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acourtofthought · 3 months

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I haven't seen this particular gem of a post but there is apparently one going around stating that everyone in the ACOTAR world has suffered more than Lucien, that he doesn't know suffering.

Just a little starter here. The first book began with Lucien's friend being murdered because they needed to sacrifice him in order to break the curse on Spring.

"Autumn Court is ...cutthroat. Beautiful, but his brothers see each other only as competition, since the strongest of them will inherit the title."

"Lucien fell in love with a faerie whom his father considered to be grossly inappropriate for someone of his bloodline." "His father had her put down. Executed, in front of Lucien, as his two eldest brothers held him and made him watch."

"Without his title protecting him, his brothers thought to eliminate one more contender to the High Lord's crown. Three of them went out to kill him."

"But he has never forgotten what they did to her, or what his brothers tried to do to him. Even if he pretends that he has."

"She took his eye as punishment. Carved it out with her own fingernail, then scarred his face. She sent him back so bloody that Tamlin...The High Lord vomited when he saw his friend."

Lucien's brothers lurked on the edges of the crowd - no remorse, no fear on their handsome faces. Amarantha sighed. "I thought you would have learned your lesson, Lucien. Though this time your silence will damn you as much as your tongue." Lucien kept his eyes shut. Ready - he was ready for Rhysand to wipe out everything he was, to turn his mind, his self into dust.

"but only after she made Tamlin bestow Lucien's punishment. Twenty lashes." (remember, because he tried to help Feyre in her trial? Also she prevented Lucien from being able to heal).

"Lucien lay chained to the center of the floor on the other side of the chamber, his remaining russet eye so wide that it was surrounded with white. / Again he was to be Amarantha's toy to torment."

"Don't give me that look, Lucien." SIlence again. Then a vicious snarl, and a shudder of magic rocked the house. Tamlin's voice had been low, deadly. Do not push me on this. I didn't want to know what was happening in that room, what he'd done to Lucien.

Thoughts slammed into me, images and memories, a pattern of thinking and feeling that was old, and clever and sad, endlessly sad and guilt-ridden, hopeless -

"She - she didn't act that way at..." Lucien. Lucien had hated her. Had made vague, vicious allusions to not liking her, to being approached by her. I was going to throw up. Had she...had she pursued him like that? Had he...had he been forced to say yes because of her position?

He might have completed the Great Rite with Ianthe of his own free will, but he certainly hadn't enjoyed it. Some line had been blurred - badly.

I waited the five minutes it took Tamlin to decide not to kill Lucien, and then smiled. I wondered if Lucien had pieced it together. That I had known Tamlin would come to my room tonight, after I had given him so many shy touches and glances today.

"Back off". "Do not touch me," he growled." Where Lucien stood, back against a tree - twin bands of blue stone shackled around his wrists. / And in this case...holding Lucien against that tree as Ianthe surveyed him like a snake before a meal. She slid a hand over the broad panes of his chest, his stomach. And Lucien's eyes shot to me as I stepped between the trees, fear and humiliation reddening his golden skin.

As the youngest of seven sons, I wasn't particularly needed or wanted."

"Did you think it was mere hatred that prompted my brothers to do their best to break and kill me?"

The circle of people who now claimed to be Feyre's new family...It was what, long ago, he'd once thought life at Tamlin's court would be. An ache like a blow to the chest went through him.

"I am Lucien. Seventh son of the High Lord of the Autumn Court. And a whole lot of nothing.

"I do not belong in the Autumn Court. And I'm willing to be I'm no longer welcome at h- the Spring Court." Home, he had almost said.

"The same things he does now." Helion waved a hand. "Belittle her, leave bruises where no one but him will see them." (So to recap, Beron physically and verbally abuses his WIFE, killed Lucien's love and people think he had an easy childhood with this man?)

It would explain why his father and brothers detest him so much - why they have tormented him his entire life.

I hadn't asked Lucien any questions about that visit - to Tamlin. Lucien hadn't explained the black eye and cut lip, either.

"I don't have anywhere else to go." "You ruined any chances I have of going back to Spring. Not to Tamlin, but to the court beyond his house. Everyone either still believes the lies you spun or they believe me complicit in your deceit" - Side note but even knowing this, about how the people feel about him because of Feyre's schemes, Lucien still allowed the NC to permanently station him there in SF. It's really cute of E/riels to think Az is having such a rough go of it, living in the Night Court with the brothers who love him, while Lucien just has it so easy, right?

The male had grown up alongside Eris. Had dealt with Eris's and Beron's cruelty. Had his lover slaughtered by his own father.

This paragraph is about Eris: Beron had tortured his own son for information, rather than thanking the Mother for returning him. / The male had been raised with every luxury and privilege - on paper. But who knew what terrors Beron had inflicted upon him?

So with that said, If that's how Beron treated his own son how do you think he treated the son he suspected belonged to another man?

Cassian knew Beron had murdered Lucien's lover. If the High Lord of Autumn had been willing to do that, what wouldn't he do?

So by all means, I'd love to know how a character who we have canon evidence of suffering from his younger years all the way through the present has it so much easier than everyone else?

Someone's selective reading is showing!!

#elucien #pro elucien #lucien vanserra #anti e/riel #pro lucien vanserra #lucien and elain #acotar series #character deep dive #lucien supremacy #lucien spell cleaver

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lumineskies · 1 year

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hits different - diluc ragnvindr

— diluc can easily dismiss everyone in his life without a second thought, no one ever stays long enough for him to care anyways. but there's something about you that makes him miss you when you've gotten too far away from him for his liking.

— or diluc missing you :(

wc - 2.5k

notes - happy birthday diluc ueyeyeguwhs i just finished this LMAO i love taylor i just had to do this with diluc!!! rbs and comments help me alot!!

oh my, love is a lie. shit my friends say to get me by.

“Diluc, my brother, how long is it going to take you to get over her?” Kaeya begins as he slightly slurs his words.

The scowl on diluc’s face deepens at kaeya’s remarks. He roughly shoves a glass of water in front of his brother, hoping the drink will make him sober up and leave the tavern already.

A drunkard stumbles his way to diluc, cheeks flushed and smelling like bottles of alcohol. Diluc’s face feigns indifference when he asks for another glass, like he didn’t already have 3 bottles worth of alcohol this evening alone. At the end of the day, money was flowing into his pockets because of their poor choices, should he really be judging them?

“If you have nothing better to do, sober up and leave.” Diluc said coldly before turning his back at Kaeya, filling a glass with alcohol as per the customer's request.

“Ouch, you almost made me feel unwanted here, brother.” Kaeya feigns hurt as he rubs a hand over his left chest where his covered heart was. Sarcasm dripping off his words.

“Why the scowl? Is this about y/n again?”

Kaeya’s words struck a knife into Diluc’s already battered heart, not knowing what to say, Diluc didn't respond. Instead, he busies himself with attending to customers, drunk and sober. Seeing as his brother has no qualms to respond, Kaeya continues.

“I don’t understand you two, it’s so very obvious to everyone here that you two still have feelings for each other, why suffer in silence? Get her back!”

Kaeya’s sudden exclamation made the bar rowdy, drunkards yelling, supporting him. Apparently, the whole bar had been listening in on their conversation somehow. People began shouting over each other, your name was heard and muttered all throughout the bar. The loud voices made diluc’s face sour. A gesture of crossed arms and a sharp look towards the little brother had him sheepishly smile at the red head.

“Calm down, calm down. Our Diluc can’t plan to court her if you guys are noisy, right?” Kaeya’s statement had the crowd quiet down, but whispers still spread. Diluc could only hope that you won’t hear a word of this.

A small smile could only be shyly given to the red head. Kaeya slumps back in his seat in front of Diluc, embarrassment already eating him up from the inside. Diluc could only furrow his eyebrows at the sudden silence from the younger brother.

“I- I mean, am i wrong? You should go after her!” Kaeya attempts to continue their conversation, voice lowered in volume as he learnt his lesson from before. Diluc was not a public man, he preferred to be in the shadows rather than the spotlight. The least he could do as his younger brother was respect his privacy and not yell his business out to a bunch of townsfolk that would surely gossip in their free time.

“It’s not that simple, Kaeya.” Diluc answers with a short sentence, hoping that will be enough to satiate the sudden interest Kaeya has in his past relationship with you. He busies himself with cleaning more beer glasses, wiping the inside of them with a dry cloth and stacking them up.

The look on Kaeya’s face indicates that the interest was indeed, not satiated. Diluc can feel the rise of pressure settling on his chest. He would prefer not to talk about you during the only time he tried hard to not be reminded of you. The noisiness of the tavern and the constant orders from the customers served as a way to block his train of thoughts and solely focus on the task at hand, away from the thoughts of you.

“If you’re scared that she won’t accept you, brother. trust me. She yearns for you.”

Kaeya’s word made diluc stop in his tracks. Yearns for him? What was he—

Thump

Kaeya’s head went as he laid on the bar’s table. Of course, Kaeya was drunk. Floored, even. Diluc could only sigh as he glanced at his little brother. The watch on his wrists shows the time, 2:54 a.m No wonder Kaeya fell asleep.

The words uttered by Kaeya seconds ago plagued Diluc’s mind. You yearn for him?

It hits different, it hits different this time.

Diluc could only watch from afar as Huffman pushes a bouquet of flowers towards you, face flushed and red. You looked surprised, startled even. The sun behind you shone an orange glow on your face, making you seemingly ethereal, but even without the sunlight, your beauty was apparent to all, especially Diluc. You sheepishly took the bouquet from Huffman and awkwardly smiled.

Diluc’s hand formed a fist, one that was drawing crescents into his palm. He couldn’t hear what you were saying to the knight, but your words seem to bleed rejection as Huffman’s face drops. The bouquet in your arms consisted of dandelions and calla lilies, which made Diluc scoff. It was common knowledge you liked cecilia’s, in fact, you were surrounded by them as you stood on starsnatch cliff.

The small smile that he let out wasn’t supposed to show on his face, but the reassurance washed over him like waves. Before he could stop himself, he began walking towards you. The sounds of footsteps made your head turn, only to be greeted with the uncrowned king of Mondstadt.

“y/n, i acquire your expertise in a few matters. Care to join me this evening?” Diluc offers a small smile towards you, one hand behind his back to make his claymore appear. A cold stare was given to Huffman as he stared him down, eyes seizing him up. Fear was apparent on Huffman’s face as he caught a glimpse of the now materialised weapon. Diluc turned back to you, cold stare dropped and a smile beckoning his lips.

“I’m sorry, am I interrupting something?” Diluc asks you, promptly ignoring Huffman beside him. The waves of dejection from Huffman could be felt even as Diluc was facing you. He muttered a meek no, before disappointedly trudging back to mondstadt, head hung low. Diluc could only watch in amusement, eyes twinkling with mischief. A smack from you made him turn back to look at you, clearly a disapproved look.

“That was rude, luc.” The nickname created by you made his heart flutter and butterflies erupt in his stomach. It’s been so long since he heard you call him that, 2 months and 17 days to be exact. The surprise on your face said it all, the nickname flew out of your mouth without second thought, almost like a reflex.

A small hum was his only reply to you. As much as he wanted to, the feeling of a smile surfaced on his smile, making it very apparent to you how satisfied he is with himself.

Catastrophic blues, moving on was always easy for me to do.

