#when they both have abandonment issues
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— neil gaiman (buck's version)
#sami rambles#when they both have abandonment issues#*dreamy sigh*#911 show#911 fox#eddie diaz#buddie#buck x eddie#evan buckley#911 edit#911edit#eddiediazedit#eddiediazdaily#eddie diaz edit#buddieedit#buddie edit#dailybuddie#buck x eddie edit#usercorinne#userdahlias#userkitkaat
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Thinking about Lestat seeing Louis’s eating patterns as a waste of his gift/himself while Armand gives Louis food that he literally can not enjoy or digest just so he has something on his stomach
#if i had to give each of louis relationship a theme loustat would be shame and loumand would be enabling#which are both really bad ways of “helping” a partner with an ed#lestats shame and anger tactics only make louis more resentful and less likely to eat#while armand having the little drinks and exotic animals and the human food dont actually deal with louis problem head on-#cus at the end of the day louis is still not eating enough#and i think they really exemplifies both of their trauma and abandonment issues#both of them came up chronically food insecure#lestat was put into the role of provider at a very early age and stayed in that role until he died/was turned#so for him rejecting what lestat gives is like rejecting lestat cus he doesnt have anything else to make him “useful”#and lestats reaction to rejection is anger and control so he tries to shame and control louis into eating more/human#while armand has been abandoned by literally everyone he loves up till this point so for him its like#ok i can make people dtay if i give them what they want and what louis wants is to not feel bad about eating and so armand does that#but it still doesnt get to the root of the issue which is louis having poor coping mechanisms for his grief and other emotions#like either way you slice it. louis is not meeting his nutritional needs. he eats drinks from one guy eats a fox or some other small animal#when he should be having like two dudes at least#and then he has human food which according to anne rice makes vampires vomit up their whole stomach content so...#louis imma send you to my therapist shes great#interview with the vampire#iwtv#louis de pointe du lac#amc iwtv#lestat de lioncourt#ldpdl#iwtv 2022#armand iwtv#armand#loumand#loustat#like armand gives louis food he cant eat just so he knows theres something in louis stomach even for a short while
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I drew Ahti II and his never before seen, very best friend Karleeen (three e's is intentional) for Halloween! They're dressed as Aziraphale and Crowley from Good Omens :) Someone likened Ahti II to Azi once and given that he already had a dark-haired "best friend" who is part edgy animal... it was only natural to have this costume arrangement. Please don't spoil anything about the show though, I am only in the first few episodes of season 1!!
On another note, imagine having to buy pants with eight pant legs. The cost would be insane...
#i almost forgot to post!#self indulgent art post because ahti II and karleeen are my everything <3#oh my god oh my god they-- you dont get it they--#they-------#theyre besties and they met when ahti II was looking to be alone in the shoals of the coast and accidentally startled karleeen via jumping-#on a rock in all his fishy glory and theyre both a little bit socially awkward for different reasons and have a hard time being in large -#groups but together theyre so open and carefree and they like hiking and swimming and drawing and they go on little adventures together -#where they have picnics and ahti II loves to dump all his fish knowledge on karleeen and karleeen loves to listen when shes working on -#something and they have each others backs and would in fact fight someone if they insulted the other and karleeen makes ahti II laugh -#so much and he often feels very burdened by his responsibility and like he has to be perfect for the whole world and hes only really -#comfortable talking to karleeen about his woes and he also absolutely listens to karleeens troubles and helps her with her abandonment -#issues and and and----#theyre in a funny sort of relationship where neither would be opposed to getting married and theyre a little bit in love but theyre happy -#to exist as best friends and just want to see where things go#ummm yeah! yippee !! ahti II lore! i dont talk about that often. thank you for reading! i appreciate that.#ahti II#my art#halloween
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Is there a better way to prepare for June than with lesbian plants? I think not >:3
Plus it doubles as fun color practice!! Two for the price of one!
