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koushisatori · 3 years

Text

I’m not telling, that I’m hurting

matsukawa x f!reader

genre: a slight bit of angst, and then a slight bit of fluff

warnings: hm, maybe the slightly suggestive last sentence <3

word count: 5.8k

note: pls accept my ugly baby, my brain fried itself writing it (09.12. finally beta’ed my ugly baby hehe)

remember how I said Kuroo is a chill boyfriend and is quick to show that he dislikes something, openly seething and brooding?

Mattsun is even more laid-back in general, there's probably a picture of him next to the word in the dictionary

BUT he also hides it super well when he doesn’t particularly like something

Like, you're probably not realizing that he’s upset or angry until he decides to be very, very obvious about it

and even if he can't hide it (bc it's not only one thing bothering him but more, extremely rare) he won't talk about it on his own

Which is not only exhausting for you but also straining on your relationship at those times

There are two different kinds of pissed though

It isn’t something he wears openly but he gets jealous pretty fast

you’re beautiful, smart, funny and friendly

you’re everything he wants in his significant other and he’d do anything for you, but he hates how there are truly people out there thinking they could be better for you and ask you out

ofc they want a piece of your attention, he understands, it doesn't mean he that he can't hate it

Bc..maybe (and he would never admit it) he was a bit more insecure than he let on, hiding it under a perfectly trained appearance, all lazy smile, and sarcastic comments

this is his usual state of being pissed, and it’s exclusively reserved for and directed at others

After you officially became an item, it got better - it’s not hard to see that you two were a package deal match made in heaven

back to the day, you started dating:

you two weren’t yet a couple yet but you both were pretty obvious w your wants

There was that unspoken push and pull battle between you regarding who would give in first and ask the other out officially

That moment, you were standing next to Matsukawa holding his hand which is amazing come on, his large hands engulfing yours is a blessing

(‘’Mattsunnn, my fingers are so cold, will you warm them up?’’ – ‘’That’s a lame attempt of an excuse, Y/N,’’ he had said while taking your hand anyway ‘’you could have that every day, you know, all you have to do is ask me first’’ – ‘’In your dreams, Issei ~’’ )

it didn’t stop that one guy from his class, so arrogant and sure of himself, from coming up to you, completely ignoring Matsukawa, and asking you out??

Mattsun did not like that AT ALL

If glares could kill, you’d have to visit your boyfriend in jail every week <3

you just gaped at the other, it was hard to believe that this guy was serious but…he waited for an answer

moments of staring were followed with you both simultaneously - he, hiding his annoyance with sarcasm, you mildly concerned for the others health - letting out a ''What the hell''

Before you could tell the other guy that you're not the slightest interested, Mattsun answered for you

''It's sooo cute of you to ask me, but I think it would be unfair of me to agree and just leave Y/N hanging like that…additionally, I only have one hand holding hand available and…'' he sighed deeply, lifting your still firmly intertwined fingers, his brown eyes boring into the other guys ''I have to hold her hand for her for…probably forever, so you're…a bit late.''

Letting him pull you away, you giggle ''You know you kind of declared us as offical, a couple, for everyone to hear.'' - ''I absolutely did not do such thing, I'm now simply eternally attached to you and your hand, that's a difference.''

You won that round nonetheless bc him telling the other off was THE gossip for the next week

Your best friend gave you the glorious idea to attend his game at the end of the week in his volleyball shirt but tease him a bit until then about wearing his friend's one

''You know I should totally ask Tooru if he would lend me his jersey, just to make that jealous bitch in my class shut up and stop pestering me simply for actually knowing him.'', ''Have you seen Iwaizumi's biceps? Please tell me that you wouldn't totally support our strong ace…and maybe open a cult just for his arms. Let me drop all of my life duties real quick, I'm meant to be a good housewife.''; ''Taka-chan said he'd pay for my lunch the whole week if I'd come to your game showcasing his number, you wouldn't mind right?''

The thing that had happened and you riling him up all week ended with the other kind of anger which is the silent treatment, completed with a very cold shoulder (which is also, in all honest, his specialty)

him punishing you with silence the whole Thursday as well as Friday morning

He avoids being alone with you, answers messages as short as possible, spends his lunch starring at his food, and not making eye contact

(he's still watching you, just bc he is currently annoyed with you after deviling him so much, doesn't mean he stops wanting to kiss your pretty face until your lips are swollen and your cheeks dusted in pink and red)

The worst is that he KNOWS that you're teasing him but he can't help it okay, you found his achilles heel </3

Anyways, of course, when the opposing team arrives and they warm-up, you want your…not boyfriend but close enough boy friend to stop moping around (Makki begged you: ''please do something, he won't clown the others or joke around with me, all he does is sulking'')

Even without Takahiro coming up though, you would have gone to him before the game but it just makes it more adorable and hilarious bc he is a bit dumb there, I mean?? The only hand you're holding (and love doing whenever possible) does not belong to either Makki, Iwaizumi, Oikawa, or anyone else for that matter

It wasn't an easy task to discreetly rob him off of his other tricot but you managed

So, while they were doing their warm-up drills you - with Hanamakis help - sneaked into the gym

wearing HIS number on your back and front, together with a pair of jeans that he had complimented on dates before (they make your backside look amazing and you can't tell me that he does not appreciate a nice ass)

After you teased him with the others for so long, he immediately perked up when Hanamaki playfully wolf-whistled at you from across the gym, adding an ''You look amazing, Y/N-chan. Wanna get some food later?''