Sighs escaped his red lips as his vision blurs. Words displayed on the proposal paper seemed to not matter as his brain refused to comprehend anything written in front of him. His hand ruffles his hair, frustration urges him to pull his hair out, but he digresses. He rests his head in his hands, restlessness overcoming him. Since this morning, thoughts of you had him occupied. What were you doing? How was your day? Have you eaten yet? What new shampoo did you use? Your hair had smelled like peaches instead of coconut the last time he saw you, what was the reason for the switch?

Every corner of his brain was filled with the remains of you, and he didn’t know how to function without you by his side. The once warm bed that accompanied him throughout the night had turned cold with your presence no longer there. Meals eaten alone on the floating kitchen island rather than the dining table, because what’s the use of all the extra chairs, if it only reminds him how lonely he is without you?

You constantly plague his mind, day and night without fail. You’ve bewitched him to the point he feels going insane with the absence of you. Every encounter between the two of you he cherishes, because he knows it is far and between the two of you interact, unlike before when he would awaken to you by his side, hands intertwined. A knock on his door startles him as he shoots up, the door opens to reveal adelinde, which makes Diluc slump back into his chair.

“Master Diluc, lunch is ready for you.”

“Wrap it up, I need to take a breath of fresh air.” His hand flies to his collar to loosen it up, the room felt suffocating all of a sudden. Adelinde left his room without a word, and Diluc was left alone to bask in the silence. Wordlessly, he began cleaning up his desk. Sorting out the papers into one stack so he could deal with them later.

Under all of the papers, a romance novel laid untouched. A gift from you. He thought he lost the book, he had searched far and low, starting from his bookshelf filled with books to the backyard near the grapevines, but to no avail, the book wasn’t anywhere. Now, it appeared right in front of him, at a very obvious spot no less. Was this a sign somewhat? He couldn’t figure it out.

Book in hand, he began heading outside to the benches outside. He never got the chance to begin reading the book, today seems like a nice day to relax and unwind, the papers could be handled later.

It hits different, it hits different cause its you.

“and the winner is…drumroll please!!”

The surrounding mondstadters began clapping their hands in sync, some stomping their feet with enthusiasm. Sara held the mic closer to her mouth obviously ready to announce the winner. You were standing by Sara's side as one of the cooking competitors. Diluc could sense the nervousness radiating off you, so he did what he would do to any of his friends to calm them down, he grabbed your hand.

Hand in hand, the both of you looked at each other. you looked at diluc in shock, not sure what to say. But diuc simply smiled at you, and looked back at sara as she was about to announce the winner.

beside sara, it was jean and barbara. the both of them entered the cooking competition together just as diluc and you did. While they prepared a slightly better version of the mushroom pizza, you and Diluc decided to make a dish that diluc was a master at, called ‘once upon a time in mondstadt’

Diluc could feel your stare drop down to the intertwined hand resting in between the both of you. He squeezed your hand once, twice and looked at you for a returning squeeze with a fond smile. with blushed cheeks, you squeezed his hands twice, before turning back to sara and the crowd in front of you.

“The winner is…..diluc and yn!! congrats to the couple!”

Diluc slightly smiles at Sara’s words, and he makes no attempt to correct her or even indicate that her statement was false. Claps surround the both of you as Diluc pulls you to Sara. With her was the prize for the competition, two big pots suitable for cooking. He takes one of the pot and hands it to you, while he takes the slightly bigger pot for him to hold.

Cameras start flashing at the both of you as mondstadt journalists start flooding the scene. Slowly, the crowd starts to disperse bit by bit until it was just you and Diluc, with a few other people cleaning up the venue in the background.

“Great job there, luc. I couldn’t have done it without you.” You say as the two of you begin heading to your house, the sun slowly settling below the earth as the sunset fills the sky with a orangey hue.

“You did all the cooking and innovation, I only helped a bit.” he replies, and it was true. He helped you with the recipe and amount while you did most of the cooking. He could’ve just been labelled as moral support for you, staying by your side when you need him.

“Don’t downgrade yourself like that, you helped a lot. Like really, a lot. I don’t think I would've even entered the competition if it wasn’t for you.” you confess to him. Diluc smiles slightly, he finds himself doing a lot of that recently.

After the incident where he saved you (not really) from huffman, the two of you have been more comfortable with each other. Meeting with each other more often, having lunches, dropping by your house to give you grapes, or a drink that he wants you to taste test. You even dropped by the tavern one time, which made the whole tavern start buzzing with gossip.

Conversation flows between the two of you freely, like before. Diluc could even say that the two of you could consider each other ‘friends’ now. Though he wants more than that, he understands you need time. And he’s willing to wait. Even if it takes years, he’s willing to wait for you to fall back into his embrace.

Because that’s what Diluc realised about you, you were hesitant. Hesitant to let him too close, hesitant to let him back into your life, hesitant to let him love you like he used to.

“I finally had time to read the book you gifted me.” Diluc shifts the topic, hoping you would pick up on the signs he was trying to send to you.

“Oh really? It’s been so long since I gave you that. How was it?” You quipped, interested.

“It was…lovely. It was something out of my usual field of books, but I still enjoyed it. In fact—”

Stifled giggles dawned on him as you laughed quietly beside him. He could only look at you with a confused expression, waiting for you to explain.

“You don’t have to lie, luc. That book was horrible.”

You said in between laughs, still giggling.

Did you….trick him? What was happening? When you gave him the book, you were gushing about how it was the best that you’ve read, and how you long for a romance like the main characters in the book. He huffs when he realises what has happen. You did trick him.

“In that case, yes it was horrible. Idiotic even. Who the hell runs away with a man they just met a week ago because their mother didn’t approve of their love? she just proved why the mother should’ve not approved of the man!” Diluc begins to voice out his true opinions, and you begin to laugh.

Your laugh makes Diluc realise how much he longed for you. The way your hand covers your face as you laugh had him wanting to hold your hand by your side so he could see your face unfiltered. The burn in his stomach spreads wildly as he watches you bask in your laughter, his cheeks tinge red at the knowledge that he made you laugh. he made you laugh. he realised now, that no matter how hard life is, or no matter how long it has been, diluc will always yearn for you, the way you secretly yearn for him too.

#diluc fluff #diluc x you #diluc x yn #diluc headcanons #master diluc #diluc angst #genshin diluc #diluc fanfic #diluc #i love diluc sm #diluc x fem!reader

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aristocratic-otter · 19 days

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Hey y’all. It’s been a rough month, so thank you to all of you who keep tagging me in spite of my silence. And for those of you waiting for new chapters to one of my WIPs, please forgive me. The good news is, I have a week off of work, and I’ll be able to put out new chapters of at least two of my WIPs, as well as the first post from one of those below that you haven’t seen. So stay tuned!

Thank you to : @thewholelemon, @youarenevertooold, @nausikaaa, @wellbelesbian, @cutestkilla, @monbons, @artsyunderstudy, @ileadacharmedlife, @hushed-chorus, @prettygoododds, @whatevertheweather, @angelsfalling16, @noblecorgi, @ic3-que3n, @bookish-bogwitch, @thewholelemon, @alexalexinii, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe,and @blackberrysummerblog for the tags over the last several weeks.

On to the snippets!

From Saving Simon Snow: (slightly more than six sentences)

I don’t know what I expect when I look at him. Recriminations about my family? I’d deserve them. My father and aunt have been vicious and abusive towards my now-husband. I’ll never be done making that up to him. Or maybe he wants to actually talk about the events of the day? Yesterday, I mean, since the clock has clearly ticked over into a new day.

Whatever I expected, it wasn’t Simon’s blue eyes intensely boring into mine as he says, “Can I kiss you?”

From the Heart in the Well

“You–” I start, and my voice is a croak. I swallow, despite my horror at the liquid still laying on my tongue. I try again. “How could you?”

Simon looks apologetic, but his chin is jutting up nonetheless. “Baz, you needed it—” he begins.

“You’ve made me into a monster!” I cry.

From Snow Fox–nothing new this week. I'm researching my next chapter at the moment.

From TikTok Dancer:

Normally, by now I’d be giving coy glances to my chosen partner of the night. I like to have made my choice at least an hour before we quit for the day, so I can make my interest known. It’s a bit of a dance in itself, this small courtship.

Tonight, unless I find the courage to approach Baz again—why do I even remember his name? Most of the time I forget their names minutes after they say them—I’ll be going to bed without any release. Because nobody in the crowd has drawn my eyes today, despite several pretty people making eyes at me.

I’ve only got eyes for Baz.

I don’t understand this.

From Stars, Flowers, and Children,

One of the tools we rescued from the ship before it sank was a hand axe, and it’s honestly been worth it’s weight in gold. Half the building I’ve done in the last few years would have been impossible without it. I don’t need Davy’s voice in my head growling, “you break those tools, boy, I’ll break you.” I’m constantly aware of the fragility of the life we’ve built here. If I break an axe…no more building out of wood. If the island suffers a dry year, no fruit on our plates. If one of us gets sick…no doctors

From Cupid’s Shield:

My aunt Fiona loves recounting the time he showed up at Watford’s Valentine ball when she was a fourth year. She wasn’t old enough to attend, but she’d snuck into a secret passage that passed the ballroom to spy on her friends, who were fifteen because their birthday (they were twins apparently) was just before the deadline to attend. Reading between the lines, I think Fi was sweet on one of the pair and wanted to make sure he wasn’t making time with some other girl at the ball.

According to my Aunt, Cupid just materialized in midair beneath the great chandelier, and, with a wicked grin, began shooting incorporeal arrows at every mage in sight. Fiona took great pleasure in recounting just who was compelled into snogging their sworn enemies or the girlfriends/ boyfriends of their best friends. Apparently the event was a source of endless drama over the next several months, and my aunt lives for that shit.

Of course, my aunts’ maybe-boyfriend escaped unscathed, or I think she wouldn’t have found the whole thing so amusing.

From my COBB project:

“Director,” I say, “It’s good to see you.”

“And it’s wonderful to see you, my boy. In fact, your return just at this time could not have been more fortuitous.”

I know all too well what that means. My heart sinks into my shoes. I just got back…I haven’t even unpacked yet…

“Sir?” I question, directing every fibre of my being towards hoping the director is not about to say what I think he’s about to say. Of course, I’m not that lucky.

“We have a situation, Simon,” he says, letting his face fall into graver lines.

Tagging: @chen-chen-chen-again-chen, @bazzybelle, @dragoneggos, @erzbethluna, @palimpsessed, @frjsti, @fatalfangirl, @letraspal, @martsonmars, @melodysmash, @moments-au-crayon22, @moodandmist, @mostlymaudlin, @onepintobean, @raenestee, @tea-brigade, @thehoneyedhufflepuff, @upuntil6am, @whogaveyoupermission, @messofthejess, @carryonsimoncarryonbaz, @krisrix, @shemakesmeforget, @larkral, @confused-bi-queer, @rimeswithpurple, and @mooncello, @theearlgreymage, @j-nipper-95, @facewithoutheart, @best--dress, @nightimedreamersghost

#co/ws/awtwb #six sentence sunday #snowbaz #carry on through the ages #carry on reverse bang #cotta 2023

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alicenttully · 1 year

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soft girls

"Anyone caught questioning the legitimacy of Princess Rhaenyra's sons, shall have their tongues removed!" Viserys spits.

His fury could swallow the room whole.

