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myarmsaretoolong · 3 years

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so apparently i had a brainwave for a scene from my ironhusbands/bio-dad/riri fic and felt the need to write it down so uh... here i guess

very much unfinished and just a first draft but idk i think it’s a decent go

When Tony was a young boy, he still believed in family. That fate could throw together a handful of people who loved each other to the point of idiocy, and who would always have each other’s backs.

He believed in family right up until he realised Howard cared more about some long dead Super-Soldier fantasy than his own wife and son. Howard would always talk about Steve, about what he achieved and how he gave his life to save the world. Usually in the same breath in which he berated Tony for accidentally short-circuiting the lab. Nothing Tony ever did was good enough for Howard. How could it be when Steve’s legacy hung over his head?

Then there was his mum. She tried, god knows she was a saint compared to Howard. She’d watch movies with Tony, tuck in him at night, cuddle him as he held back tears after Howard’s last screaming match. But so much of her energy was spent dealing with Howard that she had little to give to Tony. It wasn’t her fault, he didn’t blame her for it, but that didn’t make up for much.

No, it was Auntie Peggy and Jarvis who really raised Tony. He’d spend his holidays from boarding school at Jarvis and Ana’s when he could get away with it. Auntie Peggy would visit when between SHIELD missions as often as she could.

But they weren’t family, they were just people. A small part of him realised that he wouldn’t let them be his family, but that was something he’d unpack later. Save it for when he inevitably got himself a therapist. Or, more likely, when Pepper and Rhodey dragged him kicking and screaming to a therapist.

Pepper and Rhodey, they were some more people. And the Parker’s, too. Just a handful more people. His people, but just people.

Fact: the closest he’d ever felt to having a family was when he’d brought Rhodey to his house for Thanksgiving. Howard was away on business, and Rhodey’s parents were on a cruise - they were going to celebrate together when they got back. So the three of them cooked together, laughing and singing along to the radio, then ate as much as they could without throwing up.

Of course, Howard showed up early the next morning. It was meant to be a surprise, but he’s seen Rhodey sleeping on Tony’s floor and flipped out. Within an hour, the pair were on a plane heading back to MIT. That was the last time Tony let Rhodey near his parents.

Another fact: this moment is probably the second closest he’s felt to having a family.

Ben and Richard’s deep laughter mixed into one sound. Rhodey tried his best to hide a smirk behind his hand, and Mary didn’t try at all to hide her eye roll.

Tony leaned forward, elbows on his knees. He didn’t like being on the outside of the joke. “Am I a chef?”

“Absolutely not,” May grinned.

Ben and Richard howled louder, leaning on each other and wiping tears from their eyes.

Tony drummed his fingers on the post-it note stuck to his forehead. “Not an actor, not a sportsman, not a chef…Are you sure I’m even famous?”

“Definitely famous.”

“Can’t be if I haven’t heard of them,” Tony muttered. He plastered a scowl across his face and folded his arms.

Ben and Richard reached the point where their laughter turned into silent gasps for air, faces turning bright red. Maybe they’d had one too many to drink, but everyone else was just as tickled by the game. Happy even cracked an all too rare smile, though quickly wiped it away.

“I think I know this person far too well,” Mary grinned, one hand resting on her belly.

That’s what brought this group of people together, one night back in February that led to an unexpected pregnancy. At first, Tony has been terrified by the prospect of being a dad, but now… well he still was terrified, but also excited. A few weeks later, Mary met Richard, then Tony met Richard, then Tony met Richard’s brother and his wife May, then finally the Parker’s met all of Tony’s friends. And the rest, as they say, was history.

Pepper quirked an eyebrow, trying hard to keep a straight face. “I think we all know this person too well.”

Tony slumped back with a sigh. “I quit, it’s a stupid game anyway.”

“We all know you just hate losing, Tones,” Rhodey smirked. He gestured for everyone to quiet down, waiting patiently until Ben and Richard got themselves under control. “Guess some people and we’ll tell you if you’re hot or cold.”

“Okay,” Tony rubbed his hands together. “Um… Gandhi?”

In a split second everyone in the room, bar Tony, cackled with uncontrollable laughter. Rhodey clutched at his stomach and doubled over, Pepper hid her face in Mary’s shoulder, Happy and May giggled away in their own corner.

“Cold, cold,” Rhodey managed eventually. “Like Arctic cold.” His comment only sent another wave of laughter around the room.

“That’s it.” Tony ripped the post-it from his head and turned it over, reading the two words that adorned it. TONY STARK. “Oh for the love of- Really?”

Rhodey threw his head back. Come to think of it, that handwriting was definitely his.

“That’s right, Platypus, laugh it up. I can take it.” He screwed the paper into a little ball and threw it across the room, then sagged back into the sofa, defeated. Soon, though, the sound of his own voice joined in with the laughter. “I suppose it is a little funny, in a sadistic kind of way.”

The laughter stopped as abruptly as it started when Mary let out a little gasp of pain. All eyes in the room went to her.

“Just a kick,” she waved away their worry. “Nothing I can’t handle.”

Richard quickly sobered up. “I think we’ve got a footballer on our hands,” he said with a goofy grin. Tony would have said it was sappy if he didn’t have a matching one of his own.

Though his baby was biologically Tony’s, Richard was just as much it’s father. The three of them had sat down and discussed how their co-parenting arrangement would work. Ironing out the details as the months wore on. Neither wanted the other to be cut off of the baby’s life, and they all got along plenty well enough for the unconventional parenting setup to be a problem.

Tony was glad for Richard’s input. He didn’t know how to be a father, had hardly had one himself. He had a whole list of what not to do, but the rest was a mystery to him. Which is exactly where Richard stepped in, helped fill the blanks and make difficult decisions - like what colour was best to paint the nursery and which buggy is the safest.

um yeah, that’s what ive got. this is partly just proof im still working on this, and partly me trying to get over my recent writers block on the aladdin au

let me know what you think?

#my writing #ironhusbands #rhodey #tony stark #mcu #marvel #mcu fic #marvel fic #tony stark fic

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sharkiegorath · 6 years

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On Elias

[this is the third (3rd) time I’ve tried posting this since Tumblr’s mobile search/tag search keeps eating the post. because it’s perfectly fine with showing untagged personal posts and spam whenever you search for something, but randomly decides when to show Actual Content]

ok look I know people don’t always read the OP’s tags but I keep getting “I’M SURE HE’S EVIL” comments on a pair of gifsets with fairly obviously positive parallels and reblogging something just to definitively say “that mysterious character is eviiiiiiil” is Not Cool, even if it’s in the tags.

Yes, recent commentator, Elias definitely broke into the house. It's probably why he suggested that the Johnsons go out in the first place! But the common assumption is A) that he planted the books and B) that he did so for a malicious reason. It seems as obvious as it could possibly be while remaining unconfirmed. It seems so obvious in such a twisty show that I think it isn’t that straightforward.

Gosh, where to begin? Firstly, names and etymology are pretty good theory fodder and Easter eggs, e.g., ‘Hap’=haphephobia and all its ‘hap’-prefixed variants; ‘Khatun’ is both an old title of nobility and a modern word referring to any woman. 'Rahim' means ‘merciful’ or 'servant of the merciful'. 'Elias' is a cognate of 'Elijah'. Elijah was the Abrahamic prophet who sort of had a special connection with women and children; who was cared for by an angel; who resurrected the dead; who entered Heaven without dying at the end of his earthly life; who is sometimes believed to have become an angel. All of this information is available on Wikipedia! So even if Elias did plant the books, I don’t automatically assume he’s malicious.

