#what i write when im not well lol
speedkickingin · a year ago
the realization that i have an impact on other people’s lives is hitting me like a freight train and i’m tearing up in this fucking jeep wrangler i don’t know how to not be sad and it’s going to kill me there is so much more to life than wanting it to end i crave dysfunction to an almost unhealthy degree the feeling of being fucked up is almost comforting because i can label it as being human my mother looks at me and sees a dead girl i’m too pale and too tired and i’ve grown too much i’m tracing the orange cracks in my bathtub and wishing for something more what i would give to hear your labored breaths in the night i don’t want to be here i want to eat and listen to music and love and be loved i don’t want to speak i just want to feel it’s picturesque in my mind red tattoos on the backs of my ankles please don’t leave me struggling to open my front door when the streetlights are off i’m comfortable in the wasteland of my head and i don’t want to drag you down with me i don’t want to get better
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light-apologist · 2 months ago
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What a deep and relatable quote, I wonder what the original context of it was
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cutemeat · 2 months ago
im just begging.. for the love of god... . let Glenn and Megan lead the writers rooms next season for Sunny S16...
#im not saying theyre knights in shining armor or any of tht allright i know i know#theyve made their fair share of shit moves. not saints. not what im saying#but their perspectives n the show lately.. its the influence the show needs rn ok... like. Megs directing n Glenns writing was so STRONGs15#megan has proven shes more than ready to like. take charge in that way for s16. her directing in s15 was SO good#like u Know his shit on the st paddys podcast abt ‘he doesnt realize how condescending it is that he thinks U need His approval’ like ok way#to deflect rob!!!#like rob can push for these changes sometimes i will give him that. he pushed megan to direct in the first place. but hes not very reliable#when it comes to ‘following thru’#and Continuing to make good on those changes. he doubts the decisions too fast#is how it feels in the writing...#but his instincts are generally good#anyway. back to the writers room lol#like s12 was good for this reason. why cant they see LOL#im sorry if this comes true actually n it sucks. but s15 with glenn back was already so much better than s13/s14 …??#it wasnt funnier but the writing was stronger. id prefer a well written serious sunny thats fun to dig into than having a few good laughs#but overall lack of substance aside from like. one stand out episode that.. isnt even that hard to delve into after some time like LOL#anyway.#im still waiting on that Story by Glenn Howerton n Directed by Megan Ganz credit allright 🫣#i WILL repeat the mistakes of pre-s14 hype its only fair to follow patterns#parker texts
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yellowpencilcrayon · 10 months ago
*stopped at a red light*
Person A: come close for a quick second
Person B: yes *puts face close to A*
Person A: *grabs B's chin and kisses their forhead* you're very beautiful
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g0thjeno · 10 months ago
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leaving the smut warnings visible bc thats whats up.
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uniquezombiedestiny · 3 months ago
i don’t know a thing about lobcorp but you could draw ur favourite abnormality?
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drew our little red riding hooded mercenary + der freischutz fictives! theyd also double as my favorite abnos bc of their requests its sooooooo fucking useful. thanks me >:D -little red
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plantpretender · a month ago
on the way to the lake today i got to infodump to my roommate for a good 15 minutes about minecraft, mcyt, the heart-wrenching coolness that is the 3rd life/ll/double life saga, and hermitcraft (and The Moon); about the art of storytelling, narrative structure in improv and roleplay, and just. like. we had a really nice talk about collaborative storytelling in general,,, i love the art of storytelling so much!! i love! the concept of time and space in an interactive group setting! i love how it can get skewed and altered by way of video editing! i love how one side is not AT ALL the whole story while at the same time it can be a complete story! i love!!!!!!!
