#we need love but all we want is danger is giving jesper | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kasagia · 11 months

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Bruises and scars

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x fem! tidemaker! reader Summary: Kaz Brekker believed he was too broken and bruised to ever count on you reciprocating his childish crush. You were a powerful Grisha, someone who wouldn't be content to be in a relationship with the human shell that he was. That's why he gives you the cold shoulder, that's why he avoids you like the water you wield so well, that's why he tried to drive you away after the day you confessed your feelings to him. Kaz Brekker couldn't love anyone. It would not be beneficial to either side. But Kaz Rietveld rises from the dead, reminding him of what it's like to feel unconditional, blind love. And he won't give up. Not until he gets his girl back... isn't it too late for that, though? Warning(s): Kaz and his trauma; violence; he's afraid of his feelings but loves the reader; generally Kazzle misses the reader; angst with fluff; I'm a sucker for happy endings, but the boy suffered WITHOUT HIS INVESTMENT; mentions of de@th and bl00d Word count: 7,4k

Counting days, counting days since my love up and got lost on me

"You're sending Jesper to do your dirty work for you? I didn't know you were afraid to talk to one of your own crows." you stormed into his office without even bothering to knock. Kaz swallowed. He really should have been better prepared for this conversation. After all, he knew you wouldn't give up so easily. "What is this?" you asked, slamming the wad of paper onto his desk.

"I thought you could read. This is your next job." he replied calmly, not looking up from the papers in his hand.

"In some snobbish fucking king's palace? Are you kidding me?"

"Nikolai isn't that bad. You'll see when you get there."

"And what makes you think that I will voluntarily leave Ketterdam, the club, my friends, and the Crows for two bloody years, Kaz?" for the first time since you walked into his office, he looked up from his papers, fixing you with a cool, impassive gaze.

"That I'm your boss, and you have to obey me. You needed a reminder, judging by the tone of voice you use when you speak to me."

"Was it because of what I said to you when I almost..."

"No!" he growled at you, stopping you from finishing your sentence. That day had already joined his nightmares anyway. He didn't have to constantly recall your almost-death. "It has nothing to do with it." he said, hoping that would put an end to your conversation and went back to writing down the numbers.

"Do not lie to me. I know when you do it, Kaz. You got scared because I said I love…"

"You can go and get ready, Y/N." he said without looking up from the paper he was holding. He had never felt her gaze so hot and intense on him before. They always glanced furtively at each other, discreetly indulging in the silly fantasy of loving each other.

Like they could ever afford to live a normal life. As if he could ever love you properly—the way you deserved.

You stared at him intently, trying to find any trace of emotion in him, any evidence that he didn't really want to send you away from Ketterdam, that he was only doing it because Dirtyhands was afraid of the growing feeling between you two.

"I can hold on like this, Kaz." your soft whisper cut through him, making him shiver. He could bear your screams, your anger, your madness, but the tenderness, the vulnerability you showed only around him… was much more dangerous to the cold Barrel Bastard. "I can go and return to you like nothing happened. I can stay near you and pretend I don't feel anything towards you. I can stop myself from wishing for your slightest touch. I can hide my true emotions around you and other people, just like I have done before… but please just prove to me that it's all worth it. That you can slowly take off pieces of your armour and let me see and be with the real you. Not the Brekker's mask you wore every time we were on Ketterdam's street. Not the Dirtyhands' cruel version of yourself that you created to survive in this town. Not the Bastard from the Barrel, who has so much power in his hands to take down his every enemy. Just the real you, Kaz. The genius-mind boss who cares about his people, not only the kruge. The man who loves his friends more than anything on this earth. The man who risked his own life and saved me from death's arms more times than I could count. Please… just give me this little piece of hope." he tried hard not to raise his gaze to meet your captivating, imploring irises that could touch Brekker's heart.

He knew that the moment he looked at your face, he would doom you both by giving in to this burning desire to be with you.

But he couldn't.

He had to keep you away from him.

"You must be foolish or delusional to think like that. I'm the Bastard from the Barrel. And I care about my crows, because they are good investments. Nothing more and nothing less, Y/L/N."

"Is this everything that we are? What am I to you? An investment?"

Kaz's mouth went dry as he felt the waters rising around him, when a familiar feeling of panic began to seep through his practised mask. He looked away, not wanting you to read his true emotions. Not wanting you to see how much he wanted to confess his true feelings to you.

No. You're my moon, my sun that illuminates me in my darkness. The reason why I'm even bothering to learn how to touch people without going under the water again. You give me hope and peace every time you're close to me. You're my greatest power and weakness. The only one in this bloody world who can change my plans. The only one I care about in the mornings, afternoons, nights, and midnights. I can't drink, eat, think, sleep, or work without thinking about you. You have the power over me. And that's terrified me.

He desperately wanted to give in to his desire.

But he couldn't.

He was too bruised and broken for you.

"Then I have my answer, Mr. Brekker." you broke the long, tense silence between you two. Kaz was too terrified to shift his gaze from the papers on his desk to the only woman who could easily crack the wall around his cold, almost dead heart with one of your smiles towards him. Too afraid to watch the tender expression on your face turn into a cold detachment, just like your tone of voice. "Sorry for taking up your precious time, boss. But I would rather be the foolish girl who falls in love too easily for her own good than a powerful man who doesn't want to feel anything. Nobody will sit around the table and tell a story about a man who loves only his kruge. No matter how great he was." your disappointed whisper lingered in his office long after you left.

He sat dazed in his chair until the candle stub burned out completely, leaving him alone in the darkness of his office. He stood up, lit a new candle, and watched the flame. He couldn't focus on anything other than replaying your conversation.

Rietveld's voice echoed in Brekker's head, somehow getting through his wall, mocking powerful Dirtyhands.

Coward.

And every breath that I’ve been taking since you left feels like a waste on me

"No way!" Jesper's loudspeaker scream snapped Kaz out of his thoughts. He sighed, rubbing his face with his hand, and got up from the desk.

He has done nothing since that fateful conversation. Absolutely nothing. He limited himself to staring blankly at the wall as his thoughts of Y/N effectively took complete control of him. He needed a distraction. Jesper's screams outside his office were perfect.

Without his cane, he walked to the door, eavesdropping on what was going on outside his office.

"Find another idiot to tell him. Or better yet, grab some suicide guy from the roof. If he wants to die anyway, he might as well act as a messenger for their one last time before Kaz rips their head off. SHIT!" the sharpshooter screamed in panic, nearly losing his balance as the door he was partially leaning against was opened by his rather worried boss. "Kaz, the fuck, since when are you sneaking around like that?!"

"Why exactly would I want to have ripped someone's heads off, Jesper?" he ignored his comment, eager to find out what they were hiding from him as soon as possible.

Maybe that would effectively occupy his head, so he could stop thinking about the tidemaker for a while. Unfortunately, neither of the two were in a hurry to answer his question.

"You know, there's always an occasion. Theft, insult, threat, frown, bad day, wedding, christening…" Jesper shut up, seeing that his attempts at a joke only infuriated an already irritated Kaz.

"Y/N is gone." Kaz unconsciously held his breath, feeling the whole world freeze around him for a moment, until anger and panic took hold of him.

"What? Did someone kidnap her? How did you look after her?!" he growled furiously, walking back to the office and limping towards his cane. His crows followed hesitantly, watching him struggle as he tried to put on his cloak in his haste.

"She runaway. I lost track of her around the harbour." a new revelation made Kaz freeze again. He stared blankly into the space between Jesper and Inej, turning his cane's crow head in his hand.

He should have anticipated that too. Had a backup plan. But he didn't. He's been acting strangely lately. He didn't recognize himself. But after all, that was what he had wanted all along - to stay away from Y/N. So why had her disappearance made him feel so much worse?

"Kaz? Should we send some people to…"

"No need, Inej. Go back to work. You too, Jesper." the gambler looked like he wanted to argue with him, but the Wraith, seeing their friend's strange behavior, grabbed his hand, and they obediently walked away from their boss.

Kaz leaned against the desk, dullly staring at the closed door.

It was supposed to be better that way. Neither you nor he will ever meet again. You won't exchange those longing glances again. You won't act like a couple of teenagers in love, and no one will ever attack or harm you to get to him again or to threaten him. Nobody was going to get hurt.

So why did he feel like he was going back under the water?

I’ve been holding on to hope That you’ll come back when you can find some peace Cause every word that I’ve heard spoken since you left feels like an hollow street

One week, two days, 10 hours, 34 minutes and 29 seconds. That's how long it's been since he last saw your face.

He was secretly hoping you'd come back to him and the crows. Fuck the crows, he just wanted you to walk through that damned door again and start arguing with him, shouting at him, cursing his name at all the saints you knew, so he could hear your voice again.

He missed you. More than he thought he would.

Irritatingly, everything around him reminded him of you.

Especially your empty seat during Crow's meetings. No one dared to occupy it, as if every one of the gathered was waiting for you to come through that door (or window) again with a malicious, characteristic smirk on your face, mumbling some insincere apology for being late.

It never happened. Though Inej prayed to her saints every day for your return. Just like the others. Although each of them experienced your departure differently. Jes stared often at the places you once occupied, imagining you were still there. Nina found herself often making too many waffles (of course, accidentally making exactly the few you were used to eating). Wylan often creates his bombs and other things in your favourite colours.

But Kaz probably took your absence the worst of them all.

If he had slept little before, fearing that nightmares about Jordie would haunt him, now he hardly slept at all. Because every time he closed his eyes, he saw your face. He heard your laugh. He smelled your perfume. He felt cursed. Cursed by you the moment your eyes looked at him full of sadness, anger, and disappointment... full of pain.

He thought that if you disappeared from his sight, he would forget about you and go back to normal. But your leaving only made him think of you more often and longer. He sat behind his desk for hours, staring blankly at the papers in front of him. Spread out plans, bills, and maps; it all stopped making sense to him. It stopped coming together, creating a perfect plan in his head.

All he could think about was you.

And Rietveld's voice, instead of being silenced and buried alive in his cold heart with your disappearance, only broke through his hard surface more and more often with the passing days without you by his side. And he wasn't holding back from taunting Dirtyhands at all.

The great Kaz Brekker fell victim to one of his own plans.

There must be something in the water Cause everyday it's getting colder And if only I could hold you You'd keep my head from going under

Even Ketterdam has felt your absence.

This time of year, it usually warms up enough for people to shed their heavy winter coats. However, it was the middle of spring, and a cool, icy wind still blew through the streets, bringing occasional, small snowfalls that melted on the street, creating mud.

Kaz had never despised the city he lived in more. Even it laughed in his face at his stupidity, reminding him that it was his fault that the only spark of joy and bewitchingness in this damned city had gone.

He shuddered as a child shoved past him, running happily to the ship that had come into harbour and thrown itself into its father's waiting arms. Brekker began to take rapid, panicked breaths. He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall of one of the buildings, trying to imagine something other than Jordie.

His haphephobia got worse.

Earlier, he could bear the fleeting touch of strangers, such as being brushed up against him in a crowd. It was no problem for him to touch his crows for a few minutes (especially you and your comfortable hugs, holding your hand, or just feeling your warm skin under his bare fingertips).

But now even the slightest contact with a stranger brought him immediately under the water. And the tiny touch from his crows raised the waves he had to calm in the privacy of his office.

He was rolling down. He knew it well. But he saw it as his personal punishment for hurting your feelings in a brutal way instead of gently cutting you off. Maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much.

Kaz knew he was fooling himself. He would suffer anyway. He let you go too deep under his skin, penetrate his essence, and know his soul too well to just give up on you, and forget about you.

And what terrified him most was that, given the choice, he would let you in again. Even knowing he would be devastated after letting you go.

But it was better for you. You deserved something better than this life you would live with him.

And that one thought kept him sane. That he did it for your own good, that wherever you are now, he's sure you're better off than you were in Ketterdam.

Which didn't stop him from checking every ship that came into port in the sick hope of seeing your angelic face.

He just had to get over his grief. He did the same with Jordie.

The only difference was that he didn't dream of holding his brother back in his arms like he dreamed of you.

Maybe I, maybe I’m just being blinded By the brighter side Of what we had because it’s over Well there must be something in the tide

Kaz was on your bed, reading one of your books you accidentally left behind. It was all he could do lately. He wasn't sure how long it had been since he'd left that room for anything other than food and a change of clothes. He missed you. And he had no idea what he should do.

He inhaled your faint scent on the pillows.

In some strange way (probably because of your ability to control the water), you always smelled of the sea, even when you weren't near the harbour. Kaz hated water and hated the salty sea smell that hit him whenever he passed near the harbour. It reminded him of Jordie. But inexplicably, the smell of the sea on you brought him comfort, safety... peace.

Now it was a reminder of something else—how he let you slip through his fingers. In fact, he pushed you away from himself.

He shook his head, trying not to think about you. However, the world was always against him and never made things easy for him. The fact that the dried flower had fallen out of the book onto his chest was proof of that.

With trembling hands, he set the book aside and reached for the flower, afraid he would ruin it. However, the need to see if his eyes were deceiving him was greater than the fear of spoiling such a precious thing.

He remembered that flower. He put it in your hair himself.

"Just the two of us in a field of flowers? If I didn't know you better, I'd think it was a date, boss." he rolled his eyes as you giggled at his reaction.

"Stop it. Or they'll notice us." he muttered, trying to ignore the cool wind that somehow made its way through the high grass. He wrapped his cloak around him, enviously noting that the girl next to him didn't seem to feel that cold. He internally slapped himself for wanting to share his cloak with her.