Rhaenyra's soft words of thanks wash over Alicent. All she sees is Rhaenyra's father.

For several heartbeats, Alicent Hightower considers snatching Viserys' knife and kissing Rhaenyra's face with it. She can almost smell the blood through her long, feverish fingers.

She does not.

Alicent stares at the king, her husband, her....

She wants Viserys to see her when she hits him with these words.

"The way you removed Prince Baelon from his mother's womb?"

The look on Viserys' face - oh, it was so sweet. She wanted to hurt him. To make a twin to the damage that Aemond will live with for the rest of his earthly life.

"Perhaps Your Grace should have removed her tongue first, so you need not have suffered her pleas." Alicent continues on, coldly. Has she been hurt so badly, that she is capable of such cruelty, even if the recipient is deserving of it?

Yes.

"Father?" It's Rhaenyra. Her voice shakes. She sounds lost, and scared. Like she is once again a maid of fifteen. The way Alicent was lost and scared on the day she wed Viserys, and how she never got to be fifteen again from the moment she was made a queen. While Rhaenyra got to flout all as she pleased. How she did, still.

Viserys had given Rhaenyra so much, but apparently he had not seen fit to share this ugly business in the fourteen years since Aemma Arryn's death. Alicent knew a year into their marriage, when Viserys had fallen deep into his cups and asked Alicent if she truly believed in hell.

Only for the truly worthy, husband. Alicent had smiled gently at him, because she was still a soft girl. It was not done out of love. Her love for Viserys was only that of a faithful subject for her king. Soft girls do not hurt others, least of all amiable husbands who were never rough while bedding you even if bruised you all the same.

Alicent does not care that she is hurting Rhaenyra with these words as well. How can she, when Alicent was ready to raise a knife to her? That she is ready, still. That she will always be ready, because now she understands.

Yes, she is using Queen Aemma. But Rhaenyra is not the only person in the world with a dead mother. At least she and Rhaenyra can hold them in their memories. Will the Velayron girls fare the same? Nor do most people with dead mothers use them the way Rhaenyra did, when Alicent demanded the truth in the godswood.

When she demanded hope.

"Do not mourn me, Mother." It is Aemond that breaks the silence. They all turn to look at him. Her fierce son comes to her side, joining Ser Criston, who has never left it this entire time.

He takes her hand in his. One day, his hand will be bigger than hers. Aegon's is already. "It was a fair exchange. I lost an eye, but I gained a dragon." He squeezes her hand. Alicent can feel the effort it must have taken for him to do so. The pain. Will it never leave her poor son?

"Forgive me for saying this, my prince. But the absence of your eye will harden many things for you. Including the flying of your dragon," Vaemond Velayron speaks.

"I will never have trouble with Vhagar."

Alicent's father clears his throat, and uses the authority of his position. "Perhaps we should end this matter for now, Your Grace."

Viserys opens his mouth as if to say more. To beg forgiveness from Rhaenyra and his dead wife. To damn Alicent. To damn them all.

He does not. "The matter is finished."

"Of course, Your Grace." Ser Otto replies. But it is not finished. It will never be finished, Alicent realizes, and so does her father who is forced to say these words to placate Viserys. But that is one thing.

There will be no need to lie when he is dead.

#alicent hightower #house of the dragon #asoiaf #anti viserys i targaryen #i love writing for alicent #antis do not interact #my writing

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silverynight · 8 months

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The cheerleader's best friend

Zenitsu watches the scene in front of him trying not to roll his eyes; Genya has been offering Tanjirou to carry him over his shoulders so he can see his sister rehearsing her lines for the school play.

Now Zenitsu would gladly ignore everything in order to watch his beloved Nezuko instead, but this is getting so ridiculous he can't not look at it.

Genya is one of Tanjirou's best friends, but he's also in love with the redhead, like half of the school is, and it doesn't help that Tanjirou is constantly wearing the cheerleader's uniform with that red skirt that's a little bit too short.

He's a very good cheerleader, Zenitsu admits it and he's also very cute and charming and has very thick thighs. Not that Zenitsu would ever say that out loud; he doesn't have a crush on his friend, no, that's not the case at all because he's devoted to Nezuko.

However, he can understand why some of their classmates and other students react the way they do around Tanjirou. It's hilarious and annoying at the same time, especially because Tanjirou is very oblivious to everything that happens around him.

So Genya is not the only one in love, but he's so scary looking and intimidating that not everyone is willing to compete against him. Which gives him advantage.

"Thank you, Genya, you're really sweet!" Tanjirou beams as he gets carried and finally sits on Genya's shoulders, caging his face in between Tanjirou's thighs.

"Oh, man! That's not fair!" One of the boys watching the rehearsal complains, distracted by Tanjirou. "Shinazugawa always gets to touch the sunshine!"

"As if you could carry him over your shoulders," a girl comments next to him. "Although I must admit the Shinazugawa boy is very lucky indeed."

"Are they dating?"

Zenitsu knows they're not and Genya apparently likes to suffer in silence, but he's not going to tell those students that. Better if they believe Tanjirou is taken, maybe that'll calm them down.

"Who knows but if he hasn't asked him out yet he's an idiot."

"Maybe he has, you have to remember our Tanjirou is very oblivious."

"Yeah, you're right. But I wouldn't feel sorry for him if that was the case. Tanjirou's too hot for him."

"Stop being jealous and let us watch the rehearsal!"

Finally, Zenitsu sighs, relieved when those two shut up, at least is not Nezuko's turn yet.

"Are you okay, Genya?" Tanjirou asks innocently, trying to look at his friend's face.

"Y-Yes, I'm fine," Genya manages to say, which honestly surprises Zenitsu because the tall boy is completely red at the moment and looking like he's either having the best or worst time of his life. It's probably a mixture of both, because even though Zenitsu is sure he's enjoying the feeling of Tanjirou's thighs at both sides of his face, he probably doesn't know how to handle all the emotions that come with it.

It must be overwhelming to feel Tanjirou's skin against his, considering Tanjirou's wearing the short, red skirt at the moment.

Fortunately, it's Nezuko's turn and everyone gets distracted watching her, she's very good, but that doesn't surprise Zenitsu.

Tanjirou has a huge grin on his face the whole time and jumps off Genya's shoulders once the rehearsal is done to pull his sister into his arms. They both go back to where Genya is and start talking about the play as Zenitsu approaches them.

He tries not to look too excited when he gathers enough courage to hug Nezuko too.

"Thank you for carrying me earlier, Genya," Tanjirou says then, standing on his tiptoes to give the other boy a kiss on the cheek.

Zenitsu watches with amusement as Genya's brain stops working for a couple of seconds; Nezuko covers her mouth to muffle her giggles.

"Genya?"

"Would you like to have lunch with me tomorrow?" The taller boy blurts out quickly, but everyone around understands what he's trying to say.

"I'd love to!" Tanjirou says sweetly, probably having no idea Genya is asking him out.

Nezuko gently elbows Genya in the ribs and the boy nods at her, before rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"Great, it's a d-date then!" He mumbles, prompting Tanjirou to blink a couple of times at him.

"Oh!" He says, almost in a whisper, cheeks turning slightly pink in seconds. Zenitsu must admit that Tanjirou looks absolutely adorable. "Right! I can't wait for our date!"

Genya looks like he's about to pass out from happiness, but he manages to nod and even smiles when he notices Nezuko giving him the thumbs up behind her brother.

"Let's go grab something to eat to celebrate my sister's performance!"

"It was just a rehearsal, Tanjirou," Nezuko chuckles. "Although I'm hungry..."

The four of them go together and Zenitsu notices Tanjirou taking Genya's hand in his.

They'll probably make a good couple.

***

Patreon

#modern au #kny #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #gentan #genya shinazugawa #tanjiro kamado

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beanghostprincess · 5 months

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usopp and sanji being pining idiots pre-timeskip and completely head over heels for each other without saying a thing. and then sabaody happens and they're both like "well, i guess this is it. i'll have to get over this crush because if there was no way he loved me back before, now it's even more unlikely because he'll forget about me after two years".

and it kind of works, really. even if sanji has a crisis every time he sees usopp's new body. even if usopp tries hard not to be jealous when he sees sanji flirting with girls. because they're friends again —they used to be more. best friends, they said once— and although they don't talk as much as they did before, it's enough.

but it actually isn't. because sanji suddenly has to get married? apparently? and all the feelings suddenly flourish again.

usopp wants to go to whole cake too but he can't because he shouldn't do that to himself —in case sanji does end up getting married— and he is sure that he'll most likely lose it there and will either have a breakdown and be a burden or suffer in silence while he sees the love of his life getting married to somebody else. so he goes to wano instead, and hopes for sanji to come back —to him—.

sanji doesn't want to get married. that's a fact. but it's not only because he refuses to be considered a vinsmoke or because he doesn't know the girl, but because he just realized he's a fucking idiot and he's been in love with usopp all along. but there's no way he loves him back, and staying with the crew will only cause them trouble. so he stays at whole cake instead and loses all hopes of going back to usopp.

but then sanji ends up coming back, surprisingly enough for both, and now it's even harder for them to be together and close because they know for a fact they won't be able to keep their hands off each other. sanji literally can't stop his heart from pounding hard enough for it to be heard through the whole country of wano, and usopp is a stuttering mess whenever they see each other. and when they aren't pining, they keep on thinking about impossible dreams and kisses that will never happen, and it aches so fucking much they feel they will never be able to be together alone ever again.

so they keep dancing around each other and it isn't that hard this time because they're a bit, uh, busy trying to not get fucking killed by dinosaurs or you know, a fucking dragon.

which, by the way, it's huge. the biggest threat they've encountered yet. and when they see kaido like that... it does something for both of them.

they have this realization at the same time, funny enough. they need to talk in private. right fucking now. because they can't die before being able to confess. losing each other once —or twice, thinking about water 7—.

somewhere in between all the chaos and soba-mask being a thing —sending usopp fucking insane, because sanji just looks too good and he's so bad at superhero names and the sniper just needs to kiss him silly— they come to the sudden agreement to talk things out.

and more than 'sudden agreement' it's actually them saying: "usopp, we need to talk" / "i have to tell you something, sanji" at the same time. and they're blushing and trembling under each other's stares and- they expect the worst, honestly. because they're idiots and oblivious and they don't notice the way the other smiles when they aren't looking.

so, they talk things out.

they're both nervous and they keep speaking over each other's words and they never really say what they want to say.

usopp explains that he has missed him so much and was so scared to lose him when he went to whole cake to get married —emphasizing the getting married thing— and he keeps saying stuff about their relationship that definitely isn't what he wants to truly say because he keeps rambling about nonsense and loses himself in his feelings.

and then sanji interrupts him because he isn't understanding anything at all, but he at least gets what usopp is trying to say. but sanji isn't any better, because he tries to say what he feels but his words keep getting stuck in his throat and he isn't capable of saying anything that isn't things about how much he fucked up at whole cake and how much he missed usopp too and how much he thought about sogeking rescuing him.

and he apologizes for losing the friendship they used to have two years ago. usopp does the same.

"i'm glad we settled this."

"back to being best friends?"

