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#which is fine but i just struggle with it its a real hard effort for me
ablogofsapphicpanic · 11 months
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We need to have a talk about @sjmcrackshipmonth and the labeling of crackships in this fandom in general. Yes I am tagging this month specifically because I had a conversation with them about this already, that seemingly did not stick and this time it's gotten a little more personal. What's more is that it's a problem that's not just unique to this blog, but a concept that this fandom seems to struggle with
About a month ago, I messaged this blog raising some concerns regarding their tagging on their announcement post. They had tagged Emorie and Azris, which are two of the most LGBT prominent rarepairs in the fandom. I didn't really feel good seeing that a month for crackships had tagged two LGBT ships that are not crackships. I'm going to get a bit technical here, but please stick with me.
Fanlore defines a crackship as "is a ship that is highly ridiculous, bizarre, disturbing, and/or unlikely to ever become canon. The characters don't have any chemistry, never interact, are in different canons or timelines, are different species, one is an inanimate object, etc. Fans can and do sincerely ship a crack ship, but generally they don't take its chances too seriously and may like it precisely for its implausibility."
I understand that this month is for fun, and I love a good crackship. But seeing those LGBT ships labeled as something with that definition? As somebody in the LGBT community who loves to see the tiny bits of representation on the page we do get, I wasn't a fan of seeing a crackship blog in the tags. Hence why I messaged them last month and explained my problem.
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The runner was very polite, and we had a discussion on the use of the term crackship, and why I felt it was inappropriate to tag those ships and include them in the month.
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I understand they have good intentions with this, but I pointed out that they had a different route to go. Emorie and Azris were not the only rarepairs tagged, which is why I do believe this person was being earnest about their reasoning, but they were the ones that rubbed me the wrong way.
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I was trying very hard not to come off as attacking this runner, especially after their explanation. I know crackship is used fast and loose in this fandom, especially considering many artists are doing 'crackships' on their patreons and whatnot that are really just rarepairs, and not just LGBT ones. But there is a serious problem with calling LGBT rarepairs crackships when LGBT ships are so scarce in this fandom. People call ships crackships just because they don't like them, or it doesn't match their own personal ideas of what will happen in canon. Which is extremely not cool, but seemingly not the intent behind this blog, and I'm not saying that, I'm just pointing out it's a real problem in this fandom. It’s one of many casual forms of homophobia that we throw around
But the problem came to a head yesterday. I had previously discussed this blog with @ofduskanddreams, who is a pretty prominent (and amazing) Azris content creator, because the tags also rubbed her the wrong way, but they were resolved and I had heard back from the runner that they would abstain from involving Emorie and Azris in their month.
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That is the entirety of our conversation in all those pictures, including their promise to avoid using Emorie and Azris in the month. Everything was fine until yesterday when Kate realized they had reblogged one of her Azris moodboards. She didn't like that, and didn't want her content for a rarepair that she puts time and effort into to be thrown onto a crackship blog.
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This was sent yesterday, more than 24 hours ago, not long after crackship month reblogged her post. As you can see, there is no response and the post remains on the blog. It was frustrating enough that in the span of a month, this person completely forgot or decided to ignore what I thought was a meaningful conversation, but now they're just blatantly ignoring a creator's wishes regarding their content. It's not okay.
I understand that people have lives off of tumblr. Outside of running months. But if you're going to take on the responsibility of a month, you need to be accountable, and you need to respect creators. Especially creators' wishes not to be involved. Especially when a creator doesn't agree with how their content is being portrayed in its involvement.
I don't know who's running crackship month. I don't know what their life is like off of tumblr. But I do know that this whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth regarding the event and the runner. I'm not saying people can't participate in crackship month, nor am I saying they shouldn't. But I think you should be mindful of your content that you include in it and what you label it as, and even more mindful of how you treat other peoples' content.
Azris is not a crackship. Emorie is not a crackship. Tamcien, Rhyslin, Rhycien, FeyMor, Gwynesta, Morlain, so many others. None of these are crackships. Your LGBT ships are not crackships simply because they are not canon. And people need to stop labeling them as such, whether it's because people are just being outright hateful - which is oftentimes homophobic as well - or because people don't know what a crackship is anymore.
Edit: the runner has responded here and here and I encourage you to read their responses. Again, this was never intended to imply this runner was being purposefully harmful, or doing this with ill intent. It has simply been a long-running issue in this fandom that I wanted to acknowledge.
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ladyfluff · 2 years
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Home Sweet Home.
AN: I have elected to ignore ST Vol 2 in order to bring you this fix it piece! I know it’s a little cheesy in parts but hey, I needed to recover somehow! I worked really hard on this and I love the way it turned out, I hope you enjoy!
Soundtrack: Home Sweet Home -  Mötley Crüe
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Gasping for air, staring up into the blood red sky. The lightnings crashing one after another, the ash still falling from the clouds above him. Those fucking bats still circling around as he coughs his lungs up, blood in his mouth. Smeared across his face, he could feel the strain in his arms. He killed so many of those things and Eddie bet that he looked so badass while doing it. Y/N would've been impressed. Chrissy didn't die for nothing, the world was safe now wasn't it? Steve and the rest must've succeeded, they'll come back this way eventually. Eddie couldn't focus on one thing at a time, his head so full of thoughts. Rambling on and on, was he dead? He could breathe,  he felt the ash landing on his face. He could tell his bandana is caked in the stuff, it smelled bad. It definitely wasn't him this time, Eddie had to be alive. He had to come back, he heard Dustin calling for him. Dumbass couldn't take a hint when he cut the makeshift rope back at the trailer, he manages to lift his head up only to see the kid hoppling over to him, limping as he half trips over some of those roots. Why weren't the demobats attacking him? Was Vecna gone yet? He lets out a broken laugh, his head falling back against the ground. Resting up, as horrible as this place was he felt oddly at peace. Eddie wasn't a hero and he knew he'd never amount to anything but he was fine with that because he just played his heart out in the upside down, he couldn't have asked for a more metal way to go out. He felt so alive, Eddie's breaths evening out. Dustin knelt by him, shaking him.
''I'm not dead you little shit, stop!''
He hisses, his body completely fucked up by those demon bats. They've definitely taken their fair share of chunks, he thinks back to Steve and how he had been bitten by those things. They were eating him which was very freaky to watch, he made it by the end didn't he? No infectious disease or anything, he thinks. Steve looked perfectly fine the last time they saw one another, Dustin tucks his arm under Eddie's neck in effort to get him back up. He struggled sitting up, it hurts a lot. Getting your guts half eaten tends to do that apparently, Eddie presses down on his abdomen. His hand saturated in blood, he needed to get out of here. His mind replaying the carnage he had been apart of, throughout it all he couldn't stop thinking about home. He knew that going back to the downside up. the real world. Eddie tried to take a brief moment to process it all, this dimension and all of its creatures. He could definitely write a few songs about this place for Corroded Coffin, something epic. A tribute to the absolute badassery that took place here tonight, he's never felt so alive. He didn't run.
''Fuck- Eddie, what were you thinking!? Get up, we got to go!''
He held tightly onto Dustin as he tried getting him back onto his feet, he couldn't get up by himself. He needed a push, Eddie didn't want to be the type of person who relied on others. Knowing him was more than enough to ostracize people from society, the town would hate him for things he never did. Hawkins would never know just how much he did for them, how he fought  in the interdimensional war that no one noticed was going on beneath their homes. Eddie did it for them, he did it for Chrissy. For his uncle Wayne, his friends. Y/N and John, he fought back for his home. He wanted nothing more than to leave this place, get away from Indiana for good and make a life for himself. He'd take them with him, Y/N could work somewhere nice and John would have a better life. Eddie didn't want to rot in a trailer park for the rest of his life, he was going to graduate and he was going to get shit done right.
''Help me up- Dude, I didn't run away this time.''
Dustin smiles as wrapped his arm around him, using all of his strength to get him up. Eddie pushed himself, focusing whatever energy he had left. Wincing as he finally got back up, the wounds needed to be cleaned and he knew it'll hurt like hell but he was alive. He was still here, which made no sense. For a moment, Eddie thought he was gone. Dead and left in the upside down to become one with the roots, staring lifelessly into the ashen sky. Counting each lightning as if they were sheep, ready to sleep. Eddie wasn't ready, he wasn't dying today. He wasn't dying tonight, tomorrow or the next day. His arm slung over Dustin's shoulders, leaning on him. How did he even get back through the portal? The landing must've hurt, judging by how he was limping. Eddie drew a deep breath through his nose, exhaling through his mouth. The walk back to the trailer would be a bitch but it would be worth it, home was on the other side. He just wanted to disappear, to go home and sit on the couch. Watching some dumb movie Y/N picked at Family Video, John sitting on his lap. He wanted to see his uncle and let him know that he was okay, that he did some heroic shit. Something crazy stupid but very heroic, this shit would make the world's greatest campaign.
''You didn't run but you almost got yourself killed! Permission to call you a moron?''
Eddie grins, swiping his tongue across his stained front teeth. Dirt and blood, the signs of a true warrior. A monster slayer, Edward the destroyer of worlds and killer of beasts. He definitely earned himself a spot in the club, his free hand pressed against his side. He needs to get it all wrapped up, there was no way he could go to the hospital in this state. Who would believe this? Absolutely no one, no one would know but Eddie would. He would dream of tonight for the rest of his life, he was confident. He wanted to remember this.
''Permission denied.''
Dustin groans.
''Oh come on!''
He couldn't help but laugh, ruffling Dustin's hair as they limped forward together. Heading back the way they came, leaving this hellhole behind. He felt nothing but pure excitement.
''Eat shit Vecna!''
The adrenaline began kicking in again, in a rush to get back home. Fuck this place.
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The trailer park was eerily quiet, lights out and silent. Eddie had a feeling this wasn't over just yet but he was done for tonight, he leans against the doorway. Staring out over the different trailers, a few shapes in the windows. Moving about, living their daily life as if nothing had just happened. Like they didn't just come out of the ground after fighting to the death, almost. Eddie made a good roll today, not too high but not too low. He could feel it in his sides, shedding the vest he had gotten from the War Zone as he took a step outside. His eyes focused on one specific little trailer, the small two bedroom one down the road. Belonging to a very special woman he's known since middle school, his home sweet home. Eddie struggled getting down the steps, gripping tightly onto the railing on the side. His chest heaving at the sight of the her porchlight being on, she was there and he knew she'd be waiting. No matter what happened, she always seemed to just wait around for him. Even after what happened during her senior year, when she said that she wouldn't wait for him to graduate. Eddie began realising that she was lying to herself and him, in that order. The thought of seeing her open that door with a smile on her face just like she always did had his heart flipping around in his chest, it felt uncomfortably tight in there. Might be all the damage he took during the epic battle in the upside down, he pants as he limps down the road by himself. Dustin wasn't far behind, Eddie was surprised to see him still coming after him. He should go home, see his mom or something or maybe wait for Steve, Nancy and Robin. Eddie didn't have time to wait around, it was already late and he hadn't much time.
''Eddie- Where are you going man!?''
He was tired, almost as if he had just aged sixty years in sixty minutes. Just fighting those damn bats took a lot out of him, he never really liked P.E. but he could appreciate it a bit more now. He was ready to just lie down, crash and sleep for a century. Preferably with her next to him, hopefully John was okay, asleep in his bed with his little dragon. The one he got him for his first birthday, Eddie's feet drag as he continues moving closer towards her porch. He chuckles, vaguely gesturing towards the sky. Dustin had other things to worry about now.
''Home!''
Eddie could smell her bedroom already, those godawful blue blankets. The scratchy ones that they'd cosy under on those dark and rainy nights, listening to it hitting the roof. He saw the glow of the blue string lights she had up in her room, they were glowing through the window. Right above John's crib which was pushed up against the window that was now eternally stuck, Eddie tried helping her pry it open but it wouldn't budge. Dustin groans.
''Okay- Ignore me then! Not like I just saved your life or whatever!''
Leaving Dustin Henderson behind, Eddie used up whatever was left of his energy. The adrenaline rush still present, it felt so familiar. Like the jittery feeling in his legs before he plays at The Hideout to the crowd of about five drunks that never fail to show up. Even if Corroded Coffin didn't bring in to many people, the people who did attend applaud and cheer. Sometimes they even ask for another song, Eddie could see it now. Getting ready to play at the Garden, their name up in lights, filling up that entire place was just a dream but it was fun to think about. Just imagine, standing there and just rocking it out. The rush of that dream felt very similar if not the exact same as it did now, the anticipation was killing him. Eddie could hear the TV going in the living room, clearly some cartoons being played on a loop. He pulls off the bandana, leaving it at the bottom of the steps that led him up to her trailer. Leaning against the railing, Eddie looked like shit. He caught his reflection in the window as he walked up, he was for sure going to have some major scars after this. It'll be hot, he's very convinced. Chicks dig it right? Something about it just screams at him, Eddie kicks the bottom of her front door a couple of times. Too afraid to let go of the railing that kept him standing up. There was commotion inside, he could hear John whimpering inside. Clearly wide awake and startled, he felt bad but Y/N knew that the tape worked every time. He gave the door another couple of kicks, more urgently. He couldn't wait any longer, he had been down there for way too long and he was coming home right now. His breath caught in his throat, he held it down as he heard her footsteps getting closer to the door. He flinched as the door opened, revealing a very shocked Y/N in her pyjamas. The doughnut ones, Eddie loved them. Fit so snuggly around her leg, he smiled brightly. As if he had just witnessed the sun rising for the first time in a century, she was alright. Still alive, safe and so beautiful.
''Eddie?!''
She was trembling, things haven't been so great lately.
''I'm home?''
Y/N threw herself at him, her arms around his neck. Eddie hissed, feeling the ache in his side stabbing at his insides. His free arm around her waist, his face buried in her shoulder. Hidden away from the world that sought to destroy him, to take him and lock him away. The upside down quickly disappeared from Eddie's mind, the rotten horrors that await beneath their feet, itching to escape. He wouldn't have let them, Dustin needed to figure something out about that hole in Eddie's ceiling. Y/N cups his face, very curious about his appearance. He could've taken a quick shower before coming over, sure; he'll admit that much but it was important that he got here before anything else happened. Eddie needed the chance to be close to them before he gets taken away again, her thumb gliding across the skin beneath his bruised eye had the hair on the back of his neck standing up. They were quiet, the hum of the porchlight filled the empty space around them. The crickets and the birds in the trees, Eddie didn't know a more perfect place than this. Just her, one day he'll throw her in the van and just drive off. John in the back, listening to his dad's mixtape. They could go anywhere, doesn't matter to him where. Eddie closed his eyes for a moment, he knew he would need to get the wounds cleaned and dressed but he couldn't go to a hospital. The police will immediately be called if he did, he had no intention of letting those pigs get him now. Not after everything, those articles shaming him and his friends for enjoying a game, for being creative. Music that corrupted young minds and movies that incites the children, if the world had a brain to think with; now might be a good time to start. Chrissy died a horrible, unfair death and the people of Hawkins rallied behind Jason. No one asked questions, no one wanted answers. Eddie had walked through the streets of Hawkins with this bright red bullseye on his back, ever since middle school. Uncle Wayne already had more than enough trouble just trying to keep Eddie going to school, trying to encourage him to make something of himself. He wanted to walk across that stage and fucking grab that piece of paper and fold it up, keep it in his wallet. Just as proof that Eddie the freak Munson really made it out of there but perhaps he was being a bit too optimistic, at least in the moment it felt good to think about. The tip of his nose brushing up against hers, cold from having spent so much time out there. He just wanted to go back to normal, just for one day if that was all the time he had left before the boys in blue show up. He'll fight back, Eddie looks at her.
