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#when everything you serve and believe in can't be stopped from destroying what you've come to love on your own
merge-conflict · 6 months
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wip wednesday
“Being haunted by Johnny is one thing, but being possessed?” She shook her head. “There’s no cutting they could ever do to get him out. They’ll never trust me again. They’ll say the person you made that promise to is dead, and they wouldn’t be wrong.” She smiled crookedly. “I don’t want that, Goro. I never wanted that.”
He hadn’t thought she would ever actually say it out loud. She’d spent all her time shacked up with Takemura telling him what he wanted to hear and being an obedient little cog. Maybe she did have some backbone after all, even if it was just looking for an excuse to die. At least she wanted to do it on her own terms. He could work with that.
Takemura, on the other hand, looked like he’d just been slapped. “That will not happen.”
“If I survive whatever it is they plan to do with me, I’d be a lab rat for the rest of my life. They’re never going to let the only halfway successful test of the relic tech walk free.” V was calm and detached, like she was talking about someone else.
“V–“
“The decision is made,” she interrupted, standing abruptly. He could have held onto her, but he didn’t, letting her brush off his hands. “You can either accept it, or not.”
She walked away without waiting for his answer, although if Johnny had to guess she didn’t want to hear him either way. That was why she’d said it like it was some verdict handed down from God: the decision is made. More corpo doublespeak bullshit. Her favorite technique for distancing herself from everything she didn’t want to think about.
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Seventeen
Picture this:
You are seventeen. Your entire life you have been raised by a strict military man, who later goes on to become a politician. Every day you are taught strict morals of right and wrong. You've been taught to believe your duty is first to the people of your city, that one day you will follow in his footsteps and it will be your job to serve everyone.
Your father has left on an important diplomatic mission to a neighboring city. He left you in charge. Technically you aren't really capable of making any decisions while he is gone. It's only meant to be for show, a way for you to practice taking charge without any of the real responsibility, but you are determined to show him that he was right to trust you.
And then one morning, in the early hours when you still aren't thinking entirely straight, you hear a whispering voice tell you:
'Duskhawk Hill. The Queen of Chaos awakens. Go alone.'
A whisper in the middle of the night is no basis for raising the alarm, you might think. Perhaps it was only something you imagined, or some tangled thread of a dream carrying over in your waking hours. You might know in your gut that it wasn't, but is that really reason enough to go to the Flaming Fist?
It's reason enough for you to go yourself, just in case. If it turns out to be something, you can raise the alarm then. And if it turns out to be nothing, no one needs to know that a simple nightmare was enough for you to rush out of bed in the early morning hours.
You grab your rapier and set out. There are no stars to guide you, the night is dark and cold. And there, at the foot of the hill you see figures gathered around five totems carved with dragon heads on top. Tiamat's cultists.
Now, you think, is time for alarm and so you turn to go, but there is a devil in your way.
And she smiles and tells you that you should be grateful that she even bothered to warn you, that if you do nothing everything and everyone you have ever known and cared for will be destroyed by Tiamat. Your father will come home to a city of ruin and ash and you will have been too late to stop it, but, if you agree to sell your soul, you might still save it.
You are not naive. You have heard stories about devils. You know them all. Some you can even quote line for line, like the farmer who agreed to give a devil his 'most precious fruit' and lost his child instead. You know that there is a trick somewhere in here, a trap.
You also know that you cannot fight a devil on your own, that she has you exactly where she wants you. There will be no raising the alarm and warning the Flaming Fist.
'Hurry' she tells you with a sickening smile as you see the first of Tiamat's heads summoned into the world. She is offering you a city for your soul. An extremely generous bargain. She summons two of her sisters to bear witness to the pact. You know there's a trick to this. It's a devil's pact there is always a trick.
But she holds all the cards and really, what is one soul versus an entire city of thousands? You're not thinking of the power you could get from this. You're not thinking of the fame of being a hero. You are deciding unequivocally that sacrificing yourself is worth it to save others. You bargain as well as you can, but there's no time and you can't read infernal.
You say yes.
