don’t get me wrong I think the general interpretation of Leo being like “I put up a cocky front but deep down I don’t actually think I’m that great and that’s why I have something to prove” is good. It’s cool, plenty of drama/angst potential and probably what the creators were going for, I’m here for it.

But there is a distinct appeal to me of the slightly-to-the-left interpretation of Leo being like “it’s not a front, I know I’m that good/smart/skilled, but I also know I’m seen by others as just the goofball face man and that’s why I have something to prove.”

anderperry week, day 6 sick/hurt comfort: “as usual”

hehe sick/hurt comfort laced with angst and my brain is broken sshhhhh no complaints not proofread btw yeet

neil sighed as he struts in the long hallways of the hospital. truthfully, he have always dislike hospital, you know? it's just the people. it's just a weird building. just a weird building. totally not the people and their memories in it. totally.

he opened the door— the only door he goes everyday. that one white door on the third floor. where todd anderson lies in sickness. trying to get better.

he smiled immediately when he caught glimpse of the other boy. soft ‘hi’s were thrown in the air as neil gets the breakfast ready.

“how've you been, sweetheart?” he asked. as he usually does.

“the usual,” todd croaks. as he usually does too. “the nurses keeps waking me up in the middle of the night— they're gonna get their poem from me really soon.”

neil snickered at that. todd loves writing poems whether it's something he loves or something he hates. nevertheless, it was always laced with the sweetness of honey and covered in multiple blankets of metaphors. he's very delicate when writing, maybe that's why, it always came out perfectly. neil loves it.

“did you write a new one yet?” he asked. todd sat up in his bed and shook his head.

“nah, too sick to write one yesterday,” he answered.

“i'm sure you'll write a new one again, yeah?”

“yeah.”

they sat in silence for a moment. they ate their breakfast like the usual. neil spoon fed todd although he really doesn't like it. says he can but never take the spoon away from neil anyways.

“how about you, what'd you do?” todd asked.

“nothing much, you know. school and stuff. can't wait to get out of the school,” he answered while laughing.

“i wish i can go to school,” todd sighs.

“you will! when you get out of here. i promise.”

“if i get out of here, you mean.”

“WHEN you get out of here, i'll take you to our school. it has a nice ambience, you'll love it. you'd love the guys too.”

“i already met lots of em. you, like, bring them here on Saturdays.”

“yeah,” he laughed. “because—”

they both said in unison, “charlie said, Saturdays are for the boys.”

they laughed. “it's so corny i wonder where he got that.”

“me too! please, he always say lots of weird things. where on earth does he even get that?”

“i know! last time he started info dumping something about the universe i don't even remember it was informative though...”

they laughed again until both of their tummy hurts. until todd's internal hurts. he stopped and reached for neil's hand for comfort.

“neil, it hurts, it hurts,” he said. neil held his hands and squeezed it.

“it's going to be fine, it's gonna be fine,” he whispered in his soft loving voice. “i'm gonna call the doctor, okay? just wait for me. it's gonna be fine.”

neil looked back at todd, trying to assure him before he went out to find the doctors and nurses. when he came back, he was pushed back behind the crowd of medical professionals and even in the midst of it, his eyes and todd's meet.

neil smiled. todd slept and when he woke up, neil was still there. like the usual. he would always be there, right?

neil woke up when he felt the delicate fingers he always holds brushing his hair.

“hey, you're awake,” he said.

“yeah, unfortunately,” todd jokingly said which earned him a flick (pitik) from neil.

“what did we talk about saying about these things?”

“yeah, yeah. should be thankful im alive and stuff.”

silence.

“can you stay tonight?” todd asked, avoiding eye contact.

“that's okay, i have nothing to do anyways,” which is a lie but neil can do those later or tomorrow.

“sooo, which show do you wanna binge tonight?”

“ehhh, idk one of your rough old films i guess or that one cartoon about weird teenagers on summer camp eating shitty food.”

frown. “you mean?? i don't know what's that.”

“yeah, let's just watch another shakespeare movie.”

laughs and talks all night long. neil hoped it could be like that everyday. just todd happy. because tomorrow, he might not live to see the sun again.

I JUST FOUND OUT BEE AND PUPPYCAT HAD A SECOND SEASON! GUESS WHAT I JUST FINISHED WATCHING!

Oh my fucking god holy shit, my guys! This show. This fucking show. Where do I even start! First off

SPOILERS!!!!!!

YOU DO NOT WANT TO WALK INTO THIS SEASON, THIS SHOW, WITH SPOILERS! DO NOT FUCKING LOOK, THIS IS 1000% SPOILER TERRITORY!!!

So I will be taking the extra step of taking my laptop out, and continuing this on there(and after I wake up because it's 4am and I regret absolutely NONE of this whatsoever because, guys, I love this show with everything I have left to my being, I swear, I will die for a third season)

Warning: This is a long one.

OKOKOKOK! I know I know! It’s been uh...A Month since I first posted this! BUT I am Here Now and Ready!!! I am less than 10 seconds into the first episode of season 2 and I am already So Ready to relive this!!(Dream SMP has Nothing on this show, God I Love This Show Far Too Much!!!!!!)

...First ten minutes...I have So Much I want to say...Just-just a lot of love...

okokokokokokokokokok!!!!!! I think I know how I’m going to do this now! One bullet for each episode! Let’s see if I stick with it.

Gentle Touch

In the first episode we already get a big game changer for Bee and her development. Bee becoming more responsible as a favor for Deckard. He asks her to take care of his family while he’s at cooking school and we already see her doing this. Going out to the ocean with Weasley, going out of her comfort zone for people she’s practically family to, which is why we got the beginning flashback, once again going out of her comfort zone to stop Puppycat from punching kittens, And Finally, coming out from her nap cupboard to face Howl and help pay for bills by eating ugly food.

Little Fingers

Ooh, this one has foreshadowing dream sequence. I would say more about it if it had more significance, but it’s really just what happens to Bee in the last ep. This episode brings more of Bee being responsible, trying to take her phone away from Puppycat so he stops making bad purchases. This episode made me realize what Puppycat’s role is this season, the child. Or something among those lines. He’s the same as he was last season, but it seems/is a bit more exaggerated because Bee isn’t doing the same things anymore. She’s started to care about consequences. And speaking about consequences, Toast announces she’s pregnant while confirming that she’s been staying...in Cass’s room(?)...weird, but ok, and by Tim pointing and Merlin’s reaction, it’s Merlin’s...but also everyone else seemed like they thought they were the culprit and I don’t want to think about the implications of that....MOVING ON-OH WAIT, And Cardamon’s mom is spouting magic tears that messes with the plants, so there’s that.

Snow and Violets

I’m going to be honest, I’m not 100% sure what to put here and I’m loosing steam. (I’ve been awake since 3 am...) But I think I can put something. The situation with Mr. Cup is the definition of being haunted by your past. The guilt and regret of cheating in the past has made him lose his motivation to give it his all in racing because, what’s the point? Motivation and not caring was his norm, so he just stuck with it. Until Bee, and now he can be a rainbow and sleep with less guilt and regret on his conscience. The thing with the island rapidly changing could be one of three things. Something to do with the ship that  Is the island, a metaphor for change, or something really cool the creators just wanted.

Day off Work

Not Too much to note for this ep overall. Puppycat totally did do the ‘wrecking the house in search for the owner’ thing dogs do. Finally, a dog trait! Every time I see Cardamon now I just get sad cause he’s 7, and should Not be doing landlord stuff. Bee showing worry about how Cardamon’s mom is still asleep and being worried about Cardamon himself, I’m just glad someone’s noticing. I keep forgetting that some people haven’t watched the pilot so they don’t know about Puppycat being a Space Outlaw, so when he found all his stuff under the apartment I was less surprised and more excited. The two last things I want to say is I think it’s interesting/cool/intriguing how the Wizard family just takes every weird thing either in stride, unquestioningly, or ignorance. Just trying to pretend it didn’t happen so they don’t have to deal with it(other than Crispin, but he’s coming up). And the last thing I just want to bring to light is CARDAMON BEING SO CUTE IN THE LAST SCENE! JUST BEING A CHILD! AND LAUGHING WITH HIS DOG! ON A FUNNY CHAIR! I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOR AND I WILL PROTECT THAT SMILE WITH MY WHOLE BEING!!!

My Favorite

Note, Pretty Patrick is also The Mayor. Alright. It’s definitely been a few months and you can see the relationship between Howl and Bee has gotten better, not that it was too bad to begin with, just a bit less peeved on Howl’s end. The theme of Bee being responsible is brought into play again with the train station scene. Telling Puppycat to not hit and the way Puppycat was acting around Patrick. All little kid stuff. Which also kind of clashes with what I thought was Puppycat being older than Bee by a lot, I’m honestly slowly getting more and more confused exactly how I should perceive Puppycat. THE FIRST REAL LOOK AT THE HAND GUYS! I’m still not sure what their deals are, but they have a corpse on their hands and that is already the biggest red flag. I have a guess as to what/who they are in relation to Puppycat and, by acquaintance, Bee, but I could be wrong, but I also can’t think of any other people they may be. I’ll bring it back up either the next time we see them or at the end.

