#we need 4-0 to get through holy fuck I feel sick
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soooo, listen, if everyone could join me in ✨manifesting✨ a Welsh win over England tonight in the football that would be great 🥹 we’ve got this whole…. ancient-centuries-long rivalry thing going on you see 👉🏻👈🏻
#yma o hyd#world cup 2022#we need 4-0 to get through holy fuck I feel sick#world cup#🏴🏴🏴🏴#football#wales#drycha - rugby yw gem fi ond fi’n ffycin trio bois bach 😂
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The Devil Looks After His Own Ch.3
Chapter One | Two
Little Steve Harrington is so lonely he tries summoning a demon with a ritual advertised on TV–but luckily, it doesn’t work, and a buff, non-human nanny hired by his mom shows up minutes later. Years later, they’re best friends, and Steve still doesn’t know the truth. For @magniloquent-raven!
“Y’know, I did take payment,” Billy said, as he snapped and Steve’s cereal was just marshmallows, and Steve shook his head. Billy snapped again, and there was some cereal in there again. “You were trying to give that Camaro set away to some demon, and when I showed up, I took it.”
Steve paused, frowning at his bowl, because he liked the LEGO 1969 Chevrolet Camaro Z/28.
“Unless you want it back,” Billy said, cocking his head to catch Steve’s eye, and Steve shook his head hard.
“No, no, I don’t,” he said quickly. “D’you...really really like LEGOs?”
“Uhhh,” Billy made a face. “I like making things with you, because you really like ‘em. But it’s not about what I want, it’s something important to you. And that set was your favorite, right?”
“...it was new,” Steve mumbled, kicking his feet. “But it’s not…”
“Not what?” Billy asked, cautiously, and Steve bit his lips together, wondering what to say.
“D’you want all my LEGOs,” he finally asked. “Y-you can have all of them. D’you—”
“Hey, hey, kiddo,” Billy laughed, as Steve swallowed hard. “Hey, it’s okay, my man, what’s wrong?”
“It’s not enough,” Steve said, squeezing his spoon so hard it dug into his hand, and blinking hard to clear his eyes.
“...brat,” Billy said, fondly. “All I’ve done is make you cereal a couple times. You’ve still got some credit, really.”
“You’re my best friend,” Steve squeaked out, not crying, but kinda sounding like it anyway. He tried not to sniffle. “Y-you’re my best friend, you—you’re worth more than LEGOs.”
“Shit, c’mere, kidlet,” Billy said, coming around to hug him. “Nothing here to cry about, you little weirdo, what—”
“Are you on sale,” Steve demanded, pulling Billy closer. “How come you’re cheap—”
“Oh my god,” Billy snickered, because he wasn’t taking anything seriously.
“Is this like the Woohoo! stickered meat at Safeway,” Steve asked, shaking him. “Are—are you old?! Billy are you gonna die—”
“No!” Billy cackled. “No, no, I’m—I’m fine—”
“Are you gonna get slimy like the old mushrooms we bought?!” Steve whined, crying for real, and Billy started laughing too hard to talk. “You’re not even listening,” Steve mumbled as Billy squeezed him tightly, stroking his hair.
“Lucifer falling,” Billy mumbled, kissing Steve’s head. “I’m okay, alright? I’m—I’m not past my expiration date.”
“When is it,” Steve asked anxiously, and Billy started snickering again, wiping his eyes.
“It’s not for a few thousand years,” Billy promised, and Steve mouthed it, wide-eyed.
“...oh,” said Steve, trying to figure out the math on the huge number. Even his dad, he was pretty sure, wasn’t more than a hundred. “...how old is my dad?” he asked, thinking, and Billy frowned thoughtfully.
“Younger than me,” he said, with certainty. “Maybe just a few hundred years old?”
“Oh,” Steve said, doubtfully, and then he squinted over at the card on the fridge. It said ‘Over the Hill: Congrats on the big 4-0!’ and Steve frowned at it. “...his birthday card says he was forty,” he said, and Billy stilled.
“...forty what?” he asked.
“...yeeeears?” Steve guessed, less certain in the face of Billy’s disbelief. “I...I think when my mom’s grandma died, she was seventy-eight. Years,” he added, for Billy. It had seemed like an impossibly large number at the time.
“...years,” Billy breathed, wide-eyed. “Not—not centuries, just years.” His grip tightened on Steve, and he finally looked upset. “You—you’re going to die in years.”
“...unless I get sick,” Steve told him honestly, and then wished he hadn’t, because Billy made a choking noise in his throat, and hugged him tighter. “Um, it’s—it’s a lot of years,” he muttered, into Billy’s shoulder, and Billy shook his head, sniffling.
“No, it’s not,” he breathed. “Fuck. Shit. I—damn it, kid.”
“It’s okay,” Steve told him, grimacing, and patting Billy’s shoulder. “Don’t cry. You—you can, um, you can get a...dog. You can play with my LEGOs.”
“That’s the most depressing picture, damn,” Billy muttered, wiping his eyes. “You sure you don’t want immortality instead of marshmallows, kiddo?”
“I-immune?” Steve muttered, frowning, and Billy messed up his hair. Steve yelled and batted at him, giggling.
“You wanna live forever with me, short stuff?” Billy asked, ducking away from Steve swinging a rolled-up magazine at him in revenge. Steve paused mid-swing, frowning suspiciously at him, and Billy laughed. “You wanna just be a kid and play with LEGOs forever?”
“...I wanna grow up,” Steve said, with certainty, after some thought. “And play with LEGOs.”
“...yeah, I figured,” Billy said, smiling a little.
“I want a credit card,” Steve told him, and Billy snorted a laugh. “...what happens to you when I die? Do you get to go home?” Steve asked, and Billy made a face. “...where is home?” Steve asked, more cautiously.
“Nowhere I wanna go,” Billy told him, messing his hair up again.
He looked kind of lonely all afternoon, Steve thought. There wasn’t much Steve could do about death, really, so finally he just hit Billy with a water balloon.
They took a long time to decide on a house for Billy. Finally Steve took all his kits out, and stared at them, while Billy fidgeted next to him on the bed.
“What if we put them all together,” Steve whispered, feeling like it was something forbidden. “I put them all together by myself already. We—we could make you a—a castle with a space shuttle on top, and a Millenium Falcon, and—and dungeons.”
“Those might come in handy,” Billy said, nodding, and Steve giggled. “I need a garage for my Camaro, too.”
“It’s a 1969 Chevrolet Camaro Z/28,” Steve told him, feeling like Nancy when she corrected people about dinosaur feathers.
Billy shrank down to the size of his hand and helped, running around the table and kicking through piles of loose LEGO to find pieces, and they added some things to support the weight of stuff hanging off the sides. Steve had been grinning so hard his cheeks were sore, his feet numb from sitting on them all evening, when his mom poked her head in, and Billy leapt through a LEGO window to hide.
“...what a mess,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “It’s gonna take you hours to sort these back into bags.”
“I’m making a tower,” Steve told her, since that was mostly what it looked like. “I’ll put all the extra parts away, though.”
“Eugh,” she said, and shut the door without remembering to say goodnight.
“How’d they get you as a kid?” Billy asked, from inside the haunted mansion, and Steve sighed.
“Probably I was on sale,” he muttered. “Dad will buy anything if there’s a coupon for it,” and Billy started laughing so hard he had to grab the fancy goblet stuck to the table, for support. Steve grinned, watching him standing next to the dangling skeleton. “You wanna try the elevator?” he asked. “It actually moves.”
“It actually falls, more like,” Billy said, making a face. His voice was kind of reedy. “No way.”
“...can you get...hurt, this size?” Steve asked, suddenly horrified, and Billy shrugged, leaning out to look at the elevator.
“My bones are tiny,” he said. “I could stay sturdy, but I’d weigh a lot, y’know, I’d probably break your LEGO set.”
“Oh,” Steve said softly, jerking his hands back from the set. “Do—do you need help getting down?”
“I’m fine, probably,” Billy said, and then promptly fell out as he tried to edge around the table, and Steve yelped and caught him in both hands. He weighed almost nothing, like a bird.
“Be careful,” Steve hissed at him.
“I can heal myself, probably,” Billy panted, wide-eyed, and Steve found another drawback of minifigure-sized Billy, when he tried to hug him, and had to just gingerly brush his cheek against Billy’s whole body.
“It doesn’t matter if you heal,” Steve hissed. “It still would hurt, right?!”
“...yeah, but if I fix it, I’m okay again,” Billy said, laughing, and Steve lifted him up so Billy was only a couple inches from his nose, and Steve could see his expression. Billy grabbed his thumb.
“...if I fall down the stairs and break my arms and my legs and my head open,” Steve said, remembering Billy’s panicked yell when Steve had slipped on the cement stairs outside, in the rain, and clonked his head on the rod-iron railing, “—is it fine if you fix it?”
“Holy crap, kid, don’t even say that,” Billy breathed.
“So it’s not okay if you fall down the LEGO stairs either,” Steve hissed, and Billy blinked at him, then laughed a little, and Steve could swear his face went a little red.
“I’m not human, short stuff. It’s different.”
“It’s not,” Steve said stubbornly. Billy waved to the Death Star, and Steve held his hand next to one of the conference room chairs, then grimaced. “Don’t fall again,” he told his tiny best friend. “I’m gonna put railings in,” he decided, rooting through the pile of discarded LEGO. “You can’t just fix yourself—”
“I do,” Billy said, laughing, and Steve stopped.
“...Billy,” he said softly, “—when?”
“...just...sometimes,” Billy said, climbing up on the table and kicking the Darth Vader minifigure in the head so it flew and knocked into the Palpatine minifig, which distracted Steve for a second, because it was the coolest thing he’d ever seen.
He covered his eyes. “Billy.”
Billy groaned. “You know. Like the time I didn’t know not to put cold glass under the hot water, and it blew up in my hand. Or that time in the parking lot when you didn’t look, and that car almost crushed you against the cement divider, and I pushed you out of the way.”
Steve remembered that one—he’d been kinda mad about it, because Billy’d shoved him to the ground, and he’d skinned his knees—but he remembered he hadn’t said so, because Billy was pale and shaken, and made Steve promise about 900 things about car safety. “...you...fixed...the car hit you?!” he breathed, his hands twitching as he longed to hug Billy, but couldn’t grab him when he was so small. “You—the—”
“I fixed it,” Billy waved his hands, laughing. “It wasn’t expensive—”
“You—could you have—moved yourself, or stopped the car,” Steve whispered, sitting on his hands.
“I might have had to alter the driver’s memories if I teleported, though, and moving the car is expensive, too, how many LEGO sets you wanna burn through to keep me, Stevie—”
“...Billy,” Steve said blankly. His eyes stung.
“Don’t wanna wear out my welcome,” Billy said, laughing.
“These are all yours now,” Steve said, waving at the stacked sets, ceiling-high. “The-they’re all. Yours. If—if you need more we can—we can do. Something. Don’t get hurt. Even if you can fix it.”
“...you don’t need to give me all that,” Billy said, frowning down.
“I love LEGO but you’re more important,” Steve told him, gritting his teeth, because Billy should have known that, and if he didn’t, maybe Steve had screwed something up. “You’re super important, Billy.”
“...okay,” Billy said, sounding confused.
“Save the—the magic for nobody getting hurt,” Steve told him, crossing his arms. “Obviously. What—what are you doing, anyway, are you stupid?! Don’t get hurt, Billy. That’s an order.”
“Oooo, an order, big man,” Billy said, laughing.
“An order, and you have to listen to this one,” Steve growled.
“You told me I can decide what to do after I listen,” Billy said, because he was a dick, and Steve told him so.
“You’re being an asshole,” he whispered, so his parents didn’t hear.
“I’ll try not to get hurt,” Billy told him, tossing Palpatine out on the rug, “—but no promises. Keep that guy out there, he reminds me of my dad.”
“He can go in the dungeon,” Steve suggested. “You promise? You’ll try.”
“Yeah, yeah. Put Darth Vader down there too, he sucks.” They put Doc Ock and Harley Quinn in there too, and Jafar, a clown Billy thought looked suspicious, and a lady in a horned helmet Steve was pretty sure wasn’t on the side of the heroes.
“No innocent until proven guilty here, I guess,” Billy said, sitting on the edge of the pirate ship on the mansion’s roof, and kicking his legs. “Maybe she was born a minotaur, you ever think of that?”
Steve giggled, and put the horned lady out with the topiaries. “We can see how she behaves,” he said. “But she’s not the minotaur—”
“Put Dumbledore in the dungeon too,” Billy pointed a flag he’d wrested off the pirate ship. “He is not responsible about the safety of his school.”
“And this mafia guy,” Steve said, and Billy gasped.
“Profiling! You just assume he’s mafia?!”
“He has a gun and a chainsaw,” Steve snickered harder, but sat him up in the conference room.
“Elsa should go in the dungeon too, from Frozen,” Billy said thoughtfully, and Steve fell over laughing, because Billy had yelled for an hour after that movie. “She froze a whole damn country,” Billy pointed out. “Sure, she warmed it up eventually, but how many people froze in the meantime?!”
“Let it go,” Steve gasped, wiping his eyes.
“What about the dead babies, Stevie? Should I let them go?” Billy asked, his hands on his hips. He looked hilarious with one foot on the LEGO rigging of the pirate ship, flag in hand. “You got any blue frozen children we can put with her?”
“Oh my god,” Steve cackled, rolling onto his back. His stomach hurt.
As the school year went on, Steve made more friends. Billy looked kind of lost the first time Steve got invited away for a slumber party, but Steve couldn’t help thinking about how magical beings required a price, and wondering when he wouldn’t be able to afford Billy being his friend anymore.
He’d gotten more esoteric in his reading, since Billy wouldn’t answer certain questions, and he’d found Grateful Dead stories at the library, all about travelers finding a corpse and burying it, only to be helped by its spirit for years, like Cinderella and her dead mom giving her dresses. In his reading, those sounded the most like Billy, since he wasn’t exactly a genie. Steve racked his brain trying to remember a bird he might have buried, or roadkill he’d pushed out of the road, but Billy didn’t like talking about who he’d been before Steve, so he was reluctant to ask.
The thought that Billy might be dead, might just...run out one day and vanish, used up when he’d repaid his debt to Steve, was so lonely Steve clung to him for nearly a week, sitting in his lap as they watched TV at night, and not paying enough attention to anything Billy said. He was so bad at acting normal about it that Billy tried to take him to the doctor, and Steve had to get ahold of himself, and start planning for when Billy was gone.
He started by making friends. He complimented Barb on her tidy desk when they did coloring, and Tommy on his new boots, and Nancy on her treasure hunt clues at recess. He passed his fruit snacks around, and pretty soon other kids shared too.
Billy got quieter. After a few days, Steve drug him around the side of the gym again and hugged him, squeezing him as tight as he could, until he hugged back so hard his fingers dug in against Steve’s shoulder blades.
“I’m not bored of you,” Steve told him, sliding his fingers into Billy’s hair, and brushing his thumb over Billy’s earring. “You’re my favorite too.”
Billy sighed into his shoulder, burying his face in Steve’s neck, and Steve held onto him. “...you ever want me to leave, tell me, and I’ll go,” Billy said softly, and Steve shook his head frantically, hugging him tighter, clumsily, so Billy’s shirt hitched up under his arm, and Billy’s skull thudded against Steve’s jaw.
“I don’t want you to leave ever,” Steve whispered, so fervently his voice shook, and Billy sighed, relaxing in his arms. “...how...how long can you stay,” he whispered, sniffling back tears, and Billy twitched.
“What d’you—I can stay, Stevie,” he said softly, but Steve shook his head, pulling his hand back to wipe his eyes.
“Genies run out,” he hissed, crying harder. “Ghosts fade. What are you, Billy, how can—how can I—”
“Oh, shit,” Billy muttered, grabbing his face, and Steve laughed, sniffling. “No, no, I’m—I’m not leaving, I swear.”
“I-if I don’t ask for things?” Steve offered, and Billy bit his lips.
“You can ask for things,” he muttered. “I—I’ll just tell you how much it would be. You can give me more LEGOs.”
“Okay,” Steve told him, used to the weight in his stomach that was worry about Billy. He squeezed tighter.
That night, he couldn’t sleep, and Billy finally called over from his matchbox bed in the space shuttle. “You okay, kid?”
Steve stared at the ceiling, blinking back tears, and trying not to sniffle.
“...are you dead?” he asked, finally, in a scratchy voice that hurt his throat. “Billy?”
Billy ran down like six staircases through the sets to stand on Steve’s bedside table, and Steve put his arm out for Billy to scoot down. “What,” he said, climbing up to stand on Steve’s chest, and Steve tried not to move too much as he pushed his pillow more under his head, so Billy wouldn’t fall.
“Are you dead,” he asked. “Is—is that why you can...do things? And—and why you’re so old?”
“No, I’m not dead, what the—heck, kid,” Billy sighed, sitting cross legged on Steve’s chest like a little Disney fairy. He was cute, and Steve sighed, trying not to smile when Billy looked upset.
“...you’re not a fairy or a genie, exactly,” Steve said, wiping his nose. A tear slid down around his cheek, and dripped warm onto his neck. “Cinderella’s dead mom granted wishes.”
“...I thought that was a fairy,” Billy said, frowning distractedly, and Steve shook his head.
“I read a book in the library that said she was actually a nice ghost. Disney changed it.”
“Huh,” Billy said, raising his eyebrows, then shook his head. “Anyway, no, I’m not dead.”
“Good,” Steve said, swallowing hard, and Billy got up, nervously, and walked up to pat uncertainly at Steve’s chin. “I love it when you forget you can change size,” Steve giggled wetly. “Turn kid-sized.”
Billy did, his weight squishing Steve’s chest until he scrambled off, but Steve grabbed him, and hugged him close.
