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good-beans · 8 months

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hi i'd like to know about your transfem fuuta thoughts please. if that's ok

"if that's ok" as if I haven't been rotating transfem fuuta in my mind for a long time and dying for an excuse to post something 👀👀👀 Thank you so much Ah!! I was able to format my little ideas and headcanons into an actual write-up, I just love this concept so much! All the big murderous twists in the series and I’ll never get over it is what it is...

So, as much as I enjoy headcanons about some big revelation moment, I think that Fuuta Terminally Online Kajiyama has been very aware of his identity for a while. He just never really got the motivation to do anything about it. He knows he's not completely satisfied with his gender, but isn't constantly suffering over it, so he thinks telling people/transitioning would be way too much of a hassle at that point in his life. He also struggles with people taking him seriously given his height, attitude, etc -- unconsciously he's also worried it will only make matters worse in that area.

He wouldn't dare say anything to his parents, and wants to avoid hassle with his friends. People paint them as judgy incels sometimes, but if they were really calling out ‘bad guys’ online, I always got the vibe they were those annoying type of progressives who will harass people for not being accepting in the perfect correct way, you know? They'd be outwardly supportive but there's still a level of high expectations and performance that comes with it, and so deep down Fuuta understands there'd be a "hassle," but can't really define why.

I mentioned in another hc post that Fuuta and his sister have a silent supportive relationship. I feel like she's the one person in his life who knows everything and is super accepting -- this is understood even though neither have said anything out loud. (When he was younger, she definitely forced him into skirts, dresses, and accessories "to check something for her beautician work.") She's noticed all the times he's picked a female avatar in games, or cosplayed in ambiguous outfits.

Then, Milgram. Thinking his life will be over soon anyway, he opens up to a few of the prisoners about himself. Their unexpected openness keeps it on his mind more often than before. Still, nothing changes. Through some rocky verdicts, he's declared innocent and released.

Back in the real world, he's pretty fucked up from the whole ordeal, and starts off extremely isolated. He's in touch with his family, but distant. He maintains contact with some of the other released prisoners, but it starts off only over the phone. He changes schools or maybe drops out completely. Having deleted all online accounts after the incident, he gets to work setting up a new online presence. He was planning on using an alias anyways, and goes with something gender neutral. "To be extra safe that no one guesses it's me," he tells himself.

Letting his hair grow out begins as an accident -- just a side effect of never going out or minding his appearance. One day he realizes how long he's let it go and grabs some scissors to cut it. He makes a comment in his chat, and someone begs him to send a picture first. He goes to take it, but is suddenly disgusted and ashamed of his self-neglect. He's forced to make himself selfie presentable first: brushing his hair and throwing on something clean real quick. When he goes to take the picture, he realizes it looks good. It feels good. He puts the scissors away.

Soon, the prisoners/some new online friends coax Fuuta to hang out more. That's when she decides to reintroduce herself into society as someone new. She ventures out with the name of a favorite video game character. (I'm going to continue saying Fuuta because I genuinely can't name a single popular character from games she'd play, but just picture the most painfully obvious one you can. The kind you hear and go "oh okay. You play X too much, huh." And please send me your thoughts so I can work them into my own personal canon 👀)

She doesn't have any hatred towards her deadname, it's more the pain of association: she remembers it said accusingly from the mouths of ex-friends. She remembers that name being called a murderer. She's not trying to deny/run from that past, she just wants to be someone better. Well, some days it is her way of running away, but most of the time it's a healthy separation from the past.

Encouraged by the positive reception and abundance of privacy in her isolation, she finally starts to explore her appearance more. Mikoto left behind some earrings during a visit -- she pierces her ears herself and tries them on. (If she doesn't like them, the holes will just heal, right? She's not weak, she can take a little pain...) Yuno/Mahiru stayed over once, and left a bit of makeup in the bathroom. She tries that on too. With a beautician in the family, this self-styling comes very easily. Fuuta's cowardly tendencies have her torn between embarrassment and her typical 'fuck you' attitude that she can do whatever she wants.