There’s this interesting bit in an interview with The Atlantic:

Marling: [...] I think one of the original stories that was influential actually comes from Jewish mysticism. Do you know it?

Kornhaber: Is this leaving the door open for Elijah at Passover?

Marling: Yeah. It’s so beautiful. I think it’s amazing to try and use that as a reminder of trying to stay open. I struggle with that all the time. You get scared and you close the door. But I think The OA, she’s inviting them to let a new thing in.

(Principal Gilchrist's first name is another cognate of Elijah - 'Ellis' - and his surname means 'servant of Christ'. People have made the connection between Ellis and his "water under the bridge" comment to Ellis Island and the nearby Statue of Liberty, plus he has a snow globe of the latter.)

Elias’ potential connection with an ‘evil’ Rachel was probably debunked early by Zal Batmanglij on Twitter: the plants in her cell died because she refuses to water them as an act of rebellion. I'm too lazy to go through the whole thing about why her name being on the office wall in large Braille doesn't automatically mean she works there in the first place. I think she and Elias are connected (because of his car crash analogy and the “[My brother] never got to hear it”/”I’m a listener” lines), but I doubt it’s as evil agents.

Elias is shocked and defensive when he bumps into French in the house - but the scene follows French, so of course we aren't shocked and suspicious about French’s presence. Basically, the audience has had the same reaction to Elias breaking in as Elias initially has to French breaking in. Part of what makes Elias seem suspicious is his reaction. IMO Elias doesn't even imply or confirm that the OA was lying - he just doesn't correct French. The other 'suspicious' thing he does is...move his eyes while hugging French, which isn’t incriminating on its own since the emotion is ambiguous.

There's confusing reasoning behind why Elias would place the books in the first place. The books seem tailored to match major aspects of the OA's story. The immediate assumption is that if someone planted the books, they meant for the Crestwood Five to find them and conclude that she based lies upon them. But if that's the case, Elias likely had no way of knowing that French would break in, go to her room, thoroughly search her room, and look where he did. There was no guarantee that any of the Five would find the books, jump to the conclusion that OA was lying, then share the discovery with the others.

Alternatively, you could argue that Elias planted the books intending for someone else to find them during an investigation and use it as proof that OA was making up stories, and the Five would fall for it in the process. But in that case, why did he let French leave with all of the books? And remember, Buck kept one and the rest let him. It’s possible that they submitted the other books to the FBI offscreen, or that Elias replaced the books. But I’ve never seen the theory cover what happened to the books after the reveal, so I won’t play with that hypothetical situation here.

Maybe Elias planted the books for someone else to find and didn’t know French took them. After all, we don't know what happened after the hug. But that introduces a new set of logical problems. How would French sneak a big, heavy box out of the house? He could take it if Elias had already left or wasn’t watching him...but why would Elias leave French unsupervised? Does anyone think that Elias ensured French left, then French broke in again not long afterwards and took the books, all offscreen? And couldn’t his presumably nearby car be a potential giveaway?

So, the books don't make much sense as an attempt to disillusion the Five. Some people think French's reaction stretches audience suspension of disbelief, right - I think it's an even bigger stretch that the FBI would predict a break-in and his reaction. To a lesser extent, the books also don't make sense as an attempt to frame OA, because they end up with the boys and don’t seem to play a role beyond breaking their faith. As for how French took the books while Elias was there, Elias advocates strategic passivity and avoids direct persuasion; I don't find it outlandish that French would say something like "I need to show proof to the others" then take the box, and Elias wouldn’t protest because it's not part of his agenda either way.

The next most obvious explanation for the books is if they really are OA’s. They weren’t necessarily used to construct a lie.

In the previous episode, OA had a conversation with BBA about how cultures that suffer more loss tend to have more totems. OA knew this because of an exhibit that she loved so much as a child that she made her parents take her back twice. It made a lasting impact on her, as evidenced by the wolf hoodie that reminds her of Homer’s. BBA is not with the boys when French reveals the books, so she doesn't even have the chance to recall that conversation. We don’t know if BBA learned about the books after the boys did. And the books were specifically stored beneath the wolf hoodie. The Five may not be aware of the hoodie’s significance; Elias wouldn’t know the hoodie’s significance unless OA wore it to a session and he asked why she has a hoodie with a wolf on it, or she spontaneously told him, both of which seem a bit far-fetched. (Onscreen, at least, she never wore it to a therapy session.)

Ehh, miscellaneous notes:

It’s uncertain that OA can read English text. But the conversation with BBA says that the Thing Itself isn't as important as what it symbolises. (“Objects carry meaning in difficult times.”) She doesn't need to be able to read the books in order for them to mean something. Anyway, she might’ve been bilingual from a young age; she was 7 or 8 when she went blind and she seems fluent in English by the time we see her in the American boarding school. (There might be proof that she can write in English, since she signed the bottom of the note she left for her parents? It’s been interpreted both ways so idk.)

The Five getting discovered in the abandoned house probably wasn’t set up by Elias. BBA had previously slipped and told Principal Gilchrist about it while driving to save Steve.

I don’t strongly rule it out, but I don’t think Elias spied on the Five, because he only realises who French is when he tells him his name. Unless he’s pretending.

Why were the books under OA’s bed, under the hoodie? Maybe she hid her totems in case her parents found them, since Nancy already thought she had delusions that could easily be linked to The Oligarchs and The Iliad. It’s unclear to me, but there might be a moment in the first episode where OA shoves the video camera under her bed (starts at 29:15-ish), foreshadowing that she might’ve done the same thing with the books later.

The issues I have with my own theory are:

According to the label on the Amazon box, the books were delivered in September. That's at odds with how OA's video was posted in February 2016. But the FBI (or another organisation) ordering the books also doesn't make sense: they would’ve been planning to discredit her months before she returned or assembled the Five or told her story. Even if they knew about the experiments, Hap dumping OA on the road in February seemed entirely spontaneous; that itself was the result of a seemingly random event (getting caught by the sheriff). More importantly, I’d question why the boys didn't notice the discrepancy in dates, and why the FBI didn't realise it themselves. (Like, all they had to do was remove the label or use a different box.) How can they predict a very specific chain of events yet not be smart enough to remove a label? It’s not impossible in the broader scope of the story - maybe they have reality-warping powers, maybe there’s time travel involved - but right now it’s a big stretch just to support the basic theory that Elias planted the books. So I suspect the label is a minor production oversight. Considering exactly how briefly the date is onscreen and difficult to read even when the scene is paused, I think it wasn’t meant to be read by the audience. (Compare the length of the date’s visibility and its readability to earlier in the scene, when French looks at the newspaper clippings, or whenever a phone/computer screen takes up the frame.)

How did OA order the books? The hardest part is how she went online, but she could’ve placed the order sometime in the first episode before the router was taken away. It’s possible to order things from Amazon without a credit card and have them sent to a pickup point or post office, so that’s not a big issue if she had money somewhere (or stole it from her parents, which is 100% in-character for her). Sneaking the package into the house is another problem - but, then again, she’s cunning and her room is conveniently located so things can fairly easily go in/out of her window.