(Makki and you - overdramatically calling each other Taka-chan & Y/N-chan whenever possible to mock Oikawa a bit as well - ended up being best friends. bonus: you both LOVE to irritate Mattsun every now and then since he really only looses some of his composure in relation to you)

glaring at his best friend, Matsukawa strode over to you and dragged you right out of the gym again

then, a few minutes of silence

him checking you out kind of hungrily, longingly (trying not to be obvious about it, too)

before you finally relent and pull him down, standing on your tiptoes

To flick his forehead with all the strength in your fingers :)

‘’The fuck, Y/N.’’

''You are a fucking morron, Issei, and you hopefully know that.'' you sigh, pressing your lips against the point your fingers had hit against to sooth it

Avoiding your gaze - hiding his excited blush - he answered with a noncommitting grunt and a shrug

''you better win this game, and warm up my hands right after, you let them turn to popsicles while not doing your job for nearly two days only bc you were petty''

The smile that now curled his lips while nodding was genuine

not the sarcastic one or the teasing smirk he wore usually for everyone to see

a small, very pleased, and very happy smile, one he offered rarely and only to you

After the game - and having to watch other people ogle your nicely hugged curves even with you wearing his shirt and yelling his name for at least 2/3 of the time - he swept you off of your feet by openly and rather dramatically kissing you all Disney-like (earning some gagging noises from his friends) and asking you out in the same over-the-top kind of way

Don't worry though, he usually only gets frisky 1. when you two are alone

2. when you both decide to annoy the others (but that's more of a show and lots of unnecessary nicknames and sounds - honestly please have some decency children are watching)

and 3. when he becomes insecure jealous

You know if it's the jealousy burning in him

he's attempting to not show it to you

Yet his grip on your waist is a smidge stronger, his slightly amused expression a bit too tight, too strained to be natural, and he's uncooperative…more than usual

This specific thing happened, just now

''Mattsun…'' you murmur, struggling to turn around in his vice-like grip.

You tried to loosen his arms around your waist a few times while ranting about the mathematical problem and the upcoming test you had, hoping he would offer you his help. To no avail. He probably didn't really realize that he was squeezing you to death or tuning you out. This is why you resorted to wiggling around in his hold until you were finally facing your huffy boyfriend. One of your hands on his biceps and your other playing with the hair in his neck in hopes to calm him down a bit.

''Who spat in your breakfast this morning, you're usually not that grumpy,'' you continue softly, your tone between teasing and worry. Even though you and Hanamaki enjoy riling him up you both always make sure to stay inside a certain limit. Nothing you couldn't solve with an apology, sweet kisses, and genuine assurances that it was nothing more than a joke. In the end, he is the only person that causes your heart to beat faster. The one you like…love. You knew that you loved him for some time now, the desire to have a perfect moment to announce it is the only thing keeping you from saying it out loud.

The shrug you receive wouldn't do it though. Him tending to let it consume him until he snaps is not good. Not for him, and for the relationship of the both of you as well. ''Issei, come on,..'' you gently prod, ''…tell me. Stop living up to your name and talk to me,''

There were a lot of reactions you expected. Another huff maybe, his usual 'Nothing' or even the true reason for his behavior. What you did not expect though was his annoyed groan and him nearly growling at you. ''Y/N, fucking leave it. Stop sticking your nose into my business. Don't you get that I don't want to talk?!''

For a second your breath hitches. The annoyance…slight anger in his voice startling you. ''Jesus fucking Christ, fine,'' you curse - now irritated yourself. It caught him off-guard enough due to its rareness of you cussing out loud. At least enough to push against his chest and free yourself off of his hold, successfully stopping him from just hiding his face away in your neck. ''If that’s what you want, fine. I'm sorry for worrying about you, Matsukawa.'' you say provokingly before you let out a small sigh, ''I'll go to class, maybe Hajime is back from chasing the Captain and can actually help me with math…listens to me, to begin with. Not mope around to the point of ignoring me for some unknown reason.'' with that said you turn around on your heels and leave him standing.

You know he would eventually come around in the next few hours. You hope. Mattsun wasn't or rather isn't angry with you. Otherwise, he wouldn't have been as close to you as he had been but his inability to merely talk with you about what was and is bothering him proves to be one of the few reasons that are able to drive you up the wall.

Mathematics being mathematics, the problem wasn't just simply explained within those ten minutes before class started.

If things were normal, you wouldn't be as bothered as you are right now though. Issei would find a way to get it into your pretty little head. He knew how to explain and what to transcribe for you to get the idea behind all those letters and lines scrawled between the numbers.

The problem is that you usually did this in the calmness of your rooms on the weekend. As it seems though, did most people get the problem from the get to go and the teacher decided to write the topical test in your afternoon class today instead of next week, so she could begin with the new thematic on Monday.

Alas, you're fucked.