You know when you solve a tiny problem and suddenly you're smacked with how much of a huge problem it actually was? Fuuta never believed she had any issues before, but all of the sudden she's happier. Every day is easier. She has more friends. True friends. She does better with school/work. Her personality is still fiery, but it's more passion than irritability now. Self-hatred she didn't recognize starts melting away. She smiles more. She laughs more. She has plans for her future. She's excited about her future.

(Shameless art plug hehe, before I had the timeline nailed down I did a little drawing of that selfie Fuuta takes when she realizes she's satisfied with this appearance, and now has newfound motivation to move forward in life.)

Over time she experiments with other elements of transitioning, and maybe changes her name to something a bit more subtle lol.

Unfortunately, I don't think it would go over well with her parents, but she never much cared for their opinions, anyway. One day a bit in the future, she bumps into her old friends in the street. Once recovering from panic, she's pleasantly surprised that they don't recognize her. Fuuta thought her appearance/fashion wasn't that different, but to fair, the friends figured they'd remember a stunning redhead with a very noticeable eye injury if they'd met before...

And just a few quick prisoner reactions (because in my heart they're all making it out ;--;):

Yuno has similar relationship as Fuuta's sister, offering immense help without unnecessary words. She's Fuuta’s go-to contact for trying new things and asking questions.

When Mahiru first finds out, she goes a bit overboard with a makeover attempt. She and Muu provide their most frilly, glimmering outfits. They paint her nails and do makeup. They style her hair. This obviously turns out to be way too much, earning them a Fuuta-typical rant. Still, she's secretly moved by their enthusiasm and kindness.

After that, designer Mikoto tries his hand at helping. Fuuta had been really worried the two of them would lose their guys nights out and relaxed friendship, but their relationship never changes.

Shidou is very accepting and very awkward. He's trying!! He gets excited, sending her all this information and help for medically transitioning.

Fuuta invites Kazui to their first pride parade <3

Though there's no return address on the package, Fuuta receives a gift of miscellaneous earrings and piercings in the mail with a note that they'd suit her well…

#milgram #fuuta kajiyama #and the others briefly #(i never know how to write pre and post transition pronouns so i just switch when she does)#thank youuuuu ive literally wanted to post something but wasnt sure if it was silly or anyone would care ;-; so this made me sooo excited #fuuta my beloved!!#it is what it is my beloved!!#i just want that for her so bad!!#its funny because i know thats not what yamanaka intended and still it fits So Well:#theres so much attention on her self perception - fear of how others perceive her - the self hatred - the layered clothes #OUGH #haruka amane and es are supportive as well i just couldnt think of specifics #jackalope isnt -_-#i say fuuta and kazui went to pride together but i mean practically all the other prisoners are there too sadfds #its just the biggest deal to them #another art mention -- @sequoiareachesforthesky drew her the other day and ive been Looking Hoo Boy 👁️👁️#im a little obsessed with it asdfsdfd #i was supposed to finish my next drabble before formatting all this but shhh i wont tell if you dont #im just stuck on some simple dialogue but this was flowin lol #i dont know other peoples thoughts on her but i hope you enjoy :3 #and yeah i live under a rock and know 0 gamer names -- please tell me lol #rose posts

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saviourkingslut · 1 month

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not to be about opera again but to be about opera again. as an art form it has the reputation of being super stuffy and something for snobs who don't know how to have fun only but honestly this was one of, perhaps even THE main theatrical entertainment for centuries. i wish people knew how hard these things can go and how engaging they can be. like characters kill and die and fight wars and (almost) commit human sacrifice left and right. characters fall in love they mourn they're ecstatic they cry they're furious it's an extremely dramatic and emotional art form! and i understand that opera does not appear approachable bc of the general conventions of the art form but i promise old works can be fun and engaging if you go watch them with some preparation beforehand (reading the libretto helps) - not to mention not all operas are old bc there are so many modern operas which engage with topical events! also the music slaps.