"I highly doubt they'd want to look for us in that thicket of grass. Besides, usually when a woman is giggling at a place and situation like this, stealing some noblewoman's jewels is the last thing on her mind, Kaz. The same applies to her potential partner."

"As if I heard Jesper." he sighed, focusing on the nobles in front of them. The plan was for Jesper to distract them while he and Y/N collected what they had come for. Simple and fast, if his childish desire to be paired with Y/N did not overwhelm his senses. She distracted him more than he could afford.

"You and Jes also had a secret meeting among the wildflowers? Now, I'm jealous."

"Jes?" he asked, turning his surprised gaze on her.

"Yes, do you mind?"

"You've known him for a week." he remarked dryly.

"Yes, and what?"

"It took you two months to start calling me by my first name, let alone a nickname."

"Just because you preferred to call me tidemaker instead of using my name."

"To be honest, it might have slipped my mind then." he muttered under his breath, not realising she heard him.

"You forgot my fucking name?! Kaz Brekker you are the most ignorant person I've ever seen." Kaz knew from the anger in her eyes that only his haphephobia kept him from getting his ass kicked by Y/N.

"Well, now I remember." he tried to defend himself.

"I don't care, Brekker. Now you can even call me the fucking Easter Bunny and I won't answer you anyway."

"Don't be a child, Y/N. Y/N?" Kaz sighed in frustration when he got no response from you.

He had to come up with something; he knew this name thing wouldn't be resolved until he appeased you properly. And he didn't have time to indulge in your sulks. You had to rob these people. (It's not like his heart ached when you were mad at him.)

Fortunately, out of the corner of his eye, he saw something that might help him. Your favourite flower, growing at his fingertips. He plucked a plant and put it behind your ear without thinking. You flinched at the sudden touch, staring at him in shock as the material of his gloves brushed your cheek as he pulled his hand away.

"Maybe I forgot your name then, but now I remember and know a lot more about you than just a stupid name."

"But how… how do you know I like y/f/f?" you asked in shock, never in your wildest dreams imagining that Kaz Brekker would bother with something like your favorite flower.

"You are my tidemaker. My most important investment. It's logical that I'll know you inside out."

"Should I be afraid or appreciate this unsettling but sweet effort?"

"You should know by now that nothing I do is sweet."

"Of course, big, terrible, Dirtyhands." you replied with a small smirk, similar to the one that kept Kaz from your sight.

To her, he could be more than Kaz Brekker. He could be Kaz Rietveld. And it terrified him more than the urge to reach out his hand again and fix her windblown hair.

The mastermind has been deceived by his own heart.

I’ve been told, I’ve been told to get you off my mind But I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behind Oh my Lord, oh my Lord, I need you by my side

"Zenik. Follow me." he muttered as he finally found the woman at the bar. He headed for his office without looking back, knowing full well that she would do as she was told this time.

"Yes, Kaz?"

"You are contacting Y/N." it wasn't a question. He knew it the moment Nina sent you her first letter a month ago.

He himself tried to send you his letter a week ago. It came back unopened, and the delivery man said no such person lives at this address. A lie he recognised without even knowing that Nina and you were still writing to each other.

"I am." she replied coolly. Kaz, seeing that he did not want to voluntarily cooperate, sighed and sat down in his chair. His leg was starting to hurt more and more often - another thing that went bad with you leaving.

"How is she?"

"Happy. Relatively. She is tormented by nightmares and unwanted thoughts about you." if Nina wanted to make him feel guilty, she did it brilliantly.

He already felt terrible without her judging eyes and dry answers. She must have seen the shadows under his eyes, as he did in his mirror. He had no right to pity himself. He knew it well. That's why he put up with Nina's attitude, in his stupid desire to know how you were doing.

"So… is she better off than here?"

"No. But that's not your problem anymore."

"Did she find someone?" he asked hesitantly, afraid of an affirmative answer.

"Possibly, things are evolving."

Kaz felt the world stop around him for a moment. The idea of someone else watching how you play with water and create ice sculptures, someone listening to your beautiful voice and making you laugh, someone capable of holding you and kissing you, made him sick. A sick sense of jealousy that Kaz only experienced when he saw the wealth of others.

A rash desire to come for you overtook him. He had to have you back. Before you fall in love with someone other than him.

"Do you think if we…"

"No, Kaz." Nina cut him off before he could ask a question. "You wanted to get rid of her, so hold on to your fucking decision. You hurt her, and you knew damn well you would, by ordering her to return to Ravka. Honestly, Kaz, did you think about how it would impact her? How she would feel? If you wanna break her heart again, go on. Chase her. Let's see if she forgives you also this time."

"Then what should I do?" he asked, and the desperation and hopelessness of his tone terrified both him and the woman standing in front of his desk. Nobody had ever seen him like this. Even you. And now he was ready to open up to anyone just to have you by his side again.

"Forget about her. After all, that's what you wanted, right?" he did not answer.

She was right. He wanted to get rid of you. Now he was paying the price, and he had no right to ask you to ease his pain and return to the Kettedram. Return to him. Which doesn't mean that his stupid heart will just let him forget about you. He's learned that over the months without you. And he cursed all the saints that he didn't know it until he gave you the cold shoulder.

Kaz no longer had the right to your affection. He had to accept it. He had to accept that he had given up his chance to love you. That now you had every right to go and love someone else. Even if the very idea drove him crazy and desperate.

He must have forgotten about you. For the sake of all of you.

But Nina's slamming of his office door only brought him back to his memories of you.

There must be something in the water Cause everyday it's getting colder And if only I could hold you You'd keep my head from going under

Kaz fell. He was in the most pathetic position.

He didn't care, though, as he sat like a fool on the shore of the same lake where he met you. At which he irreversibly gave you the remnants of his heart a few years ago, without even knowing it.

He told himself that Nina was right. Once he let you go, he had to persevere in that resolve. Ketterdam will only bring you pain... so why was it so hard for him to let go of his last ties to you?

"Why are you coming here with me?" your gentle voice snapped him out of his thoughts as he stared spellbound at your little water show.

"Am I bothering you?" he asked, shifting in his place on the dock as he watched you float in the lake.

He wouldn't even dip his little toe in himself, but he liked to silently watch you become one with what was dear to you. And by the way, he could admire your skills and beauty as much as he wanted. He didn't have to look for any particular excuse.

"No. It's just that I've never seen you watch your other crows train."

"They're not like you." it slipped out before he could think about it. "If anyone sees you, I better get them before they announce to the world that one of the Black General's tidemakers has taken refuge with me." your smirk dropped at the mere mention of your former life. Kaz cursed in his mind. "You are also too valuable an investment. And the rest of the crows liked you. It's a big achievement. Inej doesn't let new people in so easily... me too."

"So you like me after all, boss?" you asked with that mischievous smirk on your lips that made his heart beat like crazy. Good thing water was your specialty. At least you didn't hear his heart pounding.

"You're tolerable company, and what you can do… what you can do is amazing."

"It's just little tricks." you murmured, forming different shapes out of the water. "At the king's parties, I was quite often one of the highlights." you waved your hand, freezing the water to form an ice statue. His statue. "Not every tidemaker is strong enough to freeze water." with another wave of your hand, to his silent displeasure, you melted the ice. "Not to mention turning ice into water again. Most just stop at its liquid form and don't train any more. I like to think I'm too curious to ever stop exploring my powers."

"Or stubborn." he said with a small smirk, listening to your wonderful laugh.

He must have been cursed from the start, since fate had put someone so perfect in his path... someone he could never have. But he could have been watching you. Enjoy his eyes with your beauty and his ears with the tone of your voice.

"Sometimes that's a good trait too. You taught me that yourself."

"How convenient for you to learn from me only what you want and not what you need."

"Sometimes what we want is more important than what we need and what is more rational for us."

"What for example?"

"Love." he tried to keep a poker face, but apparently his eyes betrayed more than he would have liked, as you gave him a confused, questioning look. "What? You've never been in love?"

NO. Not until he looked into your eyes and heard you laugh. Not until he got into your first argument with you and lost with a smile on his face. Not until he first saw you use your powers to outsmart the bandits who attacked you. Not until he saw how the moonlight in Ketterdam made your eyes shine even more than usual, so that you might as well have lit up all of the city with your beauty. Not until he first heard his name come out of your mouth. No, until he foolishly began to believe in Inej's saints, when he saw how tenderly and kindly you treat the orphans in the streets of Ketterdam.

"This silence means either a very powerful heartbreak, or you really only love a kruge."

"What if I really never loved anyone? What if I don't believe in love?" he whispered, looking up at you. You sneaked up to him so that you were standing in front of him. Water trickled down your hair and along your neck to the hand you held out to him. You opened your hand, handing him a small shell.

"The world is too cruel for such beliefs, Kaz. If we don't believe in love, why should we get out of bed at all? Why do we accumulate all these riches and try to survive each day?" Kaz didn't know the answer. Not one that would allow him to avoid the uncomfortable subject of his feelings for you.

He took the shell from you and, being careful not to break it, put it in his pouch. Along with the other little things you fished out of the water.

Your eyes met. You stared into the other's eyes for a moment, lost in your own dreams, which were not too different from each other... Yet neither of you had the courage to admit them out loud and risk everything you had been so carefully building between yourselves. Even if your hearts burned for more.

So he sat with you in silence, watching you play with the water and analysing what you told him. What was the reason for his existence?

Kaz from a year ago would have answered quickly and without thinking. Revenge. But now that he was looking at you, he wasn't so sure about his answer… or at least it was closer to something much different than his desire for revenge.

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh It's your love I'm lost in Your love I'm lost in Your love I'm lost in And I'm tired of being so exhausted

He sat behind his desk, involuntarily reminiscing about the day it all began.

The day he almost lost you. The day you almost died in his arms. The day you told him something he secretly wanted to hear but wasn't prepared for. The day he will curse forever.

This was your first assignment after returning from Ravka and the whole sun summoner thing. A childish, simple burglary. Something to warm up his crows—a return to the reality of Ketterdam without queens and kings and politics.

And so it was. You filled your pockets with valuables and were about to leave when one of the guards spotted you. They were much better armed than you (it was supposed to be a simple robbery with no witnesses and no blood spilled, so you only had daggers and knives "just in case") and strangely familiar with all the secret passages in the small mansion.

Even though you found yourself in a terrible situation, you managed to leave the property. You laid out in the finish as you and Kaz ran towards the club. One of the guards shot at you and hit you. Very accurate, almost piercing your heart with a bullet.

Kaz stared dazedly as you screamed in pain as you clutched your chest and tumbled onto the muddy, cobbled road. He reacted faster than he thought, throwing the dagger at the man who shot you and killing him instantly. Inej would have praised him for such a throw.

But that effective kill didn't matter to him now. He ran over to you in a panic and kneeled beside you, tugging at the fabric of your shirt. He hissed as he saw the blood pouring down your skin.

"Kaz..." you groaned, looking at him terrified. Kaz ripped off a piece of his shirt and wrapped it tightly around your waist, trying to stop the gushing blood. "Cold." you mumbled, shivering in his arms. Brekker didn't even notice as he placed you in his lap; he was too busy to stop the bleeding until he found bloody Zenik. Where was she when he really fucking needed her?

"Shhh…. I know. Just try to hold on a little longer, okay? Nina and Jes will be here soon." he tried to calm you down by running his hand through your sweat-soaked hair. He rocked you back and forth, not knowing who he was trying to reassure—you or himself.

"We both know they won't make it on time."

"If you're wasting your energy talking, at least say something useful instead of talking nonsense, tidemaker." he growled at you, tightening his grip on you. "You're not getting away from me that fast. I didn't invest so much in you to make you leave before…" Until I tell you how much you mean to me... "Until we fill our vault with tonnes of Kruge."

"I could have predicted that even on my deathbed you'd be talking about the fucking Kruges." you laughed, coughing up some blood, which didn't calm his already madly beating heart. Where is that damn Zenik?

"Die in my arms and I promise I'll go back to hell for you. The devil can wait for you - I signed a pact with you first." you suddenly became serious, squeezing his gloved hand tighter and staring into his eyes as if they were the only stars in your dark sky.

"Kaz… I… I have to tell you…"

"Shut up, Y/L/N. You're not dying today." he snarled a warning, squeezing you so hard that he was sure to leave bruises on your arms. Panic rose in him as he felt your body slowly go limp, your breaths becoming less and less frequent.

"Kaz… I love you." you whispered, making him freeze in a daze. You only said those words in his wildest dreams. He had secretly dreamed of it many times, but certainly not like this. Not while your soul was slowly escaping from this cruel world unworthy of you.

He doesn't remember exactly when Nina came running, or how Jesper took you out of his arms, or how he kept up with Jesper's frantic pace as he ran with you in his arms.

But he surely was shaking all the way to the Crow Club. He only breathed a few hours after Nina announced to everyone that you would live. Then he left, without even entering your room to make sure Zenik's words were true, and locked himself in his office.

Tears began to fall from his eyes as he leaned against the door.

He could have lost you. Forever. Another person close to him.

His dreams would be tormented by the sight of your bloody corpse in some dirty alley. Again, he felt like that helpless little boy who had lost his brother. He found himself with Jordie THERE again.

Kaz couldn't go through all of it again. He wouldn't get up after your death. And there was only one thing he could do...

Fuck it all.

He needed you.

He was too exhausted to pretend any longer.

He was Kaz Brekker. He didn't need a reason. But his slowly dying heart without you seemed to be enough of an excuse to see you. Even if you're going to completely break it. Even the cold Bastard from the Barrel saw it as a good deal.