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i had the misfortune of finally watching/getting through what happened in whatever episode where he gets raped so im gonna talk about it and tag it cos that's what a bitch fuckin feels like, got it? i do what i want aint no limit bad ass bitch aint never been timid. woopsie realized i got the nicknames confused oh well lmao
it's just logistically and plot wise like there's literal plot holes in this and i'm taking the production and set-up into account along with the actual content and development. im an ARTIST OKAY im jk i mean i am and i am pretentious and terrible but look. i didnt get that degree and im not in a house worth of debt for nothing ok. it's called writing on tumblr about my grievances of shows that dont matter and do not respect me as a fat black american woman either so it is my fault yet here i am.
anyway it was worse than i imagined and their talk after (with chengren) was even worse. that's what i mean about making the lines their own (the actors) bc teng teng sounded like a straight up motherfucking moron and im like
bECAUSE IT'S HIM EVEN THO IM LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DID U JUST SAY U STUPID BITCH? but then it's like awwww and they also care about his wellbeing obviously??? but no? but it's like ok still teng teng said it even if it's stupid because he is a character and charles puts that forth. the people that fail the most to do that are xing si's family but that's not the actors fault because it's the literal material. you're like wait what but you just said...?
so i know they have no script editors i guess i think i find this season ACTUALLY fascinating because of just how egregious it is. i also went back and watched history: obsessed which i thought i liked because of their chemistry even though god the production....but i tried rewatching it and i was like wow this is worse than i remembered and the production issues were even worse because some of the music was SO LOUD AND BAD HOLY FUCK and their whole rship isssssss a sight to behold lmao
so man i guess it really is the power of anson/charles. which is good cos we love to see it...sort of but also a lot.
i honestly....because i've been able to pay attn more to the aftermath of the rape going back and putting it into more context and focusing (just barely lmao) is hm even worse. the inconsistencies are insane. it's not even just about the act but the writers have zero idea where they are going because they have no interest in exploring it. but the way in which it happens is like fascinating. yong jie literally thinks he owns xing si and it doesn't matter if he was kissing him or not or asked for a kiss on the lips (which dude what the fuck? i'll get to that) because he was plied with "extremely strong drinks" and his mom knew about it....which girl congrats you're an accomplice to the rape of your son by your other son?
but first of all...the kissing thing. in what fucking world would he (xing si) want that unless he thought he (yong jie) was someone else. i can't say their attraction is evident because we are being lead by this team to think so; they create this false sense of sensuality already so to me that signifies that they never intended for them to have a bond as brothers. it just feels cheap and fucking lazy (which it is.) even if he did, which doesn't make sense considering the context THEY CONSTRUCTED, it wouldn't matter because he was so fucking drunk which.... at that point nothing is fun, you feel sick, who wants sex like that? does he not have whiskey dick? did they have a condom? was it not painful for him considering? even if this was something to easily get over like was the dick good? it couldn't have been. and then, on top of that, there's the fact that you can change your mind or whatever but also that people do get aroused in these situations bc it is human nature (that's if they can literally get aroused which if the drinks were allegedly sooooo strong that nigga would be out so....again like even practically here it doesnt add up. have these people ever been drunk? if not, write what you know girl. cos sometimes it's like i think some of u r trying to be cool when u dont have 2 b lmao)
so yong jie coming on to him previously may be seen as like push-and-pull but here's the thing. right after it happens (the rape and it's rape so call it that you'll be okay) xing si gets up and goes home and is terrified and upset. he acts like what we have seen or even felt after a violation. he's scared, clutching his bag, it's like...you know...decently coming off as truly distressing (the actor isn't bad at all and i like that he's dark. i just massively hate this for him but hey at least he can show some chops.) like honestly man that fucking sucks and hurts to see. if we've been there we feel it. or part of it is realizing belatedly what happened. a lot of times that drop in your stomach is the worst.
but somehow for some reason, to which i cannot understand, the three of them begin to talk as if xing si pressured him? which maybe i missed something and that is possible—dont feel like going back to look—but that also made no sense. like what kind of false memory is this? why would he think he wasn't willing? and if he thought yong jie wasn't and that he pressured him how does he remember like...anything about the sex?!?!??!? besides waking up and being with him. like i guess he felt yong jie's MASSIVE DONG imprint but ??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!!!!!
god then the logic of the top/bottom thing is like i said i wasnt going to get into it but it's actually really funny. this whole thing was hilarious. honestly because I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS. he could have totally raped him in that way but how did you get to this CONCLUSION FROM THAT??????? BY YOUR LOGIC THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS? IF HE IS THE BOTTOM AND PENETRATION IS THE ONLY FORM OF TRUE CONSUMMATION AND RAPE BECAUSE APPARENTLY, BASED ON ANATOMY, IF YOU HAVE A DICK IN UR BUTT UR A GIRL THEN HOW. DOES. THIS. MAKE. SENSE. AND THEN
AND THEN
AND THEN
AND THEN
this whole stupid conversation happens so we get to the conclusion that xing si violated him ok cool but that means that something is wrong. that is the CONCLUSION WE CAME TO A SECOND AGO?
also the other rapist is a villain and muren isn't in love with him so, once again, you're breaking the rules of your own world about acceptability which is why most of this is absolutely mind bogggglinG that iit's fuckign comical. like i actually when i can stomach it start laughing or my jaw is slack because it's so insulting as a viewer because there is like 0 logical followthrough.
because whatshisface barges in, kisses him in front of his friends without permission, then says whether you were willing or not which is hm. at that point how u gonna change that around but let's not bother with logic here. i am simply here to point out how this makes no sense according to the rules they set up even outside of the basic rule of life which is hm dont rape people maybe.
so now we know xing si was raped, they believe he was raped, he himself believes he was raped, and whatshisface literally says he doesn't care even if he was willing (he wasn't) so he admits to rape. i don't believe in the police and i hate them (BL industry needs the cops but dont get me down that road) but no one...thought to go?
because according to history 4 logic nothing matters so im sure if he went to the police you could handwave the homophobia since there's no actual context for anything besides their whimsy. but they dont want to do that because they aren't interested in an arc of growth; redemption isn't possible unless he is removed from the family but again no work on thinking this through or thinking about the victim's feelings. because gay sex? who fucking knows. supposedly progressive taiwanese writers of gay shit (like how supposedly progressive the world is. as in it is not and this behavior is the norm and bl perpetuates that) can't think of transformative justice?
and then they gave bad advice so we wont acknowledge that because teng teng doing anything wrong/stupid is frequent but hurts me and also that storyline is not real so i pretend they are not there outside of this post
so all of this is just straihgt up clownery now because it's fucking absurd like logically, practically, human-wise. the kissing thing is inconsequential but it was such a lazy cheap way out lmao cos they really wanted it to seem consensual but that's not how it works. on top of that their attraction makes no sense because whatshisface is just there. he is just there. he's nothing and no one so the sentiments are even more empty and on top of that he doesnt listen to a single request fucking obviously because the basis of their relationship is fucking rape so fucking listening and respecting his partner is not on his list of fucking priorities. he's literally so fucking annoying even without being a rapist it's like someone please beat his ass.
and then after all of that you want us to feel bad? with your horrible writing, poorly misplaced music, stupid costumes (those fucking SHOES THEY ARE HIDEOUS, AND MOST OF THIER CLOTHES DO NOT FIT IT'S LIKE WHY), questionable fucking editing. we're supposed to wnat them together? this sounds literally fucking crazy but bear with me lmao even with the rape they could at least have SOMETHING i mean like i cant believe im fucking saaying this. but like in addicted heroin which is fuckin tragic and awful at least there's a MODICUM of interest but honestly that show s a fucknig drag. idk they lookd good together? here we have 0. nothing. and it doesnt motivate. watching obsessed again i can see why i liked it in the beginning bc they have good chemistry but the acting and production adn like everything about it plus the rape-y vibes it's just too much. you need to pick one thing so if you're going to be a shit writer at least supplement it with something. this thing is nothing.
and even more nonsensical and what boggles my mind frankly out of all this is the mother's involvement and the father's final response. there are NO consequences? theyre all happy?
ok so lets go through this:
1. 2 boys grow up 2gether, one of the boys is fucking psycho, the mother knows but does nothing??????????????
2. one of the sons moves out so his father doesn't get a hint that's he's fucking gay. ok fine. he has 2 best friends, a job, an apt. he is fine.
3. aforementioned brother is obsessed with him for SOME REASON besides being crazy?
3.5 no one has done anything during him growing up to help him not be crazy?
4. mom says to husband who is their father also just in case we forget "im afraid he will lose his humanity"
4.5 again, do nothing. 0. just like oh man hes crazy. guess that's just our son ;)
4. who cares. plies him with alcohol purposefully to rape him. not even dubious (even though dubious is fucked and not okay or is just not. fucking real. these shows are contextless when they want to be or even movies or whatever so it's like largely not up to the task to understand complexity in human rships and then oversimplifies it constantly because that's what we do IRL. but people have fucking feelings you know and we realize when things don't feel good or right to us either very quickly after or having to process it. and once you're eyes are opened you may feel as something was fucking ripped away from you. for the modc couple this would be a very logical conclusion for the high schooler the thirty year old dated but again logic or feelings are up to their whimsy. no one cares bc everything can be counted as dubious so honestly it's a fucking stupid fucking topic like again why are we litigating what is and isnt consent when you could just like idk. read cues? consent? wait? not be a freak? like we all know what is proper human shit so even if we are watching this uncritically which u cant bc it's glaring and stupid it's just even more dumb) so it was honestly a rape plot like he literally planned it soooooooooo??!?!
5. aftermath of rape the victim is like literally fucking bereft and confused. and a rape victim. like that's what they are insinuating and what also he is to be clear.
6. boy tells him "idc if i raped u i luv u lmao"
7. mom ENCOURAGED THE BOY to get him drunk because her other son was too nice? she encouraged her adult son to rape her adult step-son (but her real son because she repeatedly says you are my son and the dad does too THEY GREW UP TOGETHER WHEN THE KID WAS IN AN IMPRESSIONABLE STATE) so THIS ALSO MAKES EVEN LESS MOTHERFUCKING SENSE
8. everyone finds out about his rape and he isnt mortified he's just concerned about himself being gay to his dad?????? except it's not really about his gayness bc now it's about his sudden love for his rapist brother? which? hm ok. understandable the dad is like wow i do not think i like this
9. dad knows all of it is fucked up, everyone does, knows the mother fucked up, knows he fucked up. doesnt like it because he is normal. so we know this is terrible? ok great so—
10. father says "i can't accept this...but i'm willing to give you my blessing" ok see here's the thing. when you write you have to think about the things you are putting on the page and what you have written previously. this quite literally made no sense how the fuck are you going to not accept them but give them your blessing? does this crew know what the fuck words are? i'm assuming they went to some sort of school to obtain jobs here bc there cannot be natural talent or experience. maybe most of them are rich. fuck i do not know but this also makes no sense. just the literal logic of it it's like fucking insane the whiplash.
10.5 apparently this father is also shitty. everyone here sucks and they are basically begging me to think xing si is a fucking idiot so i dont even want to look at him if he is an object he doesnt matter so now i want to kick him. thanks a lot you made the victim get absolutely fucking nothing
they KEEP PUSHING the brother thing it is so insane and it's liek GUYS WE GET IT WE UNDERSTAND THEYRE "RELATED" BUT NOT RELATED SO IT'S OK HE WAS "RAPED" BUT NOT RAPED but you're GOING BACK ON YOUR OWN RULES!!!!!!!!!! WE GET THAT THEY ARE BROTHERS!!! WE'RE OVER IT NOW BUT WHAT IS THIS WHEN WE ALREADY ESTABLISHED SOMETHING? I AM CONFUSION? they flip flop between my son, my brother my actual brother, and cannot fucking distinguish between love for your father and love for your romantic partner? so to me what i see is that the father wants to fuck the son. that's the conclusion i am garnering now considering nothing matters and his love for his "brother" is the same as his love for his dad lmao. they couldnt even do that in a way that made sense. like damn anybody can get anything. these ppl who are doing this have to be fucking rich and/or have connections.
also this guy sounds literally like a textbook abuser like he says constantly "im the best choice" is a rapist is awful holds capital (oh hees "saving" smh ur trapping her!!!!! RETIRE!!!!) also wears terrible shoes so i am like ur alllllllllLLLLL FUCKING CRAZY ur all literally crazy and then they are trying to set rules and boundaries in their fucking house like WHY ARE THEY LIVING TOGETHER EVEN? even tho oh my god they know he raped him and for some reason they are both allowing to live in the house but they dont want them to have sex??!?!?!??!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?! i get that this is their house but this is like at this point these ppl are writing anything and now whatshisface is acting like a 2 yr old again and we are supposed to find this cute? like it makes 0 sense why do u fucking care u literally encouraged ur son to rape him so they cant have consensual sex under your nose now and have to wait four years? this is coming from the son who couldnt wait until someone was sober enough to realize hes fucking psychotic and should be killed also the fact that they act like being 20 means u have no fucking brain like this kid is in med school supposedly how do we know like hes a liar and an idiot so. also wait do they mean undergrad? how are you in med school at 20? is he a genius? girl i dont care lmao i guess i missed that but it's not like it matters so whatever
even if we ignore the stupidity of the literal acts, the grossness of the content, the absolute inability to write coherently or even remotely in a way where we would even want to see them together which is like....u set it up at the beginning so he punches "the love his life's best friend" also holy fuck im sorry remember when he punches muren because xing si got too drunk. so i'm guessing whatshisface is that good of a bartender that he makes super strong drinks and gets xing si drunk but his alcohol is magical therefore it doesn't make him sick. his alcohol is the type that gets you drunk but somehow doesnt get to your liver even though that's how we get drunk but dont ask guys he's only in med school and a bartender so i think he knows best (seriously have the main writers had a day of fun in their lives? have they ever been drunk? are they toddlers? drunk babies could probably do better tho.) i get that he was also jealous but if this kid is SOOOOOO genius (he understands social cues lmao he has the cpacity to project onto his victim so im like miss me with the not understanding shit. go to a fucking therapist like seriously did no one care abt this kid? his mother thinks he's like almost a goddamn murderer. how is she not dead? how are they all not dead? how do any of them know how to drive with this type of brain?) then he would understand that they are very clearly friends since he watched them part in a very platonic way and since he apparently knows what love is cos he thinks....he can....make someone fall in love with him bc he loves them? again, i wouldnt know hes 20 and taiwanese and im 29 and black from AMERICA so im WESTERN* so you know. different life experiences i guess XD
even if we do mental gymnastics to get it to a place where they "had sex" and he didnt rape him there's 0 ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ties to the literal story they wrote and the rules they set up. i'm going ot assume they dont know wtf theyre doing and i know for a fact we all care more about their dumb show than they do but it's actually startling how piss poor this is it's like idek what to compare it to. the continuity is awful awful awful they needed a script supervisor majorly and they are making bank and are going to make fucking bank fof this shit. and itll just continue like that until IRL material changes and that's facilitated by these very same groups they choose to profit off of and exploit by propelling it into the mainstream and litigating homosexuality through capitalism. and i'm being specific with homosexuality. i dont want a GL market like at all and i know why we wouldnt have it either and that has everything to do with the nature of BL, capitalism, coercion, and the fanbase being young girls and women. i don't think in this day and age we can safely say all the fans are straight; i'm sure a majority but many women or people on the gender spectrum and sexuality spectrum also consume it. frankly, it's possible the women who write it could be or something too. i dont rly believe any1 is str8 lmao but im just saying it's not out of the realm of possibility. but it isnt about that at all. that's why we wont see "good" female characters (like well written) often that's why we won't see trans women or kathoeys or fat people or black asians in it. a lot of it is is a choice we participate in whatever. but holy fuck dude u could at least respect the audience's fucking intelligence. i'm talking about everything i think that is encapsulated in the project but it's even more jarring and worse because it's so insanely inconsistent and poorly done. like how we jump from one conclusion to another is wild to me. even their first "night together" and he wakes up im like girl....u no ur ass felt it. this nigga broke into his house and was like "im gonna have u" like it's getting weird
just make xing si suffer offscreen not us the stupidity is staggering, mind blowing, hilarious.
how wong kar wai, a straight man from HK (or at least married to a woman), or barry jenkins, a striahgt black man, write/do stories well about people they wouldnt knw about their experiences directly is....well thinking like using their brains and like knowing all types of people? the man who co-wrote moonlight is a hOMOSEXUAL, leslie cheung was fucking gay or queer (and he committed suicide and that's important also RIP homie) both are hailed as queer cinema like WKW wanted to do something else and invested time into it, changed the way he played around with structure, moved away from his crime oriented stuff. he THOUGHT about it and this film is about their reality. it's a harsh film, idk how i feel about it (but my fav movies of his are the crime ones or the messy ones where it's clear he didnt write a script lmao fallen angels is one of my fav movies its' abt assassins kinda) but i know it means something. and he didnt like what HK had previously wasnt enough. it is not the only cinema that should be shown since it's such a stark reality and depressing but it is a real depiction so we can have all sorts of stuff. no this isnt WKW level or moonlight level but i know for a fact these people think they are doing something because artists always do i say this as one and someone who is equally as useless. you're making a statement.
i also hate the westerner component of peoples analyses. first of all dont do cultural relativism. we can critique and respect. but second of all how are we going to keep saying "dont put western ideals on this" when that is what is happening anyway because that's part and parcel for soft power and capitalism. how about taiwan's history with the KMT? what about the regimes young people fought about? aided by US imperialism which permeates through society and affects material conditions, views, democracy, identity and that goes into culture and media. hm? what about that? is that reality too fucking western for people? that we are doing the same thing again now? is that okay to talk about or is that only on your time?
then there's the argument that this is just entertainment. yea no shit but the thing is if we r gonna talk about marginalized groups and watch bc of marginalized groups and then be expected to identify then i dont see why i cant put this in context. even if it wasnt fucking serious we'd still judge it. but it's so pompous and again like i wouldnt say EYE think it's art but it is "art" in the literal sense and no self respecting artist would ever go "man this means nothing." of course im not sure if they do respect themselves so hey but u cant just go oh man it's entertainment when it literally rests on the fact that HOMOS are MARGINALIZED. it literally rests on the fact that WOMEN ARE OBJECTS. you either want progress or you dont. i dont understand being so demanding but not beign specific in the demands and not trying to use your brain. if you dont want to use your brain don't. but if you are looking , engaging, and keep making these arguments or telling ppl it doesnt matter whilst complaining about how much others care is hypocritical at best, willfully obtuse at worst. both bad. :)
(also all this + another thing; it is insulting to have this like wedding happen based off of this stupid relationship when people fought so hard and had to push it. now they can use the material conditions to their advantage but it's so ridiculous. also because there is difficulty still in getting married in taiwan i'm honestly like....the boldness of the writers...)