#gw2#guild wars 2#sylvari#gw2 caithe#caithe#my art#gw2 art#commander oc#zaitinne#look theyre so good and i love them a lot#they hold a permenant spot in my brain for just#THEY HAVE SUCH A FUN DYNAMIC TO ME#aurene gets her lesbian moms who are both have trust and abandonment issues#but theyre working on it#spoilers for the new story from here#when u go on a date w one of ur friends#arranged by gorrik#in my head#zaitinne had to pull taimi aside and ask like#‘he does know im married to caithe right? like someone told him??’#she did take yao out for a platonic date tho#they just made the most sense#she wouldve probably spent the whole time kicking canach under the table#annoying little brother except hes technically older#but yao deserved a treat#and i hc that caithe doesnt like public gestures and certainly does not like the attention#that the commander gets in public spaces and that caithe herself gets from the whole aurene brand#so they prefer to keep their dates private
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and yknow when i say that koryak should've lived and him and garth should've become besties i don't mean that they would have a perfectly healthy cute brother relationship. i mean they should've trauma bonded aldhg
garth and koryak are two very different people, who lived very different lives, and have very different opinions of arthur. if the two of them were forced to bond in any capacity, it would be messy and petty! koryak would continue to be upset that arthur wasn't there for him in his youth and jealous that he raised a kid who wasn't even his. and if koryak stuck around, we'd see more negative emotions from garth ie him being upset/jealous/worried that arthur now has another biological son. it wouldn't be rational from either side, and garth would definitely try his best to be nice, but both of them have reasons to not like or trust the other.
that being said, at the core of it, their emotions stem from the same issue. they both just want to be arthur's son. and while i do think it would take a lot of time, eventually they'd be forced to see the other's perspective and realize that the other is just as jealous as they are. koryak may have missed out on having a bio father in his life but... so did garth. garth worries that arthur doesn't see him as a true son but... so does koryak. yes, they've had very different upbringings, but they also have the same fears and worries regarding arthur. and personally, i think it would've been more interesting to see them reconcile and bond over that.
maybe koryak would be brave enough to ask garth what his childhood was like under arthur's care. maybe garth takes the time to ask about kako or his culture. maybe he even tells koryak the truth about what happened with jr. maybe koryak starts to get upset on garth's behalf that arthur raised him but didn't even see him as a son, and had the audacity to say it to his face while trying to kill him. maybe garth gets upset on koryak's behalf because arthur keeps pushing him aside and treating him like an untrustworthy stranger.
and yknow maybe they never become friends or talk to each other... but they still understand each other, they still yearn for what the other had, and they're increasingly more disappointed in how arthur treats his family. i think that would've been nice and more narratively satisfying than koryak dying.
#it gives arthur a chance to make proper amends#he really never did that with either of them#calling garth his son once does not make up for trying to kill him and then abandoning them imo#it also gives them a chance to actually deal with garth and koryak's issues and let them talk it out#when was the last time either of them were able to have a proper conversation about how much arthur hurt them... with anyone...#like who are they going to talk to?? garth's friends who always make fun of him?? koryak's tribe who hates him???#bro please#who else would understand them if not the guy who feels exactly the same way...#and yes their relationship would still be messy and weird and they would get on each other's nerve all the time#but it would also be understanding and patient and forgiving#i think both of them deserve someone who truly understands and doesn't dismiss their feelings about what arthur did or didn't do#the only reason i'm glad koryak died is cause dc would definitely make him the jason of the aquafam and i cant handle that aldhg#garth of shayeris#koryak
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Marcus and Johnny's Texts Again
#marcus did immediately call johnny after this to make sure he was ok#but he technically leave a note#johnny was fine. just shaken up#marcus brought him food as a 'im sorry' gift#sing johnny#sing marcus#sing big daddy#johnny and marcus both have insomnia#yes they both go on adventures when it hits#and they both freak out when the other does the same thing they do. its honestly kinda funny to stan and barry at this point#sing#sing 2#johnny has abandonment issues up to his ears#and so does marcus. he just ignores his (not a smart move marcus but ok)
