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#what do you mean i cant cast zone of truth in the middle of a battle
into-the-clintoris · 2 years
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The opposite of the Mercer Effect (where people listen to critical role and have unrealistically high expectations for the immersiveness of a campaign and expect Matt Mercer's energy and skill) is what I experienced, the Mcelroy effect, where you listen to TAZ and expect there to be way less rules and a lot more fucking around
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phoenixhalliwell · 3 years
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Waking Up In Vegas
Pairings: Benny Miller X Gender Neutral Reader (I have given them a call sign ‘Tink’ cos I love that nickname lol)
Word count: 2490
Author’s Note: Tumblr is being a wee weirdo and I cant find the link for this fic and my other frankie one for my masterlist so I have to report again *cries*
Archnemesis Benny and reader wake up the morning after a wild night in Vegas with the boys to a surprise revelation.
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BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG 
 It takes a second to realise that the noise isn’t just your head pounding but in fact someone knocking rapidly at the door. A whimper leaves you as you try not to throw up. You wiggle around the bed, trying to get loose from the heavy blankets but fail miserably.
“Please, stop….too loud. Dying” is all you’re able to croak out. Your mouth is drier than the desert and a one man band is marching in your head. Looking down you realise that it is not a blanket weighing you down but an arm. An arm that is now pulling you backwards to firmly press you against their warm chest. A groan comes from behind you and a face  nuzzles into your throat. You can feel the panic starting to build in your chest.
'Oh god, oh god. What the fuck!’ You are brought out of your freak out by a familiar voice.
“Are you going to open the door willingly Tink? Or am I going to have to come in there myself!”
Frankie! Relief rushes through you at your saviour. Frankie is a good guy, he won’t give you shit for this like the other boys. It’ll be swept under the rug and no one else has to know. That’s why Frankie is your favourite. The person behind you suddenly makes their displeasure at being rudely woken known.
“Will you shut the fuck up Fish, some of us are trying to sleep”
A coldness rushes through you. NO. FUCKING. WAY. Not him. Please not him. Slowly turning in the arms that have you in a death grip, you let out a low moan. Benny Miller is lying there in all his glory. He looks almost angelic with the way the morning sunlight hits him just right, making him glow. But you know the truth.
That man is the fucking DEVIL.
To say you and Benny dislike one another was an understatement. There is a long standing feud between you and the younger Miller that goes so far back you can’t quite remember how it started. You were originally a medic under the command of his brother Will, but over time (with Will vouching for your skills) you’d been pulled into other little jobs that involved his old army buddies and his dipshit little brother. You were welcomed into this little make shift family with open arms (well by most people anyways).Will, Santiago and Frankie - you thought the world of.  Benny…. let’s just say you wouldn’t piss on if he was on fire. There was just something about Benny that just irks you. The way he calls you names and winds you up until you explode and end up being separated by Will who is sick of both of your shit. That god damn cocky grin rubs you up the wrong way. The way he thinks he’s god’s gift to mankind and struts about. Sure, he is a handsome man and is talented at his profession.He can be kind when he wants to be. He’s loyal and he’ll have your back if the situation calls for it,  but it doesn’t mean he has to show off all the fucking time! He’s a god damn pain in your ass!
So to wake up this morning and find out you two have evidently slept together causes a small part of you to die inside. This bastard is never going to let you hear the end of it. You try to cast your mind back on what actually led you to your current predicament.
You and the boys were spending the weekend in Vegas for Santiago’s bachelor party. The wild stallion had finally been tamed and he wanted one last hoorah with his family before the new chapter of his life. The original plan was to have a nice dinner at the Bellagio before hitting up the tables in hopes of winning some cash. That part you could remember, it is the rest that comes in drips and drabs.