''Sweetheart-''
Her hands sliding down from his face and down to his chest, she could feel how damp his jacket was. How dark and stained his shirt and jeans were, covered in his own blood mixed in with those goddamn demobats. Eddie tilts his head, trying to get a good look at the worried expression on her face. This moment, this is the threshold between childhood and adulthood. She grew up long before he did, maybe it was time he did so too. Just a little bit, no harm in being a bit immature right? Chasing after his dreams and all that sentimental crap, something about inspiring the new generation to be better. Something, something. Eddie didn't pay attention that much to all of that, if he was going to man up then now was a good time to do so. He had a girl to worry about, a kid to feed and music to play and it all starts with graduation. Y/N was crying, tears streaming down her face. Eddie wiped them away as he always did, to think that they only just got back together and now all of this.
''What happened to you? Is that blood? Eddie, what the fuck is-''
Eddie manages to laugh, even now. Kissing her, he could feel Y/N's hands grab fistfuls of his grimy shirt underneath the jacket. Holding on so tight, he finally let go of the railing. Standing up completely without its help, his hands on the back of her neck. He refused to let go, too high on the aftermath to care about whoever might be walking around the trailer park. Someone was bound to spot him out here, call someone or scream in horror. The freak and the freak's girl, his one comfort in life that he never expected to have. Eddie planned it all out before her, that he was going to take Corroded Coffin on the road. Play at open mic nights at different bars, record tapes and sell them all over the country and he'd never come back to Hawkins for as long as he was alive. Never staying still, never just standing in one place but constantly moving. Writing songs, walking across the stage with his guitar. Flames and sparks, fog and flashing lights. Then she had to walk into the room, Y/N L/N just had to walk into that class room that day and tear those plans to shreds. Eddie made new ones, they all involved her. For a time he thought he was going fucking insane, the things he was thinking about. Conforming and becoming what the kids would call 'normal', thinking that doing that would ensure that she stays with him but it didn't take long for him to realise that he didn't have to change his plans at all. He rewrote them, she was now there. Sitting in the passenger seat, sitting in the back of the room. Handing out tapes and shirts, standing backstage. Eddie didn't need to completely destroy everything he had planned, he just needed to alter them a little bit. He pulled away, sooner than he'd like but the pain was starting to come back. The shock clearly wearing off and the rush of adrenaline fading away, he needed some pain killers and maybe a beer. A shower is definitely a must, perhaps a full bath. He whispers.
''Where's John?''
Eddie couldn't get enough of her eyes, the way she looked at him. It was very sickeningly sweet but it made him feel like the only man in the world, a king. The monster slayer.
''He's inside listening to his tape-''
He couldn't help but smile, he wanted to pick up that little goblin and just hug the daylights out of him. Eddie wanted to talk to him and just look at him, things were changing. He wasn't running away from himself, from them or from everything that just went down tonight.
''Lets go...''
He took a hold of her hands, hoping she would just lead him in. Home, just for a little while. Y/N shook her head, wiping at her eyes. Some of her mascara leaving smears across her skin, even when she cried she was so pretty. Eddie never stopped and asked himself how he even got to this point with her but it was better to not question it, it might ruin the magic. 
''The police, they'll be-''
Eddie chortles, the police will be hunting his ass for a long time if he had anything to do about it. He needed to find the gang, he wasn't back down this time. Let the kids just be fucking kids for once, let them play dungeons and dragons and worship fictional monsters. What is so wrong with energetic music that gives old people headaches? Nothing. So yes, the police will come and they will arrest him but that won't be the end of Eddie Munson.
''They will be looking for me and they will find me here, staying with my smokeshow of a girlfriend and my son. They'll take me away and it'll be hard for a while. I didn't do those things, I never hurt Chrissy and I will stop at nothing to prove it to those pigs. I'm Eddie the freak Munson baby.''
Y/N lets out a broken laugh, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her shirt. There was something warm in her eyes, every time she looked at him. He could see the world in them.
''You're my freak Eddie...''
There was only one of her and she was all his.
''I love you Y/N...''
Always the freak, the good kind.
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''The earthquake that tore through Hawkins Indiana aside, the search for Edward Munson has been ended as the Hawkins police have discovered new evidence in the case of the recent deaths of three Hawkins students. An anonymous tip regarding unlicensed weapons bought by another high school student came in yesterday afternoon, Jason Carver. A senior at Hawkins Highschool had been seen purchasing a firearm at the War Zone at approximately-''
Eddie lets out a content huff as killed the engine, parked outside the school. Traffic was insane, the past two days have been absolutely insane. That giant earthquake which was definitely Vecna's fault had ripped through the Hawkins area, a lot of people were leaving. Buildings were in various stages of destruction, walking across that stage wasn't going to happen any time soon but at least he'll get it in the mail. He could consider himself out of there, he was free. Eddie couldn't actually believe it, he looks over to the passenger seat where Y/N was sat with a small smile on her face. The police did show up by the end of it but not to arrest him, Eddie began panicking the moment he saw the blue lights flashing through the window. He had half the mind to run again, hide in Reefer Rick's boat house but he said he wouldn't let anything get between him and his freedom. He wasn't going to let them take him in for something he had no part of, no doubt the military would cover up the earthquake. Dustin did mention that the government was aware of all of this, he also mentioned some girl named El or something. He was done with all of this now, Eddie would hold onto his once in a lifetime performance in the upside down. The most metal thing known to man, he was confident about that. His wounds were still healing, Y/N wouldn't let him get up off the couch in the past two days that he's been resting. It was sweet that she wanted to take care of him but it was his job to ensure that she was safe and happy. It was shocking however, that the police didn't even attempt to arrest him but to question him about Jason Carver. About his connection to Jason or lack thereof, Eddie was free.
''Can you believe it?''
Dustin called him very early yesterday morning, telling him that they had planted a lot of the weapons from their plan to vanquish Vecna under Jason Carver's bed. Eddie owed Dustin everything, that kid did more than just save his ass but he saved his life. Jason was dead, Eddie couldn't say that he felt bad that he was dead. He's always been an asshole, he was an asshole to everyone around him and that included Chrissy. It was no wonder she didn't confide in her boyfriend about her problems, there was no way Jason could ever take her seriously. While Jason was no Vecna, at least she could rest in peace. Eddie found himself missing her sometimes, haunted by the memory of her death in his trailer. Dustin came back and helped him move all of the stuff from his bedroom into the van, he didn't want to go in there by himself. He didn't want Y/N to go in there anymore either, packed up all his tapes. The guitar and the amps, all his clothes and other sentimental items. They had their whole trailers packed in the van, ready to get started but he needed to do something first.
''Nope but I'm willing to try.''
Getting out of the car Eddie was quick to open up the back to get his son out of the car, there was no way he was leaving him here. A bit tired after waking up so early, almost fell asleep in his breakfast this morning. Y/N quickly made her way around to Eddie's side of the van with the intention of taking John out of his arms but he just shook his head, he got it. Y/N closed the van door, there were so many people here. People who's homes were damaged or destroyed, they set up a little emergency point for the people of Hawkins. A part of Eddie felt like this was all his fault, believing that this all started with Chrissy's death but getting the truth out of Dustin, Lucas and the rest made him feel a bit calmer. Apparently the curse that sat atop of Hawkins had been real, this place really was cursed. Vecna's curse, why stay? John grabs a hold of Eddie's Hellfire shirt, he had left the jacket in the car. Wearing his special shirt for his special day today, it was his day. Carrying the little man in his arms, he limps all the way down to the school. He could see the people staring at him, some of them seemed very sad while others were clearly very angry. Of course not everyone was going to believe that Jason Carver had taken the blame for all of those deaths but that is how things were going to play out, soon enough the government will take over the situation and things will get better for a little bit but Eddie wasn't staying for long. Y/N held open the door for him, he felt very special. Like a true king, being so pampered. If he knew getting this injured was going to give him the royal treatment, he would've done this a long time ago. This might be the one and only time John will really see the inside of Hawkins Highschool, there was no way he was sending his child to this school. They needed a new start after everything, he felt Y/N's hand on his back as they continued walking. Familiar and unfamiliar faces passing up and down the hallway, looking at him and whispering about him. Eddie did get a few greetings and recovery well wishes which did surprise him but they were appreciated, he helped save this godforsaken place after all. Right?  He deserved a little bit of gratitude. The gymnasium doors were wide open, people coming in and out with supplies. Some were still looking for people they lost in the earthquake, it was a sad time for everyone. Eddie hoped everyone found who they were looking for, he heard that there was a massive line of cars leaving Hawkins on the radio earlier which mean there were people who've had enough of this place. Lost their homes, family members or their businesses. It was time for everyone to start over, that includes Eddie and Y/N. Just them and John, like a family. He smiled as they entered the gymnasium, seeing all the people there. There were food and water stations, clothes and toys for those who sought refuge here. It was a meeting point for Hawkins seeing as it was unaffected by the earthquake, Eddie spots a familiar curly headed kid.
''Eddie!''
Y/N takes John out of Eddie's arms to allow him a moment with Dustin who came waddling his way, his leg still fucked after falling from the ceiling as he passed the gate to the upside down. Eddie hugged him tightly, patting him on the back. He owed him a lot for coming after him, maybe Eddie could've made it back on his own after resting but it wasn't likely. He lost some blood, there were cuts and bruises everywhere. Chunks of him were missing, relatively small chunks but chunks nonetheless. Those fucking bats better have enjoyed their piece of Munson, to think he was almost reverse Ozzy'd. Eaten to death by bats? As metal as that might be, no thanks.
''I don't know how you did it Henderson and I don't want to know, I just want to thank you.''
Once Eddie leaves this place behind, Hellfire will need a new dungeon master if they wished to live on. Who better than Dustin? The little shit was smart, hopefully he was ready to take on the responsibility that came with being the master. Herding the sheep and keeping watch over the kids of Hawkins, this was way too grownup of Eddie but it was time to move onto greener pastures. His time at Hawkins had been hell, he had only had a taste of heaven and it kept him going. By the end of today he would officially be out there, in the real world doing whatever the hell he wanted to do. Both of them would be out there together, free. Dustin's face seem to redden a little bit, take a compliment Henderson. Never change, Eddie laughs.
''It was nothing-''
''Bullshit, it means everything.''
He should thank Steve, Nancy and Robin too. Everyone really but he didn't have much time, traffic was going to be absolutely nuts once they get out of here. Eddie rests his hands on Dustin's shoulders, it was his time now. He had to pass the crown down to someone worthy, someone strong and clever. Someone like Dustin, he was in charge of Hellfire now. He had to keep the legacy alive, pinning everything on Jason had been the kid's idea. Steve and Nancy both helped while Robin was on the lookout, he didn't want to know how they got in and how Jason's parent's weren't aware of anything happening but what Eddie did know is that they planted more than just those weapons they got from the War Zone. Broke a couple of things, a few D&D pamphlets. Those things really seem to make people mad, especially now that they couldn't nail Eddie to the wall for it all but they should rejoice anyway. Eddie was almost out of their hair now, they could breathe easier knowing that he wasn't with them.
''You gave me back my freedom man, that means everything to me. To the both of us. I get to be out and about, I get to be with my kid. All thanks to you and your magnificent brain!''
He ruffled Dustin's hair a little bit, messing it up. Clearly it annoyed him as Dustin brushed him off, Eddie looks back to Y/N who just stood there and smiled at them. She had been so thankful to them for believing in him, being with him and helping him out even if it was putting them in danger. Especially with Jason going full maniac on them, to think that he actually bought a gun in the War Zone with his jock lackeys. How could they even follow someone like that? Evil power comes with great sacrifices but great power comes with great benefits, Eddie knew the kids were going to be fine without him. He did his bit to help, now he gets to sit back and just enjoy life the way he had been planning to since 1984. With her.
''Let's go baby.''
Eddie nods, letting go of Dustin to join her. He needed to find principle Higgins as per his request on the phone earlier today, there were a lot of phone calls being made today. Bright and sunny day, today was good. He gave Y/N a quick kiss before leading her down towards the other end of the gymnasium, Dustin didn't let go of them yet. Shouting over the crowd.
''Hey, where are you going!?''
Eddie turned around to look at him, this wasn't the last he'd see of him. He was sure about that, one day he might come back for a visit. Maybe they'll meet again in some other city, they'll play together for old time's sake but it was time to move on from here. He'll be fine, right? Without Eddie guiding him, the sheep had a new shepherd to count on now. Eddie grinned, everything was happening so fast ever since he made it back from the upside down. Time just didn't slow down, he felt as if he was running out of it thought he had more than enough of it. All these people needed all the help they could get, what better than for Eddie to get off their back and leaving for good? No doubt they'll breathe a bit easier without the freak around, talking about conforming and being brainwashed by society to stray away from what truly makes the people happy. Eddie needed to get on with it now, it was his year.
''I don't know but that's the beauty of it, say goodbye to the sheep for me Henderson!''
Dustin nods, Eddie had no real plan. He didn't know what road he's going to drive down, he didn't know what turns he was taking. Getting lost was a part of the fun, spontaneous. Discovering something new was always fun, wasn't it? That's what life is about right? Aimlessly wandering about until you find what you're looking for? Looking around the gymnasium made him think, how he never truly knew just how many people lived in Hawkins. Though it was a fairly average place but clearly there were so many people he didn't even know, faces he's never seen before. So many kids with their families, waiting for something. Eddie and Y/N passed by a board that was filled with missing posters, various pets, adults and even children. His heart clenched at the sight of them all, to think there were kids missing. The earthquake had done so much damage to this place, the earth split right open. Unleashing whatever hell was lurking beneath Hawkins, he froze at the sight of his own poster. Hanging on the board, horns and a beard crudely drawn on his face in red marker. Pentagrams in every corner, he knew better than to expect the town to forget. So what if some of them thought of him this way, Eddie's eyes widen as the poster is suddenly taken down. Replaced by a brand new one, he recognised the picture. Taken some time ago, wearing his Dio shirt. His uncle had come to the school to see if he was here, to replace the poster. Wayne had been the closest thing he had to a real father, what kind of dad teaches their kid how to hotwire a car. Mental note, do not teach John how to hotwire a car.
''Eddie?!''
His uncle spotted him, his eyes wide. He dropped the stack of posters he had made, clearly shocked to see him standing there. Very much alive and not at all missing, the sentiment was nice. To be missed by people, it felt nice. Even if it was just one person, Eddie had made a couple more friends this year who would most definitely miss him. Dustin probably being number one, he wasn't so sure about Nancy Drew and Steve the hair Harrington. Robin was cool, a little awkward but very cool. He won't forget the time she called his tapes shit, Eddie was offended. It had taken good time to accumulate all of that music, he was very proud of his collection. Packed every single one of them, did they take the tape deck for John? Y/N would've remembered, he wasn't sure why he was worrying about it. He smiled at his uncle.
''Hi Wayne, crazy huh? All this earthquake business? Been a weird-''
Wayne threw his arms around Eddie, hugging him tightly. He winced a little, his sides still hurt a little bit but it wasn't as bad as it was on day one. He chortles, patting his uncle on the back. He couldn't thank the man enough for taking him in, taking care of him and letting him live in the trailer with him. With the limited space and the low income jobs he did, working at the plant to provide for their households. Keeping the lights on had been hard work but Eddie pitched in whenever he had the money for it, Wayne was the only person who truly understood how harmless his interests were. He was very encouraging, Wayne might as well have been the only person who ever believed in him. Until Y/N came into his life, now he had John and he was getting out of here alive and in one piece. Today was overwhelmingly good.
''Principle Higgins is waiting on me, says he's got something very special to give me.''
Wayne pats him on the back as he pulled away, wiping his nose. Eddie learned a lot of things from his uncle, more important things than hotwiring a car or how to shotgun a beer. He learned that hard work paid off, being patient would make the world make more sense. Following your own rules, just don't break the actual law. Eddie never knew self worth, not really. He never thought he'd be important to anyone, ones self worth doesn't depend on how useful you are. It doesn't depend on how many people love you, whether you're popular or good looking or super rich and famous. It depends on how you look at yourself through life, Eddie needed people in his life and he bettered himself to keep them in his life. He felt like he should've been a better boyfriend to Y/N, he should've been a better father but he knew he did all he could. Eddie had given her a piece of him that he'd never get back, he wanted to make a real thing of it all. He was talented, creative clearly. Maybe a bit of a smartass at times but that didn't hurt anyone, he was Hawkins' very own freakshow. 