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this is going to sound weird but could u write a parody version of "we didn't start the fire" except could you write it as a rdr2 synopsis? its something i didn't know i needed until i thought about it
anon, you asked, so I answered.
it’s way longer than the actual song but oh well.
———–
Beginning in chapter one,
Colter’s where our problems have begun.
Fucking scared and cold as shit,
Blackwater fucked us didn’t it?
-
Dutch is still arrogant,
promising group betterment,
even though people died,
and some have been captured alive.
-
Pearson cries that we have no food,
Arthur captured this O’Driscoll dude,
Found out about Colm’s train,
Hit it and stole every god damn thing.
-
We didn’t have a plan!
And we never did,
And it’s obvious!
Chased east by the Pinkertons,
Further from the west,
Our decisions aren’t the best!
-
Hey now we’re in chapter two,
at a place called Horseshoe,
Down the road from Valentine,
everything is gonna be fine.
-
Got in brawls and stole a bit,
Stole even more of Cornwall’s shit and took Jack to fish,
Arthur sold the walker for the Morgan,
When Hosea asked to hunt again.
-
Robbed another fucking train,
Guess under whose fucking name?
Beat debtors and a man named Downes,
Cornwall ambushed and attacked us while in town.
-
We didn’t have a plan!
And because of Dutch,
we’re pretty fucked!
We’re on the run again!
Still going the wrong way!
But whatever it’s okay!
-
Lookie here it’s chapter 3,
Clemens Point by Iron Lake you see.
Lemoyne is just full of shit,
So guess we feel at home in it.
-
Braithwaite and the Grays,
got supposed gold and moonshine for days.
Arthur was made a deputy,
and delivers Beau’s letters to Penelope.
-
Sadie is a fucking god,
Oh my god we got a fucking dog,
Burn the fields and steel some steeds,
Both sides now know of our misdeeds.
-
Kidnapped by Colm and ambushed in another town,
The Grays shot Arthur’s little brother down,
Micah is an even bigger fucking dick,
And Milton paid us a visit!
-
Jesus fucking christ,
When will this end?
We’re moving again!
Dutch what the fuck?
You said we’d lay low,
but yet here we go!
-
Oh my god we’re in chapter 4,
Shady Belle been here before.
Went to Bronte to get Jack,
and didn’t even bring spaghetti back.
-
Went to the mayor’s and saw Bronte again,
Got told to die in Italian,
Got a lead on trolleys,
Dutch is stupidly pleased.
-
Kieran’s missing where has he gone?
Got Tilly before she was gone for long,
Oh okay that’s where he went,
O’Driscolls sent him ahead.
-
Turns out the trolley was bust,
Dutch ‘bout bust a nut,
Like his stupid fucking head,
he now wants Bronte dead.
-
Snuck in the swamps at night,
Bronte begged for his stupid life,
Dutch went and drowned that bitch,
Arthur thinks it was inappropriate.
-
Now it’s time to get our score,
as Dutch says “just one more,”
Burst through the bank’s door,
Shouldn’t be a problem we’ve done this before.
-
Ohmygod we were wrong!
The Pinkertons knew we were coming all along!
They killed two and captured John,
now we’re on a boat and to Cuba we have gone.
-
Just Kidding there’s a storm,
On an island and in the middle of a war,
Arthur has started to get sick here in chapter five,
I’m the maddest bitch alive.
-
Rescue poor Javier,
Please help us get out of here,
back on a boat and to the states,
I just wanna forget this place.
-
CAN SOMEONE HELP OUR BOY?
HE’S NOT DOING WELL,
AND I’M CONCERNED AS HELL.
DUTCH THIS IS YOUR BOY,
AND I SUPER SCARED,
BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU CARED.
-
Fucking Beaver Hollow shit god dammit,
now we’re in chapter six,
passed out after a coughing fit,
turns out Downes gave Arthur tuberculosis.
-
Man this all feels fucking great,
the gang is even shittier as of late,
all these fights and people leave,
think I know where this is heading.
-
At least we got back John,
but the happiness doesn’t live for long,
the gang begins to fall apart and split,
and Micah is at the core of it.
-
Most of them want to leave Abigail,
that shit doesn’t go over well.
Sadie and Arthur go to rescue her,
Dutch and the others don’t concur.
-
Manages to save who he can,
Arthur tells John to become a man.
Gave him his hat and told him to run,
He’s going to settle this on the mountain.
-
Breathing rough and facing east,
We watch Arthur’s body admit defeat,
deer, coyote, or a wolf,
it’s the end for our cowpoke.
-
OHMYGOD IT HURTS.
WHY THE FUCK,
DID I PICK THIS GAME UP.
WOW THANKS ROCKSTAR,
I AM A PUDDLE OF TEARS,
AND WILL BE FOR YEARS.
-
Flash forward some time,
it’s the epilogue and John is doing alright.
But the family has separated
until John can get situated.
-
Took a loan and bought some land,
ran into Charles and Uncle by happenstance,
Got drunk and built a home,
Abigail and Jack return once they know.
-
Holy shit it’s Sadie our lord,
and she gets the boys on board,
To go hunt Micah and Dutch,
to finish shit from where it ended up.
-
Found these fuckers hiding away,
Micah is even worse nowadays,
John ain’t fuckin’ around,
But Dutch is the one to put him down.
-
Sadie sadly got shot,
but die she did not,
John and Abigail marry,
and that’s the ending to our story.
-
DON’T THINK ABOUT RED DEAD 1,
OR LISTEN TO DEAD MAN’S GUN.
I’LL JUST RESTART THE GAME,
I’M IN DENIAL BUT IT’S BETTER THIS WAY.
—–
this was a journey. thank you for taking it with me. :0
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Rewatch: Episode 1x10, I Am Become Death
Some of our best commentary from our rewatch!
Episode 1x10: AKA Raven Reyes is the most badass character ever in the history of time.
During the “previously on” it had Clarke banishing Murphy, and like... remind us again why anyone thought Murphy would be on Clarke’s side in s6??
Also a pre-episode ‘we hate Finn’ because it’s just too easy.
Bellamy being constantly annoyed with Finn is a whole mood
THIS IS THE EPISODE WHERE MURPHY COMES BACK!!
ALSO first ever Harper McIntyre appearance!!!!
Jasper is a major dickhead in this episode wow
Murphy, sweet asshole garbage son.
Bri forgot Harper was dead for a minute, making us all sad.
Finn saves Murphy from Bellamy... his one good moment this episode.... Well he has another later in the episode but whatever
Bellamy is like “he claims to have been with the grounders” like... Bellamy... Baby. Do you SEE him?
Clarke is like “he was tortured” babe... YOU banished him.
Elyse had to google if fingernails grow back... what a weird show we watch y’all
Clarke: “We get info out of him, and then we can kill him” Y’all: “John Murphy Clarke Griffin #1 Fan!!”
The first ever Marper scene, where Jasper is a dick to Harper, and Monty is under a blanket the whole time.... true love
Monty is the best, he has no problem calling Jasper out
Jasper is an UBER dick
This is one of the best episodes of s1 honestly
Bellamy is such a dick, we all love him. Our rude son.
Bell is such a stressed out big bro when he finds out Octavia might be sick
And then he’s a douche to Octavia, because our boy is nothing if not consistent
Someone needs to hug Bellamy for like 4 straight days (we all volunteered, we’re gonna do it in shifts)
A brief discussion of how s1/s2 are the only seasons where we liked Octavia
Lincoln deserved better, boy shoulda just ran off to the sea, found Luna, and gotten away from his Garbage Fire Girlfriend
BELLARKE DUMB FLIRTING WHY IS S1 GIVING US BELLARKE FEELS AGAIN
Bellamy is such a grump, he just pops that dude in the face with the butt of that gun
Clarke is such a badass in s1
Raven should just punch Finn and leave him tbh, he’s such an ass
Zeke needs to show up already, Raven needs love
Clarke and Finn talk about how she knows him... you lied and cheated.. bruh she doesn’t know you that well. Thats sort of the point.
Harper’s cute little headband, i love her. A little badass.
Raven is such a badass, best character ever created hands down.
We were all saying we wanted to be Raven when we grow up, but then Elyse mentioned she might be too in love with her to want to be here... which is a good point.
Bellamy is such a NERD
Blood dripping from the nose makes everyone think of Stranger Things. Bellamy is the new 011.
Murphy is like “oh byegones bruh we good” you LIAR. YOU ARE DEF GONNA SUFFOCATE THAT KID LATER.
Bellamy is sick, and wants no one to touch him... boy you need a hug more than ever rn
Monty is a fucking SAVAGE.
Raven is the most badass bitch in the whole fucking world. She sees Finn hesitate and is just like “Fuck it, ill do it myself” and then she gets sick and is like “welp, im gonna die, might as well make sure the job gets done lets do this im gonna trek through the woods bleeding from MY LITERAL EYEBALLS to get this done” LIKE HOLY FUCK. A MORE BADASS CHARACTER HAS NEVER EXISTED IN THE HISTORY OF TIME.
Bellamy is a petty bitch, and as petty bitches ourselves, we love him
The war drums make the whole scene where Raven is carrying the bomb to the bridge and setting it up even more intense
Girl was ready to just BLOW UP to save everyone god what an ICON
She really thought no one was gonna come for her baby girl you ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT CHARACTER I PROMISE
Monty showing up to save the day and support Jasper even after he was a dick is the DEFINITION of a good friend moment
SO much nerd flirting, s1 Bellarke is prime.
Bellamy is like “oh WAIT shes a NERD?!”
Ohhh another mention of Mountain Men!!
RUN AWAY LINCOLN. RUN AWAY.
Okay but Luna/Lincoln could have easily been a great couple
Okay Clarke looks super jealous when Finn is carrying Raven into the camp, like... girl... dont be shitty.
This love triangle is fucking stupid though.
When will Finn just DIE though
Raven breaking up with Finn is such an iconic moment.
WHERE IS ZEKE THOUGH WHERE
Murphy pauses for just a SECOND when he’s about to kill Connor, like he doesn’t want to be a killer, but he does it anyway
That moment on the original watch was EPIC. Like I believed him, and we were all just... proven so wrong
I mean... they did try to hang him.
Sick Bellarke Flirting is so cute augh. S1 and S4 had the best bellarke content
Kills:
Grounders - 1
Murphy - 1
Attempts: 0
“How many times did we talk about hating Finn” Tally: 7
Countdown to Finn’s Death: 17 days, 11 Episodes
How many times did we talk about Raven being the best character ever: 16
Countdown till Raven meets Zeke: 6 years 6 months and 5 days, 54 episodes.
@raven-reyes-of-sunshine @granger–danger
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Conventional oven-style Kalua Pork recipe for the lovely @jadesabre301 who I am still like 87000% in love with because she is the best. Also, I’m sorry in advance. But not sorry enough to stop.
OKAY CHILDRENS LISTEN UP, WE GON COOK A THING WITHOUT ADULT SUPERVISION
I'm pretty sure that I can never top my recipe for crock pot kalua pork for sarcasm and sheer epic style, but sometimes let's be real - you hangry and you ain't even got time to wait 24 hours for actual food.
So here's the bad news - you still have to wait like four to six hours.
But also, here's the good news. YOU ONLY HAVE TO WAIT FOUR TO SIX HOURS, which is less than 24. Do the (as Travis Willingham would say) reverse math.
If you want a little bit of backstory on what kalua pork is, check out this post. If you just happen to have a big ass hunk of pork in your fridge and you are desperately trying to figure out what to do with it before it starts to turn green and you have explain to your army of cats that you went grocery shopping without a list again, READ ON.
So fun story, for the last couple of years my family has decided that turkey is done AF and we're all sick of it by the time the Christmas holiday rolls around, so we've started the holy tradition of the Xmas Luau. We're talking steamed rice. Lomi salmon. Mac salad. Spinach Luau. Musubi. Manapuas. Purple sweet potato and haupia pie. Butter mochi. The whole thing (and yes, I know none of you know what any of this is, GOOGLE IT).
But you super can't have a luau without a main dish, so kalua pork is definitely the go-to.
The really nice thing about Hawaiian food (at least, the food from my childhood) is that a lot of it is really easy to make in catering portions. Food in Hawaii is like 100% grandma levels of 'you're too skinny, have another plate of food or twelve' so it's hella useful to be able to make things that are super simple to do in huge batches and then gorge yourself for days on the leftovers like an anaconda that's gotten uppity with a crocodile and can't move because gravity is a non-negotiable force of nature.
Is your body ready? Okay good.
INGREDIENTS
This is literally the same shit as in the other post, but since you're going to make it in a conventional oven instead of a crockpot, the amount of pork you want to cook is only limited by the size of your oven and the power of your will. Also, spoiler alert: once again we're not going to measure jack shit. I expect you to feel your way through this like a proper chef, and even if you're not one it is literally so hard to fuck this up.
You need:
An oven.
A pan that will fit in the oven. One of those disposable foil situations works fine.
Some aluminum foil. This is actually optional, for those of you who are motivated enough to want to do an additional step. I've done without and it works fine.
A hunk of boneless pork that will fit in the pan that will fit in the oven. Pork butt or loin works fine, and if it's got a bit of fat on it even better.
Salt. It does not have to be bougie salt of any particular kind, literally grab the rock salt that goes in the grinder you got at your wedding 15 years ago and still haven't managed to use up and that legit works fine. If you're real unprepared for this culinary adventure you can also use table salt, just use a light hand or you will possibly salt yourself into the grave.
Liquid Smoke. In a pinch you can use soy sauce, just dial back the salt or for real, you will have regrets and you will also have brought shame upon my house.
*For those of you who REALLY NEED MEASUREMENTS, a) this is not the cooking class for you, and b) I've had fairly decent results with using 4 tbsp of liquid smoke and 1/8 cup coarse salt per 5 lbs of pork.
**For those of you who like to live that YOLO life, remember that you can't take away salt once you've added it, and it's really kind of hard to use too much liquid smoke.
NOW HERE'S WHAT WE GON DO:
1. Score your pork lightly in a crisscross pattern. Stop screaming, I have a visual aid.
You don't even have to do it as deeply as I did here, because I went hard as a motherfucker and was being real sloppy this day, which was naturally when the hubster was like LET'S TAKE SOME PICTURES FOR YOUR SIBLINGS LIKE THEY'RE EVER GONNA MAKE THIS THEMSELVES (they have cooked this exactly 0 times to date). Somewhere between 1/4 and 1/2 an inch is fine. Make sure you do this on both sides.
2. Sprinkle on your salt and dump in the liquid smoke. You don't have to be fancy and do precisely half on each side like Martha, you can just literally throw it in the pan if you want and then roll your pork around in it to get things evenly distributed.
3. Massage your pork. Eh heh heh. No but really, distribute that shit evenly. Really grind it into the places you cut like they’re the bleeding wounds of your enemies. There are only three ingredients in this recipe, don't be lazy and also please wash your hands before and after, don't be gross.
4. Cover with foil and roast in oven at around 250F for four to six hours (or longer if you're trying to make enough food for six years so you don't ever have to cook again).
Here's a thing about that: Kalua pork, like all pork, can end up a bit dry if you don't take the laziest and most halfhearted of steps to prevent this. If you roast it covered until it's fully cooked (read: shreddable with a fork/disintegrating in the pan like it failed its DEX save) you'll be able to reserve more of the drippings (you want to do this for later steps). Also, if you want a bit of nice browning and texture on the outside, just take off the foil and let it roast for another half hour or so, or until you're too hungry to wait any longer, whichever comes first.
5. Skill challenge: Reserve the juices from the pan without scalding all your skin off. Please be careful, I am not responsible for your poor life choices or your delicate human flesh. Set aside.
6. Shred pork. Obviously kalua pork fresh from the oven is the most excellent and is at its juiciest, but you may still find that you want to add back in some of the drippings to moisten things up. Just remember - IT'S SALTY. Be like a chef on Chopped and taste your food.
7. Profit
Bonus Round: Reheating
Like I said above, this is a super easy dish to make in batches and take to parties, so odds are you'll find yourself in need of reheating a large portion of this at some point. The easiest way to do that is in the oven, same as how you cooked it the first time. Just cover your pan in foil again to retain as much moisture as possible, and if you find that the extra heat is drying things out, add in more juices.
BUT CYNIC I DON'T HAVE JUICES. Well that's a personal problem. You can always substitute in vegetable broth or chicken stock if you need to, just again make sure you're watching the sodium content.
AND THERE YOU HAVE IT. Oven kalua pork in *mumbles* hours or less. Steam some rice and enjoy!
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i just want to talk about how things are very different now that i’ve been consistently hungry for like 5-6 months....