The chant of “Shots! Shots! Shots!” echoes in your mind and there is still a faint taste of tequila in your mouth. 'That explains why I can’t remember jack shit. Did we do Karaoke?’ You can see Frankie and Benny screeching “I want to know what love is ” with Will swaying along and Santi throwing money at the them from the front of the stage. 'Why can I hear bells ringing?’ There is also a familiar body ache you know the exact cause of. More flashes come to mind that make your heart race : Stumbling into walls, the desperation of trying to undress quickly, a hot breath on your neck, hands gripping your waist, filthy words being whispered into your ear….
'I’m never drinking again’
The banging at the door starts again, Frankie is clearly pissed at being kept waiting.
“I’m sorry to interrupt your marital bliss but check out is at 11 and I know for a fact neither of you fuck heads have packed”
Marital bliss? Who the hell is married?
You eyes drift down to your left hand and its suddenly hard to breathe. There is a nice new addition to your ring finger. A gold band that sure as shit was not there yesterday. This seems like the perfect moment to start screaming. Benny is up in an instant, scanning the room for the unknown threat. Once he realises it’s just the two of you, his body relaxes and he scrubs his hand over his face. It takes him a moment to notice the feeling of cold metal on his skin and he stares down at his hand, an unreadable look on his face. You are just able to hear him whisper
“Fuck, its real”
This whole situation is suddenly too much and everything becomes blurry as tears fall from your eyes. You can feel yourself start to hyperventilate and Benny is at your side in an instant trying to console you.
“Come on sweetheart you need to calm down. Feel my chest and breathe with me yeah? In… and out…. It’s ok I’ve got you.”
He repeats his reassurances over and over again. You try to focus on the sound of his deep voice, try to follow his instructions to help regulate your breathing. Gradually it returns to normal and you slump forward into Benny’s arms suddenly exhausted. He rubs his hand up and down your back, somewhat soothing you. You  feel him sigh before he turns his face into your hair and presses a gentle kiss to your head. It suddenly occurs to you that Benny has never been this gentle with you and your heart clenches a little. You feel him pull away from you and have to stop yourself from squeezing him tight.  You stand there for a few seconds in silence before you hear the door opening behind you. Frankie must have found the spare key to your room.
“Are you guys still alive in here?” he asks timidly, glancing between  you and Benny,  eyes zoning in on how close the both of you were.
“Yeah man, we’re good.” Benny  replies, moving to stand on the other side of the room.
“Look I am really sorry to rush you’s but Will’s anxious to get on the road and he might end up murdering Santi before the wedding if we all don’t hustle” Frankie says apologetically.
“I’ll catch you guys downstairs. I won’t be long” Benny grabs his things off the floor before making a break for the door, leaving you and Frankie to stare at each other awkwardly.
“Not a word Morales” you threaten.
“Wouldn’t dream of it Tink. Let’s pack your stuff and get the fuck out of dodge yeah?”
Like you said. Frankie was always your favourite.
Awkward doesn’t even begin to cover breakfast. Those little shits planned it so you and Benny are forced to sit side by side in the booth. Frankie is looking somewhat sympathetic when Santi slides a piece of paper over to you with a shit eating grin. It’s photographic evidence of the worst decision of your life. You still weren’t sure how you guys ended up in the little white chapel saying the big 'I Do’. None of the boys seem to remember either or were just refusing to give up any information about it in case they incriminated one of their brothers.
'Bet you it was all that bastard Santi’s fault’
Sighing, you finally look down at the photo in front of you. It was the 5 of you all lined up. You and Benny stand in the middle of the photo, clinging to each other. You were snuggled into his chest as he gazes down at you in awe. You swallow sharply and tear your eyes over to Will who is off to Benny’s left and appears to be crying? (I was just so happy someone took the little shit off my hands) Obviously Will stood in as Benny’s best man, that was a given. On the far end of the photo on your side stood Santi who looked dishevelled and pissed off. Was that blood on his shirt? Between him and you stood Frankie who (unusual for him) was sporting a Cheshire grin. Confused, you looked up at the two men in front of you and suddenly noticed real life Santi had a black eye.
