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youunravelme · 1 year

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to all the girls you've loved before part 1

author's note: hi! remember that time i wrote jack fics? well i'm branching out, so BUCKLE UP BABY. it should be said that this will be multiple parts, i don't know how many though so again, buckle up. also i'm pretending the trade never happened

pairing: single dad!mat barzal x reader

summary: being a nanny for rich people was probably the worst thing that ever happened to you, until you started working for mat.

warnings: children, rich people, mentions of absent parent

mat barzal. nearly everyone in new york was obsessed with him, you knew him by the awkward elevator interactions when you were leaving work and he was getting home.

you nannied for a family in his building, a mom named erin who was rarely home with two really sweet children, ages 2 and 4.

you didn't even know his name until a few weeks after he moved in when erin mentioned his name in passing conversation, saying something about an nhl player living across the hall.

"i think he's around your age," she said with a sly smirk. "and handsome too, introduced himself to the kids too. such a sweetheart."

"erin," you started. "you can't possibly know he's a sweetheart from one two second interaction."

she tsked and waved you off. "first impressions have a great impact."

you met him when you were getting off the elevator. he had a duffle bag slung over one shoulder and wore a suit, his hair was wet and strewn about in every direction. you were in a pair of sweats to combat the cold.

he mumbled a small hey and made a pathetic excuse for a smile as he waited for you to get off the elevator.

everything you knew about him, you gleaned involuntarily. he must suck at cooking given the amount of times the smoke detector would go off in his place, you could hear the beeping through the walls. and his lack of cooking skills took shape in the trash bags filled with take out boxes that he loudly dumped in the trash chute. you even knew he had a best friend named "tito" from the shouting that erupted every time said friend came over.

you thought nothing of him aside from the mild annoyance at his loud noises.

it wasn't until the fall came and the two year old turned three (and therefore went off to preschool) that things changed.

you'd just settled into your pajamas when erin called asking you to come over.

"is everything alright?" you asked.

"you remember mat?"

"hardly."

she laughed through the phone, though it sounded a little strained. "can you come over? he's found himself in a bit of a situation."

you paused. "what kind of situation?"

spoiler alert: it was an eight month old baby girl kind of situation.

mat was sitting on erin's couch while the baby, whose name was apparently ella, snoozed away in the pack and play when you walked in.

erin explained the situation as you took a seat. something about a fling he had that resulted in a pregnancy (obviously) and the mom decided parenting just wasn't for her so she dropped the baby off with mat and has blocked him on all forms of communication.

erin leant some things like a pack and play for ella to sleep in until he got a crib. but he didn't need that as much as he needed you.

a nanny.

"i know you already have a job, but i can pay well and pay you more for watching all three kids when you have them," mat begged. "i know i have late games so it would require late nights but you can sleep in the guest room if you'd like and i might be gone for a week at a time, but you can invite friends over to hang out and--"

you held up a hand. listening to the man beg and plead for your help was almost heartbreaking. "i'll do it."

he sat back. "what, really?"

you furrowed your brows. "is that a problem?"

mat shook his head. "no! sorry, i was just surprised you'd agree so quickly.

"well, it's not like it would interfere with my time with erin's girls. i could watch your baby during the day and take her to pick up the girls from school and keep ella until you get back."

he still looked unsure. "i work late nights sometimes, is that a problem?"

you thought about the fact your schedule has been empty for the past few months, that the only reason you leave your shitty apartment was because erin needed you to nanny. "i think i can manage."

he smiled for the first time that evening, looking almost near tears. "thank you thank you thank you," he said.

you nodded, a little overwhelmed by his sudden change in demeanor. "when do i start?"

day one

you hesitantly walked into mat's big ass apartment to the sound of a screaming baby.

it was six in the morning.

mat ran into the living room, hair askew, clothes wrinkled, but his baby was in a clean set of pajamas with tears running down her face.

"i don't know what's wrong," he said frantically. "she woke up and i changed her diaper but she's still crying."

you dropped your bag on the floor and made your way over to him, taking ella out of his arms and immediately bouncing her in your own. "she's probably hungry," you guessed.

"i tried that! i put the bottle in the microwave but when i gave it to her she started crying harder and--"

"wait," you stopped him. "you put the bottle in the microwave?" he nodded. "with the formula?" he nodded again. "mat, you can't do that. heat the water separately and then add the formula. and then test it on your wrist to make sure it's the right temperature." you walked into the kitchen and prepared the bottle the right way, showing mat how to do it as you went.

when all was said and done, you placed the new bottle in ella's mouth and watched as she took it without issue.

mat's shoulders sagged in relief. "you're a miracle worker."

you gave him a sheepish smile. "you can go get ready, mat. i've got her from here." he nodded and hurried towards what you assumed was his bedroom while you walked over to the couch to sit down.

ella was a cute baby, you'd give her that. no doubt taking after her father. she looked at you with wide eyes as she drank her bottle, her irises never left your face. it would've been unnerving if she had been an adult.

mat came out a little less frazzled ten minutes later. ella had finished her bottle at that point and the both of you were laid on the floor doing tummy time.

"what's that?" he pointed to the two of you once he stopped running his hands through his hair.

"what's what?"

"what's that you're doing?" he gestured again before placing his hands on his hips.

"tummy time," you smiled. "it helps build her neck muscles. also helps prevent flat spots on the back of her head."

you didn't like to judge people for their skin color, because it's racist, but you didn't think it was possible for mat to be paler until you spoke.

"she could get flat spots?"

you hung your head as ella babbled to herself.

it was going to be a long employment.

day ten

you'd finally gotten mat on a rhythm, he looked a little less scared with every day that you came over.

but today was different.

he was going on an eight day roadie which meant you would be watching her overnight several nights in a row (on top of erin's kids).

you'd done much harder jobs before, so you weren't nervous about the time you spent with ella, it was more so you feared all the confidence you built in the week or so you'd worked for mat would disappear when he came back and realized he had an eighteen year commitment waiting at home for him.

"you have my number, right?" he asked even though you got it the night you accepted the position.

"yes, mat," you said instead.

"and you'll text me if anything goes wrong?"

you nodded. you bounced ella on your hip and held her hand up. "bye dada," you said for her, smiling as she did.

mat's bags were stationed by the front door, but he made no move towards them. he stayed planted in front of you, but his hands fidgeted.

"can i--" he cleared his throat. "can i hold her?"

"of course!" you didn't hesitate to pass her off to mat, who handled her like precious cargo, but was still a little unsure about the entire situation.

once she was settled, he took his eyes off her to look at you. "you know where the guest room is, right?" you nodded. "right, just make yourself at home. i stocked the fridge, i have just about every streaming service, so you should be fine." he paused. "but if you aren't--"

"mat--"

"--you can just text me if you need anything, alright?" he turned his head to focus on ella who took her hands to slap to his cheeks. "and you be good, okay baby?" his voice pitched higher right before he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

you checked your watch to keep yourself from intruding on what felt like a special moment. "mat," you started. "you should get going before you're late."

he nodded and pressed one last kiss to the top of ella's head before passing her back to you. "i'll facetime you when i get to the hotel, okay? so i can tell her goodnight?"

you nodded and left out the part that she would probably be asleep because honestly, you weren't expecting him to remember.

"alright," he said, wiping his hands on his pants before making his way to the front door where his bags sat. "i'll see you in a week."

"bye bye dada," you said in a high squeaky voice, using ella's hand to wave just like before.

he smiled before walking out the door and locking it behind him.

day fourteen

it wasn't until halfway through mat's roadie that weariness settled in. you were constantly surrounded by children, which normally wouldn't be an issue, but between ella and erin's two kids, you were practically a full time single parent.

which sucked because it wasn't even like you got laid to even create this issue.

mat, though, true to his word, facetimed every night he possibly could. he smiled wide every time he saw ella's face and while she was confused at how your phone worked, ella smiled and laughed at the sound of her father's voice.

"what have you been up to?" he asked one evening. you were spoon feeding ella sweet potato puree for dinner while he was laying in bed in his hotel room.

"nothing really, we went to the park today, she was really happy to see a few dogs."

mat grumbled. "certainly didn't get that from me."

you couldn't help it, you smiled at his pout.

"is that--" he guffawed. "did i make you smile?"

you rolled your eyes. "i'm sure i've smiled at you before."

"you haven't!"

"and i don't blame you!" another voice piped in. "he's not funny."

when mat saw the look on your face, he sighed. "that's tito," he said like that explained everything.

"nice to meet you, tito!" you called.

"is that your nanny?" you heard him call. "can i say hi to ella?"

mat rolled his eyes but moved the camera to show you a good looking man lounging in the other bed. he was handsome in a way that mat wasn't. you couldn't really compare one to the other in the same way you couldn't compare an apple to quantum physics.

"ella can you say hi?" you asked in a small voice. ella spared a single glance to camera before screaming. you laughed before spoon feeding her more puree. "sorry," you started. "she does that sometimes."

tito looked terrified but covered it up quickly when mat cleared his throat. "she just screams randomly?"

you shrugged. "usually when she's excited or frustrated."

tito laid back in his bed and started scrolling on his phone. "babies, man."

mat came back into view. his head rested back on his pillow as he held the camera above his face. "are you both doing okay?"

you opened your mouth to reply but tito cut him off.

"you don't need to ask her that everyday!" he said.

you couldn't see what he did, but judging by the shaking of the camera and the cackle that escaped tito's lips, you'd give your left leg and say he flipped his best friend off.

you took your eyes off the camera to look at ella who was using her puree covered hands to rub at her eyes. you put your phone down and grabbed a napkin to immediately start wiping her face and hands.

"is everything okay?" mat asked. "did i lose you?"

"just had to put the phone down to clean her up. she's getting sleepy." you pulled ella out of her high chair, resolving to clean it up later, and picked your phone up.

mat's face lit back up when ella came into view. "hi baby girl," he smiled. "are you getting ready to go to bed?"

ella rested her head on your shoulder and yawned.

"well, i'll let you two go," mat sighed. "i love you, ella bean." he directed his gaze to you. "same time tomorrow?"

"i'll let you know if anything changes."

"night."

"night, mat."

he ended the call and left you to take ella to bed.

day twenty-seven

nearly a month into working for mat and everything was going great. ella had gotten used to you which meant she knew you would come back when you left the room. the first two weeks, she cried every time you left. and if you had to guess, it probably had something to do with how her mother treated her.

and mat, well, he was embracing the father role well enough for someone who thought he was an unattached bachelor not even a month ago.

as far as you go, you were still getting used to the workload of erin's kids and ella. and while you would never breathe a word of it to anyone, you preferred ella over erin's kids.

your roommate and your boyfriend took some time to adjust to your new hours, but your roommate was excited when you contributed more to groceries and apartment needs. as far as your boyfriend went, he was still getting used to the idea of you being gone all day and sometimes even weekends, but even he admitted ella was the cutest baby he'd ever seen.

you were plating yogurt and some smashed peaches for her morning snack while holding her on your hip when mat walked in the kitchen, hair wet from a shower.

"hey," he said. "how is she?"

at the sound of his voice, ella turned in your arms and made a grabby motion for him. "you tell me," you said, handing her off to him. almost immediately, ella rested her head in the crook of his neck and popped a thumb in her mouth.

a smile crossed his face at the way ella fit so perfectly into the lines of his body.

"you're good at this," you remarked.

he laughed. "i have no idea what i'm doing."

"does anyone?"

"you seem to have it figured out."

the laugh was out of your mouth before you could stop it. "well then, let me go audition for broadway. i'm a better actress than i thought."

neither of you said a word, but you continued to stare at each other until his phone dinged. mat shifted ella around until he could fish his phone out of his pocket. "oh it's my mom." he scrolled through the texts when a figurative lightbulb appeared over his head.

"what?" you asked.

"my family is coming into town to meet ella next week so that might affect the hours you have." a flash of panic must've been present on your face because he quickly spoke again. "but your pay will still be the same! i don't want you to worry about that at all. i might still need you throughout the week."

"okay!" you smiled before moving ella's morning snack to her high chair. mat peeled her off of him and placed her in the seat before taking the chair next to hers.

his phone dinged again.

"oh," he said.

"what is it?"

"my mom wants to meet you."

"oh."

#mat barzal #mat barzal imagine #mat barzal x reader #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #nhl blurb

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coulsons-fullmetal-cellist · 21 days

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The Lack of Kenergy

(Dieter x horror loving female)

Words: 610

Summary: Dieter is upset over the results of the 96th Academy Awards. Sorry to people who liked Oppenheimer, it was a good movie, but it wasn’t my favourite film of the year.

Warnings: opinions on films that you may not agree with, two people who are in love but also really horny for each other so lots of saucy suggestions!

Check out masterlist here

It was night and you were in bed reading a book.

Alone.

There was a severe lack of Dieter in bed. You were so used to the blanket of his body warmth you almost felt a little cold.

You knew the Academy Awards were on in the afternoon, so he was probably watching that. Normally, neither of you cared much about them but this year his favourite film Barbie had been nominated and he greatly cared about it and wanted to know whether it had won anything.

Eventually, he walked into the bedroom with such a glum look on his face. He fell onto the bed face down and gave out a whine much in the way an upset puppy would.

You couldn’t help but stroke his hair sympathetically, “Dieter, what’s wrong?”

You couldn’t hear his mumble, so you nudged him to sit up.

“Barbie didn’t win Best Picture.”

“Oh, so that’s what you were up to,” he nodded. “So who won?”

“Oppenheimer.”

You rolled your eyes, “Of course they did.”

He turned to face you, “They won way too many awards.”

“Did they win Best Costume?”

“No, that went to Poor Things.”

“Oh good, I liked those costumes.”

“Yeah they were, but Barbie went through years of doll history to recreate several outfits for every character and so much thought was put into them.”

“Sounds like they were snubbed a bit.”

“They did win Best Song.”

“I’m Just Ken?”

“No, What Was I Made For.”

“Well, at least it won something.”

Dieter sighed, “Yeah but it deserved more. Honestly, I didn’t think Oppenheimer was as amazing as everyone made it out to be.”

“Yeah, personally I thought it was a bit long and the fast-paced editing left me with anxiety.” He gave you a concerning look, but you shrugged it off. “But what do you expect? It ticked all the boxes; it’s a film about a prominent American figure of history.”

Dieter scoffed, “Barbie is a prominent figure of American history.”

“It’s a film about mans role in the world.”

“Barbie did that too, but with more humour and an awesome musical number.”

You sighed, “It’s a film that people will talk about for years to come.”

“I think people will talk about Barbie far longer as it speaks to a wider array of people.”

“Oh, but you forget that Oppenheimer was written and directed by men and the judging is mostly white men. They’ll say it’s the most important film of the year.”

“Yeah, for white men it is. Ugh, it’s all a dick competition with them.”

“Wouldn’t you win that every time?”

“Yeah, but then it’ll bruise there fragile egos. That’s why I stopped dating men.” He snuggled close to you. “In fact, I’d given up on dating and accepted the fact that I was doomed to die alone. But then you had to go and ruin those plans.”

“Oh? How am I going to be punished?”

“Well, for starters,” he sat up so he was sitting right next to you. “I’m going to marry you. Then you’ll be stuck with me for all eternity.”

“For all eternity?”

“Do you think death is going to keep us apart?”

You couldn’t help but smile, “That’s not going to happen for…how long now?”

“Six months and 21 days,” he said that without having to think about it.

