#when i was a kid if me or one of my siblings had ribs showing that meant we were allowed to eat more
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wait people *want* a small ribcage?? Mine is small but I've always wanted a bigger one
#literally its so small that if i move in a certain way my lungs cant expand and i therefore cant breath#idk if small is the right word bc i dont think its supposed to naturally be like this#i think underdeveloped would be more accurate#god i wish i grew normally i wonder what i would look like and how i would feel#also having a small ribcage means my ribs aren't visible at all until im very very underweight#which is like the body part that ive always beeen fixated on because when i was a kid#when i was a kid if me or one of my siblings had ribs showing that meant we were allowed to eat more#and i very much fantasized about being allowed to eat more#god that sounds so fucked up now. so glad im not in the miserable house anymore
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Destined - Part 0
Warnings: Cheating, mentions of death
The rain poured as I stared out the window. It had been almost two weeks since I had seen Wanda and about a month since my sister had sacrificed herself for a stone.
When I came back from the blip it felt like seconds had passed but really it had been five years. In those five years my sister was alone. Grieving my loss. Then when I came back and found out she was gone I was grieving hers. It seemed as if neither of us could ever get a happy ending.
Being devastated by the loss my immediate thought was Wanda. Was she okay? Where is she? But I knew it all had to wait for after the battle against Thanos. I saw Wanda many times on the battlefield and tried to go to her but each time she would move away from me.
After the battle I sat in front of Tony Stark. The many who had been like another sibling to me for years. He was gone. I held Peter's crying figures in my arms that day as he cried for his mentor. Yet another family member had been taken from both of us.
Tony’s funeral is the last time I’ve seen Wanda. The last time I held her in my arms and the last time I was held in hers. I was told she stole Vision's body and had taken over a town called Westview to create her Perfect family.
I was devastated at hearing this. First my sister dies, then Tony, and now Wanda has run off with the corpse of a man she had always reassured me she never liked.
So I moved. I stayed in the compound as I couldn’t bring myself to leave. Natasha's room had become a safe haven along with the gray tabby.. A little gray tabby that enjoyed cuddles. Cinder was her name and she was the one thing that was currently keeping me grounded.
That was until Wanda came bursting through my front door with rain dripping down her body. A Pained expression on her face as she held her side. We both said nothing as I moved to quickly inspect her injury and when I saw it was just a couple of bruised ribs I let out a sigh of relief.
She was the one that talked first. She told me of Westview and how a woman named Agatha Harkness came for her magic and that's how she got the bruises. She told me of her boys, Tommy and Billy, and how they were the perfect kids. I listened silently as my ex Fiance told me all about the fantasy life she had created with a Robot. And I said nothing as she told me that she missed me. Nothing as she told me why she did it. And once again Nothing as she told me of the countless nights she spent with the man I had always been insecure about.
“So I just came to say that it would work out better if you stopped loving me. I’ve done so many things to hurt you. I cheated on you for two years. So please forget me.”
“So I'm not allowed to love you anymore?” I asked with my head turned away from wanda. Ever since Westview was created and she chose vision instead of me we had been arguing non stop.
“That's not what I'm saying!” I look at Wanda with a stone face not wanting to show her how much she's hurting me.
“Really? Because I believe the words ‘it would work out better if you stopped loving me’ mean that.” Wanda looks at me annoyed before she speaks
“I'm just saying it would be easier”
“For who? Me or you” the silence from wanda is all the information I need. With a scoff I pick up my bag before walking to the front door.
“Knowing that you chose a robot over your fiance really says a lot about you Wanda. You created a whole life with someone you had claimed to barely know while I was grieving the death of my sister. And when it all came crashing down you run back to me. I don't want that. I don't want you. I stopped loving you as soon as you ran into his arms” as i exited the place that had once been my home the tears had finally started to fall. Although they weren't out of sadness.
I was free. Finally free…or that's what I thought 4 months ago.
Until suddenly Wanda was trying to kill a child for her magic. Until Dr. Strange came to my door asking for help. And Until I found out our destinies would forever be linked.
Taglist: @alexawynters @username23345 @casquinhaa
#wanda maximoff#wanda maximoff x female reader#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda maximoff x you#dark wanda maximoff#marvel#wanda maximoff x fem reader#wanda maximoff smut#wanda maximoff x reader smut#mcu wanda maximoff#scarlett witch#scarlet witch x reader#wanda x fem reader#wandavision#wanda x y/n#wanda x you#wanda x reader#wanda mom#wanda maximoff mom#mom wanda#mcu wanda#wanda mcu#avengers wanda#avengers#wanda avengers#mcu#marvel wanda#wanda marvel#wanda maximoff marvel#natasha romanoff x reader
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Unsteady: Dad!Jake Sully
Avatar Masterlist
word count: 930
request: Can you please do a Dad! Jake x female! Reader (platonic) where Y/n goes missing and Jake finds her fatally injured?
Your dad was getting worried by the minute he didn't see you, you were supposed to be home by eclipse and every one of your siblings had returned except for you, which was unlike you because you were always home or near home by eclipse.
"Dad! Tsierya said that those girls who had been giving y/n a hard time took her to the middle of the reef and left her there without Ilu or any of her weapons." Lo'ak said immediately making Jake panic.
"I can show you where they took her." Tonowari said as they both headed into the waters and towards their skwimwings.
Meanwhile, you were on some island unsure of what way to get home, trying to figure out what had attacked in the water. You were sitting against a tree clutching your side wondering if any of your family knew you were missing or not, praying to Eywa that someone finds you soon.
Jake felt his blood turn cold seeing fresh blood in the water as they reached the reef, he prayed that he wasn't too late and that by some miracle you were still alive and not floating at the bottom of the ocean. He started calling out your name in hopes that you would answer him back, and it was like his prayers were heard.
"Da-Da-Dad is that you?" You said over the comms.
"It's me where are you, angel?" He asked.
"There's an island about.....South of the reef....but hurry im bleeding." You said making Jake and Tonowari shared a look.
They arrived on the island and found you sitting there clutching your side, your dad slowly lifted your hand and saw a big gash near your ribs.
"She should be fine, one of the animals felt threatened probably from the girls coming out here and she got the receiving end of it." Tonowari said as Jake nodded.
"Dad is that you?" You asked tiredly.
"Yeah, it's me, angel." He said tying a makeshift bandage around your side.
"I knew you come." You said with a tired smile.
"You know I Always will. we're gonna get some help. I just need you to hang on okay?" He asked gently picking you up as you nodded your head.
You let out a whine of pain when got on his swimwing, making his heartbreak as they headed home. By the time you guys got home, you were out cold and Jake climbed off of his skwimwing and headed for the healer's tent.
"Y/n! my child!" Your mother yelled seeing all the blood walking alongside your father.
"What happened to her?" She asked concerned.
"One of the animals out in the reef attacked her, she should be fine." Tonowari said as you dad laid you down on the bed in Ronal's tent.
"He's right. She will make it, she probably passed out from the adrenaline from fighting." Ronal said as your parents let out a sigh of relief.
Your parents watched as Ronal healed you up and your dad noticed your mom was falling asleep, so he lightly nudged her.
"Go get some rest with the kids, I'll stay with her." Your dad said as your mom nodded her head before kissing him goodnight and heading to y'all's mauri.
"She needs to be on bed rest for the next two weeks, the bite was pretty deep and any unnecessary movement will rip the stitches out and she will need to take these to help with the pain." Ronal said handing your dad some medicine.
"Thank you. Thank you both for helping her." He said holding your hand.
"Your welcome and don't worry the girl's responsible for this will be held accountable." Tonowari said as Jake thanked him.
"Thank you, great mother." Your dad whispered quietly placing a kiss to your forehead.
A few hours later your dad felt your stirring around and slowly open your eyes. You were confused as to where you were for a minute because the last thing you remembered was your dad and Tonowari arriving at the island.
"Where am I?" You asked.
"You are in the healer's tent. How are you feeling angel?" Your dad asked.
"Alright. How bad was the bite?" You asked.
"Pretty bad, but you survived, just gotta stay on bed rest for the next two weeks until the stitches come out." He said as you nodded.
"Dad, do you think you can help me sit up please?" You asked as he nodded his head before helping you up.
"Sweetheart, what did you mean at the island when said you knew I would come?" He asked you.
"I was scared and thought no one would find me out there before it was too late. I thought I was gonna die out there daddy." You said quietly.
"I would never let that happen. I'm always gonna protect you sweetheart no matter what." He said hugging you and placing a kiss on your forehead.
He felt you hug him a little tighter as the sobs ripped through your body, so he quietly pulled you closer to him and rocked you back and forth trying to soothe you.
"I love you, daddy." You said quietly.
"I love you too sweetheart. Also just to warn you, your mom was a wreck is probably never gonna let you out of her sight." He said making you laugh.
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Tickletober day #9: Lie
Based on this piece of art by the wonderful and amazing @fluffyweeby Tysm for allowing me to write this, and I hope I do these boys justice :3
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Jason x Damian (PLATONIC)
Lee: Damian
Ler: Jason
Warnings: Tickles! Sibling bonding :3
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A little bird (also known as Tim) had told Jason that Damian was allegedly ticklish.
"Pfft, no way" was what Red Hood thought at first, but the possibility of it still lingered in his mind. I mean, how cute and funny would it be if Damian of all people started squealing like a kid? I mean, he was a kid after all. If anything, he'd be doing him a favor.
Being as nonchalant as he was, Jason went with the most straightforward approach possible. "Hey Dami, are you ticklish?"
"No, don't ask stupid questions Todd" the younger one deadpaned in his usual harsh tone. But you gotta remember, this is a family of detectives. It wasn't hard for Jason to notice the way Damian avoided eye contact and the slightest drop of sweat forming on his forehead. He practically gave himself away, but the fun is seeing it for yourself.
"Not ticklish at all? So really nothing, huh?" Jason had approached the younger male, his hands instantly latching onto Robin's sides.
"Mhmmmm—" Damian had to bite down on his lip to prevent any sound to come out. He'd be damned if the superior Robin got taken down with mere tickles, not like he was ticklish though...
"So if I were to tickle here or here you wouldn't laugh?~" Jason's amused smirk grew wider as he experimented on different spots, prodding at his ribs, fluttering his fingers under his arms, even reaching up to the youngling's neck. Although he didn't get a proper reaction yet, watching Damian struggling to keep his composure was a joy in it's own.
"N-nope! Cause I'm not tiHIcklish!" Damian's hands instantly flew up to cover his mouth when his voice raised in pitch. It seemed that Jason had snuck his hands down and gave a surprise squeeze to his hips.
The ex-assasin shot a glare up at his older brother "Todd, I swear—"
"Yeah yeah, swear all you want~" Jason retored teasingly as he continued to knead his fingers along the sensitive waist.