"JESPER!" he shouted, jumping out of his chair with his cane in hand.

"Yes?" his friend was at his side faster than ever.

"Tell the others to pack up. We're leaving in an hour." he muttered, taking out his travel bag from the wardrobe. Even without turning around, he knew a big smile had formed on Jesper's face.

We're going to get my girl back.

"About the damn time, Kaz." he patted him on the back and ran out of his office, telling the other crows the good news.

Your love I'm lost in Your love I'm lost in Your love I'm lost in Even though I'm nothing to you now Even though I'm nothing to you now

Kaz had been afraid of a few things in his life, but walking through the threshold of your new apartment seemed to be the most terrible of all his fears.

His crows obeyed him without objection for the first time in their lives and stayed at the hotel. He came here. On trembling legs and a rapidly beating heart. With his soul on his shoulder, ready to sacrifice and do anything to get you back. And if you didn't change your mind, it would be with a mind ready to carve your image into his memory so he could enjoy seeing you one last time in his miserable life.

Before he could change his mind, he knocked on the door.

He waited patiently, hearing footsteps approaching. He held his breath as the key turned in the lock.

But you weren't the one who opened the door for him.

"What?" a well-built, dark-haired man stood in the doorway.

Kaz began to compare himself to him, concluding that, when it came to appearance, he was superior to him in everything. He didn't stand a chance against someone like that for your heart. Doubts began to flood back into him. What if Nina was right?

"Are you going to stand here for half a day or..."

"Jackson!" your voice from the depths of the apartment shook Kaz. It froze him completely, irritating the man in front of him even more. "I need your help here, you big fool. What are you doing?" a moment later, you were standing in the vestibule. Your eyes met. Kaz shivered under your gaze, cursing himself for how quickly he fell under your spell as he stood there completely dazed.

"Y/N." your name came out of his mouth reverently, like a prayer, like a song long forgotten by a wanderer. You looked exactly the same as you did a few months ago. Except for the faint shadows under his eyes, which Kaz considered his greatest enemies.

"Kaz."

"Jackson. Hello there." the man waved at him, stepping between you. Jackson looked at you, worried. Kaz felt both anger welling up in him, a feeling of envy at how close you were with this strange guy, but also relief that you had someone close to take care of you. Not that you couldn't overcome the worst hell alone. He just felt relieved that you didn't have to. "Let him in, or should I kick his ass, wave?"

Wave? Did you two have nicknames for each other?

"It's all right. You can leave us." you said as you walked past him to face Kaz. The man behind you sighed, shaking his head.

"I hope you know what you're doing."

It might as well have been directed at Kaz. For the first time in his whole new Dirtyhands' life, he didn't have a plan, an emergency exit, or another backup plan. But now he was standing in front of you, staring at you helplessly as he absorbed your form. And that damn sea smell in your hair...

"Kaz."

"Y/N." he said as he came back down to earth. He took a small, calming breath. "How are you?"

"Really? Are you here just to ask how I'm doing?" she asked incredulously, folding her arms.

Kaz wrinkled his nose at your dry, angry tone. As he could see, it would be even more difficult than he thought. He stood in front of you, twirling his cane nervously in his hands.

"I'm here for a completely different reason, but I couldn't… I couldn't not come and see you." he admitted turning his gaze back to you after lowering his head in embarrassment.

"I'm alright. My brother and I are having a great time."

"Brother?" he asked. Relief and joy washed over him. Nor could he help himself to this naive hope, which began to warm his cold heart.

"Yes... Jackson. Who did you think he was?" he did not answer. You could have guessed. He knew you saw the flicker of jealousy in his eyes after that strange man called you a wave. You were his tidemaker, his wave, his sea, and all the fucking things. For a moment, he forgot that he was the one who had deprived himself of the right to claim against you. "You saw me, you asked how I was, so you can go now. Goodbye, Kaz." you were about to close the door on him, but at the last moment he put his cane between them, preventing you from doing so. You opened your door again, giving him a questioning look.

"Come back with me." he whispered, defeated. He couldn't let you go. Not again, not after there was still the slightest chance you might still want him.

"What?" you whispered softly, pretty sure you misheard him.

"There's no other reason why I'm here... I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't think or function like a normal person without you next to me. I'm one step away from daydreaming about you, hallucinating, and being insane that you're still by my side, so please... I'm begging you to come back to me. I know I don't deserve you and that I hurt you. You have every right to kick me out, but please, Y/N, just come home."

"What exactly am I supposed to come back to, Kaz? A cold, surly boss who is afraid of his feelings? Who doesn't hesitate to hurt me to protect his heart?"

"I'm not... I'm not good at this. Feelings. I... I don't know what it's like to love, but I know that when I'm with you... when I'm with you, nothing else matters. Not Ketterdam, not power, not Kruge, not wealth, not profit—nothing has ever been on my pedestal. Only you. Always you. And maybe I'm terrified of it, but now I know that I'd rather fight my own demons for you than let you go. I will try my best. If you still want me." he stared at you with undisguised hope in his eyes, only now realising how close he had come to you during your conversation. He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, cupping your cheek uncertainly. "I love you, Y/N... even if I'm nothing to you now." he murmured, risking everything and resting his forehead against yours with a sigh.

There must be something in the water Cause everyday it's getting colder And if only I could hold you You'd keep my head from going under

He inhaled your scent with his eyes closed, waiting for your move. Hope grew with him every second you continued to let him be so close to you.

"You're an idiot, Kaz Brekker." he didn't contradict or argue with you. He was a complete idiot, pushing you away and begging you to come back, all the while acting like a love-crazy fool… however, he wouldn't have it any other way if it meant you taking your place in his office again. If someday he could hold you in his arms… "You have lucky you're my idiot. With all of your bruises, scars, and everything else." you promised, hugging him tighter. You pulled away from him with serious eyes, making Kaz swallow. "But if you do that shit again, forget I'm coming back to you. Also, we need to seriously work on your communication, Brekker. Do you know how long I've had to struggle here with that other idiot who claims to be my brother?"

"I can hear all of it!" you sighed at your brother's grumbling and gave Kaz a meaningful look. Brekker smiled slightly, causing a matching goofy smirk to appear on your face.

"See? But seriously, I'm not kidding. Last chance, Kaz."

"A deal is a deal. You're never going anywhere without me again."

"A red flag!" your brother coughed from the kitchen. You rolled your eyes, grabbing the edge of Kaz's coat sleeve.

"Shut up, Jackson. I'm leaving, I'll be back in an hour! Try not to burn down the apartment, spitfire."

You didn't wait for his answer as you slammed the door behind you and stepped out with Kaz into the street. Brekker led you towards the hotel where the other crows were staying. His hand in yours, which did not escape your notice. You turned your head towards him, giving him a confused look, which made him smile slightly, shifting his gaze to the port and the sea.

At one point, he noticed that one of the waves "attacked" a trader, washing him over. He cursed so loudly that you could hear him even from this distance. Kaz shifted his gaze to you, immediately noticing the sly smirk on your face. Suddenly, the wallet fell from the sky right into your waiting hand, along with droplets of salty, cool water.

He chuckled, shaking his head in amusement as he pulled you closer to him, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. A self-satisfied smirk formed on his face after seeing your blush.

One day, he will be able to touch you without his gloves. Hold in your arms without layers of clothes on. He will do it. No matter how long it takes him to get rid of the greatest demon of his past. But something told him that you'd keep his head from going under the water again. His queen of waves. His crow. His anchor. And he will make sure that he holds you in his arms forever.

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wylanslcve · 9 months

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I love the way S2 showed the difference between how Jesper approaches a high-stakes situation in comparison to Wylan, specifically in the scene where they sneak into Pekka's estate by entering through an open window. Jesper practically jumps from the windowsill and then twirls his gun, whereas Wylan gently lowers himself from the windowsill before lightly dropping himself down when he's crouched close enough to the ground.

We know that Jesper thrives off chaos and spontaneity, hence why he leaps from the windowsill and immediately twirls his gun: he's diving head-first into the action. He actively seeks fights because of the thrill they bring him, because he "always felt better when people were shooting at him". You can practically see the adrenaline coursing through him.

Wylan slowly lowering himself until he's close enough to drop down is more careful and deliberate than Jesper's leap, and it shows the complete opposite: Wylan is more cautious and wary than Jesper because he doesn't thrive off the chaos of a fight. He doesn't find anything thrilling about being in a dangerous situation, especially when you consider his sheltered upbringing. (I say sheltered because, though abusive, his household never exposed him to the dangers of Barrel life. This is made clear in Crooked Kingdom when Wylan is reliving his first months in the Barrel, thinking about how "he might not have been happy at his father’s house, but he’d never had to work for anything. He’d had servants, hot meals, clean clothes. Whatever it took to survive the Barrel, Wylan knew he didn’t have it.") He doesn't want to get in trouble or get wrapped up in these sorts of situations because that's not who he wants to be - he doesn't want to be a criminal.

However, he inevitably leaps from the windowsill too (just when he's crouched low enough to do so) rather than slowly sliding off it and onto the ground, exemplifying how, despite how he doesn't want to be a criminal, he still contributes to the task at hand and gets involved in these types of situations. His hesitancy doesn’t paralyse him regardless of the fact that he doesn’t want to partake in criminal activity. Whether or not he wants to do it, this is the path he's decided to pursue and he needs to do his part.

This difference is also exemplified in the scene in S2E5 where Zoya and Tolya are recruiting the Crows for the heist to steal the Neshyenyer blade. When they offer payment for the Crows’ contributions, Jesper responds with “I like the sound of that” before taking a shot of something. In a way, it echoes the “time for a heist!” scene in season one, emphasising Jesper’s willingness to go on a heist due to the thrill it brings (as well as the prospect of a monetary reward). On the other hand, while Jesper is enthusiastically agreeing to Zoya and Tolya’s request, Wylan is giving him the bombastic side-eye due to Jesper's willingness to accept the mission without hesitation.

Again, Wylan can't fathom how someone could be so willing to go on such a mission, so he's side-eyeing Jesper in disbelief and almost disapproval but he's also not at all surprised because this is Jesper Llewellyn Fahey. Remember, Wylan doesn't thrive off adrenaline rushes the way Jesper does - he's only doing all of this because 1) his entire motivation is to "make his money, get out of town, and never speak the name Van Eck again" and 2) he pretty much has no other choice because he makes it very clear that "he would sell himself in the pleasure houses of West Stave before he’d ask for his father’s mercy".

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wh0refornikolailantsov · 11 months

Note

Prompt: “I can’t believe you dragged me into this.”

For Jesper x Reader please!!

Shoot From The Hip - Jesper Fahey

Content Warnings: Canon Compliant Threat And Violence. Gunfire. Suggestive Dialogue And Flirting. Not Beta/ Proof Read.

The gunshot makes your ears ring out, the barrel beside the two of you exploding upon impact. "Saints," you mutter, "a little close for comfort."

“I can’t believe you dragged me into this.” Jesper is trying to play off the whole situation as a joke, but it's darker than you'd like it to be in the poorly lit streets, and your both running from being shot at, and you don't even know why.

Jesper had looked like he was up to something when he pulled you out of your game of cards by a market stall, and pushed you up against the wall outside of the tavern you were supposed to be watching for Kaz. "It's nearly dusk, you better be here for a booty call," you had joked as he leaned in far too close, body pressed against yours. He had chuckled and he was so nervous that you could feel it in the dancing of his fingers against your side. "Seriously Jesper, what is with you, you're awfully close to me right now."

"Something wrong with that?" he had smirked and then the first gunshot had sounded. "Okay, maybe I need better cover."

"Jesper Fahey, I need an explanation right-," you hadn't a chance to finish before you were being shot at and Jesper was dragging you by your wrist down a back alley.

"I dragged you into this?" you snap back. "You dragged me into this."

"Oh right," Jesper nods, "I did, didn't I? My apologies." He leans around you and takes a shot of his own, you hear someone yell out but you don't move to check. Not because you trust Jesper hit the guy, but because you don't want to place your bets you won't get shot at in the crossfire.

"You going to explain to me why we are being shot at?" you demand, pulling the gun not in Jesper's hand from its holster, and familiarising yourself with it's weight. Jesper watches you, debating on if he should say anything but another gunshot a little too close to your foot makes him decide to not pick that argument. Besides there is something about you holding his gun that makes him want to make far too many jokes and lean in just too close. But he bites back his instincts to do both.

"Not really," he says, taking another shot. You grab a handful of Jesper's moss green shirt, hand curling over the pearly buttons as you do so.

"Jesper, tell me why I am being shot at," you tell him.

"Let go of my shirt, unless you plan on taking it off me," he says, and it would be easy to think Jesper has forgotten that he is in a life endangering situation, but knowing Jesper better means knowing that only makes him more likely to flirt.

"You better shut up, or I will do it for you," you tell him, standing up and twisting to shoot one of the assailants to your left, you hit him in the knee and are quick to duck back down.

"Is that a promise gorgeous?" he asks, giving you a wide grin.

"I hate you sometimes," you tell him, but your smile gives away how much you don't mean it. Jesper mocks being wounded just in time for a bullet to skim between the two of you and make a hole in his waistcoat.

"I love this outfit," he curses. You roll your eyes.

"You've worn better," you tease, grabbing him arm to continue moving.

"Tell me which ones got your attention," he says, pushing you up against the wall again, this time to duck out of the view of some of them running in your pursuit. He is too close again, you can taste the mint on his breath, feel the heat of his face close to yours. You can hear his heartbeat louder than your own.