“So what about in the meantime?”

“Oh,” he kissed your neck. “I’m thinking the blindfold, if you want?”

Giving a tiny nod of consent, you asked, “Can I rant about the lack of nominations for female directors?”

“Will this include Greta Gerwigs snub and the double standards?” You nodded. “Oh absolutely.”

Lovingly tagging @boliv-jenta @simpingcowboy @ellenmunn @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @chaithetics @myloveistoolittle @cevans-is-classic @glshmbl @cupcakehp @gswizzsstuff

#pedro pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #dieter x honey cakes #love of horror fanfic #love of horror universe #love of horror #dieter bravo #dieter x reader #the bubble netflix #the bubble

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teezertales · 1 year

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knock it off // choi jongho

pairing: choi jongho x reader genre: academic rivals to lovers wc: 1.7k note: this might be a series of one shots if you guys like it

It was the worst day of the month. The day you could never predict, and always dreaded.

Grades for your department were out today.

Also, your department rank.

With which you would find out who won this time:

You?

Or Choi Jongho?

For as long as you could remember, you held top grades all throughout school. You were the ideal student; studious, diligent, responsible. Never did you miss a deadline, fail to complete a project, bomb a test, or even get a grade below a B. You likened it to your meticulous study habits that you’d perfected over time, something you were quite proud of. After all, things like this didn’t just come to anyone with no hard work.

Unless ‘anyone’ is Choi Jongho.

His very existence drove you insane, because he was everything you were not. Lazy, irresponsible, carefree. You’d never seen him open a textbook, or even jot down a single note. Writing down due dates? Forget it. You didn’t think he had ever put a modicum of effort into anything in his life.

And yet…

“Oh–Y/N! Did you see?”

That voice stopped you in your tracks in the library and you closed your eyes, fists clenching as you let out a slow breath to the count of three in your head. You turned around to find Jongho behind you, the department’s rankings in his hand. Playing it cool you raised a brow, tilting your head.

“Top again, like last month. I was sure it would be you this time,” he said with what seemed like a genuine frown for you on his features. Then the smirk you knew to follow curled the corners of his lips upward.

Jackass.

He knew how hard you had worked and shoved it in your face–almost quite literally–as he held the rankings out toward you.

You tried to hide your irritation, jaw clenched as you scanned the document.

Half a point.

He beat you by half a point.

Again.

Anger rose within you and it must have been obvious the way Jongho’s smile spread wide and he chuckled, lowering the page. “Better luck next month, I guess. What was it you said to me? ‘Hard work pays off, you’ll see’?” He tilted his head at you, brows knit while he stroked his chin.

“Knock it off, Jongho. Before I knock that grin off your stupid face,” you warned, shoving past him with your shoulder.

His laughter followed you as did he as you stalked off into the stacks. “Aw, come on, Y/N. Loosen up, maybe you’d finally beat me if you relaxed a little, huh?” He was pushing your buttons now and he knew it. Giving him any kind of reaction would just mean that he won. But it was getting harder and harder to keep walking and ignore him. You had been so sure that you had him beat this time around, so to see evidence to the contrary–you weren’t thinking straight.

So you stopped walking abruptly, which caused Jongho to bump into your back before stumbling backwards a step. You whirled tightly towards him, your brow set in a firm frown. “I don’t get it, Jongho. You sit on your ass and do nothing, you never study, never stress, couldn’t plan your way out of a cardboard box, and yet no matter how hard I try, I keep coming in second to you. What’s your secret, huh? Are you cheating? Paying someone to do your work for you?”

You were on a roll, chest rising with adrenaline-fueled breaths. Jongho noticed how serious you were about this, his smile dying into a frown before turning into a cold irritation. “Really? Y’know, I ignore your nagging when it comes to studying and working hard because honestly, the results speak for themselves. Despite how incredibly annoying you can be. But you’re really going to accuse me of cheating? Not only that but paying someone to do my work for me?”

You turned and stalked off deeper into the stacks as he spoke, rage burning beneath the surface. He followed you, still going, his anger growing with each step you took away from him.

“Are you really so full of yourself you think the only way someone could be smarter than you is by paying someone else?”

That hurt and it made you stop in your tracks, white-knuckling your fists at your sides.

“Answer me, Y/N,” Jongho barked as his hand grabbed your upper arm, whirling you to face him.

“Full of myself!?” you retorted loudly, library be damned.

Jongho’s eyes flared as if to tell you to quiet down. You continued, your voice a harsh whisper.

“If anyone here is full of themselves it’s you, Choi Jongho. You know how hard I work, and yet you just rub it in my face when all my time and effort is proven wasted when you score higher than me. You even go out of your way to flaunt how you spend all the time I use to study.

“And you have the nerve to call me annoying? When all you do is goof off in class, interrupt the professor, and generally give no fucks about the class when others are trying to pay attention? Give me a break.”

You spat your words like they were poison in your mouth, breathing harder with each sentence as you finally let out all of the things you’d been thinking for weeks. Something in Jongho’s face had changed, but you couldn’t quite tell what it was. He looked angry, which pissed you off.

He had no right to be angry with you.

You opened your mouth to continue ranting but before you could, Jongho’s hands were on your shoulders pushing your back into the nearest bookshelf. He was looking down at you, his own chest rising and falling. Some emotion akin to anger seemed set in his features as he looked down at you. You were both angry it seemed, staring at each other like they were the most hated person in your world.

Time seemed to freeze.

There you both were, arguing in the stacks and now Jongho had your back to the shelves. Jongho wasn’t sure what he had done either. He had been listening to you, getting more irritated with each word and then he had moved. He stared daggers at you beneath him, breathing hard. Then his eyes seemed to change. Anger turned to something like hunger.

You were no stranger to this change, either. With him this close, you could smell his cologne and it wrapped around your senses, dulling the sharp edges of your anger into a smoldering heat. You were keenly aware of how your heart hammered in your chest, how you could feel his breath against your cheek.

Then, the tension snapped.

Jongho’s lips were on yours in an instant, the kiss crushing and stealing every ounce of breath from your lungs. His body pressed yours into the shelves, one arm planted beside your head as his other hand grabbed the back of your neck and pulled you in. Anger transformed into passion in an instant, your arms lifting to wrap around the back of his neck as your lips returned his fervent touch.

The fire was burning you both from the inside out, the silence around the two of you filling with escaped breaths and the sounds of desperate kisses. His grip tightened in your hair at the nape of your neck and pulled your head back making you gasp, his lips trailing down your jaw and to your neck. A groan rolled from his chest, the arm beside your head sliding down to grip your waist with bruising force. Your hips rolled into his in response to the possessive touch.

“I’ve always wanted to do this,” he breathed against your neck, marking the spot he spoke with a flick of his tongue.

Those words snapped you out of whatever lustful haze you had been under and you suddenly realized what you were doing.

You shoved Jongho away so quickly it took him by surprise.

What you saw when you got space between you–his blown wide gaze, red lips from how hard he had been kissing you, hair disheveled from your fingers having just been locked in his strands–confused you as you stood there with panting breaths.

“Y/N, wh–”

“Don’t. Jongho, don’t.”

You stopped him abruptly, holding up a hand as your eyes closed and your other pinched the bridge of your nose. What had just happened? What did he mean he’d always wanted to do this? He hated you as much as you hated him, didn’t he?

So what had you two just done?

Jongho stared at you in confusion, it taking a bit more time for him to snap out of whatever spell you’d both just been under. But as he did, he took a step back, dragging a hand down his face. Shit. He should have kept his mouth shut. He’d always enjoyed teasing you, seeing the way your nose scrunched when you were angry or how you’d purse your lips when you were irritated. At first, he had just been bullying you. There had been nothing more or less behind it.

But over time, he’d grown to like you.

And the more you nagged him, the more his feelings grew.

Seeing you so upset this time, and hearing what you’d said. It had hit a nerve in him.

He was upset at himself, for going too far this time. If it were only teasing, he didn’t think anything of it. But you seemed really hurt. He didn’t think you truly hated him, but when you’d spoken your mind, he began to realize he may have been wrong.

Pinning you against the stacks wasn’t a conscious decision he’d made. His body moved on its own. Seeing that hurt look on your face, he wanted to make you feel better and hurt whoever had caused it until he realized it was himself.

And then he kissed you.

He’d really fucked up.

Now wasn’t the time to apologize. He’d caught you off guard and while it felt like the feeling was mutual, he didn’t want to push you. You were still hurt, after all.

“I’ve got to go,” you said curtly, adjusting your backpack on your shoulder as you pushed past him like earlier.

“Y/N, wait–”

But you had already walked out of the stacks with quick steps, disappearing around the corner.

Anything to escape the way he made butterflies take flight in your chest.

#ateez fic #ateez fanfic #jongho fanfic #ateez jongho fanfic #ateez jongho fic #choi jongho fic #jh #jhf #choi jongho fanfic #ateez imagines #jongho x reader #jongho x you #jongho x y/n

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jerzwriter · 2 years

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What We Leave Behind

Book: Open Heart (End of Book 3)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Kaycee MacClennan)

Rating: Teen

Category: Angst - AU

Summary: Her residency is now behind her, and Kaycee has important decisions to make. A conversation with her best friend makes her realize that she needs to tell someone the truth. But is she too late?

Words: 2715

A/N: Michael Bolton’s “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?” has been stuck in my head for two days, and this is the end result. I’m sorry. But remember, it’s an AU. (More notes at the end.)

"Kaycee, you have to tell him."

Sienna looked at the clock in the corner of the room. It had been two hours since Kaycee began talking, spitting out three years of emotion without coming up for air. Pausing only when the tears would no longer allow her to speak.

Everyone thought her decision had been made, but her best friend knew better. UCLA's offer was unparalleled. And after a brief visit last month, Kaycee had to admit, it felt like home: the hospital, LA, she could see herself building a life there. Then there was Tomas. First loves who never fully got over each other; he cleared his busy schedule the second he heard she was coming to town. He went out of his way to highlight everything her new life could offer, and while not saying it directly, Kaycee knew that could also include him. It felt like the puzzle pieces were coming together. It was fate. It was a foregone conclusion to all… except for the two women sitting amongst a sea of discarded tissues.

The unsigned papers were on the table. Kaycee planned on signing and mailing them today until she lifted her pen…

It's not as if Sienna didn't know; she'd known since intern year. The way Kaycee looked at him, how her whole demeanor changed whenever he entered the room. She was the only intern who could get away with the things she did. Not only did Dr. Ramsey tend to ignore Kaycee's chutzpah, but he seemed to find it endearing. She had been so flustered upon her return from the Miami conference. Once Sienna saw her friend sneaking her boss out of her room the day after her trial, she no longer had any doubts about why. She had soothed her friend when he was away in the Amazon. She was her rock. Kaycee never said who broke her heart, but Sienna knew. She didn't push, because that's what a best friend does. She knew Kaycee would tell her if the day came where she needed to. And that day was today.

"It's been two years, Sienna," Kaycee said tearfully. "Two years since we stood in the beer garden when he told me we needed a 'reset.' I have no idea if he feels the same way about me."

"Kaycee, you just told me that you love him. Is that true? Are you sure it's really love?"

"I’ve never been more sure of anything, Si. I never stopped loving him. I understood his reasons. Sure they hurt, but they made sense. He wasn’t wrong. If we were together and it got out, it would have hurt me. He cared enough about me to let me go.”

“But you’re not a resident anymore. And you’re making one of the most significant decisions of your life.”

Sienna sighed deeply and handed her weeping friend the last tissue in the box. “Kaycee, can you really go to Los Angeles and never really know? Do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering?”

“Do you think he feels the same way about me?”

“I wish I had that answer, but I don’t. I mean, I know how close you two are, and I know he’d probably do anything for you because, well, he has. You finish each other's thoughts, and the nights you’re not at Donahues? He always looks over at our table, and when it’s clear you’re not there, he leaves. So I can’t say for sure, but I think you need to find out.”

“He really looks over at the table?”

“Every time. We’ve all commented on it.”

“Why didn’t any of you ever tell me?”

“What did it matter?” Sienna shrugged. “If he didn’t mean anything to you, what would be the point.”

“He does always take my calls at all hours of the night.”

“He does,” Sienna smiled.

“And that time, I got really drunk after losing a patient last year, and I called him. He stopped everything to come and get me, and I found out after he blew off an important dinner with the board, just to make sure I was OK.”

“I remember that. He was worried sick, and I was always a little suspicious of why he took you to his place and not home….”

“Nothing happened, Si. I swear. I slept in his guest room, we watched TV the next day, he was wonderful but nothing… happened.”

“But has he ever done that for another resident?”

Kaycee tossed the last tissue to the floor. She was exhausted and all cried out, but Sienna saw a bit of light in her eyes for the first time all day.

“You’re right,” Kaycee smiled. “I can’t make this decision until I know. I love him, Sienna. I love him. And if he loves me too, then… then I can’t be a whole country away. I have great offers here too, and I… I….”

“You have to talk to him.”

