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andthebeanstalk · 11 months

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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originalartblog · 3 months

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Apparently much-needed reminder that reposting artists' art (by saving the images or screenshotting them and reuploading them yourself) on other platforms without the artists' expressed permission and without credit is theft and an insult to their passion and craft. You are profiting (in views, in attention, in feedback) from someone else's work and ideas, who do not get that feedback for sharing their creation.

If you are an art reposter, you are a thief and I have no respect for you.

#learn basic internet etiquette i am begging but also holding a knife. yes i'm mad. more about others than myself.#do you know how many artists i have seen leave social media because their art started being reposted all over?#tip: way too fucking many #i've had many people tell me about people reposting my art on tiktok #no one ever asked to repost my art on tiktok. ever. they just save super fried bad crunchy jpegs of my art and repost them #they get 20k likes and don't even bother naming me #also a reason i started signing my name more legibly and why my blog web address is always there but apparently no one can even read that #a few people got an ok for translations on other platforms though #i'm going to be annoying with this post and reblog it a few times to try to catch the people who apparently need to be told #tiny skk adventures #nawy's comics #nawy's doodles #apparently those are reposters' favourites so here look at this

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mabbbish · 11 months

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wonderful day to remember ninjago has a canon highschool au

#mad as hell i posted this like two days ago and tumblr ate it then logged me out of my acc????#lloyd has dyed blue hair inspired by mr snail dood inspired by that one ninjago scriptwriter that said he would btw. if you even care #anyway there are many scenarios buzzing in my noggin about gaps in the movie i’m filling them all with hcs #like i am so sure nya could go into service or social work or law or security because shes a genius when it comes to laws and rights #but she has anger issues and she hates authority so she can’t get a job anywhere #that’s why she loves being a ninja!!#plus her steel cap boots are for stomping on people!!!#hate zane’s characterisation in the movie it’s creepy asf in this he’s just everyone’s favourite lab partner #anyway more hcs in art cominbb soon #ninjago #the lego ninjago movie #tlnm #lego ninjago #lloyd garmadon #ninjago lloyd #ninjago jay #ninjago nya #kai smith #nya smith #ninjago kai #ninjago cole #ninjago zane

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heartorbit · 9 months

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so when's the wxs phantom of the opera set

#project sekai #pjsk #prsk #emu otori #tsukasa tenma #nene kusanagi #rui kamishiro #ruis hair continues to piss me off forever. and ever #Yes i stole their phantom outfits from the revue gacha game. Whos gonna stop me. I WAS SO MAD THAT PHANTOM NANA IS AN OBSOLETE CARD OK #the discerning revsta + pjsekai fan can see i gave emu nanas outfit and rui michirus. Becaude i am crazy. Edel de/light was crazy.#polysho #proseka #why are there so many fuckfign tags. Why so tagging. -the tumbler #Ok sorry #Watch me go insane. Phantom is such a fucking rui role inknow ok i know i know. thats why i gave it to him. but also. I have emu disease #INSTEAD OF THE BRAINTHEREIS EMUUUUUU!!!!!!#Trying to figure out if i should render these and how sucked. cause the first one was drawn on paper and scanned . i shoildve just left itA #Its ifne idekc. I did another emu phantom drawing but i dont feel like posting it alone so ill have to draw more of this. bye #i dont even like the phantom. and i want to kill andrew llyoyid webber with a hammer. And so should you

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puppetmaster13u · 1 month

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Prompt 245

Now Danny would openly admit, if only to himself, that he had a type when it came to relationships. If they were strong, if they were a threat to him, then chances were he would develop some sort of crush. It was how he had dated Sam and Valerie (And Johnny & Kitty) when he was a bit younger, and hell, Sam had technically succeeded in killing him, even if partly.

Attraction towards smart people who could kill him was honestly par for the course for a Fenton or Nightingale anyway.

And he’d also admit he enjoyed a bit of time travel, learning about times and culture long before his time, to the point that he could blend in in ancient times just as easily as the time he had been born in. That it was natural to mutter in a language lost to time.