''I'm so proud of you Eddie.''
John sounds off, giggling at the sight of all the toys being played with by the other kids. Eddie did at least remember to get the stuffed dragon he bought for his first birthday, he couldn't help himself and took John back from Y/N. Sitting him down on his hip, he was glad to not have worn the jacket today. Too bulky, Wayne ruffles John's brown curls with a smile. He might be the closest thing he'll have to a grandfather which was pretty great, if you wanted a cool grandpa then Wayne is definitely your guy. Eddie's chest full of pride, Y/N laughs. He could gloat a little bit, he was finally done with this shithole of a school. They were free. Eddie was lucky to have these people in his life, he made a mental note to acquire some phone numbers later on via the phonebook. He could keep contact with them all from wherever he ends up, as long as he had Y/N and John he knew he'd be just fine.
''I saw that you emptied your room, I figured might be down here. Are you leaving?''
It was weird to think about, having lived in that trailer park for so many years now. Practically spend his whole life there and now he wasn't going to be there anymore, he wasn't going to drive home late at night and park right outside his uncle's trailer. No more sitting on the porch with a cold beer in his hand, staring at the stars. Eddie wasn't really looking at the sky most of the times he was out there, he just kept staring at Y/N's trailer. Wondering if she was up, whether she'd like company or if she was thinking of him. He thought about John a lot, what kind of kid he'll turn into. Y/N had a feeling that he'll be just as wild if not feral once he starts running and talking, Eddie would love him no matter how annoying he gets. He promised to never be like his dad, he wasn't going to teach John how to steal things or how to get into fights or anything. Sure, he wasn't going to take the kid fishing but he'd do something with him. Why fishing? Eddie never understood that, what was so interesting about sitting in a boat for hours with a pole? In any way, it was time to leave. To grow up.
''It's time man, got to fly the nest at some point right?''
Eddie and Y/N wanted to leave, start a life somewhere else. He wanted to get Corroded Coffin out into the world, he'd call up Gareth and Jeff when he's found the time. Maybe while he's at a motel somewhere or maybe when they finally find a place to stay, he's thinking Los Angeles. The city of opportunities, Hollywood. It would a good place to start, none of this satanic panic. He was going to find a place he could be himself, unapologetically.
''About damn time son.''
Y/N gave Wayne a tight hug, he knew she'd miss him. Eddie's uncle had always been very nice to her, supportive. He remembered when he came home the day she told him she was pregnant, he didn't tell his uncle right away. Took him two days to get it out, it was difficult and he really expected Wayne to yell at him and or kick him out but he just got a very stern talking to and a lecture on life and how it throws you all of these curveballs and that Eddie should man up and take care of that kid. It was a difficult time for everyone but he never really talked down to him, Wayne never spoke ill of Y/N or John. He never talked shit, ever. Which was very surprising, it was time to move out. He was officially an adult, why not let Wayne finally have his trailer back? He could finally have some female company over without Eddie constantly being there, he chortles. Wayne let go of Y/N and stuck his hand out towards Eddie, his sign of respect and his final send off. Eddie gave him a strong shake.
''Keep in touch kid.''
Wayne took down the missing persons poster off the board and proceeded to pick up the rest of the stack he dropped on the floor, allowing Eddie to get away before he gets stopped by any more people. He limps over to where principle Higgins stood, sour faced and clearly not all that happy to see him. Would he finally smile when he sees Eddie leave through those doors? Just a little smile? Just for him? No? He chuckles at the thought, adjusting his hold of John. His son's legs still clinging onto him, like a koala bear. Fistfuls of his Hellfire shirt, Eddie was glad he made extras. Dustin had them now, for whatever members decide to join. Though he wasn't sure anyone would really trust themselves to join the club next year. Higgins mumbles something that sounded an awful lot like 'congratulations', Eddie always felt like the teachers at this school all collectively had something against Eddie. Perhaps they all plotted to fail him this year, maybe they celebrated when he was wanted for murder. Eddie wouldn't blame them but he also just didn't give a shit anymore, the principle handed over his official high school diploma. Officially handing it over, Eddie smiled. Y/N couldn't help herself, clapping excitedly at the sight of it. He only nods, gesturing to Y/N to move towards the door. He was done, this was it, looking down at this one piece of paper he had worked so hard for. Now he had it and all of the nerves were gone, all of the stress of actual studying was gone. The memories of staying up and reviewing for tests, no more of that. He handed his girlfriend the diploma, maybe framing it was a bit much. Maybe not, he could. Eddie hums, kissing the top of her head as she took a good look at it. Stopping by the exit.
''Are you sure about this? Leaving?''
Having second thoughts? Maybe one day, Hawkins will be the place to be but today was not that day. They had to get out there, see the world. Rock it out, make some money. Be an actual family unit, Eddie was going to go chase the stage. He'll make Wayne proud, for sure.
''I've never been so sure about anything else in my life.''
Eddie almost forgot his parting gift to this place, he smiles at John.
''You ready little dude?''
Turning back towards the gymnasium, Higgins still waiting for him to be gone. How sweet was that? All this special attention, just for him? Y/N shook her head with a smile, his hand raised. Flipping principle Higgins that sweet baby bird he had been waiting for, he could see him frowning. This was it, end of story. Now all he needed was to get the hell out of here.
''Suck it Higgins!''
Eddie found home away from home, he was getting out of here. He had his girl, his kid and his van. The guitar he saved up for and his tapes, what more did he need? This time, he was going to run and he was going to keep running until he ran out of breath. Eddie left Hawkins.
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ronearoundblindly · 6 months
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I've been working on the finale of Dignity of His Choice for over a year now.
That's hard to say. It's hard to admit that this story I feel such excitement and passion for is just *not coming to the page* like so many others have with less excitement and passion. The Stark Legacy has been the same way, except it's been a year and a half.
I have...responsibilities that aren't writing though. I own my business and have no employees. I live alone now and pay for everything, clean everything, maintain everything. It's just me. I think I used to write Fools Rush In with the hope that having to think of both perspectives in a relationship would somehow change mine, if only shift my thoughts to why my marriage was probably fine and I was making too big a deal.
But it wasn't fine.
I don't mean this is a dramatic way (because a relationship between two people will always be evolving and have growing pains, even when everyone is communicating and moving towards the same goal with mutual respect), but I was being lied to. It was a simple lie, sure, something that wouldn't and didn't fully impact our entire lives until the tiny friction point snapped like two tectonic plates, and then in an instant, rattled and confused, we were gone. The layout of my world just *changed* and wasn't going to go back to normal. Normal never existed. It was just then and this is just now.
It's been so difficult to feel that happen in my real life and not fear for my characters--which I get is projection at its finest, but still--how do I protect them? How do I make their life seem real without snapping it in half and then lying about putting it back together? I couldn't do that. I'm alone. What do I know?
Except...I've been writing Fools Rush In for nearly two years, and I never actually knew what communicating and moving towards the same goal with mutual respect really looked like. I was wrong. I've been wrong the whole time. My life, exactly like my art, was fiction. I fabricated happiness in my home and on the page, and in one of those places, I already failed.
There was no finish line or last sentence; the whole story just vanished with an unhappy ending that proved the entire thing was some sort of fever dream. I had put a decade of effort into absolutely nothing. Worse. I worked for that long on hope when there was none.
I've often thought that I relate to Steve/Sketch as much as Reader/Keeps in the FRI series because I play more of a narrator role in life. Steve had a story to go through: survive illness, become a soldier, lead others to victory and safety. In canon, we often see him...not living his own life, and it's even commented on frequently. I think I've been taking on a similar role. You have no idea how difficult it is for me to consider myself the protagonist; things happen to other people, I want good things to happen to other people, but I am not the one who experiences them.
I didn't expect to ever be in the same place as this character when I imagined the 'fake death' story two springs ago, but my life is in tatters after I made the wrong decision for all the right reasons. I struggle to read comments like "how could Steve do this?" and "I could never forgive him" without taking them very personally. Of course, I know that no reader means them that way, but it's still painful to write Sketch and Keeps the happy ending I know they deserve when me...? What the hell is gonna happen to me? Who do I return to after this death-of-the-life-I-had?
I don't know the answer.
I just wanted to say I'm sorry to those who are waiting for Dignity's very happy ending (which I promise it very much is happy). The narrator is just lost at the moment, stuck on all the stories and none of the stories at once, wondering which of the fiction she told herself led to this ending, and...truly unable to trust in 'hope' again.
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radashes · 1 month
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Book review: 'Dreamland Billionaires' series by Lauren Asher
Step into the lavish world of the Dreamland Billionaire series, where dreams are as big as bank accounts, and the drama is richer than a double espresso on a Monday morning.
#1. The Fine Print: 4/5 stars
I ended up giving this book a 4-star rating. Was it amazing? Nah, not really. Did it keep me hooked and make me finish it in one sitting? Yeah, it did.
So, the story is all about Rowan, who's supposed to inherit his grandpa's fortune and is running Dreamland amusement park, and Zahra, who works there. Rowan's got to find the park's weak spots to get his inheritance, and Zahra's dream is to be a creator, so she gets roped into helping out.
Now, let's talk characters:
Rowan: Your typical grumpy guy with some daddy issues. He gets oddly excited when Zahra touches his leg. Weird, right? Oh, and he's into art, which adds a bit of depth to him, but it's resolved too quickly.
Zahra: She's all sunshine and rainbows, forgiving Rowan way too easily and laughing way too much.
Cringeworthy moments:
These characters act more like teens than adults, which is kinda cringe.
Zahra describing Rowan's butt as a "firm bubble butt" was just... no.
That first kiss in the office? Totally out of place.
Rowan crawling to Zahra on the floor? Ugh, just why?
But hey, there were some good things, like the inclusion of Zahra's sister Ami, who has Down Syndrome. It's awesome to see that kind of representation in popular books.
Despite its flaws, I'll probably keep reading the trilogy because, let's be real, they're pretty addictive.
#2. Terms and Conditions: 4.5/5 stars
"Terms and Conditions" felt like "The Fine Print" with a slightly better font, and I'll be real, those last 80 pages? Nah, fam, we could've done without 'em.
From the get-go, Iris and Declan steal the spotlight. Their dynamic was entertaining, but I could've done without the whole "Is Iris setting this up because she likes me?! Eww" vibe.
Now, onto the characters:
Declan: Dude's got serious daddy issues, but his introverted, grumpy demeanor was oddly endearing. His subtle affection for Iris and efforts to help her with dyslexia were highlights.
Iris: Queen Iris, y'all! Loved her as the strong, determined female lead. Though I felt her third act drama was a tad over-the-top, she taught Declan some valuable life lessons.
In short, Declan's complexity outshone Rowan's, and Iris was a force to be reckoned with.
Favorite moments:
Their banter: “We both know you actually like my brain.” “I like your heart more.”
Declan's little gestures of affection: “I did some research on how people with learning differences like yours do better with verbal and written instructions.”
And that tear-jerker quote? Hits you right in the feels.
Overall, despite the familiar feel, "Terms and Conditions" delivers a solid slow burn romance with relatable characters and some heartwarming moments.
#3. Final Offer: 3.5/5 stars
"Final Offer" was a bit of a letdown, honestly. It felt like it dragged on forever without much excitement. The plot was a mix of clichés, and it just didn't bring anything fresh to the table. Plus, it moved at a snail's pace, which made it a bit of a chore to get through.
Characters:
Alana: Unfortunately, she fell flat for me. Her lack of empathy and manipulative tendencies made it hard to connect with her. Plus, her behavior towards Cal bordered on emotional abuse, which was a major turn-off.
Cal: He had his struggles, but he still had some charm left in him. His journey through addiction and personal demons was touching, but it didn't fully shine through in this installment.
Favorite Moments:
Latin Representation: Kudos to the author for portraying Latin culture well. It was a nice touch and added depth to the story.
Revisiting Previous Characters: Seeing familiar faces from earlier books was a highlight. It added a layer of continuity and nostalgia to the story.
Cal himself was alright, but even his charm couldn't save this sinking ship of a romance plot. The whole thing just felt flat and uninspired.
So yeah, "Final Offer" ended up being a bit of a dud for me.
Overall, the Dreamland Billionaire is a good series with its diverse tropes and well-developed characters. Each book brought something unique to the table, from the grumpy/sunshine dynamic to the fake marriage trope and the second chance friends-to-lovers storyline. And you're spot on about Final Print—it tackled the complexities of "functional" alcoholism with sensitivity and depth. Overall, it's been a fantastic journey with lovable heroes and heroines, plenty of HEAs, and enough feels to last a lifetime!
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I don't have anyone to talk to about shifting so I hope I can talk a bit about it here :) It's just I have been trying to shift for over a year and that's fine because I know I will shift soon and I will not give up. I even got a tarot reading telling me I will shift soon but I need to overthink everything less. But you know how hard that is sometimes? Tbh shifting is such a lonely journey because there is nobody that can really help you out (only give some advice but they may work or may not because every person needs different things to help them shift) and in the end it's myself that I truely need to help me. But that's so hard to do because I am someone who needs validation, to know I am doing it right or doing good enough. And since no one can do that for me, I struggle with that a lot. But that's just my problem I have to deal with and overcome. And I will not give up, I will still shift even with these worries and I know I can do it. Sorry for rambling but I just needed to get that off my chest
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[thanks for this ask!]
july. this message was sent on the third, and the second one was sent on the tenth. i even remember seeing this in my inbox; i deadass thought i already answered this 😭christ on a crucifix i am so fucking sorry-
also. i apologise for the upcoming rant
- - -
okay. you do have a really good point though. the thing about shifting is that, while it has been an actual practice for many years now, it's only recently that the phenomena is truly being given focus. a lot of us fall victim to that—I'm not saying everyone has, but you have to admit most of the modern shifting community came from either tiktok or amino.
and because of its surgence in recent years, it's viewed as something new, instead of something that's already been cultivated hundreds of years past. this factors in to the isolation of it as a whole, in my opinion, as both a concept and a community.
and i agree with you on the topic of shifting being a lonely journey. the thing is; no one really knows know where they'd belong if they never found out about shifting—do you really think you'd be the same person you are now, had you never heard of the practice?—but at the same time, those same people are also scared to realise that they are worth all of the effort that they're doing, and that, in itself, is one of the reasons that hold them back.
another problem is that shifting had been largely popularised during the first stages of quarantine, which also reinforces the idea of it being a form of escapism. because your current life is going to shit (whether or not by design), you actively look for a way to get away from it. the mindsets of those who did discover reality shifting during quarantine are, to be frank, stuck in what i call the 'online mode'. you saw it online, you decided to try it for yourself; and then you realise that, while you have the whole community to communicate with online, it doesn't necessarily mean that you'd be able to talk about shifting while offline (with family, friends, and et cetera).
and when you do try to talk about it with others in real life, you get ostracised for it. because for them, it was an online phenomenon.
call this arrogant, but; whenever my philosophy professor asks my class if things like the perfect good and the perfect happiness (that which satisfies human nature entirely, both materially and intangibly) exist in an actual reality, i want to scream—because yes, those realities exist, i just can't prove it to you, not really, not in the way it matters. if i could say how, i would. if i could tell someone in real life that I've met all these amazing people in other realities and my life is really looking good, i would. if i could scream about reality shifting on my roof at the top of my fucking lungs, i would.
but i can't, and the consequences of admitting it in the current reality are far more troublesome than if you had just admitted it online.
still, though, being able to overcome that challenge should be one of the most satisfying aspects of it. when you're shifting, whether to a DR or for simple manifestations, you have to realise that all of what you have now, you were always meant to find. you already had these potentials in you—it's not that you have to go looking for it, just that you were looking in the wrong places to begin with. i completely agree with what you'd said about, how, in the end, it's only you who could truly understand and help yourself.
the only person whose validation you truly need is you. and to quote daenerys targaryen; Do you know what kept me standing through all those years in exile? Faith. Not in any gods. Not in myths and legends. In myself.
change always starts with the person. life isn't waiting for you to catch up, so why would you wait for it in return? you already exist with so much to give yourself, and the only thing that's stopping you from achieving it is the mind that you have. that's not to discount others' experiences, obviously, but that's the simplest truth of it.
nevertheless, i am glad that you were able to get a glimpse of your DR, anon. i know it's been four/five months since you sent this in, but you have my sentiments all the same. I'd actually love to hear from you again, if you're willing, haha.