Did You Remember

Grampa Puppycat cares about his granddaughter a whole lot. Don’t @ me, their dynamic is more confusing than a moving maze...Now this episode, ooh boy, it feels like a lot, but in a minimal way? First off, Cardamon finally breaks down about the stress of being a 7 year old landlord and Bee takes care of him for the day. Big Sis Bee For The Win! DON’T @ ME I MAKE UP MY OWN FAMILY DYNAMICS!!! Kind of continuing from the first sentence, Puppycat and Bee love each other(I Stand By Platonically For Them) so much already, for them it’s been a little over a year considering Puppycat fell into Bee’s life before her last birthday and now they’re celebrating another one. And I must admit, I can not for the life of me figure out wtf the deal is with the tears. They have little shapes of recent events in them and they make plants weird/straight up just make life! Like, What Even Is That?! Also, Cardamon finally gets a good sleep.

Bird Friend

Ok, so we got more ship pieces, a most likely reason as to why Puppycat was Like That in the last few episodes of season 1 and has been goopy every now and again in this season. Apparently eating things he shouldn’t eat make him Extremely off model and goopy. More hands! But not the rest of them this time around. I wonder if Sticky’s hunt for all the birds has any significance other than showing us another piece. Puppycat breaking down and spilling a few secrets after stress eating off the floor and Bee immediately saying no to someone else telling her what’s wrong with Puppycat and letting him come to her first instead of forcing him is always such a good lesson to have. Also, Cass is into weirdly shaped shiny things.

Two Clown Noses

Ah, it’s this one. The one that Really throws a wrench into the Bee/Deckard ship. THEY’RE BOTH SO CUTE! I CAN’T CHOOSE!!! This entire episode is just Crispin and Bee hanging out with the added angst of the beginning ‘story’. This world is full of such amazingly crazy characters and Crispin’s backstory is one of those crazier ones. Bee and him Lived Together and Know Each Other, he knows she’s a robot! My only question is, what happened that they broke up? WAIT- DID THEY EVEN BREAK UP?! It would be weird if they weren’t because they were living together and then they decide to live separate again would make no sense. I think I just jumped to the weirdest conclusion...Anyway! How would Puppycat get sick? I feel like that was just another thing they added to create different dynamics. The beginning birthday thing and the conclusion felt so real even though the cause was something so out there that I feel like only animated shows like this could pass, but also I feel like someone out there has done something similar, so what do I know. Yeah, not much else about this episode, it was mostly just Bee/Crispin stuff and character stuff. Gosh they’re so cute...but so is Bee/Deckard. Being a multishipper is hard...

Funny Lying

RIGHT! THEY’RE CALLED THE WARLOCKS! THAT’S THE TITLE I WAS FORGETTING! Tim knows everyone’s secrets, comes with the perk of having a lot of time and not talking much, you observe everyone else while they think you’re doing something else. I know from experience. Eavesdropping is a specialty of mine. SHIT THIS IS THE ONE WHERE CASS GETS THE MESSAGE DISSING HER FOR FALLING FOR TOAST FROM A COWORKER! I caught those vibes during the first season, but then the first half of this season came along and I was forced to drop those vibes in favor of cannon because TOAST WAS PREGOS WITH ONE OF CASS’S BROTHER’S KIDS! I’m good at catching gay vibes in fictional worlds, but I’m shit in the real world, just like everything else. And the thing is, we don’t get Any kind of explanation/closure for the entire rest of the season! We see Toast totally shocked reaction, probably moments before she was going to sneak attack Cass, but froze upon seeing that text. AND WE GET NOTHING ABOUT THAT FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON! Anyway, that was only like 2 minutes into the ep, this is taking forever. We got more Bee being responsible for Cardamon and getting rid of the tears, but the biggest part of this episode is undoubtedly Puppycat’s scenes. We got him sinking to the bottom of the ocean and getting cradled by flowers created by the tears next to the ship. We find out he was bullied and ridiculed in school as a kid and his best friend(idk what else they would be counted as), Violet, convinced him to leave their planet after they accidently summon their ship, leaving Puppycat’s mother behind. seeing how he cried about leaving her she seems to have been a great caretaker and he loved her immensely. We get the scene of Bee’s dad as a baby/Very young child on a mission, giving a presentation, and finding the candy to be a source of energy by cracking it open. Making me think, ‘Is that Bee’s fuel source? If it is, how would not taking full doses for two years effect her?’ because in the first season she splits the candy in half to share with Puppycat and in this season she didn’t eat the candy at all. Makes me even more worried for the future knowing what state she’s in when this season ends. With the last flower fever dream/memory it seems that the princess that he fell in love with was the one to make the final move to turning him into a ‘monster.’ Don’t worry tho, Bee saved him from the bottom of the ocean 

Golden Eyes

(I’m getting more and more tired as this goes one. I started doing this at around 12 this morning and now it’s nearing 6 pm. I’m loosing it!) We got another birthday and it’s Howl’s this time, though it’s not really his episode. The fish are attracted to the wish crystals for some reason and one eats a bit of it to be ‘human’ for a day. I love how the fish hated being a human and Weasley didn’t even notice it was a date. I don’t know if it was or not, but ending on that was funny. We got the return of the major douche from the season 1 finally and a mention of Moully. 

Why Don’t You Help Me?

(I took a break between episodes, aka I went tf to sleep, because I was falling asleep at the table and not really processing everything enough for what I’m trying to do) Ok, so this is a day in the life of Cardamon episode with supposed parelles to the Warlocks. We start with the red one stuck and the others unwilling to help...and then they start drawing Puppycat’s face on the 5th one’s corpse and these guys just do not care that it’s a dead body that they supposedly killed themselves. In short, they have all my fear because they are uncaring about body counts. Cardamon still goes to school on top of being a self proclaimed landlord and gets made fun of for being responsible and tattling at every chance he gets. Something I just noticed too is, at first I just assumed he was finally getting tired after being an adult in a child’s body for who knows how long, but now I’m thinking if he’s supposed to be asleep with Violet, his mom, then the reason for him being so tired is being awake too long. It could most likely be both, too. Just like Cardamon, I have no idea what all the tears mean. In the most recent one was see Moully as the charm in the center. What’s the pattern with these? Again we see Bee being responsible and taking care of Cardamon, making sure he gets home safe, tucking him in, and pulling an all night favor so he can sleep and get to school in the morning. Speaking of that, I can’t say I like Cardamon’s teachers all that much. I could rant about them, but this is already long and they’re not worth it. My only real question is, why the hell are their clothes so ragged and dirty? Do they not know how to bathe? Just, WTF? (either that or they’re Really not trying to hide their *ahem* activities from the kids, which just makes me want to punch sense into them or something)

Now I’m Really Alone

MOULLY!!!! Sorry, I just love him a lot. From what I can put together, he’s some kind of gift giving being. Giving wishes, exchanging good deeds and quick favors for other good deeds and favors. Just being Really nice and wanting to help everyone he comes across. This episode makes me see so much in common between Bee and Moully. They both want to help even when they don’t know how. Making messes and finding ways clean up those messes out of guilt and the feeling of obligation. They both have lost things they need to pick up and the knowledge that they have all the time in the world because they’ve both been alive for so long. It keeps getting hinted, but now kind of confirmed, that the Wizard’s know Bee is Weird because they haven’t seen her age. Hell, seeing how she interacts with Cardamon she could have even baby sat them. So all the Wizard’s know she’s Weird and, supposedly, only Crispin knew she was a robot. That was until Deckard found out in the season 1 finally. Once again bringing up the point of people in the Wizard family finding something out and ignoring it and hiding it. In the season 1 finally, Tim asked Cass if Deckard wasn’t depressed anymore, practically saying that Deckard has some form of depression. Depression being a mental illness that runs in families, it wouldn’t be a stretch to assume that some other members of the family have similar problems. One of the things I remember depression doing is the person will see a problem and ignore it. Something that many people in this show do with the weirdness around them and the emotional states/situations of the other people in the show. This season is about finally seeing the thing you’ve been ignoring and doing something about it. And that’s what Bee’s been doing this season, taking charge and finally getting her junk out of the ocean and getting REALLY far out of her comfort zone. She HATES water and the ocean, but she’s diving in to take back what’s hers and cleaning up a mess. There’s A Lot to analyze with this episode, the similarities of Moully’s and Bee’s situations and personalities, Puppycat being the responsible one again for the long run of things, the tears and how the wish crystals work, and the state of multiple character’s minds. Ignorance is bliss until it isn’t.

I Won’t Leave You Alone

Ok, SO MANY NOTES! Which makes sense seeing how it’s the last episode. First off, THOSE WARLOCK BASTDARDS VIOLATED MOULLY AND IF THEY WERE REAL I WOULD THROTLE THEM TILL THEIR HEADS POPPED OFF!!! I am a very protective person when it comes to things I care about. And I’m going to say it here and now incase something comes up of it, Cooking Prince gives be Colorful Vibes, if you know what I mean. You don’t follow someone home and bother them when they don’t want to be bothered unless you’re Into into them. That’s all I’m saying and if nothing comes of it, I will drop it. I’m barely hanging onto it to begin with. So, last episode we watched one of three hands punching the other hands to let Moully go, and in this episode it’s confirmed that the day Moully was pulled through the void, the 5th warlock died. My theory with that is, the 5th one was against getting Puppycat in some way and retaliated by fighting them off of Moully and then the others retaliated by killing them in some way. And the tears in this episode didn’t give life to the corpse, but grew new life over top of it, the tears can’t bring the dead back. The ship gets put back together and we see Puppycat being pretty selfish again, bringing the ship online while Bee gets scooped trying to help Moully. He indirectly helped, but only after he got what he wanted. Cooking Prince, an outsider, brings up how everything going on on the island is Weird and Cass celebrates someone acknowledging it. Once again, bringing back the ‘ignorance is bliss until it’s not’ thing going on around here. Cardamon does more childish things this episode, making a wish and crying in his mother’s arms. He got to finally let go of his responsibilities and let it out until he passed out, and now he gets to sleep again. Moully and Bee are out of commission and the Wizard’s+Cooking Prince stay one the island/ship to be with Bee even though they are mostly confused about EVERYTHING going on rn. Bee has multiple Bees now while she’s out, and so, they go looking for Bee’s dad. I have a feeling he has at least some white hairs by now.