"HNGH!" Damian doubled over, his hands clutching around his stomach for dear life. His face transitioning through all the red colors imaginable.
"C'mon, baby bird. Can't hold it in forever~" Jason managed to pick up the shorter male with ease, swinging him over his shoulder.
"Gah! Unhand me right now!" Damian tried kicking and punching his way out, but Jason was too resilient.
"Not yet, I still got another spot to test out~" Jason gave a squeeze to Damian's knee, testing out the waters. Once he felt a sharp gasp escape his younger brother, he knew he had hit the jackpot.
"W-wait! bwAHAHAHAHA! TOHOHODD, LET ME GOHOHO!" Damian squealed and thrashed around Jason's hold, trying so hard to break free. Alas, his big bro could be just as stubborn as him.
"Woah! Who knew that you could laugh so cutely?~" Jason kept wriggling his fingers along the soft spot behind his knees, sending Damian into a fit of hysterics.
"I-IHIHI'LL KILL YOHOU! GAHAHAHAHA!"
"Whatever you say, kid" threats aside, it was pretty cute seeing his baby bro acting like a kid for once. Not that Jason would admit that out loud.
Once Damian started hiccuping through his laughter, Jason decided to show a bit of mercy and put him back down. The young Robin instantly sucked in as much air as he could, his cheeks were still all flushed and he was desperately trying to fight back the leftover smile.
"I... *hic* I will have my revenge..." he declared before storming out of the room, classic Damian.
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IM SORRY IF THIS IS ASS IM TRYING OK?! THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING THEM AND IM AIDHAKRHKSHRKSHE
#augtickletober2023#tickletober2023#batman wayne family adventures#bwfa tickle#bwfa tickle fic#tickle fic#jason todd#damian wayne#ler!jason#lee!damian
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i genuinely wonder if people’s issue with Dennis “winning” at the end of DTAMHD might be influenced by Goes Bowling. like, if the order had been reversed or if they just saw the episode in a vacuum there wouldn’t be this want for Dennis to actually fail at lowering his blood pressure. which inherently assumes that Dennis breaking every bone in his hand doesn’t negate him “winning” but no one being there to see Dee actually win at bowling negates her achievement. which is a different but still important can of worms.
if anything, the lyrics of Listen To Your Heart make it more clear that the most fitting outcome of this episode is Dennis succeeding in lowering his blood pressure.
and in general i thoroughly enjoy when the gang “wins” and i hope small good things continue to be peppered in for them cuz it takes some of the weight off of the whole ‘they can never truly get better or make real progress because this is a sitcom with the premise of them being shitty people so that wouldn’t be funny’ or whatever. their “wins” lighten the existential dread that comes from seeing this group of friends get worse over the course of 18 years. Inspires hope even.
(sorry for just dropping this here i just figured you might have some better/additional thoughts on this than what i have)
I definitely agree, that's a huge part of it, I started seeing the complaint pop up frequently after bowling (which I think is a 10/10 episode lol) and it got worse after DTAMHD aired and personally I just. disagree. with the reasoning for both eps. I think people are overly sensitive about Dee not "winning" in that episode because it's very specifically tied to Dennis saying that women are inferior to men, which is fair, but I also don't think it's that deep. It feels like... extremely typical childish sibling rivalry to me. Just because Dennis' "villainy" is cranked up to 11 doesn't mean what he's actually doing is really....... that bad. I've done the same shit to my sibling, and they've done the same to me while bowling. The competition was never really about Dennis vs. Dee or men vs. women, it was about getting in Dee's head. Carrying on that same ribbing from when the twins were kids, but drenched in misogyny because Dennis is intentionally trying to discourage the ladies' team. I don't think Dee's accomplishment is negated because everyone left, it's a personal triumph, just like Dennis' in DTAMHD. She managed to succeed at something she had been unable to for decades, proved she was capable of breaking out of Den's mind games, which is also in-part due to her own lack of self confidence (fostered by Dennis and Barbara ofc), she just didn't care enough about that victory by the end for it to feel like one. Because it became about proving herself to Dennis instead of winning the actual game. Which is not unusual for the gang at all, The Gang Gets Invincible is a good example of the same exact thing happening. Dee does prove herself to be better than Mac and Dennis, but in the end it doesn't matter because as soon as she reveals she's a woman she shatters her fuckin' leg on that kick. No matter how far she gets by being genuinely good at something, she can't make it that last extra step because her focus turns to the wrong thing and it is ultimately what fucks her over. She is a legitimate threat to the guys in terms of skill, Dennis knows she's more than competent at bowling (hence the mind games employed by the guys' team instead of it being a fair competition, which they knew they couldn't manage), and she proved she was more physically capable than him at football too. like Gets Invincible she actually wins, it's just bittersweet, and it's not good enough for Dee. She proved herself, but external validation is what she was seeking, not that internal win where she knows she is capable of beating Den.
I absolutely 1000% think that mixing it up is important so that the show doesn't stagnate, become predictable, or you know. become plain unfunny because something is out of balance with the main cast, and I think DTAMHD aimed to fix Dennis' miserable ass that's been pulling down the show, especially because Glenn has mentioned he wants to play a happier Dennis (which is. good, actually, we very rarely see anything but straight man Dennis anymore, but we got a taste of it in Inflates BECAUSE I believe Den has been doing this emotional regulation trick across s16, and I don't think we would have been able to if not for that decision to have him actually "win" ie. change himself for the better). The gang's dynamic has shifted over time from being a group of jerks to a group of idiots with Dennis as their keeper, and I think the little changes in 16 were setting it up to shift that back to..... a group of jerks again. Like we all read in those early reviews that noticed the gang went a lot easier on Dee and didn't call her a bird five million times, that is one piece of it, Dennis trying not to explode in anger is another, Charlie showing he's actually quite competent is yet another, Mac not being a victim of Dennis but secretly the puppetmaster who has been playing dumb is another.
So yeah, I believe that the opposite of "the gang should be punished for doing something bad" should also be true. The gang should get to win because they Listened To Their Heart and made a positive change. They should get to have moments like the s15 finale, or King of the Rats where the gang does something nice and the episode just ends, there's no final gag, no twist, just us remembering why this group of weirdos is friends. But it doesn't need to be Carries a Corpse every time either. Dee can have a little win, Dennis can have a little win. They really aren't huge things, Den's is just heavily exaggerated because it was in his head, dramatized, and he accepted the small win wheras Dee did not.
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thinking thoughts about Billy and Max's relationship - specifically that Max needs as much of a sibling character growth arc as Billy does.
I've seen lots of fics examine the siblings' relationship and have Max's view on Billy suddenly shift once she finds out about Neil's abuse. Max develop a sudden well of empathy and understanding for Billy once she learns that his dad beats him. and honestly I enjoy that characterization and it's very much my cup of tea - but it's not what I expect from their canon portayals. I don't think Max would see the abuse in the same light as we do.
I've heard that Runaway Max makes it canon that Max knows - has literally watched - Neil beat Billy. and gone on the next day still hating him, and maybe even believing that Billy deserves it. that, horrifying as it is, seems a lot more realistic to me.
bear with me here: a story about me and my younger sibling to give perspective into my point about Billy and Max.
I've got a little brother. our family has lots of problems, but our relationship was never great as kids just cuz I didn't want anything to do with him. both of our parents are youngest siblings and I've been getting sat down for talks since I was a toddler about how he deserved a nice older sibling, and I ought to share all my toys with him and play with him whenever he wanted and be his best friend because that's all they ever wanted from their older siblings. and I resented that. I hated the unfairness of me being expected to cater to him because I was arbitrarily older.
so I wasn't particularly cruel, but I was certainly rude, and I did everything I could to make it clear that I didn't want anything to do with him. and he would go straight to our mom and say I was being mean - and I would get beaten, or lose meal privileges for a few days, or have everything taken out of my room and locked in there for a day or two.
I was in some kind of trouble all the way into middle school, and it made me really, really angry because I had never asked for a sibling. I wasn't mean, I didn't mess with his stuff, I didn't have problems with anyone else outside of the house. but because I was the older sibling, he got to hold all the cards and I could be nursing bruised ribs for weeks because he felt like telling our parents I refused to play lightsabers with him.
but as I headed into highschool he got a gang of friends and was happy to spend his time off with them, so he left me alone for the most part. I still wanted nothing to do with him but it was finally mutual, and I mostly got a break.
here is where it ties into Billy and Max.
when he was twelve, we started going to this little hick cowboy church. I had always been a people person and super popular with adults and peers alike, but I was also super into literature at that stage of life and developing some nasty mobility disabilities, and I started being bullied very badly by the people there for wanting to hang inside and read instead of playing football, volleyball, etc. outside with them. they were VERY hick, man. demonize higher education, a man is out in the field, a woman is in the kitchen, hick.
and that became a very, very regular occurrence.
and one day at home, he waltzed into my room and started telling me at length how I was worthless and no one liked me or wanted me around and I should do everyone a favor and just disappear.
people love my brother, man. they did then, they do now. he works full time with kids, mentoring them and shit. he's good at it. he's not necessarily nice, he's always had a caustic brand of humor, but it's the kind people find hilarious. hell I find it hilarious. it's a lot like Max's in the show.
and you know what? when our mom dragged us to a dinner together years later, as adults, and whined about why we weren't close, I brought up the period in our lives where I was extremely suicidal (I attempted multiple times around then and they are well aware) and all the remarks he'd make. I pointed out that he'd never given me any form of apology, nor had he ever made an effort to build a relationship with me, so I saw no reason to reach out to him.
and he looked me dead in the eye and said he wasn't sorry, and it was my fault if I'd been that bothered by what he said.
that kid was raised from infancy being told that he had every right to demand my time and attention and walk past my boundaries. that kid heard from his friends that it sucked he was stuck with a loser for an older sibling. that kid saw every beating I took and every suicide attempt I made and all the health complications I have from childhood malnutrition and mistreatment as my own fault for not being a better older sibling - because that's what everyone fucking told him his whole life.
so. Max Mayfield.
I wanted to share all this with ye peeps of Tumblr because it seems like a lot of people have genuinely never come across a situation like I grew up in. that it isn't a perspective that's easy for other people to slide into.
most of what we know about Billy comes from Max's perspective of Billy. and where does Max's perspective of Billy come from?
consider every time she hears Neil tell him to be responsible. that he's wasting his life going to parties. that his music is trash. to be a real man. to show some respect.
we know that there's nothing wrong with metal music and teenagers party and that Neil's version of respect and responsibility is toxic as hell - but Max doesn't necessarily. Max knows that her new older brother is rude and always getting in trouble. Max knows that her parents say he should be nice to her and spend time with her and give her things and he doesn't.
we learned about Billy's abuse and saw him in a new light because we know there is nothing that warrants a minor being beaten. and we know the psychological impact being raised like that can have. and we can imagine how Billy could be if he was given a safe, healthy environment instead of the horror of a homelife he has in the show.
but as a kid in that household in the 1980s, Max doesn't. Max hears from her dad that Billy deserves it and sees from her mom that it's fine and hears from her friends that Billy is the worst.
and I just don't see Max realizing that it's horrible that Neil beats Billy. I see her doing things that'll get him in trouble anyway and thinking that he's an asshole so he probably deserves it.
and after the nailbat to the nuts, I think Billy backing off and their relationship stabilizing has less to do with him being scared of Max and more to do with her finally being willing to keep up her end of the status quo of completely ignoring each other, now that she has friends to fill her time with.
and most importantly - I don't think this makes Max an awful person. I think she's a product of her environment and I think she's a kid so she has very little control over that environment.
