#while for me it was mildly euphoric bc it's rare i even *want* to feel this way | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

daz4i · 8 months

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while I'm not one for romantic relationships or long term stuff i really do hope i meet someone who makes me feel big emotions again (spongebob getting a piano dropped on him meme. of the positive sort) somewhere. somehow. it's been so long. bc of shitty therapy i conditioned myself into stepping back and never letting myself feel and i just want to know someone who'd be able to make me break this conditioning and return that same amount of emotions too. one more time

#this is why I'm so hung up on it even months later ig. big emotions. MUTUAL big emotions. that felt good #while for me it was mildly euphoric bc it's rare i even *want* to feel this way #it was stressing them out to have those same emotions. so they cut it. but this made me deflate all at once #they made me want to at least try to live 😐 which. you probably already know is a tough thing to do #soooooo crashing this feeling all at once..... well...... didn't end up so well as you can guess #ig the fact i want to feel that way again is a good sign tho lol :/ just. not quite there yet #(wanting to find someone who will make me want to try finding a reason to want to live. that's. a lot of steps)#but it did confirm me one thing and that's that i need to be obsessed with someone to feel good akdkglg #not a good sign either!!!! but!!!! if it's the only way i may as well try it!!!!!#the problem is!!!! i am very bad at getting deeply attached enough to make it last more than like. a week. if i even can at all #i am very bad at love and i am very bad at getting attached or opening up etc etc #and it's hard for me to develop this steadily without an initial spark either which is probably the biggest problem :/#I'm not good at slow burns. not even a matter of impatience i think i just never reach the result that way #man I'm just rambling now!!!! idk!!!! I'm letting out thoughts!!!!!!!!#do i need to tag this as #vent #???? is it??? idk it's not that depressing compared to my other shit

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