I remember watching this season for the first time. I remember I definitely cried at multiple points, but I can’t exactly remember what points now. I didn’t cry this time, I was too busy taking everything in and trying to put what little pieces I could find together. The first season was to get us used to this world and get comfortable for a chill ride, but then it smacks you in the face with something much bigger at the very end. This season was to make you pay more attention and to question your surroundings. It was also about the first steps to taking charge of your life. If Bee didn’t do all the responsible things she did this season, the warlocks would have probably gotten Puppycat while the island went to shambles. Actions have consequences and that’s what this was about. I believe next season is why ‘Lazy in Space’ was the title. The characters are going to be in space, looking for Bee’s dad, and will acknowledge all the weird things going on while developing, excuse the pun, in out of this world ways. 

I can’t wait for season 3.

Going to explain a little about the Miss Rhona lyrics, what inspired different aspects etc, as I’ve seen a lot of people speculating over it, and coming up with their own ideas (which I fully support!) but for those who are curious...

1st Stanza

“Daddy’s at the food store” So, when this was written, myself, my partner, and seemingly everyone was spending so much time going from supermarket to supermarket trying to find the basics, the essentials. Pasta, flour, sugar etc were sold out seemingly everywhere. The weekend just before this was written he’d lined up for half an hour before Costco opened to ensure he acquired some toilet paper- which seemed impossible to get ANYWHERE. I had colleagues who sent their adult children to shops everyday (they couldn’t cause they were at work) to try to find toilet paper somewhere. We ran out at work, and ended up with tissues. People, generally, were spending so much more time trying to find essentials at supermarkets. It’s not nearly as bad now, but just over a month ago when I wrote this it felt like a big issue. Also, “food store”?! NO ONE HAS CALLED ME OUT ON THIS which I find so weird because no one actually says, “food store”?! What a weird expression! So why did I use it? Well! Initially I thought “cost-co” but didn’t use it because I wanted the rhyme to appeal more universally. And we only got a Costco in my city a few years ago and I know plenty of places in the world don’t have one so... I thought maybe supermarket? But thought maybe they didn’t call them that in other countries- market? Market sounded so strange as it’s really only fresh fruit and veggies we get in our local markets here (in my part of the world) and didnt fit with the image I was trying to create and besides all our markets were cancelled as they were too crowded.. so “food store” was initially just a place-hold. I still can’t believe literally no one has said “hey wtf is up with “food store? No one says that” but there you go. It’s in literally every version ive seen as that so... that’s what it is now. So, that line about the food store and collated with the next line, “mummy’s our of town- she’s working at the hospital” was based on news articles I’d read about doctors having to isolate themselves from their families by sleeping either at hospital or in their garage. People who couldn’t see their kids for ages, it was really sad! And then combining these lines, it’s about how these little kids for the first time really are sometimes being left home alone because their parents have stuff they *have* to do; get food or work, and lots of kids these days don’t get left home alone anymore, it was common when I was little but not for a long time! But seemingly suddenly with this pandemic it’s happening again. And I hadn’t seen that talked about but I was seeing glimpses of it and it, felt weird? I guess? So that made for the perfect beginning to a covid19 nursery rhyme- a kid getting left home alone a lot and not being really sure how to respond to that.

So, with the hide away lines, there’s 3 stanzas and in each miss Rhona gets closer. The first one is she’s “come to town”. Now I remember that feeling on that day learning that the first coronavirus case had occurred in my city. Up until then there was a bit of a sense of dread, like you knew it was everywhere else, then in the news it got closer and closer, with cases in small country towns nearby. But when it got to my city it was suddenly so real. And that’s where the story starts because Miss Rhona was HERE. She arrived in the kid’s town. The line, “she’s come to take us down” is another way of saying “she’s going to get you” and also links to the final line which reveals her success “she took us down/she’s brought us down”.

2nd stanza

So, she goes from being in town to being “at the doorstep” which represents getting closer- being in those people the child might interact with everyday- and imagined more literally in the postal worker delivering a package (actually ON the doorstep) or food delivery or anyone who they’d still have close contact with. But “I’ll keep 6 feet away” is a self reassurance that if they just do the right thing and keep their distance everything will be ok. But then the conflict! Grandma needs toilet paper, EVERYONE needs toilet paper and no one can get it anywhere! No doubt the dad is our trying to find some more while he’s at the “food store”. And I was thinking... my children’s grandmother lives in a different state to us but if we were in the same one you can bet your life id be out dropping essentials at her doorstep whenever I could- tp included. (Although, tbh the tp issue didn’t seem as bad in her state from what she told me) so in this bit I guess I imagined myself as the child because that would be something important to me, to make sure my elders had their essentials. Idk I tried to help where I could, got baby wipes when I found it for a friend with a newborn, stuff like that. So the conflict is the child’s sense of responsibility ensuring their grandmother has what she needs, while also knowing that the coronavirus, Miss Rhona, could reside in anyone they meet along the way. Kind of like a little red riding hood situation linking the dangers of strangers. So they open the door due to this sense of responsibility and, oh no, Miss Rhona was at the doorstep, remember? Now the child has it too; “Miss Rhona’s come to stay” IN THE CHILD. This line was to use the imagery of Miss Rhona coming to stay with the child at their house, like an aunt might come to visit for the weekend, but symbolises the virus coming to live within the child, they’ve caught it now, which is why they definitely, “can’t come out to play”.

Stanza 3

“But grandma needs the paper” that’s where the conflict arises again- the child’s sense of responsibility, maybe guilt even? Overshadowing their understanding of just how serious the virus would be should their grandmother catch it. They’re just a kid remember? They don’t understand. So they take her some anyway, everyone needs toilet paper! Also, I know that phrasing it as such misleads the listener to think about a newspaper. Thats how we talk, “I’ll get the paper!” My dad says ... often. But, 2 things, it rolls off the tongue easier than “grandma needs toilet paper” which would’ve messed up the rhythm anyway, and also, for anyone who’s lived it you would automatically know about the “great toilet paper shortage of 2020” 😅 there were so many memes about it and it was funny that everyone was obsessed with it but if you were one of those people who genuinely really couldn’t find any- and there were lots!- then it kind of sucked. And that’s a memory that’ll stick with you 🙈

So. The note. “And here’s a note from Rhona she wanted me to say” imagine the child at the grandmas doorstep, she’s bringing her tp (that’s nice) but the child is infected, and hands grandma a note. I imagined like a little filed up piece of paper in their back pocket they take out and hand over, to pass on the message from their aunt living in their house. As kids would do- what teacher hasn’t given their student a note and said “go tell mr x such and such” and the note is a reminder of what to say. But the note they hand over is also a metaphor. It symbolises contact between the grandmother and grandchild, and as grandma took it, she caught the virus too. And the note reads,

“Hide away, hide away, keep 6 feet away”

Which is that line repeated all the way through the rhyme. In the end, it’s what Miss Rhona was saying all along. Hide away children...

And the final line is a throwback to near the beginning, “she took us down” because earlier remember she came to “take us down” but now it’s happened and we’re in past tense. She did it. She took down the grandma, and possibly the child too, although I left that as ambiguous. To be taken down here is the symbol for death, of course. It’s pretty grim. But that was the point i suppose.

And that’s where it ends. Anything after that, while I’ve seen some adaptations made which sound really cool, doesn’t really make sense with the story, because they died in that moment. And continuing on after that seems a bit overkill, because I gues, perhaps symbolically at least, who would be able to continue singing the rhyme once they had already died?

But having said that, it’s still nice to see people get exited about it and want to contribute more lyrics too. Making up stories, songs, games, art in general, it’s a way we’ve found to cope i think? Like dark and morbid stories are a part of our culture because we respond to them. Lessons, feelings, etc. people far more articulate than I have explained before...

So. That’s Miss Rhona. This explanation was written really roughly and I apologise for that, but you get the gist. I strongly recommend for anyone who hasn’t already to check out the #miss Rhona recordings hashtag on my blog, because some of these melodies people have put to it are really beyond words. Dreamy, haunting. Peaceful. Childlike. Much more than the original chant-like skipping rhyme I originally envisaged.