"of course. of course, usopp. yes."

but usopp quickly notices sanji's smile disappearing and changing his face completely.

and sanji says something like: "no- no, that's- that's not what i wanted to say. i don't want to go back to the way things were."

and usopp fucking hates this. it's his worst nightmare. losing sanji like this. but he lets out a fake laugh, pretending everything's fine, because he's now extremely used to doing this around sanji. "it's fine. i- i understand why you wouldn't-"

"that's not it! you- fuck, usopp, okay. you got it all wrong or- or maybe it's me who fucked up while trying to explain it but-" sanji's hands are trembling, and usopp keeps staring at him with confusion and fear. the cook takes a deep breath. "i didn't want to get married to pudding because i- i'm not in love with her. get what- ugh, get what i'm trying to say?"

but the only thing usopp hears is that sanji is in love and with someone that probably isn't him. so he laughs once again. "yes! of course, i'm sure she's a lucky girl for, um, having your love and-"

and sanji is just so tired he almost rolls his eyes. almost. because even though usopp is being stupid and he would love to kiss him out of frustration, sanji is so anxious he can't even do that. he's never had so many issues trying to love somebody.

sanji apologizes for ruining their friendship. "i'm sorry. i really am. but you're just so dumb sometimes-" and that's the last thing he says before kissing usopp.

and, well, usopp doesn't kiss him back right away because "what the fuck is going on right now" and "sanji sanji sanjisanjisanjisanjisanjisanjisanji" are the only things in his brain.

but when the cook is about to move away, usopp finally presses their lips together again.

and in an empty alleyway in wano —that still manages to be gorgeous somehow, because this is pretty much the most beautiful place they've even been at— sanji and usopp finally are together. which means they're even more scared of losing each other in the next battle they're going to have.

but at least, now, they won't regret anything if it happens.

#i was inspired #sorry my sanuso demons took over me #i just like the idea of sanuso pining until they can't hold it in anymore #and nobody talks about wano sanuso and i love wano sanuso #i haven't finished wano yet but idc #they're so important to me #one piece #black leg sanji #usopp #sanuso

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dsireland86 · 5 months

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There is Beauty in the Pain

Chapter 3 Pt.2

Summary: Noah and Sophie find each other in the most unprecedented circumstances. Whether it's the Universe, fate, destiny, or pure luck, they can't deny that their souls were simply meant to be

***Warnings: angst, mentions of abuse, language

TAGS: @lma1986 @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @missduffsblog

**if you want to be added to the tag list, let me know :)**

AUTHORS NOTE: Revised chapter. The old one was horrible.

--LINK TO CHAPTER 3 PT.3 AT THE BOTTOM--

I wish I could say the same about Sophie. She was broken. So much of life had been cruel to her and to see her the way she was now shattered what little hope I still had in humanity. It wasn't fair for people like her to go through the fucked up shit they were forced to and that’s why I had so many issues with God. If he cared, then why did he allow so much suffering?

Noah:

Early on in life, I came to terms with knowing all people have a darkness about them. A darkness so deep that it usually took someone or something to help them fight it because fighting it alone always ended in failure. But I was never meant to be that for anyone, instead I was the one always needing that someone or something and I found myself alone a lot because of it.The family we’d created during the whole set up and process of the band had become the only "real" family I'd ever known. Losing so much as a kid and having a lot of instability didn't make a great start to adulthood, but somehow, maybe because of God even though he and I had a lot of issues with each other, I managed to get by and succeed better than I'd dreamed when I was younger.

The silence that fell over the bar after Folio posed his question. "Were you raped," was so deep that if it weren’t for the pitiful sounds coming from Sophie I would have said it was deafening. While Alex held her, quietly telling her things were going to be okay and that she was safe, I started to wonder if he was right or not. Was she safe? Folio didn’t hesitate to help. I watched how he interacted with Sophie, loving cupping her face and raising it to look at her, gently drying her tears with his thumbs. Her shoulders relaxed as he spoke softly to her and whatever he said made her smile appear. He seemed to make her feel at ease; safe. I was floored by it all. It was a side of Nick that, in all the years I’d known him, never seen before, and I could tell by the looks on everyone else’s faces I wasn’t the only one surprised.

"Sophie wasn't raped; I'd know if she was," Alex assured Folio. “What do you mean you’d know? Has this kind of thing happened to her before?” His voice raised a little higher than he meant for it to, but if abuse was a common occurrence in Sophie’s life, then why hadn’t it been stopped? Neither one of them answered Folio so I took their silence as a yes and apparently he did too. He scoffed, taking his hat off and running his hand through his hair, his frustration very evident.

“So, this Perry, he’s your ex, right?”

“Yes, he very much is now,” Sophie’s nasally voice laughed nervously. “At one time we were together; happy,,” her voice tailed off. "They were together for about three years before he left for Germany. His job sent him there, right Soph?” Her head bobbed up and down. “Yeah, that was a little over a year ago. During that whole time, how many times do you think he contacted her?” Alex posed an odd question. What did it matter? “A handful,” I answered, shrugging my shoulders. He shook his head. “None.” My mouth fell open in shock. “What? What do you mean none?” “I mean none. Didn’t call her, didn’t text her; nothing.”

“So let me get this straight. You were in a relationship with this guy for over three years, and then one day he decides to just leave you or dump you to go to Germany and never speak to you again?” He looked at Sophie and Alex, expecting his understanding, and mine as well, to be correct. “Yeah,” Alex huffed, leaning against the bar counter. “Unfuckingbelievable. Why didn’t you call the police? Have his ass thrown in jail?”

“Because, Perry has certain guys on the police force that he's bought. He's kind of a powerful guy. No matter what he does; cheat, abuse, steal, do something illegal, he’ll always get away with it.” Alex’s face twisted into a disgusted look. It was clear he’d tried many times to help Sophie find a way out of it all, but it never made a difference.

“Yeah, I made the mistake of calling them the first time he hit me.” Sophie scoffed. “He was so angry at me; threatened me in all kinds of ways. It was the first time I questioned myself why the hell I was staying him. But by the next morning, he acted like nothing ever happened, but I was still really afraid of him. Out of the fear and love, or what I thought was love, I had for him, I stayed.” After giving Sophie’s hand a quick squeeze, Folio came and stood beside me, dragging a hand down his face.

"You good, man?" I asked, placing my hand on his shoulder. Nick closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them giving me a heavy look. He shook his head before walking away. Something was seriously up with him and I told myself I would find out later, but at that moment, Sophie needed my attention.

"Soph, do you think you can tell us what happened," Alex asked, wiping the dried blood in one spot and then moving on to another one. Sophie’s eyes were heavy with exhaustion, and I worried for her. She needed rest before she would pass out from the overwhelmingness of the last few hours. Her hand reached down for mine, and I gave it to her, sighing when I felt the warmth of her small one slip into mine, locking her fingers around mine. She was trembling. I was sure her body was still in so much shock.

Sophie sat down, letting Alex clean up her wounds with the stuff he had brought over earlier. Matt, Jolly, Nick, and I gave them some space, but I continued keeping an eye on them. "This is going to hurt like hell, but I've got to do it," I heard Alex tell Sophie. Sophie sucked in a tight breath and grimaced when he applied the cleaner to the deep gash on her cheekbone and the small ones around her mouth and on her cheeks as well. Her red, puffy eyes stared into mine, silently calling out for me to come to her, so I did. Kneeling in front of her I saw all the damage that had been done to her for the first time. It was rough. A dark bruise was forming around her left eye with colors of deep purple and blue covering the entire right cheekbone where Alex was cleaning. Welts from long fingers lightly covered her pale cheeks, the redness of them serving as a stark reminder of just how cruel humans could be to each other. It made me sick to my stomach, thinking about Sophie being in such a horrific situation and how scared she must have been. A strange urge to protect her washed over me, making me feel a little possessive about her.

“I left the concert as soon as I could to try and avoid the huge crowd. Thought that if I slipped out, I wouldn’t be stuck in a room packed with so many people who were drunk or at least nearly there.” Well, there was the explanation I wanted. I immediately felt like a fucking asshole for thinking and feeling all the things I did. She sucked in another breath as Alex moved on to the last cut, cleaning it just like the others ”When I got to my front door, I noticed it was unlocked and instead of calling you like I should've done, I decided to be the stupid head that I was and go in. I did have nine-one-one on speed dial, though.” She glanced at Alex who, by this time, was scowling at her, scolding her choice. Sophie shrugged her shoulders and continued. Folio returned from wherever he had retreated to, sitting down next to Jolly with another beer in his hand. His face was still grave.

“After a few moments of waiting, I assumed all was good until Perry came walking out of my bedroom.” “What the fuck was he in there for,” Alex snapped. He sat the bottle of peroxide on the counter and folded his arms over his chest. “I don’t know, and I’m not sure I want to. I’ll probably have to burn my bedsheets when I get back.” I chuckled, knowing what Sophie was implying. “Anyway, things were okay for a bit, but it didn’t take long for him to get all aggressive and controlling. He would calm down and put on this stupid endearing act that made me think for a second that maybe he was being honest, but then moments later he was right back to hurting me and I just hated myself more each time.”

My forehead creased. The motherfucker sounded like a literal psychopath that got pleasure out of hurting her. He was a danger to her and deserved to be locked up. “I don’t know what went through his mind, Alex. I mean, one minute he was apologizing and really thought we were getting back together, and the next, he was just cruel. couldn’t understand why I was refusing to start over with him.” Taking a moment to wipe her face, Sophie licked her lips and continued. “There was a moment between us, in my kitchen, where I actually thought maybe he was serious about his apology; he was so convincing. But then he shoved me, pushed me so hard against the wall that pictures fell and broke, and that’s when shit went downhill.” I laid my hand on her cheek, cradling the side of her face, grinning when I felt her press in on my hand. “I didn’t think I was going to make it out alive, Noah," she quietly confessed, bringing her hands up to wrap them around my arm. Her words almost made my heart stop. A hard pain hit my chest, making it seriously feel as if my heart was breaking. “But you did, Sophie,” I reassured her with a small smile. “You did, and you’re safe now; I promise.” She took a deep breath, wincing as she did, and nodding a little before closing her eyes and taking another one. “Alex. I can't… I don't want to…," but she couldn't finish her sentence without choking back her tears, trying to be brave. I moved, letting Alex take my place to console his friend, and went back over to the table where my friends were. “This is some fucked up shit, Noah,” Matt stated. I nodded, rubbing the back of my neck. Folio sat quietly, jiggling his leg, staring down into nothing. “Hey,” nugging his shoe with the tip of mine.” He acknowledged, but didn’t look up. “What’s wrong with you? Are you okay?”Jolly asked, leaning in closer. “It’s nothing,” Folio sniffed. “I just a, I just don’t like seeing women get hurt like this; that’s all.” Jolly seemed to buy his excuse, but I didn’t.

No longer knowing what to say, think, or even fucking do, I dropped myself down in the chair next to Jolly, suddenly very exhausted myself. It was evident I didn’t need to get involved any deeper in the situation, and choosing to drag everyone in the room into it wasn’t a good idea either. But between Folio’s behavior and the unsettling feelings I had, it seemed that choosing to back out now was a little too late. Sophie stood up to stretch a little, wincing again. A slight cry escaped her mouth. “You alright,” I asked, concerned. She threw me a quick nod.