#le triomphe de trajan (1807) out here calling for a man's execution with this banger:#point de grace pour ce perfide; que tout sons sang coule sur un autel #(no grace for this treacherous man; let all his blood flow on an altar)#this is also annoying to me when people write historical fic and the characters treat the opera as this elitist thing #that they don't know anything about.#you know when they go to the opera reluctantly and then they have no idea what's going on on stage or who the composer is.#which is. very unlikely for anyone with the money to attend an opera in certain opera houses in the 19th c. tbqh #like im more of an expert on paris and vienna idk what it was like in london #but if you were decently (upper) middle class or nobility (esp in paris) you went regularly. this was like a whole social space too #i recently read a fanfic and one of the characters was like 'oh it's in italian. i don't know that' and the other character went like #'it's by a man called donizetti what did you expect'#(this was situated in 19th century london)#like first of all. donizetti was NOT a librettist he was a composer he did not write the text #and second of all. he worked on french operas ?? so did rossini. and spontini.#opera was an incredibly international art form. also bc productions would be performed in different countries all the time #(sometimes changed and/or translated but not necessarily)#and again like i said. this was one of THE main forms of entertainment. people were familiar with its conventions! it was well-liked!#ofc bc of the seating prices it was not very accessible to lower classes most of the time #but lbr most characters that get written into an opera scene in fiction are at the very least decently bourgeois lol #i wish people knew how to properly historicise forms of entertainment whose reputation has changed in the modern era #from what it was a century or more ago #very adjacent to people 'cancelling' old lit bc of 'bad takes' like idk how to tell you this but people thought different back then #completely different world view from what we have today. that does not make lit from that era irredeemable it is just from a diff. time #acknowledging that and reading the text critically but also still enjoying it are things that go tgt here #ok rant over (it is never over)#curry rambles

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the-eclectic-wonderer · 9 days

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Summary:

Three little scenes on the theme of singing.

:) I was in the mood for something short and sweet. Hope you enjoy!

#gotta go back to work for a bit but i couldn't resist posting this as soon as i had a few free minutes #i originally meant to post these on here only but the middle vignette got away from me a bit. lol #i think the moment miles complained about rose humming is the moment that cemented my severe dislike of him. like. dude.#your girlfriend is snow-white mary poppins the most adorable princess ever #and you complain? that she hums??? im going to break your kneecaps????#idk what else i can say about dorothy singing 'what'll i do'. that scene is everything it changed my life ngl #i guess i wanted a happier memory related to it than 'oh she sings it and then leaves forever four episodes later'#i hope rose's pov works well! i'm never quite sure about it. i should give a try to a whole fic in her pov soon #please tell me im not the only one who found blanche's beer jingle to be the sweetest thing ever. she sang it in such a soft voice #like it's funny ofc but i just melted #might be because im in love with her though #i always ramble in the tags when i post this stuff lmao. i hope you all have fun #hugs and kisses for you!#the golden girls #golden wives #writing

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kithj · 4 months

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Hey, hope you're doing well! Had a couple questions for you if they're not too personal:

1. Whats your favourite story you've written so far? Is it something public? Is it finished?

2. Do you have any long form non-interactive fiction you've written that's available to read? I would genuinely kill to read something like that from you

hi :-) ohh these are fun...

my favorite story is probably My NovelTM which isn't finished yet, i've written a first draft and now it's just been languishing until i can find the motivation to start a second draft. i finished the first draft in august i think, and started editing it pretty heavily before i realized i was just going to have to rewrite the whole thing again. i'm mostly having trouble with the ending, which always seems to be my problem lmfao... anyways it follows the relationship of Angel and Valerie, after Valerie has been missing for a few months and suddenly returns as a vampire with no memory of Angel or what happened over the months while she was away. it alternates between both their povs in both present day and through flashbacks.

so unfortunately for your second question, no, but i do hope to publish Angel and Valerie's story one day, either traditionally through a small press (lol here's hoping) or by self-publishing it. otherwise my only published work is what's available on my itch.io (siren's call, one day hike, etc)

i am working on a short story for vampire jam, which i'll hopefully be sharing next month. it's still in the form of interactive fiction, published in twine, but it's more of a short story than anything like blood choke or tnp. i also have a butch cowboys and zombies story i've been working on for a while, but i'm not sure when i'll get around to finishing it since it's not a priority project.

i do want to write another novel as well, a very old story i've been kicking around for years, but as usual i haven't been able to come up with an ending for it... but maybe one day.