“I do. Right now. I’m not wasting any more time.”

~~~~~

Kayce nervously bounced on her feet in the elevator, anxious for it to get to her floor. Ethan was only scheduled to work until six today, and though he said he’d wait for her, she knew he had plans. However, in her heart, she was hoping he’d be willing to blow them off once she said what she needed to.

The chiming bell announced her arrival, bringing her back to reality. She could hear her heart thumping as she watched the doors slowly slide open. She had walked down this corridor to Ethan’s office hundreds of times, but never did it feel like this.

“Come in,” his deep voice bellowed upon her knock. It was time.

Ethan looked up from his paperwork, a warm smile on his face when he saw her. You would have never known she was a weeping mess just an hour before. She was stunning, as stunning as she had so many times before. He was briefly transported back to that night in Miami years ago. Her flowing blonde hair, the sparkle in her eyes, a certain magic that surrounded her. He smiled at the memory, one of many he had tucked away. He had no idea what Dr. Kaycee MacClennan would mean to him when she entered the doors of Edenbrook three years ago. Now that her time here was almost at its end, every memory was more poignant than before.

“You made it,” he said, looking at the clock. “I was beginning to worry you wouldn’t.”

“I’m here,” she grinned, almost breathless. “Thank you for sticking around for me.”

“Well, I was actually glad you called. I’ve wanted some time to talk with you, alone, before you leave Edenbrook. So it worked out perfectly.”

“Really,” she beamed, trying so hard to conceal the hope rising in her chest but rather confident she was not doing such a great job. He wanted to see her. Alone, and her heart all but danced.

“I wanted to tell you….”

“I needed to tell you….”

They said in unison before laughing.

“You first,” Ethan smiled.

“No. Please, you start,” Kaycee insisted. “Please.”

“Well,” he breathed, nervously crossing his hands together on his desk. “I want to start by saying how wonderful the last three years have been. I knew you’d take this place by storm the moment I saw your application, Rookie….”

“You cannot call me a Rookie anymore,” she beamed.

“The hell I can’t,” he chuckled. “But seriously, we’ve had the honor of educating you and playing a part in the doctor you have become. That will forever be an honor to this hospital and me.”

“Well, the honor is mine. I came here to learn from the best, and I have.”

“You’ve done more learn, Rook.. uh... Kaycee. You’ve changed, you’ve impacted, you carved your own path and left your mark on Edenbrook, as much as Edenbrook left its mark on you. Now, with your time here coming to an end… so much is going to change,” he swallowed as Kaycee’s breath hitched. Were those tears in his eyes? Did he feel the same way? Maybe she didn’t have to say it… perhaps he was going to say it first…

“Yes, it is,” she whispered, “but that doesn’t mean….”

“Kaycee,” he said as if he hadn’t heard her. “I’m glad you stopped by because there was no way I could leave without telling you how important you are to me, on a professional and a personal level. No one has ever taught me more than you, and my life is so much better for it. I had to tell you, it is so important to me that you know.”

Kaycee was stone-faced. She did not hear a word of his adulation or praise; the world stopped spinning, with five words bringing it to a halt… no way I could leave.

“Le…Le… Leave?” she stammered. “Before you leave? Did… did you mean before I go? Because I haven’t….”

“No,” he smiled, an unfamiliar light shining brightly on his face. “As it turns out, you won’t be the only one saying goodbye to Edenbrook.”

“I… I’m confused… what are you….”

“I’m leaving as well. Next Friday will be my last day.”

If he noticed the blood draining from Kaycee’s face, he didn’t show it. Then again, how could he see? His world had just started spinning as Kaycee’s was coming to an end.

“I wanted to tell you in person because, without you… I don’t think this would have ever happened.”

“What… what exactly is this?” she shivered.

“I met someone. About a year ago, her name is Ciarra, Ciarra….”

“Flynn,” Kaycee finished, her breathing becoming shallow. “From… from the governor’s office… she… she was here for… for the….”

“…the urban healthcare initiative,” Ethan was glowing, his chest full of pride. “She’s done a magnificent job! Have you seen the numbers? It’s been a huge success at bringing quality care to underserved communities. She worked tirelessly, and all that work, it really paid off.”

“Yes, the program has been a huge success. It’s now a model for…but… but… what does that have to do with… What does it have to do with you… leaving?”

“Ah, sorry, I went off on a tangent. I tend to…,” he chuckled. “Ciarra and I worked on that project together in the initial stages. Long days, long nights, it was arduous, but it was a labor of love for both of us. And, somehow… without us even realizing…. that love extended beyond the work we shared.”

“You… you’re… what?” Kayce prayed for the floor to open and swallow her whole. He couldn’t be saying… it wasn’t possible that he…

“The New York City Department of Health contacted her. They gave her a job offer that’s too good to refuse. They want her to create the same program there. There is no way she could say no… and there is no way I could let her go without me.”

Kaycee bit the inside of her cheek, doing all in her power to hide the tears beginning to spring in her eyes. As quickly as the world had stopped spinning on its axis, it started again. Spinning at a speed unlike anything felt before. She was nauseous, dizzy. She needed to get off this ride, but there was no way for it to stop. Ethan’s words no longer registered as every memory of the past year played in her mind. Every interaction between them. How had she not seen it? Was she blind? Did she believe she was too special? Thinking he’d never get over her, simply because she could never get over him?

“… so we’ll be living on Central Park West. Me, a New Yorker,” he laughed. “Can you imagine?”

“It will be quite the change,” she swallowed. “You… you love her?”

Her eyes were wide and filled with fear, but in his state of exuberance, Ethan was unable to see.

“Yes,” he gushed. “So much. I never saw this for me, but here I am… and it’s all because of you.”

“Because of me,” she faltered.

“Yes. You pushed me out of my shell and forced me to see that there is life beyond the hospital's walls. Others had tried throughout the years, my father, Naveen… but it took a stubborn, obnoxious resident who pushed and pushed and never gave up to make me see. There would be no Ciarra if you hadn’t come first, and there is no way I could ever repay you.”

His smile was so pure and genuine. Her mind searched back over the past three years and scrutinized every smile he had ever offered, and she was sure; she had never seen this smile before. Although her heart was shattering, she loved him. She loved him too deeply to deprive him of this joy. He was in love in a way he hadn’t experienced in his nearly forty years. She wanted this for him, desperately… but why couldn’t it have been with her?

A strength she was unaware she possessed took over, tamping down her tears and the despair overtaking her mind, body, and soul. There would be time for that later. “Her” Ethan would have recognized her forced smile in an instant, but “her” Ethan was gone, and she had to let go.

“I’m happy for you. I am. I’ve always said you deserved to be happy.”

“You did,” he smiled. “I’m so glad I finally listened.”

“Well,” she said, standing up from her chair, desperate to escape. “I know you have plans tonight, and I don’t want to keep you. So, I… I….”

“Kaycee, forgive me! Here I am so wrapped up in my own… ah… you came to tell me something. What was it?”

“Oh, that… I’ve decided on Los Angeles,” she gulped. “I accepted today.”

“That’s wonderful!”

Pushing his chair back, he circled his desk. Kaycee wanted to run; she wouldn’t be able to control herself if… if… He pulled her into a warm embrace, and she surrendered. Her eyes squeezed shut, but she could not stop the tears from falling as she sobbed gently into his chest.

“Hey,” he pulled back, staring at her with genuine concern. “Are you OK?”

“I’m fine,” she said, wiping away a tear. “It’s just… so much is changing. You know… everything is changing.”

“I know,” he smiled, brushing a tear from her cheek. “Change is never easy, but I know you’re going to take the world by storm. You will be twice the doctor I ever hoped to be.”

“Yeah. I’m sure my career will be… it’ll be great. Well, I guess… I guess this is goodbye,” she whispered softly, afraid to hear the words herself.

“Well, we will be in touch, right? It’s not goodbye forever.”

“Sure,” she lied, “sure, we’ll be in touch.”

She raised her hand to his arm, giving it a final squeeze before walking away. Then, against her better judgment, she turned for one last look.

“Ethan,” she gasped. “I’ll never forget you.”

“I’ll never forget you either, Rookie. That’s a promise.”

~~~~~

She made it to the on-call room down the hall before she fell apart, ashamed of herself for falling to the floor in a pool of tears. It was too late. The life she foolishly allowed herself to dream was never to be, and she’d have to find a way to carve a new path ahead. Even in the depths of despair, she knew she would. Somehow, someway… she would. In the end, Sienna was right. No matter how painful this was, at least she had an answer. She knew the truth.

Forty minutes passed, and she was confident that Ethan would be gone. Without fear of running into him again, she stood up on her wobbling legs and headed toward the staircase. Walking down twelve flights was surely better than seeing anyone today. She had made it down three flights when her phone rang, and she mindlessly lifted it to her ear.

“Hello?”

“Kaysita, mi vida, it’s me.”

“Tomas? Hey. What’s up?”

“I know today was the day, and I couldn’t wait anymore. What did you decide?”

“I’m coming to LA,” she answered with confidence. “It looks like I’m coming to LA.”

______

A/N2: My HC for what happens after:

What upsets me is she knew... but Ethan never did. He was in love, so if she had told him she loved him, he wouldn't have changed his mind. But it would have caused him duress. In the months that followed, he'd think of her, and he'd be torn. Her prediction would have been right. She would have stolen his happiness... and he was happy.

Kaycee moved to LA. She took some time to focus on herself and her career. She had so much to process. In time, she and Tomas dated again, eventually marrying. She loved him very much but never in quite the same way. Ethan was the one who got away.

Ethan found out Kaycee had wed through the grapevine. While he was happy for her, he couldn't ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach. He told him himself it was because he didn't learn about it from her. But, deep down, he knew that wasn't true. He hated that they lost touch, and always wondered why she never returned his calls.

He began to reflect on the last time he saw her, and all the things he was too blind to see came into focus. The pain in her eyes, the breaking of her voice, the way she looked to the side when she told him she was happy for him. It hit him like a ton of bricks. She wasn't coming to tell him she was going to LA. She had come in hopes that he'd give her a reason to stay.

Kaycee never wanted to see him again. It was too painful. Her life was going fine, and it would continue to, as long as that chapter was closed. She avoided conferences she knew was likely to attend. She even skipped weddings of mutual friends. She knew what had to be done.

Then, one day, she was the keynote speaker at a conference in New York City. She knew there was a chance she would see him, so she only spoke, refusing to attend any receptions. She thought she was home free. She was standing on the curb in front of her hotel, waiting for the taxi that would whisk her to the airport, when a luxury black sedan stopped short.

Ethan emerged, and she tried to look away, quickly realizing it was hopeless. They exchanged pleasantries, then he asked.

"Why didn't you ever take my calls? Why have you avoided me all these years? Did I do anything to hurt you?"

She tells him it's best for her to go, slipping into her taxi and closing the door, but he sticks his head in through the window.

"You were going to tell me loved me that day, were you not?"

She sadly looks up, "Ethan, what does it matter? What does it matter now?"

"I suppose it doesn't. But it might have mattered then. Things could have gone... quite differently."

Gently gazing into his eyes and caressing the side of his face she smiled.

"It could have, my love. It could have. But it didn't."

The taxi begins to pull away, but not before she utters, "Goodbye, Ethan. Goodbye.

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

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#open heart fanfic #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan x mc #ethan x kaycee au #choices fic writers creations #cfwc fics of the week

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reidtypical · 11 months

Text

high on you

Spencer Reid x stoner gender neutral character , oral sex, both of them are high cause they smoked weed,

You and Spencer have been dating for almost 8 months now. You smoked, he knew that but he never saw you do it, until today. The case at work was long and when you got home to your apartment all you wanted to do was smoke to calm your nerves. You were sitting on your apartment balcony in the warm may weather with the joint between your lips when the doorbell rang. You went to the door and looked through the small hole to see who was there.

Spencer was at the door holding two takeout boxes. You let him in and put the food on the table and kissed you.

“Hey y/n, you seemed stressed at work so I wanted to bring you dinner, I hope that's okay.” Spencer said.

You smiled at him and hummed, “Mm,, yeah that's alright, I was just smoking but if it makes you uncomfortable I can quit until you leave,” You say, you knew Spencer didn’t like to drink so you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable with smoking. “But if you're okay with it, could we eat on the balcony?”

Spencer grabbed the food and kissed you, “I’m fine with it, I just want to spend time with you.” he said

You smiled at him, you grabbed forks and then headed to the balcony with Spencer.

“I love your balcony, it's so much better than mine, I'm jealous.” Spencer said

You exhaled the smoke from your lungs and looked up at the man that was sitting on the chair next to you while you were sitting on the ground, you were starting to get horny.

Spencer eyed the joint that was between your lips, you noticed, “Do you want to smoke with me, Spence?”

Spencer laughed, “I mean- I- I would but I feel like I would cough up my lungs.” he said.

An idea popped into your head, “I have an idea.” you got up and straddled his hips, you brung the joint to your mouth, inhaled, and brought your lips to Spencer's lips. You kissed him and then exhaled into his mouth.

Spencer coughed, but didn’t choke. He was caught off guard by you kissing him.

“I want you, please Spence I need you.” You begged. You were typically the dominant one between you and Spencer but you were desperate for him.

Spencer crashed his lips against yours, he got up and held your hips against his waist and brung you inside, he pushed your back against the wall in the living room and started kissing your neck.

You let out a bunch of moans. You loved him touching you and you needed more, you wanted him and you wanted to please him.

Spencer was still sucking bruises into your neck, but you wanted to please him, “S-spence fuck- can I suck you off.” You asked.

Spencer moaned at your request, “F-fuck y/n of course.”

You got on your knees, unbuttoning your shirt and Spencer's pants, you pulled on his pants and started kissing his stomach. His cock was straining against his boxers desperate to be touched. You teased him through his boxers, which resulted in him bucking his hips forward.. You took his boxers off and his cock was hard against his stomach, you spit in your hand and then took his cock in your hand.

“Y/n- shit I fucking love you.” Spencer moaned.

The tip of his cock was red and precum was dripping down his cock. You slid your finger over the tip of his aching cock. Then pressed a kiss on his tip. Your tongue was now licking the sides of his cock.

“P-please y/n.” He moaned

You licked the tip of his cock once more then you closed your lips around his cock. Your head bobbed back and forth, your cheeks hollowed out. You looked up at him, his eyes were closed and mouth was open, he was letting out a string of curses. He threw his head back and whimpers were falling from his lips as well.

“Y/n, f-fuck i’m gonna cum.”

You licked the tip of his cock again, and he bucked his hips forward while his cock was in your mouth, he came down your throat, you continued to suck his cock while he continued to whimper and moan.

He pulled your head off his cock and made you stand up, “Your mouth feels so good, y/n I love you.”

You looked into his eyes, “I love you too Spence.”

#spencer reid smut #gender neutral y/n #criminal minds smut #criminal minds

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sirthisisa-wendys · 1 year

Text

Liberation (Part 4): Keizo Arashi x Fem!Reader

synopsis: you've finally built some kind of rapport with your selector. But will it last? Or will you find yourself resenting him more and more as the days go on?

wc: 1.3k

tw: fluff

previous part 🏛 masterlist 🏛 next part

As promised, on the first day of your cycle, a gift arrives for you, boxed up plainly with your name scrawled on it.

But your own cycle does not arrive.

Not on the first day, when you are gifted a heated blanket. Not on the second day, when a box of fine chocolates arrives to comfort you. And not on the third, when a set of lavender-scented soaps and creams are placed in your bathroom for your personal use.

"It's never been late," you mutter to Ann, who is sampling those same creams and soaps. Kim and Ari, the redhead, are also sitting in your room, each testing the chocolate.

"Pregnancy test," Lisette, the other black-haired girl, calls out, chucking one at you. "Early detection. My mom bought fifty of them when she found out I would be coming here." You look at the package and sigh, rubbing your thumb over the cardboard ridges. All the girls look at you expectantly, so you stand and walk to the bathroom. Ann clears the way, closing the door behind her before you open the box in your hands.

It's a simple pee-on-a-stick mechanism, and you complete the task without many thoughts in your mind. Perhaps this would be a false alarm and your period was just late due to stress. On the back of the box, the instructions read:

Results will be available after 15 minutes.

You exit the bathroom, looking down at your hands. "Fifteen minutes."

"We're happy to wait with you," the girls mention, and you're grateful for the comfort and companionship. Ann seems obsessed with the lavender creams, but as you listen to her ramble on and on about them, the test hovers in the back of your mind. It couldn't be that easy, could it? Only three tries, and now you're possibly--

What will Keizo say? you wonder to yourself. Will he be happy? What will happen after this? Will I--

"You should call him," Kim offers, popping another chocolate in her mouth. "I'm sure Ms. Mako has the ability to contact them if something like this happens." You look over to the blonde, and she shrugs. "Or you could just wait."

"Wait for..."

"Him to come after this week." After a moment of thought, you find that the idea isn't so reprehensible. Maybe - if you are indeed pregnant - you could use this time for yourself and mention it to Keizo next week.

"Time for lunch!" Ms. Mako calls out over the PA system, and the girls perk up immediately.

"Good, I'm starved," Ari mutters, rising from her perch and walking to the door quickly. The others follow behind her, but you stay seated, lost in thought.

"Hey," Ann murmurs, looking at you carefully. "Let's eat first. Then we can come back for the test. It's not going anywhere."

"Right," you reply, standing up and walking out of the room for what smells like a hearty lunch.

"You should tell her."

The stick trembles in your hands while Ann hovers beside you. You stare at the thing until it becomes blurry, the two lines fading into nothing.

"I have to, don't I?" you question, but Ann doesn't answer, instead shifting uneasily on the counter.