Elias suggested that the Johnsons go out for a family dinner. That somewhat complicates the timeframe he would’ve had for breaking in; if the outing had gone 'normally' they would've returned home before it was very late, yet still at an unpredictable time. (Again, he probably had no way of knowing they’d choose French's workplace, that it’d go badly, etc.) He was unable to break into the Johnsons' home on the night the OA finished her story, which is why he broke in later on, when French did. I guess Nancy and Abel went home after the incident at the Olive Garden and Elias saw the house was occupied, so he waited, and luckily for him they left the next day?

I’m not sure whether Elias lies when French asks if OA told him about Homer, the mine, and Hap’s studies. She told Elias specifics about the first and third premonitions, but it’s unclear how much she explained the second, Homer wasn’t mentioned by name onscreen, and we don’t know if she talked about the movements and angels. It’s worth noting that right after their last session, Elias does lie. OA explained her dreams, including the previous night’s. Afterwards, Nancy assumes Elias knows what happened last night...but he says no, seemingly to see how Nancy explains it. He’s capable of minor lies to Learn Things for ambiguous reasons. (Does he lie to Nancy for OA’s benefit? Or is it because he doesn’t trust OA, or is it simply an effort to hear different sides? I think the tone of the scene suggests he’s trying to help OA, but you might think it’s deliberately misleading. Anyway, they’re not all mutually exclusive motives.)

If the books really were OA’s, what was her reaction when she returned home and they were missing? She probably wouldn't tell her parents. But what would she think happened? Possibly she might be able to put two and two together since she’d previously helped Steve sneak into her room. Maybe she doesn’t seem sad right before the shooting because she deduced that the Five wanted to help her, and she didn’t know that the boys concluded she was lying.

We might be able to get general sense of where The OA is headed by examining Brit and Zal's previous work. Sound of My Voice is the most similar. One of the most common (and plausible) theories for SOMV is that Maggie was telling the truth and the 'FBI agent' wasn't actually an FBI agent. But there are other reused elements that were subverted: OA is much less intimidating and more personable than Maggie; the Five are inclined to believe her without being cult-like; the agent was trying to catch Maggie without her knowledge instead of possibly pretending to help her. I kinda hope it's a meta Red Herring planted for people who've watched both.

Elias was in the house for a reason. I think the video camera and all of the tapes might be a Chekhov's Gun. Brit Marling said something along the lines of "it’s worthy to question Elias’ motives"; he doesn’t necessarily have Good intentions. However, him planting the books isn’t a sure thing and we know nothing about whatever he did in the time gap before the shooting; there’s no indication that he helped or hindered OA in any way, if they’re still in contact, etc. So I think it’s a Bit Much to leap to "ELIAS IS EVIL" Not everyone who thinks he planted the books assumes he’s evil, which is nice. But it's Tiring seeing the evil accusation treated as if it's rare or a new theory, especially considering the depth of analysis that the rest of the show receives.

#elias rahim #the oa #oatheories #prairie johnson #oa #my oa theories #@ search function meet me in the pit you bitch #what are you doing? why are you so determined to smear elias' literally good name?#it's still not showing up??? i'm going to flip a table????

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depths-ofhxll · 4 years

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Luci’s Lovesick February Interview

✦ what’s your favorite valentine’s day memory?

Well, My mom used to make dinner for us every year, so probably that. It would always be what I asked for that night. Sometimes we would go to the movies or something, lots of mom and daughter moments.

✦ what is something you did one valentine’s day that you’ll never do again?

Work. I haaaated working on valentines day, or any holiday for that matter because for some reason even with the dispensary it’s always super busy because we have sales going on.

✦ what is your idea of a perfect valentine’s day?

Spending time with someone I love, being intimate in not just a sexual way but in general.

✦ what is your favorite valentine’s tradition?

I dunno, never really had one. Valentines day was never big in my home.

✦ what is your favorite valentine’s candy?

Does chocolate covered strawberries count as candy? Because that.

✦ what’s your favorite romance movie?

I don’t watch romance movies, They’ve never really interested me.

✦ what’s the number one thing you think makes a relationship last?

Communication, Honesty, and just idk all around being a decent human being. Like, if you’re not gonna be around, tell me. If i’m going out or something I’ll tell you, stuff like that.

✦ tell us about your worst breakup?

My worst breakup? Well, they’ve all been kinda bad. Most of them were never full relationships but more of friends with benefits that just had to end, or there was one who we had never actually committed to a relationship, and they ended up thinking I was cheating on them.

✦ what gesture feels the most romantic when done for you?

This is gonna sound so stupid but I like feeling small. Like, the cute stuff like carrying me around, playing with my hair, rubbing my back, all those types of things.

✦ do you have any romantic past memories that were so good that you’d relive them if you could? what are they?

I was never the romantic type, so I don’t really have any past romantic memories that didn’t turn out bad.

✦ so you’re dating Craig Owens, how long have you guys been together now?

We have been friends for i think going on five years now, but officially been dating for almost two weeks so it’s still new.

✦ how did you meet?

I was actually a contestant in a tattoo competition, where Craig was a judge. We immediately got along after the competition, started talking and hanging out more when we both realized we lived in the area, and it just grew ever since.

✦ did you get together right away or was it more of a slow burn type thing?

Definitely a slow burn, the slowest burn there ever was.

✦ what do you think initially attracted you to them?

Friend wise, his personality was what really got me. Then I caught myself getting lost in his eyes and had a crush on him ever since.

✦ what was the reaction from your friends, family, and fans when they found out you were together?

Everybody, as far as I know, was really happy when we finally spoke up about it. I got lots of “omg finally” type things. It was really sweet.

✦ when was the first time you knew you were in love with them?

I don’t fully know, I always thought it was a friend type love until I found myself getting jealous when he was talking to other girls. I tried to hide it for the longest time and then one day it just clicked.

✦ what are some of the most memorable moments you’ve had together?

Well, first would be how we met. I didn’t have nearly as many tattoos as I do now so it was kind of funny that I was in a competition in the first place. Then was when I got Simba, my dog. He offered to take me to the shelter and we found my lil police academy dropout. More recent memories are just, every day it’s fun and something new and I love it so much.

✦ what was the hardest time you’ve had to go through together this far?

The hardest time so far was probably a night that I went through some very stressful family stuff. Craig couldn’t be around with me like he usually is, so it was really difficult for me to go through something so big without my best friend.

✦ do you have any big valentine’s day plans?

As of right now, I don’t think we have any plans? I’m not too sure, I mean we are on the cruise so just spending time together, unless he’s got plans I don’t know of yet.

✦ what weaknesses do you see in your relationship? what strengths do you see?

We’re still in the honeymoon phase of our relationship, so this is gonna sound sappy, but I dont think we have any weaknesses. Strengths on the other hand, is probably our communication. We are very open with each other, and always honest about what is going on in our lives.

✦ what do you find most attractive about them?

Still his personality, He’s super funny, super sweet although he doesn’t like to show that side of him in front of everyone. He’s honest with me about everything and always has been. If we’re talking physical attraction i mean come on, have you seen him?

✦ what are some goals you have for your relationship that you haven’t accomplished yet?