I think we, the fandom, like to go with the easy answer that of course Max's view of Billy will change once she learns of Neil's abuse because we don't want to think of Max as being the little sibling who will tell you to kill yourself and stand by it years later. she can say "sometimes I wished he was dead" and that's okay because she regrets it now, but I'm suggesting that if Billy hadn't died, Max wouldn't have regretted it.
and I think Max both needs and deserves a character arc of recognizing that her parents were wrong and their treatment of Billy wasn't okay and that she was wrong and her treatment of Billy wasn't okay, either.
I'm not blaming Max. I don't blame my little brother. when you're a kid and you have fucked up parents, you end up where you end up. but then, you have the chance and the responsibility to learn better and do better. and we explore that with Billy all the time, but to get Max from Point A to Point B, she has to go through all that too.
Billy hurt Max, but Max hurt Billy too. they were both kids. they both have to learn better.
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Cub Scouts Pinewood Derby Competition🤩
Oh my god Addison I am SO sorry for the wait, but thank you for the request!!
Sleek, Modern, Sexy
Words: 3.8k
Warnings: brief mention of a kinda nasty finger injury, the Blue Man Group
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“Sam,” Josh’s voice shook over the phone. “We did it. We won a Grammy.”
Sam was taking a nap when his phone broke him out of his slumbers and, while he had at first been groggy, he immediately snapped awake.
“You’re kidding,” was all he could manage to say.
“For Best Rock Album. We actually won.”
Sam sprung to his feet and raked a hand through his long hair in disbelief. Their EP had beat Weezer, Ghost, Fall Out Boy, and Alice In Chains. It didn’t feel real. In fact, Sam hadn’t felt such a gratifying sense of victory since nine years earlier.
He was about a foot and a half shorter, his hair was clipped above his ears, and, at that point, he had only touched his dad’s bass a handful of times. Instead of playing music with his brothers, he spent his days flipping through Marvel comics and, more importantly, designing his car for the Cub Scouts Pinewood Derby.
Despite his young age, Sam had established himself as a kid with a serious eye for engineering. It was most likely due to his father, Kelly, encouraging him to watch various Discovery Channel programs with him, and coming home with Lego kits, telling Sam to “go ham.” Sam’s creativity, logical reasoning, and handiwork made him a triple threat when it came to building a small, wooden car to race against his fellow Cub Scouts. He could hardly focus in school because he was too busy drawing blueprints and testing various models, hypothesizing which would be the fastest, or most aerodynamic.
A week before the competition was supposed to happen, Sam was ready to put his car together. His older brothers, Jake and Josh, took interest in his project and trailed him into the garage as he gathered his tools.
“I made a car for my troop,” Josh shared with Sam, hoping to impart some wisdom on his younger brother.
“It was a lousy car,” Jake reminded Josh. “You placed in dead last because you glued your tires to a block of wood without checking to make sure that they rotated. The stupid thing sat at the starting line.”
Josh frowned at Jake. “The whole point of this competition is to learn from your mistakes.”
“I bought a Hot Wheels car ten minutes beforehand because I forgot to make one and got disqualified,” Jake told Sam. “So the bar isn’t too high if you want to impress Mom and Dad.”
“I just want to make something I’m proud of,” Sam answered with a shrug. “But also I’m pretty sure I can win this thing,” he added. “The people in my troop aren’t the brightest.”
“I guess things haven’t changed that much since we were there, huh Josh?” Jake nudged his twin in the ribs, which earned him a smack on the arm in return. He rubbed his forming bruise and motioned towards Sam’s journal. “Is that your plan?”
“Uh huh,” Sam answered. He set his block of wood down and handed Jake the book. He would never say it to them upfront, but Sam really did want to impress his older brothers with his car. Earning their respect meant the world to him, and the fact that they had taken interest in his work was filling his heart with joy.
Jake scanned over the various sketches of Sam’s car and raised his eyebrows.
“This is detailed, Sammy. You really have been working hard on this.”
Josh grabbed the notebook from Jake and studied it as well.
“There’s notes in here about aerodynamics. How do you know what that is?”
“Dad showed me a documentary about how planes fly a few weeks ago. I thought it might make my car go faster too, with physics and all.”
“Dad and his science documentaries,” Jake rolled his eyes. “So, can I help you with the saw?”
Sam felt bad, but he had a specific plan in mind that he knew Jake couldn’t pull off. Plus, his parents had made it very clear to Sam that he and his siblings weren’t allowed to touch anything sharp. After Jake had sliced the tip of Sam’s thumb off a few years earlier, all of the Kiszka siblings were barred from putting their hands on any knives, saws, or other items that could cut.
“I have to wait for Dad,” he sternly told Jake. The last thing he wanted was to get in trouble with his parents or, even worse, have Jake cut his thumb off again. That had hurt pretty bad.
Jake looked like he wanted to protest, but Josh put a hand on his shoulder to stop him, and then pointed up the stairs at the main level of their house.
“I’ll go and grab the old man now so we can get this thing started.”
Sam wasn’t sure that he liked how Josh was referring to his project as a group effort, but he decided to let it slide since he was grateful that Josh was following his parent’s orders. It was rare that his brothers listened to their parents, especially since they had entered their teenage years.
Josh bound up the rickety wooden steps and threw open the door leading into their kitchen, disappearing from sight while calling out for their dad. Sam and Jake stood in silence for a few beats, but then Jake cleared his throat.
“Your design really does look good. Like, a lot better than the stuff I saw when Josh and I did the competition.”
“We’ll see how it turns out,” Sam mumbled, his cheeks flushing. Jake seemed to be uncomfortable with the silence lingering between them because he moved across the garage to retrieve a soccer ball that was sitting around. Sam tried to focus his attention back on his blueprint while Jake started to juggle the ball, his sneakers squeaking against the pavement.
Josh came back down a few minutes later with Kelly in tow, and the two joined Sam’s side.
“You’re in charge here, kiddo,” Kelly told Sam. “You let me know what you need, and I’ll give you a hand. But you’re in the driver’s seat.” Kelly couldn’t help but chuckle at his pun. “What’s first?”
“We have to rough cut my design,” Sam regained some of his confidence. He liked the feeling of being in charge and, more than that, holding his dad and Josh’s attention. Jake, on the other hand, was too preoccupied with his soccer ball at the other end of the garage. Kelly grabbed the block of wood Sam had been given by his Scoutmaster.
“Shave it down a bit?”
“Yeah, a lot thinner,” Sam said. He reached for his sketches and held them up to his dad to inspect. Kelly’s eyes scanned over Sam’s pencil drawings and he broke out into a smile.
“Sounds good,” he said as he carefully set the notebook back down.
Kelly let Sam wear a pair of safety goggles while he used his saw on the wood and instructed Jake and Josh to stand at least ten feet back. Jake had joined their side the second he saw Kelly bust out the saw, and looked visibly disappointed that he couldn’t move closer to see his dad cut the wood. While Kelly got to work, Sam looked over his shoulder a few times and grinned at his older brothers, who were both standing on their toes trying to get a better view. Sam had a front row seat though, and he remembered that he was the one in charge. He put that authority into practice when he noticed that his dad was being conservative with how much he shaved off.
“I want it to be light,” Sam told his dad. “Take off more.”
“You got it,” Kelly grunted.
When he was done, Kelly presented Sam with his altered block, which was cut down to a thin rectangle. Sam cradled the wood in his small hands and studied it, picturing how it would look when it was done. He was still feeling confident that his design was going to win.
“I need to sand it now,” Sam announced. This brought Jake and Josh closer to him, looking expectant that they would be asked to lend a hand. Sam wanted to be in charge of smoothing out certain edges of his car because he had to be very particular about it all, but he also wanted to make his brothers happy. “You can sand the tires,” he tried to delegate the work. “That will cut down on the friction.”
That was more than enough to satisfy Jake and Josh since they happily accepted some sand paper from Kelly and grabbed Sam’s tires.
“I didn’t realize you were supposed to do this,” Sam overheard Josh telling Jake.
“It wouldn’t have mattered for your car, considering your tires didn’t even work.”
“No need to keep bringing that up.”
Sam kept his goggles on because they made him feel official, and he settled at his dad’s work bench to focus on his work. He reasoned that his car needed to be curved slightly in the front and have its corners be softened. He had read a lot of books at the library about the fastest cars on the planet, and a lot of them followed a similar structure. Sam grabbed his sandpaper and got to work, rubbing it carefully against the wood while biting his lip in deep concentration.
“I think we’ve got the tires in good shape,” Jake joined Sam’s side while he finished shaving down the front of his car. Sam let out a short huff because he didn’t want to be distracted from his work, but he turned to look back at Jake, who was holding out the four black tires in his hand with a satisfied grin. Sam grabbed one of the tires and held it up to the lightbulb screwed into the wall above their dad’s bench to inspect their work.
“Just a bit more sanding and then it should be good,” Sam said back to Jake.
“You’re kidding,” Jake’s smile dropped. “We spent like twenty minutes on those.”
“Friction will slow it down. I need this car to be as fast as possible.”
Jake took the tire back from Sam and turned back to return to Josh. “The sandpaper is gonna turn my hands to stumps pretty soon,” he grumbled under his breath.
Sam focused back on sanding the wood and, by the time Jake and Josh returned to his side holding out the tires again, he was happy with how the body of his car looked. It was pretty close to his drawings, which Kelly verified when he stuck his head back into the garage to check on their progress.
“This is gonna be a fast one,” he claimed as he twirled the car around in his hands. “I can tell.”
“Can you make some holes near the bottom for the axles and tires?” Sam asked his dad. “Oh, and also a few holes in the bottom for my weights?” Kelly inspected where Sam had penciled in for him to cut and brought the wood back to his workstation to use his loud drill. Within no time, the wood was back in Sam’s hands, and Kelly excused himself to get started on dinner upstairs.
Sam grinned down at his car and then snapped his head back up to look across at Jake and Josh.
“It’s time to decorate it.”
“What are you gonna do for the paint job?” Josh’s eyes were wide with interest.
“Flames?” Jake guessed. “The Batman logo?”