"Have I mentioned I hate you lately?" you ask, trying to prevent your chest from heaving as you breathe. He just smirks at you and you pinch his arm. He plays off the pain as a silent joke with an overdone expression. "Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?" he asks, looking around to assess if the danger is gone.

"All... sexy and nonchalant," you say, trying to brush him off.

"I can't help looking sexy, sweetheart, it comes naturally," he says.

"Shut up," you warn him.

"No one tells me what to do unless we are in bed-," you place a hand over Jesper's mouth. He has only a few seconds to look at you wide eyed before he realises what you were trying to keep yourselves unseen from. He hears the rattle of the wallet chain and the familiar footsteps. You recognise it too, whoever has been on Jesper's tail, they're with The Black Tips, and you know this bruiser a little too well.

"Trust me?" It's half a question and half an instruction but Jesper nods to both. You pull him in, filling the space between you, by his collar. Jesper is suprised by the kiss but barely misses a beat, sinking into it, pressing you back further against the wall, hands guiding down your shoulder to your waist, keeping you close, holding you still. Jesper is spinning, it's all explosions and fire lights, all gunshots and sparks, his heart is hammering against his chest as if it's a wall that needs to be torn down yesterday. For a moment you both forget why you're here, his fingers lacing against yours, the gentle nudges in the kiss, the drum in your chest that matches his in the race of hearts.

When you pull away Jesper struggles for a second to find his balance. You look around and whoever's was lingering before has gone now, disinterested in two lovers in an alley. You let out a little pant and a sigh of relief before you finally give into the feeling of Jespers gaze hot on you. “I just — I’m breathless, okay?" You say, "It kind of happens... whenever I’m with you." But the look doesn't cease. "Jesper now are you going to tell me what that was about?"

"You kissed me for cover?"

"Yes."

"You kissed me, like that, for cover?"

"Jesper, focus."

"How am I supposed to focus when you kiss like that?" He demands, but theres enough of that joking lightness in his voice that you recognise to ignore him.

"Jesper, tell me what that was about," you insist.

"I'll tell you anything you want to hear if you'll kiss me like that again," he says grabbing you by your shirt and pulling you closer. You think about it, you really think about it, but you just give him a grin and shake free of his hold.

"Tell me what that was about, then I'll think about it."

"You'll think about it?" He asks, gently tilting your face up by your chin, pinched between a finger and a thumb.

"I'll think about it," you repeat, your heart still running away with the force of the kiss, head still spinning.

"Okay, that's good enough for me."

A/N: Mine and Jesper's Shared Braincell's During This.

#shadow and bone #grishaverse #six of crows #jesper fahey #jesper x reader #jesper fahey x reader #mans got rizz #jesper fahey my man you are so ridiculously sexy i wish i could be you

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violets-and-books · 7 months

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JESPER THOUGHTS TIME BECAUSE IF EVERYONE ELSE CAN DO IT SO CAN I

This is a man who longs to be loved. He longs to be loved and to be allowed to love. This is, genuinely, the first impression of him I got from the books. When Bollinger was revealed as a traitor, Jesper didn't react with anger, as you'd expect from someone who, yknow, had been betrayed. All he said was "Oh, Big Bol... you idiot." And it sounds REGRETFUL. He regretted what Bollinger had done, he regretted being betrayed by someone he saw as his friend. He and Bollinger weren't even that close but he acted so regretful and disappointed

He wants to love. He reaches out so desperately to everyone around him. He reaches out to Kaz so much, everyone's analysed that to death, but he reaches out to EVERYONE. Everything about him is crafted so people will like him. The humour, the flirting, the style, the laid-back personality, it's all a way to present a version of himself that everyone will like. And it takes such a toll on him - we see that with his gambling and his intense self loathing - but he doesn't try to change it. Because he wants people to like him so much

Jesper's childhood was so full of love. His mum loved his dad, his dad loved his mum his mum loved him and his dad loved him. There wasn't a person in that house who didn't feel intensely, completely loved and accepted. Out of all the Crows, Jesper had the healthiest early childhood.

And then his mum died.

And he suddenly didn't feel so loved or accepted anymore. Not because of anything anyone did but because his mum's powers had killed her and her death ripped a huge rift through the family. Colm still loved Jesper but he was afraid for him. Afraid that his zowa would take Jesper from him like it took Aditi from him. So, Jesper learnt to hide that part of himself. He learnt that, in order to be loved, he had to hide parts of himself away. He had to hide his power, the dangerous part of himself, the part his mother had given to him.

Then, when he fell into the Barrel, he had to hide more of himself. I'm fairly certain he was only 15 when he dropped out of uni. He was incredibly young and probably absolutely terrified. And so many of the people around him were strong and apathetic and dangerous. So, again, Jesper learnt and he adapted. He's a master of change, he can create whatever image of himself he wants. He knows how to make people like him.

All because he wants to be loved. Because he wants to love. He trusts and loves people so implicitly, so quickly, he treasures his friends. He loves people so deeply and completely, verging on the edge of blindness. And people just don't give him that love and trust back. He fights for it. Every bullet out of his gun, every quip or insult or fist thrown is because he wants his friends to love him. He wants to be useful and needed and wanted. He's got such a hole in his heart, such a well of emptiness, that he doesn't let anyone see. Because if people know he's weak, if people know he's human, they won't like him anymore. If they know he's more (or less) than the jokes and the empty promises and the easy pick-up lines and the guns and the flash, they won't love him anymore and he will be completely, utterly alone with his thoughts

#six of crows #blaize rambles #blaize's thoughts #blaize's analysis #jesper fahey #soc #soc jesper fahey #soc jesper #jesper fahey analysis #jesper analysis #soc analysis #six of crows analysis #six of crows jesper #soc jesper analysis #six of crows jesper analysis

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mayfieldss · 2 months

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Till Death - Jesper Fahey

Warnings: Angst, mentions of violence, blood and main character death

Summary; The dregs are on a dangerous mission and there are no guarantees that you'll all make it out alive. Jesper loves you, and you love him, but sometimes that's not enough to save a life.

The sky was your first warning. Dark clouds rolled in, thunder shouting down at you as if pleading you to turn back. You had the chance to, but you would never take it. The risks were clear, set in front of you by Kaz Brekker a dozen times before this very day. This could be the last job your little crew would ever do.

Jesper walked beside you, the both of you falling behind the rest of the group. There was no doubt this was going to end in blood, and Jesper held your hand in his. He refused to let it go, a clear understanding between the two of you that not everyone was to make it out alive.

In truth, Jesper wanted to lock you up in your shared room of the slat and complete the job without the risk of losing you, but Kaz would have killed him for it before anyone even made it to the battlefield. The lot of you needed all the help you could get if this job was to have any semblance of success, keeping you out of the fight was a risk Kaz would not allow Jesper to take. You also never would have made this possible, even if Jesper used the strongest of chains to keep you in place, you would have found a way out. You would always find your way back to him.

"What are you thinking about?" Your voice is soft, melting like snow through the heavy thoughts that weigh Jesper down.

"You." He doesn't hesitate to say it, he never does. He made it his mission about a year ago, to be honest in always telling you how he felt, and what he thought. Most of the time it was a string of cheesy romantic comments that made you blush, but today the word he spoke held sadness.

"It's not too late to turn back, you know." Jesper glances over his shoulder, the gloomy street behind him staring back. He hears you chuckle, the sound so sweet and out of place. Jesper didn't think you belonged here, in the barrel. Of course, you fit in well enough, you were a dreg through and through, but Jesper thought you deserved more. He knew you deserved more. Your smile was unmatched by any toothless grin the other criminals could give him, and your laugh was a sound that shouldn't be drowned out by the sound of gunfire and curses.

"Turning back was never an option, Jes." You loop your arm through his as you walk and that's when it really hits him. The fact that he could lose you today, that fact that you could lose him. He stops pulling you back with him as he does. His eyes scan over you, furrowed brows causing concern within you.

"Promise we'll be okay." Jesper knows it's a stupid thing to ask, but he does it anyway, and when you nod a wave of relief crashes over his heart.

"No mourners, no funerals. You know that Jes." A gentle smile graces your lips, one that you try to maintain but can't. You both know it's not as easy as a promise, and balancing all hope on such a fragile thing is more dangerous than one can bare to think about, but you do it anyway.

"I promise, you Jesper Fahey, that we will be okay."

Your friends are far ahead of you by now, and you'll have to run to catch up very soon, but Jesper doesn't let that stop him from kissing you. His lips meet yours in a desperately sad kiss as if sealing the deal between you that you'll both make it out alive. When he pulls back from you he brushes a hand over your cheek. "No mourners, no funerals."

The battle was bloody, and the deal Kaz had intended to make hadn't gone as planned. Bullets were flying, knives were being thrown and the shouting that ensued as both sides of the fight tried to communicate with their allies was almost incomprehensible.

"Jesper," his name is left hanging in the air as you say it, your voice taking a change in tone as you collapse to the ground. It's sudden, and Jesper hardly has time to react, but when he sees the blood, everything around him begins to blur.

He's not sure what to do. He's not medic, and while he's patched up cuts and scrapes before, this seems beyond his expertise. He's pulled your limp body behind cover, and he sits with you now, unsure and afraid. He doesn't think he has the right to be. He's not the one that's dying so he shouldn't be scared, but the concept of losing you is worse than the possibility he could die himself.

"Are you comfortable?" he knows that's most important now because he knows he can't save you. He wants to, but he can't. He also knows it's a stupid question, because how can one be comfortable with a bullet lodged in their abdomen.

"I've been shot, Jes." You laugh, though it falls from you as more of a cough. "It's not exactly a spa day."

He's glad you still have enough fight in you to joke, and as the battle rages around your hiding place he watches your breathing slow.

"But I'm as comfortable as I can be. Thank you for being with me." you try for a smile, but Jesper struggles to send you one back. He manages, weakly, and feels the pull of the sobs he's holding back in his chest.

"My pleasure, love." he doesn't know if that's true. He doesn't find pleasure in being here, watching you slip away from him bit by bit, but he supposes it's better than not being able to say goodbye.

"I love you." he whispers, wanting you to know one last time. He wants you to hear him say it, but you're already gone. He doesn't realize at first, until he takes in your features. Your eyes look empty now, void of any feeling or pain, and your chest doesn't move an inch for any kind of breath. He calls your name softly, shaking your now relaxed body in his arms. You don't stir.

you never will again.

AN: I-T-G-I-R-L you know i am that gurl

GENERAL TAGLIST: @heliads @candywh0r3 @caplanreadss @hiya-itsamber @s00buwu

GRISHAVERSE TAGLIST: @avyannadawn

JESPER FAHEY TAGLIST: @karamarie2

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moonshine999 · 8 months

Text

The Crows as Taylor Swift albums (pt.3)

because sleep and sanity are out the fucking window

Jesper Fahey : 1989

🎞️ “Everybody here was someone else before // And you can want who you want // Boys and boys and girls and girls” - Welcome To New York

🎞️ “Nice to meet you, where you been? // I could show you incredible things // Magic, madness, heaven, sin // Saw you there and I thought // “Oh, my God, look at that face // You look like my next mistake // Love's a game, wanna play?"” - Blank Space

🎞️ “And when we go crashing down, we come back every time // ‘Cause we never go out of style, we never go out of style” - Style

🎞️ “You took a Polaroid of us // Then discovered (Then discovered) // The rest of the world was black and white // But we were in screaming colour” - Out of the Woods

🎞️ “I said, "No one has to know what we do" // His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room // And his voice is a familiar sound” - Wildest Dreams

🎞️ “Tossing, turning // Struggled through the night with someone new // And I could go on and on, on and on // Lantern, burning // Flickered in the night, only you // But you were still gone, gone, gone” - This Love

🎞️ “Just grab my hand and don't ever drop it // My love // They are the hunters, we are the foxes // And we run” - I Know Places

🎞️ “Ten months sober, I must admit // Just because you're clean, don't mean you don't miss it // Ten months older, I won't give in //Now that I'm clean, I'm never gonna risk it“ - Clean

🎞️ “Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds? // Ooh, didn't it all seem new and exciting? //I felt your arms twistin' around me” - Wonderland

🎞️ “No proof, one touch // But you felt enough // You can hear it in the silence, silence, you // You can feel it on the way home, way home, you // You can see it // with the lights out, lights out // You are in love, true love” - You Are In Love

🎞️ “You keep his shirt // He keeps his word // And for once, you let go // Of your fears and your ghosts // One step, not much // But it said enough” - You Are In Love

🎞️ “And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars // And why I've spent my whole life tryin' to put it into words” - You Are In Love

🎞️ “‘Cause baby, I could build a castle // Out of all the bricks they threw at me // And every day is like a battle // But every night with us is like a dream // It's poker // He can't see it in my face // But I'm about to play my Ace (ah) // We need love // But all we want is danger // We team up // Then switch sides like a record changer // The rumors are terrible and cruel //But honey, most of them are true” - New Romantics

🎞️ “Baby, we're the new romantics // Come on, come along with me // Heartbreak is the national anthem // We sing it proudly // We are too busy dancing // To get knocked off our feet // Baby, we're the new romantics // The best people in life are free” - New Romantics

Wylan Van Eck Hendriks : Evermore

🍂 “You know that my train could take you home // Anywhere else is hollow // Begging for you to take my hand // Wreck my plans // That's my man” - willow

🍂 “How evergreen, our group of friends // Don't think we'll say that word again // And soon thev'll have the nerve to deck the halls // That we once walked through” - champagne problems