"In and out in less than a month," she whispers, chuckling. "Fast as shit." You follow Ann down the stairs and to the little office where Ms. Mako sits during the day, proceeding to knock on the door.

"Come in," the elderly woman advises, and you step inside with Ann behind you.

"Ms. M-Mako," you begin slowly, extending your arm to place the test on her desk. "I think I might be pregnant."

The woman takes the stick in her hands, carefully eyes the lines, then looks up at you.

"I haven't lost a bet yet," she mentions, and you feel the blood rush from your cheeks. "I knew that when you and that young man were paired together, you'd be out of here in no time." Ms. Mako picks up her shiny green plastic telephone and punches in the keys to some number, looking off into the distance as the phone rings.

"Yes, is Mr. Arashi there?" A voice answers on the other side. "Well, when he returns from his assignment, please let him know his partner has need of him." The answer is short. "Thank you."

You're dismissed sans pregnancy test, but part of you wants to grab the phone and demand answers. What happens now? Where is Keizo on assignment? Isn't there some way you could just--

"Don't worry," Ann reassures you, patting your shoulder. "This is a good thing. You'll be free of this place. You might even get to live near your family if you want. I'm sure everything will be fine."

But nothing is fine as you lay in bed that night, hand resting on the space where you're sure the life inside of you is growing.

"Less than a month," Yuzuha breathes on the other end of the phone. "Holy shit."

"Yeah." You're standing in Ms. Mako's office, taking your special inbound phone call. Yuzuha wanted to check up on you, but the only way she could do it was by phone. And it wasn't unheard of for friends to call the house in hopes of getting a smidgen of gossip, either. "I didn't think it would happen so soon."

"No one did," your friend admits. "But hey, this might be good news."

"How?" you wonder, fidgeting with your blouse.

"Well, don't you get to throw away that stupid blindfold now?" You hadn't thought of that.

"I do," you reply, and you can hear the smile in Yuzuha's voice when she answers.

"And he'll come to pick you up, take you to a new home, and then I'll be able to see you whenever I want!" You perk up a little at the thought of seeing Yuzuha again - in all of her unmarried glory. "From what you've said, he seems to be a nice guy. Decent, even. So I wouldn't be too worried."

"What if he wants more kids?" you ask, but Yuzuha scoffs.

"Then he'll have to ask and say, 'pretty please with cherries on top'." You both let out a laugh just as the call for dinner rings out through the house.

"Bye, Yu."

"Keep me updated! And tell me your new number when you get it, 'kay?"

"Of course. Talk to you later." You hang up the phone and exit the office, shutting the door behind you. As you walk to the kitchen, the doorbell rings, and everyone in the vicinity turns to look at the foyer. No one rang the doorbell. No one had a need for it - it was merely a device that remained unused, like the appendix of the house.

Kim goes to answer it - in her folly - but is quickly brushed aside by Ms. Mako, who cracks the door a fraction.

"Is y/n here?" you hear, and the voice makes you freeze, slightly on edge.

"I didn't think you'd be coming by so soon," Ms. Mako mentions, stepping out of the way of the man coming through the door. "They said you were on--"

"Early release," the man answers, the floorboards creaking under his feet as he walks through the foyer. You don't dare to peek any further past the staircase, but you do turn to watch the man you know as Keizo walk into your line of sight. Your mouth dries up at the sight of the man - a giant by all accounts - standing in the hallway between the foyer and the kitchen, his ice-blue eyes staring at you and only you.

You inhale shakily as he steps toward you, his hands coming out of his pockets before he stops in front of you and cups your face.

"Are you well?" Your mind goes blank, and if Keizo had brows, you're sure they would furrow, but he just asks the question again in a softer tone. You finally gather the wherewithal to nod, and Keizo sighs, closing his eyes. He kisses your forehead tenderly just as Ms. Mako rounds the corner, her eyes observing the two of you curiously.

"Well, now that you're here... would you like to stay for dinner?"

#keizo arashi x reader #arashi keizo x reader #arashi keizou #keizo arashi

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pumpkin-spiced-latte · 1 year

Text

Since quite a few people seemed to rather enjoy the six sentence post from yesterday I thought I'd post the entire scene

London, 1941

He spends his first day back in England in months on a train down to Devon, to visit the grave of Mama and Daisy, and the evening on his Aunt Fanny's old, faded sofa, listening to the news of his siblings and cousins, while Fanny promises solemnly to not tell his father about the visit. The journey back to London drags on and on, people on the tracks apparently, but once he reaches Kings Cross it’s a short walk to the Folly, where he trudges right up the steps to the lab they’ve given David for the duration of the war – however long that might be – crossing the room until he reaches one corner, where he can slide down to the ground between a metal cabinet and wooden workbench that had been pushed up against the wall, weighed down with copious amounts of notebooks and notes, some kept in boxes, some stacked precariously high, David’s thoughts spilled out over the paper. He hasn’t even taken the time to take off his coat and scarf, far too warm for the sweltering heat in the lab.

David himself only looks up from his experiment once he’s done, though Thomas has no way of telling what exactly he has finished.

“Are you quite alright, Thomas?” he asks and takes off his glasses to clean the round lenses with the sleeve of a dark blue jumper peeking out from under a lab coat that had once been white.

“Splendid,” Thomas grunts, and runs a hand through his hair, already messy from the wind outside.

David, who has had enough time to map out his responses over the years, slips out of his lab coat and approaches him, heaves a box from the end of the bench so he can sit next to Thomas, who rests his head against his leg. Almost immediately there are fingers combing through his hair, brushing a curl out of his face.

“Would you like to tell me?”

“Not particularly”

“I think you ought to"

“Later. Maybe"

“Your sister called,” David tells him instead, “she wants to see you. Stephen as well. They’re your siblings, you can’t avoid them forever”

“I know. I just – Just not right now. Can you tell Drina I'm still on the continent the next time she calls?”

“Somehow I don’t think she'll believe me. Especially considering Henry was on the continent with you and came yesterday. Victoria knows your on home leave”

“Curse the day your nephew decided to marry my niece"

“They’re children. Can you truly begrudge them some happiness"

Thomas sighs, rubs his cheek against the coarse wool of David’s trousers, closes his eyes. “No. That doesn’t mean I have to like it"

“I know. But still, please talk to her. I have a feeling every time we talk she likes me even less, and if she doesn’t hear from you soon she'll show up at Folly and castrate me for hiding you from her"

Thomas nearly laughs “We can’t have that, of course"

“Are you sure she doesn’t know?”

“Without a doubt. She’d be much worse if she knew about the sodomy. To both of us"

“Would you like to help me with some experiments?" David asks in an obvious attempt to lighten the mood, "I have some test tubes that need to be blown up"

“You know I'll gladly blow anything for you, Davey"

David laughs and pulls him upright, presses a quick kiss to his cheek. “I’m glad you're back home"

Thomas says nothing and lets David lead him towards the table he’d been working on when Thomas had arrived. The set up looks complicated, but most things David does in his lab are so far beyond Thomas’s comprehension that he no longer even bothers to ask.

Once more dressed in his lab coat David lines up two dozen tubes, “I think we’ll start with a simple werelight,” he says, “and go on from there”

He isn’t sure how much time they spent in the lab, Thomas performing various spells at David’s request, but when David sets down his pen, apparently satisfied with the results at last it’s already dark outside.

“You should go to bed, Tom,” David says and Thomas lets his werelight blink away, plunging the room into sudden darkness. Either there’s another power outage or David’s simply forgotten to turn on the lights again.

“I don’t even know where that is" He is a CO now and therefore, by Folly mechanisms, entitled to one of the rooms on the second floor, which he'll still share, but with only one other man. He'd rather crawl into bed with David, but, of course, that won’t be poss-

“In that case I have some good news for you. We're sharing until you leave again"

“Honestly?”

“Yes. Apparently most find me to be an insufferable roommate”

“Because you are, David”

“I beg to differ”

The room is bleak and unpersonal, except for an old photograph on the edge of the desk that also serves as David’s nightstand, now that another bed has been shoved inside and every unnecessary piece of furniture put up in the attic, of David and his brother, dead now for over two decades, killed in some trench in France, and a small stack of books he faintly recognises as some of David’s favourites. Waugh, Collins, Wells and the like.

None of it feels quite tangible and it might very well have been a dream, if it weren’t for the weight of David’s arm wrapped around him. No matter how lonely, how unhappy, he is, when he imagines David’s embrace it never feels real

“What are you thinking about, pumpkin?” David, already half asleep, asks.

If I die will you put up a picture of me as well? A neat little collection of the people you've lost, trod under England's heel?

“Nothing. Go to sleep"

David’s never been one who had trouble falling asleep, and after a few minutes he can hear him snoring, firm against his back, breath ghosting over Thomas’s neck. If he’d ever been such a sleeper he certainly is no longer, considering the things haunting his dreams, despite the sense of secruity and comfort David’s presence gives him.

He'll have to mess up the bed in the morning, he thinks, before the maid comes to clean the room, make it look as if he’s slept in it. He doesn’t know how long he stares into the soft shadows of the room, but it seems like he is lulled to sleep faster than he normally falls asleep these days

#rivers of london

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crones-trash · 1 year

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Welp, the other shoe dropped yesterday morning. Because I'm a trusting fool, I got swindled. The plumbers sent me an estimate for nearly $15,000 to entirely replace the plumbing system. Seems the restoration work is covered by the previous owners' home insurance BUT restoring the plumbing isn't. Sarah Rae Cook tells me litigation would cost much more & it's useless because the culprits don't have any money. That's why they lied to me & fled the scene.

The minute the Home Inspector showed me the video of what was happening under the house, I should have walked away & kept house hunting. But, I was desperate for an address to get medical insurance & open a local bank account. I knew I was buying a superficial fixer-upper & allowed a $17K budget for improvements. I just didn't expect plumbing to eat all of it.

The Park's Maintenance Man argued that the plumbers can't give me a Warranty w/o replacing everything. A Warranty on plumbing--whoever heard of such a thing? In NC, we called in a plumber at least 3 times a year over the last 15 years. That's the reality of owning a house built in the 70's. It's called maintenance.

Naturally, I called another plumbing company who will come this afternoon & I have to pay them for an estimate. I want them to turn the water on & take videos of any leaks that result. If there are only 3 or 4 leaks, just fix them & set up regular check-ups to be sure there aren't any new ones. OTOH, if it looks like it's raining in the crawlspace then I'll have no choice about replacing the entire system. Hopefully, they will offer a more affordable estimate.

In other news, I got my new Kaiser medical insurance card & called for an appointment w/ a Primary Care Physician. The earliest available was 13 December--over a month from now. Have I mentioned my feet & ankles are swollen & every step HURTS? Yeah, well, I can go sit & wait for my turn at an Urgent Care facility. Since swollen feet can be a symptom of congestive heart failure, I should probably do that after buying a super facemask to hopefully minimize catching Covid while waiting in a room full of sick people.

Also, my paid helper is only available a couple of hours a day but we have worked our way thru half of the boxes. Problem is: none of my furniture is where it's gonna be so I can't transfer the contents of the boxes into drawers. But I do have them sorted into piles based on there ultimate locations. Currently, everything that belongs in the kitchen is sitting on the countertops because I can't decide where to put anything. This chaos represents the current state of my mind.

#My Homeowner Saga #Episode 2

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revolttoevolve · 2 years

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And so it began.....

It was 28th December 2018 and I was coming down from of a three-day drinking bender. Depressed out of my arse that even taking Flash (my beloved Border Collie who passed away Sep 2020) out for his walk wasn't so much a struggle as it was a full-on war with anxiety.

This particular low point in my life wasn’t without reason. My boyfriend and I had broken off our 2-and-a-half-year relationship and I’d recently cut ties with my Dad (for reasons that I will go into later), both things were raw and so emotionally overwhelming that the only thing I seemed capable of, was crying and getting drunk. To be honest, though, it didn't matter why I was stuck in my box of anxiety this time, the destination never changed. I am alone in the dark cradling my dog and a bottle of wine.

As my hazy brain was coming out of the massive boozy insult, my thoughts didn’t go to the usual place. Normally, at this stage, I would start daydreaming about a future Lou, a happy Lou that is not slowly becoming the size of a walrus and pickling her liver at an alarming rate.

This time, my thought process went straight for the jugular. No matter how hard I tried to daydream about a better version of myself, I'm stuck with this one. And I've been stuck with this version of me since my late teens and at the rate that things are going I will hit my 40th and I'll still be sitting in the dark hugging my dog and a bottle of wine feeling lonelier than ever. I couldn't bear the thought, it made my head spin more than any bottle ever could.

Then it hit me. One of my favourite quotes that I had smugly dished out so often, smacked me in the face like a cold wet kipper.

'The definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.' Good old Einstein.

Why in the world did I expect my life to change if I didn't change anything in my life? It was madness. But what? What could I do differently?

Of course, I already knew the answer to that, I had always known the answer to that. I need to sort my drinking out. In every fantasy of my future, all the Lou's every single one of them didn't drink or at least didn't need a drink and none of them was lonely.

Terrifying. Not the concept of giving up booze, that I was ready for and I can’t explain how I knew I was, but this time and for the first time I just was. Telling people, that was the scary part. I didn't want the attention on it, I just wanted to get my head down and get on with it. I didn’t know how bad it was. If it was a serious drink problem, I wanted to get my head around knowing I needed help before I was ready to ask for it.

So, I started racking my brain – what could I do as subterfuge? I looked at my books for inspiration. My go-to.... if in doubt stare at books. And they didn’t fail me, I have three books on marathon training. I got them back in 2011, in preparation for running my first one. I pulled out all three books and for some reason felt the need to hug them, which made Flash jealous and shouty (he hated not being involved in every cuddle situation.) then decided it was time to run my third Brighton Marathon, 7 years after my last one and 8 years after my first.

I would run in 2020 which gave me 1 year and 4 months to train for it. So I could now attribute whatever change I made to my diet to training. Boom!

Next. Food

Like everything else in my life, my diet was in conflict. On the one hand, I was healthy and loved to cook. The recipe books were always out even though I never really followed them and just liked looking at the pictures. On the other hand, the deeper I was inside my box of anxiety the less I cared about food and the more I cared about wine. Then it would be late-night takeaways, which were finished for breakfast and a meal deal for lunch, along with sweets (usually to combat the shakes), and the recipe books gathering dust.

The sugar detox had been on my radar ever since a couple of former colleagues had done the detox for 30 days. I was astonished at the difference no sugar made they were more alert, full of energy and just looked super healthy. I had never considered for a second giving it a go myself, largely because of course that would mean no booze and I hadn't been ready for that. But now the sugar detox was perfect for that very reason. NO BOOZE!

Goals are set, and so to the research...

#sobriety #weight loss #running #marathon #trauma #childhood #sugar detox #workout

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miakielsenwrites · 1 year

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Stage Four, a Monologue by Mia Kielsen

About a year ago, I was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma.Which is weird because, I only just graduated high school maybe a month before my diagnosis. Ever since I got out of high school, I’ve been on the road. I mean, I took the liberty of packing not just my whole room, but my whole life into boxes within the span of just a few short hours, took a drive down to the-middle-of-nowhere Arizona where I stared down at the sunset from a high cliff. I set up a folding chair just outside the camper. (Tries to sit down.) Ow! What the—

I discovered a weird lump at my side that I hadn’t noticed before. I climb back into the trailer and pull down the sheet mirror. Ooh, that looks bad. I remember being maybe twelve years old. I remember struggling into my dress for Kerry Junior High’s annual Snowball Dance—I was pulling it up from the bottom and it kept getting stuck on something. I let it slide off and I turned to face my mirror. My right hip was just barely wider than the other. That wouldn’t have affected how the dress fit, though. I think I just bought it a size—or two—too small.