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I feel like I liked yakuza 5 a lot more than most people for some reason
#like a lot of people seem to not like it or think it’s mid#idk man but it was one of the games I enjoyed most and I really liked the range of characters you get to play#love me a murder mystery too#idk I think people seem to not like how disjointed the plot is at first and trying to keep up with everyone’s seperate plot and characters#and etc. but I personally really liked how it was all disjointed and the further you get into the game / the more characters you play the#more shit starts coming together and forming a full picture#like don’t get me wrong it’s not perfect and I do have qualms with some. choices. (mostly having to do with majima and#mirei) but overall it’s one of the games I’ve enjoyed the most and that’s kept me interested in the plot the most#fantastic to get a more in-depth look at haruka and to get to really know her by playing her and seeing how she interacts with people and#choices she makes and etc. I don’t think she was a fully fleshed out character prior to that#loved her with all my heart already don’t get me wrong but she just didn’t have much time on screen especially as a teenager to fully get#her personality across and some of the issues she deals with (mommy issues. abandonment issues#etc).#and her and uncle akiyama are a very nice unexpected duo!!!#the different settings were fun too. overall I think the whole thing just felt like more of a streamlined story in a way with drastically#different viewpoints depending on the character#also shinada’s a gift. bless him#daigo feels three dimensional and emotionally present in a way I didn’t see much in other games- even when he’s literally a boss in 4. tbh#the only other time I think he feels really solid as a character is in fuckin dead souls. I think it’s cause it’s SO rare to see daigo in#non-serious situations or vulnerable with people on purpose. dead souls has the first thing and y5 has a bit of both#and I could complain more about how y6 SHOULD have made daigo more present instead of sending him to fuckin jail the whole time but. I do#get that that was kind of important to the plot. I mean to have that power vacuum. don’t think all three of them should’ve been put in jail#but I digress. anyway I got off topic point is I enjoyed yakuza 5 it is very unique in my opinion#y5#rambling#ALL THESE TAGS AND I FORGOT TO MENTION KIRYU BEING ANGSTY AND GAY AS HELL. THE BEST PART OF YAKUZA 5
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do not let caseys sunshiness distract you from the fact that she is just as much emotionally constipated as ludger.
#academy's undercover professor spoilers#academy's undercover professor#casey selmore#the fact that casey has never told anyone including betty and terinna about delica/memory storming events is so wild to me#like girlie why r u suffering from all that by urself#ppl hating on casey for having negative EQ but that only reflects how much emotional support she usually gets from others#case in point: marias selmore#wouldnt surprise me if casey has never trusted to emotionally open up to anyone ever again when its her own family treating her like that#in her entire life casey is close to only 4 ppl but they are either:#1) her sister who historically sucks#2) bestie no. 1 who is almost always swarmed with work#3) bestie no. 2 who once again gave her trust and abandonment issues#4) bestie no. 3 who is not even a human but an automaton also learning how to deal with her own emotions#not to mention to maintain her reputation as a renowned detective she must have been neglecting her own emotional needs#casey selmore my beloved just because you dont look at it doesnt mean it is not there#casey tryna brush off her emotions after the memory storming and seek to solve the problem logically like a thinker she is but#she didnt realise that she was just delaying the inevitable and so the basara arc hit her like a truck + left her bedridden for a month 💀#caseys apologies to ludger only really solved the problem on logical terms#but there is never any emotional closure between them bc they are both painfully emotionally constipated so back to suffering we go 💀💀💀#lesson learnt from ludgercasey angst galore: stop trying to solve emotional problems with logics
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okay people I need everyone to drop everything now and LOOK AT MY DARLING MARI OMG, Hadley @supermarine-silvally was kind enough to make me art of Mari and I Have Not Stopped fangirling over it since they sent it to me. this is my new roman empire now (as if I need another reason to go feral over Mari)
check under the cut for a surprise 🤭 minor spoilers for Wano, but it’s just one line tbh
"Bepo, don't touch that! It's not done yet!"
The polar bear hung his head as he drew his paw back from the half-finished cannon, "Sorry."
"Don't apologize!" Penguin chastised, the penguin charm on his cap shaking in tandem with his head.
"Yeah!" Added Shachi, tossing a dirty look at Kenji, who raised his arms in surrender, "We're all on the same level here, so don't order us around like you're higher than us, Strawhat!"