Thanks for reading this far... please be safe and look after your grandmothers ❤️

okay i cant get the jun (and yanan) historical & fantasy c-drama idea out of my idea thanks to that one video, so i decided to basically write the plot myself since i know its never gonna happen otherwise [side eyes pledis] @ pledis give him an acting role already 

anyways!! enjoy i guess.. who knows maybe ill be hired as a script writer. also this is more like. part 1 considering where i left off lol i can write more but i was just very pleased with how this turned out. (maybe ill do part 2 if people like this enough)

in this world, there’s humans (royalty, swordsmen, peasants, etc) and magical deities (gods, goddesses, sorcerers, witches, warlocks, etc) who live together on earth. they’re in a long stretch of peace after a 100 year battle left both sides war torn and in anguish.

the peace seems to continue to stretch year after year, but recently, there’s been whispers of unrest from both sides. there also seems to be a new race walking these lands, one known for their cruelty and their attraction to evil of all kinds

jun is a minor god, leader of one of the 13 major deities clan. he is considered the god of the seasons, and he can make flowers grow with a snap of his fingers. all his disciples and those living in his clan are trained well in the art of fan dancing, and are talented with the bow and arrow.

his traditional clothing has more flow and length to it than most, due to him being a minor god. these clothes make his dancing even more beautiful. he’s got a soft spot for shiny things, and enjoys wearing jewelry on any part of his body. he keeps a magical steel fan attached to his hip, which is able to turn into any weapon he pleases, though he prefers using it as the fan, or as a bow and arrow.

jun’s basically invented the art of using his fan in battle. he attached a long slice of very sharp metal to the inside of the fan, allowing it to be extended and used like a blade. the extension of the fan from his arm makes it easier to block and knock weapons out from his enemy’s grasp. he’s currently the only one who has perfected this new style of fighting, though people come from all over to receive training from him (basically, thinking like the kiyoshi warriors from atla)

yanan belongs to the human side. a long lost prince who has only recently found his spot within royalty at the castle. he’s used to roaming the city beyond, interacting with anyone and everyone, always smiling. he liked to walk the city, following certain smells, maybe playing with some kids. but now, as a well known prince, he’s forced to stay within castle walls, banned from speaking with anyone that’s not royalty

he really just wants to people watch, but his mother – the queen – keeps a close eye on him. she even has a close personal body guard to watch his every move  and report back to her (though, he is much more loyal to yanan than he is to the queen)

he’s not really all that talented in anything battle related, but he’s one of the most intelligent men in the realm. he’s able to think his way out of any problem, and his ability to read people & their emotions rarely leads him into any situation he can’t handle

he wants to learn sword fighting, but again, his mother refuses. he’s got a personal body guard, why would he need to fight?? little does his mother know he just wants to learn how to swordfight because he thinks it looks cool lol anyway he knows how to shoot a bow and arrow, if only because he used to hunt on his own. he was alright at it, but is quite rusty now.

every year there is a peace treaty signing, signifying another year passed filled with peace. it’s a huge party, basically, with many feasts, music, magic, and plenty of competitions. it switches who holds it every year but this year the humans are in charge and hosts it at the castle. this will be the first year yanan is attending as a prince (living in the castle)

all thirteen leaders of the deities attend, usually bringing one or two of their members along. jun is included in this! this is jun’s favorite time of year, he loves all the music and the dancing that comes along with it. and he cant forget the food either

yanan really doesnt want to be there. he feels out of place, and hes bored, looking around as the leaders from across the kingdom are announced. if anything he wants to get up and roam around, but he’s required to sit in one of the thrones reserved for royalty.

he fidgets in his seat, thinking about how much he hates his new clothes for the millionth time. they’re so restricting, not to mention heavy. why does all his jewelry have to be real gold? and his cloak is some fiber he’s not even sure what it is, but it’s itchy and heavy, too.

yanan stands to escape the prententious conversations surrounding him, but is caught by his mother before he can leave. she says hes required to meet some of the important guests attending, since hes the prince now. he sighs and follows her. he’s introduced as prince yanan – though hes still unused to this name – to the leaders of neighboring countries, and the 13 deity clans. 

his eyes easily sweep over his fellow humans, but he can’t help but stare at the deity clan leaders. they’re all beautiful. each member has vibrant clothes he’s never seen, plenty of jewelry, and beautiful smiles. most of them have pointed ears like elves, or multi colored eyes. they all have different designs – painted? are they tattoos? are they magic runes? – all over their visible skin, some even have them on their faces

yanan realizes, too late, that the designs all reflect what they are the gods of. the weather, the seasons, the heavens, musicality, love, etc. he briefly wonders what magic they possess, too.

his mother clears her throat, and he looks up. he must’ve been staring. god, he’s so embarrassed. he smiles shyly and bows, eyes falling to the ground. the deities carry on their conversation, and yanan straightens up. only to make direct eye contact with the only deity staring back at him. yanan’s not sure how to react. he doesn’t have to, though, because they are all leaving, politely waving goodbye. the feast is about to begin, and then the competitions begin the next day.

the next day, he finds himself sitting in a throne. again. his mother forbid him from joining any of the competitions. he can’t take this anymore. pulling on his bodyguard’s sleeve, he tells him he’ll reward him handsomely if he distracts the queen so he can leave. the bodyguard agrees, and yanan slips out of the area unnoticed. he goes to the archery competition, intrigued. 

it ends up a near death experience. he accidentally walked out into the archery field, not knowing the layout of the castle all that well, and an arrow was coming straight for him. it would’ve hit him had a wall of vines not appeared out of nowhere, the arrow being caught in the tangle of vines

jun, the god of seasons and flora, rushes over, making sure yanan is okay. he is, just a bit shaken. he tells jun as much, and excuses himself. jun is curious about this quiet, wandering prince. 

he decides, then and there, he’s going to attach himself to that prince. as a form of apology, he reasons. it seems like he needs a friend, anyways. he begins to follow (annoy? perhaps) the prince on the castle grounds. 

he also bumps into him in the city, like what is a prince doing out here in disguise? idk but i better protect him and see what hes doing. jun isnt subtle either, he continues to try to make conversation with yanan, who shies away from any deep conversation. 

jun asked, once, why he wont talk to him and he said the queen forbid him from befriending anyone outside the castle, but especially someone who isnt human. jun decides to make yanan his friend, and yanan eventually begrudgingly accepts. soon, it’s weird not to have jun at his side. 

they become inseparable, a beautiful metaphor for the peace between the two races. but soon enough, jun is required to return home to the clans, and yanan has to stay at the castle. its heart breaking. 

they dont see each other for a while after that. evil and chaos descends on the world, pitting the races against each other again. the peace treaty is broken, and many, many lives are lost. there was a life taken from both sides, a leader of one of the 13 clans killed, and the queen, murdered. 

rumors spread, saying yanan murdered the clan leader in cold blood, in return for them killing the queen. a royal dagger was left, bloodied and out for everyone to see. it had yanan’s initials on it. 

rumors spread, saying jun killed the queen via poison from some of his foliage. guards found pieces of a foreign plant that only the jun clan can grow, poisonous to anyone that is not a deity. 

both swore they were not involved in these murders, but these seemed to be the start of an all-out war. everyone thought the others were the ones in the wrong. humans began to hate the deities, and the deities began to isolate themselves away. 

everyone blamed everyone else. but they knew better. jun and yanan knew the other would never have hurt anyone. jun grows flowers in his spare time, and yanan sneaks out of the castle to give food to the poor. neither of them have an evil bone in their body, how could they ever willingly kill someone?

but no one believed them. it’s not until countless soldiers and innocent people began to lose their lives that yanan realizes staying in the castle is doing nothing. he leaves the castle and arrives at jun’s door step, begging for his help. 

jun easily accepts, and they begin to work together. they know each other did not hurt anyone, so, who could possibly want the treaty to fail? who could frame these two into starting an all out war? jun briefly mentions the addition of a new deity clan, someone just starting out. yanan asks what kind of god are they?

and jun realizes. 

“god of chaos.”

it’s them. they’re the one who framed them, they’re the one who is causing all this tension and all these deaths. with both races busy trying to kill each other, it leaves jun and yanan by themselves to save their world from utter destruction. 

The Art of Subtlety

Title: The Art of Subtlety

Request/Prompt: a collection of prompts that i had saved from literally years ago from @imaginethatsupernatural and also @supernaturalimagine - idk if either of them are active anymore but yeah. Basically Dean and the reader are in a secret relationship and it’s following their shenanigans as they (try to) hide it from Sam and Cas

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: A little violence at the start including mentions of blood, nothing too graphic, and there’s like one sexual innuendo as well

Word Count: 2,161

note; hope you guys enjoy! feel free to send in some requests, i’m hoping to try and post at least once every two days but i can’t do that if my inbox is empty! xx i’d love to hear from you guys!

  Things were not looking good.

  The witch was more powerful than you had anticipated, and to make matters worse, you and Dean were facing her alone. Sam had already been knocked out, and was laying in the corner with a bleeding temple.

  Your heart was pounding and your head spinning as you called out to get the witch’s attention. She turned towards you, and her split second of weakness offered Dean only a small window of opportunity, yet it was large enough for him to lodge a bullet in her skull. As she collapsed in an ever-growing puddle of blood, you felt an overwhelming wave of relief crash over you, battling with the adrenaline still pumping through your veins. Your hands were shaking as Dean glanced over at you, concern mellowing his otherwise hardened stare.

  “Are you okay?” he demanded, rushing over to you and seizing your shoulders, eyes scanning you for injuries. He smelt of metal and sweat, and his hands left bloody streaks on your shirt as his green eyes searched yours insistently. He had a graze on his jaw, and a bruise beginning to form along his cheekbone.

  “I’m fine,” you assured him, resting a hand on his shoulder in a light touch of reassurance. You could feel the heat of his skin through his plaid, and though the anxiety in his stance died, he stayed close to you. Dean stared at you in half-awe for a moment, breathing heavily, before his grip on your shoulders tightened.

  “You’re okay,” he breathed, more to himself than anything else. “You’re okay.”

  You nodded absently, lost in the depths of his eyes as he drank in the sight of you as a parched man drank water. He caught you entirely by surprise as he tugged you closer to him, slamming his lips against yours and kissing you with a fiery intensity that burned through your veins and sent your heart spiraling into a flurry of frantic beating. You were stiff for a moment, but quickly found your arms looping around his neck as his fingers knotted in your hair. His lips were chapped and he tasted of copper as his tongue teased yours, one hand moving to grip your hip as he pulled you flush to his chest. You could feel his heart hammering through his shirt, it’s frenzied rhythm mirroring your own.