1. i find myself eating things i never would have eaten before. On the list is... cheetos (i keep getting cheetos? i got them in LA and i get them every time i have an emergency and need to use a vending machine), granola bars, mustard, beans (plain), toast (i used to fucking hate toast), yogurt, nuts of every kind, i never used to eat nuts, now like when i see nuts at starbucks i’m like yeah that makes sense i’ll eat that. i really didn’t like any of these foods at all before especially cheetos. i’ve always hated cheetos. oh and also string cheese and plain cheese. i keep having a problem where i just eat only small amounts of cheese for days. also i’m addicted to werther’s originals candies to suck on, it helps get the weird taste out of my mouth but i used to hate them. i eat a lot of sauces out of containers and often use my hands to do so because i’m so desperate. like catch me with my hands in the mayonnaise/sour cream/cream cheese/hummus at 3am
2. i’m wayyyyy better at cooking than i used to be even though i never cook or practice cooking. like i KNOW what’s gonna taste good cause i’m always hungry. like i made this dip for chips for my roommate’s birthday and i didn’t even use a recipe, i just got shit at jewel for it. and my roommate is a really talented cook and she was like erin did you use a recipe for this? and i was like no i just kind of know what i’m doing from always being hungry and she was like holy shit we should cook together, which is a huge compliment coming from her. i also made the frosting for the cupcakes without a recipe which i thought was more impressive honestly cause the frosting was unrealllllll
3. it like stresses me out a shit load if i’m in a room with somebody that ate less than me that day. not eating is my thing..... please don’t be better at it than me it makes me want to die
4. i actually really hate fat people and get really mad at them for being fat. i never used to hate fat people. but now i’m like ew you disgusting cow you could just NOT get KFC once. also get tf out of my way you’re so fat i can’t get around you and i have shit to do AND i’m fucking freezing so move
5. if i’m not hungry because i ate a normal meal my anxiety goes through the roof and i fast until i’m delusionally hungry. like i get so so so hungry and delusional. like i never imagined malnourishment felt so...... good. i love when the weird taste in my mouth gets hella hella strong and i love feeling chemicals fizz around in my brain from hunger. it’s like a sick obsession.
6. i get paranoid that there are minerals in water that have calories. i get really paranoid that 0 calorie drinks aren’t 0 calories. i get paranoid that the soda industry fucked up the diet/regular soda and i’m actually drinking regular. i get paranoid that stevia isn’t 0 calories. like i think of it as like a conspiracy.
7. i’ve googled how many calories are in advil. i’ve googled how many calories are in multivitamins. i’ve cried from eating 6 slices of cucumber. i’ve thrown up from having a glass of almond milk. if i have 100 calories of pasta i soak it in 0 calorie hot sauce and chili pepper flakes. i don’t use butter or oil. i did buy hot sauce for bringing around everywhere in case i need to eat. i bought 3 gourmet cheeses for my roommates birthday party and i realized all of them were spicy... like i really don’t want to eat any food unless it’s flaming hot
8. i’ve started to hate anyone that claims to have an eating disorder that doesn’t have an underweight bmi. like if you’re not underweight you might still have an eating disorder but you haven’t had it long enough to get as sick as i am. i know this is super unfair of me but i just can’t help thinking it.
9. i’m terrified that i’m gonna go home and weigh myself for thanksgiving and i’m gonna be 125 lbs. i don’t think i will be, i think i’ll still be 120 or maybe even less, but i’m still terrified. i’ve lost more fat on my face and my feet and my hands but i feel like i’ve gained weight around my hips. i probably haven’t, that’s probably in my head but it feels like it.
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all of them for you too buddy
alrighty, here goes!!1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? I try to make it equal, but I always end up with more milk than cereal
2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? For the most part, yes. Unless I’m not feeling well or whatever
3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? Whatever’s close at hand that’s flat and small, lol
4: how do you take your coffee/tea? My coffee has to have a LOT of creamer and/or sugar. My tea depends; for the most part, it HAS to have at least a little bit of sugar, but there’s some that I don’t mind not having sugar in, just depends
5: are you self-conscious of your smile? YES.
6: do you keep plants? No
7: do you name your plants?No
8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Either writing or drawing
9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? Yup!
10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Mainly my sides, but I’ll lay on my back when I’m sick or hurt
11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? …oh god…my one friend and I have one that deals with DMMD, and I am SO not talking about that here pppfffttttttt
12: what’s your favorite planet? I don’t really have one
13: what’s something that made you smile today? I WATCHED THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE, AND IT WAS SO DAMN CUTE ALSDKFJELAKJSDF
14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Dorky AF. Probably a lot of purple/shades of purple for the colors
15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! Space smells like burnt meat and metal, or something like that? I remember hearing that a while back
16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? Chicken alfredo, or Mushroom Ravioli alskdjfalskjdf
17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? I REEEALLLLYYYYYY want to dye the right side of my hair pastel pink
18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. that same inside joke about DMMD omfg alskdjf
19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? a writing journal? No. I do have a TON of sketchbooks though, which have random doodles in them.
20: what’s your favorite eye color? Blue. BRIGHT blue. I’ve also lately REALLLYYYY been loving shades of brown that almost look red.
21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. I recently bought a Castiel bag from Hot Topic, and while it’s not old, it has gone on a few adventures through the woods with me, and went with me to my last job quite a lot. I’m going to be using it a TON when I get my fursuit partial in 2018.
22: are you a morning person? Depends on if I get enough sleep, and wake up in a good mood
23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? Laying in “bed” curled up in a few blankets with snacks and watch youtube vids
24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? In the past, yeah. I haven’t had someone I could trust that much in a looonnnggggg time though
25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? Technically it wasn’t breaking in to, but I went to explore my old abandoned house and it was SO cool, omfg.
26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? Lately it’s either my red converse or my gray winter boots
27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? Man, I haven’t chewed gum in YEARS…I dunno?
28: sunrise or sunset? Sunset
29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? i can’t think of an answer to this one
30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? OF COURSE
31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I love them in the winter! I love the ones with patterns, or things on them. The plain colored ones are so boring, tbh. I loooveeee the ones that go up to my knees, or the super fuzzy ones. I also super love slippers asldkfj
32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. I can’t stop thinking about that damn DMMD joke between my one friend and I alskdjfalkds that happened WELL after 3am when we were both super tired to the point of delirium, and it’s just so funny alskjf
33: what’s your fave pastry? It’s a tie between pie and cinnamon buns/rolls
34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? I had this plush cat that my one grandma gave me for christmas like…a year or so before she died? I named her Jellybean, and I took her EVERYWHERE with me. I should still have her…at least I did when we moved here when I was like 15…but I haven’t checked…she could be ruined for all I know ughhhhhhh
35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? Yeah! I use stuff like that on rare occasions.
36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? STARSET!!!!!
37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? I don’t have a room, and have way too much stuff in all different areas to keep anything organized. I HATE it :”D
38: tell us about your pet peeves! I CAN NOT FUCKING STAND THE SOUNDS OF PEOPLE EATING. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT IT IS, I CAN ALWAYS HEAR PEOPLE EATING. I HATE IT. I HATE IT. I FUCKING HATE IT ALSKDJFALSKDJFLAKSJDFUUGHHHHHHHHHHHH. No, but seriously. I can NOT be around people that are eating. I HAVE to have headphones in. Like, no offense…I have sensitive hearing, and chewing ((honestly, any kind of mouth noise other than talking)) noises make me gag and spiral into a HUGE anxiety attack and it’s so bad alsdkjfalskdjf
39: what color do you wear the most? Black
40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? Okay, so since I keep mentioning DMMD; I got an Industrial piercing in my left ear just like Noiz. It was the last piercing I got, and my first one from a PROPER piercer. The whole experience was awesome, and I loved it. It was back when our group was still 4 people, and we made a day of it. The piercer was SUPER nice, talked me through everything he was doing, being calm and reassuring, and just super sweet in general? Afterwards, he gave me a box of apple juice to help with my blood sugar, and I loved that idea so much, that to this day after I get tattoos or piercings, I always make sure to have apple juice as a tradition. I got my last piercing because 1.) I thought it looked HELLA cool, 2.) I reallllyyyyyy wanna cosplay Noiz, and 3.) Noiz’s character has a TON of meaning and stuff with me. Up next I’m gonna start stretching my lobes like him. Maybe it’ll be soon!
41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? Another Note: The Los Angeles BB Murder cases
42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! Sadly, no. If I did, it’d probably be a Starbucks or a Crazy Mocha
43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Like, actually laid out with a blanket and watched them for a long period of time? When I was a little kid with my brothers, watching a meteor shower
44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? n-e-v-e-r~
45: do you trust your instincts a lot? sometimes
46: tell us the worst pun you can think of for the life of me, I can’t think of any at the moment alskdjfalskdjfleakjsef
.47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? BLACK LICORICE
48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? I think it may have been the dark…? And I mean…I do suffer from sleep paralysis…so…sometimes, kinda…..bllleeecchhhhhh
49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? YES! The last two that I bought myself was Gorillaz’s Demon Days and Plastic Beach
50: what’s an odd thing you collect? Do stuffed plushes/animals count…? Cuz…ya boi has a bad addiction with buying stuffed things
51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? The only ones that I can think of are all sad/depressing/triggering…
52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? What in tarnation dog…I don’t get the whole babadook being a gay icon one, but it is funny af for some reason??? distracted boyfriend….is the “BITCH I WON’T HESITATE’ considered a meme at this point, cuz I LOVE that one even if it isn’t
53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? I will NEVER watch or listen to that shit, get it out of here. Not yet, but maybe someday. HATE IT. Never seen it.
54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? IRL…? no clue lmao
55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? God…I have no clue….probably like, raise my voice…?
56: what are some things you find endearing in people? …I really need to start paying attention to people more…I can’t think of anything…
57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? Unpopular opinion…I hate that song.
58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? I don’t have enough friends to apply this to anyone oops
59: what’s your favorite myth? I don’t have a favorite myth, but can we talk about conspiracy theories and stuff like that???? cuz, holy hell…my eyes are finally open to them and some of them are GLORIOUS
60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? Poetry’s okay, I don’t have any faves
61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? Probably like everything I ever give people. I can’t think of any
62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? If I have apple juice, I WILL DRINK THAT EVERY MORNING ALSKFJLSKEJF
63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? I kinda just leave them be. As long as they don’t get ruined
64: what color is the sky where you are right now? It looks black?
65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? convention friends. I also used to have a lot of online friends who have all pretty much disappeared that I miss terribly…
66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? It’d be made of golden flowers. because reasons.
67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? ALIVE alskdfjaslkdfj
68: what’s winter like where you live? It’s all over the freaking place. Sometimes it’s super cold, snowy, windy….other time’s it’s kinda cold, no snow, we’ve had a few where it’s practically spring weather?!???!?!?!
69: what are your favorite board games? I love CAH, and other kinds of adult humored games like those alskdfj
70: have you ever used a ouija board? Not an Ouija board, but I have used a pendulum thingy with a sheet of paper that almost represented an Ouija board
71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? I love ALL kinds of tea. I have so many faves, I can’t pick just one alskdjfalskdfj
72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? Sorta, yeah
73: what are some of your worst habits? Whew boy, just about everything I do anymore is bad lmao
74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. um…they’re…human?
75: tell us about your pets! I don’t have any
76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? sleeping lmao
77: pink or yellow lemonade? yellow
78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? HATECLUB
79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? no one’s done anything cute for me in years thx
80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? The area that I sleep in has white walls. It’s the color that was here when we moved in.
81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. …it just occurred to me…that I have no idea what color eyes my friends have…WELP
82: are/were you good in school? Nope lmao
83: what’s some of your favorite album art? I think the art for Plastic Beach is pretty neat
84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? YES!!!! I have my Bill Cipher one all drawn up, just need to get it done. And then, I’m thinking of getting the seal of Metatron from the SH series done on my other rib, and then….I have SOOOOOOoooooOOoOOOoOoO many more ideas for tattoos, it’s ridiculous, lmao.
85: do you read comics? what are your faves? I don’t read comics, but I do read manga lol. I LOVE Deadman Wonderland, I just got the complete series of MARS which was the first manga series I ever read through, Alice 19th is SO GOOD, of course my unhealthy love for Killing Stalking, Blood Bank…um…I can’t think of anymore atm
86: do you like concept albums? which ones? I honestly don’t know what that means….? But, it’s possible…?
87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Nightmare Before Christmas, Inception, Shutter, the original Halloween movies, Guardians of the Galaxy, The Lost Boys, Queen of the Damned, Ironman 3
88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? Not really
89: are you close to your parents? nope
90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Okay, so…I’ve only ever been to D.C. once so far, but it’s REALLY beautiful alskdfj I can’t wait for next Otakon, and hopefully be able to explore it more. There’s such a surreal charm to it. You can reallllllyyyyy feel the history everywhere you go there. Just. Damn.
91: where do you plan on traveling this year? I WANT TO VISIT CENTRALIA SO GOD DAMN BADLY WHILE I’M STILL THE SAME AGE AS JAMES SUNDERLAND, AND I’M RUNNING OUT OF TIMEASLDKJFALSKEJFLAKSJFLKJ
92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? no cheese plz
93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? messy buns or ponytails
94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?…one of my brothers…???
95: what are your plans for this weekend? celebrate Thanksgiving, make a dessert for our dartball tournament…hope to hell I don’t get dragged to it…and hopefully write or play games. Maybe also clean too….
96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? I tend to let them go for awhile before updating
97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? INFP, Aquarius, Slytherin
98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? too long!!! and, I think so?
99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Hiro no Tsuki/Melfina’s song, Is there Somewhere and Control by Halsey, just about the whole Undertale soundtrack, the sountracks to both Portal 1, and 2, ESPECIALLY Exile Vilify by The National, All of Me by John Legend,JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING BY STARSET, I know there’s a ton….but those are all of the ones I can think of at the moment
100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years into the future. 5 years ago was TERRIBLE, and I never want to relive it again.
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It’s Not About the Shape – It’s About the Lie (An investigation into why flat earth hip-hop may seem merely stupid, but might actually be dangerous too: Electric Bugaloo)
Author’s Disclaimer: I’m sure that, like most people, most flat earthers are fine. Most people who rap about the shape of the place we all live on are probably fine. I acknowledge that the two dudes I profile in this investigation are probably the ISIS of your conspiracy movement. If you come across this article, and you’re a regular John or Jane Q. Flat Earther, please understand that your willfully ignorant belief has some truly disgusting expressions and intellectual underpinnings. So, with quite a bit of conscious irony, if you are a “moderate” flat earth truther, I exhort you to denounce your radically anti-Semitic fringe, particularly Eric Dubay. It may be a shitty presumption on my part, but I just assume that even you, hypothetical, humdrum Dale or Erma P. Flat Earther, are the kind of person to constantly post to FacePage that “moderate Muslims” must unceasingly denounce Al-Qaeda. And if, havin’ read through this, you’re the kind of person who’ll accuse me of being a “SJW” because I think promoting Holocaust denial is hugely problematic, eat shit; die mad with stank breath. But, if you’re a hardcore ODD TV or Dubay boy, please come at me, I’ll gladly take whatever you consider lumps. All that said, let’s listen to some real fringe fuckin’ hip-hop, shall we?
I’ll bet most folks view people who believe the earth isn’t really round as nothing more than loons and larks. That’s how I started. Owing to a strange encounter I had with a feller at a show last winter, I had a picture of flat earth truthers as young, isolated, drunk, white dudes with dreadlocks wearing kneepads over their jeans saying gross things to pretty ginger gals. I was a little worried, but still mostly tickled, to discover that there’s a largish community of believers online. If you don’t get into the weeds of what belief in the flat earth entails, it’s easy to laugh it off as mere ignorant buffoonery, but, whoooooo boy, if you examine it closely, you’re in for one of the wildest, and surprisingly disturbing, rides of your life.
I stepped through the looking glass on accident, when I stumbled on this music video, “Cartoon Ball,” by ODD TV. At first, I clowned on it. Of course I did. Did you watch it? Christ. Dude’s shirt says “Never Sleep Again,” and he really looks like he ain’t slept because he’s in the early, still exciting days of a meth bender. I sent this video to friends and shared it on my timeline because I wanted to spread the chuckles. To be fair to ODD TV, I think he’s got legitimate talent. Not just on this track, but also throughout his catalogue, he’s got a catchy flow and his songs show a deft use of samples – for example, in the bluntly titled song, “Dear NASA, Why Are You Lying,” he takes the lyric “Space may be the final frontier, but it’s made in a Hollywood basement” from Red Hot Chili Pepper’s song “Californication,” and using that in a song about how the earth is actually not globe-shaped is, artistically, fairly dope. Not at all what the funky, cock-socked, SoCal, alt-rock, boys had in mind when they wrote the song, but that’s ODD TV’s genius. His video production, likewise, is slick. It’s much slicker than this other flat earther we’re gonna scrutinize in a sec, but one thing these guys share, which, I gotta say, is utterly derivative of almost every other conspiracy theorist with social media accounts, is referencing the Rowdy Roddy Piper flick, They Live. Guys. Give it a moratorium, right now, y’all have made it lazy.
Anyway, I got my giggles and moved on, right? Obviously not. After my mirth settled down, I found myself returning to “Cartoon Ball,” and for all my above praise, I wasn’t watching this weird shit again because I was real into the music. Nah, I think it was this lyric in particular: “God created the heavens and the earth / in a verse / but we’re livin’ in a Freemasonic Galaxy.” ODD TV doesn’t get into what he means by that, exactly, in this video – although, he gets into in in his oeuvre, bet your ass on that – because he’s focused mostly on rallying the viewer against NASA.
But, on repeat viewing, you know, I caught this brief WTF nugget – a what the fugget, if you will: “We follow rapists and murderers / liars, thieves, and sun worshipers / sayin’ we can’t see curvature / ‘cause we’re all too small.” It’s the sun worshippers part that’s the sore thumb, right? Well, get ready for that sore thumb’s equally sore counterpart when ODD TV raps that believers in a spherical planet are “Stuck in the material domain of Satan.”
Well, little ol’ me, Alice Donkey Boy Croix, was drawn further into the flat earth hip-hop scene by YouTube’s helpful recommendation. Oh, what a twisted Wonderland that turned out to be. But store those what the fuggets away for later use, Beloved Reader, they’ll crash back into pertinence again directly. Presently, we need to turn to how things got soooooo much more goddamned bonkers. The other cat I referenced briefly earlier, his name’s Eric Dubay, and he’s just about the whole rest of the haul of our investigation. So, settle in to peep this video, “Once You Go Flat.”
Holy. Steaming. Shit. Y’all. Good. God. Damn.
Right?
Sorry to spring that diarrhea spray of hippo shit at you without much warning, but I wanted you to be as utterly gob-smacked as I was when Holocaust denial enters into things…and continues to spiral out from there. And just in case THAT was somehow an aberration from his mean, I watched this one. If you watched the first one, you already know to brace yourself, but, I cannot really stress enough that he, whew, he doubles down.