"Aren’t you bossing us around right now?"
As the Strawhats -- mostly Franky and Chopper -- and the Hearts started to argue, a huff of laughter diverted the two crewmates’ attention to the last crew’s second-in-command. Killer had his arms crossed in front of his chest, mask covering his face as always; Kenji didn't make a complaint as the blond-haired man shoved through the throng of people and wrapped a muscular arm around his shoulder.
"Pretty sure Kenji knows his stuff better than you, Heart. So listen to him on this."
"Stop ordering us around!"
Chaos descended back on the Sunny as the crews, now three rather than two, shot insults and jabs at each other. Under the deck, the captains exchanged glances at the ruckus.
"Your crew’s done something again, Strawhat."
"Why me? It’s probably Jaggy's fault!"
The redhead threw a spoon at Luffy while spewing a stream of insults. Sighing, Law raised a hand to tug on his hat, only to remember that the top of his head was empty. Kid’s head was similarly void of his usual headgear, something Luffy didn’t hesitate to point out as soon as he stepped into the room.
"Jaggy! Your hair looks good without your goggles!"
Kid snapped his head in Luffy's direction. The blue hairband holding his hair back was distinctly not a part of the captain's wardrobe. Indeed, the accessory stood out among the reds and blacks that Kid favored like how Law's lack of his cap also drew Luffy's attention as soon as he saw the doctor.
"Did I miss something? Why are you not wearing your hat, Tra-guy?"
Behind him, Kid made a sound that was a mixture of a scoff and a snicker, "Yeah Doctor, where's your hat?"
With a glance at the hair accessory perched on the redhead, Law’s mouth twitched slightly, "You know perfectly well where it is."
Up on the deck, the Heart, Strawhat, and Kid pirates had each taken up a corner of the ship. Arguing about everything from whose captain was the strongest, to which crew had the greatest feats; Zoro looked ready to draw his swords and dice up the next human (or mink) who said Law was the best out of the three captains, and Kenji just seemed flattered that he managed to start such a debate.
That was, until Mari slid down from the crow's nest.
"Brook," she started, striding across the wooden floor with soundless steps, "It's your turn to keep watch, my shift's done."
The skeleton opened his mouth, but only the clack of his jawbone falling to the floor came out. Bepo, Penguin, and Shachi had identical looks of shock on their faces; even Killer seemed surprised behind his mask.
Mari's forehead furrowed as she took in their expressions, "What?"
"Mari," Kenji said from his place next to the Kid Pirates’ second-in-command, "What's that on your head?"
Reaching up, Mari repeated her crewmate's question with a confused look, her eyes widened for a fraction of a second as she registered exactly what sat on her head, then her face returned to her usual expression of boredom.
"A cap."
"Just a cap?" asked Kenji, smile too wide for it to be normal. Mari’s eyes narrowed at him, but he didn't seem to be fazed by her as she answered simply:
"And some goggles."
Kenji nodded sagely, turning around to tap Killer on the shoulder, "Kill, don't you think my crewmate's new goggles look familiar?"
The blond man nodded back just as gravely, the gravity of his stance offset by a few gasps of laughter escaping him as he observed, "I've certainly seen it somewhere."
"Captain's cap?!"
"Are those Kid’s googles?!"
"Has anyone seen my jaw?!"
Numerous pairs of eyes turned around to look at Brook.
"Ah, here it is! Thank you, Robin."
Robin’s arm replied with a thumbs up.
"Ah-ah," said Kenji, bringing the attention back to the woman about to leave the deck, "where do you think you’re going, young lady?"
"I’m two years older than you."
"Barely two years older than me."
"Still counts."
"On paper maybe, but --"
"Why do you have Captain’s hat?!" Demanded Bepo, flanked by Penguin and Shachi, who were both glaring at Mari under the shades of their own hats, "You stole it, didn’t you!"
Removing her hand from the doorknob, Mari sighed softly and tugged at the spotted brim of the hat, "Your captain gave it to me."
"Did Kid also give you his goggles?" Came the question from Wire.
"He shoved them in my face and stomped off."