So color him surprise when another man perks up in the bar he had paused to get a drink in, vibrant green eyes gleaming in interest and responds in turn. And not just in the language, but able to keep up when he talks about things that once existed but haven’t been rediscovered yet.

And one thing led to the other, and there might have been some assassins and some shenanigans that end with them both laughing together in an inn and then more and- Okay he has a type alright, and he’s ticking each box! How is that fair?

#DCxDP #DPxDC #Prompts #Adult Danny #Ras is just as smitten and so sad whenever Danyal leaves #But Danny always returns & he’s explained he has to travel lest he go mad #Danny isn’t technically from the DC dimension but it’s his favorite & it has nothing to do with Ras #Is their relationship healthy? Definitely not but they’re morally grey immortals #Dusan asks about his mother first #Technically Danny isn’t his mother BUT he does take on parental role & as far as the kids are aware this death-being is their mom #Why look Dusan even has his hair- their logic is flawless #Talia tells Bruce her mother is gone & for YEARS he thought she meant dead #Ellie got her wanderlust from Danny & they all give off some sort of mystical fae vibes #Space Core Danny #Moon Core Ellie #Sun Core Dan #Liminal Al Ghuls #Danny is Not ghost King #Technically he’s some sort of being of rebirth like some sort of cosmic phoenix #Am I saying long-haired Danny with feathers in his braid that shimmers from white to galaxy? Maybe #Batfam had no clue about Danny save for Jason #And they didn’t find out until Damian mentions Grandmother apparently visited once more #Let Jason & Damian be brothers #How many tags until tumblr deletes them I wonder

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blueskiesofsaturn · 1 year

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Familial relationships in rise getting confusing? No?????? Well worry your pretty little head no more! For I have created a ✨helpful chart✨!

also i can't take full credit for the "nightmare blunt rotation love triangle", that goes to MNMC

#rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt fanart #tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #myart #what do i even tag this with #like every character? thats too damn many #also im a little mad that basically all of this is just... canon. like fanon brain has influence here for sure but its not by a lot #this family is so weird #good god why did i make this #the 4 am brain worms have been given to much power

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mad-c1oud · 3 months

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thinking about the Charlie's birthday stream. not the ending, no, we think about that too much. no I think about everything else:

the happiness, the joy, the warmth of it all for nearly two full hours

the lack of mob spawns that night because it’s Charlie's birthday and he has eggs with him. how intentional it is. how funny it is and how sad it makes me because its so considerate

thinking about Tallulah by Charlie's side the whole time, diligently leading him from item to item as his little "guardian angel". Charlie trying to be a good tio and falling a little short sometimes, accidentally leaving Tallulah behind when she crashes but still trying cause that’s his sobrina. how she has to actually hit him to get his attention and how bad she must feel but it's so fucking funny each time

(how can anyone blame him when he never gets to hang out with the eggs enough to know he should wait for her? Charlie had Juanaflippa for what- 10 days? and was practically shunned by several others and himself from interacting with other eggs after his action, which is understandable, but only for so long. can they not see how he plays with the eggs? hear how soft his voice gets around them? don't the other islanders understand?)

this is maybe the longest he's gotten to hang out with tallulah since he got his backpack. Wilbur is his best friend and this was the egg he left behind. He's still learning and Tallulah still loves him despite it. Two people missing someone dearly, yet they have each other even if it's hard to realize

thinking about "Maybe Tallulah, you were the gift. I think you're the gift, Tallulah."

thinking about Richas, his nephew because Charlie has Mike, an actual brother that is equally excited to see him time and time again. A nephew coming around with the slime head and slime balls, like a mini Charlie, who is decked out in a full ghillie suit. Charlie who plays with the egg, pretending to be a spooky monster and richas playing along and getting scared

thinking about Charlie not knowing how to use the ghillie suit properly so he's still clearly visible to the eggs, yet they act like he isn't for his sake. shepherding him around from place to place because charlie is a little clueless yeah (he's in exile, go easy on him), but they are patient and happy to "tag along" and let him lead

thinking about them all taking a picture with him in the school, charlie wanting one with both of them, something to remember the day by.

