camp safe.

he knows that staying in vollachia and helping vincent is a massive risk to his whole camp. otto being a merchant values equivalent exchange and Hates too much cost, which is On Top of otto knowing that going out of their way to help vollachia is risking the entire emilia camp’s lives. but otto Knows subaru and emilia. and he knows that subaru and emilia are idealists at heart that will do everything they can to save Everyone, which is why despite being Extremely Unhappy about all of this, otto plays hard to get so vincent is the one who asks for their help. that way, at least the decision to help vollachia looks more like accepting the request of vollachias emperor and adding more accomplishments under their belt and Less Like just going out of their way to vollachia for no benefit at all.

otto valuing his camp above everything else is also why he creates distance between himself and julius and anastasia and emphasizes that theyre enemies. for otto, its Absolutely the emilia camp above everyone else.

then theres the whole louis situation. otto, of course, knows that subaru cares about louis Despite everything shes done.

so. essentially. i think ottos extremely pissed about subaru always going out of his way to try and be a hero because otto knows this comes at a Detriment to subaru (bc otto CARES about subaru!!! he knows subaru is WAY too selfless and forgiving and he cant agree with that!!!) and otto worries for the cost of subarus decisions, especially with the current conflict regarding louis. otto has accepted that, unlike the majority of his camp, that he has to be the Bad Guy. because in ottos mind, no one else in his camp is going to be bold enough to be the ruthless morally questionable one. he thinks its 100% necessary to play this role to minimize the costs and threats to his camp.

which is why he hasnt told anyone, despite knowing this from his dp, that louis/spica is innocent.

hes fully aware that—even though hes manipulating his own camp—louis will be more likely to be eliminated if he keeps quiet about the fact that she has Zero malice. louis being eliminated means one less threat to his camp. and otto KNOWS that subaru cares about louis and is upset at the idea of her dying (which is at least partly why otto snapped at julius in chapter 23!!), but ottos decided that killing louis comes at a far less cost than keeping her alive. because keeping her alive means dealing with the consequences of the emilia camp calling her an ally and rem and subaru recognizing her as their daughter when louis has affected So Many people. otto knows this and wants to prevent it at all costs.

otto wants her dead for these reasons. otto figures that he has to be the one walking in darkness bc he not only wants to help emilia and subaru and preserve their idealism (bc he Knows that its important to them!! its who they are at heart and he cares about them in turn bc of their kindness and goodness!!!), but otto also wants to help by being the necessary evil. because someone has to.

that, of course, wont stop otto from being pissed at subarus decisions. this also, of course, wont stop subaru from being pissed if he ever finds out otto withheld the fact that he knows louis is 100% innocent just so he can make sure that 1. the rest of emilia camp stays suspicious of louis and 2. louis gets killed. i really do think ottos questionable decisions will eventually catch up to him—because he stands in direct opposition to everything subaru stands for.

subaru wants to save everyone. he wants to have it all, even if it costs him. otto, meanwhile, chooses only who he cares about because hes not idealistic enough to believe he can have everything, and he believes that sacrifices have to be made even if its cruel. and he knows that subaru cant do that, but it still angers him because hes trying to keep subaru safe while subaru insists on trying to accomplish everything without sacrificing anyone. otto doesnt think its possible at all. but otto knows its not in subarus nature to be pragmatic.

which is why otto takes A Lot of the things subaru has been doing in arc 8 Extremely Personally. because its Very personal for otto.

"what is their favorite meal like?? you can answer anyone but I'm in particular asking about papyrus and ht papyrus"

So tbth I tend to be pretty bad at favorite food hc bc I pretty much love all food and struggle to really determine what kind of food prefs characters would have, so I'll usually just completely make stuff up, which is nyot how I usually do things!! Of course w/ some of the UT characters thankfully we do have SOME input of their canon preferences...