And whatever happens next ends with the cultists dead (you've never killed anyone before) and a bleeding pit where your right eye used to be. Your words are kept from you, but you're certain that your father loves and trusts you, that he'll see you were faced with an impossible choice but when you are unable to show him any proof, when the words don't come, all he has to say is:
'Go.'
And so you leave.
You spend two years in exile, stumbling from place to place, fulfilling the commands of the devil that now holds your soul. You can't let yourself regret it, because to regret it is to believe that your suffering is worth more than the lives of thousands. If you believe that you were tricked you will have nothing.
It is two years later when you stumble across a child attacked by a goblin raid and you save him. And maybe then you start to think that you can use these powers to do more good. Your soul is already forfeit so you might as well try. The harm you are certainly causing by helping a devil may not be outweighed by all the good you can do, but it can be mitigated.
And then people start to recognize you. They question who you are. So you come up with a name. Your deeds earn you fame and that fame earns you warm places to sleep and food in your belly. The respite you are able to earn gives you more energy to help more people and you might start to think that you deserve it, this fame and fortune, after all you are doing good, aren't you?
(You begin to hope that maybe, if you earn enough fame and fortune, you will be welcomed home with open arms. You cannot confess these hopes aloud, but they are there.)
And so the Blade of Frontiers reaches a tipping point. 
There are many possibilities for whom he could become. Two interest me. He could become a jaded adventurer, someone who still helps others because habits are hard to break, but who feels entitled to reward for it. The sort of person who demands more and more for the actions he takes. The sort of person who seeks out power, because after all, he wouldn't be able to do what he does without the powers given to him by a devil, right? And if anyone deserves power it's him, he'll use it well, use it wisely. He deserves it. He's entitled to it.
Or there is the self-sacrificial adventurer, someone who makes do with what they have, who takes the minimum of what they need. The sort of person who helps others because that is what they are supposed to do. The sort of person who scrapes themselves raw and sets themselves on fire to help others. After all, if anyone has to suffer, it might as well be them, right? It's fine as long as no one else is hurt. He deserves it.
Both choices could have made sense as possibilities for Wyll to have a "bad" ending in BG3, but neither actually has any real impact. The first because there was no narrative buildup or commitment to Wyll becoming a power hungry individual, so even when the dialogue choices for accusing Wyll of becoming power hungry are presented it feels out of place. Without any evidence to show him hungering for power it loses its impact. As for the second, the fact that Wyll's constant self-sacrificial tendencies are actually a bad thing is never discussed in game. He's a hero, he's chosen to be a hero, so obviously he should just sacrifice himself without complaint. If he chooses to break his pact, the other characters react largely negatively. The narrative itself doesn't care when Wyll sacrifices himself, so why should we?
And the most frustrating thing is there clearly was build-up for both of these possibilities. There was clear intent to go further in exploring Wyll's character. If we had gotten a truly 'evil' Wyll, one who chose to murder Karlach, one who begins to demand payment for services, one who is willing to look past misdeeds to achieve a better end result. Wyll as a character is perfectly primed for the phrase 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions' and yet we never get that in canon.
And the thing is, having a more interesting Evil!Wyll would have made for a more impactful Good!Wyll. When both options you get are good and gooder, the character ends up feeling flat. The other characters have drastic personality changes from one ending to the other, while still feeling true to character. Look at Ascended!Astarion versus Spawn!Astarion or Sharran!Shadowheart versus Selunite!Shadowheart or literally any of the others. Gale becomes an out-of-touch God versus a dorky professor. Lae'zel becomes an undead abomination in perpetual servitude to her Queen versus someone who fights to free her people. Karlach becomes an angry and jaded individual who gives up her humanity to become a mindflayer or die, rather than someone who will give anything to cherish another moment of life.
Wyll becomes an adventurer in Avernus, slaying demons to help people. Or he becomes a Duke of Baldur's Gate, politicking and promoting policies in order to help people.
And so people think he's boring. Look, they say, no matter what happens to him, no matter what life throws at him, he is just a quietly dependable man. Helping others, slaying monsters, excelling at political functions. Pay no mind to the seventeen year old behind the curtain who had his entire life ripped away and so the only way he was able to cope was by putting on a mask. Pay no attention to the jaded adventurer, who began to question less and less whether the monsters he was hunting actually deserved it.