🍂 “I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush // I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch // Everybody wants you // Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you // Walk past, quick brush // I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush // I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush // Everybody wants you” - gold rush

🍂 “I notice everything you do or don't do // You're so much older and wiser, and I // I wait by the door like I'm just a kid // Use my best colors for your portrait // Lay the table with the fancy shit // And watch you tolerate it // If it's all in my head, tell me now // Tell me I've got it wrong somehow // I know my love should be celebrated // But you tolerate it” - tolerate it

🍂 “He reports his missing wife // And I noticed when I passed his house his truck has got some brand new tires // And his mistress moved in // Sleeps in Este's bed and everything // No, there ain't no doubt // Somebody's gotta catch him out” - no body, no crime

🍂 “Showed you all of my hiding spots // I was dancing when the music stopped// And in the disbelief // I can't face reinvention // I haven't met the new me yet “ - happiness

🍂 “Break my soul in two looking for you // But you're right here // If I can't relate to you anymore // Then who am I related to?” - coney island

🍂”You're a cowboy like me // Perched in the dark // Telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear // Like it could be love // I could be the way forward // Only if they pay for it” - cowboy like me

🍂 “When I dropped my sword // I threw it in the bushes and knocked on your door // And we live in peace // But if someone comes at us // This time, I'm ready” - long story short

🍂 “Long story short, it was a bad time // Long story short, I survived” - long story short

🍂 “‘Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me // Watched as you signed your name Marjorie // All your closets of backlogged dreams // And how you left them all to me” - marjorie

🍂 “You're alive, so alive // And if I didn't know better // I'd think you were singing to me now // If I didn't know better // I'd think you were still around” - marjorie

🍂 “It cut deep to know ya // Right to the bone // Yes, I got your letter // Yes, I'm doing better // I know that it's over // I don't need your closure” - closure

🍂 “And when I was shipwrecked (can't think of all the cost) // I thought of you (all the things that will be lost now) // In the cracks of light (can we just get a pause?) // I dreamed of you (to be certain we'll be tall again)” - evermore

🍂 “Sometimes giving up is the strong thing // Sometimes to run is the brave thing // Sometimes walking out is the one thing // That will find you the right thing” - it’s time to go

🍂 “Now he sits on his throne in his palace of bones // Praying to his greed // He's got my past frozen behind glass // But I've got me” - it’s time to go

(Kaz, Inej, Matthias and Nina are already posted)

#grishaverse #six of crows #wylan hendriks #wylan van eck #wylan van sunshine #wylan x jesper #jesper fahey #taylor swift #swifties #evermore #1989 #love the fact that my otp is #Completely in line with my two favourite albums #who would have thunk it #otp #wesper #the crows as taylor swift albums

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in-my-feels-probably · 1 month

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Empyrean - Chapter Eleven (Kaz Brekker x OC)

Chapter 11

Shu Han was nothing like Elham had imagined it to be.

The major cities were a lot like Ketterdam in a way, only much more clean and a lot less dangerous. The merchants were friendly when they wanted you to give them your money, and the tourists were just as gullible and wide eyed walking around as they were in Ketterdam. Only, she doubted that gullibleness got them pickpocketed and robbed like it would back home. The one major difference she noticed was how many public places for memorials and prayer there were. They most certainly would have gone to waste in Ketterdam. The city was far too corrupted and casual about death for places like that to be necessary.

When they came across one of the memorials in Bhez Ju, Tolya and Inej knelt down to pray. Reluctantly, Zoya followed their lead and knelt as well. Nina hovered behind them, curious, while Kaz, Jesper, Wylan, and Elham stood on the other side of the street to wait till they were done.

When Elham looked over at Kaz, he had an impatient look on his face that made her snicker. “Not one for prayer, boss?”

“Not one for wasting time.”

“It’s not wasting time to them,” Elham shrugged, watching Tolya stand. “Not all of us get by on spite and sheer will. Some of us need faith.”

Kaz raised an unamused brow. “Us? Are you religious now?”

“Well, I considered asking the Saints to burn my eyes out of my head after I walked in on Jesper and Wylan in their cabin. And I did actually pray for one of them to gain the wisdom of learning to lock the door.”

The color immediately drained from Wylan’s face as he looked back and forth between Jesper and Elham slack jawed and wide eyed. The two couldn’t resist laughing, leaning into each other for support while they giggled amongst themselves. Wylan just watched with a red face, pouting.

“Cheer up, love,” Elham finally grinned, pinching his cheek. “You’re in one of the capitals of the world for explosive shit. I’m sure we can find you something to brighten up your day. Just like candy, yeah?”

“I want candy!” Jesper piped in, making Elham roll her eyes.

Kaz rolled his eyes too, completely ignoring the conversation happening next to him and walking away after he glanced down at his watch. “The tea shop should be open now.”

“We’ll get you some candy, Jesper,” Elham added, turning to Tolya as he approached the group. “Tolya, Wylan has a question for you about…things to blow shit up? Bombs? Explosives? Gunpowder? I don’t know, uh—Wylan, you’re up.”

He nodded, taking over. “I was looking to buy some firing powders. Could you show me around?”

Elham patted Jesper on the shoulder, nodding for him to follow. “You like shopping. Go shop!”

“Are you trying to get rid of me, darling?” he asked, smirking down at her. “Or is it the tension between you and lover boy over there I’ve felt since before we got on the boat that you don’t want me meddling in?”

Elham could feel her cheeks flush, and if looks could kill, Jesper would be six feet under. He was quick to recover, cautiously patting her arm as he turned to follow the boys.

“You know what? I do like shopping, I think I’ll just go with them. I’ll snag you something nice, love,” he muttered quickly, scurrying off after Wylan and Tolya.

Elham scoffed, following in the direction Kaz went.

As far as she was concerned, this was a stupid plan. Nina and Kaz were posing as a husband and wife in the market for rare items to add to their collection. At least this plan doesn’t include me in an obscenely ugly dress playing the role of a wife this time, Elham thought to herself. Instead, she’d be on the rooftops with Inej as a second lookout. It was very likely that Ohval could already smell a rat, and she’d have a crew of her own masquerading as locals. Kaz figured Elham’s talents were better suited to assisting Inej. Besides, Nina was much more knowledgeable on the topic than she was, she knew the culture and the language—and she was a much better actress.

Inej and Elham watched from afar as Ohval sat with Nina and Kaz at their table. They were too far to hear what was being said, but it seemed to be going as well as it could. Nina knew the customs, and she led Kaz through them as nonchalantly as she could without blowing their cover. He appeared to be making it a difficult task for her.

Elham’s stomach dropped as she watched him pull his gloves off. “Oh, shit.”

“He’ll be fine,” Inej whispered, still on lookout. “He always is.”

Elham nodded, but she watched with a pit in her stomach. The three continued to talk, Nina more so than Kaz. He let her talk while he watched, assessing the situation. Elham and Inej watched for a few moments more, when Ohval abruptly stood up and walked away. Kaz moved to follow her, when one of the serving ladies crossed into his path and sloshed tea from the pot she was carrying all over his torso. He quickly stopped in his tracks, hunching over as he sucked in air.

Inej reached a hand over, wrapping it around Elham’s wrist before she could go to him as she spoke in a hushed whisper. “Wait! Give him a minute, let him decide what to do.”

Before she could say something else to try and reassure Elham, Nina unknowingly placed a hand over Kaz’s bare one when he leaned onto the table for support. He quickly recoiled, stumbling back with wide eyes and heaving breaths as he staggered towards the exit. Elham watched in horror, quickly turning to Inej who would be much quicker to get down and reach him than she would.

“Please help him,” she stuttered out, already sliding down the wall to grab the gloves Kaz had accidentally abandoned on the table. “Please.”

Inej quickly nodded, already gone by the time Elham made it down to the ground. Elham didn’t waste a second as she quickly grabbed the gloves from the table, leaving a bewildered and confused Nina calling after her. She didn’t look back, sprinting out the exit in the direction Kaz had fled. She frantically pushed through the crowd, letting out heavy pants as she kept running until she spotted Inej come up behind Kaz. She quickly and carefully wrapped her arms around his waist, quickly pulling him back from the crowd and into a small and narrow alley. Elham made it just in time to watch him collapse onto the ground, flattening himself up against the wall. She felt her chest tighten as he made himself small, his wild eyes glued to the cobblestone as he gasped for air. Inej was still crouched on the ground at his eye level.

“You were supposed to follow her,” Kaz finally choked out, clutching his cane with a white knuckle grip.

“I told her to go to you,” Elham quickly defended, crouching down next to Inej. “You can’t seriously have expected us to leave you like this?”

Knowing he was safe, Inej quickly stood to go back to the tea shop to finish what she could of the mission and to fill Nina in, leaving Elham and Kaz alone in the alley. Elham slowly lowered herself all the way to the ground till she was sitting parallel with Kaz, tossing him his gloves. He quickly scooped them up, clutching them to his chest like his life depended on it. His breathing was still ragged, and he refused to look at her.

Elham gave him another moment, before quietly speaking. “Kaz?”

He gave no answer, but the way he stilled was indication enough that he was listening. He kept his gaze on the floor, but he seemed to have calmed down enough to the point where he wasn’t shaking anymore. His jaw was clenched tight. Elham swallowed, watching him with wary eyes.

“Can I do anything?” she finally asked, watching him tug at his wet shirt that was sticking to him. “I can try warming you up some.”

Kaz considered it for a moment, weighing the consequences. But no matter what he came up with, none of it compared to walking through the crowded streets with a cold wet shirt clinging to him until it either dried on its own, or he wasted time going to change it. He could feel the waters rising as bile crept up his throat, and he had to breathe deep to keep himself from vomiting all over the cobblestone. He risked a glance over at Elham, seeing the concerned look on her face as she waited for him to answer her. His face softened ever so slightly, and he felt himself ease, if only for a moment. Finally, he gave her a curt nod.

Elham scooted close enough that he was within arms length, and he watched her silently as she rubbed her hands together, letting heat pool in her palms and along her fingertips. She carefully hovered her hands over his torso, careful not to touch him.

Neither of them made eye contact as she worked. They both held their breath practically the entire time until she finished. Elham cleared her throat, quickly standing up and turning around to give him a little space and privacy. Kaz used the opportunity to pull his gloves back on, using his cane to support his weight as he pulled himself to his feet.

It was quiet until Elham heard him speak over her shoulder in a low tone. “You should have listened to me and stuck to the plan.”

Elham scoffed, rolling her eyes as she spoke over her shoulder. “You’re welcome, Kaz.”

She tried to walk away, but he was quick to hook the beak of the crow’s head on the pommel of his cane around her ankle, stopping her in his tracks. It was quiet another moment until she felt him shuffling behind her. Suddenly, she felt a slow tap at the base of her ankle with the end of his cane.

Her breath hitched in her throat.

It had been so long since he’d done that–she’d nearly forgotten how weak in the knees it could make her. She stayed quiet until he slowly withdrew, the cane tapping the cobblestone as he placed it back at his side.

“Thank you, El,” he forced himself to mutter.

She could hear the sincerity in his voice. Taking a breath, she glanced over her shoulder to meet his gaze already staring intensely at her. He gave her a nod, which she slowly returned.

—

Everyone eventually met in a cafe a few hours later to regroup and go over a plan and anything discovered. They sat around a table, sharing what they knew about Ohval and her operation as the Disciple. The more they talked about it, the more everyone realized just how difficult this job was going to be.

“So, she can control her heart rate and her emotions,” Tolya thought out loud, pacing around the room.

“Clearly she has the blade,” Elham added, motioning towards Kaz. “And she had one of the waitresses spill tea on him to keep him from pursuing her. She knows we’re all thieves, and buying her out won’t work. We have to take it—but she knows we’re coming.”

Kaz nodded. “After Nina and I ordered tea, I had Inej follow the tea shop employee who was sent to notify Ohval.” “She lives just outside the city,” Inej informed. “When she stopped at the tea shop, she placed an order at the apothecary that she’ll be picking up tonight. I watched her at home for a while, no one came or went except her.”

Kaz nodded once more, beginning to delegate instructions to everyone about their role they’d have at getting inside Ohval’s house to retrieve the blade while she was kept away. The Crows were quick to accept their positions, but Zoya wasn’t as accommodating. She scoffed when Kaz said she’d help get everyone inside the house, voicing her distaste.

“I’m a soldier, not a thief. Why else would I need you criminals? I’ll go with Nina.”

Kaz sighed, going along with the change of plans. He continued delegating instructions until everyone was clear on what to do, and then the plan was set into motion. By nightfall, everyone was in position. Nina and Zoya tailed Ohval, making sure to keep an eye on her while everyone else gathered at the house.

“This house is traditional,” Tolya explained once they got close, drawing a map in the dirt with a stick and pointing to each section as he spoke. “It has a specific layout. We enter through the front courtyard, antechamber, middle courtyard, main chamber.”

Kaz nodded, turning to Wylan. “We sweep the entirety. How long will it take you to set up?”

“I can have the door open in about five minutes, and if Ohval trips it, we have two minutes before the firecrackers go off to get out,” he explained as he rigged a device on the door.

Inej interrupted, her tone commanding. “Even if she returns prematurely, we cannot leave without the blade.”

“It’s not just the future of Ravka at stake here,” Tolya added, trying to convey the importance of the mission. “If we fail, Shu Han, Fjerda, Ketterdam, and beyond…they'll feel the weight of the Darkling bare down on them.”