#rraahhghgufhgjgsghgh tearing it apart with my teeth (affectionately)#it was about a year ago i got really REALLY deeply into the storytelling and lore of those servers#.....and it was a year and some change ago when all that got kinda ruined for me??? which was dumb but understandable but still bleh#i'm gonna enjoy my interests again no more ''bleh'' im here for me first and foremost as always! and i miss minecraft stories!!!#i have allllllll this art and writing from last year and so many Thoughts that have been sitting on the backburner that they've#long since cooled off despite me keeping them stubbornly on the stove (thank you past me)#it's funny bc the first time around after i got over the initial incoherent excitement i could have talked for hours about mcyt#and now since it's been so long i'm at that incoherent phase again where a lot of sentences get cut off and finished with#guttural utterances of emotion and emphatic gesturing heh heh#it's just nice to be able to finally talk to someone about my love for it all in person!#it was one of those moments where i was so incredibly happy and i could see the look on his face how happy he was to see me happy#and it kinda hit me just how deeply attached i still am and how fulfilled in a way it still makes me and i just! miss it :^D!#and what an exciting new development that is!!!!#ah im bouncing just thinking about it now lol#HA that with my health still improving so much (i can do MULTIPLE tasks a day now and still have energy for downtime!!)#(also i talk EVERY SINGLE DAY NOW like whole words and sentences and articulate trains of thought and conversations ahhh)#but with all that going on i think i can start organizing my Small Menial Tasks again (like mending clothes...) and watch hermitcraft in#the background as i work. which is what i used to do with shows and stuff in the ~before times of health and wellness~#>:^3c#i'm happy. i'm excited. i have old podcasts to listen to. new ones to start. old loves to get back into. and so many new ones!#and i have letters and dnd and outings in nature with friends. and neighbors who care. and free food. and i don't understand!#but things are going well and i'm so very very glad and i look forward to every single day now. every single one.
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essektheylyss · 2 months ago
not to be an unhinged Capricorn of a writer, but I really love getting rejections. I'm taking up space as a writer! I'm getting feedback! often I get to know if I got to a second round or not, and if they actually want to see more of my work. sometimes they even suggest other markets to send the piece to that it might fit better!
I've never gotten a mean rejection—even when they're form responses, they are usually quite nice, and stress how many submissions the market or agency receives. and I understand that, but a lot of folks don't. just because you were rejected doesn't mean the reader didn't like the piece—because of how many submissions virtually every market and agency gets, there are dozens of reasons why they have to say no to things, even things they love.
and every personalized rejection I've gotten has actually made my day, because it is genuinely lovely to know that someone read my work and gave it enough thought and consideration to say something specific about it. because I get excited when anyone reads and thinks about something I've written! even if it's just one person!
like do I want the things to get accepted, yeah! cuz I like the pieces and I want other people to read them! but the disappointment of not having the thing published isn't personal, it's professional, and meanwhile I'm gaining a lot of insight into my writing just on statistics for getting a lot of rejections. I don't think that any given rejection is a reflection of me personally.
#i admit i am on the extreme end of the 'don't equate your writing to yourself' but i genuinely think that is SO important#specifically if you want to write professionally cuz like. you're gonna get rejected.#but i don't think you have to be HARDENED to that? like... i can tell based on responses which pieces are stronger than others#and which need more editing#but like. i do think you can be very emotionally invested in your writing and what you're saying and what stories you're telling#and also not take it personally when you get rejected#especially because each piece is different and individual and SMALL notably. even a whole book is NOT equivalent to You#so it isn't a full reflection on you#anyway just thinking cuz i got a rejection that genuinely made my day#like i would legit not have any way to gauge writing progress really if i was not submitting stuff#honestly i don't like telling people 'oh yeah x got rejected' cuz i always get 'aww sorry' and I'm like. i mean yeah but like oh well?#like it's not NOT disappointing to not get accepted but. cuz i would like to get stuff published not cuz i think it reflects on my worth#even like. as a writer lol.#tbh i think this is also like. a struggle with not considering how much of a thing other people see#you can write the most intensely personal story about your deepest trauma and a reader will never know. they're just reading a story.#it can be deeply affecting and still be. yanno. a story.#but also if im writing about my own shit im always abstracting it far enough that it is just like. an element of the thing.#and usually it's not even like. recognizable to me as what it originally was. it's like a transmutation.#or! it is recognizable but it's something that i didn't even recognize it as when i was writing it.#like I'm using writing as alchemy and it works so fucking great honestly#anyway I'll stop and go back to work but i had to make this post cuz i am laughing at myself for being so !!! over rejections#now. grad school rejections on the other hand. those hurt like a motherfucker lmfao#but mostly cuz 'ugh wdym i have to try again in a YEAR couldnt you just take me this time?'#whereas writing is like. cool im submitting this one piece to another three magazines as we speak.