I brushed it off as some kind of genetic deform, but in my trailer mirror, when I peeled down my leggings, I was genuinely afraid to look at it. It was this… blue, bulging thing. It was like some kind of alien parasite attached itself to me. The only thing it was missing was the glow that alien parasites in the movies would have.

I took the chair in and I drove. I drove to the nearest city. Questions shot left and right like ping-pong in my brain. What is that thing? How long has it been this bad? Why is it blue? One final question entered my head at the end of my drive; Is it… cancer? I slam the brakes hard. I’m here.

I check in at the E.R.

“Mmhmm…. And what is your purpose for this visit?”

“I..” How was I supposed to struggle—to stutter the words I think I have cancer, when I can’t even be sure that’s what it is? The desk is low enough. “This,” I say, holding down my waistband. The look in her eyes that previously said I don’t get paid enough for this shifted instantly to that of pure terror. She stood up and beckoned urgently to a nurse who was just coming out of the back. She whispered one word to him and immediately I was escorted to a room. I had fifty questions being tossed at me left and right—these doctors wanted to know everything about everything. Someone threw a hospital gown into my hands. I changed, then some doctors took a look at my… lump. Next thing I knew I was lying down on the flat, cold metal bed, the one that gives you chills the second your butt touches it. The bed went slowly into the big white tube. My first MRI scan. Good thing my mom wasn’t there to see this, or else she’d be taking pictures I did not need pictures of and posting them to Facebook.

I was sitting on one of those green patient beds with the thin paper for what felt like hours. I sat alone, too. I drifted in and out of sleep. Finally, I was awoken by a doctor who cut to the chase and admitted that I had stage 4. She showed me my MRI results and circled areas where the cancer had spread. Some in my thighs, my arms, and the biggest collection of cancer were, of course, on my hip. She prescribed some kind of topical cream, I got my clothes back, and I went back to my trailer. What I have is incurable. My death is inevitable, but now it is sooner than I ever considered it to be. I was told I’d be lucky if I had a year left.

I had to cheer myself up. It’s difficult to take your mind off of something so painful. But I had to try. I found myself in the parking lot of a bar. I open my trailer door to let in what was left of the outside light and unpacked the boxes of supplies and other clutter from my home.

Okay. All food goes in the mini fridge, ice cream at the top, closest to the ice maker. Left cabinet; blankets are on the bottom, clothes in the middle, sheets on the top. Under the sink, towels and soap.

I’m almost done unpacking when I hear (knocks on trailer.)

“Hey, need some help in there?” I hear from outside.

“No, I’m fine,” I reply, shakily. I push the door a bit more open to reveal a guy with wavy shoulder-length hair and a lilac shirt.

“Are you sure? Are you okay? I think I heard… crying?”

“I’m fine.”

“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that. Why don’t I buy you some food and we can talk about it?”

Is it weird that I didn’t find it odd that a complete stranger was offering me dinner? Over our meal I learned that he was also a recent high school graduate, and I guess you could say it was love at first sight. His name is Adam. A generic boy name, but I had never met anyone named Adam before. The name definitely suits him; Adam means ‘earth,’ and with the collage of hazel, blue, and green in his loving, gentle eyes, they definitely remind me of the earth.

I stayed in that small city in Arizona for a few months before he finally decided he wanted to live in the camper with me. He’d been looking for a place to stay since his parents made him move out post-graduation.

The first night he spent with me in the camper, I had a terrible realization; I never told him about the cancer. The night we met I told him I had gotten a diagnosis but I never told him what it was.

“Adam,” I spoke. “There’s something I forgot to tell you. About—about the diagnosis I had a while back. (Beat.) I have stage four melanoma. And I was told I might not even have a year left. That was nearly three months ago. I’m so sorry, I was just so focused on putting it out of my mind, that I—“

I was on the verge of tears and yet he held both of my hands and told me that he wants to be by my side for the remainder of my life, however long that may be. He told me that I was the first person who ever really cared about him. He understood how much he means to me, and reassured me that he wouldn’t leave just because of a medical mishap.

That was when I realized; I found him. It’s every girl’s dream to find their Prince Charming, whoever that may be. But not every man and surely not every woman will stick around when something—something such as cancer—something chronic or life-threatening gets in the way of plans for the future. But Adam promised to stay with me for every waking minute of it. Only the true one will stay with you through it all. And I found him.

A few days ago we got engaged! I parked the trailer on some cliff overlooking the beach in California. We were watching the sun rise, and he dropped to one knee, right there. And then that same day we talked for hours about what the future might be like if some miracle potion fabricated itself into existence to cure me. We thought about wedding after wedding, having kids, in which I imagine we’d have a boy and a girl, probably twins. We fantasized all of the wonderful beautiful places we could take them all the sights we could see together as a family, from sandy beach sunsets to quiet, cold, echoey caves with the little water drips in the background that’ll really relax you. Adam would be the one to struggle to zip up our daughter’s dress for senior prom night and I would fix our son’s tie—and I’ll be watching from the front row when our daughter is walked down the aisle. And, with whatever job I’d end up with, there’s always a retirement party waiting for me at the end. Me and my own husband would finally settle down, likely in the very city where we met, and toss the keys of our beloved camper to our children, who will start this cycle all over again.

But now, I suppose I will never get to experience any of that.

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bagels-and-seagulls · 5 years

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does badboy Matteo paint his nails? (for some reason I’ve been imagining him with black nails every time I read your hcs)

i’ve been thinking about this for a while, just like his appearance in general beyond the nails thing, and i have some ideas but i feel like it’s split between bb!matteo with bb!david and bb! with hj!david. so here are both!

bad boy matteo and bad boy david

-matteo once had an occasional client that was a piercing apprentice at a tattoo shop that couldn’t always front the bill for adderall pills that matteo sold her for half the price of her doctor’s office, so sometimes she would front the bill by offering a piercing and a drink to matteo with a smile that said she knew she was pushing her luck. matteo ends up getting an orbital piercing when he’s just a little bit drunk, two helixes in his other ear when he’s cross-faded, and the left side of his nose pierced when he’s black out. he wakes up the next morning each time with a piece of paper neatly folded into his pocket of the jacket he’s still wearing about how to take care of each one of them, and he keeps up with it fairly well, all things considered. he puts a silver hoop in his nose, and hans is the only that says anything about it, calls it cute and pinches his cheek like he was a baby.

-the boys, after their first year at university, feeling a little bit nostalgic and a little bit melancholic for something that they couldn’t quite put their fingers on, all decide to get matching tattoos with a sudden burst of confidence and boldness. then they figure out how much good tattoos actually cost and end up looking up how to do stick and poke tattoos while in the bathroom of hanna’s new apartment after smoking a bowl like they were still all seventeen and knew what they were doing. they end up as garbled messes that no one can really make sense of, and no one agrees on what they’re supposed to be. jonas says it was a blunt, because that’s how they all became friends, and carlos always buts in to say that it was a beer bottle. abdi is confident that what he drew was a lion’s head, and that just confuses everyone, because why would they decide to get a lion’s head together? and matteo, well, he was really along for the ride anyways. now he just has a black mess on the the soft spot of his ankle that has a semi-funny story to go along with it.

-hans would cut matteo’s hair for him for the low price of one dinner hand-made by matteo himself, and it’s nice because keeping up with an undercut takes a diligence that matteo did not realize the first time he let some girl shave the back of his head at some party ages ago. after a while, hans gets crafty with it and can cut little designs into it made with geometric lines.

-one day, matteo and david are in bed, and david is running his fingers through david’s hair. it’s getting long back here, david says, not meaning anything by it really, just wanting to say something because the way matteo was looking at him like he was something to be admired and hung up in a museum was making him a little overwhelmed. and matteo purses his lips up, like he has something to say but thinks better of it at the last second. what? david asks, with his interest peaked. you wanna do it? matteo asks, and david agrees easily enough because it can’t be that hard.

-having matteo sit on the floor in the bathroom in front of him while he cards his fingers over his scalp to brush off tuffs of hair feels like a religious experience every time.

-david learns that hans can do designs with the razor and makes it a personal mission to be better at it for some reason. matteo doesn’t really care, doesn’t see the point of the effort when it’s just going to grow out in a couple weeks anyways, but he likes the way that david’s fingers feel gentle around his ears and on his neck. so he sits quietly for as long as david wants him to.

-matteo colors his nails in with markers and pens and sometimes pencils when he’s in class because the teacher drones on sometimes, and drawing tiny little trees on his thumbnail seems far more exciting at the moment. one day when he’s at david’s apartment, poking around the living room while david is on the phone with laura, talking about what they had in the fridge for groceries, matteo finds a bottle of black nail polish that matteo picks up to spin around in his hands, and the urge to open it and use it on his thumbnail is so strong, that he ends up doing it without even realizing. are you going to do the rest of them? david asks from the doorway, and matteo looks up like he just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. sorry, he says and goes to put it down because he always had a problem with touching things that weren’t his. no, no, it’s okay, david says quickly. you can do the rest if you want. laura won’t mind. i probably use the black more than she does. and matteo stares down at the bottle and then looks up to david and sees that he’s serious, that he doesn’t care if matteo wants to do this or not. i don’t think i would be very good at it, matteo says, and david smiles and walks in the room and says, i can help.

-matteo starts painting his nails off and on, without any conviction either way. he does it when he thinks about it and the option is there, and let’s it peel off and flake away completely before he does it again. david buys him his own bottle of jet black and puts it on his desk without him even noticing.

bad boy matteo + hot jock david

-matteo has unruly and floppy hair that mia cuts for him once a month when he remembers to ask her. she doesn’t do anything too special, and he doesn’t ask for anything more complicated than off his neck and shorter around his ears. she always smiles at him when she’s done and ruffles his hair to get the last couple of strands out, and he smiles back and tells her that he’ll buy her a round the next time they’re out together.

-it’s getting kind of long, isn’t it? david asks one night when matteo is over, and he’s tried to push his hair out of his face at least six times since he started doing his homework. david tugs on one of the strands that fell in between matteo’s eyes, and matteo bats him away. mia’s been busy. i didn’t want to bother her, he says and goes back to his book, pushing the hair back like it’s muscle memory. i could ask laura if you want. she cuts some of her friends’ hair sometimes, david hums, and cards his fingers through the the hair at the back of matteo’s neck. i don’t want to bother, matteo says again, and david says that it’s nonsense and rolls out of bed right then to go and see what laura is doing. matteo trails after him and says that it isn’t a big deal, but his whispers are stopped short when they’re standing in front of laura on the couch, scrolling through her phone. would you mind cutting teo’s hair? david asks, and tugs on matteo’s arm until he’s standing in front of him, his hands on his matteo’s hips to keep him standing right there. laura doesn’t even stop looking at her phone when she answers, sure, right now? and matteo ends up sitting on a stool in the middle of their bathroom with laura cutting his hair with a pair of scissors that look like it was actually made to do that. and she’s chatting with david casually where he’s sitting on the counter, and matteo is just sitting between them, caught up with nerves about something he can’t quite place, feeling a little like he was going to throw up and gripping onto david’s ankle, trying not to move at all.

-laura ends up cutting matteo’s hair once a month in a way that makes him look like he actually takes care of his it, and matteo doesn’t know how to repay her, offers to buy her dinner or something each time. and she always laughs a little bit at him and says that his company is payment enough, that she enjoys the little moment they get together. but matteo still always brings over her favorite type of cookies the next time he’s over anyways.

-matteo has the right side of his nose pierced and a frontal helix on his left ear. david asks when he got them at one point, and matteo says that he doesn’t remember, that he went out one night, trying to sell some joints, and came back home later with a text from a number he didn’t recognize and two piercings that he only noticed because they hurt the next day still. he texts the number asking if they knew anything about the piercings, and never gets a response. he looks up how to take care of piercings online and ends up putting a silver stud in his nose.

-matteo has two tattoos. one is a stick and poke on the inside of the his right ring finger that’s supposed to be the two dipper constellations together, but it’s so light, that it kind of just looks like a series of freckles. it takes david about a month of them hanging out for him to even notice it. he was playing with matteo’s fingers when they were sitting out on a balcony somewhere together and ran his finger over the dots, just to have matteo laugh and tell him it tickled. the other tattoo is a crescent moon on his left thumb. he gets that one done legit, from the same girl who does the stick and poke. she does it for a couple of euros for letting him practice on him unofficially when she was trying to get the gig she has now, and he tells her to call him when she gets a little bit better because he might have some ideas in the works.

-matteo ends up walking in on david hanging out with sara and leonie at his apartment. he apologizes in the doorway and says that he must have gotten the time wrong, that he can come back later if they want. and they all tell him that it’s fine, and he should join them. david pulls him onto the living room floor to sit up close to him before he goes back to painting sara’s fingesr a bright blue while leonie is doing hers a deep red. did you want to join? leonie asks when she sees the way that matteo is eyeing her drying fingers. no, it’s alright, matteo says and shakes his head. you sure? leonie asks. it’ll be cute. you could do a blue or a red, and i think it would look really good with your skin tone. oh, maybe a green, she says and starts holding up some bottles near matteo’s hand, and he eventually agrees to let her try because she just seems so enthusiastic about it all of a sudden. and matteo hasn’t been able to get a read on if david’s friends liked him or not, even though he so desperately wants them to like him. david curls in close once he’s done with sara’s hands and wraps his arms around matteo’s stomach, who’s trying not to knock leonie’s work. he kisses matteo’s shoulder and murmurs, that’s a good color, into the fabric of his sweater.

-leonie ends up painting matteo’s nails every time he ends up interrupting their little hang out, and matteo gets a little bit sad every time they end up chipping off within a week, not that he tells anyone that, not that david didn’t notice anyways.

-i can get you some, if you want, david says to him one day with his hands on his face and his lips on his forehead. i’ll get you every color in the rainbow. you can paint them a different color every day if you wanted to. a different color for each finger, even. and matteo just shoves his face into david’s chest, feeling found out for some reason, and just goes, yeah, okay.

#the other one is under the cut #this got a little obnoxiously long #who knew that this sitting in my box for like a month would result in this #bad boy matteo #bad boy matteo and hot jock david #davenzi #my writing

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hiphop-rap-and-basketball · 2 years

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Die For You • Jayson Tatum

Pairing: Jayson Tatum x baby momma reader (lmaoo)

Word Count: 1,967

Summary: surprise shortyyyy 🤰🤰🏻🤰🏼🤰🏽🤰🏾🤰🏿

Warnings: none, just slight reference to seggs obviously but it’s very fluffy/sweet

A/N: n: well well well, if it isn’t me in my FEELINGS. We been knew tho lmaoo. this is kind of… angsty??? Idk??? Is that the word? I just start writing and see where I go lmaoo. Can’t believe I’m dropping my first Jayson imagine let’s goooo. It's very short and sweet but I like it :) just a lil something something since I haven’t posted and just want to get my mind off things.