However. As is the way w/ most things Papyrus I have thought abt the implications of the QnA waaay too much. As we know Flowey states Papyrus' favorite food to be dinosaur egg oatmeal, whereas nobody else knew and Papyrus himself stated not remembering. We also know, despite fandom portrayal, Papyrus has never actually eaten his own spaghetti, so we don't really know his thoughts on it.

The trick with Papyrus is that he lies all the time. He lies all the time! So does Flowey actually know his favorite? Or does he just think he does? Maybe he just made it up to sound knowledgeable. Flowey also lies (but possibly less so, or at least less smoothly than Papyrus, since usually Flowey will eventually state if he'd lied).

As a big fan of oatmeal myself, I do like to believe this is true, though, and it's fun to imagine that, while his favorite remains the dinosaur egg kind, that he gets very excited about the variety of other flavors once surfacing.

^ longest winded way possible to say that I like to hc Papyrus' fave food is oatmeal, BUT. I also like to imagine he likes fruity flavors, too! Like blueberry pecan or strawberries and crème <3

As for ht Papyrus, my interp Dove, I generally imagine having lived through a famine, amongst other things lol, it really changes the way you perceive food. While I definitely can't relate on that front, I do have experience having an incredibly limited diet bc of health reasons for several years. And now, I've always been a little bit of a """foodie""" (I really wanted to be a chef for most of my childhood), but coming out of that, I can say the way I perceive and appreciate food is undoubtedly different.

So with all of that completely unnecessary context, I imagine the types of foods and flavors Dove tends towards are very rich and rounded flavors, as opposed to how I'd imagine UT Papyrus seeks out brighter, sharper flavors. Not necessarily heavy, as I do still believe he'd be opposed to particularly greasy foods, but hearty stews, casserole type dishes, slow cooked oatmeal, rice pudding, you know what I mean? Probably mostly things that cook for a long time, things that thicken and develop complex flavors.

And, body willing when the chronic pain isn't too bad, I think he'd really enjoy making things as much from scratch as possible. I definitely think he’s more of a chef than a baker or patissier, so he tends toward savory more often than not, and avoids meats usually (not always an issue, but sometimes a strong aversion), so he'd probably cook a lot with rice and potatoes, all sorts of them and other root vegetables or squash.

I can't say I think he'd have any singular favorite food, but he would probably say all sorts of dishes are his favorites if he can smell them or is making it atm lol

I knooow you said I could add Papyri but I'm still going to apologize for this lmao, but I'm sorry, I have to add him or I'll Die / j but the aforementioned stuff I added abt my own experiences has really influenced how I write UF Papyrus post surfacing.

I've always been fond of the idea of things being worse in UF's underground in technical aspects too, like the CORE not functioning as well amongst other things that can cause complications in supply chains and production of necessary things, including food. Growing up with food scarcity constantly waxing and waning and never really ever being definably good wound up stunting most monsters knowledge of food.

So, suffice to say, once surfaced, there's a whole world of new things to discover and try and learn about. It's such a different experience than with HT, where they did have a reliable source of food and access to information about it, lost it, and then got it back (though I'm sure there still was plenty new stuff all the same).

Like, could you imagine having only ever seeing two colours for most of your life, and then seeing everything in full spectrum? So that's a driving force in what gets Edge so invested in cooking and baking. More than anything he wants to learn. It's exciting! And he can finally provide the ones he cares about with a surplus of high quality, well prepared nourishment. It's wild!

So similarly, he wouldn't really be able to choose one singular dish (might even say smth silly abt having to try every dish in the world before knowing for sure)...though I do love to hc that he has and always will have a soft spot for oatmeal made with a little honey and cinnamon <3

I went to the zoo to see the pandas before they left. I cant believe they're leaving 😭 pandas have always been my favorite animal so it sucks that i wont be able to see them anymore. I really hope China sends pandas back to the US within my lifetime lol

