#we will take this one too for reparations. jfc. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nickireadstfc · 7 years

Text

The Raven King, Chapter 11 – WHAT THE FUCK

In which Thanksgiving happens.

Sounds good? No, it doesn’t. But it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

I was not Ready.

I was a sweet, sweet summer child.

WHAT THE SHIT JUST HAPPENED.

I WAS NOT THE FUCK READY.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT’S BEEN FOUR HOURS SINCE READING AND I STILL CAN’T FUCKING D E A L WITH THIS.

Alright. Hold up, hold up.

I will get to the absolute FUCKERY that is this TRAINWRECK OF A CHAPTER in a minute.

But first – shopping.

Kevin stopped sniping about the road trip when he realized he could get something out of it.

They go to Exites, which is kind of dream candy land for people with Exy boners, to get Neil a few new racquets, just because they can.

To be honest, I skimmed through most of this bit in order to get to the fuckery that was promised to me at Nicky’s house.

TLDR; Kevin is buying Neil heavier racquets in order to fulfil his quest of becoming Surpreme Exy Master. What else is new.

Also, how do you pronounce “Exites”? Exits? Exit-ee-s? Exités? Wtf is this word.

There’s one bit that got my attention, though: A prime fucking Andreil Moment for the books, right there in between the racks of Exy racquets – how fitting, considering the Hot Bod Meets Racquet Incident from when they met.

“Here’s a real question: how have you survived this long when you’re so violently self-destructive?”

Hooo boy, it’s Real Talk Time.

He wondered why no one else had caught on, or if people noticed and just didn’t care enough to say it. (…) The focus was on what a danger he was. People talked about his trial and how it saved them from Andrew. No one said what they were doing to save Andrew from himself.

But Neil :’)))))))) noticed :’)))))))) and cares :’)))))))))) ma BOYS

“When they finally take your medicine away, who are you going to hurt, really?”

Andrew laughed. “I’m remembering why I don’t like you.”

“I’m surprised you forgot.”

“I didn’t,” Andrew said. “I just got distracted for a moment there.”

Mhmm, distracted by what exactly, mon ami.

Andrew put a hand over Neil’s mouth to shut him up and said, “Liar. But that’s what makes you interesting. It’s also what makes you dangerous. I should know better by now. Maybe I’m not as smart as I thought I was. Should I be disappointed or amused?”

Seriously, all later drama aside, let’s not forget what a fucking Andreil chapter this is. Like. AM I READING THIS SHIT WITH MY OWN TWO EYES.

The answer was there, right out of reach, close enough Neil could feel it, but too far for him to make sense of. Maybe Andrew felt it too, because even in his drugged haze he knew to shut up. The smile he flashed Neil mocked them both at that near-miss.

For real AM I HALLUCINATING THIS TO GIVE ME SOMETHING NICE TO MAKE UP FOR MY INEVITABLE BREAKDOWN LATER OR???

And then Kevin and Important Exy Business comes in to ruin the moment. Shame.

They get Neil’s racquets, they pay about the price of a nice sports car for them (“If Coach has a problem with the number he can take it up with me, but he should know how expensive I am by now.”, jfc Kevin chill it with the Extra will you), and then they are finally going to the Hemmick’s place.

From the outside, the house looked perfect. The lawn and vibrant green and neatly trimmed, the cars in the driveway were new and clean, and the house was a pale blue with dark shutters.

Meaning: There are at least three bodies hidden in our basement.

Andrew gave [the racquet] an experimental twirl, judging the weight of it, then propped it against his shoulder and started for the other cars. (…)

“He’s got a really shiny car for a minister,” Andrew said. “I’m going to humble it.”

Bahahaha. I actually had to laugh at that. Please do.

Nicky does not agree with me, however, and takes the racquet from him, leaving it in the entrance hall of his parents’ house.

Speaking of: PARENTS.

Nicky’s mum can’t even tell her own nephews apart, which is just honestly a great fucking start.

“Hello, Maria. How very, very nice to see you again, I’m sure. Very interesting, you letting us back in your house and all. I thought you were going to file a restraining order against me. What happened, did you lose your nerve?”