💖This imagine is inspired by the song Die For You by The Weekend, it’s kind of an older song but if you haven’t listened to it in a while go listen to it right now! Then listen to it while you’re reading, then listen to it after you read it. Lmaoo jkjk I can’t read and listen to a song at the same time but like ugh the way the lyrics goes so perfect with this little short story. Just do it 😏

“I would die for you and Deuce, I hope you know that.”

Those were the last words Jayson said to you since your conversation on the phone last night that ended with you in tears.

As you looked down at the pregnancy test box in your clammy and shaky hands, you were hoping he meant that shit.

Your conversations lately had not been well. You missed him terribly when he was gone for long periods of time and that resulted in you lashing out on him about making time for you. You understood basketball was his career and the NBA was always his dream. You loved Deuce with all of your heart and Jayson changed your life.

But you missed the date nights, late night talks in the car, the romance being at its peak when everything felt so new. Laughing until your stomach hurt and eating way too much on date nights. Those days felt like a distant memory now as so much has changed as his career improved tremendously.

So you finally decided to open up to him about that feeling you had in your conversation with him on the phone last night. He chose his words carefully as he knew you were valid in your feelings but sometimes he would not be in the mood to tolerate your mood, like last night, for example.

When he said that one sentence that made you question everything.

“You knew what you signed up for by being with me.”

He was a good father to Deuce, which made up for a lot of your sad feelings about your relationship. But that was the problem. He poured into Deuce, he poured into basketball, but for the past couple of months, it felt like he did not pour into you.

When he said that sentence your heart immediately sank. It almost felt like you meant nothing to him. Your thoughts were irrational and your emotions where all over the place.

Flash forward to today, you sat on the cold bathroom floor tiles with a million thoughts running through your mind of all the possibilities after seeing the results of the test. The past couple of weeks you had felt a lot of nausea in the mornings and late nights. You were weaning off of breastfeeding and had yet to have gotten a chance to pick up birth control pills from the pharmacy.

Pregnant or Not Pregnant. You had two options.

Pregnant would mean another long nine months of nausea, sleepless nights and many mood swings that you would most likely unintentionally let out on Jayson. It would mean a lot of questioning whether or not Jayson was worthy of being the man to have your kids, as there were many night you would sleep alone and uncomfortable, while he was somewhere across the states celebrating another win for the Celtics.

Not pregnant would mean today would be just another day of taking just another test that would not mean anything once it was tossed away in the garbage.

You looked a Deuce who was in his playroom across from you in the bathroom. The tv was on and he was distracted by the array of toys sitting in front of him. You regained your focus on the task at hand now. You had to take it, you knew you did. You did everything you could today to avoid possibly seeing those two little lines on the small rectangular screen of the stick.

The apartment was clean, the dishes were washed, the bed sheets were neatly folded. You had completed every task possible just to avoid the ultimate feeling of your heart dropping to your stomach in response to those two little lines.

Once you finished your business, you set the test upside down on the bathroom sink quickly. You shut the door and focused your attention to Deuce for a moment as he rubbed his eyes and looked ready for bed. You picked him up into your arms and prepared him for bed. Laying with him and playing with his fingers as he looked up at you, drinking from his bottle before his eyelids grew heavy, as he quickly fell asleep.

Your heart raced again as you remembered what you were doing prior to laying with him. You sighed deeply, finally ready to face your truth. Your shaky hand reached for the door knob, as you twisted it slowly and looked at the test sitting upside down on the bathroom counter.

You stared at it for a moment before finally lifting it.

Two lines.

You let out a deep, choppy exhale. You looked down at your stomach, rubbing it for a moment before looking in the mirror. You had not a clue how far along you could possibly be. You felt your emotions get the best of you again, thinking about being pregnant.

The beauty of it was the end result, having a beautiful child that looked like you and your lover. Raising them to be a strong individual with the knowledge of their cultural background making them who they are and every reason for them to be proud.

The painful part was yet to come. As you began to think how you would feel more sickness, more swelling, and soon enough you would be carrying around a heavy belly. You sat down and cried alone on the cold bathroom floor, wondering how you would do it all over again.

When you finally regained the strength to get up, you made your way to the kitchen for a big glass of water. You searched through the cabinets in hopes that you would come across the half empty bottle of prenatal pills that you may or may not have still had around there somewhere.

You heard keys shuffling from a distance in the hallway. Hearing him unlock the door felt painstakingly long as you fumbled out a pill from the bottle and stored it back where you found it. You tapped your fingers on the counter until finally you observed his tall figure walk into your apartment.

He drops his bag on the floor to the side of him as soon as he saw you. Without saying a word he scoops you up effortlessly, and you wrap your legs around his waist and arms around his head, burring your face in the crook of his neck. He held you for a moment, deeply inhaling the familiar smell of home for him that was you, that he missed so much when he was gone.

“Hi,” he whispered near your ear.

“Hi,” you managed to mutter back as he set you back down to your feet, still holding you close for a moment.

“Deuce?”

“Asleep for the night,” you whispered. You reached up to caress his cheek with your hand, he brought his hand to yours, intertwining your fingers together as he looked into your eyes. “How was your flight?” You asked him.

“Long,” he replied, voice husky and strained when he spoke. “How are you?”

“Um,” you sighed, shifting your weight from one leg to another. “I’m okay.”

His smile grew as he observed all of your facial features. Even though he had hundreds of pictures of you saved in his camera roll, nothing beat the feeling of seeing your beauty in person.

“Look I…” he began. “I thought a lot about what you said and, there was no reason for me to speak like that to you or even say that, really.”

You sat down now, trying to process his words as your mind was still distracted on your news. He continued and you wondered what he would say, and when would be the right time to tell him.

“I love you, with all my heart. I haven’t been the best man to you and I want to make it up to you. I want to be a better man for you, because you deserve that. You deserve the communication from me that you ask for- not no half ass shit.”

You looked at him in awe, feeling warmth in your heart as he was taking accountability for his actions. You wished he would have said all this sooner. But he was saying it right now, and that was step one of many.

“Jayson,” you replied softly.

“I mean it, you’re my one and only. You deserve so much love and I can show you so much more. I’m so, so sorry,” he trailed off, looking genuinely sad as the words spewed out of his mouth, you felt a tinge of guilt in your heart for going off on him in almost every phone conversation lately but this is really what you wanted and needed to hear.

“Thank you… I love you Jayson. I just want to feel appreciated and loved by you.”

“I know… I love you too. You deserve that.”

You stare at him for a moment as he continues to form words to say you felt the familiar lump forming in your throat in response.

“It’s not a hard request. I feel stupid for even treating it like it was one. I put basketball first everyday of my life but that doesn’t mean you should be neglected in the process. You’ve taken such good care of Deuce and he loves you so much…”

“Jayson…” you whispered almost inaudible.

“What?” He asked with his brows furrowed still, looking into your eyes with deep concern.

“I’m pregnant,” you mumbled, not realizing that breaking the news to him would bring even more tears to your eyes, and it did. Your vision grew clouded and when you closed your eyes for a moment, tear drops spilled down your cheeks.

The look on his face was not what you expected. You worried he would be upset. He looked the complete opposite, in fact, he had the biggest smile growing on his face.

“Really?” He replied.

You nodded, rubbing the tears from your eyes but they kept coming.

“Y/N- I’m- I’m so happy,” he picked you up again, spinning you around this time and setting you down. He grabbed your face with both hands and gave you the sweetest kiss, before rubbing his nose against yours.

“How far along? I mean- did you just find out? Y/N - I’m so- wow,” he chuckled, unable to form a proper sentence.

“Today, um- I-I just took the test.” You sniffed.

“That recent? Well. We did have a good night on Valentine’s Day,” he chuckled and you rolled your eyes at him in response.

“Jayson,” you chuckled.

Although, reminiscing on that night did send shivers down your spine. He knew how to make love to you, and he did it well.

He knelt down to bring his face to your stomach as he began planting kissing on it and rubbing it and hugging you a dozen times.

“I can’t believe it,” he smiled in between planting a dozen more kisses on your belly. You brought your hands to his head, running your hands over his tousled hair as you giggled.

“We’re ready. Oh Y/N, this is so beautiful- you’re so beautiful. I hope it’s a girl,” he smiled, giving you multiple kisses on your lips now.

“Why’s that?” You giggled.

“I want to be a girl dad… and I think Deuce would love having a little sister.”

“Aw, Jayson,” you smiled, poking out your bottom lip pretending to not cry but crying anyway.

“Can we go make another one? Right now?” He replied, looking into your eyes with his hands gripping your waist.

“I don’t think it works like that, Jayson,” you giggled.

“It does now,” he chuckled, scooping you up into his arms and walking you to your bedroom as the two of you were enamored for each other all over again.

#jayson tatum #Jayson Tatum imagine #got me in my feelings #boston celtics #woohoo

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jenotapes · 2 years

Text

10 meters away, what now?

pairing | huang renjun x fem!reader

genre | tooth-rotting fluff, best friends to lovers, love alarm au, high school au

word count | 3.3k

warnings | profanity, renjun is a little annoying, reader and renjun have a touchy feely friendship, RENJUN JUST WANTS AN ANSWERRR, sorta making out at the end, mentions of the reader being referred as petite!!

notes | my long awaited part for @aehyei's VALENTINE'S GONE WRONG! collab <3

synopsis | in a world where an application alerts people if someone in the vicinity, within 10 meters, likes them. things had gotten harder for you the day it rose to popularity, as you preferred to keep your crush on your best friend top secret. it doesn’t really help when he starts to pester you about it.

Quote unquote, on a fine Monday morning: and Everyone’s gripped over the newly released application.

You remembered about half a month ago, Park Jisung had come to you over a slight concern he had, sitting on the wooden bench with his antsy hands as the autumn leaves fell around the both of you.

“I’m telling you this first because I trust you.”

You thought it was kind of silly, and stupid. Actually, it was a little nonsensical, maybe a lot. He thought it was a good idea to entrust you with ‘confidential’ information, telling you that he was nearly done programming this app project titled Love Alarm— in the result of a final harsh rejection, he decided to show the world that there was no need to wait for a yes or a no, and to let the mooning tension consume you with the never-ending questions to whether or not your crush likes you back.

That very decision was made right after the both of you met up. He had a way different plan before that, to be frank, wanting to program Love Alarm only for himself and his crush, Lee Dongsook— it seemed to him that it would be more romantic that way, albeit you barely understood why.

It seemed as if he wanted to give her a new smartphone as well, sneaking with the app already installed. But of course, plans never go the way it’s supposed to be and it ends up on the downhill road, leaving poor Jisung to be ever so heartbroken. So instead, he gave it to you, you were one of his closest friends after all.

But then again, you were left with an extra phone.

What the hell do you do with an extra phone?

A week after the app’s launch, its ratings had unexpectedly soared and before you knew it, you’d be walking to school with plenty of aggravating ringing through the busy hallways. You could really use some ear swabs right now.

By showing the world, you weren’t expecting it to be like this. You thought he was going to have some extreme makeover, gain some muscle and show Dongsook what she’s been missing out on; even though he looks completely fine, and maybe she just turned a blind eye. He’s finally putting his nickname dubbed ‘the coding genius’ to work but proclaimed ‘world record for most bitches’? Not so much.

Sure, you’d be complimenting his developing skills, after all, he is still a high school student— maybe you don’t know how entirely accurate the app is itself, but for a reminder: you still had an extra phone in your hands and you were no doubt on edge.

With the app already installed, maybe you could pick up the pace and try it out. Excuses and excuses, you just had a habit of going onto compatibility websites, maybe taking love and relationship Buzzfeed quizzes along with keeping an eye on the spicy couple gossip surrounding the school (who doesn’t?).

To add on, an avid romance lover who is, indeed, a hopeless romantic.

A little curiosity isn’t going to hurt anybody, right?

You sat on a bench that was set in the middle of the school’s open area, taking out the navy blue box that was wrapped around with a pearl white ribbon. Carefully pulling the ends and gently opening the cover of the box— the familiar blue and pink gradient of the app immediately appeared.

Do I just press it?

It was sort of terrifying, what if someone did like you? There were tons of people near your vicinity and something unexpected might happen. May it be a stranger or a close friend, that just so happens to pass by and ring your alarm.

A delicate touch on the screen was all it took to have it already ringing, scanning people within 10 meters of your vicinity that were currently using the app as well. It was like pretty much yearning for a high grade, though what would an app decide for you anyway?

Even with the ringing, you heard the faint beep.

One?

Looking at the number made you turn around, obviously to see and pick out who was in your surroundings. And of course, fate does an entire 360 degree. You were sort of hoping for it, but at a time like this— maybe you wished it wouldn’t have happened.

Renjun? Renjun. Not to exaggerate anything, but he was nothing short but the man of your dreams. He was your best friend in fact, and you couldn’t help but fall head over heels for him. I mean, come on. Who wouldn’t fall for him? That delicate, sweet look, an absolute gentleman, he isn’t fickle for shit and he’s got everything to fall for.

He just had to be there.

Then again, there were seven other people around you. Random guy, another random person, Jaemin, another random girl… and Renjun. You didn’t really recognize anyone besides the two you mentioned, possibly you’ve seen one of them in an old class before.

Your heart easily skips a beat from the thought of Renjun ringing your alarm, immediately turning your view away from him as you bring the phone close to your chest out of pure worry. Sure, you liked him, maybe so much to the point where all you’ve done on your little love percentage website hunts— was just to name the both of you. Results, you dare not say.

That’s because of the ‘don’t date best friends, don’t ruin friendships’ policy. You didn’t really care but then again, how were you going to face him if things were actually so much more different than they were? Worst case scenario, you idiotically confront him, he rejects you, things become awkward, and then it leads to the end of a long-time friendship.

Cardinal rule number one: do not confront him about your feelings, don’t even express anything.

You felt so stupid, mooning over him like a lovesick high school teenager. The only thing you could really do was to keep your lips zipped, pretend this never happened, and keep this phone safe in your hands.

–

“Have you downloaded Love Alarm?”

“Nope, not too interested. Why?”

Your response appeared cool, great. But you don’t realize the sort of dispirited expression that was sitting so prolonged on his face. You don’t know whether you should play cliche and avoid him but then again, knowing Renjun remarkably well, a straightforward question ushers to the inevitable start of cat and mouse. You don’t know if he’s just that of an observer, or it’s because you’ve been best friends since the start of your untold chocolate milk incident; the vending machine coincidentally dispensing two of the cartons at the same time Renjun came near to get a drink.

Right now, instead of two cartons of chocolate milk— he’s waiting for your phone.

“Why’d you ask?”

“I’ve gotten like, five people.” He’s awfully stern today, and that’s because he’s hoping for an answer from you. “Wow, I’m friends with a chick magnet.” A scoff leaves your lips, and he stares at the screen before putting it in his pocket. There’s a brooding look on his face, and it looks as if he wants to tell you something crucial— while trying to put two to two together.

“Pfft, chick magnet my ass. Have you seen Jaemin? He’s gotten at least twenty.”

“Twenty? Holy shit, that’s like— half a class.” Your jaw was slack, eyebrows raised as you lean your back on the chair. “Wishing my five was more than that.”

By more than that, you don’t realize he exactly means one person and not more than the number of secret admirers Jaemin had. He wants his five to add to a six, not a thirty-five nor a thirty-one. He wants that sixth person, to be you in fact.