"Sounds like him," Heat muttered, getting a chorus of agreements from his crew.
The Heart Pirates, on the contrary, weren’t so easily convinced, "Why would our captain give anything to a Strawhat?"
Mari shrugged in response, tucking a hand behind her back as the other one started to open the door leading down into the interior of the Sunny, "He doesn’t explain things to me. And if that’s all, I’m going to finish my chores."
"I’ll come with," Sanji piped up, pushing his way through the throng to follow his crewmate, "it’s time to get started on dinner anyways."
The door swung shut behind the two.
Kenji held his hand out to Killer, who sighed and rummaged in his pockets for a wad of Berry, which he placed in the other man’s waiting palm. Brook, now with his jawbone, coughed awkwardly and moved to the crow’s nest to keep watch. Bepo, Penguin, and Shachi were still muttering and casting furtive glances at where Mari had left the deck. And for a moment, there was only the sound of waves lapping against the sides on the ship.
In the kitchen, Mari was silent as she chopped up the vegetables into small cubes; Sanji was the same while he grinded herbs and spices into a paste -- until he put down his pestle and asked:
"Is Kid wearing your hairband?"
Her knife suspended in midair, Mari glanced over at the blond, a small smirk growing on her face as she nodded.
the enabler's call: @arrthurpendragon @starcrossedjedis @auxiliarydetective @daughter-of-melpomene @bibaybe @supermarine-silvally @fakedatings -- want to be added? shoot me an ask!!
#ugh my writing has gotten so bad I am sorry to everyone that reads it#tho tbf this is the first full something I've written in a while#this takes place in an alt universe bc there is no feasible way this could work in the current version of aim for the sun#an au where Mari doesn’t have abandonment issues and is more assertive right off the bat#I see Franky and Chopper ready to throw hands (and hooves) when cool bro Kenji gets snapped at#even tho it still feels a bit ooc to me#Kenji and Killer know what's up with Midlaw and Midlaw hates them for it#that is the same for the main story#(they definitely coined the ship name Midlaw in-universe#bc the three of them are mid af#anyhow thank you sm again to Hadley for making both arts!!#i love them if you can’t tell yet aksjaksj#oc: marionette mari#oc: himura kenji#ship: midlaw#otp: the metal strings of death#with a hint of#ship: keller#no otp title for them yet#alvita's writing#fyeahonepieceocs
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just going to keep this au tucked into the back of my mind for the rest of the show btw. doctor who if his companions literally would not leave him alone. he keeps getting new companions and they’re just. integrated into the tardis family. bonding over how much they all love this weird pathetic spaceman who has enriched and/or ruined their lives.
#even funnier if the doctor regenerates and tentoo does not so theyre just perpetually stuck with angsty david tennant alongside whatever#doctor is flying the ship at the time#they’ll like. leave and do normal life stuff every once in a while.#the doctor internally going both ‘oh good theyre returning to their lives 🙂’ and ‘THEYRE ABANDONING ME 😭’ because he has issues#and then another companion will hijack the tardis to pick them up again because the doctor is trying to avoid it ‘for their own good’#the doctor tries to leave them all behind when they all go to donna’s wedding and is thwarted by luke smith (also invited to wedding because#donna and sarah jane are friends now and luke eventually starts living parttime on the tardis like sarah jane does (sarah jane i can see#going back home the most. but still never leaving the doctor alone lmao.) and anyway luke got overstimulated at the wedding and hid in the#tardis to calm down (sarah jane told him that was okay 🥺) and then the doctor tries to??? fucking leave everyone??? (<- having a crisis)#and twenty minutes later luke has commandeered the tardis back to the wedding and the doctor is getting an earful from both donna (‘YOU RAN#AWAY FROM MY WEDDING???? MY WEDDING????’) and sarah jane (‘YOU KIDNAPPED MY SON???’)#i got off track here talking about donnas wedding my point was that i think it would be funny if this stupid alien man’s family just keeps#growing and growing and he cant do shit about it.#sometimes the master is also there when she’s on good behavior and she makes fun of him for it soooo much. loser cant keep his humans off#his tardis.#tardis family au
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I freaking love your au and your latest comic because MAN
I FELT THOSE LAST WORDS AND I WAS LIKE "OH FUCK"
First panel was already a bit unsettling itself - like you get it's just intimate manners as you do as a couple but he felt so possessive already and
Sunny's inner thoughts
I'm sure 100% his abandonment anxiety will increase drastically the more he stays with nick and honestly slay
I mean it's kinda obvious
But like I felt that
Yeah
Nick is unhinged
Nick is crazy
Y'all are gay for him
Good 😵💥
Sunny has soooo many issues. So many of them. He's so vulnerable and he makes himself vulnerable to Nick while still being intimidated by him, it's... Dude's got some problems.
