Seventy-Eight: Ten of Wands

If a golfer who insists on playing during a lightning storm gets hit by a stroke of lightning and is killed nobody says, 'There's golfers dying by the droves being hit by lightning!' You can overdo what you really like, and if you're unbalanced you go overboard. -Gary Gygax

I slept and dreamed that life was Beauty; I woke, and found that life was Duty:— Was thy dream then a shadowy lie? -Ellen Sturgis Hooper, Duty

Struggling. How many people in life have it easy? I don't care what you do for a living. I don't believe I'm gifted, like Clemente, or Cedeno, or Mantle. About 10% of the ballplayers are gifted. For the other 90% of us, it's a struggle. -Horace Clarke (in response to, "How's it going?")

So we've reached the end of the road. Well, almost. We've got to get through this card first. But what a parting shot it is. I had hoped for the World as the final one, given its ending and renewal of cycles and the acquisition and application of one's lessons. I'd have settled for the Four of Wands, with its celebratory theme; the Six of Wands with its triumph; or maybe the sunshine and rainbows of the Ten of Cups. Even Death would have been comfortable. But no, the cards had a different idea. At least we have a Ten, ten years almost to the day after I started this journey, and the last card in my book the way I've organised it. The Cups have a happy ending. The Pentacles have a happy ending. Swords? Yeah, unhappy. As for the Wands...

Spoiler alert, it's not the best.

Let's start with Paschkis vs Colman Smith because there's one very big small detail that's different. The traditional image has the bearer carrying the Wands, head down. We cannot see their expression but we can assume they're probably unhappy. Paschkis has a wandbearer too, with six Wands strapped to his back and four in his arms, with leaves being shaken off as he walks. But Paschkis's bearer has a very calm expression, almost peaceful. I suppose perhaps his smile could be seen as wan at certain angles, but I get a sense of calm, like we're in a forest and we've just stumbled on a woodsman taking branches home to feed the fire in his cottage, or maybe to use as clothes props.

This picture of calm feels at odds with the energies associated with this card. Bunning, Thirteen and Esselmont at least all agree on it, and that is the feeling of being burdened by responsibilities. Indeed, Thirteen likens this card in comparison to the Eight of Wands, which we just had, which she describes as being the optimal number of wands, with their energy limited and channeled and thus transcended to keep one busy and on top of things. Now the things are on top. Ten is Too Many Wands. Rather than moving forward like in the Eight, the energy is there just to preserve the status quo. Bunning's second theme agrees, in "feeling burdened"; but first she associates this card with a theme of "overextending". One's doing too much. She talks about meeting our responsibilities and holding out until the next downtime, but then that next downtime cannot be used to relax because the overload just continues through it. To that, she adds a third theme of "struggling", the obvious extension from overextending to meet one's burdens. In fact, Bunning suggests that the card may signal a time when one has to take the lion's share of responsibility because they're the only one capable enough, or be found holding the bag; definitely a path to further struggling. Even Fairchild chimes in with suggesting that aggressively pursuing one's goals will lead to "serious setbacks with superiors", unless one applies the lessons of the Eight of Wands, and to "break out of stubborn patterns and look for new approaches".

Then we turn to Esselmont, who identifies the struggling and burdening with the symptom of feeling exhausted and with burnout. She then also states that the extra burden may be only a temporary thing, so as to accomplish a goal and reap rewards later. Or, focusing on it being the end of the cycle, she states that the end is in sight for reaching a goal, the final steps are being trod, and even if one collapses in exhaustion at the end it's all going to be worth it. Indeed, this is a view that I've also taken from Ediya, and it's recoloured my interpretation of the card. Hope, sweet hope in the middle of this bleakness? Alas, no — even if the goal is achieved, there's now a stark awareness of significant commitments and responsibilities: the duties to ensure that the success is ongoing. Every one of my mentors here returns to a business analogy: it's become successful but to maintain it the owner-creator is now putting in so much time and effort to do so and is struggling to delegate responsibilities, or has become so narrowly-focused that their work is all-consuming and not balancing their life with other interests.