For some reason, I dislike Andrew’s sass as much as I like Neil’s. His drugged sass, that is – nothing against a good Minyard one-liner. But I still find his mock-cheery, vicious friendliness more uncomfortable and at times even annoying than anything else.

And Nicky’s dad?

About as cool a dude as an uptight bigoted Christian minister can get.

Which is to say - not fucking cool.

Even across the room Neil could see the tense set to his shoulders (…) Neil hoped that Luther was uncomfortable because he intended to relax old prejudices.

I will bet you literally any amount that he fucking does not.

“Are you religious?”

“No,” Neil said. (…)

“Why not?”

“I’d rather not get into it,” Neil said. “I don’t want to start a fight.”

“That’s a first,” Andrew said with a laugh.

I was about so say the same damn thing. Like – Neil “Attitude Problem” Josten, Neil “Attitude Problem” Josten, Neil “Attitude Problem” Josten – doesn’t want to start a fight?

It follows the most awkward meal I’ve encountered in a long time – polite conversation, forced as shit, with pauses in between and exactly no one enjoying themselves.

Then –

“You’re going back to Germany?” Maria shot her husband a startled look.

Nicky’s jaw tightened, but he looked his mother in the eye when he said, “Yes. Erik’s career is there. I wouldn’t ask him to leave just for me, and I wouldn’t want him to, anyway. I loved living in Germany. It’s an amazing place. You should visit us sometime.”

Nicky my boy I am so proud of you. I am seriously so proud right in this very moment.

Looking your mom, who has basically kicked you out for being who you are, right in the eye and refusing to be anything other than who you are takes serious, serious guts. <3

“We cannot condone sin,” Maria said.

“You don’t have to love the sin,” Nicky said, “but you’re supposed to forgive and love the sinner. Isn’t that what faith is about?”

“Faith is about following our Lord’s creed,” Luther said.

My eyes are rolling so far back in my skull they actually hurt.

WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE LIKE THIS.

“We have committed to repairing this family.” (…)

“Enlighten us,” Andrew said. (…) “If the first step isn’t tolerance, where does a pair of bigots begin in fixing a mess like this?”

Luther met Andrew’s stare with a calm one of his own. “With reparations for past mistakes. That is why you are here.”

With these cryptic words, Luther and Andrew disappear into the kitchen after dinner for some Fun Talk Times, of which we hear exactly nothing. Then, Luther comes back – Andrew doesn’t.

And when Neil inquires after what’s taking Andrew so long – that is when I start understanding why everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE, has warned me about this chapter.

“In fact, I think it’s promising he has been gone this long. He’ll come back when he’s finished speaking with Drake.”

Neil’s heart skipped a beat. “What?”

SAME, NEIL.

FUCKING WHAT.

“This dinner was not originally our idea,” Luther said. “One of Andrew’s former foster brothers came to us for help. They parted on unfriendly terms years ago, and it’s been so long since they last spoke he’s afraid their relationship is irreparably damaged. It made us think of our own familial problems and we were inspired to reach out again.”

This was the moment I started gripping my book so tight I almost ripped it, and did not let go until the chapter was over.

Neil gets his massive racquet, gets Aaron, and gets the fuck up the stairs to find Andrew.

And Andrew he finds.

I’m not quoting anything graphic here because we all fucking know what happens and I don’t wanna make anyone read that again but WHAT THE FUCK.

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCVK

At first I’d just thought they’d had a fight, shared a few punches, and then it HIT ME and I was SCREAMING, I HAVE NOT STOPPED SCREAMING FOR FOUR HOURS NOW WHAT THE F U C K.

And if all that wasn’t enough –

Neil saw too much blood and too much skin. He knew what he was seeing, knew what this meant, but couldn’t believe it yet. That didn’t stop him from leaping at Drake.

Aaron was faster.

AARON. FUCKING AARON.

WHAT ARE YOU THE FUCK DOING WHAT HAVE YOU DONE OH MY G O D.

THIS BOOK JUST WENT FROM ‘EDGY AND ANGSTY WITH A DASH OF IMPLIED VIOLENCE’ TO ‘ACTUALLY ILLEGALY VIOLENT AS IN FUCKING M U R D E R’ IN THE SPAN OF THREE PAGES.