#ive talked about mental illness and nick before but not sunny...#well. only a bit. ive said sunny's autistic#but he's also got other problems-- such as abandonment issues as you said#sunny's very insecure in relationships - partly because he has a very limited experience with them#and partly because he has self image issues.#when you grow up as an undiagnosed autistic kid you tend to be very aware you're different while not knowing how to change it#everyone thinks and says you're weird but you have no idea what's weird about you so you can't even try to fit in#a friend of mine told me once that she thought i was so brave for not being scared of being different in middle school#i wasn't. i wasn't brave. i just had no idea why people thought i was weird#sunny in this au knows how deeply different he is from other people but he doesn't know /what/ makes him different or how to change it#and as a result he just doesn't open up very much. he's very reserved and doesnt talk to many people. he has like two friends total#which also conviently makes him easy for nick to isolate#sunny also has bpd! and he gets deeply attached to people who show him any kind of affection very easily#as i mentioned before he also tends to fall for people who intimidate or scare him -- people he sees as mentally superior to him#his self image is constantly oscilliating between 'im the greatest person to have ever lived' and 'im the worst thing to have ever existed'#he's extremely unstable. he has mood swings. he gets obsessive easily. he seeks out relationships with mostly toxic or older people#he doesn't have a good support system. he's socially anxious and an introvert. he's openly trans. most people think he's weird.#he has no stable sense of self. he has panic attacks. he's both hypervigilant and oblivious to lies and attempts at manipulation#all of this makes him a very easy target for someone like nick.#at least- at /least/-- nick genuinely loves him.#ask#tosteur-gluteal#rant#arsenic#i start talking about psychology and i get lost. my apologies
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instead of grinding for finals i lost hours to a one piece wiki spiral
#IT ALL STARTED...WITH CP9S INDEPENDENT REPORT#in the most predictable fashion. ive yet again fallen for the “dangerous murder bot villains are actually a found family and genuinely care#for one another“#PLSSS THE WAY THEY ALL WORKED SO HARD TO EARN THE MONEY TO TREAT LUCCI#thinking so hard about how they are one collecfive unit. they move together they work travel live thrive together#giggled so hard at kaku giraffe slide#SOEAKING OF WHICH I JUST LEARNED KAKU IS THE YOUNGEST OUT OF CP9#HE WAS 18 WHEN THEY PLANTED HIM AND THE OTHERS IN WATER 7#im not ok im ripping my pillow to shreds punchjng the wall screaming shaking good GOD DJFJ#KALIFAS DAD WAS IN THE PREV GEN OF CP9????? SO SHES RRALLY BEEN THERE THROUGH IT ALL#thinking about lucci and jabra and blueno trio...#yes i originally was devastated to discover my favourite shipwrifjts were actually undercover government assassins but like#the found family.....maybe not found family but FORGED FAMILY THEY MADE IT WORK#i still think it's so silly that. kaku is the youngest but hes second ij terms od power and he speaks like an old man#in my ideal world cp9 brutally murders spandam and they live their best lives after doijg whatever#attention span for stats and cs??? nonexistent#but yea sure i can spend 2 hours memorizing the key detaisl from the wiki entries of all cp9 agents and making a chart and timeline#maybe this is a sign...that i need to fix this before it causes bigger issues#rambling about stuff#wait omg no last thought is how when all the cp9 members reunite after 5 years and firsg thing they do is immediately check their doriki#and jabras upset by how both lucci ajd kakus are higher than his now but then u think about how hes the oldest in their group#heck five years ago when they were sent off to water 7 those two were 23 and FUCKIJG 18 YEARS OLD#OF COURSE HES UPSET THESE TWO FUCKING KIDS ARE STRONGEE THAN HIM#who holds seniority over them. im actually devastated and extremely entertained#the last time u see the youngest of your group hes some 18 year old kid you could best in a spar. maybe even leave some words of wisdom for#then he goes and leanrs how to build ships for 5 years and comes back stronger than u#they are a family to me... HE COULD HAVE ABANDONED TJEM?!?! THEM ALL HAD THE CHOICE OF LEAVING THE OTHERS BEHIND TO SAVE THEMSELVES#BUT THEY DIDNT. HE STILL GAVE KALIFA HIS SHIRT AND CARRIED KAKU ON HIS BACK ALL THE WAY TO ST POPLAR#biting my hands hitting the wall scratchijg the floors screaming shakijg not normal about these guys#THE WAY JABRA HAS A PET CHICKEN TO COUJTER HATTORI
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.