Honestly, I don’t know. The usual milestones, move in together, all that future stuff.

✦ do you believe in soulmates? do you think they’re your soulmate?

I do kinda believe in soulmates...I used to think of it as like, a friend thing you know? Like there are certain people that are supposed to be in your life forever. And as soon as I met Craig I knew he was a soulmate in that sense, but now….Oh god I hate being sappy, but he brings it out in me, yeah...I do think he is.

✦ are they your ideal person?

He is my ideal person, I can’t think of having anybody else in my life. I absolutely love Craig with all my heart.

#long post #lhq.task

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shakespearean-tc · 5 years

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Teacher Crush Background

Originally posted March 29th, 2019 Some background on me and A.

I know that like, I haven’t known him for 2 or 3 years like others in the community, but… I dunno I really needed to get my story out because keeping this in is so hard

He started teaching at my high school around late January. He’s small for a guy, like 5′ 5-6″. I’m almost 5′ 10″ so??? theres an issue haha but hes adorable. We’re 6 years apart? Does this even matter? Who knows.

Anyway, he began as our student teacher and I seriously thought that he was such a dork at the beginning. It was an endearing thought, but he seemed so quirky? Which isn’t a bad thing but he had sO MuCH ENERGy. hes a millenial so like he knows all of the memes and vines and omg i just- Yeah. He’s a good teacher and he’s gone through some rough stuff, but he’s just??? Such a wonderful guy.

Eventually, I found out he was a huge nerd? i was just talking about Legend of Zelda with my friend and he just literally like I swear to god, his ears perked up and he was like “Yo were you just talking about Majora’s Mask?” And i was like “Uh wow, yeah i was how tf did you-” “OMG I LITERALLY LOVE THAT GAME SO MUCH ITS MY FAVORITE”

But I guess??? I’ll just like share some times when I really was like “omg i think i have a crush” because why tf not i dunno what the heck im doing

1- This is like 2 weeks in since he’s been teaching us. We were doing an exercise so that we could work on our natural reactions, yeah? You would say a word and the other people in your group would answer with the first word that came to mind. Because in theatre, it’s really difficult to fake a genuine reaction to something and also because improvisation my dudes

But anyhow, I was bored and I just kinda was like “Trauma.” And my friend, E, goes, “PTSD” and then my other friend just yells “TYLER” and A just leaped up and was like “CONCERN?!??!?!” and so he just walked over and we were laughing so hard i could hardly breathe, but he just looked at us, slightly concerned, and my friend made some stupid comment, I cant even remember what it was but i started laughing even harder that i snORTED and he looked at me and I just went bright red and he started laughing SO HARD THAT HE WAS ALMOST CRYING and we finally calmed down and i just kinda mumbled “omg i hate my laugh that was awful” and he just smiled at me and was like “Hey, don’t. it’s real and it’s an awesome laugh. i love it.”

2- This was probably about a month in or so. Middle of February. He started out coming to class dressed like?? Really nice, and hes got long hair so he always wore it in a ponytail. He was in like slacks and dress shirt, tie, etc, etc. I always thought it was kinda cute, but then one day, out of the blue- He shows up to class with his hair down, jeans, sneakers, a zelda shirt and this really nice leather jacket- i swear to god he walked into class and i like glanced up from my sketchbook and had to do a friggin double take??? He looked like a different man??? but he looked so much more comfortable like jeez wow he looked so nice, and now he dresses like this all the time

3- One day after class, i was packing up my stuff, and it was just me and him in the classroom. out of the blue he started coughing really hard and really bad and i like dropped everything and was like “OmG ARE YOU OKAY DO YOU NEED HELP” and he just kinda shook his head, and drank some water. after a minute he turned to me, and was like “No, im ok, im okay” and i was like “okay, but??? are you sure??? that scared me” and he sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose and said “listen, idk if ill tell the rest of the class, but… you cant tell anyone about this because its embarrassing.” and i was here thinking “wtf is it??” and he says “I have Cystic fibrosis (ill refer to this as CF later on in my blog posts at some points).” and i looked at him all weird and was like “what is that” and he tells me “its hard to explain but basically my lungs dont work right and its hard for me to breathe a lot of the time.” and i just “how come ive never heard of it?” He says “Its really rare. its a life threatening disease, and i dont like to tell many people about it because i feel like they treat me like im delicate and fragile, and i dont want to be treated like that. please don’t tell anyone else.” and i smiled softly and nodded. “Okay I won’t. Just… let me know if you need help.” He smiled at me. “Thanks M. Will do. Have a good day.”

4- In late February. We were working on memorising our scenes that we had written and one of the other groups had just finished theirs. it was a very sad scene and he was like “Ouch, right in my feels. good job guys.” And he started walking out of the room, when one of the girls was talking to me and said “yeah, were gonna have her die in the end” and by now, A is out of the room, but i hear like a very soft thumpthumpthumpthump and he runs back into the room and yells “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’VE DONE THIS” and runs out, leaving the rest of us dying of laughter. (another time me and my friend were quoting vines and she goes “say colorado!” and he runs up behind up and just “IM A GIRAFFE”)

We’re really good friends, always talking after class and sharing jokes. He sometimes rants with me after school.

I guess this last one is when I realised I was… almost falling in love with him. I know it sounds so silly, but idk its nice to finally be able to say it.

This was the 1st of March. It was the night we were performing our scenes, and there was like 100-150 people in the audience. I have bad stage fright, but what you need to know is that I had a boyfriend a few years back who killed himself, and sometimes I see people that look like him, and i almost get… triggered?? Idk how to explain it but i break down. Anyway, we were backstage and I was helping one of the groups carry off their props when, for some reason, I looked out into the audience and I froze. Because in my eyes, there was a man sitting there that looked identical to my dead boyfriend. I started to shake, and I dropped the prop I was holding. Luckily the lights were almost completely out, so the audience could hardly see anything. My friend grabbed me and the prop and dragged me off stage. I got out into the hall next to the theatre and i just stood there, like a deer in headlights. the hall was almost completely empty, and my friend was like “are you alright?” i told her i was fine, and that I just needed a minute. she went back into the theatre to watch the other groups perform. i was alone in the hall now, and everything hit me like a brick. i began to get really dizzy and i started to lean against the wall. every time i closed my eyes, all i saw was that man, and i started to sob. i was shaking and i felt like i was going to die. i was already really anxious about our scene, and i was hitting the wall with my fist because i was kinda mad at myself. my boyfriend had been dead for about a year, and i got so upset with myself when i thought about it because i blamed myself for everything and i felt stupid because he’d been gone for so long. my knuckles started to bleed and thats when I heard the backstage door shut and I whipped my head around to see A there. I quickly tried to wipe away my tears and pretend like I was fine. He looked at me, and the rest went as such:

A: “M? What’s the matter? Why are you crying? Are you okay?” Me: “Yeah, I’m fine. Totally fine. Peachy. I’m great.”

I laughed and I wiped more tears from my eyes, but the salt started to sting my bleeding knuckles. I hissed in pain, and his eyes widened. He grabbed my hand.

A: “M? What… Why are your knuckles bleeding? You’re- You’re crying. You’re obviously not alright.”

I laughed again, shaking my head.

Me: “No. I’m fine.” A: “Your knuckles are bleeding. You are NOT fine. Please. Tell me. What’s going on?”