Sam shook his head. “I want it to be sleek, modern, and sexy.”
“Sexy?” Jake and Josh both gaped at their younger brother.
“You’re ten, what do you know about sexy?” Josh sounded genuinely concerned.
“I hear people call cars sexy,” Sam replied. That was really all he understood about the word. His response seemed to bring some relief to his brothers since they dropped the subject.
“So, sleek and modern, huh?” Jake asked Sam.
“I want it to be red and glossy,” Sam shared.
“Only red?” Josh checked in. “You could paint something else on it, you know.”
“I was gonna do a Spiderman design, but I think only red is better,” Sam replied. “It feels more, I don’t know, grown up.”
“I can grab you a Sharpie and you could write some stuff on it,” Josh suggested. “Like ‘Sam Kiszka rules’ and ‘I love my brothers.’”
“Ew, gross,” Jake made a face. “Don’t you dare write that on your car.”
Sam laughed at his brothers.
“I’m just gonna do red.”
Josh was hovering around Sam quite a bit while he retrieved a tube of red acrylic paint from their arts and crafts drawer, and he took the hint.
“Do you want to help me paint?” Sam asked Josh.
“Sure,” Josh tried to sound cool, though Sam could tell that he was secretly ecstatic.
They settled back in the garage and grabbed their paint brushes, both spreading the scarlet shade over the wood. Off to the side, Jake had snagged his own paintbrush and was carefully decorating the discarded pieces of wood that Kelly had cut off of the original block of wood with the Cool S. Sam and Josh covered the car in three hefty coats of paint before Sam decided that it was looking good. The color was bright and was certain to gather a lot of attention out on the track. To top it off, Sam added some gloss over the paint so it had a bit of a shine to it when it was held up to the light.
“What do you think?” Sam called over to Jake, who had started mindlessly painting on his bare arms so they were mostly blue. He let his brush drop back down onto the table in embarrassment, and squinted to look at Sam’s progress.
“Looking good!” he called back, giving a blue thumbs up.
Since they had to wait for the paint to dry, Jake and Josh excused themselves so they could find something else to do to keep themselves preoccupied that wasn’t watching paint dry. Sam overheard them scheming to paint Jake entirely blue so he could run around their neighborhood pretending to be a member of the Blue Man Group.
Sam took advantage of the peace and quiet and focused hard on aligning his axles and securing the tires. When he was satisfied, he glued the axles in place and then popped the tires on. He gave the car a light push across Kelly’s work bench and watched in delight as it moved in a straight line with ease.
“Nice,” Sam whispered to himself. And then he hustled upstairs to find his mom.
Karen was the self-proclaimed expert with the hot glue gun, which was what Sam needed to secure his metal into the back of his car to insure that it moved as fast as possible.
“MOOOOOOOOOOM!” Sam shouted from the kitchen.
“Yeah, Hun?” Karen’s voice was muffled from the other end of the house. Sam cradled his car in his arms to make sure it didn’t get damaged, and ran down the hallway to his parent’s room. There, he found Karen, laying on top of their Queen bed while flipping through Water For Elephants.
“Can you glue something for me?” Sam asked, out of breath.
“Is this your Pinewood Derby car?” Karen asked in intrigue, motioning for Sam to pass her his car so she could admire it. Sam excitedly handed it to her, hoping to receive more praise for his hard work. “Oh wow,” Karen breathed out. “This looks really good, Sammy. I love the color too.”
“Josh helped me paint it,” Sam said as he puffed out his chest in pride.
“That was nice of him,” Karen gave Sam a warm smile. “So what do you need me to glue?”
“I have these Tungsten balls that should fit in the holes Dad drilled to the bottom of the car in the back,” Sam explained quickly. “I need the hot glue gun to make sure that they stay in place.”
“Let me grab it,” Karen told Sam. He watched her mark her place in her book and stand from the bed to rummage through her closet for the hot glue gun. It had been a while since she had needed it; the kids weren’t doing art projects as much as they used to.
They moved to the kitchen where she could plug the glue gun in, and Sam stood on his step stool to watch his mom trap the metal inside the drilled holes with the hot glue. While they waited for it to harden, Sam watched an entirely blue Jake run around the front yard, waving his hands around and cackling loudly. Karen caught a glimpse of her son and shook her head in disbelief.
“What am I going to do with your brother?” she sighed.
They both watched as Josh ran behind Jake with the garden hose, trying to wash him off with an equally loud laugh.
Later that evening, the entire Kiszka family crowded in the living room to watch Sam test his design against the infamous Hot Wheel car that had gotten Jake disqualified three years earlier. On their homemade track, built out of old carboxes, Sam and a slightly less blue Jake held their cars at the starting line.
“On your marks,” Josh called, “Get set, go!”
Jake and Sam dropped their cars at the same time and watched in awe at the incredible speed that carried Sam’s car to the finish line in what felt like the blink of an eye. A few seconds later, Jake’s Hot Wheel clunked past the finish line. Sam’s grin was wide as he pictured his car winning the following weekend at the Derby in a similar fashion.
In what felt like no time, Sam was at the Frankenmuth Youth Center, carefully shielding his car model from any harm. His fellow Cub Scouts were crowding around the racetrack and playing with their cars on the gym floor, which Sam noted was ruining their tires.
He was standing off to the side, surrounded by his family, attempting to remain calm while he waited his turn for the competition. When the time finally came, Sam could feel his heart start to thunder in his chest.
You can do this, he thought down to his car. He hoped with all of his might that his car was going to win. The prize was a large trophy which was pretty cool, but Sam mostly wanted to prove to the other kids that he could make the best, fastest car out there.
He eyed his competitors and noted that their cars were too tall, too wide, too flimsy-looking, too chunky. In comparison his car looked like a part of the Indianapolis 500. Sam gingerly placed his car in its designated lane and then, per the Scoutmaster’s direction, took two steps away from the starting line.
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, Sam silently prayed.
“Let’s go, Sam!” Josh called from the crowd.
Please, Sam tried one last time.
The bar holding the cars in place on their elevated slope was removed, and the cars sped down the track in a quick zip. The bright red color of Sam’s car definitely made it stand out against his competitors, and he had no trouble tracking it as it zoomed down the track at the front of the pack. The other cars felt like they were miles behind him. Sam started to imagine all of the bragging rights he would earn on the playground and could feel his stomach turn in glee. The Scoutmaster’s shrill whistle marking the end of the race brought Sam out of his daydream and, beaming wide, he waited to hear the announcement that his car had won. But, off in the distance, he saw the Scoutmaster holding a different car up.
Bradley, who was conveniently the Scoutmaster’s son, ran to join his dad with an excited whoop, dancing at the finish line with his winning car. Sam’s face dropped in shock. Bradley’s car hadn’t seemed like a threat to him when he studied the other cars in the race earlier, but there must have been something about his design that outshone Sam’s.
Sam could feel the excitement oozing out of him until he noticed that the Scoutmaster was holding up his car as well. He could just barely hear his gruff voice call out, “Second place!”
Even though Sam had been shooting for first place, second place got a trophy as well which was more than enough to keep him happy. He had never won anything in his life and had always dreamed of having something shiny to display on his bookcase, just like his siblings.
He sprinted to the finish line and had his winning car placed back in his hands, which he immediately lifted up in victory. Within seconds his family was by his side, clasping him on the back and congratulating him. That is, everyone but Josh.
“Don’t you think it’s a bit rigged that the Scoutmaster’s son won?” he asked with his brows furrowed.
“Joshua, not right now,” Karen told him.
“It just seems a little bit fixed,” Josh continued to argue.
Sam hadn’t considered that, but Josh did have a point.
“Bradley cheated!” he called out.
“No,” Kelly assured Sam, turning briefly to shoot Josh a glare. “He won fair and square. But you got second place which is so wonderful! You should be so proud of yourself.”
“They stole that win from you,” Josh whispered to Sam.
“Joshua,” Karen warned her son again. Josh took the hint and shuffled away from Sam.
Sam was ready to continue spewing conspiracies that the entire race was fixed, but he was quickly distracted when the Scoutmaster announced that they begin the award ceremony. While Sam continued to hold onto his car, he was handed a polished gold trophy that had “2nd Place” written on a plaque at the bottom. He could hear his family whoop and cheer for him loudly and, in that moment, Sam felt like he had accomplished something truly great for the first time. He always felt like he was living in the shadow of his older siblings but, finally, he could enjoy the limelight. He felt a new confidence growing in him as he realized he had won something that he was in charge of. It had been his design, not Jake’s, not Josh’s, not Ronnie’s, not his parent’s, his. He couldn’t be more proud.
After receiving the news from Josh about their Grammy, Sam felt transported back to his youth when he placed second at the Pinewood Derby Competition. Like nine years prior, his heart swelled with joy that he, Danny, and his brothers had come together to create something that was uniquely theirs, and found success along the way.
“We worked so hard for this,” Sam told Josh, his voice quivering as his emotions caught up to him.
“Nice to finally win first, right, Sammy?” Jake joined Josh, calling into the phone to Sam.
“It definitely is,” Sam laughed.
#gvf#greta van fleet#sam kiszka#jake kiszka#josh kiszka#danny wagner#gvf fanfiction#gvf fic#gvf fanfic#greta van fleet fanfiction#greta van fic#greta van fleet fanfic#pinewood derby#now I know how to make one of these cars....kinda lol
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Chenford Week 2022 - Day 3
title: the best is yet to come
prompt: “well that was unexpected” and “an unexpected domestic moment”
“Well, that was unexpected.”
At the sound of his sister’s voice, Tim turns from the sliding glass door, where he’s been watching Lucy and Kojo play fetch for what feels like hours (but is probably only twenty minutes) since the rest of their group left. He rolls his eyes, clocking the smirk on her face, mentally preparing for whatever ribbing is coming his way.
“What was unexpected? That I have friends? That they’d show up and make a scene out of me turning 40? When you know them like I do, trust me, Genny, there’s nothing unexpected about that.”
“Oh it’s not the party, Tim, I’ve known that was on deck for a while now. Angela and Lucy both texted weeks ago to keep this weekend open for a visit. And I’ve always known you have friends that care.”
“Then what’s unexpected?”
“You’re kidding, right? Tim - I’m talking about you and Lucy,” Genny responds, voice tinged with a hint of disbelief.
Tim stiffens at that, turning back to make sure the glass door is firmly shut.
“What about me and Lucy? And do you have to be so loud?,” he hisses.
“It’s not a bad thing Tim, relax. You’re always so uptight, it’s your birthday, give it a rest.”
He sighs, deeply and from a place of exasperation, in that way only older siblings can.
“Focus Genny, what about me and Lucy?”
“It’s just, I knew you were friends and even close but I guess I didn’t realize just how…”
“How what?”
“How domestic you two are around each other. And don’t try to tell me it’s not true!”