So, let’s shelve the vegetarian polemic and uh…yeah…that was the most hardcore anti-Semitic thing I’ve ever experienced in musical form. Oh, you too? Neat. Look at us, Gentle Mentals, with all this shit in common!
So, that video left my jaw on the fuckin’ floor, and that’s when I went over to www.ericdubay.com. I can neither confirm nor deny that visiting this page puts you on any sort of NSA list, but if the NSA is keeping tabs (hello, special agent, how are ya), it maybe should focus some attention on the shit our boy Dubay’s proudly posted here. Red flag it if you ain’t already, you may thank me later. Imagine that! The federales thanking little ol’ me!
BTW: we’re “in country” now, so maybe get your tin-foil helmet on.
A few sick bars and a shocking affinity for the OG Nazis ain’t the only radical thing about our boy Dubay. He moves in circles so fringe that they consider Alex Jones to be part of the “controlled opposition.” Dubay’s even a truther against other flat earth truthers. He goes hard on The Flat Earth Society for being “controlled opposition,” by pointing out the idiocy of their theory for what is really going on with “gravity” on a flat earth, which is that the earth is like a pizza crust tossed continually upwards, so…things don’t really fall, they’re just kind of suspended until the ground catches up to them. Yeah. The idea of controlled opposition is that you get a shill to be a very vocal idiot in order to discredit the more “legitimate” conspiracy investigators who have come too close to the truth. But who controls the controlled opposition? Remember when I told you to remember ODD TV’s reference to the Freemasons? The Sun Worshipers? The Satanists? Dubay says it’s them. He says that both The Flat Earth Society and NASA are chock full of Masons, Masons who are behind these lies. He claims NASA agents – whatever those are – have murdered flat earth truthers to maintain their grip on this elaborate illusion. And, in a series of infographics, he ain’t shy in explicitly linking these nefarious Masons directly to, you saw it, the Jews. He’s one of these New World Order, Jew World Order types. I realized I tossed that off kinda casually – he’s just one of those types – but let me assure you, I don’t do it dismissively. Dubay compares the way this global Jewish cabal runs the world’s affairs to the orchestrated sturm und drang of televised professional wrestling.
So you gotta wonder why lying about the shape of the earth is so important to our crypto-kosher overlords. I sure as fuck needed to know the answer to that myself, and, like any conspiracy theorists before him, this is where Dubay stumbles somewhat. He’s got 200 proofs for the truth of the flat earth, but he’s less articulate as towards the damnable “why” of it all. As I’ve been able to understand of his position, Eric Dubay believes we’re indoctrinated with the spinning globe model of cosmology, because if the global elite of Freemasonic Zionists can brainwash everybody on such a fundamental level as the ground beneath our feet, they can deceive and control us in any other sinister way they fuck well feel like.
Y’all, I’m a great many things. I’m not an astrophysicist, so, to be honest, I’m not really interested in engaging with the specifics of these dudes’ arguments regarding round versus flat, because – you know the Family Guy throwaway joke where Peter’s at the Cineplex helpfully pointing out when somebody in the movie says the movie’s title – to quote Mr. Dubay himself, “It’s not about the shape; it’s about the lie.”
Before I get deeper into this shit – yeah, you thought you were down the rabbit-hole already – I want to point out that if you want to get all this from the horse’s mouth, the last twenty or so minutes of the two-hour FAQ video on his site is my source for all this. And since getting deeper into this gets pretty heavy, I think we need a bit of a levity break, so, I present a riff on a few screen grabs from that video.
First of all, it’s hard to tell – among the things I am is poor of vision – it looks like the letter G has been replaced by the number 6 in the phrase “Sacred Geometry. The Great Architect of the Universe. Gravity.” 666 is metal, but in this case you’re using it in a way that’s way too mental to be heaviest, fam. The Jews are Satanists too, remember? Luciferian nonsense is a thing Alex Jones dabbles in also. Second, Pythagoras was the leader of a cult that worshiped numbers. Pythagoras literally had a motherfucker 86ed because he felt that the concept of pi was blasphemous and threatening to him personally as a cult leader. The reason I’m scratching my head is that you might know pi as a pretty foundational concept in calculating the circumference of the globe. Globe. So, if he’s part of a cabal bent on convincing you the world is round, why would he be so violently opposed to that squiggly little Stonehenge-lookin’, 3.14 on to infinitum meanin’, mathematical concept that would support the whole damn thing? Anyway, here’s another.
I think this is supposed to be an Illuminati thing, but all it proves to me is that many people have fingers, and covering one eye is an easy way to look mysterious and sexy. It’s not like they’re all holding their hands the same way either. If a person were to try to argue that Eric Dubay himself is part of the controlled opposition, I think this could be evidence of “too dumb to be serious.”
But I wanna get serious again. Back to the investigation. I wanted to know what made this dude tick. Call yourselves Ishmael, because ol’ Dubay became my white whale, only in this version, I think we spear the shit out of Moby Dick. Truly, I believe that in the final portions of that long ass video I’ve been talking about, we see into his core – and unlike the molten core of the round earth we sheeple foolishly believe in – the heart of Eric Dubay is a frozen, Jotunheim-esque, barren fearscape.
Eric Dubay’s animating impulse is this: a deep, incomprehensible terror that humanity has no purpose in existence. He believes that subscription to the ideas of the Big Bang and subsequent evolution of life on earth via the mechanism of natural selection is subscription to a fundamentally nihilistic outlook; if humanity has no reason – as he sees reason – to be, the crisis in his soul would be too great to bear. And, sure, I get that. But he has not coped well with that adolescent existential angst. If the universe is a vast and vastly complicated place, it’s a scary place to be at the fringe of, so, to bridge the rift of this Lovecraftian horror inside himself, he’s put himself at the center of debunking a conspiracy to shroud our planet’s central location in the universe; our planet’s non-rotating position, which is to say a position of stability. Stability. Think about how comforting a concept that is. Purpose. Stability. Simplicity. These are not abnormal desires, but our boy Dubay’s gone about attaining ‘em in an abnormally toxic fashion. And he’s certainly doing his damnedest to create the fellowship he craves though all his media outreach. Can’t blame a feller for not wanting to feel alone…but when Holocaust denial is such a big part of your identity, it’s – to put it politely – extremely fuckin’ troublesome that you want others to believe as you do.
Dear reader, Gentle Mental, “Hypocrite Lecteur,”* if you’re wondering why the fuck any of this matters, this here’s that part of the article; buckle the fuck up. I believe that never before in human history has the battle against propaganda been more vital to the survival of the species. I’m typing this on Sunday, October 15, 2017, and the last headline I read was about Kim Jong threatening to bomb Guam if Trump don’t shut the fuck up about him on Twitter. We’ve got fucking lunatics at the trigger; we’ve got so much evidence that the Kremlin orchestrated the most effective “hearts and minds” campaign of the internet age; we’ve got tactics of division being employed by the most cynical and unhinged people of influence. So why should this flat earth shit matter? We’ve got all that more important shit I listed, right? Because flat earth’s your gateway conspiracy. Pretty soon, you’re hip-deep in the most virulent Protocols of the Elders of Zion bullshit.** Some conspiracy theorists have the…decency’s not the right word, so let’s start over. Some conspiracy theorists are crypto-anti-Semitic. OBVIOUSLY not our boy Dubay. Lemme quote from his song “Blood Rituals,” “You are blind, so fuck what you say / I’ll expose the flat earth and hail Hitler all day.” That’s so obviously dangerous, and the ideas of flat earth and anti-Semitism are so clearly linked, that we shouldn’t need to dwell, so I’ll move us along with this tossed out aside: fuck you, Richard Spencer, for ruining Tiki Torches, but thank you for being conveniently illustrative of the point that being a ringleader for Nazi sympathizers does in fact correlate to assholes in the street beating people and murdering them indiscriminately with cars.
*Editor’s Note: Goddamnit, DB! After I chewed your ass for quoting Yeats that last time, you have the nerve to bring this Baudelaire shit to the table? I want a picture of Spider Man on my desk TOMORROW!!
**Author’s Note: For an wonderfully illuminating examination of the history and influence of Protocols of the Elders of Zion, I highly recommend the July 27, 2017 episode of a podcast called Knowledge Fight. (http://knowledgefight.libsyn.com/size/25/?search=Protocols+of+the+elders+of+zion) Hosts Jordan and Dan do a thorough job of linking this fraudulent document DIRECTLY to Alex Jones’ framing of his favorite nemesis, the Globalist bogeymen, and even David Icke’s Reptilians. Do yourself a favor and dive into this podcast whole hog.
Provided that even one fewer gullible cocksucker buys into the dangerous worldviews of somebody like ODD TV, Alex Jones, or Eric Dubay, I will deem all efforts to expose their nonsense worthwhile, valid, and necessary. I don’t believe I’m virtue signaling when I speak out in order to shed light on hucksters’ efforts to spread dangerous racial, religious, or national divisions. It isn’t trivial to examine how those divisions may be spread insidiously as the necessary expression of these ideas; symptoms of the cancer, boils on the ass of the corpus scientia. Alex Jones is right about at least one thing: we are fighting an info war. He’s on the wrong side of it, to be sure, but it’s the same sort of info war Mike Pence fought in when he performed his indignant pageant at the ball game. And I don’t think that in speaking against any of this nonsense I’m beating a dead horse. And I believe that speech is action. If I reiterate a point, it is at least my humble intention to bring new nuance. I believe that the one person who was teetering on the fence but saw the truth of these bonkers narratives could be the one person who might have otherwise been the next to take a gun to something like a DC pizza joint to find out if interdimensional, shape shifting, child-molesting, psychic vampires run the government. Or do something so much more tragic in the name of bringing down whatever conspiracy it is they’ve been taken in by.
This’s the rock I reckon I’ll die on, should anybody respectfully disagree. Thank you for your time, Gentle Mentals, friends, fiends, and foes alike. It’s time to pray.
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Less Than Perfect
Chapter One: Kiss the Girl
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Somewhere between Maggie’s right, we should kiss the girls we want to kiss and Wait, you want to kiss me? and Holy fuck, Maggie Sawyer is kissing me, Alex’s entire world changed. Changed, expanded, rearranged itself into a life before Maggie and a life after. All with one gob-smacking, knee-melting kiss.
And another. And then another.
They ended up on the couch somehow, migrating there by degrees until Alex was laying with her head propped against its arm, pillow tucked beneath her, with Maggie on top, her slender, jeans-clad legs intertwined with Alex’s while one thigh pressed deliciously close against Alex’s center. Every time Maggie shifted, Alex felt it through the thin cotton of her pajama pants, a deep, electric sensation that moved outward, spreading throughout her body until even her skin seemed on fire. But that was just one among the many extraordinary things that seemed to be happening in this strange, delirious symphony of pleasure. Because Maggie’s groin was pressed against Alex’s hipbone and Maggie’s breasts were sliding gently against Alex’s chest and Maggie’s lips were everywhere, coaxing her mouth open so she could explore inside, nibbling at her earlobes, dropping teardrop kisses against Alex’s neck and chest. And that didn’t even count the hands that framed Alex’s face, touched her skin, caressed her breasts through her shirt.
I finally get why teenagers can’t stop doing this.
Alex slid her hands down the back of Maggie’s shirt — her jacket had been discarded somewhere in the direction of the fireplace, and Alex truly hoped it hadn’t been singed — and teased over the top line of Maggie’s bra, catching at it and pulling gently in a way that made Maggie gasp and slide against her. Feeling brave, she kept her hands moving downward, tracing the curve of Maggie’s spine, the small of her back. Her index finger mapped the top edge of Maggie’s jeans, the knuckle dragging over the hard curve of Maggie’s belt while her fingertip grazed the smooth, bare skin that lingered just within reach. But Alex wasn’t quite adventurous enough for that yet, so she kept her hands on the outside, feeling the outline of a back pocket, the round shape of a quarter and two nickels tucked inside on the left and the slim bulge of a wallet on the right, and then a slow, rounding curve, a seam, a —
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Maggie let out a laugh and nipped Alex’s lower lip with her teeth. “Go on and grab hold. I don’t mind.”
“You’re sure?” Alex asked, wanting to so much. But a sudden terror was gripping her, that they were moving too fast, that her inexperience would get in the way of Maggie’s pleasure, that she would suddenly revert to the nervous, fumbling thirteen year old that she knew was hiding beneath her twenty-nine year old skin. Sixteen years that I could have spent figuring it out, and now it’s like I’m starting from scratch.
“Hey,” Maggie said, pressing her hand against Alex’s cheek, and Alex knew that Maggie must have seen the fear that was rushing in on her from all sides. “Alex, it’s okay to touch me. In fact, it’s better than okay.” She smiled, those brown eyes sparkling, and Alex felt like the sun was bathing its light across her face. “I don’t want you to be afraid of anything, okay? Just do what feels right.”
“But what if it’s something you don’t like, or…” Alex frowned, her terror only increasing at the thought of so much freedom. “I just…I’m out of practice in general, to be honest.”
“How long’s it been?” Maggie asked, and Alex felt a blush rise to her face. But Maggie just looked at her calmly, as if the answer to the question didn’t matter so much as the fact that Alex felt safe to answer it. And so Alex took a deep breath, swallowed, and told her.
“About three years, probably? I can’t exactly remember. But I do know it wasn’t like this.” She dropped her eyes, not wanting to see the look on Maggie’s face when she said, all in a rush, “It was in a bathroom stall in a club, and I was drunk, and I didn’t even know his name.”
She looked up then, fearing that she would see disappointment in Maggie’s eyes. Instead, she found understanding and compassion — wisdom, even. “Sometimes it gets bad like that,” Maggie said, her voice quiet, as if Alex’s confession had struck a familiar chord. “Doing things that aren’t necessarily safe, things that maybe aren’t you, as a way of trying to figure it out.”
Her words hit Alex like a smack in the face — both because of what Maggie had said, and because it made sense, suddenly, giving her a reason for what she’d done beyond I got really fucked up and put myself at risk. She’d always been haunted by how ugly it could have gotten had any one of her half-dozen drunken, club-fueled hookups been in the mood to inflict some pain or forgo a condom — by how she had allowed herself to be vulnerable in ways that could have left her sick or hurt or even dead.
All because I was afraid to look at who I really was.
“There was a time — a really bad time after we thought my dad had died — where I did things like that because I wanted to feel,” Alex said, and saw Maggie nod, as if she too knew what it was to inflict agony on herself just to keep another pain from hurting. “But I never felt anything, not really, and then something happened that forced me to change, and after that, it just wasn’t…” She trailed off. “Important, I guess.”
Maggie nodded again. She’d been caressing the sides of Alex’s face this whole time, Alex realized; coaxing her on, encouraging her to get the words out, to be honest about a time that she hadn’t really been honest with anyone about — not even Kara, for Kara would have taken it on herself, would have tried to fix it with her smile and her love. Only back then, Alex hadn’t wanted to be fixed.
But the acceptance in Maggie’s gaze was fixing it now, changing it from something dark and shameful to just a piece of Alex’s experience, a journey she had to travel to get to this place, to her understanding of herself, to being in Maggie’s arms. It felt good — felt right somehow, as if a broken piece had finally healed.
And so she lifted a hand to Maggie’s cheek, softly saying, “I’ve been tested, in case you’re wondering.”
“I wasn’t worried.” Maggie brushed the hair back from Alex’s face, her fingertip grazing Alex’s ear in ways that made her squirm. “I have too. After I broke up with my last girlfriend a while back.”
“You had concerns?” Alex asked, lifting one hand to rub slow circles against Maggie’s back.
Maggie shook her head. “I just…wanted to be ready, maybe?” She smiled so broadly that her dimples seemed to leap out of her face, making Alex want to kiss her senseless. “I guess you’ve been under my skin for a while now, Danvers.”
“Mine too.” Alex felt Maggie shift against her, her left leg stretching out enough to put pressure in just the right place, and felt a shudder roll through her. “God, Sawyer.”
“Sorry,” Maggie said, but she didn’t look sorry at all; looked, in fact, like she’d done it on purpose. “So, are you ever going to put your hands where I’m dying for you to put them, or do I have to keep doing that until you give in?”
“Well…” Alex snickered, and then Maggie stretched against her again, and Alex’s hands slid down to grab at the underside of Maggie’s ass, not just because Maggie wanted her to, but because she needed to pull her closer, needed the pressure of their bodies against each other. Maggie pushed up on her elbows and just looked down at Alex, her dark eyes reflecting the firelight until it seemed they were ablaze.
“We fit,” she said, and Alex nodded, her throat so tight she could hardly breathe. The urge to move was intense, almost primal; but so was the desire to stay still, to remain frozen on the cusp of the precipice until time itself ended.
And then Alex’s stomach growled. Loudly.
Maggie’s eyes crinkled and she burst out laughing, kissing Alex when she tried to bury her face in Maggie’s shoulder. She rubbed the back of Alex’s head, murmuring, “Guess it’s a good thing I brought over that pizza, huh?”
“Next time you want to kiss me, you don’t have to come bearing gifts,” Alex said, drawing Maggie down until she rested in the crook of Alex’s shoulder. “I don’t want to move from here, like, ever. But I’m also starving.”
“Me too.” Maggie twisted back onto her stomach and slid her hands up to frame the sides of Alex’s face, one side of her mouth tilting sideways. “So at the risk of riling you up and bolting, I think we should hold off on...” She tilted a shoulder in the direction of Alex’s bed. “If you’re okay with that.”
“How long?” Alex asked, anxiety flaring at the thought. “Because life is short, and I’ve got a lot of time to make up for when it comes to kissing the girl I want to kiss.”
“I am very much looking forward to helping you with that,” Maggie said with a grin. “But this is new for you, and there are things that should be savored. And besides, I think we should go out on a proper date before I —“ She broke off, her eyes flashing with something that Alex could only interpret as pure, unadulterated desire.
“Before you what?” Alex asked, and watched a slow, lazy smile spread across Maggie’s face. “Come on, don’t leave me in suspense.”