So I think I've clarified the Upright fairly here. In Reversal, Thirteen starts with this business-owner analogy but states that in the Upright everything was done right, despite there being too much demands of their time. So when it is Reversed, she likens it to someone trying to shirk their responsibilities, the one who says they'll carry the load but passes it to somebody else to bear, or doesn't deal with the aftermath: they give the bag to someone else to hold. This is one of those cards where I am glad now that I have other inputs because Thirteen's take seems very limited. Fairchild discusses focusing one's energy and having an objective because otherwise it's wasted, very succinctly. And to this we can tie that into Esselmont's suggestion of trying to do far too much by oneself, that one is trying to be everything to everyone which is an impossible task. She also goes on to say that perhaps the burden is unnecessary and may be lightened, or that the burden is a personal one that is being kept secret: either way, the solution is to share the load. She also even suggests that it could be a sign of decluttering, both physically and also through simplifying one's life.

Okay, but yet again, the card is Upright (for once, and at the last), so the message is a lot more defined. I'm seeing a lot of the different strands and themes of this card being very relevant. Indeed, I'm feeling that this has been an overarching card for a very, very long time. The Ten of Wands is at the end because it's the summary. I have felt weighed down by a lot of responsibilities, and I've not felt like I've been able to relax. My downtime has been filled with the need to keep busy, to do something, to push another project forward even if it's just an inch. A day spent doing nothing but resting feels wasted. And thus, I feel myself stretched thin. Sure, there's some responsibilities that I used to have back home, such as the choir, my Ingress community, and the like, that I don't have to deal with over here anymore; however, with my promotion at work I feel like the time I used to have available has severely diminished. I need time to decompress. I need time to sleep (and that doesn't always refresh like it should). As it is, I just sent off my Father's Day card home late. But in regards to my personal projects, I feel like I have many derelicts weighing on my soul. Getting through the Tarot has been my main creative goal since late last year, to the detriment of others, and it's obvious that I've made significant progress since I restarted. Here's the finish line and I'm a couple of paragraphs away from it.

But then Esselmont's warning comes up, about the stark realisation of further responsibilities. I will be talking about this in my next post where I will discuss the where-to-from-here. The Ten of Wands caps off the past where I have been pulled by responsibilities left, right and centre. And as for the future, I do have responsibilities that I must maintain so as to keep my knowledge of the Tarot alive. This has not been a project for where I get to the end of it, put it up on a shelf, and then bring it down and look at it with a nostalgic grin (remember, nostalgia is pain): no, this whole project has been because over ten years ago I felt something stir within my soul as I pored over a little set of cards with pictures that drew from a vast tradition, rife with symbology, and I realised that this was something that I could do, that I might have some sort of talent with. The Tarot is not something that I want to stuff away and forget. The Tarot is something that I want to use. And if all the work that I've put into this blog and this book is going to have any meaning, then I've got to pick up the cards and use them, to keep the knowledge alive.

I return to the quote that I started with:

Knowledge is proud that he has learned so much; Wisdom is humble that he knows no more.

- William Cowper

And yet, in the midst of all of this journey, Paschkis's calm wandbearer is me. I acknowledge who I am: one who bends under the weight of what responsibilities I've taken, but always leaning down to pick more up. I have felt enriched by learning about these 78 cards, but I recognise that there is always so much more to learn. The cycle is complete, and it's time to go for another spin.

By the way, I just pressed the button and bought these cards and these cards. I'm committed to Tarot, and this is my reward so that I may pass my knowledge on to others.

It's done, but it's not over.

Humans are space orcs: Demi-Humans

 So I've been reading a whole bunch of Humans are space orcs / Australians and the like. And I thought it's my turn to take a shot at it. There's one thing that people here didn't mention even once. (To my knowledge.)