“You made me feel so special, Noah. Thank you.” She reached over and laid her hand on my chest, and out of impulse, I placed mine over it. The twinkle in her eyes made a lump form in my throat. The butterfly feeling in my chest wasn’t helping either. And fuck… the sound of my name falling from her lips made my cock so hard and twitch that I had to clench my legs together to control it. “Here Sophie, I brought you, oh,” Alex paused as he came up to us from the other side of the counter. I cleared my throat and stepped away, giving Sophie some space. Alex’s eyes bounced from me to Sophie, whose head was lowered. Alex grinned, handing Sophie the medicine and water, and I couldn't keep myself from staring at her, mesmerized by all that she was. Why was I suddenly afraid of leaving her? What was it that made the dreaded feeling sink to the pit of my stomach and scare me. And then it hit me. It showed when Alex said something that made her chuckle, and that genuine smile spread over her lips. It was that smile. The first time I saw it, I knew I wanted to see it for the rest of my life.

“Alex, I need tylenol or something. Can I get some with some water, please?” "Absolutely. I'll be right back." He smiled, walking away. Sophie turned her back to me and leaned against the counter of the bar. I walked over, taking a spot next to her. Neither one of us said anything at first. “I liked the way you flirted at the concert. It was cute.” Sophie said, breaking the silence between us. She turned and looked at me. “You have an incredible smile, Noah.”

Her confession made my insides want to explode, and I showed her that smile just because of the way she was making me feel. “Yours is just as infectious,” I admitted with my heart racing. We both went quiet again. “You know, whatever you felt back there, I’m pretty sure I might have felt it too.” Both of us looked at each other, eyes locking together. “When you came down during that last song and touched my face, it was like my whole entire world exploded. And when you came back out after the show was over and reached for me, I felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world.”

Sophie was such a simple, warm-hearted girl, and everything about her was beautiful. Being around her was like lying in the grass on a summer day or by a roaring fire when the snow was piled high outside. It made me feel peaceful. I couldn't understand why anyone would want to hurt her. She made liking her, and quite possibly loving her, easy. Even though my body responded to her in a sexual way, my mind was attached to her for other reasons too, and now that she was under my skin, getting her out was going to be difficult.

The atmosphere relaxed a little, and I went back over to the table, striking up a conversation with Nicholas. My eyes may have been on Nick, but my attention was completely on Sophie. The longer she was awake, the more she looked like she would faint. Sitting my drink down, I began to make my way over to her as she stood up and her eyes met with mine. Trying to keep her balance, Sophie put her arms out beside her but couldn’t hold herself up any longer. Rushing over, I threw my arms out under her, catching her body as it fell into me, almost knocking me over.

CHAPTER 3 PT.3

#noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian fanfic #bad omens fanfiction #bad omens #bad omens band #noah sebastian #nicholas ruffilo #nick folio #jolly karlsson #fanfic #bad omens cult #writing

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jawritter · 1 year

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If It’s Meant to Be

Pt. 5

Summary: Bad things happen to good people, that’s just the rule of thumb. But sometimes, things happen for a reason, and that reason is so you can find the person you’re meant to be with…

Pairing: Alpha!Beau Arlen x Omega!Reader

Warnings: 18 + ONLY!!! *Spoiler Warning* Use of plan B/morning after pill. Angst. Language. Beau is an asshole. (Ducks before you guys start throwing things at me). Multiple Viewpoints.

Word Count: 2080

A/N: This fic is completely unbeta’d, so all mistakes are mine! Please do not copy my work! Enjoy!

My Masterlist Series Masterlist

Y/N’s POV:

Two days, that’s how long Beau’s rut lasted after Y/N got there. Though, she had a feeling that if he’d just claimed her, his suffering would have ended much sooner than it had. Still, no matter how many times he would take her, which was quite frequently over the course of two days, he never once even attempted to claim her. It kept her up at night when he’d finally fallen asleep. Honestly, at this point, it was hurtful.

Was she not good enough? Did she not perform in a satisfactory manner to meet his needs? Did she do something wrong? Did he find her unattractive? He seemed to not have a problem sleeping with her through his rut, so he couldn’t find her that repulsive, could he?

He also spoke very, very little. Which scared her a little. Beau was a talker. Everyone in town knew it, and Jenny complained loudly about it to anyone that would listen frequently, but with her, he'd barely spoke at all. By the time she fell asleep the second day, his knot locking the pair of them firmly in place, now in his bed rather than the couch, she couldn’t help but lay awake and wonder if maybe she’d make a mistake in coming here?

The more her suppressants wore off, the more she’d been sure he was her true mate. He smelt like home, brought her all the feels they all wrote fucking stories about?! But apparently, she didn’t do it for him. Because no matter how many times she’d offer herself to him, present to him, he’d never claim her. Clearly, she’d let attraction get in the way of good sense, and she was wrong. Now, she felt used. Dirty. No matter how much like home he smelt.

When she woke up to an empty trailer on the third day, and no note as to where he’d gone, it did nothing but solidify the fact that she’d indeed, made a huge mistake.

She sat up, alone, and looked around the dimly lit trailer, taking in all the pictures of Emily, as well as the three of them, Carla, Emily, and Beau, that lined just about every surface and wall of the trailer. They portrayed a happier man, one she’d never really gotten to see in person. He looked whole, complete; nothing like he’d looked the whole time she’d been with him. It stung. Alot.

Swallowing back the sudden onslaught of tears that threaten to overtake her, Y/N stood on sore, shaking legs. She refused to look at his marks he’d left behind on her body as she dressed herself in stoned silence. These were marks she thought, at the time he’d made them, she’d have worn with pride. She was wrong. Now, they seemed to be a source of a constant reminder of her shame and rejection. At least he did her the courtesy of not claiming if he wasn’t going to keep her, and was just using her as a rut bunny. She didn’t think that level of rejection would have been survivable if just this one hurt this bad. She could see why people didn’t survive it.

She had just staggered through the empty little space to find her shoes, as well as her phone that was dead on the counter by the little sink, when the front door suddenly opened to the blinding light outside, and Beau’s tall frame stepped into the trailer, his jaw set tight, and a small brown bag in his hand that had the local pharmacy’s emblem printed on the front of it.

His dark eyes landed on her, deep bluish circles underneath them, sporting his lack of sleep, but aside from that, he was dressed with his full attire of sheriff gear, and clearly ready to get back to his life; his rut finally passed.

“Beau, I—”

“It’s okay,” he cut in, placing his own phone on the counter as he reached to pass her the small bag, which she took tentatively from his large grip. He very clearly was keeping his distance from her. “I’m glad I caught you before you left, that way we can handle this in private.”

She looked at him with deep confusion, and more than a little hurt as she opened the bag, finding a small, purple box that contained one Plan B pill inside of it.

It would have been kinder if he would have just put the gun to her head and pulled the trigger. She was gutted. Not only had he rejected her, but apparently the sheer thought of having a pup with her disgusted him enough that he had gotten up before her, just to go get a Plan B for her. It was beyond humiliating. She’d never felt so dirty before. Not ever.

“I just thought, you know, you might want the option too… we weren’t exactly careful, and we didn't have time to—”

Y/N shook her head in disgust, not only at the man she thought was her Alpha, but also herself as she ripped the box open, only holding the small white pill in her hands for a moment before she swallowed it dry in front of him, and threw the empty container on his counter.

“It’s fine Beau,” she stated coldly as she reached next to the couch, and grabbed her jacket. Beau’s eyes shifted from the empty container on the counter to her, an unreadable look on his handsome face. “I get it, message received; loud and clear.”

She made to step around him, grabbing hold of the door handle, but his hand on her own stopped her, the close proximity and his scent halting her only for a moment before she looked away from him. She refused to let him see her cry. She wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. She’d mourn when she was not here with him, where she was safe.

“That’s not what I meant when—”

“Goodbye Beau,” Y/N cut in, jerking her hand from his grip and making her way out of his door and trudging through the rain and thick Montana mud alone towards her car. She didn’t know what hurt worse, the fact that he brought her a Plan B, rejected her, or made her take the walk of shame towards her car all alone?

Beau’s POV:

Beau shuttered at the cold as he stepped into the mostly still empty police station, earning the wide-eyed gaze of the few police officers that were already there, waiting to start their day. Surely Jenny had told them all he’d be taking the leave given by law to Alpha’s during the bonding period after they’d found their mates. He’d never felt so naked. So ashamed.

“Beau?” Pop’s surprised voice sounded from somewhere to his left as he made his way to his office as quickly as he could with his head down. He didn’t look his way, just grunted as the man followed him into the office before he could close his door. It was going to be a very long day. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with your—”

“I’m right where I need to be Popcorn, I got a lot of work to catch up on. So if you wouldn't mind...”

Beau’s voice was cold, void of any emotions, even though since he’d watched Y/N swallow that little pill he felt like his chest was about to cave in. He thought that once he’d finished puking his guts up when she’d left that the feeling of utter loss would let up, but it didn’t. It still fucking hurt. It hurt so fucking deep.

“Okay,” Pop said, clearly he got the hint that Beau didn’t want to talk about it. So he backed out of the office and left him alone, closing the door quietly behind him.

Once again Beau found himself alone with his thoughts, and the pain. He thought when Carla had left him, when she’d taken Emily from him, that he’d felt his share of pain. He was so wrong. It would have hurt less if he’d just poured gas over his head and set himself on fire. What he felt right now was excruciating beyond words.

Just when he thought that his day couldn’t get any worse, he’d heard Jenny’s distant voice echoing through the closed door as she made her way closer to his office, and he clenched his teeth so tightly that it made his jaw hurt. He knew he was in for it; whether he wanted it or not.

“We need to fucking talk Beau,” Jenny roared at him as she rushed towards his desk, anger etched into her pretty features. But he couldn’t look at her, not in the eye, so he just looked back at his computer, biting the inside of his cheek hard enough to make it bleed, and the taste of copper flooded his mouth, making him even sicker. Still, he’d throw up in front of her before he let himself cry, Alphas didn’t do that, no matter how bad it hurt. Especially in front of other Alphas.

“Actually, I don’t think we do,” he voiced through his teeth, keeping his eyes glued to the mug shots on his screen. “Now, unless you have something for me that will help me with these suspects, you can see yourself out.”

“Beau!” she yelled, and he stood with a growl that had the female Alpha cowering, the look of fear overtaking the angry look on her face.

“My personal life is no longer any of your business Hoyte, it’s not up for discussion. My decisions are my own, not yours, now either work, or get the fuck out of my office!”

Jenny nodded, gritting her teeth as she stood boldly, and crossed the floor to stand toe to toe with him, delivering a hard slap to the side of his face, and he sat in the chair behind him in surprise. He didn’t think she had it in her, though he should have known better.

Silence fell over the pair of them, and Jenny turned on her heels to march out of the substation, Beau watched in silence as she went. He deserved that, he knew he did. He wasn’t angry at Jenny. It was himself he hated.

Y/N’s POV:

“We can kill him,” Donno stated with his usual, creepy, monotone voice as he paced angrily in front of her. “We can kill him, and make it look like an accident.”

“Donno,” Y/N said with a shake of her head, sniffing slightly. “As weird as this is gonna sound, I don’t want anyone to hurt him… Even if he does deserve it. I just want to take a few days off and recover, ya know.”

“Sure honey, anything you need,” Tonya said, her red painted lips a thin line as she watched the Omega that had just finished recounting the tale to the pair of them. They were almost the only people she knew here after all. “But if you change your mind, just remember we know how to hide a body.”

She wanted to point out just how fucked up that was, but thought better of it.

“I can’t believe he brought you the pill to take,” Tonya stated again in disbelief. “I would have never thought that out of Beau.”