Wyll is just a man with an easy smile and even easier jokes (who is lying through his teeth) who is doing his best to help others.
Right?
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Your name is Quackity. You're 19 years old. You're running in an election for a country you aren't part of, just to prove that you belong somewhere in this vast new world. Your endorsements never responded to your request for aid. Your running mate doesn't think it's important enough to show up. Your opponents, your friends, are making fun of you. You're alone on a podium, an unwanted devil's advocate preaching to a crowd of strangers.
Your name is Quackity. A man with twice your years of experience (you're not actually sure how old he is, and you don't really care) has offered his hand to you. He tells you that you're beautiful. You're so caught up in the thrill of being worth something that you don't care which parts of you he considers valuable. He fawns over your body in front of a crowd, then tells his colleagues that you're not much of anything. You give him everything he wants and ask only for reassurance in exchange. He ignores you. You ask again. He insults you. You're not sure what he wants anymore, but you still promise to do better. He threatens to cut open your skull and scrape away the worthless pieces. You're pretty sure he's joking.
Your name is Quackity. You are a stiff-limbed, wide-eyed, cowardly accomplice to the murder of a child. You can't tell what's a joke anymore, not while you're tethered to a man who can host a festival and order an execution with the same chipper nonchalance. You tell yourself you can still make things better, even while the smells of burnt paper and scorched flesh and alcohol and panicked tears smother your skull. Then he destroys the only thing you're proud of, the only good thing you've done for this land. You beg him to stop. He ignores you. You try to rebuild. He swings his pickaxe at your face, chases you out of sight, and keeps scraping away the worthless pieces. You reach for a weapon and make a few cuts of your own.
Your name is Quackity. You're not safe in this country anymore. You've run away from your husband with nothing but a bow in hand and the clothes on your back. You take refuge with the very same people who blame you for his rise, promise you'll make things right again, and let them use you as bait. You learn that you're pregnant with the president's child. When you tell him it's his, he doesn't believe you. You're still carrying a piece of him inside you when you follow the rebellion back to what's left of your home. In his drugged haze, he proclaims that the country will be reduced to nothing without him. His last words are to remind you that you are worthless, moments before his proclamation comes true.
Your name is Quackity. You're going to be 20 years old soon. You are left widowed by the effects of alcoholism before you're old enough to drink. You're the vice president of a crater made by a man you failed to save, soon to serve under a teenage boy you failed to protect from a man you failed to earn love from. You swallow your grief and promise yourself that you won't be inadequate again. You wonder if you shouldn't be used to broken promises by now.
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aot-snk-4238 · 3 years
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My thoughts on AOT No Requiem (Fanmade Ending) Part 1:
With another chapter of this story coming out soon, I thought now would be a good time to share my thoughts on the first part. Before I do that, though, I have a few things that I would like to get off my chest.
A part of me hates that this project exists. Not because I find it disrespectful, but because it serves as a bitter reminder of what a complete mess this ending caused among many fans. I'm still in disbelief how things got so bad so quickly. First, you've got the people who hated it. People began turning on Isayama and calling him a terrible or incompetent writer, regretting ever getting into the series, insisting that it was worse than Game of Thrones, the list goes on and on. People who liked the ending are now endlessly referred to as "ending defenders" or more crude names like "Isayama cockriders," as though they're a bunch of incompetent fools who don't know the first thing about reading comprehension all because they just happened to like it. And then of course you've got the other extreme end of the spectrum where the ones who were disappointed are accused of not understanding the story or they're only upset because their favorite ship or fan theory didn't become canon. This, too, is very demeaning and invalidating for those who grew up with this series that they gave their heart to and cherished for so long, only to have it do what they felt was a complete 180 at the very last second that undid every part of the story they thought was special and unique. It's one of the hardest slaps to the face you can get as a reader and long-time fan, and while I can't fully relate to everyone's feelings, I can at least understand and acknowledge that it's there and it shouldn't be laughed at. Now with all of that out of the way, here are my thoughts and analysis of this fanmade ending and how it differs from Isayama's.