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caulo · 1 year
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@watchingforcomets
not to advertize the  hyperfixation that consumed my life, but they've been adapting the game a lot over the past few years! they're slowly making all of the dungeons soloable (they have the main A Realm Reborn story done, and some of the later dungeons), and they've been adjusting quests in the early story to make it tighter paced and less of a slog. i've heard good things about it! if it's the gameplay you aren't into though, can't help with that sgjfkhsglsh. but maybe watching a movie would work! tho honestly... especially in the early story, ESPECIALLY with the english dub, cutscenes Aren't All That Great, and imo most of the impact of the game comes from like. getting invested in your little character - tho that's my personal take and i have friends who are just happy not caring about their toon.
but yeah, early english dub is.... rough. like, made me really really dislike a good few characters, because the acting was just... bad? i heard japanese is better tho! and there's a lot of fetch quests. but they've been tightened up. but yeah, the later story (from the first expansion on)... well, i have way too many hours on this game over the past three years. obviously i'm INTO it lmao. but if it isn't for you... that's fine too!!
my last attempt to get into ffxiv was summer of last year, so i think i was already playing when a lot of those changes were going through!
i believe i made it to post-heavensward, so i was definitely past the slog of ARR that a lot of people warned me about. unfortunately, given how far into the content i’ve gotten, i’m inclined to believe this it is simply a ‘not for me’ situation.
cut for rambling, if you’d like to read my long thoughts on it. but the tldr; the game has never hooked me for a number of reasons, but it’s hard to say if ‘stress from subscription fees’ isn’t the only one that really matters.
when i said that i can believe there’s a compelling story to invest into if you’re not distracted by everything else, the main ‘distracting’ things for me are:
1. the paid sub is unavoidably the largest issue for me, because i’d play the game just to craft and hang out with friends otherwise lol ( i love fishing in the game dkjalfj ). it’s a constant stressor and source of anxiety, where i feel like i need to be playing and getting the most out of the game, all the time, or i am wasting not only that month’s sub fee, but the money i’ve already paid before. this makes me feel like i’m wasting time if i’m not getting a fulfilling experience, which leads to me rushing through in an effort to find something worth investing in, which is a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts when the main selling point of the game is its story. i can’t really enjoy the pay off of long-term storytelling when i feel compelled to rush through the slower parts. so i’m basically constantly being pulled out of the world by this real-life factor.
2. that said.... i feel like the storytelling is regularly in conflict with its medium, as the flow of gameplay, cutscenes, and ‘cutscenes’ ( as in, events where you are clicking through people’s dialogue ) is very messy. i don’t mind the voice acting .....usually. but pacing and tension gets cut a lot by the way the game is constantly stopping for long periods of time to give you information. and while i have plenty of ideas of how that could maybe be improved on, i actually think this it is something that i could embrace easily enough if not for point #4, because i have enjoyed plenty of games that.... we’ll say struggle with the concept of being an ‘interactive storytelling medium’ lol.
3. i just don’t like the game balance. i don’t mind the gameplay itself - actionbar games aren’t my favorite, but i can enjoy them - and i don’t have a problem with the MMO holy trinity. but i am a support player in games like these, and ffxiv’s healing classes are..... not interesting or satisfying to play to me in that specific vein, because it feels like they kind of didn’t bother making them interesting in a supportive style, by just opting to make healers hybrid damage dealers instead. when i learned that, even playing a white mage, i’m responsible for a considerable amount of DPS in dungeons/raids, my interest in that entire aspect of the game died pretty much on the spot because that’s not...... what i play a healer for lsdkjflk
which isn’t to say i’m against min/maxing or anything. if there’s no supporting to be done in a moment, it makes sense to do damage, but the gameplay loop of even the most supportiest-of-support classes + the fights themselves in ffxiv are designed with too much expectation of focusing on DPS for my liking. and obviously the single player PVE is nothing special. SO, being unable to invest in the story, i find myself also unable to look forward to the gameplay content that unlocks from progressing.
4. is just that the all of the above are in one game. i’m inclined to believe i could enjoy ffxiv if i only felt two of the three points. because i enjoyed WoW ( which also has #1 and #2 ), and i enjoyed Guild Wars 2 ( which has #3 sortakinda in the sense that ‘everybody can do everything’ to such an extent that, at least last time i played, your choice of play style felt very impact-less in dungeons ).
as is, i entered the game excited for some of the late game content i’ve seen videos of, but lost that excitement when i realized there wasn’t a job with a playstyle i’d enjoy while doing that content. and i had a roleplay blog for ysayle, because i was invested in her character/writing with some friends . . . and then i accidentally skipped her death cutscene because i had so little patience for the game’s actual methods of storytelling at that point LOL
i could, maybe, try approaching the game with more investment in my player character, but i don’t think that would work for me very well. i’ve never found much to enjoy about how MMOs approach your player character’s ‘special-ness’. even when i was playing with the most patience for trying to embrace the game and taking everything at face value, seeing my ‘warrior of light’ as anything more than a filler character for things to happen to/experience the story through wasn’t something i experienced.
but it seems like #1 is the point that’s most likely to maybe change for me one day. it’s basically the opposite situation of how i’ve learned to unstuck myself from predatory mobile games LOL. every now and then when i’m playing a game with in-app purchases, i ask myself ‘if i had infinite money to put towards it, would i still enjoy anything about this game?’ and if not, then chances are i’m not playing out of enjoyment of the game itself. but with ffxiv, if i had infinite money to put towards it, i’d just enjoy trying all the features of the game without stressing about the subscription service skjfldf
if i’m ever in a financial situation where i feel like i can throw $10 a month at something and not feel like garbage for not wringing out every cent of that, maybe then i can give the game a more laid-back, patient approach that would allow me to get drawn into the story. and happily grind away at crafting alongside it LOL
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ohleander · 2 months
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1.25.24
Been struggling a lot this last whole week in particular. Feels like another buildup. I got sick again this past Tuesday and its been a struggle in itself, but I swear, in hindsight, I could feel something coming on. At least it made a lot of sense. I was so frustrated and overwhelmed last week at work. There was just so much to do and not enough time. I've been experiencing feelings of people not respecting my efforts, my time, or regarding me outside of themselves. Been troubled that people are talking crap behind my back, and I always have to remind myself that's not my business, but it does affect me. Lately I've been treading the messy line of allowing myself cranky anger in real time but also learning to manage it in healthier ways. I definitely need more body movement more consistently. Its hard to incorporate that into a reliable routine, though. I was successful at not overstimulating myself these past couple of days. I guess the shadowy feelings of it all are that I'm feeling like I cant ever do enough to please those I'm closest with. Its hard to understand and its hard to get away from that habit. I still have a lot to practice. I still struggle with not feeling like myself on the day-to-day. With each day, though, I gain more practice and clarity, I believe. Also treading the line lately of feeling light and love and gratitude, while also freely expressing my shadowy side, the feelings I usually smush down. I don't want to exist in a rut of ungratefulness. I truly do have a fine life and I also still have room for frustration. Its a very human thing, right? Perhaps the most human thing is overthinking, which is what I'm usually doing the most. I'm also trying to observe how I'm speaking to myself. If I'm so quick to judge myself harshly, of course I will do the same with others, out of cyclic habit.
As always, there's plenty to think about and the lot of it all has me a bit anxious and worried. Its hard to turn it off, even though I am grateful for my life. How to not dwell, but also acknowledge and validate any feelings of frustration? My new cat tarot deck strongly suggests learning judgement and balance. I guess there's my next step. But also.. could it be that I'm just a naturally grumpish person? (being an Aries...) and does being grumpy mean that I'm stuck in low vibes? I think not.. society is generally terrible and dismal these days. Consumerism and war, election year and more.. its all a huge weight to feel. It seems the big wigs want us to feel responsible for the way the world is.. its so easy to feel like there's nothing I can do to improve the way the world is. It feels like a huge hill to climb, but as always, of course we are going to try, even if its daunting. There's honestly no other way to go in time, but forward, no matter whats happening. And I free myself to let go of any baggage or any past self feelings, even if it was from 5 minutes ago. I give myself full permission to drop it and change to a clean slate at any given minute that I choose. I have more freedoms than I would first think. Material world woes can really bog a spirit down.
As always, again, I guess I shouldn't wait so long to write next time. It seems there's always something deeper that's bothering me, not just what I initially think on the tip of the brain iceberg. I'm always trying to harmonize all of myselves.
LA
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emancipationofa · 1 year
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wow. can’t believe that I’m here right now. this blog was honestly forgotten about. its been 3 years. and a lot has changed. i honestly think that the only reason i’m back is beacuse i feel alone again. and weirdly telling my problems to strangers on the internet makes me feel less alone. like maybe someone out there is listening and cares how all of this ends. where do we start?
i guess we can start with the realtionship to get that out of the way. so i was with iman. it was a rollercoaster. things were so good before we officially got together. honestly i say that but the whole realtionship was built on my fear that he would leave me again. once that fear was gone, it turned into me feeling stuck and unloved. from the beginning people told me to not go out with him but i didn’t listen. i never listen. we started dating in november of 2020. that’s when he finally asked me out. in december we both got academically dismissed from our college. my home life was toxic at the time so moving back didn’t seem like an option. so i got an apartment in my name and he moved in with me. it was fine in the beginning but things turned sour fast. i was working for a maid company and it took him a long time to find a job. the honeymoon phase was over. real life was starting. and i was working 8-10 hours a day and then having to come home to a “dirty” apartment full of unpacked boxes. to add insult to injury, most days he just sat at home doing nothing while i was working. eventually, he got a job and i got a new job. but still things weren’t good. i was now working better hours and woking from home but it was 10000x times more draining. getting yelled at on the phone for 8 hours a day by rich people because they wanted to go on vacation sucked. but it was good money and the job he had barely contributed. but we made it through. the finacial struggles really hurt our realtionship. i was resentful because no matter how hard i worked, we always sturggled because he wasn’t working enough. and then i got sick. II was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis when I was 16 and stress sends me intobad flare ups. and thats all that my life was. stress. my falre up started in augst of 2021. i had to go on medical leave from work which resulted in me having to quit in december after being hospitalized for the second time. Eventually, i started having problems with my heart and joints. I was diagnosed with a few other chronic illnesses. My doctors theorize that because my Ulcerative Colitis was so bad for so long, it affected/damaged other parts of my body. so then i was 19, with no job, and iman had started being responsible for all the bills. he tired really hard but he just couldn’t get a handle on it. Our relationship was so up and down at this point. things would be good for a little bit but then we’d fall back into being short with eachother. i started to feel like i’d never be good enough and that we would never be happy again. i was crying constantly and in the lowest mental state i had been in, in a very long time. panic attacks every other day and i didn’t know how to fix it. but i stayed until june of 2022. i had so much faith in our realtionship but it was misplaced. i should’ve been putting all that effort and love into myself instead. but in june i left for a fmily renunion and the space away from him and being around my family made me realize that i needed to get out. so i asked my mom about moving back in with her. me being out of the hosue for a few years really helped our realtionship. so after the family reunion i went back for 2 weeks and packed some stuff.while i was there, my mom called to let me know that my uncle bruce had passed away. it broke my heart. i was 20 at tis point and at the family reunion i got to hang out with everyone for the first time as an adult and really get to know them. my whole life i loved and adored all my great uncles but eing around them as an adult changed everything. the love i feel for them now is what i imagne the people who say family is everything mean. so being able to drink with him and really talk to him and then him passing away two weeks later broke me. his funeral was hard. i cried almost the whole time. but my family is beautifl. it was a beutiful service. and the party we had afterwards to celebrate his life was even better. i got to meet one of his sons that i never met and now that boy is my heart. i love talking to him and he makes me feel so seen and heard with my queer identity. (oh yeah still non binary if you were wondering.) we got bracelets at the funeral and i haven’t taken it off. it says help someone today. he was always helping people. he even sent me money because of me being sick and not being able to work. rest in peace uncle bruce.
i moved back home after the funeral. it was hard at first but evntually it got easier. my confidence skyrocketed. i feel like the prettiest mf on this planet. idk if its bc im mentally unwell but i literally am in love w myself. i’ve also been getting a lot more attention. idk if its the confidence but the men r coming from left snd right. its pretty wild if u ask me. no girls though which is kinda wack but i guess thats the nice thing abt being bisexual. more options. when i first moved home i was talking to my ex caleb. but i wanted it to be just me and him and that wasn’t happening. so i moved on. i started talking to his friend chris. it was a short little fling but it was fucking crazy. he did his girlfrind bogus over me and i was fine with it at first. they say hurt people hurt people. and that what i did. idk her but if u ever read this im sorry. no one deserves what he put u thtough even if yall weren’t doing good. and i’m sorry for my part in it. then there was kam. i liked kam but it was alway just as a friend. we had sex a few times and it really wasn’t for me. it was fun but idk sex with no feelings just doesn’t scratch that itch for me. and then he got me pregnant. i didn’t know i was pregnant. im on a lot of strong meds which pretty much made my birth control obsolete. but i had no clue. so i was till taking my birth control which caused me to miscarry. i wasn’t sure if i was actually miscarrying for a while but then i was positive. i had a misscarrige when i ws 15. i didn’t know it at the time but having one at 21 made me certain thats what happened back then. im lowkey terrified that i’m not able to have kids. it scares me everyday. and sometimes i think about getting pregnant on purpose but i push that thooght out of my head as quick as it comes. but fter the miscarrige i didn’t really wanna have sex with him anymore. that was too much truama to go through with someone who i wasn’t even tryna be with. and eventually he stopped hitting me up. which i don’t really care about but i do miss being his friend. after that i wasn’t really talking to anyone for a bit until zion popped up. i met Z in the 6th grade. I had just tranferred to emerson and he was a drum major. I immediatly liked him but he had a girlfriend. i may or may not have beat her up because she tried to say something to me about my crush on him. i was alittle crazy back then. but i transferrd and moved on. years later he transferred to my highschol and i was instantly falling for him again. but ntohing ever came of it. but now we’re grown. and im on him baddddd. i like him so much and we haven’t even been talking for long. i really want to be with him. and i haven;t felt this way in a while. i feel like a lovesick puppy. but thats enough for now. enjoy th typos. its almost 5 am and i’m not going to edit this lol
-M
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glassrain83 · 1 year
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Dear Yuletide Writer 2022
I am GlassRain on AO3, and thank you for writing for my tiny fandom(s)!
I love all these characters and any fic about them will make me happy. If you already have an idea feel free to run with it. If you want extra prompts or ideas, that’s what this is for.
Yes please: gay stuff, outer space, magic. Non-con, dub-con, and mind control. Relationships where there’s a power imbalance but they also truly love each other and do the work to make it good. Relationships with size differences (not as in short human/tall human, as in human/building-sized dragon). Identity porn/any kind of reveal where the audience knows something and gets to enjoy watching the characters figure it out.
No thanks: Gore/body horror/graphic depictions of violence, embarrassment, extreme underage (teen characters having sex is fine), bodily fluids (except the usual ones for sex scenes), non-canon character death, mundane AUs.
Fandoms:
The Murderbot Diaries - Martha Wells
Characters: Murderbot
Science fiction series about an artificial construct designed as a Security Unit, which manages to override its governor module, thus enabling it to develop independence, which it primarily uses to watch media. As it spends more time with some caring humans, it starts developing human feelings, which it finds inconvenient.