Not only would you get the worst grade in your whole mathematical carrier but you also couldn't ask your boyfriend, and listen to his deep gentle yet teasing voice explaining stupid equations to you with him being so infuriatingly upset over whatever.

To your luck, Iwaizumi offers to be your knight in shining armor in extreme times of need. (He tried to convince you to just go to Mattsun because ''He's head over heels for you, don't tell me a stupid fight holds you both back from being insufferable together, Y/N'' - ''We can't be fighting, when he doesn't talk or listen to me.''.) Sacrificing a free hour and his precious lunchtime sitting on the school's rooftop with you, he explains the procedure over and over again.

After what felt like a whole notebook full of wrong exercises and another one with their corrected versions, the structure of the problem does finally make sense to you. Now cheerfully humming, you look over older tasks you didn't get before when he decides to speak up.

''Y/N?'' Iwaizumi asks, his voice completely calm and…soothing?

''Hmm…'' you hum letting him know that you're listening while correcting another exercise.

''Mattsun will relax once we won that game, okay? Don't be so hard on him.'' His words caught you off-guard, which leads you to look up, question mark clear on your face. ''It's against Akumahebi? The ones that provoked and insulted him so underhandedly last time? Hit all his nerves spot on?'' he adds questioning.

Lips forming a big 'O'. You remember today's opponents vividly.

Seijoh first played against them at the end of your second year, a few weeks after you and Mattsun had started talking with different intentions than throwing terrible pick up lines at each other. Foremost for shit and giggles but actually starting to have hope that the other might mean it.

They stood at the other side of the net and began with their unsportsmanlike strategy by haunting him. ''Imagine thinking someone so mediocre could be rightfully on the field next to players like your ace, could compete against someone like Iwaizumi Hajime.'' or ''The only reason you're on the field is your height, the first years will take over your spot sooner than you think. You are replaceable after all.''. There was no obvious reason for them to pick out Issei but they did. Hissing different things under their breath. You guessed that it's because he always looked so unbothered. As if nothing could wilt his stupidly attractive lopsided smirk.

Afterward, the four of you had a hard time convincing him that those snakes knew shit. That he was on the team for his skills, his amazing blocking, and strategical thinking ability, not his height. That he would be a regular until he left the volleyball club and that he was respected by all of his kouhais.

''Shit,…them? Really?'' you jut our your lower lip. ''He didn't tell me...but I also didn't ask.'' you admit guiltily. ''Well, then I have to cheer extra loud for Issei, I think.'' A triumphant smile stretches across your face, gripping the collar of your uniform with one and pulling up the collar of the jersey underneath with the other. Enough to see the Seijoh colors to come to light. You had stolen it out of your boyfriend's bag two days ago after he went to the bathroom and had hidden it in your desk drawer until today. You nearly forgot to put it on after you accidentally slept in this morning, so you kind of just threw it over your head while hoping to not fall over trying to get into your tights. ''I'm ready to scream at the top of my lungs for my favorite player,…'' you say before you at least partly bashful add ''…no offense. You are my second favorite star player, Haji.''

At that, Iwaizumi simply laughs and playfully pushes against your shoulder.

Later that evening you found yourself wearing one of Issei's ridiculously large pullovers and sweatpants, sitting wrapped up in blankets on your couch in the living room. Your chest hurting from swallowed and choked up sobs. Even though your parents weren't home when you arrived and wouldn't be for the next two days, enjoying a long-planned short vacation, you didn't allow yourself to cry. A gory horror movie on-screen meant to distract you from your thoughts ends up being nothing more than background noises while wallowing in self-pity.

At one point, Oikawa and Iwaizumi stood at your door - even though you hoped that it would be a certain boy you loved - worried glances boring into your skull from the first second on, and never ceasing.

You didn't even know if your team won or lost. It wasn't like you asked them either.

All you cared for is Issei. Issei, who seemingly decided that he would stop caring for you.

___________________________________

Iwaizumi-senpai and Y/N-senpai would make an adorable couple, don't you think?

You leaving him to make true on your words intensified the insecurities that had just started to brood underneath the surface a few days ago. He couldn't help it, but he definitely would not share those silly thoughts with you.

Issei knew they were wrong. But that didn't stop them from invading the darkest corners of his brain.

You have to agree that Y/N-san and Iwaizumi-san seem really close.

Overhearing the first years giggling about his girlfriend and one of his best friends being a cute couple amplified all of it. Also…he realized just now…since when do you call Iwaizumi by his name? When did he allow you to call him Hajime?

''Have you seen him smile like that with another girl? I, for my part, haven't seen that smile off the court where he can do the thing he loves the most.''

''Oh, stop, Y/N-senpai has a boyfriend! Don't you know? I feel uncomfortable speculating about something like that.''

'' 'Course, I know! I just say that, if I were in a relationship with someone, I'd want my boyfriend to be a bit more…relationship-y about it, you know? Like, yeah, they hold hands and they hug. But all they do besides this is banter meaninglessly…more like friends, not like a couple should behave! Iwaizumi-san, though, even without being as close to her bodily, gives off more intense boyfriend vibes than this other player.''