thinking about how charlie is clearly loved by the eggs, his huevos, and how he clearly loves them back and is trying to be better for them even if he struggles so much

thinking about Charlie Slimecicle on his birthday, for once happy after everything he's been through, Tallulah and Richarlyson by his side

just him, his sobrina, and his nephew on a little scavenger hunt under the stars while the rest of the server remains quiet and calm. asleep while they remain lively

just them

happy

#slimecicle #qsmp #qsmp tallulah #qsmp richarlyson #qsmp slimecicle #i am soooooooooooo normal about charlie and the eggs #let him be HAPPY PLEASE #it kills me time and time again how #the eggs clearly love him #but charlie doesn't love himself #i'm chewing on drywall over this #why did it have to end like it did #we were so close to having all the focus on Charlie and tallulah and richas for a couple of days #of charlie beginning to HEAL #even if just a little #all of his time with lullah and richas gets overshadowed by codeflippa and i hate it truly im sorry but i do #sorry this just bugs me to no end and it's why i started writing again in the first place #mad ramblings #ALSO THINKING ABOUT BAD LETTING HIM 'BABYSIT' WHILE HE STEPPED AWAY #GOD I MISS HIM INTERACTING WITH THE EGGS #LET HIM HAVE A FUN NO STAKES LITTLE MISSION WITH ALL OF THEM PLEASE NO ANGST #TALLULAH #THE ONLY PERSON TO GO OUT OF HER WAY TO GIVE CHARLIE A BIRTHDAY GIFT OF HER OWN VOLITION #THAT MAY HAVE DISAPPEARED WHEN THEY REMODELED HIS HOME FOR CHARLIES REAL 'GIFT' I HATE YOUUUUUUUU

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jeysuso · 1 year

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#cocaine, side-boob, choke her with a sea-view🎶

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sochilll · 9 months

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Pippa Fitz-Amobi is made of guilt and obsession and gray morality and loyalty and checklists and a deep deep distrust of the police

#and that is why she is such an icon 2 me #I reread the entire series heehee #i wanted to like annotate her spiral into madness and GOD #the moment in AGAD where she stops and realizes the police are never going to help her #that they will never side with her over a wealthy white man #that they haven’t before and they won’t now and she has no choice but to make her own justice #just like Charlie told her in GGBB even though she disagreed with him #even though she hates that they were so similar #aaauuuuhhgggggg #i am simply insane about her #she is so character #she is like a blorbo to me <3 #agggtm #a good girls guide to murder #pippa fitz amobi #🦝#book posting

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dynamitekansai · 9 days

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ROMAN REIGNS vs CODY RHODES UNDISPUTED WWE UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP BLOODLINE RULES MATCH WRESTLEMANIA XL (APRIL 7, 2024)

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trans-cuchulainn · 3 months

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two questions to ask yourself when you start looking for pre-christian material in medieval literature:

1. when are these texts from

2. when did christianity come to this area

i can guarantee you in the vast majority of celtic-language sources (and others) the answer to 2. is several centuries before 1. and at that point you gotta ask yourself... how likely is it that these people would be writing about something that has not been a thing for them or anyone they know for, like, four hundred years (or, in many cases, eight or nine hundred years), especially given that most of the people doing that writing are not merely passively existing in a christian society but are, yunno, monks

there are exceptions! but there are way fewer exceptions than you think there are gonna be! and the exceptions are almost always extremely nebulous sub layers that can't be disentangled from the other layers (which are christian) with any certainty so are always somewhat speculative!

and most importantly those other layers are interesting too, but if you only ever treat them like dirt to dig through to get to something "real" underneath you're sure gonna be disappointed a lot of the time (and you're gonna miss a lot of cool shit that would be really exciting if this was an actual archaeological dig and not a metaphor)!!