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get-back-homeward · 8 months ago
I’ll Follow The Sun
This is one of those underrated early Beatles songs I grew to love slowly over time. I don’t remember thinking much of it until randomly rediscovering it in college. It seems very simple at first glance. But I grew to like the balance between the forward-thinking sun imagery and the somber slightly wistful story, along with the resolute attitude of making a decision you believe in even if it results in loss. In the lyrics, I heard a singer who decides to lay it all on the line to a friend he loves and, whatever happens, feels secure in knowing he did all he could (”in the end you will know”). So even if they leave him, he’ll still have the sun, a metaphor for the resolve of being himself.
In the middle of my Get Back rabbit hole, it got stuck in my head. Something about that Jan 14 interview of John talking about relistening to their old songs and discovering new layers years later has taken up permanent residence in my brain. If you want a good cry, use that above take and listen to it again from a post-1969 McLennon perspective. The middle eight has this haunting quality I never heard before. I wondered whether Paul ever plays it live. So I went searching...
What I didn’t know is that Paul originally writes this very early on (1958-1960), in his childhood home, before leaving Liverpool with the band. In Lewisohn’s The Complete Beatles Recording Sessions, Paul recalls the scene:
I wrote that in my front parlour in Forthlin Road. I was about 16. I’ll Follow The Sun was one of those very early ones. I seem to remember writing it just after I’d had the flu and I had that cigarette – I smoked when I was 16 – the cigarette that’s the ‘cotton wool’ one. You don’t smoke while you’re ill but after you get better you have a cigarette and it’s terrible, it tastes like cotton wool, horrible. I remember standing in the parlour, with my guitar, looking out through the lace curtains of the window, and writing that one.
Suddenly, I noticed the directional paths in the song. He’s staring out the window in his house (where tomorrow may rain) and talking wistfully about when he’s “gone” from the house. That makes “you” someone in his house, like his father who didn’t like John or want Paul to see him (see Tune In and I Don’t Know [Johnny, Johnny]).
This small detail flips the song inside out for me. Suddenly, it’s not a rainy day because of the decision Paul’s made. In fact, it’s because of the rain (tied to the listener, “you”) he’s making his decision. And his decision is in the title: to follow the sun.
So who’s the sun? Well, you can say it’s literal: the dream for a place that’s not Liverpool, that is a place that’s warm and sunny. You can also see it as a metaphor: the dream for the band’s success. But psychologically, Paul’s hitching his ride out of Liverpool with one person. The same person in conflict with his father, the person he’s addressing and planning to leave. What a window into the mind of 16 year old Paul McCartney.
The play with time and the tense is rather fun and made me wonder whether this was written in one sitting or developed over time. There’s three time phrases: (1) “one day”, (2) “some day”, and (3) “now”. So it starts as a thought or a dream, then a tentative but achievable goal, and finally the reality of the present, where the decision is being made.
Turns out, there are two (!) 1960 home recordings of this song [1] [2], recorded a couple months apart. Harsh sound quality aside, it sounds fairly different: a faster tempo in rockabilly style complete with impressive Carl Perkins-like guitar picking from 17 yo George. The barebones of the lyrics are there, both the “one day” and “some day” verses. The third part, the bridge or middle eight, is very hard to hear, but it’s clearly different from the final “now” verse in the 1964 Beatles For Sale version.
From 0:29 in the second clip, I vaguely hear “I don’t want to leave you alone...but I’m leaving to follow my dear”. BeatlesBible has another guess (”Well don’t leave me alone, my dear/I’ll hurry and call on me, my sweet”) that I don’t hear at all. A third guess from BeatlesBooks is closer to what I hear (“Well don’t leave me alone, I need you/Now hurry and follow me, my dear”) but seems kinda confusing (is the singer addressing a second person? does the singer POV change? the original singer is following the sun and the sun calls out to him?). Take a listen and let me know what you think.