And the thing is, he could. He could deny it and shut down this entire line of questioning. He’s not one to play the birthday card but he could. Combined with his “I’m the older brother” and “you’re staying in my guest room” and “stop because I damn well said so” cards, he’s got a hand that should end the conversation right now.
But instead, he must temporarily lose his sanity, because he goes for it -
“Domestic how?”
Genny stares up at him with a look of disbelief. And okay, he’s getting really tired of that look - it seems like a lot of people are donning that expression when talking about him and Lucy these days - it had started with Ashley pre-breakup, Lopez and Harper were relentless and he’d even caught Wesley and Nolan scoffing (and then quickly backing away at his glare - because, yeah, he’s still got it.)
“Tim, Lucy showed up this morning, hours before the party to help clean and set up. This whole thing was Angela’s idea but Lucy was the one to show up with coffee, your favorite breakfast sandwich and decorations.”
“We’ve been riding together for years, she knows my breakfast order, so what? And it’s just rude to not clean before you have people over. Now, I didn’t need the decorations, that’s all Lopez and Chen.”
“Okay, well, after that, she went right into your closet and picked out your party outfit.”
“Genny, I’m not five - I don’t have a party outfit. She picked out a shirt and the only reason she even knew it existed was because she gave it to me for Christmas, said something about how it brings out my eyes and - are you laughing right now?”
“Uh, yes. And moving along to during the party, you two were inseparable - she was greeting the guests, offering drinks, checking to make sure everyone had food. And you were usually not far behind.”
Exasperated, Tim snaps back, “Lucy knows everyone invited, we work together! And she made sure everyone had food and drinks because it’s polite, she’s aggravating that way. And I - I was with her to make sure she was doing it right, I trained her - can’t have her being a bad reflection of me.”
Genny rolls her eyes, sashaying right on past that, “and then of course, there was the whole thing with the cake.”
“What thing?”
“Tim, Lucy baked your birthday cake - from scratch, mind you. Your favorite flavor, frosted in your favorite color, don’t think I missed that. And she was the one to bring it out, candles and singing and all.”
“Chen likes to cook, and I guess bake, probably. Plus, she made it and - and - it was massive, wasn’t it? She should have to carry it out. That’ll teach her not to go overboard next time.”
(Yeah, okay, even he knows he’s grasping at straws with that one.)
“Typically, the person closest to the birthday boy is the one to bring out the cake - it’s usually a significant other or family member. Hell, if I was a brattier sister, I would’ve been offended that it wasn’t me.”
“It’s cute that you think you aren’t a brat.”
“Okay, big brother, fess up. The last time I was in town, you two were friendly and there was some banter but this is a whole new level of close. I mean, I knew there was something more when you brought her to our house and worked dad’s case with her but I - ”
“Genny, stop - I don’t want to talk about him, not today, not ever.”
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. But either way, Tim, it’s not about him. I’m just saying, you let Lucy in. I saw it back then and today - today it just felt like something else, something different?”
And look, it’s not like she was wrong. But she also kind of was. It wouldn’t make sense to anyone else but this thing with him and Lucy, this connection that everyone insisted on calling attention to, its always been there. From the early days of Lucy’s training through the good and bad, to their work partnership, which even he could admit had evolved into a friendship, they’d always had a connection. The only difference is everyone else is just catching on. And maybe that’s on them, maybe they are louder and more open with their feelings but he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do with that.
Genny takes his silence as confirmation, before teasingly adding on, “but seriously what’s the hold up? You’re both single, its been months.”
At his glare, she adds, “What? Lucy and I text.”
Great. Another thing for him to worry about. But credit where credit is due, his sister had a point.
He sighs. “Genny, look, you’re not wrong. Lucy and I do need to talk, we probably have for a while now. But this is…it’s too important to mess up. And it’s between us, it’s not a conversation I’m going to have with you in the next room.”
Honestly, it’s a miracle that Lucy or Kojo haven’t interrupted them yet. A quick glance back confirms they’re distracted, laying in the grass doing what he’s sure is some version of dog yoga.
“Well sure, I didn’t mean right this second. But go, be with her, be with your dog, you know you’d rather be talking to her anyway. I’m going to check in on my husband and make sure your nephews haven’t driven him up a wall yet.”
She turns to head back to the guest room but before Tim can slide open the glass door, he hears her add, “Tim, just don’t wait too long. It may be unexpected but I never said it wasn’t a great thing.”
Yeah, he thinks, it really could be.
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matilda - terence higgs
date: august 5, 2022
summary: a love letter to his friends
notes: not romantic
warnings: child abuse
a/n: i’m gonna rant rq but i’ve been feeling horrible recently bc i found out the only cousin i’ve trusted told her mom when i came out as bi (effectively taking away the opportunity for me to come out to my mom on my own), my mom found out thro them that i was suicidal (again before i could reach out for help on my own terms). and they said how much they pity me and feel bad for me. i can’t help but feel betrayed and ridiculed and i’m just frustrated bc i’ve never felt supported by my mom’s side of the family or my dad’s
tags: @limerenze @loverssfevers @ghostofscarley @dayangestre
i didn’t know love until i arrived at hogwarts. i didn’t know care until a group of ruined kids, some more than others, most less than me, took me in. i didn’t know what it felt like to melt into another people.
adrian had a healthy home life. he had the family i always wanted. his parents showed each other affection; his mother had her hands hooked in the crook of her husband’s elbow and her head leaned into his shoulder. his sisters always giggling alongside him. at first it made me sick with jealousy because he had cousins to keep his secrets, to keep him, and i didn’t. at least i didn’t until i met him. i didn’t have someone to keep my heart and my soul warm while i slept and shivered. i didn’t have someone to bandage me when i pretended there was something in my eye but really i was wiping away tears.
marcus didn’t think he deserved the praise we gave him. we argued a lot, him and me. i refused to let him believe everything his old man would tell him. i didn’t realize until one fight we had in front of the whole team and he called me out, marcus was me and i was him. i diminished everything that happened to me, the good and the bad. marcus did what he had to do and he thought that he didn’t deserve anything to compensate for any trouble he might have come across.
miles showed me i can express myself any way i please. he never had an issue with self expression. i learned i don’t have to be mean to get what i wanted. (and i never did get what i wanted, i always felt empty.) miles rearranged me on his bedside table like a supermarket bouquet of flowers. he filled my empty space with baby breath, making the rose thorns in my ribs disappear. my finger nails are no longer jagged and hair doesn’t cover my face. i like my smile (with teeth). i finally like my smile.
derrick didn’t have a voice. he spoke and replied but they were never substantive words. he spoke slowly, in pauses. i later found out if he didn’t think about what he was going to say, his entire day could be ruined. he cried to me once that his mother always apologized for what she did and not what she said. he couldn’t care less than she yelled at him, but he couldn’t stop pressing the wound of being called useless when all he’s ever done is try to stay afloat for her and his siblings. his dad wasn’t not in the picture but he wasn’t fully out of it. “‘i’m sorry for yelling at you, baby,’ that’s what she told me,” he cried into his pillow after coming home from winter break, “i never accepted that apology but she went on the rest of the day acting like i forgave her.” he speaks faster now, more animated. i don’t know he helped me or i helped him. i don’t spit insults like i spit out my gum though.
lucian was a pretty boy. i was actively jealous of him. not because he had anyone he wanted falling to his feet. but because whenever he had a shit night, his shoulders pushed back and his chin stayed high. his afro stayed perfectly around in the off season, his braids were almost neat during the season. he helped miles build me up. i didn’t know it then but he felt the same pressure derrick felt. he had a deadly fear of failing. i didn’t think it was possible for him though.
warrington and montague were brutes, i think that’s why they liked each other more than the rest of us. they get it from their fathers. “i got this from a game of qudditch this summer.” warrington told us. it was a new bruise on the side of his ribs. montague didn’t come back with new bruises or scars, at least not ones we could see. summer before sixth year, his dad kicked him out. both of them got help. they’re doing better now. it took me a while to follow their lead. i know they changed me but while they don’t feel as though they are dragging through the mud, i did. they were able to get to a safer place, both physically and mentally. but i’m only a few meters away from where i started.
i never knew the loves of my life would be a group of nasty teenage boys. but after seven years, my knuckles have been bandaged after fights and my knees have been smoothed over, my heart and soul have been tucked into bed with a bedtime story, and the supermarket flowers were replaced with flowers from my garden.
#adrian pucey#terence higgs#slytherin quidditch team#marcus flint#miles bletchley#peregrine derrick#lucian bole#cassius warrington#graham montague
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@noneorother your The Metatron manipulation meta series drove me slightly insane so I wrote these notes last night while half delirious from sleep before I forgot them. I would've sent you a msg or ask but alas those were blocked so here's a post instead (warning S2/S3 speculation spoilers down below):
Before the Beginning
Did The Metatron make Aziraphale fly to Crowley? To introduce them, to make Aziraphale see how lovely angel Crowley was? To crave how happy he used to be?
Job
Crowley had a written permission directly from God to cause destruction. Aziraphale had NO reason to be there and act all high and mighty… Unless The Metatron planted him there
After revealing the crow-goats, Aziraphale notes he knew the angel Crowley had been, playing into The Metatron's pocket, pointing out his (heavenly) goodness
The ox rib scene, while it may have superficially counted as a temptation, it was an event that strengthened their mutual trust
Together they fooled the angels and saved Jobs kids. Crowley refuses to take Aziraphale to Hell, even after he disobeyed the Heavenly Plan and lied to his siblings. Once again making Aziraphale wonder why this demon had Fallen in the first place
Edinburgh
Like you said, the Edinburgh flashback didn't have that dramatic introduction. I'm guessing it didn't need manipulation, Crowley went overboard with his good deeds and got punished for it, the unfairness of which Aziraphale recalls, horrified, in a later scene.
1941
Why did they go to the club? The day was long and stressful enough, almost getting blown up in a church. Why didn't Crowley just fuck off when the bottles were broken, who the fuck cares? Aziraphale saw his chance to pay back to him, sure. Crowley was truthful and encouraging his magic act skills, and they strengthened their bond of trust even more.
This is super duper far fetched, but I thought the Nazi zombies were way too decomposed if their bodies were just a few hours old. Their limbs shouldn't have fallen off. Obvi it could've been just for the comedic effect, or... Did The Metatron plant them, too? And the effects of Hell took their toll in the replays? Aziraphale sucks at sleight of hand. How many repeats it took for him to manage hide the picture?
I'm hypothesizing The Metatron went through all this effort to make Aziraphale truly believe that not only did Crowley deserve to be restored as an Angel, but that it could be allowed and possible, he's Too Good to be a Demon. And now he has one experience where he has saved Crowley from Hell's punishment, so in future he may feel that same rush of hope again.