Fear struck in Elham’s heart at the mention of the Darkling’s name. She tensed, clenching her hands into fists at her side. Failing was not an option. She’d gladly give her life and die trying to retrieve the blade to save Ravka before letting the Darkling hold all the power for even a second. No matter what it cost her, she’d pay the price—he could never be allowed to have that kind of power again.

“I suggest you pick that lock faster, boss,” Elham chimed in, watching Kaz work. “No time to waste, right?” As if on cue, the lock made a clicking sound. Kaz nodded, slowly opening the door. Tolya was right about the layout of the house. The first set of doors revealed a garden and hanging lanterns in the corner, followed by another pair of locked doors on the opposite end. The group slowly stepped inside, cautiously approaching the second set of doors while Wylan knelt to grab supplies from his bag. Jesper knelt next to him, speaking in a hushed whisper.

Elham watched curiously as the two began to apparently argue. Jesper’s face contorted in pain as he continued to speak, making Elham frown until Kaz pulled him from the conversation with Wylan by calling him over.

“Jesper! We’re going in. Close the doors behind you.”

Jesper quickly crossed the courtyard, abandoning the conversation with Wylan. Elham’s frown deepened as he approached her, emotion written on his face. She gingerly reached for his hand, giving it a squeeze.

“Are you alright?” she asked quietly, leaning her shoulder into his side. “You look upset.”

“I’m fine,’ he muttered, but his grip on her hand said otherwise.

Elham decided to let it go for now, nodding as she stepped into the next section of the house with him. It was a small room, low lit with lanterns similar to the courtyard. As the group slowly filed in, Tolya’s brow scrunched in confusion.

“I sense a heartbeat.”

Jesper squeezed Elham’s hand again. “I thought the compound was empty.”

Tolya shook his head. “It’s faint. Further in the house.”

He stepped forward to get a better read, cocking his head as he listened intently. He took another step forward when part of the floor suddenly pressed in, and Elham realized in horror that he’d just stepped into a trap, triggering some sort of silent alarm system. The doors they’d stepped through slammed shut behind them, despite Tolya and Inej’s best efforts to pry them back open. A panic washed over the group as they quickly looked around for a way to escape, now on guard.

Tolya tried kicking the door down, whereas Inej drew her knives to try and stab through the reinforced screen. Ellham quickly reached for her own sword, pulling it from its sheath. She swung hard, trying to cut through both the screen and the handle, but it was no use. The screen was impenetrable.

They were trapped.

“The frames are made of metal,” Kaz said, tapping on the doors with his cane.

Jesper nodded, feeling along the paneling. “They’re Durast made.”

Suddenly, an hour glass full of sand mounted on the wall flipped over, and the sand began slowly but steadily filling up the empty half. Mechanisms inside the door started moving, and the group could hear gears turning. Then, a red mist-like smoke came out of dispensers just above the lanterns, filling the room.

“What is that?” Elham yelled, quickly covering her mouth and nose with her sleeve. “Don’t breathe it in!”

But there was nothing that could be done. There was just too much smoke, and it was filling their noses and stinging their eyes, choking them. Scattered coughs could be heard around the room as everyone tried their best not to breathe it in. “This is it,” Jesper choked out, coughing. “This is how we die!”

“Jesper, stop it!” Elham tried to choke out, but she couldn’t get the words out before her knees buckled, and she crashed to the floor.

Jesper was quick to follow her, letting out a wheeze as his legs gave out from under him. He stumbled, landing next to her. Elham watched with wild eyes as Tolya sat on the floor, taking a deep breath as he tried to slow his own heartbeat.

Jesper was right—this was it. This is how they’d die. Elham’s mind raced as she thought of Nina and Zoya out on the streets. What happened to them? Did Ohval get to them too? What would happen if they didn’t get the blade in time to Alina? Surely she’d fail, despite her strength, and the Darkling would rule once again. He’d weaponize the fold just as he planned, and there’d be no one left strong enough to stop him. All because Elham couldn’t pull herself up from the floor to think long enough to come up with a plan to get her friends out of this. Instead, she’d watch helplessly as they choked on the floor next to her, desperately gasping for air. It was all for nothing. Everything they’d gone through, everything they’d sacrificed, everything they’d done to get this far—it meant nothing.

Inej crumbled next, the thud from her hitting the floor pulling Elham from her thoughts. Her eyes strained as she glanced around the room to find that Kaz was the only one left standing, albeit barely.

No, she thought, tears welling in her eyes. Not him. Please not him. Anyone but him.

His eyes locked with hers as she reached a shaky hand towards him. “Kaz…”

I’m sorry, she wanted to say. I’m so sorry.

A look of despair crossed his face before he crumbled too, falling straight onto his back as he let out a strained gasp.

With her last bit of strength, Elham forced herself to roll onto her stomach. She let out a choked breath as she looked for Tolya, finding him still leaning against the wall, clutching at his chest. She pounded her fist on the floor, trying to get his attention. He let out another choked breath, looking over at her.

“Wylan!” She choked out, her vision clouding and her chest tightening. “Get…g-get Wylan.”

Her throat constricted before she could choke out another word, and the last thing she heard before her vision went black was the sound of an office door opening, and a cane tapping along the floorboards of the Crow Club.

— A/N - Hi! I’m so sorry it’s been so long, I’ve just had no motivation to write anything. I’ve had a lot going on, and after the show was canceled, I kinda gave up on this fic. But I’ve been thinking about it and missing this fic, so I figured I’d try again. I’m sorry if my writing is rusty or if something is wrong with this chapter, I just figured I'd get something out for anyone interested. As always, comments, questions, feedback, etc., are all appreciated, and thank you for supporting my work! I hope everyone is doing good! I’ll hopefully be back with another update soon :)

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its-all-ineffable · 4 months

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This looks fun, here we go! Thanks for the tag @fandomsmeantheworldtome!

My top ten characters of 2023 (2023 Character Wrap)

Alex Claremont-Diaz, Red, White & Royal Blue: Listen, who couldn't love Alex? Both book and movie him are treasures but I'm mainly focusing on movie Alex. Like...who said he was allowed to be that pretty?! He's so aesthetically pleasing it's almost annoying. I love him very much.

Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor(Hanover-Stuart-Fox), Red, White & Royal Blue: You can't have one without the other! Henry is just so precious to me, book and movie Henry both. But movie Henry's pathetic wet cat energy has capitivated me. What can I say, I love big sad eyes. He's babygirl.

Nick Nelson, Heartstopper: Listen...listen. I love 'em all. I do! The main group of this show are all my children, and I adore them. Charlie and Tara a lil' bit more. But Nick has a special place in my heart that I can't explain. I love him so much.

Jesper Fahey, Shadow & Bone/Six of Crows: I only got into the show and books this year (yes I'm devastated it's gone), but they're both soooo good! And Jesper is just the best, like, he's so funny and complex and badass. I love him very much.

Wylan Hendriks, Shadow & Bone/Six of Crows: They're cutie pies, book and show Wylan. They're also dangerous badasses and sassy to boot. I love them both, but I fell in love with show Wylan first and honestly, I'll never look back. How can I.

15th Doctor, Doctor Who: So far we have had about 20 minutes of the 15th Doctor, and I am already in love with them. IN LOVE. I just...I am so ready for their series, and I can't WAIT for the Christmas special!

Muriel, Good Omens: How could anyone hate this bean?! Honestly a fantastic addition to the cast of characters in this show, and definitely a breakout star to me! I hope Muriel returns for season 3 because they truly were a delight, anytime they were on screen.

Jaskier, The Witcher: In it's last season (to me), The Witcher finally decided to give Jaskier the respect he deserves. As always, his songs were fantastic and his character being in it prompted me to watch spin-off Blood Origin (which I loved!). Jaskier has been my character since I began watching The Witcher, and he remains my character.

Eddie Kaspbrak, IT franchise: Fell deep back into my IT hyperfixation and actaully managed to write loads of my fix-it fic I started back in 2019. Both young Eddie from 2017 IT and adult Eddie from the 1990 movie are my babies, I adore them both. Eddie Kaspbrak is just such a fun and interesting character, especially to write!

Inej Ghafa, Shadow & Bone/Six of Crows: Yes I know, the 3rd character from this show/book series. But I can't help it, I only discovered it this year! Inej is a wonderfully complex, tragic yet strong character, and I wish the show had time to explore her and her story more. She's fabulous, and brought to life so wonderfully by Amita Suman.

Tagging (no pressure): @peacockfeatherbookmarks @mxliv-oftheendless @lunarmultishine @lonelygodsmuse @sunshinereddie @fanboy-sloth @sparklespirit @gobblegang @every-aj-needs-an-angel @hcarshipper @theredrenard @xstick-noodlesx @virginiaisforvampires @thefairylights and anyone else who wants too!

#character wrap 2023 #character game #top characters of 2023 #tag game

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lizajane2 · 1 year

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Shadow and Bone 1x03

That’s one beautiful deer…

Genya: “Have you ever bathed?” 🤣🤣 Love her already!!

“I’d start by making her eyes less Shu,” yeah and you know while you’re at it Genya maybe you can get rid of that woman’s mouth.

Nina I barely know her and already she’s pretty fucking amazing. She’s a Heartrender... the power to destroy someone’s internal organs is pretty fucking scary.

Kaz is reminding me of Thomas Shelby… they both are similar in personality and equally handsome.

“Jesper just the coal. No detours.” Not even a minute later gambles their money… he’s something else!

Zoya, because she’s jealous:

Kaz holding a goat.. 🥺🥺 “don’t get attached” too late, it’s cute!!

Inej pouring out her heart about her parents and wanting to find them and Kaz’s response: “Hope is dangerous. It clouds your judgement.” Kaz, my darling, we need to work on your comforting skills.

Seriously though what’s up with the goat?

“Slight snag in the plan.”

“We know you gambled it away.”

“I lost a little bit of the money… I lost all of the money.” 🤣🤣 “I managed to steal 20 lbs of alabaster coal.”

“There’s only 16 pounds.”

“Can we do it on 16?”

“It’s never been done before.”

This plan has gone to hell. 🤣🤣

The King’s Spiritual advisor in the library gives me the absolute creeps. “I want us to be friends. It is important that we are friends.”

“Are you mute girl?” “And you have to be told a thing to believe it?” “Everyone believes that you are the one. Come back when you believe it too.” I love Baghra.

“The tracks are not complete.” This plan of Kaz’s just goes from bad to worse to absolutely awful.

“There’s a nest of volcra near by.” Now it’s just skipped awful to a down right life threatening terrible plan. As it was from the beginning but still.

“I’m not throwing out the goat!”

“The goat is for you!” 🤣🤣 this is so chaotic. I’m loving every minute of it!

If I’m no one’s truth north and you’re not mine then I don’t want it. Period.

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone season 1 #alina starkov #baghra morozova #kaz brekker #jesper fahey #inej ghafa

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manddor · 2 years

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hi darling! can i request a kaz brekker x reader where it’s like the 4 times that y/n gave kaz brekker flowers and the one time kaz brekker gave her flowers !! just thought it would be a cute idea and with your writing skills, i’m sure it’s gonna be brilliant <33

hello my love! thanks for the request <3 hope you like it

kaz brekker x grisha!reader

writer’s note: this one is really short, but i love that way.

words count: 530

warnings: none, just pure fluff

my favorite flower

you were walking down the streets of ketterdam. kaz would probably be mad with you because it was late and you all know how this city could be dangerous… especially for a grisha like you and kaz’s favorite partner.

but at this time you enjoyed going to a marketplace to buy kaz a flower. loving him meant that you couldn’t show your love with hugs, kisses, and holding hands. you weren’t complaining though, you fell in love with him at these conditions.

it was your fourth time buying them. you loved to see his face while you give him the flowers. kaz always tried to hide his little smirk and that made you happy for the rest of the week.

“hello, y/n!” the old man from the flower shop greeted you. “the usual?”

“mm, i was thinking of something more peaceful today. nothing red, blue or purple.” you said. “we had a rough day today”

“your favorite flowers arrived today. we have purple, red, pink, orange and white!” he said showing you beautiful tulips. “but i guess that you should buy those cute daisies”

“yeah, i guess he’ll like it. even though i want to buy all of your flowers, sydney. i’m feeling happy today” you said giving him the money.

“i bet that you’re going to feel happier sooner.” he said.

“what do you mean?”

“oh nothing, nothing. it’s just a feeling” sydney said laughing. you got confused but you left the shop going to the crow club.

when you arrived you saw jesper at the door playing with his favorite toys - his guns. “hello my love” you kissed his cheeks.

“hey, love. beautiful flowers, huh?” he winked.

you entered at the club, listening to a loud music, seeing a lot of people drinking, playing cards, and laughing. you loved your home. “night, rotty!”

“night, y/n! the boss is in there” he pointed to his room which you happily entered.

“hello, kaz” you said with the flowers behind your back. he was reading something but his eyes quickly found yours.

“hey, y/n” the boy seemed a little nervous.

“anything wrong?”

“ye… no! nothing wrong.” he said getting up and walking to you. “i just needed to give you something.”

he opened his closet and took beautiful tulips. you were shocked. it wasn’t just one. it was a bouquet, filled with the colors that sydney showed you.