''His name is Matsuka-''

‘'And, Y/N-senpai calls him Hajime, I think she even said Haji once, isn't that cute?!''

''Stop it, stupid! You shouldn't be so loud with your words, you might spread something accidentally. And just because she gives them nicknames doesn't imply anything. I'm also giving you nicknames! And, she looks happy with Matsu-''

‘'Yeah yeah, but you don't like me like that. Anyway, just think about it! Would you really say no to someone like Iwaizumi-san though…? What I'd give for him to at least look at me like that. If I were Y/N-sa-''

''You aren't, can we go now, don’t wanna be late for class because of you again.''

Iwaizumi did seem to feel extra relaxed around you. And you seemed to like his presence as well.

What if those first years had a point?

For the second time that day, he growled.

No, there was nothing to doubt or think about. It wasn't unusual of you to use their names. You literally started calling Hanamaki 'Taka-chan' within 10 minutes of knowing each other. Making friends was easy for you, and that you and Iwaizumi were in the same class with Oikawa probably just strengthened your bond with each other to endure the Captain's antics.

Issei nodded to himself, decidedly ignoring the little whisper of doubt in the back of his mind for now.

''I am not jealous.'' The black-haired student repeated this sentence in his mind over and over again. His best friend wouldn't do such a thing as 'stealing you away', nor would you leave him like that. People should shut their mouths. Mind their own problems. And because of him definitely not being insecure jealous, there was nothing he had to tell you.

Around lunchtime, Matsukawa decided to make good on his words and apologize to you. He would explain that he just felt on edge due to the game against this specific team, you would forgive him and then things would be back to normal…hopefully. The problem was, that he couldn't find you. Not in your classroom nor with your friends, who didn't have any idea regarding your whereabouts as well.

The dark-haired blocker was about to send you a message to ask you to meet him before your last lesson and his volleyball practice when he hears your beautiful laugh coming from the staircase right in front of him. Pressing himself to the wall he watches you coming down from the school roof with Iwaizumi, jumping into his arms with a blinding smile and running off to your class a second later.

''Would you really say no to someone like Iwaizumi? ~ Imagine thinking you could compete against someone like your ace.''

With the greasy, suffocating feeling of jealousy burning in the pit of his stomach, he storms off in the other direction.

Right before warming up for the game in the afternoon, he heard you chatting with Hanamaki in front of the locker room while he was changing. And while the door opened - Kyoutani walking in and Oikawa leaving to fullfil his captain duties conscientiously - he looked at his strawberry haired friend and your back. For the split second he could see you, he realized just how much having you around all day means to him. His eyes wandered. Over your softly shining hair. Slowly outlining your in Seijoh-colours clad shoulders, down your arms to your elbow where they are bent to cross in front of your chest to hold your jacket and uniform pullover. Then down your back and-

With an annoyed huff, he found himself throwing his locker door in its lock, bending down to pull up his knee pads more aggressively than necessary. Ignoring the curious looks and whispers from his teammates he simply grunted out an Ok, when Makki came in telling him that you would be waiting for him.

__________________________

Issei 💗👁️👅👁️: go, I'm not coming to see ya', don't need ur encourgmnt or you now You: Mattsun, what's wrong, honestly, you're scaring me Issei 💗👁️👅👁️: sure You: come on, I wanna support and show who's my favorite player Issei 💗👁️👅👁️: hilarious, stay, go home, idc

__________________________

"Hey, Y/N-chan, what I meant to ask you earlier…why were you wearing Iwa-chan's shirt." Oikawa carefully questions, his perfectly shaped eyebrow shooting up to emphasize his words.

"I diD wHAT NOW?" - "She did what?!"

Without wasting a second you jump up from under your blanket mountain and sprint up the stairs to your room to look through your hamper.

There it was, that goddamn tricot. A 4 looking right back at you instead of a 3 or 2. It brought every process of thought to an halt.

"But I- 2 days- what, I got this- I was in-" you stop again, slowly turning your head to Iwaizumi, pointing at him. "Since when were you missing this?"

The ace immediately straightens up under your intense gaze. "Three days? No two? Since our last practice, I guess. Kyoutani and Yahaba had some…problems and fought it out in the locker room. But I…wasn't missing it! I thought that it might be in the laundry by accident.'' he answers hesitantly.

You blink. A few times. Nod. And then a loud laugh starts to bubble out of you, interchanging itself with heavy sobs, forcing you to fold into yourself and hide your face in your hands.

With a worried expression, Oikawa kneels down beside you. ''Y/N-chan…are you okay?''

"He's so fucking dumb, Tooru, why do I even love him? And I am, too!" You hiccup pitifully. "Makki and he switch numbers from time to time, in case you haven't realized. They say it's because it doesn't really matter in the end, it’s fun to confuse others and the worst that could happen is that they forget to wash it before the other wears it,'' you add, a little laugh escapes your lips before your voice breaks in favor of a hiccup again. ''I guess they were about to do that again but with Mad Dog on the loose, the chaos was enough to mix up all the shirts on the bench completely. And since I stole this one secretly out of Issei's bag when he went to the bathroom and quickly hid it to surprise him today, I accidentally grabbed the wrong one instead of his without realizing it."