#this feels a bit like lobbing a grenade into a crowded theatre #but tbh everyone who is mad at me for saying this has probably already blocked me #given that I've been saying it for several years at this point #i think these days people are so used to religion being a personal thing #they don't really comprehend what it meant to Live In A Christian Society As A Medieval Person #like. we're not talking primarily about faith or what someone personally believed #but how society is structured and ordered and the paradigms its literature lives within #AND WHO PRODUCES THE LITERATURE #education is ecclesiastical. book production is ecclesiastical. literacy itself is in many cases ecclesiastical #the christianity is coming from inside the house #anyway whatever why am i trying #i had two (2) entire sips of wine this evening (i don't drink and don't like wine)#so maybe that's why i'm posting this lol

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musette22 · 9 months

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anyone else feeling a little more insane than usual lately? a smidge more unhinged and feral? perhaps feeling a little bit more like a caged tiger than they normally do?

#just me? cool cool cool #I just wanna chew through some cables #or my own arm #I need SOMETHING #I just don't know what #or why #is it hormones? the heat? am I just finally losing it?#who even knows folks #ah this is fun #so tempted to book a flight just... anywhere #or get like five more tattoos #or sign up for a marathon #all would be very bad ideas #and yet #I'd say 'to delete later'#but I think it's important to own the madness #minnie talks

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tourettesdog · 2 years

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DP x DC prompt where the only reason Gotham doesn’t have its own ghost population is because blood blossoms grow throughout the city.

Danny gets dragged to Gotham by his parents for a ghost hunting convention. He feels fine at first, sticking to the hotel, but as soon as Danny goes out to explore the city at night he starts to feel exhausted and ill. He tries to turn around and go back to the hotel, realizing something is wrong, but winds up collapsing outside of the park where there’s a particularly dense flowerbed of blood blossoms. He transforms, lessening the effects somewhat, but Danny still feels remarkably ill.

Bruce sees him while driving back home from a social event. Just some strange kid trying desperately to stand up and walk-- and falling repeatedly. Getting physically sick on the pavement. The kid is coherent enough to vehemently refuse being taken to a hospital, but can’t articulate much more beyond that. Bruce doesn’t know if he’s been drugged or what, but the kid is scrawny and covered in scars-- possibly abused. Determined to do something and not let the kid waste away on the side of the street, Bruce offers to let the kid rest at the manor while they try and get in contact with his family.

The kid doesn’t even get to give him a proper answer. Bruce puts a hand on his shoulder to steady him and has to make a desperate grab to catch the kid as he faints.

Bruce takes the kid back to the manor where they try to figure out who he is while making sure he’s comfortable and not in life-threatening danger. The kid has no ID on him and doesn’t even have a cellphone (seeing as Technus smashed his last week). The kid seems stable enough-- barring a strangely low heartbeat and remaining unconscious-- but doesn’t seem to be improving.

Unfortunately for Danny, the manor is surrounded by blood blossoms.

#dp x dc #dp x dc prompt #dpxdc #dp #prompt #dogprompts #dogposts #I am sick and I have sick prompts on the brain rn fuck u covid #vomit mention/#also could potentially say this is why Jason feels off if you wanted to play into him being ghostly #youd have to probably downplay or change typically ghostly hcs with Jason for this to work prob #or even make Jasons pit madness shit more severe instead

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utilitycaster · 5 months

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I enjoy shipping, but I cannot see the appeal in watching shows only for the purpose of shipping; I think it closes you off to so much. I think coming into a work with the expectation that it will only succeed if a particular configuration of people end up happily in a relationship with each other when the curtain closes means you will reject so many unexpected choices altogether. It destroys your ability to appreciate the entire concept of tragedy. Just, imagine refusing to let yourself enjoy "I'm not a gardener" because you are too furious that a different kiss than the one you wanted happened to feel other emotions.