“Guess I wasn’t good enough to carry his pups,” Y/N choked out, a fresh wave of emotions gripping her as she tried to whip her face from the fresh wave of tears. “Just like I wasn’t good enough to claim.”

“There’s got to be more to it sweetheart,” Tonya tried, “maybe you should just talk to him—”

“I think he’d said all he wanted to say. If so, he wouldn’t have stood there and watched me take it without a drop of remorse.”

“Go home,” Donno stated suddenly, his gaze fixated out the window, and a far off look on his face. “Take all the time you need, and when you’re ready, your job will be here.”

Y/N nodded, and stood, giving Tonya a said smile before she made her way towards the door.

She knew that she’d changed, that her heart was Beau’s. She knew things would never be the same again the moment he touched her. Still, she never would have thought the change would be this, or that it would hurt so bad.

Forever:

@demongirl1996

@as-lost-as-sams-shoe

@jensenslady79

@wittysunflower

@spnwoman

@stoneyggirl2

@unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men

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Jensen and Dean’s Babes

@deans-baby-momma

@impalaslytherin

@perpetualabsurdity

@msmarvelouswinchester

@akshi8278

@love-jackles

@irmcpar

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@kaz11283

@mlovesstories

#if its meant to be #beau arlen #beau arlen x reader #beau arlen x you #alpha beau arlen x omega reader #alpha beau arlen #alpha x omega #abo dynamics #jensen ackles #big sky #jawritter

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none-shall-caricature-me · 9 months

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Goody - two - shoes discourse has reached the VTSOM fandom. Ugh.

Just finished Vincent : The Secret of Myers, SPOILERS and opinions on its fan discourse below - ISTG if another person says ‘Vincent should've seen that bad end coming because he was going TOO much down a dark, vengeful, murderous path and EMOTIONALLY - DRIVEN REVENGE BAD 11!!!’ I’ll go berserk. Bruh, ALL THE CHARACTERS in this game are morally grey (less so for Draco, it seems). Vincent is brutally murdering the core members, and people’s issue with that is that he’s apparently also killing those sidepiece employees who were very selfish but not fully evil, just like he used to be. Now, regardless of whether or not he’s killing the less shady workers too (I personally think it’s not clarified so far, though sparing other pawns like him would make his revenge ethically sound), get out of your asses for once and see how convincing ‘BUT I WOULD NEVER SINK SO LOW IF I WERE HIM, I’D STEW IN MISERY OVER MY TORTURE LIKE A GOOD VICTIM INSTEAD OF GOING ON A BLOODY RAMPAGE TO TAKE BACK SOME SEMBLANCE OF CONTROL OVER MY SHITTY LIFE’ sounds.

Dude, first of all, once you’re self - centred and socially desperate enough join a cutthroat MNC as their top dirty - dealing lawyer -- and then get fucked over horribly despite reluctantly licking the company’s boots -- you’re also self - centered enough to seek vengeance at all costs. And barring the whole corrupt lawyer thing, being self - centered isn’t necessarily bad. An ordinary person wouldn’t have the means to take on Myer Corp. and that’s why most ‘normal’ folks would just give up on revenge, willingly (if they’re of the insane ‘I will suffer in silence and simply expect to get over the horrible destruction of my self like a good girl’ variety) or unwillingly. But Vincent has the genius, the insider info and the wealth to fuck over Myer Corp.’s experimenters - SO WHY WOULDN’T HE ?

Yes, his ostensible targeting of a probably memory - wiped Vanora is not at all a good move - in fact it was mostly quite dumb and could’ve been averted since altering memories can definitely change a person’s goals, loyalties, personality and philosophy (Vanora at the game’s start, before Vincent intentionally reminded her of her past, was harmless). But Myer Corp sent her to kill him, and maybe he was paranoid that she could be a sleeper agent, BUT most importantly his terrible experiences have understandably fucked him up psychologically and he’s NOT thinking straight at all. Therefore Vanora and those he killed may be brainwashed company pawns just like him, following callous orders for self - preservation or profit, but it’s hardly easy to empathise with that when you’re stewing in your own hell. That’s something smoothly said but rarely done, and very few of you morality hecklers would be saintly enough to pull it off if you were in his place.

Do you seriously think that ANYBODY is such a dumb baby lamb that they’ll simply get over their life being ruined, having to eat humans to live, suffering long agony; perk up, fix a smile on their face, and try to live out the rest of their life like they’re fucking Jesus Christ a - okay with being crucified ? No, and whether they were a bad enough person to be called hypocritical for their obsession (like Vincent probably is) DOESN’T MATTER. Because the alternative is fucking unrealistic and oppressive (like Madoka Magica’s bird - brained ‘happier ending’ where the puella magi swallow their pain and straight up have to die so that their pain won’t make them lash out in the only way they can).

Point is, Vincent’s mad fixation on gorily wiping out Myers IS, as far as we know, NOT good, yes. But given his realistically morally grey personality, his trauma and his circumstances, it makes sense. Similarly, his attempt to kill Vanora after HIMSELF ensuring she’d remember her past and calling her loyal to Myers at heart was SUPER DUMB and horrible - but it makes sense given the above. The world is full of Vincent Edgeworth, Self - Preserving Ex - Corrupt Lawyers. Unconditionally loving, naive, selfless Dracos are rare.

And tbh, I personally find a fucked - up Vincent very interesting, realistic and poignant. I don’t care that he’s problematic because he’s super well - written.

#vincent the secret of myers #vtsom #vtsom vincent #not bsd

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go-scottishgal14 · 2 years

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UK Times skewers H&M...

After a month of glorious silence, Meghan’s back — as wronged and stoic as ever

Hilary Rose

Wednesday October 05 2022, 12.00pm, The Times

Because I always strive to be a happy little elf, I will start with the happy news. It’s been four weeks, nearly a whole month of glorious silence, since the last episode of Meghan’s podcast.

To recap, previous episodes proved to be the most persuasive argument ever heard for living off-grid. The Duchess of Sussex delayed the next one until the official mourning period for the Queen was over and, to be fair, a month without Meghan is surely what the Queen would have wanted.

But all good things must come to an end and now she’s back, as wronged and stoic as ever, telling the sad truths we must all take on board if we are to become better people. Or something. I won’t lie, these are tough times to be a happy little elf, although the news this week that she employs a fact-checker on the podcast is beyond parody and cheered me up no end. Is one enough? Will she ever develop the ability to fact-check before she opens her mouth?

● Meghan Markle’s Archetypes podcast review — almost entirely preposterous

In this episode, she starts strongly, if incomprehensibly, with ghormeh and larb. Apparently they’re foodstuffs. Her guest is Margaret Cho, a successful Asian-American actress, activist and comedian. Cho has many interesting things to say about the perceptions and stereotypes surrounding Asian-American women, and whole seconds go by in which she is allowed to say them uninterrupted.

Ultimately, though, it falls to Meghan to point out that “all people” are multidimensional and layered, although no mention of elves, which makes me wonder if I am truly seen. She also confides that she loves Los Angeles because it is “full of culture”, which makes me sad, not happy, because if only we had some culture of our own, maybe she’d have stuck around.

It’s been a busy time for the Sussexes. Watching the Queen’s funeral, did they recall hitting back at her with the jibe “Everyone can live a life of service”? Probably not. The brand building is going brilliantly, though, or at least better than that tin-eared visit to a Californian cemetery on Remembrance Sunday.

Only yesterday, in a last desperate plea for privacy, they released new photographs of themselves. Meghan goes for smouldering stateswoman. Harry, bless him, manages something closer to gormless or, in the word of royal biographer Hugo Vickers, sad.

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex were pictured holding hands before attending the opening ceremony of One Young World in September -- MISAN HARRIMAN

Back home in California, there are reports that they’re trying to row back on the Netflix documentary that pays the mortgage, and that Harry is frantically trying to tone down his memoir now that his father is King. He might be panicking because it’s too mean about Camilla, as some suspect, or he might just want to bring it bang up to date with all the many slights he no doubt feels they suffered while they were here. Some were uniform related, as they always are.

My favourite is the story that Meghan had to be banned from going to Scotland, a country she usually flies straight over. Just this summer, the couple allegedly declined to holiday at Balmoral, when the Queen was still alive, but perhaps the fact-checker can get to the bottom of it.

They’ve parted ways from their American PR company, Sunshine Sachs, which successfully remained in their employment for more than half an hour and deserves a long-service medal with the P45. And they appear to have suffered the indignity of being NFI to the launch of George and Amal Clooney’s charitable foundation.

For legal reasons, we must consider the possibility that they were invited but chose not to go, before snorting into our tea and proceeding. The event featured exactly the sort of Obama-heavy guest list they’d like to be on, and it is exactly the sort of glitzy foundation, honouring worthy people, which they’re struggling to establish for themselves, possibly because the fascination with their navels remains strong.

We don’t yet know the pain they’re feeling about the continued uncertainty over Archie and Lilibet’s titles, but we can be sure they’ll keep it to themselves. Harry spent his entire life cursing his royal title, so it must be excruciating for him that his children may never get to experience the full horror of being an HRH.

Anyone who thinks, “Hmmm, didn’t he once speak about severing the cycle of genetic pain suffered by royal children?” must have misremembered, as Meghan once told a High Court judge. I will leave you with Meghan’s closing remarks, as rendered by the transcript of the podcast, which it warns is automatically generated and may not be accurate. Judge for yourself. I’m just an elf.

“Be yourself your full complete whole layered, sometimes weird, sometimes awesome, but always best.” Quite so. I couldn’t have put it better myself.

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zlebooks · 2 years

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ZLEBOOKS MASTERLIST › works will be listed according to their classification. it will be then further organized into alphabetical order based on the character/s involved.

last updated ٠ ˖ ࣪ 🏡 february 6, 2023

social media aus / texts

✷ childe boyfriend texts ! childe .

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ literally just you roasting tf out of him.

✷ not that into you ! al haitham .

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ after one and a half years of pining over a guy who flat out rejected you, you finally decide that maybe it’s time to move on. but the universe must be playing jokes on you right now because he’s suddenly throttled back into your life? or in which al haitham is back in your dms which is a lot of nerve coming from a guy who suddenly disappeared on you over a year ago!

✷ love equation ! childe .

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ embarrassed by your five year (and counting) long crush on zhongli, you suddenly claim you have a boyfriend. there enters childe, your crush's best friend and the one who'll either save your ass or report you to the police for harassment. or in which caught up in a lie, you had no choice but to kiss the closest person next to you.

✷ spider man childe ! childe .

series of texts between you and your boyfriend who’s apparently your neighborhood’s friendly spider man?

✷ love fool ! zhongli . DISCONTINUED

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ zhongli, the student body president has been out of everyone's league since the beginning. yet you still let yourself crush on the golden-darling-pretty-boy. so, like a fool in love, you end up chasing zhongli who is part of the track team as well and somehow, he manages to avoid every single one of your attempts! (gee, i wonder why) good thing there's no app that lets you talk to him anonymously and accidentally creates a love square-ish between you two. or in which zhongli thinks he fell for someone through the internet but it ends up just being the pest (affectionately, you) crushing on him the whole time.

head canons

✷ genshin boys as oddly specific romantic tropes ! al haitham, ayato, childe, diluc, kazuha, xiao, zhongli .

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ coming soon.

✷ how genshin boys are when sick ! everyone .