To start things off, I found that part 1 started off similar to how 137 did in the canon manga, with Armin and Zeke conversing in PATHS. The biggest difference would be kid Eren being transported there and seeing his older self. To be fair though, this chapter was only about half the length of what we're used to reading, so I'm sure we'll get a lot more in part 2 onwards.
While Zeke is enlightening Armin on the history of the earth and how the life form that attached itself to Ymir sought to avoid death forever, young Eren is in PATHS too with his older self, witnessing the moment Ymir found the tree and fell in it to become the first titan. At first, there is no dialogue exchanged between them. They just hold hands and watch. Meanwhile, Zeke is still talking to Armin about Ymir and how she continued to serve her oppressive master despite acquiring godlike powers that would allow her to obliterate him whenever she pleased. This is where the team working on this project attempt to provide their own alternate possibilities as to why this happened in a way that would make more sense than what we were given in the canon story in which she simply had a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome and couldn't let him go no matter how much he made her suffer.
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So what are these new possibilities? They come in the form of a question, so their validity is not made absolutely certain, but they're presented as the most likely candidates nonetheless.
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According to Zeke, she was unable to separate her own desires from King Fritz and was a lost girl who sought meaning. A place to belong. Tragically, King Fritz was the only connection she had in her life, so she clung to it with everything she had despite it being toxic and abusive. I could argue that these are the very reasons why she supposedly loved the king in the official manga, as explained by Eren in 139, but they weren't explained or touched on as plainly as they were here. I feel like they could have been if Isayama had just been given more time, but sadly the whole thing was rushed and underdeveloped.
Moving on, Zeke states that despite his efforts in trying to understand Ymir and her feelings, it was Eren who ultimately was able to get to her and offer her the choice of freedom. The next page transitions to young Eren standing in the clouds with his arms spread out and a smile on his face just like in the official 137, only this time 19yo Eren is next to him. Now I'm going to be honest here, this is where things started to get a little corny for me. Yeah. I know a lot of people hate that argument, but that's just how it felt to me. And before I say anything else, I want everybody to know that I am in no way about to mock anyone's fondness of this Eren over the one we saw in 139, even if it was a little over-the-top. It's perfectly fine to prefer one over the other, I'm just going to try to explain myself the best I can without coming across as harsh or unprofessional.
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Eren is drawn in these panels to be a stone-faced, determined and unstoppable force who will "keep moving forward until his enemies are destroyed." This is the Eren that many people grew most familiar with throughout the series, despite his occasional breakdowns, but something about the way it was executed just felt a little too overdramatic and exaggerated. For me, the contrast between this Eren and the Eren we were presented with in 139 is too jarring. It came across to me as the fandom's idealized version of Eren, the "chad" Eren if you will, rather than Isayama's portrayal of Eren who is cold and determined, but has also been experiencing stunted mental growth ever since the day he saw his mother get eaten; side note: I know that Eren himself was responsible for his mother's death, but that's a discussion for a later time. Not only that, but the "keep moving forward" line starts to get overused at this point. We already heard Eren say this a number of times before 137 where this first fanmade chapter takes place, so I didn't find it necessary to include that at the end, but it seemed to be the writers' way of trying to reinforce Eren's ultimate goal.
Regarding the rest of the chapter, young Eren asks older Eren what Ymir is still waiting for after he showed her that she's not alone. 19yo Eren proceeds to explain that while he was able to make her feel something again, she still needs somebody to free her. He shows his younger self all of the visions from PATHS that he's seen so far, ranging from past events to alternate realities to things that couldn't be changed no matter what. Now there is only one path left that he strives toward. The one that he believes will grant him and his people freedom. This next line is the one that stood out to me the most throughout this fanmade chapter. Still talking to kid Eren, adult Eren says, "When you wake up, you will forget what you learned, but not what you felt here. This will all feel just like a long dream." Only when he kisses Historia's hand will it all come back to him. This line more clearly explains why Eren woke up crying in chapter 1, but couldn't remember why. Then he circles back to how he intends to carry out his own plan to end the cycle of hatred once and for all. Despite his efforts along the way, he couldn't change the flow of PATHS and save the friends he lost or prevent certain events from happening altogether, so he had to accept that sacrifices had to be made. In this case, he will have to literally sacrifice the world, much to Armin's horror.