 As some of you may know, Japan has currently approved human-animal hybrid experiments. So it's possible that in the far future, human-animal hybrids or Demi-Humans would become a norm. Imagine how aliens would react to this. Take a bunny human for example:

  My crew and I waited patiently for our new member to arrive. We were all excited. Some had even prepared a list of questions they wanted to ask them. Having a new member was, ofcourse, a joyous event. But this wasn't just any new crew member. It was a human.

  The other humans from the public relations office had told me that the human we were getting in particular was 'special' and 'rare', and that we were very lucky to have someone like them. I did not quite understand why at first... But I soon came to realize why.

  As we all waited inside the main deck of my ship, the door slid open. We all looked to see the human. An apex predator species from a class 6 deathworld was on our ship. The human was female and seemed to be the average height for one... But there were some distinct features that I immediately picked up on. Her skin, unlike other humans' was close to a pale white.. almost as if she was dead. The colour of her eyes was a bright pink that almost seemed luminescent, surrounded by a dark pink that then went to a normal white like all humans. I had read a human guidebook, but I did not recall humans having such detailed eyes. Especially ones that were pink in colour... Especially ones that had vertical lines for pupils. Her hair was white with a slight tint of pink. Again, I did not recall reading about this in the human guidebook. But the one detail that stood out the most from the human in front of us... were the two white antennas on top of her head. The antennas were wide and looked like they had fur on them. They seemed to be concave and hollowed out towards their base. The backside appeared to have thicker white fur, with a tint of pink, while the inside had thinner, pink coloured fur.

I set the oddities aside and approach the human. The rest of the crew follow behind me. “hmm.. is this Captain Xorlax’s ship?” The human quietly asks. Her tone of superiority sent a chill through my body I had never felt. I set that aside and stand firm. “Yes, I am Captain Xorlax of the ship Vonhuan. It is a pleasure to meet you.” I greet her and hold my hand out to her. Shaking hands was a welcoming gesture used by humans. She takes my hand and shakes gently. Her slender fingers were much longer than that of a normal human, I noticed. “My names Lirin, I’m glad to be working with you all from today onwards.”

  She made an expression described by the handbook called a ‘smile’, which was the human’s way of being polite to one another. As she shook my hand, her predator eyes locked onto mine. There was an eerie dead presence within her eyes. The pink eyes with the vertical pupils gave off no form of emotion, and the stare from her eyes made my whole body freeze.. in fear. It sent a wave of fear through my whole body. It was then that I received a horrifying reminder... we were making friends with monsters.

  I decide to not ask her about her appearance. Humans, especially the females, can be very easily offended when it comes to their appearance. I show the human to her quarters and leave her to set herself up. Some time passes, and we leave the space port. The human comes out of her quarters in clothing that exposed most of her pale white body. She mostly kept to herself, but she was trying to packbond with the crew like any normal human.

  As time passed, the crew became comfortable with her and began asking her questions about humans like they initially intended to. Though they avoided the topic of her appearance all together. No one wanted an angry apex predator on their ship. I observed that the two antennas on her head were attached to her body, and were not a form of accessory. When called, the antennas would turn to the direction of the sound before the rest of her body did.

  We arrived at a space port on a human colonial planet. The crew got off and we made our way to the main lounge of the port office. We waited for our engineer to order some parts that he needed to maintain the ship’s engines. Lirin sat down on a chair in the lounge and was minding her own business with her handheld. Since the office didn’t have chairs for none humans, we stood near her and waited. The other humans in their own seats were glancing at her, and it was obvious that they were even talking about her. She was definitely out of place even among humans.

  So I assumed. A human male approached Lirin with a large sum of human currency in his hand. “E-excuse m-me.” The man called out to Lirin. He was making an expression described in the guidebook as nervous. “C-could you P-pyon..... for... me?” Pyon? What was pyon? I did not recall an action called ‘pyon’ in the guidebook. Lirin stood up and looked at the man. She smiled and clasped his hands. “Thank you for the money.. Pyon!” Lirin finished her sentence with the same phrase the man had asked her to say. She tightened her vocal chords and made a high pitched sound.