#does shipping above all make you less empathetic: I deadass think it does: an ongoing investigation by m utilitycaster #this alludes to candela bc i'm still thinking about how good that line is and how (thankfully only a couple) people ignored it #bc they were so mad that the horror show was a tragedy and that marion kissed jean instead #i suspect though that this is behind the viciousness of the c2 ships. people genuinely used the word betrayal for a thing never promised #and some of the extremely mean-spirited nature of some c3 shipping; even among ships where i see the appeal #like i am not against shipping. i like shipping. but if you define I Get My Ship as success you will be miserable and bitter so often #and i think this ALSO is why like. 19 year olds will act like they are a veteran of years of queerbaiting.#when in fact they're a veteran of watching shows bc they saw one (1) out of context gifset and thought that was a guarantee #anyway i've cracked it follow for more analysis of the nature of fandom and how it should probably be like car rentals #fandom old? no. fandom young. go get some life experience and perspective first. the trekkie housewives never missed.

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oifaaa · 8 months

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The jason dead for 20 years au would be so funny because the only person who would hate bruce’s retirement more than bruce would be jason because his plan just goes out the window because he accounted to the batman he’s fighting to be bruce not whoever’s wearing it now

The more I think about this au the funnier it gets bc you have Jason's wee pit moment being the same he gets to the hotel and sees the newspaper with the picture of batman on it and still gets mad bc wtf thats not Bruce and what does this paper mean it's 2040 how dare time goes on with out him he's gonna go beat up Bruce bc fuck that old man

#ask #anon #i am an optimistic and do believe joker would have gotten himself killed by the time bruce is 60 #but im also someone who subscribes to the notion #thats jasons anger is really complianted and even he doesnt truly understand why hes mad #he just wants it to be bruces fault #so off he goes #even talias over it all by now #shes just like #okay let me get my coat #ill take you to gotham and you can decapitate some people

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thisisadonaldduckblognow · 11 months

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ik it’s probably a classic case of extrapolating way too much but... the way raph’s character design lines up w his whole arc and role and struggles...

like the fact that he is so so so much bigger than the others. raph is big, raph is strong, raph is steady and sturdy and he can literally pick up his entire family and carry them all at once.

and like, when raph is so big and so strong and such a reliable thing. when raph is the protector, the one calling the shots on missions, the mother hen, the first point of authority. when raph is there, overprotective, when raph (for all that his brothers poke at him not being good under pressure) always always ALWAYS comes through at the end of the day when things are serious, ALWAYS gives it everything he’s got.

his design and his learned role/behaviors in this family are just the perfect storm of why it took up to the season finale to drive home the issue.

so much of the series carries the default energy of “raph will handle it.”

raph will hold up the ceiling above you. raph will throw himself over you and take a hit and get back up and keep fighting. raph has a power that makes him even bigger and draws more attention and makes him able to carry MORE. raph will be the substitute parent. raph will be put into the mentor role through leo’s leadership arc.

and raph is big. he’s built to carry heavy loads. raph is strong. raph is bold and loud and always ready to try to push on. even if he doesn’t know what to do or what he’s doing, he won’t give up and we’ll all pull together and things will turn out okay.

(his room is full of teddy bears. he dipped out on a mission to try to take a picture of a pigeon carrying a slice of pizza. he’s terrified of being alone.

he’s just as much of a kid as his brothers are. he’s just as new and inexperienced with the things happening to them as his brothers are. but for him, for some reason, there’s like this double standard where that becomes a huge glaring flaw.)

idk this got very sloppy and uncoordinated. i’m very in my feelings about raph right now though.

#rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt raph #rise raph #rottmnt raphael #honestly i could go on forever and ever about the double standard thing where raph is concerned #like. w movie leo especially leo is learning lessons raph also had to learn in the series! making very similar mistakes!#but you never see analyses or essays pointing to those bad calls as signs that leo isn't up to the task...#(i mean there are some clear Reasons why that happens.)#(its the reason why raph and mikey are the bros who get the least content by a MILE. but. not the point of this post.)#the whole point is just the idle subconscious assumption and associations of it being fine to let raph carry everything #literally physically sure but also metaphorically #and the plight of the child who seems to Need Nothing (all children need; some sadly learn not to appear to need)#even my tags are incoherent rn clenches fists i love him so much is all #like there is a reason it takes to the series finale for him to have a proper breakdown and get actual support from his bros #and i am still mad we never got real good content for him and splinter #considering how similar their arcs ARE....#thats a whole other thing whatever

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