“What the fuck happened to you?”
The two men glanced at each other in embarrassment before Santi quietly admitted that he and Frankie had got into a fist fight over who was going to be your right hand man. Will snorts into his hand in the corner.
'God give me strength not to kill these stupid bastards’  Sighing and rubbing your temples you shot them a glare which has the 3 men across from you cowering in their seats.
“So at no point did any of you guys think to put a stop to this madness?” You growl.
“Is the idea of being married to me really the worst thing in the world?” You hear Benny asks quietly, still not looking at you.
The boys have the good grace to look a little ashamed before Santi decides to pipe up and make his defence.
“Well how could we? Benny spent the best part of the night proclaiming his undying love you. Fuck he even serenaded you at the Karaoke bar.” There is a loud thud and Santi’s face  twists into a grimace. Apparently someone had kicked him under the table.
“Yeah right as if Benny would ever say anything like that! He hates my fucking guts. Right Benny?” You scoff and nudge him with your elbow. An uncomfortable silence washes over the table and Benny refuses to look at you. It’s good old Will who breaks the silence, abruptly standing up.
“Why don’t we go sort out the bill yeah?” looking to his brothers.
Santi squawks in outrage and throws up his hands ��But it was just getting to the good part!!!” Will grabs him by the collar of his shirt and drags him out of the booth, muttering furiously into his ear before marching him off to god knows where. Frankie reaches over and gently squeezes your hand before sliding out and giving Benny a pat on the shoulder on the way by.
“Good luck hermano” he calls over his shoulder. You wait for a beat before turning to Benny gearing yourself up for a fight.
“Are you fucking serious right now. Or is this all an elaborate game that you and the boys have cooked up Huh?” you hiss.
“You really think I’m that cruel?” he fires back.
“I don’t know! Ever since I met you, you’ve made my life a living hell Benny! So why wouldn’t this not be the next step in the ’ terrorise Tink’ grande scheme?” The remark clearly hits him hard as he whirls round to finally face you.
“You really have no clue do you.”
“What the hell are you talking about Miller?”
Benny scoffs bitterly and takes a deep breath.
“I don’t hate you Tink! I never have. I’m so far gone on you that Will threatens daily to kill me if I don’t shut up about you. Ask him or any of the guys for that matter”. There’s a look of pleading on his face as though begging you to believe what he is saying that leaves you completely floored. Without waiting for a response he barrels on, the dam broken, clearly needing to get everything off his chest at last.
“Do you realise how intimidating it is to talk to you?. You’re amazing and so fucking beautiful Tink that I feel like I can’t breathe every time i look at you. You are hella smart and watching you work on the job blows my mind every time. And that mouth you have on you, no one else ever calls me out on my shit like you. I know I have a sense of humour that people don’t always get. I know I can be a complete asshole and I don’t really have much going in my favour but  I’m not a bad man Tink I swear. I’ve been sweet on you since the day I met you. For some reason though you just seemed to dislike me from the start so it was easier to play up on being an asshole. It hurt less that way.” He trails off.
What. The. Fuck.
You stare at him. Dumbfounded. You’d been wrong the whole time?
“I remember most of last night Tink. We had been drinking and betting at one of the craps tables. You were on a winning streak and kept saying if you rolled a hard 8 you would do this and that. You were having the time of your life Tink. I’ve never seen you look so free. So Happy. Any time you’re around me, you’re always so closed off. And it kills me. But you were looking at me different last night. And i was so caught up in the game I bet if you rolled a hard 8 one more time that we should get married. And you took me up on that offer. I’ve never felt so fucking happy in my life. I know it was a stupid idea and that we were drunk, but you finally chose me and if anything happened to me after that I could die a happy man.”
He gently brings both his hands up to cup your face and leans in close, not enough for your lips to touch but close enough for him to whisper to you.