To wrap this up, I'm going to finish comparing this to the canon 137, but since the first part of this project only covers the PATHS portion of it, that's where I'll stop as well. To save a little but of time, I'm just gonna be lazy and copy the first part of a quick overview of the chapter I found as part of the wiki:
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So clearly, canon 137 starts off focusing a lot more on Armin and Zeke's differing philosophies and does not provide any further insight into Eren's ultimate motives like this one does, at least not yet. Armin and Eren are bound to face off soon in this fanmade version, but it looks to me like this time the writers are planning on flipping the outcome and having Eren come out victorious instead, especially when I remember the name of this project and what it's based on. I guess that means that in a way, I already know what's ultimately going to happen throughout the rest of this project. Whether it's going to be considered superior to the actual ending is going to depend on if its executed properly. I could very well be wrong about some of this, though. I want to give it a fair shot since these people have clearly put a lot of hard work and passion into this, so I will refrain from further judgement until we get the full picture. On a side note, I just want to say that the artwork is beautiful so far and I commend every artist responsible for their efforts. I also liked the song choice at the beginning and thought it set the mood pretty well.
Thank you to everyone who read the whole thing. This took me far longer to write than it should have because I'm not always good at expressing myself in a way that does not come across as confusing or contradictory. I will continue to share my thoughts as more content is released, which by the looks of it could be any day now.
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blogocrap · 7 years
Conversation
PLOT PART 3
Satan: abandonment is the worst possible thing to her. And after spending weeks or months alone in a cell being told you are literally going to die, that's how she feels. Because Tootsie and Feb are the only two people in the entire universe she loved and felt like they loved her
Sam: Tbf Feb is at fault here, cause she wants to go back to see Em and talk to her after the first time she went, but she doesn't know what to do or say so she keeps putting it off
Satan: well I mean
Satan: Tootsie does it too
Satan: they both basically say the equivalent of fuck you when they never come back
Satan: so she loses them both in short succession and it kills her
Katie/Sam: Feb without meaning to - I'm assuming Tootsie didn't mean to either
Satan: no Tootsie actually did
Sam: Damn
Sam: Feb's just in the sort of place where you've just had a fight with someone, and it's awkward and you don't know what to say so you stay quiet and away while you try to work out what to actually say
Satan: in fact he's about to leave and he's not believing her and Em says if you leave now don't ever come back and tootsie says 'i can't believe I ever thought about marrying you' and she responds 'I'm sorry you ever wasted your time' and they don't talk again until post pardon
Sam: Damn
Sam: I feel like the pardon would be what gives Feb something to talk about because she's suddenly like "wait no you can't kill her, I still need to make up with her and work this out, and then we can be best friends again - you can't kill my best friend"
Satan: that would be the sentencing
Sam: I DON'T UNDERSTAND LAW XD
Satan: the pardon dismisses all charges
Satan: sentencing is guilty/not guilty and the punishment
Sam: then the sentence would snap Feb out of the awkwardness and trying to work out what to say
Sam: She'd be at the cell like the day of the sentence, immediately rambling on about how she can make it better and get them to change the sentence
Satan: honestly
Satan: Em would be so fucking defensive
Satan: and think Feb is only doing it out of guilt
Satan: cause technically it wouldn't be a death sentence if she hadn't killed those people to save her
Sam: Understandable
Sam: She's partly feeling guilty, but mostly scared that Em is going to be killed
Sam: Cause like the whole point of getting shot for Em was so that she wouldn't die
Satan: tbh Up probably tells Feb he's working on a pardon
Sam: Tbh Feb would be mega salty with Up ever since the arrest
Satan: until the sentencing he keeps it sort of quiet because he needed to know how much they were charging her with
Satan: Up won't be expecting Em to plead guilty to all charges without a plea deal
Satan: When he reveals about the pardon he'll probably also be like look this was her idea in the first place
Sam: Feb would just be so angry
Sam: She might even start yelling about the fact that she killed people and a little kid, and going "fucking arrest me too then!"