The earliest home recording of the song (that we know of) is April 1960, which marks a pretty significant pre-Beatles time: where Paul finally leaves Liverpool. He jumps at a few chances. First, John and Paul literally hitchhike out of Liverpool for a weekend to perform as the Nerk Twins in April. In May, the band auditions and scores their first tour as a backing group across Scotland. By August, they’re off to Hamburg. That places this song recording at a really important time, where they take this dream of leaving Liverpool and start making it a reality, much to the disappointment of Paul’s father.
So why didn’t it get recorded earlier? Paul offers this excuse in Lewisohn’s book:
It wouldn’t have been considered good enough [to be performed by the group]. I wouldn’t have put it up. As I said before, we had this R&B image in Liverpool, a rock ‘n’ roll, R&B, hardish image with the leather. So I think that songs like I’ll Follow The Sun, ballads like that, got pushed back to later.
But I don’t really buy it. It’s not really a ballad in 1960, and clearly they did tons of sappier love songs in the years after.
According to BeatlesBooks, Pete Best recalls Paul playing this number often in Hamburg between sets and introducing it to the crowd rather proudly (“I’ve written a song”). I wonder if it was the first original that he played in public?
They perform the song onstage several times throughout 1961 before shelving it for other more recent originals. It’s entirely possible it didn’t fit with their other numbers, wasn’t received well in this form, or wasn’t liked by the rest of the band (though George’s part sure sounded fun!). It’s also possible Paul just wasn’t satisfied with it. Or it hit to close to home.
In September 1964, the band is in a jam. They’re coming to the end of their first US summer tour: nonstop, 35 cities, chaotic scenes in each one (i mean utterly bonkers). But they need enough new songs to release a new album in time for the holidays. They arrive back in London September 21 and are back in the studio by Sept 29. So as Paul recalls, they turn to some old songs they already have on hand:
"There were certain songs I had from way back that I didn't really finish up, but they were in the back of my mind...'I'll Follow The Sun' was one of those."
That he didn’t consider it “finished” makes more sense in explaining why it was shelved and wasn’t recorded previously.
In 1964 when the song hits the airwaves, Paul said this about it to Disc:
John and I wrote this one some while ago, but we changed the middle eight bars before we actually recorded it.
At this time, their description of their songwriting process reflects a common pattern: One would write a couple verses and the other would help finish it, often by adding or fixing up the middle eight. The “we” here is distinct from Paul’s later recollections. I think it’s very possible John contributed to it at some point even though it’s mostly Paul’s POV. Paul could have been more generous about giving credit in 1964 than he was later on. Or just asserting their songwriting partnership image at the time. (In 1980, John denied having any involvement with it.🤷‍♀️)
This new middle eight is the “now” verse that holds the final decision:
Now the time has come...I must go
And the sucker punch:
In the end, you will know
So, million dollar question: Is this still the same song Paul started with?
With the sunker punch in the 1960 POV, I’m left asking what does Paul deciding to leave home with the band/John *tell* his father?
But by October 1964, the POV would be from a completely different place: seeing the result of the decision and the fame that came with it from the other side. Does that change or color the original meaning? Other than the bridge, other small changes are made, seeming to address the listener as “my love” and “a friend”.
Now the time has come
And so my love, I must go
And though I lose a friend
In the end, you will know
One day, you’ll find
That I have gone
But tomorrow may rain so
I’ll follow the sun
George’s lead guitar comes in first, with John’s acoustic behind. Ringo taps his knees for a muffled beat. John sings harmony with Paul on alternating bars, starting with the opening lines (One day, you’ll look to see I’ve gone). Paul sings alone on the main lines: For tomorrow may rain so I’ll follow the sun. His vocals are doubletracked, similar to the effect in Blackbird.
In the middle eight, the J&P duet dominates, with John singing a descending counter harmony.
According to sound engineer Geoff Emerick (whose recollections have been sometimes questionable), John originally had the lead guitar part in this, but George fought for it:
He wasn't even supposed to play that solo: for the first few takes, John did it, on acoustic guitar. Despite the overall good vibe of the day, George Harrison seemed annoyed, perhaps because he hadn't been given much to do. At one point he marched into the control room and complained loudly, 'You know, I'd like to do the solo on this one. I am supposed to be the lead guitarist in this band, after all.’