These things just came to mind, some curious and odd stuff. My deduction skills are insignificant nor do I have the education in media literacy so I live vicariously through all the talented meta miners who dig up all the clues and references this lovely show has to offer. I commend thee 🫡
#good omens#good omens spoilers#good omens meta#manic rambles#i'm just happy i'm not alone with my brain rot
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I want to be held so tight my ribs hurt and the scream that's been building can safely escape without shattering me. I want my brother back. I want his goofy ass finally visiting me like he kept promising he would. I want to be sitting on a couch with him again while we argue over who's the prettier sibling and he plays with my make up because "look I'm Cleopatra ~". I want to eat his home made loaded nachos while we play videogames like when I was a kid. I want to argue over whether or not the remake or original of any given remade 80s cartoon is superior. I want his dumb jokes and silly voices and belly laughs and the serene but concentrated expression he made when he was playing music or drawing.
My world is a mess. He saved me from so many horrible things. He attacked a monster, who'd hurt us both, with a knife for me when we were kids... I was so little then, too... He came and got me the night my father tried to beat me senseless for telling him he couldn't have something of mine. He pulled me out of the pool when I got tossed in wearing jeans and runners, then taught me to swim. When I found out my best friend died and I fell apart and screamed until I couldn't breathe anymore he hugged me so tight, rocked me and promised I'd be ok, made me cocoa from scratch, spent the night at our house because he knew how much of a wreck I was before that and wanted to be there for me.
And the good times...
One of my earliest memories was him sitting me in his lap and giving me the second NES controller while he played Legend of Zelda, reading the text to me so I could understand the game. He bought me a flute when I turned 19. He took me to my first job, then showed up on my fifth day with my younger brothers and his fiancee to check on me. He took me to the first concert I can remember attending. He bought me sheet music, acrylic paint, sketch books. He encouraged my interests and always made me feel safe.
Like all siblings, we had our differences, we bickered and fought and gave each other the cold shoulder... But we really did love each other, and now he's gone and I'm so upset and heartbroken and there's no one there to hold me together, because that was something he did for me.
I don't feel like I did enough for him. I could never have done enough to thank him, I think. I feel so selfish, now....
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CQL/MDZS INSP - Yiling Arc Pt2: Cultivating the Burial Mounds
In the Burial Mounds of Yiling, heading fifty- or-so of the fallen Wen Sect‟s cultivators, Wei WuXian planted vegetables, repaired houses, refined corpses, and made new tools. Every day when he was free, he played with the toddler Wen Yuan, son of Wen Qing’s dead cousins. Wei WuXian either let him hang on trees or buried him in the ground, fooling him that he‟d grow faster if he was watered and bathed in sunlight. Then, he was scolded by Wen Qing again. A few months passed like this. Aside from how the world’s comments on Wei WuXian worsened even more, there was no progress.
Wei WuXian and Wen Qing weren't surprised when they saw YunmengJiang’s sect leader Jiang Cheng arrive.
Jiang Cheng asked, “What are you all turning over the dirt here doing? Don‟t tell me you‟re really going to start farming!”
Wei WuXian said, “Didn't you hear? We are farming!”
“You‟re farming on a mountain of corpses? Will the things that grow here be edible?”
Wei WuXian, “Believe me. When people are really hungry, they'll eat whatever they can.”
Jiang Cheng asked, “You really intend on stationing yourself here in the long run? Can people even live in such a place?”
Wei WuXian, “I lived three months in here.”
After a moment of silence, Jiang Cheng asked, “You‟re not coming back to Lotus Pier?”
Wei WuXian replied in a relaxed tone, “Yunmeng is so close to Yiling. I‟ll sneak back whenever I feel like it.”
Jiang Cheng snorted, “You wish.” A child about one or two years old crept over. He was quite a fine, lovable child. Unfortunately, Jiang Cheng had no love in him at all. He turned to Wei WuXian, “Where did the kid come from? Get him away from me.” Jiang Cheng mocked, “The other sect leaders thought you gathered some leftover forces and crowned yourself king of the hill. But it’s only the old, the weak, women, and children?” Jiang Cheng continued, “Where‟s Wen Ning?”
- Mo Dao Zu Shi, chapters 73 and 74
MY THOUGHTS (Jiang Cheng minirant pt1)
In the fandom, Team Jiang Cheng gets huffy when people like me say we hate Jiang Cheng. But the author herself said it: “Unfortunately, Jiang Cheng had no love in him at all.“
Granted, I think this a hyperbolic AF--JC clearly loves WWX, and his parents, and OF COURSE the goddess of pork rib soup Jiang Yanli too good and pure for this world amen, and her son Jin Ling. However, JC’s problem is that he doesn’t know how to express softness, and I 100% blame his mother for that, cuz Madam Yu was gung-ho about JC being everything WWX wasn’t--to JC’s own detriment.
JC could barely show his own siblings and nephew he loved them, let alone show gratitude towards the good Wens who helped save them (ESPECIALLY Wen Ning), despite the evil Wens exterminating the rest of the Jiang sect (and him having a crush on Wen Qing).
There’s this WONDERFUL analysis of Jiang Cheng’s reaction to finding WWX squatting with the Wen remnants in the Burial Mounds, and how it compares to what Jiang Yanli would have done in his place: https://hunxi-guilai.tumblr.com/post/619224037560909824/hey-im-currently-re-watching-ep27-28-and-it-just
That post really highlights JC’s abandonment issues, inferiority complexes, and desperation for WWX to come back home--despite seeing clear as day that WWX was resigned to being “the Yiling Patriarch,” an exiled ex-cultivator aiding and abetting the Wens, and actively trying to make a new Lotus Pier in the Burial Mounds--doing the impossible.
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3: For One So Small, You Seem So Strong
Summary: Grace gets to El Paso, makes new friends, and feels safe for the first time.
TW: discussions of child abuse and food as a punishment
Disclaimer: This story is gonna have abuse in the beginning. I used a lot of my own experiences for this story so a lot of what Grace's stepfather, mother, and siblings do is my personal story that I exaggerated a little (but not much). THERE IS NO SA; it's all physical, emotional, and mental. I was very lucky to be saved.
This story has Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit, and Nancy Benoit. If this bothers you bow out now because they're here to stay. Nancy and Chris have never been together in this story, Chris is with Eddie and Nancy is with Taz (thank you for the idea @sinderellanightwolf) and the mother of Tyler (HOOK).
Flashbacks in italics.
I only claim Grace and her family; everyone else I'm borrowing.
(Pictures aren't mine)
She jerks violently at the hand on her shoulder and the driver smiles apologetically when she wipes the sleep from her eyes. “I’m sorry ma’am but we’ve made it to El Paso.” She rubs her ribs and nods tiredly. “Do you have someone picking you up or do you know where you’re going?”
“I’ll manage, sir, thank you for waking me up and for bringing me here.” She smiles at the confused look on his face. “Have a great day!” She waves and heads off the bus before sitting on the bench.
“Apologies, mija, are you Grace?” She freezes at the masculine voice and hesitates to answer. “My name is Eddie Guerrero and José Lothario told me that he was sending a girl named Grace to me. Is that you?”
She whips her head to the side in shock before shaking her head and reminding herself that he’s just a person. “Y-yes sir, I’m Grace. It’s really nice to meet you.” She gives him a smile and holds out her hand.
He grins and chuckles before shaking her hand. “He told me you were sweet and polite.” He looks at his watch and seems to make a decision. “Why don’t we get you something to eat before I subject you to Joanie and Nancy’s mothering, huh?” She cocks her head to the side in confusion before shrugging and agreeing.
“You don’t have to ya know… I’m sorry you have to take care of me at all, but I had nowhere to go.” She says as they start to walk down the street.
“Hey, I volunteered to take you and I know my husband will love you. He’s a quiet man but he’s a very good man. We also have two girls that you’ll meet, Shaul and Sherilyn; Shauly is going to be fifteen in October and Sheri will be ten very soon.” She smiles at the mention of an October birthday.
“My birthday is in October too.” She states quietly.
“What’s that?” They make it to a diner, and he holds the door open for her. “Booth or table?”
She looks around and points to a booth in the less crowded part of the diner. “Oh, I said that my birthday is in October too, like your daughter.”
He smiles brightly at her. “What day?”
“Halloween.” She mutters and waits for him to call her a devil like Marcus did.
“Hey guys! Eddie! New friend?” A waitress comes over and greets them enthusiastically while dropping off the menus.
“Hey Amanda! Yeah, this is Grace! She’s gonna be staying with us for a bit hopefully. Grace, this is Amanda, she’s our favorite waitress.”
Amanda scoffs. “He says that about all of the waitresses.” She stage whispers to Grace and it makes her giggle. “It’s nice to meet you! What can I get y’all to drink?”
“It’s nice to meet you too. Can I just get a water?”
“Of course, sweetie! And a tea for you, Eddie?” She sends a smile to the older man.
“You know it, bonita.” He waits for her to walk away before turning back to Grace. “Nancy’s going to love you, kid; her favorite holiday is Halloween.” Her heart flutters and she blushes softly. “What did I say?” He asks confused.
“Oh, um, i-it’s nothing.” She covers her mouth and drops her eyes when the stutter shows up. “S-sorry I su-stutter when I’m nervous. I-It’ll stop soon.” She utters quietly, hoping he won’t be annoyed.
“Hey, look at me.” She looks up at him hesitantly. “José didn’t tell me a lot, but he said enough; no one’s going to hurt you here and you can stay as long as you want. ¿Entiendes?”
She nods and looks away. “Intentaré creerlo, eventualmente.” She mutters and is thankful when Amanda comes with their drinks.
“Here you go, lovelies. Now, y’all know what you want?”
She looks at the side options and smiles. “Can I just have some fries please? With a side of ranch?” She closes the menu and hands it to Amanda.
“That all you want? You can order whatever.” Eddie declares.
“That’s all, I’m not that hungry.” She grins, hoping he’ll drop it.
“Alright, I just want my usual, please.” He hands her the menu too and laughs at her eyeroll.
“One day I’ll get you to pick something else mister. I’ll get those put in and get it out soon.” She turns but stops for a moment and faces Grace again. “If you want to order anything else, you let me know.” She turns and walks away before Grace can answer.
She interrupts Eddie before he can ask. “I don’t eat a lot. I know José told you enough about Marcus for you to get an idea, so I’ll tell you a bit more. He used food as a punishment, and I didn’t eat a lot, so I guess my stomach adjusted and shrunk.” She shrugs. “I don’t really know but I do know that if I try to eat big meals, I’ll be sick.”
He nods and she’s thankful that he doesn’t push the envelope. “Okay, I’m sure there’s a way to work on that but for now, but for now just make sure you eat when you’re hungry okay?”
She chokes on her sip of water. “You’re talking like you’re gonna keep me awhile.” He sends her a sad smile.