Maggie chuckled. “Okay, Danvers, you asked for it.”
And then she pressed her mouth to Alex’s ear and described, in very specific detail, just what exactly she was planning to do before said proper date was over.
Alex slid her hands up to Maggie’s back, holding her in place for a moment while she considered those words. She drew breath to speak, drew it again, and finally said, “So when is this date taking place?”
Maggie let out a cackle and kissed the underside of Alex’s ear. “I don’t know. How’s Saturday sound? We can make a day of it.”
“That’s five days.” Alex nodded, trying to stay very still for fear she’d spontaneously combust if she moved against Maggie even a little. “I could do that. I mean, short of an alien invasion or Cadmus killing us all, what could possibly go wrong?”
She would soon regret asking that question.
----------------
The week dragged by. The days were busy enough — the DEO was tracking shipments tied to Cadmus, and Alex spent as much time out on raids as she did in her lab — but the nights were tough, especially when Maggie had to work late and she didn’t. She got a brief reprieve on Thursday — Maggie was able to stop by for a beer after work, though based on the way Maggie was looking at her and how fast both their shirts ended up draped over the back of the couch, Alex was fairly certain a beer wasn’t what had really been on Maggie’s mind. Alex wasn’t complaining — her skin on Maggie’s, Maggie’s on hers, was intensely erotic, and all she wanted to do was explore the sensation. Yet she resolved to abide by this unwritten rule they had set for themselves; to take it slow, or at least as slow as they could manage. Two months of bickering and smoldering glances and side eye had left them both on edge, and as much as Alex was enjoying this gradual build up of sexual tension, a part of her just wanted to get on with it. So she would never quite know how she managed to lift her head, how she stopped herself from letting out a mournful cry, when Maggie said, “I should probably go.”
Of course, Maggie had decided to say this while she was tracing her lips across Alex’s upper abdominals. She had worked her way down there from her starting spot just beneath Alex’s right ear, combing over every inch of skin with the methodical detail of a forensic team sifting for trace evidence. There had been pauses, however — some of short duration, some of extensive length — for Alex to do some exploring of her own. So far she knew that Maggie loved being kissed at the base of her throat, that she giggled when Alex tickled between her shoulder blades, and that rubbing a thumb over her nipple in slow circles, either on top of or beneath her bra, would cause her to make a low noise and go very still.
But right now Maggie’s tongue was taking point, and she was using it, with aching slowness, to trace the hard seam between Alex’s ribs. Alex tensed, feeling sudden shocks run through her body, and let out a low groan. “I’m going to start calling you Livewire 2.0.”
“That crazy bitch has nothing on me,” Maggie said, her laugh reverberating through Alex’s body. She slid up to rest her head on Alex’s shoulder, her fingertips tracing across the fine hairs that covered Alex’s arm. “You know I don’t want to go, right?”
Alex turned her head to look down at Maggie, seeing those eyes, so full of light and warmth, turned up to look at her. She nodded and slid her hand down to rest against the small of Maggie’s back, the skin smooth under her palm. “I do. But I also know that you have to work early, so you probably should.”
“Yeah.” Maggie leaned in to kiss Alex’s shoulder. Her hair skimmed across Alex’s bare skin like fine cobwebs, each one leaving a trail of sensation in its wake. “You okay with getting started around ten on Saturday?”
“That works.” Alex sucked in a deep breath, wondering how she would survive until then without seeing Maggie, without having this small, soft, warm, impossibly beautiful body against her own. Four days of this, and she was already addicted. She pressed a kiss just above Maggie’s temple, softly asking, “So where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise,” Maggie said, turning to look at Alex with a decidedly mischievous gleam in her eyes. “Just make sure your bike is gassed up and ready to make some miles.”
“Got it.” Alex traced hand over Maggie’s face, wanting to memorize each line and curve of the straight nose, high cheekbones, and lush, impossibly sensual lips. She leaned in and kissed her slowly, murmuring, “If you don’t move soon, I’m going to toss your shirt into the fire so you have to stay.”
“I’d be annoyed,” Maggie said, punctuating every word with a light, teasing kiss. “I really like that shirt.”
Alex grinned down at her, gently pinching her hip. “Like you don’t have at least a half dozen other long-sleeved gray shirts in your closet.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Maggie rolled on top of her, kissed her slow, and then braced her hands against the arm of the couch and pushed onto her knees, her bra straining to keep her breasts in check. Alex caught a tantalizing glimpse of cleavage, a quick flash of darker skin as one nipple was revealed, and then Maggie was sitting back on her heels, wincing, her left hand cupped over the stitches on the right side of her chest. “Dammit.”
Alex scrambled to free herself from Maggie’s weight and sat up, her doctor’s instincts on full alert. “Did you tear them?”
“No, it’s good, it’s just sore,” Maggie said, though she looked a little ragged around the edges, as if sore was a euphemism for it hurts like a fucking bastard. She pushed her right hand against the back of the couch, her face tightening as she braced herself to step onto the floor, and Alex caught at her arm, pulling her back down and urging her to sit. Maggie turned her head, frowning. “Alex....”
“Maggie…” Alex said, in exactly the same tone.
Maggie stared daggers at her, and Alex just shrugged and gave them right back until, with a soft laugh, Maggie relented. She turned and tucked one leg beneath her, sliding her bra strap down so she could present the wound that ran from her collarbone to the edge of her side ribs for inspection.
Alex shifted onto her knees and leaned in, her fingertips tracing the unblemished skin around the margins. The wound looked clean, with little sign of redness, and the stitches showed no sign of tearing. She lifted her head to look back at Maggie, feeling heat rush to her cheeks when she realized that Maggie had apparently been watching her the whole time with calm, steady eyes.
“It’s healing nicely, though you should keep a bandage over it so it doesn’t get irritated by your bra strap.” Alex leaned back on her heels, one hand still resting on Maggie’s shoulder. “You might also want to lay off the making out for a bit.”
“I would, but this girl I’m dating would be awfully upset,” Maggie said, her dimples appearing as she gave a sideways half-smile.
Alex felt her face light up at the declaration. I’m dating Maggie Sawyer. Maggie Sawyer is dating me. Still, she tried to hold it together, to not act like a giddy teenager at the words, much as she wanted to. Instead, she retrieved Maggie’s shirt from the back of the couch, holding it open and helping her put her right arm through the sleeve with a minimum of jostling.
“Button-up shirts might be a good idea for a few days,” Alex suggested, her whole body tingling at the feel of drawing that knit cotton across Maggie’s ribs.
“I’ll see if I can find one that doesn’t need ironing.” Maggie pulled Alex’s dark blue Henley off the back of the couch and helped her slide it over her head. She smoothed Alex’s hair, brushing the tangle back from her face, and smiled, her thumbs tracing Alex’s cheeks. Then she pulled her in close, her kiss tender and sweet. “Thanks for making out with me.”
“Anytime.” Alex ran a hand through Maggie’s hair, her body already longing for the sensation of it drifting across her shoulders and stomach again. She wondered what it would feel like against her thighs and found herself blushing.
Maggie smiled as if she knew what Alex was thinking. “Saturday, Danvers,” she said. “That’s not so long to wait, right?”
Alex nodded and kissed Maggie again, the sort of slow, sensual kiss that she’d been waiting to give someone her entire life. And this time when she pulled away, she noticed that Maggie’s cheeks were a little red too.
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Mystic Messenger Heist!AU Ch3
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A month later
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"You need to get lost soon." The static in the ear piece the red head wore distracted him from typing. "They're going to find and kill you, and we won't have what we need!" The voice was urgent this time finally warranting a response.
"Don't worry! Hacker supreme 7-0-7, is almost done!" The cheery and confident voice suddenly dropped in a dangerous tone. "So stop bothering me." Going back to his computer and watching the data download fromt he large computer onto his laptop. His glasses reflected the screens in the dark office. He glanced out the window to the large warehouse the office looked over. It seemed to be an endless supply of boxes. Boxes full of illegal guns, drugs, and possibly counterfeit money. Seeing light slowly enter the warehouse, the great hacker knew he needed to speed up the process. But there was no speeding up file transfers. They always went at their own pace.
Moving low to the ground, he gently set a can next to the door and crawled back to the computer to check the file status.
67%. Oh come on.
Seven could hear shouts from below now. They must have figured something was amiss when the lights weren't turning on. "Come on baby. Today please." He was going to have to jump. He raised a figure and gently felt the glass, giving small gentle taps to the window. Not bullet proof. Glancing over to the laptop he hoped it was just about done.
74%
"Fuckin' piece of-" He grumbled under his breath and made sure to start packing up anything that wasn't necessary for the transfer into a aluminum case. He was going to have to use this to smash the window. Slipping a small device in his pocket he glanced out the window. It looked like 4 men with guns were marching up the stairs towards the office. Leaving 3 on the ground. Tsk. The chances of not getting shot dwindling very very quickly. Hopefully they weren't good shots.
82%
Part of him wanted to reach out and shake the computer. Knowing fully well it wouldn't help at all. But it surely would make him feel better. They were getting too close for true comfort. He was going to have to make a jump. He gently set the laptop into the briefcase, still open as it downloaded the files.
96%
Someone attempted to open the door, as if it would be unlocked. The door handle gave a few shakes before it grew silent. Then a loud bang, then another, and another, someone was trying to kick it down.
98%
The kicking stopped shortly after. There were low murmurs filed the tense silence that was filling Seven's ears. There was a click, and rapid fire that hit the door handle, leaving the door to swing open.
100% "All done meow~!"
As the computer chimed, seven closed the briefcase and stood up. As the men rushed in, he slid his hand into his pocket, and turned away from them. Bright flashes of light and sound erupted from the small can near the door. Reaching his arm back he slammed the briefcase against the window. The weight of which was suppose to carry him forward through the glass, but his arm gave a jerk as the case bounced back spinning him around.
"What?!" Another hit to the window and it didn't shatter. It wasn't bullet proof why?! Oh lord in heaven. Why do you place so many trials upon this poor sinner. Freezing in place Seven tried to formulate a plan. If they hit him in the chest and legs he'd be okay. The bullet proof vest would work and he could power through a leg/arm shot. But his head.... Maybe they'd shoot chest first, inspect and he could hijack a gun.
The flashes had finished not long after starting and the men were gaining vision back. The leader already had a gun fixed upon Seven. The chest is where the gun was aiming but no bullet escaped. "You snooped too long." The gruff voice mocked the red haired man.
"I did. You were a lot faster than I had expected. Silly me." Seven gave a little grin and held onto the briefcase tightly with one hand and raised one hand in a defenseless motion to show he wasn't holding a weapon. "Do I get to be a prisoner and tortured?" With torture there was possibilities of escape. Death, not so much.
"No. We will kill you. Take briefcase, and send your balls back to your boss as warning." The gun raised. His neck? They wanted to watch him choke on his own blood before dying. How brutal. Seven hissed in disappointment. "What a shame." He stared down his attacker, waiting for the trigger pull.
A shot rang out, blood splashing onto Seven's face. The searing hot flames of pain erupting in his mind. Before calmly fading into a strong stinging sensation. Seven watched the body of the man in front fall to the ground before 3 other shots rang out. Reaching a hand up he felt the grazed shot along his cheek. "Had they missed him and then tried to cover up??" Looking towards the window four holes decorated the window that hadn't been there before.
Hearing another gunshot, Seven tried to pin point the location. He found one of the guards below cautiously walking around, gun raised, before being gunned down with a single shot. That was 6 shots. That meant there was one more guard around the area. Seven made his way over the bodies and out the door, wiping the blood from his cheek off onto his sleeve. Where was the other guard?? He looked around, letting himself get into a small covered area behind some boxes. He should just make a run for it.
"Cutting it a little close Luciel." A voice spoke from above, and for a split second, Seven was certain it was the holy son himself. Watching a leg dangle from above him, before a whole body of a man in the guard uniform drop down in front of him. Sniper rifle strapped onto his shoulder. "Did you even have a plan? What was with that poor window breaking attempt?" The man removed his helmet, letting his white locks flow so free. They gently went back into place, as if the man had never been wearing a helmet.
"Zen you scared the fuck out of me. Why are you here?" Seven held a hand to his chest and tried to calm the sharp pain that was his quickly beating heart. The sniper gave the hacker a pat on the back and escorted him from the building.
"V sent me. He wasn't sure where you were. So I had to do some shit guard duty. Lucky me." A cigarette was already in the man's hands, as he took a long drag. Seven plucked the cig from Zen's hands and tossed it to the ground. "Don't smoke. It'll make me sick. And you'll stink up my baby."
The two men walked down an alley passing various small garage doors before stopping at one 3 away from the end. Seven tapped a card against the keypad that rested on the side of the door frame, opening the door. "So, V is out? Is he okay? Trying to plan a reunion already?" Seven started asking questions as he unlocked the car for the both of them.
Zen placed his sniper rifle and bags in the back of the car before hopping in the passenger seat. Seven placed the briefcase behind his seat before getting into the driver seat and starting the car. "V is out. He says we're back in business. At least for one final heist." Zen made sure his seatbelt was secure, right before the hacker peeled out of the garage and made his way into the open road.
"Why, would V be interested in a new heist? The last one was...." Seven stopped himself feeling the bitter taste on his tongue. He could see in his peripheral view Zen tensing up. The car remained silent for a few moments as both men stopped themselves from getting overly angry.
Zen finally spoke. "Because revenge fuels the best plans." Looking over to Seven, he smirked. "You wanna? Jaehee, Jumin, and myself already said yes. It won't be the same without you."
The red head scoffed. "Won't be the same...You guys couldn't do anything without me. What's the hit?"
Zen chuckled before relaxing in the seat, getting used to the top speeds the vehicle was driving at. "A casino."
"Casino? Does he realize how dangerous, complex, and intricate those systems are?! Not to mention how practically impossible they are to crack!" The car gave a small jerk slightly as Seven drifted the vehicle into a left turn suddenly.
"You can't do it?" The white haired man gripped the seatbelt and the 'Oh Shit' handle, respectably.
"I didn't say I couldn't do it. I said it was practically impossible." The red head adjusted his glasses and smirked. "You know I can make the impossible, possible. It would be quite the feat for a hacker such as myself. My rates would triple."
"Well god. It's Rika's Casino. V wants our money back. So you can get your rates back plus some from the last heist." Zen reached for his pack of cigs, before heaving a sigh remembering the no smoking rule in the car. "You're going to need to connect us again."
Seven shook his head. "No We're going to need to be in close contact. A chatroom would be redundant at this point. I'll make a secure texting/call system. That way it won't be traceable." He gave a few taps on his chin trying to think of how he'd design it. "Where are we all meeting?"
"At mista trust fund's pad." Zen pouted. Not wanting to be subjected to a cat hair filled death trap. Which reminded him he needed to preemptively take some pills.
"Oh~ I'll get to see my Elly." Seven laughed as Zen started to sneeze and whine about how he hated cats and their terrible hair. From then the car ride was silent until seven reached his home. Pulling into his own garage Seven got out and took the briefcase from the back of the car. "Hey, you know what I just thought about?" Seven watched the other male gather his things from the back. Zen gave a small 'hmm' as to signal Seven to continue talking. "What about Yoosung?"
#MM#mmzen#mm707#707#Zen#Mystic Messenger au#mmau#mmaufc#Heist Au#mmheist#Yoosung#mmyoosung#mmv#V#Jihyun Kim
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New Look Sabres: GM 42 - BOS - BosDone
Wow. I have not wanted to completely ignore a Buffalo Sabres game this much since the depths of despair last season. My wife and I were getting back from a dinner when I looked and saw the score was 2-0 Boston and the second period had hardly begun. I proceeded to take care of my sick wife thinking to myself: Am I going to turn on this game? Would I be a bad fan, unworthy of the blog I’m writing to not turn on this game? I told myself I would watch the third period and whoopsy I forgot. This game had moments late in third but was there any part of it that was can’t-miss television… when the World Juniors Final is also an option? I’m not saving that for the P.S. today: this WJC Final was actually a profound win-win-win as one tweeter pointed out. If the Finnish win, that’s our boys UPL and Laaskonen; if the USA win, PATRIOTISM! Third win: Canada didn’t even medal so eat that. UPL got some big time attention and it is so awesome to have a Sabres goaltending prospect get attention… ugh, I just remembered the goaltending narrative I was trying to push going into this Boston game… ugh… do I have to talk about the Sabres game? Can I get like one or two free spaces this season? Shit, I’m going to talk about it. Gee, it seems Buffalo is just Bos-done at this point! My friggin puns aren’t even landing right now. The Sabres are only in a playoff spot as I write this because the Habs lost! The playoff odds just dropped below 50% didn’t they? UGH… can Jeff Skinner resign already so I have something else to talk about?
This game started off with a little wrinkle to keep you watching. Chris Wagner cleaned up a Bruins rebound and thought he got the goal. It got called back for perhaps the most obvious goaltender interference you’ll see this season. Then about ten minutes later Chris Wagner picks off Rasmus Dahlin’s most egregious defensive zone turnover yet and shot it past Linus Ullmark before he had a chance to see it. You might think, oh, might there be an opportunity for the Sabres to respond? Nope. What about on the powerplay? No, you’re funny. Not only nope but the refs put their whistles away until late in the third when it most benefited the Bruins to take em out. David Backes scored a goal in the second in his first game back from suspension because the Hockey Gods enjoy our suffering. Not only that but Ullmark looked bad on that goal. He said afterward: “I guess I didn’t hide the cookie well enough.” Dear lord, Linus, if I did not have your sense of humor right now I do not know how I would’ve wrote this friggin blog right now. That’s all that really needs to be said about the second period. The third is when the visitors finally showed some life. Well… with less than three minutes left. Rasmus Ristolainen got the puck in the neutral zone on a Bruins line change and walked it in like this game wasn’t a train wreck in its concluding act. He put one high on Tuuka Rask and killed the shutout unassisted. Most of the Sabres shots in this final frame came in this last 2:38 of the game as Sabres fans thought maybe this wasn’t a complete disaster. It was and the Sabres lose 2-1 to Bos-done and looked awful doing it. Remember when the Sabres were winning close games in November like a top 5 team in the NHL? Oh yea, those were the days, eh?