“I know this whole Vegas thing has been crazy and I’m not asking you to stay married to me. That would be unreasonable. All I’m asking is that you choose me again. That you give me a chance to show you how much I care about you. Please”
You stare into his eyes for a second, looking for a hint of deception. Finding none, you make your decision. You close the gap between you and feel Benny sigh in relief into the kiss.
I  guess there’s a fine line between love and hate.
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myloish · 7 years
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these are thoughts that are RIGHT off the top of my head tho, mostly reactions and appreciation towards some stellar moments and all the other shoes dropped this ep
you can tell this is fresh because the first thing i thought of was carey and killian in their lodge snugglin and being gay like THANKS grif
HURLEY AND SLOANE!!!! when griffin namedropped that puddle of water and tree like my entire soul lit up and started soaring. this was when i started just losing it. UNBURIED GAYS. THANKS FOR THE UNDYING TREE LESBIANS
and apparently i have a theme going here because the entire time griffin was describing phandolin being rebuilt my mind was just like ‘say it griffin say his name do it’ and he DID!!! then i jokingly thought to myself “go to him!” because i didn’t think taako would but INSTEAD HE RUNS TO KRAV AND GIVES HIM KISSES AND THEY TELL EACH OTHER THEY LOVE ONE ANOTHER LIKE. the boys know there’s about two hours of the adventure zone left and they want us to know that taako and krav are very much in love and happy and goobers thank GOD
man what a good day for taako tho huh. the world’s ending but he’s got his sister AND his boyfriend back. (taako calling kravitz his boyfriend!!!!!!!)
(also now lup and taako both have their bf’s who have missed them so much nd want to have mushy moments with them after being apart for so long but have to wait until the DANG apocalypse is over)
on the less gay side of things, it took me a while but i’m coming to appreciate the merle/pan scene. at first i wasn’t sure about why pan would feel so moved to show up and apologize like he did, but then i remembered that merle first thought pan lied to him and it caused him to lose his arm, and then pan ‘abandoned’ him in wonderland and stayed gone while the world burned. so the idea of merle casting zone of truth just so he could call out god and ask him what was going on, and god in turn humbling himself to merle and reaffirming his faith was. good.
not as good as merle hugging john as he was dragged to ennui hell. but good.
TAAKO AND JAOQUIN. i literally did NOT think that they were even going to touch the taco quest thing and just let it get forgotten as a bad one-off joke but instead griffin made a way to see it through that managed to be exceedingly good and fulfilling. i guess i’m blown away just because i didn’t see it at all coming and griffin’s been putting things into motion since at least the crystal kingdom to make things right in the real world and to make it satisfying narratively and im glad about it
ADN WHEN GRIFFIN DROPPED THE “I HAVE MAGIC POEWRS” LINE I. LOST IT. I FUCKING LOST. IT.
(other best references include “no dogs on the moon” and “taako’s good out here.” both of which destroyed me)
magnus and the strength bear got me crying so many times im such a sucker for “strength means nothing without friends” stories and so ‘being strong is not strength, strength is asking for help’ just kneecapped me. the good shit. (and trav fully having magnus give selfish answers about being strong was great lovin it lovin it)
i just adored how griffin had so many places and plot lines to fall back on, i loved how he used every connection the boys had made over their journey to help them in their hour of need (BECAUSE EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS POWERED BY BONDS ; _____; ) 
loved that how no matter who your forgotten single episode fave character was, they got a shout out. griffin loves to pull that shit (which is why taz has had like two boss runs asdsf) and so do i
lastly i adored the gigantic middle finger towards everyone who tried to paint lucetia as a villain instead of someone trying to save her goddamn family AND. lup and lucretia’s little moment healed my acne scars and gave me better posture godbless
i cant wait for the finale except i absolutely can because i don’t want it to be over but there’s also nothing better than a thrilling conclusion to an incredible story so BRING IT ON BOYS I WANT TO CRY HARDER!!!!!!!
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