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ in which the responsibilty of nursing them back to health falls on your shoulders.

drabbles

✷ beliefs for dummies ! alhaitham . ❝ author’s fave ❞

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ in which alhaitham is trying to solve the mystery that is you— and your certain feelings towards him.

✷ congrats being the first/last person to know! ! alhaitham .

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ you finally confess to kaveh that you have feelings for his flatmate, only you forget to tell him one key information.

✷ no words to describe ! alhaitham .

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ for a haravatat graduate, alhaitham sure knows a lot of words. but when it comes to you, it’s only silence that he can provide for comfort.

✷ pineapples on pizzas ! alhaitham . ❝ author’s fave ❞

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ alhaitham’s love language is giving you the pineapples on his pizza and him eating what’s leftover.

✷ we never happened (there’s no us) ! alhaitham, ayato .

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ you suffer from unrequited love.

✷ all too well ! ayato .

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ while you kept ayato like an oath— a promise that as time passes, your love for him will remain unchanging— ayato kept you like a secret, a story that’s never meant to be told.

✷ of marriage proposals and tricoloured dangos ! ayato . ❝ author’s fave ❞

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ you have a crush on your husband, which is stupid considering that you are married after all. but this marriage is a noble marriage; arranged for conveniences. but is it really?

✷ who’s a good boy? ! ayato .

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ ayato learns that maybe he shouldn’t mess with you the next time you’re taking a stroll… or anytime for that matter.

✷ a single thread of gold (tied me to you) ! childe, thoma, xiao, zhongli . ❝ author’s fave ❞

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ series of events where you realize your fate with him is much more intertwined than how you initially believed it to be.

✷ hopeless romantic ! childe .

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ childe is the epitome of badly written romcoms and sickeningly sweet strawberry filled donuts.

✷ frosting or fondant? ! childe . ❝ author’s fave ❞

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ you’re incredibly tired, wishing to fall asleep already. your boyfriend proves to be unhelpful as he decides it’s much more important to discuss cake toppings.

✷ first snowfall ! diluc

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ you never took diluc as someone who believes in old people’s sayings, but this is definitely a welcomed discovery.

✷ in every other universe ! diluc

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ where you contemplate whether to find your happiness at the risk of someone else’s, or take your feelings to your grave hoping your next life would be much kinder to you.

✷ idiot in love ! xiao

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ xiao hates you, he’s sure of it. but why does everyone keep telling him it’s the opposite?

✷ stupid in love ! xiao ❝ author’s fave ❞

𓂃 ֶָ֢֪ part two to idiot in love. wherein xiao finally comes into terms with his newfound feelings.

#⸝⸝ ˚. thea's unsent ‹𝟹 #📑 zlebooks ! navigation

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wxldhxrt · 1 month

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Ambrosia's Bloody Melody...

No words could have truly prepared Greyson for what drinking the ambrosia would feel like. They had told him it would hurt, eight hours of torturous pain and hallucinations to be exact and while he thought he could compartmentalise that in his head, the reality was more than he ever could have been prepared for. Arriving at camp he hadn’t been sure what to think or expect, just that apparently he was the son of a god and was destined for more.

All those years, feeling like an outsider almost made sense, why he’d found people so messy and animals so simple. It was because he truly hadn’t fit in his own skin, not yet anyway. The clarity had been a weight lifted off his shoulders, even if another weight like the fate of the world was added.

After drinking from the chalice in the temple, the world had gone quiet. The pain had been subtle at first, like a burning under his skin that grew and grew as if someone were fanning the flames. Grey hadn’t known when or how he’d ended up outside, deep in the forests around camp, just that one minute he’d looked up at the marble statue of his father, a father he didn’t know and the next he was surrounded by thick trees, the rich mossy earth beneath his knees instead of the cold stone ground of the temple.

The pain only got worse, an ache deep in his very bones, muscles and skin aflame with pure white-hot agony. Was he screaming? Greyson didn’t know, he couldn’t hear his own voice over the pulsing of his blood pounding in his ears. Time had little meaning, it could have been five minutes or five years worth of pain, he didn’t know.

Grey didn’t even realise he was in a hallucination until they came hot and fast, flashing before his eyes. His childhood, growing up poor, feeling the need to fight to defend himself from a world against him. Bullies, teachers, his own stepbrother….The very worst moments of his life played on repeat, showing him every time he’d fucked up. Then his mother, beautiful and whole before the cancer took her, shrivelled her down and eroded away everything she’d been. Greyson struggling to balance school, work and caring for her, his stepfather blaming him because he was different, wasn’t perfect like Liam, because he never fit in anywhere. The day he’d been kicked out for good, not even being able to say goodbye…

He wasn't sure if what he was seeing was even all memories, they all mixed together with the faces of his past, moments in time that seemed surreal and yet felt like they were happening to him all over again. Whether it was his mother's agony from her sickness, being unable to help her or the abuse from his so called family, insults hurled at him alongside fists. Then Adam, the man who'd promised to be his saviour, who'd pulled him from the gutter and given him luxury but at a price.

The emotional pain of those memories and reliving them felt almost worse than the physical pain his body was suffering until it suddenly all seemed to stop. When he finally blinked clear eyes, Greyson saw he was still deep in the woods, surrounded only by the serene silence of nature. Slowly he rose to his knees from where he’d collapsed to the ground sometime during the whole ordeal, wiping muddy hands on his jeans. Had he survived? Was it over? Did he even know his way back to camp....

#godlingprompt001 #headcanon #[ muse;; greyson darcy ]

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faofinn · 7 months

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25. Confused/Disorientated

READ CAREFULLY - This prompt contains graphic descriptions of self harm and attempted suicide (unsuccessful). Reader discretion advised. Trigger warning for depression, self harm and attempted suicide.

Fao's depression had fluctuated in hospital, as it had his whole life. He’d taken meds for a while in Uni, come off them before he joined the Army, stayed off during his service. The routine, the responsibility, the success he’d had at his job had kept the ‘black dog’ at bay. He’d been clean for years whilst he’d been with Alex - they’d had the world at their fingertips, everything went the way it was supposed to. When the flares had come, when life had felt dark and hard and not worth living, she’d been there for him, to pick him up and urge him to carry on. His family had been too, supporting him and loving him and giving him a reason to keep going. After Alex had died things had been much, much worse, the harm had started and those thoughts that told him he’d be better off joining her had crept in, but with friends and family around him he’d kept himself safe, kept himself alive, though the scars on his arms that obscured tattoos bore the brunt of it.

The dark days were more frequent than the light ones in hospital. It was to be expected, he supposed - everyone stuck on the ward was in a bad place - but he’d muddled through as he always did. He spoke to his family, and Harrison, too. They picked each other up, supported each other as family did.

But today had been the worst day of all. He’d had a shouting match with Harrison overnight, something stupid that neither of them had meant but tensions had been high, tired and in pain, and cross words couldn’t be unsaid. They’d sat in stony silence all morning, staring at each other across the room and neither one wanting to back down. To make matters worse, he was due another surgery, and they came to take him to theatre at around 2. It was due to be complicated, with the agreement he’d be in the HDU overnight post-op, so Fao’s room was empty yet again. He hated staring at the empty bed space, worrying about his friend. Cross words aside, they were friends, Hell more than friends, half the time.

To make matters worse, the doctor who’d finally come to see him that afternoon had not been helpful in the slightest. He’d not met him before, and it was a good job, really. Fao admitted that his head wasn’t great, and was met with scorn. Apparently he should just stop thinking down, and get over himself. They wanted him out of hospital, he was wasting resources, and apparently they were stopping all of his painkillers too. According to him, he ‘shouldn’t be in pain anymore’ and the painkillers he’d been taking was ‘far too much’. By dinnertime, he was a mess. The pain was overwhelming, he couldn’t think straight. His head grew louder and louder, taunting him with thoughts he’d been successfully evading for days.

The doctor confirmed that he’d be medically discharged, that they’d started the process, and that his career was essentially over. Fao knew it had been coming, but it hurt, especially on top of everything else. He was in agony, desperately trying not to cry, and as much as he asked the nurses for painkillers, they’d just sadly shake their heads and explain there was nothing on his drugs chart, and they couldn’t get anyone to prescribe anything. He wanted to call Sheila, Fred, anyone, but Sheila hadn’t answered his earlier texts and he’d let his phone die after that. He didn’t even want to move, curled up in bed sobbing.

Eventually the tears stopped, and the thoughts started again. Goading him, telling him he was better off dead, that nobody cared. They wanted him to suffer, wanted him to be in pain. He deserved to be in pain. He was nothing but a burden. A burden to the staff, a waste of a bed, and when he was home he’d just be a burden to his family. He could barely walk without being in pain, how would he ever work again?

He stumbled to the toilet later that evening, sore and struggling with his crutches. The little ensuite had stopped working, of course, which meant he had to walk all the way out to the nurse’s station and to the toilet on the ward itself. It made the pain worse, and his breath caught with every step. They were understaffed that night, and the nurses’ station was empty when he walked past. It was on his way back, he noticed the tray that had been left. He had no idea why, but he glanced over it, and caught sight of a scalpel blade that had been discarded haphazardly. Still packaged, obviously it hadn’t been used and had been forgotten about. It was easy enough to lean against the desk and slip it into his hoodie pocket before he carried on back to the room. Still cold, still empty. He hated not knowing - none of the staff had told him how Harrison was getting on, and with no phone to find out from anyone else, he had no idea. He sat back on the bed, breathing heavily from the effort and the pain.

He slipped back under the blankets and tried to sleep, but it was useless. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could think of was that he was better off dead. His mind goaded him into ways that he could, telling him how his family would be better without him in it. They always had been better without him. They’d only adopted him out of pity, and without him they could focus on Finn, give him the attention he deserved. He just wanted the pain to end, the thoughts to end. He wanted everything to just stop. If he gave into the thoughts, it would stop. It would all stop.

The scalpel blade he’d pocketed called to him, and he slipped it from his pocket. The nurses wouldn’t bother him now, his obs were far enough apart, and it was easy to score the blade over his skin. But just to cut wasn’t enough, it wasn’t even close to enough. He needed the noise to stop, needed the pain to stop.

He found the ecg trace tattoo on his wrist, that he’d gotten for Finn not long after his accident, and dug the blade deep into the flesh. The blood welled quickly in the wound, hot and dark over his skin, obscuring the solid black line of the tattoo. His fingers were slick with blood, but he scored deep across the other wrist. He felt dizzy already, his vision swimming, and he struggled to stay upright. There was so much blood, he felt a flash of fear as he realised just what he’d done. It was harder and harder to stay conscious, the darkness taunting him. It grew on the edges of his vision, and he wanted to give in. He’d get some peace, some rest in the darkness. He knew that. He desperately craved it. Everything in his head told him it was right, that it was better that way. But the flash of fear in his heart said otherwise.

Slipping into the darkness, he found his call bell in his bed and fumbled to press the button, his fingers slipping. He managed, as the darkness overwhelmed him, pulling him down into unconsciousness.

His buzzer drew the attention of the staff, of course, and when a nurse came into his room to check on him, she found him in a state, the blood soaking the sheets, everywhere. She pulled the emergency bell, of course, and staff poured into the room. He went straight into theatre in an effort to control the bleeding and stabilise him. It was difficult, he didn’t make their lives easy, but eventually he pulled through and went to recovery, then up to ICU.