  The air was pierced with Sam’s cough as he slowly came to, and the two of you were quick to withdraw from your act of passion. You felt your cheeks flush as Dean cleared his throat, eyes flitting to yours one last time before you both moved to tend to Sam.

---

  That night, the motel room was silent but for the whirring hum of the air conditioner and the occasional purring of a car cruising past the vicinity. You’d long since scrubbed the blood from under your fingernails and washed the sweat from your hair, and were ready to fall into a well-deserved slumber. Before you could surrender to sleep’s grasp, however, you noticed Dean sitting on the small couch, a beer on the table as he looked blankly at the tv in front of him, lost in his own thoughts.

  “Hey,” you said softly, taking a seat next to him, and the eldest Winchester jumped at your sudden appearance. He immediately forced his lips into a small smile.

  “Hey,” he said, and his voice was gruff.

  “You okay?” you asked. Dean nodded casually, and though you didn’t quite believe him, you let it slide. You all had your demons in this lifestyle, both literally and metaphorically, and Dean had gone through far more than even you could comprehend. It wasn’t up to you to force him to voice his feelings - you could only be there for him in his silence.

  “Are you?” he deflected. You nodded, and heard Sam stir in his sleep behind you.

  “Wanna go for a walk?” you suggested, and Dean appraised you questioningly for a moment before nodding. The two of you left the motel room, wandering down the barely sheltered corridors that led out to the parking lot.

  “So, uh… are we gonna talk about what happened?” you asked eventually, and Dean was so quiet that at first, you feared he hadn’t heard you. As you looked at him searchingly, his adamant avoidance of your gaze insinuated otherwise.

  “I could lie and say it was just the… the adrenaline, or the thrill of the hunt, but… dammit, Y/N, I like you. I like you a hell of a lot. And you don’t have to say anything, but-”

  You cut him off by gripping his shoulder as you drew to a halt. He looked at you inquiringly, about to speak again, only to be silenced as you stepped forward and kissed him. Though incredulous, he immediately melted into you, his mouth moving with yours sweetly and tenderly, so different to the urgency of your last kiss, yet equally as meaningful.

  Both of you were quick to resolve that this should remain only between the two of you - you wanted to preserve this intimacy, to allow this newfound relationship to blossom before it could be tainted with the prying questions of others.

  You sealed the vow with a kiss, your whispered promises held secret by the crickets and your whispers bleeding into the night air as, bathed in the moonlight, the two of you found yourselves in each other.

---

Two months later

  For the first time in what felt like years, you were wearing a dress (or a classier pant-based outfit if that’s more your style). You felt strangely sophisticated as you left the motel, meeting Sam and Dean where they waited for you at the Impala. Your boyfriend raised an appreciative eyebrow at your attire as he caught sight of you, and you bit back a smile as he winked flirtatiously.

  “Look at you,” he said, shaking his head gently. “You look gorgeous, baby.”

  You shot him a pointed glare at his careless term of endearment, and his eyes widened in panic as he recalled Sam’s presence. When you glanced at him, however, he seemed nonplussed as he slipped into the Impala.

  “You know, Dean, it really is kind of weird for you to call the car ‘baby’,” he remarked, and Dean looked affronted despite the relief clouding his features.

  “Hey, watch your mouth! She’ll hear you!” he defended, and you stifled a giggle as the two of you got into the Impala before setting off towards the town’s nearest diner, in need of a celebration following another successful hunt - a run-of-the-mill salt and burn.

  Once the three of you had sat and ordered, Sam excused himself to the bathroom, leaving you and Dean alone at the table. Dean immediately seemed to relax.

  “Have I mentioned how stupidly good you look in that dress yet?” he asked with a coy grin, and you felt your cheeks flush.

  “Uh, yeah, you almost blew our cover!” you hissed playfully, and he smirked.

  “Doesn’t have to be the only thing getting blown tonight,” he taunted, and you kicked him beneath the table.

  “You wish, Winchester,” you shot back. Dean cockily grinned, about to say something but abruptly shutting his mouth as Sam approached the table. He looked between the two of you with a quizzical furrow of his brow.

  “Everything okay?” he asked. You and Dean glanced at each other before nodding quickly, both uttering words of assurance that combined into a cacophony of unintelligible declarations.

  “...right,” Sam said slowly, before taking his seat. The night flew by quickly, filled with conversation, food, and laughter, supplemented by the teasing game of footsie you and Dean played under the table and the subtle grins and silent laughter the two of you shared whenever Sam’s attention was diverted elsewhere.

  Before long, the three of you were headed back to the Impala, ready to begin the long drive home to the bunker. You settled into the back seat, listening to the brothers’ casual conversations in the front half of the car. Discussions of podcasts, books, whose music taste was better… simple bickering that left you with an amused smile as you occasionally weighed in on their trivial disagreements. Every now and then Dean would glance at you in the rearview mirror, eyes bright as he took in the slope of your smile and enjoyed the melody of your laughter. Your eyes met his in the reflective surface, and the two of you exchanged exhilarated smiles, subtle displays of the mutual secret held between you, a secret that was blooming into the happiness you both had been seeking for what seemed like your entire lives.

  Sam set off to bed almost the moment the three of you arrived back at the bunker, leaving you free to join Dean in his room without the need for stealth. The two of you curled up in bed, and Dean hugged you close to his chest, his lips resting in your hair as you slung an arm across his torso.

  “Tonight was fun,” you murmured sleepily. “Especially the bit where I owned you at footsie.”

  “You owned me? I think we both know I’m the footsie champion here,” Dean protested, and you grinned, placing a soft kiss to his jaw.

  “Whatever you say, babe. Whatever helps you sleep at night,” you teased, and he smirked, running his thumb along your cheekbone before tilting your head up so as to capture your mouth with his in a slow, deep kiss. You exchanged a soft smile as you drew apart, and you nestled in closer to him. His grip on you was a little too tight, as though he were scared that someone would snatch you away if he wasn’t too careful. You didn’t mind - you felt safer in his arms than you had ever felt elsewhere.

  “You know… we should probably tell Sam about us,” you eventually sighed, and Dean exhaled, nodding slowly.

  “Yeah,” he murmured. “But just Sam to start with, yeah? I don’t want just anyone to catch wind, or else-”

  “Yeah, yeah, love is weakness, demons would love to use me as bait, blah blah blah. I can take care of myself, you know.”

  Dean chuckled. “Oh, I know,” he assured you. “But I’d prefer if you didn’t have to.”

  You gave him a small smile, your hand finding his and locking your fingers together.

  “So it’s agreed? We’ll tell Sam in the morning?”

  “Yeah, agreed.”

---

  The next morning, you and Dean were surprised to see that Cas had joined the three of you in the bunker in a rare occurrence that stemmed from a desire to catch up as opposed to an apocalyptic emergency.

  “Cas,” Dean remarked in surprise, glancing to you to gauge your reaction. Your eyes met his, and you half shrugged - may as well tell him, too. No harm in that, right?

  “Hey, Cas,” you greeted with a warm smile, which Cas returned with equal kindness.

  “Good morning, Y/N. And Dean,” he added with a small inclination of his head. Sam was seated with a cup of coffee, scrolling through a news website on his laptop. He nodded at the two of you quickly.

  “Hey, guys,” he acknowledged. “There’s extra toast in the toaster if you’re hungry.”

  Dean’s eyes lit up, and he was about to head towards the kitchen before you grabbed his wrist, holding him back.

  “Actually, there was something we wanted to speak to you about. Both of you,” you said firmly, and Dean traded a reassuring glance with you. Sam and Cas turned their attention towards the two of you encouragingly.

  You swallowed thickly. “Uh, Dean and I are… well… we’re together. We have been for a while, actually,” you announced nervously. Sam and Cas glanced at each other.

  “This is… very unexpected,” Cas said suddenly. “I am… very surprised, Sam and I had absolutely no idea,” he said resolutely, and a tad overenthusiastically. He turned to Sam. “Was that convincing?” he asked in a hush, and Sam groaned, though couldn’t restrain his laughter at the confusion etched onto yours and Dean’s faces.

  “We know,” Sam said eventually, and Dean’s mouth was agape.

  “You-what-how?” he stuttered in surprise. Sam raised an eyebrow.

  “Really? You guys aren’t exactly subtle,” he laughed, and you and Dean shared sheepish expressions.

  You allowed a small smile. “Why didn’t you say anything?” you asked, your hand clasping Dean’s. He stroked his thumb absentmindedly over your knuckles.

  “I figured you’d tell us when you’re ready,” Sam said with a shrug. “Took you long enough. How much do I owe you, Cas?”

  “You placed bets on this?” you asked, aghast, and Sam shrugged again somewhat guiltily. You allowed a huff of irritation, but felt your heart glow as Dean pressed a kiss to your temple and smiled into your hair, indifferent to the presence of his brother and the angel. No more secrets.

  You could get used to this.

the bloggit, part 2

“sorry I had to do the converse. now taking hobbit blog name suggestions.”

ROAST MUTTON

Let me tell you, gentle reader. I had no idea what mutton was when I first read this book. I have never liked meat, but I think I assumed in this chapter that mutton was something really good so I like, imagined a meat that would be tolerable. Does mutton even appear in this?