So what did we learn? Either goaltender is going to struggle when they got jack-shit for goal support. Sure, Ullmark didn’t look immaculate for most of this game but geez, guys: one goal he didn’t see because it was a turnover 4 seconds before it was in his net and the other was well… him feeling like jack-shit. Speaking of Jack: has this game proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jack Eichel is the Buffalo Sabres? There are too many retired numbers for a club 49 years without a Stanley Cup but Jack could retire now and get his number raised to the rafters. If Eichel was in this game tell me he wouldn’t have scored. Tell me, you coward! You can’t because he would’ve: the guy likes to score in his hometown Boston more than New Englanders think Tom Brady isn’t a shitty human being. How many times during this game would Jack Eichel have turned it around? A tying goal in the first, a response goal in the second, a fucking tying goal in the third, a fucking game winner in OT with a fist bump into the air like he just won the fucking BEANPOT! Holy shit, he would’ve scored two goals by himself and changed the atmosphere entirely! Luckily we now know he’s skating again so whatever it was he’s near returning. I’m going to the Devils game on Tuesday praying he’s back for that because somehow Devils games never go well for Buffalo. What else did we learn? Casey Mittelstadt maybe a good top line fill-in for Jack more than Rodrigues. Hmm, we’ll sit on that one. What else… Secondary scoring is still shitty shitty shit. Ah, I hate that actually have something to say about that.
So I’ve read at least three articles, one from WGR and at least one from Die By the Blade that maybe this theoretical trade before the deadline for a second line center or winger who can score isn’t dead-on-arrival strategically. Yes, I am on record as saying I would prefer not to give up one of the first round picks for a guy who might only play second line center until Casey Mittelstadt becomes Casey Mittelstadt. The kicker there and through all these articles on the matter is that Jason Botterill knows he’s not using one of those firsts for anyone who isn’t under team control for 3+ years and young. With each passing loss I feel more and more inclined to hop on the bandwagon cheering for that trade. Honestly I’m beginning to wonder if they don’t make this trade if their playoff chances are Bos-done. This Sabres team has a great first line and fourth line most nights, the middle six not so much. Not every role demands a trade to be filled, there are guys in Rochester who will fill gaps, but we got to be pulling for that trade now. There is no stretch between now and the deadline that looks easy. This time next week the Sabres will be in Western Canada, tell me the Pacific Division leading Flames aren’t licking their lips to cook up bison meat right now.
Yes: like, comment and share this blog, even in the shitty times. That’s what we’re all about here: taking a New Look at the Sabres. I am going to end on a fun note: we’re in the second half of the season now and with that comes “If we met in the Playoffs” for each Eastern Conference team. So this playoff series could actually happen if the Sabres can get there. The Bruins: they’re all bark no bite. Boston is a one line show and although that one line show is currently doing better than Buffalo’s one line show, the Bruins have a penchant for playoff failure. If Sabres meet Bruins in the playoffs, first round or not, they’re putting the B’s aging defense in the retirement home. Brad Marchand and Rasmus Ristolainen would almost certainly throw hands in a playoff series and I for one relish the yet unseen playoffs Jack Eichel destroying playoffs Tuuka Rask. Could you imagine what Captain Jack beating his childhood team in the playoffs would look like? If Jack didn’t spring wings and fly like a Red Bull commercial in this series it would be unbelievable. Sabres in 7! Oh, that felt nice to write. Happy New Year one last time; I hope this year sees fewer of these games and more November-type Sabres games.
Thanks for reading.
P.S. Canadians whining about the World Juniors is now one of my favorite January traditions.
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post about the rest of the ajin anime (seasons 1 and 2)
(nothing special, just a liveblog post)
ajin episode 6
i see that the animation budget saved by doing CGI was instead spent on the fluttery shifty effects of the black ghosts
so satou's ghost is also anvil-headed
right, nagai doesn't have much empathy... hmm... hmm... that doesn't excuse his being an asshole at times
tosaki sure is eager to jump to conclusions as to why satou didn't bring out his ghost
ohh, ghost-to-ghost head collisions can bump some memories back and forth, interesting, i forgot about that...
huh, what is eriko calling kei "onii-chan" for at a time like this? she called him "nii-san" to his face and i think in front of everyone who talked to her about him, right? was that her way of expressing worry about him...?
episode 7
tosaki's gotta get that dekai kane
right, of course he's motivated by comatose fiance. doesn't excuse any of the shit he's done
episode 8
nakano kou. do we seriously have a kei, a kai, and a kou? sounds like a bit of a natural OT3 tbh
episode 9
there we go, nagai kei finally being an indisputable asshole
oh, right, big pharma makes an appearance as an antagonist
sokabe has a very silly face.
i already forgot what IBM stands for and can only come up with IBM he company or ICBM (intercontinental ballistic missile) without the C
right, ogura's distinguishing feature was not only smoking cigarettes, but being unreasonably dedicated to his brand of smokes in particular. so dumb
episode 10
ogura says a black ghost can only be used once or twice a day, but didn't nagai kei whip em out one after another like it was no thing? is that his special protagonist power that makes him differentiated enough to be the protagonist?
kei's ghost learned how to fell a tree from minecraft
do they really have huge screens up in cities complete with booming audio? the screens are nothing new, but the audio seems unusual to me
episode 11
oh, tosaki finally learned satou's name. from satou's video.
yamanaka-san bought him an oPhone8
"life and money are synonymous" sounds like your typical CEO
omfg satou rode the sinking tower and had a great time
sokabe is still calling satou "hat guy." get with the picture
episode 12
this just in: does satou sometimes substitute a "sh" sound in for an "s" sound?
episode 13
kei demonstrates his shittiness by holding a knife to yamanaka-san's neck after getting sniped. what a dick. oh wait he made it work. well whatever
tosaki says nagai kei is not a fool and as such he probably already scouted out the area, but tosaki immediately also says nagai kei has probably exhausted his black ghost uses for the day, something a fool would do because only a fool doesn't know their own limits and try to use them tactically in such a situation
time for season 2 i guess, episode 2-1
this OP isn't bad i guess
these subs having sokabe say "it's normal for a subordinate to greet his senpai." listen, if you use "senpai," you gotta also use "kohai," and if you use "subordinate," you also gotta use "superior" you can't just pick and choose which words you want to translate
this ending song is horrible
ep 2-2
sakurai emerging from the airplane toilet clearly zipping up his fly out of frame and seeing satou and his eyebrows just turn on a fulcrum and then turn backward like they're pinball flippers
ep 2-3
ah. i was musing over what must be the most popular ship for ajin, thinking maybe kei/kai or kei/kou or tosaki/ogura, but i've had a bit of a realization, and if i know the hearts of the BL community at all, their favorite ship is probably some sinful shit like tosaki/kei. i’ll find out soon enough whether i’m right (haven’t looked at any ajin pixiv tags yet)
ep 2-4
kotobuki, eh. seems like a charming character. oh, this bandanna delinquent is pulling the ol' pee-and-chat
kaito, everyone's favorite punching bag
for the record, i know i've read beyond this point in the manga, but i don't remember shit except that i left off around a chapter where we see shimomura's history.
kotobuki has a small head, maybe he just squeezed through some bars to escape
ah, i just realized the other anime this kinda reminds me of: zankyou no terror. it's got the police/government and the american government trying to intervene aspect to it.
carly meyers doesn't have any kind of american accent... i was kinda hoping she would
neither does doug here. i guess they didn't have voice actors who would have some fun doing a bad accent... or maybe they didn't see it as appropriate
holy FUCK, kaito executed a flying dropkick even though he wasn't on higher ground or anything, what the fuck
kotobuki asks kai what nagai kei is like and i earnestly half-expected him to reply "he's scum" like everyone else does
oh, so kotobuki's got a winged kuro-chan. lucky...
i forgot to write about this in the episode where it was said, but that iowan ajin whose ghost was driving a tractor is such a perfect image i can't stop thinking about it
ep 2-5
so i guess satou's catchphrase is "sssshate" (bc he kinda does a "sha" instead of a "sa") (meaning "now, then.")
the first OP wasn't skippable but i find myself needing to skip this one
there's lots of "pulling up live television broadcasts via a non-television device" in this anime
kou calling shimomura "izumi-san" pls
i like how whoever is nearest the whiteboard is the one to cross the latest victim off the target list
ok, if tosaki is about to be fired (which, hasn't he been for a while now?), that made me think, why is he concerned about his job when he's doing this conspiring with ogura and nagai etc hidden from his superiors? is he concerned about stopping satou, or is he still only concerned about money for his fiancee...? is he getting hella paid for this even though he's less involved in the torture (the real moneymaking activity) than before?
i don't like this dynamic btwn american guy and carly meyers where he keeps correcting her gruffly and she keeps backing off and looking afraid/ashamed.
they had nakano put on a satou hat to be satou ;w;
did shimomura just plug a flash drive into her phone? what kind of compatibility we got in this time period?
how long do neck-stab sedatives take to kick in in real life?
carly meyers's kuro-chan has a gem-shaped head
why don't all ajins just keep a knife or something on them to cut their own throat whenever they get hurt
ep 2-6
tainaka yoko. yup, this is about where i left off in the manga, i believe
whoa there, tosaki just got tased right in the nib nob. that's dirty, american doug
i can't say i feel bad for tosaki getting tortured.
ep 2-7
shut your ungrateful mouth, tosaki, shimomura was LITERALLY just doing her job, which you TOLD HER WAS HER JOB: PROTECTING YOU
how in the fuck did satou get away with playing dead when the other side KNOWS it's ajins they're fighting
why isn't ogura, a native english speaker, the one writing an email to the defense department
ep 2-8
this new OP is ok
ep 2-10
(i spent all of 2-9 doing origami instead of typing)
tosaki don't relapse on your smoking habit :( that's not gonna do anyone any good.
ep 2-11
kai busts in with his signature move and saves the day and he's started calling kotobuki "senpai"
so kei's signature line to kai is "i really have to pee"
kai's like "you're wrong. he (kei) isn't an idiot." that's right, he's actually trash, ask anyone
i can't emphasize enough how bad this ending theme is
ep 2-12
well okuyama-kun has been kind of lovable so far, so if he and others decide to join tosaki's side, that would probably be good
isn't burying someone alive the worst way to try to contain them? because you can't see them directly. they could escape without you noticing
ep 2-13
no kabedonning shimomura >:(
wait wait is tanaka also wearing a satou hat? oh, it's just a baseball cap.
fuck off tanaka don't impale shimomura in the same way twice
oh, one of nagai's new ghost army said the thing that nagai said at the scene where he first saw a ghost :0 about the sick puppy. i like all these ghosts spouting quotes
oh, he cut off satou's head. well, that's the first head we've seen cut off. is he facing the right direction to meet his new self? he closed his eyes too soon for us to find out :\
helicopters are raining in bullets from above like in ghost in the shell (1995) (unless i’m completely misremembering. there were other things that were raining bullets in various directions in that scene so i’m not sure)
so now satou's in custody for the first time.
so satou had an exposition dream
honestly i’m no longer sure where i even left off when i read the manga x years ago, i feel like i may have dropped it because i didn’t care for the boring military shit going on for quite a while, but i feel like i even distantly remember satou being beheaded in the manga...? but anyway i’m gonna (re?)read the whole manga now i guess. overall manga verdict: it had a distant, clammy feel to it, but not bad; the voice for nagai’s ghost was real good; they did a good job with the cgi animation, but it definitely lacks something compared to the art in the manga; the only good OP was the first one; and yeah idk my feeling toward this anime is pretty neutral.
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so heres, uh, a rough summary of the tsukinami cd. the mukami one is next! lol...take it with a grain of salt tbh. sorry it’s long as fuck
TRACK 1:
The CD starts off with Carla monologuing about Endzeit, the disease that killed so many founders. He got it while he was killing his dad, etc etc etc read his wiki page
Shin walks up to Carla and asks what they’re gonna do. Carla remarks that the times have changed, and Shin agrees. Karl Heinz is gone, and his power has been passed on to one of his sons. Carla asks why Karl Heinz chose to disappear, and says that if Karl Heinz wished, he could keep on living forever. Shin’s like, “So you think he wished to disappear?” and Carla says that it must be so. There must be a reason.
Suddenly changing the subject, Carla asks Shin where that woman is. Shin says she’s back in the human world, in the Sakamaki mansion. Carla’s like “Okay. Go get her.” Shin’s all :0 and Carla’s like “...what.” Shin says that Nii-san decides everything on his own without explanation, and he wonders if he’s planning something. Carla’s like “Of course.” and Shin says “I knew it! Then, I’m going to the human world for a bit!” And he heads off, feelin pretty damn good. But before he leaves Carla stops him and tells him to be careful because he senses something stirring. Shin’s like yeah whatever lol, and he’s off on his way.
So Shin’s in the human world now. You hear him whistle, followed by a bunch of wolves howling. (It’s cute.) Shin monologues - I could have heard this part wrong, but it sounded like he was saying that it was important to him that he lift some of the weight off of Nii-san. He says that to them, Yui is a very important girl. But recently, Nii-san stopped seeking out that girl. Shin had worried that he has given up on the future of the Founders. But, since Carla gave him an order to go get Yui, it seems like he was mistaken! Yay!
As Shin runs with the wolves, he exclaims how he’s getting excited!! He’s finally getting another chance, it’s like a dream! (so so cute) Shin monologues again - At that time he was thinking that he just wanted to run wild. He didn’t care about expectations or fate, or anything like that. He thought that going to go get Yui would be a piece of cake.
TRACK 2:
Shin’s running and panting and saying that Nii-san’s definitely gonna be mad. He explains that he made it to the human world and to the Sakamaki house, but the Sakamaki house was pretty much, um, a huge pile of rubble. (If you listened to the Sakamaki Lost Eden CD, you know that Ayato basically blasted the house down in a fit of rage, whoops) Shin is thinking that this must’ve been what Nii-san was so worried about. Shin and his familiars searched the place, and they found traces of vampires, but also some other kind of power.
Shin makes a bunch of adorable little sniffing sounds, and catches a scent that shocks him. It’s not a wolf, eagle (Adora? idk), or vibora. Could it be...a ghoul?? Shin says there’s no doubt about that strange smell. It’s a ghoul. But why was one appearing now? Why was a ghoul in the human world...?
So Shin finds Yui, puts her on his wolfy back, and runs on back to the demon world. He comments that she’s awake and tells here where she is. He proudly tells her that she was saved by the great Tsukinami Shin. He says it’s better for her not to talk - He’s sure that she has lots of stuff she wants to hear and say, but she better talk to Nii-san. “I’m speeding up, so hang on!!” and more little wolf paw sounds
Carla, who was just chillin by himself, was like “Shin’s back.” Shin lets himself in and Carla says he’s late, and Shin’s like, “I thought you’d say that, but I brought her!” Carla’s like “Before that, explain what made you take so long.” and Shin’s like “Okay, okay, I get it. But before that-” and he pours some water cuz the poor guy just spent all that time running lol. While pouring the water, he suddenly freezes up when he notices that he’s bleeding. Yui asks him if something’s wrong, and Shin’s like “Ah? N...No...It’s nothing. You should drink too.” and he pours her some water. He fuckin chugs it, and Carla (who thinks he’s just stalling) is like “Shin-” and Shin’s like yeah yeah, gimme a break, I’m exhausted. Carla tells him not to act spoiled :/ So Shin gets to explainin’.
Carla’s like “...ghouls, you say” and Shin’s like “Yep! Ghouls! I was surprised too” and Carla turns to Yui and tells her to explain herself. Shin wants to know too. Yui explains that she had met Karl Heinz’s illegitimate child, who had been laying low in the demon world. Carla says that he still can’t understand that man...that man meaning Karl Heinz.
Shin suddenly asks Carla how his condition is. Carla’s like “My condition?” and Shin fumbles with his words a bunch before being like “no, actually, never mind.” Carla calls him strange and walks away. Shin then apologizes to Yui and asks her wait there for a while. When she asks where he’s going, he’s like “Nothing, just some minor business. Stay there.” and he walks away too.
Once Shin is out of earshot, he RUNS to the bathroom, turns on the water, and desperately tries to wash the blood out. He’s talking to himself in a panicked voice: He didn’t expect to see all that blood when he was pouring the water. “This blood, as I thought.........No, that’s stupid...It’s probably nothing.”
TRACK 3:
Shin shows Yui to her room, says she can ask the familiars if she needs anything, and asks if there’s anything else she wants to ask. Shin tries to leave for his own room, but Yui grabs him. I guess Yui asks why she was taken there, because Shin’s like “How should I know? Nii-san told me to bring you here so I did.” Shin gets sorta touchy, Yui tells him to stop, Shin asks teasingly if she’ll let the ghouls do whatever they want but she doesn’t like a First Blood touching her. Calls her annoying, says he only needs her body, etc etc you know the drill. He’s like “I’m sure the taste of your blood is so bad” and he tosses her on the bed, and he gives her the succ. The whole time he’s sucking her blood he can’t stop complaining about how gross it is. It’s an awful taste. It’s the worst. No matter where you drink it from, it’s terrible. ...But he keeps drinking it, lol.
Eventually he stops and he’s like “whatever, I’m done, that gave me a terrible feeling and I’m tired” so he leaves her alone for now. He tells her she should do something about the taste of her blood before Nii-san drinks from her. (What do you expect her to do omg) Then he leaves. After closing the door, he thinks to himself that (I think) while the taste of her blood was horrible, he’s anxious that he’ll be separated from her quickly. Shin thinks that he’s got Endzeit.