And that’s the only probable reason why he’s looking at you so expectedly, he’s asking you because he had presumed you were one of the five people within his 10 meter vicinity— but he assumed you were not, unaware you were sitting on a bench right behind him that morning. He was so nonplused on why he was oddly eager to get a response from you, and by the looks of your shifting eyes, and reluctance to download an app, there was something you were hiding from him.

After all, you’re the Y/N he knows that loved to go on relationship percentage websites to see how compatible you were with different people in school (unaware it’s just Renjun’s name you were putting actually), always keeping tabs on the spicy couple schemes that get tangled in the school’s gossip blog, a hopeless romantic, and favorite movies entirely being just romance and it’s wide variety of subgenres.

Sounds familiar right? He loves catching details.

So he’s wondering why an app gets you less interested than a similar stupid bot-generating website. You told him yourself that a student here programmed it, right? Bot or not, what really was the difference?

He doesn’t want to sound crazy, but he thinks you like him.

And he definitely isn’t wrong.

In fact, he isn’t wrong at all.

If the two of you were on a dating reality show, you’d totally hit it off at first sight, as quoted by a Buzzfeed quiz you took the other day, and it totally hasn’t been in your mind since.

Actually, it totally has.

You choose to ignore his more-than-five comment, clearing your throat while tapping slightly on the table. “I’ll just stick with my websites.” You sigh, earning a raised brow from the latter in front of you. “But, this is real, isn’t it?”

A little taken aback by his reply, you tilt your head. “Yeah, why? Got your eye on someone?”

Playing fire with fire, he decides to take up a bold response. “I do.”

Renjun has never wanted to hit himself so hard in the face, it was a straightforward response but he swore he had an intuition that he’d be giving out a more indirect answer, something like ‘i don’t know, maybe i do’ because he reckons things like this would rile you up— but he pushes himself to another route. Luckily his flushed cheeks weren’t too noticeable, “W..what about you?”

“Yeah, I do.”

Were you going to say it?

Should you be forward?

“Six letters, there’s a J in their name.” Your voice stumbles more than intended.

You’d expect him to immediately get the hint, but for some reason he’s absolutely clueless— dumber than a brick. “Joohee?” You shook your head. “Jisung?” Again, no. “Jaehyun?”

“That’s seven, hasn’t he already graduated?”

He’s thinking hard, and it should’ve been easy to piece— and you were somewhat ready to tell him, you’ve concluded that Renjun wouldn’t let go of your friendship so easily, at least that’s what you were hoping.

“...Jaemin?”

Just before you opened your mouth to say anything, the teacher already made her way in. Looking at your expression, Renjun is already set to a muddle. Why was he even thinking so hard about this in the first place? “Later.” You whisper, leaving the latter to glance at the teacher before a sigh leaves his lips.

“But–” Before he can finish his sentence, you abruptly stand up from your seat to sit on your own. It’s not like he’s overanalyzing your current movement, but he feels a little dubious. Is it Jaemin?

While Renjun was busy probing, you had realized the conversation was going nowhere. He’s always so dense when it comes to the answer being all about him, and maybe that hint was enough to get it festering into his brain for a day or two. You speak without thinking and this is the outcome of it, and now you’re back to square one: avoid him, you know desperate times call for desperate measures.

Renjun’s a little mixed up over the situation, over sixes and sevens how you were suddenly averting his every move and avoiding him. Maybe he beat around the bush too much, and you probably didn’t want to tell him anything of the sort. He feels a little shitty, but then again he was curious on why you were so reluctant. Was it really Jaemin that you liked?

Call him crazy, but Renjun doesn’t realize these are the effects of falling in love. He’s yet to know, and he’s yet to piece that your beloved crush is indeed, him. Huang Renjun.

You reach home completely exhausted, and not to mention, guilty that you’d be steering clear from him. What if he thinks you hated him? Maybe you did, to be honest. He makes you feel so corny inside— it’s insane. Falling in love makes you feel like a different person, and it’s hurting all of you for no reason.

You plop yourself on the bed, staring at the ceiling of your room before questioning your life choices. Then again, there’s always that familiar notification ring that whips you into shape.

renjeon <3: hey

renjeon <3: you okay?

No, you definitely weren’t, it’s only been a day and now you were putting up the face of utter guilt. You take up the courage to type something, but quickly delete the message after—- licking your lips in anticipation as you shut your phone. At that moment, you feel your shoulders droop as you hug your pillow tight, burying your face into the soft cushion to let out a muffled scream. You were kicking your feet in the air and you felt like a complete idiot.

Hours and hours of tuition and art school were enough to get you weary, let alone the thoughts that were eating you up inside and out and feeling as if you mislead him and might have unintentionally ravaged your relationship with Renjun in some way. It was late at night and all you wanted was to sleep this night away and hope it all ends up magically well tomorrow, and that the misunderstandings would be quickly explained to.

renjeon <3: is smth bothering u?

You immediately glimpse at his notification, sucking your teeth as you had just decided that you were giving up right here, right now. Taking the phone in your hands, you type what you had forerun to text him just now.

you: meet me at eunhaeng children’s park, the bench near the playground

you: 8:47

The latter never dare to leave you on seen, quickly replying a short ‘okay’ as you mutter curses under your breath.

Now you were panicking on what to wear, fuck.

Renjun immediately grabs his dangling keys along with his phone, who cares if his hair was disheveled to oblivion— and that he was still in his sleepwear? No one would stare, but I’m afraid the Pikachu socks were a little out of pocket.

He kisses his mother goodbye, leaving her a little confused as he quickly runs out the door to ride his bike to the children’s park. It was about 5 minutes away at least, the latter cycling his way out, late at night, just to hear what you had to say. And he still hasn’t realized anything?

He’s panting, and he’s tired, moving his legs to quickly get to you.

And luckily, he’s managed to reach his destination in a matter of 5 minutes. Seeing your petite figure, huddled up on the bench as he swallows his throat.

The moment he arrives, your face lights up— giving him a small smile as he settles his bike near the tree trunk, walking up to you with his face all flustered. “5 minutes? Here I thought you’d take at least 9.” You laugh, getting a monotonous look from him in return. “Sorry.”

A quick scoff leaves his lips, sitting next to you. “What is it that you want to talk about?”

Your eyelashes flutter at his question, swallowing the lump in your throat as silence follows through the air. He was looking at you expectedly, your hand reaching deep in your pocket to take out a familiar phone.

It wasn’t familiar to Renjun at all, in fact— he’s never seen it once in his life. But it was familiar to you, in all means— it’s the phone Jisung gave you.

You lock eyes with him, your lips slightly curved as you fumbled with the gadget in your hand. “Love Alarm.”

“What?”

“Open it.”

Your voices were close to gentle whispers, accompanied by the noise of crickets and the somewhat chilly air. Renjun’s eyes blink as you tell him to enter the app, and as the familiar screen pops up— he glances at you. He feels as if your eyes were telling him to press it, and he does. You press it too.

It’s the familiar ringing.

Instead of a thousand rings at a time, it’s just two.

And instead of zeroes, there were ones.

Your eyes widened in shock, and not to mention— Renjun seemed stunned by the result.

“It was you?” The two of you said in unison.

Renjun was the person who had rung your alarm amongst the seven people, and you were among the five.

The two of you could only stare at each other, it wasn’t tense nor was it awkward— rather it was taking it in what they had just witnessed, trying to put two and two together. “Holy fuck, six letters, R in his name. Renjun, fuck! Renjun.” The latter abruptly says, bringing a palm to his forehead as you let out a laugh. “You’re so stupid, you know that?”

“I never thought it’d be me.”

“In denial?”

Bingo, he was definitely in denial. To him, you were like a goddess and he was like a fool, there was no way you would find any interest in him anyway. You click your tongue as he starts to ponder, bringing your soft hands to cup his face.

“You don’t understand. You..”

His face melts in your touch, and suddenly everything in him falls light like a feather. Nothing comes crashing down, and no thunderstorm to ruin the day, everything was like feathers falling. “I..?” He raises his brows.

“You… I like you.” You smile.

God, that was all he wanted, let alone— needed to hear.

He gently holds your wrists to settle them on his lap, shooting heart eyes as his idiotic smile was uncontainable, he couldn’t hold it. All he needed, was for you to confess to him right then and there. Sure, he should have made the first move— but you made it first before he did, and it reassures him in some way.

“I like you more.” Finally, an ear-to-ear smile forms on his pink lips.

He was firmly holding your cold hands, not too tight but it was enough to tell you not to pull away and stay with him, at this moment.

“So does this mean were…dating?” You cut to the chase, giving him your sheepish smile as he lets out a wholehearted chuckle. “Of course, idiot.”

“Says you.”

The two of you share a laugh, and as it fades, Renjun glances at your eyes— slowly bringing his hand to cup your cheek as he raises a brow to get your approval.

His little gesture left a smile on your face, immediately pulling him into a soft kiss as the two of you melt in each other’s arms. His hands begin to gently intertwine with your yours, and it slowly became a more passionate kiss. His pecks were gentle, barely rough and the way he leaned in was enough to tell he was a good kisser.

Your connected, intertwined hands sent your beating heart into a palpitation, his thumb slowly caressing your cheek as he never fails to make you the giddiest person alive. As a hopeless romantic, you set your ideals beside— as this was much better than what you desired. Begin a hectic day, follow with your sentiments let out, and sweet canoodling to end the night.

It’s always good to solve things, maybe avoid kissing at a children’s park if you sort things out.

Well, rest assured, the two of you walked into school hand in hand.

#nct dream #nct #kflixnet #k radio!#renjun x reader #nct dream angst #nct dream fluff #nct angst #nct fluff #renjun fluff #renjun angst #nct dream imagine #nct dream oneshot #nct oneshot #nct imagine #nct fic #nct dream fic #renjun oneshot

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httpknjoon · 2 years

Text

(re)starting over again | kth; 5

plot | Your four-year relationship with Taehyung was going well and strong. Until he was involved in a car accident, resulting to him losing some memories. By some, it means everything that happened five years ago. Things he remember? His friends, his bakeshop, and his ex girlfriend from the past. With that, you tried to keep up, restarting over again.

words | 4.3k+

genres | fluff, angst, amnesia au

pairing | taehyung x reader

warning/s | another friends reference because i always find a way to put it in my writings lol

note | finally updated after two months! thank you for your patience. asks are open for any question :)) let me know your thoughts! enjoy reading!

main masterlist | series masterlist | previous |

7:48 PM

Jimin eyed the clock placed above the entrance while sitting on of the empty chairs at the bakery. He tried stopping the unconscious up and down of his knees when he noticed how stressed he was doing it.

It has been almost two hours since Taehyung left to do the shopping for their ingredients for tomorrow. He told him that he will only be gone for an hour. But obviously, his best friend already went past the said duration. So, he cannot stop himself staring outside the glass walls of the bakery, hoping that Taehyung would show up. He did text him that he will be a few minutes late. But he did not expect it to be something near the shop’s closing time which is just twelve minutes from now. He looked down his phone again, hoping for a message, when the entrance bell clung.

“Hey…” Taehyung greeted as he walked inside with two large, black grocery bags.in his hands.

“What took you so–”

“Oh, wait…” Taehyung cuts Jimin off, distracted. “Let me get inside first before you say anything.”

He was struggling to push himself in with both of his hands occupied. So, Jimin walked to him and held the handle of the door. His eyes silently followed Taehyung and soon followed him on his feet when he sees him entering their kitchen. Taehyung carefully dropped the bag to their now-cleaned large work table.

“What are these?” Jimin asked as he went through the ingredients Taehyung bought. “I gave you a list, right?”

Taehyung still focused on getting the things out of the bag, answered, “Yep. That is my bag. Your ingredients are in the other one.”

Jimin nodded and checked to the said other bag. He prepared his ingredients for tomorrow. He was finishing with his when he noticed Taehyung’s sets of ingredients.

“Are you making cheesecake for tomorrow?” he asked while scanning everything on the table.

“Nope, it’s for the weekends,” Taehyung replied with a small grin.

“Oh, okay,” Jimin said with a suspicious tone.

He squinted his eyes, observing his best friend who is still in a good mood. Taehyung normally chose to do quick pastries and pieces of bread for the bakery. He only does particular types of dessert when there is a special order or event. So, the moment he answered, Jimin already knew something was up.

“Why?” Jimin asked again.

Taehyung looked up at him with a wider grin, “Someone I know is coming down here.”

“Who?”

“Lily.”

His eyes widened when he heard the name, “Lily? Like your ex-girlfriend, Lily?”

Taehyung smiled while his eyes sparkled. Jimin took this as an answer. Even though he is still in shock, he asked the first thing he thought of.

“Does Y/N knows?”

And when Taehyung’s hand almost dropped a box of cream cheese as his eyes avoided Jimin’s, he knows. There was a long time of uncomfortable silence and still, Jimin had another question going inside his headspace.

“What the hell happened in the last two hours?”

Instead of walking to the baking supplies shop, he slid the paper back into his pants pockets and walked into the said salon.

The first one to greet Taehyung was the empty front desk. The name of the hair salon was plastered on the plain white wall in big black bold letters. He wandered his eyes more around the place, noticing the plenty amount of plants places everywhere. He also see a couple of customers getting their hair done while the hairdressers remained busy.

Taehyung knew he was just trying his luck here. He does not even know what Lily is supposed to do in this salon from the time he saw her. He thought, maybe he will just ask someone here about her just to get some information. Just to reach out to her again. One of the hairdressers noticed Taehyung standing and wandering his eyes around like a curious kid.

“Oh, honey. We have a new customer here. Can you still stay for an hour?”

Taehyung was about to say that he was just looking for someone when a voice quickly answered from the other room.

“Oh, no, I won’t be offering my service anymore for today.”

The moment he heard that voice, his brain quickly recognized who it was like an automatic response. Lily walked out behind the white curtains as she talked to her workmate, still not noticing Taehyung who stood there in silence. She still fits the last recollection of her Taehyung have, except her hair color. From a medium brown shade, it was dyed into a pastel purple. It was put on a loose bun.

“I still need to pick Leehyun from–” She paused when her light brown eyes met Taehyung’s dark ones.

Her brows drew together as she squints her eyes like she was trying to identify him. Before Taehyung finishes mentally counting to five, Lily’s posture stiffened like a pail of ice-cold water was poured on her head. Taehyung tried to understand why she reacted like he was a ghost in front of her. His heart pounds as the mixed emotions of shock and confusion from Lily kind of scared him with what happened the last five years.

“Taehyung?” she called his name with an unsure tone when she walked closer to his place.

“Hey…” Taehyung responded, almost breathless. “Lily.”

For the first time in weeks, her name rolled out of his tongue again. It removed a very little weight off his shoulders since he avoided bringing her up to anyone around him: Jimin and you. He always remembered your face when he first woke up in the hospital and mistaken you for Lily. He just does not know how you will react if he asks you about his past, especially Lily.

“What… What are you doing here? How are you?”

Taehyung let out a relieved sigh when Lily asked him with a bit of excitement in her tone. Although there was still uncertainty.

“I am fine,” he replied. “The color suits you.”

“The color?” Lily repeated one brow raising. Taehyung shyly pointed at her hair and she awkwardly giggled. “Ah, yeah. I kind of experimented with it on myself. Thank you. I appreciate it.”

He nodded and another moment of silence passed by again. Taehyung was trying to meet her eyes again but she was obviously avoiding it by looking up anywhere except his gaze. It was unlike her, he thought. After a whole minute of fidgeting her fingers, Lily cleared her throat.