I had a nice time there, but it closed early for an event so i didnt get to see all the animals. I did get to visit the bird house though, so that was great. They redid the exhibit, and it was a bit different from the last time i was there. Seeing the birds fly around and pointing out all the species i recognized to my nieces was alot of fun 🩷 idk if the outdoor part of the bird house was closed or if i just couldn't find the entrance. I saw some of the birds outdoora like the flamingos and owls, but i couldn't find the entrance to the big bird cage thingy you used to be able to walk into. I cant remember the ant species that were kept there besides peacocks. I was so enraptured by the males' feathers and how close you could get to them as a child that it sticks out in my mind. That was always my favorite part of the zoo to visit as a child (well, second to the panda exhibit). But even without that part, i still really loved the bird house ☺️ That and the panda stuffies i bought were the highlight of the trip

There were so many animals that we didn't get to see; i want to go back in a few weeks. I didnt get to see any of the apes, the lions, the reptiles, or even the petting zoo! I really hope some of the kids want to go again

Man I can't believe I had the chance to go to a performing arts school up through middle school and I fuckin quit after 6 months just because I got bullied. BRO YOUR HOMEWORK WAS POETRY!! YOU HAD TO PRACTICE DANCING TO COTTON EYE JOE AS YOUR BIG UNIT TEST. GYM CLASS HAD A CIRCUS UNIT!! YOU HAD A WHOLE DAILY CLASS ON IMPROV!!! YOU FOOL!! YOU ABSOLUTE IMBICILE!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A YOUTUBER!!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE TWEENAGERS GETTING LOADED BY MAKING SHITTY YOUTUBE SHORTS IN 2008-14!! But noooOoooOOOoo little miss Noellie (who WANTED TO GO!! who worked SO HARD and sent in an application essay and did an INTERVIEW to get in!!) couldn't handle disruptive classmates or little scuffles and petty grudges and general Attitude of the other students and cried to mommy to put her back in public school. I am EATING MY HAIR over what Could Have Been. I COULD BE SOMEONE'S ANNOYING YOUTUBER!! I could be a DISGRACED DISNEY CHANNEL STAR!! I could be an America's Got Talent winner! A mild to moderately successful comedian! I could be making short films!! But no no no precious thin skinned baby me heard a few new cus words and watched a teacher get heckled and begged to give up The Dream in favor of?? Quiet math tests?? I am such a fucking quitter I quit everything the second it gets too hard I always take the out as soon as it's offered what's my fucking damage.....

ykno i think that only ever being told im physically appealing by drs saying i could be prettier if i did this or that or lost weight or by my mom trying to emphasize how im a pretty GIRL to invalidate my desire to be more masculine most of my life probably affected my ability to feel good about my body

everything always peaks me. then im on the other side, see so much hostility, just as bad as what peaked me, and its like nvm. damn. oscillation at its finest.....

ive been genuinely distressed about how bad my adhd has been this past month

Me: well I don't have any counting compulsions

Also me: (anytime I have to count anything) *recounts it at least 3 times because I think I counted it right... probably. but now I'm not sure and I have to check*

Might a girl live without any body horrors for just one fucking night

sodomy hellfire transgenderism devils devils devils <- ward against the extremely christian tmnt fan blogs that keep following me

the Shifting Tendons video from Gemini Home Entertainment has ruined me. i hate that lump of body horror and flesh so much

Also, words cannot describe the sheer Terror that the Nun Alternate and the long, pitch black face Alternate invoke in me. Call me The Flesh That Hates, the way I see red

Okay so the pain IS never ending

i hate being alive so much

Every moment that ggf doesnt blow up is a blessing I think. Like I'm like damn I wish for some virality! And less than a second later im like no that would be a terrible idea. This might sound like that fox who want the grapes but bc its outta reach he says its green but do remember my accounts are very hackable and I gptta do smth about that before the internet gets its grippers on me

The like pointlessness of feeling bad is still annoying to me often. Like yes we feel sad. Yes we feel depressed. Observing learning listening whatever. Well i wouldnt wanna feel nothing, that sucks more than any mental torment you can go through but i feel like it could all be at least more efficient