You gasp for air, your stuffed nose making it difficult to breathe properly. "And then you have to play against this team, out of all possibilities, it's them! So, of course, he's already fed up, and then I'm wearing Hajimes number who he already kind of feels inferior to on the court, where he's the ace and vice-captain first and not his best friend, due to this stupid fucks picking on his insecurities. Fuck!"

For a second you bury your head in your hands again. "No, you know what, fuck this. I don't need him to bury that shit in himself again, or to have stupid thoughts, or leave me because of it'' you furiously hiccup, standing up. ''I can go over, too, and put that behind us.''

The first time you actually took a second to breathe and evaluate the situation, you had already rung the bell at the Matsukawa family house. Thrice. For good measure. (And so he knew that there's no way out, that you wouldn't leave.) After waiting for solid 5 minutes - knowing that he'd usually reach the door in under a minute, one if he had napped before, you glare at the window above. A strawberry pink colored patch of hair peek out from underneath.

''Alright, if that's what you want'' you grumble. Going over to the trellis and climbing up on it onto the small canopy before finalizing your unauthorized entry by narrowing your furious eyes at two unbelieving faces. Well…he should never have dared you to try to enter his room like this for a joke in the first place when you first became friends. Now, he would definitely not escape you.

''Open. Now. I will break this dumb window, if that's the only way to get you to talk to me, Issei.''

In the end, minutes of starring later, Hanamaki relents and opens the window. ''Thanks,'' you say sweetly before you chop at the strawberry haired boy's side. ''Y/N-chan, I thought we had something special,'' he wheezes, holding his side.

''We have a talk later, Makki, this was only for not opening the door now'' you say, promptly throwing him out of your boyfriend's room. Your voice seemed to sound scary enough for him to leave rather freely. Or at least it made clear that there was no space for buts. That this was a talk between Mattsun and You. Alone with your boyfriend, you turn around to face Matsukawa. To glare at him.

''What do yo-'' - ''Shut up, Issei. You're going to listen and talk to me right now without filter.'' you hiss. While he tried to keep his cool demeanor, the black-haired boy swung his legs off of the bed to sit properly and not slouch, wanting to listen to you. Wanting you to explain…probably.

''Issei, you morron, you deserve the hardest forehead flick in the history of forehead flicks! What were you thinking?! Why didn't you just tell me that it was them you had to play against today? I would have done everything for you to feel better. I would have been understanding of your mood because I know what they did, but no. You decide to be jealous instead? Of Hajime out of all people? Give me a statement and I will refute it within seconds, whatever you want. Come one, test me. And I dare you to shrug just once,...just once!, and I will - even though I lo-. I will freaking kick your dumb ass to the moon..''

A snort, unfairly attractive and so very Mattsun, leaves him. ''As if you could reach that hig-'' - ''Thin fucking ice, Matsukawa.''

With a sigh, he scratches the back of his neck. ''Why were you saying you want to 'support' your favorite player when you were wearing Iwa's shirt? I mean I can’t prescribe who you like, I guess, it’s your decision...but,...hah,...maybe don’t make it sound...I dont know.'' Issei asks straight away, watching the ground between you.

''Because certain volleyball players I know like to change jersey numbers after practice. And because of Mad Dog-chan being on the hunt for Yahaba's head, a very specific already mentioned player took the wrong shirt with him, which ended with me accidentally stealing said wrong shirt.'' you vaguely answer, watching him tense up. ''Now it's my turn. Why are you so specifically bothered by it being Hajimes?''

''I…it's-'' looking up, he met your eyes already narrowing again. You expect him to say 'It's nothing'. No, it was important to say it now, even if it was embarrassing. ''I heard people talking,...saying that he'd be better for you than me. That…that you liking him that way is just a question of time. And while I was sure that that's not true…I asked myself…am I really what Y/N wants? Are you bothered by the way we are in public? Are we couple-y enough for you? I was on my way to apologize when I saw you both coming from the roof. You seemed so happy, so excited. I started to worry…that if he was to ask you out…would you truly choose me? Do I make you look and feel as happy as you seemed to be earlier with Iwa?''

Him not meeting your eyes bothers you. How could he understand if he's not looking? You slowly walk over, giving him time to say stop or move away from you…but he doesn't. Standing between his legs you gently cup his cheeks and make him look up into your eyes. Make him see.

''Let's start somewhere…thank you for being open and honest with me. Okay, firstly, I was on the roof with him so he could explain math to me. I didn't want to sit in a classroom and let others hear how troubled I was by what seems to be one of the easiest mathematical equations in existence. And since I was occupying his lunch break, Haji at least wanted to have some quiet for eating if he sacrifices his time like that.'' you chuckle slightly before you meet his eyes again.

''Secondly,...Issei,'' you murmur now, caressing his cheeks gently. ''why would you believe things about our relationship coming from people that don't take part in it? Hm? They don't know us. They don't get to spend nap time with us, arcade and ramen dates, or movie nights. They don't see how you treat me away from curious eyes and ears. We aren't any less of a couple just because others have a different opinion on how couples should be to the public eye.'' you say, your undertone loving and warm. ''It's not Iwaizumi who I love. I have chosen you because you are the one. I love you.'' you emphasize the words. You never imagined the moment to be like that, but it feels right to come clean with the depth of your feelings now. His cheeks heating up in between your hands is an extra treat.