Carla tosses and turns for a while, then mutters that he can’t sleep. His chest feels heavy. I can’t translate this part very well, and this might be FULL of mistakes, but...Carla’s dying. The Shinigami are coming to reap his soul, so he’s reflecting a bit. There’s nothing he especially regrets about his life. It’s just that...he regrets not being able to save the Founders. And he regrets all the missing all those opportunities that came his way. Just those two things. “I can’t...disappear...yet.” Luckily, in that place (the demon world I assume) his health has been a bit better. So Carla thinks he should just stay there, and not move around too much. The Endzeit never left his body. But he’s thankful for the time he’s had, even if it was short. (Carla nooo...rip)
Shin knocks on the door, and asks if Carla’s still awake. He lets himself in. He says he has something to ask Nii-san. “...Don’t make such a sullen face. I’ll leave as soon as I ask. It’s about Endzeit...” He asks about how Carla got the disease. Carla matter-of-factly responds, “When I killed our father.” and Shin’s like D:
So he keeps asking his questions, a little nervously: Endzeit is a disease that spreads through the blood, right? Carla kinda grumbles at him, and Shin hastily makes the excuse that since that girl might have Founder blood, there’s a possibility she’s infected. Carla’s like “Are you thinking that I infected her with the disease?” and Shin’s like “Of course I wasn’t thinking that!!” But he was thinking that it would be bad if someone else were to get infected...”I’m sorry. I’ll leave now. Goodnight.” and Shin’s out.
Carla had been working hard to hide his sickness, so he wonders why Shin suddenly realized it now...
TRACK 4:
So Carla talks to Yui. He says that Shin is acting strange, and he wants to know if she knows anything about it. Yui heard Shin suddenly talking about Endzeit, and she’s worried. Carla talks a little bit about their past: “We had our mother, but I killed his beloved father with my own hands.” (ok carla when u put it that way it makes u seem like. a huge jerk) And (I’m a little unsure of this part to) Carla thinks that right now Shin is just waiting for his opportunity to kill Carla too. Carla tells Yui RIGHT in her ear (and I mean DIRECTLY into my right headphone holy shit) to close her lips, then says he’s gonna punish her with lots of pain. He bites her and sucks her blood, and he’s not exactly satisfied with the taste either lol. Then mid-sentence he starts coughing uncontrollably, tells Yui not to touch him, and tries to regulate his breathing.
When he recovers, he looks to Yui and goes “...You understand, don’t you.” He won’t be here for much longer. Carla says that rather than dying to an illness, he would have much rather die by his little brother beheading him. (Aw! That’s kind of sweet in a really morbid way!) He says to Yui that there’s nothing she can do about it - it’s reality. He then tells her very sternly not to mention it to Shin. He absolutely does not want Shin to know about this. If Yui breaks that promise, Carla will kill her. Then he leaves her there.
TRACK 5:
Shin can’t sleep either. He’s sure now that he’s got Endzeit. While he’s lying there are stressing about how he’s scared to die, he hears the flapping of an eagle’s wings - it’s the Adora clan, or however you spell that. They’re eagles, idk. He goes to report it to Shin. Somehow a bunch of demons figured out that Yui was here, and they all wanna get their hands/paws/wings on her. He hands Carla a letter from the head of the eagle clan, and Carla’s like “fuck it” and he burns the letter immediately. Shin’s like “uhh? is this gonna be okay?” and Carla basically says “dude whatever, we’re founders” and Shin’s like “yeah...the last two.”
Shin does the “tch” thing and Carla asks him what’s wrong. Shin demands to know why Nii-san told him to bring the girl here in the first place. When Carla doesn’t answer, Shin goes “To save the Founders?” and Carla says yes. Shin says that they should’ve done it sooner then. Carla asks him what he wants to say, and Shin says he’s been thinking a lot. Carla’s like “Don’t tell me...You want me to use that girl as a hostage” and Shin’s like “If you don’t then what use does she have?”
Carla confirms that she does have a use. I didn’t follow this too well, but Carla believes that Karl Heinz planned all of this out - including Karl Heinz’s own death - in order to create chaos. Karl Heinz always put Yui at the center of his plans, so Carla believes that Yui is the key to understanding Karl Heinz’s motives. Everything is planned out.
Shin: So, that’s why Nii-san told me to bring that girl here?!
Carla: You seem dissatisfied.
Shin: Of course I am! I thought surely, we were going back to the demon world...
Carla: I never said anything about going back.
Shin: But...We’ve just been folding our hands and waiting!
Shin’s getting heated. He shouts that he doesn’t care about Karl Heinz’s motives anymore, while taking his anger out on some poor wall nearby. Shin thinks it would be better to take that girl and go, purify her again, make her their ally. Carla cuts him off: “Are you going against the king?” Shin suddenly goes quiet. “If so, then so be it.” Shin: “Nii-san, are you trying to pick a fight?” Carla is DEFINITELY trying to pick a fight.
But wait!! Yui suddenly comes rushing in to stop them. Carla and Shin tell her to stay out of it or she’ll get hurt. She rushes between them to make sure they don’t hurt each other. Shin is like “Whatever, I’ll blast through both of you!!” but...he couldn’t do it. He angrily gives up, says it’s stupid, kicks something else, then says he’s leaving. Carla’s like “where are you going” and Shin’s like “I’m gonna handle things myself
He says with a short laugh that maybe first he’ll go get his eye back from the Vibora. Shin tells Carla that he sure is carefree for a guy with a disease, and that he could never do that. Carla says he understands, and agrees to take Shin back home on one condition (and Shin is so surprised). But he won’t take Yui as a hostage. At first Shin doesn’t believe that they can win in that case, but Carla affirms that they can. He says they will fight understanding that they might lose. He asks Shin if he has that kind of resolve. Shin says that yes, he does.
And so they go!! Carla tells Yui that she’ll be house-sitting while they’re gone, lol. And as he walks away, he says that he’ll definitely return home...sob. Shin thinks to himself that Carla planned from the very beginning to do it this way. He thinks that his brother picked a fight with him on purpose, and he doesn’t understand it. But he doesn’t care anymore, and he’s off to join his brother. He tells Yui that she better stay there quietly or he and his brother will be SUPER pissed when they come back. “Be a good girl and wait.” (if it were me then I would totally go through his stuff while he’s gone)
Carla and Shin are preparing for...the final fight!! (whatever that means) and Shin is READY TO FUCKING GO he’s so excited. He wolfwhistles to call the doggos over again and they head on their way.
Carla and Shin both monologue about how they’re both...fucking dying. But both of them are just excited to get out there and have that last moment of glory. Shin comments out loud that this reminds him of “that night.” Carla agrees and THIS GODFORSAKEN CD IS OVER please pray for them
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5, 13 & 37
5. Share one of your strengths.I think I’m good at getting feelings across to the audience? How a character feels, or reacts to things. Making characters Relatable ™
13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?There’s probably so many I don’t think of because I’ve taken them to heart, but the best one I can think of right now is “said isn’t dead”. Using too many action-y based words during dialogue can upset the flow, and it’s ok to use ‘said’ because its accurate, and not at all distracted. I’m glad I was taught this after middle school tried to convince me otherwise.
37. Talk about your current wips. Oh boy…Uhm! Lemme scroll through my googledoc and see what I even have started hah!Ok so there are a lot more than I realized, and some I haven’t worked on in ages, but I’ll put ‘em here anyways! I’ll organize them by how much I have written for them. (it’ll be “title (as they are in google docs. probs wont be actual title for most)”. fandom. description.)Just a rough idea (no words, only outline)(most ones here were thought up as me and @pundeserving texted):1. “Disney”. Mp100. Where Teru just really loves Disney movies and gets Mob to watch Bambi with him but its Sad so Teru has to help Mob not reach 100% sadness. It would be real cute n kinda gay2. “Emojis” Mp100. A short hc based piece about how Teru would use So Many Emojis and Mob would only really use ascii emotes (teru: 😎😆😭 mob: :) :0 ). He basically uses them as punctuation at this point. After his Gay Awakening he gets worried that it seems too extra or flirty so he tries to cut back on using them but Mob picks up on that and gets worried like “why isn’t hanazawa-kun using as many smilies? is he sick? is he mad at me?” He mentions it to teru and teru is like crying internally cause holy fuck?? he noticed smth so small like that???3. “ritsu is an ok mom friend” Mp100. Spawned from that “when a group of friends is formed, the mom friend emerges” post. It was decided that Ritsu would try to be the most responsible of them all and thus the mom friend. (Teru does his own thing, Mob wouldn’t wanna ruin the others’ fun, and Shou…is Shou). Also spawned from a hc that, in short, is Teru and Shou would be Those Friends who would be real competitive and egg each other on and, if unsupervised, would be Bringers of Destruction). He has confiscated many “Bad Idea Materials “.The story would just be Ritsu tryin to keep his friends safe heh. Direct quote from outline “”ritsus always like! how the fuck! my guy! just stop this it’s like ur trying to get urself killed!!teru and shou just “we are” simultaneously and ritsu rly cant tell if its a joke but hes mildly concerned for a week after”“. I think the part I really wanted to write is Shou sayin he had a Good Idea (read: bad idea) and then stops texting and Ritsus like “holy fuck did he die” and panics and Mob helps him calm down and they go check on him together and it turns out Shou just passed tf out because he is bad at sleeping like a normal human at normal human hours.4. WoY. I don’t speak of it to anyone and therefore it doesn’t exist. What fic? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 5. One that i have only written in my head, not even in googledocs yet. Mp100. Ritsu trying to be there for his bro throughout the arcs. After the teru fight, the mogami incident, etc.6. I also have a few in-my-head Mp100 ones based on the sexuality headcanons of mine I posted about the the other day. Really wanna write those tooPartially written ones:1. Su. It was gonna be one where Steven went to Centi and ranted to her about all the Shit that has gone down. That was a few steven bombs ago tho I could make him rant about Even More.2. “possible sewuel to long fic“. UT. A sequel to ‘There Are Worse Things Than Being Alone, Like Being A Little Too Late”. It is a whopping 3 paragraphs, compared to its prequel’s 30 pages (20,000 words). I lost motivation, although I still do have scenes of it written in my brain.3. “pidge post season“. VLD. My idea of where Pidge may have ended up after S1. Completely pointless now, although I’m still wondering if it would be something interesting to post as a ‘what if’. I’d have to finish it though and I am not particularly motivated since S2 came out. I just kinda wanted to make a cool fic about Pidge being lost on a water-based planet and trying to get their lion functional again with whatever was around so they could meet back up with the rest of voltron (also I wanted to make another nonbinary pidge fic for the tag cause those fics Give Me Life)4. “shou u little fucker open up“. Mp100. A loose sequel to “My Parents Should Have Taken Me Back for Repairs Before the Warranty Ran Out”. Snippets of Shou bein relatable and Depressed and Ritsu helpin him out as he can. Written so far: depression meals aka being too down to go to the kitchen for food let alone going to the petstore to get your hamster more food so you text your best bro to get hamster food for you and tell him to feed ur pet for you and bein discrete enough that he thinks youre out of the house otherwise he might not do it cause theres no way in hell youre telling him you didnt do it yourself cause you didnt have the energy to get off the couch for like 20 hours5. “Awakening“. Mp100. I realllly wanna finish and post this one. Its based on those lines those claw guys said. “HQ sent an awakened brat” “What? A kid went though that?”. Shou doesn’t know how bad his dad is, he is young and loves his parents. He admired his dads powers. He wants to be like his dad. He doesn’t know what it costs. (He is weak in power, and his dad wants him to be strong, an heir, so he takes him to a branch and has him tortirued to awaken his powers fully).Fully written (but in need of revision/I’m uncertain of whether or not to actually post it):1. “Ritsu worries for Shigeo, Shigeo worries for the cats“. Mp100. A post Mogami arc fic. Ritsu knows nothing of what his bro went through, but Mob has a new habit of feeding any and all cats on their way to school. One day two of the cats are fighting and mob stops responding and goes to break up the fight but he’s already losing himself to his powers so Ritsu has to help him back down. He is more confused than ever.2.”Instinct, and the Training of“. Mp100. A fic about ???%, or about Mob’s powers, personified. Whichever the viewer themself wants to read it as, I left it ambiguous on purpose. Personally I like to think of it as ???% but I won’t make others read it as that. Every time ???% happens, or nearly happens, or is implied to have happened, from the pov of itself. Written in such a weird style, I just need to reread it and see if it sounds ok and other last review things before publishing. I’ve been too lazy to reread it and post it though.aaand thats it! hooo, that was a lot sorry hah! Thank you for the ask!
#thinkanamelater#mac yaks#mp100#mob psycho 100#su#voltron#ut#not fully taggin the older fanfic's fandoms cause theres fewer for them and i dont care enough#woy
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LOAD 2019 Week 3 Preview
Hello gentleman, it’s your 4 time LOAD champ reporting in from the penthouse of the Champions Lounge. I’m pretty sure Paul is around here somewhere cleaning the trophies and Tony is downstairs in the consolation basement rubbing one out. We’re all really excited about the possibility of adding a new member at the end of this season. However Paul did tell me the other day that he thinks you’re all a bunch of “soft pussy queefs” and “there’s no chance he doesn’t repeat”. His words not mine.
I’m writing this on Tuesday because I won’t have time tomorrow or Thursday so if your lineups aren’t set I’m just rolling with whatever is out there. Also I can’t even begin to explain how relieved I am to no longer have to set my Apple Watch alarm for 2:58 AM on Wednesday now that I’m a waiver guy. I finally feel free. Speaking of Apple Watches shout out to Chad for becoming the newest pretentious fuck in the group. Welcome aboard brother. Something tells me he’s not going to be the only new Apple Watch guy in the group this week but I won’t name names.
Anyways it’s week 3 so I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before the first trade gets made so start sliding into those DMs fellas and let’s see some action. I’m going to keep these short and sweet so let’s get into the matchups.
#1 Butker in the Cooper vs. #12 Rooney Tunes
Figured I’d start with the most lopsided matchup of the week. Between his fantasy team and his real life team I think we can all agree at least we’re not Shawn. I like Shawn more than most of you though so I’m pulling for him to turn it around. Except for the Steelers they can go 0-16. Dommy Salami’s team is rolling to start the season and he comes into this matchup hotter than Jared in shorts. The Cowboys/Dolphins game this week is going to be a lot like Dak and his boys pounding out a bunch of Dominican whores on a boat during spring break so expect him and Cooper to eat. There really isn’t a weak spot in Dom’s lineup right now so this week should be no different than his last two and Dom takes an easy one.
Butker in the Cooper > Rooney Tunes
#4 jared donovan’s Team vs. #11 She Diggs my Cobb
Sick fucking team name Jared. This looks like a pretty boring matchup on paper honestly. Bennett not only has to deal with a big you know what on his team in AB but now we’ll see what Kamara and the Saints offense looks like without Brees. AB and Tommy are going to light up the Jets though so Bennett’s roller coaster ride keeps on going. Most of Jared’s matchups are pretty average but he’s got a few horses in Ertz and Allen that should carry him. This will be a close one but Jared pulls out (I wish) a close one.
Jared donovan’s Team > She Diggs my Cobb
#5 My Quads Are Danger6 vs. #9 The Injured Reserve
Jon has been a great addition to the league this year and looks like he’s going to be competing for a playoff spot all year. I’m a little biased but I think Baker breaks out of his slump and whips out his big meat stick on Sunday night, 26-35, 372 yards, 3 TDs. Mark it on the board. Between Big Dick Bake, Barkley, and Ekeler he should put up some points this week. I also look for Kittle to finally have a blow up game against the pussy queef Steelers. Casey has a great matchup for Lamar this week and if Bake is throwing 3 tuddies you know Odell is grabbing at least one or two of them. However his running backs have been dog shit and the chances of them turning it around this week are about as high as Casey inviting us to his housewarming party. Jon takes this one.
My Quads Are Danger6 > The Injured Reserve
#6 Christian McCuri’s vs. #11 Kickers & Defense
I almost made this the matchup of the week based on projections but it didn’t feel right with the standings. Solden is going to Jamaica this weekend so this dude is going to be so god damn high all weekend I’m really hoping he forgets to set his lineup. I don’t trust any of his receivers right now but all three of them are capable of breaking open a big game. But wow this guy really needs a running back holy shit. No wonder he’s thirsty for a trade. CMC is going to bounce back this week against the Cardinals with or without Cam and Ridley should stay hot. Also I’m thinking the Patriots D just might put up another 30 burger against the Jets for me again this week. I have way too many question marks on my team right now though to feel all that confident. That being said why would I not bet on myself. Fuck you Solden I cruise this week.
Christian McCuri’s > Kickers & Defense
#7 Under the Influwentz vs. #8 Tony Time
I’m just going to get right out in front of this. After an injury filled weekend Tony has made it known that this will be his last year doing fantasy. He’s said this before though in previous years and I’ve never seen someone more focused and ready for a season pre draft than he was this year so he’ll be back. He did say he would be going out with a bang though so stay tuned. Doug is loaded at running back and Golladay looks like a legit WR1 this year. Honestly there’s no reason why Doug shouldn’t win this week. But I’m here for the Tony Time farewell tour. I’m hopping on the bandwagon baby let’s go. Tony with the upset of the week!
Tony Time > Under the Influwentz
**Matchup of the Week**
#2 Mahomies Chubbie vs. #3 JuJu Kachoo
That’s right, 2nd vs 3rd place gets matchup of the week status in a battle to stay undefeated. Chad has been awfully confident so far and to his credit his team looks real solid. It’s a long season though so let’s see if this is finally our Commissioner’s year. His receivers are pretty boom or bust and Samuel takes a hit if Cam doesn’t go. Williams’s status is also in question so he’s got a lot working against him this week. Mahomes is so fucking good though so you can never count Chad’s team out. The defending champ has to deal with no Ben throwing to JuJu and some up and down running backs that haven’t been very consistent through two weeks. Julio could blow up again this week so this will be a close one. I’m sure if he just asked Chad to bench his entire team and in return he’ll come over on Saturday night Chad would probably go for it. Chad ends up taking this one and stays undefeated.
Mahomies Chubbies > JuJu Kachoo
Alright fellas that’s all I got this week. I’ll miss you all this weekend while I’m in Denver but I’ll be back in time to watch the Brownies shock the world on Sunday Night. For next week’s article I nominate Chicago Dom. Byyyyeeeeee
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