Bilbo gets up and goes to the kitchen, where “the washing-up was so dismally real that Bilbo was forced to believe the party of the night before had not been part of his bad dreams.” I have a problem where sometimes I stop reading halfway through a sentence if I think it’s funnier that way, so I just read “the washing-up was so real” and was like “yeah same. isn’t it funny how Tolkien already mastered modern slang? just like he predicted texting. amazing, that.” Bilbo is both pleased and disappointed to realize that all the dwerrows have gone, but he decides it’s for the best. No sooner has he started whistling about it than Gandalf turns up to tell him off for not dusting the fucking mantelpiece instead of doing the massive pile of dishes he’s got. If you had DUSTED THE MANTELPIECE like any REASONABLE HOMEOWNER does EVERY MORNING, you would have found the note they left you!!

The note begins: 

Thorin and Company to Burglar Bilbo greeting!

Holy shit. I love this. It’s less pronounced in the rest of the letter, but I’m so jazzed about this weird syntax obviously a word-for-word translation from Khuzdul. The rest of it is a snide assurance that Bilbo will get precisely what he deserves, in the form of an outline of terms and services. Also get your ass over to the Green Dragon in ten minutes. Bilbo does so only because Gandalf is there breathing down his neck; I imagine that otherwise he would have stared at the letter and dithered until it was too late and the dwerrows had left.

We have the honour to remain Yours deeply Thorin & Co.

Yours deeply. More Khuzdul formalities. The good stuff. Please Tolkien, I beg you, tell me what precisely ‘yours deeply’ means! Does it have to do with sincerity? Is deepness correlated to politeness or status? WHAT?

Bilbo makes it to the Green Dragon at precisely the stroke of 11... but he has forgot his pocket handkerchief. His pockerchief. Guys It’s A Metaphor.

"Don't be precise," said Dwalin, "and don't worry! You will have to manage without pocket-handkerchiefs, and a good many other things, before you get to the journey's end. As for a hat, I have got a spare hood and cloak in my luggage."

Time to travel like a dwerrow! Anyway that’s very gracious of Dwalin, I feel. Seems like a nice guy. Wait Gandalf turns up after they’ve been riding for like 10 minutes and totally ruins the metaphor by bringing a bunch of spare pockerchiefs and Bilbo’s pipe. Bilbo thinks the adventure is really going all right so far! Staying at inns and whatnot. It stands in stark contrast to the beginning of Frodo’s journey, which aside from being dangerous, mysterious, and nerve-wracking was also given a great deal more narrative weight. I think The Hobbit is told in a much more episodic format than Lord of the Rings, kind of like “here is a series of adventures that happened to Bilbo on the way, one per chapter.”

The adventure grows less pleasant once they’re away from inns and it starts raining. That’s spring, dudes. Everyone is grumpy and tired and it’s wet and they can’t make a fire; Gandalf is missing; one of the ponies gets scared of nothing (or something??) and runs into the river and gets washed away along with a bunch of the food. Out of boredom and desperation the dwerrows decide to sneak up on what they think is a fire; they send Bilbo, since he as a hobbit is much much quieter than them. It’s trolls! They’re eating mutton and drinking alcoholic beverages, and and they have names like William and Bert. Why are they so relentlessly English.

Bilbo, the dumbass, tries to pick one of their pockets because he really wants to be that kind of guy. He is immediately caught. But it’s fine! The trolls start fighting over, uh, well, something, and Bilbo makes his escape. Unfortunately dwerrows are quite visible; Balin comes to try and rescue Bilbo, and the trolls see him. Into sacks with them! Thorin comes last, and tries to be intimidating, which I’m sure would work a lot better if he weren’t one tenth the trolls’ size. He gets caught too, but at least he fought. That’s our Oakenshield!

It says here that Gandalf is back, but he’s just watching. Bilbo isn’t a fighter and he’s terrified--what’s your excuse? Or maybe he’s the one doing troll voice imitations and inflaming their argument about how to eat the dwerrows. Ohhh Gandalf was stalling for time since it was nearly dawn. All right I can accept that that would be much easier on him.

The party goes to find the trolls’ cave and finds a bunch of good stuff inside: extra food and some swords and gold (which is buried with lots of spells. hey! tell me about dwerrow spells!). And we hear that the reason Gandalf came back from his scouting expedition is that he met some Rivendell elves who told him there were trolls about. And so!

A SHORT REST

One morning they forded a river at a wide shallow place full of the noise of stones and foam.

Hey I love this. The noise of stones, and foam. Also:

Hidden somewhere ahead of us is the fair valley of Rivendell where Elrond lives in the Last Homely House.

The Last Homely House. Tolkien’s mythology sounds really good here. Wonder who named it that, though! Is it sort of... the last dwelling of elves that is both homely and a house? I would expect it’s a name applied by travellers, though: the last sanctuary before wherever you happen to be going, since there’s nothing anywhere near it, really. There’s also a track marked with white stones around the edges, which is really good. More excellent landscape description that didn’t make it into Fellowship because of how desperate our heroes were at this point in their journey. I just realized that since Frodo entered Rivendell unconscious we never got a description of what it looked like, either.

It’s a valley largely full of trees and murmuring water, but a light can be seen, at twilight, on the other side. Bilbo thinks it smells like elves. And then it’s time for one of the most iconic songs Tolkien has ever written: a distant “tra-la-la-lally!” echoes to our heroes’ ears. As we know, dwerrows don’t get along with elves (elves make fun of them a lot, and generally do silly bullshit most of the time) but Thorin is as polite as he can be. Bilbo wants to stay and listen to the elves singing, but supper is more important for everyone else, so onward to Rivendell! They stay for two weeks, and nothing much happens except they gradually get less stressed and replenish their fat reserves. Elrond is mentioned as an ‘elf-friend,’ which is kind of a weird thing to say about him considering that half his family are elves, and he’s immortal?

Elrond tells them that the swords they looted from trollhaus were made in Gondolin! (for the goblin wars, which, idk, that probably describes most of the first age) And the swords have names, because of course they do. This is the source of Glamdring and Orcrist, now we know! Also Elrond looks at the map and identifies some Moons Runes  that say a special thing will show up on the mountain on Durin’s Day, which is an astronomical phenomenon the dwerrows haven’t been keeping careful track of, I guess? I can’t tell whether the fact that Durin’s Day is the start of the year actually has anything to do with the astronomical thing.

“We still call it Durin's Day when the last moon of Autumn and the sun are in the sky together. But this will not help us much, I fear, for it passes our skill in these days to guess when such a time will come again."

This seems pretty straightforward actually. The moon and the sun are in the sky together like, half the time the sun is up. All you need to know is when autumn ends and what the phase of the moon will be. Y’all have really let your calendar-keeping go.