WHAT

THE

FUCK

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Andrew wore only his shirt as he lay facedown on the mattress. He was covered in blood and a hundred shadows that would darken to terrible bruises. He held onto the headboard like he was glued to it, and he was laughing.

Cue the moment my heart fucking broke.

“Got quiet all of a sudden,” Andrew said, sounding surprised. (…) “Oh, oh, that’s unpleasant. I am not a fan of this at all.” (…) Andrew’s grin was wide and savage as he mocked his own pain.

Andrew. Andrew. ANDREW.

I cannot even put my feelings into words, just – ANDREW.

The strangled noise Aaron made was his best attempt at Andrew’s name. Andrew, who’d barely acknowledged Aaron’s existence in the entire time Neil had known them, looked immediately to his brother. (…)

“Andrew,” Aaron said, desperate and frightened. He held onto Andrew like he thought Andrew would disappear if he let go.

AARON. Andrew. Aaron. AARON AND ANDREW.

This is the first time I see them as brothers, not just as two people who happen to look the same. They didn’t even look the same in my head before.

Now they do, and I can picture them clear as day, sitting on a blood-splattered bed, two identical small blonde figures clinging onto each other as if their lives depend on it.

Don’t ask me if I am fucking okay. Don’t.

Andrew touched Aaron’s temple where he himself was injured as if he expected to find an identical injury there. “Did he touch you?”

HOW IS THAT YOUR MAIN PRIORITY RIGHT NOW.

I have a very, very clear idea of how that is his main priority right now. And I am NOT FCUKING LIKING IT WHAT THE SHITS.

Oh, look – the rest of the family is here.

You know what’s also here?

The fucking pinpoint moment I start going from ‘I guess I like Andrew he has cool moments and he’s an interesting character’ to ‘I LOVE THIS MURDER MANIAC KITTEN MORE THAN MYSELF AND I WANT TO PROTECT HIM ALWAYS’

“Don’t ask what. You know better. (…) Or do you still think this is a big misunderstanding? Go on, tell me again how I’m too unbalanced to understand normal brotherly love and affection. Tell me this is natural.”

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.

IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED, PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE FUCKING KIDDING ME, WHAT THE FUCK.

“Speaking of misunderstandings, am I remembering this wrong, or didn’t you promise me you would talk to Cass? You told me she wasn’t going to foster any more children after me, but apparently she’s had six more since I left juvie. (…) How many do you think were in her house when Drake was home between deployments?”

NO FUCK NO, IS THIS FOR REAL WHAT!!!!!!!!! THE SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

“Now you let him into your house,” Andrew said. “You put him under the same roof as your son, as my brother. After everything I did to keep them away from each other?”

This is decidedly NOT GOING INTO A DIRECTION I’M LIKING.

They didn’t know. They didn’t know about all this shit, nobody knew, this has happened so many times before, and nobody knew, and the only person who did know, the only person Andrew opened up to, told him he had misunderstood being raped.

I am going to be fucking sick.

Andrew peeled his armbands off one at a time and dropped them into Neil’s lap.

He said something, but Neil didn’t hear him. The pale shade of scarred skin was too familiar and too startling for him not to react.

Sorry to disappoint – I’d love to be all shocked about this, except I’ve seen a billion pieces of fanart with his scars, and I also kinda had the idea myself already.

Not shocked does not mean not emotional, however. ANDREW.

A N D R E W.

The chapter is over. They’re waiting for the police and the ambulance, and the chapter is done, and I had to stuff my arm into my mouth so many times to keep me from screaming.

I have never loved Andrew more than in this very minute. Never. I am now sold on this character.

He could probably bench-press me with his attitude alone and definitely does not need my protection, but I will still protect the absolute everloving fuck out of him.

I need a moment. Or fifty.

Nicki out.

#nicki reads tfc #tfc #trk #aftg #the foxhole court #the raven cycle #all for the game #tw rape #tw violence #tw death #you guys should know these but I'm putting them on here anyways because that shit is hardcore #I'm not even adding my kofi info this time i am so SHOOK #if ya wanna you know where to find a link #Imma need a break

167 notes · View notes