“I hope you’ll let us; you seem like a good kid from what José told me. He wouldn’t have sent you to me if you were a bad kid, not with my girls or Nancy’s son, Tyler. So, you can stay the week and if you decide you want it to be permanent, we’ll work on getting you free from your mom and stepdad, sí mija?”
She feels tears start to run down and she quickly wipes them away. Eddie hands her a napkin and she sends him a smile.
They talk about any and everything and Eddie is kind enough to not make her elaborate on anything she doesn’t want to; he just moves on to the next subject easily. Grace tells him how much she loves him as a wrestler and how Woman is her favorite, to which he gives her an amused look that she can’t decipher. She loved the stories of his husband and girls and how they decided to use a surrogate to start their family.
“Why did you decide to retire?”
He gets a far off look on his face and smiles sadly. “I was having some health issues, chest pains and such, so Nancy and Chris made me go to the doctor. Long story short, my heart was worse than we thought, and I got it checked out just in time to save my life. So, I decided to retire and open the gym, then Joanie came to help out.”
She shakes herself out of her thoughts when they reach the gym, and her eyes go wide. “Oh my gosh! I love it!” She looks around and spots a familiar face. “That’s Chyna.” She mutters and Eddie laughs.
“Yeah mija, that’s Chyna but her name is Joanie, and she works with me while Chris is gone.” He points to someone to the side of them and waves them over. “And this is Nancy.” He smirks. “Nancy this is Grace, she’s a big fan.”
Grace turns and freezes. “Hey sweetie! I’m Nancy!” She holds her hand out and Grace blinks for a moment before reaching taking her hand and shaking it. “Aren’t you the cutest?”
She shakes herself again and tells herself to get ahold of herself before she looks like a fool. “I’m sorry about that. Hi, I’m Grace Parker. It’s really nice to meet you.” She drops her head slightly and blushes.
She feels Nancy’s hand gently cup her chin and it feels safe, nothing like the fear she felt from her mother’s hand. “There is nothing to be sorry for. When Eddie called me and told me he would be having a new guest something told me I should be here.” She tilts Grace’s face up to look her in the face. “I can tell it was the right decision.” She drops her hand from her face and smiles. As she watches Eddie talk to Joanie about him and Nancy taking her to the house to get settled she can’t help but feel that small sense of dread about Marcus and her mom. Have they realized she’s gone? Do they actually care?
According to the alarm clock on the nightstand it’s two in the morning and she’s wide awake. If someone were to ask why, Grace wouldn’t have a good answer. She’s not scared of these people (surprisingly), and she actually has a bed, not just a mattress on the floor. She likes the daughters, and she thinks they like her too; they didn’t seem to hate her for being in their house, so that’s a win. So why is she crying?
“Come on in, Grace.” He opens the door and lets her and Nancy in first before following them and setting her bags on the floor. “Mis hijas! Come here please!” Grace looks around the beautiful home in wonder.
“Papa! You’re home early, oh hi.” Grace focuses in when Nancy places a gentle hand on her back and waves at the two girls in front of them.
“Hi, I’m Grace.” She smiles nervously.
“Come on girls, why don’t I make some food while Papa shows Grace around, okay?” Nancy leads them off to the kitchen and mutters something to them that makes her nervous.
She taps at her collarbone as she watches the three walk off. “I hope they or you don’t think I’m taking up space. I just-.”
Eddie slowly puts a hand on her shoulder so she can watch him and smiles. “Nonsense mija, Nancy’s just better at explaining things sometimes depending on the situation. Now come on and let’s get you set up in your bedroom and you can call José too.”
He leads her up the stairs and to a beautiful bedroom with a huge bed and its own bathroom. She can feel tears start to well in her eyes and she hopes they won’t fall. Eddie turns to her and grins softly at her.
“It’s beautiful sir, really, thank you so much. It’s too much though, I can sleep on the couch or something.” Eddie shakes his head and sets her things on the bed. “No cariña, Chris and I want you comfortable for as long as you stay. It’s a bit bare right now because Chris wanted you to pick your own things out, should you choose to stay with us.”
She is busy looking around the room and whips her head to him. “Choose my own things? W-why?”
He looks confused. “Because this would be your home and you deserve to decorate how you want. We let the girls decorate their rooms when we moved here officially too.”
“I-I’ve never even had a bed, sir, just a mattress on the floor and Mom only bought me what I needed so people wouldn’t question her. I-I’m just confused not ungrateful, I promise.”
“You are absolutely allowed to say no Grace, but may I hug you?” She thinks for a moment before allowing a short hug that she pulls away from when her ribs start to scream. “Let’s get you fixed back up and then I’ll leave you alone for a bit to freshen up and call José, okay?”
A knock on the door scares her and she lets out a shaky come in. She lets out a sigh of relief when one of the girls opens the door.
“H-hey, Sherilyn, right?” She smiles at the slow nod and gets a smile back. “What’s up? Are you okay?” She discreetly wipes the tears from her eyes and sits up.
“It’s your first night and Tía Nancy said that that can be scary, so I brought you one of my friends.” She whispers excitedly before coming
over to the bed. “This is Ghost and he’s a good protector so I thought he could sleep with you tonight. If you want that is.” She shrugs and hugs the white bear to her chest and Grace spills more tears.
“Thank you Sherilyn, he seems like the perfect protector, I’ll be sure to give him back in the morning, okay? But let’s get you back to bed.” Sherilyn holds her hand out and Grace gently grabs it before letting her lead them to the hallway where Shaul is sleepily waiting.
“I thought she may go to your room; did she bother you?”
“Not at all and either of you are welcome any time.” She hands Sherilyn off to her sister and Shaul pauses for a moment.
“Aunt Nancy says you didn’t have nice brothers.”
Grace stiffens. “They followed after their daddy… I can’t fault them for that.” She skirts the question.
“Nosotros no hacemos eso aquí.” Shaul mutters before walking away.
“Así que estoy aprendiendo.”
Grace wakes up early the next morning and she’s confused before the next two days flash before her eyes. She lays there for a moment and hopes sleep will take her under again, but it never comes so she decides to get up and get ready for the day. After a shower, she softly goes down to the kitchen with Ghost in her arms and is surprised by Nancy sitting at the island.
“Good morning sweetheart; how did you sleep?”
“It was rough at first, but Sherilyn let me borrow Ghost to sleep with and it got better.” She smiles to herself at the memory.
“Sheri’s a sweetheart and easy to love; she loves just as easy too. Not like my Tyler for sure.” She points to the couch using her coffee mug where Grace can see a sleeping boy with wild hair. “He’s gonna blame me for that hair one day.”
“He looks adorable.” She makes a cup of coffee for herself and silently asks if Nancy wants more. “I thought I would make breakfast.”
“You don’t have to; Eddie and I usually make something when I’m in town.” She stares at Grace for a moment before continuing. “You don’t ever have to live the way you did before Grace and we’re going to help you away from them whether you stay here or not.”
“Why? Why are you and Eddie so ready and willing to help someone you just met yesterday? I don’t mean to sound ungrateful but w-why?” She turns to face the sink as her breathing picks up slightly and she focuses on her breathing. “I just don’t understand, and I want to.” She says slowly.
“And that’s a valid thing, it does seem strange from your point of view; to go from what you did to overly helpful people? Your brain must be screaming at you to run and run far, right? You don’t have to believe this but we’re doing it because we can, and we want to. No strings attached for you Grace; you can walk away at any time.” Nancy makes her steps loud so that Grace can hear her coming.
“No strings? Just help?” She’s crying again and she hates it.
“No strings sweet girl.” Grace sighs softly and nods. “Now why don’t you and I cook together?”
Grace smiles. “I’d like that.”
They make a big breakfast to feed everyone in the house and Grace makes herself two scrambled eggs and a bowl of fruit. She asks Nancy questions and learns that El Paso is her family’s second home, and she stays here when Taz is away for business. Eddie seems surprised when he sees Grace is still there that morning and Sherilyn seems happy as well.
“Good morning.” She gives them a small wave. “I helped Ms. Nancy make breakfast; I hope that’s okay.”
“Sí absolutely, whatever makes you comfortable, but you don’t have to ever.” Nancy nods while he talks.
“I told her that Eddie.” She smiles at Grace, and it warms her like the sunlight.
She feels a soft tug on her shirt, and she looks to see Sherilyn. “Hey good morning! Here’s Ghost back; thanks for letting me borrow him last night.” She grins at the younger girl.
“You should keep him; he seems to like you a lot.”
“A-are you sure? Won’t you miss him?”
“You’ll be here so so will he.” She shrugs and walks off to join the sleepy Tyler and Shaul as if it’s the easiest solution in the world.
Grace can feel Eddie and Nancy’s eyes on her, but she can’t stop petting her new friend and protector.
Bonita: pretty
¿Entiendes?: You understand?
Intentaré creerlo, eventualmente: I’ll try to believe it, eventually
Mis hijas: my daughters
cariña: honey
Tía: Aunt
Nosotros no hacemos eso aquí: We don’t do that here
Así que estoy aprendiendo: So I’m learning
Here's Chapter Three! I really hope y'all enjoyed it! Much love to everyone that reads! ❤️
#everymilebetweenus#claudio/mox/grace#soulmarks#soulmates#grace parker#severe child abuse#abuse cw#original character#jon moxley#jon moxley fanfic#claudio castagnoli fanfic#claudio castagnoli#wwe imagine#aew imagine
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Sweet sister o’ mine
(Yes it’s poem)
Happy Halloween🦇🎃🎃🎃
Cw:murder
Crowds cheer, oh how dear
Baby bother do you hear? Baby brother are you near?
Little brother who left his family do you cheer with me?
Looking down I did not see, what a horrible tragedy
Brains to be seen, skull split wide
Too much blood to hide
Bleeding out, you’re not breathing
Your heart’s still beating
The cheers turn to tears
Roars to screams
Brother who did this to you?
Red and blue lights arrive to take you
How did this happen and who?