Ongoing sci-fi adventure in an interstellar corporate dystopia. Grumpy sarcastic Murderbot (it picked the name itself) just wants to be left alone to watch TV, but is smart and competent and keeps deciding it likes humans who need inconvenient rescues.
No romance for Murderbot please, but go as hard as you want on “intense friendships it doesn’t want to admit it has.” Other ships on the side are fine, canon or non-canon.
Prompts:
Murderbot finds itself in charge of an impromptu So You Just Achieved Self-Determination, Now What? support group. Possible members: SecUnit Three, the unnamed ComfortUnit, original characters who hacked themselves independently and figured they were the only ones until they saw it on the news…
ART figures out that Murderbot enjoys very specific kinds of touch (low-key, platonic, comfort-seeking, non-threatening), and starts gleefully engineering situations where it can get some.
The Terrifying Rogue SecUnit’s love of Sanctuary Moon becomes public knowledge. Reactions from SM fan forums, in-universe cons, the production company and its marketing department.
Leif & Thorn (Webcomic)
Characters: Leif, Thorn
Leif is a gardener in thrall to a mysterious debt, serving his native Sønheim at a foreign embassy. Thorn is a Knight of Ceannis who got severely burned while dragonslaying, and was rewarded with a cushy job guarding the embassy gates. Thorn doesn’t speak Leif’s language too well at first — but as they get to know each other, he finds a lot of reasons to learn.
Ongoing fantasy dramedy, with a cross-cultural romance and a great ensemble cast. (Read it here.) Leif/Thorn is canon, over a slow-burn arc that took about 5 years real-world time. They still have ongoing struggles around Leif’s control microchip, and Thorn’s effort to handle the unwanted power it gives him. Leif/Thorn/Kale is not canon yet, but the OT3 shipteasing is strong, so maybe in 5 more years?
The prompts are Leif/Thorn-centric but I will take fic about other characters too. Other ships on the side are fine, canon or non-canon, as long as you don’t break up the main couple.
Prompts:
Canon-divergence AU where Thorn joined the Secret Order of Monster Hunters, successfully assassinated the vampires in that one early storyline, and decided to rescue/steal Leif as a bonus. What? He was in the area anyway, he might as well.
Leif/Thorn where Leif still has the microchip, but Kale has his powers and facilitates a psychic link between them, so Thorn can’t possibly miss if he tries something Leif doesn’t like. Can be established Leif/Thorn/Kale or “whoops this turned into our first threesome.”
Holiday fic where Leif and Thorn share their traditions with each other. Warmth and fluffiness a plus.
Crossover prompt: the Leif & Thorn universe has a Fantasy Eurovision Song Contest..what does Fire Saga’s act look like in a world with widespread/commonplace magic?
Doctrine of Labyrinths - Sarah Monette
Characters: Felix, Mildmay
The Doctrine of Labyrinths is a series of fantasy novels by Sarah Monette. It is set in the secondary world of Meduse and tells the story of the adventures of the wizard Felix Harrowgate and his half-brother, former assassin Mildmay the Fox.
Lush fantasy melodrama full of codependence and great hurt/comfort. I have gotten Felix/Mildmay fic before and will keep prompting more of it until the end of time (or until a TV adaptation turns this into a megafandom, whichever comes first). Gen about them is also welcome.
Prompts:
Sci-fi/cyberpunk AU. Make the hocuses into hackers, the magical curses into corrupted cybernetics, the petty thieves into data pirates. Could be the alternate version of a canon event, or a whole new SF-themed plot twist.
Missing scene from Felix and Mildmay’s journey across the continent in book 1, something where Felix has a bad turn and Mildmay successfully calms him down. Just lean all the way into the h/c in their weird-but-deep sibling bond.
Guilty frantic brothercest. (During a time in canon when they’re both mentally capable of consenting.) Especially if it’s already an ongoing situation when the story starts, so it’s not a story about how they fell into it, but about how they can’t seem to get out.
If you are up for writing crossovers: it’s a crime that there are no Labyrinth crossovers yet. How would Felix and Mildmay face off against the Goblin King?
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uwuwriting · 3 years
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Boyfriend w/ Megumi, Itadori and Gojo
Request: hii I just read your jujutsu nightmares piece and oh my god I am indeed a very simple simp and your writing just makes my heart go uwu so may I maybe req a very soft, fluffy s/o for Megumi, Itadori Sato and maybe Sukuna if you write for him? I hope it's not too much, thank uu <3 - anonymous
I can’t get enough of the JJK content, I love them so much my heart can’t take it. Sadly I don’t write for Sukuna *I think I mention it in my rules but I’m not sure*, he pissed me off big time in the manga so yeah sorry about that. Really all the curses have kinda pissed me off but that’s a story for another day lmao. Love ya.💖💖💖
masterlist II rules
warnings: boyfriend things lol, fluff, maybe some angst sprinkled on top but not a lot. 
Fushiguro Megumi 
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-Megumi reminds me of Suna from Haikyuu. 
-Like a lot. 
-He will put effort in the relationship of course but he won’t flaunt it around in everybody’s faces. 
-Yes he has a s/o and yes he is in love but in his book that should be mostly kept in between you two, no one else has to know. 
-So at first your relationship isn’t really acknowledged by the others. 
-It’s so subtle at casual that everyone around you thinks that you’re merely best friends and close to each other. 
-Only Makki knows that you two are a thing since she sees how you worry and take care of him after he has been injured. 
-It’s different from platonic concern and she knows what’s going on. 
-Plus she saw you steal a kiss one time and that sealed the deal. 
-Eventually the others figure it out and they are losing their shit, for completely different reasons though. 
-Nobara can’t believe Megumi got a s/o before she did. 
-Gojo is hurt because neither of you said anything and he has been trying to hook you up for the past two years now. 
-Itadori is just confused because he thought that you were like that to everyone. 
-Now PDA is non-existent with this one. 
-He doesn’t feel comfortable touching you in public even if it’s a small peck. 
-He prefers showing his love behind closed doors or through acts of service. 
-So expect to find multiple bentos waiting for you in the kitchen each morning or a hot bath on the ready when you come back from a long mission. 
-You are okay with the no PDA rule, your only request is that he at least hold your pinkie when you need it. 
-It grounds you and who is he to say no to that?
-During missions he doesn’t underestimate your strength and let’s you do your thing. 
-He only interferes when you ask for help or when he notices that you’re extremely overwhelmed. 
-He doesn’t smother you and you are eternally grateful for that. 
-Training sessions between the both of you are brutal. 
-Neither holds back and you're left a panting, sweating mess at the end, crawling to your respective rooms to change before you settle for a movie later that afternoon.
-If either of you gets injured it’s mama bear time. 
-You need to change your bandages? Megumi has already taken out the kit and all the essentials. 
-He needs to take some meds to calm the pain in his ribcage? You have the pills in hand. 
-He is a shy boy so even in private he hesitates to touch you. 
-Don’t get him wrong he loves holding you and feeling you close to him but he is also afraid he will make you uncomfortable or overstep. 
-So you will be the one initiating cuddle session during the first months of your relationship.��
-After a while he will simply pick you up and carry you to his bed for cuddles if he needs them without uttering a word the whole time. 
-Good morning/Goodnight kisses are a must. 
-It’s a ground rule that he follows religiously since day one. 
-It doesn’t matter if it’s a simple peck on his lips or a passionate kiss, he just wants to get a kiss before starting/ending the day. 
-Sleeps on his stomach with an arm always draped over your waist. 
-Isn’t really into the whole sleeping on each other thing but he won’t say no to being the big spoon or even better the little spoon. 
-He gets flustered when you kiss his knuckles or trace patterns on his palms. 
-He knows his hands are rough from all the training but after your touch they feel tender and gentle. 
-Prefers indoor dates rather than outdoor ones. 
-His favorite  is cooking dinner together and then cuddling on the couch *in hopes you won’t get interrupted by Gojo*.
-The only thing he dislikes about the whole relationship thing is the teasing he receives from Gojo. 
-He is ready to rip his ears off. 
-Boy has murder on his mind 24/7 and it is all directed to his mentor.
-Gojo noticed that Megumi had you as his wallpaper ONCE and now it’s game over for your boyfriend. 
-The thing is that you don’t get teased as much and he is *salty*. 
Itadori Yuuji
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-He is such a lovable boy, how could you NOT fall in love with him?
-Your relationship is naturally effortless. 
-Everything flows so naturally and without even trying you two have formed such an unbreakable bond that not even Sukuna himself can tether even if he tried. 
-Many MANY spontaneous trips to the nearest convenience store at 3 am.
-Oh you are craving some popcorn? Well go on, get your shoes, we are going grocery shopping. 
-Won’t hesitate to do anything for you and when I say anything I mean it. 
-He ditched Gojo once because you had bad period pains and said you needed cuddles. 
-What cruel creature would he be if he denied his beautiful girlfriend her cuddles??? 
-Sukuna has cockblocked you two and has ruined your cuddles on multiple occasions. 
-From weird noises to rude comments to interrupting Yuuji’s thoughts with random shit. 
-Real party crasher. 
-Yuuji’s love language is touch mainly so expect a shit load of hugs and kisses. 
-Won’t let go of your hand while you are out in public. 
-If he can’t hold your hand he will place his palm in the small of your back or wrap his arm around your shoulders/waist. 
-It’s a physical need. 
-He has to be touching you at all times because that reminds him that you are truly here beside him and that you are okay. 
-The sorcerer's life has already taken a toll on his mentality and he hates leaving you alone so most of the time you go on conjoined missions. 
-Unlike Megumi he tries to protect you during fights by all means. 
-He doesn’t do it because he sees you as weak and in need of protection it’s just an instinct that he can’t control at all. 
-He will put himself in immense danger, taking all the blows just so you can leave the scene unscathed. 
-You have scolded him on his complete disregard of his own life and the tears that pooled in his eyes as he explained that his body moves on its own when he sees anything darting towards you, breaks your heart. 
-If you kiss the little marks under his eyes all his worries fly out the nearest window. 
-He forgets about everything around him, about the looming threat of his imminent execution, the only thing on his mind are your lips on his cheekbones and your thumbs rubbing circles on his cheeks. 
-If you pepper him in too many kisses he will begin his own assault by first tackling you to the floor or the bed and capturing you in a hug before the smooches begin. 
-He has a tendency to leave hickies on your neck which you struggle to cover each morning and you are always real close to glaring at him when he beams like the sun itself at you in the morning but your mild anger fades the moment his lips meet yours. 
-You have your suspicions that he knows what he is doing with that, he knows his kisses make you weak so he uses them to his advantage. 
-Will never admit it but it always places a small smirk on his lips every time you clutch his shirt for balance or rest your forehead on his shoulder to regain your composure. 
-An I love you a day is required for good vibes. 
-Won’t hesitate to shout it even in front of others, he just has no filter and no shame. 
-Makes you turn tomato red and he snickers. 
-Fuck him, literally. 
Gojo Satoru
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-This fucking tease. 
-He has no chill!!!!!!
-How are you with him?!?!?!?!!
-My man fine af and he drinks his respect for y/n and y/n alone juice every morning. 
-That doesn’t mean though he won’t try to fluster you throughout the day. 
-It’s his main goal really. 
-Full blown make out sessions in the hallways of the school, ass smacks in front of others and trying to leave hickies on your neck during your lunch break. 
-It simultaneously pisses you off and turns you on so you can’t decide if you should smack him or jump his bones. 
-It’s a never ending debate and his chances of getting the quawk quawk 5000 are 50/50. 
-He respects your boundaries when you give him a sign that you really don’t want him to be like that on certain days. 
-He is a very observant individual in general so it’s not hard for him to take note of the signs of pure discomfort or awkwardness. 
-True he loves flustering you but the moment things get out of hand and you don’t feel okay with how he is acting, he is throwing his attitude out the window and becomes respectful Gojo in a flash. 
-Likes having his arm draped over your shoulder. 
-He is super tall so chances are he towers over you. 
-He has used you like an armrest several times which resulted to a trip to Shoko for a dislocated wrist/shoulder. 
-You make him bentos almost everyday and he waits for them like a lost puppy. 
-No matter the time, he doesn’t care if he is late, he will wait for you to make him a little bento to take with him. 
-Curses can wait, he needs to receive his first dose of y/n love of the day. 
-Brags to his student about you and to Nanami, much to the blonde’s dismay. 
-Talks everyone’s ear off. 
-He becomes super protective when an elder shows up or at the mere mention of them. 
-He will grasp your hand, keeping a firm grip as those pretentious fucks stare down at you. 
-They really don’t care about Sato’s happiness and they will never show you a fiber of respect despite being chosen by the strongest sorcerer. 
-You are not part of one of the three clans so you are worth nothing in their eyes. 
-Gojo hates them for that. 
-Deep rooted hatred that could turn into a mass murder if one of them call you a distraction or a slut one more time. 
-You are really grateful for him in those moments. 
-You are grateful in general but during those times when you are being bombared left and right with rude comments, he will remind everyone in the room that he doesn’t give a flying fuck about what they believe. 
-He fell in love with you because you are your beautiful self and not because you are a powerful sorcerer. 
-He wants to imagine your kids as a sign of your love and not as an item of power, as a weapon like many of these people see him. 
-He has ditched the elder meetings on many occasions just because he wasn’t in the mood of listening to their bullshit so he came home to you and spent the rest of his night cuddled up under the large comforter, watching a movie while peppering your shoulders with kisses. 
-Adores seeing you in his clothes. 
-They are so big on you that you wear them as dresses around the house. 
-He especially loves the sight of your bare legs peeking from underneath his black t-shirt. 
-99% of the time this ends up in you getting your guts rearranged. 
-Surprisingly remembers all the important dates and he makes it to as many dates as he can. 
-Being a sorcerer is difficult man, give him a break curses he has a date at 8 and he needs to get his formal glasses. 
-All in all he loves you to the moon and back and would do anything to keep you safe and next to him. 
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blzzrdstryr · 3 years
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Like a fairy tale
Yandere!Diluc x maid!fem!reader
Wordcount: 1921
CW: Yandere and slightly suggestive themes.
You loved reading fairy tales as a child - they were magical and hopeful, a needed retreat for a child of destitute parents. They were a promise that if you were good and kind and beautiful enough, eventually some faraway prince would come by and save you from poverty. And you tried to be good - you were obedient and hardworking and you pushed your hardest in the local school, yet hardship and scarcity still trailed your every step - the meager earnings your parents made weren't enough to buy you nice clothes or let you eat until you were sated, which in turn made social interactions harder: some kids sneered and humiliated you, some tried to help you out of pity. You disliked both groups: whether they were friendly or aggressive towards you, they still looked down on you.
Thus you decided to distance yourself from your peers - there was no knight in shining armour galloping towards you on a snow white steed, yet a good education could be your golden ticket to a better rich life. It was hard at first - to work and to study and to help your parents all while ignoring the demeaning and insulting comments the bullies made, but you gritted your teeth and pushed forward, imagining how wealthy you’ll become in the future and in the end our efforts were rewarded - you graduated as the best student, that led you to receiving a scholarship from Sumeru academy. Sparks and shine appeared in your eyes as you read the letter, barely stopping yourself from outright squealing and jumping from joy.
The moment of happiness didn’t last long though, as a reality again reminded you that there’s no place for fairy tales in the real world - scholarship covered the full cost of apprenticeship, but only it - you still had to spend money on the journey from Mondstadt to Sumeru, a place to rent and food, and if you still could find a job after your arrival in the foreign country and pay off the later two, trip required mora that you never had. At first you had a mad idea to traverse Teyvat on your own two feet - it would be a slow and arduous process, but cheap nonetheless. You later gave up on this plan - archons didn’t give you any vision, nor did you have fighting and travelling experience to aid you on the trail that no doubt would be full of slimes, hilichurls and other dangerous monsters.