“for you” he said, his cheeks getting redder than tomatoes. you could feel his heartbeat racing, he probably was going to have a heart attack. “that man told me tulips were your favorites”

“saints, kaz!” you were still speechless. “i love it so much. thank you!” you took your flowers. “i brought yours as well”

he smiled. “thank you, y/n. i’m really lucky to have you in my life”

“yeah, you’re a lucky bastard, kaz!” you laughed. “but i’m as well. i’ll be here forever… i’m all yours, mr. brekker”

he smiled and turned around to finish his work. you sat on his couch, smelling your tulips. his eyes followed every movement of your body and you couldn’t hear but he whispered slowly and truly “i love you, my favorite flower”.

taglist: @kazscrow (let me know if you want to be tagged)

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker headcanons #grishaverse #six of crows #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker angst #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker fluff #flowers #crooked kingdom #jesper fahey #inej ghafa #nina zenik

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rcksmith · 3 years

Text

Desire — Kaz Brekker

(Photo not mine)

Requests: “Hello there! I've been around this blog for a bit now and you are an amazing writer! I was wondering if you would be ok with doing something with 21 28 & 29 from the smut prompts and kaz brekker? If you are uncomfortable please just ignore this!”

“Kaz brekker Smut prompts 28 66?? Love you💖!!”

“I can request Kaz smut prompts 29?❤️”

Smut prompts:

21. “Look at you, I’ve only started using my fingers and you’re already shaking.”

28. “Such a needy little thing, aren’t you?”

29. “I didn’t know you were so sensitive.”

66. “You know I don’t like to be teased.”

Couple: Kaz Brekker/ Fem!Reader

Warnings: swearing, mention of shot, mention of desire, desire, mention of smut, explicit smut, NSFW.

Word count: 3k

A/N: All smut requests for Kaz must follow these rules.

I hope you like💕 English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Requests are open. Love you ❤️

— — — —

There was something about you. Something impossible to decipher, with a glow hovering around you like a electrical energy. Wrapping your whole body in a cloak of magnetism. There was something about the way you spoke, walked, laugh. Something about what it was like to be you, in your beauty and mysteries like a sphinx.

Something that made Kaz Brekker completely furious.

You couldn't be more distorted from the image, in Kaz's mind, than what was to be a peaceful woman. Calm, controled, with steel emotions and wit in eyes. Someone who, like him, knew how to dance the waltz of negotiation, manipulation, who could blend in with the shadows and know the best time to listen more than speak.

You were not like Inej, you were not like Jesper. Hell, you were like nobody Kaz has known in all of his 28 years.

Nothing reminiscent of calm and control would be used to describe what it meant to be you.

Your soul are stormy, loud, obstinate, too stubborn and too talkative. You needed to speak loudly, laugh, move, expose your opinions to the seven winds and to whoever listened the most. You needed to question, inquire, doubt and test the limits of any situation. A direct order for you would be an affront to your free and independent spirit. A command that would curtail your freedom or tame your strong genius was almost like an invitation for you to do exactly the opposite of what they had ordered you to do.

So, for a man of trained reasoning, subtly balanced world, and who was used to his every command being followed vehemently and promptly in blind obedience, such a personality like you was like introducing a disturbing factor capable of shaking all his judgments. Sand in a watch, or stone in a shoe, would be no more a nuisance than a strong nature like your.

The extraordinary stubbornness and mania to counter his orders - when, in your words, they were unreasonable - had made you different from all the women Brekker had ever met. Kaz liked challenges and responsibilities, a good puzzle, but you were on a level far beyond that.

You were a danger to his peace of mind. And you knew that. All his aversion to your indomitable spirit only served as fuel for your own mission in to piss him off. Few men were like Kaz Brekker, you knew that, with a strength of character too powerful to be ignored. He was not just comfortable in his position of authority as he was obviously unable to act in any other way than as a leader. His stoic figure and always so contained in a wall of indifference made you want to ruffle his hair to see if you could remove any emotion. And being a girl who hasn't always liked leaders, Kaz Brekker was a huge temptation. Few moments had been better than those that you managed to piss him off beyond what he could handle.

However, all the reasons why the two of you were so exasperating for each other, did not explain why the air crackled in ambiguity when your eyes met. The hemisphere was adorned in a thought-provoking, poignant veil, like a warm honey flowing down its throat, and there was something else in the way blood flowed like flames of fire through veins of you two.

Jesper said that the sexual tension between you was so tangible that it could be cut by one of Inej's knives, but you refused to think of Kaz that way. At least until that moment.

Not pure images of what the infamous Brekker could do to you between four walls swept you like the strong Arabian wind. Making you be surprisingly breathless. Kaz was not a man whose private life was exposed, nor was he involved with many women, but you have heard two or three of them when they were drunk saying that Kaz Brekker in the room could be incendiary.

Everyone knew that his touch reserve didn't limit him to anything, but that his job was at the top of the priority list and that sexual encounters were almost never on that list.

"It was not my fault!” Jesper defended himself one night, slightly drunk, sitting at the club's round table next to the other crows “I didn't know he was married to another man! That damn pretty face seduced me!”

"Did he seduce you?" You asked, skeptical and playful.

"I swear to God! And it had been a long time since I had sex with anyone, and I went… ”

“But you did sex last week." Inej laughed, chocked.

"Exactly!" Jesper said, as if he were obvious.

You laughed with your beer glass in your hand, taking another sip.

“Is a week a long time to not sleep with anyone?" Matthias retorted, trying not to laugh.

“Are you going to tell me that is not?” Jesper and Nina spoke at the same time.

“If a man has time for sex more than once a week, he clearly doesn't have much to do. And I'm sure I gave Jesper a lot of tasks that would keep him busy.” Kaz narrowed his eyes at his friend, and Jesper hid his guilt behind the rim of his beer glass, looking to the side.

"So you are saying that you are a very busy man?" You teased, trying not to laugh at the scathing look Kaz sent you.

"I disagree. The values of hard work and discipline cannot match the hot body of a woman in bed.” Matthias said, exchanging a brief conspiratorial look with Nina, who winked at him.

"There are more important things." Said Kaz.

"Like what?" You rested your chin on the back of the hand whose elbow was on the table, the playful look of a rebellious student.

"Progress." Kaz held your gaze.

He wasn't going to take your bait. But you didn't give up easy.

"Tell me, if God gave you a deal: all the hunger in the world would be extinguished in exchange for you never being able to have sex again, what would you choose?" your eyes had a teasing feline glow.

At that moment, Kaz felt a shiver up the back of his neck, like a warm breath of autumn. Something crawled, like a snake, across his rib cage and down to his groin, pumping blood like fire through his veins.

He held your gaze, but the feline glow in your eyes promised to contain the most ardent sins. Suddenly, Kaz's mind was flooded by the wave of obscene images of you, on his bed; moaning, squirming, shouting his name and being very obedient with every order he gave you.

He would make you such a good girl...

"I don't believe in God." He replied succinctly, the predator's eyes still in your eyes audacious feline's.

A big, satisfied smile spread across your face, and you said: "As I thought. Bad luck for hungry people.”

Realizing that he had fallen right into your cunning trap, Kaz got rid of your diabolical magnetism and cursed.

“I didn't say…” he stopped, impatient “It doesn't matter. I have more important things to do than waste time here.”

But the smile you hid behind the glass was noticeable to Kaz.

After that night, the crackling, gasping flame that circled the two of you intensified to alarming levels. Kaz could feel you holding your breath when he was too close, and you could see him squeezing his cane harder when you sweetened your voice for him.

However, regardless of Kaz's wanted to fold you at a table and put an end to your brat girl pose, enjoying the groans he was sure you would let out, the two of you still fought like dog and cat.

Just as it was now.

“What do you mean, I'm not going?!” You looked at Kaz, amazed, when he told you that you would not participate in the robbery that week “I know that security system like the back of my hand!”

It was true, what you had of stubbornness, you had of technological intelligence. There was no computer that you would not hack, a program that you would not hack, and a system that you would not unlock. Your genius with technology made up for all your lack of obedience.

But Kaz ignored. “I've already told you. It's a more dangerous mission than you're used to and we don't have time for the plans you come up with right away.” He needled you.

“Are you referring to Switzerland?” You were never anything short of direct and inquiring. It was logical that you would question every orden. “But I already told you that when the alarm went off your plan didn't work anymore! I was more useful inside to deactivate the alarm than waiting outside.”

And stubborn. Holy God, how stubborn you were!

"And it cost you to get shot."

"But it was just a shot!"

Kaz looked at you, puzzled. “Just?! And wasn't it enough ?! You put the whole team at risk!”

“But if I hadn't deactivated the alarm, we would all be arrested! And only I knew how to do that!”

"My fucking God, isn't there a speck of common sense in you?!"

But you answered boldly: "Not when you impose clueless plans on me."

Mortified would be an understatement to describe how he was now. What an unbearable creature! Kaz felt the anger spread from his neck to his face, igniting his breath and squinting his eyes in annoyance.

Why was it so difficult for you to follow a simple goddamn rule?!

“Besides, your initial plan was flawed and there was no reason for me to be out when it was necessary inside and...” And you kept talking!

If you had noticed Kaz's completely enraged state in front of you, you would have been scared, shut up and ran. But, truth be told, Kaz suspected that even if you knew how to read the murderous humor in his eyes, you wouldn't have left that office. Much less be afraid. You could argue with the demon. And you would probably beat him out of tiredness.

However, regardless of the desire to shake you up, to see if that put any good sense in you, in that second, watching you gesture with your hands, defending your point of view as if it were the england queen's crown, something swept Kaz's body from the top of his head with dark hair to the tips of his illustrated boots.

The sound of the world was drowned out by the flow of blood itself in his veins. His heart hammered hard in his chest and, in that instant, a sharp sting in his groin and the pit of his stomach set him on fire.

His gaze went down to your mouth, which kept moving. And when it came up to your eyes, your stubborn and defiant gaze sent Kaz's rationality into space. He dropped the cane abruptly, which toppled to the floor with a hollow crack, and advanced towards you in firm and determined steps.

Gluing his gloved hands to your face, Kaz silenced all your protests with a strong kiss. Hot, fiery, domineering. The kind of kiss that held years of camouflaged desire, years of irritability, years of an unnerving desire to make you shut up with all the perverse forms that existed.

You weren't afraid of him. But you should. You should if you knew everything he wanted to do with you.

However, as if you have been burning in the same desire for years, you responded to that kiss with the same urgency. The same hunger. Kaz slipped his hands into your hair, closing his fingers there and deepening the kiss with ferocity. He felt beside himself, like a hungry wild animal that had been denied food for years and that only now had its teeth set on its prey. You moaned against his lips, bringing your hands to his lean, strong biceps, squeezing your fingers there.

You both needed air, but neither seemed to give a damn about that. Misted of desire that burned like a fire in their bodies, Kaz pushed the two of you backwards, slamming your back against the wall and swinging a frame beside. You gasped, and the gesture made it possible for Kaz to invade your mouth with his tongue, hunting every piece of hot meat. You two fought the same battle in that kiss: invade, dominate, conquer.

They both wanted to take the waltz, but Kaz would never let you conduct the show.

He pulled your wrists up, pinning them with one hand against the wall, leaving you immobile while sinking his mouth further into yours. Kaz felt you try to get rid of his tight grip, but he was stronger than you. And much more when he have a objective.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." He murmured against your mouth, the tip of his tongue playing with your bottom lip. “You know I don’t like to be teased.”

Was impossible for you to control the loud moan that escaped. Your body trembling with desire, your legs wobbly, your wet core vibrating with his words. Kaz Brekker was a fallen angel. With a beauty and charm you've never been immune to.

How can you think you'd win the dominance game with him?

And, like the fallen angel he was, his smug and arrogant smile painted the corner of his lips when he saw what his lines did to you.

“I didn’t know you were so sensitive.” Kaz mocked “If I knew it was only necessary to do this for you to shut up...” he brought his lips closer, his voice hitting yours “I would have fucked you like the naughty brat you have been a long time.”

If his caustic and maddening kisses hadn't been enough to break you in half, that statement would have done all the work.

In that second, you hoisted your white flag, biting your lip in a needy moan and closing your eyes for a second by the overwhelming vibration of your core. God, you needed more. Whatever he gave you. Anything he wanted to give you. You just needed more.

"Are you going to be good?" He played with the dough you were in his hands, his devilish mouth going down your neck, leaving a trail of fire and debris wherever he went.

You agreed, desperately. “Yes, Sir."

That title seemed to do things with Kaz. Because in the next second, his mouth was back on your. More urgent, more needy, more dominating. You shifted your hips for more friction with his, and Kaz rewarded your obedience by pulling one of your thighs forward, making your skirt go up, aligning your thigh on his hips and giving access for his member to fit perfectly against your pulsating core.

You moaned louder this time. Fingers clenching, heart pumping frantically. Kaz pulled his lips away from you for a second, taking his hand off your thigh and bringing it to your mouth.

“Pull.” He ordered, referring to the glove.

You murmured a low, excited moan, bringing your mouth to the glove and clenching your teeth on the cloth at the top of his middle finger. Satisfied, Kaz pulled his hand back, watching the alabaster skin peel away from the leather fabric. As soon as he was free, he removed the glove from your mouth, replacing it with his own and stealing all your breath in that fiery kiss.

His free hand wandered over your thigh, touching you for the first time with a touch that promised to show you all the most delicious and secret sins in the world. His tongue wrapped around your again, and the moan you let out was even greater when his long fingers brushed against your wet, throbbing core.

"S-sir!" You sobbed, your hips rocking against his hand, desperate for more.

"Look at you." His fire voice beat against your lips, the tightness against your wrists getting stronger, more possessive "I’ ve only started using my fingers and you ’re already shaking"

Your body cried out in unbridled desire, sobs mingling with loud moans and heavy sighs as Kaz tormented you with his fingers. He touched you, slid, opened and sank, increasing the volume of your pleas.

“P-please" You begged, the body in need, the urge too urgent.