I took a deep breath, and I heard the other door open. The other group must’ve been finished with their scene. Some of the other kids began filing out and I tried to make it look like I hadn’t been crying.

“Excuse me?” I heard someone ask.

A and I both turned around. And lo, and behold. That man. was right there. I dont know his name. i know nothing about him. but he was a spitting image of my boyfriend. “Do you know when (name of my classmate) is performing her scene? She’s my younger sister, and I’ve got to get home soon, but I don’t want to miss it.” He informed us.

I turned around again, trying not to freak out while A told him that they would be on stage soon. The man went back into the theatre, along with my classmates. I was choking back tears and A must’ve noticed. A: “M? Are you sure you’re okay? You look like a deer in headlights.” Me: “Who is he? I- I don’t want to see him again, he looks like- like-” At this point in time, I couldn’t hold much back. I began to cry all over again and A sat me down against the wall. I told him everything. I told him about my boyfriend, the suicide, my anxiety, how I was so scared to get on stage, and that I couldn’t handle seeing that man. I told him all of it. When I was done, he reached for his shirt collar and pulled out a locket. He opened it, showing it to me. A: “Do you see her?” There was a young woman in the photo with A, and they were both laughing.

Me: “She’s pretty. Who is she?” A: “My sister. She passed away from CF when I was 16. I wear this locket to remind me of her and how she was one of the only people who believed in me, especially when no one else did. Everyday, it keeps me strong, and reminds me that I can go through hard things and make it out alright in the end. Now, I want you to listen closely. First of all, your boyfriend’s suicide was NOT your fault, okay? No matter what. It was his decision, and I know that he wouldn’t want you to spend your entire life blaming yourself for something he chose. Second, you have no reason to be scared on stage. I’ve seen you trying so hard to get your lines memorised and become this character. You’re such an amazing actress and you’ve no reason to feel uneasy. Stage fright is hard. It really is.” He grabbed my hands at this point. “But you are AMAZING. And you are going to be so wonderful up there on stage. I have faith in you M.”

I swallowed, and nodded, wiping my eyes. He stood up, and helped me stand up. A: “Now c’mon. Let’s go see if we can find some bandaids for your hands.” We both went to the classroom, found some bandaids and cleaned off my hands. When it came time for our scene, he wished me good luck. For once, I felt confident. I felt like I was alright. After the entire show was over, we were cleaning up the stage. My friends were waiting outside for me by my car and I went over to A. He set down the prop he was holding and turned to me, smiling. A: “You were great! I told you that you could do it!” Me: “Thanks A. I just wanted to let you know that tonight meant a lot to me. I was really upset and anxious, but you made me feel a lot better. You’re a great teacher, and I’m so glad that you’re with us.” He smiled really big. A: “Thanks M. That means a lot to me. You have a lot of potential, and I love talking with you. Have a good night.” I bid him farewell, and since then? Things have been different. We’re… friends, I suppose. We talk after class more often, we have intellectual discussions over email, we share an emotional bond. I guess that’s when I really realised I was basically in love with him. He’s one of the only people in my life who I can feel completely comfortable around, someone that I trust with basically everything. He makes me feel special and of worth, and I know it all sounds so silly, but I really adore him. Thanks for reading this whole big long post, i guess

i really like the tcc community to be honest, even though im remotely new to it. a lot of people seem really cool if you ever want to rant to me or just talk, im here to listen!

#teacher crush #teacher x student #tcc #tcc blog #tcc community #teacher #student #student teacher #tc

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letsdiscoverkitty · 7 years

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Monday 27th February 2017: Frustration

For the past two weeks or so I haven’t really been able to pinpoint why I have been feeling so annoyed/messy/unsure/even more anxious, but I think I’ve got it; I am feeling frustrated. Frustrated at myself, at the situation, and at anorexia.

I write “myself” first because that is the first thought that pops into my head. I am frustrated at how I “should have” been stronger, I “should have” done x and y, I “should have” tried harder/acted sooner/done more. I am frustrated because I have been talking around in circles for years on end with nothing much changing...It is only once I have delved into these thoughts and had the chance to step back that I can begin to try to reassess a little.

I think I am channeling my frustration at the wrong ‘thing’ (?). I have been beating myself up/putting myself down/dwelling on negative thoughts more and more recently, turning my frustration inwards towards myself. This, in turn, leads me to continue to feed into the frustration, which leads to feeling even more rubbish/stuck/down, and suddenly it would be so much easier to just ignore it all. To avoid and numb it all out. Because “what’s the point in trying anymore, I always mess up”. This leads to me putting off changes, letting anorexia control my actions and thus staying stuck and becoming even more frustrated with myself. It is a constant self-fulfilling cycle that is keeping me trapped.

After taking a step back and trying to rationalise a little, I think I have realised that I need to try to channel my frustration in a slightly different way. And maybe that means trying to channel it towards the cause, instead of in towards myself, maybe it needs to be directed at the anorexia.

A large element of my current frustration is that I can feel/see myself going down the “safe” route; following the footsteps that I have taken so many times in the in the past. This path is so well trodden, it is what I am used to, and it is easy to slip into a state of desperately clinging onto any part of the disorder I can. In a way, it feels natural? right? but at the same time I know that I don’t want to follow this pathway. I know that it has only become my automatic response because these pathways are so engrained in my mind. Neurological speaking it is completely understandable why I would be swayed to go down this path, but just because they are what I have used in the past, does not make them, in any sense/way the ‘right’ action.

It is as if I am watching from a distance and I am screaming at myself from behind a two-way mirror, but the “me” on the other side can’t hear or see me and continues to listen to the “devil on her shoulder”, turning towards the safe spiralling road. And I am there screaming at myself because I don’t want to be continually going around in circles and staying stuck in this limbo land forever, but no one can hear me...

I can feel myself going through the motions again, putting off changes, dragging things out, trying to control every single element I can. Doing as little as I can to keep people off my back, believing that I am doing it for the ‘right’ reasons, but in reality not being in control of it at all.

I wish I had an answer. I wish that I could now sit here and give you a magic method to fix all of this. I so wish there was an amazing revelation at the end of this post, that I could give you this recipe for how to make a U-turn in this road, but there is no such thing.

There is no magic answer. There is no simple way through this. And there definitely is no one single ‘right’ way.

All these expectations that I put upon myself are ridiculous and unrealistic. And they are definitely not ones that I would apply to others, so why do I keep trying to apply them to myself? It is the black and white thinking kicking in again. The all or nothing. This or that. But as I am slowly beginning to understand, it does not have to be this way.

This chance to reflect and rationalise some of my thoughts has not lead to a breakthrough or some magic cure, however it has given me a little more understanding about myself, where I currently am in my journey and, idk how to put it but, I feel like I “know my enemy” a little better now?

