oversharing time!

unfortunately for me i suspect i’m sorta into misha as himself and not so much into cas. cas is shaped like a friend and i wanna chill out with him soooo bad b/c his male-coded autism is very comforting to me. (female-coded autism is very about desperate clueless people-pleasing and it’s freeing to just. see someone not give a single fuck in the way i want to but have been conditioned to  avoid.) but i’m not really ‘let’s write an ode to that fleeting look in your eyes’ about cas.

what IS weird for me is that hmmm the cas torture scenes in the beginning of s11 are... sort of good to watch lol. i dissociate from the (fictional) reality of it (i’ve never really been into the whole ‘blowjob of violence’ thing, bdsm only does it for me when it’s not physical but mental, see lucifer/crowley puppy play LOL). but just. this is a very pretty man in an open shirt who is a bit physically dishevelled. pushing himself a bit. some red dirt on his face & clothes & disarrayed hair. it’s pretty.

another ‘wow this is a VERY PRETTY MAN’ moment for me is the entirety of hippie!cas in theeeeee end. it’s just. a lot. to take in. eagerly awaiting the moment it comes up on my rewatch.

anyway yeah this is why we (don’t) watch con vids in this house. ofc i don’t know this man but i think his public persona is very. well-constructed. (i’m aware it’s a conscious construction too so. sue me. it’s another type of performance.) the manic pixie dream boy of it all is really very. a cool character type OH MY GOD i’m gonna burn in hell......

unfortunately there are some very good fics out there which present post-series human!cas as... taking on some of the (sluttier) characteristics of uhhhh endverse!cas (i’d just say ‘misha’ but i shouldn’t say that). the galveston series has been the final stone which forced me to admit that hippie!cas with grown-out hair would be insanely hot so like. read it if you vibe with what i’m saying. or something.