#im probably gonna be spending a lot of my life mourning my sisters and my relationship#we were so close but now we dont really talk outside of gatherings#i dunno#we're both living our own lives and it takes two to be distant#theres a lot of things i hate about her and its probably mostly stuff that hits my own insecurities#i used to come to her with all kinds of things#now its like she doesnt respond to my lil reachings out so like i dunno#we work for the same fucking college for fucks sake#im prolly always gonna resent her for applying and moving here without telling me and just having me hear second hand#like yes im not blameless but also like fuck her#i continue to prove i dont need her but also i miss her#we only hurt each other when we do talk#the fact my old coworker reminded me of her so much was probably part of why i hated her so bad#fuck people who think theyre better than me (read people i think are better than me)#my mom called today and thats whats got me thinking like this#im great#people love me#im loved#honestly my familys where i get all my abandonment issues#im better off without all of them but by god if thats gonna stop me from like feeling the ache of their absence like a phantom limb
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Cannot sleep :/
#just pav things#lying awake here with Inigo meta thoughts#specifically the nuances of why he never intervened when Archie and Dism were fighting#He is torn between these two ideas of reality— whether Archie is dead or alive. That is true.#But eventually the latter idea takes more of a foothold; which is just a recipe for mental disarray#It’s a break from the comfortable cycle of self-hatred and destruction. So this new thought has to be counteracted to maintain inertia#So as I understand it he’s now caught on those lingering feelings of abandonment that Archie has left him with. and he is Not Happy.#Because just as he interpreted himself as being a replacement for Dism#He’s interpreting Archie and his little motley crew as a further refusal to move on from the past#And because Inigo acts on impulse (as seen best with the 💥 arm getting blown off) he’s using that momentary anger#to distract himself from the core issue as he lashes out ✨#He’s kind of a hypocrite that one. Stresses the importance of embracing unpleasant memories as a fundamental part of your character#(To the point of berating Idyllia for going the total memory wipe route instead)#but he is ALSO an escapist at heart. Neither of them want their definition of pain so they both have terrible routines to try avoiding it ✌#I’m sorry if this made no sense Dolphin I will probably do a retake with more braincells in the next few days#You know I’ve been analysing the design of this kindergarten in sydney for VCD#It’s called Nubo. Now I’ve always had a fondness for Scandinavian aesthetics but this is PEAK#So I went down a research rabbit hole and I came out of it with a clear concept for what Amonea Montessori School should feel like!#It’s this sort of cross-concept between stereotypical Australian architecture and hygge#Those oak panels and muted colours and glass everywhere#And I can carry through to an overall unique visual identity for Amonea#After all Byrgir should feel similarly detached from Earth in it’s own subtle ways#Tapping more into solarpunk and that overall comforting feeling for Amonea in particular~#I’m so happy :D
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Alhaitham has one HELLUVA sweet tooth, send tweet-
#hc; alhaitham#//Low key is just as bad as Furina and Nahida about sweet; he just hides it better#//Tends to forget himself and overdo it when he has an abundance of sweets#//Whixh is why he actually dislikes events where he has a lot of sweets at his disposal#//Loves the fact that so many are available; knows for a Fact he will be facing tummy issues later#//Unless he drags Kaveh along bc Kaveh will chide his ear off abt restraint#//But also bring home with them every sweet treat he wanted so he can indulge in measure LATER#//Tended to get tummy issues a LOT after his and Kaveh’s fallout#//Sweets gave him the happy chemical after That time; esp since he took it quite hard#//He loves chocolates loads; but he especially loves Candied fruits#//His grandmother always spoiled him with some; making them for him herself#//He knows how to make them too; but wouldn’t usually go through the effort#//Both in his own whim; but also bc making the candied fruits reminds him of his grandmother#//And he’ll abandon the process partway through#//Whenever he gets gifts from Akademiya folks that have lots of sweets; he tends to shove them away at his desk#//Works half the time; already eats half the candies given by the time he can take them home