Cards on the table: I haven’t increased my meal plan since my appointment last week. And I am ashamed of this. I hate admitting it but the more I avoid the truth, the more I trick myself into thinking that everything is “fine”, when actually it’s not. I am so good at planning and talking, and even get a bit motivated at times to make these changes, but then I hit a wall. In the moment I freeze. Shut down. I know it is no excuse but it is literally like everything else goes out the window; all logic, all reason and it is suddenly it is all anorexia. The rest of the world goes on mute. Excuses start slipping in, appearing in my head. The little whispers/thoughts pop up left right and centre: “You can do that tomorrow”, “you don’t need to do that today”, “if you have x then you can’t have y later on”, “why change? what’s the point? you always mess up anyway.”, “you don’t need that, it’s too much”, “why not just play it safe for now, you can try again another day. Yes safe is better, at least it is known”... It is a constant battlefield in my mind and when I hit these places I tend to almost “switch off” and go into autopilot mode. I go down those automatic neural pathways and do the same thing I have always done. I allow anorexia to guide me. This happens time and time again and before long another week has passed and I haven’t managed to do the things I said I would. I then I end up beating myself up, knocking myself down, dwelling on all that I should have done better. And here I am, yet another week down the line, and anorexia has made me take another step down the usual safe path and I am left feeling, well, like an utter mess. I am so lost/unsure/uncertain/confused/anxious/frustrated/alone and I don’t know what to do.

I do want to get better. I really don’t want to take this same path again and again. I am so tired of the games and excuses, the lost hours and days and nights. I want this time to be different. I know I need to be kinder to myself. I need to stop beating myself up over what I believe I “should” have done different and try to shift my focus to the here and now, the moment that I can change and shape to form a different pattern. But it is so hard. Because there needs to be a balance, and I suppose that is where tough love comes in? Of course all of this is so much easier said than done because the missing connection is all of this is the action. The doing. The change. Facing reality head on and not trying to run away.

So here I am left yet again, after all this reflecting and thinking, in just as much as a muddle as I was at the start. Okay, I will give myself a bit of a break, I suppose I am beginning to understand my feelings a little more, but understanding is not quite enough though is it? It is a step in the right direction but as we all know, action is where change will always lie. You can think around in circles until the cows come home but nothing will ever change if your decisions/actions don’t.

I wish it were simpler. I wish it didn’t feel so wrong or hurt so much. But sitting here and wishing will not make a difference will it? I suppose, in a sense, it is so much simpler than my anorexia tries to make it out to be. It will always try to overcomplicate things, make up a million and one excuses, it will start comparing and calculating and checking and searching, it will throw everything/anything it can at us to try to put a spanner in the works because this is the last thing it wants us to do. It is all a distraction technique, an attempt to keep us trapped in its clutches for even longer. Trying to make a deal with the devil will never ever ever bring us the things is promises. The facts are that I need to follow my meal plan. Of course this throws up all sorts of questions how fast? how slow? what foods do I eat? too much of x and not enough y. but you are already gaining slowly, why mess it up. If you increase more you will just lose control. Why do you want to destroy it all? But I can’t keep appeasing these thoughts. I need to trust my team, trust my meal plan and give it a chance. Because the truth is that I can’t trust my own mind right now, it is too easily swayed.

So let’s think about what could happen if I stuck with my current meal plan and didn’t increase:

I would likely continue to gain weight but at a very slow pace

Putting off change = putting off life

I would be feeding into anorexia; keeping it all very controlled/safe

It would keep me stuck in the “restrictive” mindset e.g. denying myself food

Potentially slowing down my metabolism?

Continuing to listen to anorexia and live by it’s rules, making it harder to hopefully one day move forwards (stronger disordered neural pathways)

Stay in a limbo/quasi-recovery again and most likely go around in circles again and again. End up relapses and put life on hold again.

University won’t be possible this year/putting off life again and staying stuck in the illness.

My body wont hold out forever.

And that’s just to name a few...

Now, what about if I were to increase my meal plan/stick with actual change...

Well, I will likely gain weight quicker.

But that would mean getting out of the ‘danger zone’ quicker and allowing my body to heal, right?

I might have a bit more energy/be a little warmer/actually be able to do things like concentrate on books/tv shows/crocheting etc.

Push/confront anorexic behaviours/disordered beliefs

Feeling worse in the short term. Anxiety increases. Mood drops.

But then University could be possible this year

I might be able to go out more and partake in life/meet people/socialise/get a job.

I have to face some really uncomfortable and difficult things

Emotions wake up.

Anorexia might get louder to begin with

But overall it will give me, Kitty, a chance.

Anorexia often paints this “magical” picture of how recovery should look but I am beginning to learn that actually recovery does not look like anything that anorexia paints. It is not a black and white image; it is not all or nothing. It says it should all be sunshine and rainbows and that if it isn’t, then you are just doing it wrong/shouldn’t even try and should instead run back to safety, but that is so far from the truth. Recovery is messy. Recovery is hard. Recovery is difficult. And, I suppose at the heart of it, there is no definition of what it is. Recovery is life. A chance. A future.

Conclusion? If only I had one, however I will give this a shot:

I have been dipping my toe into recovery. I have made progress these last few weeks and I should give myself some recognition for that, but I know that I can’t just stop here. This is a very sticky point for me and has been in the past. It is where anorexia gets comfy. It it where anorexia traps me and keeps me stuck. Staying stuck leads to me constantly sabotaging my future time and time again. It is limbo land all over again. But I do not want this to be it. I do not want to go down these same paths all over again. Ultimately I know that no one can make the decisions for me, it has to come from me, and that is often the hardest thing. No matter how many appointments, therapists, support sessions, check-ins, meal plans etc, I have, it will always come back to me. I need to be making these decisions. Sticking with these changes. And giving myself this chance.

Yeah, we’ll go with that.

#personal #long post #rambling away on a monday morning

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strawberryspeachy · 4 years

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So far on the boys ive talked to in japan - aside that teacher

1) around september i decided to look at whose on tinder. One boy i matched with talked to me and didn’t stop responding upon finding out i was not japanese. He helped me with a couple japanese phrases - telling me what sounded most natural. Asked me if i lived alone. Said he wanted to meet me.... asked if i was free that week. I said yes. I gave him a couple days that i was off. He never responded again - that was about 5-6~ days into talking

2) october i went to a club... after a disappointing night i talked to the cute ... not bar person but like he was on the floor. I thought he’d walk away but he got all happy and kept moving close to me to talk. It being too loud combined with my poor japanese and his no english meant we used google translate to talk mostly. Added each other on instagram and he said he’d like to hang out sometime. I asked about a few days and he pulled out his calendar and both were days he worked- he had two jobs. He said we’ll figure out a time later. We had some conversations on instagram. Then after a couple weeks his stories always showed him with friends. I asked him a couple times when he was free and he said he was working all the time. After another weekish of that i said it seemed that he had time to see his friends but not me. And he basically just said yep

3) december i got back on tinder. But for real. Not just a qick swipe through. Talked to the next guy with a bunch of other dudes. Was just talking. Trying to improve my english. Hoping someone would ask me to go eat with them since that is what id written on my profile. This boy asked me to hang out. We’d talked more and more over the two weeks and he said he really wanted to see me. But he couldnt cause he was working too much. Then he told me when he has a break. I had the flu at the same time and told him id tell him when i was better and he got sweeter and sweeter toward me. Then we talked on the phone and it was awkward and difficult cause my japanese not being great is even worse when i cant gesture. But it went well. Then. Suddenly. Over text the tinder boy - lets have sex! - bs came up. I said i didnt want to the first time we meet and i wanna just talk. He asked a couple more times about it and then agreed. The day before we talked on the phone again - he suddenly said he had to take another call and hung up and then didnt say anything else the rest of the night. I freaked out a bit that night thinking hed stopped talking to me. But the next morning he messaged me like nothing happened. Didnt even want to acknowledge my freak out aside from telling me not to think so much.