So they gave George one take for his solo to overdub. He wanted another go but George Martin refused. :(
They only play this version live once, November 17 for BBC in promo for the album.
Paul only starts adding it to his live concert sets in 2004.
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froqgy · 2 months ago
I really do get ppl who havent been drawing their whole life picking it up or even back uo again and being frustrated with it . when i look at my writing
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ragingtwilight · 2 months ago
i think im gonna actually start posting my artfight attacks here now LMAO
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safe-sun · 8 months ago
sounds backwards maybe but i think allowing myself to get fixated on media and hobbies properly and not fight it has been good for my mental health
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pepprs · 4 months ago
can someone explain to me why we read unflattening (sousanis 2015) at the beginning of this miserable miserable journey and learn all abt how the system inhibits us from claimi ng our education and having agency etc etc but then for our capstone presentations we have to “just follow the rubric” even though “i know it sounds a little formulaic” 😍😍😍😍😍 like you people are such FUCKING hypocrites it makes me furious. also interdisciplinarity is stupid and fake you’re welcome 💖
#purrs#just got out of advising and im burning w the rage of 1000000 suns plus my advisor was like i can’t give you feedback on your soi paper unti#u til you write it out like a paper and i was like ummmm well it’s in an outline rn bc im stuck and i need your help and he was like no ♥️ L#LIKE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE FOR THEN?!?!?!! i hate this stupid department i HATE this stupid major and i am so glad i only have to deal#w one more week of this stupid bullshit but it’s also abt to be the most grueling and miserable week of my life 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 HELP#like not to have confidence about my intellect or whatever but my presentation was organized that way because it was fucking good and it fit#what im trying to do here. and if i reduce it to this stupid formula then im killing the entire thing. shut the fuck up you know nothing ♥️#also not him getting whatever with me bc i hadn’t touched my soi in days 💀 like sir i think you of all people should know i have like 15#different components of this project i need to be working on at the same time so EXCUSE ME if i haven’t covered all the ground here yet. lol#this feels like the wojak dick flattening meme except it’s babe time to jump through the biggest hoop of all time even though you’re#graduating in 2.5 weeks! like do you people realize i am TIRED of this. can you not make this process any more unbearable for me. lol#me when d**** and r*** and l** walk into redacted 105 at 11:05 am est may 13 2022: 🏃🏻‍♀️💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨#like the MORTIFYING ordeal of them seeing me have to reduce this beautiful thing. and they literally told me they won’t think any less of me#or my sensibilities or whatever for doing it bc they know this is the CYA department but like. i cant do this it is too humiliating 💕
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dogboyfrank · 7 months ago
#IT WAS THE RHODOCROSITE I WAS WEARING AS A NECKLACE CLEARLY 🙄🙄🙄#NO BUT OMG#WHEN WE WERE ABOUT TO KISS I GOT SO ANXIOUS AND NERVOUS AND DUMB OMG SORRY WHY AM I LIKE THIS#NO BUT FR I WAS LIKE A 12 YEAR OLD ON TRUTH OR DARE. AND IT WAS LIKE THE FIRST TWO TIMES HE LEANT IN I STARTED LAUGHING BC INWAS SO MERVOUS#AND I MEAN NONE OF MY CRUSHES IN THE PAST TWO YEARS HAVE ENDED WELL AND I DO NOT HAVE THE HIGHER SELF ESTEEM SO I WAS LIKE STUPID#AND THERE WERE THESE FUCKING KIDS FOLLOWING US EVERYWHERE BC WELL THEY ARE TEN THEY WANT A LOL SPICE BUT 😭😭😭 LEAVE US IN PEACE FFS#OFC WHEN I ACTED ANXIOUS/UNCOMFY (i wasnt uncomfy but it was like my thoughts attacked me) we talked and he reassured me and it was so nice#he has the prettiest eyes i cannot go on with this#for me it was a bit ?? that he asked me to be his gf (i do not bother the gendered term that much) so soln but hey it isnt bad!#soon*** i also told him that i still like my fcrush and he was so chill about it and said he didnt mind as long as hes my bf ?? omg#sorry im writing like this im just mckejfjdk oh also once we kissed he said like that felt so good and that he was waiting for that for#so long guys im lgkskfmdnclggk#we need to repeat that asap (bc it only lasted like two seconds bc the fucking kids started screaming)#but guess what!!! his prents dont like me bc they think im an antisocial 💀💀💀💀 the long term consequences of mcr on my life#well i was like this long way before mcr tho but tou get what i mean#also yesterday after that i went to a local festivity that celebrated the ending of harvest with my mom and it was so great!#it is anvery artsy event and i enjoyed every moment lf the play. the part where they choose the prettiest skinny white woman#is the part that i dislike the most. it is tradition and it involves the jobs of doezens of people so i do not think it should be erased#but it must be changed somehow. it is just plain misogyny and racism. also inkind of find it boring but good for the girls! /gen#anyways now im not single anymore what the fuck#crush#random