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on Meowdred and his gender/sexuality because I saw a WoLQotD on Twitter and it's interesting:
Meowdred had the fortune of growing up around a lot of trans/nb people or those who eventually discovered themselves to be trans/nb or otherwise non-conforming to even the loose societal expectations of Dirt Poor Bastards Living in Port City. So he got to ask the question of whether he felt the same early, and got the answer early that he was comfortable with the way his gender identity matched with his physical body.
The whole being aro/ace was more nebulous because there was no point of reference for Mordred to even think about the concept. He just knew that he didn't feel the kind of craving others seemed to have of sex, or even the loneliness that drove some friends to have 3 lovers in the span of 2 weeks. Yeah, he's kissed a guy...and a girl...and a non-binary person. It was nice, and a bit awkward, and Mordred decided to take the fact that he felt no urge to pursue a follow-up at face value.
Nowadays he's like... "I'll try and meet you in the middle of our attraction if it is mutual and if I care about you, whatever it is, but there will be no point in our relationship -- of whatever nature it is -- where I cease to be myself."
It had been both a point of appreciation and consternation with others in his previous, and current, relationships. Mordred would be incredibly upfront about his limits and hard lines, and didn't tolerate attempts at coercion or manipulation to get those hard lines to change.
But those were sweeping, hard lines drawn in the earth. For the little things, a hundred thousand compromises and small negotiations of space and however many moments of inconvenience and discomfort Mordred needed to go through, to make his friends happy? Yeah, he'd do them. The favors, the hours trekking through the rain to get them something they like, the conversations he didn't really enjoy but knew Alphinaud did.
For all that Mordred didn't experience sexual or romantic attraction, he's very clear-minded when it comes to knowing how relationships work for him, and how he can make his side of a connection work for others. Relationships, after all, aren't inherently transactional. Nor are they about feeling comfort in each individual moment. Rather they're a balance of intuition, attention, and care; if the small things inconveniences and disagreements suffered are towards a net-positive, then he would suffer them all, and be glad that there was someone he loved enough to make all this worthwhile.
But this was wisdom Mordred could never put into words. He wasn't very good with words. He could only live it, and sincerely hope that his friends understood the value he placed in those friendships, and the reason why he would keep choosing them.
#meowdred surana#meowdred emotional intelligence: 100#actually in most categories his intelligence is high. he's just a cat. dats all he canot change dis#theres very little uncertainty when it comes to ANY relationship or ANY aspect of it where mordred's involved. theodore [anxiety depression#[abandonment issues also lol] could love him for just that much#also it helps that because meowdred was never swept up in the romantics of any friendship#when things inevitably started going pear shaped he pulled out the 'we are arguing because we're upset and i also want to yell'#'but i want to reiterate that our friendship is important to me#i have chosen you and i will keep choosing you and i hope we can agree on this much#and what choice does theodore have when faced with all that sincerity except to say: yes. i do.#and from there they could both stop shouting and state their actual problems#mordred always starts an argument w/ theodore with: we are doing this because we care about each other#like verbally. a reminder#and surprise surprise they bicker but they don't actually fight a lot these days
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