We met up. He took me to a shrine. We got fortunes and ties them to a tree... then he took me to his apartment... fast... he said he wanted to watch movies together.... bought... chocolate. I mean great but i wanted real food i was hungry. Then. He kept trying to have sex with me. So many times just pushed and pushed. Would not take no for an answer. Finally when... he was trying to take off more of my clothes and i wouldnt let him and said no again. He asked if i had my period. And only stopped after i said i did. Kept trying to pursuade me to give him a blowjob.

Before that... he asked me to be his girlfriend. Said he was moving soon and asked me to move in with him. Told me hed be workig two jobs for the rest of january so we couldnt meet again till February...

Anyhow after i kept saying no to a blow job and other stuff happened i asked him if we could go get food. He said he didnt have money and cooked bad ramen on the stove and french fries... he drank a bunch of alcoholic. We watched some music videos and he went to sleep.

When he kinda seemed to wake up i tried to make a point of me leaving. He just acted kinda annoyed that he had to even still deal with me being there at that point and ignored me while trying to sleep... he ghosted me right in front of me

He replied to my text the next day with some nonsense and about a week later he told me about his apartment plans. He sent one last text about it before... never responding again

I let it be for the next four weeks... till the days he was supposededly done working two jobs and couls see me again. Hed made story postings during this time

But yea. Never replied to me again

4) some boy who wanted to get better at english cause hes moving to the us. We talked on the phone a couple times near christmas. He complained about not having a gf and said he wanted to hang out. But the times i asked he was “busy”. We hung out once... played darts. He said he didnt want to drink cause he drank the night before and he ate before meeting me so left early.... said next time. There was never a next time.

5) some guy i talked to a bit. He asked to meet up. I agreed. Took a whole for us to find each other cause he kept...... hanging up the phone on me.... he didnt look like his pic and he dressed weird. He basically hailed me over when he found me and then walked fast so that i basically had to chase him around. He was one of those dudes that walks with his hands out like people are supposed to move for him. After about 20 minutes of that he told me to wait while he pretended to get a call and then told me his dog is sick and he needed to leave to take her to the hospital. He said well meet again. Never saw him again not that i wanted too.

6) talked to another boy for a couple weeks. Just about fun stuff it was good conversation. We talked about music and movies and murder mystery parties. About our days and just generally the kind of good conversation you have with friends. Around the third week we talked about meeting... but. Then. Tinderboy - i wanna have sex! Came into the convo... i told him i had my period and asked if we could go out to drink instead. He said lets drink before we do next week. Whatever. Next week comes around. Same good conversation everyday. The day of comes and he responded to me in the morning reconfirming the time and place and stuff. Once the time to meet rolled around. No response. I called him a couple times more so to bitch him out. He blocked me.

7) some other dude. We talked a bit. He asked me to go out to eat. Post poned 3 times that night cause he was working later than he was supposed to. I was so hungry. No he didn’t wanna go out to eat. Bought me some convience store food and barely let me finish eating before hooking up... he said thanks to my happy birthday message. But otherwise we havent talked again. Even though hes a ten minute walk away.

8) then of course theres the absolutely adorable boy who took me out on the date of my dreams.... until he silently walked me the train station. Said bye. And now has slowly ghosted me all week. He just unmatched me on tinder after i asked about it so. Guess he’s gone. Which has me feeling fucking terrible.

9) talked to a guy a couple days ago. He asked if i wanted to hook up. I basically agreed. I WANTED HUMAN CONTACT ON VALENTINES DAY. He told me beforehand he was only free for a couple hours. Asked if i wanted him to pick me up the night before buttttt i got my hair treated and shouldnt sweat so i said it was too late and i needed to sleep. He met me. Late. At the station and walked me back yo his apartment after i was done work. One of my students saw me with him... embarrassing. We talked a lot. Hes the oldest guy ive ever... anything. Though still just 29. It would have been a good conversation if... i didnt know he asked me to come have sex and then never made a move. An hour and a half in he suddenly went

Oh its the time! Sorry go. I should have agreed to his request for yesteday instead of insisting on friday.

Ive been freaking out about 8 and i messaged him asking if he lost interest in me. He never responded to my message asking if he wanted to hookup yesterday. He didnt respond for 20 minutes and then i said either say yes or no so im not waiting. And he almost immediately responded with no. So. Idk.

10) talked to some dude from hong kong yesteday. He messaged me first saying he doesnt like japan and just came for the food. Ive been crying all day and basically hust bitched about japan to him. Apparently he doesnt actually dislike japan... he just doesnt like the bidets.... and i told him my home life sucks so im here but here sucks too so wtf. Ya know. Things that are totally attractive go someone you started talking to a half an hour ago. He said he wanted to talk about food. Im good at food talk ok. Then asked if i wantrd to meet up and look for cake with him. Sure. Shinjuku. The same placd i met 5 and 3. Thought id break the- everytime i come to this city im depressed. Cause before them the last time i went to shinjuku in the summer. I couldnt find the clothes shops i was looking for. There were couples all around me. And it was the first day in japan i felt so utterly and truely miserable and alone and like nothing in my life was better. I was still hoping at that point that the teacher i worked with would go with me and show me around and i left thinking next time i go itll be better cause i wont be alone.

Well shinjuku appears to be bad luck for me. I got stressed trying to find this boy and sounded like it over the phone. But he still met up with me. I brought him some snacks from the baskery near me on my way. We talked. He speaks english. But he just asked about my job... how do you get it. Is it hard. Whats its pay.

I walked past a cake shop on my way to meet him and i showed him the cakes he said he really wanted. He said he didnt bring much cash so he didnt want it.... k i thought that was the point of this trip but whatever. He asked me if i was hungry three times. I said i ate before coming because normally when i meet people we dont eat and i go hunry. I left out the YOU SAID YOU WANTED CAKE!!! Part. He said he was hungry but didnt want me to not eat while he did. So i told him to find a place with desert and ill eat desert while he eats a meal. Were walking. This is about 25 minutes in and he starts to complain his legs hurt and that hes tired. Another 10 minutes pass and he complains more about how he feels like hes floating and his shoes dont fit. I see mcdonals and say i know this is lame but ive kinda been craving a big mac. Its fine if not cause ya know your visiting japan but would you want mcdonals. He jokes about it and then goes yea i could go for a bigmac. We get in the store and he tells me to go. And i tell him to go ahead first. Then he says no he feels sick and doesnt want to eat.... tells me to eat... the exact situation he didnt want earlier

Hm. Gee. I wonder whats coming. I say i only wanted to eat cause he said he was hungry. We leave and then he says maybe its tmi but - proceeds to tell me about being constipated. I didnt try to listen. Btw he was 6’4 and kinda difficult to hear if i didnt try. I wrap that up with. Yea i think that was a tmi story but good for you. Cause the gist of it was that he could shit now.

Then. You know its coming. He says hes gonna go home. I stop acting happy. I told myself the next time this happened id confront them.

We met up at 7 and it was now like 7:50. My train is 10 bucks round trip.

But. I couldn’t think of anything to say.