''I love you when you smile all lazily at me after sleeping. I love you when your voice drips with sarcasm and mischief. I love you when we argue over who has ultimately won the worst pick-up line contest - which is me by the way.'' you grin, shushing his protest by resting your thumb on his lips. ''I love you even when we fight. When you get jealous and grumpy. I love you even though you regularly tell Taka-chan how you'd sell me to Satan for a corn chip, just to mention this stupid bird meme. I love you to bits, you sweet but silly idiot, and I'd chose you all over again if I was to wake up in another parallel universe. Because I know, that you'll always treat me right. Because I'm sure that you feel this, too.''

While you were speaking, your boyfriend's arms slowly but steadily started to move past the last bit of resistance, wrapping them loosely around you and pulling you tighter with every said word.

''I mean it when I say that I get why you felt so uneasy today. However they do it, they manage to crawl under your skin. And that's human, Issei. To be overwhelmed, anxious, or insecure. But please, don't risk us falling apart by letting it eat away on you silently.'' You whisper.

''Y/N, I'm sorry…and I promise to try and talk when I feel bothered again. And-'' A surprised squeak leaves your lips at the sudden movement of your boyfriend. ‘’I love you, too.’’ Giggling, you look up to the dark-haired blocker, who is now towering over you, caging you in his arms. ''You look so irrestistable in my clothes, you should wear them more often.'' Issei continues, the smirk on his lips finally being close to the one he usually wore, eyeing you still wearing his way to big pants and sweatshirt. Then, Mattsun finally - Finally! - leans down to kiss you thoroughly, seemingly keen on making up for the wasted time. Nibbling on your lip, tasting and teasing you, eliciting sweet little sounds that sound oh so much like heaven. He had missed this the whole day.

Deciding to give the both of you a second to breathe, he leans back enough to study your now glowing expression. You lick your lips, watching a suddenly burning interest flaring up in his eyes due to the breathlessness in your voice. ''I have a proposition, you know.'' You begin, softly tracing his features with your pointer finger, smiling innocently. ''If you don't want people to doubt our closeness in this relationship…maybe you should show them just how good you make me feel when I have you all to myself, hm?'' You murmur with a seducing tone, watching him process your words, his slightly heated gaze not leaving yours.

Him diving right back in and whispering a litany of 'I love yous' was answer enough.

Bonus:

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clearsky · 3 years

Text

My Top Comfort Characters/Kins and My Main HCs For Them

(Note, not all my kins/comfort characters are on here, just the ones I have more than 5 hcs for)

CW: Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3), Himiko Yumeno (DRV3), Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA), Kyoko Kirigiri (THH), Tsuyu Asui (BNHA), Entrapta (Spop), Ibuki Mioda (SDR2), Celestia Ludenberg (THH), Funtime Foxy (FNAF), Peril (WOF)

Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3)

Nonbinary

He/They pronouns

Autistic

Chains and loose accessories are for stimming

Likes the feeling of silk and cotton

Can't stand the feeling of anything rough or bumpy

He likes collecting small trinkets and the bones of small mammals

Can't stand anything salty. He'll eat it but he certainly won't enjoy it

Dating Rantaro

Can flirt, but only if he doesn't try

Petnames are a hell yea

Gets sunburnt really easily

Group dates with Celesnaegiri and Ikuzono

Can't cook for s h i t

Had a scene kid phase in middle school

Went to the same middle school as Celeste and Maki

Knew them when Celeste went through her "I'm not like other girls" phase and Maki was a Band Kid™

Himiko Yumeno (DRV3)

Female

She/Her pronouns

Lesbian

Can force herself to fall asleep within seconds regardless of where she is

100% forces herself to fall asleep when she doesn't wanna listen/talk to someone

Himiko/Angie/Tenko relationship. I'm calling them the Traffic Light Trio

She likes taking naps in the forest

She prefers enclosed/tight spaces more than open ones

Has several hundred stress balls and squishies laying around

She overheats easy

Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA)

Questioning his gender, but goes by any pronouns

Knows he's Asexual, at least

Has no clue what his romantic orientation is though

The kind of person to carry treats in his pocket just in case he runs into a cat

Will stop to pet literally every cat he comes across

Great at reading people

Doesn't talk unless it's 100% needed

Hangs with Tokoyami, Jirou, and Denki most often

Aizawa has 100% unofficially adopted him

Fosters kittens

Not a big fan of physical touch

He is 100% in the bakusquad. Anyone who says he's in the Dekusquad is a c o w a r d

He and Tsuyu vibe

Knows a bunch of random facts

Dark humour? Dark humour

*skates backwards into his therapist's room slowly sipping from an absurdly huge cup of coffee* Candice you're not gonna BELIEVE the shit I just went through

In case I forgot to mention it, he skates

Kyoko Kirigiri (THH)

Mtf

She/Her

Bi with female preference

Burns go up to her shoulders/collarbone/chest

Prefers to just listen as opposed to saying anything

Knows a ton of random trivia about everyone else in her class

She keeps a notebook she fills with all the trivia

Doesn't celebrate her birthday. She just doesn't see the point of it

Doesn't hate sugar/sweets, but if given the choice she would choose literally everything else

Cuts her own hair

A cat person

Permanent dark circles

T-Tall 😳

Like,,, 6'1 at LEAST

Only person taller than her is Yasuhiro (6'3)

Canon no longer exist

Ahahaha healthy life habits? What are those?