yes here you go

  Workcrew immediately for incompletion of the run is common for new kids and previous strugglers. Workcrew is named so because it makes u do nothing because u cant do something so instead of WORKing on something because u suck at that you literally work doing nothing. You have to work to keep yourself entertained. Work to keep yourself from going insane looking at that orange peel textured wall. Yikes. work to not fucking freeze too jesus fucking christ fuck whoever controlled the thermostat. just saying. Sure they didnt know or didnt care but fuck them for that. anyway. After the run you come inside go back to ur room if ur not on workcrew you chill for a few minutes while the chef is done cooking for the entire facility. Obvisouly being on wprl crew You dont eat whatever everyone else eats they work they get reward u no work no reward. oats and water and those fucking goddamn apples. fuck They're probably eating some kickass breakfest burrito or A nice blue berry muffin with yogurt. actually I know and still know the food schedule for breakfest and lunch for everyday of the week. It hardly change and very slightly if ever. So i knew what I could've been eating worst part about it is they eat literally inches from you. Your back facing them listening to them eat and salvate smelling all the condiments and fresh bacon. Waiting patiently for all the other students to finish their meals and wash their dishwear and go to their rooms only after do they. Give you your W/C meal. Oats and water fuck me. The worst part about it was after awhile I got so skinny that parker had me start eating a bowl of oatmeal with every meal this is when i was doing decently well but still being full of shit just not as much. But the worst part was I got 2 bowls of it while all other w/c got 1 And i started to even like it. Almost as if my taste buds had adapted over awhile to enjoy the oats. fuck those apples tho sometimes they were a 3 out of 10. best compliment I can give there sorry not sorry. anyway eat ur meal. its time for group. Group is when the entire facility all families and w/c and parker the director sit down commonly in a circle with parker in a chair and the students on the floor but before I left They had been consistently all in the life timechairs except parker who stood at the front of the main room with the students in a movie theatur like fashion without the leveled tiers obviously. but in order of w/c to family 1-5 so work crew being at the very front right feet from parker. During group we would review issues regarding anything and i mean anything wrong with the facility or the students and staff inside of it. It is encouraged and heavily peer supported to tell on each other and to work on themselves and not let anybody even other students or roomates get in your way. WORK ON YOURSELF by Sourrounding yourself with people on the same mission as you and who do the things to suggest they are going to continue to stay on that mission was a huge message that was pushed in a variety of ways at liahona. through team building exercises, group discussion and definitely confrontation. It is common for students to lash out when they're new. Probably cause they're from California and think these motherfuckers cant do shit to me im a minor. Think again, welcome to Southern buttfuck nowhere Literally sand mountains mars-looking Hurricane Utah. Body slam ur bitchass for acing outta line. Talking back blatent disrespect and obviously anything suggesting possilbe physical or verbal outbreak resulted in a restaint. Most staff would warn u like chill out orim gonna put u on the ground. And you'd get in trouble just for that. Sometimes even a little more secretly I think for not following through. but maybe not considering its a change in behavior. im sure it could be situational. Regardless. back to the story. group typically lasted an hour or so sometimes would watch a documentary afterwards sometimes even a movie however those became quite rare as the students or cycle in. Called generations of students. I was the last of my generation for a good amount of time towards the end of my stay at liahona. Depressing very much so. Watching people who go there a year after u graduate before you. U began to believe those insecurities more and more. and if you have struggle throughout your life with putting negative energy in the universe in the form of speech by conversion of energy to your body which is apart of the universe. i know alittle hard to follow but bear with me and try your best. After group you'd either get on or off of work crew based on how well u did at nothing and the little something u do such as workouts the morning run how u address staff members how even how frequent you use the bathroom to see if ur trying to get up. What was cool at Liahona was doing what you were told. being obiedient at all times immediately and when you do fuck up take the mistake and turn it into success instead of letting it slow you down as a failure. With such a poor mindset at Liahona especially towards the middle of my stay. I stayed at level 1 for 16 months. Probably a record not really a bragging thing tho. The point is I sucked at being a normal ass human. Full of attitude and was disobiedent with little to no respect given off the bat to any adult. Like I was the shit... When you're the shit you don't have the same problems that people who arent the shit have correct. So tying all the way back to the hospital metaphor with my secret broken leg. Honestly was probably secret to me as receiving the injuries throughout critical young developmental stages. I had alot of problems being honest because I was the shit and the shit wasnt supposed to be doing all this disgusting and sad. self demeaning outragous nasty stuff. thats all im gonna say. currently. im not ready to open up about my full past for i feel currently it lays at rest where it belongs until decieded otherwise by me. Now.. where were me. I was the shit. after coming out with stuff half assed in anattempt to still look kinda like the shit. they caught me on my bullshit and I spilled the beans. No longer was I the shit. I was shit. They broke me down emotionally. Making me write my story over and over again my entire life all the things I had ever done wrong. Each time I either came out with something new or changed something becasue everything I told my therapist was true but skewed and I lost track of my story. I had fucked myself and they gave me the rope to do it because they wanted me to earn my coniquences no have them given to me based on a hunch. I fucked myself. and unfortunately it was just he beginning for my emotional workouts. For the next two years. I trecked on. Fast forward july 2016 Im level 4 shadowing a new student with a level 3. us three since we are shadowing can talk in the room about rules only and how to teach them. while having our responsibilities with the quote aswell. at this point I could memorize anything. Memorized some crazy shit honestly wish that the content of the quote was more useful in a sense of remembering important things. or things that are commonly remembered by some idk. the point is we were aloud to talk about rules only. this didnt stay over time after me doing well getting to level fucking 4 this was huge for me and I had gotten comfortable and complacent in my position halting any further actions towards bettering myself everyday. exactly what they don't want you to do. We ended up flying our shadow solo which means hes a level one and we cant talk to him anymore and its cbo. basically hes in the big leagues now. But the level 3 and the other roommate who wasnt aloud to talk but was in the room while we shadowed the new student literally everyday for a month or two. And we all started breaking CBO together. basically we literally talked. about any and everything. Eventually getting comfortable doing that after a week or so couldnt have been too much longer than a week or two before guess who our same shadowed new student turns us in... Just like we had taught him to do. He was rewarded heavily. This was 1 july 2016. the 4th was parkers fav holiday does a shit ton of fun shit for everybody and everybody can talk water balloon fights watermelon eating contest hot dogs play basketball freely. fucking board games bro straight up. I had been at Liahona at this time for 2 about to be 3 Fourth of julys at Liahona and they just got better and better problem was I spent all 3 on work crew. top that off I spent all of July and into August on workcrew. It started off as suicide watch run risk and do nothing. literally as worse at it got. You can use the bathroom and sit in this chair. and you can sleep on this mattress with the fans and AC on with no blankets or pillows. So It stayed like that for  a week. Miserable completely miserable. I had finally started doing well got to level fucking four and im on work crew do nothing sui watch run risk and Ive been here for two years sleeping in the commons with no blanket or pillows shivering. Ill still never forget that day parker said I could choose to have a blanket or a pillow. FUCK U THINK? blanket. ez. I was literally giggling with joy that night under its warmth. That whole month slowly and slowly got increasingly easier on work crew and I didnt know why I was even still on It'd been a fucking month this was august 1st. The next day august 2nd 2016 Parker comes in and tells me im finally leaving. This was a really big day for me and brings to me currently some very strong emotions of relief and regret. For I hadn't completely wasted my time at Liahona but then again I typically in the past back then never completed anything. And honestly that is one of my bullshit things that I say to myself. and still have some belief in for good reason to gain perspective from it. Because unfortunately there are things in this world that are bad but also true. Thats just the way things work. There is good in bad and bad in good always. It may be hard to find or the pros out weigh the cons or vice versa. I see the bad, me not taking very good advantage at all of what Liahona had to offer for me at all times. However still gaining from it which is good aswell of course. But the bad being I did waste alot of my time. Now am I completely to blame for the duration of my time there. Yes because I made the decisions that led to me having to be there longer. honestly cause I needed to be there longer. Maybe a slight tiny bit of blame on my father for neglect to anextent of course when it came to life rules and making sure I know and remember them. But at the end of the day I kept myself on the wall and I have taken responsibility and if I havent i will now. I fucked up at liahona and I caused myself to be there for aslong as I was obviously not intentionally but for some reason. Cause I hated myself and nobody felt bad for me. I nolonger desire that attention. Because I know that If that attention is given to me in the quantity desired and by the form of attention inwhich idesired. Would inturn keep me immature as im hiding and nesting away from my feelings rather than pour them out and release the hate and sadness because its no good. it does no good besides grant perspective both to yourself and others. I never brag about giving to the homeless. Truly the reason I bring it up is because I may not have been homeless for very long or hadn't been homeless without atleast a couch or a garage to sleep in. But after enduring just that water down verison of being homeless. I know they need that damn money more than I do. Im not going to be unreasonable and give him everything I have on my card. but typically I give them at the minimum a cig if they want one and a conversation just cause people need to talk to people. whether they're drunk or not sad or happy talking turns our feelings into reality based on what you desire long term and short term almost combined in a way. You can switch up long term desires such as careers and lifestyles however it is not recommended. However also if you are still in a somewhat content mindset settling for like85 percent full on ur content scale. And this is what you need a little change up. Then by all means switch but keep the short term desires because those need to work first. Before you even decide what you want from life and ur existance ask yourself am I happy? If you are not atleast somewhat content with who you are an individual currently. You need to follow what I told you earlier. You need to dig deep in your heart and soul and mind. Focus on the center of your chest. thats where i feel my soul communicate to me. And i search it with my mind sending inquizitive thoughts to it for its response. Your body is a rosetta stone in a way for literal human communication (speech) and the vibrations of the universe. And vice versa. your body picks up things from the universe and world that it tells u. Maybe gut feelings? Hunches? A strong feeling for no reason??? EVERYTHING HAS A REASON. And if it isn't this than prove it to me. It proves itself and you can try it for yourself. Find contentment in your preplanned manifestation that we call "The Universe" by recognizing both your current insignificance in the real world possibly currently or maybe never; never in your mind atleast. But also your significance in how much control you have just because of what fucking species you are and all the things you can learn. Know you have significance because this is your world and you already chose how your life is going to end. What will last for you what won't. Because somebody (you u idiot) set it up to happen that way. Say you think im full of shit and just crazy. Let me ask you.... Lets just say for shits and giggles then, that you are God/ superior being so to speak. And you created everything we have ever known. Planets, plants, rocks .people communication, every conversation. EVERY FUCKING EVERYTHING WAS MADE BY YOU. so with that in mind given that and the vast amount of knowledge that comes with some power.literally unimaginable because we cant EVEN FUCKING COMPREHEND it.  ie You as God know