#one thing that amazes me abt published authors is just. the way they churn out books #how do they have so many ideas.... esp when their stories are so varied #i feel like my work is very one note lmfao one day hike & blood choke & hell's holler& even my vampjamp story& the cowboy story #are all very similar. it makes me feel self conscious tbh like im just writing the same thing over and over #but whatever it's what i need to write rn to keep myself sane even if it's all jsut sad lesbians LOL #i tell myself it's helping me refine the narrative i want to perfect in hell's holler (the novel)#idk i would like to write something more happy eventually #like i want to write a YA book. everyone brace yourselves but i want to write a historical fiction during the early 2000s/2010s #it sounds silly to call it historical fiction but like. it would be #around when gay marriage was legalized in the US & the lead up to it #as well as political/cultural attitudes in the US during that time post 9/11. through a high schooler's perspective #think something like the old american girl doll stories when they were actually historical and educational rather than nostalgia bait #yes i AM bitter about the 90s twins why do you ask #anyways. yeah 👍#ask #sproongoose

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sunnykeysmash · 11 months

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Dee's the writer and director... stepping into the leader position she naturally gravitates towards... she's casting the roles. She cast wrong in dee day, but this will change.

She always wanted the lead role before, which got in-between mac and dennis, but if she steps back (behind the scenes), she won't be their buffer anymore and then...

I rewatched aluminum monster vs fatty magoo and noticed how bad mac is at being controlling and manipulative (he follows exactly what frank says, doing things that he's still trying to apply to this day, like announcing dennis' announcement), how dennis can only ever see himself as filling the role perfectly, and how dee naturally stages a strike and everyone listens to her.

I also rewatched gets held hostage and noticed how it heavily features frank's will and how his gun saves the day, both elements that are coming back in tandem in ep2 of s16... and hostage is a very interesting ep in analyzing the group dynamics and how they interact with each or betray each other. It's also like... its talk of stockholm syndrome, because due to dee's monologue I feel like "why are you doing this to me?" will be a theme, in s16. Because it's like... well ok, no only is it also in gets whacked p2, but it implies that you fell in love with the other person because they did something to you...

look, I'm being rambly (as usual), but what I'm saying is that I feel like s16 will pull a lot from s3 specifically... I guess we will see more clearly when it airs, but I wanted to put it out there. It's not just THAT season tho there's like, season 9 too. and 14.

#iasip #s16 spoilers #it's always sunny in philadelphia #always sunny #bro i dont know where i was going with this... im writing analysis posts like they're journal entries lmaoo #and also like forgive me for this lol but i feel like they're using liam and ryan to parallel macdennis a bunch but especially in hostage #i feel like theyre the data jumper refers to when it comes to like. having a gay couple on the show???? cuz like. well yk. it is what it is #and now they're in the bowling episode saying mixing things is strictly prohibited idk maybe im seeing things but mayb not anyways #yea um no comment. this isnt my most coherent post #i like the part abt how dee isnt gonna be between mac and dens' story anymore tho looking to be the lead bc shes STEPPING BACK from actress #to control it from behind the scenes like a director #which will leave mac and den without a third wheel..... damn. dee is the wildcard huh?#i really sincerely hope we have the whole gang scheming mac and dennis shit behind their backs in s16 #like thats hilarious come on #and they all have different goals and methods in mind and dennis is like the lil lab rat unaware victim of it all #then the veil is pulled and BAM!!!! the gang broke dennis. it's genius

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