All i could say after a while of kinda just going silent was - whyd you ask me to meet if you were so tired.

And he aaid cauae walking around japan alone isnt fun. Yeah mean i know. I said that to you over text earlier.

I asked him if i dont look like my pic. He says i look exactly like my pic.

I say a few times before ive met up with guys and we never talk again. And he goes - well youre meeting strangers and sometimes it just doesnt click

He unmatchd me the moment he got on his train. I imagine were still friends on snapchat cause he probably deleted it since he redownloaded it to talk to me

So yea. Same experiences as back home because im me and i will always be cursed and miserable. I dont wanna sleep cause im waiting to see when that boy in 8 will block me on line... cause i sent alot of messages. It doesnt help me to know when.... but.... ya... idk. Someone shoot me please

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funface2 · 5 years

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Friends: 10 Ross Memes That Are Too Hilarious For Words – Screen Rant

This September marks 25 years since the iconic sitcom Friends first aired. Everyone who loved it has a special place in their hearts for the characters, whether it’s Monica’s cleanliness, Rachel’s fashion sense, or Joey’s confidence. Monica’s brother Ross Geller has come under fire lately as we become more educated about toxic masculinity, but in terms of character development, his bad behavior is an interesting counterpoint to how funny and caring he can be.

RELATED: Friends: 10 Joey And Chandler Memes That Are Almost Too Funny

With 236 episodes in total, the series has created a vast amount of fodder for memes. Whether you hate Ross or love Ross (Rachel? Rachel Green?) here are ten of the best Ross Geller memes that are still making people laugh.

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10 “Oh, wow!”

Meme by nuttinbutsleep

Stop bragging, okay? We’re over here drinking margaritas and trying to get through our ex-girlfriend and mother of our child dating our much hotter best friend. Let us live.

The episode when Ross tries to be okay with Joey dating Rachel has yielded hilarious meme after hilarious meme based on Drunk Ross. (We’ve got a few more on this list.) His inability to cope with the turn of events is the perfect channel for anyone who has ever been in a situation that makes them feel that weird combination of uncomfortable and jealous. Oh, wow indeed.

9 Feeling Cute…

The “feeling cute challenge” began in 2017, but really hit its peak in early 2019. The goal is to caption a photo–generally a selfie–with “Feeling cute, might x, idk.”

RELATED: 10 Shows to Watch If You Liked Friends

Of course, this is perfect for Ross. One of the ongoing struggles of Ross’s character are his one, then two, then three divorces. They are the source for a lot of jokes in the series, like when Chandler warns Ross: “If you’re not careful, you might not get married at all this year!” Since each marriage gets shorter, it makes perfect sense that season 10 Ross would be thinking he could meet someone, get engaged, get married, and get divorced by the end of the weekend.

8 The Nicolas Cage Memes

In February 2019, the internet lost its collective mind when someone put Nicolas Cage’s face onto David Schwimmer’s body and made Ross look, well, more like Ross. The Cage/Schwimmer mashup is somehow Ross intensified.

Naturally, this spawned a ton of jokes about Ross doing things that Nic Cage’s characters have done in the past. This one, clearly a National Treasure (2004) reference, seems somehow like something Ross would actually do. The obsessive science buff could probably talk himself into doing something as insane as stealing the Declaration of Independence, which is what makes this version of the meme a national treasure itself. (Sorry, had to.)

7 What is life without love?

Oh my God, are we supposed to answer him? In season ten, Ross has Joey, Rachel, and Charlie over for dinner so they can celebrate their weird romantic switches. It is an awkward but hilarious night. Drunk and slightly crazed Ross may be some of David Schwimmer’s best acting on the show.

RELATED: 10 Best Friends Guest Stars, Ranked

Ross’s long-winded attempt to define the night by the letters L-O-V-E is one of the character’s most iconic moments, and it’s having a second wind on the internet. Unsurprisingly, that speech is constantly mined for meme content, as we see here with @_anushkaadutta_’s version. Ross is right–what is life without love?

6 Marry Me Maybe

Ah yes, the song that jettisoned Carly Rae Jepsen to fame paired with another reference to Ross’s three failed marriages.

The chorus of “Call Me Maybe” is so perfect for Ross. “I just met you and this is crazy…”? If this song had come out ten years earlier, Chandler would have been using it to make fun of Ross mercilessly. We might have even got some version of this meme’s lyrics on the show. Somewhere, Ross Geller is humming it right now. Or maybe he’s singing it to Emma.

5 Breakups Are Hard

No, of course not! But I’m going to make fajitas until I am okay!

RELATED: Friends: 10 Monica Memes That Are Too Hilarious For Words

This meme by by @shivaa_mani totally captures the whole mood of Ross’s L-O-V-E speech. Of course Ross isn’t okay! How could he be? He always sort of thought he and Rachel were going to get back together, so even though he’s dating Charlie it’s a weird moment for him. And hey, we’ve all been there. We’ve all broken up with someone that we really thought it would work out with. Sure, you want them to be happy, but until you feel good about it it’s margarita o’clock.

4 We Were On a Break!

Is there a more iconic line from Friends than “We were on a break”? (Well, maybe the next meme’s is!) This repercussions of this moment last through nearly all ten seasons of Friends because Ross never really lets it go. (We were right there with Chandler when he said, “If you say that one more time I’m going to break up with you.”)

You can agree or disagree about whether or not being on a break excuses sleeping with someone else, but I think we can all agree that being on break excuses all kinds of behavior at work. Asleep? We were on a break. Loudly complaining about the copy machine? We were on a break. Walking out? We were on a break.

3 Just Pivot

In season five episode 16, “The One with the Cop,” Ross buys a new couch and refuses to pay the delivery fee. He enlists Rachel’s help, and eventually Chandler’s as well, to try to get it up a narrow and curving staircase. Ross is as determined as he’s ever been to make it work, encouraging his friends to try increasingly difficult physical and acrobatic stunts to try to get the couch upstairs. Which is what makes PIVOT a perfect parody of the Nike “Just Do It” ads.

RELATED: Friends: 10 Jokes That Everyone Completely Missed

We’re so glad @davin_flanagan made this for us to enjoy. If only we could get it poster sized and on our wall to inspire us every day.

2 PIVOT! PIVOT! PIVOT!

The ‘pivot’ moment with the couch is one of the most rewatchable moments in the entire show’s history. It is so perfectly emblematic of each one of the characters: Ross trying to force something to work that isn’t; Chandler trying to be helpful until he has to make fun of someone; and Rachel trying to move furniture while roasting Ross.

But peak Ross memes might come every hurricane season, when the US East Coast braces for potential impacts from dangerous weather over and over again. When the weather comes on, we’re all pulling a Ross and shouting “PIVOT!” at the screen.

1 What is The Matter With You?

This meme perfectly brings together two of Ross’s funniest moments–when he’s shouting “Pivot!” and when he can’t seem to punch Joey correctly in season nine. It’s true that one of the most frequent questions viewers are asking Ross throughout the series is, “What is the matter with you?” But it’s an even more relevant question when you meet someone who has never seen a single episode. How? Where did you come from? Are you an alien?

This just proves that your closest friends are the ones who can get your Friends reference and build on it.

NEXT: Friends: 7 Reasons Ross and Rachel Really Were On a Break (and 3 Reasons They Weren’t)

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