that all good must have evil. So you realize large world thats actually rather small in comparison to alot of other fucking planets. Maybe it makes some people feel inferior maybe it turns people towards hate. But you decieded we're going to make a little safe haven whenthis random motherfucker wants to see if the world is flat. Killed all the indians. negative. USA positive. Rev war possibly hardcore karma for killing indians unlikely but it always is anyways. we win rev war Now we are free. Put Lepesh in free nation in 1999. He reconizes the power of the mind body and soul combined in the trinity. And wants to spread the message that you too can be happy. the suffering can end. Ive been diagonosed with depression add adhd odd ocd ptsd abcd u fucking name it. And they made a killing off of my parents. Granted I was a very problematic child so they started taking me in at a young age. over time with people telling me whats wrong with me. Yeah ima tell them to fuck off cause Im living the life i want to live. I may not know the consiquences are for me choosing to live like such. But I will and When I do I will weild that power given to me in knowledge and spread to you my wisdom. Speech isnt the only way to manifest things into your reality. Any human contact that can be described by and spoken with our apparently primitive words of any language. YOU MUST MEAN HOW YOU FEEL  Currently this is my world and universe because I value very few things about myself in the grand scheme of everything. Given that wouldn't I want the one thing I value a great deal to succeed and fulfill his dreams and have a goodass life? So thats what this mindset program will do. Others will use it becuase their kids are driving them up the walls and they just can't do it anymore. They're about to throw in the towel and don't know what to do anymore. Maybe its for somebody looking for love and they need to realize that u literally must love urself first. You cannot give what you donot already have. Unless you promiss to give which is an entire other problem in itself given that you can never give the love you want to give because you must find it for yourself by dedicating large amounts of time to yourself over time which you cannot do if ur constantly giving your feeling of infatuation and potential 'promise love' IE I promise you one day Ill love you but right now I cant cause I dont love myself. But I promise I will love myself but u wont. U simply wont. Until you learn your worth which by the fucking way bro. straight the fukc up listen. By the way. you decide your worth. The way you decide to change your worth is by finding the opposing core belief about urself the angelic side the white fluffy this is who I truly am side. The I wanna die fuck everything not even worth it this world isnt worth bringing anybody into is bullshit. However nesscessary for a short period for perspective and experiential sake. Bullshit. You manifested bullshit told to you over time in different ways. almost like taking pieces of gum out from underneath tables accorss every resturant you go through for example ur entire life. making a big ball of gross bullshit told to you in the forms of verbal abuse sexual physical. just bullshit. Best thing about bullshit is that it is always bad. The only good in the bad of bullshit is that it give great perspective and it helps this rant lol. Anyways, Realize that angelic force you hold and listen to your mind and heart tell you what you already know. and put it into action by reminding yourself about it as much as possible until its all you really think about. You'll notice key changes in yourself. Keep in mind these some of these effects happened immediately some over time some after forgetting my worth some during forgetting my worth.For myself after finding myself again focusing on the bullshit that isnt true. Radical difference in hesitation to speak to people. and to even what im going to speak. I used to care about everything and project that I care about nothing. It was fucking stupid sad and pretty pathetic actually. very sad now that I think about it. Pretending almost in a way. Sag my pants wear dark and almost shady clothing. ears pierced, quit sports, smoke weed, everything to say I don't give a fuck about anything at all ever and never will. I did it and said it. Of course with periods of absolute disbelief and saddness for I knew the whole time I was living a bullshit fabricated lie that directly stemmed from my self esteem issues and uncertainty in myself and the universe. Im very grateful for my current state of being however unsober. very very helpful and a clear message from myself that I believe I know what I need to do. Or what I want to do. But how? Im not worried about why because Its impossible and highly unlikely that the reason presents itself so early. And so it has before but many a few times and such a long time inbetween instances its almost radical to gamble on such things. Might aswell waste my time doing jack shit sitting on the fucking wall for no reason. Im going to end this in the same fashion I started it to an extent. Unexpected and unrehearsed and will summarize in steps how use this Mindset Program I designed to help those capable enough to over come depression and treat general unhappiness with the combined power of your heart mind and soul. Idk but i wasnt specifically planning on making a book for financial gain although it was a large contributing factor. and I as I sit here and think about what I typed it doesn't matter. Because regardless of what happens I wanted it to so it will in the exact way I want it to effect me. if at all idk if i will lol. Crazy man lifes a trip. I need money and i dont deserve it but I can say confidently currently right this moment I would spend my money according to what I desire in the long term. And it would help me start that journey so I may learn more. and continue to better myself as an individual everyday. or  at the very least do something that shows im a good person. In this world you have to keep your guard up not always but typically a great majority of the time. Given that, it's not hard to see why nobody trusts anybody on anything anymore. For a long time and still to this day a vast majority of humans have and will continue to act good but do bad consistently. They have simply been worshiping there bullshit thoughts. The best thing you can do for such a person who has potentially lost all hope. Or is on that path or near the end of it. Let that person know you love them. Only do so if you mean what you say tho. If you mean the words and they are looking at you when you say it. They will straight the fuck up feel your love. Might not be a fucking serotonin shot but its a little love that they will feel and remind them. Its never too late to change your mindset and find empathy for yourself and the world. Here are the current Finalized step by step instructions on how to use my newly developed highly successful Mindset Program. Guarenteeed to bring about contentment and feelings of joy to those who complete and follow these steps completely... 1.)FIRST OFF DO NOT READ THIS SHIT IF YOU AREN'T OPEN-MINDED OR YOU'LL NEVER HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN IT AGAIN, WAIT UNTIL YOU GET YOURSELF ATLEAST SOMEWHAT UNDERCONTROL.2.)EMPATHY Either Already have or Develop a very hardcore understanding and knowledge of empathy by having gratitude through perspective that you must gain. Gaining perspective can happen in a number of ways. The misfortunate are a great way to lead you to happiness. By giving away your money need it or not. who needs it more. and what are they spending it on. If you were homeless outside in january wouldnt you want to be drunk? you were gonna buy a steak and lobster dinner that night anyway even if you didnt have the 10$ cash you gave to Michael by the dumpster. That inturn puts you indebt in a way to the universe. Almost saying this guy will get something good from this at some point in his life. Could be your friend buying your next meal or an invitation to a crazy party. who knows and who knows when its going to happen. we don't the beauty of it is that you know its coming in some shape or form. infact it might have already paid its debt by making you feel better when you did it???? Put yourself in less fortunate peoples shoes. Take acid as much as you can within reason obviously you don't wanna end up fried as fuck. But definitely trip balls man go learn about yourself and the world. Acid is a key to more knowledge. You swim in it but its like trying to bring water (the knowledge) with you when you get out of the pool. You can never even get close to obtaining all of that knowledge. I just needed enough to know that my life isn't completely fucking worthless cause I truly can control my life and you can control yours. Is so empowering to see it happen first hand. To see success finally coming and showing itself after all this time. The worst part is I knew all of this shit long ago. I was told this stuff in Liahona and They knew we didn't fully get it yet. Now I get it. Finally. wtf. I can control my own life.3.)SEARCH YOUR SOUL WITH YOUR MIND. Literally ask yourself questions like a literal one sided conversation. Ask yourself. What do I desire in my life most? For me? Wife car house maybe a farm cat dog fucking dont care whatever she wants the house to look like. two cars actually. I want a boat. and a stable well paying job and some kickass kids. When do I want it to happen. I decided that before I was here. Because I was apart of the aliens maybe idk lol just a thought. Maybe they let me choose they were like yo man this is where ur coming into this planet. they're dumb but think they're really smart and theres lots of chaos they're pretty bad animals i know its a bad gig to send you into but if you like what you can make happen go for it. I wouldn't come into this world unless I knew that things would work out for me at some point. and idk if today is the day but ive realized again what I had already realized but soon forgotten about over a month after. Either from complacentcey or just down right bad memory. Either way I forgot the path and Now I am back.4.)YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THE GOOD IN THE BAD AND THE BAD IN THE GOOD For example, for me my bads are so seldom compared to what some people across the universe go through on a daily basis. I have it so good already. Now compared to the rest of my country.. yeah Im not doing very well financially or on some of the selfs. I have the mental capcity and emotional knowledge and strength currently developed from years of deep depression and sadness. Drug abuse and wanting to be numb. Wanting to die or hurt myself. Here I am reconizing the bad in my life the symptoms of listening and believing other peoples bullshit. Reconizing that the bullshit isnt true and was never true. sometimes reconizing a genreal date that you remember yourself starting to believe what people bullshit to you about yourself. Maybe you remember how you felt about yourself before someone called you fat or ugly or hurt u in some way. Remember previous relationships that have cut u deep over time and may even hurt a bit to think about. Remember the fighting and bullshit. But most importantly remember the good times. Ive caught myself many times forgetting the numerous good times had with previous loved ones in almost a desperate attempt to save yourself. Its a protection tactic that completely stops any and all emotional grow. The only way you get stronger is if you do the work. Just like at the gym the only way you get a ripped ass chest or a 6 pack is by doing the fucking work and lifting it. There is no short cut that is worthwhile longterm. Roids give you boobs and shrink ur balls now ur shot on the kids Idea cause u tried to take a shortcut. Same with emotions. using heroin was a big thing for me for awhile i was at a point where I knew it was stopping me from growing emotionally. Because it doesn't allow you to feel anything. you feel numb you don t care. when I took heroin I felt like I really was who I said I was. I overdosed a few months ago and died onheroin. started using again a couple days later. I stopping in November and id be lying if I said it wasnt brutal. so sure I tried to numb the pain with other things. Alcohol is a big one coke, meth, lots and lots of weed, anything that would or could alter my mind besides heroin is what Ive been doing.  Now none of these things are beneficial in the long term except for weed and acid maybe coke if the universe allows it. The opportunity that you desire would not present itself to you without you first creating the desire. I have a desire for drugs. So I have drugs. But Im at the very least smart enough to realize that heroin is if not a complete block of emotions pretty damn fucking close to it. which allows for significantly less emotion growth through the actual feeling of your feelings and emotions. Another big thing that can help is talking about what you discovered about yourself all the bullshit you believed and the statements you have in place to replace them. My previous statement for example Im a fucking loser thats never going to amount to shit. My angelic statement, I've made many mistake and failures in my life at a young age that I wouldn't trade for the world for they have development me into me. You've made it this far havent you?5.) USE YOUR TRINITY TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE STARTING BY FINDING WHAT WORKS FOR YOU TO HAVE A CONSTANT REMINDER. Basically this means find a way to take your new angelic statement created from the good inside the bad and either associate that statement to whatever you see best fit. For example. I have an alarm in the morning that reads! Choose to be happy! with some other notes aswell. And I read that I think to myself. Its a choice. I can use my mind to change my reality over time based on how I feel. I DONT HAVE TO BE SAD ANYMORE BECAUSE I HAVE THE DESIRES IN MY LIFE THAT PULL ME TOWARDS THEM THROUGH MY DECISIONS AND ACTIONS CURRENTLY.