And that’s how you started job hunting - you took on any work that promised you a hefty pay, be it some boring reports for guild of adventurers or an exciting yet risky endeavor of getting information for an extravagant cavalry captain, which then led you to Dawn Winery. Head housemaid, Adelinde, posted a job opening for a maid, and the prospect of a stable salary, free food and comfortable bed was enough to lure you in there - two or three years ago the previous owner of the winery died in the accident and his successor left Mond for some reason, leaving the maintenance and management of the winery on the shoulders of the said housemaid.
After a quick interview, the head maid demanded you to show her your cleaning skills, which you effortlessly did, having to look after the house by yourself all your childhood. It seems she was satisfied, as she nodded to you and asked to follow her as she led you to your room. Compared to the other two maids here, Hillie and Moco, who preferred to spend their work time in idle chat, you came off as highly professional and diligent worker. This contrast raised both your position and salary in the winery, as Adelinde started to entrust you with tasks more interesting than simple sweeping and cleaning.
You were outside the winery the day you met Diluc - returning from the city and carrying several stacks of milk and wheat you got chased by the hilichurls. Monsters didn’t leave you, no matter how long and how far you ran. You were ready to drop all the goods and have Adelinde to scold you for wastefulness and dereliction when Ragnvindr appeared and stole a breath from you. He looked just like the prince from your childhood tales, impossibly pretty and strong, arriving just when the creatures caught up with you and then defeating all of them with a single slash of great claymore. And just like a fairytale prince he helped you to get up and collect the scattered baggage and asked if you were okay. Then you two headed for the winery, you didn't know that he was it's owner at the time, chatting and thanking him, as he carried purchases. Adelinde almost fainted when she saw the return of the prodigal master in your company. After hastily taking goods from his hands, she made you apologize for rudeness and insubordination, but Diluc interrupted you saying it was fine.
Ragnvindr heir returned back to the winery and life went on its own, except the unreadable glares Diluc started to send you when you both were in the same room. It started off small: the quick glances that soon grew into intense staring. With his impassive stone face it was impossible to tell why he was glaring at you so much, so you acted as polite and professional as you could in his vicinity - after all you didn’t want to get fired and look for a new job. The key to this riddle presented itself during one day.
It was a bleak windy morning when Adelinde sent you to the city again, and as you walked the sky darkened and rain started. You returned absolutely soaked and shivering, teeth chattering and limbs slightly numb from cold and when Diluc saw you he ordered you to change in a low commanding voice. Frightened by the possible dismissal, you hurried putting on the uniform. Because of the haste you pulled it too tightly, hiking up a maid dress a little. It wasn’t up enough to reveal your hips or thighs, showing just a portion of knees that was usually hidden by the wide skirt.
Diluc’s eyes were glued on the uncovered joints, a subtle blush appearing on his pale cheeks. You continued to work, feeling how he consumed your legs with his eyes alone. He is lusting after me. You didn't know what to do with that revelation back then, embarrassed and slightly scared of attracting master Diluc's attention.
Nonetheless, an answer quickly came on the next day as you found a bonus to your salary, so big that it could be considered a payment for the next month. Diluc, despite his usually impassive face, seemed to be ashamed of the thoughts he had yesterday, with the body language telling you of his true feelings.
A plan came to mind. You hated yourself for it at first - it was low and disgraceful, you felt like a stereotypical manipulative gold digger, yet still decided to realize it in life - you needed mora, as fast and as much as possible. Over the time you spent working at the Dawn winery you noticed that Diluc, despite his obviously high intelligence, wasn't really good at judging one’s character, so he fell for your scheme pretty easily. Design you had in mind was pretty simple - to stir him up with small, innocuous gestures and changes that would slip past the outsider’s eyes.
Sometimes you applied a thin layer of healing lip balm on your lips, that so conveniently happened shine and glitter under the light, sometimes you donned your dress a little bit higher, opening the view of two delicate knees and sometimes after cleaning and working all day you felt so hot that you had to unfasten one or two buttons to cool off. Diluc, despite not showing it on his face, was obviously distracted and aroused, hands clenched into fists and a shaky, barely controlled exhale escaping his nose.
He started to pile you with bonuses and prizes; “for a well done job”, he said one time, averting his gaze and masking the shame in his voice under a huff. He also started to request you to specifically clean the rooms he occupied, his eyes sizing up almost every inch of your body. You felt how the lust and desire radiated off him, how his hands itched to trace your skin and have you at his mercy, yet he stopped every time with his steel strong control and self-discipline. You sensed how it dwindled little by little.
Diluc, in some perverted sense, was that fair prince of your childhood daydreams that would save you from poverty.
You almost had saved up the needed amount of money when you noticed the loss of your most cherished possession - an invitation to the Sumeru academy and scholarship certificate. With heart booming in your chest you started to look for it in the whole winery, without giving out that you were searching for something. It seems that you were unsuccessful in your attempts, as master of the winery soon called you into the office.
Here, he was sitting behind the desk with a familiar paper in his hand - your eyes widened as you saw it and you had an urge to run up to him and snatch the invitation from him. You performed a curtsy instead, closing the door behind you and waiting for him to speak, eyes still on the sheet in Diluc’s hold.
“[First], you are a diligent and skillful employee, Adelinde has a very high opinion of you” he started from afar, a slight rosy blush dusting his cheeks at "skillful employee".
"So as your employer I wouldn't want any harm to befall on your person, and" he shaked the invitation a couple of times, "it came to my attention that you were planning on travelling to Sumeru. I advise you against this nonsensical idea".
You gritted teeth, careful not to insult him with the couple of barbed words at the tip of your tongue. Nonsensical idea? This was your goal, a main reason why you worked so much and allowed yourself so little.
“I am sorry, master Diluc, I am afraid I can’t abandon this idea”, you say, response flat and controlled, a thunderstorm of emotions hidden beneath the faux calm, “It is my goal, and the main reason why I work here”. So I can have a bright and secure future, in which I won’t have to worry about the tomorrow ever again.
“I also learned that you were born into a low income family and you had to struggle in your life because of that ” a sudden mention of your less than glorious origin makes your face burn from the shame you thought you buried a long time ago. You are stunned, so he continues: “I believe this little endeavor of yours is also motivated by your desire for a stable future. Drop it, I travelled all across the Teyvat and there are horrors that can easily destroy you both in body and spirit”.
He stands up from the desk, and gets closer to you: “I can look after and provide for you, just stay there and you won’t have to worry about the future again ”. His hold on the paper gets tighter, pyro vision shining with a dangerous glint. A faint smell of smoke spreads through the room - a warning if you remain stubborn and unyielding.
Who could have known that the fair prince was a greedy dragon all along?
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vox-ex · 3 years
Note
Aight bud what about this one?
6. Character A helped Character B into a sitting position. The sirens were getting louder and soon this nightmare would be over.
Thanks so much for the ask...I went back and forth so many times about which characters A and B should be, but ultimately I kept going back to that BTS pick of Lena stuck in the rubble and this just felt right. Let me know if anyone wants a drabble about from Alex's POV about her finding them.
____ ____ ____ ____
For Now the Universe Relents (supercorp)
There was no sense to any of it, not the ringing in her ears, not the smell of sulfur and burnt carbon, not the gravel that digs into her palms as she tries and fails to right her view of the world. She turns her head, cheek dragging across the ground until her forehead rests against the broken concrete. She tries to breathe in and out through her mouth, tries to get her lungs to expand against the weight of the gravity that is holding her in place with more force than it should have. She bites her lip, exhaling through her nose as she tries to remember what she was doing before half of the block apparently exploded around her. Somewhere in her rattled brain, equations fire back and forth over malfunctioning neurons. Numbers and logic, forcing their way past fear and shock to tell her body that all the things it was feeling were not fallacies of physics but merely an accurate response to adrenaline and pain. The air shifts a fraction around her, lessening the pressure in her ears, and for just a second, the ringing stops, a siren somewhere far off taking its place.
Lena makes herself try to move again, grabs at nothing but a handful of dust as she tries to push up from the ground. And fuck, it hurt, and all that logic in her head is screaming at her to just stay down, to just close her eyes and ignore everything that was happening, but there was an unshakeable sense that if she failed to do anything, the world might not be there when she opened them again. So she pushes against the ground until she can find something solid to hold onto, until at least she is on her back instead of with her face pressed into the cold ground, and then the pain takes on a new, more personal shape as she lays there, the stars and the city lights flickering with life in the smoke-filled sky above her as she struggles just to keep breathing — it feels like she is always struggling to keep breathing.
But there is still no sense to any of it.
Like her brain won't let it be real.
Not until she feels a subtle pull against the hem of her shirt, not until she feels the ghost of fingers against the palm of her hand, her arm, tracing their way across the burning fire in her chest until they settle just above her heart.
And if the pull of gravity had felt too much before, it feels impossible then. Heavy with the heat of explosions and blinding light. Heavy with the pressure of hands pulling her back and the weight of a cape wrapped around her shoulders as she took one last look into her brother's eyes before the world erupted between them.
"Lena?" the voice comes from close up, and very far away, somehow, and it takes time for Lena to even realize it's Kara's voice. Too fast, too jittery, too distant all at once to make out. The hand that pulls at her shirt begins to shake a little and lose its grip. "Lena, please-" her voice stammers and stumbles over itself.
Lena turns her head, and at first, she can't see anything. Just a sort of a fuzzy blur, like she is was looking through a filter at the world. But when she finally managed to focus, there is no doubt it was her, face framed in the smoke and swirling remnants of firelight. "Kara."
The hand on her shirt tightens again, "Lena," Kara says again, still uncertain. Lena reaches up and rubs her thumb over the back of Kara's hand, making slow, gentle circles, trying to let them both know they are there together.
Kara smiles at her, and really it is only the dimmest suggestion of a smile, but it is enough. It is enough to carry her forward, back to a world that no longer feels like a nightmare but is also still a vivid, painful reality.
"Are you okay?"
"I...I don't..." She tries to find the words, but the words aren't there. The pressure in her chest was gone, the blazing heat seared into nothingness now, but she was still cold, still dizzy, could feel where the blood-soaked into her shirt and the skin split open at her eyebrow. She swallows hard and tries again. "I-I think so...Ar-are you?"
"Yeah," Kara says, and Lena could hear her trying to sit up, her mind drifting quickly again in a whirlwind of shock, panic, and disbelief when she can't feel Kara's hand anymore. But then she's there, leaning forward and looking down at her, eyes flickering with determination and something else that shouldn't have felt so hard to place. "You're going to be alright," "Just hold on, okay?"
"You don't look so good."
"I'm fine, " Kara answers, trying to hide her shaky words and the way she's holding her right hand tight at her chest.
She feels Kara's hand slip underneath her shoulders, and Lena turns her head into her chest, the smell of ash and sweat and tinny iron clinging to both of them.
"I've got you." Another hand grips under her thighs, and Kara's voice strains through the effort, "Just need to sit you up."
Lena tries to nod her head, but the world was spinning again, and the sirens keep getting louder making it hard to think.
"Hold on." Kara manages to lift them just enough, turning them both until she is sitting against the wall, and Lena is between her legs, leaning with her back against her chest.
"I've got you," she says again, trying to find her breath.
Lena lets the words fill her head, allows them to push out the darkness that is trying to seep in again, "I know."
And when she feels Kara's arms wrap around her, when she feels the gentle press of lips against her temple as the sound of sirens inches closer, the pull of gravity feels heavy in a whole different way.
"It's over now, right?" and the words alone carry so much.
But Kara lets out a shaky breath, pulling Lena in closer still, "It's over."
And Lena knows how much unknown there is in the subtle pause she takes, in the shake of hands that grip just a little tighter as if expecting the universe to try and prove her wrong.
But for now, at least, the universe relents.
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smutty-ki113r · 3 years
Text
🎠Laughing Jack🎠|| Carousel
Fluff one-shot x gn!reader— only warning is angst (2.6k)
Inspired by: Melanie Martinez
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After months of endless nagging you finally convinced Laughing Jack to let you visit his amusement park. He had claimed it was too scary and you would get creeped out but you weren’t one to take no for an answer.
Giving you a piece of candy so the trans-dementional trip wouldn’t be too hard on you. Tasting the sour lemon taffy he gave you and making a tense face as the flavor pulled at your taste buds and stuck to your teeth.
Your head getting dizzy as your surroundings warped and his room became red and white vertical stripes. Blinking a couple times as he leaned into your face, “are you alright?”
“I’m fine!” You told him, almost falling back at how close he was. As soon as your perception adjusted you looked for the exit to the tent you were inside. “Onward!” You said excited, marching comedically to the entrance flap.
“This isn’t exactly the safest place”, he called from behind, catching up with ease because his legs were so long. “You need to stay close to me at all times” you smiled at him, it’s not like you were complaining, “got that?”
Giving him a keen nod you stepped out of the grand tent. Squinting at the sky, which was tainted a dusty gray, swirly clouds amber of scattered around in the background. The carnival was beautifully revolting, with littered attractions as far as the eye could see.
The place looked somewhat abandoned, if you get past the faint cries of children, from their souls stored in toys. Rides that once colored a vibrant red had paint chipped, specks of dull metal flaked over the bars.
Game stands broken down and leaning unsteadily, disturbing toys with eyes and limbs missing hanging from the top. It looked like it might fall down at any minute, but you couldn’t help but notice the newer looking boxes of supplies lying around next to the stands.
Fairy lights hung from the tilted signs, decorating the food court. A fresh trail had been made between the rides.
It warmed your heart that he had made subtle efforts to fix the place up, he certainly didn’t think you would notice.
Looking back at his nervous smile, Jack was terrified you would hate the place. You thought all but the opposite, giving him a big grin. Your expression relaxed him, assuring him that you wouldn’t think he was a freak and leave. His whole demeanor shifting, making him more comfortable and even enthusiastic.
Straightening out and giving you jazz hands, “what are you waiting for?” putting one hand on his hip to motion you to the park with the other “lets go have fun!”
Following behind you with a giggle as you approached the carnival games. The ring toss looking somewhat appealing in between the other activities, so you told him you wanted to play.
“Basically you get 5 rings, if you get at least 3 in the pins you win a prize” he explained.
“Alright alright lemme try” you waved him off, snatching the rings and giving one a toss. It missed, you brushed it off. The second one made it in and Jack gave a little cheer, it still wasn’t enough.
Hyperfocusing on the pin in the middle make a soft throw upward, the edge hitting the top of the pin and falling to the side. You gave a groan, calculating your last two throws.
Your forth throw made the pin to the side, and you only had one more try left. Aiming for another pin at the side to release, the ring clanging against it and falling to the floor.
You went to look at Jack with a frown but he wore a happy expression, “you won!” He exclaimed. Confused you turned back, finding the ring you had just tossed around the last pin. You were completely certain you had missed it, racking your mind for an explanation as jack handed you a small purple bunny that was missing an arm.
Realizing that Jack had manipulating the game so you could win, throwing him a knowing glance. He just happened to be looking away, whistling guiltily.
Squeezing the bunny you moved onto the next game, it was ballon dart toss. The stand had pale red and black balloons scattered across a board. Excitement was written all over his face, you cocked an eyebrow in question.
“It’s a two person game!” He said, “whoever pops more balloons wins!”
He handed you four darts and kept four for himself, “you can go first” he motioned with a grin. Pacing the dart in two fingers a couple times before throwing at a balloon. Giving a groan when you missed and waiting for him to go.
Being as skilled as he was he managed to land one in a bullseye. “Oh it’s on” you dared, getting one point yourself. LJ got the second one too, staring at you intensely as you evened out the score.
Giving him a small smile as the dart broke the surface of the balloon with a sharp noise “pop goes the weasel right?” You laughed, referring to his famous song.
He looked at you almost in shock, taken aback by your joke. Shaking himself into reality he broke out in a light blush, a part of him touched, as if you were accepting him for who he was.
Too distracted by your eyes on him to play the game with concentration. Missing the third one with a growl he waited for you to take your turn, which you lost. It was the last point and Jack was a shoe in, so obviously he took the victory.