Can't handle horror games

She's the kind of person you'd go to if you needed to rant but didn't want any advice

Polyamourous yo

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

She's a dom yall are just scared to admit it

Tsuyu Asui (BNHA)

They go by They/Them

Lesbian

They and Ochaco are dating

They like to hang with Shinsou

Which mainly just means the two sitting in one of their dorms in near total silence doing whatever

Can speak English and French as well as Japanese

Learned English from cartoons

Picked up French bc they thought it'd be fun

Prefers to stay neutral in the whole Bakusquad / Dekusquad thing

They're invited to all outings/events by/for both squads

They like puns

They're a dumbass but willingly, and for fun

Like "someone says they like dark humour and they'll turn off the lights before telling a joke" kind dumbass for fun

Great at poker

Likes Disney Movies

Very touchy once you get close enough

Not in a sexual way, just likes physical contact

Especially fond of piggyback rides and cuddles

Extreme fear of needles

Entrapta (She-Ra)

She/Her or It/Its

Doesn't bother trying to figure out whether she's cis, trans, nonbinary, or what

Was AMAB though

Short as fuck (4'7)

Strong as fuck though

Cuddle game strong

Physical touch is a fuck yes

Cuddles

Piggyback rides

Hugs

Anything where she's touching someone is wonderful in her book

As long as she's the one that initiates it

Anyone else touching her without her permission makes her freak

Prefers being high up

Makes it harder for anyone to sneak up on her

An ace at video games

When it comes to sexuality she just says she's Questioning

Ibuki Mioda (SDR2)

Any pronouns + Pup/Pupself + It/Its

No idea what their gender is otherwise

Biromantic Asexual

Just likes sexual jokes

Gets distracted easily

Has severe hearing problems

She's plays her instruments as loud as possible, with the amp right next to her, without ANY ear protection

It's caused some damage

She talks so loud bc she has no idea how loud is considered acceptable

Wears hearings aids most of the time

Several piercings and tattoos

Likes hearing things jingle

She has a bracelet with a few bells hanging from it

She'll shake it whenever she's bored

LOVES hair accessories

Ribbons are a particular favourite

Occasionally she'll hang little charms from her hair "horns"

The kind of person who never takes any pills/medicine bc she keeps forgetting she has to

Frequently uses emojis

Skates everywhere but she isn't very good at it

She keeps crashing into everything

Has broken every bone in her body at least 3 times

Most of which was bc she keeps trying to kick in doors and skating down the stairs

Celestia Ludenberg (THH)

Nonbinary

Any pronouns, mainly goes by She/They

Bi, 70:30

Collects mini hand sanitizers and can tabs

Has single handedly gotten Mario Kart, Mario Party, Monopoly, Uno, and Clue banned a grand total of 17 times (and counting)

The kind of person to purposefully target someone regardless of what game was being played

Favourite victim is Byakuya (bc he gets so upset about it and she finds that hilarious)

Mains Waluigi

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

Has several banned Twitter accounts bc whenever she's bored she'll start discourse on purpose

Hangs with Korekiyo, Ibuki, Byakuya, Yasuhiro, and Leon most often

It's a weird friend group but everyone's sorta gotten used to it

She and Byakuya gamble together occasionally

She tries to avoid it bc he'll willingly blow his entire fortune in an attempt to beat her

Autustic

Can't stand the feeling of water

Mainly bc she can't swim for shit

Horror movies? Hates them

Gets flustered super easily

Taka is her twin brother

Kotoko, Kokichi, and Gundham are their half siblings (Same father)

Peko and Toko are their cousins

She sucks ass at go fish

Fuck canon she's 4'11 now

C h u b b y

Freckles

Once she gets comfortable enough with herself she dyes her hair in the peekaboo style

Either black and red or black and blonde

Haven't decided yet

I'll be doing Celesnaegiri hcs as a seperate post but I just feel it's important for you to know that she expresses her affection verbally and is a very touchy person

Went to middle school with Maki and Korekiyo

Has horrible eyesight

She wears contacts most of the time but she always puts off buying more

After the 5th or so time she ended up blindly stumbling around a week after her contacts ran out Kyoko convinced her to buy glasses as well

Religious accessories yo

Like chokers and dangly earrings with crosses and pentagrams and shit

Likes wearing wacky earrings

Can run and do all sorts of tricks in heels

She and Mukuro are exes yo

Keeps her hair short so it's easier to manage

Hair never gets longer than her shoulders if she can help it

She seems like the kind of person who'd keep her bangs grown past her eyes regardless of how frustrating or inconvenient it is

She's a sub yall just don't wanna admit it

Funtime Foxy (FNAF)