Dear brother I will find them
I will maim them like they did you
Your backpack had something that let me in
The facility of your kin
Hunting down one by one
I will find who did the deed
I will not hesitate to make them bleed
Blue scarecrow tipped me off
Orange and green
Glasses to see
She’s the one she’s the murderer
I find her and take my hands
I crack her neck
She is dead
Taking blades used for our preformance
I gore her up sweet good riddance
Investigations ensue I left her body as a warning
As to what happens when they mess with you
Blue scarecrow confessed she lied
In my heart I feel like I too had died
I killed not for vengeance but to satisfy
Someone else to see their own sibling dead
My brain is slowly drifting into dread
Blue scarecrow turns her back
Through her heart I drove a knife
Like paper on a tack
Investigation ends
I gored her up and left her where
Orange and green laid to rot
Blood and organs, they did not clean
The scene was horrid
So was the smell
I was seen by short and chunky with red hair
She screamed for help
I had to shut her up leaving her screams to nothing but yelps
She can’t speak anymore
Her throat is bleeding
The blades used to gore blue scarecrow
Silenced chunky and short
I’m getting no where I no longer know
Dear brother I’m going mad
It’s to the point I want to cry but not to be sad
Days pass, weeks pass, months pass
I hear the news
You’re still alive
I burst with joy
You were revived
My dear baby brother back to life you arrive
I rushed to the hospital
I see your green eyes
Just when we were kids when you were born
I held you in my arms don’t worry big sis is here
I was ready to mourn I was ready to cry
Now that I realize why did those people have to die
Blue scarecrow had her organs removed
Orange and green had her rib cage cracked like a can
Short and chunky left mute
A man like your big brother knew the crimes
He threatened to turn me in
The hospital was no place to kill
So I saved the thrill
The visit ends and we go home
Man like your big brother
I end him right there
Jaw removed so he couldn’t speak if he survived
I have more witnesses than I planned to have
I don’t wanna go to prison I don’t wanna die
I killed for you for myself I lied
Dear brother please forgive me
Dear brother please pardon me
Brother I can’t go on
I might not see day for a long one
I hide in the woods
I’m soaked in blood
Dear brother forgive me
Dear brother forgive me
Dear brother forgive me
Dear brother forgive me
I killed and didn’t solve anything
Everything I did was for nothing
I’m about to be caught
I only did it because I was distraught
I’ve been in the woods for months on end
Wanted signs, my face on every poster like a trend
I find mother and she weeps
She didn’t want me back
She knew what I did
I was still her daughter but now a monster
She’s willing to have me lay low
But i can’t be in shows
Dear brother I see you crawl
Next to me you lay besides me
I feel so ashamed do you still forgive me
You begin to cry I still feel guilty
I cry with you too
You promised me to erase all the memories of those who saw
But you can’t erase the lives that were lost
You told me that they’re okay and not all dead
The body was stitched and the brain was safe
Short and chunky no longer mute
Tall man like your big brother still had his jaw
Orange and green her ribs no longer seen
Blue scarecrow had her organs intact
Their memories erased and fabricated with new
Dear brother I’m sorry for the carnage
I hope there’s something I can do to fix the damage
Dear brother please know that I care
Dear brother I did so out of fear
I didn’t wanna lose you
Dear brother do you hear them cheer
Dear brother oh how dear
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As someone who struggles with dissociation, I would just like to report that after years of working on my ability to handle stress without immediately shutting down and switching to autopilot, I just handled a particularly trying period of grief without disassociating once.
Tw for animal death.
I hand-raised a starving kitten. Like I found him under my house and he was having a hard time staying conscious he was so malnourished. Despite having access to his very very young mother I found he hadn't developed a latching instinct which is why he was so much smaller than his siblings. (That and his mom was also nothing but skin and bones)
I had to syringe feed him for weeks. Three syringes a day. Then mixed with wet food. He had to receive two types of worm treatments both administered orally. And I spent a lot of time socializing him and his five siblings.
If you've ever seen anyone break a horse. Imagine that but with cats. First I carried them in a sling close to my chest to get them used to me. Then spent weeks petting, carrying, poking prodding, lightly tapping, and even pushing them over. Basically just annoying the hell out of them all in small doses throughout the day. And very gently.
All of the following was done very gently and with knowledge of how not to injure small kittens. (I am very experienced at this). I spent days pulling their tails, poking them in the ribs, poking them in the face. Picking up their paws when they were trying to walk. And patting them on the butt all the time. They were also bathed in dish soap for flea treatments frequently as soon as they were big enough to regulate their body temperatures. Until they were totally handleable with no problem being picked up, carried around, ran with, or examined by strangers.
Then I got them used to the dogs and then men, and then older cats. All systematically handled through weeks of short but frequent exposure. These kittens were my pride and joy. So chill and laid back you could dangle them from their back legs without more than a huffy breath in response.
I wanted to give them every opportunity to find a home no matter what other kids and pets they would be around. I mean these cats were toddler proofed.
(Despite the exposure training I did, in return for putting up with me being annoying, learn and respect all of their individual boundries and learn to reward each kitten with their own preferred treat. Be it playtime, pets, or food. Think of it like food aggression training with dogs. I didn't want them to be anything aggressive)
And of course I showed them lots of love and affection and individual attention. They all were quiet attached to me. But no more than Little foot. He was so much smaller and weaker than the others. Theyd injure him trying to play so I played with him instead. Whenever they got roudy I would take him to carry around with me while I did my chores. He was so small he just perched on my (and I am a small person) shoulder.
The three biggest found a home after just a month and a half with me. I had the last three for a lot longer. Four months.
And Little foot got bigger and healthier every day. He was the kind of kitten you could look at and tell he was sick. But the longer I had him the better his eyes looked, the smaller his swollen belly shrank. The darker and shinier his coat grew in.
When I first found him he was the size of my palm. Then he got too big to sit on just one shoulder and I had to support him with my hand. Then he got so big he could reach both my shoulders. Then he was so big I had to tuck him into my arm. Or cradle him to my chest.
He would greet me every morning from the bathroom. And every time I chittered he came running without fail. I was his favorite person in the whole world. Even though I was trying not to be. I couldn't keep him. He demanded pets and scratches and nap times with me. So I tried weaning him from so much attention but then he would cry and call for me and I am a sucker for that. So I spoiled the hell out of him.
He outgrew living in the bathroom and connecting hallway. So I began letting him out into the house periodically. He was so big
Gorey story sterilized and short. He was injured and killed by the recliner.
I was devastated. I've raised plenty of kittens before. And the sick ones usually die. I was prepared for that. I thought he was gonna die from the moment I found him. But I've never lost a cat in an accident like this before. And I am the one that found him so the image of it was burned into my mind.
It's also prudent to mention that I suffer from intrusive thoughts so I very much did not experience finding him just one time. I experienced it in varying detail every five minutes or so for the next 36 hours.
But I made a conscious decision that I would experience this grief. That I would think the sad things and say the sad words and cry and scream and be fucked up about it. And I did all those things.
I've been dissociating since I was very young and I'm not sure I have ever experienced grief all in one linear experience rather than horrible emotional breakdowns over years. It was really hard and horrible. I think I washed my hands twenty times after I touched his body. I couldn't stop thinking about the details of it for days. I saw it behind my eyelids.
But it's been a couple of weeks and I feel good. I feel so godamn accomplished to have just done the hard thing and gotten through most of it. I can't believe how fast the worst parts pass when you just let them happen.
My little buddy is dead. And I am very sad about it. I'm trying to find his sibling's homes and I'm trying not to let his death make me less effective in taking care of them.
The first picture was a month after I found him when I actually thought he was going to live and I started trying to find him a home. The second picture is a month after when his other siblings found their homes but no one wanted him. The third is him and his last siblings the night before he died.
He was so hyper and engaged that I never got one good picture of him. They're all blurry.
I was mad that no one wanted him. That he didn't get to belong to anyone. But in the end, he belonged to me. he was my little guy. My stinky. My bug. And I miss
#tw pet death#dissassociation#personal#mental health recovery#anyways#these little guys are why i've been to busy to write.
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hello there beth i've come bearing gifts! did some watching of 911 edits as one does and came across a few 5sos/911 edits you'll enjoy: we got a cute want you back buck, bad omens buddie 🥲 and the bi anthem for talk fast buck
also as you remember a few months ago i came to you with a question about schitts creek/5sos question so im here again! if you had to assign each boy to a character in 911 which will you choose and why?
ok hope you have a lovely day 💞 thank you for the endless gifs i saw of this show before i finally caved in <3
maya my darling 💛 welcome to the slowly expanding group of 5sos to 911 stans, it’s so lovely to have u join us 😌🫶 i hope u are well and i’m sorry for sucking u in to this 😌
my love thank you for these gifts they’re so beautiful 😭🫶 not the want u back edit starting w buck getting the kid outta the claw machine that’s the cutest scene 😭 god i am Devastated 😭 BAD OMENS BUDDIE!!!!! because Evan. that fuckin ripped me APART 😫 talk fast !!!!! bisexual anthem !!!!! evan buck buckley !!!!! 🙏💕💞💓💗💖💘💝
ooffff ok ok yes!!!! i love this q!! under a read more u know how it be
ashton - bobby / hen / buck
ashton was a rly hard one to pin down because i see parts of him in a couple of characters. firstly bobby - absolutely the father figure and very much the voice of reason when it comes to his team/band/friends. but also shoulders too much of that weight sometimes until it’s noticeably heavy to others. little stubborn to ask for help. i see those characteristics in hen too. such a strong beautiful person who has a clear mindset in what she wants and how to reach it. but takes on way too much at once and only asks for help when it all crumbles. and lastly i see some of buck there too, maybe not so much now that buck is on his breakdown era 😌 like i think ash has come a long long way to break out of his self destructive habits and of putting others first without even thinking about how it could affect him but i’m sure old habits die hard. but i also see buck as ash in the way he lights up a room and is so charming and thoughtful
luke - buck / ravi
i also see a lot of the same destructive tendencies of buck in luke. passing out the ‘good’ pieces of himself to others, putting on a brave face. putting all of the weight of the world on his own shoulders. but also. youngest brother and all the teasing that comes with that 😌🫶 god and he is just so pretty they’re both devastating. but i also for sure see luke as ravi - again youngest brother (idk if that’s canon but he deff gives those vibes of the younger sibling) and getting ribbed by the others, slightly awkward in new situations and around new people and uses comedy as a way to deflect 🫶
calum - eddie
not because i said ash could be buck i swear 😌 no but strong silent type, takes a while to warm up to people but you have his full trust once he’s got you under his wing. he is so fucking expressive 😭 background eddie in scenes vs calum in any interview when he’s not being asked something directly 🫶 he’s made some fucking tough decisions that altered his entire life path, tho calum’s giving up soccer to play in the band is obv a huge positive force that changed everything for him whereas i think eddie has really had to come to terms with his decisions in maybe a more negative way to begin with. therapised eddie tho giving out that love and positivity freely to his friends reminds me very much of calum
michael - chim
god he is so fucking strong and he loves so deeply and loudly. will drop everything to be there for his friends and give them his full support. when he’s so fucking sure of something he’ll pursue it to the ends of the earth. very much michael putting everything in to the band to give himself and the boys a new start at life and he carries that with him now in every band decision. he’s such a strong force within the band he has so much faith in his friends. also he’s fuckin funny mans got jokes 😌🫶
thank u so much my love!!! i hope u have a wonderful day 🥰💛
#currently on the train so thank u for helping me pass the time 🙏🫶#no but same i kept seeing gifs and it took so long to finally cave and watch lmfaoooooo#i love this for us all truly#love you!!!! 💛#lemme know ur thoughts 🥰#911#beecosmic#my brain is fuzzy and i feel like i’ve forgotten one of the 118 LOL help
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