“So, uhm, what brought you here? Haircut? New hair color? We actually offer–”

“I was actually wondering if I can talk to you?” he cuts her off before biting his inner cheek.

“About what?”

“Us.” Taehyung waited for no seconds before answering. Before Lily could react, he gulped and spoke out, “I actually do not remember what happened the last five years since I got into a car accident last month. So, I am trying to–”

“Car accident?!” Lily exclaimed, catching the attention of everyone in the salon. It took her seconds to look behind her and apologize. She turned back at him, “Let’s go outside. Just let me get my things.”

He nodded as a reply. Just a couple of minutes later, they were walking on the sidewalks, not too far from the salon. Taehyung thought she meant that they were just going to talk outside the hair salon literally. But obviously, he was wrong. There was a near playground which was already empty. Lily pointed her index finger on one of the stone benches.

“Let’s take the seat there.”

They did, keeping a proper distance between them. Lily placed her bag on the said space and she took a quick peek on her phone, checking the time. After that, she looked back at Taehyung with an apologetic smile.

“We kinda need to talk quick. I am meeting someone in like five minutes,” she told him. “So… what happened?”

Knowing how she does not like stories with many substories in them, Taehyung just went straight to the point by saying:

“Car accident. They said a drunk driver hit my car at the intersection near the hospital. I was in a coma for almost four days. The other guy is currently in jail.”

Lily’s stare screams worry even though she won’t say it, “And you? How are you?”

“Well, I got a few scratches on my face and…” Taehyung paused, looking away.

“And?”

“Amnesia.”

He glanced back at her, finally seeing her confused expression. She bit her inner cheek as she processes what she heard.

“Like, you forgot things?” she repeated and Taehyung nodded. “But, you know me. right now. You know me. Right?”

“That’s the thing.” Taehyung looked down at his shoes. “It is a selective type of amnesia. I remember everything except the last five years. I still know my childhood, my college graduation, and hell, even some recipes.”

He shakes his head as he huffed. The hefty weight of frustration he felt ever since he woke up in that hospital almost jumped out his words. He ran a hand through his hair and looked at Lily again, “My last memories were Jimin, the first seven days of our newly opened bakeshop, and you.”

“Oh…” Lily nodded her head slowly. “So… you still remember us?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, no.”

Lily ran her palms all over her face, sounding tenser and scared at the same time. Taehyung simply watched her having an internal mess. Thoughts were starting to come inside his head again. He wonders if he is doing the right thing, talking to his girl– ex again about this topic instead of discussing it with you. His current girlfriend. But at the same time, at this point, he knew Lily more and he knows she knows him well too.

“So, you came to me to know what happened?” Lily guessed. He bobbed his head up and down. “Well, the thing is we–”

A ring from her bag interrupted her. She reached for her phone and hurriedly stood up. The phone still ringing in her hand, she turned to Taehyung.

“I am sorry. I really need to go now.”

Taehyung left his seat too, “C-Can we talk at the other time?”

“Yeah, sure. How about this weekend? I am free.” she recommends, looking from her phone to him repeatedly.

“Oh, okay. Where?” He hoped Lily did not notice the excitement in him especially when he almost smiled ear to ear.

“Your bakeshop or somewhere? We can message each for the other details.”

Taehyung handed her his phone and she quickly typed her number. As soon as she was done, she bid her goodbye after giving him a gentle pat on the arm.

“It was nice seeing you again, Taehyung.” her lips formed a tight smile.

Taehyung watched while she made her way to the nearest bus stop. He waited for him to maybe look back before she got on the bus. But she did not.

Nonetheless, he made his own way back to The Baking Warehouse with a smile that made him look like a fool.

“Oh, I thought it is going to be an early bridal shower?”

You spoke before taking a sip from your warm coffee in the paper cup. The bitter but strong dark liquid felt like an alarm clock in your whole system, waking up your tired mind and eyes. You needed it. It was your turn for the twelve-hour night shift and having yourself back to work just five days ago, your body was all foreign to this change with your sleep schedule.

“Did I say that?” Jisoo raised her head from the table she was resting her head on.

“Yeah.”

“Oh, well, I was wrong.” she stopped and covered her mouth as she yawned. “I found out that it is going to be a bachelorette party. I always mix the ideas between the two things. Anyways, it was probably the main reason why my cousins were so eager to plan this whole thing. You know how crazy they can get.”

You giggled, remembering the first time you met them. You have known them almost the same time you knew Jisoo since she invited you to one of their night outs just weeks after meeting you. They instantly welcomed you like a family member. They are like a bunch of extroverted people joined together. They brought you to a few bars too, introducing drinks you never thought existed since you do not really drink a lot. You, Jisoo, and her other cousin, who they said avoided drinking since she had a kid, would usually take the other back to their homes. The last time you joined them was like eight months ago, it was Yoonji’s birthday.

“Saeron already sent out the details in your e-mail. They want to surprise me so I do not have any clue about the party,” she added, standing up to get herself a coffee. “I just told them don’t be too wild. I don’t want any male stripper or dancer.”

You nodded as you focused your eyes on your phone screen to browse your e-mails. The latest one you received was from her cousin. While Jisoo is busy preparing her coffee, you read the whole thing.

“It will be a whole night event, huh?” you spoke out when you read the time of the party.

“Ah, yes. That’s the only thing I know.”

Based on the sent e-mail, the bachelorette party will be celebrated like a night out except a scavenger hunt has been added. The list for the game will be revealed on the same night. Everyone at the bridal party must wear anything black. Only Jisoo, the soon-to-be bride, must wear something white to make her stand out. The said party is this coming Saturday. It’s tomorrow.

“Will Namjoon has his bachelor party on the same night?” you asked, out of curiousness.

“They will have it on Sunday. His brother said that’s the only day they can get anyone together.” Jisoo sat back on the chair in front of you, playing with the stirrer in her cup. She took a small sip from it before looking at you. “Isn’t Taehyung invited to that? He is one of the groomsmen.”

Your gaze moved downward, on your coffee again, “I don’t know… We don’t really get to talk much after I began working again and him with the bakeshop.”

Before the accident, Taehyung would often leave the bakeshop at the same time your shift would finish. So, he can pick you up at the hospital and you two can still have the time to bond before resting for the day. But now, he would get home late or maybe you thought because you will always end up really tired after you got home. You will immediately fall asleep on your bed after cleaning yourself up, not meeting him until the next day. In the morning, you already did your routine and breakfast whale Taehyung was just getting ready for his day. You would try to have a short conversation with him about his past day or today’s plan. He would answer the same thing with a smile and would continue eating his breakfast while you say goodbye with a wave before walking out the door. So yeah, you did not really get to talk much. It has only been days since you got back to your ‘normal’ routines but it was starting to feel like reconnecting with Taehyung will be harder again.

But since your shift was moved to the evening, you had a chance to eat breakfast together. He told stories about his day in the bakeshop, in which he met students who they said he used to know. You smiled as you knew he was enjoying doing his passion again. After that, you two got nothing to talk about except you reminded him that you will have a night shift and would go back home in the morning. You noticed him distracted with his phone, checking it every five minutes. But you thought nothing much of it.

“How are you two by the way? I mean, before this week happened. Was there any improvement?”

“Uh… yeah.” you shifted from your seat. “We do some things together. Like watching movies, eating, and maybe having tea late at night when both of us cannot sleep. He would sometimes ask about things he don’t understand or when he would forget his Netflix profile’s password. We only went out once. Then, he bought me a pearl ring which matches the earrings I have. So I guess, we are getting better.” you put on a small smile.

“That’s great.” Jisoo reached for your hand on the table and squeezed it. “And how are you?”

“Fine. I do have some trouble sleeping sometimes. But, I’m okay.” you replied, meeting your friend’s eyes. “Things are getting better. Right?”

She nodded and smiled back at you. You brushed away the small tears you felt before they trickle down your cheeks. You looked up and drink the remaining coffee from your cup.

4:48 AM

Your last break for this shift is finishing in two minutes. So, you cleaned up and fixed your loosening hair bun. Jisoo does the same.

You spent the next hours doing your duties. There would always be the same scenarios every time you enter the pediatric ward or the private rooms. It can be tired parents who will greet you with small smiles while their children are asleep, a few would ask you some information about the hospital or their kids’ status. It can also be mothers who are feeding their newborn babies or putting them to sleep. You always thought being a nurse can be a rollercoaster ride. One minute, you were smiling out of a wholesome moment. Then suddenly, you will meet this other patient and feel sorry for them and their family. Your two hours went by like that.

After you changed clothes from your scrubs, you took the bus alone since Jisoo still have an hour before her shift ends. You just sent her a text message to let her know while you were waiting at the bus stop. The whole ride home was like a blur. You were fighting for your tired eyes from shutting down every two minutes. You even saw it as an achievement when you still managed to walk yourself to your house’s front door and open it after rummaging with your keys.

“I’m home,” you mumbled while pushing your shoes from your feet.

No one answered. You eyed your wristwatch. 7:48 AM. You thought Taehyung already went to the bakeshop. You checked your phone to see if he texted you about it. Nothing. So, you just dragged your feet to your room, dropped your bag on the linoleum floor, and pushed your body on the soft surface of your loving bed.

“So, Lily is coming here tomorrow?”

Jimin repeated what he remembers. Taehyung nodded as he mopped on the black and white floor tiles of the shop. They will be closing in an hour and they took the vacant time to clean up.

“Tomorrow, 4PM,” he added.

His best friend, who tried to not make his coming question awkward again, wiped the tables and asked, “Have you told Y/N yet?”

Unlike the last time, Taehyung replied with a certain tone, “Do I have to tell her?”

“Maybe…” Jimin murmured before looking at him. “Maybe she should know about it?”

“I don’t know…” Taehyung’s lips formed a thin line. “I don’t really think that it’s necessary. I mean, I am not doing anything wrong. Right?”

Jimin did not answer further. Instead, he acted like did not hear him and walked back to the kitchen. Taehyung stopped from what he was doing and placed his hands on his hips.

“Right, Jimin?” he repeated. This time, sounding more unsure.

“I don’t know, Tae. I honestly don’t. I just thought maybe Y/N should know about it. She will likely be cool with it.”

Although Jimin’s voice was soft and a bit persuasive, Taehyung still remained undecided if he should tell you. He was actually planning to keep it to himself ever since he and Lily agreed to meet. He had reasons. Mainly, he does not see the point of telling you.

“Anyways, we can close now. Bring that mop back where you got it.”

Taehyung followed what his friend said. Twenty minutes later, they were leaving the shop. Jimin’s apartment is just a ten-minute walk from the bakeshop while Taehyung still has to ride a bus. On his third day getting back to work, he managed to convince Jimin to let him go home alone. Taehyung crossed the road to the bus stop where a bus was already waiting. He gave a simple wave to his friend, who nodded before walking ahead.

Luckily, there were still empty seats. Taehyung sat on the back of the bus, near the window. He is getting used to the changes he noticed before. Getting back to your shared home is not that hard, the directions were easy to remember and not that complicated. He was getting off the bus when he spotted a familiar person walking away from the near 7-11.

You held a plastic bag in your hand. Like a kid, you lazily swayed your arm as you strolled back home under the streetlights. You did not even notice Taehyung following you from afar. He just remembered that you had a night shift. Just as when you were about to turn to your street, he decided to catch up with you. He jogged a little and called you,

“Y/N!”

You immediately turned around, both eyebrows raised, “Oh, hey.”

“How was your day?”

You began the conversation with the question Taehyung hears from you every day. He is starting to think that it is part of your routine. He even wonders if you ask everyone that question. Maybe you just start conversations like that.

“Same thing,” he answered, tucking his hands in his pockets. “Except we closed earlier.”

He does not really have much to tell. The same thing happens to him every day. He will bake, clean up, and maybe chat with a few customers. Some of them are even students. Sometimes, he would be confused with their stories especially when they started it with the phrase: “Do you remember when…”

“That’s nice…” you responded. Before he can feel silence take over you two again, you cleared your throat. “Well, me… I was craving Cup Noodles and chocolate. So, I bought a few. You want some noodles?”

“Uh, yeah. Sure,” he replied before pursing his lips. “What time did you come home?”

You two were now standing on your front door. He opened the door with his keys and you mumbled a small thank you as you got in.

“Around eight, I think. I was too sleep-deprived that I slept as soon as I got in my room.” you chuckled, going straight to the kitchen. “I’ll prepare the noodles. Can you put something to watch on the TV?”

He nods and went into the living room. He clicked on the Netflix button on the remote control. He just chose the first series he saw. He just watched the first five minutes of an episode when you called him from the kitchen. You handed him his cup of noodles and both of you carefully made your way to your living room, avoiding spilling the hot liquid everywhere. You sighed in relief as you sat down on the couch.

“I slept through breakfast and noon. So, this is my first meal today.” you snorted and began eating your noodles. You looked up to the screen and noticed what was playing, “Oh, I never finished this series. I was too busy to finish it.”

“Well, you can continue it now. I already watched the whole ten seasons of it anyway,” he stated. “What was your last episode?”

“I think it was when…” your voice trailed off when you got distracted scrolling on the episode list of the series. “Here!”

“Oh, this episode…” Taehyung squints his eyes while nodding. “This sparks debates, you know?”

You laughed, “Yeah, one of the reasons why I became curious about this series.”

“Look, I didn’t think there was a relationship to jeopardize. I thought we were broken up.”

“We were on a break!”

“He should have just told Rachel about the whole thing,” you spoke out with your mouth full.

Taehyung paused and eyed you, “But, they were on a break. Ross thought that they were already broken up.”

“Yeah, he did.” you put your finished cup on the center table. “But he wanted to get back with her, didn’t he?”

“Yes.” he gave a simple nod. “Ross slept with the other girl after Rachel that they should take a break without clearing it up. I don’t think it’s the wrong thing to do. He was confused.”

“Again, yeah. She did not clear it up. She was confused too. They were both confused. But, if it’s not the wrong thing to do, then why did Ross try to stop the news from reaching Rachel?”

You cocked your head to him. Taehyung was about to say something. But just closed his lips. He wanted to give a reason. But he cannot think of any.

“Because he knew himself that it was wrong. He knew that he should not have slept with that girl from the copy place,” you smirked, knowing you won. “Plus, if he really wants to make his new relationship with Rachel work, he should start with being honest with her. We all want honesty, right?”

Hearing that, Taehyung immediately thought of Lily and their scheduled meet-up tomorrow. He can tell how you value honesty just by the way you defend your take on this famous ‘we were on a break’ debate. He swallowed an imaginary lump forming in his throat before asking,

“Even if the truth hurts?”

You nodded, “Even if the truth hurts, at least you told the truth. It’s part of communicating in a relationship. ”

The use of the pronoun made it seem like you were urging him to say what he has been keeping. He felt a tight knot in his stomach. Suddenly, you let out a chuckle.

“Whatever. I am cleaning up. I still have to find ways to fix my sleep schedule.”

You got up, picking up the two empty Cup Noodles on the center table. It leaves Taehyung alone on the couch, thinking about his decision while FRIENDS plays in the background.

RESTARTING OVER AGAIN TAGLIST

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#bts angst #bts fluff #bts x reader #bts series #bts imagine #bts amnesia #taehyung angst #taehyung fluff #taehyung series #taehyung imagine #taehyung fanfic #restarting over again kth

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