Satan: wait feb killed people what
Sam: At her wedding
Satan: or is that just the wedding
Satan: yeah that's clear cut self defense
Satan: When Em goes in to rescue Feb she shoots first
Sam: Not the little girl tho - she got caught in the crossfire
Sam: She'd at least have manslaughter
Satan: that's manslaughter and could be pled out easy
Sam: Feb wouldn't care tbh she'd keep going on about it and demanding that they give her the same sentence as Em if they're going stick with it
Satan: She can try but it won't work
Sam: She'll try
Sam: If she has the ability to, she might even trash her lab
Satan: Because she didn't make a massive bloody mess in front of the commander, and purposefully take point so that no one else on the team fired first making her the only killer on the mission on the murder front. The rest would be instructed to only shoot at people with raised weapons because self defense
Satan: plus multiple huge outstanding warrants
Sam: Tbh this whole thing would actually destroy Kray
Sam: Cause he was there, and he really feels like the crew is his family
Sam: And suddenly Em is in prison and has a death sentence
Sam: And he couldn't help or stop it
Satan: hence why Em allows Up to be the only one to know that part of the plan
Sam: Yup
Satan: lest someone else do something to try to stop it but Em knew going in someone was going to have to go down
Satan: and she wouldn't let Narcis live because she would walk out in hours
Sam: Yeah
Satan: the good part is
Satan: with death sentences
Satan: years to follow through
Sam: Feb would be doing everything she could to make things right
Satan: How upset is Feb going to be that Em is applying for transfer as soon as she's granted her pardon
Sam: She'd be crushed
Satan: Em is just so emotionally fucked up
Satan: plus you have to remember she's all alone in that cell until sentencing
Sam: Yeah
Satan: Up visits when he can but aside from Feb and Tootsie essentially saying fuck you
Satan: the only company she has is Junior one cell over.
Sam: I'm thinking, if we do seriously injure Feb, she'd also be very numb from not being able to work and stuff so that would contribute to the not visiting
Satan: I totally get it
Satan: Em won't, but I do
Sam: Like no one's completely in the right here and it's all so beautiful fucked
Sam: The worst part is that Feb still tries and still wants to work it out
Satan: Em will take a lot of time to be even remotelyokay with things
Sam: Okay but Feb, after years of trying to find out where Em was transferred, just giving up and becoming the complete opposite of the bubbly woman everyone once knew
Satan: I don't know if Em is gonna get the transfer or not yet
Sam: If she does, Feb is gonna eventually turn cynical and rude and mean
Satan: she's applying for it, but she's also just been granted a huge pardon and may have to serve under Up for a while
Satan: Em is gonna be much closer to modern Em after this though
Satan: she's gonna be a lot colder and filled with a lot more spite and a larger tendency to hold people at a far distance
Sam: Feb is going to be a lot less kind and trusting tbh
Satan: I honestly
Satan: don't know how they're gonna fix it
Satan: but I hope they do
Sam: I don't know if they can
Sam: Same, I hope they do
Sam: Could you imagine them bumping into each other after the years and Feb just straight up telling Em to go fuck herself before getting as far away as possible
Sam: Like I reckon Feb would also quit the Rangers when she couldn't find Em again (especially if we fuck with her ability to walk/work)
Satan: tbh as soon as her contract was up Em would leave the rangers, (legally) change her name, and do freelance work
Sam: Cause her entire reason for going for the Rangers was because Em said she'd be great at it and to go for it - and it'd depress her to be there
Sam: Feb would end up as a chemist or something
Satan: tbh Em probably has a journal that's just
Satan: everything since she ran away
Satan: and she probably gave it to Up right before the rescue mission and was like read it if you have to but after that burn it
Satan: he probably gives it to Feb instead
Sam: Oh no
Satan: it would fill in the gaps of what Em didn't tell Feb
Sam: Feb would keep it forever
Satan: specifics of her parents abuse, the worst of the years between home and the rangers, even when she boarded the starship and how hard it was not to tell her right then and there who she was
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