I'm going on the record to say this

Funtime Foxy is genderfluid and that is that

Goes by Funtime

Any pronouns, They/Them most commonly

Plays music (keyboard and guitar mainly)

They and Funtime Freddy (Freds) mainly play with the kids

Freds mainly tells stories with Bonbon while Funtime more so plays one-on-one

Has nicknames for everyone

Circus Baby - Ringleader

Ballora - Bells

Funtime Freddy - Partner

Bon Bon - Bun

Peril (WOF)

I like both Nonbinary She/They Peril and Mtf She/Her Peril

They're both such good concepts

She's a lesbian, Harold

She only had a crush on Clay bc he was pretty much everything she was supposed to like in a guy

Gimme a moment while I force all my mental disorders onto this poor child

Autistic, Anxiety (Social anxiety, mainly, but she has most types), Adhd, PTSD

I'd like to reiterate yet again that She's a lesbian

Sunny and Glory were her gay awakening

Peril in Book 1: Damn, Sunny and Glory sure are pretty. Anyone would be lucky to date them. Clay would probably go for them over me. He would be stupid if he didn't. I myself would willingly date them over someone like me. They're just so pretty :(

Peril waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of arc 2: WAIT-

Rarepair alert but Peril/Sora

Peril meeting Sora: "Hmmm She's attractive. I would love to date her. Too bad I'm straight and in love with her brother lmao :P"

Peril, a mere month later, waiting for Ruby to leave Jade Mountain, pacing in her cave, running face first into a wall: WAIT-

I remember reading this one amazing story where Sora taught Peril to read/write and Peril found out she set off the bomb and comforted her/convinced her her run so that's canon now

Btw if anyone can remember what that story was called/what platform it was on and could tell me I'd appreciate it very much

I'd even be willing to draw a character of your's or make you an icon or something

I usually don't accept requests bc I get burnt out easy but this is a special case

She runs into Sora again sometime between the beginning of TOP and the end

I like to imagine she just goes wandering around

Anyway she confesses like a mere few minutes after running into her again bc Peril is just subtle like that

The actual confession takes 15 minutes and the entire time Sora is just sitting here like "👁👄👁 sure"

Bam Peril/Sora

Peril plans to keep it a secret for a little while longer but she spends 3 seconds around Clay and pretty much blurts it out

Clay, who wasn't even aware that Peril was a lesbian, is just "👁👄👁"

I wanna say Clay doesn't know what a lesbian is but in my canon Sunny is a lesbian so Starflight has already told him

Anyway he's super supportive

From that point Peril is sorta open about her sexuality?

Like, she gives Clay permission to tell the rest of the D.O.D bc she isn't about to risk being in front of them when they hear the news

(When Sunny starts actively seeking her out as a hang out buddy and Tsunami, Glory, and Starflight appear to tolerate her presence just a bit more afterwards she pretends she isn't confused by the change)

She's pink, white, and blue bc I said so

If you look at a certain angle in the right lighting her eyes, mouth, fire, and under her scales all look purple

But her fire is normally white and blue bc I said so

Also she pale as fuck bc in my canon their fire just sorta burns their colour away

You know how you leave something outside for too long and it gets sunbleached? Where it gets all washed out?

Like that but more extreme

By the age of 10-12 firescale dragons are just white with pale eyes

That's right not even the eyes are safe

Ram horns :P

I'm also fond of Peril/Sunny

Or maybe Peril/Sora/Sunny

But Peril/Sora is the main thing

On the topic of that bringing in my hc that if one sib in a sib group is fire resistant all of them are

She,,, She can change her scale colour

But only slightly and only if her emotions are strong enough

Bc I don't give a fuck about Darkstalker's scroll we were robbed of hybrid Peril

Unfortunately all of Peril's emotions are strong

Rainwing ruff along her head and neck

It's like a hood

It's mainly smoothed to her sides but when she's startled it flares out

RAINWING PUPILS

Y'all will know what those look like as soon as I get off my ass :P

She,,, She can mimic bird cries

Hates the summer

She has more than enough body heat already and the outside is just hot enough to add on and make her feel sick

She can somewhat control her heat but most of the time it's based on her emotions

It can go from standing-in-the-middle-of-a-burning-building-cant-see-your-nose-smoke-is-so-thick heat (Strong emotion) to Hey-thats-a-nice-cozy-campfire heat (Calm/"weak" emotion/Sleeping)

I'm just gonna make a different post with all my Peril hcs cuz there isnt enough room for all of them here

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selfcareparker · 3 years

Note

(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

#lovely anon #<3333333333333 #‚‘it‘s literally longer than your german compound words‘ LMAODKDMSLDKSLKS #ignore the comma at the beginning of the last tag????#aww wait i just read what you said at the end of your tags🥺🥺💘💘💘#love youuuu #ooooof i‘m reading my response and do i not know what a period is? like period as in. full stop.#my sentences are literally paragraphs and i use keyboard smashes to separate sentences from each other like what‘s wrong with me???#or ‚lol‘ snd ‚lmao‘#imma need me to do better (did you listen to heavy is the head as a whole? like the whole album? the song do better is stuck in my head toda #today so)#i‘ll try to write normal length sentenced in the future💀#sentencessss*

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