You were happy for him, passing along a “good job!” as he retrieved the big brown teddy bear that was half his size, and all of yours. It was missing an eye, thin stands of makeshift fur pulled out and a silky red bow around it’s neck.
“Here” he said, dangling it in front of you.
“For me?” You asked, “but you won”, trying to look up at him but the bear blocked most of your view, only letting you see above his nose.
“Just take it” he practically pushed it into you, making you blow out an oof.
Holding it to the side at the torso with one hand you broke out in a grin “thank you for the plushie” you said, hugging him from the side and squeezing his torso “but I want you to be my teddy” you laughed. He looked incredibly flustered, frozen as you broke away.
“You’re big and tall” you tippy toed up to give his shoulder pad feathers a ruffle “and fluffy”
The man looked like he was about to faint so you decided to knock it off, laughing and telling him you wanted to go on the carousel next. Quickly, LJ happily led you too it, skipping in front of you (mostly to hide his blush).
Standing at the controls to cue a round, watching you walk around to find a pretty horse. Given, all of them had dark spots and chipped paint, but they worked all the same. Leaving the bear on another horse and climbing onto a white one that had a yellow saddle, intricate lacy designs patterned on the sides. Royal blue reigns across it’s chest and a lion on a crest.
It was beautiful, and you traced your fingers on the drawing. It must have been stunning, but the weathering of time and agony had gotten to it. A painful reminder of what was, a mere reflection of the chipping away of a joyful being.
Prying away from your thoughts as you felt the vibrations of Jack stepping onto the walkway- with one of his big smiles. Even after everything, he still wore a smile. It made you want to tear up, he really needed all the love he could get.
He was too tall to get on a horse, so he just stood by you. His big hand gracing the golden pole and holding on, watching as you peeked up at him. Even though his eyes were constantly bright he displayed something…deeper. It was a sort of shine, a sparkle if you will, luminosity glazed over in such a way that one can only get lost in its vastness.
The looped music in the background was secondary as you rose up and down with the horse, giving Jack a little smile and thanking him for bringing you here. “I’m having a lot of fun with you” you noted.
“Well of course you are! It’s a carnival” he said with joy.
“No I mean with you” you clarified “you’re pretty great Jack”. This time he didn’t avoid your gaze, his mouth open slightly, not knowing how to react to the sincerity of the compliment.
The ride slowly came to a stop, and you were feeling slightly tingly. Maybe it was the air, or the loss of focus. “How about a roller coaster?” You dared, to which he gave a tense face.
“Those are pretty broken, you’ll probably die riding one and that’s not what we want” he said, stepping off the carousel. “How about some cotton candy instead?”
You nodded your head vigorously, following him in the pursuit for the fairy floss, the bear falling behind forgotten. Passing by more unused rides that had long past rusted and a house of mirrors to get to the food court.
Jack humming happily as he dipped a paper cone into the bowl of revolving fibers of sugar. Whipping up a swirly pink and blue cotton candy and handing it to you with a proud smile.
He went to make another treat until you spoke, “I’m not that hungry so we can share” you proposed. “If you want”
“Are you sure?” He asked, concerned that you didn’t have much appetite. “Do you want some candy or maybe a funnel cake?”
You shook him off, taking a bite out of the cloud-like dessert. It was absolutely delicious, honeyed and saccharine on your tongue in a blend of flavor you had never tasted had before.
Soft as it disintegrated onto your mouth, leaving behind a remanence of something too sweet. Bringing it up to Jack, who was so tall you had to extend your arm fully to get it to his mouth.
He simply laughed at your struggle, taking a bite before giving you a thin smile and taking it from your hand. Sitting down at a bench so that you could both share comfortably.
By the time the candy had finished you noticed little bits of the silky texture stuck on his nose. Painfully stifling a laugh you turned away.
“What’s so funny?” He asked with a genuine smile.
When you didn’t answer his tone changed, “what’s so funny huh?” he sounded a bit angered.
Hiccuping through your laughter you faced him, leaning in real close to his face, enough so that you could feel the heat emanating from it; taking a bite of the pink woven candy on his nose and holding it in your teeth.
His face went red at the sight, embarrassed that he had cotton candy on his nose. Well, that and for a moment he thought you were going to kiss him.
Noticing your hands were all sticky you asked him if there was a sink somewhere. After both of you washed your hands you sat back down at the bench.
The sky was going dark, the poofs of dusty cloud fading in with the night but still managing to remain visible. You heard a whirr as Jack turned on all the rides at the carnival, lighting the whole thing up.
You sat in awe, a mere spectator in the empty yet live amusement park. Admiring the music that added to the ambiance, watching Jack approach you.
“Wanna take a walk?” He asked, but there was something…off. LJ seemed nervous as you got up and walked next to him.
He had been thinking about it for a while now, probably even before he brought you to the carnival. Even though he had washed the gooey candy from his hands they were still sticky, but it was from sweat. Giving you side glances as you paced the trail with him.
Debating to himself whether or not he should do it, if you would hate him for it. Telling himself that he would regret it if he didn’t, but thinking about the potential negative reactions you could give.
Passing the carousel once again as you noticed the usually loud and happy clown was silent, lost in thought as he stared into the distance, his lips forming a tensing line.
Wondering if he was ok, but brining up the topic might make him uneasy. Perhaps you being there at his haunted amusement park was ticking him off, or if you taking that cotton floss off his nose was too much, or if you were pushing your luck, or worse what if you triggered hi-
All thoughts faded from your mind the moment you felt a slow, shaky hand grasp onto yours. You had to look to where he held you because he was so gentile you thought it was the wind. Holding onto you softly enough that it felt like a feather, somehow still creating a little pocket of warmth between you.
A glowing thump of heat pulsing inside your chest, happiness digging into your cells and giving you the confidence to squeeze his hand.
He let out a sharp inhale at the feel, still avoiding your gaze as he relaxed into your touch. Not daring to move his hand too much or he might risk ruining the moment, afraid of hurting you with his claws.
Approaching the Ferris wheel he finally spoke, “this is probably the one ride that won’t break”, not a peep about holding you. “Do you want to go on?”
You finally caught his gaze, absolutely melting at the smile in his eyes. Responding with a ‘yes’ and letting him open the door for you. Sustaining his grip with you as he helped you on, not letting go even after you sat.
The cart wasn’t exactly small, but with a guy the size of Jack it was pretty compacted. It’s not like you minded, the lack of space gave you an excuse to bunch up alongside him. The feathers from his pads tickling your face as you rested on him.
Watching the view as the cart took you higher and higher, it was perfect. The evening set in the rich obscurity of the night, lights of the festival blinking as if they had a life of their own. The bulbs on the stands making z’s as they illuminated the red and white drapes of the far off tents.
Jack held your hand with such care and caress, you gave him a reassuring press to let him know it was ok. He was so enveloped with the passionate act that he squeezed as well. Letting you feel all the dips and curves of his hand. Clutching onto you, as if you might disappear too.
Facing him to cup his cheek with your free hand, caressing him and tucking a stand of hair behind his ear. Trailing your thumb across his skin and feeling him lean into your touch, swearing that between the lines on the pad of your finger there was a tear that you had wiped away.
Getting lost in the breaths you shared as you inched closer to his lips, giving him a second of warmth longer to prove that you weren’t going anywhere.
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ibis-gt · 3 years
Text
hello i have written an au based on @unicornofgt 's fantastic gtms series! please go read that if you haven't yet, it's a real fun ride.
2500 words, warnings for swearing, brief gore and violence.
~~~~~
Cam woke up. It was still dark out, though, so he decided he’d try and go back to sleep before his alarm clock went off. He went to roll over and pull the covers up, and realized there were no covers because he wasn’t in bed, or even lying down. He was on his feet and he could feel his arm was outstretched, hand curled into a fist as though he’d just thrown a punch. Then he became aware of a little voice screaming in his head. Or, maybe right in front of his head? It sounded frustrated and scared.
“Why can’t I move? Why isn’t anything working!? Oh, shit, it’s getting up, left left go LEFT goddamn it!”
Left? Cam knew which way was left. Should he go left? He sidled that way slowly, unsure of what else to do. He still couldn’t see, it was too dark out, and he didn’t know who the voice belonged to or what it was talking about.
Suddenly, something slammed hard into his right shoulder, spinning him around, and he heard the voice scream in panic. There was the screech of something sharp scrabbling against metal. Whatever had hit him was hanging on, trying to drag him to the ground. He widened his stance and leaned away from it, trying to counterbalance to keep on his feet. The voice cried out again.
“Shit, shake it off, c’mon! Watch out for the tail - hand up! Now!” Cam threw his free hand out in front of himself and felt something slam into it - the tail, he supposed.
“There! Good! Now pull it off!” He got a grip on the tail and tugged as hard as he could. The weight against his right side lessened, and finally with one last metallic screech came free as he tossed it away.
“Oh, god, what the hell? Did we switch to voice controls mid-battle and no one told me? I hate this army. Ok, fine. Forward!”
Army? Battle? Voice controls? Cam’s head was spinning, his adrenaline was pumping, and he still couldn’t see. Following the voice had to be his best option. If they were in a fight, it was his only chance of getting out alive. He made himself march forward, but he was still hesitant. It was one thing to grab for things you couldn’t see, but walking when you couldn’t tell what was in front of you was nerve-wracking. There could be a big pit or something right in front of him, and he’d never know.
“Forward, c’mon, I need to get to it before it gets up! Move!”
Well, the voice would tell him if he was going to step in something, wouldn’t it? It seemed like its survival depended on him defeating whatever that thing that had hit him was. He moved forward with more confidence, picking up the pace and breaking into a jog.
“Slow down, we’re right on top of it! Stomp!”
Cam skidded to a halt and lifted his foot. He hesitated for one moment - what if he missed? - and the voice came back.
“LIttle to the right… there you go. Down! Hard!”
He brought his foot down. Something crunched and splattered underneath it. Cam felt bile rise in his throat as he realized he had no idea what - or who - he’d just stomped on. What if that was another person’s head? He’d assumed whoever it was had been trying to kill him, but he didn’t know. What if they just wanted to subdue him? Why were they fighting?
“Give it another one, just in case,” the voice said. Cam recoiled in horror and took several steps back, and the voice called out in confusion. “What? What’s going on?”
To hell with this. Now that Cam had a moment to think, he could feel something around his head. It wasn’t dark out, there was something covering his eyes. He tried to put a hand on his face and hit some smooth, flat surface. The voice whimpered.
Cam reached up with both hands and felt around his head. Some kind of helmet thing, it felt like. He got a grip on the sides and pulled. It resisted at first, like it was tethered in place, but he gave it a twist and yanked, and whatever had been holding it snapped. He pulled his head free and gasped in fresh air. Fresh-ish air. Better than the stale stuff stuck in the helmet, at least.
He turned the helmet over in his hands, giving it a curious once-over, and stared at the front plate. There was a window that showed a little cockpit, complete with a little chair surrounded by controls. Sitting in the chair was the tiniest man Cam had ever seen. He was probably just about the size of Cam’s thumb. He looked absolutely terrified.
The little man screamed. It startled Cam enough that he screamed too, starting and tossing the helmet in the air. He fumbled for it, knocking it from hand to hand for a moment, before narrowly catching it before it hit the ground.
“Oh, shit, shit, shit, I’m sorry,” Cam said, and turned it back around to see the little man. He’d gone limp and pale, eyes closed, mouth hanging open a little. Must’ve fainted.
“This is so bizarre,” he murmured. “I mean, I had a tiny man controlling me?” He looked up, finally taking note of his surroundings. He was standing in a burned out, desolate city, buildings smoking and crumbling, cars strewn about the street like discarded toys. As Cam looked around, he came to a horrifying realization. The man in the helmet wasn’t tiny. Cam was huge. He dwarfed the nearest buildings. He could track his footsteps by the crater-like prints left in the street.
“O… kay. Okay. I don’t remember being this tall.” Cam laughed nervously, unsure of what to do. Then he caught sight of what he’d been fighting.
Whatever its head had looked like, it was impossible to tell. Cam’s boot had smashed it into gory chunks. Its body was leonine, four legs and paws with razor sharp claws, but with a long, thick, almost lizard-like tail that ended in spikes. A thagomizer, Cam thought. The word came to him unbidden, and he didn’t know how he knew it. He realized suddenly that he didn’t know a lot of things. His name was Cam. Was that his first name or his last name? Did he have another name, too? He couldn’t remember. How old was he? Where was he from? How had he gotten here? Where was here? The questions were piling up, and he had no answers for any of them. His hands still clutching the helmet began to shake. There was no time to freak out, though, he had to keep his cool. If there was one monster, there could be more of them. As if on cue, a chorus of growls kicked up some distance away. Cam tucked the helmet under one arm and started to sprint. He’d get out of the city, find someplace quiet, wake up the little man, and get some answers.
~~~
Luther stirred, eyes slowly blinking open. Somehow he’d fallen asleep in his pilot chair, and he was stiff and sore as hell. He sat up, stretching, and then everything flooded back to him. Oh god. His mech. FM-609. It wasn’t a mech at all, it was a person, and they had taken him off and looked at him. Had they known all along? Had they just been following orders til they suddenly decided not to? What the hell was going on?
Looking out of the windshield, Luther could see that the helmet was sitting upright on the ground. He was surrounded by the dusty, rocky plains, no living soul in sight. Maybe he’d been left behind? The helmet had no power on its own, so he couldn’t call back to the base for help. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to. He couldn’t just stay here, either, that was a death sentence for sure. Luther slowly eased himself out of the chair and down to the ground. It was early evening, the sun just starting to set, dusk settling over everything. He took a few shaky steps forward, then found his legs and started to sprint.
“Whoa!” A voice thundered behind him. Luther gasped, adrenaline kicking in, spurring him to run faster. A shadow fell over him, and he had only a moment to choke out a shuddering sob before fingers longer than he was tall wrapped around him, lifting him high up into the air. Luther kicked and struggled, tears spilling down his cheeks, as he was turned to face the giant who’d been inside of his mech. The sheer scale of the man took Luther’s breath away. He was sitting down, legs crossed, still wearing the mech suit. Those intense eyes bored into him, neon blue and literally glowing, like headlights in the growing dark.
“Hey, hey, hey,” the man said. He seemed to be trying to keep his voice low and soothing, but it wasn’t doing much to calm Luther down. “You’re okay, I’m not going to hurt you, I just have some questions.”
“I - I’m sorry,” Luther choked, “I didn’t - I didn’t know - I didn’t know you were in there.”
“You didn’t know,” the man echoed, his voice flat.
“And that, that doesn’t excuse it, I’m not - I just, I - ,” Luther broke off, his sobs distorting his voice too much to be understood.
“Okay, okay, calm down,” the man tried. “That’s okay. Here - maybe this is better.”
Luther shrieked as the hand opened, letting him slip free, but instead of plummeting to the ground so far below, he fell harmlessly into the man’s waiting palm. He scrambled backwards, trying to get away, but only bumped up against the man’s curled fingers. Luther froze, chest heaving, mind racing, trying to think of what to do next.
“Okay,” the man said again. “Let’s start over. What’s your name?”
“L-luther,” Luther breathed. “Luther Algers.”
“Luther. Hi, Luther, it’s nice to finally meet you. I’m Cam.”
“Cam…?” Luther prompted. Cam frowned.
“Um… just Cam, I think.”
“Is that… is that short for anything?”
Cam shrugged. “Just Cam. I don’t remember anything else. That’s, uh, that’s actually what I wanted to ask you about. I don’t remember anything before I woke up in this suit of armor. Actually…” Cam’s face screwed up with the effort of remembering. “I remember a voice. I think it was yours, it sounds about the same. Just bits of it, though, always talking about a fight. You were using me to fight those monsters, right?”