When Sheila was allowed to visit him, the nurse showed him to his bay, where he was laying motionless in the bed, save for the rise and fall of his chest. He was pale, too pale, even for him, oxygen over his face and lines all over the place, the central line obvious where it stuck out, his gown having slipped slightly off of his shoulder. He looked almost worse than when he’d just come back. They’d thought they’d gotten past it, but they were right back there. Blood was hanging along with endless other meds, and under the sheets, both wrists were heavily dressed. Fred had gone decidedly pale, and Sheila pressed her hand to her mouth, stifling a squeak. She forced her feet to move, and tucked his Eeyore under the sheets, resting on his chest. He’d want him, when he woke up. And it looked wrong to seem him without the little toy.

They kept him sedated for a day or so, for his own sake, and so they could get him stable. They transfused endless units until they were happy with his bloods, that he was healing okay, no infection, and then they started to wean him off the sedation.

Fao had had moments of lucidity, an awareness his parents were there, flares of pain that drew his attention, but it quickly dissipated in a haze of painkillers that helped him drift back into the comforting darkness. When he began to stir a little bit more, he couldn’t work out where he was, why he felt so heavy, why every breath dried his throat, something pressing into his face. Moving was hard, but his fingers found something soft, and his brows pulled together in a frown. He tried to work out what it was, the soft fur under his fingertips, trying to see. His vision was blurry, it was a fight to focus, but he realised it was his eeyore.

How had he gotten here? He didn’t remember what had happened, but he knew he wasn’t at home, the sheets were too scratchy, and the lights were too bright. It didn’t make sense, nothing did, but he was too hazy to really work it out. As he tried to move his wrist, he was met with a flare of pain that made him whine pathetically.

The room didn’t make sense, overwhelmingly blue, the lights harsh and unnatural. He couldn’t place it, not at first, but it didn’t frighten him. He didn’t know why, maybe it was the fuzziness in his head, making it feel so distant.

He must have drifted off into sleep, because when he woke again, everything felt a little clearer. Eeyore was still there, resting on his chest, but he recognised the material underneath him as a hospital gown with it’s distinctive patterning, and as his eyes flicked around the room again, he recognised it as a hospital ward, equipment everywhere. HDU? Intensive care? It was quiet, not loud enough to be a medical ward. His brain couldn’t work it out.

Eventually, things started to piece back together, his accident, the surgeries, everything, but it hadn’t been that. He’d not been down for any more surgeries, he was done. He tried to clear his throat, forcing another breath as the panic built a little bit. Why didn’t he remember? And then it all flooded back. It washed over him like a tidal wave, almost pulling the breath from his lungs. The guilt, the pain, the scalpel blade in trembling fingers, the blood. The fear, scrabbling for something, anything to get help, the enormity of what he’d tried to do crashing down on him. Evidently he’d failed, because he was here, but that didn’t stop the guilt. It threatened to choke him, overwhelmed and in pain, as he tried to move onto his side to curl up. He found he couldn’t, everything just too heavy and unco-operative. The tears started then, hot and angry, frustrated too. Everything just felt wrong, unclear and confusing, and he gripped his little Eeyore as he cried, a small flash of comfort amongst it all.

#sicktember 2023 #25. confused/disoriented #self harm tw #depression tw #suicide attempt tw #graphic description of suicide attempt #he survives #unsuccessful suicide attempt #suicide tw #Faolan Blackwood #Harrison Cunningham #Sheila Daniels #ICU #intensive care #this really is a dead dove do not eat fic #dark themes #depression #fao has a really hard time #bleeding out

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letsgolandoo · 7 months

Text

Freak | Bucky Barnes x OC¹

chapter two

warning(s): swearing

"You want me to help Barnes? Were you dropped on your head as a newborn, Steve? Are you really that fucked up in the head that you think I'll waste my time on him?" she hissed through her teeth, refraining from shouting due to the metal—armed super soldier on the other side of the door. She knew he'd be able to hear the conversation anyway.

"Rose, please. Listen to me."

"No, Cap. You listen to me." the brunette stepped forward and pushed the blond man back with a shove to the chest.

Steve put a hand on her shoulder to keep her from walking away. "Fix him. Please."

"No," she replied bluntly.

"Because you can't or because you don't want to?" his grip tightened on her shoulder.

"Because he'll break again. And then you'll be back here, begging me once more to fix something that can't truly be fixed."

"So you don't want to?"

The woman's eyes were cold. "No."

"Look, I know he, uh— murdered your brother, but you know he was brainwashed by HYDRA. He was under mind control. He didn't know who he was or why he was doing it, but he just knew he had to."

Rose laughed. "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. I'm not having this conversation with you again, Steve. I'm not training to study the mental health of the human mind anymore. I'll probably yell at him and scare him off. I'm not who I used to be."

"Rose, listen to me!" Steve raised his voice, blocking out the sound of the loud, anxious tapping of James Buchanan Barnes' feet in the other room. Rose side-eyed the door before she returned her gaze to the desperate blond. "You're his only hope. You have to help him remember the period before HYDRA, and who he really is. This is important to the whole team. If you don't help him, you'll be letting us all down."

"Are you trying to guilt trip me, Steve? I will not hesitate to break all ten of your fingers. Besides, I know for a fact that the others wouldn't give a damn if Barnes died in a fucking hole. They'd probably have a party to celebrate," she told him. When she acknowledged the look Steve was giving her, she rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay, fine, I'll talk to him. But I swear to God, Steve, if that fucker tries to murder me, I cannot be held responsible for any injury I inflict upon him to defend myself."

Steve sent the young woman a relieved smile and opened the solid oak door for her. "Thank you."

She entered the room, eyeing the man with brunette shoulder-length hair who had turned to face her just as she walked in. He looked away as soon as Rose made eye contact with him, so she sat in a chair in the corner of the room, crossed her legs, and waited for him to say or do anything other than ignore her presence.

When she realized that he wasn't going to be the one to strike up a conversation, she spoke up. "Okay. Bucky—"

"You think really highly of me, don't you?" he asked sardonically, indicating the conversation he had heard through the door. "And don't call me that. My name is James," he grunted, keeping his eyes glued to the floor.

"You've been here for four fucking months, James, you think I don't know that?" she asked, letting her short temper with him take over for a moment. "And your full name?"

"Clearly you already know," he muttered.

"Just answer the damn question."

"James Buchanan Barnes," he answered. There were a few moments of silence before he spoke again. "What's the purpose of this, Hart? I don't need a shrink — especially an unqualified one — interrogating me and trying to infiltrate my thoughts."

"Listen here, asshole. I don't like you either, but apparently some people in your life don't want you to suffer when they believe I can do something to help. So shut the fuck up and let me do my job." her sudden outburst took the man by surprise, and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat when he looked into the warm-colored yet cold brown eyes of Rosalie Hart. "Now, what is the first thing you remember since you woke up as— well, you?"

"Uh— I was strapped to a chair. They did the thing. And then I woke up here, my arm chained to the wall, and Steve and Sam were standing in front of me."

"The 'thing?' You're gonna have to be a little bit more specific." Rose was impatient. She wasn't going to act as if she could tolerate the man sitting in front of her. He killed her brother, she didn't see any reason to forgive him for it, whether it was his fault or not. And now, she was being brought back into the career she left behind because of the man opposite her.

"I guess they, um— brainwashed me. They, uh— HYDRA, I mean. Look, I don't know what I did in the past that pissed you off, but I had no control over my actions. Once I was forced to comply, I was under their control until I finished the job — or failed."

Rose looked at him. "And what do you know about Steve Rogers?"

"I don't remember much. He told me we used to be friends and fought in the war in the forties. Then I went on a mission with the 107th and I was caught. He saved me and the other survivors of my regiment." his voice was monotonous, bored, as he answered the questions, and she was fed up.

She rubbed her temples. "There's no point telling me what Steve told you about your past. I need to know if you remember anything. Anything at all."

"I can't— I can't think straight. My mind feels messed up whenever I try and remember things that I don't have any recollection of doing in the first place."

"Right." and she walked out of the door, mentally exhausted. "Steve, your best friend is an asshole. Sort him out."

"I heard that," Bucky shouted from the room she'd just exited.

"You were supposed to!"

#bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #winter soldier #the avengers #marvel #marvel cinematic universe #freak

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themidnightcrimson · 1 year

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Crimson I had another dream about Wanda. Grab some popcorn because this going to be an interesting one🍿

I was walking in the old neighborhood I used to live for most of my life. It was raining and I had a long coat and hood to protect me from the shower. I stopped for a moment and started to reflect on how I ended up in this situation.

I was an Avenger but our team was divided at this point. I guessed that's why I had moved back to my home country. Feeling a sense of nostalgia I decided to visit my old workplace. Which is a grocery store. (I'm still working there in real life)

But something was wrong. There had been reports of strange alien activity. As I walked through my workplace I glanced down the aisles and saw Peter Parker talking to somebody. I looked away and kept walking but I overheard him saying he was investigating a disturbance.

I continued walking toward the self-service checkouts. There I saw Tony Stark. Dressed in his stylish suit, sunglasses, and suitcase. But no part of me desired to speak to him, perhaps there was a sense of guilt there. That's when I bumped into Natasha. We both smiled and embraced one another. (I think we had possibly been in a relationship in the past) That's when we heard Wanda's voice. I looked to my right and there she stood. Wanda started to yell at me about how I chose Natasha over her. Tears were streaming down her face as she marched toward me and Natasha. We both ran in opposite directions.

I ran past the number of aisles. Staff members were walking past me where Wanda's shouting was coming from. Ahead of me, I saw the entrance to the storage room. I ran inside while hearing Wanda cry, "Do you know how hard it was for me to hear you moan Natasha's name?!"

As I was running through the massive storage room. I could feel Wanda using her telekinesis on me. Invading my mind and playing with the sound of children laughing. I imagined it was her two sons. Billy and Tommy. Up ahead I saw there was a garage type of door. I reached for the button but stopped myself. A crimson-colored orb surrounded the button. Realizing Wanda was a step ahead of me I kept moving. Finally, I made it outside to the back area where the massive rubbish bin was and the machine used to crush the cardboard boxes. I then looked to see the large gate that leads out to a road. Not wasting any time I bolted straight for it.

I was pulled back into reality. I was still standing in the rain and felt saddened by my actions. That's when I saw a car pass by and saw Wanda at the wheel. She stopped and winded down the window. Her face expressed much regret and hurt. Wanda then asked me to come with her and she will explain things. Uncertain but willing to bring peace to the situation. I got in Wanda's car and we drove off.

We drove around the neighborhood that was close to my old primary school but as we turned the corner we saw multiple police cars holding Billy (Wanda's son) at gunpoint.

I asked Wanda, "What did you do?" She looked at me and then put the car in reverse. The police all turned and shout for us to stop the vehicle. Wanda sped off down the road and then I woke up.

So somewhere in the multiverse I'm an Avenger, I dated Natasha, Wanda secretly liked me and had to suffering in silence while I dated Natasha 😭 I can't, I can't handle this!!

BRO HOW ARE YOU DREAMING WHOLE ASS FANFICTIONS?!?! I DONT GET IT I JUST DONT GET IT. but this is so amazing wow, youre so lucky that you brain apparently loves you and has these vivid dreams about wanda😭😭😭 even if they are angsty

#ournatelikestogame-blog

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