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robbyykeene · 10 months ago
they do water down the abuse daniel went through though ☹️
I agree that Daniel’s trauma isn’t centered nearly as much as Johnny’s in the overall narrative, but when it comes to watering it down, I’m not sure I completely agree. I remember seeing a post a while back that I’m having trouble finding again now, but it completely broke down all of Daniel’s trauma responses in the show and the subtle ways in which they manifested. And it also contrasted the way in which everyone in Daniel’s life seems to water down his trauma, and the way in which the writing itself shows that he’s clearly suffering from pretty severe ptsd. Which is actually something I really like about the show? Because it shows the complete opposite ways Daniel and Johnny have dealt with all the shit that’s happened to them, but how in the end they’re still equally destructive. Like, Johnny’s life is a complete mess. He took what happened to him and let it completely consume him. And everyone around him can see that. I mean, he literally tells anyone who will listen about how awful Sid was to him. But Daniel has buried everything down so deep and kept everything inside and it’s made him so tightly wound. He has a visceral reaction to seeing Cobra Kai is back and becomes downright obsessive about taking them down. I want to try and find that post and link it bc I don’t have the memory to break down all of Daniel’s trauma responses lol, but I do think it’s interesting and noteworthy how Daniel has a seemingly perfect life at the start if the series, and how everything turns to shit for him once Cobra Kai comes back. And not really through any fault of Johnny’s, but just because Daniel feels so threatened and triggered (in the true sense of the word) by the presence of the dojo that he went to extreme lengths to get rid of it, and ended up escalating everything into a full blown karate war. Like, maybe it is just wishful thinking, but I feel like in the next couple seasons Daniel’s trauma will take a more central role in the story. I guess we’ll find out in a few weeks, I could be giving the writers too much credit and just end up being massively disappointed lol
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gloamses · 23 days ago
all this “enemies to lovers” popularity in fiction rn and yet having read a bunch of it I think authors WANT to write the spicy adversarial romance thing but either aren’t willing or simply are not skilled enough to put in the work to actually make it successful
a successful enemies-to-anything arc is necessarily a slow burn, which requires gradual, believable shifts in the dynamic, turning points of rejection and adhesion, and usually requires both characters to experience change and development. (not necessarily growth. they could be making each other worse.) and it often requires threading a lot of very delicate needles to avoid writing situations that are just abusive or toxic. but bad authors seem disinterested in all the shades of gray (lol) that actually made this idea interesting in the first place and just end up writing 2 people who are mean or straight up violent to each other, end up having sex anyway, and decide they’re in love. if you’re going to do the thing then you should actually do the thing! if you’re going to write stuff that’s already kinda tropey then you should at least do it well!! and if you don’t feel like doing that, then why are you doing it
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girl-by-the-lake · 2 months ago
Psssssst cmere, hUSH QuiEtLY!!! Gotta tell u sumn a lil secret
You got a secret admirer
-secret admirer
You know when little kids (or sometimes big kids too) whisper “hey, come here, I have a secret” and then when you lean in, they scream in your ear? Thats the feeling I’m getting. 😂 but i’ll huuuuush, because this is very sweet and so cute.
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I present to you a picture of the sunset from when I was driving to camp the other week.
Sending all my love and hugs 💕
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