“I’m sorry,” Luther whimpered. He shrank further back, hopelessly aware that it did him no good. Cam surrounded him on all sides. If he wanted Luther dead, all he would have to do was squeeze…
“No, it’s okay,” Cam sighed. “I’m not mad. Well, I’m not mad at you. I assume someone put you in that suit, right? And they didn’t tell you there was a person inside it.”
“No, they didn’t. I mean, yes, they gave me the mech, but no, they never said… you know. They told me you were a robot designed to fight nemeans.”
“Nemeans?”
“That’s what we call those lion-looking monsters, the thing we killed today,” Luther explained. “You were really good at it.” He looked thoughtful for a moment. “I always kind of wondered, you know… if the mechs were robots built to a schematic, why did they all look sort of different? Different builds, I mean. Like people. But if they were constructs, wouldn’t it be easier to build them all the same, so you don’t have to get specialized parts to repair them?” He sighed. “I guess I know why now. But I don’t know how… Have you always been giant?”
“Not as far as I can tell,” Cam said. “I mean, like I said, I don’t remember anything before. But when I woke up in the city it all looked wrong. Like a scale model instead of a real place. I guess that means I’m used to being your height?”
“Or that there’s secretly a giant civilization built to your scale that humanity has somehow never discovered, and then the government found it and covered it up, and used its citizens as military weapons,” Luther supplied helpfully.
The two of them stared at each other for a long moment, then simultaneously burst out laughing. The absurdity of the situation was just too much for them.
“Yeah, I bet it’s that,” Cam said, wiping a tear from one eye. “Whoo. Okay. You’re a card, Luther, you know that?”
Luther smiled despite himself. “I try.” He’d relaxed considerably over the course of their conversation. He took a moment to look Cam over. Long, dark hair spilled over his shoulders. A thick beard and moustache covered the lower half of his face. His features were all impressive - huge, pointed nose, thick eyebrows, strong cheekbones, strong jaw, softened a little by fat. He was quite handsome, when Luther really looked at him. Those eyes, though - those glowing eyes. Those were unsettling.
Luther’s expression sobered, and he sat up a little. “What do we do now?”
Cam sighed and leaned back. “Well… we can’t go back to the military, they’d probably throw me right back in a suit and lock you up for exposing their secrets. We’ve got to be on their radar at least, since we just up and disappeared. I’d like to get this armor off me as soon as possible, because it’s really heavy and uncomfortable. And then… how much do you know about this area?”
Luther looked around, getting his bearings a little more. “A bit. There should be some groups of rogues around here - bandits, thieves, outcasts, the like. We could try to join up with them. They’d have food, at least, and they’d probably welcome the kind of protection you could give.” He looked back up at Cam. “I mean, if you want to. I’d understand if you never want to fight again. This has got to be horrible for you… Oh god, I’ve been so focused on myself I didn’t even realize…” Luther got unsteadily to his feet, finding it difficult to stand on the soft, uneven surface of Cam’s hand. He took a few steps towards Cam’s thumb and all but fell on it, wrapping his arms around it in the facsimile of a hug.
“Are you okay?” Luther asked, looking up at Cam with real concern on his tiny face.
Cam stared down at him. All he’d thought about up until now was how to guarantee his own survival. He’d bottled up any feelings he had about being used as a weapon, he didn’t have time to break down, he needed to get to safety and figure out what was going on. But now, in this moment of calm, with this person caring so genuinely for him, it all spilled out. Tears welled up in Cam’s eyes and spilled down his cheeks. A huge, choking sob rose in his throat.
“No,” he quavered, hands beginning to shake. “I’m not.”
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Text
Waking Comfort (Bela Dimitrescu/Reader)
Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T for language, brief violence (in a flashback), implied/referenced trauma (unspecified) Warnings: N/A Summary: Unable to sleep on a cold day, Bela Dimitrescu tries to find comfort in her favorite servant... only to end up being the one doing the comforting. Notes: This is super self indulgent, because my dreams have been murdering me recently. Reader is a selective mute/partially nonverbal, implied neurodivergent (unspecified), gender neutral but written with a non-binary person in mind, with non-specific past trauma. Basically this is somewhat of a self-insert fic but I've smudged some lines to make it more relatable for other people.
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In the early hours of the day, when the sun had yet to reach its peak, a cold quiet fell over Castle Dimitrescu. Most inhabitants were of a nocturnal persuasion, and lay sleeping soundly at this hour. Those few that thrived in the sun moved softly, with caution, daring not to awaken their masters. Oh, if only they knew that one Lady of the house was awake, prowling the corridors with marked intent. What a chill it would send down their spines- what lovely fear would permeate the household.
Ah, but that was not what Bela Dimitrescu desired, at least not for now. No, what she needed was something she would never admit out loud. It was a “base” need, one that all humans felt, and so she feared that it was beneath her. There was only one person that she could trust for this: A servant, experienced in all matters needed of them, level-headed, compassionate… and, most importantly, selectively mute.
Over the past year, Bela had found herself growing closer to you, much to her own surprise. The two of you had started to bond through reading, after you had helped her reorganize a mess in the library (left by none other than Lady Daniela). Since then, you had proven to be a valuable ally, always finding creative solutions to the family’s problems. From jury-rigging a set of climbing gear for repairs, to proof-reading all formal letters, there was hardly any part of Bela’s life that you hadn’t assisted with. All while only ever saying two or three sentences- short ones, at that.
Neither of you would ever forget the first (and only) time you spoke out loud. A would-be hunter had infiltrated the estate, through a damaged skylight (which you later repaired), intending to prove his worth by killing the nobility inside. By the time Bela arrived, after being notified by a terrified maiden, she found the situation had already been aptly handled. There you had stood, clutching an ornate, bloodied cane like a club. In front of you had been the unconscious hunter.
“You could have been hurt!” Bela had snapped, unable to stop herself, glad that her sisters hadn’t arrived yet. Then you had glanced at the man, then her, then back to the man. Something uncharacteristically dark had danced in your eyes.
“He said he was going to save me… from you. Called me defenseless,” you had snarled, poking the man with your cane as you did. “Rude.” Before Bela even had a chance to react, her sisters had appeared, disappointed to find the fight already over. They had fought over who would get to kill the hunter, and somewhere in that chaos you had slipped away without another word.
That day had replayed itself in Bela’s mind hundreds of times in her mind. Though she would not readily admit it, that had been the day that her casual affection for you had started to turn into something more serious. These days she didn’t even know how to describe your relationship- after all, you had never told her how you felt. But you had held her, closely, fingers running through her hair while she fought off memories from someone else’s life. Held her in your arms, as she held you, staving off the cold like it was all you had ever known.
This was what she wanted. Your touch, your comfort. All that stood in her way was a familiar question: Where were you? Master of your environment, schedule constantly in flux, you were rarely where anyone expected you to be, especially when you were prone to taking on whatever tasks others hadn’t had time to finish. So Bela searches, quickly, around places the day-shift tends to gather. She’s careful not to be seen, even though she knows the maidens aren’t likely to gossip where her family might hear. In the end she catches a hint of your scent near the servants’ quarters, and curses herself for not checking there sooner.
Your room is one of the only single-occupancy rooms in this wing. Only senior staff were allowed within these places, most of them rotating out as they “lost their usefulness”. The fact that you had slept in the same bed every night for six months was a testament to your skill. It’s the kind of thought that brings Bela some semblance of warmth in her chest. Still, the thought alone is not enough, so she slowly eases your door open.
Her ears strain against the silence, listening for the pattern of your breathing, or the telltale murmurs that would announce your awakening. Instead, the first things she hears are little gasps, then the shifting of fabric. Dreams of some sort have you turning and tossing, lungs getting hungry in their pursuit of air. It’s not immediately clear whether or not you are enjoying the dream. Were these good gasps, like those that Daniela often cooed about when she praised her maiden? Or were these the same kind that sometimes haunted Bela herself?...
A whimper cuts through the air, and suddenly Bela loses all patience. Practically running, she crosses the room in an instant, concern etched into her brow. One hand cautiously reaches for your blanket, pulling it back enough for her to slide in next to you. It’s a risk, one that could make you wake up with a panic, but it’s one she’s willing to take. After all, she had asked you about this sort of thing before. Though you couldn’t form full sentences, you had experience “miming” things, and Bela was quite clever with her “yes or no” questions.
When she carefully wraps an arm around your waist, she does so with confidence. Beneath her touch you stiffen, back going as tense as possible, but you stop shaking. A few more gasps leave you, and Bela wonders whether or not she should wake you up. Less than a minute later the decision is made for her. All the sudden your gasping turns to a sharp exclamation, body jerking hard, eyes snapping open. Tension coils through your muscles, driving your already overstimulated brain overboard.
Before Bela can even try to comfort you, you sit up, quickly turning so your legs dangle off the edge of the bed. Muffled sobs pass your lips as you hold your face in your hands. Memories struggle against each other behind your eyes, blocking out every other sensation. Your jaw is clenched, hard, and you struggle to breathe between shakes. A hand touches your back, but quickly moves when you flinch in response. It takes a minute for you to even process who else is with you. Once you do, some of the tension bleeds from your body.
“If you’d rather be alone right now, I understand,” Bela says, quietly, as soon as she thinks you’ll be able to understand her. For a moment you can’t bring yourself to respond, and you can feel her side of the mattress shifting, like she’s getting ready to leave. Panic springs up in your chest again, so you quickly reach a hand out in her direction. Thankfully she knows what to expect at this point, easily finding your hand in the dark, gently taking it within her own. “One squeeze for yes, two for no?”
You squeeze, once.
“Do you want me to hold you?” Bela asks, trying to hide the hopefulness in her voice. It makes you pause, considering, even though you’re still overwhelmed by your sensory inputs. In the end you squeeze her hand twice. “No worries, my dear. Don’t be tempted to push yourself just for my sake.” Somehow she always knew how to read you like an open book. Even with the… difficulty of communicating with you. Not that she had ever complained, or even thought about it. Knowing you, and caring for you, made any effort feel as easy as breathing.
A few minutes pass without another word being said. Sometimes Bela gives your hand a little squeeze, just to check in, and you always return it. Soon enough your brain starts to relax, loosening its vice-like grip on your motor controls. Once again you can ease the tension in your muscles. Then you find yourself rubbing your thumb against Bela’s hand, moving in soft circular motions, head turning so you can smile at her. Even if it’s too dark for you to see much, you know that her eyes see you just fine.
“Feeling any better?” She asks, donning a smile of her own. One squeeze. “Is there anything more I can do to help?” A pause, then one squeeze. Now that your limbs don’t feel as staticky, there’s only one thing on your mind: Cuddling. You’re moving before you know it, briefly letting go of Bela’s hand so you can get closer to her, pressing your face into her neck and giving her a soft kiss. Then you’re falling against the bed, on your side, looking up at your partner with a grin. It doesn’t take her long to get the message, shifting back onto her side so she can hold you for real this time. One of your hands goes to rest on her back, to serve as your translator for the rest of the night. “I love you,” Bela says, without even thinking.
She freezes up afterwards, realizing that this is the first time she’s ever said the words out loud to you. For a moment she’s scared, a feeling alien to her, but she refuses to back down. It pays off a few seconds later, incredibly so, when you return the words the best way you can: One squeeze.
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silky-stories · 3 years
Note
aight so wut about headcanons for ruv, sarv, and garcello with an s/o who’s addicted to caffeine with a low tolerance and is constantly checking their own pulse because their heartbeat is always high/irregular
Thank you for the request! I don’t normally write for Ruv or Sarv so I hope this is okay! (^^;;)
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Caffeine Addict S/O (With a low tolerance of caffeine) {Ruv, Sarv & Garcello}
Genre: Not really sure actually, fluff I suppose? Is having people very concerned about you and caring for you a genre? Yeah, probably fluff.
Words: 979
Disclaimer/s: Talk about addiction, mentions of hands shaking and headaches, mentions of smoking
Notes: I hope this is alright, I’ve legitimately never had a cup of coffee before and don’t plan on it anytime soon so I had to rely on research instead of experience haha
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Ruv
He genuinely doesn’t understand why you would do something if it could be so dangerous for you
He found out one day after he noticed you checking your pulse frequently and got confused so he asked
His reaction was a mixture of absolute horror and confusion
Maybe a little bit of intrigue too
He admires the fearlessness, but it freaks him out when you’ve only had half of a cup of coffee and your hands are already shaking
After seeing you lie restless for an entire night after pushing it a bit too far though, he watches and monitors your caffeine intake like a hawk
“Haven’t you already had a cup of coffee today? That’s what I thought. Hand it over.”
He’s constantly checking the ingredients of literally everything you eat to see if there’s any caffeine content
“This painkiller has 55 milligrams of caffeine in it, that’s more than a cup of coffee. Are you trying to kill yourself? Here, take one of these instead.”
Checking your pulse is just a part of his normal routine too, no matter what it is that your doing, he’ll just come over and check to make sure
It stresses him out a little every time he sees you checking your own pulse too
“What? What is it? Is it too fast? Well move your hand, let me check.”
He can be a bit much sometimes, but it’s all out of only good intention
He doesn’t really say it, but he’s just very scared that one day you’ll overdo it and he’ll end up losing you
He might (absolutely would) try to ween you off of caffeine all together just to get rid of that fear, although he won’t push it if you really don’t want to
In the end he ends up having a real distaste for caffeine
Sarv
Mom mode activate
She found out when she noticed your hands shaking one day and quickly got concerned
As soon as she is filled in on the whole story she immediately took the situation into her own hands and started monitoring you with your caffeine intake
Her monitoring is not overprotective or controlling though, its very loving and concerned
“Didn’t you already have some coffee today darling? Come on now, let me make you something else instead.”
She’ll start looking into all sorts of alternatives like chicory coffee, which is caffeine-free
She doesn’t want you to suffer because of your sensitivity, but she also doesn’t want you to feel deprived of something
Whenever you get any side effects like headaches, she’ll be right there to help you relax and soothe your ailments if she can
She will check your pulse occasionally, but always makes sure to ask first, usually after making sure that you’ve been checking yourself
“Having you been keeping an eye on your pulse darling? No? Oh no it’s fine my dear, here, allow me to check it for you.”
She also gets to use it as an excuse to hear your heartbeat, which she loves, so it’s a win-win situation
She might try to encourage you to break from your addiction all together if she sees you getting better at keeping your caffeine intake low, it’s sort of her end goal the whole time she helps you, she’s just fine with waiting as long as it takes
As long as you’re safe in the meantime, that is
Garcello
He’s... quite concerned, but he gets it
He knows how hard an addiction can be to shake, especially when you’ve become dependant on it for one reason or another
He found out when he came home really late one night and found you in the living room, wide awake
He ended up staying awake with you all night trying to help you get to sleep as you explained why this was happening
Surprise was his initial reaction, then concern, then understanding
He’s been trying to deal with his nicotine addiction throughout the time he’s been with you, so you know that he understands too
You’ve helped him with his addiction, so he returns the favour tenfold
His effort to help you isn’t controlling or overprotective in the slightest, it’s very reassuring and a mutual effort to keep you safe
He helps you keep track of all the caffeine you’ve had in a day with a little notebook, he’ll go over it with you often, if not daily, to make it easier
“...and what did you have have for lunch? ...I thought you already had coffee for breakfast though... no no, that kind of tea has caffeine in it too... no it- here wait lemme write it down before I forget.”
He helps you find substitutes for caffeinated things that you like, kind of like how you pointed out to him that lollipops were good for having something for mouth stimulation to keep his mind of of smoking
He’ll bring home caffeine-free snacks and drinks that he knows you like or new things for you to try too
He likes to check your pulse because he also loves to hear your heartbeat
“How long’s it been since you checked your heartbeat? Mind if I?”
(He says he’ll just check but he’s actually going to lay of top of your chest, listen to your heart beating, and pass out on top of you)
Whether you want to break your addiction completely or just keep yourself safe, he’s fine with helping out however he can
You both have your struggles that you have to deal with, what matters is that you’re both working together to be healthy and happy
He’s just appreciative that he’s not only got a partner that wants to help him, but trusts him enough to let him return the favour
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