  Whatever this was... it was of great significance. A human who was drinking a fluid sprayed out the contents in his mouth. Another human who was consuming a solid somehow got it stuck in his body, he was making shrill sounds of pain as he tried to remove it from his system. The man who had asked Lirin for the favour was leaking a red fluid from both of the two holes in the appendage on his face. I later came to know that the fluid was human blood and leaking it from their face was called a nosebleed.

  Every human in the lounge was quiet and had their eyes trained on Lirin. More males approached her with sums of currency. “H-hey.. can I... touch... your ear?” One of the other males who approached her asked. Less ask and more like a plead. Lirin’s antennas bent down and faced the man. He hesitantly touched the antenna, and then began gently rubbing it. They were clearly finding some sort of pleasure from this.

My crew and I stood aside and watched as countless men came to Lirin with currency and even valuable items, in exchange to touch her antennas or here her make the sound. When we finally left, Lirin had a bag full of items and an astonishingly large sum of human currency. She seemed pleased to say the least.

"Lirin, what just happened?" I asked her warily. I needed answers, her appearance, the way everyone acted towards her.... was so unusual. "I mean... You saw didn't You? What's there to explain?" Lirin looked perplexed, almost as if she expected me to know.

I could not hold it anymore, I had to ask, offensive or not, I needed to know. "NO I DO NOT! I understand what I saw, they seemed to enjoy your presence and 'service', but WHY!? WHY!? Why do they enjoy it? Why do you have those antennas!? Why do you look different compared to everyone else!?" I blurted out all the questions that my crew and I had. I disregarded any form of formality and respect. If I offended her, it was her problem.

Lirin began making a rapid succession of sounds. I recalled to the guidebook, it was called laughter, or in Lirin's case, giggling, it was a sound humans made when they found something funny or enjoyable. Her laughter froze and she looked into my eyes, her vertical pupils grew thinner and seemed to grow longer, as if she focused her gaze on me, sending a cold chill of fear through mine and my crew's body. While I was able to hold myself back from making any sounds, some of my crew members could not. We all felt the same fear of a predator looking into us, as if she was ready to devour us. I regretted asking her.

Or so I thought. Lirin sighed. "Well... to put simply, I'm a subclass of the Demi-Human called bunny human. Since I'm a female, I'm a bunny girl." "Demi what?" I was not following a single bit of what she said. "I'm a human, like everyone else, but I'm a different kind of human. I'm a human-animal hybrid. It's not like I'm half human, half animal, most of my body us human, except for a few details, hence 'Demi'-Human. There are different kinds of Demi-Humans, I'm a bunny girl cause I have features of a bunny." "So you're not a different race?" I asked her, still unsure. "Yeah, I'm a human, it's just that my ears are huge and on top of my head, and my eyes and skin are slightly different."

Lirin, pulled on her antennas, which apparently were her ears, and showed them to me. "You probably didn't read about it in the guidebook cause we're pretty rare, there aren't many of us around, let alone once that venture into space. That's also why it's a big deal to most people." My crew and I had calmed down, almost as if a huge weight lifted off of us. We now understood.

"Also, stop getting scared whenever I make eye contact, I'm not gonna tear you all apart and feed you all to my fourteen children or anything." "W-WHAT! WHAT DO YOU MEAN!? YOU HAVE CHILDREN!? AND FOURTEEN OF THEM!?" "Hey! Hey! Calm down, I'm just joking." We all went back to the ship and went back into space, feeling just a little closer to Lirin.

I hope reading this was worthwhile. I'm not that good at writing stories, but I hope you get what I mean. Aliens would be really surprised to hear about different kinds of Humans. Feel free to add in your own Demi-Human type and make a story out of it!