Kaz looked you in the eye, a dark, malicious gleam burning in his Egyptian blue irises. "Such a needy little thing, aren't you?" He teased you.

But you no longer cared about his teasing. With your lips swollen and red, your heart racing and the core pulsing in despair on his experienced fingers, you were already surrendered.

"Please. I n-need." You mumbled submissively, rummaging your hips in his hand.

"I bet if I wanted to fuck you against my desk, here and now, you would be very happy to do it, wouldn't you?"

He was foisting all of his dominance on you, bending you to your knees for him. And you knew that. You knew he was taking years of anger out on you. But you couldn't care less. You wanted him. Ardently. Desperately. And if it was a good girl Kaz wanted, damn it, you would be a good girl for him.

You readily agreed, your eyes shining in supplication.

“Good.” Kaz pulled you brutally off the wall, turning you over to the table and pushing your chest against the icy wood, pulling your hips at him. “Because that's exactly what is going to happen.”

Suddenly, desire and hunger roared like a wild beast. Kaz watched you, bent over his desk, obedient, surrendered, offering every inch of your body to him.

His breath was burning in his throat and it was no longer possible to order his thoughts, contain his euphoria. He would fuck you so hard that it would make that memory the only thought when you remembered him. When you dare to rebut his orders.

Kaz pulled you skirt up and your panties down, letting out a groan that sounded more like a growl as he saw your wet core. Pulsing and desperate for him. For anything he wanted to give you. It sparked a fervent desire that Brekker had never felt in his life, devastating any possibility of thinking about anything other than fucking you.

Playing with your fingers in your slick, wet folds, you whimpered again, the core pulsing whenever he teased you inside, pressing his fingertips there but never entering.

"Do you want me to fuck you?" His voice came over the top of your shoulder, hoarse, animalistic, full of profane desires.

"Please." You were quick to beg “I do what you want! But just...please, please… ”

You already felt your eyes watering from over-stimulation, your heart burning so hard it was beating, your core aching from emptiness.

You sealed the end of the game between you. Kaz had won. In a triumphant checkmate.

And you didn't have to beg again. Barely seeing when he unbuttoned his pants, you just reasoned his hard, hot, pulsating member by opening your from the inside. Claiming everything that was yours as his in a strong, desperate, hungry lunge.

"S-sir!" You screamed, your nails scraping the wood from the table, the core pulsing overwhelmingly around his rigid member.

In a more badly lunge, Kaz sank completely into you, moaning loudly as he hit rock bottom. The gloved hand slid over your shoulder, propelled you to him while the bare hand tightened on your waist, hitting you at a steady, raw, animalistic rhythm.

The sounds were pornographic, dirty and loud, echoing off the walls. The air was hot like molten lava, pungent and muffled, driving you two lost breath. Their bodies clashed as if the world was going to end tomorrow, in aggressive, rough thrusts. These were thrusts that made half of his things on the table fall to the floor, mixing in a mess that would serve as a reminder later about the sinful activities you two did.

You screamed when Kaz took on more force, his fingers squeezing you so hard that they would leave you with marks on your shoulder and waist the next day.

"Fucking hell!" Kaz snarled between his teeth, feeling your flesh throb around him, squeezing he with such desperation that he knew you were close.

You sobbed, tears streaming down the corners of your eyes as you pushed your ass towards him, trying to bring him as deep as possible, as deep inside you as possible. But every time his pelvis smashed into your ass, a loud moan and the feeling of being completely full drowned you.

You begged, pleaded, for something you didn't know. But Kaz seemed to know. Taking both hands to your hips, your pace became even more unperturbed, pushing you to the limit until you cum in a scream in his name, your lungs on fire. Kaz came close behind, sinking as deep as possible and pouring all the hot liquid into you. Almost like a brand.

The air was filled with sex, lust and desire, filled only by the sound of their ragged breaths that struggled to stabilize.

You were still panting when Kaz's voice came after you: "Whatever I want, don't I?"

A deal with the devil.

3K notes · View notes

triptuckers · 3 years

Text

Jealousy, Jealousy - Kaz Brekker

Request: yes! ‘Can I request Kaz/reader where one of them is jealous, maybe an argument occurs but with a happy ending. If you’re okay with that. If not I understand. I love your fics though! You’re an incredible writer’ Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader Summary: You got a member of the Dime Lions talking, and got some valuable information. But Kaz isn’t happy with the method you used to get the information Warnings: mild angst, mentions of alcohol, jealous kaz Word count: 1.9K A/N: me using an olivia rodrigo song as a title? yea. enjoy reading! :)

On one of her nightly journeys through the city, Inej had found out the Dime Lions were planning on stealing an expensive necklace. It so turned out that Kaz also had his eyes on said necklace. And he didn’t like the thought of it slipping through his fingers.

He figured out which member knew the most about the job, and needed to get him talking. Kaz only knew the week in which the necklace would arrive, not the exact date, or how heavily it would be guarded.

Kaz had sent Inej to figure it out, but even she came back empty handed. Luckily, you knew the club the Dime Lion member liked to go to. It had gotten you to where you are now.

You, Jesper and Kaz are currently looking at him sitting at the bar in the club. You’d been looking at him for a while, keeping a sharp eye on him. It was already clear Kaz wouldn’t be the one to go up to him. Anyone would recognise that cane, or his limp if he decided to go in without it.

Jesper wants to go inside and get the Dime Lion talking, but you’re quicker, placing a hand on his arm and pushing him back.

‘This is a job for a lady, Jesper.’ you say.

You reach up and pull the ribbon out of your hair, letting it fall down your back. You then take off you coat and hand it to Kaz. Lastly, you unbutton a few buttons of your shirt and run a hand through your hair.

Before either of them can argue, you’ve waved at them, told them ‘wish me luck!’, and are headed into the club.

You walk up to the bar and take place next to the Dime Lion, careful to keep one seat empty between the two of you. You signal for the barkeeper and order your favorite drink.

Just as you’re about to reach into your pocket to get some money, your target next to you hands the barkeeper some money.

‘On me.’ he says.

You flash him a warm smile. ‘Why, thank you!’ you say. Sometimes they made it almost too easy for you.

The Dime Lion smiles at you and lets his eyes wander over your face. You have to physically hold yourself back not to punch him in the jaw. But you’re on a job. All you have to do is get him talking. And if he’s so willing to buy you drinks, it shouldn’t be hard.

‘What’s a pretty girl like you doing out all by herself?’ he says.

‘Just going for a drink.’ you say.

‘Care for some company?’ he says, pulling the chair next to him back.

‘Don’t mind if I do.’ you say, and you slide off of your chair to sit down next to him. He smells like alcohol and you guess he’s had a lot of drinks already, celebrating his success too early.

He takes a sip of his drink and you notice the tattoo on his wrist. You plaster a shocked look upon your face and reach out to pull his arm toward you.

‘Are you part of one of those dangerous gangs?’ you say.

‘Dime Lions, yeah.’ he says, signalling to the barkeeper for another drink.

‘You must be very brave.’ you say, looking up and smiling at him again.

‘I don’t like to brag, but yes, I am.’ he says. ‘Can’t be in a gang if you’re afraid of a little action.’

You fake a look of admiration on your face as you lean your chin on your hand, looking at him. ‘That sound really impressive.’ you say.

‘It’s not without danger, but it pays good money.’ he says, taking a sip of his drink.

‘Really?’ you say.

‘We got an important job coming up. It should make us rich.’ he says.

‘Wow.’ you say. ‘Like, really rich?’

‘You could say that, yes.’ he says. ‘But I’m not supposed to talk to anyone about it.’

‘Oh.’ you say, letting your chin drop slightly. ‘I see.’

You move to get up, but he lays a hand on your arm to stop you. ‘Hey, don’t go.’ he says. ‘I suppose I could tell you a little bit about it, just not the details.’

You smile and sit back down. ‘Well, in that case. Let me order you another drink, and tell me a story.’ you say, signalling to the barkeeper.

‘So, a promising job?’ you say as the barkeeper sets another drink down in front of him.

‘Very. It’s an expensive necklace. Worth millions of kruge.’ he says. He reaches out and places his hand on your hip. He’s really testing your patience. You try not to show your annoyance.

You let your jaw drop slightly and lean in closer. ‘Millions?’ you whisper eagerly.

He nods. ‘That’s right. We’re winning big with this one. They’re shipping it all the way from Ravka, and it’s arriving on one of the docks on Wednesday night. That part of the docks belongs to the Dregs, but we have a plan on feeding them the wrong information. That necklace is as good as ours.’ he says.

‘You’re really smart.’ you say. ‘How come you’re not running your own gang?’

He laughs at your words and you giggle a bit.

‘It’s not as easy as it looks.’ he says. ‘It takes skill, and practice, and you have to deal with a whole lot of planning. Not my speciality. But I am climbing up the ranks within the Dime Lions, I have to give you that.’

‘Well if you’re climbing the ranks as fast as you’re ordering drinks, it shouldn’t be a problem.’ you laugh, putting your hand on his arm.

He laughs as well, then smiles at you. You finish your drink and get up.

‘Well, you have been lovely company.’ you say. ‘Do you come here often?’

‘I do.’ he says. ‘This is my favorite place.’

‘Then I might stumble in here a bit more. Maybe I’ll see a certain Dime Lion.’ you say with a wink. ‘Thanks for the drink.’

‘Thank you for the company.’ he says. ‘And I hope to see you again.’

‘I hope not.’ you mutter under your breath as you head out the bar, back to Kaz and Jesper.

When you reach them, they look like the exact opposites of each other. Jesper looks delighted and proud as you walk toward them.

Kaz, on the other hand, has his lips pressed together so tightly they almost disappear into a thin line. And he looks ready to hit someone in the head with his cane.

‘Alright.’ you say, ignoring the look on Kaz’ face. ‘The necklace arrives on Wednesday night, on our docks. They’re going to plant wrong information to throw us off, but it’s going to be Wednesday night, that’s for sure. I don’t know how many people they’re going to send though, but it should be an easy job.’

Jesper lets out a low whistle. ‘Way to go, Y/N.’ he says.

‘Like I said, a job for a lady. Tipsy men are willing to tell women everything if they think it’ll make them look impressive.’ you say, taking your coat from Kaz’ arm and putting it on.

‘I think you deserve another drink back at the Slat.’ says Jesper. ‘After you.’

You smile at him and start to walk back to the Slat. You spend almost half of the journey talking and laughing with Jesper, just messing around a bit. You notice Kaz hasn’t said a word, not even telling you good job for gathering the information.

You hang back and fall into step next to Kaz.

‘You okay?’ you ask him. Kaz gives a quick nod. You know he’s not much of a talker, but you expected a thank you for getting the job done.

You try to get him to talk, but his answers are short, if he even answers at all.

‘Come on, Kaz, we got what we came for, didn’t we? Why are you upset?’ you say, looking at him.

‘I'm not upset that we got the information.’ he says, finally giving you a proper answer. ‘I don’t like the way we got it, though.’ he adds to it.

His answer puts a mischievous smile on your face.

‘Aw, is Kaz Brekker, jealous?’ you say teasingly, but Kaz doesn’t tease you back. He merely keeps on walking, not answering you.

‘Kaz, come on, I just did my job.’ you say.

‘Was it your job to practically sit in his lap?’ snaps Kaz. ‘To lay your hand on his arm, to allow him to put his hand on your hip?’

‘I only let him get close so I could get the information out of him. You know I wouldn’t do something like that, I'm yours, Kaz.’ you say, frowning that he could take it so personally.

‘Well you sure as hell made it look convincing you are his.’ grumbles Kaz.

You hold a hand up and get in front of him to stop him. Jesper curiously looks your way but you motion for him to keep walking. He continues walking, but does look over his shoulder every once in a while. You wait for Jesper to be out of reach when you start talking again.

‘I did my job, Kaz. Nothing more than that. There’s absolutely no reason for you to be jealous.’ you say.

‘I’m not jealous.’ says Kaz.

You raise your eyebrows at him. ‘Really?’ you say. ‘Then what’s all this? Because it looks a lot like jealousy to me.’

‘Did you see the way he looked at you?’ says Kaz.

‘Yes I did, but it’s nothing. He was drunk. He’s probably not gonna remember anything of it in the morning.’ you say.

‘What if he does remember it?’ says Kaz, looking at you.

You plant your hands on your hips. ‘Then I'll show him I'm yours.’ you say. ‘And he’ll think twice before even looking my way next time he sees me.’

You look at Kaz, but he still looks restless. You sigh and step closer to him. You reach out and take his gloved hand in his.

‘Look, Kaz, I need you to know I was friendly to him for the sake of the job. I have been and always will be yours.’ you say.

Kaz looks from his hand in your to your face.

‘I’m yours.’ you say. ‘No need to be jealous.’

‘I wasn’t jealous.’ he mumbles, making you laugh.

‘Oh, my dear, you definitely were. You should have seen your face. You looked like all you wanted to do was whack that Dime Lion over the head with your cane.’ you say.

‘I did want to do that.’ he admits, making you laugh again.

‘No need to worry, Kaz.’ you say. ‘Though I would do it again for a job though, or maybe just for the sake of seeing you jealous.’

His head snaps up at your words. You bite your lip to hold your laughter.

‘You look really hot when you’re jealous.’ you say. You see him relaxing again, softly shaking his head at your words, but with a faint smile on his face.

‘You’re one of a kind, Y/N.’ he says as the two of you continue your way back to the Slat.

‘One of a kind, and all yours.’ you say.

A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rules Here’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Marit

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